The rain slowly crept down the bedroom window, creating mystical patterns as it maneuvered through other droplets.
A dollop of fog appeared on the glass as a heavy sigh was relieved from her mouth.
A tear fell from the corner of her right eye before she could frantically wipe it away.
A soft thumping came from behind her. Her head lifted at the sound and she turned, only to face her precious Angel. He was obviously hungry for his bowl was lying in front of him.
“I’m sorry Angel bunny. I know I haven’t been feeding you, it’s just… I’ve been feeling down lately. I’m sorry.” Angel just looked her in the eye and impatiently tapped his foot upon the ground.
Without glancing at him, she turned back to face the window. Her eyes fell upon her own reflection and she winced before whispering, “What ever happened to you Fluttershy?”
~~~
Two years earlier…
Fluttershy was lost in her own thoughts as usual.
“Hey Fluttershy!” She jumped at the sound of such an excited voice. Of course it was Pinkie who had called out to her. She was the only pony in Equestria who could stand being cheery every single day, no matter how gloomy the day was.
“Oh, um hi Pinkie. H-how are you doing today?” She managed to put a weak smile on her face before her life-long friend ran up to her.
“Oh I feel wonderful today! How about you? Don’t you love the weather today? I sure do!”
“Well, um… it sure is sunny… and I’m doing fine, thank you.” But she knew she wasn’t doing okay. She knew that deep down, she wanted to cry on her friend’s shoulder and let out all of her sadness that she had kept inside for so long.
Looking down, she caught sight of the scar on her wrist and frantically covered it. She couldn’t let anyone know about her life behind closed doors, not even her closest friend.
“Anyways, I’m throwing a party this afternoon and I wanted to know if you’d want to go.” Pinkie looked on with eager eyes, awaiting Fluttershy’s response.
Finally, after minutes of thinking, Fluttershy nodded.
“I’d love to go Pinkie. As you know, I wouldn’t miss any of your parties for the world.”
Pinkie’s face lit up before pulling Fluttershy into her arms for an embrace.
She didn’t dare break away from Pinkie’s embrace. In fact, she liked the warmth that emitted from her friend’s body. It was comforting to her to know that she had somebody who loved her as much as Pinkie.
There was a knocking on the door that brought Fluttershy out of her trance.
How long had she been recollecting memories from two years before? She wasn’t too sure, but by the looks of it, she was out long enough for Angel to pass out on the floor.
“Who could be at the door at a time like this,” she asked herself. It wasn’t long before she was answered by a rather happy voice.
“I’ve brought you a letter!” It was the local mail carrier, Ditzy Doo. She always showed up on Fluttershy’s doorstep at the exact time every day with the exact same amount of mail. And every day after the letter was delivered, she’d walk off behind some bushes, only to come back the next day.
It amazed Fluttershy at how punctual a person like Ditzy could be. Despite her poor eye sight, she always managed to arrive at the same time and same place.
Taking the letter, Fluttershy reached down to a basket next to the door and pulled a muffin out. She handed it over to Ditzy, who smiled happily.
“Thank you Fluttershy! I’ll be back tomorrow with another letter, so be ready.” She walked off, waving back to Fluttershy before disappearing behind the same bushes.
Fluttershy just stood at the door, watching as the messenger walked off. Without realizing it, she began to cry silently. She walked away from the door, letting it close softly behind her. With her head in her hands, she sat down in front of the window.
This was how she had spent her days, always sitting before the same window, never going anywhere else in the house. Every day, she’d find herself alone, despite Angel’s company. And every day, there was a new cut on either her arm or wrist. Every day, the blade on the dresser beside her was covered in more blood.
She looked down at the parchment lying in her lap. With shaky hands, she opened it, expecting the same thing that she would receive daily. Usually, it was a paper telling her to pay her bills or something of the sorts.
