Fishtailing

by Legendary Emerald

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 4184

What starts as another fruitless search for a Long John Silver Steed's restaurant turns into an all-out race across the city as Lyra and Bon Bon peaceful drive spirals further and further out of control. Will they ever find Silver Steed's t

Equestria Girls Fic
"Most people leave Canterlot High with a few crazy stories; typical stuff, like becoming a slave for a transdimentional demon, or allowing ugly sea horse monsters to siphon their negative energy. But I think we'll have them all beat with this one" ~ Lyra

What starts as another fruitless search for a Long John Silver Steed's restaurant turns into an all-out race across the city as Lyra and Bon Bon peaceful drive spirals further and further out of control. Will they ever find Silver Steed's delicious treasure?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-15 21:04:50 UTC

Fishtailing

Fishtailing

by Legendary Emerald

The Griffon Eagle Elementary School parking lot was unusually packed for two o'clock in the evening. Normally the parking spaces were reserved for teachers, other assorted faculty, and parents who felt that the best way for their child to adjust to the outside world was to monitor them 24/7. Tonight, the school had played host to a different sort of student.

A young woman leaned up against her car, blowing wisps of smoke from her cigarette into the air. The noxious fog wound around her head, passing by long pink and blue hair that flowed in the breeze almost as easily as the smoke. Her hard, blue eyes were set on the school building in the distance, though they occasionally flicked over to the right where the children's playground was set. She wore a cream colored jacket to protect herself from the wintery air, a pink and blue mottled purse at her side, and a pair of long blue jeans that disappeared into fur lined brown boots.

“Come on, Lyra, it's past two,” the woman grumbled. Her stomach concurred with her statement, growling impatiently.

Her eyes finally found what they were looking for when several persons who were far too old to be elementary school students, but not quite old enough to be teachers, stepped out of the school entrance. All were clad in dark blue suits, red ties, and black dress shoes. Each carried either an instrument or a case of some sort with them. One musician in particular stood out from the crowd, partly because of her mint-green hair, and partly because she was running full-tilt towards the woman by the car.

“Bon Bon!” the young woman cried, dashing through the parking lot and nearly vandalizing several cars and vans with the large black case she wielded with abandon.

“Hey, Lyra. How'd the performance go?” Bon Bon asked as the other woman got closer. Lyra didn't immediately reply, stopping instead to bend over and catch her breath. Lyra only fit the model of a Canterlot High student musician from the neck down. A tasteful disarray of white-streaked, green tufts of hair sat atop her head, and her gold hoop earrings hung low. When she lifted up her face and smiled, it looked like the smile of someone who had stared into the face of death and laughed, not someone who'd get bleary eyed from studying note-charts for hours on end.

“Hah, the kids loved it! We played the Star Swirl Spangled Banner and they ate it up like it was Hayden.” The smile on Lyra's face turned to laughter as her hazel eyes focused on the cigarette between Bon Bon's fingers. “Wow, Bon Bon, you trying to be big girl on campus or something? Smoking isn't allowed here, you know.”

“Oh, crap,” Bon Bon swore, flicking the offending lung dart to the ground and grinding the heel of her boot against it.

“You're just gonna leave it there?” Lyra asked, still smirking.

“I doubt anyone could smoke it now, and I don't want trash in my car,” Bon Bon reasoned. “When did you become such a bear?”

“The group that presented before us was the Ponytown fire fighters department,” Lyra explained as she knelt down to pick up the mangled cigarette. She pointed it up at Bon Bon. “Only you can stop forest fires.”

“It's a parking lot in the middle of a neighborhood,” Bon Bon deadpanned. as Lyra stood up and leaned her instrument case against the car as she loosened her tie.

“Huh. Good point,” Lyra replied, casually tossing the cigarette behind her. She stood back up and leaned her instrument case against the car as she loosened her tie. “Thanks again for driving me all the way out here when we don't even have school today."

"It's fine. It's your band leader's fault for getting you all scheduled like this, anyway," Bon Bon said, shaking her head. "Honestly, I just don't understand Octavia."

"Well, I'm free for the rest of the day now. Are we going to get something to eat?” Lyra asked, making her way to the other side of the vehicle.

