Pinkamena and Cheese Sandwich

Pinkie was on her way to Sweet Apple Acres for a picnic with the girls; excluding Rarity of course. She had gained quite a bit of weight since the last time she had a picnic with girls. That was because she had a little foal growing inside her tummy. She had gone to see Nurse Redheart and had an ultrasound. Nurse Redheart had told her that she was going to have a girl.

Cheese was excited about this. He had always been talking to Pinkie about how if they ever had a foal he would want a girl. Cheese had told Pinkie that a boy would be too difficult to take care of. Pinkie countered by saying that twins were worse, and she would know.

She arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, a bit tired from all the walking, and all the other girls were already there. Pinkie slowly, and carefully sat down on the checkered blanket, the same one they had used at their last picnic.

“Gee Pinkie,” Apple Bloom said, staring at her tummy. “You sure have gotten fat.”

“Apple Bloom!” Applejack scolded her, her voice a little slurred, and she lifted a hoof to strike her. “Now listen here, there is no need to be so rude to Pinkie.” Apple Bloom flinched.

Pinkie laughed, “Oh, don’t worry Applejack, it’s fine. She’s just a filly after all.” She said in an attempt to save the little filly from being struck.

“Well alright, if you say so….” Applejack said, lowering her hoof. Apple Bloom quickly scurried away from Applejack while she had the chance, glancing at Pinkie and silently thanking her.

Pinkie looked around at her friends. Fluttershy had lost a lot of weight, and her mane, tail, and coat were all very messy and uncared for. Sweetie Belle had also lost a lot of weight, and she wasn’t the happy go lucky, innocent filly she used to be. Her elder sister had gone missing, so now she was all alone. Lucky for her, Applejack and Big Mac had taken her in.

Speaking of Big Mac, he owned Sweet Apple Acres now. Granny Smith had finally passed on and had left the farm to him in her will. Big Mac was always busy bucking apples, or conducting a sale in Ponyville, or Canterlot, or Manehatten. Nopony knows where he is half the time.

Applejack had constantly been drinking hard cider and was hardly ever sober anymore. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were always scared of her. Big Mac kept Applejack in check most of the time he was on the farm with the girls. She still did her everyday chores, being one of the only ponies working on it now that Big Mac was always away on business.

Twilight had accumulated narcolepsy from staying up so late studying so often. Her eyes were always bloodshot and drool constantly flowed out of one corner of her mouth. It was like she had gone brain dead, but of course she hadn’t because she was still Princess Celestia’s prized pupil.

Spike was no where to be seen. Ever since Rarity’s disappearance, he seemed to have gone missing as well. Perhaps he had killed himself - knowing of the massive crush he had on Rarity, it certainly seemed like a possibility - and Twilight never told the rest of the girls. Maybe that’s what happened and maybe that was the reason why Twilight was so out of it now, because she had lost her number one assistant. Pinkie sort of hoped that he hadn’t killed himself. She always thought dragon cupcakes would taste really good.

Rainbow Dash hadn’t changed much. She was still her usual, boastful, athletic, loyal self. She was flying around right now, attempting to pull off a sonic rainboom. If Scootaloo had been there, she would have been watching in awe, waving a rainbow colored flag and cheering.

“Girls,” Pinkie announced. “I have something to tell you all.”

“Is it something about you and Cheese?” Rainbow Dash asked, doing a flip and landing on the ground next to the blanket.

“Actually, yes.” Pinkie said, a bit annoyed by Rainbow’s interjection. Or perhaps that was just the hormones acting up. All the girls moved closer to her and leaned in, wide eyed, waiting for Pinkie to spill all the juicy details.

After a long moment of silence Sweetie Belle said, “Well what is it?”

Pinkie smiled. “Well, you can all see how fat I’ve gotten, yes?” The girls all nodded, though it was hesitantly. “Well, there is actually a reason for it, and it’s not because I’ve been eating too many sweets.” She giggled a little.

“Are you……” Fluttershy asked shyly, “Pregnant?” The other girls gasped and looked at her, and then back at Pinkie, in nearly perfect unison.

Pinkie smiled, “Yes I am.” Even though Pinkie wanted to break the news herself, she couldn’t bring herself to get mad at Fluttershy, especially not in the condition she was in now. All the girls, except Applejack and Rainbow Dash, squealed and hugged each other. They all started talking about whether it would be a colt or a filly, and what Pinkie and Cheese planned on naming him or her.

“Oh… Pinkie,” Fluttershy said quietly after walking over to her and sitting next to her. “I’m so happy for you. You’re lucky that you aren’t too skinny to support a foal.” Pinkie stared at Fluttershy, speechless. Fluttershy recognized the way Pinkie was staring at her and she said, “Oh, yes, I’ve been pregnant before, but Doctor Whooves told me that I was too skinny and frail to support a foal, so he gave me an abortion.”

