Twilight Sparkle Steps in a Bear Trap and Other Silly Tales!

by Protopony350

Rating: teen
Tags: Tank, Other, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3799

BEAR TRAP! TANK! AN EXPLODING STAR! A series of silly oneshots done really really stupidly

A series of silly oneshots. Twilight steps in a bear trap! Celestia screws up big time! Tank! All this and much much more!

I am so tired right now oh man enjoy!

Published 2014-11-08 19:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-24 19:38:01 UTC

Princess Celestia Makes the Sun Explode

Princess Celestia awoke at 12 PM.

"Huh, wuh?" She said as she fell out of her horse bed and onto the hard floor.

The sky was dark, and she could hear the sound of Ponies panicking outside.

"Oh no i overslept!" She said and somehow fell down again while still on the floor.

Celestia walked out of her room slowly, and was met with a horrific sight!

"NO! LUNA!" She cried with crying as she looked at the horrific sight.

Luna was being all dead on the floor! And someone left a note!

"Bring it to me and I will give you back the Sun." Said the note.

"Thanks note!" Said Celestia.

"No problem at all!" Said the note.

So yeah Celestia was pretty torn up about Luna being dead, but she had to go eat some pancakes so she could make the Sun do that thing it does.

"Oh boy, pancakes!" She said, but something was missing.

"Alas, I can not do it! For I must deliver thee to the killer!" She said to an object in a bag and her pancake meal was ruined!

Celestia walked outside and looked up but didn't see no sun! She tried to make raise it but nothing happened!

"I need to find Twilight explanation point"

Celestia flew to Ponyville, but was met with nothing but Spike.

"Spike, why no Twilight?" She asked.

"She went into the '30 Tree Woods' 3 days ago, but she never came out!" Replied Spike.

Celestia was starting to panic, and the Sun was still just not doing its thing!

Celestia decided that she better meet up with the killer, but was stopped by Sweetie Belle.

"Oh, uh, hi.......Um....My Little Pony!" said Celestia who couldn't remember her name nice save!

"Princess! I need BLAURGAH" And she melted into a pile of goo on the ground.

Celestia watched in utter shock and disbelief. The little Pony had simply melted. She could do nothing to save her.

Celestia started running frantically to the meeting place of the killer. She was also using a huge amount of power to try and raise the Sun at the same time.

Celestia arrived at the old abandoned hospital.

"Did you bring what I so desire?" Asked a voice.

"I have all of it right here!" She said angrily.

Celestia tossed the bag over to the chair that was in the middle of the room.

"Ah yes, excellent!" Said Doctor Claw as he looked into the bag.

"Now what why the Sun not?" She asked.

"In a moment! First I must savor the first taste of this sweet sweet honey bee honey you brought for me!" Said Doctor Claw and that "DUN DUN DUUUUUUN" music played.

"NOW! OR I SHALL NO MORE SWEET SWEET HONEY BEE HONEY!" She said.

"Now now, no need to say something you can't take back!" And he pushed a button.

So yeah it turns out Doctor Claw had just put a big black sheet over Equestria to make it look dark.

"But....but.......why did you kill Luna?" She asked.

"What? I didn't kill Luna!" Uh oh.

Well Celestia had used so much power to raise the Sun when it was really already raised that it turned into a Red Sun and was going to Red Sun Explode and was also a lot brighter and was making some Ponies melt.

"Oh no we only have 376 years before it explodes!" She said.

So yeah that may seem like a long time but to a Sun that's not long stay tuned for more silly stories!

Trixie Rises

A great darkness had fallen over Ponyville.

Something had happened in Canterlot, and a horrible battle had broken out. No one had head anything from the capital in over a week. Twilight Sparkle had disappeared, and her friends had gone into hiding because of the rising temperatures.

Ponyville was completely helpless when she arrived.

"I, The great and powerful TRIXIE, claim this dirty little town!"

Trixie trotted right into town, and immediately disintegrated town hall. The ponies protested at first, but they were swiftly dealt with.

