Chapters Who Moved My Apples
The pigs needed to be slaughtered.
Applejack was up before the sun. It was time to do the dirty work of a farmer. Picking apples and working in the soil wasn’t dirty to her, it was an honest day's work. No, today there was work to do that was seriously dirty.
There were many animals on the farm, sheep for wool and cows for milk, but they were all intelligent, talking creatures. They would never be cooked up for food. Pigs were only capable of wallowing in the mud. Applejack raised them for cash to help the farm. They were sold once a year to a meat packing company in Griffontopolous. Today was the day they get shipped off in a truck to be turned into meat. It was the most awkward part of the job for a herbivore. Milking cows with your teeth was also awkward, but that’s a story for another time.
Just to think that just three months ago, they were at the royal wedding of Princess Cadence, and she was a royal bridlemaid. Applejack was dancing with Prince Blueblood. They got along surprisingly well. She was doing things she never thought she’d do. Especially after the bachelorette party.
Applejack met the truck driver, a griffon named Gilda. She seemed familiar for some reason. The truck driver began shooing the pigs into the back of the truck. Trucks were not uncommon in Equestria. They were only used for big jobs. The Apple family had one in the old northern barn, but it only got used three or four times a year.
Applejack could tell she had done a good job raising them because Gilda made a clicking sound with her beak. It was the equivalent of licking one’s lips for someone who has no lips. With the cargo ready for shipping, the griffon counted out a wad of cash and handed it to Applejack. “Same time next season?”
Applejack took the money begrudgingly. “Yeah. Yeah.”
Just then she heard a loud cry. It was Apple Bloom, and she was in trouble! Big Macintosh must have been too busy chopping firewood to keep watch.
The cowpony dashed into the nearby woods where Apple Bloom had been playing. Her face was awash with horror as she arrived at a sunlit glen to find her little sister pinned against a boulder by a cockatrice, a timberwolf and a manticore.
The cowpony would have none of this. She leapt into action. A swift poke in the face for the cockatrice, then a massive reverse kick to the manticore’s muzzle. In the fury, the timberwolf snapped at Applejack, but only managed to snag her tail. Big mistake, for Applejack threw a mighty kick and sent the critter halfway back into the Everfree Forest. The others followed suit.
“Are you alright?” cried Applejack.
“Oh, thanks big sis! You were great!”
“Of all the gosh forsaken things, Apple Bloom. Going out here...” Applejack trailed off as she saw something hidden behind the little filly. “What’s that?”
“What’s what?” lied Apple Bloom. She was clearly concealing a slingshot behind her.
“Apple Bloom! Were you shooting apple cores at the critters in the Everfree Forest again?”
“Well, not at the critters in particular, just in their general direction.”
Applejack scooped up the slingshot. She strung in around her neck and proceeded to march Apple Bloom back to the farm for punishment.
“But sis, I thought I could get my cutie mark in monster hunting!”
Applejack growled. “I’m surprised you don’t already have your cutie mark in finding trouble!”
* * *
The sun was just up, and Applejack stepped into the farm house. She placed the slingshot on the dresser by the front door, then made her usual turn into the kitchen.
Applejack was ready for breakfast. The good part about getting up before dawn to work on the farm is that you’ve worked up an appetite before breakfast. What should she have today? The standard was a red delicious apple, but sometimes she liked to kick back with a granny smith. Today was particularly grueling, it was time to treat herself. It was time for a golden delicious. Applejack went to a special jar on the kitchen counter where she kept her secret stash.
As she broke the tangy surface of the ripe orb, something seemed wrong. She chewed and swallowed, but it just didn’t taste right. It tasted like a perfectly good apple, but it just felt wrong for some reason. She examined the apple for any scrapes or bruises. It was a perfectly good apple. She continued chewing and swallowing bites until the apple was finished, though none of those bites gave her pleasure.
Before she left she filled Winona’s food bowl. Strange that she didn’t come running that morning.
After moving some carts full of apples down to the apple cellar, Applejack stopped and stood in the morning breeze. She wasn’t tired, yet something just felt off.
“Big Mac, can you take care of this today? I’m just not feeling right. I need to go for a walk.”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac was expecting this. It was pig day after all, and his sister was never in a hard-working mood.
* * *
After walking all across Ponyville, Applejack stumbled into Twilight’s tree. “Perhaps one of Twilight’s books will be able to help me.” She found that the main lobby was empty. As was the second floor where Twilight slept. Applejack had to head to the third floor office before she saw any signs of life.
Standing at the desk was Twilight. The purple unicorn was composing a letter on the rollerdesk with the strangest smirk on her face.
“Hey, Twi!”
Twilight let out a high pitched squeak then covered her writing with whatever pages and books were nearby. “Oh! Applejack! I didn’t hear you come in. Please sit down.”
“Ho ho! Oh, no! Nothing at all.” Twilight tried to contain her excitement. “I was just writing a letter to my boyfriend.”
“You’re what now?”
The unicorn giggled. “Oh, yes, we’ve been writing to each other for weeks now. He’s from Fillydelphia.”
“Wait, so you’ve never met? Like face-to-face?”
“Oh, Applejack, these are modern times. We all have busy lives. Dating through the mail is common. I’m sure once he moves out here we’ll pick up right from where the letters left off. He is quite a catch...”
“Sure he is Twilight, I actually came here to have a talk about taste.”
“What? What’s wrong with my taste? I have fine taste!” Twilight seemed a little defensive.
This was starting to get just plain weird, but Applejack was thirsty for answers. “No, I mean my taste. I was wondering if one of your fancy books might have a solution for me. I woke up this morning and I didn’t have a taste for apples!”
Twilight Sparkle was puzzled. “What do you mean? Did the apples taste wrong?”
“No, they tasted fine, I just didn’t like them like I usually do. I wasn’t in the mood for apples! Me of all ponies!”
Twilight giggled to herself. “Well, I’m sure it’s just a phase. You can’t be eating the same thing everyday of your life. I’m sure this will blow over soon. Give it a few days.” Twilight did not seem all that concerned.
“I guess I’ll just let myself out.”
Twilight turned back to her letter. She bobbed her quill back and forth as she wrote.
As Applejack turned to leave, she got a terrible start. Spike had been standing against the back wall the whole time, shooting daggers at Twilight. AJ had thought nothing of his absence, since he spends most of his time at Rarity’s these days.
“Whoa, little britches! Didn’t see you there. heh. Are you alright?”
The small dragon spoke through gritted teeth. “I’m fine. Twilight’s the one in trouble. She’s writing a mushy letter to some pony she’s never met in person.”
Applejack thought Spike was being a little jealous, but then a thought occurred to the cowpony. Spike always takes dictation on Twilight’s letters. The only reason Twilight would write the letter herself would be if it contained something... juicy.
Applejack ebbed toward the exit. “Is she going to be alright?”
Spike scoffed. “This can only end in tears.”
* * *
Sugarcube Corner was in down time. Tuesdays were always slow, and any customers that would be coming in would be doing so in the evening. Pinkie stepped away from her counter and walked through the empty shop with a plate of treats.
“I just don’t know what to do Pinkie. I’ve gone almost a whole day and I still have not had a hankering for apples. Not even once!”
“Oh, Dear.” Pinkie perused her list. “We’ve done apple fritters, apple pie, apple cake, apple juice, apple cider, and apple creme brulee (I didn’t even know I could do that one). And we still have no checks in the ‘hankering’ column. I just don’t know what to do!”
Applejack slouched in her booth seat. She had loved apples every day of her life. What was different today?
Pinkie was pooped. It was rare for her to be out of ideas, but Applejack had just run her ragged. “Do you think Twilight was right? Maybe you just need a break from apples. Do you want to try a lemon square?”
Applejack slammed a hoof on the table. “No! If I can’t have an appetite for apples, I don’t want an appetite at’tall!”
* * *
Applejack had walked the whole town and still had not any answers, nor had she found her appetite. She started to look to the sky. Sitting above her like an angel was Rainbow Dash. She had been snoozing on a cloud above town.
With a mighty country whistle, Applejack had Rainbow Dash’s attention and beckoned her down to earth.
“Hey AJ, what’s up? Shouldn’t you have some farm chores to do or something?”
Applejack looked at her pegasus friend with a haggard soul. “Dash, I just don’t know what to do. I just don’t like apples! I can’t live if I don’t love apples! I don’t know what to do with my life anymore! I feel like I’ve become something horrible!” Applejack was in tears.
Dash looked Applejack squarely in the eyes. She could see distress and fret in the cowpony’s face. Dash did the only thing she could think of. “I’m taking you to a doctor.”
* * *
“It’s a good think you got to me when you did. Your tail has a pretty big bite on it.” The doctor finished the last of six stitches and cleaned the under-section of Applejack’s tail. He had already hooked AJ up to an IV to replace the missing blood.
“I didn’t think tails could bleed.” The cowpony said, embarrassed.
“Yes, well we all tend to forget during our daily lives, but the flesh extends up to a foot behind every pony. One of those critters you fought this morning must have bitten you and you didn’t even realize you were bleeding.”
“So, the loss of blood explains why Applejack lost her taste for apples?” Dash inquired.
“Well, loss of appetite is a symptom of anemia, so yes. But I need to take this blood sample for testing. We should know everything in two days. It’s standard procedure. In the meantime, just wait for that donor blood to fill you back up and have a cookie. You should be fine with a day of bedrest.
Rainbow collapsed into her chair. “Wow, Applejack. You had me going there.” She rubbed her hooves on her face in relief. “I was starting to think something had gone seriously wrong with you. But you’re OK, right? Right? AJ?”
Applejack wasn’t listening. She had cracked the IV jar of blood onto the counter and was lapping the red liquid up like milk.
* * * * *
Rainbow Dash and Applejack stormed into the library. Twilight was reshelving books. Dash shouted through short breath. “Applejack needs help! This is a medical emergency! We need your brain and junk!”
“I’d be happy to give you a hoof.” said Twilight.
Applejack was elated. “Oh, thank you. You don’t have to cook it or nothin’. Just chop it off and give it here.”
“What?!”
“Twilight, something bad has happened to Applejack! She was bit by some monster this morning, and now she has an insatiable taste for flesh and blood. You need to find out why before she eats somepony!” Dash was dead serious.
Twilight thought frantically. “Was the monster that bit you a timberwolf?”
Applejack nodded.
Twilight immediately picked a book off the shelf with her magic and began reading a passage. “Once a pony is infected with lycanthropy, she will start to turn into a timberwolf herself. Once the victim has made the change, there is no way to undo it. Once transformed, the pony will seek out all those who had strong connections to them and devour them! The only way stop the process is to kill the wolf that originally bit them.”
Applejack flipped. “How much time do we have?”
“We have until sundown of the next full moon.” Twilight checked her calendar. “Which is tonight!”
The three exchanged looks of horror. It was less than an hour until sunset.
* * *
They were at the farmhouse. The six and the apple family had been assembled. The sun was setting. Spike was riding on Twilight’s back and looking more concerned than ever. The house would be in a state of deafening silence if it weren’t for Applejack writhing in pain and knocking over furniture.
Poor Pinkie Pie was the most shook up by this. “C’mon Applejack. Won’t you at least try a cupcake? It might help.”
“Stop it Pinkie. That tray of cupcakes is not the solution.” Rarity trotted around nervously. “Can’t we lock her in a cellar until she changes back?”
Twilight shot Rarity a look. “She won’t change back. Once she turns into a timberwolf, it’s permanent.”
Apple Bloom was shaken to tears. “You OK, big sis?”
“NO!” Her voice was maniacal and bestial. “Take Apple Bloom and Winona and get as far from here as you can. Release the critters and tell them to run.”
Big Macintosh nodded. He knew what had to be done. In his big arms, he scooped up the Apple family and carried them out the back door. Apple Bloom looked down at her sister “You’re gonna be alright, sis?”
Applejack flashed her fangs. “GO NOW!”
The rest of the Apple family made haste out the front door.
Applejack spat madly. “I … must … feed....” Applejack eyes started glowing. Her body was growing and cracking. Large fangs sprang from her mouth. Nubs formed on the back of her feet that would eventually become other toes, complete with razor-sharp claws. The actual coating of the body with wood was last part of the transformation process, and probably wouldn’t be complete until she had devoured everypony in town. For now, Applejack was a larger version of a pony, with a wicked maw. Her hat, no longer fitting, fell to the side.
“Applejack? You okay?”
The orange pony only replied by baring her new fangs.
The ponies were not going to wait around to discover what AJ intended to do with those new fangs and they ran to the kitchen. They slammed the kitchen door and piled as much furniture in front of it as possible.
“I didn’t think it would end like this.” lamented Rarity.
Thuds were heard beyond the door. Then cracks. The whining of wood giving into pressure and splintering rang through the kitchen. It only took five minutes for the monstrous Applejack to tear the door and bits of furniture into toothpicks. She was now free to roam and crept forward. She opened her large mouth, drooling blood.
Spike clenched his claws. He was not going to stand for this. With a steely glare in his eye, he declared “I got this.” In a mighty display of bravery, he leapt into the air and lodged himself right in Applejack’s mouth. Her now immense maw was stuffed ear to ear with purple dragon. It was worse than the time Pinkie shoved three billiard balls in her mouth.
Try as she might, the monstrous Applejack could not bite down on Spike, nor dislodge him. “Don’t worry! She’s not strong enough to break through my scales!”
With a great whip of her neck, Applejack spat Spike across the room and squarely through the small square window at the far side of the kitchen. From the speed at which he flew, it would probably be a half-mile at least before he hit the ground.
Twilight was now starting to panic. “Ok, new plan. We get the hoof out of here and lock AJ inside.” Surely this would be an improvement. The front door was at least twice as thick as the interior doors. The five flew out the door and shut it behind them, locking the monstrous Applejack inside. However, this did not give them the safety they were anticipating.
Twilight looked out to the dusk of Sweet Apple Acres in horror. The front door had been surrounded by six large timberwolves. She wasn’t sure if they were here because they could smell the new arrival, or if they were chasing the critters that had been let out of their pens. The group was now outside. Their backs were against the wall of the apple farmhouse. They were surrounded.
“What do we do now?” said Rarity.
I have an idea. But I need to time it just right. Twilight listened for the thuds against the front door. At exactly the right moment, she opened the door and the monstrous Applejack careened straight out into the other timberwolves. The five ponies flew back inside and locked the door.
“What about Spike! Is he okay?!” shrieked Rarity as she kicked a bookcase against the front door.
Twilight took a deep breath. “Spike is more okay than the rest of us put together. If he’s smart he’ll roll into town and get help. We can’t wait for any, however. One of the monsters that bit Applejack must be in the pack outside. The full moon is almost at its apex. If we don't take out that wolf in the next few minutes, Applejack will be lost to us forever.”
Fluttershy was in tears. “But, how can we stop them? They’re huge and strong! And they’re made out of wood! What could possibly harm wood!”
While the pegasus was talking, Twilight was about the house, lighting every oil lamp available.
* * *
Rainbow Dash hurled the lantern down at the timberwolf. An explosion of glass an oil coated the beast with liquid fire. It ran in agony and panic, but that only fueled the flames. Within a minute it had fallen lifeless into the dirt.
“Ha! Take that you bundle of sticks!”
Twilight's plan was brilliant. Dropping a glass oil lamp from a great enough height would shatter it into a fireball. Fluttershy was assembling them on the roof, and Dash was lobbing them at the enemy. It brought her back to her training days in flight camp. The only problem was the timberwolves were now wise to her, and getting another direct hit was nearly impossible.
Just then, Twilight and Pinkie popped their heads out of the apple cellar hatch. They had snuck through the storage cellar under the house and now had the drop on the monsters. Pinkie Pie had a slingshot drawn with a cupcake in it.
“Fire at will, Pinkie.” commanded Twilight.
The cupcake went flying. The timberwolf was struck right between the eyes. It fell dead an instant later.
“You were right, Twilight. These are a lot more lethal if you put rocks in them.” Pinkie reloaded the slingshot. With another round of cupcakes they had taken out a second timberwolf.
The other wolves were not going to let this stand. They charged the door to the apple cellar. Twilight and Pinkie ducked for cover and locked the hatch.
She was down to her last oil lamp. “C’mear you monsters!” Dash had carelessly flown closer to the ground. Close enough for the timberwolves to jump. And one of them did, the transformed Applejack.
Rainbow Dash hesitated. She couldn’t light her friend on fire. It just wasn’t in her. She was frozen in fear for the first time in her life. The monstrous Applejack was leaping into the air. If she had jumped an inch closer, Rainbow would have been bitten.
As the missing monster hit the ground, something strange happened. She began shivering and coughing. Then she collapsed and started to shrink down to her original size. The three remaining timberwolves (one large, two small) looked on in puzzlement.
Despite holding a lantern, everything seemed to go dark around Rainbow Dash. She looked up.
“Where did the moon go?”
Just then a hush ran through the night. The stars seemed to flash out into darkness for a brief moment. A slight chill blew through the air. All of a sudden a brilliant ray of blue light fell from the sky and blew a crater into the field in front of the Apple family farmhouse.
As the smoke cleared, the ponies could see its contents. It was Princess Luna. She was angry. “Twilight Sparkle, your scaly friend was wise to summon me. All creatures of the night must learn of their master.”
Her horn was glowing with a monumental amount of electricity. Luna reigned down punishment from the heavens. Huge bolts of lightning had smitten a timberwolf, not only causing it to shatter into pieces, but leaving a smoldering crater beneath it.
Immediately afterward a second timberwolf had succumbed to the same explosive fate.
Now there was only one timberwolf left--the large one. Several bolts of lightning struck it, but the beast seemed to shake them off. It was too large and grounded. It didn’t have the soft, moist centers the smaller monsters had. This one was old, thick and sharp; like a piece of driftwood half-buried in the sand.
Seeing that magic bolts would not work, Luna stepped forward. Luna pelted her hoofs into the savage beast. They exchanged blows at close quarters. Neither one gave an inch. Luna was more slender, but her blows were fierce and quick. The timberwolf laid into her with clumsy blows that couldn’t cause significant harm. After what seemed like hours they both separated, panting and exhausted. Luna’s ears flapped, taking in her surroundings.
Luna suddenly dropped her fighting stance. She sat demurely on the tuft of grass and stared the large timberwolf right in the eyes. “I’ve got two words for you. Beep. Beep.”
