Chapters Gray's new investment
Good morning sir. I am Engineer model G-13114, I have been tasked with making calculations towards your company. Mainly in accounting and finance. Today sir, Gray Gravel Co. went up by 12 points upon the Stock Market. Very good news... sir.
"Thank you G-13114." The wealthy and elderly man nodded as he slumped down into his chair and behind his desk. Beside him was a soldier robot who was pouring him a mug of coffee. "Now then. About our competitors?"
Mann Co. Scanning... Today sir, Mann Co.'s stock value has gone up by 27 points. Further analysis shows that Mann co. is ahead of Gray co. by 299 points.
"What? How is this possible? After months of my robots attacking Mann co, that fool Saxton Hale shouldn't even as much as have a working factory in the entire badlands!"
Sir. This is not true. Of all the robot attacks upon Mann Co. only 0.222% of them destroy the facility. In addition, all destroyed robots fund the mercenary armies of Mann. Co, their fuel source is evidently the fuel source of humans, colloquially referred to as "money". Further calculations indicate Mann Co. makes 11% more profit than we do.
"Curses! I am not going to allow that nit-witted buffoon make a fool out of me!" The old businessman said through gritted his teeth. "Alright then! How are sales going?"
Sales are going good, a large portion of the population seems to like our hats. We are making much profit in the hat industry. Unfortunately, Saxton Hale has us marginally beaten in the weapons industry.
"Humph... well... what do you say G-13114... it's time that we expand business?"
If we are to beat Saxton Hale in business... I do recommend we expand our hat industry.
"Good! Just what I was thinking!" Gray smiled. "ASSEMBLE THE ROBOTS! GET THE ENGINEERS! GET THE TELEPORTERS! WE ARE EXPANDING BUSINESS! To Equestria! A land of magical horses that will certainly buy our products! I mean come on... who doesn't want a hat?! And besides... don't ponies love hats?!"
Roughly 28 days later. Saxton Hale's office.
"Where... where is Mister Hale?" The assistant asked as she entered the room which was currently empty, with the exception of the accountant was ~~doing work~~ watching TV.
"Oh yeah. He went off to go practice Kung Fu with a panda." The accountant commented as he continued to watch the ball game. "Something about private plane to a Chinese monastery and fighting the second best guy at Kung Fu ever. You see... Number one was Sun Tzu... but he's kinda dead."
Saxton Hale's ~~office~~ location.
Sweat beaded off the head of the massive Australian. He looked at his opponent on the other side of the ring. A massive panda, EVEN MORE MANLIER THAN THE ONE Hale slept with. THAT WAS A DOWNRIGHT ACHIEVEMENT. It had a black belt. MADE FROM THE FURS OF OTHER PANDAS that had challenged him. While he had been busy kicking their asses, he had also given them haircuts. What? You thought he KILLED THEM?! THAT'D BE TERRIBLE!
"So. Honorable traveler." The Panda boomed as he bowed before the Australian. "You have great courage. Few men have the courage to face Gongfu Xiongmao in combat. Shall we begin brave and honorable warrior?"
"THE NAME'S SAXTON HALE! CEO OF MANN CO. AND I AM GOING TO ENDANGER YOU LIKE I'VE ENDANGERED THOUSANDS OF OTHER ANIMALS." The Australian bellowed. "AND WHEN I WIN THIS FIGHT, YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME ON MY NEXT ADVENTURE. WE CAN KICK ASS, TOGETHER! WITH THE OTHER PEOPLE I MET BEFORE!"
"And if I win... you give me your hat. Deal?!"
"DEAL! NOW LET'S FIGHT."
Three.BEGIN.
The Australian charged forth, yelling the most blood curdling scream ever that would at the same time, turn boys into men, giving them manly beards and chest hair. The panda charged forth, bellowing things that only pandas could understand. Good thing that there weren't any other pandas in earshot, or they may have pissed themselves in sheer terror.
Their fists collided. The sounds of a nuclear bomb exploding echoed throughout the mountain as the local village all gazed up in awe. The roof of the Dojo of Gongfu Xiongmao tore right open as the two combatants flew straight out. Fists flying faster than any mortal can possibly perceive. Then without warning, the panda took the lead, a heavy, furry elbow landed straight upon the Australian's head, sending him flying into the ground. The large bear came down like a meteor only to be kicked back up as Saxton Hale totally screwed gravity over and shot up at him, punching him in the gut. Within the skies, the pair fought fists swinging at fast enough speeds to penetrate tank armor and moving around so fast, most humans would hardly be able to even perceive what they were doing.
"Mr. Hale!"
JAB* PUNCH*
"Mr. Hale!"
"Excuse for a moment Mr. Xiongmao." Saxton said as he looked down. "IF YOU HIPPIES CAN'T TELL... I AM HANGING OUT WITH REAL MEN TODAY. SO GET THE..."
"Sir... it's important!"
"WHAT CAN POSSIBLY BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN FIGHTING A PANDA WHO HAD BEEN TRAINED BY SUN TZU IN KUNG FU?!"
"Gray Mann... he didn't attack us... for almost an entire month!"
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!
Mann Co. NOT ATTACKED BY THOSE HIPPY ROBOTS?! IN FOUR WEEKS?! WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?! Wait a second... does... does... does that mean... does that mean Gray Mann. Surrenders?! AS IN... MANN CO. DOESN'T HAVE ANY COMPETITORS ANY MORE?! THEN... THIS IS GREAT! ALMOST WORTH ACTUALLY HAVING TO PUT OFF A FIGHT BETWEEN THE BEST KUNG FU MASTER THAT WAS CURRENTLY IN EXISTENCE.
"Hold on a second... what if it's a trick?!" Hale suddenly remembered as he stopped a second short of breaking out the beer and the steaks. WHAT IF... GRAY WAS TRYING TO TRICK THEM?! WHAT IF....
"Wait... I know... I'll... why don't I just..."
Beep*
"Sir. It's your phone."
"Huh. Wonder who's faxing me?"
"It's Helen." His assistant commented as he peeled off the page and read the paper. He didn't say a word, which caused the big Australian to realize something was off. Grabbing the paper from the man, he read it over.
"THAT SLIMY BALLBAG! HE'S CHEATING! HE CAN'T JUST EXPAND HIS HAT BUSINESS BECAUSE I AM DOING BETTER THAN HIM!" Saxton raged as he picked up an entire desk, and broke it over his face. "BOY! CALL THE MERCS! WE ARE GOING TO AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE TO SELL HATS."
"Umm... what?"
"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME SON?! ASSEMBLE THE MERCS! NOW!!!"
"Yes SIR!" The assistant whimpered as he sprinted out of Hale's office.
"Ha! You landed on my square! You owe me money!" Scout commented happily as Engineer groaned. Handing scout the bills, the Texan took a swig of his beer as Scout rolled his dice landing on one of his own deeds.
"Nothing. Yeah...yeah... alright." Scout nodded as he handed the dice to Demoman. The Scotsman took a good swing and landed with the age-old snake-eyes. Landing on an unpurchased deed, Demo decided why-the-hell-not, and bought the piece of property.
"This... is... getting boring." Spy commented as he spectated the match. Grabbing a cigarette he took a puff while Heavy stood next to him, munching on a sandwich. The game had been going on for at least half an hour, and you know what? This has got to be the most boring game of monopoly in human history. Let's see... now... yep. The most exciting thing that happened yet was Engineer landing on Scout's deed. To say the Frenchman was bored to death would be an understatement. The robots hadn't attacked in weeks already, and right now, he was quickly running out of things to do without anyone to stab. Watching Heavy leave for a moment to grab a drink, he conveniently left his sandwich on the table.
Hmmm...
"Ohh Scout!" The Frenchman whistled. "Look what Sniper made for you!"
"A sandwich huh?" The Bostonian asked as he accepted it from spy. "Okay. First things first, did he wash his hands?"
"Yep!"
"Did you poison this?"
"Nope! Enjoy scout!"
"Wow... well... thanks Spy!" The Bostonian nodded as he took a bite. "Mmm. Moist. And delicious."
The Spy had already disappeared, waiting behind the boxes to see the fireworks. Heavy had just gotten back from grabbing a glass of water, and a loincloth.
"La-da-da-da...la-da-da-da... huh?" The Russian gasped as he saw the empty plate. "Where did Sandvich go?!"
"Heavy." Spy said. "That little imbecile! Scout! He took your sandwich! I tried to tell him not to but..."
"LITTLE MAN STEAL SANDVICH?! SCOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT "
The Bostonian looked over as he saw the flying train of a man wearing his football helmet shoot straight for him like a bullet out of a minigun. The crash that followed came from a hole in the wall as sounds of fighting erupted within the hole. The angry Russian nonsensically billowing out things regarding the crime of stealing a sandwich. The penalty of which, was being forced to hand over your teeth to the Russian toothfairy.
Behind them, Spy laughed himself to tears as he saw Scout running away from Heavy, who was making noises from his ears. The sound of which, was akin to a freight train.
"ALRIGHT BIG GUY... BEFORE YOU KILL ME... SNIPER MADE ME THAT SANDWICH..."
"DID SNIPER GIVE YOU SANDVICH?!"
"No! BUT SPY GAVE IT TO ME! HE SAID IT WAS FROM SNIPER!"
Completely missing the point, the Russian's wrath was now diverted to the napping Australian who was sleeping in a hammock. A hunter's magazine covering his face from his gentle slumber.
"YOU...MAKE...BIG... MISTAKE..."
As per his usual day, Soldier could be found running laps. Doing his usual "soldier training" as Demoman referred to it as. Typically, he would do this just after getting out of bed and having a cup of coffee. After sixteen laps, two hundred pushups and over five hundred stomach crunches, the devout patriot was now ready to go do something else. Perhaps breakfast. Perhaps a game of poker or maybe teach his "class" of severed heads about the most manly person that ever lived. Sun Tzu. The man who invented fighting, Kung Fu, and war. Having a copy of Sun Tzu's "Killing people for Dummies" and "Fighting in a war for Dummies" at all times, the American had practically memorized most of the lines.
As he entered the large room which served as a place for all the mercenaries to get together when not busy exploding each other, he found the entire room the exact way he wanted it.
He would have joined in on the fun, if it hadn't been the knock on the door. MESSENGER!
"CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIRE!" The American cried over the sounds of a fight raging from the table. Engineer was hitting Demoman over the heinous sin of "cheating"... Heavy was beating up Scout and Sniper... Spy was busy making popcorn with Pyro's help... the only that stopped the Mercs was the only other person who had heard the knocking.
"HELLO FRAULEINS! NOW SHUT UP!" The German spat out from a microphone as the sheer volume sent people flying against the wall. "Zere's is someone at ze door!"
Pans, fireaxes, baseball bats, knives and swords were retrieved in an instant. You see... the last two guys had come with news regarding how there would be "budget cuts". Naturally, the mercs didn't like that. Not one bit. Weapons and such pointed at the door, the mob waited as Medic let the man in who got a good look of nine lunatics armed to the teeth.
"Hi...?"
"Okay. If this is about how we're going to have to start paying for the air conditioning, I am going to shove my wrench up your ass so far it'll be the only thing you can think about." Engineer threatened as he waved his bludgeon at the messenger for effect. "Now then boy, spit it out."
"Oh right... you know how there haven't been any robot attacks in four weeks?"
"Yeah... yeah... did they quit?" Scout asked hopefully.
"No. You see... they um... expanded business."
"EXPANDED BUSINESS?! HOW DARE THEY NOT ENGAGE US IN THE RING OF HONOR AND ONLY FIGHT US WITH MONEY!" Soldier raged as a nearby table was smashed with his shovel.
"Yeah... so Mr. Hale wants you to... well... he says that you all will get to travel to this place called Equestria... and then you get to wreck Gray Mann and all his things! He said it would be fun!"
"It sounds boring." Demoman said rolling his good eye.
"Oh right. Gray Mann expanded his hat factories into Equestria. Any hats you find are yours."
"COUNT ME IN. COUNT ME IN. COUNT ME IN!" Demoman babbled as he picked up the messenger. "NOW WHERE IS THIS BLOODY PLACE?!"
"I have ze answer to zat question." Medic nodded. "Go home to Herr Hale. Tell him zat ve vill be going."
"You got a clue to where this "Equestria" is doc?" Engineer asked as he sat down.
"Aye. Engie, build me your teleporter and ve vill begin."
"Well hurry it up eggheads!" Scout said as he packed his things in a flash. "I got some hats to grab!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
When it was 4:00 AM local time anywhere in anyplace, the typical rule of thumb was, the place was pretty quiet. You see, Ponyville on a certain day didn't exactly have the same luxury.
Spike was roused from his slumber as he heard the heavy footfalls of metal clanking on the pavement. Outside, he rubbed his eyes as the mechanical voices began to speak.Buy our hats... Buy our hats... Buy our hats...
"Huh?" The dragon yawned as he rubbed his eyes from sleep deprivation. He considered falling back asleep, his favorite pastime, but realized that something about these hat salesponies probably had to have something to it if they were selling them first thing in the morning.
Only when did he exit the house did he realize.
They were't ponies.
They were... metal... humans?
Robots?
Buy our hats... Buy our hats...
"What the hay is going on 'round here?!" Applejack asked as she saw the mob. "And what in tarnation are you clankers supposed to be?!"
We are selling hats. Please buy our hats.
"Hats huh? That's almost worth getting roused out of bed so early in the morning!" A certain white unicorn spoke up as she saw the giant mob. "What kind of hats?"
These ones... The robots beeped as they showed Rarity the array of hats. Except... they weren't hats... more like some beat metal into the shape of hats...
"Okay. First off." The White Unicorn began as her neck craned backwards. "How heavy are these... things?! And second off... who designed these hats?! They're... crimes against fashion I tell you! CRIMES AGAINST FASHION!"
"I do agree..." Applejack began as she looked at the hats. "They look a bit too darn heavy... and... HEY! What are you doing?!"
Hats.... Hats...
"GIVE ME MAH HAT BACK YOU NASTY TIN-CAN!" The earth pony shouted as she gave chase to the scout-bot that stole her favorite apparel.
Must have more hats to make...
Let's just say... stealing hats wasn't supposed to be part of the programming...
Author's Note
Before anyone asks, yes.
The entire TF2 team is involved.
A Mercenary's payday
From above the apartment building, the assassin sat on the roof with his partner. His sharp eyesight scanned the entire perimeter as he looked over the picture again. He gave a nod to indicate that he had found nothing. His partner, a woman with red, curly hair nodded in acknowledgement as she also gave him a negative. The man nodded to her again as he gave a small frown. Taking off his shades, the pair of them made their way to ground level.
"Snow." Clint Barton commented as he walked with his friend and Partner, Natalia Romanoff through the streets. The cars passing by paid them no mind. "Hum. No sign of this guy in an hundred mile radius."
"You can expect that with all assassins. They're good at disappearing off the grid." Black Widow commented as the two of them turned a corner. "Let's see... how many more addresses to go?"
"A lot." Hawkeye replied as he looked at his notebook. "Cap gave us a good list of where this Slade Wilson Character might be. The only issue was, he never mentioned this guy was really good at staying off the grid."
"I think that was partially implied when he mentioned "assassin"." Black Widow sighed. "You got any ideas?"
"I actually think I do." Hawkeye said as he looked over at the intel again. "Some of the less respectable citizens of this city seem to hang out there. I think that would be a place to start if we're looking for one of the most expensively paid assassin's in this place."
"How far?"
"It'll be dark when we get there." Clint commented as he looked up at he falling snowflakes. "Let's go Nat. If this mission is half as important as Steve says it is, then we best hurry up." Now when I say "place" I actually mean breaking into his house."
"Don't you think that's sort of a bad idea?"
"Not just sort of. A really bad idea. But we've been looking for him for three days now, and every day wasted is going to be closer and closer to some maniac finishing whatever doomsday machine he's planning. Steve's words, not mine."
"Alright Clint, we'll get to this guy's house. But you know... I don't think it'd such a good idea to get on the bad side of some master assassin."
"It'll be fine. Besides. If grandpa tries anything stupid, I'll send him to the senior's citizen's home missing TWO eyes." Barton replied. Joking. That's something you didn't see everyday.
I'll make this cold, clean and painless.
Cold? Certainly.
Clean. Depends on how he was feeling.
Painless? Most definitely not.