With the Alicorn Amulet, she was nearly unstoppable.

Trixie had forced her new slaves to build her a grand stage, and she proudly looked down on her people from above.

"My dear ponies, the time is nearly at hand! We shall build a grand army, and we shall march on Canterlot!" She announced.

The ponies cheered, because they would have been killed if they didn't.

After a year had passed, Trixie had gathered ponies and other creatures from all over Equestria, finding no resistance strong enough to challenge the Alicorn Amulet.

She took the stage again, this time with an audience of millions watching her.

"WE MARCH!"

The army took up arms, and began the march to Canterlot.

They arrived at the gates, and a guard wearing a pin with a turtle on it came out.

"WE DEMAND THE HEAD OF CELESTIA!" Trixie demanded.

"Heh, sure." Answered the pony.

He tossed a dried alicorn skull to her hooves.

"What? What happened here?" Asked the confused Trixie.

"The balance of power has shifted!" Said the pony with a smile.

"Enough of this! We're here to TAKE Canterlot!" Trixie said as the army prepared to attack.

"Wait, i have received a message from the king, he says that he has an offer for you."

The pony picked up a box, and pulled a jar from the box.

"You can have Canterlot, OR you can have this jar of Sweet Sweet honey Bee Honey!"

Trixie's eyes turned into hearts.

"ARMY, TURN AROUND!" She ordered.

Everyone but Trixie went back to Ponyville.

The kings guard rushed her, and immediately  arrested her.

"Oh well, I may have been defeated" and she looked directly at the camera.

"but at least I have this delicious jar of Sweet Sweet Honey Bee Honey!" She said.

Everyone laughed as music started playing.

Trixie was taken to the chopping block, and beheaded with a smile.

Suddenly a loud voice began to talk.

"SWEET SWEET HONEY BEE HONEY! IT'S TO DIE FOR!"

Only 4.99 a jar!

Available at all major retailers!

The Moochick Finds a 20 Dollar Bill

One fine day in the magical world of Ponyland, the Dream Castle was on freaking fire!

Baby Lickety-Split ran from the castle in pure terror as her mane burst into magical death flames!

"AAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAGAAAAAA!" She said as she fell to the ground and turned to bones.

"I'LL SAVE THE DAY!" Yelled Ribbon as she collapsed on the ground and went to sleep.

Well a bunch more ponies all fire, but Ribbon was able to send a distress call to The Moochick!

Unfortunately it was like 2 in the afternoon so he wasn't asleep, so the message went to his sleepmail box.

Well The Moochick was completely oblivious to what was going on, so he decided to go to the mall!

It was a fun filled day, and The Moochick even got to go to the arcade, but it was getting late, so he decided to head home.

The Moochick went to sleep, and oh boy was he in for some horrors!

"PLEASE HELP US WE'RE ALL ON FIRE!"

"PLEASE HURRY THE CASTLE JUST EXPLODED!"

"OH COME ON THIS IS GETTING STUPID!"

"OH GREAT FIZZY JUST TURNED TO BONES THIS WHOLE THING HAS TURNED INTO A BIG HEADACHE!"

And after that all he heard was dial tones.

Well he wanted to go see if he could help, but he was REALLY tired so he stayed in bed until morning.

Well he got out of bed and took a leisurely stroll over to the dream castle.

It was just as he feared. All ponies are now bones.

"Oh dear, how could this HAPPEN?" He asked the bones of Firefly.

She didn't answer.

"Oh no, ANOTHER firefly that was killed before its time!" said The Moochick and he looked right at the screen as he said it.

Well he looked around to find the source of the dead ponies, but found nothing.

"Oh dear, what could have caused this?" He asked the mass pony grave.

It was at that moment that he noticed that the sun was like 10 times hotter than it should be.

"Oh no, is it those darn Equestrians again? Last time those stupid horses blocked out the sun, now they're super heating the sun?" He was mad.

So it was decided! He would march right over to Equestria and give them a talking to!

He made it about 10 miles, but he saw something on the ground.

"Oh boy 20 dollars!" he said.

