It all started on a fairly normal day in Ponyville post-Tirek. Twilight’s castle loomed over all of the other buildings, and she and her friends were currently together in said castle, discussing their most recent friendship adventure.
“So, to sum up, we’ve learned to never let Discord be in charge of dessert,” Rainbow said irritably, attempting once again to get the sweet-smelling goo out of her hair.
“Well at least it tastes good,” Discord defended, licking some off of his claw. After the Tirek mishap, Discord had just sort of taken up residency in the castle and had become a daily part of life- he’d mellowed out quite a bit, and ponies were finally starting to warm up to him other than just Fluttershy, though she remained, at that point, his closest friend.
“You’re right, it does taste good!” Pinkie said gleefully, currently holding the dish the monstrous dessert had been served in and shoveling it into her mouth with her hooves.
“Oh, it’s going to stain!” Rarity fretted dramatically.
“Rarity, you’re not even wearing a dress,” Twilight deadpanned.
“It could stain my coat!” Rarity insisted. Twilight rolled her eyes. Spike looked worried on Rarity’s behalf.
“With as often as you wash up?” Applejack scoffed. “Even if it did stain, you’d still get it washed out in less than an hour.”
“Well at least I do wash,” Rarity sniffed. Applejack glowered.
“Girls!” Twilight moaned. “Stop fighting!”
“Sorry, Twi,” Applejack said immediately. Rarity nodded reluctantly.
“So good!” Pinkie squealed again, licking the bowl clean with a final sweep of her tongue. She was sad to see the treat go, and almost immediately fixated on Rainbow’s hair. Rainbow noticed just before Pinkie pounced, and managed to get up into the air out of Pinkie’s reach just in time to avoid Pinkie sucking on her mane. “But Rainbow, it’ll make it cleaner!”
“How is saliva cleaner than whatever this stuff is!?” Rainbow asked incredulously.
“Well, um, it would probably be easier to wash out,” Fluttershy suggested. Rainbow was not amused and continued to stay out of Pinkie’s reach, which made the pink earth pony sad.
Discord had a soft spot for Pinkie, since she was the most like him out of all of them, so he grabbed Rainbow Dash out of the air and held her down while Pinkie latched onto her head. Rainbow struggled fruitlessly with several loud protests, but the Pinkius Pieacus had found its prey, and it wasn’t going to relinquish it.
“You couldn’t have just given her more of… whatever this is?” Twilight asked raising an eyebrow at Discord.
“Oh, but where’s the fun in that?” Discord asked with a mischievous grin.
“It would’ve been more fun for me!” Rainbow screeched, still trying to pry Pinkie off. Luckily for her, Pinkie was nearly half done and would soon leave for other prey- Twilight still had some stuck behind her ear, though she wasn’t aware.
“Then you obviously don’t know how to have fun,” Discord said, shaking his head.
“Yes she does!” Pinkie said, finishing off Rainbow’s mane and sending Twilight a predatory look, which caused her to pale slightly. “Rainbow is my bestest pranking buddy! Well, actually my only pranking buddy. But we have lots of fun!”
Discord’s internal maniacal laugh started up as ideas started to fly around his head. None of them had any time to gain detail, though, because he was distracted by Pinkie’s pounce across the room onto Twilight, who shrieked as she went down. The others just shook their heads in amusement, besides Rainbow Dash, who shot Twilight an understanding and pitying look. It was Pinkie. What could you do?
When they’d all wrapped up their business there and Pinkie Pie had successfully licked all of her friends clean, they began heading to their respective homes. Discord’s previous ideas resurfaced, and he flew off after Pinkie Pie, waiting until the others were out of sight before stopping her and dragging her into an alley.
“Hi, Discord!” she said cheerfully, taking it in stride. “What’s up?”
“I thought you might enjoy having a new pranking buddy. After all, if Rainbow Dash is always pranking with you, she probably gets left out of most of the pranks, and we wouldn’t want her to feel left out.”
“Well, I get her with a good one sometimes on my own, but all the really good ones need two ponies to pull off!” Pinkie said excitedly. “And with your chaos magic!? Ooh, we could have so much fun! Yes yes yes! Please be my pranking buddy!”
“I offered, didn’t I?” Discord said with a smirk. “Now, if we’re going to do this, we’re going to go all out from the get-go, so they know we mean business. We need to plot something so amazingly spectacular that they won’t be able to forget about it even when they’re old ponies with memory loss!”