But this time, it was different. It was a hand-written letter from somebody from her past. A person she thought she would never hear from again. Ever since that horrible accident, they had never spoken, but now this person was reaching out to her for the first time in forever. A tear fell from her eye as she began to read the letter silently.
~~~
Dear Fluttershy,
If you are reading this, then Ditzy has finally delivered this letter to you. I told her not to give you this one until the time was right. Somehow, she knew that the time was now.
I’m sorry that I haven’t spoken to you since the incident that happened so long ago. And I’m sorry that this is the way that I am approaching you instead of in person. But, please understand that the reason why I am contacting you through letter is because… I’m dying.
I know what you’re probably thinking and I can explain. I know you remember the incident very well, so I won’t go through all the details, only the gist of what happened.
You had warned me about that party. You said that it wasn’t like any other party we’d been to, and that it was no longer “The Pinkie Zone”. I didn’t believe you, and decided to go anyways. You still went despite everything you had told me, but only because you were keeping me safe. I neglected the fact that you were there for my safety and ended up wandering off, only to find myself drunk and passed out on the lawn. You loomed over me and gave me the scolding I didn’t need, but the scolding I deserved.
Well, after that party, a few nights later, I found myself in a bar, pounding booze and taking shots. I went home with Applejack’s brother, Big Macintosh, and we did some crazy things. He introduced me to something called ‘cocaine’. I took one whiff and was immediately addicted. I continued doing it for a few more weeks before he came back from one of his “runs” with a new kind of drug.
He told me that one was called ‘heroin’ and that it was worse than what I had been doing. I took a liking to it once again and stuck to that for weeks before our supply ran out.
Withdraw was horrible ‘Shy. I began to hallucinate and itch uncontrollably. My mouth began to foam like I had rabies or something and I’d lash out at anybody who spoke to me. I’d come out of a trance only to find a knife in my hand and Big Mac’s face in the other. I came close to killing him so many times ‘Shy. It scared me to be honest.
One day, there came a knock on the door. I was in the shower at the time, so Mac answered the door. I couldn’t hear anything he said, but I did hear gunshots come from downstairs. I shut off the water and listened carefully. I heard muffled voices, boots stomping along the stairs, and the occasional click of a walkie-talkie. There came a pounding on the bathroom door and a harsh voice telling me to open up or else they’d knock it down.
Not knowing what to do, I wrapped a towel around myself and opened the door. There stood an entire S.W.A.T team, each with a gun trained on my head.
I was taken into custody for doing “illegal drugs” and living with a HUGE drug dealer.
We walked by Mac’s then lifeless body. It was missing a head and his brains were splattered against the back wall. I ended up vomiting on the spot.
They pulled me out of the house immediately, tossed me some clothes and told me to change in the back of the S.W.A.T van. I did as I was told and slipped on an orange jumpsuit which I figured Rarity would call “a disgrace to the world of fashion itself”.
It was quite comfortable to be honest. It wasn’t too restricting or too loose, which was fine by me.
Anyway, after a year in the Slammer, I was let go, but not before getting a “check-up” by Doctor Sparkle. Yep, turns out Twilight became a doctor after leaving town. Probably not what Celestia had in mind for her, but it’s what she chose.
It turned out that after the exposure to the drugs, my internal systems had been screwed up. She also said that the night I went home with Big Mac, I got something called AIDs or H.I.V for easier reference. It’s supposedly something extremely dangerous and has the potential to kill somebody if not taken care of immediately.
I was informed that it was too late for me to get the “cure” and that it was advised I go to a hospital immediately.
Since then, I’ve been here at the hospital in Canterlot. Just a few days ago, I was told I only had days before I died, so I wrote this letter. Apparently, Ditzy knew my time was coming and got to you as soon as possible.
I know it’s been forever ‘Shy, but please come and visit before I… you know. It’d make my passing that much easier to know that one of my dearest, kindest friends has seen me. Please ‘Shy. Help my passing be easier. Come and see me before I go, please.
