"Discord!" People went about their daily lives as the screeching yell echoed around them. People all around the castle were used to the screams of untold anger and frustration throughout Canterlot. It had been like that these past few months. Ever since Canterlot Castle had gained a new member. A new, infuriating member.
Discord cackled as he flew down the halls of Canterlot Castle. Behind him charged the Princess of the Sun herself - now with bright, florescent pink skin. “Can’t catch me,” he shouted behind him. “I’m the Chaos Man!” He stuck his tongue out at her, only further infuriating Celestia. He laughed, relishing her anger.
Of course, it was only a matter of time before his face became a sudden imprint on the wall. He should really have been watching where he was going - but where’s the fun in seeing what’s ahead? He slid down the side of the wall comically, his face flattened. He had little stars swirl around his head for good measure.
“Discord, change me back this instant!”
Discord groaned, standing, still chuckling. “Why, whatever do you mean, Celestia? Do you not like that lovely color?” Gently, he brought his hand to his head, waving away the stars.
“No, I do not! Change me back, now, before I call Fluttershy to the castle to… to berate you!”
“Why, Celestia; your words wound me!” Tears ran freely from his eyes as he fell back, his claw - like skeleton hand draping dramatically over his forehead. Celestia gagged slightly as a very life like dagger suddenly appeared lodged in his stomach. She turned her back, her pink face now a tad bit green around the edges. “Et tu, Celestia,” she heard muttered weakly behind her.
“Enough theatrics, Discord!”
“Oh, very well.” In a flash, Celestia’s skin was now her usual healthy tan. “I must say, I think you would be more popular with children were you pink.” He smirked. “I must say, you looked simply radiant. Perhaps next time I’ll make you a lovely shade of glass!”
Celestia shook her head, rolling her eyes as she glanced back at him. “I’ve no need for your antics, Discord. I have royal duties to see forth.” With a swish of her dress, Celestia began the walk back to the throne room. Discord couldn’t help but watch as she sauntered away. Who said you shouldn’t stare at the sun?
Discord sighed as he leaned back against the now dented wall. “Tsk… Royal duties? She just wants to go eat more cake…” With a hefty sigh, he leaned out the window, dressed in a regal red dress, waving a little hankie out into the open air. His busty chest rested over the windowsill as he cried out, “What is a poor, bored damsel in distress to do now?”
In a flash, Discord, now in his normal clothing (much to the horror of some now very confused men), was outside, resting high above the ground on a cotton candy cloud. He watched the people down below walking, rushing to whatever ‘important’ business they had that day. He bit back the urge to rain chocolate milk down on them. With another great sigh, he turned onto his back and watched the above clouds.
Why was he being so good again? All for the sake of that one little woman? Sure, she was sweet and all, but he was a timeless god - he could use her as a toothpick. Instead, she had gotten under his skin and had made him… reformed. His mind gagged at the word. He could almost feel his mind beginning to throw up - he wondered if he would leak out his ears with brain matter.
“Perhaps I’m over thinking this,” he said to himself. Himself nodded, still thinking. After all, there was also Rarity, Applejack, Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. All of them had their own little quirks. Rarity was very fun to toy with, and Applejack and Rainbow Dash were hilarious when he pushed them the right ways. Twilight was always a bit of a bummer, but Pinkie Pie made up for it completely with her insanity.
However, as he thought longer, he realized that he really only stayed for Fluttershy. After all, she was the only one of them all who seemed to care for him, or even believe he was reformed. With a slower realization, he knew he would actually be reformed had anyone thought he was capable and willing. Yet, everypony expected the worst from him.
His eyes widened. “Wait…”
In a flash, he was in one of Celestia’s abandoned classrooms. He adjusted his professional outfit, pushing up his glasses with his claw. “If, after all, Chaos is random,” he muttered as chalk danced around the board, “then shouldn’t I be completely unexpected? After all, if I am always claiming to be the God of Chaos, then I must live up to such roles and be as completely random as I can!” The chalk began to screech against the board, but Discord paid it no mind. “And whose to say what the God of Chaos will do next? I wonder if -” He gasped as the chalk fell. “EUREKA! I’VE GOT IT!”
He smirked at the board which now held a very detailed picture of Celestia’s naked butt.
