Apple Potpourri

by bookplayer

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Slice of Life, Applejack
Length: 8117

An anthology of scenes and short stories I've written that I didn't want to publish on their own for various reasons. They smell strongly of apples and spices.

A collection of unconnected scenes and short stories I've written that I didn't want to publish on their own for various reasons. Genre and character tags are listed at the top of each chapter.

They smell strongly of apples, but there's some other stuff in there too.

Published 2014-11-13 23:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-08 16:31:38 UTC

Bucking Apples the Hard Way

Author's Note

Tags: [Slice of Life] [Applejack]
Originally published on my blog.

Bucking Apples the Hard Way

Applejack stared at the rows of trees, the red spots among the green leaves taunting her.

She'd never hated apples more in her life than she did right now, and she hated them because she knew she still loved them. She loved bucking apples, and she was proud of her farm and her skills. But she she should have started this two days ago, and looking at the trees ready for harvest, she knew she still couldn't do it.

She had never been what a pony would call bad at bucking apples. There was a time, a long time ago, when she first got her cutie mark, when she wasn't as good as she was now. But it was part of her special talent, and even then she'd been better than most foals her age. Still, back then, a tree missed here or there was no cause for concern. No pony was perfect, especially when they were learning.

But learning implied getting better; each year she should know how to do more, until she could buck all the apples from the trees easily with a firm kick. That's what had happened, and for a few years she'd happily bucked trees from morning until night during harvest season. It was fun, and it made her proud to see the baskets up and down a row, perfectly filled with fruit and not a stray on the ground.

Then came the year that Big Mac had been hurt. Not her best season, but there was a perfectly good reason for that. Tired and lacking focus, she'd made a right mess of things, but it all worked out in the end, and last year she was ready to go again.

That was the start of the problem. It was true, she was better than the zombie she'd been the year before. She moved from tree to tree easily enough, but several times she had to stop and hit a tree twice. Here and there she had to pick up an apple. Mac had pointed out a tree she'd missed in the middle of a row. Nothing awful, but... not perfect.

Applejack knew she was good at this. This wouldn't be a problem if she didn't understand that. She knew that she wasn't a perfect musician, so a few off notes never stopped her from picking up her fiddle. She didn't have to be flawless at the rodeo, or win every game against Rainbow Dash. But apple bucking... that was important. It was who she was. She wasn't sure how to touch her hoof to a tree if it was going to prove to her, and to everypony, that maybe she didn't deserve the apples on her flank.

So she stared at the trees, and swallowed. She hesitantly approached one, knowing that she had to start soon. It was her job, it was why she was here, and she loved it. And this feeling of guilt and fear, this was just foolishness keeping her from what she knew would be at least useful, and almost certainly successful, even if it took more care and attention than it had before.

Foolishness or not, she couldn't stop feeling like this. She considered leaving the orchard, going someplace where she could relax and talking about this with her friends. She knew exactly what they would say; they would point out that she was still good at her job, better than any of them (except maybe Twilight. But the ability to float apples off the trees with magic wasn't a talent everypony possessed.) They would also point out that if she loved bucking apples, there was no reason to let a few mistakes keep her from doing it. And they would suggest that if she didn't get back to actually bucking apples, she'd never know how well she could do it this time.

Applejack knew they would say all of that, and she knew they would be right. So, she could probably skip that part and just buck a gosh darn tree already. She looked at the tree in front of her, and examined the bark, looking for just the right spot for her hooves to land. She stretched out her legs, turned around a tested the angle. She tensed her muscles, ready to give a good buck, almost excited. This would be the time, it would work perfectly, and she'd just head on down the row like she was born to buck apples.

She stopped before she'd even started, as doubts crept in. She turned and looked at the tree again, and made sure she was right about the spot. She was. And if she wasn't, it still would have been faster to get the tree bucked wrong and give it a second kick than all this checking and double checking.

Up at the farmhouse, she heard Apple Bloom calling that lunch was ready. The morning already gone, and not one tree bucked. For a moment, Applejack considered leaving, going to get some food and coming back to this with a fresh mind, but she knew that procrastination wasn't the answer. For one thing, it had been two and a half days already, with plenty of chances to clear her mind, and somehow her mind was cloudier than ever. For another, the clarity of not staring at a tree was beginning to feel like torture; she would relax and everything would seem simple, all of her foolish thoughts would disappear, and she'd head back to this spot smiling and ready to just kick the tree... then the fog of fear and guilt would creep back with every step towards the orchard.

Instead, Applejack just stared at the tree, furious with herself. Foolishness and excuses and pride, that was all it was. Stupid reasons for letting her family and farm down that she'd never accept from anypony else. She wasn't accepting them from herself, either, she hated herself as much as she hated apples right now. She never wanted to look at another apple tree again, and she was going to stare at this one until she did.

She sat down in the grass, never taking her eyes off the tree, and waited. And waited. And as the sun rolled overhead, and midday turned to afternoon, she asked herself, what the hay is so hard 'bout buckin' an apple tree?

Happy Holidays from a Skeptic

Author's Note

Tags: [Slice of Life] [Applejack]
Originally published in my blog.
Inspired by There are Much Worse Things To Believe In, from A Colbert Christmas.