The outskirts of Gotham had a nasty reputation. A certain night many years ago, a boy's family was murdered. About eight years ago, there had been a psychotic clown who had destroyed a hospital. Said clown was thrown into mental asylum, jail, prison, maximum security and the infamous Arkham Asylum (in no particular order) yet still SOMEHOW manages to breakout and cause havoc all across the city.
Today, Slade wasn't dealing with the guy in the bat costume or the clown. If it had been the guy in the bat costume, he definitely would have doing this on his own time. If it had been the clown, he better receive a better payment then what he was getting.
The target was another assassin. Perhaps not as good as Slade, but still a top of the food-chain killer that had drawn the attention of Amanda Waller. The elusive Russian had managed to disappear off the grid for an amazing thirteen months from ARGUS, but finally, sources had stated he was in Gotham City. Why? Who cares? How? Who knows? What does this mean?
It means that Slade get's another payday sometime soon.
Anatoli Knyazev, or better know as "KGBeast" grinned wolfishly from under the snow of the early evening. In his hands was a small ball-shaped object which he tossed up and down in a similar fashion to players of the American game referred to as "Baseball". Foolish Americans. Always feeling so "safe". Mother Russia was always better than this rat's nest of a nation. With Putin once again retaking Crimea for the people, Mother Russia would be proud once more. Leaning outside of the warehouse, the Russian waited for his three men.
Of course, if Putin even as much as found out what Knyazev was planning, he probably would have told the US what was going on in a heartbeat. A surviving branch of the KGB had finally managed to locate their top agent. Their priority? Destroy those who would oppose the new Soviet socialist republic once it is reborn. Currently, that meant the USA.
"Where is Sasha?" Knyazev asked as the two other agents turned the corner.
"Don't know. Possibly drinking again. Stupid man is dumber than bullet."
"Well tell him to come here so I can beat his face in for being such a stinking pig!"
"No need to beat him. I already did that for you." Slade's voice announced as the two silenced bullets dispatched the two men besides Anatoli. "You're a wanted man, Anatoli. Surprisingly, they want you alive. Now then, we can do this two ways. We can do it the way I am going to hate, which is you come quietly. OR, we can do it the way I'll probably enjoy."
The elderly mercenary grabbed one of the AK-47s that the men had dropped, snapping the weapon in two for effect.
"Ah... Deathstroke." The heavy Russian accent spoke as he faced him. "Still a pet of the capitalist pigs still. You see, in Russia, I heard story. Story of man created by US army to fight the noble cause. I then hear that man kill many comrades in Vietnam and Korea. Worse yet, Deathstroke now doesn't even serve country. Just become capitalist pig like rest of men in his country."
"Sorry to disappoint you Anatoli, but stars and stripes were meant to win from the start. Maybe if your country gave better wages, I may have joined them." Slade retorted. "But let's face it. You're going to try to destroy Gotham, and I am not going to stop until I get paid. So enough talk. Let's fight."
"Good. I was getting tired of hearing old man speak about his filthy America!" With a grunt, the Russian threw himself forward. "I will cut off your head, and hang it up in KGB headquarters!"
"Too bad I was told not to kill you." Slade grumbled as he blocked the bayonet from reaching him in the face. The cybernetics clearly paid off when Slade found it troublesome to simply pick this dumb thug up and throw him at the nearest wall. Instead, he settled for headbutting him in the face, causing the Russian assassin to bleed profusely out of his nose. He retaliated by hitting Slade upside the shoulder with his cybernetic arm, causing the assassin to stumble but retaliating with a well-aimed staff swing to the legs.
Instead of knocking the big man off balance as he had hoped, the wily (and not stupid as bullet) assassin caught the steel pole-arm with his free arm. With a mighty throw, he managed to fling Deathstroke over his head and into the ground. Surprisingly, the moment Slade hit the ground, the staff was let-go. The ominous beating sound was heard just a bit too late as the bright flash consumed the Russian. The next thing he new was the flurry of fists hitting him like a hailstorm with one final punch to the face that left him on a knee while bleeding from the mouth. He backed up a bit, Deathstroke was old, but he was still as tough as wolf from Siberia.
"Had enough?!" Slade asked as he took out a combat knife. Kicking Anatoli again, the Russian rolled back. A slow grin slowly appearing across his face as they approached an opening within the warehouses. The kick that was followed by a snap signified a broken rib. Good...
Slade stepped straight out into the opening. There was the gunshot. And the sound of a body hitting the floor. When Anatoli looked up, he found that the old assassin was simply standing there, looking at him though missing his knife. He was saying something.
"Waller. KGBeast is all yours." He began as he reached into the Russian's pockets taking out the small ball-like object, proceeding to crush the bomb with his bare hands. There was something he had to see.
From the rooftop where a sniper had located himself, Slade crouched down to find the body with a hole in the chest. Taking a careful look at it, the assassin grinned mirthlessly as he took the bullet out.
Russian made bullet, WWII-era firearm. Judging from the trajectory it was fired by someone who was relatively short.
"I know you're there kid." Slade said calmly as he looked at the body. "Not a bad shot."
From behind the wall, the pair of girls emerged, one of them carrying a still smoking gun.
"Hello Aleksandra." Slade nodded as he took off his mask. "And you too Eila. Before you say anything, I have a question. What are you doing here?"
"It's a LOOOOONG story." Eila smirked. "How old are you again?"
"81." Slade replied, watching as Sanya gave Eila "the look" the moment she asked him what his age was. He didn't care, it's not like his age even showed. Unless where his silver-white hair was concerned. "Now then, it's a long story huh? Well, I do have the time for a long story. First things first, how did you find me?"
"Luck?" Eila scratched. "It's sort of hard to explain. But I'll just leave it at luck. But I am sure it was 51% skill."
Normally when someone spoke like this, Slade typically gave them the "I hate you already" kind of look. Much to what anyone may believe, it's rather difficult to angry at someone who looked just like one of your own children when they were younger. That didn't mean Slade "approved". Not that he had an opinion most of the time, especially when his job was to murder people.
"Here. Why don't we go to my safehouse, and we talk things over there?" Slade asked. His cellphone rang, causing him to give the two the "one minute" sign before answering.
"Waller." The assassin spoke impassively.
"Slade. I see you. You're on that building with that dead guy. Who are those children?"
"My grandkids." Slade replied quickly. "If you try anything..."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
The line went dead, much to the relief of the assassin. Waller didn't exactly make Slade nervous, but she did have unlimited resources which was bad news for anyone.
"Alright. Where was I?" Slade asked. "Let's go."
"This is a nice car." Sanya commented as she got in the back. "What's this?"
"Air conditioning. You probably don't have it yet, but it's been around. It let's you set the temperature." Slade pointed as he turned back. Surprisingly, in ten seconds flat, he somehow went from wearing his Deathstroke outfit into being dressed in a two-piece suit.
"How... how did you find the time to..."
"Don't question it. It'll make your head hurt less." Slade replied as he started the car. "Buckle up."
"What?"
"Buckle up."
"What... what's that?" Sanya asked as she looked around the car.
And right. The 1940s didn't exactly have seatbelts. Whatever.
"So. You also Russian Eila?" Slade asked as began to drive. His one eye paid attention to the road.
"Russian... that's Orussian right? No. I am Sumous. It's the country in the north that borders Orussia."
"We call that Finland here." Slade nodded as he stopped at the light. "When I was a boy, I wanted to fight in the war. Wasn't old enough. That's when Russia, or Orussia as you call it and the US went to the cold war. Got plenty of my share in the Korean and Vietnam wars."
"Orussia going to war with Liberion?"
"Liberion?"
"US."
"Oh. We just call it America."
"Just America? Really? Do people here have no imagination?"
"No imagination?" Slade asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I mean... who names their country after the continent? Did whoever make these countries have no time to make up at least a decent name?"
"South Africa and Australia? Tell that to them. Besides, I prefer the US over America." Slade continued. "So it's the USL over the USA huh? Well. Plus one for creativity I guess."
"Well... the Britannians didn't exactly think it through when they named their colony in northern America. They called it... Faraway land."
"Okay. And she accuses US of having no imagination." Slade chuckled. "How goes the war?"
"Good." Sanya said quickly. Evidently a subject she didn't want to speak about, a hint which Slade caught on quickly.
"I see. Alright. Now then. I have a feeling I know why you two are here..." Slade stopped as his car pulled into the house within the more pleasant areas of Gotham. "We can talk about it."
"Alright." Sanya smiled. "Just want to help."
"That's sweet." The mercenary began as he opened the garage door, pulling his car in. Opening the door, he let the two out as he got his keys. "Home sweet home."
"This isn't the same house from last time." Sanya commented.
"There were some... "issues" that forced me to move." Slade said as he stepped on in. A sudden breeze hit him in the face. "Sanya. Eila."
"Yes?"
"Something tells me those "issues" may have moved with me." The assassin began as he grabbed his gun.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Looks like this place has been broken in." The soft monotone of a man in an owl costume commented as he looked at the ruined structure's interior. "If I am not mistaken, this island had been settled. Or at least used. By people."
"And not some cartoon horses huh?" Superwoman commented as she helped move rubble. "We should clean this mess up."
"Indeed. This place will be ideal in beginning my... research. We can also begin production of our... contraband immediately once we fix this place. The local indigenous population should suffice to that."
"What do you mean?" The black hooded man asked with a smile. If this was going where he was thinking it was going...
"Normally, I'd send horses to the glue factory. You see, it appears the bodily fluids of these "ponies" can actually be used as a key ingredient in various drugs. Mainly, Mirakuru, Venom and Titan. We will begin production immediately. First, I think we should get a specimen."
"Then let me do that." Black Bowman smiled as he took up his bow.
"Very well Oliver. You gather our first specimen. While that... I have research. If elements of chaos do exist, I am intent on finding them. Unlimited power will soon be within our grasp. Adolf Hitler planned to rule the world under an iron fist. Let me show the failed dictator that I will rule a world by plunging into chaos."
And then, the new world order can be built. First chaos, then order.
But of course, if we do fail. I can always follow in the footsteps of myself. Destruction and total annihilation of all reality.
Ponyville may have noticed that somepony went missing that night. If it hadn't been the rather aggressive salebots they were getting.
Author's Note
And here you got the other half of the cast.
View Online
Totally succeeding at monopolizing Equestrian hat industry: Day 1
Totally succeeding at monopolizing Equestrian hat industry: Day 1
Buy our hats... Buy our hats...
"Is... is that the only thing they say?" Rainbow Dash asked as she looked at the robot which was waving a hat in her face. A crudely constructed metal one that probably wouldn't even fit her head if placed on.
"Seems so." Rarity nodded as she turned to the robot that was holding a pile of metallic hats in it's arms. "You know darling... I'd actually be interested if your hats weren't... so... heavy... or looked downright dreadful! No offense."
Detecting criticism... processing... Loading...loading...loading persuasion. Our hats are manufactured at maximum possible quality and is indeed fashionable. Their aesthetics are very pleasing to the eye. In addition, they make good shields against the natural phenomenon known as "rain". They are created from lightweight metal which your neck muscles can most likely support.
"Well.... hmmm..." Rarity hummed as she looked at the hats over again. They weren't TERRIBLE from the looks, but at the same time... they weren't GREAT either. Was the metal lightweight? It did look awfully heavy... though they did look good in the event of a downpour. Usefulness aside... the aesthetics... "meh". 4/10. Hmmm....
"Okay. How about that hat?" She asked as she pointed over to the metallic top hat which was labeled the "Strontium Stove Pipe". "What do you want for it?"
"Give us your offer. We will see if it's acceptable or not."
"Hmm... alright.... two bits?"
"Calculating value... unacceptable. Loading... haggling... how about ten bits?"
"Ten bits? You got to be kidding!" Rainbow Dash commented. "Rarity, this guy... thing... is a total cheapskate if he wants that garbage for ten bits!"
"Detecting insult... processing... loading comeback. Your mane is stupid."
"You asking for a beating?" Rainbow Dash shot.
"Now hold on everyone... let's not be... um... too brash now." Rarity nodded as she began to flutter her eyelashes at the robot. "Alright then... um... how about... 4 bits?"
Better. But still below preferred selling price. How about seven?
"Five."
Seven.
"Umm... six?"
Calculating... calculating... fine. It is a deal. Enjoy your hat.
The white unicorn smiled before grabbing her hat and NOT placing it on her head. She trotted back home at a rather gimpy pace whispering to Rainbow Dash.
"This hat... it's so heavy!"
"Tell me about it." Rainbow replied as she walked with her friend. "What are you thinking anyways?! I am not a fashion expert, but that hat is hideous! And you just paid good money for it!"
"Room for improvement you know? These hats aren't TOO bad... but I feel like if I make a few tweaks... I can get these things to be so good, I might even get invited to that fashion show again in Manehattan! A new wave as us fashion designers call them."
"Well... alright then..." Rainbow Dash commented as she looked back. Elsewhere, another robot had sold a metal teddy bear to a filly, who had quite the issue carrying the titanium toy. "Gah. Fine. I'll buy one too. Let's see if this "quality" is any good. Hey clankers! I wanna buy a hat too!"
Making profit... making profit... report to supreme overlord... An Engineer robot ordered to a scout robot. The messenger ran from the town while various other of it's mechanic comrades sold their merchandise. All with varying degrees of success.
The supreme overlord will be so happy to hear that we made a 1% profit already!
"Well I don't bloody believe it." Sniper commented as he looked through his scope. "Those tin-cans are selling their hats! To those bloody showponies! And they're making money!"
"Money eh? Why don't just hurry up and bash these bots so we can get paid?" Scout suggested as he twirled his bat around.
"No good. We bash these bots, and chances are, we'll never find where the rest of them are." Sniper replied. "That's the thing about hunting. Don't kill one stray buffalo. Wait for it to return to the pack. Then there's going to be all the money and hats we can eat!"
"Maybe you shouldn't say that. Soldier took it literally last time when I saw him stuffing money into his bread."
"Bloody lunatic that one is." Sniper mumbled as he zoomed in closer to Ponyville. "Another bloody robot just sold another hat! This isn't good!"
If he paid perhaps a little bit more attention for a little while longer, he may have realized that those hats were all the robots were going to sell. Four in total. Instead, the Australian and the Bostonian hurried back to the others, where they had some "bad news" to tell. The thing was... if he stayed for a LONG time. There actually would have been bad news.
"I finally got mah hat back." Applejack muttered as she knocked on Twilight's door. The alicorn princess let her friend in, who was panting as though she had ran a marathon.
"What happened?"
"Those metal things stole my hat! Then they took it somewhere that I don't even realize! And after that... they... just gave it back. And all this time I thought those lousy heaps of junk we off to steal my hat!"
"If anything, they're selling hats." Twilight commented. "But... they took your hat? And then gave it back? What why?"
"I dunno. I chased the dirty varmint into the woods, but then he came back and gave it back. I don't know why." AJ said as she scratched her head with a hoof. "I dun know what's even up with these tin cans."
"That's actually... kinda odd... Pinkie Pie mentioned that she was missing one of her party hats earlier... but then she mysteriously found it again when one of those... eh... robots returned it to her."
"Huh? What happened then?"
"Don't ask."
"Okay then... say... where is Pinkie Pie anyways?"
Straight on cue... the polka music that heralded one of Pinkie's parties (namely the welcome to Ponyville ones) suddenly began to play.
"I think that answers your question..." Applejack commented. "Okay listen. I gotta get going, I need to help out back at the farm. You take care of yourself now. And by the way... chose hats of theirs. They're dreadful!"
"Brutally honest?" Twilight sniggered. "I'll take a peek. Take care!"
"You too!" AJ said as she left.
Now then. Time to see what all this hoopla was about with these robots and their hats. Taking the door, the lavender alicorn got a great view of Pinkie Pie attempting to feed robots cake. Said robots, who didn't pay much attention to the fact a pinkie blur was attempting to force-feed them cake. Since Robots didn't eat anything except for money, they didn't exactly have too much interest in cake. Only interest in attempting to sell Pinkie Pie hats. To which, the purple earth pony hardly paid any attention to.
"Pinkie... you should stop that."
"Stop what? Trying to let them have a good time? These guys are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring!" Pinkie replied as she pulled cupcakes straight out of thin air, attempting to force feed the robots still. "Darn it! EAT THESE CUPCAKES."
Error. Cupcakes do not appear within databases of consumable sustenance. Cannot comply.