I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. Forgive me.
Love,
Rainbow Dash
~~~
Dash was dying?
Fluttershy couldn’t believe what she had just read and had to go over it a second time in order to be clear on what it said.
Sure enough, as the letter said, Rainbow Dash was indeed dying. And all because of one stupid party they had gone to. It was her fault, really. She had given Dash the invitation to the party, warned her, and in the end went with her only to forget about her and let her wander off.
Sure, she found her on the lawn unconscious, but that was just by sheer luck.
“I should have never given Dash the invitation. Then, she wouldn’t be dying. Though, who knows, she may have ended up that way in the end.” By now, she was sobbing uncontrollably.
“Why does everything have to happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?” The paper was now muddled by the tears she had shed.
She looked back at the stairwell leading to her bedroom that she had abandoned so long ago. Her eyes fell upon the figure lying at the foot of the stairs.
It was a wretched thing. She knew it wasn’t actually there, but part of her believed it was. Day after day, night after night, it lay there, mocking her.
Sighing heavily, she stood to her feet and began to walk towards the stairs. Ignoring the anomaly that lay there, she started a climb that seemed it went for miles.
As she walked, her eyes fell upon many pictures of her and her friends. With each picture came another stab of pain that brought her on the verge of tears.
She had driven them away. It wasn’t long before one day they found her lying on her side with a blade in one hand and a fresh cut on the other wrist. It saddened them to know that she was doing this to herself. It saddened them so much that they just left her. And not a single one looked back to help her.
It wasn’t her fault that she was this way. She was the quiet one, and her friends knew that the quiet ones always had a secret that they held dear to themselves.
“If they were my true friends, they would have never left me. No. One of them would have stayed behind to help me. I mean, they all helped Twilight when she was stuck travelling between parallel universes. They helped Pinkie when she became overly depressed. They helped Rarity when she needed it most. They helped Rainbow when she was freaking out about the Wonderbolts History Test. And I was there for them all the way.
“And they just left me here to die. They left me because I’m some kind of freak; left me because what I was doing wasn’t normal.”
Despite the pain she felt within, she continued up the stairs. In mere moments, she had reached the hallway, which was decorated with more pictures of her times with her friends.
She could no longer stand it. She had to let the emotions go and the memories come in. And that was exactly what she did.
~~~
Two years earlier…
That night, as she walked up to Pinkie’s front door, she was filled with pure joy.
Sure, she went to Pinkie’s parties every single time, but she knew this one was going to be different. Something inside of her just knew that this party would change everything for her.
She reached out her hand and lightly knocked on the door.
“They probably won’t hear that. Maybe I should knock a little harder.” As she reached her hand out, the door swung open and she was met by an explosion of colorful confetti and the wondrous sound of party blowers. There stood the magnificent party planner herself, Pinkie Pie.
“Glad you could make it Fluttershy! Oh dear, it must be cold out there huh? Come on in, I’ll get you some hot chocolate.”
“Oh no, I’m fine on the drinks, thank you. It is a little chilly though, but that won’t matter now would it?”
“I suppose you’re right Fluttershy. Anyway, make yourself at home! If you’d like, the fireplace is a nice place to sit and warm up.” With a cheerful smile, she walked off, whistling a little tune.
Taking in the luxurious scents that occupied Sugarcube Corners, Fluttershy took a seat by the fireplace.
The warmth that emitted from it was almost as comforting as the warmth that emitted from Pinkie… almost.
She finally began to doze off when another knock came from the door.
“Don’t worry Fluttershy, I’ll get it!” Pinkie slid over towards the door, her mane a complete mess. She swung it open, and immediately, the guest was showered in confetti and streamers.
“Oh I’m so sorry Rarity! I know you hate to have confetti and streamers in your hair!”
“It’s fine dear. Just next time, do look out your window before opening the door on me please.”
“Okey dokey lokey!”
“Now, where is everyone else?”
