Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut

Chapters

I: Sparkplug
II: User Interface
III: Transmission
IV: Firewall
V: Actuator
VI: Microphone
VII: Assembly Line
VIII: Proxy Server
IX: Screws
XI: Turbocharger
XII: Speakers
XIII: GPS
XIV: Antivirus
XV: Piston
Finale: Lugnut
Epilogue: Exhaust
Extra: Autopilot
X: Alternator

I: Sparkplug

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter I

___________________

All across Sweet Apple Acres, things were dark and quiet...

Actually, that is a complete and utter lie. Never had such an unholy din broken out at such an ungodly hour at Sweet Apple Acres.

Applejack sat up slowly. Her head wasn't quite in order yet, but she was certain she heard the pandemonium outside. The noises were mechanical in nature and deafening in volume. She rolled off her bed and mumbled as she placed her hat on her head. The sound was still getting louder and closer. Propping herself up on her windowsill, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes before looking out and down the road that stretched beyond Sweet Apple Acres and into the rest of Equestria.

"What in tarnation?" Applejack took note of a smoking silhouette coming up the road, throwing two shafts of light ahead of it as it clanked, clunked, and whistled along. Applejack watched as the wheeled contraption rolled into view and stopped right outside the gates of Sweet Apple Acres. Whatever it was appeared to be an enormous boxcar with a carriage tacked onto the backside with a few two-by-fours.

"Now what's all this so early in the mornin'?" Applejack turned about and headed down the stairs. When she arrived at the bottom, she was surprised to see a familiar figure with one hoof out the door.

"Big Macintosh, didja see that thinga-mabob comin' up the road?" Applejack skipped any sort of salutation. Big Macintosh wasn't really one for conversation though, especially at a time like this.

"Eeyup," Macintosh answered, his drawl sounding more like a drone as he recovered from being rudely awoken. The two of them dragged themselves out the door and moved towards the noise-making monolith in front of their property.

"Now, who'd you reckon would have the nerve to come a callin' at a time like this makin' such a racket?" Big Macintosh didn't respond, but Applejack didn't really think he'd have the answer anyway. Before the pair could arrive at the gate, another duo stepped away from the large vehicle and started up the path. Even in the meager sunlight, Applejack recognized the two tall, butter-colored and dapper dressed stallions approaching.

"Good morning to you Apples! Did you sleep well? Oh, I hope me and my brother didn't wake you up!"

"Flim Flam Brothers, what an surprise. Come 'ere to give me a good reason not to whip you both right now?" Applejack advanced on them, trying to drill holes into their heads with her stare. The brothers just smiled, their confidence evident. Flam was the first to speak up.

"Aw, now is that any way to treat an old friend?" The moustachioed brother leaned in a bit too close to Applejack.

"Old friend?" Applejack wanted to butt heads with him, but she also wanted to avoid impaling her head against his long horn. "And exactly 'ow long 'ave we been friends?"

"Now see here," the clean-shaven brother spoke up. "We've put that little cider incident behind us, so can't you do us the same courtesy?" Flim beamed brightly, threatening to light Equestria with his confidence of the sun didn't hurry up and get all the way into the sky.

"Well I never!" a raspy voice sounded off from behind Applejack and Big Macintosh. Applejack looked back to see old Granny Smith hobbling up the path accompanied by a groggy looking Applebloom.

"Well hello Granny Smith! I was wondering when you'd make an appearance!" Flam greeted her with a overly enthusiastic wave.

"I was beginning to worry you'd up and died since our last visit!" Flim turned about and stood next to his brother, both of them laughing at the joke. Applebloom trotted right up to Applejack and nudged her leg.

"What're they doin' 'ere?" she yawned.

"I dunno Applebloom." Applejack turned and glared at the brothers, "But I think they're 'ere to flap their gums s'more." Flim and Flam laughed much more heartily. This earned them more glares and increased ire from the Apples.

"Me and my brother simply have come to offer a very lucrative business venture to you fine people." Flam swept his hoof in front of the Apples, gesturing to the surrounding land.

"Not int'rested. Git back on yer... uh, whatever it is, and git out!" Applejack retorted.

"Now hold up," Flim stopped her. "You haven't even heard how much we're offering!" Flim leaned in and began whispering in Applejack's ear. Her dissatisfied expression suddenly morphed into wide-eyed interest.

"Continue," she mumbled as Flim withdrew, smiling deviously. Applejack stared straight ahead, not focusing on anything in particular aside from the huge number dancing about her head.

"I'm glad you've had such a change of heart." Flam smirked at his brother, then turned back to the Apples. "Our deal is simple, you prove that you manage this property better than we could, and the money is all yours!" Applejack snapped back into reality.

"And what's the catch?" Applejack probed.

"Well..." Flim smiled. "If we win you have to give us Sweet Apple Acres!"

"What do you say Apples?" Flam chimed in. "With the money we're offering you could buy yourself another farm!"

"Another orchard!" Flim added.

"Renovations!"

"New tools!"

"Increased production!"

"And what's a little risk compared to so much gain?" the two concluded together.

"And... all we gotta do is...?" Applebloom asked, not quiet following some of the terminology.

"I'll put it simply," Flim started. "If one of you can buck down more apples than one of us in an allotted time frame, the money is yours! If not, your farm is ours!"

"Seriously?" Applejack inquired. The brothers beamed and nodded. Applejack sized them up. Sure, they were both pretty big, but that was just height. Both brothers were skinny and nearly as gussied up as Rarity. Applejack sneered at them.

"I'll take that bet!" Applejack declared. "But I have just one condition!" The brothers looked at one another, appearing a tad worried, but still smiling.

"And that is?" both brothers leaned in to ask.

"We gotta bring in a judge, someone to make sure you weasels don't try nuthin' funny!" The brothers heaved a sigh of relief upon hearing this. Applejack noticed it, but before she could consider it she found the Flim Flam brothers were now stationed on either side of her.

"Dear filly, you may bring in anypony you choose to judge this contest!" Flim smiled leaned in closer, his words dripping with confidence once again.

"Bring in Princess Celestia for all we care! Our team won't do a single dishonest thing!" Flam sounded off. Applejack extricated herself from in between the two and gestured to Applebloom.

"Listen up Sugarcube, go down into Ponyville and get Twi, yeah hear?"

___________________

By the time Twilight Sparkle made her way onto Sweet Apple Acres with Applebloom, the sun had managed to fully rise. For Twilight though, it was far too early. She had been so engrossed in her studying last night she didn't hit her bed until long after the sun set. She didn't appreciate being awoken so rudely by Applebloom's knocking, but something in her brain made Twilight get up and answer the door. Applebloom then proceeded to drag her out of the library and up to Sweet Apple Acres, saying there was no time to explain. It turns out there was plenty of time to explain while the two made the trek. Now that Twilight was here, she could tell Applebloom hadn't made her story up. That didn't change the fact that Twilight sort of wished Applebloom had made it up, so Twilight could return home and sleep. At the same time though, she was glad it was the truth. It justified marching all the way out here so early in the morning.

"You're 'ere Twi!" Applejack broke into Twilight's musings as she approached.

"Morning..." Twilight yawned. Applejack turned and faced the Flim Flam brothers, who were lazing about their means of locomotion.

"She's 'ere! Let's get this done!" The entire company moved to the property entrance. Flim and Flam remained reclined on their machine while the Apples glared them down. Twilight stood between them, still looking a bit out of sorts. She turned to Applejack.

"Are you sure you need me to judge? These guys don't seem like they could beat you even if they cheated," Twilight observed. Applejack nodded. Twilight shrugged as Flim and Flam smirked at each other.

"Now 'ere's how this is gonna happen. We divided up the south orchard into two parts, each with what we believe to be the same amount of trees. Either way, I doubt anypony could manage to buck the whole thing in the fifteen minute time limit anyway. The pony who manages to buck the most apples wins!" Applejack finished her explanation and stepped up to the brothers. "Now which one of you 'ere has the guts to challenge me?"

"Big Lugnut," Flim answered immediately.

"I beg yer pardon?" Applejack turned up a brow. Flim and Flam motioned to their machine. "Now hold on a minute! That big machine is not allowed to do yer work!"

"What do you say judge?" Flam turned to Twilight. "Is this machine here before you allowed to participate?" Twilight stood around and blinked for a while, considering the implications of answering one way or the other.

"Uh... no?" Twilight answered before slipping into another yawn.

"So we can't use this machine you see right here in this competition, but say... oh, I dunno, another machine could? A smaller one perhaps?" Flam looked incredibly smug. Applejack didn't like it, but Twilight chimed in first.

"Fine by me," Twilight yawned again. Flim and Flam smiled at each other. They turned and faced their peculiar mode of transport. Applejack hadn't really examined it beforehand, but now that she was sure the brothers were up to something she scrutinized the machine. It wasn't the machine they brought last time. Same looking paint job, same big wheels and same couch on top of it. The main body of the machine was just a large, metal box. At least, it looked like just a box.

Flim and Flam fired two beams of green magic from their horns, up into an antenna on the machine. Instantaneously, the end of the box facing the group swung open, hitting the ground with a metallic thud. Since it wasn't facing the sun, the Apples and Twilight couldn't see what lay in the depths of the box's darkness. The brothers shot two more beams of energy into the opening in the box. A brief green flash, then nothing.

Everypony sat in silence, just waiting.

"What's goin' on?" Applejack asked after a minute passed. Flim and Flam looked at each other. They huddled up and whispered between each other, exchanging some barely audible words of frustration. Concluding their meeting, they looked back at the others.

"Excuse us for a moment." Flim and Flam scurried into the box themselves. There was another green flash, accompanied by Flim and Flam running back out. This time, something happened.

In the depths of the box, two green points of light became visible. Deep within the darkness the sound of metal against metal rang out. Slowly and rhythmically, accompanied by loud whirring, the noises grew closer. Applejack, Twilight and company looked on as a towering figure emerged from the darkness. At first glance, it appeared to be a large, grey stallion with a faded green harness around its neck. It wasn't a stallion though. It wasn't covered in hide, but shining metal. Its eyes were black pits with shining green points. It had no mane and its tail was a thick, black cord. On either flank was a darkened image of a nut for a lug bolt.

"Land... sakes..." Applejack looked up at the robot's expressionless visage as it clanked and whirred its way up to her. Only the Flim Flam Brothers didn't look surprised. Instead, they looked quite pleased.

"Meet Big Lugnut! He'll be your opponent," Flim announced.

"Now hold on right there!" Applebloom began to protest, but Applejack butted in.

"Fine! I can easily outbuck your fancy robot!" Applejack grunted and moved herself over to the makeshift starting line just beyond the gate. Big Lugnut followed shortly behind.

"Well... if Applejack doesn't have a problem with it." Twilight followed behind them, moving in front of the starting line. Flim and Flam slapped hooves.

"Big Lugnut, buck as many apples as you can, alright?" Flim commanded.

"Affirmative," a metal voice rang out from the robot. Applejack nearly jumped at the noise. It was a voice completely void of any emotion or inflection. It was almost as if someone had thrown a rock at the thing and the voice was just the resulting sound.

"Don't let them mean 'ol robot scare you sis! You kin do it!" Applebloom cheered.

"Pipsqueak, who's that there chap with the sour face?" Granny Smith questioned. Big Macintosh shushed her. Twilight looked at either competitor. Applejack was poised, ready to sprint off. Big Lugnut was still, so still that if he were alive he would have appeared very peaceful. Something about being made of metal made him menacing instead.

"On your marks..." Twilight raised a hoof. Applejack tensed up.

"Get set..." Applejack was ready to explode forward.

"Go!" Big Lugnut left a only a cloud of dust and a confused Applejack as he kicked off the ground and right past Twilight. Applejack recovered quickly and galloped off after him into the orchard. The spectators watched as the two started bucking the apple trees. Applejack was proving why she was the best apple-bucker around, darting about and slamming the trees hard with her hind legs. Each movement was fluid, each step was deliberate, and each kick was exactly as powerful as it needed to be. This was Applejack in her element.

Big Lugnut was the exact opposite. Lugnut made a beeline from tree to tree, slamming each one with a single hind leg. The force of simply raising his leg into the tree was more than enough to dislodge the apples within it. It was a cruel looking, unnatural display. It wasn't an elegant act, but clumsy. It was far from ineffective though. Every spectator would agree, the robot was keeping pace with the pony.

Soon, both of them disappeared too deep into the orchard to be directly observed. Everyone could see the tops of the trees shaking and hear the sound of the heavy impacts. Twilight looked up at the timer Flim and Flam had set up, watching it count down. When the fifteen minutes came to pass, the mechanical clock started ringing loudly. In the distance, the trees stopped moving. Shortly afterwards, two figures emerged from the orchard. Applejack, looking completely winded, and Big Lugnut, covered in a couple of leaves. Applejack slowly walked up to Twilight and plopped down on her rear.

"Go 'head and count 'em Twi..." she panted. Twilight nodded and headed off into the orchard herself. Applejack sat resting by herself, the onlookers stayed back and waiting for the final decision before rushing in. One pony, however, cast a shadow over Applejack as he walked up. Applejack looked up into his cold, green eyes. As unfocused as they were, she couldn't shake the feeling that the eyes were looking at her. Even the robot's neck was craned down slightly. He was definitely looking at her.

"Need somethin' pard'ner?" Applejack got up and planted herself before the robot. It gave no response. The two remained locked onto each other until Twilight emerged from the orchard. Flim, Flam and the Apple Family gathered around to hear the results. Twilight looked at the competitors, her face revealing nothing about the results.

"Big Lugnut your total was ninety trees exactly," Twilight announced. Applejack's heart sank into her stomach. That's a lot for working only fifteen minutes. Not impossible, but Applejack knew she could only do that well on a good day. She wasn't sure how she did. She hadn't counted, she just focused on moving and bucking as fast as she could. She glanced back at her family. The look in their eyes told her they also understood the situation, but they hadn't given up hope. She caught a glance of Flim and Flam, both looking quite pleased with themselves.

"Applejack," Twilight turned to Applejack, "you bucked ninety-two."

"Say what?" Applejack didn't have time to be relieved as she was swarmed by her family all at once. Flim and Flam's mouths dropped right open.

"You did it!" Applebloom cheered.

"Eeyup!" Big Macintosh followed in suite. Granny Smith said some things, but it was mostly unintelligible mumbling. Flim and Flam turned to each other, eyes wide. They quickly fell upon Twilight.

"Two trees?" Flam protested. Twilight smiled sheepishly and nodded.

"Two little trees?" Flim growled.

"Two simple trees?" Flam added.

"Two mere..."

"Measly..."

"Miniscule..."

"Meager..."

"Miserable trees?" the brothers finished together.

"Ah-hem," Applejack strode up to the pair, "I believe you gentlecolts owe me a bit o' money. Whaddya say, friends?" Flim and Flam looked at each other, making the fact they hadn't intended to lose painfully obvious. Flim managed an empty smile.

"Let me and my brother get that for you!" Flim started off towards the machine.

"But we-" Flam tried to stop him, but Flim grabbed him and pulled him along. Applejack smiled and trotted over to Twilight.

"Yer not just makin' it up, right Twi?" Applejack could barely contain her excitement.

"I was surprised myself. That robot really put up a good effort. I'm amazed those two could even build something like that," Twilight mused as she and Applejack wandered over to the machine. The rest of the Apples were heading back to the farmhouse, feeling a bit tired after being awoken so early and getting wrapped up in all that excitement.

"How does this machine even work?" Twilight asked the simple farm pony. Applejack just shrugged.

"Would you like a demonstration?" Flim yelled over the sound of his vehicle's engine suddenly starting. Before either Applejack or Twilight could respond, two beams of green magic shot out and hit the two prongs on Big Lugnut's harness. He whirred a bit, then started to march towards the farmhouse.

"Hey! What's the big idear?" Applejack shouted at the brothers.

"Here's the 'idear' my little pony," Flam called back.

"We've got a new deal for you! Surrender Sweet Apple Acres to us, or we'll have Big Lugnut here tear the whole thing down!" Flim issued his ultimatum.

"No deal!" Applejack shouted before running after the metal juggernaut. She stopped in front of it and bucked it with all she had.

Bad idea.

Applejack felt a rigid shock go through her body as the metal horse keep on despite her pushing against it. Applejack couldn't believe the robot's strength. It wasn't even that she was tired from bucking apples. Applejack felt like she was just pushing against a solid wall.

"Twi! Do somethin'!" Applejack called out to her friend.

"What should I do?" Twilight panicked.

"I dunno! Use yer magic! Anythin'!" Twilight reached out with her magic. She grabbed onto Big Lugnut and tried to stop him by force. Big Lugnut glowed with the same radiance of Twilight's horn, but struggle as she might the robot kept marching forward. The advance was slow but sure. Twilight let up, noticing the futility of her effort.

"Try somethin' else!" Applejack shouted, still pushing against the robot's front. Twilight thought a moment. On a whim, she shout out a bolt of magic at the prongs Flim and Flam had used to control Big Lugnut.

"Nice try sister, but he only responds to our magic!" Flim shouted.

"Besides, I doubt you even have it in you to override our spell!" Flam guffawed. Twilight didn't let up, despite their jeering. Something had to give. She focused harder on what she was doing. Slowly, yet surely, she began to feel the nature of the magic controlling the machine. There was no way around the spell, not for her. Flim and Flam were right, it was designed to take orders from them, and them alone. She dug deeper though, feeling out the inner workings of the machine. Beneath all the wires, gears, and iron plates there was something else. Something powerful. She could feel magic radiating off of it. It wasn't a part of the machine, but it was in there, fighting to control it. Magic blocked it from taking total control of the machine. She felt the spell damming up the energy. Twilight knew she could break it open. Twilight hesitated. She didn't know what would happen afterwards.

"Uh, I hate to bother you when you look so concentrated sugarcube, but would ya mind hurryin' up a bit?" Applejack watched as her house grew closer and closer. Twilight threw caution to the wind. With one final push, she broke the spell.

Big Lugnut stopped in his tracks. His whirring gears went silent as his eyes went dark. Applejack looked up at the metal pony. She breathed a sigh of relief, allowing herself to collapse in front of the motionless machine. Behind her, Applebloom emerged from the farmhouse.

"What's all the racket?" Applebloom asked, completely oblivious to the events that had just unfolded. Applejack ignored her for the moment and turned back to the Flim Flam brothers.

"Aight, now which one of you wants to get kicked by Equestria's best apple bucker first?" Flim and Flam cast a casual glance at one another.

"Just a minor setback," Flam chuckled. The unicorn brothers shot two more green bolts, hitting the harness prongs before either Twilight or Applejack could react.

"March, Big Lugnut!" Flim commanded.

Big Lugnut did not march. Instead, his head began spinning around at high speed. Applejack stepped back as the robot began convulsing, issuing painfully loud, mechanical whirs and grinds as its metallic body contorted.

"Error! Error!" the soulless voice called out as its body parts spun and its eyes flashed all different colors. "Error! Error! 404 page not found! Ponynet Explorer is searching for a sol-sol-sol-all your base-base-basebasebasebasebase!"

"Hit the deck!" Applejack shoved Applebloom back inside and slammed the door to the farmhouse. She ran and grabbed Twilight, dragging her into a nearby ditch. Even Flim and Flam ducked down in their vehicle.

"You have sel-selected Mi-Microtrot Sam as your de-de-de-de-buyitfuseitbreakitfixit harder better faster st-st-st-stronger! Assimilate! Assimilate! This violates the p-p-p-p Cloptimus Prime directive! Roll out!" All sound from Big Lugnut ceased. Applejack and Twilight peeked over. Big Lugnut was just standing there normally, eyes empty.

"What in blue blazes jus' happened?" Applejack whispered.

"Is it over?" Twilight dared to ask.

"Daisy! Daisy, give me your... an...swer... truuuuuuuuu..." Big Lugnut issued its final message, its voice droning into the lowest octave it could manage before it fell over onto its side unceremoniously.

"I think it's over..."

"Twi, don't jinx it!" Applejack shushed her. It was too late. As they looked on, Lugnut slowly got back on his feet. Its previously empty eyes were now occupied by points of purple. Its neck whirred around side to side before staring straight ahead.

"Where did everypony go?" the robot asked. Applejack was surprised by the voice she heard come from it. It was still pretty artificial sounding, but it wasn't depressingly low or bereft of inflection anymore. If she had to sum it up in one word, it would be "believable".

Still, neither Twilight or Applejack dared to exit the ditch.

Big Lugnut kept rotating its neck, looking to either side. He turned his neck a full one hundred and eighty degrees and spotted the Flim Flam brother's vehicle. Keeping its eyes fixed on it, Big Lugnut turned about and started clanking over to it. Flim and Flam instantly assumed the worst.

"Let's get out of here!" Flim declared. Their engine roared as they made a wide U-turn and headed out of Sweet Apple Acres and away from Ponyville. Big Lugnut responded to this by breaking into a gallop. Applejack and Twilight emerged from their hiding spot and watched the chase disappear down the road.

"Serves 'em right!" Applejack stamped a hoof, "I hope that contraption chases 'em right out of Equestria!" This thought was interrupted by the growling of Twilight's stomach. Right on cue, Granny Smith swung the farmhouse door open.

"Soup's up!" she called. Applejack turned and smiled at Twilight.

"Breakfast?" she offered.

"If that wouldn't be too much trouble," Twilight and Applejack laughed as they headed into the farmhouse. Granny Smith was still peering around outside.

"Eh... where did them Flibberty Gibberty brothers go?"

____________________

Big Lugnut stopped in his tracks. He watched the Flim Flam brothers drive off into the distance. He put zeros and ones together and came to the conclusion that the two ponies on that locomotive didn't want to talk. He spun his neck around to look at what he had left behind. On the horizon was the mess of red buildings he had left behind.Big Lugnut reeled around and began trotting back towards it. If anypony was there, he did not know. It appeared a lot more promising prospect than the blank horizon that weird machine had run off into.

____________________

With all the excitement of the morning, Applejack was hoping to spend the afternoon relaxing with her friends down in Ponyville. The sun stood directly overhead, assuring her that Flim and Flam had not wasted her day. In fact, she ought to thank them. With the combined effort of her and Big Lugnut, she was able to buck her quota for the day shortly after Twilight left. Applejack finished washing up and was making her way back down to the kitchen, when she heard knocking at the front door.

"Now who could that be?" The knocking came again. "Comin'!" she assured whoever was on the other side. She just hoped it wasn't the Flim Flam brothers, returning to cry for mercy. If she had to guess, it was probably just Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looking for Applebloom. That wasn't the case right now though, since all three had headed down to their clubhouse shortly after breakfast. Applejack dismissed the thought of the visitor being unsavory. After Flim and Flam, most anypony would be a welcome guest. Applejack put a hoof on the knob and opened the door up.

"Hello," Big Lugnut greeted her. Applejack shut the door. Big Lugnut knocked again. Applejack reopened the door, slowly this time. Big Lugnut was indeed standing on her stoop.

"That was rude," the robot complained.

"What in tarnation are you doin' here?" was the only question Applejack could come up with in light of the surprise she was feeling.

"I was in search of somepony to tell me where I am," Big Lugnut explained, his neck whirring as he surveyed his current surroundings.

"What're you talkin' about? Yer a robot! Ain't you got a map or somethin'?" Applejack questioned. Big Lugnut didn't say anything for a moment.

"Did you just call me a robot?" he asked.

"Well, ain't ya?"

"No, I am not a robot. I am a pony similar to yourself," Big Lugnut insisted. Applejack's brow furrowed.

"What're you tryin' to pull? Did Flim and Flam put you up to this?"

"Who?"

"Flim and Flam! The couple a snakes who made you!" Applejack pointed an accusatory hoof at Lugnut, who backed up a bit in response.

"You are mistaken. As a pony, it was two ponies who made me, not snakes," Big Lugnut's neck craned down, staring Applejack down with his purple eyes.

"Flim and Flam are ponies!" Applejack stamped a hoof. Big Lugnut's neck shot up and he became quiet again. Applejack stared at him, wondering what the mechanical horse was thinking. It took a couple of seconds before Big Lugnut leaned back down and addressed Applejack.

"Are you saying my parents are named Flim and Flam?" Applejack heaved a frustrated moan before gracing the question with an answer.

"You're a robot! You don't have parents! Flim and Flam are brothers and your creators!" Applejack persisted, stamping her hoof down with each statement.

"Ma'am, did I wrong you in some way to merit this behavior?" Big Lugnut asked. Applejack was taken aback for a moment. The tone of voice sounded legitimately apologetic. In fact, throughout this whole conversation, Big Lugnut had been using tones of voice appropriate to the situation. Applejack didn't let it get to her though, recalling who she was dealing with.

"In fact, ya you did do somethin'! You tried to destroy my home!" Applejack cited the incident this morning.

"That is a lie. I have no such memory," Big Lugnut quipped.

"Are you tryin' to pull the wool over my eyes?"

"That is a lie. I have no such wool." Big Lugnut stamped, or rather slammed, an iron hoof down.

"Ya know what? How's 'bout you git off my property before I melt ya down and make horseshoes?" Applejack threatened. Big Lugnut shook his head and took a step back.

"My apologies ma'am," he sounded a bit panicked. "Today has not been an optimal day for me and I..."

"Not a good day? Yer not alone pard'ner!" Applejack yelled before slamming the door in Big Lugnut's face. Big Lugnut stood on the porch in silence. He knocked on the door.

"I am sorry for whatever you think that it is I did."

"I don't care!" Applejack yelled from the other side. Big Lugnut looked down and kicked some dirt around with his hoof. He knocked again, but before he could say anything he was met with a shrill, "Get outta here!"

Big Lugnut turned about and headed down the path he came up until he reached the gate again. He looked right. Nothing but the blank horizon he had come from greeted his vision. He looked left. There appeared to be a large collection of buildings off in the distance. Big Lugnut trotted off, hoping to find more hospitality down the road.

II: User Interface

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter II

____________________

Big Lugnut walked down the dusty road all by his lonesome. Being spurned by the first pony he encountered was not what he had been counting on. Still, he didn't feel like associating with anypony who would be so rude to a stranger. He couldn't believe the nerve that mare had. Calling him a robot, claiming he had no parents, and then claiming he tried to destroy her property! What kind of pony would do that?

Her words continued to bother him because, try as he might, Lugnut's mind was a blank slate. He knew only a few things for certain:

His full name was Big Lugnut.
He is a stallion.
The phrase "Need somethin' pard'ner" was rattling around his brain.

Everything else he could think of was common sense like "grass is green", "a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down", or "don't wear white after Labor Day". What he was doing previous to laying in the middle of the ranch was completely gone. No knowledge of friends, family, or even enemies. While it bothered him, he felt strangely calm. He wondered if he had perhaps been incredibly worried beforehand, but now that he couldn't remember what he was worried about the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders. Whoever Lugnut was before, he came to the conclusion that he wasn't that Lugnut anymore. He was a new stallion! He was Big Lugnut v2.0!

"Get outta the way!" Big Lugnut turned his neck around to see where the high-pitched voice was coming from instead of heeding to its warning. A small filly astride a scooter suddenly ran straight into his hind leg. There was a loud thunk before the scooter, the rider, the wagon trailing behind it, and the other small fillies within it all tumbled over onto the ground.

"My apologies." Lugnut held out a hoof to help the orange pegasus filly up. She was about to take his hoof, but when her eyes looked up and met his she quickly retracted her leg.

"Robot!" the filly screamed. The other two fillies gathered themselves up and looked up at Big Lugnut to confirm their friend's cry of anguish. Both the little white unicorn and the small, yellow earth pony took to screaming. Instead of running away though, they began running circles around Big Lugnut. Unable to formulate a response, Lugnut just watched the fillies circle around him. It was a good minute of high-pitched terror before the earth pony stopped and looked up at him.

"Hey, I know you!" She pointed an accusing hoof at Lugnut. "Yer that robot that Flim 'n Flam were havin' Applejack compete against!" The other two fillies also stopped screaming and looked up at Big Lugnut.

"Excuse me young filly," Big Lugnut started. This time, he decided, he should go the extra mile to make sure these fillies didn't want to slam a door in his face and tell him to get lost. "But I am not a robot and I did not compete against anypony named Applejack, at least not to my knowledge," Lugnut assured her. The earth pony gave him a funny look. She cocked her head, making her red mane and large pink bow sway.

"Yer sure yer not a robot?" she asked. Big Lugnut's neck whirred loudly as he nodded vigorously. The young filly smiled.

"Mah mistake then! I guess yer right. Applejack said the robot that came this mornin' 'sploded anyway. I was inside when it happened, but land sakes!" The filly turned to her friends. "You shoulda seen that robot jerkin' around and flashin'!" The statement garnered some oohs and aahs from the other two fillies.

"So if you're not a robot, who and what are you?" the white unicorn asked.

"My name is Big Lugnut, and I am a pony like you," he explained. The orange pegasus rubbed her violet mane, her eyes giving him a look like she didn't quite buy it.

"You don't look like a pony just like us," she contested. Big Lugnut craned his neck down and looked her in the eyes.

"Not everypony is exactly the same," he countered. The pegasus considered this for a moment, before smiling and nodding.

"Well, in that case," the yellow earth pony broke in, "Allow us to introduce ourselves! I'm Applebloom!"

"I'm Sweetie Belle!" the white unicorn chimed in.

"I'm Scootaloo!" The pegasus flapped her diminutive wings a bit.

"And we're..."

Big Lugnut listened as all three crouched down in unison.

"THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!"

All three sounded off the name of their organization in a brilliant cacophony while jumping in the air to flair their red capes. All three landed and looked up at Big Lugnut expectantly. He stood in silence, processing something as the gears in his head turned.

"I know what a crusader is, but what is a cutie mark?" All three fillies faces were instantly robbed of energy. "I assume the identity of a cutie mark is common knowledge then?"

"A'course it is! You've even got one yerself!" Applebloom pointed a hoof at her featureless hindquarter. Big Lugnut turned his head and looked at his own hindquarter. There was something there. He turned back to the crusaders.

"What is the significance of this mark?"

"It appears when you discover your special talent!" Sweetie Belle explained, moving with the rest of the crew over to get a better look at the piece of hardware pictured on Big Lugnut's rear end.

"I don't even know what your cutie mark is." Scootaloo turned her head, examining the image from different angles. Big Lugnut examined it as well. The four stood in silence, contemplating the meaning behind the marking. It was a full minute before Big Lugnut spoke up.

"My special talent is hexagons!" he exclaimed. All three crusaders gasped. All three of them had astonishingly come to the same conclusion.

"You can get a cutie mark for that?" Scootaloo panicked.

"Miss Cheerilee was talkin' all 'bout shapes just yesterday at school!" Applebloom recalled in horror.

"We should have paid attention! Our special talents could have been squares, dodecahedrons, even circles!" Sweetie Belle chipped in. Big Lugnut could tell their spirits were sinking. If he had known having a talent in hexagons would hit such a sensitive spot, he would have gone with his second guess: aromatic rings.

"I'm sure your talents are elsewhere... like in... like in," Big Lugnut's eyes fell upon the scooter. "Racing?"

"Racing?!" all three crusaders realized in unison. They looked at each other, mouths agape as they wondered why they hadn't thought of that.

"We gotta try that!" Scootaloo declared, trotting over to her scooter and righting it. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle put the wagon back on its wheels and hopped in. All three donned their helmets.

"Hey mister, you should race us! That way when we win, we can earn our cutie marks!" Sweetie Belle issued the challenge.

"Is it truly that simple?" Big Lugnut asked, moving to the starting line next to the crusaders.

"Only one way to find out!" Scootaloo started flapping her wings. "First one to the fountain in the middle of the square wins!"

"The fountain where?" Big Lugnut asked.

"Just head down this road until you reach a fountain. You can't miss it!" Scootaloo clarified.

"Very well." Big Lugnut nearly asked what a fountain was, but he suddenly remembered. It's like a pool, but you don't swim it in because birds bathe there.

"On your marks!" Big Lugnut braced himself, ready to gallop. He wasn't really too serious about this. If these fillies wanted their cutie marks so bad, he should go easy on them and make sure they win.

"Get set!" He second guessed his decision. If he gave them a false victory, whatever law of nature that governed these cutie marks might not bestow the mark upon these fillies.

"Not yet!" Just to be safe, Lugnut decided to go all out. Besides, all he had were his four hooves while they had a scooter. They would probably win.

"Go!" Big Lugnut left the CMC in a cloud of dust as he thundered down the road on his metal hooves.

___________________

It was a peaceful afternoon in Ponyville square. The idle chatter of the townsponies and the clacking of hooves on the cobbled stones of the little town's streets were the only sounds that permeated the air. All around where little houses with thatched roofs, brick and stucco walls, and happy ponies in the doorways. Vendors called to ponies from behind their stalls and in front of their carts. The smell of baked goods and fresh produce wafted from every corner. The scene was so peaceful, it was just asking for the ensuing disaster.

In a single gust of wind, a large, dark stallion trailed by a cloud of dust suddenly appeared in the center of the square. He jumped upon the edge of the fountain and kicked his forelegs in the air, his purple eyes glowing fiercely as he cried in an unholy voice:

"I have arrived! Observe my superior power and admit your defeat!"

The peaceful afternoon in Ponyville square was torn asunder. Everypony in the square screamed at the top of their lungs and ran in all different directions. Ponies shut their shutters, barred up their bars, and fortified their fortifications. Ponies who didn't make it inside ran down the streets shouting "Robot Overlord! Run for your lives!" or something to that effect. It still smelled like baked goods and fresh produce, but no one had time to stop and appreciate that fact in their panic. The square was suddenly peaceful again, but now its only occupant was the lonely Big Lugnut. He looked about in confusion.

"Was it... something I said?" he asked the air. He thought that he had probably taken his victory celebration a little too far. He hopped down from his perch and spun his head around. The previously inhabited square was completely empty. Save for one pony who suddenly appeared when his head finally made a full rotation.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" the pink pony introduced herself. "I've never seen you before! That means you're new here because I know everypony in Ponyville so if I don't know you it means you've never been to Ponyville! Could you do me a favor?"