"Pinkie... you really should stop. They can't eat."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT?! WHAT CAN'T EAT CUPCAKES?!"
"They can't."
"AWWWW! BUT NOW THAT MEANS I HAVE TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING ELSE TO THROW A PARTY!"
"We do eat money." One of the robots suggested.
"Money huh? Like bits?" Pinkie Pie as she tossed one of the robots a bit. Like a dog catching a treat, the robot ate the coin. "You like that don't you."
Processing. Entity known as "bit" is highly appreciated and delectable.
"GOOD! CAUSE I GOT SOME MORE!" Pinkie Pie nodded as she tossed the robot another coin. Twilight would have objected to Pinkie just randomly throwing money away, until something AWFULLY familiar caught her eye.
There was a party hat.
That party hat... looked awfully similar to the ones that Pinkie wore when she threw her parties. The thing was... it was metal?
And then... AJ's hat... also metal...
What was going on here?! The alicorn took more looks around. There were quite a lot of familiar looking apparel worn by the other residents of ponyville, all of which were... made of metal?!
A certain pony stopped at a familiar looking hat.
The look on his face told Twilight he liked what he saw.
Would this be worth reporting to Princess Celestia about?
Nah. Nothing wrong with salesmen trying to appeal to their customers. Not like these robots were swindlers or anything.
Through the events of some rather annoying salesmen, Twilight didn't exactly notice that right behind her, an earth pony who was considering to purchase a metal hat that looked awfully like his top hat was snatched right in broad daylight by a tall creature dressed in black.
Black Bowman looked at his prey, quickly fastening a muzzle upon the hapless pony who whimpered in fear.
"Normally, I'd send you to the glue factory. But this time? I got something that pays far better." Oliver Queen grinned wickedly as he carried the pony off.
View Online
I am going to write a Turkey day chapter sometime.
I am going to write a Turkey day chapter sometime.
"How do you know someone broke in?" Eila whispered as she saw Slade draw out a long shiny pistol. The fact that the old man had gone from casual to tense in ten seconds flat indicated that there was something that was bothering him. Perhaps someone breaking into his house was one of them.
"I just do. Grab your gun kid, if you see anyone in a black hood, don't hesitate to shoot him." Slade replied. "Sanya, mind listening for me?"
The girl nodded. The cat ears and tail manifested themselves as the magic antennas began to listen. The tiny breath of the smallest insect to the hum of the air conditioning. Nothing was unnoticed. Yet nothing, nothing sounded remotely like human footsteps, except for themselves.
"Nothing."
"Damn." Slade tensed up as his hunch was confirmed. If they were here, than was it likely that they found out the locations of his other safehouses? Not that he was worried, but trained assassins were much dirtier business than ordinary street thugs. The safety was off and his fists were clenched. Given just a single reason, the assassin was ready to tear through a man's chest.
Sanya and Eila stayed behind him. Watching him as he placed a small device of sorts upon his gun. A small click would reveal the red dot. An aim assist of sorts.
"Can't they see that?!" Eila hissed as she watched the not-so subtle dog scamper around the room. She didn't notice Sanya, who seemed oddly hypnotized by the jumpy red laser pointer.
"That's what I want." Slade replied. Right on cue, his heightened senses picked up the of the footsteps as he turned the corner. His gun aimed straight at the tall man with the bow.
Hawkeye sized himself up with the man who turned the corner. At 6'2'', the SHIELD agent was imposing upon most people from height alone, not even counting his sturdily built form from constant rigorous training, as well as the well-fleshed arms from using a bow that required up to 1100 newtons just to draw. Add in the arrow, and the array of weapons he carried, he cut a figure that demanded intimidation and respect. Slade however, was half a head taller and looked down upon him as though he was someone far shorter. The gun aimed straight at his face told him this man was not messing around.
"You have five seconds to drop the bow." Slade hissed. He didn't LOOK like one of "them" but he wasn't exactly going to take chances. Not like there was only one organization that wanted him dead.
"Listen friend. I am not here to fight." Hawkeye nodded as he lowered the bow, but refused to drop it. "I am only here to talk."
"Break into my house? And tell me you want to TALK?" Slade asked rhetorically. "You have one good sense of humor. It's called knocking."
"Slade." Sanya's voice called out as she held her gun at the woman. "There's someone here too."
The mercenary turned around, looking at Black Widow who was just looking at the two children menacing her with soviet-era firearms. Evidently... surprised at the scope of her situation.
"Okay. What the hell do you two want?" The assassin asked as he kept his gun focused on Clint.
"We're here to help. Slade." Natalia explained as she continued to glance at the two children. They couldn't have been more than fifteen, either one of them. And yet they hold those firearms like they knew how to use them. "My name is Natalia Romanoff."
"Great. You gave me a name. Why should I trust you?" Slade asked as he kept his gun on Clint.
"Because. A man called Steve Rogers asked for us. And he would also like to tell you, that he's not some thug the American government uses to bludgeon their enemies into submission."
The gun was lowered. The tension averted.
"In that case. Let's talk." Slade said as he waved them over to the living room. Even then, his hand never left more than a few inches from his gun as he made sure to step in after the pair.
"Nice house you got here." Clint commented as he sat down. A small glass was placed in front of him as he saw Slade pour him a shot of rum. Barton kept his eyes on Slade before taking up the glass, carefully scrutinizing the glass, not making a move until Slade took a drink himself. Even then, he set his glass down and sat tight.
"Thank you. Now then, I will give you both the benefit of the doubt and assume you aren't here to kill me." Slade began.
"Well. You certainly are one helluva paranoid guy." Eila smirked.
"If you seen what happened at my other house, you'd see why." Slade shot back as he took a drink, watching Clint carefully examine his. The archer didn't even as much as seem to give a damn about what Slade just said, only watched as Eila poured herself a shot of the same rum, and took a drink herself.
"How old are you again?" Clint asked as he finally took a drink himself after seeing how Eila didn't drop dead.
"What? Can't I sample? I've only seen it." Eila smiled sweetly. "Mhm. Sweet."
"Got to be 21 or over in most places." Slade nodded as he filled another glass and then handed it to Eila. "But do as you please."
"Thanks." Eila smiled again. "But I really don't want to see myself drunk."
"I agree." Sanya said looking in her friend's direction. "Slade. So..."
"Yeah. Looks like Captain Star-spangled Banner got my message. But how did you two find out?" Slade asked the two girls. "I didn't say anything to Trudy or Erica did I?"
"No. We actually found out through someone called Bucky." Sanya explained. "He was writing to Trudy about how much he wanted to go and help, but he would be busy fighting some people referred to as HYDRA. Now Trudy didn't really take him seriously, until he mentioned all these things about a man in an owl costume and how he was planning to destroy the world? Something like that?"
"Not just the world. All of reality." Slade replied as he turned to Hawkeye and Black Widow. "I am assuming you are taking this very seriously."
"Wouldn't be here if I wasn't. Now then, how do we found this crazed terrorist in an owl costume?"
"Oh I already found him in Equestria." Slade nodded. "It's getting there that's going to be an issue."
"Don't you have that giant... crystal... diamond... here?" Sanya asked quizzically.
"The short answer? It is no. The long answer? Sort of. You know how mentioned I had to move? Well, let's just say this job did manage to piss off a number of people that weren't pushovers. A certain organization known as "The League of Assassins". Does that ring any bells?"
Evidently not judging from the shrugs and shaking of the heads. You see, the league of assassins were perfect examples of people you did not want to pissed off. They were the best examples of an organization you should not piss off. Unfortunately for Slade... that's what exactly happened. A few weeks back, a Chineseman had been shot to death under mysterious circumstances. Said Chineseman had a rather mysterious means of earning money, where this money came from was a mysterious source. In case anyone missed the point, the man had been an associate of the league. Ras Al Ghul had sworn vengeance upon the man who killed him. Somehow, the league managed to figure out it was Slade who had committed the deed.
"So about this league of assassins." Barton began. "They seem like serious business."
"They are. An organization comprised of some of the most lethal men and women on this planet. That's the reason for the move, and why I was somewhat paranoid at the fact you two were working for them. But rest assured. Besides, the league aren't too much of an issue. At least not for me."
"Nice ego." The archer replied as he took another drink. "But the question remains, how do we get to this "Equestria?"
"I hope Captain Star-Spangles told you a thing or two about the place?"
"Yeah. Seeing is believing though."
"Alright then. Well the way I got there was through a diamond or crystal of sorts. Which I had stashed away in my other house, and that is currently now in possession of the league. They aren't exactly known for thievery, but I am sure they wouldn't mind adding a thing or two into their funds. Which is why I am going to locate the diamond."
"Okay. We get big crystal. What then?"
"Well, I would have been stumped on how to get it to work, but luckily we got these two." Slade gestured over to Sanya and Eila. "Now I am assuming you managed to get here, just without that rock?"
"Yeah." Eila nodded. "What? Were we supposed to have taken it with us."
"That's normally what happens. Don't know what's wrong then." Slade said as he stroked his beard. "Okay. The gem is still off the grid as of now, and so, I will be busy finding it. Luckily, I got informants and eyes along this entire coastline as well as a metric ton worth of people who owe favors. We will probably get the current location tonight."
"Alright. What then?"
"Prepare. Because the league is no pushover." Slade replied. "While that, I guess I'll assume you're staying. There are some bedrolls in the basement, while that, I'll be right back."
"Where you going?"
"Going grocery shopping." The mercenary replied as he straightened his tie. "And also looking for some tools."
"You got a shooting range or anything somewhere here?" Hawkeye asked as he flipped open his bow.
"Yeah. It's in the basement." Slade motioned as he tapped the ground right where they were sitting on. The ground gave way revealing a secret passage. "Have fun."
"Will do then." Barton commented as he flipped open his bow and readied an arrow or two. "Mind if I take some of these apples?"
"Knock yourself out." Slade's voice called as the car's engines hummed to life.
"You're from 2014? Right?" Eila asked as she sat down on the edge of the railing as she watched Hawkeye get a bulls-eye on the target.
"Yeah. What?"
"So why do you use a bow?" Eila replied. "A bit old fashioned huh?"
"Coming from the person using a TT pistol. I don't think someone from 70 years before my day should be calling me old fashioned." Clint grumbled as his next shot landed right in the bulls-eye once again. "This thing is highly customized. More reliable than an AK-47, has the penetration and range of an Enfield, the stopping power of a shotgun and with proper skill and use, the killing power of an airstrike. In the right hands, it's a suitable weapon for an entire army. A one man army. Myself."
"Nice ego." Eila replied as she readied to throw an apple. "Hey. THINK FAST."
With a beautiful swish, the arrow flew through the air, cutting the fruit in two when it had hardly as much as left Eila's hand.
"Uh huh..." Eila nodded slowly as she grabbed a few handfuls reading to throw them up into the air. "How about now?!"
It was like the apples were in slow motion. Expertly, the archer pinned every last one to the wall.
"Too easy." Clint yawned. "How about something harder?"
"Okay." Eila nodded as her hands gripped around another apple. "Try this!"
With a mighty heave, she sent the fruit flying. No sooner did she do so, the arrow had already left the bow and was sailing directly for the flying fruit. It would be nailed straight against the wall.
"Okay... okay... I got this." Eila said once again, causing Clint to almost shake his head. Grabbing another of the fruit, she ran all the way to the other side of the range. Clint already had an arrow ready. The moment she tossed it up, the arrow went flying.
He wouldn't have believed what happened next if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. Eila's hand shot out like greased lightning, and in with mind-boggling fast speed, her fingers were around the arrow, comically, she pulled it down, looking at it with a smile before inspecting it herself.
"Did... did you..."
"Just catch that? You bet!" Eila replied as she took a bite out of the apple. "Mmm."
"So how'd you do that anyways?" Hawkeye asked as he approached Eila while retrieving his arrows. "When did you begin training?"
"Only about three years ago. But really, call it magic. I can see three seconds into the immediate future. Not only that, but I get every exact detail of it. So, that's how I was able to catch your arrow. Besides, my reflexes are probably faster than the average layman's pace. Catching an arrow? Nothing much! I dodge lasers in my free-time!"
"Mhm." Hawkeye nodded as he retrieved his arrows. "Wonder what Nat is doing."
"This is a large television." Sanya commented as she took a look at the massive screen that was sitting atop the counter. "But... how do you turn it on?"
"On? There's the button."
"Oh. But... shouldn't there be a knob?"
"Not anymore. Back the day yes. By the way, the TVs we have are in color." Natalia nodded as she found the remote, turning the device on. "Want to watch a show?"
"Sure. How about the news? Reports?"
"You want to watch the news huh?" Black Widow grinned. "Alright then."
Sometimes, it was amazing to see how some people got amazed by seemingly ordinary things. Color TV for one. TV with sound for another. TV without knobs... or maybe, a remote. A concept which had to be explained to Sanya, who currently, would not see any of these things for likely many decades.
Happy Thanksgiving!
"You certainly bought a ton of groceries." Hawkeye commented as he helped the older assassin load in his haul from the grocery store. Aside from totally ordinary bags from the Shaw's, the assassin also had a briefcase as well as two large crates which were chained close.
"Forget something son? Today is Thanksgiving. There's a few thousand reasons to why I don't celebrate this holiday, but I'll make an exception since I have company for dinner." The old man commented as he unloaded the things into the kitchen. Grabbing bowls and culinary tools, the old man got to work as he took out the large turkey. "You got any skills in cooking?"
"Does it involve whomever eating the food dying at the end? Cause I can do that without poison."
"In that case, get out and do something useful." Slade shot as he began to heat up the oven. "Hope you don't mind waiting for 10:00 PM for dinner."
"What time is it now?"
"6:30. It'll take time for me to prepare everything." Slade said instinctively as he grab the essentials for making food for five. "Now if you don't mind, I have dinner to make."
The archer nodded as the older man continued to work in the kitchen. Getting out, he watched Widow sit upon one of the comfy chairs in the living room. Legs-crossed. Ah Nat. She could pretend she was comfortable in almost any situation. If it wasn't painfully obvious, she wasn't really comfortable with SOMETHING... whatever that something was, maybe she'll spill her guts at a later time. As of now, she simply rested upon the chair, watching the little silver-haired girl and her slightly older friend watch the local news. It was rather unclear to what they were more amazed over, the story talking about a guy in a bat costume, or perhaps it was the fact the TV color. Amazing to how simple things to what most people of this day and age took for granted could be seen as an item of another era to someone else from only seventy years ago.
"A man in a bat costume huh?" Hawkeye commented as he watched the footage of a said person in a bat costume clobber about a few dozen thugs. "What's this guy's story?"
"Some vigilante of sorts." Black Widow commented as she continued to watch the news. "There's an organization for them."
"Aye. And they're some of the most deadliest people on this planet." Slade commented as he entered the room with a mixing bowl. "Funny. Those guys don't even kill. Imagine how much they could accomplish if they did. Some of the worst degenerates on this planet would simply cease to exist. Then again, I am kinda glad they don't kill. It'd make my job a bit harder."
"Why the bat costume?"
"Same reason you use a bow. Whatever floats his boat." Slade continued.
"What are you making?" Sanya asked as the sweet smell reached her.
"Cheesecake." The mercenary replied. "And a few dozen other things."
"May I help?" Sanya asked with a kind smile.
"Sure." Slade shrugged. "I assume you know what you're doing?"
"Yeah."
"Wait... you know how to make cheesecake?" Widow asked as she looked into the bowl.
"If you can name it. I can make it." Slade replied as he let the thing sit for a while. As usual to his "magic" he had switched from his two-piece suit back into ordinary clothing which he probably didn't care too much it he got it dirty. By no means would he ever wear an apron, even in the kitchen. "Cooking. Just another pastime."
"Huh. How did you learn?"
"When you get marooned on a remote island off the coast of china for Vietnam for almost two years straight and every meal is made from scratch, you get pretty good at just about anything food related." Slade replied. "So there's turkey in the oven, and I am going to make mashed potatoes with gravy next."
"I can make fish." Eila offered. "Just no herring please."
"Didn't get any. You can work with Salmon?"
"Definitely!" Eila nodded. "Just show me the stuff."
"Right on in." Slade nodded as he opened the various drawers that contained his cooking apparatus. Much to Eila's disappointment, she half expected that Slade cut his food with swords as well. Rather odd to see he actually use normal knives.