And he kept walking.

Well it was a long walk, and it took him about 376 years, and the sun grew hotter the entire time.

At last he had made it to Equestria.

The first thing that confused him was the giant turtle statue. The next thing was the OTHER giant turtle statue. Something was wrong.

"I've got to find one of the princesses!" He said, but just at that moment a squad of Turtle drones flew by.

"What has happened to Equestria?" He asked himself.

He decided to take refuge in an old burnt up tree.

"I hope I'll be safe here." The Moochick said.

"YOU?" Asked Twilight Sparkle.

"YOU?!?!?" Asked The Moochick in surprise. "What's going on?"

"Everything has fallen apart! One minute I'm in the woods, the next all of Equestria is owned by a Turtle, and the sun is only HOURS from exploding!" Said Twilight.

"That's awful! We must do something!" And after that The Moochick pulled out his six shooter.

"Tonight we dine on turtle soup!" He said.

Tank sat on his throne in Canterlot.

"My king, you have a phone call!" Said my bat pony OC who was really cool and had a scar and a missing eye.

Tank answered the phone, and his blood ran colder.

"All has gone according to my plan!" Said the voice on the phone.

"Turtle sounds." Said Tank.

"This Solar System is a small price to pay. Soon my power shall spread throughout the galaxy!"

==================================================================

The Moochick and Twilight Sparkle didn't have a plan in the slightest.

"So uh what do we do?" Asked Twilight Sparkle.

"I have no idea. Who is behind this anyway?" Asked The Moochick

"I missed most of it, but I heard something killed Princess Luna. Also Dr.Claw covered Equestria in a sheet and made Princess Celestia super heat the sun!" Said Twilight who was taking this pretty well.

"Wait, doctor claw would never.....oh no!" The Moochick figured it out!

So they began the journey up a mountain.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

So the climb was uneventful and they made it to the top.

"What IS this place?" Asked Twilight.

"It's her lair!" He said, pistol in hand.

"SO YOU'VE FOUND ME!" Said a loud voice.

The sound of buzzing overtook them.

"Queen Bee, I knew it was you!" Said The Moochick.

"Who else could orchestrate such a plot? I killed Luna! I forced Dr.Claw to trick Celestia by telling him I'd kill all the puppies! I ordered Tank to kill Celestia! It was ME! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!" Said Queen Bee.

"But why? Why destroy the planet?" asked The Moochick

"Think back all those years ago......you already know the answer!" She said.

The Moochick's eyes widened.

"The core!" He said.

Twilight Sparkle wasn't really doing anything by the way.

"Yes my old friend! When the sun explodes, it shall expose the core of the earth!" She said while laughing.

"Wait, what?" Asked Twilight.

"Don't you see? It's always been the endgame! She can spread it all over the galaxy now!" said The Moochick in tears.

"Spread WHAT?" Asked Twilight.

Queen Bee flew into the air.

"MY SWEET SWEET HONEY BEE HONEY!" And at that moment the sun started to expand.

The Moochick and Twilight jumped at her, but it was too late.

Queen Bee dug under ground.

Twilight turned to ash.

The Moochick stared into the sky. He had lost.

The sun exploded, destroying the solar system.

All that remained was the core of the planet, and Queen Bee.

"NOW GO!" She ordered.

Billions of labeled jars of Sweet Sweet Honey Bee Honey flew in every direction.

She would infect every planet in the galaxy.

She would continue her delicious conquest.

The Sweet Sweet Honey Bee Honey could not be stopped.

THE END

Twilight Sparkle Steps in a Bear Trap

Twilight Sparkle was walking in the woods when she heard a loud snapping sound.

SNAP said the sound.

"Oh SNAP!" Said Twilight and a laugh track played.

Twilight looked around but couldn't find the source of the snapping so she continued her journey to get out of the woods.

"Boy I wish I had some way of finding my way out of these woods!" For she had gotten lost in the woods looking for sweet sweet honey bee honey, but had lost her way and had also forgot she had wings.