“Perfect~” In a flash he disappeared, reappearing in Ponyville. He held his ear out for a moment. “Any second now…”
“DIIIISCOOOOOOORD!!!”
He laughed and made his way into Ponyville, whistling a merry tune. What a lovely day to be chaotic!
*~*~*~
Twilight smiled as she pushed the last book into her bookshelf. “Done… Spike!”
Spike smiled as he pulled open the enormous checklist. “Reshelve uh… the ENTIRE library. Check!” He sighed in relief as he checked it off, quickly dropping the quill in his hand. “Finally! That took the last three days!”
“I know it took awhile, but it was well worth it, Spike! It’s like I always say.” Straightening up, she shut her eyes, holding up a single finger. “Orderliness is the key route to success - without it, all would fall to Discord.”
“So THAT’S what’s missing,” a VERY loud and obnoxious voice said behind her. Twilight screamed, jumping away from the source of the sound. She turned and physically felt her eye twitch. Discord began filing his skeleton claw, smirking. “So sorry to make you jump, Twilight~”
“Discord? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be up at Canterlot… making it rain chocolate or something?”
Discord rolled his eyes. There she went again, suspecting him. “Been there, done that! I’ve moved onto bigger and better things. In fact, that’s why I’m here!”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Bigger and better things?”
“Why yes! You see, I’ve decided to settle down here in quaint little Ponyville and make myself a family!”
......
“WHAT?!!”
Author's Note
It begins! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Applejack shook her head as she and Pinkie Pie walked to Twilight’s. “Ah don’ know what that speed letter was all ‘bout. All it said was Discord was up t’something and we had’da hurry to to her house… What d’you think he’s up to now?”
Pinkie giggled, skippy along. “I dunno,” she said happily, her voice as bouncy as her messy hair. “Ooo, I wonder if he’ll make cotton candy again! I just LOVE cotton candy!!” She stopped suddenly, rubbing her chin. "Wait, have you ever wondered what your hair tastes like? If it didn't taste like hair, mine would probably taste like cotton candy! That'd be awesome!!"
Applejack quickly grabbed Pinkie’s hand as it strayed up to her hair. “Don’ even think about it, Sugarcube.” She dropped her hand as they got to Twilight's house, the rebuilt library. After Tirek's defeat, they had remade the library better than ever. Applejack only hoped Discord wouldn’t be blowing it up soon. "Here we are..." She hesitantly raised her hand to knock; what would be waiting for them inside?
Applejack recoiled as the door swung open of its own accord. Her eyes widened as she saw the predictable chaos inside. Books were scattered about, papers seemed to be flying, and bits of wood around them had been charred by various unicorn magic beams. Even more startling was that Discord was reading. He was reading a book about careers. Applejack shook her head and hesitantly followed the oblivious Pinkie Pie inside. “Er… Twi? Y’here?”
“In here,” an exhausted voice said, buried in a book pile.
“Woops! Let me get that for you,” Discord said, smirking. With a snap of his skeleton hand, the books around her neatly stacked themselves next to her. The librarian’s eye twitched, but she said nothing in reply to him. Discord scoffed lightly. “No respect…” Rolling his eyes, he groaned. “And I rolled snake eyes again!” Picking them up from the floor, he put them back in his skull - much to the disgust of Applejack, and to the delight of Pinkie - and resumed reading.
Pinkie giggled, spinning her hair in her fingers. “Twilight, did you perfect that tornado spell? It looks totally CRAZY in here! I thought you were reshelving the library!”
Twilight groaned again, holding her face in her hands. “I did, I did, but… Well, Discord came here with an idea in mind, and no amount of reshelving can stop one of his ideas.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow, glancing at Discord. “Now what’ve you got planned now?”
Discord smirked lightly as he glanced over the book at her, flipping to the next page. “If you must know, dearest Applejack, I’ve decided to settle down with a lovely mare and get a job. At least for a while.”
Applejack stared at him blankly. “Mind repeatin’ that, Sugar?”
Discord chuckled. “I want a family,” he said simply, shrugging as though he were commenting on what lovely weather it was outside.
