Saints Row: Equestria

by CrystalSeeker

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 4508

The Emperor of the Saints Empire, also known as the President of the United States, is by far the 2nd most insane, murdering psychopath in human history. What would happen if this insane man and his massive empire comes across Equis?

The Emperor of Saints Empire, also known as the President of the United States, Mr. President, and most commonly known as simply, the Boss. He is, by all rights, the second most insane, murderous, nut cracking psycopath in all of human history, right under Johnny Gat of course. He has killed gang leaders, police officers, military veterans, terrorists, and most recently, aliens known as Zin. Hell, it's like nothing scares him... aside from becoming a more sophisticated human being.

He has a strong crew, including Keith David: that famous movie actor, Kinzie Kensington: the best hacker in the FBI, Pierce Washington: the second face to the Third Street Saints, Shaundi: The main face of the Third Street Saints and the most loyal to Johnny Gat, Matt Miller: The best hacker that wasn't part of the FBI, and the one Kinzie could never catch, Benjamin King: The best Empire Builder who is also the one who makes books, Asha Odekar: A MI6 Agent who is also one of the best soldiers they have, CID: A AI who is also one of the best minds of the group, and finally Johnny Gat: The number one murderer in the Third Street Saints, no, all of human history.

These 10 psycopaths have turned the Zin Empire into the new Saints Empire, and have been through much. They even went back in time to get Earth back, and brought forth a lot of important people from Earth's past. Now they travel across the galaxy, colonizing new planets, and forcing other species under their rule.

Now they've come across a new planet, one inhabited by colorful ponies.

Our story begins here.

Published 2014-11-11 05:10:08 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-28 16:16:16 UTC

Chapter 1: Arrival

Author's Note

So, here's Chapter 1 of my new story, and I hope you all enjoyed. If not, please tell me how you disliked it and how I could do better in the comments. Any form of constructive criticism is welcome, and I am willing to accept OCs, and the such. Also, the Emperor's voice is Nolan North's voice.

Note: If everyone would prefer it, I could have this story go how everyone wants it to go. So say everyone wants the Emperor to be kind to someone, it'll happen. If anyone wants there to be a romantic interest, it'll happen. But everyone needs to want it to happen, not just one person.

Chapter 1: Arrival

The Emperor of the Saints Empire sighed slightly as he sat in his throne, and tapped his fingers on the arm while he watched one of the Zin try to entertain him through the visor of his Power Armor. He was bored, very bored in fact, and wanted to get some action or possibly fight in a war. Hell, he'd go for a run in the simulation over just sitting there, but he had to keep an eye out for anything new or odd. Sure, he could kill the entertainer and just jump into the simulation, but what's the point of that? He could get a lot more out of waiting then just going on a killing spree, even though he'd prefer the killing spree.

Just then, Zinjai spoke as he came up next to him. "My Lord, we have discovered a new star system that is very intriguing." The Emperor motioned him to continue with his right hand. "It seems that this system has the Sun orbiting around the planet with most vegitation, and seems to hold a stronger energy signature than other suns." The Emperor leaned back in his throne. "The planet also appears to be inhabited by Equine-Like creatures... or as your kind called them back then, ponies."

The Emperor chuckled before coughing slightly, and banged on his chest, then looked at Zinjai. "Seriously? THAT'S what inhabites the planet?"

Zinjai nodded as he motioned to a holographic screen that came up, revealing there to be, as he said, ponies. But not just regular ponies, there were also Unicorns, Pegasi, Griffons, Dragons, and a lot of others. And what made things weirder was that they lived in houses and castles.

The Emperor hummed slightly as he tapped his chin, along with tapping his foot, until he finally looked at Zinjai. "Are they intelligent?"

Zinjai glided his hand slightly. "In a manner of speaking, yes. They hold the same language as the Humans, though their literature is far different, same with some of their words. You know how we use Someone and Everyone?" The Emperor nodded. "They use Somepony and Everypony." The Emperor finally couldn't hold it in as he burst out laughing, clutching his sides as he did so. This made Zinjai simply bow his head and step back, letting the Emperor bang his fist on the arm through his fits of laughter.

Finally he took a calming breath, and sat back, speaking through a chuckle. "Oh man, that's good. I mean, I can tell it's true, which makes it even funnier." He cleared his throat and looked at Zinjai. "I think we should go say hi, and see where it goes from there." He then smiled and clapped his hands. "Maybe we'll get into a big war or finally get some action!"

Zinjai bowed his head. "Of course."

...