Happy Holidays from a Skeptic

Applejack watched the sun come up over the snowy orchard at Sweet Apple Acres. She saw it almost every day, all through the year, and had a whole hoof full of different thoughts on it. Some mornings she was struck by the beauty of the sunrise, and her farm, and the world. Some mornings she had to admit it annoyed her, reminding her that she had a load of work and the sun wasn't going to stay down just so she could get it all done on time. But lately, more often she'd been regarding it with the suspicious smile that touched her lips that Hearth's Warming morning.

Princess Celestia raised the sun, there was no questioning that. Applejack had seen it herself. And according to the Hearth's Warming story, before Princess Celestia, other unicorns did the job. Magic made the world go 'round, after all. Earth pony magic made the crops grow, and pegasi controlled the weather, and unicorn magic made the sun come up. Every foal knew it, and if they doubted it they could go talk to an earth pony, or a pegasus, or watch Princess Celestia do it herself at the Summer Sun Celebration.

Applejack knew it, but she wasn't sure she believed it.

It wasn't something she could prove, just a suspicion cobbled together from tiny observations and questions she asked herself while she worked. It started with thinking about zap apples. They were magic alright, but they weren't earth pony magic. They weren't unicorn magic, either, though. And she was fairly sure Princess Celestia had never seen or tasted a zap apple. So where did the magic that made zap apples come from?

That made her think about the Everfree Forest in general. There were clouds there that moved by themselves, and Applejack had to figure that they didn't come from the weather factory. There was no way that many clouds could get away by accident. So the forest made its own weather, and grew its own crops.

Did it raise its own sun?

Applejack thought that was silly, at first. For one thing, there was only one sun, and for another she'd seen first hoof that the forest was dark as night the year that Princess Celestia disappeared when Nightmare Moon returned. Clearly, when Princess Celestia didn't raise the sun, it didn't come up anywhere.

Except that there was a time before the Princesses, when unicorns raised the sun. But how did the first unicorns learn to do that? Without the sun, there were no plants, they'd have nothing to eat. Applejack was pretty clear that a pony couldn't do much if there was no food in the world, but if ponies raised the sun there was no sun before there were ponies. The chicken and the egg.

Luckily, Applejack did a lot of work by herself. Morning chores, apple bucking, weeding fields. Even when she wasn't by herself, she was usually working with Mac, which still gave a pony plenty of time to think. And she thought of zap apples again.

Even if the Everfree Forest grew them itself, the Apple family could plant them and harvest them on Sweet Apple Acres. They supported the family through those first, hard times, and now they were one of the products that made the farm special. Applejack guessed that if they wanted to, ponies could stop the zap apples from growing. Pegasi could disrupt the storm clouds, or earth ponies could dig up all the seeds and salt the earth.

And an alicorn might be able to do the same to the sun. Even if the sun would come up anyhow. Especially if that alicorn was a bit pissy from being stuck on the moon for a thousand years, and had a chip on her should already, which got her sent there in the first place.

Applejack suspected this was closer to the truth than anypony wanted to hear. The sun would come up, with or without magic. The plants would grow, and the rain would come. All of it had happened before there were princesses or ponies, and all of it would happen if every pony disappeared. The importance of the princesses, and the different types of ponies was all a lie. Magic was pretty impressive, but it didn't make the world go 'round.

But it was a lie that didn't bother her. Because here it was, Hearth's Warming morning, and she'd just watched Apple Bloom and her class discover Equestria last night. A sweet story about how every kind of pony needed each other, and how caring about other ponies made magic stronger than the worst winter the world could throw at them.

If ponies believed that they needed each other, what was so bad about that? If ponies thought they needed a Princess, one who really didn't stick her nose into their lives too much, did that make the world any worse? Applejack thought it probably made it a lot better, considering the ways ponies would act to each other if they knew they could get away with it.

Applejack knew she was no great thinker, but she had decided this information especially didn't belong in the hooves of great thinkers. She'd cut out her own tongue before she told Twilight Sparkle. Twilight had more faith than anypony in the Princess, and the way she dug into a subject she would probably find out the truth in a minute, backed with cold, hard facts. Applejack couldn't stand to see that. Twilight's faith gave her life the order that made her so happy. In all the scientific examination of things, there were some things she didn't have to question. Princess Celestia raised the sun and magic made the world go 'round.

So Applejack regarded the rising sun with a suspicious smile and raised eyebrows. They shared a secret, and neither of them were going to tell it. Instead she'd celebrate the lie today, and let it warm her. She'd enjoy the faith and certainty in her fellow ponies, something so simple and beautiful and happy and good. Because it might not make a difference to the sun or the crops or the weather, but it made a difference to ponies, and other ponies were the real magic, the thing that made the world special.

A Moonlight Torture

Author's Note

Tags: [Romance] [Sad] [Discord]
Originally Published at equestriart.net

A Moonlight Torture

I’ve been watching her for months. And why not? I’m not hurting her; I’d never hurt her. I don’t bother her. I just like to see her.

Of course, right now, I hate to see her. I’m also not crazy about being a tree. A few centuries as a statue gives a creature a strong dislike of standing still; but considering that Sweet Apple Acres doesn’t offer a lot of options, it's the best disguise at the moment.