“I don't know. I haven't been in this part of town before, so I don't know what is around,” Bon Bon said, opening the driver side door of her white sports car. She sat inside, surrounding herself with gray plastic, gray seats, and gray floor-mats. The rear passenger side door 'clicked' as it opened to let Lyra's case fall onto the backseat. Lyra followed her instrument, closing the door behind her. She scrambled over the arm rest and into the front passenger seat.

“So what you're saying is, we're in a brand new place, we're hungry, and we don't know where to go?” Lyra asked, a mischievous smile beginning to spread across her face. Bon Bon's eyes narrowed.

“No, Lyra. Don't you remember what happened the last three times?” Bon Bon asked.

“C'mon, those were flukes! This time, we'll find Long John Silver Steed's treasure!” Lyra beamed with excitement.

“No, you can only have one fluke. Three times is a pattern,” Bon Bon explained, holding up three fingers as she did so. “Last time we looked for a Long John Silver Steed's, your directions led us to a Breezy's that couldn't even get half of our orders correct. And when we left, your car was dead because you'd left the lights on.”

“The battery thing was totally unrelated,” Lyra argued, strapping herself into the car seat.

“But what isn't unrelated is that every time we've gone looking for a Long John's, we've either found an abandoned building or a different restaurant where it used to be,” Bon Bon said, buckling herself in. “You just have to face facts. There aren't any Long John's in this state anymore.”

“Well we'll see what my new cell phone says about that,” Lyra said, reaching into her pants pocket and fumbling around with something plastic. Her hand finally reappeared holding a nearly archaic cell phone.

“New? You said you got that from your dad when he bought his new phone. That thing probably hasn't had its maps updated in years,” Bon Bon pointed out.

“Oh please, it's not that old,” Lyra chuckled.

“It had Austin Prowlers' voice giving us directions on the way here.”

“Hey, it's like a requirement that dads can't have a good sense of humor,” Lyra said, nose buried in the cellular device. She squealed. “Yes! It found one! Not far from here, even!”

“I don't care what Mr. Prowlers thinks he's found. I'm not going on another wild goose chase with you,” Bon Bon said, putting her key into the ignition. “I have an essay on the culinary compatibility of sugar and spice due tomorrow for Home Ec class and I haven't even started yet. Now set that thing for our neighborhood, and we'll just stop somewhere on the way.”

“Aww, c'mon, Bon Bon!” Lyra wrapped her arm around Bon Bon's shoulder. “You know you want a bite of the Captain's plunder! Golden, crispy planks of fish, some coleslaw on the side, a couple of hush puppies...”

“You don't even eat any of the fish there. You just get those chicken plank things,” Bon Bon said, tossing Lyra's arm off of herself.

“Yeah, but you do!” Lyra countered.

“No, I don't!” Bon Bon argued. “I'm trying to be vegetarian now, remember?”

“Vegetarian?” Lyra placed a hand on her chin thoughtfully. “Is that what you called the steak you got two weeks ago?”

“We were with my parents; it was an exception!”

“Bet that cow had family too, but you didn't make an exception for them.” Lyra smirked.

“You're not letting me drive away until I agree to this stupid plan of yours, are you?” Bon Bon asked.

“What tipped you off? The way I stole your keys when you weren't looking?” Lyra raised an eyebrow, holding up a set of keys. Bon Bon looked at the keys, and then at the now-barren ignition.

“How did you—”

“C'mon, let's go. All of our classmates have already left the lot,” Lyra said, tossing the keys back to Bon Bon, who caught them and sighed as she started the engine.

“If we're doing this, you're turning the sound on that GPS off,” Bon Bon said, motioning towards Lyra's cell phone. “I'm not going to listen to 'oh yeah, baby' the whole trip.”

“Done and done,” Lyra said, pressing a couple of buttons on the keypad.

Bon Bon grabbed the gear shift and pulled back, setting the car in reverse. She glanced over her shoulder as she pulled out of the parking spot, and angled the car's front towards the right-turn-only exit.

“Alright, lead the way,” Bon Bon said, switching gears and moving out into the turn lane.

“Turn right here, and then you're gonna want to take the second right. Curb,” Lyra said as the car began to turn.

“Huh?” Bon Bon asked. The right side of the vehicle lifted up into the air as the car pulled out into the street, and came down with a 'thump' as the front wheel hit the road again. Bon Bon growled. “Thanks for the warning.”

“Not a problem,” Lyra said.

The car drove down the lane, passing the brown brick school on its right, and the palm tree lined lane divider on its left. Many of the buildings in the town were old and due for renovation, but not to the point where they were falling apart. It was mostly the fault of the gray, overcast sky that it seemed like such a depressing locale.