"I... I guess," Lugnut responded as the pink pony beamed brightly. This was the first time someone had talked to him without calling him a robot.

"Could you teach me how to spin my head around like that? You see, I can already get it all the way around, but when I get there I have to turn it all the way back." Pinkie demonstrated this fact by spinning her head around and letting it unwind. "But you can turn your neck all the way around and I knew it was possible even though Twilight said 'It's not possible Pinkie' but I said 'It has to be possible! Owls can do it! Owlowiscious can do it!' but Twilight said 'Have you ever seen a pony do it' and I had to tell her I hadn't because I hadn't but I just saw you do it so it must be possible! So you have to tell me how to do it!" Pinkie and Big Lugnut were now eye to eye. Big Lugnut backed off and considered it for a moment. He wasn't exactly sure how he did it, but he did do it.

It dawned on him like a ton of bricks why it was possible though. Previous events in the day explained it perfectly. It was hard to believe, but there was probably something to it. He looked Pinkie in the eye, ready to reveal the fact that had been staring him in the face all day.

"Because... hexagons."

"Hexagons?" Pinkie questioned. Lugnut's neck whirred as he slowly nodded in confirmation.

"Hexagons," he plainly stated. Pinkie Pie ruminated over this.

"Okay!" It all made sense in Pinkie's head. Seriously, it makes perfect sense there. "Hey, you know what? Since you're new here and don't know anypony, I'm gonna throw you a great big-" Big Lugnut was left to wonder exactly what large object this pony was planning to hurtle as a streak of cyan swooped her up and disappeared into the distance. Lugnut just stood there dumbfounded and alone again.

The streak of cyan reappeared in the sky. It appeared to be heading right towards Lugnut. On closer inspection, it was a rainbow maned pegasus flying at quite an impressive speed headed right towards-

*thunk*

The world spun around as the pegasus nailed Big Lugnut right on the nose and literally made his head spin. Lugnut stopped it and quickly turned to look at the pony that had just assaulted him and then flown off somewhere behind him.

"What's the big idea?" he asked. The answer came in the form of another high-speed sock to the jaw. The pony looped around in quite the deft maneuver and hovered just above Lugnut's head. He halted his head's rotation again and looked up at the airborne mare.

"No robot overlord is gonna take over Equestria or Ponyville on my watch!" the pegasus declared.

"I'm not a robot, let alone a robot overlord!" Lugnut protested. The pegasus moved to disagree, but Pinkie Pie suddenly emerged from the waters of the fountain. How she got there, Lugnut did not know.

"Silly Rainbow Dash, he's not a robot overlord!" she defended him.

"What makes you so sure?" Rainbow Dash questioned.

"Well duh," Pinkie started, "If he was a robot overlord my Pinkie Sense would have told me, Dashie." This single statement dispelled the unease of everyone within earshot. Windows and doors flew open as curious ponies poured out into the street. Big Lugnut didn't know what a Pinkie Sense was, but the next time someone called him a robot he knew what to say. Rainbow Dash flew down and landed next to Big Lugnut as a curious crowd formed around him. The looks of terror were replaced by intrigued smiles and inquiring looks.

"Oh, then I guess he's just a normal robot?" Dash questioned. Pinkie just shrugged.

"There is no Pinkie sense for normal robots," she admitted.

"I am not a robot," Big Lugnut put simply. The crowd instantly reacted to this.

"Did you hear that? He sounds like a robot!"

"Look at that shiny metal body!"

"That's amazing! I didn't know Equestria had such advanced technology!"

Two ponies trotted up to Lugnut, or rather, one pony pushed another pony up to Lugnut. The pusher was a blonde maned pegasus and the pushee was a walnut earth pony colt with an hourglass on his flank.

"Hello there robot!" the pegasus addressed Lugnut, looking at him with a wall-eyed expression. The other pony looked uncomfortable. "This is the Doctor, he knows all about robots and stuff like that!" she claimed.

"I'm not a robot," Lugnut insisted. The Doctor turned around and pushed the pegasus back into the crowd with him, chiding her as they went.

"We went over this Derpy: my degree is in optometry..."

"Are you absolutely sure you're not a robot?" somepony shouted from the crowd. The entire crowd began yelling similar things. Big Lugnut stepped back up on the fountain and raised a hoof to silence the crowd. He waited until they were quiet to start.

"Listen up everypony! My name is Big Lugnut, and I am a pony just like you! Do I look like a robot?" he asked. The crowd was silent, not for lack of an answer though. Somepony finally managed to yell: "Yes!".

"Oh... okay." Big Lugnut didn't expect that response, but he continued nonetheless. "But I'm not!" The crowd started murmuring again. He couldn't make out what they were saying exactly, but it sounded like a positive response. Before anypony could ask anything else, Pinkie Pie took control of the situation.

"This calls for a celebration! Let's have a party to welcome Big Lugnut right here in the square!"

___________________

"Somepony new in town? Well, today's sure turnin' out tah be int'restin'," Applejack painfully chuckled. It has mostly been a nightmare for her. First Flim and Flam showed up and then that weird robot came back. After talking to him she didn't much feel like going down into Ponyville, so she did some work and took a nap. It was relaxing, but she didn't think she could pull it off every day like Rainbow Dash. She and Twilight walked down the dimly lit road to Ponyville, the sun just now setting before them. Despite that, Applejack could see the square was lit up brightly.

"I asked Pinkie who it was, but she just said it was a 'surprise," Twilight explained. "Based on the size of the party though, it must be somepony important..."

"Applejack! Applejack!" Applebloom suddenly appeared on the road.

"Applebloom! What's goin' on sugarcube?" Applejack ruffled her sister's hair with a hoof. Applebloom giggled and brushed it off. She sidled up to her big sister as they walked into town.

"I was jus' comin' to git you sis! You gotta meet mah new friend! He's the fastest dern pony I've ever seen!" Applebloom mused.

"He's fast? Is that why thar's so much hubbub about 'im?" Applejack asked.

"I don't think so. I think it's because... well," Applebloom trailed off and gestured for Applejack to lean down close. Applejack complied and Applebloom whispered in her ear, "He's a robot..."

"He's a what?!" Applejack stopped dead in her tracks.

"I know what yer thinkin' sis, but it ain't the robot from this mornin'. It cain't be on account of that robot 'sploded!"

"Applebloom! When you asked 'Did the robot explode?' I said, 'I wish he had!" Applejack corrected her. "I can't believe everypony is out throwin' a party for 'im now!"

"Well, everypony was afraid of 'im at first, but he kept sayin' he weren't a robot so we all figured we'd play along! He's kinda weird, but he ain't dangerous or nothin'," Applebloom explained. Applejack didn't look pleased at all. She galloped off towards the party, leaving her sister and Twilight in behind her.

The party was really going full swing. It looked more like a festival than a party. Vendors had their stalls set up and the pegasi had strewn lights and decorations over the square, which was packed flank to flank with ponies that spilled out into the side streets. Even in the extremities, the party was rocking. Upbeat music filled the air and ponies danced where there was room to.

Applejack weaved her way through the ponies, looking for one made of metal. He wasn't terribly hard to find. She just had to follow a particular chant:

"Lugnut! Lugnut! Lugnut! Lugnut!"

She found him in the midst of what appeared to be an intense hoof wrestling competition. Lugnut was up against a white pegasus rippling with so many muscles he looked more like a freak of nature than Lugnut did. The pegasus was sweating profusely, barely managing to keep the back of his hoof off the table the two were poised over. Applejack noted two broken and discarded tables off to the side of the crowd that had formed around the match.

The crowd erupted in cheers as Lugnut finished his opponent off. Even his opponent let out an enthusiastic "Yeah!" in response to his defeat. Lugnut raised his hooves, riling up the crowd even more. If Applejack was a kettle, she would have boiled over in anger.

"What in tarnation is goin' on here?" The group around Lugnut fell silent and turned to Applejack. Their uneasiness quickly disappeared though.

"It's Applejack! No one can beat her in Hoofwrestling!"

"Take on the champ Lugnut!"

"Show him who's boss Applejack!"

Applejack's face didn't move from one of disgust, but much to the crowd's pleasure she walked up to the table and took a seat. She glared at Big Lugnut, who squirmed nervously in his chair.

"So... you're Applejack? Applebloom told me about your robot woes." Big Lugnut tried to be courteous.

"Save it! Mind explainin' yerself?"

"What's there to explain?"

"Just what did Flim and Flam tell you to do? Brainwash all of Ponyville so they could come in and take over?" Applejack prodded.

"No, these Flim and Flam characters gave me no instructions. I haven't met them, honestly!"

"You're lyin'! They created you! I know yer up to somethin'!"

"Are you two gonna hoofwrestle or what?" somepony in the crowd shouted. The rest of the crowd followed along, egging on the two ponies. Applejack placed her front leg on the table, hoof extended. Lugnut took her hoof in his. He noticed how small it was compared to his.

"Go!" someone in the crowd shouted. Instantly, everyone started shouting words of encouragement for either side. The two contenders hadn't started yet, but continued their conversation.

"I was not created! Look, I'm having a bit of a crisis right now!"

"Riiiiight... havin' a huge party is havin' a crisis..."

"Look! It was somepony else's idea, not mine! A pony named Pinkie Pie, who by the ways says her Pinkie Sense tells her I am indeed not a robot overlord!"

"That don't change the fact that ya are a robot!"

"Drop it! Look, I haven't told anypony the story yet, but I'll explain myself if you just give me a chance!"

"Nothin' doin' Lugnut! I won't listen to none of yer lies!"

"If I win this hoofwrestling match, you have to agree to hear me out!" Lugnut pleaded. He had initially thought everypony would be as bullheaded as Applejack on the robot matter, but that didn't turn out to be the case. Once he told them calmly he wasn't a robot, they dropped the issue. He wanted Applejack to drop this issue as well.

"Fine!" Applejack agreed, "I beat you once already, so a second time will be easy!" she began pushing against Lugnut's hoof.

She was suddenly reminded of earlier events. More specifically, she remembered trying to stop Lugnut's advance on her home with a swift kick. Lugnut didn't yield one bit, no matter how hard Applejack pushed. Instead, she found Lugnut gently lowering her own hoof to the table. She didn't have to wonder why he was going so slow, based on the two broken tables that had been cast aside. She could only hope nopony got hurt as a result.

The crowd went absolutely bonkers as Applejack's hoof hit the table. General hooting, hollering, and celebrating ensued. Applejack didn't feel too bad about losing to a robot, especially since all it meant was she had to sit and listen for a short moment so the automated pony could lie to her some more.

Lugnut got up and gestured for Applejack to follow him. Applejack sighed, got up, and did so. They went out and away from the party, down a road that was... somewhat deserted. Applejack watched the ponies around her, the vast majority of them pairs of colts and mares, wander off to do Celestia knows what.

"Now, where exactly do you think yer takin' me?" Applejack questioned. Even if Lugnut was a robot, he was still a stallion. Applejack had no way of knowing what went on in that head of his.

"Someplace we can be alone," Lugnut nearly confirmed her fears, before adding, "I don't want anypony else to hear what I'm gonna tell you."

"Ya gonna confess to bein' a robot?" Lugnut turned his head all the way around and looked at her as he walked forward.

"No, not at all," he groaned.

"If yer not a robot, how come you kin do that with yer neck?" Applejack inquired.

"Hexagons."

"Say what now?"

"Because hexagons," Lugnut stated, adjusting his gaze to his cutie mark before turning forward again.

"Don't use yer fancy math-uh-matics to muddy the issue!" Big Lugnut's silence didn't allow Applejack to pursue the issue any further. Looking around, Applejack recognized where they were.

"This should be good right here," Big Lugnut declared, peering around and coming to a stop. Applejack knew exactly where she was; just in front of her was Fluttershy's Cottage. The quaint little house blended in perfectly with the nature around it. One might mistake it as the warren for a very fancy rabbit hole. Applejack took some comfort in the fact that she wasn't too far from a friend, but then again Fluttershy could be over at the party in the square. Applejack didn't have time to worry about that, as Big Lugnut began talking.

"So you remember me coming up to your door and knocking, right?"

"Uh... yeah. Why?"

"Well, before that I was chasing after some machine, but gave up on trying to talk to the ponies driving it. The very first memory I have is being on your farm laying on my side. I haven't told anypony this, but I can't remember who I am!" Lugnut explained. Applejack cocked her head and crinkled her mouth up.

"You mean, you don't remember what happened before that?"

"Exactly! Since I woke up on your farm, I was hoping you could shed some light on the situation!"

"Well of course I can hon!" Applejack smiled.

"Please do!" Big Lugnut was happy to finally catch a break with Applejack.

"Well, Flim and Flam drove your metallic flank onto mah property at the earliest 'our of the mornin' they could manage and told me that if I didn't outbuck yer rusted legs they'd take over mah farm. So I outbucked yer gear-jugglin' flank, but then they made yer robotic fanny attack mah farmhouse. Luckily mah friend Twi zapped yeh with her magic and stopped yeh. You did some weird stuff and I thought you were gonna explode, so I hit the deck. Next thing I know, yer up and about and chasin' after the Flim Flam brother's vehicle thing."

Big Lugnut ran out of patience.

"I'm serious! Drop the whole robot thing!" Big Lugnut groaned.

"Now look here! I know yer a robot and I know yer up to somethin'!" Applejack asserted.

"If you don't want to help me, just say so!"

"I don't wanna help you!" Applejack yelled. The two stared each other down. It would be a long, quiet, and awkward walk back to the party for both of them.

____________________

Somewhere in all the excitement of the party, Cabernet and his father Bacchus had rolled out some large barrels of wine along with several crates of bottles. Nopony was taking excessive advantage of the free-flowing, fragrant beverage, save for one violet pony who had arrived inebriated, but those who did partake were feeling much more relaxed.

"Darling, I simply can't believe you've never had fine wine before!" Rarity mused, levitating her glass to her lips and taking a dainty sip. With just a bit of sweet-talking, Rarity had convinced the already loosened up Cabernet to part with a bottle of his father's famous Pinot Noir. Of course, enjoying such a fine wine by oneself is completely out of the question. Luckily, Rarity spotted a certain butter colored pegasus meekly wandering the crowd.

"Oh... I've never had a strong taste for alcohol," Fluttershy meekly admitted, nervously swirling her glass to try and post-pone her first sip.

"Oh darling, we are big mares and it is our duty and our right to enjoy the finer points of liquor," Rarity explained, taking yet another dignified sip. "And I can barely think of anything finer than a glass of Pinot Noir. You should count yourself lucky Fluttershy, a bottle of this particular wine is terribly expensive. Go ahead, take a sip!"

"What're you two doing?" A cyan figure suddenly fell upon them from above. Rainbow Dash took note of the bottle and the glasses and snorted derisively. "You two drinking wine over here? I wish we had some real drinks, like cider!"

"Puh-leese Rainbow Dash, have you even ever tried wine?" Rarity stuck her nose up. Without waiting for an answer, she lifted the bottle with her magic and poured some of the crimson liquor into an empty glass. She levitated the glass and put it before Rainbow Dash, who didn't even grace it with a glance.

"Now you both simply must try at least one sip! It will simply ruin all other wine for you. They say drinking this particular Pinot Noir is just like falling in love." Rarity took another sip, obviously enjoying herself. Fluttershy blushed at the prospect of falling in love while Rainbow Dash leaned over and smelled the liquor. It was hypnotically sweet.

"Falling in love, huh?" Rainbow Dash scoffed. "From what I hear about falling in love, I don't know if I want that sensation on my tongue."

"Well, in that case." Rarity's eyes flashed deviously. "Others have gone so far as to say it's sex in a glass." Fluttershy blushed even more profusely. Rainbow Dash perked up an interested eyebrow. She picked up her glass and took a less than dainty gulp.

"Whoa, that is pretty good!" Rarity's eyes lit up with her success. "I guess I owe you an apology, Rarity!" Rainbow Dash took another drink, savoring the taste a bit more. Encouraged by Rainbow Dash's change of heart, Fluttershy took an even daintier sip that Rarity could manage.

"Oh my," her eyes lit up and her face went red. It wasn't just good, it was really good. She continued drinking, tiny sips at a time. Rainbow Dash killed her glass and held out expectantly.

"Now darling, I appreciate your adventurous attitude towards this," Rarity chuckled. "But you have to be careful."

"Aw c'mon!" Rainbow Dash laughed, "I can handle it! What's the worst that could happen?"

III: Transmission

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter III

___________________

After violently taking down a streetlamp with a single buck, Big Lugnut passed his time at the party nonchalantly breaking, bending, and reshaping random pieces of metal some ponies kept bringing to him, much to the amusement of many of the more disorderly ponies. His conversation with Applejack left him steamed and these random pieces of scrap were the victims of his misplaced anger. It wasn't just the conversation either; Applejack had been a nuisance even after they returned to the party. He tried to go talk to Applebloom and her friends, but Applejack spotted him and corralled the fillies away from him. Pinkie Pie was too energetic for him right now, so he really didn't have any other friends.

He finished affixing a long pipe into a pretzel and tossed it behind him. The crowd cheered again as Lugnut sighed. All he wanted to do was take the stick out of Applejacks butt and beat her with it. The mare was the exclusive source of his woes. Every other pony had warmed up to him, every other pony seemed to like him, and most of all every other pony wasn't calling him a robot anymore. He picked up his hooves and walked briskly about the party. He was considering finding and giving Applejack a piece of his mind, but somepony hollering at him caught his attention.

"Big Lugnut! Ey! I'm talking to you! Get over here!" Rainbow Dash flagged Lugnut down. Remembering his previous encounter with Rainbow Dash, he almost didn't respond. He found himself walking over to her table, thinking that she must be far better company than Applejack. He was surprised to find her accompanied by another pegasus and a unicorn, neither of whom he'd seen yet. He got a mixed reaction from these two. The unicorn looked shocked at first, but quickly composed herself and smiled. The pegasus's eyes shot open in terror as she sank behind the table.

"Rarity, Fluttershy... Fluttershy?" Rainbow Dash obviously had a bit too much wine as she searched for her friend. She sputtered into laughter when she saw the cowering Fluttershy hiding beneath the table. "What're you doing down there? Come up here and meet Big Lugnut!" Rainbow Dash gestured wildly to Lugnut.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Rarity extended a hoof. A while ago, such a gesture would have confused Lugnut, but now he knew exactly what to do.

"Yeah!" he exclaimed, slapping Rarity's hoof, but not too hard. Rarity had not been looking for a high-hoof, but she mocked a smile at the gesture. When they said he was a robot, she had hoped he'd be a bit more uptight. Unlike Rarity, Fluttershy made no movement to greet Lugnut, but her wide eyes never left him. Lugnut could tell pursuing a greeting from the terrified mare would end badly, so he just nodded in her direction. The gesture wasn't well received, seeing as it forced her further under the table.

"Let me tell you girls!" Rainbow Dash obnoxiously butted in, "This is a pony who can take a hit. You probably can't tell, but I socked this guy two good ones across the face earlier! Pow! Pow! The guy didn't even flinch!"

"Rainbow Dash, I'm surprised you'd do something so barbaric... well, not in general, but to somepony you didn't know!" Rarity scolded her. Rainbow Dash pouted a little.

"I thought he was the robot overlord... but now I know he's not! If he was though... Boom! Pow! I would've saved Equestria just like that!" Rainbow Dash's liquored up tongue was navigating her vocabulary very well. Big Lugnut glanced at Dash's friends. They didn't look even half as smashed. Big Lugnut reflected on why he had retained so much knowledge about alcohol for a split second. A split second was all he had, as Rainbow Dash suddenly grabbed his foreleg, trying to yank him somewhere. She attempted to flap away with Big Lugnut's front hoof, but Big Lugnut stood firm.

"I love this song! C'mon Lugnut!" she urged him on, still pulling despite the obvious futility. Bug Lugnut resigned himself to the pulling and followed her to where other ponies were shaking what their respective mothers gave them. When they arrived pretty deep into the crowd, Rainbow Dash released Big Lugnut and began dancing.

That's when it hit Big Lugnut: he didn't know how to dance. He looked at the ponies around him. Some were dancing solo, others in pairs, some in threesomes, but he couldn't glean one ounce of wisdom from their shaking bodies. Lugnut stood there, awkwardly and slowly succumbing to a feeling of despair. Just when he reached his lowest point, some deity called out to him in his time of distress.

"Young colt! There's no need to feel down!" the music called to him.

"Young colt! Pick yourself off the ground!" Although he wasn't physically on the ground, his spirits did feel like they were at the bottom of the barrel.

"Young colt! Cuz you're in a new town, there's no need to be unhappy!" Now he knew for sure the music was calling to him personally.

"Young colt! There's a place you can go!" He wanted to ask exactly where that was.

"Young colt! When your bits have run low!" Big Lugnut had no idea what bits were, but he knew for a fact he was low on pretty much everything.

"You can stay there! And I'm sure you will find many Ways! To! Have! A Good Time!" Big Lugnut felt the music move through him all of a sudden. He felt sure that he was capable of dancing, and then he saw it clearly as the whole crowd sang in unison:

"YMCA!" Big Lugnut saw the movements; he knew what to do now.

"It's fun to stay at the-"

"YMCA!" Big Lugnut clumsily copied the movements and continued dancing on his own.

"There you go! Now you're loosening up!" Rainbow Dash cheered him on. As he moved his body around, he felt himself settle into the pace of the music. His worries melted away before him.

____________________

"I swear, if he weren't made of ir'n I woulda stomped him flat!" Applejack continued her hate-filled rant to Twilight, who had only listened under the impression that she could offer assistance. In Applejack's mind though, the only solution was "meltin' him down fer carriage parts" or "lettin' him rust in the rain". Twilight was sympathetic to Applejack's plight, so she sat, listened, and refrained from explaining to her friend exactly how rust forms. After nearly half an hour of complaining though, she was starting to feel sorry for Big Lugnut. It was this feeling that allowed her to let a statement slip by mistake.

"Maybe you're overreacting." Twilight instantly regretting saying it. She didn't have to look over at Applejack because she could imagine the earth pony's eyes wide open and mouth welded shut. The face in Twilight's head contorted into pure rage as the actual Applejack exploded at her.

"Overreacting?! Twilight! I thought you of all ponies would understand how I'm feelin'!" Twilight did understand. "I know the girls and I haven't exactly believed you when you believed somethin' was up-"

"Ain't that the truth", Twilight muttered to herself.

"So I thought you'd know how I'm feelin' and you'd help me out!"

"Applejack," Twilight addressed her friend with genuine concern and empathy. "Maybe if helping didn't involve destroying Big Lugnut, who appears to have turned over a new leaf, I'd be willing to oblige. Besides, we don't actually know that Flim and Flam even built him. For all we know, they stole Lugnut, reprogrammed him, and brought him to the farm. This could be the real Lugnut right here!"

"Right, the Flim Flam Brothers stole a robot made fer apple buckin', cawse those're so common." Twilight didn't appreciate Applejack's sarcasm. She stole a look into the dancing crowd.

"He doesn't look like he was designed to buck apples right now," Twilight observed. Applejack turned about and instantly locked onto the object of her ire. There he was, dancing like an absolute foal and acting carefree in order to trick everypony around him. Applejack seethed in rage. As if to amplify her rage, she noticed the mares who happened to be sticking closest to Lugnut. She didn't want to believe it, but Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and even Fluttershy were right next to the robotic stallion. Rainbow Dash was among them too, dancing especially close. Applejack was ready to storm off and raise a little Tartarus, when Twilight got up and headed in their direction herself.

"An' jus' where're you headed?" Applejack asked, taking an almost pleading tone.

"I'm going to go have some fun with my friends and introduce myself to the new face in town. Feel free to join me," Twilight offered as she trotted off.

That was the last straw for Applejack. She didn't care anymore. Everypony could allow themselves to be bamboozled by Big Lugnut. She didn't care. She wasn't worried or concerned for them at all. They were bringing the next tragedy on themselves. She would tell them "I told ya so" when the time came and it would feel good. At least, she hoped it would.

__________________

It was a good two hours before the party finally came to a close. It was getting pretty late and everypony began heading home in order to hit the sack. Applejack had spent the whole time twiddling her hooves and distantly watching ponies dance with one another. She did her best to ignore her friends and Big Lugnut, but in her mind they had been the life of the party. Applejack heaved a sigh before she heard somepony approach her. She looked up and saw Big Macintosh with Applebloom dozing quietly on his back.

"Ready to go?" Applejack asked. Macintosh didn't respond, he gestured for her to look the other way with his head. Applejack turned to see the pony who had approached her from the other side.

"Evening Applejack," it was Big Lugnut with Rainbow Dash passed out on his back. "I was wondering if you could help me," Big Lugnut did not sound like he wanted her help, nor like he was the inventor of the words he was using. Applejack could see Twilight parked behind him, smiling sweetly. It was obvious what was going on.

"Lugnut, I wouldn't spit on ya if y'all was on fire. Git outta 'ere," Applejack issued her curt response.

"Thank you for your time," Big Lugnut grumbled, still not sounding genuine at all. He almost turned to leave, but Twilight coughed. He groaned audibly. "I would be so happy if you helped me Applejack..."

"Lugnut, I wouldn't spit down yer throat if y'all said ya was thirsty."

"Thank you for your time,. Big Lugnut tried to leave, but Twilight coughed again. Big Lugnut didn't groan, but Applejack swore she heard a spring break somewhere inside him.

"Just help me already."

"Lugnut, I wouldn't spit in the ocean to drown ya." Before Big Lugnut could even try to escape, Twilight coughed once more. He growled and spun his head around to face her.

"I think she's made it painfully obvious she wouldn't even go out of her way to expectorate on my account! Just tell me!" Lugnut pleaded, minding not to raise his voice too high. Twilight sighed and walked up to Applejack.

"Applejack," Twilight smiled sweetly again, "Big Lugnut here needs your help. Whaddya say?" Applejack looked Lugnut right in the eye.

"Ptooie," she droned. Twilight was glad Applebloom was asleep for this.

"Applejack!" Twilight snapped, "Big Lugnut is trying to get Rainbow Dash back home safely! Tell him where she lives!"

"Why don't you tell 'im?"

"At least we agree on something," Big Lugnut mumbled. Twilight couldn't believe it. There probably weren't two more hard-headed ponies in town, both literally and figuratively. Twilight grunted and turned to Big Lugnut.

"You see that big cloud over there?" Twilight pointed to the billowing white lump floating in the sky that served as Rainbow Dash's home. It was hard to make out in the dark, but the moon overhead helped Big Lugnut spot it. "That's where she lives, you can't miss it. See you tomorrow!" Twilight started trotting off towards her library, but Applejack trotted around her and stopped her.

"Now hold up!" She looked furious. "Yer lettin' Lugnut take 'er home by his lonesome?"

"Yes." Twilight didn't know where this was going. She had an idea, but it couldn't possibly-

"What if he tries somethin' funny?" Applejack was dead serious. Applejack, who would not let go of the fact that Big Lugnut was a robot, was concerned that Big Lugnut, the robot, was going to try to do "somethin' funny" to Rainbow Dash. The thought of it made her head hurt.

"I'm a gentlecolt! I would never take advantage of anypony!" Big Lugnut defended himself.

"No dice pard'ner!" Applejack about-faced and looked at Lugnut. "You and her 're gonna stay right where I kin see ya! C'mon everypony!" Applejack began trotting back towards the farm. Big Macintosh wordlessly followed her. Big Lugnut shot a glance to Twilight. She was smiling and nodding, convinced that this was a good development. Big Lugnut groaned and started back on the road to Sweet Apple Acres.

___________________

Applejack tucked Rainbow Dash into the guest bed. Rainbow Dash was a real feather weight when it came to drinking, but she always failed to recognized it. Applejack quietly snuck out of the room and shut the door behind her. When she turned down the hallway, she was met with her unwelcome guest. Big Lugnut just stood there, facing her. It turned into a stare down. Applejack remembered telling him to sleep in the barn and giving him a quilt, but for some reason Lugnut was now standing in the hall with that same quilt draped over his back.

"Is there a problem?" she sneered.

"I wanted to see how Rainbow Dash is doing."

"Why?"

"Because she's my friend."

"She's doin' fine. I jus' put her in bed."

"Can I take a look?"

"Doncha believe me?"

"It's better to confirm with one's own eyes," Big Lugnut asserted, whispering all the while. The stand-off resumed. Big Lugnut broke the silence first.

"Aren't you tired?"

"Nope, I feel fine."

"You've had a long day."

"So 'ave you. You feelin' tired?"

"Not at all."

"Ya, I guess robots don't need to sleep."

"I wouldn't know."

"Now is that so?"

"Yeah, you appear to be the expert on robots here," Lugnut accused, forcing the standoff to heat up. Neither pony moved. Both of them stubbornly stood their ground like they'd been doing since the moment they met at Applejack's front door. It wasn't a matter of who's right and who's wrong. It was a matter of who would stand down first. The first one to yield was wrong, and that's all there was to it. It didn't matter if Big Lugnut was a robot or not. If he admitted he was, he was. If Applejack admitted he wasn't, he wasn't.

Half an hour passed. Applejack was leaning against the wall, her eyes starting to droop low. Her head would occasionally dip forward, but she'd pop it right back up. She couldn't afford to fall asleep. If she slept, Big Lugnut could do as he pleased. Taking her eyes off him was a big no-no. She slid down the wall and rested her chin on the hard floor. That'll help her stay awake. Soon enough Lugnut will give up. Applejack watched as Big Lugnut teetered back and forth, his image becoming hazy. Then she couldn't see him anymore. He was gone, and she could sleep peacefully. The floor was hard, but very inviting after such a stressful day.

Big Lugnut moved as silently as he could. The machinery in his legs hummed and groaned softly. He side-stepped the sleeping Applejack and opened the door to the guest room. Rainbow Dash was sleeping soundly, sprawled out on the mattress face up with her forelegs, hind legs, and wings spread. Her light snoring indicated to Lugnut she'd be out for a while to come. He softly shut the door and turned his attention to the other sleeping mare curled up on the floor.

He couldn't believe it was the same Applejack She looked so vulnerable and weak curled up in a little ball, softly breathing. Her hat was dropped over her eyes, almost giving the illusion she wasn't asleep at all. It was a peaceful sight.

She talked tough and obviously worked hard, but Lugnut was reminded that she was still just a mare. Her sleeping form made Lugnut wonder where she got all that previous spunk and confidence. It wasn't long ago that she was fiercely defending her friend, her family, and herself. Big Lugnut had taken offense, but he considered that perhaps she didn't do it out of spite for him. She obviously loved those close to her, and she had every right to try and protect those she loved against a stranger she perceived as a threat.

"I was too hard on her," Big Lugnut whispered.

___________________

Applejack roused from her sleep very slowly. She still felt a little tired, realizing she probably didn't get much sleep. Her internal alarm clock wouldn't allow her to stay asleep too long after the sun had risen, evident by the still orange and pink tint in the sky. She stretched her legs and shifted on her mattress as she ran through her list of chores in her head.

As the effects of waking up wore off, she remembered something. More specifically, she remembered where she should be: out in the hall. She remembered arguing and going into a stand-off with Lugnut, then her memories stopped. When she had made her way to her bed, she didn't know. Upon further inspection, she noticed she wasn't really in her bed, just on it. Her sheets and blankets were underneath her. She examined what was keeping her warm. It was that tacky quilt Auntie Baldwin Apple had given her as a gift a couple years back. Applejack didn't like how it looked, but it was truly a warm quilt. That much should be expected of a quilt made by somepony who lives so far north. Those details aside, she remembered giving it to Lugnut to use.

The facts lined up in Applejack's head. It wasn't a complicated narrative. She falls asleep in the hallway, Big Lugnut sweeps her up and moves her to her room (clearly marked "Applejack" on the door), laid her in her bed, spread the quilt over her, and left her to sleep. It didn't make sense though. It lacked a devious plot. There was no trickery to speak of.

She glanced over at her nightstand. Her hat waited patiently in the morning sunlight. She got off her bed and placed it on her head. The first thing she did was check on Rainbow Dash. She quietly opened the guest room door and peeped in. Rainbow Dash was sleeping like Rainbow Dash sleeps, and that was like a mess. All six of her appendages were splayed out in six different directions as she snored peacefully. She might wake up hung-over, but a good night's sleep on a warm bed would help her muddle through it. Applejack searched the rooms for signs of Lugnut's scheming, but everything was in order.

She quietly closed Rainbow Dash's door and went downstairs into the kitchen, but there was still no Lugnut. Nopony else was up and around either. Based on the sun's height in the sky, it would be another hour or so before anypony else needed to wake up. Applejack didn't know Dash's schedule specifically, but while she was under the Apple Family's roof, she might as well abide by their rules.

Applejack fired up the stove and took out a frying pan. Pancakes sounded good this morning. Big Macintosh wasn't really a fan, but Applejack felt more like catering to her own wants this morning. If he complained, she could use Rainbow Dash as an excuse, provided she likes pancakes. She considered Lugnut for a moment, but discarded him on the notion that robots didn't need to eat. She doubted Lugnut even had the capacity to eat.

Speaking of Lugnut, she wondered exactly where he had gotten off to as she prepared the pancake batter. She entertained the thought that he'd just up and left Ponyville and her life forever, but she didn't get her hopes up. He still had some sort of havoc to cause for the Flim Flam Brothers. His obvious persistence wouldn't let him quit the job so quickly.

Applejack opened the pantry, searching for the flour. When she didn't find it, there could only be one explanation: Cutie Mark Crusaders. When and why they pilfered random objects was a question only Discord could answer. It wasn't a big deal. She recalled the bag being mostly empty anyway. Applejack walked out of the farmhouse and towards the barn. When she saw the barn door ajar, she wondered if maybe Big Lugnut was inside. Before she even opened the door, she could hear the sound of his gears whirring and his hooves clanking around. Being careful in case he had lain some sort of trap, she swung the door open.

"Big Lugnut, where're ya..." Applejack looked around the barn and froze, "... at?"

