The Cook and the Swordsman

by InsaneInTheMembrane

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Human, Other, Comedy
Length: 8663

On their journey to reunite with the crew, Sanji and Zoro take an accidental detour. [MLPxOne Piece crossover]

MLP/One Piece crossover. Huge thanks to River Road for prereading and editing. Go give him some love!

Two years after being separated from their crew, Sanji and Zoro cross paths while on their way to the rendezvous point at the Sabaody Archipelago. With no navigator, the two quickly get lost in a massive, sudden fog covering the sea, leading them to discover the land known to its inhabitants as 'Equestria'.

The ensuing series of events lead the unusual duo to question the very nature of this island, its inhabitants and its secrets, all the while driving them to the brink of madness as cultures collide and they move forward in their search of two new boats. But when an old foe of the Strawhats comes to invade the island, they find the fate of a country lying in their hands once again.

Once they stop trying to kill each other, that is.

Published 2015-04-01 01:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-01 01:50:02 UTC

First Contact: The Borders of an Equestrian Land

'Of all the bastards I had to come across,' the swordsman thought, sighing angrily as he glared at the worst thing he has ever laid eyes on. He could feel his sanity waver as a vein began bulging on his forehead the more he stared at the wretched pirate in the black tuxedo on the steering wheel. 'It had to be you.' he grunted, hitting the back of his head on the wooden railing.

He could not stand another moment in the discomfort of shame as the man in black spun the ship suddenly, the vases and other breakable items audible from the kitchen area of the poop deck. This drew a larger pulse on Zoro’s forehead as he grunted again.

The man in question, having heard the grunts, turned to the swordsman, furrowing in curled brow. “Would you stop complaining for a minute?” Sanji intervened, removing his attention from the ship’s course and onto Zoro. “It’s getting really annoying,”

Zoro scowled at him. “I’m not complaining, ya dumb cook” he closed his eyes, choosing to ease his vision and his anger. “And I wouldn’t be so angry if you would have just let me steer the ship.”

Sanji huffed. “Trust me, I would do anything to not be on your ship with you,” his eyes drifted back to the horizon in front of him. “But you’ve made it pretty clear that you can’t stay on course on your own.”

Zoro cocked his head at this, taking offense to the statement. “Can’t stay on course? What the hell is that suppose to mean?”

“YOU CRASHED INTO MY SHIP!” Sanji suddenly faced the swordsman fully, eyes white as death as his blonde kempt hair began spiking up in fury, with a finger pointing on the opposite side of him.

Whipping his head around, Zoro caught sight of what the cook was yelling about; the large, pink remains of the ship Sanji was previously boarding, still floating on the calm waves of the ocean. On the largest destroyed piece of wood, two flags stood. One was imprinted with Sanji’s face in skull form and a chef’s bonnet, while the other one was a black skull with two swords behind it, turning into horns as they reappered on top.

Zoro closed his eyes, moving back to his original seated position. “You distracted me,”

“In what way did I distract you?”

“Your ship was in my way.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

Zoro opened his eyes, gazing menacingly at Sanji. “Would you just stick to steering?” Zoro suggested, taking a deep breath, trying to end the discussion there as to not get to the point where they would kill each other. “I’m already certain you got us lost with all this crap, so hurry it up on getting back on course to the Sabaody Archipelago and the rest of our crew.”

Sanji gritted his teeth, but silently agreed as he took handle of the wheel. 'Of all the bastards I had to come across, it had to be you.' Still, though he would never in his life admit it, he had to be somewhat thankful; he couldn’t stand another minute in that okama-fied mistake of a ship given to him by…Ivankov. He shivered as he remembered the man-woman hybrid.

With his anger under control, he picked up the map on the side and set it in front of him, examining the area to see his location. According to Zoro’s map - although he doubted that someone as clueless as the mosshead would make it - there should be a couple of islands visible from their location. Looking around the several horizons, he saw no islands at all in his vision.

He scrutinized the piece of paper, searching for every detail while pulling his head to and fro the ocean, but found the map to be useless in this case. Scratching his head in thought, he began going through the many possibles scenarios that could explain the situation, reaching no results. 'I’m pretty sure we went past Alabasta and Jaya, but I don’t think there’s this much ocean separating them. The tides are calmer than usual, and I swear I saw the Sabaody Archipelago on my map somewhere along the edges, yet I don’t see it here. Was the shitty mosshead given a faulty map?'

The cook saw this as the most valid option, seeing as it wasn’t the first he’d witness the problems the Strawhats had faced due to Zoro’s stubbornness. However, that left many questions; why would Zoro make a map if he didn’t know a thing about locations, and, if by the chance that someone more professional made it, why would it be wrong? And what was that smell?

“Hey Zoro, do you have any other- huh?” Sanji called out, before he noticed something that shouldn’t be. A thick fog covered the surroundings of the ship, engulfing the sun to give the illusion of a land without time, rendering Sanji unable to see where he was or if he was going in the right direction. Glancing back at the map, he saw no fog near where they were. Not even a warning or a name on the specific part of the ocean. 'What the hell is happening?'

Zoro frowned, standing up. “Hmm, do I always have to save yo- what the…” the swordsman’s eyes widened as he paused in his footsteps. The fog grew thicker, incapacitating their vision more to the point where they couldn’t even see the figurehead. “You dumbass, what did you do?” Zoro yelled, unsheathing his Kitetsu and Shusui, prepared to face any incoming danger.