“Second right, right?” Bon Bon asked, passing by the first right turn and then adjusting over to the rightmost lane.

“Correct,” Lyra said, adjusting the knobs on the dashboard and causing warm air to circulate through the car. “Ooh, this is going to be sooo good. Did you know the Long John Silver Steed's was opened in 1969? It was converted from an old restaurant named the Cape Codder, which is why a lot of the old Long John's have a cottage type structure to them.”

“Fascinating. If only you used Wikipedia as much for your classwo—”

“Curb.” The word hadn't even finished passing Lyra's lips before she was lightly launched into the air as Bon Bon turned right at the intersection. “If you don't want to ruin this awesome car your parents bought you, you might want to avoiding hitting things. You know, instead of what you're currently doing, which is hitting everything.”

“You can't say anything about my driving until your license is un-suspended,” Bon Bon grumbled, grabbing the steering wheel tighter. “Next turn?”

“Next right, and then the left after that,” Lyra instructed, reading off of her cell phone. “And it's not my fault that U-Haul wanted to race me.”

“And you didn't even win,” Bon Bon chuckled.

“I would have won if that tree hadn't hopped into the middle of the road!”

“Interesting way of saying you swerved out of control.”

“Cat.”

“What?” Bon Bon asked. The car jumped into the air again as Bon Bon made another right turn and both right wheels took turns momentarily leaving the ground. Bon Bon turned to Lyra, mouth hanging open and eyes wide enough to cry.

“Just kidding. It was a curb,” Lyra giggled.

“Lyra, I will turn this car around!” Bon Bon shouted.

“Well, then you'd just be heading back to the elementary school, so...” Lyra smiled devilishly.

“Aaaagh!” Bon Bon's knuckles turned white as her vice grip on the wheel strengthened. “I swear, if this Long John's doesn't even have those little lobster bite things...”

“You wouldn't hurt your BFF, would you?” Lyra pouted.

“I have friends in the school board. Powerful friends,” Bon Bon threatened, though a smirk was edging its way up the left side of her mouth.

“Oh, so now's not a good time to tell you I just gave you the wrong directions, is it?” Lyra asked, staring once again at her GPS.

“No,” Bon Bon said as she glanced over, “but if you did, you damn well better tell me now.”

“Heh, yeah, so it turns out two right turns just made us head back to the school. Sorry, this thing is hard to read,” Lyra apologized, waving the GPS in her hand. “So, you're still gonna want to take the next left though.”

“I just passed it.” Bon Bon looked over her shoulder and frowned.

“Okay, recalculating... okay, this left, then,” Lyra said, pointing up ahead. Bon Bon turned her left-turn blinker on and prepared to merge, but a large white van suddenly came into existence from behind her blind-spot. It sat there in the periphery of Bon Bon's vision before turning down the street that Lyra had told her to turn down.

“Damn it,” Bon Bon huffed, watching as the road switched to four lanes around her. Up ahead, another intersection was drawing very close. The left turn lights were green. “What now?”

“Recalculating,” Lyra said. Bon Bon maneuvered her car in-between the left turn and forward-heading lanes in anticipation. “Okay, left!”

“This one?”

“Now!”

Bon Bon spun the wheel wildly as she sped up, taking the turn sharp and fast. She straightened out a bit late, but they didn't spin out.

“Well, that wasn't so ba— Oh my god!” Bon Bon screamed as a blue van passed her on her right-hand side, going the opposite direction. Up ahead, a tidal wave of cars was approaching them, honking their horns and getting out of the middle lane that Bon Bon had violated. A concrete lane divider separated them from the lane they had meant to turn into, and a grassy ditch lay one lane over. “What did I do, what do I do?”

“Don't panic, it's fine! You just... okay, wait until you can get over to the left, and then go into the grass so you can turn around. No one's gonna hit you. Everyone can see you. You're fine,” Lyra said, putting a hand on Bon Bon's shoulder.

“Oh god,” Bon Bon repeated, turning on her left blinker and looking for an opportunity to get over.

“Shh, just think peaceful thoughts,” Lyra advised, “flowers in the breeze. Wind through the trees. A frog crossing the street...”

“Lyra!” Bon Bon raged, pulling the car over to the left, an approaching truck swerving around her as she did so.

