The Three Sirens

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Aria Blaze, Adagio Dazzle, Crossover, Sonata Dusk, Comedy
Length: 2527

Three very stupid sirens try to take over Canterlot High, but they screw everything up and injure each other a lot. A tribute to The Three Stooges.

In a tribute to "The Three Stooges," Adagio, Aria, and Sonata plot to take over Canterlot with a variety of farcical schemes. They try their very best not to kill each other in the process.

Rated E, with the caveat that that there's gratuitous amounts of Sonata abuse. At the time of writing, I had not seen "Rainbow Rocks," so there may be some slight differences between the canon events and my story.

11/15, top of the popular stories list!

Published 2014-11-15 16:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-15 16:10:01 UTC

Band of Sisters

It was late at night. The Dazzlings sat in the dimly lit cafe, softly crooning their malevolent song to feed off the humans and their bickering. Their whipped cream topped cappuccinos had gone largely ignored, until Sonata Dusk moved her arm and accidentally knocked Adagio Dazzle's drink off the table, splattering coffee and whipped cream all over the floor.

"Now look what you did!" said Adagio, slapping Sonata.

"Hey there's no need for that" objected Sonata. She crudely scooped up the whipped cream with her hand and stuffed it back into the cup. "See? Good as new." Adagio replied by throwing what remained of her drink at Sonata's face.

Mr. Cake walked by and slipped on the puddle of coffee.

"He's out cold!" declared Aria Blaze.

"Grab his legs," instructed Adagio, "we'll hide him in the broom closet." The three sirens were light framed, so it took a fair amount of effort, but they managed to sneak behind the counter with their heavy cargo, and toss him into the closet.

"Hey, can I get some service over here?" called an impatient Canterlot student who was standing at the counter.

"I think he's talking to us," whispered Aria.

"We gotta pretend like we're supposed to be back here," whispered back Adagio.

"We're the new employees" said Aria to the customer, "we wouldn't be allowed back here if we didn't work here."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll have a triple venti nonfat macchiato with extra whip and a shot of espresso."

"Triple... whatever he said!" repeated Aria for the benefit of her coworkers.

"I don't know how to make that" whispered Sonata

"Me neither, but how hard could it be?" said Adagio. She pressed the "brew" button on the coffee machine, and coffee began to trickle out from the dispenser to the drain. "Get a cup under there, Sonata!"

Sonata obliged, and in the process of placing the cup, put her hand under the hot coffee. "Ooh!" she cried, pulling her hand back. She knocked over a bottle marked Espresso and it shattered on the tile floor.

"Now look what you did!" scolded Adagio

"Relax, we got another one right here." She held up a bottle marked Turbo. "He said 'triple,' right? So we just pour this in and count to three." She tipped the bottle in and counted out slowly.

"Hmm" said Adagio, staring into the cup, "this doesn't look right."

"Don't judge a book by its cover Adi."

"I'll throw the book at you if you blow our cover," said Adagio.

"You sure you guys work here?" the customer asked Aria dubiously, "where's Mr. Cake?"

"He's, ah, taking a snooze in the closet," said Aria, "sleeping on the job, can you believe it?"

Adagio smacked her upside the head, "don't talk that way about your boss!" She smiled at the customer, "your drink, sir."

He took a sip, and began twitching madly. "It's a little on the strong side."

Suddenly, Adagio got a sense of a strong energy field in the area.

"Girls do you feel that?"

"I think I feel an earthquake" remarked the espresso-fueled customer.

"Equestrian magic, and it's coming from Canterlot High!" said Adagio, "we could be queens if we got our hands on that!"

The girls arrived at Canterlot High, and positioned themselves in a crowded hallway.

"Alright girls, let's get to work." They began their ominous crooning, but Sonata got a dust mite caught in her throat and started coughing.

"What's the holdup?" demanded Adagio

"Sorry Adi, I was a little horse." said Sonata with a cheeky grin.

"Oh, a wise gal eh?" She clonked Sonata on the head. Sonata pouted and stuck out her tongue.

"Never mind that, for real this time." They began singing, and in an instant, all the students began arguing with each other, except a distinctive group of six.

"Hey, those six aren't affected, what gives?" demanded Aria

"There's only one explanation for why you'd see six diverse girls with nothing in common hanging out together." said Adagio

"Half a jury?" suggested Sonata

"No you idiot," Adagio backhanded Sonata, "they're the Elements of Harmony! They could thwart all our plans if they play at the battle of the bands!"

"But how are we gonna stop them if we can't make them fight?" asked Aria

"Oh, there's more than one way to skin a cat."

"Ooh I get it!" said Sonata, "we'll murder the white one's cat and pin the blame on the rainbow one."

"What's wrong with you?" exclaimed Aria, kicking Sonata in the shin "we're not gonna kill anyone... are we?"