“I didn’t do anything, this fog is not supposed to be here.” Sanji interjected, scanning aimlessly for any indication of their current location. Before he could any further, the ship rocked violently, causing the duo to be flung to the backside, with Sanji losing the grip on his map. It flew away to the invisibleness of the clouds, leaving the two men helpless in the face of disaster.

Regaining their composure, Zoro and Sanji stood back up, turning to the front of the ship to see a giant break in the middle, separating the ship into two pieces. Further ahead, they could not completely see the culprit, though if they had to guess, the ship must have hit something big and hard for it to crack like that.

The poop deck tilted as it slowly began to sink, much to the dismay of the swordsman and the cook as they shuffled in their spot, the angle disabling their movement. Jumping to a safer platform to avoid falling to the water, Zoro and Sanji tried to think of a way out, as the ship twisted to a ninety degree angle, sinking faster than it had been, it’s content spilling onto the ocean along with broken and chipped wood.

The fog closed in on the duo, not letting them view of the other platforms were, causing them to collide in mid-air, ungracefully flopping onto the ship on top of each other with a thud.

Sanji and Zoro groaned at the outcome, with Sanji not being able to move. “Get off of me, mosshead!” he screamed through his teeth, the weight of the swordsman pinning him to the ground.

Zoro obeyed as he shakily got off Sanji, letting the two of them breathe. Through the humiliation and pain, Zoro heard faint mocking laughter from a distance, as if the fog itself was alive, or someone was playing tricks on him. Spinning around, he faced the abundance of clouds where the sound came from. “Who are you? Where are you?!” receiving no answer, Zoro’s rage boiled. “Show yourself, you coward!”

Standing up and dusting himself, Sanji was quick on his feet.Seeing the wreckage was sinking fast, Sanji turned to Zoro. “Mosshead, calm down and get on my leg,” he commanded, holding his leg out.

“... what?” Zoro cocked an eyebrow at the odd request.

“If you don’t want to die, get on my shitty leg!” Zoro furrowed his brow, but nodded nonetheless. Sheathing his blades, Zoro hopped, fastening himself on Sanji’s right leg as the cook set his plan into motion.

“Armée de L'Air:” Sanji announced, bending his upper body backwards to allow his leg passage.“Power Shoot!”his kick shot upwards, launching Zoro into the air at a speed that would make ‘Dead Bones’ Brook jealous, leaving a swordsman sized hole among the clouds before it got covered immediately by the same. That takes care of the mosshead, Setting his foot down, he ran towards the ledge of the overturned ship. Taking a deep breath, he leaped into the air, ready to use another one of his techniques.

Zoro squinted his eyes, trying to make out the slightest bit of land as he flew past the clouds in his ways. He help his three blades tightly by his side, afraid that the speed and the wind would cause them to drop. He didn’t know where he was going, and saw no sunlight whatsoever protruding from any surface to help him know the exit.

His green robes shook violently, slapping against his bare skin, brought on to him by the amount of wind rush flying past him. He took note of this and, looking down on his blades, he saw an opportunity as his eyes gleamed. A plan formed on his mind to rid him of all the smoke. He just hoped that he wouldn’t stop flying after doing so.

Picking up his Ichimonji and placing it in his mouth, he unsheathed Shusui and Kitetsu, aiming them across his arm and chest to the right, readying his body for the twist. “Tatsu Maki!” Spinning his body around in one quick motion, Zoro drew in the massive winds approaching, then released them forcefully, blasting the wind away from him, allowing it to drive away the smoke engulfing his way.

It worked as it opened a path above him, the sunshine hitting his face almost instantaneously. Relief swept over the swordsman as he could finally make out what was in front of him, but it was soon replaced with dread as his eyes laid upon yet another gruesome challenge.

A giant rock wall in his view, as far as the eye could see, and as Zoro gazed upwards, it seemed to have no ending. Every inch of it riddled with spikes of all sizes that looked to be grown in from the earth. As if by sheer fate every single one of those spikes was pointed at him as he dangerously and undesirably sped up to them.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Zoro placed his two swords back in their respective sheaths, taking his Wado Ichimonji out of his mouth, gripping it tighter on his hand as he reared it behind him. “Sanbyakurokuju Pound Ho!” he screamed, bringing the blade forward in a circular swing, launching an air-compressing glowing blue projectile towards the spikes. When it made contact with the surface, the spikes cracked under its pressure, sending rubble and dust throughout the scene. As the dust cleared, a spiral shaped hole was all he left in its wake.

But this attack did not come without repercussions, as Zoro found out. The kickback from the projectile’s impact caused the swordsman to lose its momentum as he stopped ascending. Looking down, he saw nothing but fog, and if he had to guess, it would be a long way down from there. If I don’t do something now, I’ll plummet to my death and join that dumbass’ corpse. Honestly, what the hell was he-

“Hey Mosshead,” an all too familiar voice called out from underneath Zoro as he saw a black silhouette inching closer to him, rapidly kicking the… air? Wait, how does he do that? As the figure came within reach, a smirk pursued its lips, its curly brow twitching slightly. “Need my help again?”

Zoro grit his teeth. “I’ll kill you later, right now I need to get up there,”

With one final strong kick, Sanji lunged at his crewmate, his left leg held out like before as Zoro flipped into position again. Planting both his feet on the cook’s black leg, Zoro steadied himself, putting his blades to their respective sheaths as Sanji’s back arched, readying another power kick. “Armée de L'Air: Marimo Shot!” Before Zoro could express his emotion about the name of the technique, Sanji shot his leg upwards once more, now with a clearer view as his target, resulting in a stronger kick.