Who really goes for walks in the moonlight, anyway? It’s so cliche. Exactly what I’d expect of that boring farm pony. Honesty is cliche, really. There’s no creativity in honesty. She deserves creativity, and of course who’s more creative than I am? I’d take her on a walk under the ocean. I’d show her plants and animals she’s never seen, that nopony has ever seen. Now that would be a date. Never let it be said that I can’t take a pony out in style.

Not that I’ll ever get the chance. They’ve stopped. They’re nuzzling each other under a tree, overlooking the orchard. Gag me.

When Applejack started spending more time with her, I thought nothing of it. The farmer’s motives were bound to be dull, and while Fluttershy doesn’t seem to mind dull, there’s no reason I should waste my time with it. Was that a mistake? Should I have said something then? Was there ever a chance she might have loved me?

Probably not. If I’m totally honest, I don’t think a dashing God of Chaos was what she had in mind as her special somepony. She would have blushed and stammered and been disgustingly nice about it, but she would have turned me down. And then Applejack would have asked her, and I’d have ended up as a tree all the same.

And the two ponies would be doing what they’re doing now; laying on the grass together, leaning against each other, saying things in whispers that make each other blush. She and Applejack are just so. . . cute together. Blech. I hate being honest. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Fluttershy isn’t all that special. Sure, she’s a good friend, and the only pony who’s ever really been nice to me. Sure she resisted all of my tricks in the maze when we first met, and I had to give up and completely over ride her mind to corrupt her. If that’s all she has to offer, well, who needs it? What kind of idiot would spend the evening as a tree just to catch a glimpse of a pony like that, snuggling with the pony she really loves?

I know what’s going to happen, anyway. I know all of it, thanks to bland, boring Applejack. They’ll start kissing, soon. But no more than that, of course, Applejack is a good pony. It’ll take them weeks of dates to get past kissing, but Applejack will take her on all of them, and eventually they’ll do the things ponies do when they love each other. It’ll be boring and gentle and it’ll make Fluttershy happy. Then they’ll get married, and live the rest of their lives taking walks in the orchard exactly like this one, and doing other things exactly like their first time, and they’ll be disgustingly happy until they finally die.

I can’t wait.

I should do something.

No, not to hurt them. I couldn’t hurt Fluttershy, and she’d be sad if I hurt Applejack. Why does she have to have feelings? With a snap of my talon, I could turn the farm pony into a goldfish and watch her flop around until she dies. Then I could swoop in and sweep Fluttershy off her hooves, if it weren’t for the pesky fact that she’d hate me forever.

Why do I have to have feelings? I really do have more pressing matters to attend to then sitting here as a tree and fantasizing about equicide. I left a book on a stove back in the palace, and I doubt anypony will remember to turn it off before it turns into a shower of bubbles. Lovely chaos back at home, and I’m watching boring ponies giggling with each other.

Thanks, Celestia. That’s what an ageless being of chaos really needs. A friend. Feelings. Love. Ever think that maybe what’s good for a beloved alicorn princess or her precious ponies might not work as well for a draconequus whom most of the ponies in the world find a tad unsettling?

I bet you did. This is torture, isn’t it? Locked in a statue wasn’t cruel enough for you. When this one dies, you’ll find another one, won’t you? Another pony for me to care about, to love, who could never imagine loving me. It can go on forever, an endless cycle of pain and grief, and I’ll waste centuries as a tree just to feel it.

I tip my hat to you, Princess. Very clever.

But not that clever. Maybe I’ll do something now. Something you wouldn’t like, something interesting. I could turn the apples into fire, and watch this sickly sweet scene burn, the ponies wailing and scurrying hopelessly to fix it. They’d grab the elements of harmony and lock me up again, Fluttershy would hate me of course. . .

And I’d still love her. Damn it. Damn all of Equestria!

They’re leaving now. Fluttershy and her special somepony are standing up, and wrapping their tails around the other’s, and Applejack will walk her back to her cottage. Fluttershy will offer her tea, and Applejack will turn it down, but she'll give Fluttershy a quick kiss, and Fluttershy will blush, but she'll smile. And she'll keep smiling as she goes to bed, and thinks about the pony she loves.

And I’ll have spent all evening as a tree, and I’ll go home and reverse gravity in the guards quarters, then go to bed, like the waste of unpredictable superpowers that I am. I'll have been infuriatingly predictable all night, and I certainly won't smile as I think of the pony I love.

Fine. I might as well. Have some shooting stars, you boring, despicable, adorable ponies. I hope you’re happy, Fluttershy. I hope you’re happy, Celestia. I hope all of the ponies in this stupid world are happy with my pain and misery.

As they’re distracted, looking at the sky with awful, delighted smiles, I disappear. I return to Canterlot palace, simply glad to take my own form again. There’s nothing I hate more than being a tree.

Of course, I’ll do it again next Friday night. I just like to see her.

A Sisyphain Effort

Author's Note

Tags: [Romance] [Twilight Sparkle] [Applejack]

A Sisyphain Effort

At half past six, Twilight guessed that she wasn’t going out to dinner and made herself a salad.