"I can help too." Sanya offered. "Eila..."
"Sure!" Her friend said instinctively as Sanya looked to Slade who gave her the "do whatever you feel like" look.
"Okay. I feel like I should do something to contribute." Nat nodded. "Clint?"
"Can't cook if my life depended on it."
"Suit yourself pal." Slade nodded as he went back to work. Taking his time, he grabbed his briefcase and clipped it open revealing the pile of stacked bills. Flipping through it all, he gave a small grin before closing the lid.
[Equestria]
"Happy Turkey Day everyone!" Soldier announced with a megaphone as the total top of his lungs. The sheer sound of it all caused birds to scatter, ursas to piss themselves in terror and everyone to go deaf until Medic fixed their issues. "TODAY... IS TURKEY DAY. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?! WE WILL CATCH A TURKEY. WE WILL SKIN IT ALIVE. WE WILL KILL IT IN COLD BLOOD. AND THEN... WE WILL EAT IT. JUST LIKE HOW OUR FOUNDING FATHERS DID!"
"I am certain everything is and will be true. Except for the last part." Engineer said scratching his head. "Alright boys. It is turkey day. But as I recall the founding fathers didn't..."
"SHUT IT NERD!" Soldier exploded. "NOW THEN SISSIES! WE WILL FIND A TURKEY. WE WILL DRAG IT BACK HERE. AND THEN?! WE WILL SKIN IT. THEN SHOOT IT DEAD. THEN EAT IT!"
"Okay. So question." Scout asked. "A. Where do we find a turkey? And how do we catch it?"
"Ummm..."
[Half an hour later. Apple family farm.]
"One... two... three.. huh." Applejack's eyes narrowed as she did her recount for the umpteenth time. "Big Mac!"
"Eeyup?"
"We are missing a turkey! Do you know where it went?"
"Nope!"
"That's really strange." Applejack commented as she took a closer scrutiny of her turkey pen. Everything seemed fine.... wait a minute...
"Good lord Heavy! You dropped the turkey!"
"Then help me capture turkey!" Heavy yelled to demoman as the flightless bird made a dash for it the moment it escaped the big man's hands. Following after the turkey was a motley crew comprised of a big fat Russian, a black Scottish cyclops, a wise-cracking Bostonian and an Australian outback hunter. The four of them trailed right on after the escaping turkey as it made a mad dash into who knows where.
"It's hiding! It's got to be around here somewhere!" Sniper announced as he drew his kukri. "When I get my hands on it, it's going to have a good turkey day. It's going to be in for a rather rough day."
"That's IF we get our hands on it." Scout whined as he readied his bat. "Ha. This is stupid. Why does soldier want a turkey anyways?"
"To celebrate Turkey day you twit!" Demoman replied hastily. "Alright lads. I think the bloody bird ran into that cave!"
"That... dark... scary..."
"What's wrong? Little man afraid of cave? Heavy not scared! Heavy go in to catch bird!" The big guy boasted as he walked in fists at the ready. "Come on out bird..."
Silence. Just silence.
Then without warning a roar and a scream.
The heavy came running out, hands clasped around the bird. But that wasn't why he was running. Cause right behind him, was a massive red dragon. Everyone simply ran like hell.
[Back at Slade's house]
He hadn't had a good Thanksgiving dinner in about fifty years nor had he actually had company over for dinner without the dinner ending with someone mysteriously dying of food poisoning. Sitting down he took a bite to eat from the turkey he had roasted. The juicy, tender meat was nothing short of what he expected from his own culinary skills. Mixed in with the homemade gravy, it certainly was a treat.
He took a look at Eila and Sanya who were eating away. Casually, Widow ate her food, hunger was one thing, but just because it was the day most people gained five pounds didn't mean it applied to her as well. As usual, Clint ate slowly, chipping away at the salmon steaks that Eila had made. He took a long gulp of brandy, cooling his nervous for a moment.
"So about work..." Clint began as he took another drink of wine. "Did you find out yet?"
"As a matter of fact I did. One of my contacts down in Manhattan actually told me exactly where our diamond is going to be. You see, the league of Assassins has a few favors down under ground."
"The JP Morgan's gold vault." Widow nodded. "I assume this league of assassins has contacts down there?"
"Yep. Quite a few of the employees are indirectly or directly linked with the league's activities. As such, it really does make sense to hold their contraband items in one of the most secure vaults on earth. Luckily, I have a way to get in."
Speaking of getting in, the exact moment he finished his sentence there was a low, ominous knock on the door.
Slade's casual demeanor (at least, his definition of "casual") instantly changed into the tenseness of an alert predator. When everyone looked from the door, and looked back, Slade was already dressed in a two piece suit once more.
"Business huh." Hawkeye commented. "Why the suit?"
"There's a hidden Kevlar layer." Slade replied as he pulled out his desert eagle. "Eila. Get the door."
"Hold on a moment... aren't you..." Hawkeye began only to be cut by Slade.
"I am certain magic does miracles these days." Slade's grip upon his gun tightened as Eila nodded. Slowly and gingerly, the girl opened the door, revealing a short, squat woman in her late forties.
Amanda Waller.
Normally, Slade is better at lying.
Normally, Slade is better at lying.
"Why hello there. Are your parents home?" Amanda Waller asked as she looked at Eila who wore more than simply a "I am so confused" look on her face.
She just looked at her dumbly and stuttered, not entirely sure on exactly how she was supposed to answer this question. Simply put, the answer of "I am in this house with my best friend and three adults I barely know sounds probably rather off in any case."
"Hi Waller. Come on in." Slade invited as he allowed the short, squat woman into his house and into the dining room, spotting out the various people who were eating around the table. So apparently Slade didn't poison EVERYONE that came over to his for dinner. Just most people.
Hawkeye's appetite rapidly deserted him as he saw Waller. Something about the women just felt off. Naturally, his hands strayed to his bow, which had been folded up for the occasion. Widow too had noticed that something about this woman just didn't feel quite right. A figure that radiated authority and ruthlessness. Humph. Sounds an awful lot like Nick Fury.
"So Wilson. Who are these people?" Waller asked in a rather haughty tone. To anyone else in the room, it was a miracle how Slade hadn't strangled someone for speaking to him in such a manner.
"Oh you know. That's my nephew with his wife. Those two are my granddaughters."
"Uh huh." Waller nodded as she scrutinized Hawkeye for a moment. "You know. I'd actually believe you if you had siblings."
"Cousin's son." Slade replied automatically.
"I'd once again, believe you more if they didn't live on the other side of the country. Not to mention wouldn't that be called a cousin once-removed?"
"Don't bother me with specifics." Slade replied as Waller took a look at Sanya and Eila who both did actually look like Rose. Of course...
"You're going to tell me these two are Rose's. And then we realize that Rose never had any children, and even if she did, hell would freeze over before she sent you her children for Thanksgiving."
"Okay. You got me." Slade groaned. "What do you want Waller?"
"First off. Who the hell are these people?"
"Clint Barton. You can call me Hawkeye." Clint said as he stood up to face the woman.
"Hawkeye huh? What? You some kind of metahuman with enhanced vision?"
"I just have good eye sight." Clint replied as he unfolded his bow. "Good enough to put an arrow in something I am not even looking at."
"And what your "wife"?"
"Whatever secret operation your running? She could find anything in ten seconds flat about it."
"Clint. Please."
"Sorry Nat. My mouth tends to run around some people." Hawkeye replied as he stared coldly at Waller. Strangely, the short, squat woman hardly even as much as acknowledged him as she looked at Sanya and Eila, who looked awfully unaware of the fact that right in front of them stood a woman who held unspeakable power at her very finger tips.
"You two do look a lot like Rose. Humph. So Wilson, I am not here on why you actually have guests over for dinner for once, but rather, where the hell did these people come from? I checked every available match. These people simply don't exist."
"Not here at least." Slade replied. "You know Waller, when I disappear off the grid. I told you to treat it as though I am leaving this planet. Take that statement very literally."
"So. Aliens?"
"No. Humans. Just from another earth. I hope you've been reading the League's records..."
"I haven't. Please. Bring me up to speed."
"Long story short. There are an infinite amount of universes, creating an infinite amount of earths." Slade replied flatly. "You are welcome for that explanation."
"Good one. Now then. What the hell do you plan to do with people from a different universe? That's presuming your story is true."
"Well. A man referred to as "Owlman" was last sighted in a certain world referred to as "Equestria". Owlman was the one who discovered such existences of infinite earths. Last time the league dealt with him, he was busy attempting to shatter reality. I suspect he is attempting to do it again. Now I don't know about you, but I really am not too excited on dying. So if you will excuse me for a few weeks, I'll be off killing this man. If you honestly don't believe me Waller, I suggest you read the records the league has kept."
"Now assuming I do believe you. Why are these people here?"
"I asked for a little bit of backup. Looks like I got it."
"How old are you two?" Waller asked as she turned to Sanya and Eila.
"I am 14."
"I am 15. Why?"
"Don't let the age fool you. I am certain they can turn your average man inside out." Slade replied with unfeigned confidence. "Besides. Those two over there are some of the best men from across the gap. Now Waller. Time for me to ask you something. You didn't come all the way here just to bother me over the fact I was having company for dinner for the first time. Why are you here?"
"Because ARGUS completed that weapon you asked for." Waller replied as she tossed Slade the staff. "And thank you, for KGBeast."
"You're welcome. Now get out."
"Another staff?" Sanya asked as she was served a slice of cheesecake. The creamy indulgent taste was a holiday for her taste-buds as she ate a rather quick pace.
"It's got more of a use then the last one. A better use." Slade replied as he began to eat a slice of his own handiwork. Being marooned on an island for two years really does improve one's culinary skills.
"Apparently your staves are sniper rifles?" Eila asked. "That must be pretty neat."
"It is awfully useful. But I think I am going to enjoy this even more. When you're done eating, I'll show you what it does. Assuming Waller's grease monkeys made this thing right, I will probably not explode myself."
"Is it a rocket launcher?" Nat asked as she examined the staff.
"Even better." Slade grinned. When everyone had been finished, he decided to test his new toy first hand. Downstairs at the range, he made sure to carefully not aim for the targets. He aimed straight for the wall.
The brilliant blue bolt that flew out slapped the cement with lethal force. The explosion that followed shattered the structure of the entire wall, tearing a massive hole.
"That's just like a..."
"HYDRA weapon?" Slade finished. "It is. I had some of they're rifles collected and reverse engineered the design. I honestly lack the means to build one myself, but luckily some of my friends in high places do."
"I never thought that woman was your friend."
"She isn't. She's my boss." Slade stated. "And trust me. I am only working for her because I partially want to."
"What's the other part?"
"I have to. Now then. In two days, we'll probably have all we need to get to that diamond of mine." Slade said. "So here's the thing. This house does have a few bedrooms. That's the good news. The bad news is, only of them actually has a bed, everything else is used for painting storage."
"Paintings?"
"That's my day job." Slade explained. "I sell paintings which I can assure you, are legally purchased and have not been stolen."
Whether or not this was a joke, no one really knew. The man led his guests upstairs where the rooms were. As Slade had explained, they were indeed stocked with paintings, quite valuable ones actually which were all fortunately, stowed against the walls so there'd be no hassle in having to move them unless Slade wanted to be out a few million dollars.
"Alright. Eila, Sanya. You two want the bed? It's was made for one man, but I assume you two could probably squeeze together."
"We don't mind." Eila grinned rather... sketchily. "Right Sanya?"
"Okay. That was a little bit creepy..." Clint commented. "Yeah... okay. So what about you Slade?"
"There's a sofa in my basement. I'll sleep there for the night. You need a place to bed?"
"Actually... I was thinking the roof."
"The roof?"
"I honestly can't stand lying down on anything that's cushioned. I just can't. Besides, it's a nice view up there."
"Suit yourself. I take it someone with your expertise can get up there?"
"Aye."
"What about you... Mrs. Romanoff?"
"I think one of the chairs or couches will do."
"Alright then." Slade nodded. "Get some rest everyone. There's more to do tomorrow."
In the Everfree forest for a several mile radius. Birds scattered at the sound of the screaming. Not from the massive red dragon that was torching up a good portion of the forest, but from the incomprehensible screaming that came from four unfortunate men who had just so fortunately pissed off a massive dragon. The four of them did the only sensible thing they could have done in the situation.
Run around with arms flailing, scream incomprehensible things and just sprint into the direction they came from. As for usual tradition to intruders who disturbed a dragon's slumber, the great beast remained upon the ground as it chased them. While it could have easily went up into the skies to find it's prey, the thick tree cover would have allowed the mercs to hide. Down here where it could even see the prints, there would be hiding. Just running until someone either got away or got turned into roasted flesh. From the looks of things, it was probably going to be the second of the two.
"INCOMING!" Heavy screamed as the wall of fire came charging at them like Pyro on a bad day. Thankfully, no one was made into human barbecue. Not thankfully, the smell of cloth on fire suddenly filled the air. For a moment, everyone looked around confused while running. Until Scout took a glimpse of Demoman's rear.
"Eh... Cyclops? Your butt is on fire."
The man took one look. ONE LOOK. ONE LOOK before letting out a scream that vaguely sounded like an air raid siren before making such a mad dash in circles that Professor Zoom would have been jealous at the speed the scotsman ran.
"FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Demoman screamed as he tried to pat out his burning butt. The flames didn't actually scorch him, just felt quite hot. Of course, while his rear would remain mostly intact, the same could not be said for his clothes as when the flames finally were pat out, everyone got a nice view of those white boxer shorts with red hearts all over them. The roar of laughter that came from everyone was only stopped by the fact that scout soon found out that his hat was on fire.
"KEEP RUNNING!"
"Ah. A cup of coffee in the afternoon. Keeps us grunts going eh?" Soldier asked to himself as he took a deep gulp of the dark beverage. "Okay. Now where are those buffoons I sent to get that turkey for turkey day?! They are late!"
"Maybe zey've run into problems?" Medic suggested as he sat down twiddling his fingers.
"Probably. Can't seem to rely on anyone these days." Soldier grumbled. "Spy!"
"Yes?" The Frenchman asked irritably.
"I need a man to monitor the robots! Go do that now!"
"My pleasure." The Frenchman replied sarcastically. At least if any backs are mysteriously stabbed, the money would be all his...
"Alright. Now where did I leave my keys?"
[Back to the forest]
It probably should have been funny that Demoman wore white boxers with red hearts. Under normal circumstances, this kind of revelation should have entertained many crowds for years to come. Right about now however, it was entertaining no one when yet another wave of fire caught Sniper's hat on fire, which would set him back about a few hundred dollars in terms of finding another high-quality crocodile skin hat. Needless to say, the Australian was PISSED.
"Ya bloody lizard!!" Sniper cried in rage as he watched his proud head decor catch right on fire. Quickly, he threw a jar of jarate at the dragon in an attempt to slow the big beast down. All it really did was cause the dragon to maybe bat a single eye. Besides him, Demoman had attempted to do the tried and true "Stickyspam" at the dragon. What no one told him was that the only thing he was doing was pissing it off even further. The next rush of flame burnt Scout's duffel bag into tinders and caused Heavy to trip.
"WHOA NO!" The big Russian screamed. Rather suddenly, a sandwich fell straight out of his pocket and landed on the dirt right between him and the dragon. With a loud stomp, the good food was crushed underneath the food of the dragon.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The heavy screamed in despair as he sank down to the earth waiting for the great beast to finally finish him off as he lost his beloved sandwich.
"Fatty! RUN!" Scout screamed as he stopped for a moment to watch the dragon rear up it's head, ready to breath fire.
Except it didn't.
Instead. It found itself staring at a certain butter-colored Pegasus who stared into it's eyes.
"Now. You got to be ashamed of yourself!"
"Scout. Am I seeing things?" Engineer asked as he took one look at what was going on.
"Nuh uh." The Bostonian replied as he took a glance at what was stopping them from turning into roast dinner for the dragon.
A tiny little horse with wings.
"Oh I am so sorry." Fluttershy began as the dragon left. "He's a bit jumpy. From what he told me, he woke up and was feeling so grumpy! It was just unfortunate you boys were caught there. Are you all lost?"
No one was really sure how to respond. Especially when the right way to reply was "We stole a turkey from a nearby farm and it ran here so we tracked it into a cave and almost got eaten."
