Mental Barfing

scene image "house"

"It's a beautifully stormy morning in scone land."

"As usual."

P "I hate everything."

show image "namgam"

N "GUYS! GUYS!"

hide image "namgam"

show image "cube"

C "What's wrong? Did you fall in the toilet again?"

hide image "cube"

P "'Again'?"

show image "namgam"

N "FALLOUT 4 WAS RELEASED ROUGHLY AROUND TIME WHEN I WROTE THIS!"

N "WE SHOULD GO ON A SPECIAL FALLOUT ADVENTURE!"

hide image "namgam"

P "What do you mean 'wrote th-'?"

show image "namgam"

N "WE COULD HAVE SO MANY COOL ADVENTURES IN THE WASTES AND FIGHT GHOULS AND SHIT!"

hide image "namgam"

P "And as usual, I get fucking cut o-"

show image "cube"

C "But I know jack shit about Fallout?"

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show image "namgam"

N "WHY WAS THAT A QUESTION?"

hide image "namgam"

show image "cube"

C "Why are you screaming?"

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show image "namgam"

N "WHY AREN'T YOU CREAMING IS THE REAL QUESTION!"

"Oh my."

N "THAT WAS A TYPO BUT I'M STICKING WITH IT."

hide image "namgam"

show image "cube"

C "HELL YEAH!"

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"You suddenly have a weird feeling, but brush it off as an irrational thought."

P "I'm not even getting a say in this, am-?"

scene image "black"

"You all arrive in the country of London."

"Namgam leads you two underground with the pickaxe he kept from the sanic.mp3 arc."

"BOOM CONTINUITY."

"After a few [time unit data missing], he managed to build a high tech facility."

scene image "vault dual sword"

show image "ngv5"

N "And now our vault adventures can begin!"

"You look down at yourself and realise that you're dressed in a vault suit."

P "When did I even put this on?"

"Then you realise one of your front legs has been cut off."

"In hindsight, probably the first thing you should've noticed."

P "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY LEG?!"

N "...That's not important..."

P "I DISAGREE!"

N "I MAY have cut it off."

N "Just a little though."

"Sure enough, after looking again, only half of your leg is gone."

N "Only the foreforeleg of one of four legs."

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show image "cv1"

C "Wait, so WHY did you cut off his leg?"

P "YEAH, WHY?!"

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show image "ngv5"

N "So I could call you stupid!"

P "..."

N "Get it?"

P "..."

N "Like Poker Face?"

P "..."

N "His foreleg was cut off?"

P "..."

N "..."

P "..."

N "..."

P "..."

N "..."

P "..."

N "..."

P "..."

N "..."

P "..."

N "..."

P "..."

N "..."

P "..."

N "..."

P "Fuck you, Namgam."

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C "So what do we do now?"

C "What do we fall out of?"

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show image "ngv5"

N "I filled this place with mutated insects and zombies!"

show image "10mm"

N "Now we're gonna kill them all!"

P "WHY DO YOU HAVE A GUN?!

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show image "cv2"

C "...That's not important..."

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"Suddenly, you hear a slapping sound."

"The noise gets closer and closer until a zombie appears from around the corner."

show image "totally a zombie"

zombie "Hey."

"The zombie slaps its ass."

zombie "Welcome to Vault Dual Sword."

"The zombie slaps its ass."

zombie "Sponsored by ASDA."

"The zombie slaps its ass."

"There is a minute of silence broken only by the occasional ass-slap."

zombie "So-"

hide image "totally a zombie"

show image "cv2"

C "OH GOD ITS ARMED!"

"She dives at the zombie and breaks its head like a melon with a single strike from her bat."

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show image "ngv5"

show image "10mm"

N "That was a close one!"

N "Good work, Katherine Kane!"

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C "What?"

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N "It's a Batman joke."

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show image "cv2"

C "Oh."

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N "The two versions of Batwoman are called Katherine Kane."

N "And you have a bat."

N "And you're female, so..."

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show image "cv2"

C "Shit, am I?"

C "I never noticed."

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"You hear an odd scuttling sound."

"Ird comes around the corner holding a glass of milk."

show image "ird"

Ird "Hey guys, what's-?"

hide image "ird"

show image "ngv6"

show image "10mm"

N "RADROACH!"

"Namgam shoots Ird, making her head explode and milk fly everywhere."

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show image "cv2"

C "NOOOOOOO!"

C "YOU GOT MILK ON THE FUCKING FLOOR AGAIN!"

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show image "ngv3"

show image "10mm"

N "Floor..."

N "Floor never changes..."

"You suddenly realise something."

P "Wait a minute, why do you have emotions now?"

hide image "ngv3"

show image "ngv6"

N "What's THAT supposed to mean?!"

P "Right there!"

P "Your face is different!"

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show image "ngv2"

N "Oh, that."

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show image "ngv1"

N "We're onto the high budget shit now!"

P "Your gun image is fucking broken."

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show image "ngv4"

N "It sure is."

N "Also that was a clone of Ird."

N "You can stop freaking out now, Cube."

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show image "cv2"

C "TUFUYfukCUcxktuKTUCUcutXCKUXtgxkuxtKUXKUTGktcxkux"

C "OUYSEVFRYIOERVFshgsubso26354234875264"

P "Uh..."

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show image "ngv5"

N "She'll be fine."

"You notice Namgam look at your leg."

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N "OH SHIT, THE RADROACH CRIPPLED YOU!"

N "USIN' A STIMPACK!"

"Namgam stabs you in the eye with a syringe."

"You scream."

P "AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"And you swear."

P "FFFFUUUUUUCK YOOOOUUUUU!!!!"

"And you question the redundancy of this narration."

P "WHY IS THIS NARRATION REDUNDANT?!"

hide image "ngv3"

"You're about to die from blood loss."

"It looks like you'll have to do something S.P.E.C.I.A.L.!"

        label special:

            menu:

                "Strength.":

                 jump strength

                "Perception.":

                 jump perception

"Endurance.":

jump endurance

"Charisma.":

jump charisma

"Intelligence.":

jump intelligence

"Agility.":

jump agility

"Luck."

jump luck

label strength:

"You punch Namgam really hard."

show image "ngv3"

N "Ow!"

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"You fall over and die."

death sequence here

label perception:

"You notice that you've gone blind in the stabbed eye."

"Good to know."

"You fall over and die."

death here

label endurance:

"You struggle as hard as you can to stay alive."

"You fail."

ded stuff

label charisma:

P "WELL,"

P "I NEVER 'SAW' THIS COMING!"

"You fall over and die."

dedededed

label intelligence:

"You realise following Namgam here was a fucking stupid idea."

"You fall over and die."

durd

label agility:

"You quickly fall over and die."

dead as neko

label luck:

"You wish really, REALLY hard for something stupid to save you."

"Luckily, just at that moment a rift in space and time opened up and swallowed you."

scene image "black"

"Your body feels strange for a few seconds."

scene image "house"

show image "namgam"

N "GUYS! GUYS!"

hide image "namgam"

show image "cube"

C "What's wrong? Did you fall in the toilet again?"

hide image "cube"

show image "namgam"

N "FALLOUT 4 WAS RELEASED ROUGHLY AROUND TIME WHEN I WROTE THIS!"

N "WE SHOULD GO ON A SPECIAL FALLOUT ADVENTURE!"

P "NO!"

P "FUCK YOU!"

hide image "namgam"

"You suplex Namgam into the toilet."

P "FUCK YOU, AND FUCK FALLOUT!"

N "Blub-blub-blub-blub!"

show image "cube"

C "I think he's drowning."

P "GOOD!"