Princess Celestia sat in her throne room, listening to the day court, and was having a wonderful day as she sat there, feeling that nothing could ruin this day. She had a small plan for a girls night out with Luna, and was hoping she'd love the restaurant she picked out.

Just then she felt something, something that she wasn't expecting. Given she was... in a way, part of the sun, she could feel anything that came near it. And what she felt was... huge, no, massive, something that held a lot of power, as well as holding... something dark, evil, and possibly even insane. She wasn't sure what she was feeling, but she felt two of them, and they were both in the center of the biggest form she felt. This was something she never thought she'd feel, something that could destroy Equestria if they felt like it. And this made her feel fear.

She then spoke before one of her subjects could continue. "Day Court is dismissed until further notice."

Her subjects bowed to her in response as they began to disperse, and Celestia got to her hooves, then trotted out of the throne room, heading for her quarters. As she continued to walk for it, she noticed Luna come up to her side and speak. "We take it you felt it too, sister?"

Celestia nodded as they began trotting up the stairs to her tower. "Yes, Lulu, and I fear for what it could bring us."

Luna nodded as they soon came up to the level they needed to be at, and headed for the doors to Celestia's room. "Do you have any idea what it might be?"

Celestia shook her head as they entered her room, and trotted over to the telescope that Celestia uses. "I am afraid not, which gives me even more worry. What could this be?"

Luna pointed the device upwards as she looked at Celestia. "We can only wait and see, and pray they show friendly intentions."

Celestia nodded as Luna looked through the scope. "Very true, sister." Luna then gasped as she stepped away from the scope. "What is it, Lulu?"

Luna looked at her. "S-See for yourself, Tia."

Celestia nodded, and looked through the scope, searching for what Luna saw, then gasped upon what she could see.

As the smaller structure flew past her view, she took a closer look at the massive structure, as well as the other structures that followed in it's path, and she could not believe her eyes. They were amazing, truly a sight to behold, and she couldn't help but feel a small amount of beauty from the structures... as well as fear for what they could do to her home. She wanted to know if they were friendly, or if they were going to be her home's enemies. But most of all, what those dark creatures are that she keeps feeling.

She then noticed the biggest ship getting bigger, which made her go wide eyed as she could tell it was coming for her home. She needed to prepare her forces, as well as diplomatic teams to try and keep the peace, and hopefully keep away from a new war.

...

The Emperor of the Saints Empire had his arms crossed as he stared at the holographic screen, reading the reports of the planet as well as the system, all the while holding a goblet of alcohol in his left hand, gently tilting it back and forth. He seemed to be quite intrigued by this planet and it's inhabitants, and was also quite intrigued with what they could do. Sure, he had some of the powers they have, but they got a whole lot more than him, so he could be taken out by them if he didn't go lightly. He also needed to figure out what he should do with them, along with how he should introduce himself to the new world. He could go on a killing spree, which helps with his anger issues, or he could go through the whole peaceful thing that most emperors do first. He'll have to choose once he gets there most likely.

So, with a shrug, he leaned back in his seat, and motioned Zinjai over. "Yes, your lordship?"

"Tell our forces to give a big show by landing outside of one of their major cities. I wanna make an entrance."

"Of course, your lordship."

Zinjai then left his side, leaving him to think a bit. He had a feeling in his gut that he'd find someone very powerful down there, and he'd have issues with them given they'd both most likely be leaders. He could just tell he'd run into one of those strong, powerful types, and he ignored it last time when he was attacked by Zinyak. He doesn't plan on ignoring it again.

Chapter 2: Welcome to Equestria

The Emperor of the Saint Empire sighed slightly as he stepped onto the crib ship that he hasn't used ever since he defeated Zinyak, and smiled behind his visor when he saw Kinzie, Shaundi, Johnny Gat, and Pierce along with a good amount of Zin and Human crewmen, as well as a few soldiers in the midst. He stepped over to his four well trusted friends, and nodded to each one of them before he laid eyes on Kinzie. "So, everything ready for our little enterance?"

Kinzie nodded as she folded her arms, seeming to not be happy with being here. "Yeah, everything is in place, though I'd rather just go in, get the whole grab and research thing done quickly, and get back just as fast."

The Emperor folded his arms in response, a smirk behind his visor. "Still enhancing our weapons and armor?"

She shook her head and looked to the side. "No, I'm working on enhancing our food and water so we'd be able to feed more people. That way we could have more in your Empire."

The Emperor grunted in response, and began walking for the cockpit of the ship, intending the deal with the subject later. "Alright, let's just get the trip over with, and take a look around the planet."