Adagio replied calmly, "No, we're not gonna kill anyone. Clever people don't kill. Chipmunk, get me a thumbtack. Bunny ears, get me a chair." Sonata pulled a thumbtack off the bulletin board, and Aria dragged out a chair from a nearby classroom.

"See, when cowboy hat's not looking, we put a tack on her chair. Then when she sits down, she'll think candyfloss did it, and they'll start fighting."

"Pretty clever," agreed Sonata. She dropped the tack, and it rolled out of sight.

"Nice job, butterfingers."

"No worries, I'll find it," assured Sonata.

"I'll help you look," offered Aria. The two of them crouched down at the same time and their heads knocked together, causing them both to fall over backwards.

"Never mind, I'll just get a new one." fumed Adagio. She pulled one off the bulletin board, causing several fliers to come detached and flutter to the ground. "Now. Tack, chair, and we're good to go."

"HEY!" A girl with fiery red hair and a leather jacket stormed over to the Dazzlings, "did you tear down the fliers that I spent all of my detention period putting up around the school?"

The girl was a bit bigger and taller than the Dazzlings, but they tried to put on brave faces.

"Wasn't us," said Sonata innocently, "they're fliers, maybe they flew."

"Whatever. You three are strange. I'm watching you." She pointed at her eyes, then at the Dazzlings. Sonata tried to mimic the gesture but only managed to jab herself in the eyes. "Oh, and pick these up." She threw the papers at the trio. They flinched and shielded their eyes.

Adagio sighed and slumped down in the chair. "Ow!" she cried, springing up again with a tack stuck in her behind.

That night, the three of them snuck into the school.

"We couldn't make them fight, but we can still keep them from performing if we break their instruments," explained Adagio.

They entered the music room and flicked on the lights. "All right, find something to smash and make it quick."

"Hey Sonata, look, a piano!" said Aria, pointing to Rarity's grand piano.

"I play a little piano" boasted Sonata

"Yeah, but can you play a big one?"

"Certainly." She took a seat at the grand piano and began to play a melodious Beethoven piece.

"I thought I told you do some smashing!" snarled Adagio

"I am. I'm doing a smashing good performance." She grinned at Adagio, who responded by slamming the cover down on her fingers. "Ooooh!"

"Hey Adi, look! I'm Pete Townsend!" said Aria. She raised Rainbow Dash's guitar over her head, and swung it at the floor, hitting Adagio square in the foot.

"Aaah!" said Adagio as she hopped around in pain, clutching her foot.

"I didn't know you danced," said Aria.

"Oh, a wise gal eh?" She picked up a gong mallet and smacked Aria over the head.

"Why didn't you tell us we had hammers?" said Sonata, "this'll make it much easier!" She took the mallet and swung it at a Chinese gong. It made a mighty crashing noise and caused Sonata to reverberate.

"What was that noise?" came Principal Celestia's voice from outside

"Now look what you did!" barked Adagio, slapping Sonata.

"We gotta find somewhere to hide!"

"No time! We'll pretend like we're mannequins. Now hurry up and freeze." They stood in place, posing like the models they'd seen in fashion magazines. The doorknob turned slowly, and Principal Celestia entered the room.

"Remember, be convincing," whispered Adagio.

"Hello? Is there anyone in here?" She spotted the three Dazzlings, standing dead still in the center of the room. "What on earth are these?"

"Adi, I gotta sneeze." whispered Aria through gritted teeth.

"Hold it in if you know what's good for ya."

"I'm trying...hyatchhyacthhyatch..."

Adagio bit her lip.

"Hyatchhyatch..."

"Did that one just make a noise?" wondered Celestia, looking Aria straight in the face.

Aria's face twitched madly as she tried to contract her nose without actually moving.

"Hey relax, teach, we're just mannequins," said Sonata. Adagio facepalmed.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow." said the three Dazzlings, as Celestia dragged them by their hair and threw them out the door.

"Ooh" whined Aria, rubbing her head, "my left side hurts"

"Here, I'll fix that," said Adagio

"Gee, thanks."

Adagio yanked on Aria's right pigtail, causing the purple-haired girl's head to tilt with a cracking noise. "there, now you're balanced out."

"So now what?" asked Sonata.

"Well, the Battle of the Bands is tomorrow. I bet the Crown of Friendship will come out when the Rainbooms play. We'll swipe the crown and use it to conquer Equestria."

The Dazzlings sat at the back of the auditorium, out of sight to the performers. The Rainbooms were performing on stage.

As the song reached the chorus, Twilight took center stage, microphone in hand. She took a deep breath.

"You got the magnet?" whispered Adagio

"Yeah, it's right he- ooh!" The magnet leapt out of Sonata's hand and latched onto Aria's necklace.

"Would you stop playing around?" hissed Adagio.

"It's stuck" whined Aria, tugging at it.