"Umm... yeah?" Scout asked. "Okay. How 'bout we get a way out of this darned forest?"
"Is... is that pony talking?!" Sniper asked in disbelief as he scratched his head. "Alright mates. This is weird."
"Hey. Be polite to horse. Horse saved Heavy's life from big dragon." Heavy rumbled. "What is your name?"
"I am Fluttershy!" The pony nodded. "Are you lost?"
"Didn't Demoman just answer that?!" Scout asked irritably. "YES! We are fricking lost! Now if you, um... Shutterfly..."
"Fluttershy..." The pony corrected inaudibly.
"Whatever. Just get us out of this goddamn forest."
"Okay then. Follow me." Fluttershy nodded. "My cottage is not too far out here. You're welcome to stay for all you need."
"This is excellent! Our sales from day indicate that we'll be making roughly 15% more profit overall!" Gray smiled as he looked at the big board indicating sales made in Equestria. "Ha! Building a portal into an alternate dimension to sell hats was the best idea I've ever had!"
In addition sir, our profits, we are now making 0.013% more revenue than Mann Co.
"YES!" Gray Mann cheered as he almost jumped up into the air in his joy. "TAKE THAT SAXTON! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME YOU HAIRY TWIT! Listen up! This calls for a celebration!"
At once.
On most mornings when he woke up, the first thing Hawkeye did was check to see if he was still sleeping in the same place he had been sleeping in. On a lot of different circumstances did Nick Fury think it was a good idea to have him "bagged and tagged" in the middle of the night and dumped somewhere in the middle of nowhere for the purposes of "training". Usually, if his hands weren't tied behind his back, it meant that today's training was on "easy mode".
Giving a small yawn, the archer stood himself up. Despite the hard shingles that roofed every house, the archer felt just as nice as a normal person who had a normal day's of bed rest. The winter weather hardly bothered him as he opened a window and let himself in. Normally, all the windows in Slades house would be locked but this was just an exception. The reason he didn't go as far as to barring them was the need to remain inconspicuous and that the glass was bullet-proof. Still didn't stop anyone skilled enough from just sneaking in though.
Many people would find it surprising that Slade ate cereal for breakfast. Yes. Cereal. No matter how much the man tried, he always made a bloody mess when attempting to make any "traditional" breakfasts, so he typically settled for something less sophisticated, such as a bagel, a maybe stopping by Starbucks. Today, with someone else doing the cooking, it was a nice change. Besides, he had a lot of work to do.
"I'd rather have you not occupying the space behind me." Slade told Eila as he tapped away on his laptop. For the entire morning since she woke up, the girl was nothing more fascinated by that foldy-thing with a screen which Slade seemed to be doing something on. When explained it was a "computer", it was rather hard to fathom that it was possible to make a computer that didn't take up an entire room.
"Why? Uncomfortable?" Eila teased. Prudently however, she moved herself next to him. Watching him tap away while the screen depicted a map of some sorts with the occasional photo of a person coming up.
"Very. I am used to the fact that most people who stand right behind me typically don't like me very much." Slade replied, recalling the countless times people tried to stab him in the back. Usually ended with them getting killed with their own knives. "I assume you don't have this type of thing in 1944?"
"No. You said it was a computer?"
"Yes." Slade replied as a small beep caused him to grin slightly.
"What are you doing?"
"Long story short. I am using this map to find that diamond the league stole from me. Once we do, we can grab it, and I presume you have the ability to power it in someway shape or form."
"So... my question is... what if Sanya and I can't?"
"Then reality is going to hell. Take that statement very literally." Slade replied. "And possibly. We all find ourselves in literal pieces before that happens?"
"Ummm..."
"I've finished writing an algorithm and made a plan to tailor itself with what's going to happen. By "me' writing this algorithm, I mean it was stolen from a guy named Luthor when he wasn't looking. Back to the point. The JP Morgan fault is currently chalk-full of the league's men. These are trained killers, some of the most dangerous men and women on the planet. Chances are, their leader, Ras Al Ghul is probably keeping them around Manhattan to avoid attracting attention. I estimate that we will have roughly 10 minutes before the league responds to us breaking into their vault. We have roughly twenty minutes until a SWAT team can arrive. But it's not SWAT anyone should worry about."
"It's these... assassins?"
"No. In any time frame, "they" will show up. And that is when things get ugly." Slade nodded as he closed his computer.
"Who's "they"?"
"The Brave and the Bold." Slade replied as he got up. "Looks like Sanya is done cooking. Let's eat."
"So. You have a plan for find that gem of yours?" Hawkeye asked as he sat down to breakfast, his eyes darting from Sanya finishing up breakfast to Slade who was busy making adjustments to a "smartphone".
"I have. Breaking in is going to be hard, but nothing I haven't done before. I am just hoping these two can get it working. If not, we are going to be dead. All of us."
"Yeah. Apparently some "brave and bold" people are going to get to us." Eila snickered.
"They won't kill us. I assure you." Slade replied. "Just lots of pain."
"So. Can we get this show on the road already?" Eila replied impatiently. "I am certain some freakshow in a bat costume isn't going to be too big of a deal."
"Wait till you get to the freakshow in the owl costume."
"And then... there's your costume!" Eila grinned.
"So. You wear a hockey mask?" Hawkeye asked as he looked at Slade's gear .
"Oh for christ's sake. Yes. That was the original costume. Kevlar body armor, and yes. A hockey mask. Then I moved on to a spandex and Kevlar hybrid . It provided about as much protection as wet toilet paper against bullets, so I threw it out. Now I got this . Made so that I have perfect mobility and protection all in one great combination. I am currently working on another one that's going to be built of Promethium."
"What's Promethium?"
"Something I'll explain later." Slade replied as he grabbed his usual costume and placed it in a bag. "Before we leave. The armory is in the next room. I got plenty of weapons and ammunition."
"I think I'll need some ammo." Widow nodded.
"And something tells me those two are going to need some better than those dinosaurs." Hawkeye nodded. "Nat. How old were you when you started?"
"Younger."
"So Sniper. You ever feel like you're living in a dream? Or maybe just ended up getting yourself so drunk that reality somehow bended around itself. That kind of mumbo-jumbo?"
"No scout. Why?" The Australian asked.
"Well... maybe... because... we are in a house... owned by a yellow pony... surrounded by animals?! Am I the only one who things we're all seeing things?!"
"I am drunk! You don't have an excuse!" Demoman slurred as he fainted upon Fluttershy's couch, belching loudly. There was little need for explanation to why all the animals in Fluttershy's cottage had "mysteriously ran away back into their spaces for no apparent reason". Within the living room sat three really big and really loud animals. One of which kept talking incomprehensibly and belching every now and then could probably be assumed as the primary reason of the animals hiding. That, and the really big animal sitting on the couch that was eating a sandwich.
WITH MEAT!
"Well. We didn't catch that damn turkey. So that means when we get back, we have Gunnery Sergeant Hartman to deal with." Scout sighed. "So, what do you think he's gonna call us this time? Maggots? Goldbricks? Sissies?"
"Who cares? That damn rocket jumping potato head is just gonna go crazy for the millionth time. Whatever. Who cares about some stupid turkey. After he yells at us, maybe we can go smash some robots so we can get our money and leave."
"Aye. Mr. Hale says he'll pay us a bonus once there are no robots left here... in... um... unicornland... or something." Scout replied. "Yeah. Yeah. A bonus does sound good. The extra money does go a long way. Mhm."
"Would you all like some apple juice?" Fluttershy asked as she held out... wait a minute. Was... was... was a horse holding on to a plate with HOOVES?! How the hell did it hold onto something with hooves?!
That matter was overlooked as Fluttershy mustered the rest of her voice to offer the mercenaries apple juice. The offer would befall upon literal deaf ears in the case of Demoman, who was too drunk to as much as even realize he was being offered a drink that wasn't something that'd kill his liver. Sniper and Scout on the other hand just looked at each other. Not exactly what to do when a small yellow pegasus was offering them food. Especially when you're on your own planet, you typically offered horses apples. Not them offering you apple juice.
Heavy on the other hand, was rather different. With a wide grin, the big man nodded his head. Thanking the small pony and even ruffling it's mane as a "thank you". Despite having hilariously over-sized hands for Fluttershy's hilariously under-sized cups, the big man was still able to have a drink that he enjoyed.
"Heavy thanks you!" The big Russian rumbled as he smiled. "Is good!"
"You're welcome." Fluttershy nodded.
Today's second show would be the sounds of an impatient foot being tapped. Not by someone, but by something. A small bunny that kept tapping it's foot as loud as an average person. How this was even possible, no one really knew.
"Oh... what is it angel?" Fluttershy asked as she looked at the small bunny who began to point at the couch that Heavy sat on, then at Heavy, and then at itself, repeating the process a few times as though it was trying to get a point across about something involving a couch, heavy and itself.
"What is little bunny doing? It's funny to me!" Heavy commented as he looked at Fluttershy's confused face and Angel repeatedly stomping up and down while continuing it's ~~hand~~ paw motions.
"Oh... um... excuse me... Mr... umm..."
"I am Heavy Weapons Guy. Or just Heavy."
"Yeah! Like how much he weighs!"
The death-glare from Heavy would have been enough to cause grown men to piss themselves in terror. To scout, all it did was make him laugh so hard it hurt his stomach as he fell down and rolled on the ground. As much as he wanted to, it'd be impolite to beat someone senseless in someone else's house. But on the contrary... it'd be rather satisfying... nyet. Polite first. Fun later.
"Anyways. Mr. Heavy Weapons Guy. Angel says that... you're... in his spot."
"In his spot? Why?" Heavy looked at the little bunny. "So... you want your seat huh? Little tiny bunny."
The bunny gave an impatient stamp of the foot and glared at heavy, trying it's best to emulate it's owner's infamous "stare" yet utterly failing as the big Russian burst into hearty laughter, even forgetting about the fact that Scout had called him fat. Just seeing the tiny rabbit attempt to menace Heavy was funny enough to cause Scout to have a serious case of cramps in regards to laughing, with even Demoman bursting back into semi-soberness at the sight, still slurring incomprehensibly at what he thought was the best he'd seen in a long time.
It was all fun and games. Until Angel found a cup of boiling tea. And flung it right at heavy, scalding the man right right on his face.
"DEUUEAUGH!!!!"
The amount of chaos that Angel single-handily managed to cause with just a cup of tea would be something that the Joker would make a new goal for. Thrashing violently as his eyes were covered in tea leaves and hot liquid, the heavy screamed and yelled like a maniac sending all manners of things flying in all directions. Another reason for the animals within Fluttershy's cottage to stay hidden as the beserk Russian got up and ran with his arms waving around at the pain on his face. Eventually, he would crash through the wall, making a maddened dash for... somewhere.
It was in that time when Demoman, Sniper and Scout decided to excuse themselves.
Spy had done his job. Getting all sorts of information on the robots, the Frenchman had earned himself a break as he sat back to enjoy a cup of coffee. He also had made sure to stop by town. You see, there were about a couple dozen ponies who all had hats. Hats that the fancy gentleman happened to have good taste for. Obviously, they were too small for his head at the moment, but if he could find a tailor skilled enough, they could replicate the hats so that it'd suit his head.
And now. Here he was. Sitting at a desk with a cup of coffee and a pile of hats. Underneath said desk contained a brief-case which had a sum of roughly 60,000 dollars. A good haul after a few robots had gotten rather nosy at why a stray engineer bot was looking so fascinated over the workspace the robots had been provided.
The peace and quiet spy was enjoying was probably the best thing since here. Soldier had been going on and on about finding a turkey, which was almost as irritating as Scout. It was good to be alone finally. Enjoying a cigar, what could be better?
Rather slowly but surely, a small noise that sounded somewhat like a fire siren filled the air. Strange. It wasn't like there was any fire brigades around here since Engineer had planned a space that would not be near those... things... . It seemed however that the noise was so little anymore, and the high pitched siren wasn't as high pitched as it grew lower and lower and louder and louder. It soon dawned on Spy that the noise wasn't getting louder. It was that the noise was getting closer.
Without warning, right through the office that Engineer had so painstakingly set up, Heavy burst right through the wall, tripping over some pieces of loose rubble. Hitting him first would be Scout, who landed right on top of Heavy, followed by Sniper who tripped over Heavy's outstretched feet and landed on Scout, and then Demoman who once again became drunk and fell over due to peer pressure.
Needless to say, Spy was not happy.
"What the hell is this?!" Spy rasped angrily as he looked at the mess of people. "What have you hooligans done?!"
All there was, was the gobble of a turkey right on Demoman's head. It was in the moment that Soldier turned the corner.
"What the hell is this?!" Soldier asked happily. "YOU GOT THE TURKEY."
"Yeah... we...got...the...turkey." Scout gasped as he collapsed into an unconscious heap with the rest of everyone else.
A cookie to whomever get's the reference.
A cookie to whomever get's the reference.
He had to admit. He was surprised at how someone with such noodlely arms could manage to hold an AK-47 the right way, fire every single round, and not even as much as bat an eye at the recoil. The Russian assault rifle had long been a favorite of Slade. The weapon was reliable no matter how much mishandling one could good it, and the high caliber was good for puncturing armored targets. There was the issues with accuracy, but that's what a sniper rifle was for.
Sanya however, clearly didn't have too much of a liking to it. Neither did Eila. Recommendations from Slade may as well as have been a shopping list from US army grade gear to Soviet era firearms that were still used to this day. The thing was, he didn't exactly have any LMGs since... well... it's rather hard to hide such things, nor were they too much use on his jobs. The only thing that he could get the two girls to agree on was the Desert Eagle. With such a high caliber bullet, the accurate gun went through most body armors like tissue paper.
"You like the Desert Eagle huh?" Widow asked as she watched Slade effortlessly plant an entire clip into the bullseye of the target. "I prefer glocks."
"Good weapon. But I prefer guns that will make sure that whoever I shoot, they won't be getting up." Slade replied as his hands gripped around a customized sniper rifle. "Eila. Sanya. You done picking out yet?"
"I think we'll... just use our regular equipment." Eila replied.
"You sure about that?"
"Yeah. I know you got some nice toys down here, but we know our weapons better. Besides, I'd rather not lose a finger because I pulled the trigger wrong."
"Alright. Whatever. As long as you aren't throwing ping pong balls at the league of assassins, I think everything will be just fine." Slade shrugged as his hands grabbed around a knife, and flung it at the target landing dead center. Giving a small sigh of satisfaction, the old assassin grabbed two gym bags and placed them upon the ground. Stuffing inside his gear and all the essentials. "Alright. I hope everyone's got their things together."
Eila and Sanya with their regular clothes under heavy winter jackets, Clint with a sweater over his SHIELD uniform and a pair of shades and Nat with her regular clothing over her uniform. It was just a good thing it was dead in the winter since Clint and Nat had conveniently decided to forgo regular clothes though still packed civilian coats. Since their cover would already be blown by the time they entered the JP Morgan, it's not like that'd matter.
Now then. It was a good thing that someone owed Slade a favor. It was even better that certain someone had the resources to get them inside. There were places where even the world greatest assassin couldn't get into. The most secure gold vault on this planet was a good example of that.
"This place is freezing! Don't tell me that in seventy years, the world will be on a shortage of heaters!" Eila complained as she shivered at the entrance. If anything, entering the establishment was even COLDER than being outside (which was currently undergoing some heavy snowfall).
"Slade. The Iceberg Lounge. How literally should we take that name?" Clint asked as his sharp eyesight got a glimpse of ice.
"Very literally." Slade replied as the bouncer approached them. Or rather, bouncers, two hulking men with muscles the size of bowling balls menaced the five for a while, whispering to each other in a way that cause Widow to give a small stretch of her mouth in disdain. One of them smiled at her with a mouthful of yellow and rotting teeth. The smile itself was enough to already make Widow want to punch the man in the face. Behind them, stood a gorgeous woman with dark skin and pair of glasses. Colloquially, she was referred to as "Candy".
The other man took one look at Hawkeye. Being used to bullies, the archer stared back hard enough to make water freeze. Rather wisely for a man of his intelligence, the bouncer backed off, not wanting to know whether it was a lion or mouse behind those shades. Instead, his eyes caught Sanya and Eila who seemed quite out of place. This was a lounge after all... and normally, minors weren't allowed in here.But why not? Why not take the opportunity? It wasn't often a pair of children didn't know better.