“Okay, um…” Pinkie said, thinking hard. “Chocolate rain?”
“Pinkie, I know you like it, a lot, but we need something original. Preferably something that won’t remind them of when I was evil…”
“I guess you’re right,” Pinkie said sadly. “Well then… we could egg their houses?”
“How is that original?” Discord asked. “Well, we can discuss in further length tomorrow. I’m going to go to my Thinking Tree. That’s where I do all of my best thinking, you know.”
“Okie dokie loki!” Pinkie said cheerfully, and bounced off to Sugarcube Corner.
His time in the Thinking Tree did little to give Discord ideas, or at least viable ones. None of the things he thought of were quite… big enough. They were the spirit of chaos and the element of laughter, for crying out loud! They needed something memorable! Surprising! Unexpected!
He eventually decided to come back to the problem after a good night’s sleep, so he went back to his room in the castle and slept through the night.
The next day, Rainbow Dash left early in the morning to go up to Cloudsdale for Wonderbolts practice, like she did every day now that she’d finally been accepted as part of the team, just like she’d always wanted. She was usually gone until around dinner time, and that day was no different.
In the meantime, Discord hadn’t had a chance to catch Pinkie alone to talk about pranks, because she spent so much of her free time with her friends- which included pretty much every pony in Ponyville.
When Rainbow got home, Pinkie and the others were all in Twilight’s castle again. It had become a convenient place to meet up and socialize, so for all intents and purposes it was the adult pony version of a clubhouse, and they usually congregated there in the evenings to enjoy each others’ company.
Rainbow was, as usual, the last to come in, but she had an unusual expression on her face, somewhere between timidity, shock, happiness, excitement, and about fifteen other emotions that all somehow jammed themselves onto her face at the same time.
“Somepony’s had a good day,” Twilight said slyly. Rainbow blushed.
“It’s a stallion, isn’t it!?” Rarity squealed. “I know that face! Tell us all about it!”
“Yeah, well…” Rainbow laughed. “Soarin kinda asked me out, actually.”
“Really!?” Pinkie exclaimed. “OH MY GOSH I NEED TO THROW A PAR-”
“No you don’t!” Rainbow said quickly. “It’s really not that big a deal…”
“WHAT!?” Rarity shrieked. “Rainbow, how can you utter such blasphemy!? A first date is a major milestone in any mare’s life, and it is definitely a big deal! For all you know, he could be the love of your life! Your soulmate! Your other half!”
“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, Rarity,” Rainbow said, embarrassed. “It’s just a date.” Rarity shook her head at Rainbow’s foolishness.
“I’m very happy for you,” Fluttershy said quietly.
“I approve of him. He likes apple pie,” Applejack said happily.
“That’s kind of a low expectation,” Twilight said.
“And here I thought I would be the first one to find a special somepony,” Rarity sighed, deciding to drop the argument. “Instead it’s you. You’re one of the last ponies I would have expected.”
“Gee thanks,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes.
“Look on the bright side, Rarity,” Twilight said. “You’re still more likely to get a date than Discord.” Rarity cheered up.
“Hey!” Discord exclaimed, clutching at his heart dramatically. The mares all started laughing, and suddenly Discord’s mind exploded (twice) with the best idea for a prank in the history of pranks ever. A light bulb appeared above his head involuntarily.
“What in the hay is that thing?” Applejack asked.
“I call it a light bulb, but that’s not important right now,” Discord dismissed. “Ignore me.” He sat impatiently through the rest of the ponies’ socializing, eagerly awaiting the moment when he’d be able to catch Pinkie alone to plan for their prank.
Unable to wait, he grabbed her the second she left the room and teleported them into their special planning alleyway. Pinkie giggled.
“You must be excited!” she said. “Do you have an amazingly spectacular idea for a prank that will shock all of my friends and go down in history as the best prank ever!?”
“Yes!” Discord said delightedly.
“OMGOSH!” Pinkie squealed. “What is it, what is it!?”
Discord hurriedly explained his plan to the eager pink pony, who was jumping higher and higher in excitement with every word out of Discord’s mouth.
“That’s perfect!” Pinkie shrieked, bouncing like rubber off the sides of the alley to display her excitement. “They’ll never expect that! Oh, that’s so amazing! Let’s do it!”
“We can start tomorrow,” Discord said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
There was no training the next day, since it was a weekend, so Rainbow didn’t have to leave until that evening for her date with Soarin. On days like this, the friends held picnics in the town square, so Pinkie and Discord used the opportunity to put their plan into action.