"Well then pull harder!" demanded Adagio, "Sonata, hold her hair." The submissive girl obliged, and Adagio tugged at the magnet, hard enough to pull Aria forward.

"Ow, ow ow!" whined Aria, as Sonata began pull her hair to anchor her down.

"Oh stop it, you big baby. Here, Sonata, you try."

Sonata took hold of the necklace and pulled at it from behind.

"Hey, uh, girls?" said Aria, "I don't think this is such a hot idea...ghhhkkk!" she began to make gagging noises as the coil tightened around her neck. Finally, Sonata pulled it free.

"Got it!" she declared, oblivious to the pain she had caused her friend.

"You got this too." said Aria, conking Sonata on the head with the magnet. Adagio knocked their heads together, and then pushed the two girls apart.

"Twilight's solo is coming up. Now stop horsing around." She took a length of dental floss, looped it around the magnet, and tied it off, making for a primitive grappling hook.

Up on stage, the music began to crescendo. Twilight took a deep breath, raised her microphone, and belted out the final chorus of the song. Her inflamed passion galvanized the Element of Magic, and her regal wings sprouted as she rose off the ground.

Adagio whipped her contraption in a circle motion, and accidentally smacked Sonata on the chin with a loud clang. "What's the big idea?" barked Adagio, "you trying to get us caught? Stand back." She shoved Sonata back into Aria, and the two of them tumbled into the wall. Twilight's solo was almost over. Adagio checked the knot one more time before whipping it around her head, and flinging it at Twilight. Just as Twilight finished her last note, Adagio's weapon stuck fast to its target.

"Eep!" cried Twilight, as her wings and horn suddenly disappeared. Separated from her magic, she fell to the ground with a thud, her microphone making a terrible screech and bang when it hit the wooden floor. The crowd gasped and the music stopped instantly. Twilight's friends rushed to her side to make sure she was ok. The rainbow house lights were replaced with a dim eerie shade of green, as the mist began to roll in.

Adagio triumphantly held up Twilight's crown, and laughed menacingly, "With this, girls, we can open the portal and conquer Equestria once and for all! Farewell, mortals!"

"You won't get away with this!" yelled Rainbow Dash.

"Try and stop us," bragged Adagio. The Dazzlings crooned in perfect harmony, their best since their exile from Equestria. The students were spellbound by their melody and began to quarrel. The six girls ran towards the sirens, but Adagio brought her hands together, and the students mechanically walked towards Twilight and her friends, forming a barricade. Rainbow and Applejack tried to shove through, but this only provoked the students into pushing then backwards, twice as hard.

"Thank you so much for your help. I'll compose a song in your honor. Now, to get out of here." She pointed the crown at the cordoned-off main entrance and fired a beam of energy, blasting away the doors. "Adieu." They sauntered away.

Sunset, who had been watching from the catwalk above, let out a gasp of disbelief. "That does it!" She leapt down to the stage. "Trixie, I need your help!" She grabbed the magician by the arm and took off in pursuit of the Dazzlings.

"Wha...what's going on?" slurred out Trixie, her mind foggy as the spell began to wear off, "you require... assistance from the.... Great and... Powerful Trixie?"

"Never mind, just move those great and powerful legs of yours!" The duo caught up to the Dazzlings, who were making their way to the portal with a boastfully slow gait.

"Once we get through the portal, the world is our oyster!" declared Adagio.

"Hey Adi!" yelled Sunset, "don't be so shellfish!" She took a peanut butter cracker from Trixie's coat pocket, crushed it in her fist, and hurled the crumbs at the Dazzlings.

"How was that helpful?" asked Trixie poutingly, "waste of perfectly good- aaaugh!" A flock of white doves burst from Trixie's sleeves and swarmed the Dazzlings, pecking away at the cracker crumbs. The three Dazzlings were knocked right off their feet, and the crown fell off of Adagio's head. Feebly, she reached for it, but Sunset stomped on her hand.

"I knew there was a reason everyone wore high heeled boots."

"And that is how the Great and Powerful Trixie saved the day."

"Oooh" said Snips and Snails, enthralled by her story.

"You saved the day?" asked Sunset incredulously.

"Would it have been possible without Trixie? And did you not say Trixie has great legs?"

Sunset just rolled her eyes and walked away.

"You still owe Trixie 50 cents for the peanut butter cracker!" called Trixie.

Sunset ignored her and approached the Dazzlings, who were sitting in the remains of the front steps, heads hung in shame.

"You three! I built that wall with my own two hands!" she scolded.

"Which hands?" asked Sonata

"These hands!" replied Sunset. She slapped all three of them in the face with one swipe. "Now, you three are going to rebuild this wall, and I want no shenanigans. Is that clear?

The Dazzlings looked at the wet cement, the assortment of power tools, and the humorously-long boards of wood.

"Crystal." they replied.

"Crystals? I don't think so." said Sunset. She took their magic gems and crushed them underfoot.