"Where's Oswald?" Slade asked impatiently to the two bouncers as they stopped looking creepily at his companions.
"Ya don't make orders 'round here geezer." One of the men replied rudely as his hand went to Sanya's head. Prudently, the girl took a step back, pretending not to notice the lewd way a much older man was staring at her. Eila on the other hand fumed silently that someone would DARE stare at Sanya in such a manner. Something Slade noticed quite well.
"I do apologize for his rudeness Mr. Wilson. You see, you are on the list. Your... um... friends? Family? Are not. They're gonna have to earn it past."
"Earn it past huh?" Hawkeye snarled as he walked straight up to the man, leaning his face so close in that they would be in kissing distance. "How about this? You try to get past me son. You just try."
As were all bullies. The bouncer was truly a coward at heart as he backed away from Hawkeye. To further state this, Clint made sure to give the man a firm shove that sent him stumbling backwards. The bouncer dared not to as much as object. Widow simply brushed past the two as though it was none of her business. Sanya and Eila on the other hand...
If you were intimidated by these two. You can be awarded the wimp of the year award. That was exactly what the two bouncers were thinking when they looked at the two girls. Retaining her usual mild mannerisms Sanya looked at Slade rather helplessly as the two men formed a wall in front of them. You see, asking nicely wasn't going to get you anywhere.
"Ударил" Slade suggested much to Sanya's surprise. She raised an eyebrow at this as she looked at the man.
"Ты уверен?"
"да."
"What are you two talking about?" The bouncer asked as he eyed the small silver-haired girl.
"He tells me I should hit you."
To the bouncer. This was something good enough to be put on Broadway in terms of humor. As though asking her to do so, he leaned himself forward.
Even Slade would be impressed with what happened next as the sight of a person flew a few feet through the lounge, catching the eyes of various patrons. With a laugh, he watched as the other bouncer decided to prudently run out of there as the group would have their meeting with Mr. Cobblepot.
To say the man was revolting... that'd be an understatement. Obese. Short. And by god... he LOOKED like a penguin from his long nose and the way he was dressed. Needless to say, no one, not even Slade really liked dealing with such a character. Said penguin-shaped person was currently sitting on top of the iceberg within the lounge, devouring entire fishes whole, totally oblivious to the people that were right in his face.
"Hey! Cobblepot!" Slade yelled at the criminal.
"Huh? Oi! Who... oh...Wilson?! Wilson? Alright you scoundrel, what do you want?"
"You owe me a favor Oswald." Slade said coldly as he stared hard at the bodyguard causing said guard to have a sudden urge to go to the bathroom. "Time you paid me back."
"Like bloody hell I do!" The Penguin replied indignantly. "What favor do I owe you?! All I remember is that you killed two of my best men..."
"While... that... both of those Chinese mafias aren't around anymore. You still haven't paid me. It's time you did."
"So what? Fine. Then why do you bring... um... why... who the bloody hell are these people?"
"I am his nephew." Clint stepped up tapping Slade subtly on the foot. "This is my wife."
"And these two are my granddaughters." Slade continued rather quickly. Unlike Waller, The Penguin didn't exactly have access to every single person on the planet. Though he did look like he wasn't really buying it, he did make note the fact that Sanya and Eila did look somewhat like Rose. Maybe if Rose was about twenty years younger, than the semblance may be more clear.
"Okay. So you bought your family with you. Oh. Hey kids! What's grandpa teaching you huh? 100 ways to kill a man?"
"Ummm...."
"Anyways..."
"So. Like I was saying. Here's what I need..." Leaning over, Slade whispered in Oswald's ear. When he was done, the fat man looked at him, eyes wide.
"You planning to get yourself killed?"
"Let me put it to you this way. We don't do this, we're all dead."
"And you see Mr. Queen? Production of venom has increased by nearly 2000% ever since we established our business here in... Equestria at it is colloquially referred to by it's denizens." Dr. Pierce assured as the black bowman sat himself down. Instead of his standard black hood and garb, Oliver Queen was wearing a suit and tie, taking a peek at the Syndicate's income from the time it had taken. Only days, and business was booming. As it turned out, when horses were bright, colorful and cheery looking, instead of dog food and glue, they could provide dog food, glue and venom.
"I should get Thea one of these for her birthday." The dark archer commented as he took a look at several of the equines locked in the various cages.
"I am certain your sister will greatly appreciate her older brother giving her a gift." Dr. Pierce nodded as he grabbed his clipboard. "Now then. Thomas currently has asked for... um... these are very odd orders."
"What is it?"
"You are to sever off the horns of every unicorn you see and give them to him."
"And why do I have to do this again?"
"Then have some of those thugs to do it instead. That's assuming Mr. Queen, you have better things to do other than contemplate your memories of Starfish island."
"I do actually. I have had my eyes set on several members of the syndicate I intend to bring over. As well as a job application that was sent out, it was accepted by a very reputable assassin."
"His name?"
"William Randolph Wintergreen. He prefers Billy though."
"Before we start." Slade began as he somehow changed from a two piece suit into his gear just by walking behind a car door. "I should remind everyone that the moment we get in, y'all have about ten seconds before you find yourselves in pieces.... if you don't react quite enough."
"Kindly be more specific?" Widow asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Roughly speaking, every man here was given orders to kill anyone... yeah. Anyone. Connect the dots from there." Slade continued as he watched Clint put on his shades and flip out his bow.
"What kind of people are we dealing with?"
"Just your average street thug who was offered a substantial fee." Slade replied watching as Clint gave a small nod and fitted his arrows to his bow. "When you start finding yourselves surrounded by elite assassins, you might want to start taking it seriously. If... you are that type of man."
The archer gave little reply as he readied himself, watching his partner flip out two pistols. From beneath their coats, Sanya and Eila readied their guns. Slade gave them all a nod, before producing an explosive pouch from his pockets.
KNOCK KNOCK.
The fact that there were a bunch of bodies in some of the sacks of "gold" gave much indication to what type of men they were dealing with. The type that Barton liked just enough to put an arrow through. As his projectiles sang through their air, he took a look to Nat who like him, was finding this to be a rather easy operation. Why Slade was even concerned in the first place would have been a mystery to him, if he hadn't mentioned some band of ninjas and highly trained assassins. Seeing how they still have not yet arrived yet, the situation was as of now still, under their control.
"Is... is he...?" Widow asked as she took a look at Slade.
"Fighting men with guns with one hand behind his back? That is indeed what he is doing." Barton nodded as he watched Slade perform his magic on a mob of five men. Speaking of magic. "Okay. I am seeing things. I definitely am. Are those...?"
"Cat ears?" Widow nodded as she watched the blue disk float in the air, covering Sanya and Eila from harm while the former carried a gym bag to the large door on the other side. "Yep."
"30 seconds!" Slade called as the sounds of a man hitting steel at lethal speeds hit the air.
"Until what?"
"Oh wait... I am late."
"Late?"
The black arrow that flew through the air described exactly what he meant. If it hadn't been for fast reflexes, Clint would have had an arrow right in the chest. Instead, there was a broken black arrow on the ground, severed in two by the one Hawkeye had fired from his bow.
The man in the black hood was quite hard to miss. From behind him, as though he had split into three people, two more men of eerily same height stepped right out. Bows and blades in hand.
"People on my level huh?" Hawkeye mused as the three men rushed at him. Swerving and weaving to avoid the arrows, the archer fired off another at one of the men. As predicted, he would avoid the arrow, but hitting him wasn't the point. Because the moment it passed his head area, a massive bang flashed throughout, causing him to cry out in pain. If someone couldn't see you, they sure as hell couldn't fight you. The two arrows in his chest would be testament to that statement as the rest of the assassins closed in.
"How old is he again?" Eila grinned as Sanya's shield bounced off a pair of throwing knives. Slade had begun to use his sword, and was currently surrounded by three men who all clove nothing but the air with their blades. It would be quite hard to believe that Slade was confronting some of the most skilled killers on the face of the planet when they seemed to have so much issues in hitting him. Even more so when Slade caused one of them to kill his own comrade. The shocked assassin was only shocked for about a single nanosecond, but that was all Slade needed as he grabbed him by the head and slammed him into the wall. When his still-living teammate attempted to help him, all he did was had Slade's armored foot end up right in his face.
"Too easy." Deathstroke commented as he found himself surrounded by more and more of Ras' men and women. Drawing his blade, he allowed over sixty years of combat experience to be freely used as he drastically thinned about the assassins. Elsewhere, Clint had left his attacker dangling from the ceiling, the arrow that was lodged in was the only thing that stopped him from a fatal drop. While that, Nat was doing quite well despite being in a situation that was rather similar to Slade's.
Time to try it. Slade thought as he braced himself properly. Smashing the staff into the ground, he leaped up into the air look an Olympic pole vaulter, sent himself up into the air as he pressed the trigger upon the staff. The blue beam of light that erupted from below sent quite the blast through the ground as men and women found themselves being scattered in all directions. A few dozen perfectly executed bullets from a pair of SMGS finished the rest of the job.
"There's still more!" Eila pointed two more men in hoods approached Slade. The assassin almost welcomed them with open arms giving them the impression he was telling them to hit him non-verbally. That was not what happened at all.
One of them slumped over. While the other one began to spasm and jerk around as though he was having a seizure. When their bodies fell over, it revealed a man in a green hood with a green bow.
"Slade." The man acknowledged in withheld fury as he fired an arrow with blindingly speeds. The arrow that was fired would have taken out Slade's other eye, except with a expertly aimed shot, Clint had sent that arrow into two pieces.
"Nice shot!" Green Arrow congratulated. "But my friend has a nicer kick!"
Clint would have reacted faster under most circumstances, but he felt as though he had been hit by a cruise ship as he found himself sailing through the air. When he looked up, he saw the sight that would send most mortal men quivering in fear. His excellent eyesight got him an excellent view of the night. The Dark Knight.
Taking off his shattered sunglasses, the archer got to his feet quickly, launching an arrow straight at Batman. His opponent simply caught it, and snapped it in half with his thumb as he approached the archer.
Clint knew how to swing a hefty punch. But he could scarcely believe himself when the guy in the bat costume caught his fist. A flame of pain shot through Hawkeye as he felt his bones being shattered from the man's grip alone. He tried punching him again, only to have his other hand caught, and to have the wind knocked out of him as Batman's knee went right into his gut. He only got his grip on reality back when he felt himself being thrown down the catwalk, hitting the ground hard as the guy in the bat costume turned his attention to Nat who held her guns at the ready.
Slade looked up for a split second at the sight of the one man he respected, watching as Widow's guns went flying out of her hands from the batarangs.
A split second meant a lot to Green Arrow. Right now was opportune for him to shoot Slade with another arrow. Normally, he would use non-lethal arrows, but Slade? Slade was an exception. Aiming straight for the man's gut (to not accidentally kill him), the hood fired his arrow.
A split second still meant that Slade had half a second to move out of the way. Which was plenty. When he moved, Green Arrow got to see it all in slow motion. Instead of hitting a metahuman in the gut with a razor sharp arrow, he was going to take the head off a small girl with silver white hair. His shock could scarcely be contained as his mouth hung open.
His shock was going to be at something else other than infanticide when he saw her hand come up and wrap around the arrow. She looked at the green arrow for a moment and looked back at him before winking rather mischievously.
"Thanks for the arrow!" Eila said as she stuck out her tongue impudently. Finding a piece of loose rubble, she flung it straight at Oliver Queen with such force, that it would have knocked out all the teeth in his mouth had it connected. He only had a few words.
"What the hell?!"
But before he could piece together the fact that some random kid caught one of his arrows, his head snapped at the direction of a now-recovered Hawkeye, who was aiming an arrow straight at his head.
Fortunately, his reflexes were quite good.
There were few people that ever had gave Nat trouble in a fist fight. The Winter Soldier was a good example, but as of now, this man (or monster) underneath the bat costume sent not only pulses of fear throughout her that even the most jarring of all scenes had failed to do, but fought with such skill and ferocity that Widow found herself fighting for her very life. Whatever was underneath that cowl, could not have been human. The way it moved, the way it fought, and the way those two eyes starred into her.
She felt herself being tossed like a piece of paper with this... thing as it knocked her straight against the other side of the catwalk, approaching her slowly like a patient murderer. Instead however, the death at the hands of a dark knight was not to be, as Batman soon found himself being pulled down into the same floor with Slade who had a gun ready. Batman however, already had a batarang ready as it sailed into Slade's neck area, giving him a neat nick.
"Batman!" Slade called almost cheerily. "How good of us to meet again."
"Slade." Batman replied as his eyes narrowed. Closing the distance between them with almost inhuman speed, Batman swung a heavy blow at Slade. To say Sanya was surprised Slade didn't lose his head would be an understatement. Instead, his mask broke neatly in two as Slade flew backwards. He got up, wiped his lip of the thin line of carmine and rushed Batman with a scream.
There were few creatures that demanded as much fear as Batman, and Slade knew that better than anyone as Batman's hands locked around his blade. The likelihood Batman would defeat him wasn't high.
Slade laughed inwardly as his headbutt sent Batman staggering back, while the Dark Knight's foot caused him to gasp for air. The chances of even HIM coming CLOSE to killing the bat certainly wasn't high either.
"So, still not killing these days?" Slade asked rhetorically as he faced off against his old friend. Despite beginning to age himself, the guy in the bat costume still hit harder than most superhumans. Then again, when you could cripple a man without much effort, what need was there to kill? Perhaps there was always a motive that Slade never quite understood about the guy in the bat costume, but it's like he ever cared too much to deduce what it was. In the corner of his eye, he spotted Hawkeye squaring off against Green Arrow while Nat busily made her way down. A small fall in rubble told Slade that some of the league's bigger guns were coming in.
After all, the Amazonian was quite a force to be reckoned with.
Sanya and Eila both came from a place that was a dozen times more... strange... then a woman that just broke a hole in a few meters worth of concrete and came floating down. Slade's signal had meant that he wanted some support fire. As Sanya remained on prying open the door, Eila grabbed her pistol and fired a shot. She wasn't exactly keen on killing anybody, but as of now, it's not like morals could be in the way when Slade had described these people as some of the most dangerous men and women in existence. The bullet that flew at her should have cut her through the head. Until she raised her arms and deflected it with her bracelets.
"Wh...what?" Eila asked almost in disbelief as she realized that she now had the very bad attention of a super human. Most bullets never even as much as were felt by Wonder Woman when deflected by her bracelets. Thing was, a magically imbued one certainly made itself felt as the ringing pain remained. She looked at the two children behind the crate.
Bloody brats...
As Soldier, the de facto and self fancied leader of the merry band of lunatics had promised. They took their turkey. Killed it in cold blood. And then ate it. By ate it, I mean that when they were in the process of doing a crappy job of roasting it, out of nowhere did crit stickies RAIN from the formerly calm skies.
ROBOTS.
Scattering around like leaves at first sight of an autumn gale, the mercs milled about screaming incomprehensibly as they snatched up their weapons ranging from rocket launchers to homemade flamethrowers to frying pans. The robots persisted in their attack, as they switched from sticky bombs to the standard grenade launcher raining the mercs with pipe bombs.
"THOSE GOLDBRICKS DARE ATTACK ON WHEN WE ARE EATING TURKEY?! KILL THEM ALL!" Soldier screamed over the din as he fired a rocket at a nearby Demobot, blowing the metal contraption to bits. "Alright men! ATTACK!"
No one truly needed any second bidding when grenades were flying at them from all directions. What people needed at the moment was something to duck behind against the raining grenades and bullets. Had it not been the quick actions of a German doctor or the fast hands of an engineer, most of the team would probably be in pieces at the moment. Instead, they all remained well and alive (relatively) as they lobbed back bullets and explosives at the advancing robots.
"There's more of them!"
"Goddamn it! More shooting and less shouting!" Soldier rasped over the din as he advanced through the fire, braving past a few bullets within his trousers and a near miss from a grenade. "Take... that! And that! Come on sissies! Keep fighting! Look! They're pulling back! After them! There's money to be had in the spoils of war!"
No one moved a muscle.
"AND HATS!"
Soldier soon found himself flattened paper thin as the stampede crushed him as eight other lunatics ran through the forest, tearing through foliage as they picked up money and dropped metallic hats in the process. Bullets and rockets flying in the meantime.