Zoro was sent flying at a much faster pace than last time, barely being able to keep his eyes opened as he grew near the edge of the cliff. As he flew past the point, narrowly missing the rock, he braced for landing, tucking in his leg and letting gravity do its work as he slowed down and began falling..

When he touched the ground, his body bent down to a crouch as the impact was felt on Zoro’s legs as they trembled slightly. Shrugging off the pain, Zoro stood fully in his tracks, the danger he sensed no longer present as two forests separated by a lone river streak swept his vision. Oi, where is that dumbass cook? he turned around in time to see an upside down Sanji in the air.

As he planted his feet safely on the cliff, Sanji pulled a cigarette and lighter out of the pocket suit, lighting the cig in his mouth. Drawing a huff of smoke, he let it settle before puffing it out as he walked to his crewmate. When he laid eyes on Zoro, a smirk pursued his lips. “You’re welcome,” his spiral twitching with cockyness.

“I didn’t say anything,”

“The fact you are alive and up here did,”

“Please, you wouldn’t be here if I didn’t clear a path for you.”

“Says the man who needed help twice.” Sanji’s smirk intensified as did Zoro’s anger.

“... says the guy with seventy-seven million beri bounty to the one with one hundred and twenty million.” he muttered loud enough for Sanji to hear.

Sanji’s cocky grin faded in an instant. “What does that have to do with this?!” he bellowed, the jagged teeth returning.

“Hmm, whatever,” Zoro left the conversation hang, focusing more on a way out as Sanji followed his movements with a red flame in his eyes. “My ship is gone and we need to find a new one. So where do we go from here?”

Sanji tsked. “Well, that’s easy. We follow the river to the next town.” he pointed to the stream by their sides before resting his hands in his pockets, passing by the swordsman to lead them to civilization.

“You dumbass,” Zoro half-yelled to the cook, causing Sanji to turn to him, seeing him near the edge of the cliff where the river water fell down. “The river ends here.”

“THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE STUPID!”

Author's Note

I'd like to thank River Road for prereading/editing this chapter. You're an awesome guy/girl/thing!

Kicks, Slices, and Stripes! The Vine Lady of the Everfree

A warning sign stood firmly planted in front of the pair, a miles away from a bizarre orchard of darkening trees seen from the distance. The crudely carved piece of wood showed that whoever made it had run off in fear of whatever was residing in the forest. Even though the sign looked old, it looked like it held the same, great amount of significance.

‘Danger ahead: Everfree Forest. Keep out.’ it read in sluggish and hurried handwriting, the ink splattered over some of the words making them somewhat harder to read, with bits of ink and wood scattered near it on the ground. It held a torn up, large yellow danger poster, covering the middle section, along with sketches of several kinds of strange beasts none of them had ever seen.

Zoro couldn’t help but grin slightly at the unknown terror. “Everfree Forest, hmm?” he asked nobody in particular, cocking an eyebrow at the trees. He could sense a malicious presence within the vicinity, possibly coming from said forest. It was a small presence, microscopic, but the many years he spent at sea taught him never to underestimate an opponent, no matter the odds. Although he always loved a good battle.

“You know, for such a creepy looking forrest it’s got a ridiculous name,” Sanji stated bitterly, flicking the butt of his worn out cigarette, fetching a new one from his pack and lighting it, never breaking contact with the sign. “Doesn’t help that whoever did this tried to make it look more threatening than it already is.”

Zoro folded his arms on his chest. “You think it has something to do with this island or its inhabitants?” Zoro inquired.

Sanji then gazed at the river’s road. He then drew a huff of his cig. “Only one way to find out,”

Sanji started walking along the stream before a blade was felt dangerously to his throat, stopping him. Although the cook was unfazed by the action, it did slightly infuriate him. “I’ll be the one leading us from now on,”

Sanji puffed a huff of smoke in spite, his trachea inches from the sword, glaring at his companion, puffing the smoke out. “And why would I let you do that?”

“In the order of things, when the captain is not around, it is up to the vice captain to the lead the team. Since Luffy isn’t here, it’s my duty to guide the team into safety,” he withdrew his blade from Sanji’s throat. “Even if that means getting your perverted ass out of here,”

Sanji’s eyebrow twitched madly in rage. “Who’re you calling a pervert, sword-mouth?!”

Zoro closed the gap between their faces, teeth baring in a deep growl. “Who’re you calling a sword-mouth, dumbass?!” he angrily shouted as they butted foreheads, their figures shaking from relentlessly pushing the other way to determine to see who would give up first as the fire in their eyes growing - red fire in Sanji while Zoro’s fire was blue. If close enough, a near silent war could be witnessed.

A scream erupted from the forest, causing Sanji to turn abruptly towards the source while still pushing each other off. Sanji was the one to take action. “Wait, that sounded like a… like a…” he stated, jumping away from Zoro, facing the entrance of the Everfree. A smile appeared on his face as he took on a lovestruck expression. “A lady! And she’s in trouble. I’ll save you!”

Sanji ran as fast as his black legs could, leaving dust to be thrown off in his way. “OI, I SAID I’M IN FRONT!” Zoro yelled, trying to match and outrun the cook as he raced up to him, unaware of the ever growing tree branches that blocked the entrance.

“Don’t worry, my damsel in distress, I shall help you!” Sanji proclaimed as jump-kicked the wooden wolf in his snout, effectively breaking it and sending flinging him to the a tree, collapsing on the mossy ground. Whenever he stomped one out, another came right around the corner, lunging at the suited man, and like all his brethren, he suffered a devilish kick in the teeth.

