The Worst MLP Fanfic Ever

by Takzu

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1117

Mary Sue and her brother, Gary Stu, are sent to Equestria, through the power of plot convenience.

This is a joke fic about bad fanfics with self insert black and red OC alicorns. The poor writing is intentional. The first person narration is intentional. All the things that make a bad fanfic bad is intentional.

Now that is out of the way, onto the actual description. Mary Sue and her brother, Gary Stu, are suddenly taken to Equestria after their mom tells them to do homework. We all know how this song and dance goes.

Published 2014-11-10 02:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-10 02:30:03 UTC

The Killing of the Brain Cells

Author's Note

I hit a small writers block on Chapter three of "Luna Works at Freddy Fazbear's", so I wrote this to tide you guys over while I work out my thoughts. So, to those who are waiting patiently, I thank you for your patience and it will be out as soon as possible. Thanks to Ally of the Daleks for making sure that this doesn't hurt more than it's supposed to.

The Killing of the Brain Cells

Hello, I’m Mary Sue. I have a brother named Gary Stu. We love My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. It is our most favorite show of all time! My favorite character is Pinkie Pie while my brother has a crush on Rainbow Dash. I can’t tell anyone, though, because I was sworn to secrecy. So don’t tell anyone that I accidentally told you.

“Mary! Gary! Are you doing your homework?” Our mom asks us. She is a total bitch.

“No. My Little Pony is on right now!” I call back. Oh, did I forget to mention that my brother is sitting next to me?

“You’re watching it on the internet! You can pause it to do your Algebra!” she yells at us like the evil woman she is. Oh, and she walks into our room without knocking first! Can you believe her?

“Rachel, please. You honestly think that homework is more important than cartoon ponies.” My brother adds helpfully.

“You need to make good grades to get into a good college in the future. And you better call me Mom!” she says with narrowing eyes. Oh, great! Here we go!

“Who needs college? Ponies are our lives now, and if you can’t accept that, then you truly don’t love us!” I say stomping my foot.

She just stares at us with her twitching eye before closing our laptop and taking it.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” My brother and I both demand.

“No more ponies for a week because of that little remark. Now, get to your homework!” She says before slamming our door.

“I HATE YOU! I WISH WE WERE DEAD!” I yell as I push all of my books from my desk.

How dare she even do that to us! Who does she think she is? What right does she have to do that to us! She is such an evil tyrant and we have had enough of this!

“We need to flee this life of oppression!” my brother says poetically.

“We need to lead a new life in Equestria!” I said.

Just as I say that, our TV turns on and shows The Everfree Forest. It sucks us in and we fall for what seems like forever. I feel this weird transformation and I turn to look at my brother. He is changing into a pony, but not just any pony. He’s turning into a black alicorn with a red mane and tail. He also has a skull for a cutie mark. I can’t believe my eyes. We land in the middle of the forest, and we aren’t hurt at all.

“Gary, you’re an alicorn!” I point out.

“So are you!” he said back.

I look in a nearby lake and I am indeed an alicorn with a red coat and a black mane and tail. I have the same cutie mark as my brother, and I now have one blue eye and one green eye for no reason other than I’m a special little flower.

“We’re alicorns in Equestria! We can lead a better life now!” I say.

Just then an ursa major shows up out of nowhere. My brother and I use our new magic powers and defeat him easily. And, no, we don’t need any lessons on magic because we are totally awesome and alicorns. Anyone who says otherwise are assholes who don’t have a life.

“We should fly over to Ponyville and meet our favorite characters.” My brother says.

We fly over to Ponyville. We also don’t need flying lessons because we’re better than everypony else. We’re faster than Rainbow Dash and better at magic than Twilight. We arrive and immediately run into Pinkie Pie.

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie, but you know me because you came from the human world where our lives are nothing but a popular TV show. You arrived here after a freak portal accident and turned into red and black alicorns with matching cutie marks. You defeated an ursa major, and are now here to meet everypony.” She says, no doubt using her Pinkie sense.

“How did you do that?” Gary asks.

“Pinkie sense.” She replies.

“I knew it. So can we meet the rest of the mane six?” I ask.

“We’re here!” Twilight Sparkle says as she and the rest of them approach us.

“I’m in love with you suddenly!” Rainbow Dash says as she flies up to my brother and kisses him.

“I love you too!” He replies and kisses back. They are now coltfriend and marefriend and are now talking about marriage and kids.

Pinkie and I become best friends and the rest of the mane six are just there because I say so and I’m the author. I let the story write the characters and tell, not show. I mean, I am an all-powerful alicorn with an equally powerful brother. If you hate me then I will delete your comments and be butthurt about it. I mean, I’ll strike you down with lightning.

Celestia and Luna arrive for us on chariots, even though we were only there for a few minutes and no one even wrote them a letter.

“I heard that two new alicorns just arrived, and are very powerful. Luna and I decided to retire and make them the new rulers of Equestria. They have the ability to raise and lower the moon even though I’ve never seen them use magic and have no way of knowing.” Celestia said and everypony cheered because everypony loves us.

True, we have no political background at all, but we’ll be totally awesome at it because potatoes.

“You used to be humans, right? What was it like to have hands?” Lyra Heartstrings says.

My brother and I laugh as we tell our tragic story of living with cruel parents that made us do homework and eat vegetables. Everyone gasps in horror, even though the entire population eats veggies for the majority of their diets. Broccoli is scary after all. Everypony feels sorry for us and we become even more popular, and the only mailpony in all of Equestria, Derpy, delivers all of our fan mail from the ends of the country. Yes, we get fan mail because we’re so popular.

The End.