I lay on my bed with my hooves in my face. My heart ached and felt like it had been smashed. I felt cold, colder than I've ever been in my entire life. It was around seven at night and outside the wind howled softly. It was actually the only sound I could hear other than my throbbing heart in my chest. The amazing thing though is that the heart makes no noise when it brakes. It just hurts badly, like it has been overflowed with guilt and burst, letting it out upon you.
I'd spend most of the night crying, never able to forget that day. My friends nor nopony else know nothing of the past I had, and truthfully, I'd prefer it to be that way. They'd think I was weak and helpless. A coward. I guess I am all those things. I have considered talking to a doctor about this, but everypony who knows me knows that I hate hospitals and that I probably wouldn't survive one session. Other than that, I had Fluttershy to talk to. She was the only one who truly knows me, as much as I know her.
I'm not sure how I could get over any of what happened, because I know that I probably won't. Forgetting is one of the hardest things, and not like I'd know much, but I guess its why they say 'you've got to come to terms with it'.
Maybe I should. Maybe I should.
A knock sounded at the door, the soft taps echoing through the house, followed by a soft, sweet voice that could only be described as Fluttershy's voice. I heard her call my name, asking me if I was home. She doesn't normally come this late, and now was a really bad time. Please...just leave me be, Fluttershy. I don't want you to see me like this. She knocked again, and this time, I decided to answer, wiping any tears from my face before I approached the door. I unlocked it and slowly opened the door, seeing Fluttershy standing there, her look unreadable.
''Oh, my...is it a bad time? If you want me to go-''
''No, no. Its fine, Fluttershy. Come in.'' I tried to sound as natural as I could, but that amount of time I spent crying made my voice sound a little shaky. I led her to the couch and sat down with her, her eyes seeming to be examining me from top to bottom, like they were watching my very soul. ''So what brings you here, Fluttershy?''
''Well...um...I wanted to talk to you.''
''Uh...what do you mean? What is there to talk about?''
''Rainbow, you've been different lately. I'm worried about you.''
I really don't like it when she's like this. Damn it, Fluttershy, why do you have to be so observant?
''You don't need to be worried about me, Fluttershy. I'm fine. Really.'' Her only response was a hoof to my shoulder, her touch warm on my cold figure. Her teal eyes penetrated my own, digging deep within me.
''But you're not, Rainbow! You've been quiet and look down all the time! It was easy for me to tell you've been crying.'' She ran a hoof on my cheek, feeling the wetness on my fur. ''How long's this been going on for?'' She asked me, that hurt look in her eyes. Celestia, I hated it when she was so observant...
''Fluttershy...please...I don't want to talk about it. You wouldn't understand.'' I looked her dead in the eyes as I said those words, and she kept hers locked on mine.
Quietly she got up from next to me and walked off towards the door, turning around and looking into my eyes once more.
''Come to the library tomorrow, Dashie.'' Is all she said before she closed the door behind her and flew off.
*** *** ***Fluttershy's perspective*** *** ***
That talk with Rainbow had gotten me even more worried than before. So now I was flying for Twilight's library, needing to talk with her. I just don't understand why Rainbow, the fearless, daredevil I knew as a filly was acting the way she was. Lately she always looked cold, and it was only the middle of spring. Her eyes, though, were something different. They always held that same sad expression, never seeming to leave them. I know she's upset by something, but what, I don't know.
The lights in the library were on, and when I landed, I gently knocked on the door, soon being greeted by Twilight.
''Hey, Fluttershy. What're you doing out at this time?''
''Twilight, I need to talk to you about something.''
''Come on in, then, Fluttershy. Would you like some coffee? I just made some.''
She levitated a coffee pot over to me along with a cup, but I waved her off with a hoof, just wanting to tell her about it as quick as possible.
''No thanks, Twilight. I just wanted to talk to you about Rainbow.''
''Rainbow? What about her?'' Twilight asked with a raised brow as she looked me in the eye.
''Twilight, I'm worried about her. She's been kinda quiet lately, and I went around to her house not long ago and she just looked terrible. She's been crying, but she wouldn't say what about. I'm thinking maybe if we get all the girls around here, we could all talk to her?''
''Rainbow Dash was crying? She okay?'' Twilight asked concernedly.
''I don't know, Twi. She sure didn't seem it. I think we should all just talk to her. It won't be easy, but I can't leave her like that! I've known her since forever, Twilight!''
Twilight just put a hoof to my shoulder and told me to sit down on her couch with her.
''Fluttershy, I know you're concerned about her, but I think we should all have a little talk with her before we decide on anything. Listen, tomorrow I'll tell the girls to come by the library, including Rainbow.''
''Thanks, Twilight. I just hopes she doesn't get mad about it or any more upset than she was.''
''Hey, don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of it.''
*** *** ***
I got a message from Twilight the following morning to come to the library. About what, I didn't know, but had a rough idea. Being as fast as I was, it didn't take me that long to reach my destination. Upon getting there, I didn't bother knocking, but instead found the door was unlocked and went inside. Upon entering, I found that all my friends were there. Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and of course, Twilight and Fluttershy.
I could already see where this was going, and I didn't like it. When Fluttershy said come to the library tomorrow, she probably told Twilight about me and got all the girls in on it. I was already starting to feel uncomfortable. Twilight looked at me once and motioned for me to take a seat on the couch and then she sat beside me, making me even more uncomfortable.
''Rainbow, we need to talk to you. You know, about your problem.''