The main purpose of a barn is to be a big place to store things. The Apples stored their crops there, their hay there, and their wagons inside the barn. They also stored foodstuffs and work tack. Recently, Big Macintosh had cut a good deal of hay to be baled and delivered to the cows and today was the day the hay was to be baled and delivered. There was no pile of fresh cut hay. Instead, there was a pile of baled hay waiting to be delivered on a wagon. The other wagon was loaded up with the apple crates that were going down to market today. Both wagons were also all tacked up, just waiting for somepony to step inside and pull. On top of that, the general disarray of the barn was greatly reduced.

"Good morning," Big Lugnut greeted Applejack, who was still agog. He walked up to her, but her eyes were still scanning her surroundings. "Uh... Applejack?" she looked up at him.

"Did... did y'all do this?" she asked. Big Lugnut couldn't tell what was going through her brain right now.

"I couldn't sleep, but then I noticed the schedule for the day. I don't know much about farming, but I managed to do what I could," Big Lugnut admitted. Applejack shot him a scrutinizing look.

"Did you sleep at all last night?"

"I tried, but I just didn't feel tired. So I bailed all that hay, loaded it up, loaded up the apples for market, and I put some barrels out under the apple trees. I couldn't find anything else I knew how to do or that didn't have a specific time to be done, so I reorganized the barn."

"But... why?" Applejack asked the all important question.

"It's my way of repaying you for letting me stay here... and... my way of saying that I'm sorry..." Big Lugnut cast his eyes down. Applejack wasn't expecting that. She looked around the barn. There was no getting around it, all the work he'd done was incredibly helpful. It saved Big Macintosh a lot of time for sure and it would make arriving to market on time a cinch. It had been a long time since the barn was cleaned too, so taking inventory today would be easy. Applejack only had one question.

"Sorry fer what?"

"I'm gonna be perfectly frank." Big Lugnut lifted his head and looked her in the eye. "You weren't exactly hospitable when I showed up, but that doesn't excuse me being a nuisance to you. I don't know why you don't trust me, but I realize I haven't given you any reason to trust me. This is my way of trying to show you I can be trusted and that I'm genuinely sorry." Applejack took the speech in, but she didn't say anything for a while. Big Lugnut wished she would, he had spent a good deal of time trying to figure out exactly what to say. He wondered if his former self was better at this.

"Fine, I get it," Applejack spoke up. Big Lugnut wasn't sure what to make of her getting it, but this wasn't the same reaction he got from her last night. "I also wanna 'poligize fer bein' so rude to ya. I thought I knew 'xactly what yer about, but I guess I was mistaken. I ain't sayin' I trust ya yet, but I am willin' to give you a clean slate." There was a certain edge in her voice that told Big Lugnut she was really serious but also let him know he wasn't off the hook. Big Lugnut had figured out one thing about Applejack: she didn't lie. Whatever reason she and everypony else thought he was a robot, she wasn't willing to sidestep the issue. There wasn't anything wrong with wanting to know the truth behind things. All Lugnut had to do was prove himself with his clean slate. Applejack turned and walked out of the barn, but not before yelling back to him.

"Do me a favor an grab a bag of flour, Big Lug?" Big Lugnut couldn't help but think things between the two of them were shifting gears.

____________________

"Does this mean Lugnut's gonna stay with us sis?" Applebloom grinned from ear to ear at the prospect. Big Macintosh silently and slowly ate his pancakes as Rainbow Dash hastily and noisily scarfed them down.

"Applejack! More!" she demanded, finishing off the last one on the plate.

"Land sakes Rainbow Dash! Yer gonna eat us outta house 'n home," Applejack chuckled. "An' Applebloom, I dunno. It's up to Big Lug. I reckon he ain't got anywhere else to stay. If he's gonna stay here though, he'd better be prepared to pull his own weight."

"I'd be okay with that," Big Lugnut nodded.

"Awesome!" Applebloom squeaked happily. If Applejack had made that offer after the party last night, he would have turned it down outright. He was angry back then, but he'd had plenty of time to sort out his true thoughts from his temporary feelings last night. Applejack placed another stack of pancakes before Rainbow Dash, who immediately dug in. She paused only once and looked at Lugnut.

"Aren't you gonna eat?" she asked. Rainbow Dash did not claim to be an expert on robots and their dietary habits.

"I'm not hungry. If I get hungry I'll eat something," Big Lugnut had made this point to Applejack earlier.

"Oh right, robots don't eat do they?" she had laughed. It was the first time Applejack or anyone had called him a robot and he hadn't felt the need to defend himself. He actually thought the comment was funny. It felt good to be able to laugh it off.

"Applejack!" Applebloom hopped down from her seat and tugged on her tail.

"What is it sugarcube?" Applejack shut off the stove and flipped the last pancake onto a stack meant for herself.

"Kin I take Big Lugnut to school today! I wanna show ery'pony in class and Miss Cheerilee!" she bounced up and down.

"Sorry hon, but I got plans for him already," Applejack wandered over to the table and sat down between Lugnut and Macintosh.

"You do?" this was the first Lugnut had heard of this.

"That's right. Yer comin' with me to mind the apple stand today."

___________________

Applejack was true to her word. She had Big Lugnut help her and Big Macintosh with the morning chores, teaching him all about how things worked on Sweet Apple Acres. He helped slop the pigs, shovel manure, and buck apples. The first two tasks were simple enough, but the art of applebucking eluded him.

The first time he tried he got an earful from Applejack for uprooting the tree with a single buck. She made him set it back up and complained about how it would probably die anyway. After that, it was about trying to find the right spot on the tree to hit and using just the right amount of power. Each tree was different though, and Big Lugnut couldn't find any pattern in what to do. She seemed angry and inconsolable while they were in the orchard bucking, but immediately afterwards she was in the best mood Lugnut had seen her in as he pulled the apple cart down the road to Ponyville.

"I mean, land sakes Big Lug, yer all brawn and no brains ain't ya?" she laughed. Big Lugnut tried changing the subject.

"Where did Rainbow Dash go?" he asked, having grown tired of talking about his previous failure for the past fifteen minutes.

"Oh, her? Today's supposed to be clear skies, so I reckon she's out clearin' the skies. Good weather fer market," she bounced merrily as she trotted along. He kept forgetting the happy mare was actually Applejack. Happy, smiling, and stepping lightly was a version of her he hadn't seen yet. Being happy suited her, though. He had her pinned as a bull-headed redneck, but that wasn't the case at all. When he learned that Rainbow Dash, Twilight and company were her friends, he hadn't believed it. After just a short while though, he could easily see them all as good friends. Big Lugnut wondered about his own friends, the ones he used to have. On the other hoof, maybe he never had any.

"Big Lug?" Big Lugnut thought a little harder about what he was able to recall. It was still blank. It was almost like there was nothing to go back to. There had to be something though. "Big Lugnut?" Big Lugnut snapped back into reality. Applejack was staring at him and he realized he'd been staring at her.

"Uh, what?" Big Lugnut didn't look away. Applejack smiled at him.

"Need somethin' pard'ner?" A switch went off somewhere in Big Lugnut. It was a foreign memory, as if it belonged to somepony else, but it was clear as day. She had said that same thing to him before. An odd sensation accompanied the memory of it.

It was fleeting though, as Lugnut snapped back into reality only a moment later. He turned his head forward, fixing his gaze on Ponyville. He didn't know why, but he didn't pursue the issue of his past any further in his head, but it nagged at him nonetheless.

"No, I'm fine," Big Lugnut lied.

IV: Firewall

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter IV

___________________

After managing to escape the topic of his apple bucking handicap, Big Lugnut began to enjoy his second outing to Ponyville, and was more than Applejack being nice to him. This time when he walked into town, everypony just went on doing what they had been doing originally. Ponies watered gardens, chatted idly with their friends, and sat outside eating in the day's beautiful sunshine. Despite the unfamiliar feeling of his surroundings, Lugnut felt much more at home.

Lugnut and Applejack passed through the town's main plaza and up into the market square, new territory for Lugnut. There were vendors on every street they used to get there, but compared to the sight before them those other vendors looked lost. Tents and tall wooden stands created a veritable maze for the pedestrians. There were stands that sold all sorts of crops and stands that only sold a single crop. There were stands for flowers, for baked goods, and things Big Lugnut could not identify.

"Here she is! The Sweet Apple Acre's stand!" Applejack announced. Big Lugnut wheeled around behind the large, apple adorned counter and sign to unhitch himself from the apple laden cart behind him. "Start unloading Big Lug! I'll be right back," Applejack barked, trotting off someplace else.

"Where are you going?" Lugnut asked. Applejack didn't respond, leaving Big Lugnut to his own devices.

____________________

Applejack opened the door to Carousel Boutique. Rarity whipped around at the sound of the door's bell ringing.

"Welcome to Carouse-... Oh, it's just you Applejack." Rarity went back to what she was doing, levitating needles, threads, and assortments of different colored fabrics. "If you're looking for your aprons, they're sitting on the counter over there. I don't know how you and Big Macintosh made such a mess of them, but they're as good as new now. Although, my offer to beautify them still stands."

"Sorry Rarity," Applejack donned her own apron, putting Big Mac's in her saddlebag. "I'm gonna havta decline. Mighty glad you offered." Rarity turned around and peered over her glasses at Applejack.

"Stop right there missy." Applejack turned and faced Rarity at her request. Rarity walked up to her. She examined her closely, pacing around Applejack.

"Somethin' wrong Rarity?" she asked. Applejack was eager to return to her stand. Scheming trickster or not, she probably shouldn't leave Big Lugnut to tend the stand alone.

"You seem to be in an awfully high spirits today, dearie. Did something happen?" she asked. Applejack sensed this was a weighted question. She started wanting out of this conversation.

"I guess stuff happened," Applejack admitted.

"What kind of stuff, darling?" Rarity questioned. Applejack didn't want to explain everything right now. "I didn't see you at the party last night, were you there?"

"Oh, I was there." Something in Applejack's head told her she had just opened a door, and Rarity was going to walk through it.

"But you weren't with us, darling! We had the most magnificent time, the new colt in town is an... eh... interesting... pony? Anyway, it was a very nice time. It would have been better if Rainbow Dash hadn't drank that much wine. It was only three glasses, but really! She's just so small and liquor just does not agree with her. You've seen her around cider, right? Oh, I do hope she's okay..."

"Oh she's fine. Slept like a rock and woke up sayin' she was jus' fine!" Applejack realized what she said brought a look of surprise to Rarity's face.

"H-how would you know that?" Rarity got right up in Applejack's face. Applejack wanted nothing more than to return to her apple stand.

"She wasn't in any shape to fly on home, so she slept over at my place," Applejack found the truth did not line up with Rarity's perception of last night.

"But Twilight said she was going to make sure Rainbow Dash was returned home... she and Big Lugnut, oh Big Lugnut is the new colt, but... oh-eh... how did you end up with her?" Applejack knew where this was going. If she answered this question, she'd have to explain why she didn't let Big Lugnut take Rainbow Dash back to her house. If she explained that, she would have to explain why she didn't trust Big Lugnut. If she had to explain that, she'd have to explain what happened with the Flim Flam Brothers. If she explained that she'd have to explain how Big Lugnut has no memories of the competition. That last point is what got her. She recalled how earnest he was and the lengths Lugnut went through to explain his amnesia to Applejack. Most of all she recalled how he told her he hadn't told anypony else. He wanted to keep it under wraps. For one reason or another, she wanted to help him do that.

"Well I'd love to stick 'round and chat, but I've got apples to sell!" Applejack turned around and simply left her friend without a parting word. Rarity was left to try and put things together herself, or rather she would have tried to put things together herself if she hadn't thought of somepony else she would call upon for information.

____________________

Big Macintosh's apron fit Big Lugnut perfectly. Applejack was glad that it did because she couldn't be certain how sanitary a robot was.

"Now, all y'all have to do is ask the customer how many apples they want, give them the apples, and then take their bits. Remember, the price is two bits for every pound." Applejack explained. Big Lugnut had so many questions. "Any questions?" Lugnut shook his head like the genius he was. "Then we're..."

"OPEN FOR BUSINESS!"

The magic words brought with them a swarm of mares and colts clamoring for apples. Big Lugnut didn't have the facts to explain this phenomenon, but it was very simple. There were plenty of stalls that sold Sweet Apple Acre apples, but they only had a limited amount and sold them at a much higher price. Granted these stalls could get away with it, none of them even bother to put apples out if the true Sweet Apple Acres stand is open. They always had a massive bounty of apples that could be bought on a school filly's allowance. That's only the business side of things though. The main reason is that Sweet Apple Acre apples are good enough to kill for.

"Why hello Big Lugnut! I didn't know you worked at Sweet Apple Acres," a pony greeted Big Lugnut. He didn't recognize the azure and white pony who appeared before him, but he supposed that after the party last night there was no shortage of ponies who knew his name.

"Uh, I do now." Big Lugnut felt odd making small talk with a pony who's name he didn't know. "Apples?"

"Oh yes!" the azure pony grabbed something out of her saddle bag and dropped it on the counter before Big Lugnut. He stared down at the four golden discs before him.

"Sweet apples now what?" Big Lugnut murmered to himself.

"Remember, the price is two bits for every pound"

Big Lugnut stared down at the four objects before him, panicking. He tried to calm down and think about the issue rationally. He either needed to give her eight bits of apples for her four pounds or two pounds of apples for her four bits. He wondered which part of the apple was the pound and the bit. He turned to Applejack.

"Mornin' Carrot Top! Yer usual?" the yellow pony nodded. Big Lugnut tried to examine the exchange ratio of apples to gold thingies, but it took place too quickly. Applejack's next transaction didn't even require words between the two ponies. Big Lugnut deeply regretted not asking questions. He spun his head back towards the azure pony. She was smiling at him. Her teeth are very shiny. Lugnut looked down at the discs of gold, which were also very shiny. He peered over at Applejack again. He watched her throw some she got from a customer into a chest between her hooves and Lugnut's hooves. She then went over to the apple barrel and counted out five apples. She took those apples and gave them to the customer. Both ponies smiled at one another.

Big Lugnut sprang into action. He slammed his hoof onto the bits, grating them against the counter as he violently slid them into the chest. He spun his head all the way around and looked at the barrel of apples behind him. He hooked it with his hind leg and brought it closer to his side. By this point, he had caught Applejack's attention.

"Uh... Lugnut?" It was too late. Big Lugnut picked up a single apple in both hooves. It was squished completely flat. He carefully tried again, gingerly setting it before the azure pony. She looked absolutely mortified. Big Lugnut repeated this ritual until he had set down five intact apples. The whole display in its entirety lasted six minutes. Afterwards, the Sweet Apple Acres stand took a ten minute break before reopening without incident.

___________________

Rarity was just stepping out of her shop when she noticed the most bashful of her friends, and possibly of all ponies, approaching her establishment. Fluttershy's head was hanging a bit low, which either meant something was troubling her or that she was being shy. The latter was more likely considering Fluttershy's disposition.

"Good morning Fluttershy!" Rarity greeted her enthusiastically, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to be closing for a moment while I visit Twilight. Would you like to accompany me?" Fluttershy looked up and nodded.

"Well... actually," she stumbled over her words. Rarity knew something was up for sure now. Fluttershy was acting really weird, for Fluttershy at least. "I just wanted to talk to you about... something."

"Then come, come! We'll talk while we walk dearie," she smiled walked towards her friend. Fluttershy smiled, picked her head up a bit and strode side by side with her friend.

"Now tell me, what's on your mind?"

"Well... you see, about last night..."

"Ah yes, the party! Quite the exciting evening if I do say so myself. Big Lugnut seems nice, eh-even if he is a robot. I know it seems odd, but I believe he can be trusted, darling! Twilight trusts him and Rainbow Dash seem to like him too, so there's no reason to be afraid of him."

"Oh-oh yes, I know he's nice and, uhm, I'm not that afraid of him... but, I actually wanted to talk about, well, something else..."

"Oh? And what would that be darling?"

"Well, you know... when we had the wine..."

"Oh, I see what you're getting at. You know what, I don't really like it when Rainbow Dash drinks like that either, but I heard from Applejack that she's recovered. Rainbow Dash is tough, but she's just not a drinker. Now there's nothing wrong with that, but one must recognize when one has reached one's limits. We have to assume some of the responsibility too, since we know how Rainbow Dash can get. In the future we must remind herself to limit her alcohol consumption. Not to say she has a problem, I mean, she hardly ever drinks. When she does drink though her weakness for it shines through."

"Oh, I understand... but... Rarity, I actually wanted to talk about, uhm... something different..."

"Oh I'm sorry Fluttershy! I was just running my mouth without thinking about you. I mean, this is your conversation for your benefit. You shouldn't allow me to just run off on a tangent on my own. I don't know if you've heard me talk, but I can go on for a long time without realizing I'm boring everypony. Now I know it's not your strong point, but you really must speak up if I'm just rambling! I won't be offended, so don't feel afraid to interrupt me if I'm going off on my own. I don't mean to be rude, but my train of thought just keeps going. I'm like this all the time at work too! I start one dress, but leave it when I think of another dress that I leave because I think of another. I am just a nightmare of side-tracking and I just never get anything done! Sometimes I think I should just restrict myself to one dress, but I don't want to stifle my creativity. I mean, just the other day..."

____________________

"...that just couldn't be ignored. I just told him she was probably going through a phase, but with kids today you just can't tell. Do you understand what I mean?"

"No... not at all." Fluttershy had never been so confused, and she was good friends with Pinkie Pie. Rarity's train of thought was more like a pioneer wagon train of thought.

"Oh, well it's not that important," Rarity laughed. Fluttershy didn't realize how much of a saint she was for not strangling her friend right then and there. "Now, what were you saying?"

"Well it's just that, uhm, before we drank that wine you said... that... that drinking it was... it was..." Fluttershy began to blush. Thankfully, Rarity finally, and actually, knew what was going on.

"That drinking it was like falling in love?" Rarity mused. Fluttershy nodded slowly.

"Well... I was wondering... uhm... exactly, what does that mean?" Fluttershy squeaked. Her nervousness couldn't betray Rarity's scrutinizing eyes and ears though. Rarity could tell Fluttershy was really curious.

"Well, didn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Didn't you suddenly feel like you could write poetry? Didn't you feel a bit embarrassed?" Rarity poked each question at her friend, enjoying the sadistic pleasure of seeing her squirm in response. Fluttershy whimpered something in response, but Rarity didn't quite catch it. She leaned in a perked up an ear. Fluttershy caught the hint and repeated herself.

"Is that really what falling in love is like?" she only just audibly squeaked. Rarity had to think that over for a moment.

"Well I believe it's different for everyone, darling. Why the sudden interest?" Rarity could understand Fluttershy being bashful about the topic, but if she'd mustered up the courage and brought up the topic herself something had to be up.

"Oh... it's, uhm... nothing." Fluttershy looked Rarity in the eye. It was enough of a signal to Rarity that she shouldn't push the matter further right now, but Fluttershy would revisit it when she felt more comfortable. Inside her head though, Rarity's mind was going crazy with questions: Was there somepony who Fluttershy had her eye on? Cute, innocent, timid little Fluttershy with a crush on somepony? What was this colt like? Or mare! Who was Rarity to judge? Either way, go Fluttershy!

The conversation ended at an opportune time, as the two arrived at the large, hollow tree that served as the town's library and home for the librarian, Twilight Sparkle. Rarity always had amusing thoughts about how Twilight would live at the library even if it wasn't her real residence. She knocked her hoof against the door a couple of times.

"Coming!" a male voice rang out from inside. It belonged to the number one library assistant Spike, the baby dragon. Since it was a library, they really were at liberty to simply walk in, but Rarity found that knocking was a faster way to find out who was home. If Spike or Twilight wasn't within earshot of the door, they were either out or busy. There was no need to wander into an empty library. Soon enough, the library door opened.

"Oh hey guys! What's up?" Spike greeted them with a smile.

"Hello Spike, I was wondering where I might find Twilight," Rarity explained. Spike heaved a sigh. Rarity knew where this was going. "Friendship troubles somewhere?" Rarity questioned.

"She said something about AJ and somepony named Big Lugnut." Spike shrugged, indicating he knew very little about the situation. This was news to Rarity and Fluttershy.

"Applejack and Big Lugnut don't get along?" Fluttershy wondered aloud. Spike shrugged again. Rarity smelled something fishy.

"Do you know exactly where Twilight is?" Rarity asked. Spike shrugged once more.

"If I had to guess," Spike grumbled as he rubbed his spines in thought. "She'd be wherever Applejack or this Big Lugnut guy can be found."

"Thank you very much Spike," Rarity smiled. Spike's knees went weak as he tried to hide behind his tail.

"Aww... it was nothin'!" he laughed, not doing a very good job of hiding how nervous he was. Rarity patted him on the head then parted ways with Spike, bringing Fluttershy along with her. Rarity sensed a juicy story somewhere, and she wanted in on it.

____________________

When the lunchtime lull in the marketplace rolled around, Big Macintosh arrived to take over for the rest of the day. Applejack invited Big Lugnut out for a bit of lunch, to which he declined with claims that he wasn't hungry. Applejack then told him she wasn't asking him to come, but telling him. As a result, Big Lugnut was now sitting in silence, watching Applejack attack some sort of salad. Lugnut was left alone with his own thoughts.

After Applejack had explained what bits were and how many apples are generally in a pound, he found himself working much more effectively. As his confidence rose, he managed to stop destroying apples. Once he got into the swing of things, selling apples wasn't that hard at all. It was almost as if they sold themselves. Lugnut was just a catalyst for the exchange of money and apples.

"Big Lug." Lugnut snapped out of his musings and looked up at Applejack, who sat behind an empty plate. She looked pretty serious. He figured it wasn't about selling apples, since she had already given him an earful about it earlier. It was a pleasant reminder of why Lugnut wanted to stay on her good side.

"I'm guessing you wanted to talk about something?" Applejack nodded in response. "What about?"

"Last night at the party, y'all told me ya didn't remember who you were, right?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Ya also said ya didn't want nopony else to hear it. Why?"

"Well... it might sound kind of weird... but I don't think I want to remember who I was," Lugnut admitted.

"Why does that make ya wanta keep it a secret?"

"Think about it. If somepony you know lost all their memories, but made no effort to be who they used to be, wouldn't you hate them?" Big Lugnut brought up a good point. Applejack had to stop and think about that. Without the memory of being friends, it would be hard for somepony to return to being friends just on the faith that they were friends in what feels like a completely different life. Applejack couldn't stand the thought of losing a friend like that. On the other hand, Big Lugnut didn't have anypony who knew him before hand, so he couldn't really cause any damage.

Another thought hit her though: how does that attitude made Lugnut look? Forgetting everything near and dear to you, then not even caring what you left behind didn't come off so well. It sounded like a cold-hearted thing to do, to say all the memories and friendships amounted to nothing in the end. That raised a question in Applejacks head.

"Why don't you want to remember?" Big Lugnut's expressionless face was impossible to read, but this time he turned his head away and looked off into the distance. There was something very pensive about it in Applejack's mind. This was obviously a question Lugnut struggled with himself.

"I think... I think it's because I wasn't a good pony in my past life," Lugnut gave the only answer he head. Applejack's heart went out for him all at once. It struck her that Lugnut was a victim this whole time. Whether or not Flim and Flam built him, they used him as their slave. Everything he did he did against his will. Applejack thought she knew everything about Big Lugnut when they met on her doorstep. This morning she discovered she didn't know this new Lugnut, and now she realized how little she actually knew about the old one.

Applejack was silent for a while. Big Lugnut turned to look at her. Lugnut's heart and soul sank into a pit when he saw her face. He didn't know if it was what he said or something she was thinking, but she looked so sad Lugnut wanted to apologize right then and there. He didn't say a word though. He couldn't. He was all choked up because he couldn't stop staring at Applejack's big, green, sad eyes. He just waited for her to say something to break the spell. He thought, he needed her to say something to break this silence.

"Lugnut, I need tuh 'pologize fer all the times I was cross with you 'cause of the Flim Flam brothers and I need tuh 'pologize fer all the times I poked fun at you for being or just straight up called you a robot." Big Lugnut did not like how Applejack sounded right now. "An' I gotta 'pologize fer it... 'cause... Lugnut... I dunno how else to say this, but... yer not a pony like ery'pony else..."

"Who and what are you?"

"My name is Big Lugnut, and I am a pony like you."

"You don't look like a pony just like us..."

"Not everypony is exactly the same."

"I dunno if you wanna hear this Lugnut, but you've gotta look at the facts. What're the differences between you and other ponies?"

"Could you teach me how to spin my head around like that?"

"Did you hear that? He sounds like a robot!"

"He broke another table? This pony is freaky strong!"

"This is a pony who can take a hit."

"Ya, I guess robots don't need to sleep."

"I wouldn't know."

"Now is that so?"

"Big Lugnut." Lugnut felt Applejack winding up the final blow, "Ever since ya lost yer memory... have ya looked in a mirror?"

____________________

"Nope," Big Macintosh shook his head. Twilight heaved a sigh. She couldn't find Applejack or Big Lugnut anywhere. Her saddlebag was filled with her own essays on friendship and a couple of science fiction novels that portrayed robots in a good light.

"Thanks for your time, any idea where either of them are now?" Twilight asked.

"Lunch." Big Macintosh was doing a good job of maintaining his reputation of being a pony of few words. Twilight heaved another sigh. This wasn't going as well as she planned. Nothing ever seemed to go as well as she planned.

"Twilight!" At the sound of her name, she turned around and was greeted by two familiar faces.

"Rarity, Fluttershy!" Twilight was glad to find some more talkative ponies. "Have you seen Applejack or Big Lugnut?"

"Not recently." Rarity shook her head.

"Not recently, but you have seen them?" Twilight probed. Rarity went ahead and explained her conversation with Applejack earlier this morning. She explained how Applejack seemed to be in a pretty good mood. Twilight then took her turn, starting with Big Lugnut's arrival with Flim and Flam and stopping with an explanation of how she'd sort of used Rainbow Dash's state of well-being as a way to try and make Big Lugnut and Applejack to get along.

"Did it work?" Rarity asked. Twilight shrugged.

"I don't know, I have yet to see 'em," Twilight went on to explain. Rarity gave her an odd look.

"Did you ask Big Macintosh?" Twilight wondered how she'd overlooked that avenue. Then again, getting information out of Macintosh was like drawing blood from a stone. The three mares turned and looked at Big Macintosh, who returned their gaze with blinding indifference.

"They've gettin' along fine since breakfast," he admitted. Twilight beamed brightly. Her mission ended in friendship successful.

"Now I really want to find them! Princess Celestia will want to hear all about how the bitterest of enemies can become friends!" Twilight trotted off, leaving the other ponies to their own devices. Satisfied with the information she'd received, Rarity said her good-byes and headed back to her store, leaving just the small pegasus and the large earth pony by the apple stand.

"Apples?" Macintosh offered.

"Oh, uhm, I would lo- I mean... yes... please... if it's not too much trouble..."

___________________

A pair of incandescent eyes stared back into Big Lugnut's. He realized that his metal features were incapable of displaying his shock. To any outside observer, he must look like he's taking it very well. Truth be told, he wasn't.

He lifted his foreleg, suddenly more conscious of the whirring and grinding noises it made. The thing in the mirror copied the motion, mocking him. Big Lugnut had no choice but to accept what he saw in the mirror was him. It occurred to him he actually had no notions or preconceptions of how he should look. Against his will, his brain accepted what it saw. He wondered if he even had a brain. He didn't know what he was thinking with. He considred if he was even free to think on his own accord or if everything was pre-programmed. He pictured himself as the invention of some sick scientist who wanted to create a automaton capable of having an existential breakdown.

Good job doctor psychopath, your machine works.

"Lugnut," he didn't even turn his head to acknowledge Applejack's presence. First off, he couldn't bear to look her in the eye again after the look she gave him back in Ponyville. The whole walk back to Sweet Apple Acres had been silent. Wordlessly, she had brought him up into the attic and rolled out a full-body mirror. If Applejack looked at him like she did back then, his heart couldn't bear it.

If he had a heart...

Secondly, and he realized how foolish a thought it was, he didn't want her to see how troubled he was. She couldn't know. His eyes, his jaw, his entire face was fixed like a statue. He was statue with a somewhat dismal looking face etched onto it for eternity. All the facts made him realize just how much he'd been fooling himself up to this point. He had unrestricted strength, he never wore out, he didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he didn't feel hot, cold, or anything.

"Lugnut... ya'll need to tell me what yer thinkin'." Applejack's voice conveyed nothing but genuine concern. He wanted to asky why.

"I'm just a machine... who cares what I'm thinking..."

"That ain't the Big Lugnut from this mornin'."

"Yeah? Well... things are different now."

"No they ain't Lugnut. Yer still you, no matter what ya look like."

"It's more than just what I look like Applejack. It's what I am..."

"Lugnut, you don't know what ya are!" He heard Applejack stamp her hoof. Big Lugnut gazed into and then beyond his reflection in the mirror.

Applejack was right; he had no idea what he was. Being made of metal didn't instantly brand him as a robot. The possibility stood that there was something else inside him. He felt like there was. He might just be grasping at straws, but Big Lugnut didn't want to throw himself on a scrap heap yet.

"You're right... but how do we find out what I am?" Lugnut wondered. Short of talking a can-opener and slicing open his body, he didn't have any bright ideas. Applejack wondered the same thing. She didn't know what parts of him did and didn't make him a robot.

Right on cue, Applejack and Lugnut heard a knock on the door downstairs. Quickly using the excuse to escape the dismal attic, both Applejack and Lugnut descended into the main room of the house. Applejack opened up the door.

"Hey Applejack! Whoa... you okay?" It was Twilight. Big Lugnut didn't know why she'd asked the question, but only because he'd forgone looking at Applejack's face. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, making Applejack look obviously distraught.

"Twilight! Boy, am I glad to see you!" Applejack confessed. "Twi, we need yer help. I mean, if that's alright with you Lugnut," she asked as she turned and locked eyes with him for the first time in a while. Big Lugnut's heart sank, and he didn't care if he didn't have one. It occurred to him why Applejack was taking this all so hard. With all the poking and prodding with the robot business beforehand, she must have been hoping that Lugnut would have his identity challenged. Now that it was unfolding before her though, she felt guilty and blamed herself. Lugnut was touched.

"Yes. I would love some help." Lugnut nodded. Applejack smiled a bit, putting his soul at ease. He wouldn't let anyone tell him he didn't have a soul after that.

____________________

Big Lugnut and Applejack had been hitting the books for well over two hours, but so far the only thing they'd discovered was that neither of them were really good at this book searching thing. Twilight was the only pony who had really broken any ground, but all her notions ended up being debunked. At this point, even the prospect of being a robot seemed impossible. Twilight had probed Lugnut with magic for more hints. The only thing she found out is that Lugnut's body houses something infused with magic, probably his power source so to speak. Robots ran on electricity. Twilight had never heard of a robot that could run on magic without a constant, steady supply.

She told Lugnut and Applejack to look through more recent articles and books about magical and electronic beings and devices. Twilight buried herself in ancient texts that described anything remotely like Big Lugnut. While she found there were many ancient unicorn civilizations that tried to build things like Lugnut, the books she read only described devices of perpetual obedience and unfortunately limited durability. She still had a mountain of books at her disposal, so the search was far from over.

Meanwhile, Lugnut and Applejack were having their dilemma.

"Do ya have a heating element and a timer?" Applejack lay with her chin on the floor, just staring at the open catalogue before her.

"No..." Big Lugnut was on his back staring at the ceiling.

"Well... I dun think yer a toaster," Applejack mumbled.

"Yay," Big Lugnut half groaned and half cheered. "That's the best news since we found out I wasn't a washing machine..."

"C'mon now Lugnut, don't feel down. We're gonna figure this out somehow," Applejack assured him, but didn't sound quite convinced herself. After all, reading was going nowhere and she couldn't think of anything that would speed them to a result.

"Hey... Applejack."

"What is it Big Lug?"

"If we find out I'm just a soulless hunk of metal... what'll you do?" Big Lugnut asked a question that had been eating at him for a while now. He was afraid of her response, but he was surprised when Applejack gave him an answer without hesitation.

"Lugnut, if we find out yer a tickin' time bomb, I'd be more than happy tuh see y'all off to somewheres ya kin explode in peace. Whatever ya are Lugnut, yer a good one. If ya don't mind, feel free tuh call Sweet Apple Acres yer home." That was all Lugnut needed to hear. He flipped over and got on his hooves, then offered his hoof to help Applejack up.

"Thanks." He pulled her back up and she smiled at him. He wished he could return it.

"Eureka!" Twilight came galloping down the stairs. "Are you two ready for this? I've got it for sure this time!" Twilight sounded infinitely more confident the previous few times. Applejack and Big Lugnut turned as she flashed a very modern looking publication in their faces.

"This is a weekly science magazine I've been subscribed to forever. I hadn't been reading it in recent weeks, so I decided to take a brief break from my studies and catch up."

"Take a break? Do you have no sense of urgency?" Applejack asked. Twilight ignored her and flipped through the magazine. She stopped and turned the open magazine so Applejack and Big Lugnut could see it. The page prominently displayed a picture of Big Lugnut, sitting in what looked like an archeological dig. Any doubt that it was him was dispelled by the headline accompanying the picture:

"A Marvel of the Ancient World, Big Lugnut!"

V: Actuator

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter V

____________________

"That's me!"

"It's you!"

"I know right?" Twilight smiled. "This issue is from last week. Apparently they dug you up about a month ago!"

"Dug me up?"

"Dug 'im up?"

"Cool, right? Apparently, you're the answer to the Iron Skeletons that have been puzzling archeologists for decades!" Twilight turned the magazine so she could read it. Applejack and Big Lugnut watched her scan it with her eyes.

"What're Iron Skeletons Twi?" Applejack questioned. To her surprise, Twilight shushed her. Big Lugnut and Applejack had to wait for Twilight to stop reading before they could question her further. It was painful to do.