“Hey, dumb cook, get back here!” Zoro warned, Sanji not far behind him, splitting two other pouncing wooden wolfs in half, green ooze sticking to his blades, but the swordsman didn’t care. All he wanted was for the stupid cook to follow the first mate’s orders. Now he was here, attempting to rush past him so he wouldn’t let the cook wander off again.

The night was quick to arrive, or so it seemed. When Sanji and Zoro entered the so called ‘Everfree Forest’ the light faded from the rest of the island as the environment darkened. The duo trekked on, kicking and cutting down every obstacle before them as they made haste to rescue the troubled woman, disregarding any and every sort of animal and logic in their way.

With his mind filled with determination (among other things), Sanji bravely skipped through the forest without a second thought to his actions. ”Outta my way, ya shitty beasts. I’m meeting up with lady destin-”

Zoro came behind Sanji, yanking on his tuxedo as he gained advantage, as Sanji nearly tripped from the pull. “Oh no, you’re not. If anyone’s leading us out of here, it’s gonna be me,” he reared up his arm, elbowing the side of the cook’s ribcage, throwing Sanji off his mark as he struggled to regain balance with a single hopping foot, which made him to crash into a nearby tree, all the while cupping a hand over his injury.

With the lead now at his disposition, Zoro unsheathed his blades as he took off on a much faster pace, carrying out the current mission. An opening was made more visible ahead as the swordsman approached it, and it left him with that weak sense of danger, but much more intense than last time. Still, he reached it, hoping he hadn’t come too late to save the screaming girl.

A sharp pain erupted from the back of Zoro’s head, followed by a heavy weight that made him lose his footing as his face fell on the earth below, eyes stinging . The weight increased slightly, before disappearing completely on top of him, an overly excited voice calling out “LADY!” as quick and loud footsteps were advancing. Picking himself back up and dusting off the dirt in his eyes, Zoro looked ahead to see Sanji already moving away from him. “You asshole, you’re gonna pay for that!” he commented loudly as he got back on track, unbeknownst of the failed entrapment of the ground collapsing.

“Oh, Sanji-chan, this monster wants to kill me,” the damsel squealed out in desperation as the giant, disfigured beast snarled all the way to the helpless princess, licking his sharp and rotten teeth, girding to sink them into her ample form. It bellowed a mighty roar. “Aaaah, help me Sanji-chan,” she faintly screamed, dramatizing her dangerous situation with a hand to the forehead, letting her precious golden locks flow away freely in the imaginary wind as the monster gave her a toothy smirk.

“I’m coming, my princess,” Sanji said, meaning to sound like a hero but ending up sounding more like a pervert, a dopey smile spread across his face. His heart raced, as did his feet, to reach the image of the beast as it gaped its maw. The noble was about to kick the monster and declare victory and the woman as his lover but was quickly stopped by a suckerpunch to the head from reality. “What gives, Mosshead?!” he inquired impatiently, turning to the culprit who ridded him of his fantasy.

“That’s what you get for slamming my face, bastard cook.” he explained, clenching his fists ever so tightly.

“You knocked me onto a freaking tree, shitty swordsman!”

“Oi, who do you think you’re talking to?!”

“What do you think you’re saying?!” Sanji and Zoro were back standing face to face. Literally.

“How about I cut those legs off?”

“Well how about I shove my foot up your ass?”

“Oh you dartboard browed-”

“- airheaded-”

“- lecherous-”

“- sword swallowing-” Sanji lifted his leg.

“- pink headed-” Zoro withdrew his blade.

“- dumbass!” they spat out in sync, striking each other’s cheeks with their respective hilt and feet. The impact sent them flying to opposite sides, slamming directly onto the bark, leaving another bruise next to the mark on their cheek. The look of death in his eyes was lost upon contact as Zoro crashed into hard bark, tumbling onto its roots.

Sanji, however, found that grass was the thing he met instead. Stirring from his stupor, he gazed around him, noticing the immense natural green patches on the ground along with a decrepit ruins of an aging castle accompanied by a lonesome river next to it. Sanji widened his eyes to get a better view. It was the same river they were following before. It also seemed to end near the foundation of the castle.

“The noise came from here...” he stated with a questionable hint in his tone, trying to regain his breath. Is this it? There can’t be anyone there if it’s that run down. I think we should turn back. A scream resonated from the ruins, bringing Sanji back to the matter at hand. Lady! “Zoro, get up, we have work to do!” the cook said to the pained swordsman, receiving a solitary groan in response, as he sprinted for the entrance, ignoring the green ropes slithering around his crewmate’s legs.

Passing through the broken gates, Sanji made his way in the ruins, where hundreds of small, mossy plant-like tendrils protruded throughout the walls, crumbling them. Sanji paid it no mind as he scanned the room for the woman in trouble. “I swear it came from here, I could feel it.” Sanji commented, looking on to the farther side of the room. It in the thick darkness, he could still make out something in the distance.

A single silhouette stood there, her back turned to him, its curvy features indicating it was female. Her hair had a mind of its own as it flowed despite the lack of wind. Slim arms gripped her chest as shallow breaths could be heard. From Sanji’s point of view, the breaths could have been confused for moans, which drove his thoughts to obsession.

“Princess!” he exclaimed, dashing once again towards the maiden, saving her from whatever monster was terrorizing her. With hearts for eyes, he leapt up, hoping to dodge the woman away from the (imaginary) monster’s teeth. Sanji could already see his future life with her, as evidenced by the severe nosebleed.