Everyone present found those words confusing. Confusing until an instant later when a beeping of a truck’s horn was heard. It was Granny Smith and Big Macintosh in the Apple family truck, barreling down the hill at 50 mph.
“Eat this you moldy old stump!” Granny Smith took the chance to turn the headlights on two seconds before impact, so that the monster could see her fate coming.
CRASH!
The timberwolf’s body was a broken mash of sticks and lumber crushed between the bumper of the truck and the side of the farm house. Death was instant and painful and the only movement left in the beast was the pink ooze that dripped from its corpse. It fizzed as it made contact with air.
Granny Smith and Big Mac undid their safety belts and stepped out to inspect their handiwork. “That’ll teach you to mess with ma kin! You young fillies are always doing things the hard way. You need to take out the leader first, gal dangit.” She kicked the dead wood, just for good measure. “Looks like we finally have enough firewood, Big Macintosh!”
Rarity was shocked. “You mean you’re just going to throw all that into your fireplace?”
“Well, of course not, dearie. You have to season it first.”
The girls ran over to Applejack, laying unconscious on the ground. Dash cradled her in her hooves and brought her around. “AJ! You OK! Speak to us!”
Applejack opened bruised eyes and spoke through a weary mouth. “So hungry...”
Her big brother brought her a red delicious. Applejack tasted the apple.
It was delicious.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Sometimes in life, the things that used to make us happy no longer have the same bite they used to. There are times in everypony’s life when they need to re-invent themselves. At times like these it’s good to have friends to help you with your troubles.
Lucky for me, it turned out I was just possessed by a demonic virus that was rapidly turning me into a carnivorous monster who would inevitably rip out the the throats of all my loved ones and devour their flesh. I really dodged a bullet. I’d like you to thank your sister for me. She really saved my bacon last night.
Your Faithful Farmer, Applejack
The day after next, Applejack got the results of her blood test in the mail. “I wonder if lycanthropy shows up on blood tests.” She opened the letter at breakfast, where she was treating herself to a big bowl of applesauce.
“Ms. Applejack.
We are happy to inform you that we have two bits of good news for you. First, you are free from any infectious blood diseases. For the second, you may want to be sitting down.
You’re pregnant...
Moonlit Picnic
Applejack sat in the doctor’s office waiting for the physician to to return. She rubbed her belly. A foal of her own. Applejack was ecstatic. She was a little apprehensive about being a mother, though.
The doctor perused his clipboard. “It seems everything is in order. You are now past your first trimester. You should be showing any day now. We’ll schedule an ultrasound for next week. You’re on your way to having a healthy foal.”
“Thank you doctor.”
“There are just a few things you need get caught up on. Things you need to do for the health of your baby. No roller coasters or hot tubs. Stay away from flea collars and kitty litter. Most of all, you should avoid any strenuous labor before your... labor.”
The doctor stepped out of the room to file her chart.
“Wait, what was that last one, doc?” Applejack was starting to panic for the first time since getting the news. She couldn’t do hard labor? Was this a cruel joke? A day without hauling 78 bussells of cargo was like a day without sunshine! Bucking your hooves against solid appletrees couldn’t be considered hard labor could it? And what about all those races she did with Rainbow Dash? Was this the end of her rodeo days?
Just then a purple unicorn barged through the door.
“Rarity! How could you? You know how naive Spike is! How could you let Spike become a father.”
Applejack sat with her hooves crossed, bemused. “Really Twilight? You mistake me for that prissy pony? Have you had your eyes checked recently?”
Twilight was dumbfounded. When she heard the news that one of her friends had gotten pregnant, she had been so certain it was Rarity. After all, She and Fluttershy were the only ones in relationships right now. Where did Applejack’s baby come from?
“Um Applejack. We really need to talk about something. About what you’ve been doing?”
Applejack sighed. Twilight was about to deliver one of her lectures. She supposed she deserved a good tongue-lashing. Here she had been working the farm with a baby growing inside her for the past season.
“I think I know where this is going. This behavior will stop. It has to. Even if it will be tough for me to quit cold turkey.”
Twilight Sparkle didn’t know any stallions named ‘Cold Turkey’ so he couldn’t be the father. She would have to continue. “I’m more concerned with who you’ve been doing it with .”
“Well, geez, Twi. I live on a farm. I’m doing it before the sun goes up and after the sun goes down.”
“Most ponies do... but with whom?”
“Well Rainbow Dash mostly. That’s a lot of fun.”
Twilight stomped her hoof. “I knew it! But what about stallions, what stallions have you been doing it with?”
“Well, none. Accept Big Mac. Actually, when I’m with him, he does most of the work. I’m sort of embarrassed about that.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped to the floor. “Your brother?! Your brother is the father?!”
“No. What? You mean you’re not asking me about my doing too much hard labor?”
“No! I’m asking who’s the father of your foal! Who’s been giving you the business? Who’s been riding down your dusty trail? Applejack, who rode you bareback?!”
Applejack let out a huge laugh. “Bwahahaha! You thought? Twilight, you dirty girl!”
“In all seriousness, Applejack, how did this happen?”
“Well, Twilight. I’ll tell you how it didn’t happen. Through the mail.”
Twilight huffed. “Just you wait! He’s coming into town next week. You’ll eat your words when you meet him!”
“Forgive me if I don’t hold my breath. It wouldn’t be good for the foal.”
Just then, Rainbow Dash crashed through the window with a mighty multi-colored blur. “Fluttershy! How could you! How could you get pregnant and make my sister a bastard!”
* * *
Three mares trotted down the dirt road up to the Sweet Apple Acres farm house. All three were concerned. The purple one the most. “I just can’t believe you’re pregnant, Applejack. You’re so young!”
“Oh, pish tosh, Twi. I’m at a good mothering age.”
Rainbow Dash snorted. “I can’t believe you won’t tell us who the father is! What about being the element of honesty?”
Applejack smirked. “I can honestly say It’s none of your beeswax--and I can honestly say there ain’t nothing in this world that will make me confess.”
At this point, they had reached the front door of the Apple family farm house. Before Applejack could reach out for the door, it swung open, revealing an enraged Granny Smith. “I heard through the grapevine that somepony is with foal. Now who do you reckon that is?”
Twilight had never seen Applejack so petrified as at that very moment. “Uh, Granny, I reckon that’d be me.”
Granny slammed the door in Applejack’s face.
Applejack went to open the door again, but she was met by a glowering Granny Smith. “You ain’t stepping one hoof into this household you hussy!”
“But-But Granny!”
“No buts! I’m not having you in here setting that kind of example for your sister. Before you know it, Apple Bloom will have a cutie mark in giving saddle dances or giving hummingbird jobs!”
Dash raised an eyebrow. “Hummingbird jobs?”
Granny snorted. “Well, whatever you young whipperslappers are doing. Probably whipping and slapping. Do you even know who the father is?”
Applejack leaned in and whispered something into Granny Smith’s ear. Granny Smith’s eyes bugged out. “Who?! Really. Alright, you’re forgiven.”
With that, Applejack was let back into her house.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash stood there, dumbfounded. After much eye-twitching, Rainbow finally spoke. “S-She can’t do this to us, right? She can’t go on for 6 more months without telling us who it is, right?”
Twilight composed herself and started trotting home in a huff. “She can try, Dash, but this is a small town...”
The First Night
Applejack stepped outside to see the moon. It was a nervous time for her. She wanted to be sure the moon wouldn’t turn her into a monster. Princess Luna had kept the moon sequestered for a few days to make sure the lycanthropy had worn off her. Applejack was very grateful for the princess to do that. Today was the moon’s big return.
It had been a big day for her. Bigger than the day she bucked a hundred trees in 24 hours. She would be a mother soon. It was a strangely lonely revelation. Her family would support her and help raise the foal, but it would still be isolating her in many ways. No more rodeos. Would she even have time for barn dances? What about hanging with her pony friends? All took a back burner to the little one. Applejack sat on a crate by the water pump. She rubbed her belly and sighed.
She heard a rustling in the trees. Then there was a blue streak through the sky. Applejack could smell the foam of a beach at dawn. It was the smell of Princess Luna’s mane.
Applejack’s heart stopped for a beat. The blue princess glided to a stop in the middle of the north apple orchard. She crept forward at a slow trot, only partially illuminated by her moonlight.
“Are you the pony known as Applejack?”
Applejack was frightened at first, but then her heart skipped a beat. This was the pony that saved her. This was the most graceful and powerful pony she had ever met. “Oh, my! Princess! Is that you? You came back. I’m so glad you came back.”
Applejack’s welcoming tone coaxed Luna from her shadows and out into the open. “Well, yes. I came here the other night to rescue you, but had to leave abruptly because of the dawn. I don’t do well in the daylight.”
Applejack ran up to her. “Oh, I’m so grateful! You saved me, my kin and my friends all in one fell swoop. You were so magnificent!”
Luna blushed deeply. “Oh. I appreciate your gratitude, young Applejack. However, I was just doing my royal duty. Also, I detest monsters who use the moon for evil purposes. It besmirches the good name of all creatures of the night.”
“Oh, your majesty, please, I have to do something to make it up to you.”
Luna thought for a moment. “Call me Luna. I would very much like us to be friends, dear Applejack.”
“Good princess. I mean Luna.” Applejack dug a small hole in the ground with her hoof. “Um, would you like to come in for coffee?”
Luna was nervous, but agreed. Before long she was sitting in the Apple family kitchen with Applejack running about making coffee. She delivered the mug of coffee as ordered, black. Then gave herself a mug of her own. She then put out the fanciest thing she could find for snacks, which came to apple slices and cheeses. “I hope you like these, Luna.”
“Oh, they are very fine, dear Applejack.” Luna was strangely comfortable in her kitchen. There were none of the scary new devices that littered Celestia’s kitchen. No microwaves or cappuccino machines here. Just a pot-bellied stove with a simple water kettle on it. It was very refreshing. “Your home is quite lovely, Applejack.”
“Thank you for saying so, Luna. It gets the job done. I’m sure it’s no where near good enough for a beautiful pony such as yourself.” Applejack chuckled.
Luna blushed again. She was not used to being showered with compliments, not even from her personal guards. Perhaps it was something about her modifying their DNA to give them bat wings, but that would have to wait for another time. “Applejack, you flatter me. Such is not necessary.”
“Beg pardon, Luna, but I really do mean it. You are something very special.” Applejack was rambling now. She was losing control of her words. She fidgeted with her hat nervously. “You should come by more often! We could hang out and drink all sorts of coffee.” Applejack giggled nervously.
Luna blushed deeply. “I’m sorry, this was just a one time engagement. I really need to get back to the palace.”
“Wait! Can you visit me again? Tomorrow night?”
Luna held her head low. “I do not know, Applejack.”
“I’ll make a picnic! It’ll be just great! Please come on by? Please?”
Luna wanted to spend more time there, but she was afraid of what her feelings might make her do. “Alright. I’ll come by just for tomorrow night. It’s only right that I allow you to thank me properly. I shall return on the next moonrise.”
Luna collected herself and left the kitchen through the back door. With a mighty beat of her wings, she rose into the sky and flew away.
The Second Night
Luna met Applejack on the checkered blanket. As promised there were apple treats of every type. The princess of the night was nervous, but she took an apple tart just to be polite. She was blushing as she took a demure bite. She was so nervous, in fact, that she didn’t realize Applejack was making short work of two apple pies at once.
“Sorry, your highness, I’m eating for two now.”
Luna was perplexed. She grabbed her plate and defended it from Applejack.
“No, no, princess. I’m with foal. She’s in my tummy right now.”
Princess Luna was shocked. “You mean, you’re going to have a foal? How did this happen?”
“Well, you see, when two ponies love eachother very much, the colt gets behind the mare and...”
“No! I have been around for millennia! I know how it works. But I must know, who is the father?”
“Oh, well, promise you won’t tell anyone...”
Luna calmed down. She wanted to hear this more than anything. “Absolutely.”
Applejack shifted around nervously. “Well, while I was at the royal wedding in Canterlot, I met this nice colt and we did it.”
“Yes, but WHICH colt?”
“It was Prince Blueblood.”
The Third Night
Applejack paced back and forth. She had everything ready. There was a smaller but lovely picnic set up on a small table out in front of the farm house. The cowpony paced back and forth in the lamplight of her entryway. She would be here, right? She wouldn’t skip out on their date, would she?
A bark from Winona heralded the princess’ arrival. As with the previous evenings, she landed in the darkness of the apple orchard, then walked slowly up to the house. The stood there in silence for what seemed like hours. Their eyes met and they drew in closer to each other, neither saying a word. Before they knew it, they were so close their chests bumped.
There is no way to describe how embarrassing that is for ponies, but suffice it to say they were both glowing red.
Luna turned away. “I shouldn’t have come back.”
“But you did come back. That does mean something, doesn’t it?” Applejack pleaded.
Applejack and Luna were lost in each other’s eyes.
“You are so kind and honest. There’s something about you...” Luna leaned in toward the orange pony. Applejack's eye lit up. They had embraced in a passionate kiss. They kissed long and deep. Their muzzles danced back and forth with a heated passion. They broke only because they couldn’t resist necking ferociously.
After a while, Luna broke off. She was short of breath. “Applejack, you are an extraordinary pony, but you gave your love away so readily to Blueblood. How can I trust this love you give so quickly to me?”
“No princess, it wasn’t like that. I wanted him, but only in the short term. You! You’re different. I’m in it for the long haul with you!”
Luna really didn’t understand. She thought about Applejack’s words. She had left so abruptly last night that she didn’t get all the details. It would probably be wrong to judge her. Besides she knew Blueblood was infamous around Canterlot for sowing wild oats.
Applejack lunged forward. She kissed the princess of the night again. Luna could not resist returning her passion.
Luna pulled away. “No! This has gone too far already. We are too different, you and I.”
“Luna, please. Please can you stay with me? Can’t we be together on my farm, Just for a while?”
“I cannot, Applejack. I have neglected my duties for far too long. I am only now able to work as a princess of the night. I can’t stop now. Being active in the daylight would drain my powers terribly.”
“But you wouldn’t need none of dem fancy powers on my farm. Um. Except for the monster attacks. Believe me, those are rare.”
Luna looked back at Applejack. Her eyes were wet and she looked like she wanted to say something. She didn’t. With wings outstretched, she took a mighty leap into the sky and flew home.
* * *
Applejack woke up to the rooster’s call. Her eyelids were as heavy as her heart. She knew last night was the last night she would ever see her darling Luna. She rolled her large stomach out of bed. She was really starting to show.
“C’mon little darling. You and mommy need to get some breakfast.”
What awaited the orange pony downstairs was much more than the usual apples and oats. Standing at the edge of the table was the Princess of Equestria, Luna. The sunlight had affected her powers. Her mane was no longer shimmering with stars, but was a simple blue that framed her demure face.
“I realized the kingdom had done without me for a thousand years. I don’t see why I can’t take off for 6 months.”
Twilight’s Big Date
Twilight straightened her dress and fixed her makeup. She then immediately checked those last two things from her checklist. Before heading downstairs, she reread the latest letter from her pen pal. It was filled with sweet words. She triple checked the address and directions to the restaurant. She giggled to herself.
One last check of herself in the mirror and she was off.
As she stepped downstairs, an indignant Spike blocked her path to the front door. “Time for a little face time, I see.”
Twilight huffed. “I don’t see why you have to be so critical of Sidd Roc. He’s been nothing but nice to me since we started dating.”
“Dating? You’ve been writing love letters back and forth! This will be the first time you’ve seen him in person!”
“So what! We communicate to Princess Celestia through letters all the time.”
Spike was pleading. “We know the princess. We met her in person lots of times before the letters! Twilight, I don’t want to see you hurt. This is just a bad idea.”
Spike folded his claws and stood in front of the door, blocking Twilight.
Twilight was done arguing. She had been looking forward to this date for months, and hell or high water, she was going on this date! “Fine Spike, I admit it. This is a bad idea.”
Spike was about to say something, but choked on his words.
“Spike, I know this might end badly. But any relationship can end badly. I can’t spend my prime locked up in my library anymore. My brother is already married, my friends are dating, and even you have a girlfriend. I can’t be left behind.”
Spike was amazed, yet stalwart in his position. “But Twilight! Dating through a mail service? There are so many horror stories.”
Twilight had had enough. “You know what the horror story is? Being a virgin at my age!” With that, she teleported Spike out of her way and stormed out the door.
* * *
The restaurant was just south of Ponyville, and required a long trot to get there. Plenty of time to cool her head. Twilight had mapped out the route and had walked it for practice, so she knew exactly how much time it would take.
As she passed Sweet Apple Acres, she caught something strange out of the corner of her eye. It looked like Princess Luna, only she was smaller and had a plain blue mane. She looked pretty much as she did when she had just been defeated as Nightmare Moon. She was wearing a flannel shirt and overalls, pulling a plow through a fallow field.
“P-Princess? Is that you?”
Luna did not respond at first. When she did she blushed terribly. “Oh, yes. Twilight Sparkle. Applejack speaks of you highly.”
“You’re working as Applejack’s farmhand?! When did this happen?”
Luna walked over to the fence sheepishly. “Oh, yes. I feel responsible for her since I was the one who saved her life. Now that she is with foal, she needs someone to do the heavy lifting around the farm. I decided to live here for a while as a favor.”
This was more than a favor. There had to be more to it than that. A momentous thought occurred to Twilight Sparkle. Luna knows who the father is. Leaving the second highest seat of power to work on a farm? It must have something to do with the foal.
Being duplicitous was not one of Twilight’s strong suits, but she wanted to know Applejack’s secret very badly. “So, Luna. This is really great that you’re doing this for Applejack! You must be the most generous pony in all of ponyville!”
“I-I am?” Luna has somehow become even more self conscious.
“Yes. I’m very impressed to have a good friend who is so giving and nurturing!”
“Really?”
“Oh, Indeed. We really should get together and chat. I’m off to a date right now, but I’ll stop by next Tuesday and we can talk about all sorts of things.” Twilight quickly made her exit. She had set the trap and she would spring it later.
As the purple unicorn disappeared down the road, the princess of Equestria paused. “Twilight Sparkle? On a date? What a silly idea.” Then she continued fertilizing the crops.
* * *
Twilight arrived at the Che Pony with fifteen minutes to spare. “This is great.” She sat down in the lobby and waited. “I’m sure he’ll be here any minute.”
Those fifteen minutes passed.