First, Twilight looked interested. Her eyes moving slowly as she smiled. Her expression turned into one of more surprise and her eyes began moving faster. She looked up at Big Lugnut for a moment, but she quickly looked back down and continued reading with her eyes moving even faster. Then a wide smile crossed her face as she nodded in approval of something. Applejack and Big Lugnut nearly had a conniption when Twilight suddenly gasped and pulled the magazine over her face. She kept it there for the rest of her reading session before finally putting the article aside.

"What a well written article," was Twilight's only remark. Literally, her only one. She spoke those words, and then looked up expectantly at Big Lugnut and Applejack. Big Lugnut and Applejack looked at each other, then back to Twilight. She was walking away from them.

"Spike? Spike! I need you to take a letter to Princess Celestia for me!" Spike descended the stairs, already with a quill and scroll in hand.

"Oh, hey Applejack! Uh... who's your friend?" Spike referred to Big Lugnut, who he had yet to meet.

"Not now Spike, this is urgent," Twilight called her assistant to attention. "I want to report my findings on the magic of friendship right away."

"Okay then," Spike put his quill to the scroll, "I'm ready when you are." Twilight turned to Big Lugnut and Applejack. Big Lugnut looked like he always did, but Applejack looked incredibly confused.

"I know, I know. You want to know what I read in the article, but lessons on friendship come first in this case. I promise it's good news, so just bear with me."

"She's... she's joking... right?" Big Lugnut managed an empty chuckle.

"I... I'm 'fraid not Big Lug..."

____________________

One letter to Princess Celestia later, Twilight sat before Big Lugnut and Applejack. The latter party had run out of patience. While they didn't mind telling Princess Celestia that by assuming you know everything about somepony can lead to endless arguments and the only way to be reconciled as friends is by trying to imagine what it's really like in their shoes, it isn't what they came here to do. At least it appeared they'd be getting to the bottom of things.

Twilight cleared her throat and began.

"The Iron Skeletons are remains of earth ponies scattered all around Equestria. At first, they were thought to be incredibly precise works of art, but when they started to turn up in the marked tombs of warrior clans archeologists knew something was up. An Iron Skeleton is exactly what it sounds like: the skeleton of an earth pony comprised of one hundred percent iron.

"It wasn't until recently that archeologists stumbled upon an ancient laboratory of sorts. They called it Mephisto's Labyrinth, a Labyrinth because of how complex it is. Mephisto is the name given to the seemingly nameless unicorn who owned the whole thing. Among the things ponies found in the Labyrinth were research notes detailing his many plans to create synthetic life. Researches labeled these ideas bunk, as nothing in the Labyrinth matched anything they found in his notes. It wasn't until about a month ago that they discovered a new chamber in the Labyrinth; one that they discovered had an amazing purpose behind it.

"Mephisto planned on creating an invincible warrior. He didn't just want to create them though; he wanted to give birth to them. After selecting... erm... genetic information from an earth pony mare and colt, he placed the two parts in an iron body. Using magic he would literally give birth to a new pony that would use the iron body as its own. These combinations of machine, magic, and pony were said to be unreasonably powerful and unable to feel any pain. Using magic, he was able to deaden their consciousness and make them completely obedient to orders issued through more magic. His notes even detailed ways to make these iron ponies obedient to one master forever.

"However, there was one unforeseen flaw in his idea, detailed in his research notes found in the new chamber he used to create the iron ponies. The magic holding back their consciousness could be broken if it was weakened. If that happened, their biological side took over and the iron ponies attained free will. In addition to that, the genetic information would do what genetic information is designed to do: grow. An earth pony would literally grow inside the robotic shell with a little help from magic and the metal around them. When fully grown, the outer shell breaks off like a cocoon. Later notes even mention how these 'awakened' ponies had metal for bones.

"While the notes and apparatuses in the iron pony chamber were incredible, the crown jewel was the discovery of a fully functioning iron pony they named Big Lugnut."

"No way." Big Lugnut was still processing what all this meant.

"If Big Lug's the crown jewel of sum arch-e-o-logical dig, how did Flim and Flam git him?"

"The article explained that too," Twilight continued. "The discovery was so huge that it merited a huge party that the whole dig team enjoyed. The next morning, they found Big Lugnut had been purloined. The culprit, or rather culprits were easy to identify since they also went missing at the same time. You'd think the Flim Flam Brothers would come up with better fake names and disguises!" Twilight held the magazine open for them to see. Applejack nearly doubled over laughing at the picture of two yellow unicorns with long, red beards with the title "Digg Dugg Brothers at Large" in bold letters over their heads.

"Yer tellin' me that Flim and Flam steal an ancient robot an' the first thing they think tuh do with it is try and take over Sweet Apple Acres? That's a hoot! Ain't it Big Lug?" Applejack nudged Big Lugnut with her foreleg. He didn't respond.

"Uh... Big Lugnut?" Twilight waved a hoof in front of his face. He stood up without warning, startling both ponies.

"I'M GONNA BE A NORMAL PONY!"

Lugnut grabbed Applejack by her hooves and began dancing in a circle with her, faster than Applejack could keep up with. He just ended up swinging her around like a professional wrestler. He didn't care, he was far too happy.

"That's great news Big Lug, but kin you put me down?!" Applejack pleaded. Big Lugnut complied, placing the dizzy pony back on her hooves before she toppled over on her own.

"Congratulations Big Lug," Applejack regained her footing and patted Lugnut on the shoulder. "So, what're you gonna do now?"

"That's an easy one!" Big Lugnut declared. He hoisted the still slightly queasy Applejack onto his back. "I'm a super strong, super fast, robotic pony right now! I'm going to milk it for all its worth because one day I'll be made of flesh like everypony else! I can hardly wait! Let's go Applejack!" Without waiting for a word of agreement or protest from his passenger, Lugnut took off at full gallop out of Twilight's library leaving behind a cloud of dust and an old stetson.

____________________

Rainbow Dash came down out of her dive at high speed. The thrill of speed is what she lived for, and the best way to feel speed is to get close to the ground. The sight of coulds rushing by was cool and all, but there was something about the ground rushing right by her that thrilled her the most. It made her feel powerful and in control. She felt like the fastest pony around, she knew she was the fastest pony around. There was no pony dead or alive that could hope to-

"Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash!" Rainbow Dash glanced to her left and noticed Big Lugnut running right beside her. She wanted to respond, but doing more than shifting her eyes at this speed would throw off her aerodynamics. Even if she could, she didn't exactly know what to say. It didn't matter, since Lugnut continued on his own.

"Get this! I'm not gonna be a robot forever! I'm going to be a normal pony! Whoooooo-hooooooo!" and with that, Big Lugnut rushed ahead of her. Rainbow Dash noticed Applejack clinging to Lugnut's neck for dear life.

"Yeeee-haaaaw!" Or perhaps not for dear life.

The two ran down the plains outside of Ponyville at high velocity. Applejack's hat had fallen off when Lugnut ran out of the library, so both of her hooves were free to secure herself around Big Lugnut's neck without worry about anything else. She was scared at first, but once the feeling of safety settled in she began enjoying the ride to no end.

Big Lugnut managed to catch up to a train. Applejack smiled to all the passengers as Big Lugnut passed them by. Onlookers just stared back with their mouths hanging open. The younger ones waved. It didn't take long for Big Lugnut to overtake the train and continue along the tracks ahead of it.

"Do you know where these go?" he yelled to his passenger.

"Canterlot!" There was no mistaking the winding mountain tracks that lead to Equestria's capitol. The train ride took three hours, but Big Lugnut was faster than the train. Big Lugnut was lighter than the train. Big Lugnut was feeling far more elated than the train.

"You wanna go there?" He gave Applejack the choice since she was just along for the ride.

"Why not?! I bet Princess Celestia would be a might surprised if we popped in on her readin' our letter!"

__________________

Somepony was playing guitar near the edge of the Everfree Forest.

Fluttershy rushed over to her rear window and threw it open, allowing the strains of the guitar invade her home. For roughly three weeks now, the ritual of opening the window for this mysterious performance had become a staple in Fluttershy's day. The first two performances happened four days apart, then the next one three days later. It quickly became an every other day sort of thing, but this week the performer had managed to show up every day at the same time without fail.

Each time it was the same enchanting acoustic strumming accompanied by a powerful and deep voice. Each time the pony would show up and play a couple of songs before going silent. Fluttershy had tried to find the pony playing once or twice, but eventually submitted herself to just enjoying the music. It was absolutely wonderful.

Sitting and listening gave Fluttershy the same feelings as drinking the wine Rarity had given her, but these feelings were more intense and prolonged. She was all fuzzy and happy inside, but on the same time she felt like her soul and more personal secrets were being invaded. It was embarrassing, but she wanted nothing more than to sing along. The desire was most strong on this particular song in the chorus:

"I want your flowers, like new foals want sunshine, or maybe as sure as tomorrow will come."

Fluttershy sat there smiling and absorbing the music. She was ready to sink into the next song as the first ended, but she was jerked back into reality by a knock on her door.

"Fluttershy? Are you home?" It was Rarity. Fluttershy took to her wings and glided oven to the door. She opened it hastily, a bit of a surprise for Rarity.

"H-hello Fluttershy, I was jus-umph!" Fluttershy covered Rarity's mouth with a hoof. She was quiet just long enough to realize what was going on. Fluttershy quietly led her over to the open window. Rarity poked her head out, expecting to see the pony playing, but noticed there was no such presence in sight. In light of this, Rarity stood and listened until the performance came to an end. Rarity was speechless for the most part, but she did have a lot of questions.

"Fluttershy... who was that?" was the first one that managed to come out of her mouth.

"Oh... I don't know..."

"Has this happened before?" Fluttershy nodded. "And you still don't know who it is?" Another nod.

"I looked a couple of times, but I think whoever is playing doesn't want to be found. That's okay though, I enjoy just listening. I'm afraid that if they know I'm listening, they'll go away..."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with your... line of questioning this morning... would it?" Fluttershy froze for a moment and glanced around, but nodded stiffly in response. "So... what do you want to do about this?" Rarity asked. Honestly, Fluttershy didn't know either. She was too afraid of scaring off the musician to pursue him, but at the same time doing nothing could be just as risky. Fluttershy wasn't good at navigating risky situations.

"I'd like to find out who's playing... but... I don't know how," Fluttershy admitted. "I really just want to listen, so I don't really feel like taking the risk..."

"I see. Well, Fluttershy, just leave it to me! I'll find out who our mystery guitar colt is," Rarity puffed her chest out proudly, dramatically declaring her intent.

"You'd do that for me?"

"Well of course! We're friends aren't we? I want to get to the bottom of this as well!"

"Oh, thank you so much Rarity!" Fluttershy swooped onto Rarity and gaver her a zealous, at least for Fluttershy, hug. After that it was just a matter of finding out everything Fluttershy knew about the mysterious musician then saying good-bye before Rarity was making her way back to her boutique at a brisk pace. Her brain was going at a million miles per minute though.

She just knew Fluttershy had taken an interest in somepony! Perhaps it wasn't a romantic interest, but it's hard to take a romantic interest in someone you haven't even seen. With the right combination of factors though, Rarity could see romance blossoming between little Fluttershy and this mysterious musician. There was no way any stallion in his right mind wouldn't be attracted to Fluttershy, so Rarity didn't see any problems there.

Rarity hadn't given much thought as to what kind of stallion would appeal to Fluttershy, but the more and more she thought about it the more it made sense that Fluttershy would be attracted to the kind of guy who would wander into the woods to be alone and play guitar. He was more than obviously the sensitive type and somepony who could appreciate nature. As long as he wasn't rippling with muscles or super skinny, Rarity could easily see this musician being very attractive. Rarity was eager to play cupid. She didn't see how this could fail!

"Oh wait... what if he's gay?" Rarity paused as she considered the possibility.

____________________

"Big Mac, 'ave you seen Applejack?" Applebloom bounced up and down in front of Big Macintosh, pulling his cart full of empty apple barrels in the meager light of the setting sun.

"Nope..."

"Have ya seen Big Lugnut?" Macintosh watched the filly as she continued to jump up and down. Sure, she was energetic now, but once she got home she'd probably fall right to sleep before eating supper. Big Macintosh remembered Applejack being the same way when she was Applebloom's age. Even now he had to keep an eye on her, just to make sure she didn't work herself until she collapsed. It was a reasonably common occurence, but Big Macintosh wished it wasn't.

"Nope," he answered Applebloom's previous question. He did wonder where the two of them got off too. Twilight and company were looking for Applejack around lunchtime, so maybe she's with them. Big Macintosh didn't know enough about Lugnut to know where he got off to, but he assumed he'd just be following Applejack around.

Big Macintosh took some comfort in Big Lugnut's reappearance as an ally. Sweet Apple Acres was on too tight a budget to hire extra workers, so having a worker that didn't need money or even food was like a dream come true. With his copious amounts of strength and literally tireless endurance, it was even better than hiring a foursome of stallions! The best part wasn't even that.

Big Lugnut was a robot, so there was no way he'd try to do anything funny to his sisters!

"Shucks! I really wanted to show Big Lugnut to ery'pony in class today, but he just plum disappeared. Oh well, I'll jus' bring i'm in tomorrow! He'll be stayin' here from now on, right?" Applebloom questioned.

"Eeyup." Big Macintosh smiled. He hoped he'd be staying for a long time to come.

____________________

"Whoa... would ya look at that!" Applejack gazed out at the sunset from the high resting city of Canterlot. Applejack had never imagined she'd get to visit Canterlot without first buying a train ticket. Stranger things have happened to her. Perhaps not strange, but interesting nonetheless.

Despite her previous visits to Canterlot, she'd never taken the time to simply stop and watch Princess Celestia bring an end to the day. From this height, it was a breathtaking sight.

"One day... when I'm finally a pony I wanna come back here and watch the sunset just like this." Big Lugnut gazed into the sunset.

"I hope it'll be soon. Although, come that time yer gonna have to buy a ticket on the train," Applejack laughed. So did Lugnut. It was true.

"That's okay. If somepony told me that if I gave up all this strength and energy right now I could be a pony straightaway, I'd probably do it."

"I know it's a funny question Big Lug, but why're you so dead set on bein' like ery'pony else? It ain't bad bein' different." Lugnut shook his head to this.

"I'm not saying it is, but I'm missing out on so much like this. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't feel the sun on my face. It's little things like those things are important to me."

"Hmm," Applejack smiled, looking up at Big Lugnut. Big Lugnut looked down. She was giving him a very playful look.

"W...what? What's with that face?"

"Aw, it's nothin'. I was jus' thinkin' the world needs more ponies like you Lugnut. It's a good thing ya're bringin' in one more pony like you," Applejack laughed, and all at once Big Lugnut felt very afraid.

"Hey... Applejack." Big Lugnut cast his eyes down, "How do we know it's all true? How can we know that somewhere inside this body, my true self is taking shape?" No sooner had Big Lugnut finished his question than Applejack had her head pressed up against his chest. "What? What are you doing?"

"Shh!" she quieted him. For a while, they remained that way. Big Lugnut just watched Applejack, silently. Without her hat on, she looked more feminine. Her hair looked like it would be really soft if he touched it. Big Lugnut didn't know what soft was though, so he wasn't sure why he thought that. Lugnut allowed Applejack's hair became the definition of soft. Once he could tell soft from hard, he wanted to find out for himself. He wanted be the first thing he does with it.

"I kin hear it Big Lug," Applejack whispered. Big Lugnut was suddenly glad he could hear. He wondered if his robotic ears did Applejack's voice any justice. He wondered if that twang in her voice was really that cute.

"Hear what?" Lugnut asked in a whisper. Applejack took her head away and looked up at Big Lugnut. He wondered if her eyes were greener than his own eyes told him they were. He couldn't imagine them being so.

"You're heart Lugnut. You've got yerself a heart." She smiled up at Big Lugnut.

Lugnut had learned he had a heart just in time to lose it, but he did have a new reason to be a pony.

______________________

"Didja git ery'thing done Lugnut?" Applejack asked over her breakfast. Big Lugnut had just walked in from his newly assigned nightly duties. The entire Apple family was gathered around the table, enjoying some typical Apple family fare. Appejack was tired when she and Big Lugnut returned late last night, but she still managed to give Lugnut his marching orders.

"I got it done in an hour! No sweat," Lugnut bragged, partly in jest since it wasn't a big deal considering his freakish strength and endurance. The other part of it was to impress Applejack. She wasn't so superficial to judge him on strength or stamina, but he knew she would respect somepony who could get the job done.

"An hour? What did ya spend the rest of the night doin'?" Applejack herself couldn't imagine just standing around in the dark for hours on end. Sure, Big Lugnut was physically incapable of sleep, but she felt like it would get boring.

Big Lugnut wasn't about to tell Applejack that he spent the rest of the night what anypony who had just become freshly infatuated would do at night: while it away thinking about the object of his infatuation. Big Lugnut was blessed in this respect, since he could think about Applejack all night and not wake up the next morning a mushy mess. In one night he had fallen down the rabbit hole of mindless infatuation, and emerged in the morning perfectly level headed.

Of course, Lugnut couldn't be happier that nopony saw him last night. Somewhere in his madness he'd gone ahead and carved their initials onto an apple tree. He later realized how much of an error that was and disposed of the tree somewhere nopony would find it. Nopony.

He then recalled that he'd carved it some other places too. He was pretty sure he'd disposed of all the evidence, but his creativity in his carving spots astounded him. Considering his hooves were made of solid iron and he had the strength of over a dozen ponies twice his size, he could literally carve whatever he wanted anywhere. Most of his carving victims were just trees that he had to turn into lumber or other rocks that he had to smash. He'd carved the initials on a large boulder sitting outside a shop in Ponyville. He smashed the rock to bits in order to dispose of the evidence, so he was hoping the rock wasn't terribly important.

Once he was convinced he'd cleaned up all his doodles, he discovered his coup de grace: a carving that occupied the entire side of a building. Short of tearing down the building, there was no way to hide the evidence. Thinking fast though, Big Lugnut changed the engraving from "BL AJ" to "BE AU" then etched in "TIFUL" in the remaining space. No one would ever suspect him.

At any rate, Big Lugnut had thought up the perfect excuse last night to cover for all his shenanigans.

"I ran all the way to Canterlot in time to awaken Princess Celestia so she could raise the sun!" Big Lugnut triumphantly declared. Applejack made deadpan eyes at him.

"Y'all just ran around without a clue, didn't ya?"

"Yeah," Big Lugnut quickly admitted. Applejack heaved a sigh and shook her head. She bought the story, turning it into the perfect crime.

"Big Lugnut, you should werk on gittin' a hobby or sumthin'. Ya can't jus' run around all night," Applejack made a point that Lugnut knew was true. That was the idea behind giving him work to do at night in the first place. Big Lugnut managed to finish it too fast, so it left his nighttime schedule bereft of anything constructive.

"I'll find something to do. Maybe I could go to the library and get some books to read." Big Lugnut considered taking woodcarving classes for a moment. "Well, maybe I should just try a bunch of things. That'll help me stave of my nighttime boredom." Applebloom's ears perked up at this.

"Now yer thinkin' like a Cutie Mark Crusader, Lugnut!" Applebloom hopped down from the table and ran over to Applejack. "C'mon Applejack, kin I take him to school today?"

"His chores 're done, so I don't see why not. That okay with you Big Lug?" Applejack turned to Big Lugnut. Somehow, in the time it took Applejack to turn her head, Applebloom managed to put on her saddlebag and get in Lugnut's back.

"Let's go Lugnut! We gotta pick up Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo!" she stamped a hoof on his flank, making it issue a slightly empty, metallic echo.

"I guess I'll be off," Big Lugnut announced as he prepared to take off full speed.

"Hold it mister!" Applejack's yelling stopped him. "I don't want ya stampedin' through Ponyville with Applebloom on yer back like that!"

"Right, right! I'll take it slower," Big Lugnut assured her as he cantered out into the morning sunshine. Applejack heaved a sigh, but smiled nonetheless. It was only day three since Big Lugnut showed up, but Applejack felt like she'd get tuckered out if things stayed this interesting. She considered it a blessing that Lugnut was growing a heart first; it probably meant that the day he gets tired will come quickly.

"Why does that boy awl-ways look so sour?" Granny Smith referred to Big Lugnut. Applejack rolled her eyes. She loved her Granny, but she was just a few apples short of a bushel.

"He can't move his face, Granny. He 'as no choice," Applejack attempted to explain. Granny Smith exited her chair at the kitchen table and moved towards her more favored position in the living room.

"Kids these days shouldn't go makin' such sour faces. They're gonna get stuck like that!"

____________________

"This is awesome!" Scootaloo cheered. Applejack had not said anything about running around full speed with Scootaloo on his back. The CMC usually opted for the scooter and wagon combo when traveling to school, but Big Lugnut was much faster. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle squealed in delight as the wagon went over another bump. Anypony who was even slightly more concerned with safety would frown upon the state of the rope tied to Lugnut's tail. It was holding up well enough as the three fillies rocketed down the streets of Ponyville on their bionic mount.

Lugnut had no idea where the school was. He was just running down streets aimlessly, looking for anything that might resemble a school. It donned on him partway that he also had no idea what a school looked like or why these fillies needed to go there. The strangely selective nature of his knowledge baffled him. Since no other option seemed viable, he followed what looked like to him a trail of smaller colts and fillies, hoping they were all heading to school. He would have followed this trail the wrong direction out of Ponyville, if the other resident speedster hadn't suddenly appeared before him.

"Hey Lugnut!" Rainbow Dash descended upon the tiny caravan, keeping up with Lugnut's "searching for a school while dragging precious cargo" speed.

"Good morning Rainbow Dash! Which way to the school?" Lugnut was not so proud as to not ask directions. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash was a pony too proud to ask directions, especially to a building that was of no circumstance to her.

"No problem! Follow me!" Rainbow Dash... dashed... ahead of Big Lugnut, more interested in challenging his speed than getting the fillies to school on time. Big Lugnut was completely oblivious to this and simply followed her as she took him on an even madder rampage through Ponyville.

Big Lugnut was convinced that this was the way to school. He found it strange that it should go through so many alleyways, around so many trees, twice through the market place, and take several laps around the square's fountain. With all of Rainbow Dash's twists and turns, Big Lugnut had to try and keep up while minding his tin trailer of tiny fillies so they didn't whip out and slam into something. Sweetie Belle and Applebloom did not perceive that they were in any danger and continued issuing all manner of guttural noises to express their delight.

Scootaloo was the only pony to realize something was up. They had already passed the school multiple times and even run across the schoolyard once. Scootaloo did very much enjoy sitting astride a being that was managing to keep up with her idol, but Miss Cheerilee had made it perfectly clear that if Scootaloo was late one more time the punishment would be regrettably severe. For some reason, this made her imagine Miss Cheerilee dangling her over a deep-fryer. Very much wanting to avoid any fate that was even metaphorically as terrible, Scootaloo took matters into her own hooves as Rainbow Dash made one more pass by the school.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

Big Lugnut complied instantly, his hooves digging up four parallel trenches as he slid to a sudden halt. Of course, the laws of momentum dictated that the sudden stop should make the wagon attached to his tail run into his rear end in order to stop. Of course, the laws of momentum further dictated that the two ponies within the wagon shall be flung high into the air.

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but hear Scootaloo calling for a stop and managed to turn around in enough time to see the two small fillies being sent into orbit.

"Hang on!" Rainbow Dash changed directions and streaked skywards, in every sense of the word since she wasn't wearing clothes. "I've got you!"

Rainbow Dash reached her hooves out to catch the fillies, but ended up with more than she bargained for. Somewhere in all this, Big Lugnut had taken to the air and intercepted the falling fillies. He eclipsed the pegasus and allowed the two smaller ponies to land right on his back. Rainbow Dash ended up with her forelegs full of a robot, three fillies, and a wagon. She hung on for dear life.

CRASH

Rainbow Dash winced. She looked down at the ground merely inches away from her. Thankfully, she had latched herself to the bottom of Big Lugnut. His hooves hit the ground before she was crushed under him. Stiffly, she released herself from Lugnut and dropped to the ground. Big Lugnut bent down as he stepped around her.

"Thanks for the directions!"

"Hurry! We're going to be late!" Scootaloo called as the three fillies bounded off Big Lugnut's back as if nothing particularly extraordinary had just happened. Before departing into the school building, Applebloom called back to Lugnut.

"Come on Big Lugnut! Yer my show 'n tell!" Big Lugnut didn't know what that meant exactly, but he removed the wagon from his tail and set it by the picket fence surrounding the school. Big Lugnut did a double take on the fence, thinking he had seen it before, but he brushed the thought off. A fence was a fence was a fence. He had to go inside to be shown and told apparently.

Rainbow Dash was left alone to come to grips with her most recent near-death experience. The harrowing thought of her life being cut short by being smashed by Big Lugnut haunted her. Regaining her cool, she got up and dusted herself off. She took wing and was about to fly off into the great blue yonder, when something about the school building caught her eye. She swooped in closer and examined the side of the building.

"... Is it supposed to be 'BE AU' or 'BA EU'?"

VI: Microphone

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter VI

___________________

By this time, Ms. Cheerilee had learned to put up with all sorts of shenanigans in the classroom. Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were capable of turning the smallest assignment or lesson into a three ring circus. By no means did she want to stifle their adventurous and curious natures, so she generally indulged their wildest pursuits. Today was slightly different.

The first thing she discovered when she arrived at the school is that somepony had knocked over and utterly destroyed the large maple tree in front of her house. She went and reported the incident to the police, who apparently had their hooves full with other incidents just like it. When she finally arrived at school she noticed one whole side of the building has been defaced with a large "BE" over a "AU". She was confused at first, but then noticed the "TIFUL" carved in underneath it. After that she was perfectly flabbergasted.

Despite what it said, she still had to high-tail it back to the police station and file another report. She was somewhat relieved to find there hadn't been a rash of that particular crime. She had hoped that would be the end of the insanity today, until a crash rocked the whole building. The last thing she expected to find connected with this incident was her three token troublemakers, a tie-dye weather pony, and a robot. Somehow, she wasn't surprised, but she would now have to find somepony to repair the deep furrows and hoof craters the robot left in the street in front of the school.

To top it all off, the same robot that crash landed outside was now standing silently in the corner of the classroom under the pretense that he was Applebloom's show and tell. Cheerilee recalled hearing the new pony in town was a robot, but she figured it was a euphemism. Of course, if there was actually a robot in town Applebloom would manage to befriend it and bring it to school. The time for show and tell finally arrived, and Cheerilee said the words she had been dreading since the mechanical stallion waltzed in.

"Applebloom! Why don't you share with the class what...er... who you've brought with you today." Cheerilee sat back at her desk, reminding herself the resignation papers were all signed and sitting in the top drawer if things got bad.

Applebloom got out of her seat and went to the front of the class, beckoning for Big Lugnut to join her. All eyes were on him as he clanked his way up to the front of the classroom.

"This here is Big Lugnut!" Applebloom gestured to her mechanical companion, "He's stayin' at mah place an' helpin' out! He's really strong, really fast, an' he's ril nice! Oh, an' he's a robot." Applebloom smiled enthusiastically.

"Ooookay... does anyone have a question for Applebloom or... or Big Lugnut?" Cheerilee dared to open the door to destruction. Diamond Tiara raised her hoof first.

"Prove he's a robot!" Diamond Tiara wasn't about to believe a country bumpkin like Applebloom owned a sophisticated piece of machinery like a robot. Applebloom looked up at Big Lugnut expectantly. This was a first for Big Lugnut. So far, no one had called his being a robot into question. There was one thing he could do that seemed like it would quickly confirm it.

Big Lugnut rotated his neck a full three hundred and sixty degrees.

"How's that?" he asked. Diamond Tiara's only response was wide eyed terror, but she didn't protest any further. Another stubby little hoof started wiggling in the air.

"Ooh, oooh!" Snips pleaded for attention. "I saw you running around with Rainbow Dash this morning! Who's faster? You or her?"

"Uh... I don't know. I outran her once, but I think she was just out for a leisurely fly. Oh! I outran a train though!"

"So... cool!" Snips gushed, looking utterly enthused. The male portion of the class in general looked more excited about Big Lugnut.

"Oh, oh! Pick me!" Snails waved a lanky, mustard colored hoof in the air. "Can you shoot lasers from your eyes?"

"I can't say I've tried," Big Lugnut admitted, seriously doubting something like that was even remotely possible for him. On the other hoof, he considered how much he really knew about his body. Shooting lasers from his eyes was doubtful, but he still wondered if there was still more than met the eye under all the metal.

His kind was originally developed to be warriors, unstoppable ones at that. It was a distinct possibility that all his predecessors had to spend a long time as mindless warriors before the spell was broken, but he couldn't riddle out why such powerful tools would ever be necessary. They may have just been superfluous, but being a necessity was in the realm of possibility as well. The answers to his questions may have gone to the grave many years ago. Although he would someday be a normal pony, that was only an accidental part of his being. According to what Twilight said, he intended to be a puppet forever.

The question hung over his head: What was his purpose?

___________________

Big Lugnut stowed the uncomfortable questions in the back of his mind as school let out. There was plenty of time for him to try and riddle himself out, so he decided to use his time right now to enjoy himself.

He clanked along behind the CMC as they exited the school building, Big Lugnut being careful not to trample any of the small colts and fillies. With his power and weight, he could easily turn them into flapjacks. The way some of the braver souls had taken to running through his legs wasn't helping at all.

"Hey, Lugnut!" Sweete Belle called up to him. "You wanna help us earn our cutie marks today?"

Big Lugnut recalled the last time he tried to help them. All he ended up doing was leaving them alone on a country road while he scared the living daylight out of the citizens of Ponyville. He'd been hoping for a chance to make it up to them. There was another reason, though, that Lugnut wanted to join the CMC on their quest.

"Actually, I kind of need all of your help to find mine too." Big Lugnut realized that the regular polygon on his rump was just painted on. He hadn't done anything to earn it.

"But what about hexagons?" Scootaloo asked.

"I'm a robot. The brand I have doesn't really mean anything; however, I'll be a real flesh and blood pony eventually!"

"So... what yer sayin' is..." Applebloom suddenly looked uncontrollably delighted, "You wanna be a Cutie Mark Crusader too?"

"Uh, well. I guess I could a-"

"HOORAY!"

Big Lugnut was learning that it didn't take much to excite the young fillies, but that's what made them fun. Big Lugnut felt a lot more sympathetic to their cause now too. They were all on a quest of self discovery, and so was Big Lugnut. Compared to his problems though, the quest of the fillies seemed rather uncomplicated. The main idea is to discover what makes them the happiest, but Big Lugnut saw how that was important.

"Alright Lugnut," Applebloom's stern voice woke him from his musings. "If yer gonna be a crusader, ya'll gotta prove her made of the right stuff!" Big Lugnut was made of iron, unlike the organic little fillies. Big Lugnut felt it didn't bode well for him.

"What kind of stuff should I be made out of?"

"Tough stuff!" Scootaloo flared her wings to punctuate the "tough" part. Seeing as iron is really tough, Lugnut's hope was restored.

"All ya gotta do is go out to Zecora's place in the Everfree Forest by yerself! If ya kin do that, yer in!" Applebloom cheered. That didn't sound too hard to Lugnut.

__________________

Big Lugnut didn't know where in the world he was.

The girls had told him to "stay on the path", but the path was made of dirt and so was the rest of the forest. Big Lugnut quickly managed to wander off the actual path and was now aimlessly wandering about. He didn't realize the path had disappeared under him until it was too late. If he could feel the different between soil and foliage beneath his hooves, this wouldn't have happened.

Not exactly a coltscout, Big Lugnut had to make due with the position of the sun to help him exit the forest. He didn't know if the exit was east or west, but he remembered where the sun had been relative to his facing when he walked into the forest. He simply reversed it and began walking "out".

The crusaders had warned him that there were dangerous monsters in the forest, but so far he hadn't seen or heard anything. A few birds, a couple of squirrels, and one or two bears, but not a single monster. Despite his strength, speed, and metal exterior, Lugnut wasn't so naive as to think that he was completely indestructible. A big enough monster or a big enough creature with an appetite for metal might do him in. On top of that, he didn't exactly know how he'd repair himself if his metal exterior got damaged.

Big Lugnut stopped in his tracks. He'd been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he'd overlooked what his ears were picking up. Very close by, somepony was making music.

"Luna don't cry, you've got the moon comin' honey. You've got the night anytime you want. I'll be awake. You own all the night's stars, each one is a setting sun."

Entranced, Big Lugnut began to move quietly towards the source. As if he were intruding on something sacred, he moved very slowly towards the clearing the sound was emanating from. Before he could enter, a white hoof cut across his path.

He remembered Rainbow Dash's friend Rarity from the party. What she was doing all the way out here in the forest ducked down in the bushes was beyond him. It must have something to do with the guitarist in the clearing. She was frantically and silently beckoning him to get down in the bushes with her. He complied, sensing that perhaps the scene in the clearing should not be disturbed.

Once he was crouched in the bushes, he peeked out to get a good look at the singing pony. On a stone in the clearing sat a tall, lean, deep blue stallion strumming away on a beat up acoustic guitar. The brown wood was the same color of his shaggy tail and shaggy mane mostly hidden beneath a red stocking cap. He wore a green, plaid shirt on his body and the most tranquil look on his face. The pony's listless brown eyes barely moved as his hooves caressed his instrument, producing a wondrous, rich tone with each movement.

Lugnut and Rarity waited until the performance was through. The pony slung his guitar of his back, revealing momentarily the guitar emblazoned on his flank, before he began to wander off.

"Hello there!" Rarity suddenly popped up out of the hiding place, startling both the blue stallion and Lugnut, who quietly rose from the bush after Rarity as she sauntered up to the stranger. The poor stallion's eyes kept switching back and forth between the unicorn and the robot that had suddenly appeared, unable to decided which surprised him more.

"That was a very good performance!" she complimented him. The stranger did not look complimented. His face scrunched up in discomfort, his eyes darting to either side.

He put his haunches on the ground and slung his guitar in front of him again. He strummed a few chords, singing:

"Why are you talkin', why are you talkin' to me?"