Kinzie sighed in response. "Yes, Boss."

...A Few Hours Later...

The Emperor smiled as he landed the ship, and headed for the airlock as he noticed two Human and two Zin guards coming over to be his said guards. Once they stood in front of the airlock, the Emperor clapped his hands together. "Now, let's see what this world has in store for us, shall we?"

With that said, he activated the holographic switch, and watched as the doors opened up, revealing a massive palace in front of the ship, with a large front yard, and quite a few guard ponies aiming spears at them. This made the emperor chuckle slightly as he hopped down to the ground, his four guards doing the same, and the Emperor clapped his hands as he walked forward. This caused the guards to get in his way, and aim their spears at his face, which made him step back, raising his hands in reaction, and a small smirk on his face. "Looks like they don't take kindly to guests."

His guards aimed their laser rifles at them, which made the guards step back slightly to form a formation, while the Emperor saw a tall and regal pony with a horn and wings, pure white, a flowing rainbow mane, and a tattoo of a sun on her ass. This simply made the Emperor chuckle, and fold his arms as she was soon in front of him. She then spoke. "Greetings, alien. My name is Princess Celestia, and you are?"

The Emperor let his arms fall to his side, and he shrugged. "I'm the Emperor of the Saints Empire, though most people just call me Boss."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "What about your name?"

"That's not really important, just go with Boss or Emperor, hell, even Mr. President would do."

Celestia narrowed her eyes at him. "I would prefer to be given your name."

"And I said it's not important, you can figure it out when I feel like sharing it."

This made Celestia slightly annoyed. "I am afraid you cannot just show up, and not even give us something to call you by."

"I already did, Boss, Emperor, or Mr. President."

"But those are titles."

"Again, I don't plan on sharing my name. Drop it, or I'll have my guards start shooting."

Celestia went wide eyed at that, and stayed silent for a few minutes. Finally she just sighed, and nodded. "Very well, Mr. President." He smiled behind his visor. "Allow me to welcome you to Equestria, home of the ponies." A Zin soldier snorted in response, gaining a glare from a pony guard. "I wish to know a few things, and in exchange I am willing to tell you what you wish about the ponies."

The Emperor clapped his hands together, and smiled widely behind his visor as he glanced at his guards. "Come on, guys. We got some things to talk about."

They nodded in response, and Celestia did the same, trotting towards the front gates of the Palace while the Emperor and his guards followed close behind. As they walked, Celestia spoke. "I am curious about something, do you plan to be peaceful, or hostile?"

The Emperor smirked again. "Keep from pissing me off, or getting in my way, and the worst thing you'd need to worry about is me pimp slapping a guy for touching my armor or guns."

Celestia gulped slightly, and nodded as they soon entered the Palace, and were walking down a hallway. This made the Emperor whistle as he began turning around while walking. "Damn... now this place is impressive." He then grew a thoughtful look. "Wonder how this place would look with Fluer De Lis Banners... Maybe a bit of purple here and there..."

Celestia casted him a worried glance, but continued walking as she tried to ignore his... view of things. She can feel the corruption within him, the darkness he'd be willing to spread just to get his way, the evilness of murder and slaughter. She will have to continue this very lightly, or else she may start a war if she doesn't treat him right.

They soon entered the throne room, and the Emperor gave out another whistle. "Well kill me and burn my corpse to the ground, this place is fancy!"

Celestia gasped upon hearing that. "W-Would you truly do something so cruel to yourself?!"

He rolled his eyes at her from under his visor. "Fuck no, but I like trying to come up with new sayings. Get bored of the same one after a while."

Now Celestia was slightly annoyed by him, but didn't show it as she trotted over to the throne, sat down, and looked at him. "Now, we agreed to answer each other's questions, correct?" The Emperor nodded. "Then I will go first. What is your species called?"

The Emperor clapped his hands together, walking forward in a casual way. "Well, there's more then one race for sure. But the ones I haven't seen are in the simulation back on the ship." Celestia raised an eyebrow. "So, there are the Humans, who were abducted by those guys, the Zin. Their leader was called Zinyak, and let me tell you, he was a know-it-all freak who thought he could enslave Mankind, with all his soldiers going along willingly." Celestia was wide eyed. "He misjudged me and my friends, and we got out of said simulation, until Zinyak blew up our home planet, Earth." Celestia gasped in horror. "Well, they say don't piss off the lion, and they really pissed off the Third Street Saints. So, I hacked his entire simulation... with a little help from my friends, and I attacked his ship, got this sweet ass armor, badassed my way through his defence lines, and ripped his fucking head off." Celestia gasped again and began gagging. "Then I took over his empire and used their time machine to take Earth back, as well as grow my empire ten fold, colonizing planets, and taking planets from other races who didn't accept our offer of joining forces." He then dusted off his shoulder. "So yeah, that's pretty much the whole thing that got me to where I am today ."