After about an hour Twilight realized that her back left leg was moving slower than the others. Boy was she going to give it a talking to!

"LEG! FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU HAVE TO PULL YOUR WEIGHT OR I'M LETTING YOU GO!" Scolded Twilight to her leg, but oh man that's when she noticed that it had been attacked by a particularly aggressive bear trap.

"Well that's just great! I'm already an hour late to Sweetie belle's BotMitzvah, and now I've gotta deal with a bear trap?" Twilight did not get along with bear traps. SOME people would call her a racist. Not saying I would, just SOME people!

"I'm going to need the elements of harmony for this one!" She proclaimed to no one. She had also forgotten that she was really really lost.

Twilight roamed around the woods for 8 more hours. This was strange because this was a really small patch of woods. More like 30 trees just bunched together. You could see Ponyville from any point so I have no idea how she got lost.

Twilight fell to the ground and began to weep.

"I really need to find my friends, but my leg is really starting to smell like almonds and that's just making me hungry!" She complained and also didn't have any food because she never found that sweet sweet honey bee honey.

"TWILIGHT!" Yelled a familiar voice.

"Oh no, they must be after the sweet sweet honey bee honey!" Said Twilight as she limped away.

"Come on we have to find her!" Said Applejack as they continued to search the area.

Twilight was getting light headed and confused.

"If they find the sweet sweet honey bee honey, I'll just knock them out and take the sweet sweet honey bee honey! Twilight Sparkle you are a genius!" She said as she somehow climbed a tree with her dying leg.

The Mane 6 but without Twilight was looking all over, but none of them thought to look up so they kept missing her.

"Ya know, this would be a lot easier if you let me fly!" Said Rainbow Dash.

"Sorry Honeybee, but it's Ponyville tradition that we only look for lost Ponies on foot." Said Applejack who had an ulterior motive but don't tell the others!

Rainbow Dash kept walking and she was getting really sick because flying is medicine to Rainbow Dash, and she sure wasn't getting any medicine by walking!

Rarity was helping in her own special way.

"I sure hope they find her soon!" She said from her bubble bath.

Fluttershy was getting worried because she noticed one of her bear traps was gone, but couldn't find any dead bears!

"Oh dear, I hope the poor little guy isn't suffering!" She said as she loaded her shotgun, preparing to finish the job.

Pinkie Pie wasn't in the budget, so she is absent from this story.

Ok so the Ponies kept looking but Applejack broke off from the group and ran off by herself.

"Twi, I know you can hear me!" Said Applejack in an angry voice and she wasn't even smiling!

Twilight continued to watch from her tree, losing more and more blood.

If I just wait for her to get a little closer, I can jump on her back and kill her before she kills me! thought Twilight.

Just after that thought she what what has been having a rope grabbed her by the neck and totes pulled her down off that trizzity tree.

"Twilight, you know what I want!" Said Applejack.

"No, please!" Replied Twilight.

Applejack punched Twilight in the face.

"GIVE IT UP TWILIGHT!" She yelled.

"NEVER!" Said Twilight who had lost so much blood she thought she was talking to a Balrog.

Applejack kicked her right in the bear trap.

"Twilight, give up that sweet sweet honey bee honey, and I'll let ya live!" Demanded Applejack.

Twilight was beginning to lose that thing that lets you stay alive.....LIFE that's the word, and was having trouble answering.

"That does it! If you ain't giving up the sweet sweet honey bee honey, you're of no use to me!" Said Applejack oh and also she is a sweet sweet honey bee honey mobster in this story. Probably should have brought that up before.

Well Applejack was about to go in for the killing buck, but oh man her head exploded.

"Witty one liner!" Said Fluttershy who had used her shotgun to save the day.

Ok so they made it out of the woods, but they had lost track of time and when they emerged it was THE FUTURE!

Twilight went to a hospital and they took off the bad leg and gave her a new robotic one!

"Oh man how long was I in those woods looking for the sweet sweet honey bee honey?" Asked Twilight Sparkle to the doctor.