She wasn’t happy with the change of plans, but she knew better than to be angry as she carried her bowl into the front room of the library to wait for Applejack. If Applejack was late, something had come up that was important and unavoidable… and that probably wasn’t good.

Twilight ate at her desk. To avoid worrying too much, she went over a large pile of papers Princess Celestia had sent. They were part of a request to look over the curriculum of one of the courses at Princess Celestia’s school and determine if it was in line with current magical theory, which it seemed not to be. Of course, the study of thaumaturgic signatures was a rapidly evolving field, but it looked like the coursework and textbook hadn’t been updated since she was a student.

She didn’t even notice how long it had been when she heard a knock at the door. She looked up in time to see Spike hop up to answer it.

“Hey, AJ. I thought you guys were going out earlier,” Spike said as he stepped aside and Applejack walked into the room.

“Had a slight change in plans,” Applejack answered, but she was looking at Twilight. “I’m real sorry.”

“That’s okay.” Twilight stood up, and noticed that she’d managed to forget about most of her dinner. “Um, I didn’t really eat yet, but I was having a salad. I can make you one, too.”

“That sounds good,” Applejack agreed.

“The date’s happening here?” Spike rolled his eyes and picked up his book. “Hey, Spike, why don’t you go upstairs and read?”

“I was going to give you until after dinner!” Twilight protested, but he was already climbing the stairs. She turned back to Applejack. “Sorry about that. I’m… not quite sure how to work this out yet.”

“I get it. I ain’t exactly used to havin’ a place to myself,” Applejack said, walking over to Twilight with a smile. She slowly moved in for a kiss. “But, for right now, this is close ‘nough--”

“Sorry, forgot my pillow,” Spike called.

Applejack blinked and pulled away, glancing to watch Spike grab his pillow and head back up the stairs. Twilight just gave a heavy sigh and glared at her valued assistant. As soon as he was gone, Applejack turned back to Twilight, catching the glare on her face.

“It ain’t that bad, sugarcube. He oughta be good for the rest of the night.”

Twilight smiled. “I know… just, kiss me.”

Applejack pressed her lips softly to Twilight’s, and Twilight closed her eyes. This was what she’d been waiting for all evening.

When the kiss broke, Applejack smiled. “Com’ere and sit with me a bit. Supper can wait.”

Applehack laid down on the floor, and Twilight curled up next to her, laying her head on Applejack’s shoulder and nuzzling her mane. “So, why were you late?”

Applejack frowned. “I had to go to the school, and talk with Cheerilee.”

Twilight raised her eyebrows. “Was there a problem?”

“Apple Bloom hasn’t been doin’ her homework…” Applejack stroked Twilight mane, and Twilight felt the tension in the strong body begin to ease.

“That isn’t like her,” Twilight noted.

Applejack nodded and sighed. “She’s been actin’ up for Mac, too. I think it’s ‘cause I been spendin’ too much time away. Organizin’ Nightmare Night, travelin’ with you girls… Apple Bloom needs me ‘round more.” She pursed her lips. “But… she can’t get what she wants by not doin’ what she’s supposed to. And…”

Twilight nuzzled her and finished the thought, “You have a life to live.”

Applejack nodded. Then she sighed and looked down, shaking her head. “That’s ponyfeathers. Apple Bloom’s a little foal, she needs me. Granny and Mac can’t be everythin’ she needs...”

“I know, AJ.”

“I reckon I could tell the Mayor I can’t do Nightmare Night. That would free up some time, but… I been helpin’ with that for years now, and I gave my word.”

Twilight could see the debate in Applejack’s eyes. She laid a hoof on top of Applejack’s and said softly, “I can help.”

“Can ya’?” Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Twilight Sparkle, I can see all them papers on your desk.”

Twilight sighed. “Don’t remind me. One of the courses at Princess Celestia’s is hopelessly outdated. I’m going to have to work with the professor to develop a whole new curriculum, find a new text book, and make sure she’s up to date on the latest advancement… and she’s not going to be happy about that.”

Applejack’s hoof moved around her shoulder and gave a squeeze. “Ponies don’t generally like bein’ told they're doin’ their jobs wrong.”

“It’s sometimes a part of this whole princess thing. I think that’s why Princess Celestia asked me to do it… it’s kind of training. But that’s on top of ponies I have to meet in Canterlot, and the trips with the girls, and…”

“Ya’ don’t have time, sugarcube.” Applejack finished. “You know I understand that.”

“At least we can understand each other,” Twilight said with a half-hearted smile.

“I dunno ‘bout that…” Applejack smiled and nuzzled Twilight. “Learnin’ to run a country ain’t the same as helpin’ to run a farm. It might be a bit more important.”

“But what you do is just as important to you… and to me.” Twilight smiled and reached a hoof up to push back Applejack’s hat. “AJ, you know I love Apple Bloom. I want her to grow up safe and happy, and I know how much you put into that. Let’s face it, she needs a mom, and you fill that space for her. You’re more important to her life than I am to anypony’s.”