Perhaps he had already arrived? Twilight spoke to the maitre d. “Has a pony named Sidd Roc been seated recently?” The maitre d did not see his name on the list. Disappointed, she sat back down.
Five more minutes. Still no one.
The purple unicorn was getting hungry, and decided it would be best to at least be seated. Surely he would come by in a few minutes. After a few minutes of filling herself on bread, no one came.
Twilight Sparkle was about give up hope when she heard a voice from behind her. “Hey gorgeous! Sorry I’m late.”
And so her date had arrived. It was Discord. He sat down on the table with a big grin on his face.
Twilight was dumbstruck in ways she had never been dumbstruck before. She had prepared herself for the picture she had received to be a lie. She had even prepared herself for Sidd Roc to be a ‘Roc’ the ancient birds of legend large enough to hold an elephant in each claw.
It was only now that she realized SIDD ROC was an anagram of DISCORD.
The wind was knocked out of her, but Twilight managed to utter a few words, “How can this be...”
“You see, it all started when you bested me with the elements of harmony. I was genuinely impressed. I didn’t even see it coming! You have to get up pretty early in the century to put one over on Discord!
“I was defeating you because you’re evil!”
Discord continued. “...And that got me thinking.”
“I hope you didn’t hurt yourself.”
“You see, we’re made for each other. Two sides to the same coin.” He snatched a coin from inside Twilight’s ear. After showing it to her he turned it around and the coin disappeared. “Oh, sorry. That was a 1-dimensional coin. You do have 2-dimensional money on you, right?”
“You want me to pay for the meal, too?”
“Don’t worry. We’ll split the check right down the middle. Now, where’s that lobster tank? I need to wash my hands...”
“Discord, you crashed my brother’s wedding and nearly ruined everything! “
“Oh my word! Princess Cadence is your brother?!”
“What? No! Shining Armor is my brother!”
“Hmmm. Yes, that would make more sense. Look, I’m sorry. That was just me venting. I was just trying to get back at Celestia for my imprisonment. I didn’t even realize who was getting married that day.”
Twilight was not amused. “Why would a monster, an enemy of Equestria, want to date me?”
“Because you are a beautiful and intelligent mare that I want to spend my time with. All those things I said in my letters were true. Sure we might have some political disagreements, but we are mature ponies who can see past that and have a great relationship. You break your back for this country in ways Celestia never did; don’t you deserve to curl up with something besides a book once in awhile?”
Twilight blushed. His words were every bit as charming as they were in his letters. But still, he was the enemy! Twilight leapt up and stomped the table with her hooves. “You obviously have some ulterior motive!”
Discord shot her date a devilish grin. “Well, no more than any other stallion. I see you’ve been working out.”
Twilight had had enough. She threw up her hooves. “I can’t believe this!” After upending the table, she galloped across the restaurant to bound out the front door.
Discord righted the table and leaned on it. “I think that went well.”
* * *
Twilight ran home and slammed the door. She pushed passed Spike and went straight to bed where she cried herself to sleep.
Spike decided not to pull the rope that unfurled a giant banner with the words “I told you so.”
Up in her room, Twilight tried to sleep, but the tears wouldn’t stop. She went to her desk and grabbed her three favorite letters from her boyfriend and took them to bed with her. She didn’t get to read them much.
She wanted to remember the good times before she learned the horrible truth. Twilight grabbed the letters and hugged them as she fell asleep. She was miserable because she had been lied to. She was sad because she knew that Discord would not leave her alone. Most of all, she was terrified because she knew she loved him.
Fluttershy Makes a Modest Proposal
Fluttershy makes a modest proposal.
Fluttershy paced back and forth in her kitchen. She had finished work with lots of time to cook her boyfriend’s favorite dinner, olive loaf and scalloped potatoes. She even arranged the olives so that every slice would make a smiley face.
Fluttershy’s heart was in terror town. She had gotten the confirmation from her doctor this morning. She was pregnant. When her live-in boyfriend got home, she would have to break the news to him. But how would he take it? He already has an adult daughter and two ex-wives. Is he ready to be a father again?
“Oh dear. Angel, what will he say when I tell him?” Angel was busy tossing one of his famous garden salads. He shot her a disinterested look.
“Don’t be like that, Angel!” Fluttershy was getting more nervous by the minute.
As if on queue, the door opened. A burly brown pegasus entered the door. He gave a kind greeting, then placed his hard hat and vest on a hook then proceeded to sit at his favorite stool at the kitchen counter. “Hey Hon. How was your day?” He started on the salad before getting an answer.
“Today was fine!” Fluttershy calmed herself. “Yeah. Yes. Everything was normal today. I certainly didn’t get any life-changing news or anything!” She hid behind a big smile. This was not the best way to ease into this conversation. ‘Think, Fluttershy! Think! How do you broach a subject like this?’
Mr. Dash laughed. Hard.
“Um, …” Fluttershy tried to find the words, but nothing came out. After the salad, he began on the main course. It was time for action. “Have you ever thought about having another?”
“Another what?” Mr. Dash was distracted. Probably by the smiley faces on the olive loaf.
Then Fluttershy got an idea. She would have to approach the question directly; but not TOO directly. “Honey, I’ve been thinking. Do you think we could have a foal? We’re doing pretty well for ourselves and I’m very nurturing. I’m still so young and really want one.”
“Oh. Is that what this fancy dinner is about?” He scratched his chin with his large hoof.
“Ur, yes. I wanted us to have a foal together. Wouldn’t it be great?” Fluttershy beamed at him with a hopeful smile.
Mr. Dash stood up, he wiped the crumbs from his face in the most masculine way imaginable. “I see. You’re right, dear. I can’t hold you back just because I’ve had families in the past. If you want to have a baby, I’m game.” He stepped to the other side of the kitchen and kissed Fluttershy. The kiss was long and deep. Soon his hooves began moving behind Fluttershy.
“Oh! You want to start now?!”
“No time like the present. He guided her up the stairs to the bedroom.
Before they could make it out of the room-from the corner of her eye-Fluttershy caught a glimpse of Angel. The disinterested look had progressed into outright leering. Some would even say glowering! No one knew how to shame Fluttershy like Angel. He was the undisputed master.
Fluttershy turned off the stove and covered the dinner so it wouldn’t get cold. They proceeded up to the bedroom as if she hadn’t seen the bunny. Before they reached their destination. Fluttershy couldn’t bare the tension any longer.
“Alright! I admit it!"
“Admit what?”
“I AM pregnant! I found out today! I want your foal! I want to marry you and raise it! Forgive me!” She fell onto the bed in tears. She shut her eyes tighter then the most secure vault, waiting for the shouting and accusations, but they did not come.
“Good for you. Good for us. It will be hard for me to get back into the swing of being a father, especially since I have some many … improvements to make. But this will be good for us. Of course we’ll get married. We have a foal to raise. We’ll do it together.”
Fluttershy was now crying tears of joy. She fell into the arms of her lover and kissed him.
“There’s just one more thing. You’ve been naughty, so I’ll have to punish you.”
Fluttershy cooed with excitement. What would it be tonight? The paddle? The cat-o-nine-tails?
“I just need you to do one thing for me. You’re going to have to be the one to break this to my daughter, Rainbow Dash.”
Epilogue:
Fluttershy flew over to Rainbow Dash the next day. Her house was a mess, as if a fight had broken out. Loud thuds could be heard from upstairs. Just then, a shape emerged behind her.
It was a shocking sight that spooked Fluttershy. It was Rainbow Dash in her full Wonder Bolts uniform. She gave Fluttershy a small box with air holes. Fluttershy could see the sad face inside.
“Here, you’ll have to take care of Tank the Tortoise for a while.”
“Why, what’s happening?’
“War is breaking out. I’ve been called up to the Wonder Bolts. Goodbye, Fluttershy.” With no more than a kind hoof to the shoulder, Dash sped out the front door. She would be gone for who knows how long, maybe years. Perhaps she’d never come back. Fluttershy could not let it end like this. She had to tell her friend about the pregnancy. She had to! But she was paralyzed. She just couldn’t speak. Dash was getting further and further away by the millisecond. If she got out of earshot, Fluttershy would never be able to catch her!
‘Darnint lips! Move! You must move! For your best friend!’ Dash was almost gone.
“Dash! We’re getting married! And I’m pregnant! With your sister!”
Rainbow Dash immediately turned around and shot back into her house like a bullet.
They shared a soft embrace. Rainbow Dash broke off the hug. “It’s about time.”
The Private Lives of Celestia and Luna
The Private Lives of Celestia and Luna
Celestia arrived on the mid-balcony of the palace, and immediately broke into a gallop. She pushed past all of her staff and consorts and ran into her bedroom, crying.
Luna herself had just arrived to start her night shift. She had her coffee floating about her and a copy of the Canterlot Herald underwing. The plan to give a simple greeting in passing was blown out of the water. She passed by the door to her sister’s chambers to hear the wailing of a school filly. “Sister?”
Sobs were the only sounds.
“Sister? Are you alright?”
Again, only sobs. Luna thought it would be better to just leave well enough alone and let the princess sort out her feelings by herself. But it had been centuries since she had heard such moans from her sister. If she left now and didn’t investigate, she would never hear the end of it.
She stepped inside her sister’s bedroom and placed her coffee and paper on the vanity. She walked over to the bed where her sister was face first in her pillow. “C’mon. We’re alone. You can tell me all about it.”
Still nothing but sobs. It was apparent the worst scenario was upon her. Princess Luna would have to use... physical contact to console her sister. Luna raised her hoof above the whimpering princess. With much hesitation she put the hoof down on the back of her sobbing sister. “There there.”
Finally the sobs subsided. Celestia was starting to become intelligible. “Luna, it was just awful.”
“Now, dear sister. What happened that was so terrible?”
“Twilight Sparkle slept with my ex.”
* * *
It was just after their trip to Funspot, Spike had offered to spend the night over at Rarity’s. Twilight had just started sleeping with Discord that weekend, but she wanted to have a little more elbow room to work with. Having her own room in a tiny cabin in the woods was nice, but it was weird for her to do those sorts of things with her boyfriend while others were sleeping in the next room. As such, she invited him in for ‘coffee’.
Before long they were making out on Twilight’s bed. “Mmm. Y’know, dear. I appreciate you turning into a pony during our... special time... but I’d like to experience the real you. Do you think we could make love to Discord tonight?”
Discord’s eyes lit up. “Now that’s the spirit!” With a puff of magic, the blue unicorn had been replaced by a large draconequus. Twilight found herself straddling the neck of a large dragon laying across her bed.
“Oh my! What do I do?”
“Easy as pi. No different than before, really. Like falling off a bicycle.” Discord gave her instructions. “You just need to slide a little lower...
Little lower...
Keep going...
Little more....
Little more...
and boom goes the dynamite!”
Just then the door swung open.
It was Princess Celestia. “I’m sorry for dropping by so suddenly, but I was in the neighborHELLOOO!!!”
Twilight was caught red hooved.
“Princess! I can explain! I … tripped.”
The ruler of Equestria was not amused. “Tripped?! I find you on top of the Lord of Chaos and you say you tripped?”
“Hey, Don’t judge her! We’re in love!” demanded Discord.
“This is not love! This is trickery! Discord is incapable of love!” spat Celestia.
“That’s not what you thought when we were dating! You are so spiteful!” cracked Discord. Twilight was curled in a ball in the corner. She was in no condition to be arguing with anypony at the moment.
“That’s a lie! You dated every friend I’ve had for a century! Just to get back at me! You’re the spiteful one!”
“You’re just a sore loser. I won Twilight’s heart before you could, and it’s just eating you up inside!”
“Y-you what?!” said Celestia. She reeled back, as if she had been struck with a spear.
Discord continued his attacks. “As I remember it, I’m the victim here. You kicked me to the curb when I proposed. You said I was a ‘loose canon’ and ‘not marriage material’. I never did anything to you!”
“Excuse me? What about that incident in Manehattan?”
“I’m sorry, my dear, but it’s just like my grandmother told me on her deathbed. Condoms break.”
Celestia snorted. She had had enough. “Twilight Sparkle! From now on, you are no student of mine!” With a mighty stomp, thunder and rain fell from the sky. The ground shook. Celestia stormed out the door.
Twilight followed her out into the wet darkness, but it was too late.
* * *
As she finished her tale of woe, Princess Celestia buried her face in her pillow again.
Luna was not amused. “Really? That’s it? It’s true Discord is a wanted criminal, but because he was your ex?! That was centuries ago! Twilight wasn’t even born then. How can you expect her to know such private things? Perhaps if you were more open with your star pupil, things like this wouldn’t happen! And of all ponies in Equestria, Twilight Sparkle is the last one you should be allowed to be cross with!”
Celestia recoiled. She hadn’t been put in her place in eons. She now felt ashamed of her actions.
Luna grimaced. “You’re not the only one who suffers for her immortality. I fell in love too. She was a humble apple farmer from Ponyville. Pure and perfect, living off the sweat of her own brow. When she showered me with her meager bounty, I fell for her. But I knew our love was not to be, so after our third date, I left. I haven’t seen her since.”
“I-I’m sorry.”
“Twilight Sparkle’s the one who needs an apology.” With that, Luna grabbed her coffee mug and newspaper and trotted out of the room. She slammed the door behind her. As much as it pained her to yell at her sister, it did feel somewhat satisfying.
Princess Celestia dried her tears and reached for her nightstand. She opened the top drawer and pulled out a framed picture of Shining Armor. She stared at it longingly.
* * *
Luna stepped on her balcony to begin her nightly surveillance of Equestria. It was shaping up to be a quiet evening, though the events in her sister’s chamber were distracting.
“Honestly! You’d think it was the end of the world!” huffed Luna, as she began her survey of the kingdom.
At that moment, just to the right of Luna’s field of vision, four giant stars fell to earth.
The Stars Fall
The Mare in the Moon, myth from olden pony times. A powerful pony who wanted to rule Equestria, defeated by the Elements of Harmony and imprisoned in the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about nighttime eternal.
Four large columns of light pierced the night sky, landing in a square formation just outside of ponyville. The four perfect craters smoldered as their contents emerged. They were four ponies. The four stars of prophecy and legend.
The first was Starlight Lament , an alicorn. Like all the stars, her body was adorned with an ethereal starfield, not unlike an Ursa Major. Her stars were of the milky way, and it gave her a dark blue body. Her mane flowed with white and silver, and her long horn glowed with an eerie red light. She wore a tiara of silver, with a jewel encircled in it. Her hooves were also adorned with silver and jewels. Like all the Stars, she had glowing eyes without pupils and no cuite mark to speak of.
The second was Starblight . She was a large earth pony with manic hair. Her body was covered with more stars that Sorrow, giving her a light blue shade. Her hair was dark and manic like Pinkie Pie’s and she wore a wicked grin, one that showed off her pointed teeth.
The third was Starswirl . A unicorn with deep blue with a striped mauve and silver mane. The Corkscrew Nebula in her star coat centered around her flank, almost giving her a cutie mark. Her eyes burned silver and her long horn sparkled with magic light, even when she wasn’t casting a spell.
The fourth and last was Starry Aria . Her eyes were as black as midnight, and her haggard main fell across her face. Her wings were long and majestic, but her tail was long and slithered along the ground like a snake. Her pointed teeth hid a long, forked tongue. Unlike the others, her star field was in her mane and tail and had falling stars drifting in and out of view.
The craters they left made a ring on the hill, Starlight Lament stepped toward the center. “The hour is upon us. Today we reclaim what’s ours and have our revenge!”
The others howled in agreement.
* * *
Twilight tore through the library like a hurricane. “ How could you do this to me!?”
“Do What? I was just minding my own business!” pleaded Discord.
“Get out! I hate you!”
Twilight began lashing out, throwing spells at Discord. Several of them hit him, though they seemed to have no visible effect. The large draconequus got the hint and stopped his verbal protests. He slunk out the door into the rain.
Twilight collapsed into her bed. How could this get any worse?
* * *
The four Stars traipsed into Ponyville.
Starblight smelt the air. “He’s this way. I could smell his foul stench from light years away. He’s in that tree house over there.”
“Excellent.” replied Starlight Lament. As she coked her head, moonlight glistened off her tiara. “Surround him. There will be no escape for him this time.”
It didn’t take long for them to encounter a sad Discord prodding down main street of Ponyville. He could have teleported anywhere in Equestria, but he didn’t. He brazenly walked round the streets of Ponyville, lost in thought, never straying more than a block from Twilight in her library.
His innocent walk became his undoing. Despite the rain, his scent now served as a shining calling card to the Stars. Soon they had traced the scent to the Ponyville Library.
* * *
Rarity purred as she turned to her lover. Spike was content to solve his sudoku. It kept his mind off Twilight. There was something about her new boyfriend that just didn’t seem right. Knowing that they were alone together in the library was enough to give him the heebie jeebies.
“Spike darling, do you think this horn of mine looks... lacking in some way?”
The purple dragon turned to the unicorn. At first he suspected she was going to bring up the subject of horn jobs, but it turned out to be far worse. She was insinuating that she needed and engagement ring. Spike put down his newspaper.
“Yeah, about that …” Spike braced himself. “I looked into that. It turns out ponies are not allowed to marry dragons. It’s in the constitution.”
“Wait... WHAT?!” Rarity was furious. “You have to be kidding me!”
“I’m sorry, but marriage has been legally defined. You can only marry a stallion. I just don’t qualify. I’ve sent several letters to Princess Celestia, but she hasn’t said a word. I think it’s just not in the cards.”
Rarity leapt up in bed, surging with anger and glowing with magic. A second later she stole herself, gasping and gulping down her emotions. “Th-that’s okay. I see where they are coming from. Excuse me dear, I do believe I need some fresh air...”
It was going to be a long night.
* * *
Discord bolted through the front door of the Library. “You have to hide me!! They’re here!”
Twilight crept down the stairs, wiping her tears. A volcanic eruption of anger was just what she needed to stop them. “I’m not hiding you from Celestia, you lout! She and I aren’t speaking, remember?!”
“It’s not her, it’s worse! It’s the Stars! They are four cosmic beings of unimaginable power!”
Twilight didn’t believe the story for an instant, but couldn’t waste an opportunity to take a stab at him. “Oh? And what did you do to them? Love ‘em and leave ‘em?”
“I may have sort of accidentally stolen some of their cosmic powers. But I am TOTALLY not at fault. Buyer beware.”
“Are you going to tell me that in the last five minutes something more terrifying than you wandered into Equestria? Something that hasn’t happened in the last 3000 years?”