“Sorry! It was all I could think of that rhymed!” Lyra apologized with an uncomfortable smile.

“It wasn't even a proper rhyme!” Bon Bon shouted, setting the car down in the grassy ditch and causing the two of them to bounce around the cabin, only their seat-belts keeping them from harm. Lyra's cell phone flew from her hand and hit the floor.

“Hey, I'm a musician, not a lyricist,” Lyra said as her friend did a u-turn that wreaked havoc on the vehicle's suspension. “See? We're fine. Now we just need to merge back into traffic. Easy.”

“All the lobster bites in the world aren't worth this,” Bon Bon seethed, spotting her opportunity and jutting back into traffic. She managed a sigh of relief once she got back up to normal speed. “And if you think I'm paying for any part of my meal, let me tell you right now that—”

A siren pierced the air, causing Lyra to whip her head around while Bon Bon glanced up at the rear view window. Sure enough, a white and black police car was approaching from behind, light's flashing.

“Damn!” Bon Bon swore, pounding the steering wheel with her fist and causing the horn to honk. “When did he see us?”

“I don't know. He must have been further down the street and we just didn't see him,” Lyra surmised, frowning deeply.

“Well,” Bon Bon sighed, “we had a good run, Lyra.”

Bon Bon let off of the gas and began to turn back into the grass when Lyra suddenly grabbed the wheel with her left hand and jerked the car back into its lane.

“What are you doing?” Bon Bon asked, tossing Lyra's hand off the wheel and straightening the car out.

“Okay, I'm gonna need you to drive faster than you've ever driven before. Just pretend you're racing a U-Haul, okay?” Lyra said, nervousness entering her voice for the first time.

Bon Bon glanced over at Lyra, who was literally pleading with her, hands clasped together. Bon Bon closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and punched the pedal to the floor. The engine revved unnaturally and the whole car jerked before taking off down the street, blowing through a red light.

“Lyra, I don't know what I'm doing, but I swear to god, if this is just because you really want to go to Long John's...” Bon Bon watched in the rear-view as the police vehicle had to slow down to avoid hitting a car that had pulled out in front of it. The cop was delayed only momentarily, and soon was driving around the other vehicle and continuing the chase.

“Well, you remember how you told me get rid of the 'hay' that Vinyl gave me yesterday?” Lyra asked hesitantly.

“You still have it? It's still on you?” Bon Bon screamed. At the next intersection, she spun the wheel to the left as she barely let off the gas, doing an illegal u-turn that sent them heading back where they had previously raced from. As they sped down the road, they passed a second police car that was following their trail.

“Bon Bon, you're gonna get us killed! Give me the wheel!” Lyra said as she unbuckled herself. She leaned over as far as she could and grabbed hold of the wheel and pushed Bon Bon's foot off the accelerator with her own. Then she directed her gaze at the road ahead of her. “I can't reach the brake, so just listen for my word! For now, just close your eyes and try not to think about the afterlife!”

“Oh, I'm the one who's going to get us killed?” Bon Bon seethed. She closed her eyes to block out both the road and the red that was beginning to tint her vision.

“Yeah, okay, I screwed up! But let's lose these cops before you strangle me, okay?” Lyra asked, exasperated.  She maneuvered Bon Bon's car between two impossibly slow moving cars as the sound of sirens once more grew near.

Bon Bon grumbled wordlessly as Lyra took the next right turn. There was another cop gaining on her now, and it was impossible to tell if it was one of the previous police vehicles, or a third. Bon Bon mumbled under her breath the introductory paragraph to a Home Ec essay that would probably never be completed.

“Oh yeah, baby! Make a rrrright turn up ahead!” a grating voice called out from the cell phone that was still in Lyra's lap

“Turn that damn voice off!” Bon Bon screamed, her voice being drown out by the approaching siren.

“No, listen to him! Brake” Lyra shouted back. Bon Bon complied, braking just in time for the car to swerving right, avoid oncoming traffic, and end up on a two-way street. Lyra pointed to the gas-station that was coming up on the right. “Okay, we need precision now, so you have to take over the wheel! We're gonna hide in the car wash!”

Bon Bon opened her eyes. There was almost no way they would make it in time. She repositioned her foot over the accelerator, grabbed the steering wheel, ignored all the voices of sanity in her mind, and followed Lyra's advice.