Everything would have been fine. If a sudden discharge from a rocket launcher hadn't collided with a weather factory... everything would have been somewhat fine if the explosion hadn't tore open the place they kept all the blizzard clouds. The runaway blankets trailed over across the skies in a flash before finally making their way to the coast where they continued to float before stopping above a certain derelict island dumping their payload all over a normally warm place. This would be noticed by the couple dozen thugs that the Crime Syndicate had placed on charge over the island. That however, would be saved for a later date.
Everything for the mercenaries, may have been fine if a passing Pegasus didn't choose to alert the authorities of the destruction caused, and mysterious "flashes" happening in the woods.
10,000 rounds per minute was something that could knock houses down in a flash. Against robots, it produced similar effects as the Russian screamed happily in his mad joy at the sight of spare parts and bolts erupting in all directions as his gun shredded anything within a hundred meter radius into metallic soup. From in front of him, the explosion of a carefully hidden sniper bot made the Russian pause for a moment, before nodding his thanks to the Australian sharpshooter besides him.
"Good shot!"
"Thanks mate." Sniper replied. "There are more of these tincans now. I am betting at them having a camp somewhere round here."
"Mmmph...mmmph." Pyro nodded in agreement as he sent a rocket straight back at the hordes of robots which kept hitting the mercenaries like a storm. The mercenaries hit them back.
"Now then. ONWARD! TO HATS AND GLORY MEN." Soldier yelled over the din. "Charge me doc."
"Ja." The German replied as the red aura covered the Soldier who walked past them enemy machine gun and rocket fire. His teammates supported him, raining down fire and brimstone upon the robots.
"NO!" Gray screamed in frustration as the camera feed died once more before shortly establishing connection on another robot which once more, got him a really excellent view of what it would be like to have the last thing you ever see be a grenade flying right at your face. This happened for quite a few times before the connection caught him to the semi-functional camera of a broken soldier bot that was watching the metal massacre.
Casualty rate is at 5% Supreme Overlord. May I request that we retreat?
"No you bumpkin! It's not the damn robots! They're taking all my hats! And money too! Those burglarizing peons!" The old man ranted. "If only I somehow had a better mercenary to show those buffoons who is boss around here!"
~~Cue Deadpool~~
"Now if only something.... Grah! It's hopeless! Those dolts are going to find the headquarters I worked so tediously to set up and ruin every... what the....?"
"Eh fellas?" Engineer asked as he looked around him. "Anyone else feel something weird is going on?"
"Mhm." Pyro nodded. "Hudda...hudda...mmmffff..."
"Yeah...yeah... like this... like this... FRICKING PURPLE... BUBBLE THING!" Scout exclaimed. For a moment, picture a massive purple bubble that surrounds you. And now find that you are unable to get through, and anything inside is unable to go outside. That would be an excellent way of describing the scenario the mercs found themselves to be in.
"I WILL BREAK PURPLE!.... OOF."
"Calm down Heavy. Using that lard as a battering ram ain't gonna do us any good." Sniper muttered underneath his breath. "Oh look. A horse with wings."
"ROYAL GUARD. YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST."
"Wait... what?" Scout asked. "Under arrest? I can't be under arrest! I was already arrested last year!"
"For disturbing the peace and for property damage, you lunatics are all under arrest! Resist and we will have to respond with force!"
"You will not imprison me you cartoon... comicbook... thing!" Soldier retorted as he aimed at the barrier which was only small enough to contain all of them comfortably... but let's just say the same can't be said if an explosion was to happen. "I BREAK OUT OF THIS BARRIER."
"Wait. SOLDIER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....!!!!!!!!!!!"
Boom.
"And Princess. We have arrested the nine lunatics that were responsible for the destruction of a local weather factory." The Royal Guard Captain explained as he gestured at the heap of unconscious bodies that were all contained within the purple force field. "A Pegasus had explained that there were... um... two legged... eh... creatures in town. Just hours past, he had told us that the same creatures were responsible for the destruction of a weather factory. The means of which is still under investigation. However, judging from the fact these nine were on the scene... forensics detailing a... fight of sorts... we have kept them detained for questioning."
You needed forensics to come down here to tell you there was a fight? Celestia thought with a raised eyebrow. No wonder a certain two-legged creature with only one eye thought her guards had no business defending anything. If anyone took one look at the shattered trees, bullet casings on the ground or the fact there were decapitated robot heads in a pile, it'd take them about two seconds to piece together a total WAR had occurred on this spot.
"Now then. Onto the task at hand." Princess Celestia spoke as she had the force field drawn down. Taking a look at the unconscious (and battered) humans, she spotted one of them... who wore familiar white clothing... medic. What's he doing here? Deciding now was the time for same answers, the Princess of the Sun opened forth some of her magic, causing a few large buckets of water to pour right on the unconscious mercenaries who all shook awake, with Pyro being the most dramatic, as though someone had dumped ice down his back.
"Alright. Now I don't know what went on here, but can all of you explain what just went on here? Let's start with you... Medic." Princess Celestia said as she looked at the German. What was he doing here? ~~It's not like Celestia actually needed some band of lunatics to do any more dirty work.~~
"Celestia? Vell... eh... you see...."
"Wait doc.... hold on a sec... how do you know... her? It...?"
"It's a long story." The German began, half to Celestia, half to his colleagues who were all rather interested in hearing.
"Okay. So the last Christmas I enjoyed was when I jumped out of a plane." Slade explained as he sat down at the table with his companions taking a drink of aged and pale champagne.
"Why were you doing that?" Sanya asked. "Just for fun?"
"Sorta. So, the guy in the bat costume was deciding to patrol the skies in that fancy jet of his. I just decided to have some fun on my Christmas and crash his. Surprisingly, he got out of that."
"Should I be surprised?" Nat asked as she popped a chestnut into her mouth.
"Christmas is quite a boring holiday if you ask me. It's literally the same thing year after year." Slade sighed. "I usually spend my time by the fireplace with a good book. I suggest All Quiet On The Western Front , Red October and Black Hawk Down ."
"I... never heard of any of them." Sanya said rather helplessly as she looked at Eila, who was busy munching an apple and playing around with Slade's phone.
"Well, I am not surprised to why. None of those things were actually written in 1944. By the way kid, your war is going to end in 1945, September 2nd. But... don't get your hopes up. You're going to have another one in 1950, June 25th. I fought in that war."
"Am I the only one who doesn't understand what he's saying?" Scout asked as he carried a few cans of coke to the table. "What the hell is the old guy going on about?"
"Nothing. Nothing." Eila replied. "Any chance I might meet "you" in 1950?"
"Probably not." Slade replied. "I think I'll probably be a woman too if you were to see me. And maybe... a little..."
"A little less of a total asshat is one thing." Scout waved.
"Okay son. Get the hell out of here before I decide to spend Christmas like how I did a few years ago."
"Jokes on you geezer! I don't have a plane!"
"I'll rip YOU apart instead then." Slade replied as he turned to Eila, who had somehow figured out how to use Angry Birds on his cellphone. "So. Any other Christmas stories to share?"
"Ever seen the Nutcracker?" Natalia asked.
"I used to watch ballet when I was about 45 years old and actually got along with my family."
"I saw it. It was fine." Hawkeye nodded as the sounds of a rather rambunctious crew of ruffians entered his eardrums. Grabbing two casings for bullets, he placed them into his ears as he continued to face the less annoying goers in this house. Someone, was singing "It's a birthday party at the house of farmer Grey" so badly, it was enough to make Hawkeye go blind.
"Ballet. It's one of my pasttimes." Black Widow commented as she continued. For no other reasons than because the author said so... Deadpool appeared right on the table with a box of cookies.
"HELLO EVERYBODY! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS! Now I know I wasn't invited and all, but you know what? I told the author that he was going to include me in this chapter, or I was going to rig his house with C4s."
"Not you again!" Slade groaned as he looked at the mostly insane Wilson.
"Yeah it's me again! The guy who kicked your ass on Deathbattle!" Deadpool exclaimed. "No hard feelings right bro? Here have a hug."
"Do not touch me." Slade growled as he shoved the other mercenary back.
"Who... are you?" Scout asked as he scratched his head.
"I am Wade Wilson! But everyone who knows me calls me Deadpool! Now then, I know I wasn't invited and all, but like I was saying..."
"I hate him already." Slade muttered underneath his breath.
"You kidding? He's awesome!" Eila smiled widely. "He's... he's like... I don't even know!"
"Eila. You just met this clown. And he's going off about an author and C4s." Slade replied.
"I dunno! He just sounds awesome! Hey Wade! Can I call you that?"
"Sure kid! Would you like some tacos? Or nachos? Or meatloaf? Or... um... candy? I have plenty of that in my van!"
"That was not creepy in any way shape or form..." Hawkeye commented as he slid away from the merc with a mouth. "Seriously? I hate social gatherings!"
"Awww... Mr. Hawkeye hates parties! Don't worry! Pinkie Pie will change your mind!" The pink earth pony said without warning as an explosion of confetti shook the entire table. "How about a cupcake?!"
Deadpool took one look at Pinkie Pie.
"I like you."
"YAY! WE CAN BE BEST FRIENDS YOU AND I, MR. DEADPOOL! WE CAN MAKE BALLOONS TOGETHER, WE CAN..."
"We can blow shit up together!"
"YES! With my party cannon!" Pinkie giggled as the explosion sent confetti in all directions. "Oh... right... it's Hearth's warming eve! Or as humans call it, CHRISTMAS!"
"My favorite holiday." Slade grumbled as he grabbed some whiskey and decided to pour himself quite a few shots, earning him the attention of Sanya.
"Isn't that bad for you?"
"Not for me. I have not been numb in over sixty years. Just let me try." Slade sighed as he took a long gulp, watching Pinkie Pie go on and on about presents and baked goods and that elusive fat guy in red. Speaking of an ~~elusive~~ fat guy in red...
"HEAVY IS HERE! WITH PRESENTS FOR ALL!" Heavy said as he sat down on the table with a huge creak and showed everyone his bag. "Alright. What do you want for Christmas?!"
"Mmmphh...mphhh..."
"I want a new grenade launcher! And sticky bomb launcher!"
"A life supply of sergeant Dan's soup!"
"I wanna be on a baseball card!"
"Another guitar!"
"Can... I... have... a new... pillow?"
"Hey! SANYA WANTS A NEW PILLOW." Eila said poking Heavy who glared at her. "Heh... sorry. Um... can I just have a candy cane?"
"I want... I WANT A HOTDOG COSTUME! WITH PLENTY OF SAUSAGES!" Deadpool grinned. "AND MAYBE THE OLD MAN COULD USE ANOTHER MISTRESS THAT IS FORTY YEARS YOUNGER THAN... no wait... how about sixty?"
"Heavy. May I borrow this for a moment?" Slade asked the Russian as he took a hold on his bag.
"Da. What for?"
"This." Slade replied as he gave it a mighty swing. The bag, holding all manner of things that normally wouldn't fit in a bag hit Deadpool with tremendous force, sending him straight through the floor. Calmly, the old mercenary gave Heavy the bag back.
"What the hell man?! Can't take a joke?"
"Go shoot yourself."
"Certainly!" Deadpool grinned underneath his mask as he took his pistol, and shot himself straight through the head. "Ta-da! What you gonna ask next? Wanna see a magic trick?! I'll make a pencil disappear like they did in The Dark Knight Rises."
"I like you." Pinkie Pie smiled widely. "You wanna break the fourth wall with me?! Again? Because I heard the author is installing some kind of fourthwall firewall where..."
"THAT SON OF A BITCH. IF HE DOES THAT I WILL BLOW UP HIS HOUSE. HEY AUTHOR. YOU LISTENING?! I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR ASS ON A STICK FOR CHRISTMAS IF YOU MAKE IT SO I CAN'T BREAK THE FOURTH WALL."
"This dude makes no sense." Scout commented. "But I like him."
"Yeah! Lot's of people do! You see... I met my hero a few months ago. Or was it weeks? Or years? I dunno. I met Captain America!"
"YOU MET CAPTAIN AMERICA?!" Soldier asked. "SWEET MOTHER OF JOESPH THIS IS AWESOME. DID YOU READ HIS COMIC BOOK ABOUT HOW HE PUNCHED A NAZI THROUGH THE LIVER AND PULLED OFF THE 88 OF A TIGER?!"
"I... I... I am certain he never did that. Or did he? I dunno!"
"This holiday. I hate it so much. I think it'd be better if I spent it with my two children." Slade sighed as he took a gulp of scotch.
"Here old man." Demo offered as he gave Slade his bottle. "These gits really are a handful sometimes."
"Yeah. My two children both hate me enough to kill me in case you're wondering."
"I just want to spend Christmas with my parents again." Sanya nodded. "I got to see them again."
"Must have been a good time. I never knew my parents." Slade nodded.
"You know... why don't we play a game?" Eila suggested as she took out a deck of cards.
"Poker? Heavy is pretty good." Engineer commented.
"Nah. These are tarot cards. I can read your future. For example, I know you're going to sit down in an armchair. Look down by the way."
Engie. Was. Sitting. In. An. Armchair.
"I'll be darned..."
"Let's see now... um... Slade... you... you are going to join a group of people... yeah... and..." Eila stopped for a moment as her eyes stared hard at the card. "Alright. Let's see... now... you're going to..."
"HE'S GOING TO JOIN THIS THING CALLED THE SUICIDE SQUAD, AND HE'S GONNA COME BACK HERE WITH HIS FRIENDS, AND THERE'LL BE EXPLOSIONS, MORAL QUESTIONS, A TON OF BAD GUYS, AND CASH! AND HE'S ALSO GOING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS DAUGHTER, AND THEN MAYBE THEY'LL RUN INTO A GUY CALLED DARKSEID AND THEN THERE'S GOING TO BE A..."
"Shut up." Slade sighed as he grabbed a slice of pumpkin pie and stuffed it into Pinkie's mouth. "For christ's sake, christmas is better when I have bullets flying in my direction."
"You're a party pooper. You know that?" Pinkie Pie smiled. "But it's okay! Pinkie's gonna help you change."
"No."
"YES."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"No."
"What?"
"Darn. That normally works."
"Okay. Look over there all of you for a moment." Slade said. All heads turned.
"I don't see nothing!" Scout began.
"You fools! He merely played you." Spy explained as all heads turned back at the empty chair and the opened window.
And now: Back to where we left off
"So... are we under arrest? Are we... like... going to jail? A trial?" Scout scratched as he sat in the rather comfortable cellar that belonged to Canterlot castle. "Yeah... yeah... these beds are nice and squishy."
"Trapped like a rat in a cage." Spy grumbled as he lit a cigarette. "If being here in a children's adventure was not humiliating enough, today, we are being help captive by talking pastel colored horses!"
"Magical horses lad. Be careful of them." Demoman commented as he took a swig of scotch. "Those unicorns. Majestic ol' things. Me mother used to tell me about how they bring good luck. And that they can turn rainbows into candy! BLOODY CANDY!"
"Magical horses or no magical horses, they cannot hold me! I am an American! I live under a nation of freedom! I went to go fight dictators! AND I WILL NOT BE DETAINED HERE..."
When it was first discovered that the mercenaries could somehow pull weapons out of their pockets, Celestia had given up attempting to take their weapons from them. Much to the worry of many pony, was it questionable in any regards that these... humans... could somehow pull weapons that right out of their pockets? But the worries of the Canterlot guard was going to be far less than the worries of everything else when Soldier aimed his rocket launcher at the door. Despite the best attempt at attempting to dissuade the crazed patriot, the rocket hit home, sending lethal bits of rubble and shrapnel in all directions, much to the chagrin of many of the American's teammates who made a point of bludgeoning him on the head for his idiocy. That was enough for the lunatic to stop shooting at the door. Celestia had been smart enough to seal it with the strongest spell of the caliber, and even if everyone was to simultaneously fire at it, they'd probably do as much damage as throwing ping pong balls at it.
"Hey... at least there's scrumpy down here!" Demoman announced as he found several barrels of rum. Dipping his head in, he found it to have the usual pleasant sugary taste with a hint of apples. "Ah.... that's the stuff!"
"You are an embarrassment!" Spy facepalmed as the black Scottish cyclops went to his work of getting himself put on an hangover. "You fools! We should be thinking of means to escape! Not to be simply sitting around twiddling our thumbs!"