“This wouldn’t be the first time tonight we’ve been victims of astronomically bad timing, would it?”
Just then a thud was heard at the door. Then another. Then a violent tremor shook the whole place. The lights all snuffed out. The walls creaked as if the whole of the tree library was being crushed by a giant pair of godlike hooves. It was pitch black.
A ghastly voice began to creak through the wood of the walls. “Diiiiiiiisssssssssssssccorrrrrrrrd....” It was Starblight.
“No! Please don’t!” whined Discord.
A flash of light blinded everything around them. With a horrifying crash, the north wall of the tree ripped apart. A terrifying sound spewed from Starlight Lament’s throught “We have you now!” The south wall vanished. The east and west walls, and the rest of the tree, exploded into a million small pieces.
With the tree obliterated, the two were naked before their attackers. They approached from all sides, one star for each of the four directions. A beam of light shot from each of the four Stars’ mouths. They attached to each of Discord’s Arms and legs. They began pulling him apart.
Discord screamed in agony. The four beams pulled his extremities to their limits. In a painful burst of light, the draconequus seemed to explode.
For a moment, Twilight felt sorry for Discord, and terrified of her own inability to stop them. Twilight ran to Discord. He was smaller now, no bigger than any other pony. He still had a long dragon-like tail and two horns, though they seemed to match more than they did before. In turn, all his limbs just seemed to be normal brown pony legs. His coat was burned. He was covered with bruises. “Help me.”
Twilight looked up. The Stars were all glowing with even more energy than before. They were surrounded by halos of shining light. Their starfield coats had even more stars and they were zipping around almost like comets. They glowed so brightly that it was impossible to look at them without squinting.
“AT LAST! OUR FULL POWER HAS RETURNED!! THE STARS WILL RISE AGAIN!!”
* * *
“Applejack! Please sit down! Let me take care of you!”
“Oh, Luna. I’m two weeks from having a foal. I can barely fit in this booth.”
“I won't’ have you sitting on the floor, cushions or not. You can take that booth all to yourself. I’ll sit out here. Things have been going so well at the farm, I thought you deserved a little treat.”
“It’s so nice of you. I just want you to know you’ve been really great throughout this this whole ordeal.” Applejack and Luna exchanged a glance of longing. Before they could kiss, the others marched through the front door. Applejack turned away and blushed.
Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Spike, and Fluttershy joined them around their booth. “Doesn’t Fluttershy look positively glowing?” stated Rarity.
“I don’t know, she just looks huge to me!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie.
Rarity rubbed her temple. “Pinkie. That’s something we say when a mare is with foal. The more with foal she is, the more she is glowing.”
“Oh, so it’s like me when I ate all those corncakes?”
“No, Pinkie. You were just fat.” scoffed Rarity.
“Um, girls, I sort of have something important to say.” Fluttershy said meekly.
“Oh, Darling! We’re your friends! I’m sure we all know what’s coming. You and Mr. Dash are going to be tying the knot. Getting married. A beautiful, life-affirming marriage!” Rarity began to bawl uncontrollably. The others looked on in shock.
“Urm, I think she’s going to need a moment.” Spike shooed Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy over to the counter to order some ice cream. He would have shooed Applejack too, but he would have needed a shoehorn to get her out of that booth.
Left alone with Rarity, Applejack lent a reassuring hoof. “There there sugarcube. What’s troubling you?”
Rarity dried her tears and sat down in what little space there was left in the booth, opposite Applejack. “I’m sorry, dear. I just found out the most upsetting news. Apparently there is some barbaric law preventing me from marrying a dragon! Can you believe it!”
Applejack was taken aback. “Wow. That’s oddly specific, considering Spike is the only dragon in Equestria...”
“Oh, it simply defines marriage as only between a mare and a stallion. It totally puts Spike out of the picture. It’s so sad.”
“Golly. You two are that serious?”
Rarity stole a smile. “Yes, he is very dear to me. And I’m sorry for you, too, Applejack.”
“Whaddya mean?”
“You and Luna, haven’t you considered marriage by now?”
Applejack blushed as red as her barn. “Er, Uh, I don’t know what yer prattlin on about! Sh-She’s just helping me out on the farm is all!” Being the element of honesty, Applejack was a terrible liar.
“Applejack, you are a terrible liar. You two have been love-dovey ever since she moved in.”
Applejack swallowed a lump in her throat. “Well, I guess I better come out of the stable. She and I have been right close. It’s good to be able to talk about it finally.”
Rarity rubbed her hooves together. There was nothing for getting over the blues like juicy gossip.
“She’s been real nice to me, but she seems different...” said Applejack.
“How so?”
“Ever since that third date, she’s been starved for attention. It’s like she’s a different pony. She’s been wanting it from me day and night. Even with her doing all my chores, I get tired from giving her so much lovin’.”
“Enjoy it while it lasts. Things always change after you’ve … consummated your relationship. Just look at me and Spike. Sweetie, you’re just in the honeymoon-phase of your relationship...” Rarity would have continued, but saying the word ‘honeymoon’ had reminded her of her own problems, and she started to get choked up.
The others came back with ice cream.
“Please girls, you need to hear what I have to say...” cooed Fluttershy.
Rarity chortled. “Fluttershy, please, we all know about Mr. Dash...”
“No! You have to listen to me! Rainbow Dash is gone! The Wonder Bolts called her up suddenly! She said there was a war coming to Equestria!” screamed Fluttershy.
Silence befell the group.
“You don’t think the war’sa comin to Ponyville do ya?” remarked Applejack.
At that very moment an electrical charge flooded the room. The shelves and and metal pans began to shake from the energy. A second later there was a gust of wind and a loud pop like thunder and Twilight Sparkle and a very damaged Discord were teleported to the center of Sugercube Corner.
“What happened!?” screamed Applejack.
“This is an emergency! The town is under attack! Everyone evacuate! Take cover!” Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs.
There weren’t many other patrons in the sweet shop at that time of night, but Daisy stepped up to Twilight. “What do you mean? Is a monster attacking!”
Twilight pointed out the bay window. Ponyville was burning. Starblight was taking to biting ponies with her sharp teeth. Once they were bitten, they started to glow with a bright purple aura. They then began rampaging and destroying everything in their path. Not to mention biting others. Starswirl was simply shooting magic from her horn, knocking over buildings and setting them on fire.
The tall alicorn, Starlight Lament began hacking and coughing. Within a few moments, she began vomiting up a thick, oily glob. The glob came to life and began chasing ponies down.
The pegasus, Starry Aria, did nothing.
Twilight turned to the other ponies. “Mr. and Mrs. Cake? You know that emergency preparedness plan you came up with after Pinkie’s 21st birthday party? The time has come.”
The Cakes nodded in solemn agreement and proceeded to take their children and the remaining patrons down a storm cellar dug a hundred feet deep into the mountainside.
The main five and Luna marched outside.
* * * *
Twilight Sparkle lead the group out into the streets. She winced not at the fires or chaos. She had her heart torn out once tonight by Discord, and she wasn’t going to let that happen again by watching Ponyville fall.
They stared down the Stars on Main Street. At first the Stars could not believe they were being challenged so openly. This led to a belly laugh from each of them as they realized they were being called out for a fight. When they finally accepted the offer, Starlight Lament did all the talking. “Foolish mortals! Do you not comprehend that we are even more powerful than before?” If Rainbow Dash had been there, she would have had a witty comeback--but as it was the only thing they could do was launch into battle.
They fought tooth and hoof. It was like fighting the tide. Nothing they threw at them had any effect. The most powerful of Twilight’s spells flew through them like oil through water. They were immune to Fluttershy’s Stare and none of Applejack’s bucking did the trick. Luna stayed behind, on Applejack’s insistence.
When all seemed lost, a sonic rainboom was heard. From the skies, Rainbow Dash and the rest of the Wonder Bolts had arrived. “Thank Celestia!” decried Twilight. They took to the skies and dive bombed the Stars with a fury of attacks. Their moves were of no effect, however. Not even Rainbow Dash’s Buckaroo Blaze could stop them. They did buy some time for Rainbow Dash to return to her friends.
Dash was still bursting with confidence. “I brought something from Canterlot. Thought these might be useful.” From underwing, Rainbow revealed the Elements of Harmony. They sparkled with a fierce joyful magic and floated to their owners like magnets.
“Alright!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie. She was as elated as all ponies present. The bolts from the Elements of Harmony battered the four Stars. At first it seemed to take effect. The Stars were damaged and enraged by the bolts of pure friendship, but after a few minutes, they shook off the attack. Starry Aria, the pegasus whom until now had been silent, let out a howl. It broke every of glass window in Ponyville.
The Elements shattered into a hundred pieces. The main six were defeated.
“We’re out of options. Luna, it’s up to you!” yelled Applejack.
“Can I have a kiss for good luck?” Applejack abided and the blue alicorn galloped forward. Luna cringed. She was going to need more than a kiss to endure this battle.
She tried lobbing energy bolts from her horn, but that did no good. She tried charging at one, but every time she did, another Star tackled her. She was outnumbered and out-maneuvered. It was clear they were just toying with her at this point.
“I don’t get it. She was so strong when we fought the timberwolves!” Pinkie said.
Applejack felt a deep pain in her stomach. “Did I do this to her? Did living on my farm make her weak?” Applejack couldn’t even finish her thought before Luna was kicked backward in defeat.
Their last hope was lost. They were now surrounded by superior forces and defeat was imminent. The monstrous ponies closed in on them from all sides, their mouths salivating at the thoughts of what they would do to them...
Then a sound came through the darkness. “What is that?” asked Starblight.
The question was answered by a pair of headlights turning on and piercing the darkness. They barrelled down Main Street of Ponyville and collided with Starswirl at full speed! The Star was knocked back a full block. They turned around to hit another star, but it was clear they didn’t have enough momentum for another big impact. They were only buying time for the others.
Big Mac and Granny Smith poked their heads out. “Run! Run while you still can!”
With no choice left, The ponies escaped into the Everfree Forest.
* * *
Starry Aria floated up to the highest point in Ponyville. She landed on top of the weathervane on Pony Hall as gently as a leaf. Tipping her nose to the heavens she began to sing. A low dirge of sorrow and loss. The silk tones of her music flew through the night air, creeping into every alley and crevice of Ponyville.
Soon, the ponies started to react. Stumbling out their doors like zombies. They wore blank expressions and hummed along with the woeful tune. They had been turning ponies to their side before, but now their stranglehold was total. Everypony was now their unwilling slave.
Ponyville was lost.
* * * *
Hours later, the group had reconnoitered at the abandoned Castle of the Sisters. This place had many good and bad memories for the girls. They had their first adventure there, and had revived Princess Luna using the Elements of Harmony.
Discord was thrown into a moldy old chair.
“Talk!” demanded Twilight. Her mane was nearly standing up on end from her rage. The others hadn’t seen her this bad.
“There’s nothing to tell! Centuries ago, the Stars fell to earth, apparently just for a visit, and I tricked them out of their powers. That’s how I had all those phenomenal cosmic powers. They’ve had it out the Earth ever since.”
Rarity stepped in. “Wait, how did you manage to trick them?”
“Oh, that’s not a very interesting story. Though I will say it involves a pick-axe, a suite in Las Pegasus and a bushel of salmon.”
“Let’s focus here!” Twilight snapped. “What are they after?”
“I don’t know! They already have all their powers back. They could do anything!”
Twilight broke off her interrogation and began pacing back and forth around the ruins, furious.
Rainbow Dash stepped forward and spoke in an uncharacteristic sobriety. “With all that power they could take over all of Equestria in a day.”
Twilight’s pacing intensified. “Stars... Stars... and the stars will aid in her escape.” She thought about it. “Luna! The stars are the ones who set Nightmare Moon free after a thousand year imprisonment! They must be going after Luna!”
“Did somepony speak my name?” Princess Luna descended from the heavens. Her hair was clear and full of sparkle. Her eyes glowed with awesome power.
“Wait, if you’re Luna, who’s that over there?!” Pinkie Pie panicked.
The blue haired luna began to scowl. “I suppose the jig is up. I now have no need for any of you stupid ponies anyway. “ In a blinding flash of green light, the smaller Luna transformed into a tall, slender black creature with gnarled wings and a horn. “Behold! It is I, Chrysalis, queen of the changelings!”
“You-You were going to steal my baby and replace it with one of your own!?” screamed Applejack.
“Well, that was the plan. I was hiding in the bushes during your moonlit picnics with the princess. I heard all of the details she disclosed. When she left I took her place and told there was a change of heart. Something about that form changed when exposed to sunlight... but I just went with it. As long as I could get affection from you, I had all the power I could need. Or so I thought. All of the love in Equestria could make me powerful enough to defeat those four monsters. As for your baby, I’ve like to exchange it, but I haven’t had any drones in centuries. I’ve been having sex with Applejack for months and months, but still I have not been able to get pregnant myself!”
Applejack blushed. The group exchanged unsettling looks. Eventually, all eyes rested on Fluttershy. Reluctantly, the yellow pegasus flew over to Chrysalis and whispered something into her ear. As Chrysalis listened to the explanation, her eyes began to widen with understanding. “Oh, right. Penises.”
The Day the Sun Stood Still
The Day the Sun Stood Still by Haze proofreader Invizibilit3
“It’s so awful!” cried Lyra.
“I know. It is the worst thing of all, to see such a city fall.” The zebra looked out onto the mountains. Plumes of fires sprung from Canterlot in many places. The Castle of Princess Celestia had a large hole in it.
“I don’t see how this can get any worse.” lamented Bon Bon.
The two ponies and Zecora sat sullen on the last hill outside the Everfree Forest. It had been less than half an hour since the attack started, and nearly all ponies in Ponyville had been taken by the horde to Canterlot, and nearly every structure had been set on fire. The heat radiating from their former home hit them like a wall of pain and regret.
After a few minutes, Bon Bon tried to speak to distract herself. “Can you see what’s going on from here?”
Zecora spoke proudly, “The attack on the castle has been seen.
Lyra and Bon Bon became sick to their stomachs. Bon Bon regretted asking in the first place.
Another refugee staggered across the rolling hill to meet them. “Trixie cannot believe what is happening! Trixie cannot forgive these ‘Stars’ from stealing Trixie’s followers. Most importantly Trixie cannot forgive them for taking Trixie’s motif!” She hurled her star-speckled cape and hat to the ground in a loud pronouncement of exasperation.
Zecora turned to Bon Bon. “Your patience must go far,
Bon Bon wore an alligator’s smile. “Yeah, it takes some getting used to...”
Before anything else could be said, a strange roar was heard. The three equines turned around to see a strange blue box behind them. It had a light on the top and the word “Police” spelled out in white. Before they could inquire further, a pony popped his head out of the door.
“Quick! Everyone into the blue box!”
* * *
“What is the situation on the front lines?” shouted Shining Armor.
“They’re shrinking. Shrinking fast. The guards are turning. Even the ones that have ear plugs are getting bitten and converting to the other side! The only defense that works are barricaded doors, and they are falling! We have only a matter of minutes. And we still have not seen hoof or feather of Princess Luna!”
“Then we are left with no choice.” Shining Armor removed his armor. “We must evacuate the princess to safety. Give the order to fall back. Take as many civilians with you as possible. We will take refuge in the mines. We can barricade the entrances, and the mountainside should prevent any hypnotic music from entering. I will rendezvous with you at 23:00.” He stepped over to his wife, whom had been standing frozen in the corner of the war room. “We must make haste.”
Cadance spoke while trembling. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Where is your Aunt? We must go to her directly.” Shining was dead serious about completing his duty.
“She’s in the study.”
* *
Princess Celestia paced back and forth. The library rumbled with the sounds and impacts of the onslaught. She should have been thinking of her kingdom. She should have been concerned for her personal safety. Yet only one thought ran through her head at this point; Twilight Sparkle. The writing was on the wall. Her reign of millennia would soon be over, yet the only thing left unresolved in her long life was her relationship with her prized pupil.
How could she have been so cruel? In hundreds of years, no one had loved and admired her like that mauve unicorn. She sifted through unopened letters from Spike, trying to find a quill.
“I need to send a letter! An apology! I can’t let it end like this!” the princess panicked.
The door burst open, then was immediately barricaded. Shining Armor, Cadance and two guards ran up to the Princess Celestia.
“Princess! We have to go now!” shouted Shining.
“No! No please! My message!”
It was too late, the door shattered into a million pieces. The Stars were upon them. With a mighty zap of light, Celestia had teleported the others far away. It was too late to save herself.
* * *
When Shining Armor, Cadance, and the two guards appeared suddenly before her in the Everfree Castle of the Sisters, Twilight Sparkle knew the depth of what was happening. “No, you don’t mean...”
Shining Armor nodded.
Twilight and her ponies walked up to the north tower. Crumbling as it was, it was high enough to see Canterlot Castle. As they did a giant pillar of light could be seen on the horizon.
“It’s a little early for sun up, isn’t it?” Questioned Applejack.
Twilight had a large lump in her throat. She and Luna exchanged glances. “That’s no sun.” Twilight said.
“W-what is it then?” asked Pinkie Pie.
Twilight swallowed the lump in her throat to the best of her ability. “Remember when Princess Luna was overtaken by an evil force and became Nightmare Moon? Well the same thing just happened to Princess Celestia.”
“You don’t mean?!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash.
“I’ll tell you what it is. The stars did the same to thing to the Princess as they did to Luna. That is Nightmare Celestia. Nightmare Star.”
* * * * *
Apple Bloom stepped into the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse. Sweetie Belle was signing her new CMC theme song.
“What are you reading? A love letter?” Sweetie Belle was curious. It was unusual to see Apple Bloom reading and walking at the same time.
“No! But you can’t read it.”
“Then why can’t I read it?” pleaded Sweetie Belle.
“Because it’s super private! That’s why!” Applebloom slipped the letter into her saddlebag.
At that moment, Scootaloo flew into the tree fort. She flew in the sense that she ran very quickly. Her wings were still too small and weak to give her flight. “Oh, my gosh! You guys! The town in burning! Burning to the ground!”
“What?!”
The three fillies rushed to the observatory. When they were given the tree fort from Apple Bloom’s sister, Applejack, it didn’t have a second level, but Apple Bloom made it happen, and now they could see clear across Ponyville with ease. Seeing the town itself was impossible, due to the plumes of smoke.