Bon Bon wheeled into the gas station, eating the curb so hard that the car nearly flipped over. The car landed with an unhealthy sounding crash, but continued speeding past the pumps and the pedestrians who were scrambling to the left. The rattling sports car screeched behind the corner of the building where a smaller concrete building lay. Luckily, there was no gate barring their entrance to the wet, soapy hideaway. Bon Bon pulled into the car wash, braked as slowly and as quietly as she could, and cut the engine as soon as it came to a stop.

The blaring of the sirens was drowned out by the walls of the concrete. One, two, three cops passed by the gas station, and then the noise drifted off into the distance before it eventually, finally, ceased.

"Holy... you did it!" Lyra cheered, shaking Bon Bon's shoulders. "Wow, if you run from the law more often, you'll be as good a driver as me!"

“I... can't believe that actually worked,” Bon Bon said, slowly turning to Lyra, a goofy smile on her face. “Lyra, how did this work?”

“Well, I glanced down saw the location on the GPS, and hiding in the car wash or paint shop always works in GTA4, so...” Lyra grinned and shrugged. Bon Bon laughed, a bit too loud, as all the tension left her body and she melted over her steering wheel.

“Lyra?” Bon Bon giggled. “I'm... I'm going to kill you, first thing after I finish my essay, you know that?”

“Hmm, okay. But can you save it until after we've gotten Long John's?” Lyra asked, showing off her cell phone's screen. Bon Bon took it in her hand and brought it close to her face, where her off-kilter smile still sat.

“You crazy...” Bon Bon broke down and laughed. “It's right down this road. We could even walk there.”

“Yeah, but we probably shouldn't leave the car parked here for that long, in case other people need to wash their cars,” Lyra said, taking her phone back. “But we need to hang low for a few minutes, to make sure the cops don't come back down this way looking for us.”

“True. Got any change?” Bon Bon asked. Lyra quirked an eyebrow and reached into her right pocket, taking out the bag of 'hay' and setting it on her lap while she fiddled with the change in that pocket.

“2 dollars worth of quarters. That enough?” Lyra asked, holding out the change. Bon Bon held her hand out, and Lyra tipped the coins into it. Bon Bon left her hand outstretched.

“The bag too,” Bon Bon said.

"Sure. Trust me, I'm never even going to look at this kind of stuff ever again," Lyra said, producing the baggy of 'hay' from her pocket. "It's just not worth the trouble."

"And trust me," Bon Bon echoed, grabbing the bag of hay, "after today, I'm not setting foot in a car with you unless it's to drive you to a hospital. Which you still might be going to if anything else upsets me today."

Bon Bon started the car back up and set it in reverse, pulling out of the car wash and stopping next to a large red box with several buttons and a coin slot. She unrolled her window, fed the coins into the machine, and pressed one of the buttons on the front. Bon Bon tossed the 'hay' into the trash can next to the machine. The LED lights in the car wash came on, instructing them to pull into the wash room once again. Bon Bon rolled the window back up before complying, and then parked the car as the wash did its job.

“This was pretty fun,” Lyra said, staring out her window as water poured down it. “Most people leave Canterlot High with a few crazy stories; typical stuff, like becoming a slave for a transdimentional demon, or allowing ugly sea horse monsters to siphon their negative energy. But I think we'll have them all beat with this one.”

“If you say so,” Bon Bon chuckled, staring out her own window.

“Heh. You know what? I don't think I'll even be upset if the Long John's isn't here now,” Lyra admitted.

“Say that when there's a knife twisting in your gut,” Bon Bon replied, thought there was no malice in her voice.

When the car wash had finished, Bon Bon started the car up again with a contented sigh. They pulled out of the gas station without incident, no cops in sight. After turning right, back onto the road, it wasn't long until a familiar building appeared. The walls were white, and the roof was blue and triangular. A small brass bell hung underneath a large yellow sign that proclaimed to all the world that, yes, it was indeed a Long John Silver Steed's restaurant.

Best of all, the lights were on, and there were vehicles in the parking lot.

“Isn't it beautiful, Bon Bon?” Lyra asked, sniffling back a tear drop. “Thank you, Bon Bon, you're the best friend I've ever had. Thank you, thank you, thank yo— ”

The car suddenly sped up as it turned into the parking lot, and the right side of the vehicle was tossed into the air with enough force to launch Lyra from her seat and hit her head against the ceiling.

“Curb,” Bon Bon said, smiling sweetly.

The End