Applejack sat next to Twilight, bewildered. “That’s what ah thought you said…”
Pinkie giggled and jumped over to where Discord was. “What’cha reading, Dissy,” she said, bending over backwards to try and read the book title upside down. Discord smiled and showed her. “101 careers and jobs?...” Pinkie straightened up faster than a whip crack. “Oh! You should TOTALLY try working at Sugarcube Corner! We’ve got this HUMONGOUS birthday party coming up and I have to plan for it, but there’s also a wedding and another birthday, and you need LOADS of cake for all of that - “
Discord put his fingers up to Pinkie’s lips, clamping them together. She still tried to speak, and looked as though she were trying to laugh. He smiled. “It sounds like a fantastic idea, Pinkie.” Waving his hand, a slip of paper and a quill appeared, jotting ‘Sugarcube Corner’ on the growing list. Pinkie snatched it out of the air, glancing over it.
“Dissy, you don’t have many on here…”
“I have plenty, Pinkie.” Discord slipped the paper out of her hooves, scanning what he had written there. “So far, I have reshelving at the local library, cloud clearing, cake baking, and my personal favorite, running for mayor!” He frowned softly. “Although, that last one seems a little beyond my reach. Ponies don’t seem to like me much. I wonder why?”
Applejack scoffed. “Ah’ve got no idea,” she muttered, holding her palm to her forehead. She was already getting a headache and she had only been here for a few minutes.
“For the element of honesty, you sure have a tendency to use sarcasm,” Discord said, just loud enough for her to hear. She glanced at him, seeing him calmly reading, as though not having said a word. She scoffed again and went to help Twilight clean up some of the ever growing pile of books.
Discord shut the book he was reading and magiced it away. “Hmm… I think that should be enough on that list. Now for the other one!” He grinned as he held out his hand, grabbing a scroll from midair. He unrolled it, much to Pinkie’s confusion.
“Dissy, when’d you start writing lists? You never stay organized!”
“Oh, Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie,” he said with a shake of his head, holding up his three pinkies and shaking them at her. She giggled as he made them disappear. “I’m reformed now, am I not?”
“Yepparuni!”
“Then I should have a job and a family, just as normal men - or, in my case, draconequui - do, correct?”
“Uh… Yep!”
“Then you should know that obtaining those things is not as simple as the wave of my hand. It requires the utmost precision and organization,” he said, his voice a near perfect imitation of Twilight’s.
Twilight glared at him, growling lightly beneath her breath. Applejack gently patted her on the back, smiling softly at her all too familiar response to the God. “Now now, sugarcube, y’gotta roll with this. He is reformed now.”
Twilight leaned close to her, whispering. “Do you really think he’s reformed? You saw how he betrayed us with Tirek…”
Applejack shook her head. “It don’ make a lick of sense, but Ah think he might be. Y’saw his reaction to us, and y’saw how he acted after he gave y’the necklace from Tirek’s brother.”
“I still don’t trust him…”
Discord shut his eyes lightly, standing. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, ladies, I need to go see a woman about a house. Adieu!” Before they could utter a word, he disappeared.
Twilight groaned as Applejack sighed in relief. Twilight massaged her temples. “At least I can start to organize my books… again…”
Applejack started picking up a few books. “Don’t worry, sugar. We’ll help out s’much as we can. Right, Pinkie?”
There was no response. Applejack glanced at the girl.. “Pinkie? Y’listening?” Pinkie glanced at her, a deep frown on her face. “Huh? What’s wrong, Pinks?”
Pinkie rubbed her arm, looking worried. “Well… I think he heard you.”
“Oh… Why’s that?”
“Because he looked… sad…”
Twilight and Applejack glanced at each other, both with faces of regret.
*~*~*~
Discord sighed as he sat alone on the hill. Of course they thought of him like that. He should’ve seen it, obviously. After all, he had betrayed them utterly and completely and almost brought about the destruction of everything they knew and loved. He was surprised if any of them truly forgave him, after all that.
But he had been doing pretty good, right? Hadn’t he? He wasn’t absolutely positive - he had never really been ‘good’ before, unless you count the few sparing years of his childhood. How could they expect him to get it right after so very many years of being cruel and evil?
It wasn't as if he wasn't trying…
Discord shook his head, rubbing his face. "Bah. I can't keep thinking about this!" With a disgruntled little growl, he reached his fingers into his ear and pulled out his brain. He looked at it closely, dusted it off, and pushed it back in. "There. Now, time to build that house."