Celestia just stared at him in horror, and then spoke through her slightly cracking voice. "W-W-What do you intend t-t-to do to us?"

The Emperor thought for a moment. "Well, I could do a ton of things really, enslave you all, make you all go extinct, put you all in the simulation and take your homeworld for ourselves... hell, we could just offer an alliance and make your race part of our Empire." He folded his arms and gave a thoughtful expression. "So many choices, so little time."

As he began to walk back and forth in thought, Celestia gulped in fear, and tried to think quickly, then thought of something. "Might you choose to make an alliance with our kind? And we work together instead of you killing or enslaving us all? It would be more profitable, and you'd get a lot more out of it."

The Emperor stopped in his tracks, and glanced at her. "What kind of Profit?"

Celestia began to feel hope. "Well, we can offer you forces unlike your own, money, scientific research from our kind, and many other things that would aid your Empire."

The Emperor thought on that, and continued to walk back and forth, until he stopped, and snapped his fingers. "Women! We need to find more women! Hookers, Prostitutes, and large dildos!" The Zin and Human guards raised eyebrows at him. "We'd also need to change a few places here into hooker bars, clubs, cribs, and a new White House for sure!" He shuddered in delight. "Ohho! Jet Hangers, Air Hockey, Hookers, Stripper Poles in the bedrooms, maybe even some more porn websites as well as internet!" He laughed maniaclly. "THAT'S PERFECT!" He turned to Celestia. "You, my new, wonderful friend you, have got yourself a deal. We will begin our work immediately, and you are just going to love what we do to the place."

He then motioned his guards to follow. "Come on, boys, we got work to do."

They rushed after him as Celestia just sat there, wide eyed, slack jawed, and confusion written all over her face. She slowly moved her mouth for a few minutes, then closed them, looked at a guard, and spoke the first thing she could think of. "What just happened?"

Chapter 3: Allies and Enemies

Twilight was having a rough day.

Once she woke up that morning, she was happy and went through her daily routine like she did every day, brushing her teeth, taking a quick shower, reading a quick book, and eating eggs and hay. She was happy that morning because that day she planned to have a picnic with the girls who she could easily call wonderful friends. Spike decided to stay at the library and clean up while she headed for the plains that sat next to Ponyville, and she was happy to do so. Once she met up with her friends, it turned out Rainbow Dash was planning on training while she hung out with them, hoping to get better for the wonderbolts too. The day was perfect in every way possible.

Then it happened.

Twilight didn't know what was happening until it already started, and that was the massive... structure, in the sky that now floated above Canterlot, as well as the sight of many others coming down to the other major cities like Manehatten, Las Pegasus, and even New York. She was confused as to what was happening, until Rainbow suggested aliens, and planned to head for Canterlot to check it out.

And now they were in the library, arguing over going now, and waiting for a letter from Celestia. Twilight recently sent one to her in hopes of figuring out what exactly was happening, but there was no response yet. She began to fear the worst of what could possibly happen, until Spike spoke. "What's going on, Twilight?"

Said unicorn looked at him in response. "Spike, something terrible has happened."

Rainbow flew up at that. "There are aliens over at Canterlot, and since we had you send a letter to Celestia, now we're waiting for her to respond."

Spike was confused now. "That's why you had me send it in such a hurry?" Twilight nodded. "Well... can't Princess Celestia take care of herself? I mean, she also has an entire palace full of royal guards too. Can't she deal with it herself?"

Twilight stayed silent for a moment, before slowly nodding. "Y-You're right, Spike. I'm sure she has everything under control."

Just then Spike burped up a letter, unwraveled it, and handed it to Twilight. She quickly took it in her magic, and began reading aloud.