“Vine Clutch:” Sanji was knocked off his mindset mid-leap as he noticed that the woman he was falling for was not a woman, but thorny vines taking shape of a beautiful lady. Now they were contorting into an opening like a giant mouth, smaller dark green rising up and waving for prey. “Numb Senses.”

In one quick motion, the ivy shut its mouth-like appendage on Sanji, encasing him in their tight and wet grip. The cook found himself unable to move as he struggle in a vain attempt to escape its clutches, but the more he forced his way out the more he became cramped in his own body. He groaned in pain, feeling the blood in his veins to slowly stop its progress, the dreaded numbness overtaking him.

Hollow footsteps were audible as they echoed through the ruins, catching Sanji’s attention. It came from behind him so he couldn’t face the mastermind. The footsteps continued growing closer until they halted, from what he deduced to be, a couple of feet from him. It stayed like that, complete silence surrounding the two, with Sanji’s only sight being the ‘throat’ of the plant, before the footsteps moved again, this time away from him.

Sanji’s blood boiled, clenching his fist as he suppressed the massive anger that was manifesting inside of him. “Where do you think you’re going?” he scolded the intruder, the fire of his mind spreading to the rest of his body. He could no longer hear the footsteps walking. “You think you can just lure your victims by using beautiful ladies as bait, just to trap them in your sick tricks?”

The plant released a whine from its makeshift throat, but Sanji ignored it and continued as the flames surrounding his body burned the vines wrapped around his limbs. “I don’t know who you think you are or what you’re trying to accomplish with me, but you never - I repeat, never…” the flames had reached his head, causing the plant gag the cook out of its mouth as it was engulfed in fire. It writhed in pain, forlorn from his inability to put it out, rapidly turning into ashes right before Sanji’s eyes. ”Ever… use beautiful ladies for your own desire!”

His hair spiked up in devilish rage, slowly facing his captor. “If you think you’re gonna get away with this, you’ve got another thing coming. I’ll make you sure you pay the debt of such a disrespectful act, even if it’s the last thing I- huh?” the anger was suddenly lost in his voice as he stood before his opponent.

A zebra stood on its hindquarters, her weight supported a large oak staff on its side. From the many years of identifying women, Sanji could deduce this was a female, though the dark green cloak hid some features. Rings adorned her neck and right leg - hoof? - along with her long ears, with her hair - no wait, mane, Sanji corrected himself - in a mohawk fashion. Her expression showed caution and slight fear, eyeing the man for any sudden movements.

Sanji brought his focus to her flanks, showing an odd mark that kind of reminded his of his eyebrow, only with small black triangles around it. Must be some kind of tribal mark, Sanji thought, noticing she did seem like the exotic type. Overall, she looked like a very adorable thing even when in animal form. And because of this.

“OOOH, what a beautiful woman!” Sanji fell head over heels for the zebra-girl, who cocked a confused and dumbfounded brow at the blood shooting from his nostrils. He approached her, the biggest grin on his face, his entire body convulsing into waves that made the zebra-girl extremely uncomfortable.

Without hesitation, she reared back her staff. “Oak Chop!” she swung the staff to his neck, effectively breaking his stance as he shot off onto the ruin’s side, leaving a sizable dent on the rock. Sanji stood there, dazed and stricken with love, recovering from the attack and the adorable beauty of the zebra-girl. This left an opening for he, flicking the staff on her shoulders, pointing it at the cook as the tip opened up.

“Everfree Ivy: Poison Joke Shot!” she yelled out before four blue flowers shot out of the staff at blinding speeds, aimed at Sanji’s back. By the time he regained consciousness, Sanji could sense piercing shots approaching him at breakneck speed. Still in a slight daze, he was able to dodge the incoming attack, but not without them grazing his flesh, cutting off four different pieces of his suit.

Sanji fell on one knee at the unexpected damage, clutching his wound. They weren’t so severe, compared to what he had face this was nothing. Glancing around his shoulder, he saw the roots of the flowers had impaled themselves through the wall, leaving only the stamen on their side unharmed. Woah, they didn’t leave cracks. It’s like the Bon Clay incident all over again.

He stared back at the zebra-girl with a gaze of bewilderment, but accompanied with a smirk. “Gotta say, wasn’t expecting that,” he commented as he got back on his two black feet, dusting off the dirt from his suit, putting his hand in his pocket in search of a cigarette.

“The Everfree holds many wonders for all to see, and all of it is controlled by me,” the zebra-girl rhymed, tightening her grip on her staff while glaring at her opponent.

“Is that so?” he lit the cigarette between his teeth, huffing it in and blowing a cloud of smoke out, placing the lighter in his pocket as he readied himself. “I’m surprised to find somebody who could handle two different types of devil fruits at once. Especially such a beautiful lady, even when in her animal form.”

The zebra-girl’s gaze did not waver. “I am unaware of these ‘devil fruits’ you speak of, but flattery won’t allow you to see the land above. If you don’t want to feel the wrath of the forest, retreat, or I’ll make you regret not admitting defeat.”

Sanji chuckled. “I would if I could, but I can’t. My ship got wrecked on my way here and I’m trying to find a shipwright to get me a new one. So if you could save yourself the trouble, I would like to get to this land-”

Zecora slammed her staff down, asserting her dominance and territory as the cloak floated from the impact. “No pirate goes beyond the Everfree, lest they wish to face me,”

Sanji took a deep breath. “Fine,” he lifted a knee in a defensive pose. “So be it, if you want a fight, you’ve got one.”