“This is awful! What happened to our town?!” cried Apple Bloom.
They turned their attention in the direction of Canterlot. Like Ponyville, it was obscured by smoke, but they could see a giant ball of light hovering across the city. It rained fireballs down at the inhabitants. In the center of the giant ball was a familiar silhouette.
“Oh, no! Princess Celestia has gone crazy and is melting the city with her heat vision!” declared Scootaloo.
“She doesn’t have heat vision!” argued Sweetie Belle
“She controls the sun, same thing.”
Apple Bloom was more focused than her friends. “We need to go to town and help!”
* * *
The town was in smoldering ashes. There was barely one brick to be found atop another.
“This is awful! What do we do?” said Sweetie Belle.
Apple Bloom looked around. There wasn’t much to do. From the battle scars, it was clear that the Element of Harmony had been used. That meant her sister had been defeated. But there were no ponies around, not even bodies. Her sister had to either have been captured or escaped. She did see one reassuring sign. Tire tracks from the Apple Family truck leading away. At least Granny Smith and Big Mac got away.
Turning to her fellow crusaders, Apple Bloom could see the horror and misery that had befallen them. She knew they had to press on and find other ponies or they’d be finished. She needed something to increase morale. “Here, put these on.” Apple Bloom reached into her saddlebag and got the 3 cutie mark crusaders capes. “These will keep you warm, and they should make you feel better.”
The other two dawned their maroon capes with the Cutie Mark Crusader emblem embroidered on the corner. The gold-lined shapes draped over their flanks and seemed to protect them from their own insecurities. They even half-smiled. With all 3 capes on, they wandered through the rubble looking for their next move.
“I guess we need to call the police... if there are any police left.” sighed Scootaloo.
“Hey look! A police box! There must be some police in there.” commented Sweetie Belle.
“It’s for calling police, silly. There must be police somewhere in Equestria. We just need to get all this debris off of it.” Apple Bloom set up a pulley system and soon had the beams cleared from the front door. Before they could open that door themselves, it flew open and two ponies trotted out.
“So good to finally get that door open. Let’s see. Wanton destruction. No bodies. No scorch marks either. Tracks leading away. Definitely ponies turned into mindless followers. This can only be the work of that Stars. From the scope of this mess, I’d say all four of them!” A simple brown earth pony with wicked hair assessed the situation. The other pony, a gray pegasus, followed him and was admiring his astute observations.
“Whoa! What kind of police pony are you?” demanded Scootaloo.
“No, I’m not a police pony, I’m the Doctor!”
“The police doctor? Shouldn’t you be helping the injured police?” continued Scootaloo.
“No, he’s not a medical doctor. That just what he’s called”, said his assistant.
“You parents named you ‘Doctor’. They must have had high expectations for you. I bet they had you doing homework night and day!” said Apple Bloom.
The Doctor coughed into his hoof. “Yes, well, let’s leave my folks out of this. We’ve got an emergency here. We need to get you fillies to safety. All of you get into the TARDIS.
The fillies obliged and stepped into what they thought would be a small box to find that it was much bigger on the inside. There was a large room with a console you could walk around 360 degrees. It had so many levers and switches on it, it would make your head spin just to look at it.
“Whoa! What is this place!?” exclaimed the crusaders.
“Ah, yes. This is the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space. This is my spaceship.”
“So you’re like, from outer space?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Indeed I am, but that’s not important right now. Your planet is in trouble, and if we don’t do something quick, every pony could be lost!”
Scootaloo demanded answers. “So, who did this? And how can we stop them?”
“Well, I’ve done some investigation, and I believe this is the work of Starswirl!”
Unphased, Apple Bloom stepped up to the Doctor. “Who is this ‘Starswirl?’ Is this that same old pony Twilight was dressed as for Nightmare Night?”
The Doctor began pacing in front of the console as he recalled the story. “Well, many ponies go on and on about Starswirl the Bearded and all that. Father of the amiamorphic spell, etcetera. But what they tend to gloss over, is the darker side of his story. His daughter.”
“His daughter?” the crusaders questioned in unison.
“Yes. Starswirl. Just Starswirl. She took ‘magic’ to even greater heights than her father--to outer space! She was such a massive talent, that legend says she got her cutie mark earlier than any other. It was just months after being born! She had so much magic that she eventually transcended her own cutie mark. The stars on her flank eventually engulfed her entire form. She became an astral being, one who could move from planet to planet with but a thought.”
“How did she do that?” asked Scootaloo.
“With the philosopher's stone. She discovered it deep within the royal mines of Canterlot. With it she got ultimate power. She always keeps that stone near her. Not on her, no that would be too obvious. But that stone is always somewhere nearby. It’s her ace in the hole. Get that away from her and you have a chance.”
“How do you know so much about her?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Well, I’ve been battling Starswirl and her evil ‘magics’ for some time. Actually, for you it hasn’t happened yet, but in reality those battles happened centuries ago...”
“What? How is that possible?” said Apple Bloom.
“Well the TARDIS is more than a spaceship, it’s also a time machine.” the pony proudly replied. He began messing with the control panel.
“Hey, you can’t have a time machine and a space ship all at once!” pouted Scootaloo.
“You see, if we all had that attitude, the spork would never have been invented!” with a flip of a switch, the room began to shake. A loud whirr could be heard echoing in every corner. When it was over, the Doctor poked his head through the door and yelled “Quick! Everyone into the blue box!”
* *
Three ponies and a Zebra filed into the box. They were just as puzzled with the inside as the crusaders had been.
“Your box is quite audacious.
Lyra and Bon Bon followed her into the TARDIS. Lyra gasped. “Oh, wow! Look at all this! I bet this guy knows all about...”
Bon Bon cut her off. “Oh, no you don’t! This is not time for your silly schemes! Equestria is in real danger now.”
“Trixie is not impressed with these tacky surroundings. Trixie's wagon was much nicer!”
The assistant tended to the refugees while the Doctor began fiddling with his controls again.
“Hey, if this is a time machine, we can go back in time and stop Ponyville from burning!?” questioned Apple Bloom.
The Doctor held his temple. “No, it doesn’t work that way. We can’t cross our own timelines. It would create a temporal collapse and would make things even worse!”
“How could it possibly get any worse?!” demanded Sweetie Belle.
“Imagine everything and everypony in the entire universe getting lit on fire at the same time!”
The fillies gasped. Scootaloo couldn’t help but ask, “What happens to the things that were already on fire?”
The Doctor lowered his head and gave a serious expression. “They get set on DOUBLE FIRE!”
“No!” the crusaders gasped again. It was clear simply going back in time was not the answer. But there had to be a way...
Apple Bloom paced the floor, desperately trying to think of a solution. “Mr. Doctor, what exactly causes a temporal collapse?”
“Well, it’s when the flow of time is disturbed. Like a grandfather paradox. That would cause a collapse!”
“But that’s not possible. My gran-pappy only had one dock--on the pond in his farm.”
“No, no! It’s just an example, let’s say I go back in time and kill your grandfather...”
Apple Bloom made a very sad face. “Why would you want to kill my gran-pappy? What did he ever do to you?”
Scootaloo stepped up. “Is it because he didn’t have enough docks?”
“It’s an example! Just an example! Look, let me phrase it that way; if you go back in time and prevent the disaster from happening, then what would have inspired you to go back in time in the first place?”
Apple Bloom thought about it some more. Then she got an inspired idea. She took out the letter she had been looking at in the clubhouse. The Doctor read it. Instantly, his eyes lit up. “My word! This is perfect! You can save ponyville if you go back and do it yourself. You weren’t in Ponyville when it happened, so you won’t cross your own path!” The Doctor was elated, and began flipping switches on the console like a mad-pony. He gave the letter back to Apple Bloom.
Sweetie Belle was confused. “Are you sure? That doesn’t seem right.”
“No time for explanations!” With a turning and pumping of many switches, the room began to shake around them. After a minute, all went quiet. “Here we are!” The Doctor.
The crusaders opened the door to find them back in Ponyville, just outside the library. It was dark, but Ponyville could clearly be seen, still standing. “It worked! Ponyville is back!” shouted Sweetie Belle, her voice squeaking.
Applebloom was hesitant. “Yeah, but we couldn’t have gone far back. When is this? How do we save Ponyville? Doctor?”
“I’m sorry, but my role in this is done. Good luck to you, fillies.” After closing the door, the box disappeared into thin air.
* * *
The fillies wandered around the streets for almost an hour. Eventually Scootaloo found an old newspaper with the date. “Oh, no! It’s still the same night! That means Ponyville will burn down sometime tonight! How do we stop it?!”
Applebloom sighed. “It won’t be easy, but I have a plan. Think about it! How did all this horribleness start?”
Scootaloo raised her hoof as if in class. “Ou! I know! It was that terrible song! The one that turned everpony into zombie ponies!”
“That’s right, but we didn’t turn all crazy like. Why is that?”
Sweetie Belle strained her brain. “Because we were in a tree?”
“No, silly. Because you were singing at the time. Your singing counteracts the bad singing from those monster ponies.”
“Oh, is that it?” said Sweetie Belle.
“Right. So all we have to do is sing your song to stop the invaders!”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll be able to sing with everypony watching me. And what if the monsters see me and eat me?” Sweetie Belle shrank into her cape. She was clearly nervous.
“Don’t worry. You can sing from this window in Pony Hall. It will be dark so no one will see you, and the Stars will have no idea.”
Sweetie Belle scratched her head. “I guess that could work.”
Scootaloo flapped her wings and gave a mighty leap. “Don’t worry! We’ll be right nearby to rescue you.”
That did make Sweetie Belle feel better.
* * *
And so the time came. After the large fight and the ponies retreating, Starry Aria stood atop Pony Hall and was singing the spell that would turn all the pleasant ponies of Ponyville into a murderous army of the damned.
Sweetie Belle sang. She sang like she had never sang before.
Starry Aria was totally puzzled by her inability to ensnare a single pony with her melody. The other Stars began to snicker at her impotence. She sang for close to an hour with nothing to show for her efforts. The Stars gave up and proceeded to Canterlot with only a handful of minions. They had still lit enough fires to completely surround Ponyville in smoke. Overall, the damage to Ponyville was much less.
With the coast clear, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom emerged from their hiding place. “You did it!”
Sweetie Belle grinned from ear to ear. She had never felt so great in all her life. “Wow. So now what do we do? How do we stop them from taking over Canterlot and Princess Celestia?”
Apple Bloom reached into her saddle bag and pulled out the letter she was reading earlier. “Hmmm. I don’t think you girls are gonna like this.”
* * *
With Ponyville at least half-saved, the crusaders proceeded to the Everfree Forest to find Twilight and the others. They made a brief stop at their clubhouse for more supplies. After several hours of dangerous adventures through the forest, they arrived at the Castle of the Sisters’ ruins and entered Twilight’s camp. The Wonder Bolts were there as well, even more injured than the girls. Discord was with them--depowered and tied to a chair. Shining Armor, his wife, and two guards were nearby. Princess Luna was there as well, and seemed more powerful than she was before. There was also a tall black fairy-like pony with glowing green eyes. She was arguing with Twilight.
“Back off, Chrysalis! Stay away from my brother!”
“I was just taking a look at him! It’s been so long, I forget what the males look like! I suspect the penis is somewhere underneath...” said the tall, dark one.
“I’m standing right here!” His wife was not pleased. Princess Cadance glowered at the changeling.
Chrysalis was unphased and curious as ever. “It’s okay. You don’t have to move. I can look from the other side.”
With a flash of magic from Twilight’s horn, a large collar and chain appeared. They clamped around Chrysalis’ neck. “Hey!”
“I need to make sure you don’t do anything stupid!” Twilight shouted.
Before anything could escalate further, the fillies arrived and announced their presence. Applejack and Rarity flew to their sisters Apple Bloom and and Sweetie Belle. There was much rejoicing to their reunion. It wasn’t long before Apple Bloom revealed something significant.
The fillies laid out their saddle bags. They had collected every broken piece of the Elements of Harmony that had been scattered across Ponyville when they lost to the four Stars. Apple Bloom let out a sigh of exhaustion. “... these took forever to collect. On top of that I had to stop by the clubhouse before coming here.”
“Apple Bloom! This is an amazing gift. Thank you.” Twilight was elated.
“I sang to stop the Stars from taking over. As long as I was singing, that pegasus couldn’t use her song to hypnotize ponies!” Sweetie Bell was very proud of herself. Her sister and the others lavished praise upon her. “That’s good. You should be proud of yourself Sweetie Belle. It took a lot of guts to do what you did.”
“Thanks sis. Can we help you stop the giant Nightmare Star from destroying Equestria?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“I don’t know, Sweetie Belle. You three had done your part. Leave the rest to us big ponies.” Rarity patted her sister on the head. The adults all marched off to face the Stars.
“How will we defeat them if the elements are broken?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Twilight grabbed Discord magically and dragged him along with them, chair and all. “Oh, I have a plan...”
And so the crusaders sat wrapped in their capes around the campfire.
* *
The three cutie mark crusaders didn’t have to wait long for something interesting to happen. Minutes later, a cool breeze flooded the ruins and a whirring noise echoed through their halls.
A familiar blue box appeared in the center of the ruins. The Doctor and his assistant stepped out, much to the girls delight.
“Doctor! You’re back!” said Apple Bloom.
“That didn’t take long.” added Scootaloo.
“Actually, for us, we’ve been gone a while.”
Apple Bloom was filled with questions. “I put the letter back in front of the clubhouse, so I would find it tonight before I came in. But there is something that bothers me. If I’m the one who left the note for myself, then how did the note get written in the first place?”
“Very good little one! You would make an excellent Time Lord. There’s just one thing left to do...”
The assistant took a very familiar letter out of her mailbag. “Hey! That’s my letter!” cried Apple Bloom.”
“Actually, it’s an exact duplicate. I made it when you weren’t looking. We need to go back before all this to start the loop going. You were right, Apple Bloom, these time loops are only possible if there are two time travelers with two separate methods. That means we’re going to need a very magical unicorn to help us...”
A blue unicorn in a hat trotted out of the TARDIS. “Trixie assumes you are speaking about Trixie.”
“Indeed I am. You and I are going to take a stop during our journey to the Starswirl the Bearded Section of the Royal Magic Library. We’ll find a spell there that you can only use once, and it will set this whole time-loop in motion. That is... if you’re up to the task...”
“Trixie is the most magical pony in all of Equestria! There is no challenge she will not accept!”
“Cool! But stop on the way to where?” asked Scootaloo.
The Doctor smiled. "How do your wings feel tonight?"
* * * *
Starblight spat out a gauntlet. It was the type the guards wore. “These ponies are starting to bore me. The unicorns are nice. The horns give a little pop when you bite into them.”
Starlight Lament did not share Starblight’s flippancy. “Starswirl has been gone an awfully long time. “
“I’m right here, old lady.” Starswirl emerged from the wood with a strange form on her back. When she reached the center of the glen, she dropped it. At their hooves was the body of Discord. More bruises had been added to the maiming he received earlier when they took back their powers from him.
Just then, Discord leapt up! “Haha! Got your nose!”
It was a trick, Starswirl revealed herself to be Chrysalis. With a mighty flash, she pounced on Starlight Lament.
The attack was too sudden for them to react. The pegasus, Starry Aria, was pinned down in an isntant. Applejack had Starry Aria hog tied. With the quickness of a rabbit, Fluttershy pounced on Starry Aria and lodged a large ball-gag in her mouth.
“Woo-hoo!” shouted Fluttershy--but not too loudly.
Starblight would not go down so easily. The earth pony was full of cosmic energy, and used it to grow as large as Sugar Cube corner. “You foolish ponies! I will eat you whole!!”
Before Starblight could attack with the full force of her giant body, a whistle was heard from across the glen. “Hey ugly! You want something tasty, come over here!” Cadance shook her plot to and fro. “This look tasty to you?”
It did look... tasty. The enraged Starblight ran at full force toward the princess. As she reached her, she was at the speed of a freight train.
She cracked her head against an invisible wall. She stumbled for a brief moment. Starblight fell to the earth, knocked out. In her unconscious state, she shrunk down to the size of a normal pony. Shining armor dispelled his force field and emerged from the trees to meet his wife. They exchanged a knowing smirk.
There were no more Stars left to aid her. Still, the domination of Starlight Lament was total. The Wonder Bolts, Luna, Twilight, they all fell at the force of her spells. Wary of their repeated attacks, she flew straight skyward. As she hovered over the field, a hurricane began for form around her. Now it was hard to stand up on the ground, let alone fly up to defeat her. At any moment lightning would be added to the storm and Starlight Lament would use it to attack. It looked like all was lost.
Scootaloo flew. She flew like a lightning bolt straight into the heavens. Before Starlight knew what hit her, she had knocked the tiara from her head. Starlight Lament, Scootaloo and the Tiara all fell straight down to earth.
“Wh-what was that?!” cried Rainbow Dash. But Scootaloo had already returned to the TARDIS and had disappeared.
As if by fate, the philosopher's stone broke out of the tiara and collided with the earth right at Spike’s feet. Calling to him, Spike picked it up. With a mighty gulp, Spike swallowed the philosopher's stone. All ponies fell silent. They could not believe what had just happened.
Rarity nearly choked trying to get the words out, “Spike! You just ate the most powerful stone in the universe!”
Even more invested than Rarity, Twilight approached Spike with pleading eyes. “What was it like?”
Spike was dumbfounded. There was no way he could come up with an answer to satisfy everyone expectations. “Um... it was... salty?”
Starlight Lament fell to earth with a crash. With her down, Stars had officially fallen. They were totally at the mercy of the lowly mortal ponies surrounding them.
The remaining Wonder Bolts dragged the tied-up Starswirl into the clearing to join her friends. She was hog-tied and her horn was subdued with a common c-clamp from a hardware store. She was muttering something under her breath along the lines of “I can’t believe I fell for the bushel of salmon again...”
The four Stars were defeated, thrown together in a heap, and in the middle of the clearing. Despite this, Starswirl was no less arrogant than she was when she arrived. “You may have bested us today, but we will rise again!” Starswirl spat and cursed at her captors.
Twilight Sparkle was having none of this. “No! I’ll tell you how it’s going to be. You’re going to leave earth and never return. You got your powers back and then lost even more. If you ever come back, you’ll face the wrath of all the ponies of Equestria!”