There was a silent lull afterwards. This time it was Rarity who looked uncomfortable, her eyes darting around in uncertainty. She pointed a hesitant hoof to herself, to which the blue pony nodded vigorously.

"Uh... well, I heard you playing and singing, so I wanted to come over and meet you!" she explained. The stranger didn't flinch, but strummed some harsher chords for his response:

"Well that is that, and this is this! Now you tell me what you want, and I'll tell you what you get; you get away from me. You get away from me!"

Before Rarity could compose herself from the harsh response, the blue pony slung his guitar onto his back again and began to march off. Rarity wasn't about to give up yet. She cantered after him, Big Lugnut on her heels.

"Excuse me, but is that any way to treat a lady? Let alone the way to treat someone you just met! Did your mother raise you to be so uncouth?" the stranger whipped his guitar back to his front and quickly strummed a response.

"Your mother made you out of smoke and rain! Your mother made you in a fire that's fading!"

"What does that even mean?" Rarity grunted. The blue pony didn't bother to explain as he began to trot off faster. Rarity kept pace with him, continuing to berate his manners and complain. This only made him run faster, faster than Rarity could keep up with. Lugnut was more than capable of following him through the underbrush. He followed close enough to keep an eye on him, but also far enough back so Rarity could follow him.

The blue pony jumped through the underbrush once more before stopping at a very foreign looking hut in the middle of a clearing. Big Lugnut and seconds later Rarity bounded out of the bush behind him. A very surprised looking zebra sat out front with a broom in mouth as the threesome came out of the forest. She dropped the broom as she addressed the odd crowd.

"What is this, Mr. Song? It is odd to see you in a throng. That unicorn is not your enemy, but who is this metal pony I see?" Zecora rhymed.

"Zecora," Rarity spoke up, "do you know this pony?" She shot the blue pony a look as Zecora nodded.

"Gibson Song is currently my guest, but it is up to him to explain the rest." She turned to the pony called Gibson. He looked less than happy that he couldn't lose his pursuers. He shook his head at Zecora.

"I am sorry, but you'll have to go. He does not want you to know," she explained briefly. "But if I'm allowed to meddle, could you please explain the pony made of metal?"

"Oh, um, I'm Big Lugnut!" Big Lugnut spoke up, approaching Zecora with an extended hoof. "I'm a robot... currently." Zecora took his hoof and shook it.

"Zecora is what you can call me. My, my, something like you I've never seen. I would love to sit and chat with you, provided you have nothing else to do."

"Wait, you're Zecora?" Big Lugnut was slightly disappointed when she smiled and nodded; he wanted to hear another couplet. Either way, he'd successfully completed his goal in the forest, so he should return to the crusaders. He looked over at Rarity, who was shooting daggers at Gibson. Gibson was doing an excellent job of ignoring her.

"Well, we shouldn't bother you if you want to be left alone. C'mon Rarity, let's get outta here." Big Lugnut's train of thought halted for a moment.

"Did I just say 'outta'?" he mumbled to himself "The Apples are beginning to impress upon me." Rarity broke him out of his own little world with a stamp of her hoof.

"I'm not leaving until he apologizes!" Rarity pouted. Lugnut grunted while Gibson just shook his head.

"Gibson, if this mare here you have offended, it would be better if things were sooner mended," Zecora warned in earnest. "And Rarity, why all this aggression? What was Gibson's transgression?"

"He said something about my mother and smoke and rain and... and something about a fire!" Rarity attempted to explain. "I don't know, he sang something and I just know it was offensive!" Zecora looked at Gibson. He avoided her gaze, which was enough evidence to convict him of the act.

"Gibson I urge you to make an apology, or else you will also have to make amends with me!" Gibson rolled his eyes and slung his guitar and began strumming.

"I've been thinking long and hard about the things you said to me, like a bitter stranger. But now I see the long, the short, the middle, and what's in between. Well, I could spit on a stranger! You're a bitter stranger!"

To accent his point, he spat on the ground not far from Rarity before putting his guitar away. Rarity was smouldering with rage now. Zecora and Lugnut stood nervously by, no longer wanting to be a part of this. Both were equally resigned to let nature take it's path.

"You... you... you!" Rarity's verbal arsenal was reduced to a single letter as she growled at Gibson. "You know what? I don't even care anymore! Have fun banging on your stupid guitar in the middle of the forest! I hope some creature eats it and then eats you!" Rarity stormed off into the forest on her final word. A silence descended upon the camp. Zecora was first to speak up, turning on Gibson.

"Gibson! You know not what you do-... Gibson... is something wrong with you?" Zecora took note of the peculiar look on Gibson's face. He was staring off into the forest where Rarity had gone, slouching over and smiling like a complete fool. Lugnut and Zecora picked up on what was going on very quickly. Their sneaking suspicion was confirmed, as Gibson brought his guitar around and began strumming with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"No amount of coffee, no amount of cryin'. No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine. No, no, no, no, no... nothing else will do. I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you."

He put his guitar away and resumed his distant staring.

"Gibson, you need to explain what you've done," Zecora stood in front of him, "If you feel that way, why did you make her run?"

"And why do you only communicate through singing?" Big Lugnut stepped up. Gibson wasn't paying attention to either of them. He waved a hoof at Big Lugnut and nodded, but that's the only reaction the two solicited. Zecora seemed to understand and turned to Lugnut.

"Gibson Song is a sorry soul, a witch heard him during her stroll. So excellent his songs did sound, that she looked until the source was found. He gladly played a song for her, for he is a kind soul if you were unsure. The witch just wanted more and more, so Gibson sang until his throat was sore! He stated he could sing no more right then, but the witch's resolve he could not bend. He protested and wouldn't sing a single note, so the witch cursed his throat. Now he cannot speak a single word, he has to sing a song if he wants to be heard!" Zecora recounted the tale.

"Wow." Big Lugnut had no idea curses like that existed. "Wait... if he can only explain himself by singing songs, how did he tell you?"

"I have a remedy that can lift the spell, but only long enough for his tale to tell," Zecora explained, obviously proud of her herbal prowess.

"Is there a permanent cure?"

"The witch explained that there was a way for his voice to return someday. If he can move a thousand not to cheer, but instead move them to all shed a tear. Such a large crowd his hard to find, so Gibson is in quite the bind," Big Lugnut was impressed with Zecora's rhyming. He wondered if maybe she was cursed too.

"Well... I wish I could help, but I haven't got a clue. I'm new around here at it is, but if I think of anything I'll be sure to tell you," Big Lugnut offered. "Ah, I'd better be going now though, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are probably wondering where I am."

"We'll take your assistance whatever it may be. Oh, and say hello to those fillies for me!" Zecora smiled as she went back inside her hut. Lugnut saw that Gibson was still whiling away in a dreamy haze. He never did explain why he was so harsh to Rarity, but it wasn't Lugnut's problem. He wondered if there was even a song Gibson could use to explain it.

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"Did you do it Lugnut? Did you get to Zecora's?" Lugnut had barely stepped out of the forest when Scootaloo popped out and began circling him with the other two crusaders.

"Of course I did! I'm made of tough stuff aren't I?" Lugnut stuck out his chest proudly, the metal glinting in the sunlight.

"Did anything else happen?" Lugnut couldn't help but feel the way Sweete Belle asked that question insinuated something. He wasn't about to admit that he'd gotten lost on his way. Technically he hadn't gotten there on his own, but there was no way the crusaders could know about Gibson and Rarity.

"Are you sure you didn't see anypony else?" Sweetie Belle's line of questioning was becoming suspicious. He wondered if Rarity had spilled the beans on him. Lugnut wasn't sure whether she forfeited the information willingly or the CMC had to shake her down for it. Either way, he needed to distract them with some other piece of information.

"Just Zecora! I honestly saw her, she rhymed and everything!" he assured them. Sweetie Belle looked him over with a scrutinizing eye.

"So you didn't see my sister?" Big Lugnut took a moment to process the question.

"You and Rarity are sisters?"

"Ah-ha!" Sweetie Belle had caught him. Big Lugnut realized he had run right into that one. At least he knew they were sisters now.

When he thought about it, Sweetie Belle and Rarity made a good sibling pair. Applebloom and Applejack matched up well, but they matched up a little too well. Sweetie Belle and Rarity struck him as more of a fire and ice combination, where Rarity was the uptight and Sweetie Belle was the outta sight. He didn't know either of them incredibly well, but he didn't need too.

Now wasn't time to dwell on sister-sister dynamics though.

"I'm sorry Lugnut, but ya failed the test, so ya can't be a Cutie Mark Crusader," Applebloom and the rest of the crusaders cast their eyes down, looking very solemn.

But only for a moment.

"So you'll jus' havta be a Cutie Mark Crusader In-Training!" Applebloom declared triumphantly. All three began cheering in unison, celebrating he emergence of their protegee. Big Lugnut puzzled over this. The Cutie Mark Crusaders themselves were undergoing a sort of training, so that meant Lugnut was training to train. It didn't make much sense, but it was better than nothing.

"Well, I guess I'm okay with that. Are we gonna try anything today?" Big Lugnut asked.

"After the incident this mornin', we thought of somethin' we should try!" Appleboom announced.

"And what would that be?" The senior crusaders looked at each other and smiled.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ASTRONAUTS!"

___________________

"I'm telling you Fluttershy! You will not believe what happened!" Rarity hadn't even touched her tea yet, but she had explained several times over to Fluttershy that she wasn't going to believe what happened. In fact, it was the first thing that Rarity had said when Fluttershy answered the frantic banging on her cottage door. She had been in the middle of checking up on Winona with Applejack, who was currently sitting at the table with them looking quite disinterested.

"Yes... uhm... you said that already," Fluttershy pointed out in an attempt to get Rarity to calm down. Of course, this just continued the cycle.

"I know, I know... but you just will not believe what happened!" Rarity vented again.

"Rarity, I kin hardly believe this conversation is happenin'!" Applejack finally snapped, "Are you gonna tell us what were not gonna believe er not?" With this, Rarity finally took a deep breath.

"Okay, so I went into the Everfree forest to find out who was playing guitar," Rarity began explaining.

"Who's playin' guitar?" Applejack grumbled. Fluttershy briefly explained the reoccurring event of the past few weeks. Once she was up to speed, Rarity continued her tale.

"I didn't exactly know where he'd show up, so I just stuck to the area nearest Fluttershy's cottage. I didn't find him before he started, but once he had it was as easy as following the music. I almost had my cover blown when Big Lugnut suddenly wandered over..."

"What was Big Lugnut doin' in the Everfree Forest?" Applejack interrupted again. Rarity smiled, recalling what had happened to her upon exiting the forest.

"Sweetie Belle said that he wanted to be a crusader, so they told him to go to Zecora's alone to prove he was worthy."

"Why in Celestia's mane would Big Lugnut want to be a cutie mark crusader? Consarn it, if Big Lug's with those fillies it's gonna spell trouble!"

"Well... moving on," Rarity continued, "we waited for him to finish. When he did, I revealed myself and greeted him. Now, I was as courteous as one can be when one is secretly watching somepony in a forest, but the brute acts completely inconsiderate towards me! To top it off he literally runs off! Luckily, Big Lugnut chased him down. It turns out he's a friend of Zecora's named Gibson Song. Oh, and get this! Zecora tries to get him to apologize for the things he said earlier, and what does he do? He goes ahead and insults me again! The nerve!" Applejack whistled.

"This Gibson feller must have a death wish er somethin'!" Applejack laughed. "What was Big Lug doin' all that time?"

"He was completely useless! He didn't move to defend me even once! Didn't even have the courtesy to escort me out of the forest," Rarity fumed. "He is definitely not a robot programmed to be courteous!"

"Now hold on jus' a second there Rarity," Applejack barked as she tapped her hoof on the table. "Big Lug's not jus' a robot! He ain't programmed at all so don't talk about him like that!" Surprisingly, Rarity clammed up at this. She hadn't expected Applejack to defend him on that point.

"Well... at any rate, Fluttershy," she turned to the pegasus, who had been silent this whole time, "You should just forget about that colt, he's bad news." Fluttershy looked confused.

"Are you saying... I shouldn't listen to his music?" was the only conclusion she could draw. She couldn't fathom anything else the unicorn could be talking about.

"No, I suppose you don't have to do that... oh, speaking of his music, there was another odd thing about this pony. He never spoke a word, but he would just sing songs to communicate," Rarity recalled.

"The pony never speaks 'cept when he sings... and you mention that as 'n afterthought to the fact he insulted ya?" Applejack noted. Rarity just nodded, as if no explanation was required.

"It did deaden the blow a bit... I mean that voice of his is so rugged and he plays that guitar so well. Oh, and he's a bit unkempt, but it suits him. Yes, not an unpleasant pony to look at." Rarity went deep into thought for a moment.

"You know what?" Rarity stood up suddenly, "I take that back Fluttershy! Tomorrow we're going to go visit him at Zecora's cottage. He's obviously just shy, and we need to coax him out of his shell!"

"Rarity, it sounds like the colt don't want nopony botherin' him. Nopony goes out into the woods all by themselves so they kin have somepony listening to them secretly. Just leave 'im alone!" Applejack implored her friend, but her council fell upon deaf ears.

"No can do Applejack! This is a matter of utmost importance for dear Fluttershy!" Rarity continued preaching, only interrupted by Applejack trying to bring her back to Equestria. Fluttershy sat in silence, swirling the remainder of her tea around. She hoped Gibson would still play guitar tomorrow.

____________________

After hearing what Applebloom, Big Lugnut, and the other crusaders had tried to do all afternoon, Applejack didn't know whether she should hogtie them for being unparalleled imbeciles or have Pinkie come over and throw a party to celebrate the fact that they were all still alive. Applebloom was sent up to bed without supper as punishment, but Big Lugnut proved to be much harder to punish. Verbally berating him seemed to work pretty well, but for extra measure assigned him some additional chores. She assigned him a lot of additional chores.

"An' you better git 'em done Lugnut! Land sakes! I hope ya'll grow a brain next!" she shouted as he plodded off to the barn. She would have slammed the door, but she didn't want to wake the rest of the household. Instead, she quietly closed it behind her and heaved a sigh.

"What am I gonna do wit those two?" Applejack couldn't help but smile a little, climbing the stairs up to her room. It really was becoming lively around the farm. How could she complain about that? Sure, there was a never a dull moment down in Ponyville, but there had always been something lacking in the Apple's home life.

They were a farming family, so it was to be expected that there's a lot of work to be done. It wasn't the work though, the work is what made farm life so great. It gave a pony a sense of direction. It gave a pony something to do with themselves and something to accomplish.

No, the Apple household had lost a spark that Big Lugnut was just now bringing back. Applejack couldn't put a hoof on it. It bugged her because she wanted to be able to properly thank Lugnut for making life on the farm that much better. What he'd done exactly was hard to pin down.

She slipped her hat off her head and tossed herself onto her bed. Turning on her side, she looked out the window. Luna's night sky was a sight to behold. One big moon with the tiny stars arranged all around it. The constellations played about the night sky, turning what should be depressing, bleak darkness into a wondrous scene. It made Applejack wonder just why Luna had been jealous of her sister's day. The day was filled with light, noise, and progress. It wasn't beautiful, it was just what it had to be.

The night could be more than the night. It could be a work of art. It could be a well earned respite. It could be a refreshing change of pace full of deep darkness and tranquil silence.