It was the zebra-girl’s turn to smirk. “How can you start a battle when it is over?”

Sanji cocked a brow before his legs began to shake. It started off small, which Sanji thought was still weird since he couldn’t remember the last time his legs tingled like this - oh wait, he did. The okamas -, as he put his foot down gently, but it tremble even more intense by the second as he could feel himself falling to the ground, unable to use his legs in any way. He grew more desperate as he tried to regain the feeling of his legs, rubbing, beating and clawing them for any sign of pain, but none came.

The zebra-girl looked upon the pathetic paralysed form of the man in black. “It’s useless,” she stated, trotting towards him in an unbearably slow pace, letting the pirate alone to enjoy his moment with the doubt and misery. When she was at arms length, she spoke up with a scowl. “The effects of the poison joke turn the victim’s strong point into weakness.” she reached behind her cloak, pulling out a flask with a red liquid inside. “I have warned you to leave, but you chose to stay. For that, you will pay,” she placed the flask on the lower part of the staff, twisting it as it consumed the red liquid in an instant.

Sanji could only watch as she pointed the other end of the staff at his head, positioning it on her shoulders as she she stared down at him. “Concentrated Ivy: Burning Sca-”

“Karasuma Gari!” several cuts were heard near them, causing the two to scan the source. The wall nearby, previously punctured by the zebra-girl’s blue flowers, had been sliced clean, like a hot knife through butter, multiple times yet they remained in place from the sheer tension. Not too long though, the ruins walls-turned-rocks slid off their pattern, landing with a large thud on the ground. The zebra-girl gaped in fear and awe, while Sanji mentally cursed.

“And that makes three,” Zoro said as he stepped onto the destroyed rocks, two swords drawn and glowing in the sunlight, making his way towards the battlefield where he saw the zebra-girl stepping away from a downed Sanji. “I’m having a hard time keeping up on how many times I’ve saved you so far,”

“About time you got here,” Sanji used his arms as leverage as he took a seat on a rock. “For a minute there, I was certain you got lost.”

“That’s funny, I was thinking the same thing about you,” he then turned his attention to the elephant in the room, that was actually a zebra, still gaping widely at the swordsman. “Who the hell is this?” he inquired.

The zebra-girl perked up as her confusion waned, her anger rising. She glared at Zoro. “I am Zecora, Guardian of Ponyville and keeper of the Everfree. If any pirate desires to invade this peaceful land, they will have to get by me,” she retorted as she repositioned her staff.

“Alright then, Zecora,” he addressed her, finding her name to be quite… fitting. “I think you most likely may have misunderstood this whole mess. I don’t know what got through your skull to think we’re here to invade-”

“You are pirates, are you not?” Zecora interrupted him as Zoro paused in thought.

“... fair enough,” Zoro admitted. “I feel like whatever I say won’t make you change your mind,”

Zecora shook her head. “Just like the other pirates, their lies meet their end. You will be no exception,” she cocked her head to Sanji. “Much like your friend.”

“HE IS NOT MY FRIEND!” Zoro blurted out.

“I AM NOT HIS FRIEND!” Sanji blurted out.

“Concentrated Ivy:” the end of the staff opened, fire erupting from it. “Burning Scarlet!” a flaming red rose shot out, considerably slower than the blue flowers but packing a bigger punch as it left smoke in its way.

Zoro reacted fast as he pulled back one of his swords, sheathing the other. “Yakkodori!” he slashed upwards, creating a projectile of compressed air that flew from the sword, heading straight for the burning flower. They made contact, causing the flower to explode as the wind dissipated from the air. Zoro took this opportunity by holding the swords on his sides as he crouched down, all the while Zecora readied for another attack.

The swordsman leaped at Zecora, his speed blowing away the smoke from the blast. When Zecora finally saw him through, it was too late; he had closed in on her so she lost her footing, the staff falling off her shoulders. She cried out in surprise, her eyes like pinpricks. “Oni Giri!” the cut landed as Zoro appeared behind her, arms outstretched.

“This is a new record for me,” Zoro spoke grimly, sheathing his katanas as the zebra collapsed on her hooves. “You’re my first new opponent in another island and I’m already disappointed. So if you’re done will this preachy ‘guardian’ crap, I’ll be on my-” he spun around, about to head back to their journey before he sensed Zecora, striking him. He pulled out his Shusui, stopping the staff from hitting his neck. With her weight on his sword, he pushed forward, forcing her to jump off of him, landing further from him “Guess not,”

Zecora slumped back, but she pulled herself to her stance with the aid of her staff. A giant ‘X’ was imprinted on her chest as she panted heavily, and so tired she was barely able to move. She could not believe this pirate; not ten seconds when they started fighting and she was already on the ground, begging for oxygen. Truly she was not dealing with some regular pirate scum that came her way, this one was smarter, stronger, like a leader of a crew. Perhaps this man had eaten this ‘devil fruit’ the fool in black had told her. However, now wasn’t the time to wonder.

Zoro gritted his teeth as he saw the wounds on her chest recovering. “Damn it, I thought I was done with you animal morphers at the Galley-La,” ‘She’s logia type too, but that doesn’t make any sense. I haven’t seen anyone who could handle two kinds of devil fruits.’ Zoro sighed in his train of thought as he and Zecora advanced to each other. ‘Looks like I’m in for a surprise’.

Sanji simply sat there, watching the battle go on. Though he hated saying it, the odds were stacked in favour of Zoro, evidently. He could see the zebra-girl was having trouble keeping up with the swordsman, in speed, strength and skill. Whenever she tried to strike him, he always defended and counterattacked successfully. When she used the vines and plants to grab or prick him, Zoro kept dodging and weaving and cutting the vines down.