Applejack smiled and blushed, but Twilight went on, “And that’s on top of helping to run the farm, and helping to make Ponyville what it is… Maybe the help I give Equestria is important in the grand scheme of things, but the things you do are just as important to the ponies we love.” Twilight’s smile turned sympathetic.” And I know how much pressure that puts on you.”

Applejack nodded. “I reckon you do.”

Twilight laid her head back on Applejack’s shoulder. “So, what do we do about this?”

“Well, I’ll get Pinkie to take over some of Nightmare Night, and make sure she does a good job of it. And I’ll use the extra time to sit with Apple Bloom while she does her homework. And you’ll go to Canterlot a few weekends and get that stuff done for Princess Celestia and the school.” Applejack gave Twilight a sad smile. “And a few weeks from now, somethin’ else’ll come up, and we’ll do it all again.”

“A Sisyphean effort.” Twilight sighed and closed her eyes.

“You know I dunno what that is,” Applejack pointed out.

Twilight looked at Applejack and smiled, running a hoof over her freckled cheek. “I do know that, and I love you for it.”

Applejack returned the smile. “But while we’re doin whatever that is, we’ll hold each other tight for a while. Life’s a bumpy road, but we got this.”

“You know… I can live with that.” Twilight gave Applejack a gentle kiss on her lips.

As they parted, Applejack nuzzled her cheek and whispered in her ear, “Me too, sugarcube. Me too.”

A Snowy Walk Home in Canterlot

Author's Note

Tags: [Romance] [Twilight Sparkle] [Applejack] [Shining Armor] [Cadance]

A Snowy Walk Home in Canterlot

Everything in Canterlot seemed to shimmer that night, as they left the theater. Twilight’s whole family had been to see the Royal Hearth’s Warming Eve performance along with her and Applejack, and after saying their goodbyes to Celestia and Luna, they made their way through the snowy Canterlot streets towards Twilight’s parent’s house.

While she knew that visiting her parents was probably not on Applejack’s list of perfect holiday moments, Twilight had tried to make this visit special. They’d had a delicious dinner, gone to the show, and now had a walk home with the starry sky and twinkling city lights reflecting off of fresh snow on the streets.

“Careful, kids! It’s a little slippery!” Twilight Velvet called as she glanced back at where Shining Armor walked next to Cadance and Twilight next to Applejack. She almost slipped herself, wobbling before being caught just in time by Night Light leaning into her.

“Aww, how romantic,” Cadance cooed, leaning into Shining Armor.

“Yeah, if it wasn’t our parents,” Shining whispered loudly to Twilight, who giggled.

Applejack grinned and shook her head. “I’m with Cadance. Y’all’s folks are cute as a button together.”

“I knew I liked you, Applejack,” Night Light said with a chuckle, before leaning over to kiss his wife on the cheek.

“Yeah, I wonder if we can trade those two of ours for Cadance and Applejack?” Twilight Velvet laughed.

“Hey, I married Cadance, so you got two for the price of one here.” Shining smirked and raised an eyebrow at his sister. “It’s Twily’s turn.”

“Shining Armor!” Twilight blushed furiously. “We’re not-- I mean, someday-- soon-- but not-- Applejack, help me!”

“He’s teasin’, sugarcube. He knows there’s no plans yet.” She leaned close and added softly, “But we’ll see ‘bout someday soon.”

Shining bumped Twilight’s other side, pressing her up against Applejack. “There ya’ go, Twily, I got you engaged.”

“Shining! Really!” Cadance rolled her eyes. Then she hopped to the side just as a lump of snow, surrounded in a magenta glow, fell on Shining Armor’s head.

“Hey! Mom, Twily dumped snow on me!” Shining complained, his magic pulling the snow off of him.

Twilight smirked. “I’ve been walking right here next to Applejack.”

Shining Armor rolled his eyes. “You used magic. We all know you can do that, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight stuck her tongue out at her brother, who stuck his out back, all four of the younger generation dissolving into laughter.

“Are you really sure they’re adults?” Night Light raised an eyebrow to his wife.

Twilight Velvet shrugged. “I hear they made her a princess, and him Captain of the Royal Guard...”

“Look out!” Applejack yelled, shoving Twilight to the side. A huge pile of snow buried the earth pony in the spot where Twilight had stood.

Applejack’s head popped out of the snow, blinking and still wearing her now snow covered hat.

“Sorry, Applejack. But, nice reflexes, and very gallant.” Shining Armor saluted her.

“My hero!” Twilight giggled, flying over to help Applejack out of the snow.

“That’s enough, kids,” Night Light said over his shoulder. “It’s one thing to torment each other, but we like Applejack and Cadance.”

“See? Applejack and I are Mom and Dad’s favorites,” Cadance said, sticking out her tongue at her husband and sister-in-law.

“That’s not fair, Applejack is my favorite, too!” Twilight said, grinning as she wrapped a wing around her girlfriend. “She can’t be everypony’s favorite.”

“Well, I’m Cadance’s favorite,” Shining Armor said proudly.

“I don’t know, Applejack is pretty nice…” Cadance mused.

“Hey!” Shining Armor pouted at Cadance.

“Y’all, quit it. You’re embarrassin' me.” Applejack blushed and pulled her hat down to shade her face.

“Okay, okay, I guess my kids are kind of good.” Twilight Velvet laughed. “At least they picked nice ponies to bring home.”