They hid in the bushes until everypony else was there before making their grand entrance. Pinkie held on tightly to Discord’s back as he flew them merrily into the clearing, both laughing happily as if they were sharing a joke, which in a way they were.
“Dissy, you’re so funny!” Pinkie said with a giggle. Discord rolled over so Pinkie was dangling precariously and craned his neck around to look at her.
“Not as funny as you!” Discord rebuffed, grinned at her stupidly and using the mushiest voice he could muster. “Miss Element of Laughter.”
“That’s me!” Pinkie acknowledged. “Come on, Dissy, let me down!” He rolled over again and let her hop off onto the picnic blanket, which currently occupied five very confused ponies and one very confused dragon.
“You’re very… cheerful this morning,” Applejack said slowly, looking somewhat concerned as she glanced between the two.
“Well I am Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie reminded. This seemed to assuage her friends- for the moment.
Discord settled in for the picnic a little too close to Pinkie Pie to be natural and made a point to play with her hair whenever anypony was talking to her. Confusion and discomfort both made appearances again on the others’ faces. The final straw for them came when Discord took the opportunity afforded by a lull in conversation to begin tickling Pinkie mercilessly.
“No, Dissy, stop!” she gasped. “I’m ticklish!”
“Oh I know,” he said with a wicked grin.
“That’s it!” Rainbow exclaimed, jumping to her hooves. “What is going on here!?”
“Oh, just enjoying time with Pinkie,” Discord said with a sly grin.
“Since when are you two such close friends?” Applejack asked suspiciously.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Applejack. We’re not friends,” Discord said as if it were obvious.
“Um…” Fluttershy said, confused. “You’re… not?”
“Nope!” Discord said.
“Then what in the wide world of Equestria is this!?” Twilight snapped.
“Pinkie, dear, I thought you were going to tell them,” Discord said. Six mouths all silently repeated the word ‘dear’ with slowly dawning looks of comprehension.
“Oh yeah!” Pinkie giggled. “Discord is my special somepony!”
The reactions. Were. Priceless.
Rarity, predictably enough, fainted dramatically.
Applejack held back bile with visible effort, turning a sickly shade of green.
Rainbow Dash, who’d been hovering in the air a few feet off the ground, promptly froze and consequently fell to the ground before stumbling dazedly to her hooves again and gaping at the smiling pair.
Twilight’s mane had frizzed up into stress mode and her eyelid was twitching, while Spike merely blinked a few times, the news not really sinking in initially.
“Um… congratulations?” Fluttershy said hesitantly.
“Thank you, Fluttershy,” Discord said with a smile. “You always were the most understanding.”
“Pinkie, what the hay!?” Applejack screeched once she’d managed to swallow down her gag reaction. “This is Discord!”
“I know, isn’t it great!?” Pinkie said happily.
“NO! It is not great! It is the complete opposite of great! Discord, what spell have you put on Pinkie!? Release her, now!” Twilight demanded.
“Twilight, I’m not under any spell!” Pinkie said. “Silly filly! I love him!” Applejack’s gag reflex acted up again with even more force and she ran to the bushes to empty her stomach.
“WHAT!?” Rainbow shrieked.
“That’s so wonderful!” Fluttershy said, quickly warming up to the idea and grinning happily. “I’m so glad that you’ve found each other!”
“So are we,” Discord said cheekily, hugging Pinkie with one arm around her shoulder. Applejack gagged again, but her stomach was already empty, so it was a dry heave. Twilight sat down heavily on the ground, legs no longer able to support her weight as her reality crumbled around her.
“Oh, Dissy, you promised me you’d make me some chocolate rain,” Pinkie said suddenly. “With whipped cream this time!”
“Yes, dear,” Discord said with a grin. “I know the perfect spot for it! Let’s go!” Discord threw Pinkie onto his back again and they flew off, leaving the shocked ponies and dragon behind to deal with what they’d just witnessed, the duo cackling merrily all the while due to the success of their prank.
At that moment, Rarity dazedly regained consciousness. Spike rushed over and helped her up.
“I just had the strangest and most revolting dream,” she said, shaking her head. “Pinkie Pie was courting Discord!”
“It wasn’t a dream,” Rainbow said weakly, still staring in the direction the pair had flown off in.