Sanji slowly slid down his seat on the rock, but caught himself before he could fall. He put his hand on his leg to try and stabilize them, to get the blood flowing, and that’s when he felt it; nothing. No feeling whatsoever came when he touched his leg, not even numbness. He pinched, rubbed, shook them to no avail. They had lost all blood circulation.

And his waist was also starting to tingle…

From the zebra-girl’s technique…

And she was fighting Mosshead…

Since he knew Mosshead’s habits…

Oh no… Bingo.

His eyes widened. “Zoro!” he bellowed, the piece of the puzzle in his coming together in the worst way possible.

Zoro ducked Zecora’s staff, turning to the cook. “Can’t you see I’m fighting over here?” he yelled back as he stopped another strike to his head, swiping at her midsection, ending up grazing her flesh.

“Listen to me, you can’t kill her!” Sanji cupped his hands on his mouth to increase the volume.

“What, are you actually concerned for this woman?” he crossed his swords with her staff as they came head to head, sparks flying from the impact, igniting the sliced vines..

“If you kill her, I’m gonna be paralyzed forever!”

Zoro faced him fully. “What?!” this left him vulnerable as Zecora saw an opening. She spawned a thorny vine on the tip of her staff, aiming it at Zoro’s side. With all her might, she thrust the thorn deep within him, stabbing Zoro as he groaned loudly in pain. Instinctively, he spun his Sandai backwards as he placed both in front of her. “Nitoryu Hirameki!” Zoro swung his swords right to left, cutting her chest and neck, causing her to jump back to get a breather. He did the same. “Hurry up and tell me!”

“When that woman and I were fighting before you, she hit me with one of these weird blue flowers that paralyzed my legs, but the rest of my body will go too, and only she possibly knows how to cure this. If you kill her then I’m gonna be paralyzed forever, which means I won’t be able to reunite with the crew and Nami and Robin won’t see how much I’ve changed,” he ended his speech with a slight nosebleed.

Zoro processed the new information. He gazed at Zecora, winded from the previous flurry. “If that’s so, I guess I better finish this now,” he said, sheathing both of his swords. Zecora watched in detail as Zoro picked up a third sword from his waist, this one having a white sheath and handle.

At this point, Zecora was exhausted. She did impale him with one of her vines, but it still wasn’t enough. ‘Maybe this is the right time to use my killer vine,’ she thought bitterly as she raised her staff above her head, her forelegs struggling to hold firm.

Zoro held his Ichimonji upright by his head, a tight grip on the handle, as he looked down to the floor, listening closely to the sounds around him. From outside, the soft winds blew the leaves, basking in the glorious sun. The trees were no longer dark, the sickening environment didn’t exist, replaced by a calm, serene landscape. He heard the cook, casually smoking his cigarettes, puffing cloudy wads from his lips.

It annoyed him immensely.

“Rose Reign:” she began as the ground trembled like an earthquake, casting many rocks that held the castle ruins in place.

Zoro paid it no mind. “Ittoryu Iai:” he said, while Sanji was quizzical, switching his gaze between the two, barely avoiding the falling rocks.

“Thorn Garden!” she brought her staff down hard as thousands of vines burst through the floors before them, effectively destroying whatever remained of the castle. They grew substantially as they rapidly approached the swordsman concentrating his move, not budging an inch to dodge the vines.

Sanji, on the other hand, did not waste another second as he scurried to his hands to flee the scene, his lifeless legs flailing about.

Zoro smirked as the vines came dangerously close. He had finally found it. Through the green plants, and collapsing building and the cook’s effeminate screams, he could her deep and shallow breaths behind those thorns. Above, behind and beyond, they circled around him so he wouldn’t escaped, if he were to gaze up he would only see green, but he didn’t. And he grinned more.

“Shishi” the vines engulfed him, penetrating and drilling into his body, dust immediately flying off of the area, covering the entirety of the ruins as the vines dug a deeper hole for the swordsman. They retracted to see a gargantuan hole where Zoro used to be, a grave made for the dead man.

When the dust settled, Zecora eyes were wide open as she was hit with a revelation. The damage to the castle was catastrophic, basically irreparable. The pirate in the suit was dealt with, and he was going to perish in this forest. It was not that, however. The pirate she had supposedly killed was not dead at all.

She could sense him. She saw him. She felt his cut. She knew it was over.

“Sonson!” Zoro yelled out behind her, right when the slash made it’s presence. A deep crescent cut erupted from her stomach to her chest, the pain that she shouldn’t feel came at her full strength as she wanted screamed in agony, but only a squeal came out of her mouth. The blood flowed from her wound, though not as much as Zoro wanted, as it made a small pool underneath Zecora. She succumbed to her pain, dropping on her knees as her mind fought their own battle to stay awake from the shock.

“I can see you gave it everything you had,” Zoro said, sheathing his swords as Zecora let her body fall, standing on the brink of consciousness. “I’m even more disappointed because of that.” he walked up to the zebra, sitting down near her as she turned her head to meet him. “Good, you’re not dead yet. Here’s what’s gonna happen; whatever it is you did to the ero-cook,” he pointed a finger to Sanji, attempting to climb out of a pile of rubble. “you are gonna revert it,”

Zecora coughed, staring incredulously at the pirate who defeated her. FIrst, he had outright terminated any possibility she had to stop them, now he was ordering her help his fellow crewmate? ‘This man is not a pirate…

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m giving you a chance to live if you help us out. I advise you to take it if you value your life,”

“And why… would I do… such a thing?” she wheezed out.