“And saved the world a few times,” Night Light pointed out.

“That too.” Twilight Velvet nodded as they came to the steps of the brownstone townhouse where Twilight had grown up. Night Light trotted up and opened the door as she motioned up the steps. “Everypony inside! Boots off before you track snow in the house! And Applejack, Twilight, you’re having hot chocolate before you catch your train. I insist.”

Twilight stopped and gave her a nuzzle as Cadance and Shining Armor headed up the stairs. “Sure, Mom.”

“Thank ya’, Ms. Velvet.” Applejack grinned.

“You can call me mom, Applejack.” Twilight Velvet gave Applejack a nuzzle as she turned to head inside. “You’re practically part of the family.”

Applejack blushed and stammered, “Okay… Ma… Velvet.”

“Close enough.” She chuckled and went inside.

Twilight was about to go up after her mother when she noticed that Applejack was just standing there blinking.

“AJ? Are you okay?” As she walked over next to her, she noticed tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong? I thought you were having a good time...”

“Twilight, I had an amazin’ time. It’s just…” She took a deep breath and smiled through her tears. “It’s been a-- a long time since I called anypony ma…”

Twilight’s eyes went wide and her wing wrapped around Applejack. “Oh! I totally forgot! You’re okay with it? If it doesn’t feel right, I’ll talk to mom--”

“It feels right, Twilight.” Applejack wiped her tears away, leaving only the smile. “I’m so happy, I just don’t know what to say. ‘Cept, thank you, for lettin’ me share your family.”

Fool Me Twice

Author's Note

[Romance] [Twilight] [Applejack]

This one takes a bit of explaining as to why I decided to publish it.

I was looking through various gdocs that I hadn't bothered to title for whatever reason (they didn't seem worth it, my computer crashed, etc.) and I stumbled on this. I was reading it and thinking "wow, this is good... it's the cutest TwiJack I've ever read! I wrote this? What was this supposed to be?"

Then I got to the end.

When I was writing Tunnel of Love, in the original draft they went through the tunnel, and what was there was supposed to resemble a adorable fluffy ship fic, the whole point being that this isn't what a relationship is really about. That part got cut.

And I found it. The tunnel fooled me. I just find that really amusing.

Fool Me Twice

Twilight was standing in the sunny orchard next to Applejack. Around her trees were heavy with apples, and bushel baskets surrounded them waiting to be filled. She knew it was the year after their wedding, and that this year’s crops were especially good. She knew that they’d been talking about a foal just as soon as harvest was done, and that the negotiations about who would bear the first one were still ongoing.

She knew there was no comfort in the world like waking up in Applejack’s strong legs, and nothing more exciting than seeing that strong orange body about to pounce her, green eyes narrowed seductively.

And right now there was just peace, as Applejack leaned over to nuzzle her. “I’m glad ya’ got back from Canterlot in time, sugarcube. Work’s a whole lot easier when you’re here with me.”

“I’m glad I’m here, too. I need some exercise, I’ve been spending too much time in council rooms and lecture halls,” Twilight said, leaning against Applejack and enjoying the warmth all around her.

“Don’t you go gettin’ too much today,” Applejack whispered in her ear. “I’ll be givin’ you a good workout this evenin’.”

“I think I need lots of exercise, in that case.” Twilight nuzzled Applejack’s face until she caught her lips in a deep kiss. When it finally broke, she smiled sweetly. “And in return, you need to come to Canterlot with me when harvest is over. You know how much the Griffonstani Ambassador loves it when you cook for him. It makes treaties so much easier when he’s in a good mood after dessert.”

Applejack laughed. “If y'all need my apple fritters for national security, I reckon I oughta step up. We can stay there after winter set-up, and spend Hearth’s Warmin’, and have my family to the palace.”

“That sounds perfect. And, while we’re in Canterlot, we can make a final decision about the first foal…” Twilight smirked.

Applejack smirked back and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t see much decidin’ that needs to happen...”

“You’re so cute when you’re stubborn.” Twilight used her wing to tickle Applejack’s side, setting Applejack giggling.

“You must think I’m awful cute then.”

“I think it’s the hat…” Twilight left off tickling, and levitated Applejack’s hat off her head, placing it on her own. “What do you think?”

“Ya’ know, that could be.” Applejack grinned. “I never seen nothin’ that cute.”

“That’s because you ain’t not been-- hold on--” Twilight thought hard, then shook her head. “How do you even talk like that?”

Applejack put a hoof to her mouth to hide her snickering. “Takes a bit’a practice, sugarcube. You’ll get the hang of it.”

Twilight nodded and gave the hat a flick with her hoof. “I’ll keep’a tryin’. ...that was better, right?”

“Just like a real cowpony,” Applejack said, shaking her head.

Twilight grinned and walked over to Applejack, whispering in her ear, “I’m gonna get me a lasso, and herd you right on up to bed.” She finished it with a nibble.

“Mmmm!” Applejack blushed, grinning. “That’s enough of that now, missy. We got farmin’ to do.”

“Maybe y'all ‘’ll let me wear it tonight?” Twilight gave a cute pout.