“What? Oh, of all the things that could have happened, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE THING! Ohhhh…” She fainted again.
Discord and Pinkie had gone to Discord’s room in the castle to continue to plot.
“So where’s my chocolate rain?’ Pinkie asked immediately.
“You were serious?” Discord asked.
“I don’t joke about chocolate rain. Or whipped cream,” Pinkie said seriously. Discord shrugged and summoned up the requested treats, complete with bowl underneath her to catch the mess.
“I’d say this prank was a definite success,” Discord cackled. “The reactions were priceless. How long do you think we could keep this up?”
“Well I was thinking it would just be the once,” Pinkie said, confused.
“You have to think bigger, Pinkie. Just imagine how much more surprising it will be to tell them it was a prank the whole time just when they’ve started to accept it!” Discord said. Pinkie gasped.
“That’s brilliant!” she squealed.
“Well it’s me,” Discord boasted. “I’m always brilliant.”
And so, the pair kept up the act, especially enjoying Applejack’s reactions, or rather the one reaction that simply kept repeating. Twilight actually did attempt a counter-spell on Pinkie before she finally accepted that Pinkie wasn’t under a spell and actually… loved… Discord. Twilight tried not to think about it, since it gave her headaches. And nausea. And insomnia. And several other unfortunate side effects. Which Spike had to deal with.
When Rarity finally stopped fainting, she spent a good deal of time hyperventilating before pouring her stress out via the sewing machine, becoming the most productive she’d been in years, which, while it was good for business, also left her exhausted., more mentally and emotionally than physically.
Rainbow Dash started spending more time in Cloudsdale, both spending time with Soarin, whom she’d hit it off with quite nicely, and avoiding Pinkie and Discord.
Fluttershy, though, was cheerful as ever, spending even more time with the pair, basking in the ‘love’ and being happy for her friends.
Life in Ponyville finally settled into a routine nearly two months after the initial prank. Just to solidify in everypony’s mind that they were together, they kept it up for another month after that, leaving the running total at three months. In fact, they decided that they were finally going to tell the others that the whole thing had been a joke- but they were going to do it Pinkie and Discord style.
Pinkie’s friends, even the ones who weren’t thrilled with her relationship with Discord *coughApplejackcough*, still had a hard time turning down one of Pinkie’s party invitations, so when she handed out invitations to her and Discord’s three-month-anniversary party, they all agreed to go, albeit most of them reluctantly.
The party was a typical Pinkie and friends get-together, and Discord and Pinkie kept up the act throughout, enjoying the last few moments of their greatest prank ever. Applejack didn’t eat anything as a precaution so she wouldn’t make a mess should anything lovey-dovey occur.
“Alright, everypony, gather round!” Discord said, gesturing for them all to come closer. “I have something I want to share with all of you! Pinkie, dear, would you join me a moment?”
“Yes, Dissy?” Pinkie asked, excitedly awaiting their big finale, which was the perfect topper to the cake. Discord slowly and deliberately got down on one knee. The others all froze and became alarmingly pale, besides Fluttershy who watched with happy tears in her eyes, and Applejack’s decision not to eat became a good and necessary precaution. Discord summoned up a small ring box.
“Pinkie, don’t you think it’s time…” Discord said slowly.
“Yes, Dissy?” Pinkie asked excitedly, pretending to react to his ‘proposal’.
“To take the next step in this relationship…”
“Yes, Dissy!?”
“And tell your friends exactly what we’ve been up to?” Discord finished with a playfully evil grin at the others.
“Yes, Discord,” Pinkie agreed jovially. Discord opened up the ring box and an impossible large banner inscribed with the word ‘GOTCHA’ and a drawing of Celestia’s face popped up and affixed itself to the wall behind them.
“...Huh?” her friends all asked at the same time, not comprehending this turn of events.
“Oh, the last three months have been incredibly enjoyable, ladies,” Discord said with a grin. “I really must thank you. Some of the most amusing reactions to a prank I’ve ever seen. Especially you, Applejack. Very entertaining.”
“Wait a second,” Twilight said slowly. “You mean to say-”
“That the last three months have been one giant prank and Dissy and I have only been pretending to be together this whole time?” Pinkie asked. “Yep, pretty much!”
“WHAT!?” most of their friends shouted, enraged.
“Aww,” Fluttershy sighed disappointedly.
“All of this time!?” Twilight screeched. “FOR A PRANK!?”
“All good pranks require dedication,” Discord said with a shrug.
