Everyone's gay for Braeburn, but Braeburn

by Z0

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Braeburn
Length: 2162

It seems that everypony and everyone in Equstria is gay for Braeburn. It's such a shame that he doesn't feel the same way towards them.

It seems that everypony and everyone in Equestria is gay for Braeburn. It's such a shame that he doesn't feel the same way towards them.

This was a silly little story I wrote while sitting in a local bar. Nothing serious, just a funny idea that came to me while watching someone try and pick up someone else who was clearly not interested.

Published 2014-11-11 21:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-11 21:50:05 UTC

Chapter 1

It was three years to the day that the portal linking Equestria and earth had formed. Things have calmed down quite a bit since then. Humans have become a regular sight in most parts of Equestria. Even in small out of the way frontier towns like Appaloosa.

All around the small western town the apple trees were plentiful. They were the life blood of this little rustic community of ponies, buffalo, and now humans.

*Thwack*

A tree full of apples let loose its bountiful harvest of fruit as the small yellow stallion bucked the tree. Braeburn smiled at the 5 full bushels around him and wiped the sweat from his brow. Behind him a medium built human ran around and picked up the fallen apples that had missed the baskets.

Henry was a newly hired human. His hand picking was slower than just bucking the trees, but when it came to picking up the fallen apples he was faster than any pony could be and at the end of the day he more than earned his keep.

Braeburn had been working with Henry for the past week, and the two had formed a bit of a rapport with each other. There was something different about Henry that made him easier to work with than other humans, and ponies for that matter. He seemed to be a bit softer than the others, more interested in working with Braeburn than competing with him. He also liked to listen to the farm pony.

The two had quickly grown as good friends. This is why Braeburn was confused when Henry forcefully pushed Braeburn against a nearby tree. It felt like Henry was mad at the earth pony with his heavy breathing, and then there was the look in Henry’s eyes. A glazed over look and an appearance that worried Braeburn.

The sweat on Braeburn's body gave off a strong musky odor which just drove Henry into a further frenzy. "Henry what are yo-MMHHH!?" Braeburn's words were cut off as Henry placed his mouth over his; forcing his hungry tongue into Braeburn's waiting mouth.

Henry couldn't help himself; he had been waiting for this moment. For the right time and chance to tell Braeburn how he felt.

Braeburn stood against the tree in shock. His mind not able to process what just happened. "Braeburn, I think I'm in love with you," Henry cried out his confession to his boss, and hopefully, his soon to be lover.

Braeburn continued to stand there in shock, "What?" Was all he could manage.

"I've been working with you for the past week, you're kind, sensitive, and well, you've got a cute flank." Henry practically panted the words as he tried to focus on the pony in front of him.

Braeburn continued to stare into Henry’s eyes, no idea what exactly what was going on. "What?" He uttered again with a slight shake in his voice.

Both were unaware that the two of them were being watched. "Ok, Henry I like you too b-MMHHH!" Braeburn was unable to finish his sentence as Henry shoved his tongue back down his throat. This time Braeburn tried to push the forceful human away.

"BEABURN!" A feminine voice yelled off the left side of the mismatched pare.

The human lover and his less than willing companion looked to the side to see a mare standing by an apple tree. Apple Fritter had heard and saw everything. Small tears could be seen in the corner of her eyes. "How could you... I thought... YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GAY!" She screamed and ran off.

"Fritter wait!" He called out to the mare as she runs off, "No, wait! Please come back..." He held a hoof out in her direction. Reaching for her but it was far too late; she was already gone.

Braeburn hit Henry in side forcing him off. "Henry, as I was about to say. BUT, I'm not gay."

Henry blinked a few times. "You... aren't?"

"No I aint." He shook his head and ran off to find Fritter, if he could.

The human sat on the ground rubbing his side. "But the weird dragon horse thing told me everyone was gay for Braeburn." The human blushed and whispered, "Uh oh." before running off in the other direction.

The next day Braeburn found a note from Henry on his desk. It was an apology and a notice of resignation. Upon picking it up, Braeburn found another note underneath that one, this time from Fritter. She was leaving Appaloosa for a small farm outside of Fillydelphia.

Braeburn took the notes and threw them back on his desk. "I need a vacation,” he spoke to himself. before picking up the nearest phone.

One week, and one hundred bits latter, Braeburn walked along the streets of a different city. Trying to forget about the mare he had been courting. He drew a hoof across his brow wipeing away some of the mugginess that had formed; there was one thing that was immediately different about Maneami, its humidity. Braeburn was used to the heat, but not the sweltering temperatures.

His fur was matted against his skin as we wandered the streets, looking for an appropriate watering hole.

A small wooden sign hung above a tiny bar on the street. It looked like a small hole in the wall bar; Exactly what he was looking for right now.

Entering the simple saloon, Braeburn found a seat at the small bar. There was a human bartender serving the bar patrons. He flagged her down, ordering a pint of hard cider. He couldn't help but crack a smile as the bartender swayed her hips in her tight jeans. Braeburn wasn't exactly interested in human women, but he could make an exception this one time.

As he sat at the bar taking the occasional sip of his hard cider he couldn't help but look around. Down at the end of the bar was a light yellow mare who sat there and played with her dark green mane. She looked a bit like Fritter. Braeburn sighed and took a sip of his cider.

The human bartender noticed Braeburn looking at the mare, "She's cute isn't she." she spoke.

"Yeah, she's kind of pretty. Kind of reminds me of someone I used to know." He said with a drawn out sigh.