Zoro shrugged. “To be honest, I couldn’t care less if anything happened to you, but my captain promised our crew we would see each other again, and I’m hoping to keep that promise,”

Zecora took deep breaths before answering again. “Why do you… let me stay… alive… if you don’t care?”

He gazed deep into her eyes as Zecora became more fearful of the man. “I just told you why. Don’t make me say it again,”

‘He has mercy.’ she thoughtwith a thankful smile. “And this… captain… of yours,” she coughed again, violently. “Does he know… where you are?”

Zoro blinked as he noticed the woman deterred from her speech pattern. He chose against mentioning it. “He doesn’t know where we are, we don’t know where he is,” Zoro looked on to the distance, remembering the newspaper. “Last time I hear of him, he was busting out his brother who was sentenced to be executed at the Marineford,”

“The… Marine base?” Zecora whispered to herself, the word bouncing around her mind as blurry memories came slowly flooding to her.

“Yeah, I remember reading about that,” Sanji dragged his half-limp body across the room, ceasing when he reached Zoro. “I wonder how he got Whitebeard and Crocodile to assist him. Even then, it wasn’t enough to save Ace.”

“Ace…” Zecora repeated.

“Luffy must’ve been devastated by it. He was his brother, and he witnessed his death in the worst way possible,” Zoro sighed as he remembered that moment he read from the newspaper after intense training. “I don’t wanna meet a man who looks good after that.”

“I wonder how he’s doing after that,” Sanji muttered silently, supporting his head with his arm. “Luffy’s tough, but how did he handle Ace’s passing?”

“Wait,” Zecora caught the duo’s attention. “Luffy… Monkey D. Luffy?”

“You know him?” Zoro and Sanji inquired simultaneously.

Zecora didn’t meet their gaze, as she was lost in her own mind. “No, but I know somepony else who does,” she shakily began to stand up, struggling to keep her strength, but a firm hand held her up. “Too bad he is not with us. He has told me the names of his crew,” she tore her gaze away from the floor. “Tell me, who are you two?”

“Zoro.” the swordsman stated.

Zecora nodded in acknowledgement at the quick introduction, turning to Sanji who was leaning in flirtatiously, a half-lidded gaze on the majestic zebra. “Zecora, was it? You may call me Sanji. ‘Black Leg’ Sanji of the East Blue, my darling lady,” he cooed softly, dismissing the concern of the lingering limp on his stomach for butterflies.

Her ears perked up, a sincere grin pursuing her lips. “I have also heard of your endeavors, of when the captain was away, it was you who protected the team in their adventures. At the Sabaody, you were separated by a machine named Kuma, who transported him to this island where he needed to leave sooner,”

Zoro flinched at her knowledge. “How do know all of this? Who’s ‘him’?” he furrowed his brow. “What’s with the sudden change of heart?”

“All will be explained in a better place, however we must make haste, for every second Sanji goes untreated, his body will surrender to the poison joke and your breath depleted,”

“So he’ll asphyxiate?” Zoro commented, standing fully erect as Zecora nodded her head. “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

“I’m right here, you know,” Sanji said angrily.

Zoro ignored him, picking the zebra in his hands. Zecora was surprised at first, from his strength and the action, but soon settled as the swordsman held her underneath his arm. “Okay, so, where to now?” Zoro asked, facing the castle’s crumbled entrance.

“It will be long, for we are far away from my hut. Thankfully, this forest is my home, and I know a shortcut,”

“Perfect, just don’t do like the cook and get us lost.”

They proceeded to move out until a voice stopped them dead in their tracks. “Yeah, speaking of the cook,” Sanji called out, impatiently tapping on the floor. “Who’s gonna carry me?”

As soon as he said that, Zoro and Sanji grimaced, realizing their fate. “Shit.” they both thought out loud.

“I said ‘turn left’!”

“She said ‘turn left’!”

“I am going left!”

“You’re going backwards! How do you misunderstand left as back?!”

“You dumbass, she said to go east, so I’m going east!”

“East is that way!” Sanji pointed a finger to his right as Zoro steered towards it.

“No, don’t turn!”

“You said too, you bastard striped horse!”

“I did not say anything, you… you… Mosshead!”

“Don’t call me that!”

“I call you as I see fit!”

“Why do your instructions suck!”

“You have gone the wrong way twenty five times, and you blame me?!”

“Well, if you said it more clearly, we wouldn’t have to screw up!”

“Don’t you dare yell at her!” the barrage of screams continued, with Zoro not following the orders, Zecora repeatedly yelling out the directions, and Sanji, clinging to the swordsman’s neck, as he assaulted him over the head with his floppy leg.

As Zoro turned back to the right way - for once - Zecora rubbed her temples, as a million thoughts came to her, all of them the same. ‘How did I get myself into this?’

Author's Note

Zecora is slowly turning into a Strawhat. How about that?

I thought of a little quirky idea: how about a japanese translation of all Equestrian attacks?

Vine Clutch: Numb Senses - Bainkuratchi: Shibire kankaku

Rose Reign: Thorn Garden - Rōzu chisei: Sōngāden

Everfree Ivy: Poison Joke Shot - Everfree aibī: Poizunjōkushotto

Concentrated Ivy: Burning Scarlet - Shūchū aibī: Bāningusukāretto

This chapter has not been edited yet, so please point out any and all mistakes.