“And a co-conspirator!” Pinkie added with a wink at Discord.
Applejack collapsed into a relieved pile on the floor, glad her days of puking were over. Rainbow face-hoofed before grudgingly beginning to laugh. As much as she’d hated every second of it, it had been just about the most epic and well-thought-out prank anypony had ever pulled. Rarity fainted. Again. It seemed to be her fallback reaction to things. Twilight started hitting her head repeatedly on the snack table in exasperation.
“All.” Thonk. “This time.” Bang. “It was.” Smack. “A PRANK!?” Bonk.
“Yep!” Pinkie said happily.
“Look on the bright side, Twilight,” Spike tried to comfort. Being a child, he was more adaptable, and had already accepted the prank for what it was. A prank. “At least we can add an entry to the journal about this.”
“And say what!?” Twilight shrieked. “That I found out that I can never trust reality because it’s all one big JOKE!?”
“Um… yes?” Spike said nervously. Twilight groaned and planted her face on the table again, leaving it there this time and trying to fight back the growing headache.
“Well, that was fun!” Pinkie said contentedly. “We definitely have to do it again some time!”
“NO!” came the resounding answer. Fluttershy sighed sadly.
“I meant the party,” Pinkie giggled. “Night, guys!” She pranced happily up the stairs to her bedroom and began getting Gummy ready for bed while Discord herded the slightly catatonic ponies out of the door and in the general directions of their homes. He watched them go with some degree of satisfaction and thought smugly about what a great team he and Pinkie made.
Great team… hmm…
Well, worth a shot.
He flew up to her window, which was open, and poked his head in. Pinkie had just tucked Gummy into bed and was pulling back the covers to her own bed when Discord spoke.
“Hey, Pinkie,” he said bluntly.
“Yes, Dissy?” Pinkie asked, more out of habit than anything else.
“We make a good team,” he said, though his tone indicated he wasn’t done with the thought.
“Yes?” Pinkie prompted.
“Wanttomaybebemyspecialsomeponyforreal?” he suggested quickly. Since that was how Pinkie usually talked, she understood every word.
“Okie dokie loki!” she agreed happily, with absolutely no hesitation.
“Really?” Discord asked, surprised.
“You’re right,” Pinkie explained. “We do make a good team. Goodnight, Dissy!” She bounced to the window and gave him a hug, which he returned.
“Goodnight, Pinkie,” he said, patting her head fondly. He left her to her bedtime routine and flew back to the castle, whistling merrily.
His good mood lasted through to the next day, when his suspiciously good mood was passed off for satisfaction from the prank. At least until Pinkie showed up and pounced on him happily.
“Ugh, Pinkie,” Applejack said miserably. “Don’t start this again. We all know you’ve been prankin’, so you can stop all this.” Besides, she was looking forward to a relatively puke-free future, with the occasional exception for sickness and overeating at Apple family reunions.
“But Discord is my special somepony!” Pinkie said happily. There was a pause.
“Pinkie, you literally just let us in on this prank yesterday,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes. “You’re not going to fool us again.”
“I’m surprised, Pinkie,” Rarity said. “I would’ve thought you’d be more creative.”
“We’re serious this time!” Discord said happily.
“Look, I know fooling us twice with the same prank may sound funny, but it’s not going to happen,” Twilight scolded. “Can we please just move on from this?”
“You… don’t believe me?” Pinkie asked with a frown.
“Would I lie to you?” Discord asked.
“YES!”
“Um… yes,” Fluttershy agreed timidly. The past three months were solid evidence of that.
“Hmm…” Pinkie said, thinking hard. How to make her friends believe her… Aha!
Pinkie grabbed Discord, startling him, and pecked him on the lips, then grinning at him. After a moment’s shock he pulled her back and kissed her again.
Rarity, once again, fainted dramatically.
Rainbow Dash fell over and had the distinct urge to burn her eyes from her sockets.
Twilight’s mane had frizzed up into stress mode and her eyelid was twitching, while Spike merely blinked a few times, the image not really sinking in initially. Twilight covered his eyes with her tail.
“Um… congratulations?” Fluttershy said, hesitant to get her hopes up again. But this definitely seemed like the real deal...
And, despite all her best efforts, Applejack threw up.
Author's Note
While I have a hard time imagining Pinkie in a serious relationship with ANYPONY, I admit that she and Discord make a cute couple. Cheese Sandwich is my second choice.