"My most faithful student,"

"I have just recently talked with the leader of the aliens you speak of, and thankfully was able to talk him out of enslaving or killing us all." Everypony gasped in horror. "Now, though, he has taken over Canterlot and is... he's changing it into his own image. There are aliens left and right taking down the banners of me and my sister, putting poles up in the bedrooms, rounding up our citizens and training them in something called 'Pole Dancing', turning the yellow and blue colors into purple, put statues of their leader up all over the city, and are even kicking out royal guards to replace them with their own! I don't know what to do, and he keeps calling me 'new friend', even going so far as to... slap my flank." The mares' eyes widened. "He is very disturbing indeed, and plans to turn all of Equis into part of his empire. I would ask for help, but from how he described taking the empire for himself, it would be unwise to fight him ourselves. I do not know what he is capable of, but he holds a very dark, evil, and insane aura. I advise caution when dealing with his forces or him himself. I request the Elements of Harmony to be here in Canterlot to help me keep my sanity as I try to lessen the damage he's already causing."

"Princess Celestia."

Rarity was the first to speak. "How rude! To treat the princess, let alone a mare, with such rudeness!"

Rainbow folded her forelegs at that. "Well? What are we waiting for? Let's get over there and kick some alien flank!"

Twilight shook her head at that. "I wouldn't. Did you hear what Celestia said about him? He's far more evil and insane than Discord, at least from how she wrote it, and he is a completely unknown element. We need to be cautious here, or else we could get hurt."

They stayed silent in that, knowing she was telling the truth. They looked between each other, before Applejack spoke. "We ain't goin' to figure this out 'ere. Let's head to Canterlot an' see what we can fix."

They all nodded in agreement, and began to pack their bags.

The Emperor of the Saints Empire whistled to himself as he sat in his new, temporary throne, tapping his finger while his Fleur De Lis golden staff sat next to him, and his green power armor shined under the light eminating from one of the windows. Celestia stood a couple feet away from him, and both Johnny Gat and Kinzie stood next to him. Kinzie was using her portable terminal to put down everything they learned into the Saints Database, while Johnny simply leaned against the wall, picking at his nails with his knife.

Celestia then spoke again. "Please, Emperor. Surely you could lighten up on some of the... additions, that you plan to add to Canterlot? Do you truly need these... hookers, and prostitutes to make it complete?"

The Emperor nodded as he leaned forward. "Hell yeah, we do. Where's all the fun when you don't got sexy..." He glanced at one of the mares who were actually doing well at being seductive, much to his surprise and relief. "...uh, mares, doing jobs like this?" He then looked over at Servant, one of the many ponies that now did as he said. "You! Go get us your finest alcohol!"

The stallion quickly nodded and dashed out the door, causing Kinzie to speak. "This place is so primitive. Sure, cute ponies and the such, but what about technology to help in life?" She shook her head. "This place needs more computers."

The Emperor nodded and looked at a couple nearby Zin workers. "You two! Go get the others to start making computers for this place, and get the websites up and running so all of this..." He looked at Celestia. "What's this place called again?"

"Um... Equestria?"

"Right! So that all of Equestria can use it! Also, put a few air hocky and pool tables in this place, it's big enough, and really the place could use some more entertainment."

The guards bowed in response, and left the room to do so.

"Emperor." Said man looked at the soon to be ruler of Equis, so long as she obeyed him that is. "Please think about this. Equestria has been the way it is for centuries. Simply changing it now would cause a major impact, and the way you have everything running will cause riots!"

The Emperor chuckled. "Not if I don't ask for money and order them to do tons of shit. So long as I leave them alone, and simply open up new shops and the such, then everything should be perfectly fine. Now, we need to discuss your role while I stay here."

Celestia went wide eyed. "What? But I am the Princess of Equestria? What more would you need me for?"

"Maybe, but you also need to show a bit more agression and the such. You're too kind and gentle, which would break you easily if we end up making enemies. I think you need to stick around me, and I'll show you the ropes of being part of the Saints Empire."

"But what if-"

"Calm down, you'll love the new world for sure, and once I'm done, no one will stomp all over you, while you will also need to wear something that gives you both a sexy, yet very dangerous look."

Celestia's eyes widened. "Surely that isn't needed."

"Of course it is! If I was a girl, I'd wear the same thing, and there are plenty of clothes on the ship for if I do." He got to his feet, folding his arms as he walked around Celestia. "Now, the first thing we need to do is get rid of that crown and golden stuff you're wearing. Maybe give you a slim black suit, or maybe a set of actual clothes. The purple cloak is for sure... hmm..." He looked at a nearby Zin. "Tell Zinjai to send in our best tailor, I think I got an idea."

The Zin soldier immediately bowed before rushing off.

"Now, while we wait for that, let's mess around with your speech as well as your attitude, shall we?"

Celestia couldn't help but whimper slightly, knowing she had no power here.

Chapter 4: Lessons

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