“Fluttershy is by the fireplace, I think she’s asleep. Um… everybody else should be arriving soon. Anyways, feel free to make yourself at home!” With that, she ran off into the kitchen to do who knew what. All that could be heard was the clinking of pots and pans.
Rarity walked over to where Fluttershy was sitting.
“Good evening, Fluttershy. How are you feeling?”
The tired girl lifted her head to meet Rarity’s eyes before answering.
“I’m fine, how are you?”
“I’m feeling great today… despite the fact that I have strands of streamers in my hair now.” She couldn’t help but laugh at that statement. Fluttershy lightly giggled under her breath. The sight of Rarity with streamers in her hair was all too much for her to handle.
Soon, they were both laughing uncontrollably. Pinkie poked her head out from the kitchen and asked in a sarcastic tone, “Is there something fun that I’m missing out on over here?”
The two girls by the fireplace looked Pinkie in the eye and silently chuckled. Their friend’s hair was a total mess, and looked nothing like the Pinkie they knew.
“Oh okay, I see what you guys are doing. You’re trying to keep quiet about your fun over there huh? Or is it the mess that my hair is?”
“It’s your hair. It’s all over the place and doesn’t look normal.”
The party queen looked in a mirror next to her and busted out laughing.
“It does, doesn’t it? Well, I guess that’s what happens when you’re finishing up on this cake back here huh? All it needs now is a cherry on top… but I can’t get this jar open.” She pulled a jar out from behind her back and shook it furiously.
Fluttershy started to laugh again and quietly said, “Do you suppose we should go to Celestia again?”
Pinkie’s eyes widened in slight horror before she shook her head and responded.
“No! She said never to bother her with matters like this again! Don’t you remember the last time? She shattered the jar out of anger. I do not want to witness that again.”
“True. Who do you think could’ve placed another jar in the fridge?”
“I have no clue Fluttershy. But whoever did it knows that I use cherries frequently and planned this prank.”
They all sat there for a minute before another knock protruded from outside.
Pinkie jumped in excitement and attempted to fix her hair before sliding to the door once again and throwing it open.
Her smile faded and she turned back to Rarity and Fluttershy.
“There’s no one there.”
As if in response, a small grunt was heard on the other side of the door. Pinkie craned her neck to look around towards the other side.
“It’s Twilight guys! And it looks like she’s mad…”
After a few minutes of scolding Pinkie, Twilight came through the door with an icepack on her head.
“Ugh… why must I always be hit with doors?”
“I’m sorry Twilight. It was an accident, truly.”
“I know Pinkie. You’ve told me that several times already. You really need to fix the door so that it sways inward instead of outward. Seriously, you have to get that fixed.”
“Funny, I thought it swung inward too.” Pinkie walked towards the door and pulled it towards her. Sure enough, it swung inward. Before she could close it again, Applejack came running through the door and was followed shortly by Rainbow Dash.
“Sorry we’re late guys. We forgot what time the party was and after a long day of… working, we were exhausted.”
Twilight rolled her eyes slightly and huffed.
“Working, right… now I’ve heard everything.” Applejack blushed slightly and hid her face in her hands.
Everybody knew what was going on between Applejack and Rainbow Dash. They had announced it to them at the last party Pinkie threw. For a few months now, they had been dating.
It was unexpected, seen as to how different they were from each other, but everybody accepted it. In fact, they were all quite happy for them.
~~~
“Yeah, but we didn’t know how quickly it would end. Not long after that party, they decided to split saying that ‘It’s best if we just stay friends’.” Fluttershy had stopped at a picture from that party and took to remembering how much fun they had that night.
She had come to a decision not long after looking at that picture. She decided that she would go and see Rainbow Dash one last time before she was gone forever.
~~~
Two hours later…
Nobody really took the train anymore. They usually took a stroll down the street or so.
In fact, people rarely left town. And to see a single person waiting at the station with a suitcase in hand was a rare sight.