“Oh, Fluttershy, I’m so sorry….” Pinkie said, hugging her.

“Oh it’s alright Pinkie, you shouldn’t worry about me, just make sure that he or she grows up healthy.”

“Alright, I will. And, she’s going to be a girl.” Pinkie said smiling. Fluttershy smiled back and congratulated her once more before walking back to her previous spot and sitting back down, using her wings to help balance her so she didn’t fall over.

The girls continued with usual picnic activities, all of them very happy and excited for Pinkie and for Cheese. Meanwhile, Cheese was back at Sugarcube Corner, doing things that needed to be done. Although he was doing quite a bit of daydreaming in the process.

*Flashback*

Cheese had decided to travel out to the rock farm Pinkie Pie used to live on when she was filly. Assuming her family still lived there. Cheese’s goal was to ask Pinkie’s father, Igneous Rock, if he would bless their marriage.

He had arrived and was walking through the rocky fields towards the small house in the distance, which he assumed was where Pinkie’s parents lived. If they still lived here, they certainly weren’t busy rock farming today. The landscape was barren, aside from the hundreds, possibly thousands, of rocks covering the land.

“Oh buck!” Cheese cursed under his breath as he tripped over yet another rock. “I should really start watching where I walk. This happens way too often, and if I trip in front of Pinkie’s father, I’ll look like a complete fool. Which of course I am, but not in that way, and not in front of Pinkie’s father.”

After stumbling over rocks of various shapes and sizes, and cursing a very colorful amount of profanities, he finally made it to the door of the small house. Or perhaps this was a shed. A shack? A hovel? A shanty? Cheese wasn’t exactly sure what to call it so he dismissed the idea and knocked on the door. “At least I know that the door is a door no matter what shape or size it is.” He thought.

Cheese waited in silence for what seemed like an unbearably long time. Just as he lifted his hoof up to knock again, the door swung open. Cheese jumped, slightly startled by this gesture.

“What do you want?” A middle aged brown earth pony with a pickaxe cutie mark and a black pilgrim hat asked rudely. He had a gray mane and tail, and cold, heartless, yellow eyes that seemed to suck the life out of Cheese as he stood there staring at him. And he was chewing on a piece of straw.

“Awesome sideburns,” Cheese thought, looking at the gray sideburns that ran down the sides of the stallions face. He stared at the stallion and the cold heartless look on his face and in his eyes.“At least now I know where Pinkie’s evil side came from, her father.”

Igneous began to close the door on Cheese because he was not getting an answer from the stunned party pony. “Oh,” Cheese muttered quietly, realizing this is reality. “Wait!” Cheese stuck his hoof in between the door and the door frame, wincing in pain as he did so, and immediately regretting it, having not been a masochist.

Igneous slowly reopened the door, only to slam it back on Cheese’s hoof, which was still in the doorway. Cheese cried out in pain, not very loudly though. He glanced at the stallion that was doing this to him and noticed a small grin appear and then disappear from his lips. “And now I also know where she got her sadistic nature…”

“I said….” Igneous growled angrily. Obviously pissed off that some random pony he didn’t know would come to bother him for no reason. “What. Do. You. Want?” He said this with great emphasis, even through his clenched teeth.

“Uhh…” Cheese started, trying to sound as calm and collected as he could with the pain resonating in his hoof and through his foreleg. “Might you be Pinkamena Diane Pie’s father?” he asked.

Igneous’ eyes went wide, as though he never expected to hear that name again. “How did you know my daughter’s full name?” He snarled, rearing up on Cheese, getting ready to attack him.

Cheese scrambled back a couple feet and stammered, “Sh-she’s my mare friend, we live together in Sugarcube Corner in Ponyville!” He nearly shouted all this as quickly as he could to avoid getting crushed by the hooves of a strong and powerful stallion such as Igneous Rock. He worked with rocks all day everyday, surely he could crush Cheese easily.

He calmed down and returned to a neutral position on all fours. He looked at Cheese and raised an eyebrow at him. “And what is your name, son?”

“Wow, he’s calling me his son already? But, I haven’t even told him that I wish to marry Pinkie.” Cheese thought. “ Uhh, Cheese Sandwich, sir.”

“No need to call me ‘sir’, son.” He said lifting a hoof.

“Why does he keep calling me ‘son’? This is starting to get a little creepy. Or maybe Pinkie writes notes to him about me and says that she wants to marry me. Oh, Celestia that would be great.” Cheese relaxed a little at the thought of Pinkie and then he remembered that older country ponies would call other younger stallion son, or sonny. He relaxed even more as he had this realization.

“If you insist, s-” Cheese said politely, resisting the urge to add ‘sir’.

“So… Cheese Sandwich?” He said his name slowly, as though it were a vocabulary word he was just learning how to pronounce. Cheese nodded slightly acknowledging that he got his name correct. “You’re screwing my favorite daughter?” he asked.