Applejack chuckled. “Only if ya’ stop tryin’ to talk like that.”

“Deal.” Twilight grinned and floated the hat back onto Applejack’s head.

Applejack straightened it with her hoof, and gave Twilight a kiss on the cheek. “Thank ya’ kindly, sugarcube. I wasn’t gonna be able to work with you bein’ that cute.”

“I’m here to help!” Twilight said, nuzzling into Applejack’s neck, then over to one of the trees. “Want to start here?”

Twilight moved her head as the orchard faded away. Her muzzle was buried someplace soft and warm that smelled wonderful… she opened her eyes and realized that it was Applejack’s shoulder, and that Applejack’s head was resting on top of hers.

Twilight smiled, there was nopony she wanted to be close to more than Applejack right now. They had so much to look forward--

Twilight’s heart fell as she reminded herself that they didn’t. It stung a little, but what she’d seen wasn’t the future. It might not even be possible. It was everything she wanted with Applejack, without taking into account real ponies and their lives.

She pulled gently away from Applejack and smoothed her own mane. Blushing, she gave Applejack a small smile. “I know. It’s not real, and it’s probably never going to be real like that…”

The Party Cannon Goes Off

Author's Note

Tags: [Poetry] [Random] [Pinkie Pie]

So, the writeoff minifics are always full of poetry, usually formal, and people analyzing the meter and form. For some reason, I was thinking about that today, and it came to me that Pinkie's poetry would be some free verse, Ginsberg type thing. And it started coming to me so I wrote it. It might be bad, I'm not sure how to tell with free verse. But it's definitely Pinkie.

The Party Cannon Goes Off

The party cannon goes off.

BOOM!

Raining confetti on everypony: color, sparkle, rainbow, fun in everypony’s face like a crazy race to nowhere where it’s done and the fun is falling with no more reason than a season of joy that ends up on the ground. Until the sound

Again.

And who are we? Confetti?

Spinning, winning, losing, surrounding somepony suddenly with songs, fun, noise, joys, and sorrows. We enter and exit, bit and bit held together with string like bunting, balloons, bursting with energy or hot air. They’re there, my friends.

They’re my friends. My friends sometimes slip. Friendship, laughter, kindness, nice but not too nice. Clever but not too smart, art needs contrast, a blast of trouble, bubbles to burst, a thirst to cure for more to learn, to burn like a comet to earth with a burst of life and it’s here! Crazy care and love that’s trying, dying, reborn each morn and fights each night against monsters under the bed and in the forest before us and behind us to remind us in our memories who we are: honestly loyal generous magic ponies who only live to love and laugh and try, to fly, to run and rerun, repeat, a feat of magic nopony’s done before for the grand

Finale. Finally.

So who are they, away? From here, Owlowiscious says "who," to the moon, to the stars he flies, eyes, Surprise, out there somewhere.

Where?

Do you see them? Do they see you?

The stars outside, wide open, waiting for the next play day to watch and love. Even the sun is a star from afar, zooming in close so the Princess can lift it, drift it along until another Princess places, replaces it with the moon and soon it starts

Again.

What does this mean? Everything, nothing?

Everything means something to somepony seeing, learning, being us for us and ours and hours and stars and stares and eyes, never lies, always true to you, to the end, to my friends, to the fun and confetti and noise and glitter until the bitter end, when the party and canon goes off

Finally.

Finale.

How do I know? Who am I?

I forgot the why, the try to make sense, since I was a filly. A silly. A brain that twists and bumps and dings off things like a pinball game with holes to roll into and out of, above, below, never slow or it falls away and play is done, the fun is done. No fun.

No fun!

So I speed through the places you don’t see, where they see me but don’t hear me, because pranks are jokes are riddles and the end of the riddle is truth, but sleuthing the answer is no way to know so I just go and see and be the punchline, the rhyme, the question with no answer that everypony asks: Does she ever stop? Pop the balloon and all you get is

BOOM!

The party cannon goes off.

The Magic of Friendship... And Branding

Author's Note

Tags: [Slice of Life] [Flim and Flam] [Filthy Rich] [Applejack]

A little alternate ending I whipped up for Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.

The Magic of Friendship... And Branding

The Flim Flam Brothers smirked from behind the wooden cider stand. “Fear not, everypony, there's more than enough cider to go around.”

The ponies hesitated and looked to the crushed faces of the Apple family. Applejack started to speak, to tell them to get their cider, when a commotion stopped her. A figure cut through the crowd and stepped up to the stand.

Filthy Rich flashed a smile at Flim and Flam. “Congratulations, gentlecolts. You did a fine job there.”

“Thank you, sir!” Flim answered with a grin.

Flam smiled. “Did you want to try a cup of our delicious—”

“And one-of-a-kind—”

“Flim Flam Fields Cider?”

Filthy raised an eyebrow. “As temptin’ as that sounds, as a matter of fact, I just wanted a little clarification of the terms of your little wager.” He glanced to the crowd and motioned to a pony. “Mayor Mare? Would ya’ mind steppin’ over here for just a moment?”

The Mayor looked confused, but stepped up to the stand. Applejack edged closer to see what was going on.