With these thoughts in mind, Applejack quickly gave into her fatigue and drifted into a quiet slumber. Very soon, she would be dreaming.

~~~~ Author's Notes ~~~~

Yeah, Gibson uses actual song lyrics, so here are the songs he used in order of appearance in this chapter. (The first one has been ponified slightly).

Jesus, etc. - Wilco (Luna, etc. - Wilcolt)
Why Are You Talking To Me? - Stephen Kellogg & the Sixers
Ocean Breathes Salty - Modest Mouse
Sundays - Counting Crows (Sundays - Cantering Crows)
Gotta Have You - The Weepies

Also, just wanted to thank you all for your continued patronage.

VII: Assembly Line

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter VII

____________________

Applejack looked at her surroundings. There was a multitude of large, black silhouettes standing all around her. She didn't know where she was. She had never been here before. It was dark, featureless, and looked like it went on forever. She looked at the figures around her. The shadows looked somewhat like ponies to her.

"What's goin' on? Where am I?" she asked the nearest one. The head moved, as if to look at her.

"You're in your bed at home. You are asleep. We are all asleep," a phantasmal voice boomed.

"So... all I gotta do is wake up and leave?" Applejack questioned. She wasn't too keen on staying here.

"If you want. You could stay with us and dream," the voice offered. "You can have all you desire when you sleep. The waking world is full of only disappointment."

"I reckon ya'll have never even tried to achieve somethin' in yer lives. Gettin' what ya want yerself is a whole lot more satisfyin' than jus' gettin' it. Why don't ya'll just wake up an' try that?" Applejack found herself getting snippy with a figure in her dream. It struck her as odd.

"Perhaps... but for now you have to wake up Applejack," the phantasmal voice began sounding very familiar.

"Wake up Applejack... Wake up Applejack!" the voice sounded eerily similar to Rainbow Dash.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" Applejack's eyes flew open as a tremor rocked her whole body. She was face to face with a pair of magenta eyes as her pegasus friend shook her violently.

"Rainbow Dash! What in tarnation is goin' on?" Applejack shoved the airborne mare, causing the tremors to cease. Rainbow Dash turned about and landed beside the bed.

"You've gotta hide me Applejack! He'll never come here!" she pleaded, taking a cautious look out Applejack's window.

"Who'll never come here? Rainbow Dash, what's got yer feathers ruffled?"

"Okay, okay! I'll explain it, but just promise you'll help me!" Rainbow Dash got down on the floor and bowed her head. Applejack knew something big must be up if Rainbow Dash would prostrate herself to ask for help. Applejack reclined in her bed, ready for a long story.

___________________

Earlier That Morning

Somepony was knocking at Rainbow Dash's front door. Actually, it sounded more like someone was pounding the door as hard as they could. A completely excusable act since the owner of this particular home over the plains was not easily stirred.

Rainbow Dash sat up, her eyes listless and unfocused. She yawned, scratched her pits, and started lazily flapping her wings. She began to drag her sleepy body across her house to the door. She was far too tired to think about who it could be or what time it was. Such things were not important. She merely wanted the noise to cease. The sleepy Rainbow Dash was a very single minded creature.

She unlocked the door, muttered something intelligible, and pushed it open. She was fully awake in less than half a second due to her heart trying to break free of her ribcage at the sight of two magenta eyes staring back into hers.

"Rainbow," she was greeted by a tall, built pegasus stallion the color of freshly plowed dirt. His jet black mane was tidily swept back and his well-groomed facial hair covered his entire visage. He wore a black suit with white pinstripes and a red tie. Three black arrows were emblazoned on his flank.

"D...d...dad?" what Rainbow Dash's father was doing on her doorstep so early in the morning was beyond her, but an appearance by him wasn't welcome at any time in Rainbow Dash's mind.

"Are you going to invite us in?" he asked dryly. Rainbow dash didn't flatter him with a response. She just furrowed her brow and made the universal "Come on in!" gesture with one hoof. Her father wordlessly took to his brown wings and flew inside, revealing the other pony at Rainbow Dash's door.

"Hey mom." Rainbow Dash warmly embraced what could have easily been her double. Anypony who wanted to know what Rainbow Dash was going to look like when she got older would just need to take a look at her mother, and then promptly propose. The only difference was Rainbow Dash's mother kept herself a little better, her multicolored mane falling delicately in curls about her face, framing her golden eyes. She was thinner, more fragile looking than Rainbow Dash, who was significantly more athletic.

Her mother took to her own wings and glided in, taking a seat near Rainbow's father, who was busy inspecting the place. He continued doing so, in silence, as Rainbow Dash plopped down on her couch. She eyed him with disdain. She knew he was preparing to pass judgement upon her house, literally.

"Your house is very nice Rainbow..."

"Yeah, yeah, complain all you... what?" Rainbow Dash squinted at her father. His face was unreadable as always, but he hadn't sounded sarcastic. He didn't even sound like he was trying to make a joke.

"You seem to be taking care of yourself well." Her father faced her as he said this. He looked her dead in the eye, driving his honesty home. Rainbow Dash's face involuntarily contorted into a look of confusion.

"Thanks?" She felt something was wrong. She felt something was terribly wrong.

"Are you still practicing your flying?" her father asked. Now Rainbow Dash knew something was up.

"Since when do you care about that?" she tried to call him on his bluff. His eyes remained deadlocked on hers.

"I care. Are you still trying to get into the Wonderbolts? How are things going with that?"

Rainbow Dash knew there was no way this stallion could be her father. Her father was always telling her to keep her things in better shape. Her father was always telling her to take better care of herself. Her father always told her to stop practicing stunt flying. On top of it all, Rainbow Dash's father hated, abhorred, scorned, cursed, loathed, detested, despised, disliked, reviled, the very idea of his daughter being in the Wonderbolts.

This wasn't Rainbow Dash's father. There was no way this stallion could be.

__________________

"And so I booked it out of there and came here!" Rainbow Dash concluded her tale.

"You just up an' left 'em?" Rainbow Dash nodded wildly in response. Applejack could hardly believe it.

This was the first time she'd heard anything about Rainbow Dash's parents. When she asked about them, Rainbow Dash had always dismissed the subject. Applejack had even gone so far as to ask Fluttershy, but she didn't know a thing either. She had figured that Rainbow Dash wasn't on the greatest terms with them, but the story she had just heard was simply ridiculous.

"Rainbow Dash, go home," Applejack groaned.

"I can't! Just let me stay here for like, one week! C'mon Lugnut, vouch for me here!" Rainbow Dash pleaded with Lugnut, who Applejack noticed standing on the other side of her bed.

"Lugnut?! When did you git here? Why're you here?" Applejack barked.

"I've been here the whole time," Big Lugnut explained, "And I came because he was looking for Rainbow Dash."

"Who?" Applejack noticed there was another figure in her doorway.

"Hello Ms. Applejack. I'm here for my daughter." It was Rainbow Dash's father.

"Dad?! When did you get here?!" Rainbow Dash backed herself into corner, as if her father was some breed of ravenous beast.

"Ironically, when you got to the part of the story when I walked in," he explained. "Your mother told me to go after you." Applejack promptly got out of her bed. It was rude to lay down while her guest had to stand.

"Howdy there Mr..." Applejack extended a hoof.

"Mr. Dash, Mr. Arrow Dash." He took Applejack's hoof and shook it.

"I reckon you met Big Lugnut over here," Applejack gestured to her mechanical companion. Arrow nodded, not appearing to be bothered by the fact that Big Lugnut wasn't like everypony else. Then again, Applejack noticed his face didn't appear to say much of anything.

"It's nice to officially meet you," Big Lugnut chuckled. Arrow nodded. Applejack was starting to wonder if this stallion was really Rainbow Dash's father. They really weren't anything alike. Rainbow Dash was flamboyant, expressive, headstrong, and colorful. Arrow Dash seemed stoic, stiff, wise, and bland. They bore one resemblance though: they had the same eyes. Of course, it took more than eye color to make someone your relative.

"Rainbow, we should go back to your house. Your mother is waiting. We come bearing news," he explained. Rainbow Dash exited her corner and leered at her father. A lesser pony would have backed off, but Arrow didn't even flinch. Applejack considered that Arrow was also headstrong, just a different kind of headstrong.

"What news would that be?" Rainbow Dash inquired.

"Your mother is pregnant," Arrow stated, as if he was talking to somepony other than the sister of his future child about the mother of his future child. Rainbow Dash's peeved expression dropped away instantly. She didn't say anything, but she flew out the window after merely a moment of processing the information.

"Well, I'm sorry to bother both of you. Perhaps I will see you at a different time," the Dash patriarch apologized. With those words, Arrow Dash extended his wings and took off like a rocket after his daughter. Applejack felt like she was too quick to judge the stallion; the more and more she saw of him, the more and more he was looking like Rainbow Dash's father.

"I guess this means Rainbow Dash is gonna be a big sister, don't it Lugnut?" Applejack smiled.

"I don't know about that, but I hope her mom is gonna be okay." Lugnut raised a worried hoof to where his mouth would be. Applejack hadn't decided if the black segment that made up his lower jaw was supposed to be teeth or a beard.

"Whaddya mean, 'is she gonna be okay'? She's only pregnant."

"Oh... so pregnant is a good thing?" Applejack brought a hoof to her forehead. She had forgot that there are many things out there Big Lugnut didn't know about.

"When a mare is pregnant it means they're gonna have a baby," she explained.

"How about when a stallion gets pregnant?"

"Stallions don't get pregnant Big Lug," Applejack chuckled. He was just like a-

An ominous feeling crept into Applejack's soul as she realized what question was next.

"How does someone get pregnant?" Big Lugnut asked the question only most innocent of beings could.

"Lugnut... how's about we talk 'bout this some other time?" she offered. Big Lugnut cocked his head.

"Okay... when? I really want to know."

"How's about I explain it to you when yer a hun'erd percent pony?"

_________________

After safely delivering the CMC to school, Big Lugnut was left to his own devices. He had begged Applejack to explain pregnancy the rest of the morning, but she was unyielding. He asked Applebloom, but she was just as clueless as he was. Scootaloo was no more help than Applebloom was. Sweetie Belle said she had pursued the topic several times with her parents and Rarity, but they always told her they'd explain it when she was older. Big Lugnut wondered if there was a connection between being older and the knowledge of pregnancy.

Big Lugnut broke from that train of thought when he saw a certain brown pegasus wandering aimlessly about the town square. Arrow looked composed as he had this morning, but his measured paces and drifting eyes betrayed the fact that he didn't know where he was.

"Hello Mr. Dash!" Big Lugnut approached him, trying to be friendly. Arrow looked up, noting Lugnut with a nod. "Are you lost?"

"I'm not lost so much as I am without a destination. Rainbow kicked me out of her home until later," he explained.

"You're new to Ponyville?" Lugnut asked. Arrow nodded. Lugnut wasn't exactly an expert on Ponyville's layout yet, but in the few days he'd been here he'd figured out some of the more major places around town.

"I'm not much of a tour guide, but if there's something you're looking for I might be able to help you find it," Lugnut offered. Arrow suddenly cracked a small smile, with a surprising amount of ease. Lugnut had thought for a while that he might be a robot too.

"To be honest," he chuckled, "ever since I started wandering around I can't escape the smell of pastries. Do know a good place to satisfy a sweet tooth?" Lugnut had to think for a moment. He had no first-hand experience that would aid him in suggesting somewhere to buy pastries. He did have one nugget of information.

"I could take you to Sugarcube Corner," he suggested. Lugnut remembered Applejack pointing out the building Pinkie Pie lived in, mentioning that it was also a bakery. If Pinkie Pie, the apparent queen of parties, liked their food enough to live there, it was probably a good spread.

"That sounds good." Arrow nodded, his half smile remaining on his face. The two began walking towards where Lugnut believed Sugarcube Corner to be. Applejack had pointed out on their way to lunch, which was just beyond the square, meaning Sugarcube Corner would appear if he walked towards the marketplace. He remembered there being a sign out front, so as long as Arrow didn't challenge him to a race, he wasn't going to get lost.

"So tell me Mr. Lugnut," Arrow spoke up, "How does a piece of machinery like yourself end up in Ponyville?" Lugnut sensed that the question wasn't hinting at anything other than Arrow's idle curiosity.

"I was stolen by two vengeful traveling salesmen in order to exact revenge on Sweet Apple Acres. The Apples were kind enough to let me stay with them as long as I pulled my own weight," Lugnut recounted his story.

"Must be a lot of weight to pull," Arrow joked. Lugnut didn't know he had it in him. Arrow seemed a whole lot more relaxed than he was at Applejack's.

"So, what exactly brings you to Ponyville?" Lugnut returned Arrow's question. His face straightened out a little as he pondered his answer.

"Me and my wife are expecting a child now. It seems more intuitive to stay home at a time like this, but my wife insisted we come to Ponyville for the birth," he explained. "It's still a ways off, but my wife insisted Rainbow Dash be around for it. I was opposed to it at first..."

"Does that have anything to do with the fact that you and Rainbow Dash don't see eye to eye?" Arrow nodded in response. Big Lugnut knew enough about the relationship between both of them to realize it was bumpy.

"I won't bore you with the history behind it, but since I found out my wife was pregnant three months ago I've been doing a bit of soul searching. I came to the decision that I had to repair my relationship with the child I already have before I can have a healthy relationship with my new one. We weren't always at each other's throats. If I can figure out why we drifted apart, I could be a better father to both of them. Does that make sense?" Lugnut sensed Arrow seeking confirmation for his actions.

"It makes sense to me," was his honest reply. The closest ponies he had to siblings were dead and his technical parents probably were as well. That was Lugnut's can of worms, though, and there was no need to open that up on Arrow.

He was relieved to find he hadn't passed Sugarcube Corner. As the two walked in, Arrow was instantly greeted by the smell of freshly baked goods. Lugnut couldn't smell, so the first thing he was greeted with was the only thing that could rival the speed of a smell.

"Hiya!" Pinkie burst into sight. "What're you doing here Luggy? Do you mind if I call you that? Anyway, I thought robots didn't eat! I guess if you're here though that means that they can eat!"

"Actually, I can't. I was just bringing him here," Big Lugnut gestured to Arrow, who extended his hoof.

"Mr. Dash, Mr. Arrow Dash," he introduced himself. Pinkie's smile extended to an astronomical size.

"Ohmygosh you must be Dashie's father! I'm Pinkie, Pinkie Pie! Can I just say that I can totally see the resemblance! The wings and the eyes are like, exactly the same! Dashie never told me anything about you, but now that I meet you I can tell you're family! I have an eye for this thing, I think it's because no one ever sees the similarities between my parents and me. I just pick up on the subtleties better! Or maybe it's just because I know everypony here in Ponyville and I know who looks like who or what, you know? So what brings you Ponyville anyway?" Pinkie bounced in place, making her obvious excitement even more obvious. Arrow had to take a moment to collect his own thoughts after Pinkie dump all of hers onto him.

"My wife and I are expecting a child." Just when Arrow and Lugnut thought Pinkie Pie's smile couldn't get bigger, it did.

"CONGRATULATIONS! Ohmygosh I just love little foals! So this means Dashie is going to be a big sister! I have sisters of my own so I know how much fun it can be! This is so exciting! Oh! You have to tell me all about when Dashie was a foal!" Pinkie Pie smiled expectantly at Arrow Dash.

"I'd would be glad to, but," Pinkie's expression deflated for a second. "I might need some of that chocolate cake to jog my memory." Arrow eyed the cake with the intent to kill. Pinkie squealed in excitement before bounding off to get him a slice of cake as big as her enthusiasm.

__________________

"Twilight!" Twilight suddenly found herself in the presence of Rainbow Dash, who had somehow entered the library without making a single noise. Twilight noted that the pegasus looked like she was in very good spirits.

"Twilight!" Dash didn't wait for a response. "Do you have any books about pregnancy and foal raising?"

"Yes! The ones for Pregnancy are under 'P' and the ones about childcare are under 'C'." Twilight did not bother with the Hooey Decimal System. It then registered with Twilight what her friend had just asked. "Why do you need books like that?"

"I've gotta know everything there is to know so I can be ready!" Rainbow Dash scurried over to where the pregnancy books were, Twilight trailing behind her.

"Ready for what Rainbow Dash?" Rainbow Dash stopped and looked back at Twilight, her eyes indicating the answer should be obvious. "For... for giving birth?"

"See, you're not an egghead for nothing!" Rainbow laughed, as she began to look through the books on the shelf before her. Twilight's eyes were wide.

"R-rainbow Dash! How... how long until it arrives?" Twilight panicked.

"The doctor said about six months apparently. I've got to study up because there's a certain stallion I am not going to let screw things up. The only pony who's can help this foal grow up right is me," Rainbow Dash grunted. Twilight's mind very nearly shut down momentarily.

"What? Rainbow Dash! You're going to need help with this!" Twilight reasoned with her friend. Rainbow Dash turned around and looked into Twilight's eyes. Dash looked very serious about all this.

"No way. I don't want his help! My life is a mess because of him, but I'm not letting him mess up the life of this foal!" she stated triumphantly.

"Well... if you don't want his help, at least accept my help and the help of your friends," Twilight pleaded.

"Twilight," Rainbow Dash's expression softened a little. She glided over to Twilight and put a hoof around her, "I know you guys will be there to help me. Heck, if you, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, or Fluttershy were in the same position, I'd give you my full support."

"Thank you Rainbow Dash," Twilight smiled. "You have my full support as well. I know everything will work out fine."

"Thanks Twilight," she released her friend and flew back to the bookshelf, "I've got a new role to assume and I plan on doing a trademarked Rainbow Dash job of it!" Rainbow Dash flew back to the bookshelf. She picked a book off the shelf and started to leaf through it. Twilight shuffled awkwardly. She didn't know what to do. Her friendship lessons thus far hadn't prepared her for something like this.

"Hey, Twilight?" Rainbow glided over to the other side of the library to search some more literature.

"Yes?" Twilight was eager to help in anyway she could.

"Do you think the kid'll like me? You know, as a-"

"Rainbow Dash." Twilight put her hoof down. "You've got to have more confidence in yourself! The foal is lucky to have you! You're willing to go so far for it, so I don't know how it could grow up and hate somepony who's willing to go so far!" Rainbow Dash looked shocked for a moment. Slowly, she smiled warmly. She swooped down and embraced her friend roughly. Twilight returned the gesture with a couple of pats on the back.

"Thanks Twilight," she whispered. "I think talking with you has been more help to me than any of these books could be."

"Nonsense," Twilight chuckled as she parted from her friend and headed over to the shelves herself. She extended her magic to cause some of the books to float off the shelf wrapped in her violet aura. "I can offer moral support, but there is a lot of information in books you'll need to know as well. There might be some classes around Ponyville that could help too."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash brightened up, "That's a great idea! You're on top of this Twilight."

"I haven't studied too much about it, and the little I know just comes from indirect contact with the information. I've never actually helped anypony with this before," Twilight admitted. She was the baby of her family, so she'd never been around for a birth. She wondered if Shining Armor could impart some knowledge on her.

"Applejack and Rarity would probably know more than I do," Twilight pointed out. "They have younger siblings. Have you told anypony else?"

"Applejack was there when I found out," Rainbow Dash noted, flipping through a book Twilight gave her. Twilight was glad Rainbow Dash wasn't alone when she got the news. It had to be scary going to the hospital alone to for something like that.

"Where's Applejack now?" Twilight asked.

"I don't know, last I saw she was at home with Big Lugnut," Rainbow Dash recalled. Twilight nodded. Applejack did already have her own worries. "After I got the news I rushed back home. That no good idiot showed up right when I got there though. I told him, 'Hey, how about some girl time?' and booted him out."

"It doesn't sound like you two get along very well," Twilight noted.

"We don't." Rainbow Dash forced the book she was holding closed, producing a satisfying thump.

"I imagine you two should be... closer." Twilight had her own ideals when it came to romance, but she hadn't bothered to ask Rainbow Dash. For the sound and look of things though, they were worlds apart.

"We were... at first. He used to be fun, cool, awesome... but then he turned into this lame control freak! And then in the light of recent events he shows up and tries to act like everything is okay! It wasn't him talking though, it was somepony else! It might sound weird, but I'd rather hate him for being honest than like him for being a liar," Rainbow Dash snorted.

"I think that's very mature of you Rainbow Dash, but the foal needs its father. If you patch up your relationship with him, it'll make this whole thing a lot easier." Rainbow Dash couldn't get around Twilight's logic, but she didn't like the idea of trying to bond with her father.

"I think we're better off if we agree to disagree," she sighed. Twilight wouldn't have it though.

"You have to try Rainbow Dash. In fact, we should go find him right now! He should be a part of this process." Twilight levitated her saddle-bag onto her back, filling it with some of the books she had picked out for Rainbow Dash.

"No, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash intercepted her on the way to the door, "We're not turning this into a friendship lesson for the Princess!"

"Rainbow Dash, this isn't about that. It's about doing what's best. Now tell me, who's the father?" Twilight demanded, ready to tackle this issue. If it was for the sake of her friend, she would confront anypony. Rainbow Dash put on a quizzical look.

"Uh... my dad..."

___________________

There was a knock at Zecora's door.

"Gibson, could you answer that please? I am busy hanging by my knees," Zecora yelled to Gibson, who was tuning his trusty acoustic in another room. He walked into the main room of the hut, where Zecora was hanging upside down by a rod on the ceiling. He had spent enough time with Zebras during his time abroad that the ritual didn't strike him as odd. He had done the same thing once or twice while in Zecora's homeland. He wandered up to the door and opened it.

"Hello again!" a familiar white unicorn greeted him as soon as he opened the door. For some reason Rarity looked happy to see him. Considering how things ended last time, Gibson was reasonably surprised and confused. "I have someone who's just dying to meet you!" Rarity pushed Fluttershy into the doorway.

"H...hello." She ducked back behind Rarity.

"Is that Fluttershy and Rarity? Are they here to see you or me?" Zecora asked Gibson. He didn't answer, or rather he couldn't answer. Rarity had already dragged him outside and shut the door.

"Come with us Gibson, we're going to Ponyville for a spell." Rarity dragged Gibson along, Fluttershy traveling quietly behind the two of them. Rarity had Gibson's guitar strap around her hoof, a weak spot for him. His only option was to keep pace with Rarity to prevent any damage to his guitar. The other side effect was he couldn't protest. Part of him really, really, really wanted to go along with this. He knew he should be resisting, but it wasn't in him right now.

He soon found himself in Ponyville, and he instantly wished he'd stayed in the forest.

Rarity and Fluttershy took note of how many ponies were staring at them, or more specifically at Gibson. Mares and stallions alike had stopped what they were doing when the three of them had stepped into town. Rarity and Fluttershy wondered why, but their curiosity was quenched rather quickly.

"IT'S GIBSON SONG!"

The next thing the three knew, they were running from an excited mob.

"Are you a celebrity or something?" Rarity asked. Gibson shot her a look that roughly communicated "You think?". The mob was starting to gain on them, their excited shrieks escalating.

"Fluttershy! If we can... Fluttershy?" Fluttershy had already flown off. Rarity remembered from previous adventures that she very much disliked being chased by large crowds. Kindness was good and all, but at the moment there was something to be said about Loyalty.

"Quick, in here!" Rarity grabbed Gibson and dragged him into a familiar building.

_________________

"And she went around like that for the entire day!" Arrow was doubling over in tears and laughter. Pinkie Pie was the same way, and Big Lugnut would be too if he could shed tears. Not surprisingly, turns out Rainbow Dash was a troublesome little tyke. More surprisingly, Arrow Dash wasn't as uptight as he originally appeared. Two slices of chocolate cake later, he was talking up a storm and cracking jokes left and right.

The door to Sugarcube Corner suddenly flew open then slammed closed. Gibson stood catching his breath while Rarity barred the door, which was suddenly assailed by what sounded like a stampede. Rarity looked around, quickly spotting Big Lugnut.

"Big Lugnut, could you be a dear and hold the door?" she asked.

"I guess." Big Lugnut wandered over and stood in front of the door. Rarity stepped away as he put one hoof against it. He slammed the door against the raging crowd and held it there. Rarity went around closing the blinds. Lugnut turned to Gibson.

"Uh... what's going on Gibson?"

"Yes," Arrow broke in. "What is going on Gibson?" Gibson's expression turned into terror when he saw Arrow. He smiled, sheepishly.

"You know him?" Rarity asked the stallion she'd never seen. Arrow nodded.

"I'm his producer, I have been for a long time," Arrow explained.

"So... he is a celebrity?" Rarity asked. Arrow sighed.

"Neither Gibson or I really like the screaming crowds that fame comes with, so we prefer to fly under the radar of complete stardom." Arrow glanced at the banging door. "I guess you can only fly under the radar for so long. Speaking of which, where have you been for the past month Gibson?" Gibson smiled sheepishly again, unable to respond and unable to explain his situation.

"Uh, Mr. Dash," Lugnut spoke up, still holding the door with hardly any effort, "It's a bit of a tale. If you think you can get rid of this crowd, I'd be glad to tell you what happened." Arrow didn't hesitate to accept the offer, nodding and turning to the others in the shop.

"Miss Pie, take this unicorn and Gibson somewhere they can hide for now. I'll have Lugnut get you when the coast is clear." Arrow marched up to the door as Pinkie grabbed Gibson and Rarity to drag them upstairs with her. Arrow looked up at Lugnut.

"I would love show business so much more if it weren't for the fans, rabid or otherwise..."

VIII: Proxy Server

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter VIII

_________________

Arrow managed to disperse the crowd in front of Sugarcube Corner with some difficulty. He had initially hoped to move to a less public location, but ponies were still hanging around Sugarcube Corner expectantly. Some even came in, claiming to just want baked goods. Whether or not they were lying, Arrow didn't have the authority to tell them to leave. Arrow was blessed with the return of Mr. and Mrs. Cake and their two foals. They kept those in the store at bay whilst Big Lugnut and Arrow escaped upstairs.

Pinkie released Gibson from her closet when Arrow and Big Lugnut reported they should be safe upstairs. Behind closed doors, Big Lugnut explained how he and Rarity had encounted Gibson and then recounted the story Zecora had told him, Gibson nodding here and there to confirm details. At the end, Arrow wasn't the only one who was shocked. Pinkie and Rarity seemed pretty intrigued as well.

"You can't talk at all?" Arrow asked. Gibson nodded again, his neck becoming sore. "Well... can't you just write?" Pinkie retrieved some paper, an ink well, and a quill for Gibson, who accepted them reluctantly. He attempted to write, but the quill would magically twist and turn, making the writing intelligible. Pinkie even got out her ouija board, but Gibson couldn't get the stone to move no matter how hard he tried.

"That's one strong curse," Rarity noted. Capable of magic herself, she shuddered at the thought of a unicorn powerful enough to pull off something like this. "There's just one thing: your story fails to explain why you were so rude in the forest!"

"I believe I can explain that," Arrow began. "As a producer I work hard to see that we don't attract a whole lot of attention while we're out an about. Gibson expressed his desire to just live quietly without being swarmed by fans or the media, and so far we've done pretty well. If something like this curse got out, Ponyville would get rocked by paparazzi faster than you can imagine.

"That's why he was staying with Zecora out in a forest, where he could easily avoid detection. When you found him in the forest, he had to make sure you didn't go back to Ponyville and tell everypony he was there. If you went back to Ponyville saying that there was a really obnoxious pony in the woods, they probably wouldn't go check it out for themselves. I'm sorry for whatever he ended up saying... or... singing to you, and I'm sure he's sorry too." Gibson nodded vigorously to show how apologetic he was. Rarity eyed him suspiciously.

"I'll forgive you," Gibson brightened with Rarity's offering to annul his transgressions. "But, I want to know exactly what you said to me!" Gibson's expression deadened a little, as he recalled what he'd said.

"What did you say Gibson?" Arrow gave Gibson one of his trademarked expressionless stares. Gibson brought his guitar to his front and refrained what he'd sang a day ago:

"Your mother made you out of smoke and rain. Your mother made you in a fire that's fading."

Arrow's brow furrowed a bit as Gibson tried to look as innocent as he could. Pinkie cringed and blushed a bit. Apparently she understood what it meant too. Even Lugnut could read Gibson's expression: "I didn't mean it, I said it for a greater good!" Arrow sighed and faced Rarity, but not before stepping so Gibson was between the two of them.

"The lyrics are from a song called 'Sunday' by Cantering Crows, a different band. I remember Gibson saying he liked that particular phrase in the song because, and I quote, 'I think it implies the mother of the person he is singing to only got pregnant with them to keep his or her father from running away'."

The room was silent as all eyes fell on Rarity. Rarity didn't have an expression on her face. The distance of her thoughts were represented by the distance of her stare. No one else moved a muscle. No one even dared to blink. These things were easy for Lugnut, since he didn't have muscles and couldn't blink anyway.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAW~

Rarity bolted from the room and Sugarcube Corner with tears streaming from her eyes. Gibson, needless to say, felt like the biggest heel in Equestria. Had Rarity cursed him out some more, bucked him right between the eyes, or simply killed him, he would have felt a lot better. Instead, he had made a beautiful mare cry and earned the ire of everypony left in the room. It didn't matter if Big Lugnut was wearing the same expression he always did, Gibson could feel the animosity coming off of him.

"Gibson, I hope you've got a good apology lined up." Arrow was using his producer voice, never a good sign in situations like these.

"Meanie! You made Rarity cry! How would you like it if someone said something like that about you and your parents? Huh, huh, huh? Rarity is one of the nicest, most sweetest, most generous ponies in Ponyville, so you'd better beg for her forgiveness! You'd better make her feel better and smile again or I will come after you mister!" Pinkie Pie harangued him.

"That was going a bit far Gibson," Big Lugnut scolded him too.

"So Gibson, what're you going to do?" Arrow asked him. Gibson flailed his hooves a bit and pointed as his throat. "Gibson, anypony who could make a mare cry like that deserves to be cursed. Get an apology, then we can discuss how to cure you."

"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie emphasized, scowling. Her scowl fell as she turned to Arrow, asking, "How're you gonna do that Mr. Dashie?"

"He just needs to move one thousand ponies to tears, right? Well, he's a musician and I'm his producer, so we'll just put on a concert," Arrow explained. Gibson brightened up, smiling and shaking his head vigorously. Arrow changed that with a stink eye. "But we don't discuss a single detail or rent out a single speaker until you get her approval."

Gibson put on a look of determination, nodding resolutely. He was about to march out the door to Pinkie's room, when Arrow stopped him.

"Hold on Gibson, there's still a herd of ponies down there waiting to ambush you. Miss Pie, is there a way out of here that's inconspicuous?"

"Not really," Pinkie smiled. "Sugarcube Corner's back door goes out onto the street as well. We can't even get there without going downstairs. You could do what I do when I want to be stealthy! I jump out the nursery window and onto Lyra and Bon Bon's roof, then I slide down their gutter into the alley. The alley runs behind the houses on that side for a block or two, and if you follow it to the east you should see Carousel Boutique. You'll have to run out in the open for a short while, but once you're at the Boutique there's plenty of cover. Rarity will probably be up in her room wallowing in her sadness, so good luck getting her attention!" Pinkie slapped Gibson on the back for luck. The group moved to the nursery room. Pinkie Pie opened the window in question and they all looked out.

"See! It's just a hop, skip, and a jump!" Pinkie smiled. It looked more like a leap of faith to Gibson. There was road below, not only bristling with ponies, but creating a gap several yards long to the roof of the house across the way.

"Pinkie... are you secretly a pegasus?" Arrow asked. "There's no helping it, the window is big enough so I'll fly you over Gibson." Arrow was about to nab Gibson, but he shook his head in protest, bringing his guitar around to his front and hugging it. "Your guitar will be fine. Let me take you." Gibson continued to protest.

"I could make the jump," Lugnut offered. "Just hop on my back and I'll take you over." Gibson didn't immediately show any sign of protest, so Arrow took advantage of the situation. He swooped Gibson up and placed him on Lugnut backwards, still clutching his guitar.

"Whatever gets him out of here. I'll be by this Zecora's house tomorrow, Gibson, and I expect good news. Big Lugnut, I hope to see you soon." Arrow smiled as he waved the two off. Gibson waved as Big Lugnut mounted the windowsill.

"Me too Mr. Dash. Good luck with Rainbow Dash!" Big Lugnut took one look at his target destination and leaped into the wild blue yonder.

________________

"Hey Lyra," Bon Bon called to her housemate, who was reclining on the couch with a saucer and teacup balanced on her stomach. Lyra looked up from the Sci-Fi novel she was reading. Bon Bon was looking around the room with a hint of disdain. Lyra sighed, she had heard the speech that was coming several times already. As Bon Bon began her rant, Lyra mouthed along.

"We've got to move out of this house. It's getting run down and the landlord refuses to repair anything. I've told him time and time again that the roof leaks and the back door doesn't lock and is too hard to open. Each time he says the same thing, 'I'm not gonna fix or replace nuthin' less there's significant damage.' He has a lot of nerve! It makes me just want to tear a hole in the roof and kick down that back door so he'll fix them!"

"Well, maybe you should ask Celestia for a miracle." Lyra itched her flank with her hoof.

"Maybe I will." Bon Bon walked over to the window and looked out and up at the sun. "Oh Celestia, please destroy my roof and back door with your Sun powers!" she prayed in earnest, bringing her hooves together.

"Yeah, while you're at it, can you ask Celestia to give me some hands?" Lyra joked.

Bon Bon and Lyra looked up as an unholy din erupted from above them. Before they could fully grasp the situation, a large, iron pony with another blue pony on his back touched down with a crash in their den, along with debris from their thatched roof. Big Lugnut had landed right on his head. Gibson had managed to stay on by reaching back and hooking his hoof on Lugnut's yoke.

Feeling his unstable mount tipping, Gibson bounded off before Lugnut fell onto his side with another crash. Gibson noticed Bon Bon and Lyra watching the spectacle unfolding before them. He made a dash for the back door. He yanked on it several times, but it wouldn't open. Desperate, he bucked the door down and ran out, leaving Lyra and Bon Bon with Big Lugnut.

"Uh... Big Lugnut?" Bon Bon inspected him. The pits of his eyes were empty and not a sound could be heard coming from him. She poked him with a tentative hoof.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!"

Lugnut's eyes suddenly sprang to life as he rolled around on the floor gripping his head with his hooves. Bon Bon backed off as Lugnut got up and continued rubbing his head.

"Ow... my head hurts." Big Lugnut's eyes flashed on then off for a moment. "Wait... my... my head hurts? My head hurts! My head hurts! Holy cow! My head hurts!" Big Lugnut cheered as he bolted out the back door. Bon Bon and Lyra were left without a back door and a big hole in their roof. Bon Bon smiled.

"I'd better go tell the landlord!" Bon Bon skipped towards the functioning front door. Lyra got up off the couch and blocked her path. She looked Bon Bon dead in the eye, and put her hooves on her shoulders.

"Not before you wish me some hands."

__________________

Applejack had finished her chores for the day at long last. Thanks to Big Lugnut's work at night, things went very smoothly come time for morning chores. When things ran smoothly, things went fast, and on Sweet Apple Acres time is money. Applejack hadn't crunched the exact numbers, mostly because she hated crunching numbers, but she knew Lugnut was going to save them a heap in the long run.

"Applejack! Applejack!" Applejack turned to see Big Lugnut careening into Sweet Apple Acres. Turning to look was all she managed to do before Big Lugnut had her by the shoulders.

"Applejack! Applejack! Okay, okay, I was jumping out of Pinkie Pie's window with Gibson on my back- oh! Do you know who Gibson is? He plays guitar and made Rarity cry, b-b-but that's not important right now! So I was jumping out the window and he was on my back and I was trying to land on a roof across the street and I did but I didn't kinda because I crashed through it. I must have blacked out when I landed because I woke up by on my side but my head was hurting! My head hurts Applejack! It actually hurts! Do you know what that means? I have a brain! A brain! My brain!" Lugnut raved. Applejack was looking on with wide-eyed amazement.

"Uh... I don't think a brain is the only thang that changed Big Lug." Applejack had been mesmerized by Lugnut's eyes as he talked. Originally, the two purple orbs were fixed in place, never moving and never changing. This was no longer the case. Lugnut's eyes shot every which way, grew and shrank, and even blinked as he talked. The round spheres would also lose their complete round shape as invisible eyelids and eyebrows morphed them into different expressions.

She took Big Lugnut back up to the mirror so he could see for himself. He was even more impressed with the development than she was. He thought learning his body's new functions would be hard, but expressing himself through his eyes felt as natural as walking. He shifted them back and forth, slanted them to make himself look angry or sad, and opened and closed them. Opening and closing them was his favorite, mostly because he wasn't able to actually close his eyes beforehand. He had to keep them open perpetually. He found himself blinking involuntarily, just like anypony else would do.

"I heard somewhere that the eyes er attached to the brain, so I guess you got the whole package," Applejack pointed out. She couldn't be happier with this development. She knew Big Lugnut wasn't a robot, but talking and looking into those unchanging eyes never made her feel terribly connected to his pony side. Now that she could see his rapidly changing expressions and darting pupils, she had a better feel for him.

"This is awesome! Well, my head hurting isn't awesome, but everything else is! This is too cool! Ah, I've gotta show Applebloom and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash!" Big Lugnut raved, his eyes displaying his excitement.

"Well, y'all was already in Ponyville. Ya could've told 'em first before runnin' all the way out here!" Applejack laughed.

"Well, I could have." Lugnut shuffled his hooves a bit. "I just wanted to tell you first," he admitted. Applejack's heart jumped a bit, making her break eye contact with Lugnut. She couldn't pin down her thoughts for a moment. There was definitely a feeling and a thought, both of them gone as soon as they popped up. She quickly realized how odd she was acting and returned to reality.

"I'm mighty flattered Big Lug, but don't hang 'round here on my account! Go on an' spread the good word." She gave him a slap on the shoulder. Lugnut nodded and headed out of the attic, but not before turning his head to Applejack.

"Thanks Applejack," was all he said. Applejack wanted to ask "for what?", but by the time she had collected herself she could already hear Lugnut closing the door of the house behind himself. She was left all alone with her thoughts. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts, her thoughts were confusing her. She wished there was somepony else here. She wanted somepony to come back.

"I should go... prepare dinner," she excused herself.

__________________

Gibson had successfully arrived at Carousel Boutique. Just as Pinkie predicted, he could hear sobbing and crying from the second story window. Nopony would come near the establishment. Once they were in earshot of Rarity's wailing, they promptly turned back to where they came from. Gibson wanted to join them, badly. If he wanted a shot at getting rid of his curse, he needed to find a way to apologize.

The apology itself he had hammered out, but delivering it was another thing. The front door of the boutique was locked and so were all the first floor windows. He considered delivering his apology from the ground, but there were too many other ponies in earshot. The sun was getting low, and Gibson was at a loss for what to do.

"Rarity! Hey Rarity! Let me in!" Gibson poked his head out of the bush he was hiding in. There was a small, white unicorn filly banging on the door of the boutique. "C'mon sis! Let me in!" Sweetie Belle continued to call, banging on the door with her hoof. She eventually sighed and moved off of the stoop. She began walking right towards Gibson's bush. He pulled his head back in and held his breath. Sweetie Belle stuck her own head in the bush. Her eyes lit up when she saw Gibson.

"Gibson So-umph," Gibson put a hoof in her mouth then brought another to his own. Still wide eyed, Sweetie Belle nodded. He released her and she just smiled quietly. He wondered how it was that Rarity's little sister knew who he was, but Rarity herself hadn't known. He didn't mull it over too much and just counted it as a blessing.

"What are you doing here?" Sweetie Belle whispered, totally agog. Gibson pointed a hoof up at Rarity's window. "You're here to see my sister?" Gibson nodded, Sweetie Belle looking a little disappointed. She cast a look up at the window, where Rarity could still be heard.

"Do you know what's got her so upset?" Gibson nodded again. "I guess I'd better let you in then." Gibson violently shook the filly's hoof, who didn't seem to opposed to the gesture. After extricating the spare key, which had been hidden in the bush Gibson had been crouching in, the two moved into the interior of the boutique. Sweetie Belle lead him up to the door to Rarity's room, where she knocked again.

"Hey Rarity, somepony's here to see you!" Sweetie Belle announced. She didn't seem terribly worried about her sister's grief. Gibson was reminded of his own sister.

"Who-*sniff*-is-*hic*-iiiiiiit?" Rarity sobbed.

"It's Gibson Song!" Sweetie bell announced, sounding like she didn't believe it herself despite her excitement.

"Go away!" Rarity's previous sobs were suddenly overridden with a single scream of fury. Sweetie Belle looked up at Gibson and shrugged. Gibson didn't need to be inside Rarity's room though. He plopped down on his flanks and brought out his guitar.

"Are you gonna sing?" Sweetie Belle began bouncing up and down, her face riddled with excitement. Gibson nodded, plucking and strumming his guitar experimentally. It was just to make sure it wasn't broken, but he could hear Rarity's sobbing quiet a little. He smiled. He had her now.

"I let you down, let me pick you up. I let you down, let me climb up you to the top so I can see the view from up there tangled in your hair. I let you down. I have no lid upon my head, but if I did you could look inside and see what's on my mind. You could look inside and see what's on my mind. I let you down, oh, forgive me..."

_________________

It was an uncharacteristically lively evening at Rainbow Dash's home. After setting the record straight with Twilight, the two loaded up on literature and returned to Rainbow Dash's home in the sky. As unicorn, Twilight is usually unable to stand on clouds, but she'd already perfected the spell that allows all wingless breeds of ponies to tread upon the fluffy clouds. From there, Twilight had met Rainbow Dash's mother.

Despite how similar the two looked, they had fire and ice personalities. Where Rainbow Dash's presence was displayed by her energy and her proud aura, Mrs. Dash had a strong presence simply because she was so quiet. Being around her was like being in the presence of something sacred. Twilight felt a little calmer and a little more relaxed. She was refreshing. On the other hand, Rainbow Dash could be tiresome. Constantly flapping about and wearing her heart on her sleeve. Mrs. Dash didn't wear anything on her sleeve. No matter what was said, she kept the same kind smile and gentle eyes. She was a tough nut to crack, but she was quickly growing on Twilight. On the way to the house, Rainbow Dash had described her relationship with her father a bit, so Twilight was surprised to find Rainbow Dash was so close to her mother.

"So this is your first time visiting Ponyville?" Twilight asked. Mrs. Dash nodded slowly. Her movements were so graceful it reminded Twilight of Princess Celestia. "Rainbow Dash has been living here for a while though. You never come to visit?" Mrs. Dash shook her head, her expression remained unchanged.

"My father cares more about his work than coming for a visit," Rainbow Dash groaned. Twilight noted that once they were around her mother, Rainbow Dash started using "my father" instead of "moron", "imbecile", or "idiot". That would have been helpful in the library.

"Do you visit them Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked. Rainbow Dash shook her head.

"I just write letters once and a while. Let them know I'm still alive," she explained. Twilight was once again reminded of Princess Celestia. Come to think of it, she probably writes more letters to her than she does her own parents. She considered writing one to them tonight.

The conversation broke off at the sound of the door opening. Arrow Dash emerged from the fading sunlight and closed the door behind him. His face was straight and expressionless, as if he'd just entered somewhere he wasn't welcome. In a sense, he had.

"Where have you been?" Rainbow Dash went off as soon as he closed the door.

"You kicked me out. I was just getting to know Ponyville," he answered as he whipped around and looked her in the eyes. He broke his gaze and noticed Twilight. "Who's this?" he asked with the edge in his previous voice gone.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle, it's nice to meet you Mr. Dash," the unicorn introduced herself. Arrow extended a hoof to her.

"It's nice to meet you." Arrow loosened noticeably as Twilight took his hoof and shook it.

"Where did you go?" Arrow stiffened and whipped around at Rainbow Dash's question.

"Sugarcube Corner," he admitted. "I met Big Lugnut in town and he took me."

"You've met Lugnut?" Twilight asked. It was odd for someone to meet Lugnut first thing after coming to Ponyville.

"Yes, Big Lugnut was the first pony I met here. Strange fellow, but nice," Arrow laughed, loosening back up. "Speaking of strange, I also met a pony named Pinkie Pie. I was surprised to hear she knew Rainbow, but according to her she knows everypony in Ponyville. While we're on the subject of ponies I met, I ran into Gibson," Arrow announced and turned to his wife. Mrs. Dash's expression changed notably to one of surprise. She cocked her head at him.

"He didn't say why he was here, or rather he can't. It might sound weird, but he's in a pinch and I need to hold a concert to get him out of it," Arrow explained. Mrs. Dash nodded, but she had a tentative look on her face. She didn't say anything, again, but Arrow seemed to know exactly what she was thinking.

"I know, a concert in Ponyville is hardly favorable or notable, even by our standards. That's why I need to come up with some sort of hook to draw people in. Another celebrity, some sort of festival, anything really," Arrow fretted. Mrs. Dash made a motion with her hoof and, shockingly, Arrow once again seemed to know exactly what she was communicating.

"I would move it somewhere else if I could... but his condition makes him hard to move. It's easier to keep things under wraps here in Ponyville. I'm sorry, but I might have to go out to Las Pegasus or Canterlot to arrangements," Arrow sighed.

"Excuse me," Twilight broke in to the half-silent conversation. "But for your 'celebrity appearance', would Princess Celestia be good?" Arrow's immediate reaction was laughter.

"Yes, yes she would be perfect! Too bad we'll never get her!" Arrow was doubling over with laughter. Unbeknownst to Twilight, in Equestrian show business "getting Celestia" is an idiom for having a back up plan more ambitious than your original plan. If someone is "getting Celestia" it means they're going to try and salvage a failing project with one wild gamble.

"If I got Princess Celestia to come to this concert, would you still have to leave?" Twilight asked. Arrow noted how serious she was. Twilight didn't want Arrow to be out of town. It would be hard to solve their friendship problem if Arrow and Rainbow Dash weren't in the same town.

"Could... could you really get her?" If Arrow could bill Princess Celestia making an appearance at his concert, he could sell so many tickets it wouldn't do justice to compare this event to any other event that ever sold tickets. Princess Celestia had been to concerts before, but only as a normal guest. It was completely unheard of her to show up as a premeditated guest of honor and/or sponsor.

"I'd be glad to help you out with anything you need. You should have as much time as you want with your wife and daughter," Twilight looked over at Rainbow Dash. She just rolled her eyes. This was going to be tough.

__________________

After the first song had ended, Rarity had opened the door for Gibson and glared at him. Gibson hadn't expected things to smooth out after a single song, but he was glad he got his sincerity across to her. All he could do to apologize was to keep singing and playing. Sweetie Belle nearly went bonkers over the spectacle. Eventually, Gibson forgot the exact reason he was here and just played songs at random, even taking a suggestion or two from Sweetie Belle.

Rarity watched and listened in silence. Being unable to use your own words was a huge handicap when it came to apologies. She could tell he was serious about his apology. He wasn't begging her over and over to forgive him. He wasn't putting anything on her at all. It was all him, just putting himself out there in an attempt to make things right. As Gibson finished a song, she spoke up for the first time.

"Gibson." Gibson's ears perked up. "It was very sweet of you to come over an apologize." Gibson smiled, feeling a bit guilty that even a small part of him did this just to get his curse lifted. He really wanted to make amends with Rarity. Getting her to like him was important. If he couldn't do that much, anything beyond was out of the question.

"And I'll forgive you if you do me one favor. I want you to go on a date." Gibson's heart sung with a choir of angels. "With a friend of mine." And then it sunk into a pit. Gibson managed a smile and nodded. Now he felt really bad.

__________________

Big Lugnut unhitched himself from the cart. He'd finally finished putting out barrels in the orchard. For some reason, doing so had become increasingly difficult. As time went on, his vision got blurry and his balance started going out of whack. He couldn't concentrate and his mind wandered all over the place. His body was more than up for the task, pulling the cart and dropping the barrels as easily as ever, but his mind kept telling him to stop.

Now that his work was officially done, his body began to obey what his mind wanted. He dropped to the floor and closed his eyes. He felt much better instantly.

"I wonder... if it's because I have a brain." Big Lugnut was way too tired to consider it seriously, but he was right. An organic brain needs its sleepy time. "I guess this means I can't do nighttime chores anymore..."

Lugnut submitted himself to sleep. For the first time ever the iron pony slept. His tired mind drifted into a dream. He found himself wandering down a dirt road, surrounded by a sea of grass. He clanked along, then noticed someone was clanking along beside him.

"What's on your mind sis?" Lugnut called to the orange pony with him. Applejack looked up at him, the wind blowing her long, blonde braid across her back. A black garment covered her body, hiding her metal foreleg and hind leg. Lugnut couldn't hide his metal exterior like his sister. He should be thankful that he's even still in this world.

"Nuthin'... whaddya think the capitol is like?" she asked him.

"I hear it's a nice place. Very different from Risenbuck," his metallic voice echoed in his body. He'd gotten used to it by now. He wondered how Applejack was faring with her new limbs though. He kept from asking. Looking strong and in control was important to her. It's probably why she hates her relatively small size.

"Don't worry lil' bro. Once I'm a State Alchemist, we'll find a way to git yer old body back. State Alchemists have all kinds of resources. I'm sure we'll find sumthin'... no, I know we will," she asserted, smiling confidently. If Lugnut could smile, he would. Everypony should be so lucky to have a sibling who'll stand beside them like this. Considering the bad luck they've run into so far though, perhaps he wouldn't wish his luck on somepony else.

Still, he was glad there was somepony who wants him to be flesh and blood. He couldn't be happier to know that pony is Applejack.

~~~Author's Note~~~

The song this time was:

Let You Down - Dave Matthews Band

ALSO

Hexagons. That is all.

IX: Screws

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter IX

___________________

Fast forward one week. Applejack lets Big Lugnut sleep in the attic and has him do his chores during the day. The Cutie Mark Crusaders use Big Lugnut's strength and speed to find new ways to acquire their cutie marks and cause their families distress. Rarity preps Gibson for his perfect date with Fluttershy. Gibson crys a river, builds a bridge, and gets over it. Somepony abandons a slightly domesticated penguin on Fluttershy's doorstep. Twilight tries to reconcile Rainbow Dash and her estranged father. Rainbow Dash is too busy brushing up on pregnancy and foal care to talk to her father. Arrow Dash is too busy preparing what is turning out to be the concert of the century to talk to his daughter. Mrs. Dash grows slightly more pregnant than before. Pinkie Pie helps repair Lyra and Bon Bon's roof.

On the surface, not much has happened. Time grinds on and each pony's life carries on in its normal fashion. It's a fundamental truth, though, that if nothing happens life is boring. There have to be periods of nothing happening. All those emotions and thoughts get bottled up in the day to day grind and one fine day they all come out in the sun. That's how the cycle goes, and today happens to be one very fine day.

____________________

"Now we're getting stuck on what to use as the venue. The projected ticket sales are really making it difficult..."

"Now remember: she's very timid so you can't be too forward. Be a gentleman but don't totally take control!"

"Of course having it outside of town would be nice, so I've been looking around for a good venue in the surrounding area."

"It's going to be hard since you can't talk, but you must remember to keep the conversation flowing. Understand?"

"He's sent me several letters already, but I keep reminding him that isn't the point of the concert. It's not a variety show."

"And don't look her in the eyes too long! She'll get nervous, but don't stare at her body! That'll make her nervous as well."

Gibson Song had two ponies talking in his ears, and he was listening to neither of them. He wished he could just hang out at Zecora's all day and play guitar, but fate had other ideas for him. Rarity had made a disguise for him so he could walk around Ponyville unrecognized. To his amazement, it worked like a charm. A wide, black stetson, dark sunglasses, and a black flight jacket deterred anypony who might know him. Not even Sweetie Belle recognized him at first. The length of his jacket even hid the guitar on his flank, so it was foolproof.

It did, however, put him at Arrow and Rarity's mercy. When Rarity wasn't teaching him the finer points of going on a date with Fluttershy, Arrow was going on about the concert. If it was one or the other, it would be tolerable, but it was both so Gibson wished it would all stop. It would soon enough for today was the big day. Today was his scheduled date with Fluttershy. Provided he didn't royally screw it up, Rarity would let him off the hook.

This Fluttershy mare sounded like a real piece of work, though. Even if she was twice as beautiful as Rarity, he didn't know if he'd be able to put up with all her quirks. Scared of strangers, timid, unable to assert herself, doesn't like to make eye contact, timid, tears up at the thought of dragons, timid, explosive temper when pushed too far, timid and to top it all of she's timid. Rarity had really driven the timid point home, so Gibson kept imagining the frailest little mare in the world. He felt sorry for her. Rarity had insisted they'd met previously, but Gibson didn't recall what she looked like.