Starlight Lament said nothing. She had been bested for a second time, and Earth had been the place. She grimaced and began chanting a spell that filled the entire area under the four with light. “You may have won the battle, but you will all perish at the hooves of Nightmare Star. Farwell foolish mortals!” Soon that light began shooting upward to the sky, streaming up over and over again. With a last stream of light, a howl of pain could be heard. The four Stars had left Equestria.
Twilight Sparkle let down her war face. She was releived. “Thank. you. ever. pony. I don’t know how we pulled it off, but they’re gone.”
Her brother gave her a shoulder to lean on. “Oh, we’re just lucky that Cadance’s love spell was able to undo the mind control they had over ponies.”
Cadance was blushing. “Oh, no. The real hero is Pinkie Pie, who managed to produce that c-clamp out of nowhere!”
Pinkie Pie giggled. “I keep those hidden all over Ponyville. For c-clamp emergencies.”
“Hey, where’s Discord?” Luna commented.
The ponies looked around. Indeed he was gone. Twilight sighed. “Let him go. We have enough to deal with today without having to babysit.”
Twilight reached over and clamped the long collar and chain back around Chrysalis’ neck. “Hey, I thought we had a deal!”
“Sorry, but I need to keep you in check. No telling when you’ll copy one of us and make your exit.”
Chrysalis pouted. “Can I at least get the payment you promised me?”
Twilight blushed. “Well... alright.” The purple unicorn stepped forward to kiss Chrysalis on the cheek, but got turned around and kissed her square on the lips.
“Mmmm. Spicy. Wasn’t expecting that. “ The changeling was licking her lips.
Twilight blushed even deeper and trotted off, yanking Chrysalis by the neck as she moved.
Rarity, out of pity, decided to change the subject for everypony. “So... that’s four obstacles down. That just leaves, Princess-- I mean Nightmare Star.”
“Yes, but how are we going to stop Nightmare Star without the Elements of Harmony?” questioned Rainbow Dash.
Twilight was deep in thought. “We didn’t need Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon. We needed to BE the Elements of Harmony and the power came to us when we needed it. That’s why the Elements failed us when we first fought Discord.
“So, what’s the plan?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“We march...”
* * *
It had all come down to this. Twilight and her five friends, the Wonder Bolts, Shining Armor, Princess Cadance, Princess Luna and the rest all marched on the West Chapel.
Nightmare Star had taken off from melting this part of the city. She was now residing there. She was either waiting until she thought of another place to fire bomb, or waiting for an opponent to challenge her might. She would get the later.
Incredibly, this section of Canterlot was no longer on fire. “How did all these fires get smothered?” inquired Applejack.
“Oh, I called in a favor from a very flamboyant sea serpent,” replied Rarity.
They approached the West Chapel. This was the very place Shining Armor and Cadance got married. Princess Celestia performed the ceremony, and everyone cheered at her majesty. Now they were coming to do battle.
Before they could arrive at the chapel, a strange cool wind blew through the air. They heard a strange whirring sound. Before they knew it a large blue box had appeared before them. Out popped a brown earth pony and a gray pegasus. “Greetings Twilight, I thought you could use some more friends, considering that this will be a battle of friendship and all.”
“Thank you, but you didn’t have to do that...” Twilight was overwhelmed.
The Doctor wasn’t taking no for an answer. He opened the door to the blue box full swing, and a parade of ponies marched out (How did they all fit in there?) including Zecora, Trixie, Lyra, Bon Bon, the cutie mark crusaders, Rainbow Dash’s dad, Shining Armor’s former bodyguard, all of Shining Armor’s groomstallions, Cheeriliee, Feathermay, Blossomforth, the stripper from Cadance’s Bachelorette party, Filly Mitchell, Walter Hay and the other gamer ponies from Funspot, Granny Smith, Big Macintosh and about a hundred other Apple family members.
“WHOA! I can’t believe you’re all here!” shouted Applejack.
“That’s right, it was this little one’s idea. I think she will be invaluable today.” The Doctor put a hoof behind Apple Bloom and pushed her out in front of the crowd by the seat of her cape.
Apple Bloom and Twilight Sparkle shared a knowing glance. Together, heads held high, they marched into the West Chapel.
All of the seating and decorations from the chapel had been atomized to ashes. There was nothing filling this space except Nightmare Star and the pillar of light that shot upward from her form. She had gold armor, adorned with what looked like mother-of-pearl. Her face was hidden by a sharp mask of metal. It caused her voice to echo throughout the chapel.
“Foals! How dare you challenge me! I am the supreme ruler of all I see, and you should cower before me!”
“We’re not cowering today. We’re bringing friendship to you, if it’s the last thing we do!” declared Twilight Sparkle.
“You have no chance against me. It will take more than loyalty, honesty, kindness, laughter, generosity, and magic to stop my limitless power!”
Twilight and Apple Bloom stood together. The unicorn gave the filly a nod of approval. “There may only be six elements of harmony, but Equestria has an unlimited supply of friendship!” shouted Apple Bloom.
With that, light shot out from Twilight's saddlebag. It formed into a necklace for Apple Bloom, herself, and every pony in the room. Lights flew to the troops in the streets and the ponies in their homes. All over Equestria, the glow of harmony flew from the ponies directly to the heart of the monstrous Nightmare Celestia. Her body was pierced by a hundred-thousand beams in an instant.
A horrific scream shook the castle, breaking any glass that had not already been melted. A massive explosion blew all the ponies backward.
The nightmare was over. Princess Celestia was restored. She was thin and weak, her mane was no longer multi-colored. She lie there motionless, her pink hair covering her like water.
Twilight stepped forward and nudged her.
No response.
Twilight prodded her with her horn, blazing with a basic healing spell.
No response.
The purple unicorn became wide eyed with a horrible thought, but before she could panic, the princess began to stir. “I’m sorry, Twilight Sparkle. I’m so sorry.”
Twilight glomped onto the princess, crying hysterically. Before long, Spike and the rest had joined in.
* *
“Awe, that’s so sweet!” cooed Sweetie Belle.
“Ick. I can’t stand all this mushy stuff. You won’t see me in any group hugs today! Not on your life!” Scootaloo gagged at all the mush that was washing over the West Chapel.
“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Applejack had finished her share of the group hug and joined the cutie mark crusaders. “You younguns had quite an ordeal today. I think you’ve grown up quite a bit. Why don’t you take off those capes of yours?”
The three fillies were puzzled. How would taking their clothes off make them more grown up?
“This is the best day of our lives!” The fillies hugged each other and cried for nearly an hour. Their dreams had been fulfilled.
* * *
There was much confusion and much to do after the defeat of Nightmare Star. Celestia needed the best of medical attention. The city was in shambles. And what was that blue unicorn doing in the Royal Magic Library? In her absence, all the guards turned to Luna for guidance. Something about serving for her sister after this ordeal seemed wrong. With Shining Armor and the others waiting for her, she retired to the back of the castle to collect her thoughts.
In that time, Twilight Sparkle and her friends came by to congratulate her on fine work; not that she’d done anything yet. Afterword Applejack remained and approached Luna alone.
They shared at each other for a long time. They had a fiery romance after the Princess had saved the farmer from a fate worse than death. Then she left her. Only now she found out that she had been dating and imposter this whole time. The Princess was insulted. How could Applejack not know the real Luna? More than anything, she was jealous. She loved Applejack with all her heart, and she had been alone these months while Applejack had the joy of love. Even if that love was a lie.
“Well, this has been a strange turn of events, hasn’t it Applejack? All this time I thought you have been moving on without me, starting a new life. But it turns out you’ve been dating me the whole time.” Luna looked away.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t see through the disguise, Princess. I just wanted you back so bad... I just wanted to believe it.” Applejack hung her head in sorrow.
“You don’t think I wanted you too? I hadn't let myself fall in love for a long time. I didn’t deserve it. But you’re a farmer, I’m a Princess. I have duties and so do you. It wouldn’t last... you and me. Goodbye, fair Applejack. I will always miss you, but our lives will be taking different paths. If there is anything I can do for you...”
“There is one thing...”
* * * * *
Cinnamon Viper trotted through the halls, overseeing the repairs. It was rough learning to walk on her new prosthetic leg, but she showed no weakness. It wasn’t going to stop her from being the Princess’ assistant.
At the highest balcony of the castle, Princess Celestia was saying goodbye to her friends. She had decided that the damage she created as Nightmare Star was too great for the ponies of Equestria to forgive her, so she was imposing a generation-long exile for herself. Needless to say, Princess Luna was not a fan of this decision. She got no such respite after she terrorized the countryside on the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration.
Though the princess was absent, Twilight Sparkle and her five friends were there. Spike was there. The Princess turned to Rarity and Spike.
“Oh, before I go, I have something I need to do. Rarity? Spike? Do come here.”
The two stepped forward, puzzled at where this could be going.
The princess cleared her throat as if to give a very important speech. “I now declare you dragon and wife!”
The two leaped backward in shock. “You mean we’re married?! Just like that?!” cried Rarity.
“Heh heh. Yes. I know it’s illegal. I’m being a naughty girl right now. I guess that’s just another thing my sister will have to pardon me for during my exile. You, on the other hand get to keep your marriage rights. No reason why you should suffer for my naughtiness. C. Viper will make sure you have all the necessary paperwork.”
Rarity began to jump about, as giddy as a schoolfilly. “Spike! Do you know what this means?!”
Spike beamed “We get to have cake?”
Rarity blushed; she was about to drone on about ring shopping and various tax deductions. “Yes, Spike! We’re going to have the best cake ever!”
“Oh! Oh! Oh!” jumped Pinkie Pie. “We need to throw you the biggest reception ever!
After congratulating her friend, Twilight Sparkle stepped forward. “Princess, can I come with you?”
Princess Celestia looked down at her student. Without a word, she waved her horn and Twilight was engulfed in a magnificent light. The purple unicorn emerged with a temporary set of glimmer wings. Twilight then exchanged a knowing glance with her friends.
The two flew off into the sunset.
* * * * *
It had been weeks since the Stars had fallen. Luna had taken over supreme command of the country while her sister served her self-imposed exile. It had certainly been hard work! The reconstruction was coming along nicely, and the staff was getting acclimated to working all-night shifts to appease their Princess.
Luna stepped into her private chambers. “It has been weeks... Applejack’s baby should be due any day now...”
“Good morning, my love!”
Luna’s train of thought was interrupted by her lover, Prince Fireheart. He stepped over to her and kissed her passionately.
Luna broke off the kiss suddenly. “Dear, it has been a long night, do you think you could wear... the outfit?”
“Um, the outfit? Today?” His ears folded in apprehension.
The Princess traced circles in his chest with the tip of her delicate hoof. “I’ll make it worth your while...”
Fireheart did as he was told and stepped into the closet to change. He emerged wearing a 10 gallon hat and overalls. he was carrying a prop pitchfork with his magic.
He spoke through a piece of straw hanging from his mouth. “Yup. Sure did have a rough day on the farm. Was planting... um... plants. Was plowing... plows...”
After a sqee of excitement, Luna jumped him.
The Delivery by Haze-man proofreader Invizibilit3
Applejack screamed. The contractions were now two minutes apart. “I don’t think I can take much more!”
Rainbow Dash grabbed her hoof. “Don’t you wuss out on me now AJ! You’re my only rival! I can’t have you going soft! Now you grab my hoof and we’re having this foal together! No excuses!”
Beneath the sweat, Applejack looked up at Rainbow Dash with determination and understanding. It was time for action. The baby was coming. She started to regret refusing the epidural.
Applejack was locked in a stockade-like device that kept her neck and body supported during the process. Mares give birth standing up, and the obstetricians stand by with a pillow on the floor and holding the tail aside. It’s tempting to make a comparison to obstetrics ponies to the cather in a baseball team, but it’s unwise to do so. They take great offence at such comparisons.
Fluttershy flew into the delivery room. “Oh my Luna! Did I miss it?” Fluttershy was eager to witness the life-springing process that she too would experience in just a matter of weeks.
Pinkie Pie and Rarity informed the pregnant pegasus that she had arrived just in time. The contractions were two minutes apart. Applejack was so busy squeezing Rainbow Dash’s hoof that she didn’t hear another of her friends enter the room.
“TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!?” they all exclaimed. It had been weeks and they were certain it would be many more before they’d even hear from her again..
“It’s good to be back, girls.”
Pinkie Pie leaped into action. “Twilight! Omg! Where have you been? What have you been doing?”
Twilight had to fight off a very fierce hug. “I’m fine. I’ve been completing my training in magic. Now where’s Spike? I thought he’d be here.”
Rarity grinned. “Oh, he’s in the lobby. This might be a little bit too personal for him.”
At this point the obstetrician announced that that Applejack was fully dialated. This did not stop Pinkie’s constant barrage of questions.
“What did you eat? Did they have cupcakes? What happened to Princess Celestia?”
Twilight decided to answer that last question, since the others would be curious as well. “The princess is still in her voluntary banishment. She has decided to use the time to catch up on her personal life. I, however, need to use my training for the good of Equestria. I’ll be applying to Luna’s royal court.”
Applejack had begun to push. She was tempted to make a snide comment about the gossiping going on during her big moment, but she decided to save her energy for the birth. Holding her tongue became difficult when another familiar face entered the room.
A much smaller and less intimidating Discord strolled into the room. “Bonjour, Ladies!”
“DISCORD!!!” The ponies cried in unison. It has been just as much time since they had seen the former god of chaos, and they certainly never thought they’d see him again. “What have you been doing? Creating more chaos?” snarled Rarity.
The draconequus was unphased. “Oh, I’ve been working my chaos on a much smaller scale. Without my phenomenal cosmic powers, I’ve had to go back to basics. Misinformation, switching things around. It’s a very grass roots campaign.”
The others looked at Twilight, trying to find some indication as how to act. All but Pinkie Pie, who was giving Discord a very seductive look. Twilight sighed. “Oh, let him go. This is a special occasion, and we can all play nice, just this once.” This seemed to satisfy all present. They turned their attention to the magic happening before them.
Applejack’s foal dropped from her womb. It cried as it felt the harsh lights of the outside world hit it. The doctor caught it just in time and inspected the child. Also, they cleaned up Applejack and made her presentable after the ordeal.
Within a minute, a newborn was cleaned and swaddled and placed in Applejack’s arms. “Oh, my word.” Applejack was overcome with emotions. “It’s a girl.” Her small nose curled up. On her forehead was a tiny nub that would start to grow into a horn. Her orange coat flowed into her tiny wings and you could see the beginnings of her blonde mane.
The other ponies crowded in to see the beautiful foal. A chorus of “Ou” and “Ah” echoed throughout the room. “She’s so precious!” Declared Twilight Sparkle. “And so tiny!” added Pinkie Pie. “Aw! Now my hoof needs an epidural!” cried Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy did not agree that the foal was tiny. “Oh. My. One of those is going to come out of little me?” She started to faint. Rarity rushed to support her. “You silly filly,” said Rarity under her breath, “You don’t know how lucky you are.”
Applejack began to cry in spite of herself. “I’m a mommy, you all. A real mommy.”
Twilight leaned in. “What are you going to call her?”
“I think we should give the new mother a moment. Pinkamina, would you like to show me where the maternity ward is?” Discord gave a wry smile.
Pinkie gave Twilight a look.
Twilight sighed. “It’s OK, go with him. You two were made for each other.”
Pinkie smiled ear to ear, then swept Discord off his hooves for a passionate kiss. Even he was unprepared for that.
As the two darted off, Rainbow Dash leaned in to Twilight’s ear. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, what if they make … little pinkies. I don’t know how Equestria can deal with just the two of them.”
Twilight flashed an evil grin. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about the pitter patter of little hooves. When we broke up, I hit Mr. D with a spell that will ensure he will never be a father. He he.”
Rarity and Fluttershy exchanged terrified glances. They were both waiting for the other hoof to drop and be told that was a joke. After a few minutes, Fluttershy whispered to Rarity, “I think it would be wise for us never to anger Twilight.” “Agreed.”
* *
Just outside the window, and in cloak mode, hovered a square blue time machine. The door was wide open and three ponies peered precariously into the window.
The tall colt with the hourglass cutie mark breathed a sigh of relief. “See girls, the baby is fine.”
Lyra also breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, I’m so glad.”
Bon Bon had more ideas. “So cute! I want one! Lyra please, can we have a filly of our own?”
Lyra facehoofed. “Bon Bon! Be serious! How are we supposed to make...” The mint colored unicorn’s eyes drifted to the colt standing between them.
* * * *
Spike popped the top on his soda. He needed the sugar and caffeine to support the heavy amount of pacing he had to do. He expected Rarity to come down that hall and start talking baby. What he didn’t expect was for Twilight Sparkle to bound down the hall.
“So...” She uttered.
“So...” replied Spike.
“How’s Rarity?”
“Good. Good.”
After a moment of silence, Twilight spoke again. “I didn’t say goodbye, did I?”
Spike put down his soda and rubbed his claws. “It’s ok. It all happened so suddenly. I didn’t think to say goodbye either.”
“It’s not alright. You were my number one assistant. You deserved better. It’s just that you were married so suddenly. You’re no longer my responsibility.”
Spike lowered his head. “It wasn’t going to last forever.”
Twilight lifted his chin up with her hoof. “I thought it would. And I bet you thought it would too. I know you’re like a son to me, Spike. I kept calling you my number one assistant because assistants don’t have to leave one day. Sons do. They get married and leave.”
“I guess I did.”
Twilight drew Spike in close and kissed him on the forehead. “Go on, Spike. Live your life. Start a family and be happy. You’ll always be my number one.”
“Yeah, about that...” Spike shifted nervously in place. “Dragons have a tough time getting ponies pregnant. Is there any spell that could help us along?”
It was Twilight’s time to be nervous. “Yeah, I looked into that during my studies. I’m afraid you’re going to have to consult a higher power on this one. It takes more than a unicorn to fix that problem. Don’t give up, though.”
It was at that moment that a young blue unicorn bounded down the hallways. She had saddlebags filled with checklists. She had short aqua hair and a round face adorned with freckles. the Red of her neckerchief matched the toy airplane of her cutie mark.
“Mistress! I’m so sorry! I couldn’t get all the items on the list!” she panicked.
Spike developed a chip on his shoulder. “Oh, I see it didn’t take long to replace me.”
“Actually it did. This is Tinker’s first day. I had to go through many hoops to find an assistant as.. unique as you. But I think this will work out nicely.”