“Thank you, Mayor.” Filthy smiled and ran a hoof over her slicked back mane. “Now, you fellas bet the Apples for the right to be sole cider provider in Ponyville, right?”

“Yes, that is what we agreed to,” Flam nodded, eying Filthy suspiciously.

Filthy frowned. “But Mayor, I don’t believe the Apples can really make that bet. They agreed they wouldn’t sell cider, but there’s nothin’ stoppin’ an independant business owner from sellin’ cider, right?”

“Well, no.” The Mayor raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Obviously if you wanted to sell cider at Barnyard Bargains, you’d be allowed to.”

“Obviously.” Flithy agreed. He nodded and looked deep in thought. “And there’s nothin’ to stop me from buyin’ apples from the Apple family, right? We’ve been loyal business partners since my grandfather started here in Ponyville.”

“Of course…” the Mayor agreed.

Filthy nodded again. “And there’s nothin’ stoppin me from hirin’ the Apples to make my own, personal apples into cider, if I should so choose?”

“Wait a minute,” Flim cut in.

“They can’t sell cider,” Flam pointed out.

“Of course they can’t.” Filthy agreed. Then he smiled. “But they can sell me apples and labor, as per your deal with them. Of course, the resultin’ cider would be mine, and I could do with it as I pleased.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow at Filthy. He just barely glanced in her direction and winked at her.

“Sir, these are honest ponies,” Flam said, motioning to the Apple family.

Flim drew himself up, chin high. “They’d never engage in trickery like that.”

Filthy’s mouth dropped open in mock indignation. “Of course they’re honest! Why, honesty and integrity are synonymous with the Sweet Apple Acres brand. It’s one of my top sellers because it’s a name ponies know they can trust. I will bet my business they would hold to any agreement they made, to the letter.”

Filthy looked over at Applejack, who nodded firmly. “No question…”

He smiled, then turned back to Flim and Flam with a smirk. “Of course, being hard working, salt-of-the-earth farm ponies, they’d never turn down an honest day’s wages… say, a hundred bits an hour during cider season.”

Applejack’s eyes went wide and she glanced at Mac. “I— we— that’s more than we make on the cider!”

Filthy didn’t look away from Flim and Flam. “On the other hoof, I'm a business pony. You fellas understand that. So, I could turn around and sell Sweet Apple Acres cider at Rich’s Barnyard Bargains for, say, five cups for a bit.”

The brothers gaped at him.

“Five—!”

“You’re insane!”

“You can’t make a profit from that!”

“No I can’t.” Filthy admitted. “You’re right. But I can keep the providers of my most popular products in business. And I have hundreds of other products and a half a dozen locations to make my profit, and seventy five years of capital to fall back on.” Filthy leaned in over the wooden cider stand and raised an eyebrow. “So how long do you boys think you can last? A month would be a record for my competition.”

Flim and Flam stared for a moment. They went into a huddle, nodded in agreement, then turned to look at Filthy again.

Flim raised his eyebrows. “You’re good.”

“Just a small town business pony with roots in his community.” Filthy gave a friendly smile. “Now, if I could make a recommendation to you fellas… get off my turf.”

Flam turned to his brother. “Next town, brother?”

“Next town,” Flim agreed.

As the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 chugged off down the road, Applejack stared in awe. Then she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Applejack, if it wouldn’t be too forward of me, I’d like to offer to go over your business model here.” Filthy casually dusted off his tie with a hoof. “I feel sure that by hirin’ a few laborers — trustworthy ponies at a respectable wage, of course — you folks can make up the costs in volume.”

Applejack grinned. “That’d be awful nice of you, Fil— I mean, Rich.”

“And, if you should happen to end up with a surplus, I hope you’d consider a reasonable offer for me to distribute it in my out-of-town locations?” Filthy raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure we can work somethin’ out.” Applejack gave him a friendly nudge. “It’s always a pleasure doin’ business with you, Rich.”

Filthy smiled. “I’m glad to hear it, Applejack.”

Dear Princess Celestia,
I wanted to share my thoughts with you: I didn't learn anythin'! Ha! I was right all along! If you take your time to do things the right way, your work will speak for itself. Sure I could tell you I learned something about how my friends are always there to help me, and I can count on them no matter what, but truth is, I knew that already too.

Twilight looked up from the scroll, eyebrows furrowed. “But, AJ… I’m not sure that’s what happened.”

“Sure it is!” Applejack said with a smile. “You heard Ol’ Filthy, honesty and integrity is the Sweet Apple Acres brand.”

Twilight shook her head “But Barnyard Bargains—”

“Wouldn’t be where it is without the honesty and integrity of the Apple family,” Applejack cut in with a smirk. “Ponies all over Equestria know that… ponies who happen to shop at Barnyard Bargains. And, of course, there’s the part ‘bout friends always bein’ willin’ to help a pony out.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

Applejack gave her a friendly nudge. “There’s an old farm trick, Twilight. You wanna get rid of pests in a garden, ya’ never chase away the spiders. They stay in their corners, and don’t bother the crops, and what they do with the bugs is their own business. “

Twilight smirked. “Now that’s an interesting lesson.”

“More cider?” Appplejack offered, grinning.

Twilight giggled. “Sure.”