"It has been 375 years. You must REALLY love the sweet sweet honey bee honey!" Said Doctor Claw, mortal enemy of Inspector Gadget.

"It was worth it!" Twilight said with a smile.

"But you didn't even get any honey!" Said Doctor Claw.

"Maybe not, but at least I got to spend time with my friends!" She said cheerfully. She still had a bit of Applejack brain matter in her fur.

THE END!

Princess Luna Takes the Bus

So ok this takes place before the last one so Luna is still alive and has no idea that she's going to get murdered also this story has nothing to do with that.

Luna woke up one night because that lazy bum sleeps all day long, and grabbed a box of pony cereal.

"Oh boy, I sure can't wait to take a bite out of these 'Sweet Sweet Honey Bee Honey Grams!'" She said so happy that the moon turned yellow for a second.

Now that's probably confusing, so let me explain that line.

Hundreds of years ago, Luna lived alone on the moon.

"Oh my dear Sister, how long shall you torment me with this living Tartarus?" She asked the emptiness as she fell to the ground and began to weep.

Luna had done this hundreds of times before. The anger and the tears were her only reminder that she was still alive.

This night brought something new.

As she slammed her head into the grey moondust, in an attempt to dry her tears, she saw something. Something different.

A small yellow rock. It was the only color she had seen for years, and she was overjoyed.

That night she wept, not from sadness, but from joy. She had found the first new thing in hundreds of years.

And yeah that's why the moon turned yellow it's because that's the color she associates with happiness lol that sad story has nothing to do with the rest of the story.

So yeah she wanted to eat that food that she so craved, but OH NO no more milk!

Luna only had one choice! She would go outside, flap her mighty wings that could carry her for hundreds of miles, and go 2 blocks down to the bus stop to catch a bus at the bus stop.

Well Luna waited and while she waited King Sombra returned and they had a 2 hour battle but you don't want to hear about that story full of action, suspense, and romance, because you're here to hear about a bus ride!

So the bus arrived and Luna got on the bus.

Luna rode the bus to the store, got off of the bus, got her milk, got back on the bus, and went home and nothing eventful happened while on the bus.

So yeah she went home, had her Sweet Sweet Honey Bee Honey Grams, and after that someone murdered her ok stay tuned for a story about Tank!

Tank Wins Equestria

Tank Wins Equestria

So this time Princess Celestia decided to have a contest because everyone was kind of mad because it was really really hot for some reason.

"My dear peasants, I am all having a contest up here and stuff!" the princess Celestia said with regality.

"I have a question!" Asked Rainbow Dash.

"Yes?" Asked Celestia.

"Ok here's my question" said Rainbow Dash, member of the Ponyville weather warriors.

"Go ahead" Said The Princess Of Celestia.

"Ok here I go" Continued Rainbow Dash.

Well this went on for about an hour, and while this went on for an hour Tank snuck away and climbed to the top of the tower and placed "The Tear of Celestia" on the pedestal. Also he somehow got the "The tear Of Celestia", and that's not some relic or something, he somehow got a fresh tear from Celestia while she was on stage talking.

Well the tower started to shake and to exploded.

"WE HAVE A WINNER!" Announced Celestia.

Tank used his turtle jet feet to fly down to Celestia.

"My Little Turtle, congratulations on your victory! Now you can have any wish you want.....OR you can have a jar of Sweet Sweet Honey Bee Honey brand sweet sweet honey bee honey!" Celestia knew he'd pick the honey. EVERYONE picks the honey.

Tank looked to the sky, and pointed to Canterlot.

Celestia had made a terrible error.....turtles have no taste buds!

"You want Canterlot?" she asked.

The turtle shook his head. He flew into the air, and looked down on them.

Tank wanted Equestria.

The years that followed were filled with great prosperity as the new turtle ruler led them into a new age of wonder. He led them to great victory against the dragons, and cleansed the Battlefield of Torment.

All was well for over 300 years.

Above them, the red sun grew even hotter.

Rainbow Dash never got an answer to her question STAY TUNED FOR A STORY ABOUT