She had been asked by others about where she was going.
“Nowhere really,” she would respond, “just going to see an old friend.”
Even the conductor was surprised to see somebody standing at the platform when he pulled up. With the weather and the way things in Equestria had turned to hell in the past few years, he expected to not see anybody.
“Where to ma’am,” he asked her.
“Canterlot please. And make it quick.”
“Why are you in such a hurry?”
“Does it matter? Just get me there as fast as you can.”
“Alright then. The ride may be a little bumpy just so you know.”
But she was already heading to the back car. She had to move someplace further from him. She had to get further from people. She just didn’t like them as much as she had two years prior to that day. She didn’t like how they could change in an instant. She found it odd and untrustworthy.
As she moved through the many cars of the train, she tripped over a piece of loose carpeting and fell on her face.
“Oh my goodness. Are you okay?” She lifted her head slightly at the sound of the voice. It sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t make out who it reminded her of.
She pulled herself to her feet and brushed off the pleated skirt she was wearing.
“I’m fine, thank you.” She looked up to meet the gaze of one of her oldest, closest friends, Pinkie Pie.
“Fluttershy? Is that you?”
“Yes it is.”
“I haven’t seen you in ages! What happened to you?”
“You left me along with the others, that’s what happened.”
Pinkie looked in awe at her friend’s change in attitude.
“I didn’t leave you. I just couldn’t see you like that. And you never answered any of my letters.”
“I never got letters from you, Pinkie. Not a single letter came my way. The only one I got was from--”
“Rainbow Dash, I know. I got the same one. So did Twilight and the others. We all heard the news. It must’ve been hard for you to comprehend at first. I know it was for me.”
This was the first time that Fluttershy took into consideration the way Pinkie’s hair was styled. It wasn’t all bouncy and bright like she always knew it. No, instead it was darker and lay flat upon her head, covering up her right eye.
“Pinkie, what happened to you? Your hair isn’t at all how I remember it.”
Pinkie looked up and Fluttershy noticed the heavy bags under her eyes.
“After everybody left Ponyville, I left too. I went to Manehattan, hoping that my parties would be appreciated and my baking loved. But it turned out that nobody cared for that anymore. And so I became like every other person over there. I got a real job, became depressed and lonely, and finally accepted reality. Then I got the letter from Rainbow Dash, which only lessened my mood.”
“I… I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine Fluttershy. It truly is. I just missed everyone. And now I get the news about Rainbow Dash…”
“She was the only one who stayed in Ponyville… not to help me, but because she had nowhere else to go.”
“And then the party?”
“Yes, then the party happened. And I never saw her after that. And to think, the last time I’m ever going to see her is a few days before she dies.”
“I know how you feel Fluttershy. None of us saw her after we all went our separate ways. Well except for Twilight that is. But she won’t be able to see Dash go because she has stuff to do elsewhere.”
“She does?”
“Yes, she does. And to think, her Element of Harmony was Magic. She was the one who showed us the true meaning of friendship, and now look at her. She’s throwing it away just so she can afford to pay the rent… how pitiful.”
Fluttershy looked into Pinkie’s eyes and opened her mouth as if to say something, but no words came out.
Finally, it was Pinkie who took the opportunity. She walked forward and took Fluttershy into her arms for one of the longest hugs she had ever given somebody.
“Let it out,” she whispered into Fluttershy’s ear. “Let it all out. Let go of all the anger you’ve had inside, all the pain, all the sadness… let it go.”
As if on cue, Fluttershy buried her head into Pinkie’s shoulder and cried her eyes out. It felt good to let go of everything she had ever felt bad about, but it wasn’t enough for her.
After a few minutes, she pulled away slightly and looked her long-lost friend in the eye. She gave her a weak smile and lightly kissed her forehead before crying silently into her shoulder once again.