"Hey spy, that'd be real sweet if we can get out of this rotten old cellar, but wanna tell me how? First off, our only way out is sealed, and unless you got some digging tools, I don't think we can get ourselves outside by using some rusty old spoons."
"Engineers right. Looks like we'll just have to sit here and wait." Heavy sighed. "What say you doctor?"
"Grah. Ve vait. Ve'll be fine after all."
"How do you know those horses aren't planning to eat us?!"
"Soldier. Horses don't eat meat."
"Well whatever those things plan to do! I SURVIVED THE SECOND WORLD WAR. WE SURVIVED THE ROBOT INVASION. WE WILL NOT DIE BECOMES A BUNCH OF PANSY ASS HORSES DECIDED THEY WANTED TO KILL..."
"Who said anything about killing?" The voice from the opened door called. "Alright, listen up you scoundrels, you're going to be put on trial. We'll decide what to do with you then."
"Second time I've had to be on trial because of the incompetence of my teammates." Spy grumbled as the magic barrier surrounded them once more.
"Let's see, eight charges for disturbing the peace, one charge of causing property damage to a public facility, one charge of... fowl theft? Umm... let's see what else, and potentially, over eight nine charges of poaching? Whatever. How do you all wish to plead?" The judge asked as she looked down upon the nine... things... locked behind the force-field.
"I SAY WE'RE INNOCENT!" Scout screamed at the top of the lungs as the memories of community service began to come back to him. "Look ma'am, I got a lot of money! I will pay you anything you want if you do not send me to jail!"
"Make sure to list that one of the defendants attempted to commit bribery, which is a federal offense." The judge whispered to the clerk. "Anyways... any of you else wish to plead?"
"Eh... wait... eighty nine charges of poaching? I don't remember doing any of that... or maybe I was too drunk." Demoman asked as he scratched his head.
"In the woods, we found scrap metal everywhere. Our assumption is that they used to be living creatures which you lunatics all killed!" The prosecutor commented. "Look your honor, these... whatever they are should be found guilty of their crimes!"
"HOLD ON A BLOODY SECOND YOU STUPID MULE!" Sniper shouted. "WE WERE NOT POACHING. THOSE WERE BLOODY ROBOTS THAT WERE DANGEROUS TO US. WE ONLY DID OUR JOBS."
"And so... did you initiate the violence, or did they attack you first?" The prosecutor asked with a triumphant grin.
"Ummm..."
"Your honor, may you please add vigilantism under the charges?"
"Will do." The judge nodded as the clerk somehow held a pen with hooves. "Anything the defense would like to say?"
"Umm..."
"Alright then. I believe that I am ready to give my verdic..."
"Hold it!"
"Okay. Who just said... oh... my apologies Princess Celestia. I... I didn't realize it was you for a moment."
"No worries lawgiver. I'll actually give the verdict. Now listen up you clowns, you caused roughly a few thousand bits worth of property damage, and you're all very lucky no pony was hurt in the process. Had that been so, I would have all had you lot tossed into the dungeon. Now thankfully... I happen to know one of you."
"Hallo..." The German called nervously.
"Good. So I think, because of your friend's previous assistance and rather good behavior here in Equestria, instead of handing you all fines which I know most of you could never work off, I am going to sentence you all into community service."
"NOT AGAIN!" Scout cried at the top of his lungs.
"Well, would you rather get thrown into a dungeon?"
"NEVER MIND."
"Good." Celestia smiled. "I am glad we all have come to an understanding. Now then, all of you will be helping to repair the damages you've caused earlier, and when you do so, you'll all be free to go. BUT..."
Uh oh.
"IF ANY OF YOU... ANY OF YOU... DARE CAUSE A RUCKUS LIKE THAT AGAIN, I WILL HAVE YOU ALL SENT TO THE MOON FOR A MONTH!"
Needless to say, when Princess Celestia used her royal canterlot voice, it typically freaked everyone and every pony out to the point the mercs simply decided to storm out the door rather than listen to that foghorn again. Outside, were the guards waiting for them to send them to their duties of repairing.
Back to where we left off: Part 2
There were few things that hurt as much as getting hit in the face by the guy with the bat costume. Though the pain sent echoes throughout his face, Slade merely spat at the ground, leaving a small stain of red. He looked at Batman with a nonchalant look.
"You've gotten better." The old mercenary commented as he sheathed his staff and swung a furious blow at Batman's head. The hardened vigilante countered him, though made an opening long enough so that Slade could send him staggering backwards with a kick. One blow was usually all it took for the average person to go down, but it certainly would take more than lashing his foot out to have Batman of all people go down.
"You won't escape this time, Slade." The man underneath scowled as he recovered from the blow.
"I swear, you and your friends always tell me that. Perhaps if you ever changed your methods, I wouldn't ever walk away." Slade grinned as he charged forward. His fist missed, though send a massive dent in the wall. Rather unexpectedly, he felt a heavy curb to his stomach as Batman sent a flurry of fists down upon his gut, each and every single one of them kneading the titanium armor that could have stopped bullets. He could have even shattered the breastplate, had Slade not caught his fist and twisted him onto the ground, punching him heavily in the face, leaving small droplets of blood upon the floor.
"You should have brought your flyboy. He may actually beat me." Slade looked as Batman got back up off the ground. Behind him, he saw the arrows flying, and Wonderwoman tanking shots from Eila and Sanya. His phone read that it'd take 2 minutes for the vault to open. Judging from the looks of things, he probably didn't have that much time as he quickly began to make his way to the vault, making sure to throw a flash bang that the amazoness warrior to temporarily throw her off. As he was doing this, Hawkeye found himself battling for once, having difficulty with another man who carried a bow. The two arrows which had been shot at each other, lay broken in half, tips piercing the other. The green archer was giving no quarter, and as Hawkeye had a feeling, he shouldn't be giving any either. Dashing from his cover, he shot off an arrow at his opponent, who evaded it skillfully as he retaliated. Not one to give up, Hawkeye tried again. This time, his opponent instead caught the arrow, and sent it right back at him which he countered by also catching and shooting back like a game of lethal tennis. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Slade tossing his staff.
"Okay. Forget waiting the vault to open. Here." Slade called as he gave Sanya his staff. "See that trigger?"
"Yeah?"
"Good. Do that thing you do with guns. Now point it at the vault, and shoot. Maybe have a friend hold onto you, or take a step back."
"Why?"
"You'll find out." Slade replied as Batman fully recovered. The batclaw grabbed hold of him and sent him backwards, right into the waiting roundhouse that slammed him into the wall. This time, the fury of blows did indeed shatter his breastplate, while another uppercut caused his nose to split right open. Retaliating, the assassin blow caused the bat to go down on a knee, his opened hand outstretched. Placing a foot upon the hand, Slade flipped himself, making sure both his legs hit the batman right in the face. The caped crusader hit the ground with a hard thud. When he tried to rise, the quick move of a remote claw sent him dangling from the ceiling. At the same time, the explosion coming from the vault door told him that Sanya had done her job. He quickly made his way over before waving Hawkeye. Black Widow was already where she needed to be.
"Wait... where did he go?" Sanya asked as she pointed at the empty rope.
"He tends to do that." Slade replied grimly as batrang slapped him straight across the head. The small edge was non-lethal, but good enough to give him a cut across the cheek as he looked at the caped crusader.
"Let's go." Hawkeye suggested as he ducked from the arrow. "Humph. He's good."
"It's what every archer wants pal!" Green Arrow called, evidently hearing Hawkeye. "To see who's better! Come out!"
"Sorry friend. I have another thing to do." Hawkeye replied as he fired a smoke bomb arrow at the emerald archer. A fight between them would be pointless, especially if a larger thing was at stake, and losing his life meant losing his life meaninglessly. "So... what now?"
"We get the diamond." Slade nodded as he picked up the large crystal. "Hey kid, wanna... get us to escape?"
"Here!" Eila called as she placed a hand on the large crystal, the stone beginning to hum and glow.
"Eh Slade? We got more company!" Black Widow called as she saw some of the water pipes bursting. A large man with a golden mane armed with a trident came straight out. Behind him, followed by a man dressed all in green. They were soon joined by a flying figure in red and blue.
"Almost done!" Eila called.
"HURRY UP!" Slade screamed almost in panic as the sight of a kyrptonian flying full steam ahead snapped right into his eyesight. But just before his head was taken off, the glow engulfed him. And he was saved.
Until he realized, when he looked up, he was starring face to face in a man in an owl costume, who had a temporary expression of surprise, and then a wicked grin when the knives came out.
There very few times in his entire career when Slade came close to outright having a need to go change his pants. The first time started when he found his wife pointing a gun right at him, though on that occasion, he had it coming and one could even make an argument that he let it happen. The second time within his long career that Slade had come close to having a need to change his pants was the time Slade had against his better judgement, taken a deal that would have required him to try and kill Lobo.
As of now, he once had a terrible feeling in his gut as he saw the man in the owl costume smile. When the knives came out, he hardly had enough time to stop the force of the blow. Even when his hands wrapped straight around the arm, it still came at an almost frightening speed as the servos of the owlsuit proved far stronger than the enhanced muscle and bone of Slade's already impressive strength. It was only his natural reflexes that saved him from having to take three talons through the heart. Instead, he would merely have three scars upon the chest. Snarling in pain, the assassin punched the owl right in the face, knocking him back.
"There's more of them!" Natalia announced as from all around them, the Crime Syndicate's thugs grabbed their firearms to kill these interlopers.
"Then we get the hell out of here warp speed!" Slade called as his hand went into his pocket to grab the glass piece while his other hand tapped his phone. The tactical vision lit straight up, as did their exit way.
"Come on! Hurry!" Slade called as he threw down gas pellets in all directions. If one thing impressed him as he and his companions found themselves milling throughout the smoke, it was that Hawkeye managed to shoot a man dead-on with an arrow despite having his eyes closed. He wasn't totally sure that anyone could see him, but frankly, when the bullets were flying, he didn't really care. It was when he exited the large... whatever room it was that when he found all four other people still alive and behind him that he knew everyone was fine.
"Okay. This way." Slade called. "Pick up the pace!"
There were plenty of times in Hawkeye's life when the world erupted into total chaos. This could be an excellent example when unknown men were firing randomly at him. Nevertheless, as typical of himself, he kept his cool as he sent arrows into whoever had the stones to stand between him and his way. The adrenaline pulsed in his veins as he stood besides Nat who was firing her pistols like a maniac. A maniac that could somehow land every single shot she fired.
"How do you know where we're going?!" He called as he swung his bow and knocked a random thug to the ground.
"Okay Mr. Smartass, if you got a better route, you're free to move in that direction!" Slade retorted as he pointed at the mass of thugs with a motley array of weapons.
"He knows where he's going. Trust him on that." The quiet girl with the cat ears reassured as she reloaded her gun. It was almost... almost... unnerving to how calm she and her friend remained in the midst of total chaos. He had heard of child soldiers before, but those were typically the ones who panicked at the first shots and were little more than cannon fodder for the scum that employed them. These two? Nah. He knew a badass when he saw one, and someone who can somehow hit every single one of their shots with an aged relic of a gun was someone who really knew what they were doing. Perhaps that made him even more uneasy. The thoughts of child soldiers however would be literally pushed out of his mind when he saw the man lighting the Molotov.
"These people are crazy!" Eila commented as she saw the flaming bottle sail over the crowd. To her surprise, Hawkeye managed to shoot the projectile right out of the air, causing glass shards to break harmlessly over them, while a oddity of flame burst between them and the massive mob which apparently had decided to put away their guns. Unbeknownst to her and anyone else, the things within the room were "valuable" and having thugs with guns wasn't exactly the best way to keep those things in working condition. For example... the gas pipes in the factory...
"Wait a second... these are gas pipes!" Eila commented as she looked at the men who had now pulled out knives and bludgeoning instruments.
"Why do you think they stopped shooting?! Someone messes up, and we can all forget about living!" Slade replied as he grabbed his gun and began to fire straight into the crowd. Which... kind... of... makes... no... sense... considering what he just said. Eila of course, decided it was better than to make some smart comment about what Slade was saying on one end, and what he was doing on the other. It seemed as though not EVERYONE was smart enough to realize an accident would blow this entire place sky high, when a bullet smashed a window just above her head. She looked down, it was one small drop down into a river which then went down a waterfall that was one helluva long drop. God forbid anyone go down there...
"Cut off all the gas flow into that room and seal the doors!" Owlman ordered as he barged into the technician's office.
"What... why?"
"Do you not see the trespassers? Seal the doors. On my command, we are going to blow that room sky-high!"
"Sir... aren't you worried that..."
"That's why we're going to seal the doors you dolt!" The owl shot as the technician quickly did as he was told. Not like he was going to miss any of those thugs that were currently trapped in there anyways...
"They're closing the doors." Nat commented as she heard the sounds of metal clanking upon metal. Realization slapped her harder than a rocket launcher as the sound of pipes breaking. "Oh no... oh no..."
"GET OUT THE WINDOW. NOW!" Slade ordered as he saw many of the thugs run straight out the remaining exit. The only way out was that window, and it was just barely large enough to let one person go out at a time...
"Slade, you should go first." Hawkeye commented. "You're the biggest."
"No, I should go last, or I am going to trap you all in." Slade replied. "Come on pal, move it!"
The archer wasn't exactly briefed on the assassin being the type that would tell you to jump to safety first, which did hit him on the surprising side. Squeezing through, the archer made it out with little incident as he landed onto the ground, a few feet away from the rapid river. He looked up as he saw Sanya wedge herself through and jump out.
"Alright kid. You going to go next? Or you?" Slade asked as the gas poured into the room at a faster rate.
"You go. I am the fastest." Eila grinned as she gestured at Widow who nodded with a slight look of concern. She jumped out almost effortlessly, landing with Sanya and Clint who looked up at the window with much anxiety.
Eila was about to jump. That was when the sounds of a pipebomb being thrown in by the vents reached her ears. A pipebomb with the timer set to 7 seconds.
Needless to say, when she was already reaching herself out the window, she was somewhat confused to why Slade would grab her and pull her far back. She was more surprised than confused when he began to bolt at the window with more speed than a man of his age could ever muster, and it wasn't until they were mere steps away from the not the window, but the wall did Eila finally realize what Slade was doing.
The explosion hit at about the same time he hit the wall. He tore right through it, much to the discomfort of Eila who then found herself in an extra discomforting situation as Slade... well... running through a wall wasn't something he did much... and let's just say he never looked out the window, because he landed right into the stream.
He was a naturally strong swimmer, but the sheer speed of the current coupled with the fact he had the wind knocked straight out of him made him unable to resist the current. With that, he was dragged straight down the waterfall. Eila found herself at a similar fate.
"Eila!" Sanya cried out as she watched the drop. At this rate, the current would have already carried them away, assuming they were still alive from the fall. She wanted to almost jump herself, until she heard the sounds of men looking for bodies.
"We got to move! And fast!" Hawkeye ordered as he tugged at Sanya's sleeves. "We'll meet up with them down there!"
"Ow." Eila groaned as she dragged herself out of the river. In front of her, she saw Slade taking off his battered gloves. "You could have at least tried not aiming for the water?"
"Sure. How about aiming for the drop or the explosion?" Slade shot back as he sat down for a moment and took a deep breath. "Goddamn."
"Yeah... so... um..."
"Where's everyone else? Up there. Where are we? Down here."
"So what are we waiting for then?"
"Look kid, I WOULD go find them. But we got a few problems on our hands. First... you got any goddamn clue to what this whole forest even looks like? And then on top of that, what this whole goddamn island even looks like? No? Good. Then I think it's best that we try our best to get a clue instead of charging blindly into the thick of things. Besides, it's going to be dark soon. Now then, I know Sanya seems to like the night, and she can hear perfectly well enough in the dark. Unless you got some night vision, then I don't think we're going to be too good at night."
"What.... scared of the dark?"
"Not afraid of the dark kid. There's something in the dark that YOU should be afraid of." Slade said as thought about whether or not the guy in the owlsuit would be any similar to the guy in the batsuit. Stronger. Much stronger.
"So... what are we going to do here huh? Sit here?"
"No."
"Then... what?"
"I... am going to contemplate on how this is bringing back some bad memories." Slade replied as he pointed at the broken ruins of a certain airplane .
Author's Note
Sort of a tie-in to the last fic to anyone who wondered where some of the quinjets ended up.
Also... another Arrow reference.