Cheese was astounded by the way her father had put it. “I uhh…” Cheese tried, at a complete loss for words.

Igneous raised that eyebrow again, “So, would that be a yes?”

“Well,” Cheese tried again. “I ummm…….I prefer to call it making love..…” Cheese said awkwardly, mainly just trying to impress Pinkie’s father by acting like a gentlecolt.

“And Pinkie prefers to call it screwing. She’s written me two hundred and thirty seven letters since she moved to Ponyville. One hundred and fifty three of them involve you, and Pinkie likes to include all the dirty little details.”

Cheese blushed, “Geez Pinkie. Of all the ponies in Equestria you could have told details to, it just had to be your father?” Cheese asked himself.

As though reading his thoughts, a middle aged mare that Cheese assumed to be Pinkie’s mother appeared behind Igneous, a mischievous smile on her face. “Her sisters and I read the letters too,” she sing-songed. He heard the laughter of many mares coming from behind Igneous and Cheese blushed even more.

“A-anyway….” Cheese continued. “I would like to ask your permission-”

“No.” He said flatly.

“But you don’t even know what I was-”

“I said no.” His expression remained stone cold.

“But sir, please, just hear me out.” Cheese begged.

“Fine.” Cheese breathed a sigh of relief. “You have 10 seconds.”

“Wha- Huh?!” Cheese said, astounded. He quickly grasped for the right words to say in his mind. “Umm..… Wo- uh, Would you please give me permission to marry your daughter?”

“Which one?” Igneous asked smugly.

Cheese groaned exasperated, “Pinkamena Diane Pie.” He said just before the ten seconds was up.

Igneous smiled, obviously amused by the stress he had made Cheese go though. Cheese let a small smirk creep onto his lips. Igneous frowned once more, “No.” He said again, as flat as ever.

“B-but sir, why not?” Cheese practically whimpered like a foal.

“Pinkie doesn’t give a flying feather what me and her mother think. She makes her own decisions now, Cheese. You should know that after being with her…” He paused and looked up, searching his memory. Cheese was about to speak up, knowing by heart exactly how long he and Pinkie had been together. “For over a year…” Igneous finished, which wasn’t as accurate as what Cheese was thinking.

Cheese smiled, “So it’s totally ok if I marry her?” He asked.

Igneous shook his head, “That’s up to Pinkie. Now, go getcha some!” He was finally able to close the door without protest. Cheese stared absently at the closed door for a minute, trying to piece together everything that had happened. He heard more laughter coming from inside the house and smiled to himself. He turned around and walked back across the rock farm, back to the little town, and he hopped on the next train back to Ponyville.

*End Flashback*

Cheese’s thoughts were interrupted by somepony crashing through the window of Sugarcube Corner. Cheese jumped and almost screamed, but caught it in his throat. He turned to see who - or what - had crashed. Spike was lying face first on one of the tables in the shop.

“Spike?”  Cheese walked into the room, and asked.

Spike lifted his head off the table and looked around. He spotted Cheese and his eyes went wide, “You!!” He screamed. A couple ponies in the room stopped chatting and stared at the scene playing out before them. “What have you done with Rarity?!”

Cheese’s eyes went wide, “How does he know? Did Pinkie tell him? Or maybe we weren’t discrete enough and he saw us take Rarity down into the basement. Oh no! What do I do?” Cheese thought. “What do you mean? I haven’t seen Rarity in weeks?” Cheese replied, trying to stay as calm as possible.

Spike sighed, “I know…. Nobody has…” Spike began to cry.

Cheese breathed a sigh of relief, “At least he doesn’t know about me and Pinkie’s *big** secret.”* Cheese thought happily. Then he realized Spike was crying, “I should probably try to cheer him up.” Cheese walked over to Spike and put a hoof on his shoulder awkwardly, “It’ll be ok, Spike. I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually.”

Spike sniffled, “Yeah, Rarity can always get herself out of trouble. She’s beautiful, and smart, and-” Spike stopped, realizing they were in public. “A-anyway…. Like the time with the diamond dogs, when she got out all by herself, and she got all the jewels too.”

“Wha-?” Cheese asked, having not been in Ponyville during the events of the diamond dogs.

Spike shook it off, “Never mind. Hey could I have a cupcake? And could I maybe get one for Twilight too?” Spike asked.

“Sure thing, I’ll go get that for you.” Cheese said as he walked behind the counter. He picked up two of the cupcakes that he and Pinkie had made out of Rarity and decorated like her. With white and purple frosting and small blue diamond shaped candies pressed on the side. He put them in a small, pink to-go box and handed the box to Spike.

“Thanks,” Spike said as he walked off.

“At least he gets to eat Rarity in some way.” Cheese thought to himself, giggling slightly. “He should be happy about that.”