The rain was lighter than it had been when she left, though it was still heavy. She got off the train slowly and took a step forward. They had finally made it to Canterlot after what felt like a millennium.
She turned to look at Pinkie who was making her way off the train. Once off, they stood side by side, looking at what was once a glorious, colorful city. Over the years, things had dimmed to a duller, greyer version of what they once were. And as if the greyness wasn’t unsettling enough, the rain made things look a lot worse than they were.
After asking around, they were pointed in the right direction to the hospital. They got there just as it was about to close for the night.
After a bit of pleading, they were allowed entry into Dash’s room.
~~~
They walked in slowly and as quietly as possible.
The room was completely dark, and the only light shining through was that of the moon. The walked over the Dash’s bed which lay empty.
“Where is Dashie,” Pinkie asked the nurse outside the door.
“She… she passed a few hours ago. I… I’m sorry.”
The tears began to swell in Pinkie’s eyes who immediately turned to Fluttershy and started crying silently on her shoulder.
“We were too late Fluttershy.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry about this, but look on the bright side. At least she isn’t suffering anymore right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“How about we go to a hotel and pay our respects for Dash there?”
Pinkie just nodded slowly, which was a good enough answer for Fluttershy.
~~~
Once they got settled into the hotel for the night, they paid their respects for Dash in silence.
It was a mournful process, but Fluttershy thought it was the right thing to do, especially since they didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.
“I’m going to go and get something from the vending machines down the hall,” Pinkie whispered to her only friend at the moment.
“Okay, but do hurry back please.” Fluttershy was just beginning to get ready for bed as she said this.
She had already tossed her shirt aside and was slipping out of her skirt when she heard the door close. She picked up her sweatpants and a tank top and threw those on.
She lay in bed for an hour before she began to worry.
~~~
Quickly, she ran to the elevators and hit the only button she knew would be the one Pinkie hit. She was going to the roof if it was the last thing she did.
As the elevator door opened, she ran up a single flight of stairs before throwing open the door leading to the roof. She looked about frantically before catching sight of Pinkie’s hair blowing against the wind.
The rain was slapping her face as she made her way to her friend.
“Pinkie, what are you doing?”
“The right thing, Fluttershy! I’m going to do the right thing!”
“But suicide isn’t the way out of this!”
“How do you know? You’re the one who was holding the blade with a fresh cut on their wrist, not me. I know what you were thinking that day. You thought that it’d be easy and that none of us would notice you being gone. But the truth is, we would’ve noticed right away that you were gone! But now, since we are no longer ‘friends’ what does it matter?”
Fluttershy stood there speechless. She wasn’t too sure what to say at all.
“Just as I thought… you have yet to make me doubt my choices, so why think you can now?” With that, Pinkie let go of the railing and fell off the edge of the building.
Fluttershy hurried over just in time to see her friend’s body hit the ground head first. A pool of crimson erupted from her head as it connected with the concrete.
“No…”
~~~
The rain slowly crept down the hotel window, creating mystical patterns as it maneuvered through other droplets.
A dollop of fog appeared on the glass as she released her final breathe before collapsing to the ground, a stream of red dripping down her neck.
It took her long enough, but she had finally found that major artery that would end her existence.
She had already lost so much, so why not finish it?
Her lifeless body lay sprawled on the floor for the rest of the night before a custodian walked in to clean up in the morning, only to be met by lifeless eyes.
~~~
She arose from her bed, the pillow matted in sweat. She was burning up from the dream. It had felt so surreal, but she knew it was all a nightmare.
She went to her closet, grabbed a plain white tank top and a green pleated skirt. She put on the outfit, grabbed something to eat, and walked out the door.
A moment later, she returned only to feed Angel who had waited so patiently all night for some food. Once he was fed, she walked out the door once again and into the bright, happy world.
Today was but another day for Fluttershy. She was going to see her friends, learn something new, and probably go to another one of Pinkie’s parties.
And the next day, she’d do it all over again.