Tinker’s eyes glowed around her many freckles. “Wow, you’re THE Spike? It’s an honor, sir. I can only hope to be half the pony you’ve been to my mistress!”
That did soften Spike up a bit.
“Spike, get your wife. I’m treating all my best assistants to lunch.” Twilight beamed at Tinker.
“But what about Applejack?” protested Spike.
“Applejack will have some issues to resolve...”
* * *
Prince Blueblood paced nervously across the train platform. He had been summoned here by Luna herself, and not even he could refuse. Being alone on a train platform was unnerving. He had never traveled alone before, and he certainly had never gotten off a train without someone there to receive him. Why were they late? Had something gone wrong? Did he get on the wrong train?
No, this was certainly Ponyville, and Ponyville only had one train station. Surely They would be here any second. This was a rural area, after all. They tell time here by the crowing of roosters or something, so not being here on the dot would be expected, right? Blueblood went into the breezeway to look for shade and perhaps a water fountain to wet his whistle.
As he turned a corner, there was Applejack. Riding in a carrier on her back was their baby, Reinette. With her orange coat and blonde mane, she was certainly Applejack’s. With both the horn and wings, it was clear she was of royal blood. Normal pony genetics dictates that full Alicorn state is passed on from the mother. An alicorn being born of an Earth Pony is literally a million to one shot, and proof that the stars were aligned against him.
Applejack was far from alone. Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s prized student was there as well as Princess Luna, who was visiting in Ponyville that day. Two Pegasus and a pink Earth Pony were also there. Blueblood was cornered.
“Well.” Stated Applejack flatly. This could only end in tears.
Blueblood cleared his throat. “So, how have you been. You look good...” He couldn’t continue. The look on Applejack’s face could stop a train if there were one passing by. Blueblood’s mind raced. The blackmail. The palimony. There was no end to what she could ask for.
“I want another one!”
“What?!”
“She’s just too adorable for words! I can’t stop here. I need to have another!”
“Er, what?! You come all the way out here and tell me I have a daughter that I’ve never met, then proceed to treat me like a piece of meat? I am a pony with thoughts and feelings, not some impregnation apparatus!”
Silence fell on the platform.
A moment later, all present burst into laughter.
“I’m sorry, but I really had you going there for a moment, didn’t I?” laughed Blueblood.
Applejack chuckled. “You sure did! Now what say we get in that broom closet and start givin me some service!”
“Right this way!”
Luna spoke up, “Can I have a foal too? Can you impregnate me as well?”
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash chimed in. They wanted one as well.
“Okay everypony! Free impregnations for everyone!”
A mighty cheer was lifted, but before he could step into the closet, he felt a sharp poke in his ribs.
HEY WHO? WHAT???
“It's your turn!” Demanded Applejack.
Blueblood woke with a start. He turned to see his orange cowpony wife. “Hey, I was having the best dream!”
The poking continued. It was now that Blueblood heard the soft cries of his daughter in the other room. “I donna care whut dreams you bin havin’, git in there!” The stallion mumbled about his misfortunes under his breath.
Blueblood begrudgingly stumbled across the hall. There, in Applebloom’s old bedroom was the new nursery. Easily seen below her nightlight, Blueblood found little Rienette and held her. After a diaper change and some rocking, she was asleep again.
What madness was this? The Prince doing the work of a governess? It was so demeaning. So beneath him!
Blueblood peered down at his daughter as she cooed off to sleep.
Everything She ever wanted...
Months later, Twilight Sparkle crept in the door of her condo in Canterlot after another late night at the office. Being the head sorceress as well as a princess of Equestria was a tough job, but it had its perks. She had a penthouse suite in a view and her own sunroom. It was only a short trolley to the castle or downtown, and she had become very happy there.
She felt no need to turn on the lights as she crept into bed. After disrobing, she crept under the covers. Shortly after, another form arose from sheets, a blue pegasus. She began kissing twilight on the neck. She brushed her rainbow mane out of her face and began kissing Twilight deeply. After a few minutes, Twilight broke off the kiss. “I don’t know. I just don’t feel Rainbow Dashy tonight.”
The blue pegasus looked puzzled. She thought for a moment, then in a puff of magic, She transformed into Applejack.
“Not bad, but I think I’d like to make love to the real you tonight.”
“With pleasure, my mistress.”
What followed was a night of passion that would rival the greatest in history.
* *
The next morning, Twilight awoke to breakfast in bed. Chrysalis had changed back into her standard Tinker disguise and had put on Twilight’s favorite outfit, the french maid uniform. She was bounding about the condo and cleaning everything in sight. After the dose of affection she received last night, Twilight was surprised she wasn’t rocketing toward the moon.
The arrangement was rather brilliant. Twilight was not uncaring, but she had a relatively slow sex drive compared to most mares. She gave Chrysalis just enough affection to be healthy and happy, but not enough to give her enough power as to be dangerous. And without a male lover, she could not produce more changelings. Despite their appearance, changelings are not insects, and a female changeling can only produce 4 young per pregnancy at most.
Twilight looked up from her coffee mug. Queen Chrysalis was doing her normal morning chores now. Watching her reshelve books and dust while wearing that frilly maid’s outfit always made Twilight smile. Still, she was a potential threat to the kingdom. The purple unicorn couldn’t keep her as her private toy for much longer without causing suspicion. It was time for a drastic change.
“Chrysalis! Pack a picnic lunch. We need to go out to the country this afternoon!”
* * *
After a short carriage ride the two were alone under an apple tree in the middle of a rolling green meadow. Twilight nuzzled her assistant’s neck and whispered in her ear. “We’re alone, you can drop the guise. I want to spend time with the real you.”
Chrysalis gladly dropped her copy form and began spreading out the lucious picnic lunch she had planned. As per usual, she went straight into giving Twilight her daily shoulder massage. Today was different, however. Twilight put a hoof on hers and told her to stop. “Please, sit down.”
The changeling took her seat on a tuft of grass beside Twilight. “Is this bad news? Am I being punished?”
“No, I’m afraid you’re not going to be my to assistant anymore.”
Twilight slid her a small wooden box. It contained an engagement ring.
Epilogue: Spike's Hearts and Hooves Gift
Spike’s Hearts and Hooves Gift by Haze-man proofreader Invizibilit3
Canterlot was in a new age. The return of Celestia from her years of exile was greeted with boisterous enthusiasm. A spirit of palpable forgiveness hung over all of Equestria for months to follow. Indeed, there was a spike in births 9 months after Princess Celestia returned to royal duties.
Spike and Rarity were now living in Canterlot. Most of the main six were back in Ponyville raising families while the lovely unicorn and dragon couple were still childless. They saw Twilight Sparkle from time to time, but they hadn’t been in the castle in years.
It was Hearts and Hooves day. Spike had been outdoing himself each time and a suite in the castle was the coup de grace. He had to call in several favors to get them checked into that tower suite last night, and he he had even more favors to ask before tonight.
He knocked on the office of Princess Celestia.
“Do come in. I’ve been expecting you,Spike.”
Spike sheepishly crept into the grand office. Celestia’s desk sat in the middle of a grand observatory on the highest tower of the castle. The balcony doors were open and a pleasant breeze crossed the room. The Princess was sitting quietly drinking tea. “How is Rarity enjoying her suite? I bet it really sets the mood, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, about that. I was wondering if you could help us out with something...”
“Oh, well I’m really not into the group thing. But I can give you some bananas...”
“Eep! No! I’m sorry. I was talking about something else. You see, I’m a dragon, and she’s a pony. So... we’ve been trying for foals for a while now. It hasn’t been working out so good. I thought, for once, we could try it as two ponies? I know it takes a lot of magic to do something like that, so I’m guessing you’re the only pony in the world who could do this for us...”
The Princess set down her tea. “You realize there is very little chance that this would solve the problem. It takes many matings over a period of time to actually get pregnant, even if you were both ponies...”
“I know. But I’d like to at least try. I think it would make Rarity happy.”
“I can do this, but I can only do it once. And you can only stay a pony for one day. One day.”
“I know, but this is for Rarity...”
“I suspected you’d say that. Very well. Prepare, Spike the Dragon, I shall grant your wish.” Celestia began to summon great magical power from her horn. It glowed with a magnificent brightness Spike had never seen before.
Light came in from the walls and the windows. It latched onto him from every direction like magnets. He began to warm, like being wrapped in a large wool blanket. Then he started to change.
* * *
Spike’s new body soft and supple compared to his old scaly one. Even his new hooves seemed soft in comparison to his old claws and he trotted over the fine marble floors of the castle.
It was worse than walking on eggshells; it was as if he WAS a giant eggshell. “How do they walk on these smooth floors with hooves?!” Spike might as well have been trotting across ice. He was slipping as he walked and felt he could tumble over at any moment. Worse he felt naked and vulnerable without his scales. He was scared of breaking to pieces if he fell over.
Before he got too panicked, he stole himself. “For Rarity...”
* * *
Spike opened the door to the castle’s guest suite to find a horrifying sight. There were claw marks on the floor, shattered mirrors and the drapes had been shredded. The furniture was upturned and in disarray.
As he trotted further into the room, he could hear sobs. Sobs of Rarity. He panicked momentarily, but when he stepped beyond the bed, he could see a shape huddled behind it. Spike was scared of this new shape initially, but then he came to a revelation. It was Rarity. Rarity as a dragon.
She was smaller than she was as a pony, if only just. She was covered with pearl-white scales that shined like silver before the sunlight. While she had purple spines on her head, her tail was now long and snake-like.
“No! Don’t look at me! I’m hideous. This was a horrible idea!”
“What happened? HOW did this happen?”
“I wanted to surprise you for Hearts and Hooves day, so I went to Princess Luna. She said she’d turn me into a dragon for just one day. But now I don’t know how to walk or anything! I’m all thumbs! Thumbs, what are these devilish devices?!”
“Rarity! I went to Princess Celestia and asked her to make me a pony for one day, just for you. Today is all I have.”
“Oh no! This is terrible! I wanted to do something special for Hearts and Hooves day, but now it’s all ruined! I can’t even leave the room without destroying everything! Of all the things that could have gone wrong, this is the worst!” She rubbed her claws against her face, sobbing.
Spike stepped over and dried her tears. “It’s okay. You did this for me. I did this for you. We really care about each other. Isn’t that what Hearts and Hooves day is really about?”
“But I’m too terrified to leave this room! What are we going to do all day?”
Spike gave a devilish smirk and threw Rarity onto the bed.
* * *
The sun was shining at the at the park. In the sandbox, two foals played as their mothers looked on. Princess Reinette was set upon the task of making the biggest pile of sand possible, where Rainbowshy was building her own world, complete with a river and community center. They may look like small piles of sand to the casual onlooker, but to her they were tiny households with their own story.
“I hear Rainbow Dash is thinking about having one herself. She was talking the other night about this hunk of an orange pegasus.” commented Fluttershy.
Applejack removed her hat. “I heard there were... complications to that relationship. Ah, well, couldn’t be more crazy than what we’ve been through, right?”
The yellow pegasus nodded in agreement.
A few minutes later, a cheery Twilight Sparkle and her assistant, Tinker strolled down the park’s path. “Hey girls.” Applejack and Fluttershy were elated to see their old friend.
“Twi! Good to see you! It’s been ages! What brings you here?” said Applejack.
“Oh, I come bringing big news!”
“Is this big news about you?” asked Fluttershy meekly.
Twilight and Tinker exchanged a knowing glance. “We have some news, but that will have to wait for another day. This news is much bigger!” She leaned in and whispered something into her friend’s ears.
“I thought it was impossible for a dragon to get a pony pregnant.” gasped AJ.
“Oh, it is, but apparently it’s very easy for a pony to get a dragon pregnant!”
Pinkie Pie VS The King of Kong
The small pink filly galloped down the dusty path. She was dirty and tired, but that didn’t hinder the spring in her step. Soon she met with a wooden fence. She followed that fence for a mile and soon found that it contained an apple orchard. She hadn’t eaten in a while, and even though she had gruel with her in her saddlebag, she had no water to mix it with. It had been a long journey, and she was very hungry. Surely one apple wouldn’t hurt.
No sooner than she had plucked one apple from its branch, did she hear a bell ring.
“Hey you rapscallion! You get your theivin’ mitts off my property!” a voice was heard bounding through the trees directly at Pinkie Pie’s location.
The pink filly panicked and fell from the tree. Standing over her was a small orange filly with a blonde mane. She wore a hat that was much too big for her and something blue around her neck.
The pink one righted herself and began pleading. “Oh, Please, I’m so hungry. Can’t I have just one apple?” Pinkie Pie made a sad face.
Applejack’s resolve started to falter. “Well, I guess one wouldn’t hurt. As long as this don’t become a habit.”
“Yay!!” Pinkie bounced and jumped around the orchard. “I’m Pinkie Pie! I just left my home on the rock farm to find my own path in life! What’s your name?”
The orange filly kicked the ground nervously. “I’m Applejack, and this is Sweet Apple Acres. I’m the filly of the farm now, and that means I’m responsible for what goes on here!”
Pinkie Pie wasn’t listening, she was already too distracted by the shiny gold thing around Applejack’s neck. “Oooooo! What’s that?”
“Oh, this? This is my blue ribbon in hog tying I just won at the state fair! I’m the best in the whole county!”
“Gosh! It sure is pretty. I’d love to be the best at something someday.”
“Now, don’t you worry none. I’m sure you’ll be plenty good at lots of little things. Do you have a place to stay?” asked Applejack.
“Nah. I just started walking. I’d love to go to Ponyville and live there! Are we in Ponyville now? Can I stay here?”
“No, I’m afraid we’re too short on bits to hire any more workers. But I heard yesterday that they’re opening a new cupcake shop downtown!”
“Cupcakes? Oh boy! Good thing I brought my hot sauce!”
Pinkie Pie vs the King of Kong By Haze Proofreader Invizibilit3
Applejack nibbled on her cupcake. The peach cobbler center would normally clash with the kiwi topping, but ever since she had gotten pregnant, Applejack got the strangest cravings. The others were totally puzzled by her news tastes. It was their weekly get together at Sugarcube Corner, and all of her friends were there. They shared gossip, sipped tea, and generally used the time to catch up on events of the past week. This week, she had the most news, though she didn’t really want to talk about it.
“Applejack! You are positively glowing!” Rarity was beaming with excitement.
Twilight stared at Applejack from beyond her teacup. “It is amazing how these things happen.”
“Sur is.” replied AJ.
“It would be great if somepony told us how it happened.”
“Sur would.”
Twilight set down her teacup with passion. “Oh, come on AJ! You have to tell us who the father is! We’ll find out sooner or later.”
Applejack inhaled the rest of her cupcake. “Horm. Falm. Mar. Yer a big girl, you can wait.”
Twilight huffed. But before she could continue, Princess Luna came to the table with a tray. “Applejack! I got your pickles and ice cream! I made sure the gherkins were extra sour! Just like you like them!” She placed the tray in front of the apple farmer. “Oh no! You have icing all over.” With that, she magically grabbed a napkin, licked it, and began cleaning Applejack’s face. Beneath her hat, Applejack was turning as bright a shade of red as the fruit she grew.
Among the other ponies, many looks were exchanged.
Applejack urgently changed the subject. “So, Twilight, It looks like we’ll get to learn your secret, though. Your new boyfriend will be stopping by.”
Twilight coughed up the sarsaparilla she was drinking. “Ha! Yes. He will be stopping by today. Hehehe...”
Fluttershy lent a reassuring wing. “You seem to be getting along very well.”
Spike offered a counterpoint. “I dunno. You were pretty upset after your first date. You came back crying.”
Twilight tensed up. “Well, he was very late. It sort of spoiled the whole evening.” Twilight wore a crocodile smile. “But somehow I just couldn’t stop myself from seeing him a second time. And now he’s stopping by...”
As if on queue, Discord entered the Sugarcube Corner. He was disguised as a blue unicorn with an extra long horn. His mane was black and wavy, and he had his trademark goatee. He magically floated a bouquet of flowers over to Twilight Sparkle. “Here you are my dear.”
Twilight blushed. “Oh, My! Thank you! They’re lovely... wait a minute... you didn’t get these off a grave did you?”
“I did, actually. But I didn’t kill the pony in that grave, so I think I should get some points.”
The group had a good laugh at this. Rarity patted Twilight on the back. “He is an absolute gem! Where have you been hiding him?”
Twilight spoke through gritted teeth. “You know... under a rock.” It was Twilight’s turn to change the subject. “Where’s Pinkie Pie?”
* *
“Oh, phooey! Not again! What sort of game is this?”
The arcade game had snapped, and with an electric pop, it rebooted to the title screen. As the hum of warm electricity welled up on the screen, the school ponies crowded around her were in awe. Pinkie rolled her eyes and stepped down from the stool she had been sitting on for hours. The bright blue upright seemed insulted that his mistress was leaving him. Ever since the cakes bought that machine to increase revenue, Pinkie had been the master of it. They actually made more money off the crowds that came to see her play than the bits it would have collected.
“Oh my gosh! Did we just see a kill screen?” Snips was staring, jaw agape.
Pinkie Pie stepped off her bench. “Pfft. This game is just busted is all. That happens every two or three hours.”
Snipps was about to have a conniption fit. “Pinkie Pie! You don’t understand! You played the game so well, you beat a higher number of levels than it could count!”
“Wow! You mean I outsmarted it?”
“You went past outsmarting it two hours ago. You decimated it!” congratulated Snails.
Sweetiebelle squeaked. “That was awesome Pinkie Pie! That monkey was all like; but Pikie was all like jumping! It was amazing!”
“Apes aren’t monkeys.” Apple Bloom corrected.
“What are you? A biology textbook?” chided Scootaloo.
Snipps composed himself. “Pinkie, you don’t know what this means? You’re one of the best players of this arcade game in the world! If you went to the national competition, you could be the champion!”
Pinkie Pie got stars in her eyes.
* * *
Mrs. Cake had come over to the table to give some advice to Applejack. She had only just begun when Pinkie Pie jumped onto the table.
“You guys! You guys! You won’t believe what happened! I just got the highest score ever in Donkey Kong! If I go to the competition next week and win, I’ll get my name in the World Record Book!”
Twilight huffed. “Pinkie, It’s just a silly video game. Do you think anyone will really want to watch you play?” She was ignoring the large crowd in the store, of course.
“Can I help it if I’m so incredibly awesome?”
Rainbow Dash lent her a reassuring hoof. “I feel your pain.”