"Oh? Some lucky colt?" She winked at him knowingly.

"Mama, I'm not colt cuddler. No she reminds me of a mare I knew a while back."

The bartender shrugs her shoulders and smiles, "Hey, it’s not my place to judge others. What are you drinking again?"

The two talked for a while, the conversation drifting from topic to topic. Braeburn couldn't help but enjoy this human female. She was different from most mares he had met before, and even if she was built a bit different she was still a girl, and her hips...

Braeburn didn't notice the slightly heavy set man sit next to him. "Yeah, can I get a Manhattan?"

The bartender nodded and walked off. Braeburn watched the bartender walk around swaying her hips some more and watching her longer hair move around with her body. He was going to work up the courage to seriously talk to her. She probably wouldn't be interested in a date, but who knows? Maybe they could catch a movie at that place he passed by earlier.

She walked back to the two carrying the Manhattan. "Hey miss I wAS-ASSS!" Braeburn shrieked as the man next to him ran his hand up his side and grabbed at his flanks. The bartender put the Manhattan down and the bar and walked off smiling, a slight blush covered her features after what she just saw.

"Aw, wait." he half whimpered as she walked off.

Braeburn looked at the human male with some fire in his eyes.

The human in turn smiled coyly, "Hey cow colt, I'm-"

Braeburn interrupted the man, "I don't care who you are I-!" The man came in for a kiss, only to be pushed away by Braeburn.

During this time the bartender had returned to refill Braeburn's cider. He looked at her, knowing this was his chance to convince her he wasn't gay he started berating the human, as he started nibbling on his ear.

"Look, Mr. I get that your sweet on me, and I can sympathize." He took a breath trying to keep his emotions from boiling over, "But I ani’t gay."

The bartender raised her eye brow at the statement. Seemingly contradicting everything she had just saw.

The human pulled his head back a bit, and gave a nervous smile, "Oh."

Braeburn forced smile as he tried to pull away himself, "Now if you'll excuse me I'll-"

"Hey man, I'm not gay ether," He went back to trying to nibble at Braeburn's ear, "After all, it’s not gay if the balls don't touch."

The bartender blushed deeply and looked around for another customer to serve, "Hey I've got other customers. If you two want there's a hotel across the street, just don't do anything funny in my bar."

With that she walked off. Braeburn held out a hoof as if to say stop or wait, but it was no use.

The human had stopped attacking Braeburn's ear with his mouth, "You know I'm going to see what the rates are at the hotel next store. Don't go anywhere."

Braeburn whimpered and felt his head hit the bar. He was sobbing lightly, "but I'm not gay..." He whimpered once more debating if he should just run out of the bar now or wait for the human to come back so he could explain things one more time. Maybe with a quick buck to his rib cage. Maybe there was till hope he could convince the bartender he wasn't gay, she was cute enough and almost seemed interested. At first anyway.

"Hey man you ok?" Braeburn looked up from the bar as a white and blue stallion sat next to him.

"Yeah. I'll be fine, just not my week."

The colt nodded in agreement. "Yeah I saw that human hitting on you. Unbelievable."

"I know! It's like they can't take no for an answer!" Braeburn preached at his new friend who continued to nod his head.

"Hey colt, how about you and me's go someplace else. This bar is dead anyway. I know a great bar down the street. Almost never any humans in it."

Braeburn considered the human bar tender one last time as he thought about it. His chances now seemed less than non-existent.

"Yeah, let’s get out of here."

The two new friends walked out of the bar together. The bar tender smiled and whispered to the mare at the end of the bar. "Looks like Steel found a new colt friend. I can't believe he tried to say he wasn't gay."

The alcohol had lubricated his lips, and Braeburn started pouring his heart out to his new friend. Explaining how he ended up in Maneami for the week, "and then Fritter, my special somepony, left me after that." Some of his words slurred together, muddling what he said.

Steel shook his head. "All because of that one human. Eh, you're better off without him. I mean if he's going to go and do something like that." Braeburn nodded in agreement, clearly missing the point of Steel's conversation. He thought was certainly better off without Henry, but he still missed Apple Fritter.

The two approached a large pink and purple building, with large neon lights that said "Pink Prancing Pony."

"Ohh... looks fancy." Braeburn spoke as Steel started laughing.

"I anit never heard it call fancy before," Steel laughed.

Braeburn was not prepared for what he saw inside. Nothing but stallions, all of them dancing together, a few getting drunk at the bar, and no less than ten randomly making out in corners.

He stopped just inside the door to the bar. "What is this place?" Braeburn spoke in fear.

"This is the Pink Prancing Pony, biggest and best gay stallion’s club in Equstria!" Steel yelled over the music.

Braeburn turned around and reach his hoof's out the door. He felt Steel grab his waste and pull him deeper into its dark smoky confines. "NO! SOMEPONY HELP ME!" he screamed as his body disappeared inside. His fore hoofs leaving deep scratches in the concrete sidewalk outside.

Steel's voice could be heard behind the door. "Come on Braeburn just one dance."

Flowed by a prolonged agonizing scream. "BUT I AINT GAY I TELLS YOU!"

On the roof of the building next to the bar a draconequus and midnight blue Alicorn were snacking on popcorn as they watched the commotion below. "See, I told you everypony was gay for Braeburn."

Luna nodded, "Quite. May we depart now? I want to see if what you said about Sir. Big Mac is true."

Discord sighed and snapped his fingers "Fine."