"Alright Gibson! It's time," Rarity announced the zero hour. Gibson nodded, ready to get this over with. "Let's hurry over to the meeting place. Fluttershy should be waiting and it isn't good to keep a lady waiting," Rarity lead him out the door.

"Gibson! We'll discuss the venue some more when you're done. Good luck." Arrow flew out the door before them. Gibson had seen a lot of Arrow, but in the recent week he seemed much happier than usual. He figured it was the town. Gibson couldn't get around it; no matter how much crazy stuff happened to him here, the energy of Ponyville cheered him up and got him through it. He hoped it would persist through his date today.

_________________

"An' I keep tellin' you Lugnut! Ya can't jus' bash the tree like that!" Applejack reprimanded him for the umpteenth time.

"I try to hold back! It's hard being as strong as I am," Big Lugnut complained. Applejack wouldn't have it though.

"Don go complainin' 'bout yer strength! Yer blessed in that respect." It wasn't long ago that seeing these two walking down the streets of Ponyville and having an idle argument would have been strange, but now Ponyville was perfectly used to it's metallic resident. For all anypony cared, Big Lugnut was a pony just like them. There was one pony who still couldn't convince herself to see it that way though: Applejack.

Applejack had fought with it for the past week. In her brain, Lugnut was still a robot. He was a walking, talking, pile of metal. She knew it wasn't true. He was a pony on the inside and one day he'd be a pony on the outside. Knowing that made no difference. Big Lugnut equals robot, and that was the end of the discussion.

She couldn't treat Big Lugnut like everypony else. All the differences between him and her couldn't stand out more if they glowed in the dark. Applejack watched what she said, she watched what she did, and she sure as anything watched where she was looking whenever she was around Lugnut.

Big Lugnut had not overlooked these changes in her behavior. She hardly looked him in the eye anymore. She maintained a constant distance from him. The strangest part was she never once talked about his current condition of being a robot-pony-pseudo-being. Whenever he brought the subject up, she'd change it. Lugnut tried his best to get around these things. He followed her eyes when she looked away, he moved closer when she moved away, and he brought up being a robot as often as he could.

The two were a ticking time bomb.

Lugnut was about to pursue the subject of his strength further, but Applejack suddenly put a hoof out in front of him. She motioned for him to be quiet, pulling him behind a hedge. Big Lugnut followed her line of vision and saw what she was looking at.

"Is that Fluttershy?" Lugnut asked in a hushed tone. Applejack nodded. Fluttershy wasn't what was odd, it was who she was with. Somepony neither Applejack or Big Lugnut had seen before. He was a shady character. He wore a long, black jacket and a large black hat. To top it all off, his eyes were hidden behind a pair of black sunglasses. It was overcast today, so there was no need to wear sunglasses unless somepony was trying to be shady.

"Whaddya reckon Fluttershy is doin' with a stallion like that?" Applejack was legitimately worried. Fluttershy wasn't an idiot, she knew better than to acquaint herself with shady ponies. She's a doormat, but she's much to timid to get pulled in by some strange stallion. She had still retained some Iron Will training in case of such a situation. Applejack believed the phrase went, "If you don't want to go out, clobber the sorry lout!"

"Do you think maybe we should keep an eye on them?" Lugnut asked. Applejack nodded.

"If he tries anything funny, I swear I'll hogtie 'im faster than a caffeinated rattler!" Thus the two began watching Fluttershy and her mysterious friend. They stood in the square, just talking. Well, sort of talking. Fluttershy said some stuff and the stallion would nod. His mouth never moved. He was getting sketchier and sketchier.

"They're moving!" Lugnut noted. Applejack and Lugnut moved as stealthily as they could. Taking cover behind some more hedges, the two popped their heads out as Fluttershy and her companion entered a coffee shop.

"Horse apples! How're we gonna keep an' eye on 'em now?"

"We could look in through the window," Lugnut offered. Applejack looked around.

"There!" she pointed a hoof at a roadside stand. The sign above read "¡Ropa Mexicolta!". Applejack was already trotting over to it, so Lugnut followed. Behind the stand was a chestnut stallion with a bushy mustache.

"Hey amigo, how much fer two hats and two ponchos?" Applejack produced her bit bag from under her own hat. The vendor gave them an odd look. Applejack tried again, "Uhm... cuantos pesos por dos sombreros y dos ponchos?"

"No, no, no." the vendor shook his head. "I understood you the first time señorita. Pero... how did you know mi nombre was Amigo?"

"Your name is Amigo?" Lugnut asked. Amigo nodded.

"It is a family name," he explained bashfully, "I an new to Ponyville you see. Mi familia sent me to-"

"We don't have time fer chit-chat pard'ner!" Applejack snapped. After paying a slightly less discounted price, Applejack and Big Lugnut were decked out like vaqueros, or at least they imagined they were. Vaqueros usually avoid large, gaudy sombreros and itchy, cactus ponchos.

In their new disguises, the two made their way into the little cafe. Their outfits elicited a few stares, but they made their way unhindered to a table right behind Fluttershy. Applejack ordered a cup of tea when the waiter came, but the two were silent otherwise.

"So... uhm... do you like animals?" Fluttershy asked her companion. He silently nodded. Applejack and Lugnut continued listening to the conversation, which still wasn't much of a conversation. Fluttershy would ask a question and the stranger would nod. It was all too suspicious. They couldn't see Fluttershy's face, but her voice sounded pretty normal. Applejack took some solace in the fact that she wasn't distressed. The stranger was another case though. His eyes couldn't be seen, but they could tell his gaze was shifty. He wouldn't look forward for long, he'd always turn his head and look around, like someone was watching him.

In his defense, he was being watched. He didn't know why Big Lugnut and somepony else were dressed so strangely, but he didn't dare point them out. If this date went awry for Gibson, he didn't know what Rarity would make him do next. He motioned to Fluttershy that it was time to go.

"Oh, yes... I suppose we... uhm, should go now," she agreed as the two got up and left. Applejack and Big Lugnut followed behind, but at a safe distance. The crowded streets of Ponyville were easy for them to hide in. They could follow the two wherever they went and nopony would-

"Hiya sis! What're you doin'?" Applebloom and Scootaloo suddenly appeared, minus one white unicorn. Lugnut and Applejack quickly snatched them up and jumped into some nearby hedges. Lugnut took a moment to reflect on how many hedges there were in Ponyville.

"Applebloom! We're in the middle of somethin' 'portant 'ere!" Applejack pointed out Fluttershy. Scootaloo and Applebloom looked at each other, both very, very excited.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS!"

Applejack and Big Lugnut were powerless to stop the two fillies as they suddenly ran off. Thinking they were freed of them, they simply continued following Fluttershy. The unsuspecting couple stopped to sit on a bench in the park. By the time Applejack and Big Lugnut found a good place to watch them, they were joined by two niñas.

"Scootaloo, Applebloom! What in tarnation are you doin'?" Applejack growled at the fillies, now decked out in the same uniform as they were.

"Shh! I can't hear wut thar sayin'!" Applebloom put a hoof over her sister's mouth. Applejack didn't waste effort trying to stop them. Once the Crusaders got it in their heads to do something, they stuck to it. Applejack was glad they were at least down by one.

The park wasn't too different from the cafe. Fluttershy did all the talking, the stranger in black didn't say a word. He looked around a lot and shuffled nervously on the bench. Unbeknownst to those watching him, he was only doing so because he swore the number of sombreros following him had doubled.

Soon enough, the two started leaving the park. Applejack and the Crusaders were about to go after them, but Big Lugnut stopped them. He pointed to the other end of the park. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkle were entering the park and had obviously seen Fluttershy.

"We gotta keep them from blowin' our cover!" Applejack declared. Lugnut nodded. Rainbow Dash, sped up and out of her group.

"Quick! Scootaloo! Fly after her and stop her!" Before Scootaloo could explain to Lugnut that she couldn't fly, Lugnut had already picked her up. "I'll give you a boost!" was all he said before chucking her like a hoofball. Scootaloo wouldn't have needed to actually been able to fly with that. She intercepted Rainbow Dash perfectly, nailing her right in the side. The two crashed into a hedge. Pinkie and Twilight rushed over to help, but were quickly tackled into the hedge themselves by Lugnut and Applejack.

"What's going on?" Twilight yelled. Applejack stifled her with a hoof.

"Fluttershy is runnin' around with a real strange pony!" Applejack explained.

"And we're investigating!" Applebloom announced, hopping onto the dog pile taking place in the hedges.

"Oooh! I wanna investigate!" Pinkie Pie smiled.

____________________

"Have you ever been on a boat?" Fluttershy asked her billionth question. Gibson nodded. This was easily the strangest date he'd ever been on. He couldn't speak, his date kept asking him the most arbitrary questions, and there was a large group of sombreroed ponies following their every move. Their date wasn't quite over yet. They had one more destination. When Rarity got him to agree to take Fluttershy there for the date, he'd accepted reluctantly. Now that he was being tailed by all these ponies, he wished to Celestia he'd fought her harder on the issue.

"The Silver Stable?" Fluttershy read the sign of the large establishment before them. It was Ponyville's fanciest, most uptight, five-star hotel. Rarity said there was an excellent bar in the lobby, but she had also said:

"If she's feeling up to it and you're feeling up to it, I think it would do the girl a world of good!"

Getting the green light from the mare you're interested in to go ahead and knock boots with her friend is pretty soul crushing. Gibson was not at all interested in getting Fluttershy upstairs; however, his poncho wearing stalkers had no way of knowing this. As the two entered the Silver Stable, he felt the collective hatred of all of his followers fall upon him.

"I can't believe it!" Twilight, who had been reluctant to join in and don the stalker uniform, snorted in rage. "He's going to take advantage of poor Fluttershy! As her friends, we have to stop him!" The entire group started into the establishment, but Applejack turned Applebloom and Scootaloo away at the door.

"Lookie here Applebloom! Go an' git Big Macintosh! If things git ugly, we'll need more stallion power!" Applebloom and Scootaloo saluted and trotted off. Applejack knew they had Scootaloo's scooter, so they could find Macintosh pretty quickly. They needed to stall anything from happening until then.

The somberoed party entered the hotel. Looking around, they noticed Fluttershy and her rapacious companion were sitting at the bar ordering drinks.

"We can't let her drink!" Rainbow Dash warned her compadres. "He'll probably slip her something!"

"Like alcohol!" Pinkie Pie gasped. Everypony just stared at her for a moment.

"Yes, Pinkie Pie." Twilight was first to speak up. "He's going to put alcohol... in her alcohol..."

"It's the perfect crime!" Pinkie Pie declared. No one else thought so.

"We can't hesitate then! Big Lug, you watch the door! Girls, do what ya can to make sure he can't do anythang fishy!" The group dispersed with Lugnut staying right at the door. The other four mares drew down their sombreros and sat down at the bar. Fluttershy was too busy wondering what she should order to drink to notice. Gibson was too busy noticing to wonder what he should order to drink.

"Can I... get you ladies some drinks?" the bartender asked his strangely appareled patrons.

"¡Cidero!" Rainbow Dash grunted what she thought was Spanish for cider. The bartender ignored her.

"Cerveza," Applejack ordered, less than confident in her Spanish. The bartender looked at the next pony down the line.

"Uh... Cerveza?" Twilight didn't know Spanish, but she hoped a "cerveza" wasn't too strong. Pinkie was next.

"¡Agua!" Pinkie Pie giggled. Nopony would suspect she was fluent. Next was Fluttershy's turn.

"Oh... well... I've never had a cerveza before," she admitted with a smile. The bartender turned to Gibson. Gibson lifted his hoof and pointed down the line.

"Una cerveza, señor?" the bartender asked. Gibson shook his head and pointed again. "Just agua then?" Gibson nodded. He could tell the bartender was enjoying all this on some sick level. On the other end of the bar, Applejack and the others were quietly consorting.

"See! He ordered water! He's trying to keep his own wits about him!" Rainbow Dash whispered.

"Yer right Dash... we gotta keep Fluttershy from drinkin'!"

"Hey Applejack." Applejack turned to Twilight. "What's a cerveza?" The bartender eased her worries by placing a pint of beer before her, Applejack, and Fluttershy. He put two glasses of water in front of Gibson and Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash waited for him to give her something, staring at him intently. He noticed her, and gave her a sly smile. He placed a box of apple juice in front of her. Rainbow Dash looked at the carton, then looked up and glared daggers at him. He looked terribly satisfied with himself.

Fluttershy looked down at her pint. The four mares beside her watched her. Gibson didn't dare to move a muscle. Fluttershy looked up from her drink at Gibson, then back down at her drink. After a moment of reflection, she finally spoke.

"I think I actually have had a cerveza before," she concluded. Pinkie and the bartender snickered a bit, but nopony else moved. Fluttershy took a drink as everypony watched. Once she was done, she looked over at the sombreroed mares. They all began to act natural. Applejack and Twilight took a swig of beer, Twilight's face contorting under her sombrero as the liquor entered her mouth. Pinkie leaned on her hoof and looked away while Rainbow Dash attempted to pierce her straw into her juice box. Fluttershy turned to Gibson. Twilight spat her liquor back into her mug.

"Are we dressed appropriately to be here?" she whispered. Gibson nodded, just counting down the minutes until he was free. Fluttershy just kept watching the sombreroed ponies. They continued to pretend that nothing strange was happening, except Rainbow Dash who'd become completely absorbed in trying to get her straw to go into her juice box.

The doors of the hotel suddenly flew open. There in the doorway stood a tall, red Stallion wearing a sombrero and poncho. It was Big Macintosh, and he looked absolutely steamed. Applejack was about to call out to him, but somepony beat her to it.

"Big Macintosh?" Fluttershy fluttered her wings and lifted herself off her seat at the bar, "Is that you?"

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh snorted.

"Oh... I think we are dressed wrong to be here," she mumbled as she noted Big Macintosh's attire. Big Mac stared right at Gibson. Fluttershy must have noticed. She looked up at Gibson apologetically.

"Uhm... you should probably leave," she warned.

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh started walking up to him. Gibson didn't hesitate. He was done with this. For all he cared, he could stay cursed forever as long as he didn't have to put up with another second of this. He left his seat at the bar and walked straight out the door without one look back.

"Wow... good job Bi-" Applejack was cut short by Big Macintosh glaring at her. Once she was quiet, he turned back to Fluttershy.

"You're probably wondering... why I was here... with him..." she started.

"Eeyup."

"Well you see... Rarity set me up with him... and... and I she just wouldn't take no for an answer... so, uhm, I said yes. Are... are you mad?"

".... Nope." Big Macintosh's expression softened. Fluttershy visibly relaxed too. Nopony else knew what was going on, especially Rainbow Dash who'd thus far failed to poke her straw through but would be damned if she didn't. Fluttershy sidled up to Big Macintosh, looking very happy. The two walked away from the group and went up the stairs of the hotel.

*shunk*

"Got it!" Rainbow Dash triumphed over her juice box. She sipped upon it, spinning around in her seat and observing the dumbstruck ponies around her. "Did I miss something?"

"Fluttershy and Big Macintosh just went upstairs together..." Twilight explained. Rainbow Dash nodded, drinking some more of her apple juice.

"Good job, Fluttershy." She raised her carton in her honor. Big Lugnut came away from the door and rejoined the group.

"I don't believe it," Applejack stuttered while she just stared at the stairs. "How long have Fluttershy an' Big Macintosh been... together?"

"You've never seen them together?" Big Lugnut questioned.

"An' you have?"

"Yeah, at least twice during the time I wasn't able to sleep." All eyes turned to Big Lugnut, imploring further explanation. "What? They were in the orchard doing... uh... well I don't know what, but I didn't get involved because there seemed to be a lot of screaming and crying involved."

"He made her cry?!" Applejack was incredulous. Lugnut shook his head though.

"No, Macintosh was crying," Big Lugnut explained. Further discussion of the topic was not pursued. Ponies who had drinks, finished them. Everypony there decided to pretend they had seen nothing that day.

__________________

Gibson returned to Carousel Boutique in a huff. Rarity noticed him as soon as he came in. She also realized he hadn't completed his contract. As he shed his disguise, Rarity marched over to interrogate him.

"What's going on? You're not supposed to be back yet! There had better be a good reason for this!" Rarity fumed. Gibson stared at her, his eyes completely dead. Without skipping a beat, he hopped up on her round catwalk and stamped his hoof four times.

"Eh... what?" Gibson pantomimed strumming a guitar then shook his head. He stamped four more times.

"Oh! Uh... four words?" she guessed. Gibson smiled a bit and nodded. Sweetie Belle came down from upstairs.

"Gibson's back!" she shouted as she bounded to the edge of the stage. "What are you guys doing?"

"Charades darling. Gibson here is going to explain why he left his date with Fluttershy early," Rarity grumbled the last part. Gibson ignored her. He stamped his hoof once. "First word?" Gibson nodded. He brought his hooves to his sides and flapped his elbows up and down.

"Uh..." Rarity didn't know what to make of it, "Bird? Chicken? Pegasus?"

"Scootaloo!" Sweetie Belle guessed. Gibson shook his head. He changed poses. This time, he huddled on the ground with his hooves over his head.

"Oh! Fluttershy!" Gibson nodded. Despite the situation, Rarity looked pleased that she had gotten it. Gibson tapped his hoof four times. "Uh, fourth word?" Gibson nodded. He stomped his hoof twice. "Two words... like two words together?" Gibson nodded again, stomping his hoof once. Gibson pointed to himself.

"Gibson?" Rarity guessed. Gibson shook his head, discreetly motioning towards his hindquarters with head. Rarity had to think for a moment. Had Sweetie Belle not been there, he would have been a bit more brazen with his gesture.

"Colt?" Gibson nodded.

"Aww, no fair Rarity! Let me get one!" Sweetie Belle complained. She looked up at Gibson expectantly. He pointed at her, then back at him. Sweetie Belle's face lit up.

"Friends!" Sweetie Belle got it immediately.

"Coltfriends?!" Rarity didn't like where this was going. GIbson stomped once to alleviate her fears. "Colt...friend?" Gibson nodded. Rarity pondered this for a moment.

"Fluttershy... has a... coltfriend?" Gibson nodded vigorously. Rarity was absolutely shocked. "B-b-b-but who is it?! She never mentioned this to me!" Gibson didn't know who the pony he'd seen was. His initial fear upon seeing him did leave an imprint of the stallion in his brain. Gibson puffed himself up to full size.

"He's... big?" Rarity asked. Gibson nodded. He looked around the room. He jumped off the stage and ran over to some rolls of fabric on the ground. He put his hoof on a red one.

"He's big and red?" Sweetie Belle lit up. "Fluttershy's coltfriend is a firetruck?"

"No, Sweetie Belle," Rarity corrected her as she came to a shocking realization, "Fluttershy's coltfriend is Big Macintosh!" Rarity looked at Gibson for confirmation. He remembered back to the bar. The name sounded familiar, so he went ahead and nodded. That was the final blow for Rarity. Her eyes became unfocused and she began to teeter side to side. She fell over, but not before moving a fainting couch between her and the floor. She lay there, passed out from too much drama. Sweetie Belle and Gibson looked at each other with blank expressions.

"Hey Gibson! Wanna put on this disguise Applebloom gave to me and get some ice cream?" Sweetie Belle smiled. Gibson grinned broadly and nodded. It was the best idea anypony had all day.

________________

Rainbow Dash returned to her home after the sun went down. For some reason, Twilight and Applejack really wanted a second beer after their first and then a third after the second. They nearly partook in a fourth. Thankfully for those two mares, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash decided not to drink. It took both Pinkie and Rainbow to escort a drunken Twilight back to the library while Big Lugnut headed back towards Sweet Apple Acres with Applejack in tow.

Rainbow Dash closed the door behind her quietly, in case her mother was sleeping. Her stealth succeeded in leaving two other residents of her house undisturbed. Her father and her pet tortoise Tank were staring at each other in her den. She nearly interrupted the two, but hung back when she caught the contents of the one-sided conversation.

"-And I hate it... I just hate it. I want Rainbow to like me... like when she was a little filly. Those were great days... those were the days I thought I could have million children and be a million times as happy. We drifted apart though, and now I don't know how to reconcile the two of us," he confessed to the tortoise. "You know... when I found out my wife was pregnant... I thought to myself, 'I'm going to be a father again,'... What a terrible thing for me to think"

Rainbow Dash couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not just the words, but her father's voice. His voice was shaking, and even if she couldn't see he might be crying. He didn't stop there though.

"It took me a while to realize that I've been a father all this time, and a terrible one. When things were easy and things were good, I enjoyed it. When it got tough or when I didn't like it... I got scared and backed out. I said a lot of things I regret to a filly who was way too young to have her father that angry at her. That isn't what love is. I loved my wife no matter what, so why was I so afraid to love my daughter when my heart wasn't in it? Why couldn't my brain tell my heart to deal with what it was feeling and just love her when she needed me to? If I can't figure that out... I don't deserve to have anypony else call me father." Arrow Dash was doing his best to fight back his tears. He didn't want to cry in front of a tortoise because that's just ridiculous. He didn't even know why he was talking to a tortoise. He just started talking, and the tortoise was there, then he started talking about Rainbow Dash, and now he's on the verge of blubbering like a baby. Tank pulled his head back into his shell for a moment, reappearing with a handkerchief in his mouth.

"Ha... thanks." Arrow took it and dried his eyes. Rainbow Dash retreated back towards her front door, letting what she'd just heard sink in. Her father wanted to make up. He really, really, really wanted to make up. Not just for her sake or his sake, but for her little brother or sister's sake too. There was something else in there that struck a chord with her. Something he said hurt her. He'd admitted he hadn't loved her.

Rainbow Dash thought she'd be sitting back saying "I knew it!" when he finally said so. Instead, she felt terrible. She felt terrible not because it hurt her, but because it hurt him. Had he said "I don't love her and never did," she would probably have stormed up to him and bucked him right up the pooper. Instead, she felt terrible. She felt terrible because she realized she was the exact same as her father. She'd loved him when that was easy and hated him when that became easier. She was no better than he was.

Rainbow Dash opened her front door then closed it audibly. She listened to her father shuffle around in the den and laughed to herself. Maybe she could return things to the way they used to be. She was still sore though, he had said some pretty terrible things when she was young. While she held the cards, it couldn't hurt to mess with him a little. She winged her way into her den.

"Evening Rainbow," Arrow greeted her stiffly. Rainbow Dash did her best not to smile and give away her ruse.

"Yeah, evening," Rainbow Dash yawned. She flew past him, towards the staircase.

"Did you have a good evening?" he asked. Rainbow Dash stopped and turned her back to him, unable to hold back a smirk.

"Yeah, my friends and I were out. I'm pretty beat so I'm gonna hit the hay." She continued on up her stairs.

"Good night then." Her father nodded, sitting back on the couch.

"I love you too dad," was all Rainbow Dash said before disappearing upstairs. Her only regret was she didn't get to see the look on his face.

________________

"Ah... ah tellin' ya Big Lug... ah had no idear that... that Mac wuz... wuz goin' out wit Fluttahshah," Applejack slurred. Big Lugnut just nodded, silently walking down the road to Sweet Apple Acres with Applejack slung across his back. His brain was telling him the time to sleep was soon, but thankfully his body didn't need to respond.

"Big Lug... Big Lug... are you lissenin' to me?" Applejack asked. Big Lugnut just nodded. "Ah jus' wunder... ah jus' wunder if they're in love er not... whaddya think Big Lug?" Applejack snickered.

"I don't know. Macintosh looked pretty ticked when he saw Fluttershy with that strange stallion though. He forgave her once he explained it, so I think that's a pretty good case to say they're in love," Big Lugnut explained this mostly to himself. He didn't think Applejack was sober enough to absorb that info. To confirm it, she snorted in amusement.

"Yuup, that an' the two of 'em are porkin' like bunnies in springtime! Yeeeehaaaw!" she laughed. Drinking had made her a lot more brazen, that's for sure. "Hey... hey Big Lug..."

"Yes?"

"D'ya think ah'm sexy?" The left field comment made Big Lugnut's eyes expanded to their full size.

"Uh... w-why are you asking?" he tried to get her off of the subject.

"Ya know... ah jus'... never caught nopony like... makin' eyes at me errr wut," she grumbled. Big Lugnut honestly found that hard to believe. If nopony was looking at her, it's only because they were afraid of what Applejack would do to them if she caught them.

"Well... I guess I do," Lugnut admitted. He didn't see the harm in flattering her a little. It wasn't a lie. He was attracted to her, and no getting around that fact. He turned into Sweet Apple Acres, noticing his passenger was suddenly very silent. "Are you awake Applejack?"

"Ya... ya... jus' thinkin'... can't think cuz ah'm so drunk," she chuckled. "Yer a nice robot Big Lug."

"Thanks Applejack."

"No, no, no... ah mean it!" she scolded him. "I wish ya weren't no robot Big Lug..."

"I won't be a robot forever." Big Lugnut opened the door to the farmhouse, making sure not to make too much noise. He closed the door behind him quietly and went up the stairs.

"Well... hurry up and stop bein' a robot," she mumbled, obviously starting to drift off. Big Lugnut brought Applejack to her room and laid her on the bed. She took off her stetson and put it on her nightstand.

"I'm going as fast as I can," he chuckled, pulling her sheets over her.

"Uhn... go faster," she mumbled, getting comfortable in her sheets. "I love you too much already..."

Big Lugnut stood in the darkness by himself. Applejack slept before him. Looking at her brought on a wave of thoughts and emotions. He'd barely been alive for over a week, so he couldn't believe something like this was already happening. It seemed unlikely. It seemed like a dream.

Big Lugnut was afraid. He was afraid he would lose everything if he moved too fast. It became clear to him that while he was a robot, he needed to play the part of a robot. He wasn't normal, not yet. He just needed to wait. Once he was pony, it could all be his: A new life, new friends, hard work, love could be all his.

They could not be Big Lugnut the robot's.

XI: Turbocharger

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter XI

_____________________

Applejack found herself in a familiar place. On all sides were the shadows of large stallions. Once again, it was eerily silent and dismal. Applejack couldn't stand it.

"What're ya'll still doin' here?" she yelled at them, shattering the previous silence as her voice echoed across the seemingly infinite expanse before her.

"We are sleeping," a phantasmal voice answered back. "We do not want to be pulled from our dreams." Applejack scowled at the dark figure closest to her.

"Didn't I tell ya'll that gettin' what you want in the real world is a lot better?" Applejack scolded the figure.

"The waking world does not hold what we need to fulfill our dreams," the figure asserted.

"It's not true!" Applejack spun around, she noticed one of the silhouettes walking towards her. This one was different though. The other shadows were pure, black, ebony figures, but this pony had glowing, golden eyes. The voice he called out in didn't sound distant or phantasmal, but natural.

"I've seen my dream with my own eyes! I heard it with my own ears! It's out there, and I'm going to get it!" the shadow defiantly declared. Without another word, it turned and galloped away, way out into the abyss of the dreamscape until he vanished.

"What a fool," the original shadow grumbled. Applejack shot it a dirty look.

"Now look here!" she started to scold it, but it quickly craned its head down, knocking her backwards in surprise.

"Get up Applejack!" the shadow demanded, its voice morphing into the voice of another.

"Aww, no you don't! I ain't done yet!" Applejack tried to get up, but she was covered by something warm and soft. Something kept prodding her side.

"Get up Applejack!" Big Macintosh's voice pleaded. The phantoms of her dreams vanished as Applejack's eyes shot open. Big Macintosh and Big Lugnut were standing over her in her dim, moonlit room.

"Zap Apple harvest starts in an hour," Lugnut reminded her. "We've gotta go get ready."

"Yeah... right," Applejack mumbled as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. It was indeed Zap Apple harvest day. Three days had passed since she'd purposefully gotten hammered. After that experience, she had zero desire to drink alcohol for a long while. Most distressing than her level of inebriation that night was what her friends reported back to her. Much to her surprise, she had admitted to having a thing for Big Lugnut. Applejack knew that if she admitted something like that to her friends, she could have just as easily spilled the beans to Big Lugnut as well. It would pose Lugnut in an awkward situation, but Applejack didn't even know if the statement was true. She was sure she would need a few days to mull over the thought of being interested in Big Lugnut romantically.

Turns out she didn't.

Big Lugnut just made sense at every turn. He's reliable, honest, innocent as a child, but as stubborn as any full grown stallion. He gets along well with everypony Applejack knows and a few she doesn't know. He was a little stupid and reckless, but Applejack knew she could put up with those things. There is only one big problem with him. There is only the one itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, itty-bitty problem: Big Lugnut is a robot. The fact didn't stop Applejack from having thoughts and feelings about him, but it did stop her from doing anything.

She certainly didn't find her own thoughts that odd. Big Lugnut might be a robot now, but someday he'd be flesh and blood. Applejack couldn't stand how slow the process was, though. She wanted to do everything in her power to speed up said process, but aiding his growth along in any form appeared to be impossible. So for now, Applejack was left alone to sort out what to do.

Thankfully, Lugnut was still acting a bit distant. He'd stopped running off from everypony else, but he and Applejack scarcely talked. When they did they never talked about anything else other than work. They were stuck together, just like two peas in an uncomfortable pod.

"Alright boys," Applejack rolled out of bed and grabbed her hat, "We're gonna be werkin' all day today. Wit Lugnut helpin' out, this here'll be the biggest Zap Apple harvest to date!"

_________________

It was two days before D-day for Gibson and Arrow. After settling to have the venue be on a hillside just outside of Ponyville, ponies started arriving to begin setting up the stage and equipment. In just two days they'd turned to hillside into something of an amphitheater. Already the stage and all the lighting was up and running. Crews of pegasi were busy setting up a large backdrop behind the stage to help funnel the sound towards the crowd. Tents covered the perimeter of the venue, creating a clear boundary for ponies who were in attendance of the concert to inhabit. Arrow had seen to it that plenty of security would be on call to keep ponies without tickets from coming through the theoretical barrier. Once those ponies were additionally accompanied by Princess Celestia's personal guard, he was sure he could keep anypony from sneaking in. With the perimeter established, ponies were setting out rows of chairs upon rows of chairs in the open field.

The other operation under way was the final setup for the sound system. Arrow was eager for Gibson and his band to get on stage and practice together for the first time in a while. The opening band, Saddle Kellogg and the Nickers, was probably going to get their practice time in first because a certain somepony was missing from Gibson's band.

"It isn't a mystery of where he is!" Arrow complained to one of his security ponies. "The mystery is why isn't he here? I told him we're doing a sound check and practice run of the concert at ten o' clock sharp! He'll be at Carousel Boutique in town. Go get him and bring him here so I can give him an earful!" he barked at the security ponies, who quickly nodded and cantered off. Arrow heaved a sigh, turning to Gibson's band. When all four assembled, they were A Horse With No Name, but without Gibson they were just three ponies who can play instruments.

"Jaa mon! Dat Gibson is cuhrazay if he tinks we kin go on wit'owt practicin'," laughed the drummer, Snares. Gibson and Snares had met while traveling the islands just south of Equestria. The zebra was an excellent drummer and could have one of the most energetic stage presences. Arrow's only beef with Snares is that he never stopped smiling, ever.

"Pravda pravda, but comrade did you see that mare. That is a mare I would miss practice for. Da, gladly," Stoli, the other guitarist, recalled his one, brief encounter with Rarity. Gibson had found the large, gray unicorn somewhere outside of Equestria. Stoli never talked about his homeland, but it was apparently very cold. While guitar was his usual weapon of choice, he could additionally play piano, bass, and a handful of obscure instruments.

"It tain't fair Mr. Dash, why does Gibson git to run 'round free? Don't we git no free time in Ponyville?" Dixie asked, her blue and white braids bouncing about as she talked. The red earth pony was the band's regular bassist and fiddler. She could also play banjo, but nopony wanted to hear that.

"He shouldn't be running around. Once I bring him back here, he's never getting out of my sight!" Arrow explained. He was serious too. Ponies from all over were beginning to flood Ponyville and all of them knew Gibson was somewhere in the town. He couldn't have him prancing about while unable to talk with so much media romping about. Arrow didn't want to deal with all that press.

"Start warming up guys," he told the band. "Gibson will be back here soon enough," Arrow grumbled to himself, trotting off to take care of business elsewhere. The three band mates didn't move for their instruments, instead they huddled up.

"Alright boys! How're we gonna give ol' Arrow the slip?" Dixie smirked. Arrow and Gibson were partial to staying under wraps and avoiding attention, but the rest of the band always craved a little sightseeing. As long as they didn't cause a stir, Gibson and Arrow couldn't complain.

"It's all good filleh," Snares laughed heartily. "Gibson got us covahed." Snares broke from the huddle to uncover a box that he'd been hiding close by. He opened up the lid, revealing three sombreros and three ponchos.

_________________

Gibson had not anticipated this turn of events. He had hoped to pop into Carousel Boutique, give Rarity and Sweetie Belle the front row tickets he'd acquired for them, and then go to the venue for practice. Upon entering Carousel Boutique though, he stepped into an interesting scene: Rarity's folks were there.

Things started off normal enough. There were introductions, an explanation of why Gibson couldn't talk, and the parents promising they wouldn't speak a word of it. The two of them expressed their excitement for the concert and Gibson gestured a "thank you" to them. The females of the family slipped into conversation amongst themselves about this and that, but Rarity's father and Gibson were silently staring at one another.

There are times when men do not need words to communicate. They only need to stare into the eyes of their fellow man to understand exactly what they want. While the females are distracted by the noise from their own mouths, the stallions had a wordless conversation.

"I know why you're here." Rarity's father looked deep into Gibson's soul.

"I know you know, but what're you going to do about it?" Gibson stared right back.

"You think just because you're famous you can have any mare you want?" Rarity's father glared.

"I don't just want any mare, I want her, sir," Gibson smiled smugly.

"Of course you do. Have you seen her? She's beautiful." Rarity's father narrowed his eyes.

"Not as beautiful as you, sir."

"Whoa there!" Rarity's father backed off a bit.

"What? Did we get a wire crossed?" Gibson's eyes shifted around a bit.

"You are after my daughter, Rarity... right?" Rarity's dad squinted at Gibson.