“The competition is next weekend in New Hampsheer. It’s in an arcade called Funspot on Lake Win-a-pair-of-sockees. We can take a long weekend and be up there in a matter of hours by train! We can stay at a cabin in the woods! What could possibly go wrong?”
“Hmm. I guess it would be nice to get away. This will be my last chance to relax before I’m chasing a foal around the farmhouse.” Applejack liked the idea. The others agreed as well. It had been forever since they had gone on a trip that didn’t involve saving Equestria from some sort of peril.
Twilight turned to Sidd, “Do you want to come with us?”
Sidd was flattered. “Do I?! I’ll go pack a bag now!” He had darted out of the cafe so fast, it was as if he teleported.
“My, that was rather forward!” Rarity giggled.
“Ah, c’mon. This will be her third date, after all.” Said Rainbow Dash.
“What? What happens on a third date?!” Twilight panicked.
Fluttershy giggled. “Oh, silly Twilight. That’s the date where you find out if you’re physically compatible.” She made a lewd gesture of one hoof going into another hoof. “Especially when the date is a sleepover in a cabin! Teehee.”
“I’m gonna? W-we’re gonna do?” Twilight fainted.
“Hey,yougoingtofinishthatcupcake?” Pinkie Pie grabbed the last cupcake from Twilight’s plate. She gobbled it up, but not before dousing it with hot sauce.
Applejack went back to her discussion with Mrs. Cake. “I’ve got an ultrasound tomorrow. Do I need to bring earplugs?”
* * *
The train whisked north through the mountains. It wasn’t sparse, but it wasn’t overloaded either. The girls had almost an entire car to themselves to talk or rest at their leisure. Rarity, Spike, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Luna, Twilight Sparkle, and Discord were all there. Discord was in disguise as Sidd, as per usual. Fluttershy’s boyfriend couldn’t make it due to work.
Applejack, however, used this opportunity to give her back a rest and she spread out on a free bench for a nap. Luna at first looked at this like an invitation, but then thought better and retreated to a quiet compartment to read her newspaper.
The wheels began to turn in Twilight’s head. “Ok, Sidd. If you want to show me that you’ve really changed. You’ll help me with a little project. We’re going to find out who the father of Applejack’s foal is.”
“Wait you want me to help you spy? Are you sure this isn’t me asking you over to the dark side?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Cuz, y’know, we have spaces open here on the dark side.”
“No, Sidd.”
“We have cookies...”
“Sidd!”
“Fine, what are we going to do?”
“We corner Luna and coerce her.” Twilight rubbed her hooves together.
“Alright, You take the front, I’ll take the back. You lead.”
“What? No, Luna isn’t into that.”
“Are you sure? It’s always the quiet ones...” Sidd grinned.
“Just get in there and pump her for information! Information and nothing else.”
**
Sidd stepped into Luna’s compartment without knocking. He sat down and leered at the princess as she read her newspaper. “Luna.”
“Sidd.”
“It appears we both have something to hide.”
“It seems we do. What are we going to do about this?”
“I think a peace offering is in order. Something to show that we can work well with each other. How about you tell me who Applejack’s baby-daddy is?”
“Fine. It was Prince Blueblood. Now you have to do something for me...”
* *
Twilight fidgeted in her seat. As if not knowing Applejack’s secret wasn’t enough, she now had the pressure of being on the THIRD DATE to drive her crazy. Her panic had gotten pretty far along, but before it could go critical, Sidd returned.
He gave a nonchalant look, then motioned for Twilight to follow him into the next car. Without thinking, she got up from her seat and went with him. After stepping into the next car, he slid into a closet. What was that about?
That’s when a horrifying thought leaped into Twilight’s head? Was he inviting her in there for the sex? This was the third date, so sex was expected. Were they supposed to do it right here on the train? In the closet? Was Twilight about to join the mile high club? Wait, that only applies to airships. What do you call it when you do it on a train? The mile low club? Calm down Twilight. I’m sure this is nothing too severe. I’ll just step in there and keep my distance.
Upon stepping into the closet, she found that there was barely enough room to stand at all. Upon closing the door, their chests touched. Twilight’s blood was about to boil over.
“Fine! Take me! I’m yours, but please be gentle! I’ve never done this before!” She fell onto him with arms outstretched. She waited for the passion to commence. She waited for a full minute, but nothing happened.
“Um, I asked you in here so we could talk without your friends hearing...” Sidd was more than amused. It was all he had not to belt out laughter.
Twilight’s eyes bugged out. How could she have made such a mistake? “Oh, yes. I was just testing you.”
“Sure you were. Anywho, I’ve discovered that the pony in question is none other than Prince Blueblood!”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “Oh sweet Celestia! No wonder she didn’t want to say--the scandal would be huge. It must have happened at my brother’s wedding in Canterlot!”
“Indeed. Welp, since we’re already in here...”
Twilight tensed up. “Oh, yeah, we really should be going …”
Before she could exit the closet, Discord winked at her. Twilight couldn’t help but blush.
* * *
They arrived at Funspot with plenty of time. Lake Winnipesaukee was a vacation community and the largest lake in New Hampsheer. There were many privately owned motels that consisted of several small cottages that were not bigger than a normal motel room. There were several arcades, as well as restaurants, boating, and a drive-in theatre. Funspot, however was the largest arcade in the world, and the place where the contest was being held.
The contest would be winner take all of contestants whom had passed a qualifying round. Once you proved your metal to a judge, you’d get one token on the eve of the contest to get as many points as possible.
As the group of friends entered Funspot, they were amazed at how large the place was. They had every arcade machine you could remember, even from the farthest reaches of your memory. In addition, they had room for a snack bar, a small bumper car pen, and indoor miniature golf. They even had a full bowling alley which had a bar in it; which itself had more arcade games in it.
It was at the counter at the bowling alley where Pinkie went to sign up for the competition. All along the length of the counter were different colored books with the different classic arcade games. At the far end was a dusty old book for Donkey Kong. Before Pinkie could reach it, a mare with a crowd of sheep followers blocked her way.
There Stood Filly Mitchell. She was surrounded by a legion of faithful followers, all bleating her praises. She was a young mare, older than Pinkie, with a light cream colored coat and a light blue mane. She wore a shirt with a red, white, and blue tie and had a cutie mark of a bottle of hot sauce.
“Excuse me, you must be new here. No one writes in that book.”
“But that’s the book to try and beat the Donkey Kong record...”
“You fail to understand. I am the great Filly Mitchell. Gamer of the century. No one even tries to beat my Donkey Kong score.”
“But then why is that book there?”
“The book is there to remind everyone how awesome I am.” Mitchell swatted Pinkie’s hoof away.
“But I’m really good at Donkey Kong! I want to play!” Pinkie gave a sad face.
Filly Mitchell almost looked like she was going to more badgering and swatting, but at the last minute she turned and trotted away, followers in tow.
* * *
Back at the cabin, the ponies unloaded their luggage.
“What a sore winner! If I wasn’t five months pregnant, I’d hogtie her and make her apologize to Pinkie!” cried Applejack. Luna stepped in with a soothing back rub to calm AJ down.
“Oh, I don’t know. She was just being assertive.” Sidd smirked as he stepped into the cabin.
Twilight was cautious every time Sidd spoke. She was constantly worried the others would find out he was Discord in disguise. “How can you say that? She was a total jerk!”
“Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘ask and ye shall receive’? That was Filly Mitchell’s way of asking you not to compete so that she would win by default.” explained Sidd.
Pinkie replayed the events in her head. “Yeah, I guess when you put it that way, it’s not so bad.”
Twilight objected. “Yes it is! It’s exactly as bad!”
“I agree with Twilight. That pony is trying to psyche you out.” added Rarity.
Rainbow Dash growled. “She’s trying to break down yer defences and make you go all nutty!”
Pinkie Pie just giggled. “She don’t know me very well, do she?”
* *
After a long card game, the group set off to retire. Applejack and Luna took one bedroom, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie went to the bunk beds, and Rainbow Dash and Spikity were sent to the futon and daybed in the main room. That left a spare bedroom for Twilight and her boyfriend.
Rarity giggled into her hoof. “Now, you two play nice.” With a swift motion of her flank, she had bumped the two of them into their bedroom and locked the door.
Twilight lay on the bed hooves up. She immediately got embarrassed and flipped over onto her stomach. “So, um, nice weather we’re having.”
Discord sat on the bed, still in disguise as a blue unicorn. The room was so small, he probably couldn’t turn back into a draconequus, even if he tried. He stroked Twilight’s purple mane. “Now, now, my dear. You don’t have to perform anything you don’t want to. I fell in love with your for intellect. Your words of wisdom fill my cup of knowledge. If you don’t want me to fill you up with anything right now, that’s ok.”
Against better judgment, Twilight grabbed Discord and held him tight in her arms. “I’m scared, Discord. I don’t know where this is going. I don’t even know where you came from.”
“I never really found out where I came from. I’m guessing It’s probably a sordid story. But just cause I don’t know where I came from doesn’t mean I don’t know where I’m going.”
“But you DON’T know where you’re going!” Twilight protested.
“We’ll that’s because I’m walking a path of chaos. That’s just a coincidence.”
“How can I be sure you won’t cheat on me then?”
“I never cheat at love, dearie.”
“Why not?”
“Because all’s fair in love and war. That means it’s impossible to cheat. And that’s no fun.”
“Har. Har.” Twilight was not particularly amused. “I just don’t know if I’m ready.”
“No one does. It’s sort of a leap of faith kind of thing.” Discord stroked her mane again.
“I suppose it is...”
* * *
Twilight awoke from the best sleep she’d had in years. Discord was still in pony form. She checked herself in the small mirror on the bedroom’s wall. She straightened her mane. With her appearance totally normal, she ventured out into the cabin.
She found that she was the last to rise, and everypony else was already up and about. Pinkie had made fresh banana nut muffins from scratch.
Twilight approached the others, who were all at the kitchen table for breakfast. She suddenly became very self-conscious of all the moans she had been making last night. “I hope I didn’t disturb anyone last night with all the noise...”
They all gave her a quizzical look.
“... of my snoring...”
Rarity chuckled into her hoof. “Oh, dear. If you did make any noise last night, no one heard it. Not over the din coming from Applejack’s room!”
Applejack was really red in the face. “Yeah. I can’t imagine what we were doing. Must have been practivin’ ma square dancing. Or somethin. heh.”
Luna was all about Applejack, refilling her coffee and cleaning crumbs off her face.
“You certainly have a way... with royalty. Don’t you Applejack.” Twilight shot Applejack a knowing glance.
Applejack panicked and changed the subject. “C’mon everypony. We’ve got a big day today. Pinkie has qualifying rounds today for her little contest. We need to be there to cheer her on.”
“Oh, c’mon. I’ll have no trouble with that. It’s mostly just a lot of waiting in line. You ponies should take this time to relax and leave the hard work to me!”
Spike chuckled. “Hard work of playing video games. I’ll take that over doing chores any day.”
Rarity spoke up. “Now, Spike, if Pinkie doesn’t want us standing around making her nervous, we should take advantage of this beautiful day. Who’s up for some miniature golf?”
* * *
“Behold! Pirate Rainbow Dash!”
“Give it up, Rainbow Dash. No one cares about your silly eyepatch.” Rarity was positively against the vest and plastic hook RD was wearing. Rainbow Dash didn’t care. She had been more enamored by the Pirate Cove Miniature Golf gift shop than anything else they had done that day.
Twilight, however, had other objections besides the new outfit of Rainbow Dash. “You totally cheated!” She shot her accusation at Sidd.
“I did no such thing. I simply insisted we count every stroke; no do-overs. Is it wrong to demand excellence in scorekeeping?” It was true. He spent no less than 5 strokes to get to sink each hole, but all the others took two or three hits. Still, there was always one set where they got stuck and took an extra 10-20 strokes to reach the goal. Sidd’s plan was masterful. Take no risks himself, but make sure everyone else’s mistakes were fully accounted for. This is why normal miniature golf scorekeeping stops at four or five per hole.
“He’s right, Twi. It’s not our fault we couldn’t keep ourselves from stroking on them balls.” interjected Applejack.
Spike desperately wanted to say something to the pregnant mare, but held his forked tongue.
Twilight was still not amused. “There’s always ONE hole you can’t get it into! That’s why you need a ton of strokes.”
Spike was about to have a seizure.
Rarity stepped in. “Calm down Twilight. If you start treating miniature golf like it’s a big thing, ponies will start to talk.”
* * *
Today was the big day. The ponies trotted down the path to a diner for breakfast in preparation of the big championship. While they were walking, Rarity and Rainbow Dash fell behind and cornered Twilight for some intense questioning. “So, how did it go?”
Twilight wore a large smile and blushed. “What do you mean?”
Rarity choked down her excitement so that she could speak in an inconspicuous whisper. “You lost it last night, didn’t you? How did it go?”
Twilight blushed to the point of being red as a firetruck. “It felt really good. It was so natural. I think we’re really good lovers. I understand now how you all felt after getting your rocks off at the bachelorette party. So relaxed. So at peace.”
“Avast! Did he make you swab his poop deck?”
Rarity chomped at Dash. “Dammit, take off that eyepatch!!”
* *
After a hearty breakfast, the group trotted over to Funspot. Everyone in the arcade had gathered for this performance. No one had dared to challenge the high score in Donkey Kong for years, and word had spread far and wide. The main hall of the arcade was full from corner to corner, and some had crawled onto the pinball machines to get a better look. They had wheeled out two upright arcade cabinets so both Filly and Pinkie could play simultaneously, and they had camera’s recording the event. A kindly old pony with a thick beard served as the referee. He gave the girls each a token.
“Oh, it is on! On like Donkey Kong! Tee hee. I just made that up right now.” Pinkie giggle.
Filly Mitchell facehoofed.
The contest began. Within minutes Pinkie had beaten the first four screens, but her score was only 39000 points. She peered over her shoulder to see Filly was only on stage two and had almost 50000 points!
“What?” Pinkie panicked. In the split second she had looked away, a roque barrel had trapped her in a corner. She was down one life.
“It’s ok. No reason to panic. Still got two more lives left...”
Within minutes, Pinkie had lost two more lives. “What? Already?”
Pinkie Pie had lost. As soon as sounds of defeat sprang from Pinkie’s arcade cabinet. Filly Mitchell yawned and casually walked away from her cabinet. “That was even easier than I thought.”
Pinkie just stood there, hair deflated.
“Don’t give up Pinkie!” Yelled Sidd.
Pinkie Pie wore a terrible frown. “But I lost.”
Sidd placed another token in the Donkey Kong machine. “You didn’t come here to beat anyone in a contest. You came here to show us what you can do! So do it.”
Pinkie Pie was ignited with a fiery passion to achieve the highest score in existence. Despite being disqualified, she continued playing. Within minutes, she had reached the dreaded 14th level, and had broken through to the insanely difficult. Although many opportunities for bonus points were being missed, Pinkie was unstoppable. It was clear what she was doing. She was going for the kill screen.
The crowd that had started to dissipate after Filly’s victory had snapped back into place. The room was now hush as hundreds of eyes were glued to Pinkie’s screen. Filly Mitchell was dumbstruck. “Impossible! No one has ever hit the kill screen at Funspot before!”
“There’s a first time for everything!” Pinkie plowed on. A hundred screens down, seventeen to go.
Just six screens left. Pinkie lost a life to a roque fireball.
One screen left. The jumps were as tricky as ever, and Pinkie lost another life.
There it was. The kill screen. Just like back in Sugarcube Corner, she had defeated the machine utterly. The crowd cheered like no pony had ever heard before; twice as loud as they cheered for Filly Mitchell and her victory.
Filly Mitchell appeared to be gritting her teeth, but quickly turned her nose up and trotted away, never looking back.
Pinkie became even more un-inflated than when she initially lost. “Oh, no...”
“What’s up with Pinkie Pie? I thought she’d be happy showing up that smartypants pony.” said Twilight.
“Oh, Twi. Pinkie’s just not like that. She doesn’t want to show up anypony. Not really. It just ain’t in her. She just wants everypony to be her friend.”
“Hmph. Good luck making friends with that pony.” huffed Rarity.
* * *
Deep within the bowling alley, Filly Mitchell sat in the bar, drowning her troubles in cider.
Pinkie Pie crept up to her and squeaked mildly to announce her presence. Mitchel hid her face behind her mug. After a few minutes, she acknowledged the pink one. “Have you come here to gloat?”
“No, I just wanted for us to be friends.”
“I don’t need friends. Friends are for the weak. “
“Nonsense. I couldn’t have done what I did without my friends cheering me on.”
“You did nothing! The point of a competition is not to crack under pressure. You, Pinkie, are a cracker.”
“That’s funny. I always thought of myself as a cream puff or a meringue.” said Pinkie.
“You are bubbly enough...”
The two shared a weak giggle.
Pinkie Pie twiddled her hooves nervously. “I’m really a fan of your hot sauce. I always put it on my cupcakes!”
Filly Mitchell seemed puzzled. “Cupcakes? really? I thought it was only used for hay, or sometimes eggs.”
“Oh, no! It’s good on totally everything! Like muffins and cookies and cupcakes and pies!”
Mitchell began running her eyes across Pinkie, the way a lion looks at a zebra. “Perhaps there is something to your madness, Pinkie. You know, for some reason, I could really see you in a commercial...”
* * * * *
Applejack blushed as she squeezed into the booth at Sugarcube Corner. “You don’t have to do this for me.”
Luna scoffed at the notion. “Nonsense. Your foal will be here in a matter of weeks. This is the last time I get to take you out on a nice date.”
“I guess so. I reckon I’m mighty pleased with how the farm’s coming along. I didn’t think a princess would take to hard labor so quickly.”
“Applejack, your love gives me strength!”
AJ blushed again.
At that moment Pinkie Pie was ringing a bell signifying that an order of pickles and ice cream were ready. Luna sprang into action.
Luna lovingly placed the tray on the counter. Applejack inspected it. “Wait just a cotton pickin’ minute. I didn’t order any alfalfa. Where’s my side order of daisies?”
At that very moment, Fluttershy floated over. “I’m sorry. I think we got our orders crossed. I ordered the pickles and ice cream with alfalfa, and you must have ordered it with daisies.”
“Shy? You’re eating pickles and ice cream?” Luna and Applejack exchanged a glance.
“Oh, Yes. I don’t know why, but I’ve been having the strangest cravings lately.”