I looked at Fluttershy, whom etched back at the glint of anger in my eyes. ''Fluttershy...'' I said, trying not to growl.
''Rainbow, I'm sorry, but I just couldn't leave you like that. I want to help you. We all do.'' Fluttershy said softly, the sweetness in her voice replaced by seriousness.
''Yes, darling, why didn't you say anything before?'' Rarity said, looking hurt, as were all my friends. I just looked down at the floor, moments later feeling a hoof under my chin lifting my head up and meeting Applejack's emeralds.
''Now, come on, Rainbow. We're your friends. Wont'cha tell us about it? Ya'll feel better once you do.''
Great, so now honesty was gonna make me consider it. Fantastic.
''You won't understand, girls. I've...I've been tormented by it for years, before I knew Twilight and the rest of you, excluding Pinkie and Fluttershy. Talking about it is just going to be difficult. I'd really rather not bring it up.''
''Wait, years? Has it been going on since you were a filly?'' Rarity asked, now curious.
Ugh! What was I going to have to do to make this go away?
''Look...as hard as it is going to be for me to tell you about it, I won't get over it! What's done is done, and all its done since then is torment and haunt me! All I want is for it to go away, and this isn't helping!'' I said, anger boiling my blood, causing the girls to etch back at my glare. I wiped my eyes with a hoof and looked back up at them, Twilight's hoof resting on my shoulder. ''I-I'm sorry about that.''
''Its alright, sugarcube. All we want to do is help ya.'' Applejack said, smiling at me. I only sighed in response, looking down again, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to relax myself. Looking back up, I began to tell them the whole ordeal.
*** *** ***
At Summer Flight Camp, we were getting changed into our flight suits in the locker room. In the girls part of the flight camp, there was me, Gilda, one of my griffin friends, Strawberry Lace, Twister and Keystone. Today's lesson was going to be about weather conditions, hence the flight suits. From our lesson debriefing, it was going to be a tough course of weather-based obstacles, and risky depending on how good of a flier the pony was.
The teacher, Mrs. Blossom paired me with Strawberry Lace. This wasn't the first time I'd met her either. I went to the same school as her before deciding to join the flight camp. She hadn't changed a bit since then - Same two-tone strawberry red hair with darker red streaks and glistening cream coat, and her red eyes still sparkled with ambition like they always did. I even think she had a bit of a crush on me.
Outside we were all lining up for the lesson to begin, first seeing how we do on our own in pairs and then trying to improve our flying skills where necessary. Keystone and Twister were the first pair, then me and Strawberry Lace, and being the solo type of griffin instead of working in a three, Gilda was at the back.
The first obstacle was clouds, all of different kinds, but mostly rainy or thundery. Next was the storm tunnel of clouds, filled with heavy rain and the occasional lightning bolt. The last was a test of our sense of direction in heavy snow.The teacher blew the whistle, indicating we could start. The flight suit felt tight around my skin, but that compared nothing to how tight I'd have to angle myself around obstacles. When we set off, not far behind Keystone and Twister, Strawberry kept close to me, but still giving enough space to make it through safely.
We passed through the clouds with ease, and when it came to the storm tunnel of clouds, I was about halfway through when I noticed Strawberry wasn't behind me. With all the rain pouring in my face and covering my goggles, I could barely see her or hear her. The sound of heavy rain and a lightning bolt every few seconds drowned out her voice, assuming she was there. Another thunderbolt struck, and then I heard it. A scream, Strawberry's scream.
I went towards the entrance of the tunnel, and all I saw was Gilda, flying through at fast speed, me noticing that from behind her, I could see Strawberry, falling towards the ground. I gasped as I flew after her, pumping my wings as hard as I could to catch her before she hit the ground. Being high up, I had the advantage of more time. I was gaining speed now, nearing her with every second, and then the ground came into view, causing me to pump my wings harder and faster, making them burn with exhaustion, but I carried on, knowing that if I stopped now, I would lose her.
I could see a tear in her eye as she was about to hit the ground, myself starting to tear up, knowing what was about to happen. And then the world seemed to stop. Strawberry had plummeted to her death, the long fall killing her the second she hit the ground. I almost wanted to forget I heard that sickening series of crunches that was probably the sound of every bone snapping.
I threw my goggles off as I landed, crying openly at what I had just witnessed. Not just an accident, but one that cost me a friend. Because I wasn't fast enough. I had failed her. I held her body, ignoring the blood that coated my hooves from a gash in her side. I cuddled her, not wanting to let go, and I could feel the broken bones within her body. Her eyes were covered with tears and her goggles were smashed.
I could only say one thing at that point in time, even though it wouldn't do any good.
''I'm sorry, Strawberry. I'm so, so sorry...''
*** *** ***
My friends were all crying now, as were I. Twilight hugged me, knowing how I must of felt inside, imagining what it must of been like for me to go through every night since then.
''Oh, Rainbow. I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...'' Twilight said through sniffles, clinging onto me, as was Fluttershy, ''I couldn't begin to imagine what you were going through.''
''I kept her goggles ever since. It just seemed kinda wrong to get rid of them.'' I told her, ''I kept them locked away at my house, along with some other things of mine.''
''Rainbow, I'm sorry any of this happened to you and her, but we'll always be here for you.'' Applejack reassured me, smiling , soon joining the hug along with the rest of my friends. Just having friends who cared dearly about me made me feel warming inside after what seemed like a millennium of heartache. I knew the heartache and scars would probably stay, but having friends like the ones I did, everything would be alright.