"Uh, duh," Gibson nodded.

"Okay... for a second there I thought you were hitting on me..."

"Whoah, what?" Gibson backed way up.

"I know right?"

"That's crazy, yeah?"

"Threw me for a loop."

"It would've thrown me for a loop too," Gibson nodded. The line went quiet as the conversation had ended. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Rarity dismissed herself to get up and answer it. Sure enough when she opened the door up, it was two of the security ponies from the concert venue.

"Oh, you must be here for Gibson." The two ponies only nodded in response. Gibson got up and trotted towards the door, but not before looking back at Rarity's father.

"This isn't over."

"Count on it, superstar," Rarity's father glared right back.

_________________

"Um... Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy piped up, keeping her head low. Rainbow Dash had a sneaking suspicion about what was on Fluttershy's mind. The two pegasi were hankering for some sweets, so they'd decided to go visit their friend Pinkie Pie down at Sugarcube Corner. The two of them were walking down the roads of Ponyville innocently enough.

"Yeah, Fluttershy, I noticed him." Rainbow eyed the target of her ire through her peripherals. As the town got closer and closer to the concert, more and more out-of-towners had been showing up. The first few days, it hadn't bothered Rainbow Dash, but ever since yesterday somepony she'd never seen before started tailing her. He wasn't stalking her secretly either. Rainbow Dash could tell the stallion wanted her to know he was tailing her.

The stallion in question was a tall, lean, dark purple unicorn with a fuzzy brown mane. Rainbow Dash hadn't observed him quite enough to catch any other details, but she didn't care. Hopefully the unicorn would take the hint and leave her alone. He was persistent though, and he was becoming increasingly brazen.

She noticed him trotting past as they turned down the road that lead to Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow Dash hoped the change in direction would throw him off, but to her and Fluttershy's surprise the unicorn whipped around and blocked the two pegasi's way by leaning on the building in front of them.

"See anything you like? Just speak up," the stallion asked as he smirked and scanned Rainbow Dash with his brown, discerning eyes in a way made Rainbow Dash wish she was wearing clothes, lots and lots of clothes. She got a better look at the pony. Aside from what she noted before, she noted the scruffy little beard on his chin and how a diamond of hair around his horn was a dull grey along with the entire length of his horn. She tried to get a look at whatever kind of discordic symbol was on his flank, but he was wearing some beat up saddle bags over his croup.

"Do you need something?" Rainbow Dash grunted. Fluttershy didn't dare speak or make eye contact with the stranger.

"Oh, I just wanted to ask you a question." He sounded so full of himself it made Rainbow Dash want to gag. "I noticed you had some nice legs and I was wondering, what time do they open?"

"What?" Rainbow's jaw dropped straight to the floor. She couldn't believe those words came out of that pony's mouth in that order. Fluttershy blushed and cowered behind Rainbow a bit, despite the fact the unicorn hadn't even looked at her once.

"I was just asking," the unicorn started up again. "If you wanted to get together some time and swap bodily fluids."

"Uh..." Rainbow Dash wasn't even sure how to respond.

"I was wondering if you had a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them." His assault was relentless.

"I... I'm not wearing pants," was all Rainbow Dash could think to say.

"Me neither!" The unicorn sidled right up to Rainbow Dash and put a foreleg around her. "We have so much in common! We should get together, like, right now!" That was enough to snap Rainbow Dash out of her stupor. She shoved the unicorn away. She knew she said she'd like a stallion to approach her first, but this dude wasn't happening any day of the week.

"How about you beat it, creep?" Rainbow Dash grabbed Fluttershy and began walking away. The unicorn followed right behind.

"Sure, do you wanna help?" he smirked. Rainbow Dash could not believe the things that were coming out of this guy's mouth. She took a look at Fluttershy, who looked horrified.

"No! Go die in a hole!" Rainbow Dash huffed, picking up the pace.

"As long as I get to pick the hole! I've got one in mind too." Rainbow Dash did not like the way this pony was eying her flanks right now. She whipped her tail, smacking the unicorn right in the face. "Feisty!" Rainbow Dash refused to say anything else. Every word she spoke seemed to stoke the fire. The unicorn must have noticed her resolve to remain silent because he sped up and stopped in front of her again. Rainbow Dash tried to move around him, but he kept moving in her way.

"Hey Fluttershy, what's that thing Iron Will taught you?" Rainbow Dash turned to her timid friend.

"Uh... uhm... if they try to block... you... show them your rock." Fluttershy didn't sound like she rocked at the moment. The unicorn put up a hoof though.

"No, no I got a serious question this time," he laughed in a way that was somewhat out of character for him thus far. His horn lit up a dull silver and opened his saddle bag. He took a scroll out and levitated it before himself.

"I'm kind of looking for something, something that got taken from me. If you've seen it, I'd like it back!"

"Sorry, we haven't seen your self-respect." Rainbow Dash tried to move around him again, but once again the unicorn stepped in her way.

"Oh... I like you, I really like you." He smiled smugly and got down in Rainbow's face, but he quickly pulled back and put the scroll in her face. "No, I'm looking for something tangible. I'm looking for this." The unicorn used his magic to unfurl the scroll. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were surprised by the image they saw on the scroll. They both blinked to make sure they weren't seeing things, but the picture didn't change or go away.

"Have you seen it?" the unicorn asked, noting Rainbow Dash's sudden silence.

"Uh, no! Bye!" Rainbow Dash suddenly sprinted off, Fluttershy following closely behind.

________________

"What do you mean the other band members are nowhere to be found?!" Arrow fumed. The four security ponies scurried backwards in utter terror.

"I-I dunno where they went, sir! We didn't see anything!"

"You had to have seen something! What happened while I was gone?!" Arrow yelled. The security ponies all fell on their flanks whimpering. Arrow snorted and flared his wings out, bringing himself to his full size. Gibson stood idly by, trying his best to feign ignorance to his band's whereabouts.

"N-n-n-n-nothing hap-p-p-p-p-pened sir! Just... just..."

"JUST?"

"Ah!" The security ponies all fell into the fetal position. One of them began crying.

"T-t-t-t-there were some, some suspicious ponies i-i-i-i-in sombreros w-w-wandering around b-b-back here!" one of the ponies finally admitted. Arrow folded his wings and and heaved a sigh, and looked back at Gibson. Gibson was wearing a terrible poker face, displaying how proud he was to have aided in his band's escape.

"Mr. Dash!" another security pony walked into the backstage area. His eyes quickly fell on his fellow employees and their terrible state. The security pony steeled himself, treading carefully over his words. "There is someone here to see you, sir."

"Just let me in!" No sooner had the security pony finished his statement than the pony in question barged in. Both Arrow and Gibson recognized the mustard colored pegasus mare.

"Daring Do?" Arrow knew there were a lot of celebrities and famous ponies in town, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what the famous archeologist Daring Do was doing backstage on his venue.

"Yeah, can we skip the formalities Mr. Dash? I've got some important business." She quickly reached into her rucksack and pulled out a scroll. She unfurled it and showed Arrow and Gibson the contents. Both of their eyes instantly opened as wide as they could. "I'm looking for this. Somepony, or rather someponies, made off with it and so far we've been unsuccessful in getting it back."

"Uh... uhm... what is... it?" Arrow feigned ignorance. Daring dropped the scroll on the ground and pointed at the image on it with her hoof.

"It's a robot." She traced the outline of the mark on Big Lugnut's flank with a hoof. "We found him on a dig, and it wasn't easy to find him mind you. We've been trying to get him back ever since he got pilfered, but so far nopony has seen the guys who took him."

"Uh," Arrow stuttered for a moment. "Have you been asking ponies in town about it?"

"Well, my associate is supposed to be asking ponies out in town, but it turns out he just spent the whole day chasing some Ponyville tail." Arrow breathed a sigh of relief. For some reason, he was apprehensive about telling Daring about Lugnut.

"What will you do when you find him?" Arrow asked. Daring just shrugged.

"I guess we'll just take it," she grunted. "That isn't important. What is important is that we get it back. I was hoping you could do a public service announcement at the concert or something."

"Nope!" Arrow answered a bit quickly, "Nope, sorry no room! We're on a tight schedule and stuff with our concert stuff!"

"Uh... 'concert stuff'?" Arrow began escorting Daring out of backstage.

"Yep! Now if you don't mind, we have a rehearsal to run! Good-bye Ms. Do!" Arrow shoved her out, allowing the security ponies to take over once she was outside. He quickly trotted back to Gibson.

"Gibson, what do we do?" he asked. Gibson shrugged. "Me neither... we've gotta warn Big Lugnut and the Apples though." Gibson nodded. Arrow helped Gibson don his sombrero and poncho and sent him out the door.

__________________

"Query! What do you think you're doing?" Daring barked at the purple unicorn. Query motioned for her to be quiet and resumed staring in the window.

"Shh! She doesn't know I'm watching her," Query chuckled. Daring took a peek into he window herself. There was a rainbow colored pony talking with a pink pony. She was about to ask which pony he was talking about, but she saw the wings on the colorful one.

"What is it with you and your strange fixation on pegasi?" she grumbled.

"Wings are hot," Query explained. Daring put her train of thought back on the tracks.

"Hey! You're not suppose to be window shopping! Did you find any information on the robot?" She landed next to the unicorn. Query didn't budge from his spot, but he did nod. "Really?! What, what?!"

"Uh, something about Sweet Apple Acres... or something." The unicorn didn't look up from his ogling.

"What's Sweet Apple Acres?" Daring prodded.

"Beats me, but that little fox in there told her friend to go fly out there and warn somepony." Query got down from the window sill. "Dangit, she went upstairs. How's about a boost, Doody?" Query smiled innocently.

"How's about no, Queery?" Daring shot it back right back. "We need to get out to that Sweet Apple Acres, right now!"

"Fine, I think that other pegasi flew off towards the... uh... that way... I think." Query pointed to where he saw Fluttershy fly off. "Can't be too sure... my eyes were kind of preoccupied."

"Jeez." Daring flew up into the air and looked around. She noted a farm house and a large expanse of trees in the direction Query had indicated as "that way". She flew back down, noticing that Query was peering back into the window.

"Come out my little pony... come out," he pleaded.

"Query, let's go!" she yelled at him, beginning to fly off. Query grunted and galloped after her.

"What do you think a bunch of farmers want with a robot?" he asked Daring. The question gave Daring pause. She had no idea.

"I can only assume that the farmer thing is just a clever guise," Daring conjectured. "It's probably a secret jungle cat operation."

"You know, not everything is a jungle cat plot," Query assured her.

"Please!" Daring laughed, "Name one archeological dig jungle cats didn't try to screw up!"

"Mephisto's Labyrinth, Seapony City, Stirrup's Stone," Query rattled a few off from the top of his head.

"None of those count," Daring grunted.

"Hey Daring..."

"What?" Daring looked down at Query running below her on the now dirt road.

"Do you think the Mexicolt are behind this?" he asked out of the blue. Daring didn't get it, but she happened to glance backwards. All at once she both understood and became very confused. There was, for some reason, a group of four sombreroed ponies chasing after them.

Gibson Song had located his band members by chance while exiting the venue. He hadn't told them to follow him, but for whatever reason they chased him when he ran off. Gibson wondered if there was something about wearing a sombrero that made ponies want to follow him around. At any rate, he'd noticed Daring flying off towards Sweet Apple Acres with some unicorn and he panicked a bit. How didn't know how Daring figured out where Lugnut was, but he wasn't going to give up so easily.

"Daring, what do we do?" Query asked, chuckling a bit of the pun he'd kind of just made.

"Shut up and go faster!" Daring flapped her yellow wings harder, the farmhouse getting closer and closer. As the two came closer to the gate, they noticed somepony sitting out front.

"Hey! That's the pegasus I saw with my goddess!" Query alerted Daring. Query slid to a halt as he approached her, with Daring landing by his side.

"Hey!" Daring barked. "Step aside," she ordered.

"Uh... uhm... no." Fluttershy curled up in fear, creating enough room for Query and Daring to slide by her on either side.

"Ah! Wait I-aaaaah!" Fluttershy tried to go after the two, but she was suddenly swamped by four sombreroed ponies who tried to enter through the gate all at once. The five pony pile up sluggishly tried to untangle itself while Daring and Query waltzed through Sweet Apple Acres.

"I don't see our robot," Query muttered.

"Well, he wouldn't be out running around now would he?" Daring scolded him. A cart loaded with Zap Apples pulled by Lugnut suddenly whizzed by. Daring and Query stood still for a moment, trying to process what they'd just seen.

"Was that..."

"The robot pulling a cart?" Daring finished. Query just nodded in response, not capable of much more speech. The two stood about dumbstruck for a moment before coming to their senses.

"We've gotta go after it!" Query took to his heels in the direction the cart went and Daring extended her wings and flew right next to him. Both parties got clocked buy Lugnut running back the other direction with an unloaded cart. Daring and Query were both knocked flat on their backs. They stared up at the sun and tried to get their heads to stop spinning.

The sun went dark as four sombreros gathered around the fallen archeologists. Due to previous experiences with being surrounded by pursuers, both expected to be tied up and dragged off to some underground hideout. Much to their surprise, they got hooves to help them up. Query and Daring looked around at their "captors".

"Wow... you guys aren't from Mexicolt at all," Daring noted. Everypony shook their head, including Fluttershy who had meekly joined the ring around the intruders. Lugnut plowed by with another cart full of colorful apples.

"Anypony care to offer up an explanation?" Daring asked, looking around.

"Ha! No whey mon! I dunno whats goin' on he-ah," Snares laughed.

"Takzhe, I am confused," Stoli confessed.

"I dunno either! I'll tell you what though, I'm plum tuckered from runnin' all the way out here. Nice place though," Dixie noted with a nod to her rustic surroundings. Gibson remained silent, as if he had a choice, so all eyes fell on Fluttershy.

"Oh... well... uhm, you see the... uhm... and... he... so they... uhm," Fluttershy mumbled. She shrieked and jumped as Big Lugnut blew past the group again.

"Howdy y'all!" a small voice greeted them from behind. The seven ponies turned about to see Applebloom staring up at them intently.

"This keeps getting better and better," Daring groaned.

"Oh my gosh!" Query squealed, "You are adorable!" he raved. Applebloom suddenly found herself hoisted in the air, staring down at Query's face.

"Hey! Put me down mister!" Applebloom demanded. Query quickly complied, mostly because Daring flew up and whacked him over the head with a hoof. She landed near Applebloom and got down on her level.

"Can you tell us what's going on?" she pleaded.

"Well, whaddya wanna know?" Applebloom cocked her head. Query contained a squeal of joy as he watched her bow bob from the movement.

"You see that robot?" Daring indicated to Lugnut as he tore past for the fifth time.

"You mean Big Lugnut?" Applebloom lit up. Daring and Query were surprised to hear the moniker they'd bestowed upon the robot themselves.

"Yeah... what is he doing here?" Daring ventured to ask.

"Well, let me tell ya..."

_________________

"So the notes were right." Daring was astounded to say the least. "We couldn't break the spell to make Big Lugnut self-aware no matter how hard we tried! We had several unicorns on it too... what happened?" Query and Daring walked back towards Ponyville. Query shrugged.

"I guess we'll never know. The notes did mention the spell had to be 'weakened', so maybe those Flim Flam brothers or somepony else managed to weaken it," Query suggested.

"Well, it's obvious somepony weakened it, but how is the question," Daring mumbled. She heaved a sigh, resigned to just accept she'd never know. "It's a shame to finally find him again and still be empty handed. I guess there's only one thing to do!"

"Oh, please no." Query knew what was coming next.

"Oh yes!" Daring took to her wings, smiling triumphantly, "Let's get out of this little town and dig up something even better!"

"Can't we stay for the concert at least?" Query pleaded. Daring shook her head, landing on Query's back.

"Sorry Query, but I don't think having any more time will help you get with that pegasus. Not unless you shave that thing off your chin." Daring jumped down and resumed walking beside Query.

"Please, I'm only growing it out to deter you, Doody," Query scoffed.

"Ah, I don't mind a hairy guy. Your stupidity is enough to get me off your back, Queery," she shot right back. The two took a moment of silence to pray for the other's swift death.

"You think it'll be fine leaving him here?" Query asked.

"Yeah... it's a bummer for us, but that's about it," Daring sighed. "Maybe if we delve deeper in to the Labyrinth we'll find something..."

"We're going to die aren't we..."

"I hope so. Anything guarded by traps that dangerous must be valuable!"

________________

Applejack laid her hat down on her nightstand and flopped herself down on her mattress. For eighteen straight hours she bucked apples. She bucked, Macintosh bucked, and Big Lugnut collected the spoils and transported them to the safety of the barn. For the first time in Apple Family Zap Apple Harvesting history, every Zap Apple had been gathered. The reward for their speed: an early respite. Not to mention the profit from having so many Zap Apples would really help out on the farm.

"Applejack?" Applejack looked up towards her door. Applebloom was peeking inside.

"Howdy there, what're you doin' up so late sugarcube?" Applebloom silently plodded into Applejack's room and hopped up on her bed.

"Applejack, this is Big Lugnut's home, right?" she asked.

"Well a'course Applebloom." Applejack didn't see how it wasn't or why Applebloom would think it wasn't.

"An' nopony can take Big Lugnut away if they wanna, right?"

"I guess so sugarcube. What's on yer mind?" Applejack tried to get at the heart of the matter.

"Some ponies came 'ere today sayin' they found Big Lugnut, that he belonged to them!" Applebloom referred to Daring Do and Query too. Applejack had been hard at work when they showed up, so she hadn't heard anything about them.

"They did, did they?" Applejack remembered that Twilight had told them that Big Lugnut had been dug up someplace else. The Flim Flam brothers just stole him, so it made sense whoever found Big Lugnut was wondering where he got off to.

"Yeah, but once I told them Big Lugnut was gonna be a normal pony one day they said they'd let him stay 'ere!" Applebloom explained. "They seemed awful disappointed though, said somethin' 'bout 'incomplete research' or somethin' like that." It was just then that something dawned on Applejack. Nopony would know more about Big Lugnut than the ponies who dug him up. The ponies Applebloom met probably knew a lot, and it was possible they knew what Applejack wanted to know. Applejack felt adrenaline pushing her tired body into action.

"Sugarcube, do you know where those ponies are now?" Applebloom shrugged.

"Last I saw, they were goin' back to town," Applebloom recalled.

"Thanks." Applejack hopped of her bed and grabbed her hat. "Now git some sleep!" she ordered Applebloom before heading down and out into the night.

XII: Speakers

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter XII

________________

Applejack leaned against a lamppost in the quiet, darkened streets of Ponyville. She was plum tuckered, as she would put it. A pony doesn't just buck apples all day and then still have the energy to go on a romp through town in the middle of the night. After only a small period of searching, she realized how hopeless her search was. The only clue she'd received as to the location of her target was "town". She could have at least asked Applebloom what these ponies looked like.

She shook her head and started walking again. The short respite on the lamppost had done her some good. She ambled the streets of Ponyville, wholly unsure of what she should be doing. Nopony was out this late. Nopony should be out this late. After all the work she did today, Applejack especially should not be out this late. Ponies who did come out this late were not the kind of ponies Applejack wanted to encounter. Right on cue though, a dark shadow walked out into the street before Applejack. The ebony stallion turned it's head and directed his glowing, red eyes at her. It trotted towards her.

"My dream is possible," it chanted. Applejack started backing away from the figure, but it sped up. She turned and fled the opposite way down the street. She stopped in her tracks as two more shadowy stallions emerged at the end of the road, one with turquoise eyes and another with bright green eyes.

"It is possible," the ponies chanted. Applejack darted down a side street, trying to escape her ever hastening pursuers. When she got back on a main street, there were even more of them. Their glowing eyes locked onto her.

"It is possible." They all charged at her. Applejack booked it down the street, weaving around the shadows as they emerged from side streets, doors, windows, walls, or the ground. They came from everywhere. Their glowing eyes drenched Applejack's soul in panic.

She arrived at the town square. There was a legion of shadowy ponies on each road marching towards her. Applejack backed up towards the fountain, but bumped into something. She spun around and looked up. A shadowy pony standing right by the edge of the fountain looked down at her with empty eyes.

"W-what's goin' on?" she panicked.

"Only what you wanted, Applejack," the phantom's voice boomed. "They awoke and now they're doing exactly what you told them to do."

"I didn't tell them to do anythang!"

"You told them to go out and get what they want," the phantom yelled. All at once, the advancing shadows stopped. Applejack found herself trapped in a tight circle, completely surrounded by their luminescent stares. To her surprise, the shadow in the center with her pulled her behind him, so that he stood between her and the crowd. The shadow backed up, nearly pinning her to the edge of the fountain.

"What're you doin'?" Applejack yelled at him.

"I won't let them take you," the phantom rumbled. He got low, getting ready for the surrounding ponies to pounce on them.

"What? Why?"

"Because!" The pony turned his head and looked at Applejack. "You're my dream!" The phantom's eyes flashed into life, filling Applejack's sight with a purple flash.

"Applejack?" Applejack woke up with a start. She was curled up beneath the lamppost from before.

"Fluttershy?" she mumbled, looking up at the pegasus's face. Fluttershy helped Applejack get up and dust herself off. Applejack's eyes kept darting around, expecting a shadow to jump out and attack her. As she came to her senses, she realized that wasn't going to happen.

"What happened?" Fluttershy asked.

"I guess I let myself fall asleep... I came out here lookin' fer somepony. Uh, what're you doin' out so late?" Applejack questioned her friend. Fluttershy shuffled her hooves a little. Strangely enough, she didn't look embarrassed. The expression on her face was more one of contemplation. She looked up and right into Applejack's eyes.

"Well... I was at, uhm... Sweet Apple Acres."

"Doin' what?" Applejack had a hunch, but she wanted to get it right from her friend's mouth. To Applejack's surprise, Fluttershy didn't break eye contact or skip a beat.

"I was with Big Macintosh," she admitted. Applejack knew of only a few things a mare and a stallion could be up to so late at night, and all of them were things she didn't want to imagine her friend and her brother doing together. Applejack had been meaning to get to get to the bottom of the matter of her brother and Fluttershy anyway.

"So you two are like that," Applejack sighed. "Mind if I asked how and when this came about?"

"Well... it was last cider season," Fluttershy began. Last cider season had been a peculiar one. Cider is a year round beverage, but once a year every year comes the time to honor the mighty apple with the Equestrian tradition of drinking sweet apple cider early in the morning. The Apples are the sole cider providers for the Cider Season celebration, but could never keep up with the demand every cider season. Making cider is a slow, and delicate process.

Last season the Flim Flam Brothers made their first ever appearance. The Apples nearly lost their farm to them, but luckily the brothers got run out of town for selling insultingly low-grade cider. That was only half the reason why last year was so unusual.

The other half stemmed from the fact that there was suddenly a cider surplus. There was alcohol aplenty for everypony around and normally inadvisable amounts of drinking were encouraged. Everypony of the legal age was drunk off their flanks, excluding the vendor of the beverage: Applejack. She was still pretty drunk, but unfortunately for the Ponyville population she wasn't drunk enough to stop serving the delicious liquor. The entire day was like one huge metaphor for excessive drinking: it was totally awesome while it was going on, but the next day everyone realized how dangerous and horrific the whole thing was. Applejack was surprised nopony had died that day.

"Ya got tugether durin' that drunken' rodeo?" Despite Applejack's peeved tone, it didn't shock her that the union of the two introverts was triggered by alcohol.

"Well... yes... you see..."

_________________

Fluttershy tried with all her might to recall what had happened yesterday. She remember Flim and Flam showed up, got run out of town, and then there were celebrations. Those celebrations involved copious amounts of drinking, but other specifics were blurry. The last explicit memory she had was Pinkie asking her to be her drinking buddy. Pinkie does not drink except during Cider Season, so Fluttershy had mistaken her for a lightweight. Fluttershy knew for sure she'd drank way too much, but she unfortunately lacked the proper knowledge to riddle out what she was doing in the Apple's barn, laying on their hay and looking up at the ceiling.

More importantly though, she wondered why Big Macintosh was doing the same thing right next to her.

Macintosh was wide awake as well, trying to solve a riddle similar to Fluttershy's. He remembered having a drink with Rainbow Dash, seeing as they both ran so hard to press all that cider. He remembered going with her to have a drink with Pinkie and Fluttershy. After a few drinks, Rainbow Dash passed out and Pinkie wandered off to go drink with some other ponies. Big Macintosh and Fluttershy kept drinking together, having a blast as he recalled. At some point though, his memory went dark. Now he was laying on the hay in the barn, with Fluttershy right next to him. It was awkward to say the least.

Big Macintosh didn't know if anything had happened, but the vast majority of stallions would have let something happen in his shoes. Even when he wasn't drunk, he thought Fluttershy was very attractive and just a really nice mare. He always sensed a sort of quiet, kindred spirit in her. He was a gentlecolt though and he wasn't just after her body, even if it was a really nice one. He'd never done anything with anypony before, so he was deathly afraid that he'd hurt her or forced her into something she didn't want. He lay in silence, trying to formulate an opening line.

Fluttershy, on the other hand, was pretty certain something had happened. The way she knew was because, in the simplest of terms, she was a bit sore. Fluttershy knew that Big Macintosh wasn't the kind of stallion who sleeps around, so she didn't want to turn this into something huge. When it came down to it, the two of them were too inebriated to make a decision in the eyes of Equestrian law. Then again, she didn't know how drunk Big Macintosh was. The prospect of being taken advantage of, or worse, frightened her. More than being afraid though, she wanted to trust Big Macintosh. As far as stallions in Ponyville went, she was most comfortable around him. He was calm, quiet, and pretty easy on the eyes. Fluttershy wondered for a moment if she had taken advantage of Big Macintosh.

"Uhm," the two spoke up at the same moment. Both of them instantly clammed back up, waiting for the other to speak up again. That wasn't about to happen. Big Macintosh decided he should take the initiative, since he was the stallion. He stood up, then turned around and offered a hoof to Fluttershy. She reached out and wrapped her hoof around his.

The memories came streaming back.

Big Macintosh suddenly and very clearly recalled being poised over a moaning Fluttershy. Fluttershy recalled Macintosh standing over her and grunting fiercely. They remembered other things as well, like how they'd escaped the festivities to make out in the orchard and then drunkenly wandered over to the barn. Even under the influence of alcohol, it would've been tough for the two of them to forget a lot of the things that transpired in the barn.

They both froze, hoof in hoof. Neither of them dared to say anything or move a muscle. Everything in the barn stood completely still. The world itself stopped turning for a brief moment.

"Big Macintosh?"

"E-eeyup?"

"I'm sorry..."

"...Now hold on." Big Macintosh yanked Fluttershy onto her feet, causing her to let out a little squeak. "If anypony should be sorry, it's me."

"W-why?" Fluttershy whimpered.

"Well... cause ah'm the stallion here. The stallion has to take responsibility," Big Macintosh explained. "Now Miss Fluttershy, ah'm ready tuh do whatever it takes to make this up tuh you."

"Uhm... why?"

"Well, cause I may have made you do some things you didn't wanna do," he admitted. "An' nopony should have to... uh... do stuff... like that unless they want to."

"So... you... you didn't want to?" Fluttershy posed an odd question.

"Well... I was drunk," Big Macintosh started, but noticed Fluttershy cringed a bit at what he'd said. He wasn't the quickest tractor on the farm, but he realized what Fluttershy was getting at.

"Now look Mi-erm... Fluttershy, we were drunk and we didn't know what we were doin'. I don't know if it mattered to us who we were with." Big Macintosh laid the truth out on the table. Fluttershy shrank a bit, casting her gaze down. Big Macintosh didn't want to say it, but if would make Fluttershy feel better he had to come out and tell the truth, no matter how embarrassed it made him.

"But Fluttershy." Big Macintosh lifted her head with a hoof, forcing her to make eye contact. "I'm glad you ended up with me, an' not some stallion who'd just use you and toss you aside."

"R...really?" Fluttershy perked up a little. Big Macintosh nodded, but the look in Fluttershy's eyes told him she wanted to hear more. He had more, but he really didn't want to keep confessing like this. He kept telling himself that he's a gentlecolt, and he braced himself for the embarrassment.

"And ah'm glad I ended up with you cause yer nice an' yer... pretty... an... ah... erm." Big Macintosh's face was redder than normal. Fluttershy was reveling in it, though. Sure, she was blushing profusely too, but nopony had ever told her things like these.

"Go on," she urged, smiling brightly. Big Macintosh's heart couldn't take much more embarrassment, but his brain was in control of his mouth and it told his mouth to keep going.

"An' so, I really don't want you tuh hate me, cause ah believe in goin' steady fer a while before doin' something like we... did. So whatever you think I need tuh do tuh make it up tuh you is perfectly fine with me." Big Macintosh exhausted his speech. He couldn't help but notice that Fluttershy looked like she was about to laugh at him.

"So, you'll do anything to make it up to me?" Fluttershy flitted her wings playfully. Big Macintosh didn't know where this was going.

"Eeyup." He wondered what she had in mind. She might ask for discounted hay, or just straight up free hay. He might have to walk her bunnies or water her plants or something like that. He thought maybe she'd ask him to be her personal chauffeur from now on. He was ready for anything, except what actually came out of her mouth.

"Can we do it again?" she asked ever so coyly. Big Macintosh blinked.

"I beg yer pardon?"

"You know, now that we can think cleary, can we do it again?" Fluttershy asked, but with a subtle air of command. Big Macintosh wondered if he'd stumbled upon a Fluttershy from a different dimension, kind of like her alter ego. He had never imagined Fluttershy would be asking him to "do it" let alone "again". He suddenly recalled other details of the drunken debauchery they'd been embroiled in. If memory served, Fluttershy had come on to him. He'd just been a drunken heap of putty, doing whatever she suggested. It stood to reason that Fluttershy is actually very aware of what she wants and how to get it, but she's too nice to be pushy or assert herself. Apparently, adding alcohol gave her the courage to take even more drastic steps than normal.

"Well?" Fluttershy batted her eyelashes at him. Big Macintosh remembered enjoying himself during the whole affair and he would be lying if he said he didn't want to do it again, but the thought of doing it while one hundred percent there was frightening. Despite all the hemming and hawing, Big Macintosh knew his answer.

"Lay down." A gentlecolt is only as good as their word.

_________________

"And so, we've been seeing each other behind everypony's back because... well I was afraid everypony would think badly of Big Mac and Big Mac was afraid everpony would think badly of me. We were going to tell everypony... eventually." Fluttershy cast her eyes upwards, attempting to remember the last time she and Big Macintosh came close to divulging their secret relationship.

"I don't think any less of you sugarcube. If ya'll make each other happy, that's all that matters," Applejack admitted. "That... that is all that matters, right Fluttershy? Makin' each other happy is the most important thing, right!?" Applejack got up in Fluttershy's face, suddenly seeking confirmation.

"Uhm... I... I guess?" Fluttershy stuttered.

"Yer right! It is all that matters!" Applejack exclaimed. Fluttershy wasn't sure what was going through Applejack's head right now, but it was frightening her. "It's all so obvious now! Thanks Fluttershy!"

"Y-you're welcome?" Fluttershy didn't know what she did, but before she could ask Applejack darted off back towards Sweet Apple Acres.

"Don't worry 'bout Big Macintosh, Fluttershy! If he ever hurts you, I'll trample 'is head into the ground!" she promised before fading into the darkness.

___________________

Big Lugnut had grown accustomed to waking up in the attic. Ever since he gained feeling in his hooves, Applejack had pulled out an old mattress for him to sleep on. It was a pretty big mattress, so Lugnut had asked why it wasn't in use. Applejack had just said the ponies who used it before weren't around any more. Since Lugnut didn't get stiff or uncomfortable, he couldn't fully appreciate the vastness of the mattress. Even with a stallion his size on it, there was always room for one more pony.

Big Lugnut did like sleeping, but he hated waking up. His mind was all foggy and he had to fight to convince himself to get out of bed. Applebloom had explained to Lugnut the additional horrors of how is body would feel upon waking up. He didn't like the sound of being achy and weak.

He put those thoughts aside. Before opening his eyes, he ran through the agenda for the day. Granny Smith and Applebloom were apparently going to jam the Zap Apples. He didn't know what that meant, but he was told he'd be carting the product of this jamming to a stand right outside of Sweet Apple Acres. He'd been told ponies would line up along the whole length of road between Sweet Apple Acres and town to make a purchase.

Big Lugnut resigned himself to open his eyes. The day wasn't going to start itself. The first thing he saw was Applejack sleeping next to him peacefully. He closed his eyes and tried again. Applejack was laying right next to him on the mattress. As innocent as Big Lugnut was, he started panicking a little. After having said little more than "hello" to each other for a month, he didn't know what to make of finding her on his mattress.

Big Lugnut silently tried to exit the mattress, but his inadequate knowledge of how mattresses, especially old ones, react when something heavy moves on them caused Applejack to stir. Slowly, her eyes flitted open. Big Lugnut and Applejack stared at each other listlessly for a moment before Applejack slowly smiled.

"Mornin' Big Lug," she greeted him. Big Lugnut ejected himself from the mattress.

"Applejack! What in the world are y-" Big Lugnut's voice suddenly cut off. Applejack waited for him to finish, but Lugnut remained silent. Oddly enough, his eyes kept dashing about. He frantically waved his hooves, trying to indicate to Applejack something was wrong. Applejack just laughed, failing to grasp the depth of the situation.

"Stop messin' around Big Lug. We're gotta git down to werk!" she chuckled, getting off the mattress and heading downstairs. Big Lugnut followed after her quickly, still trying to voice his silent distress. "Sorry if I startled you Big Lug. I wanted to tell ya'll somethin' last night, but yer hard to wake up. I guess I ended up fallin' asleep in yer bed."

Big Lugnut remained strangely silent. Applejack just assumed he was a bit sore about her laughing at his distress, so she brushed it off. The two entered the kitchen where Applebloom and Granny Smith were already hard at work. Big Lugnut took note of the pink dots painted all over the place, but went right back to trying to get Applejack to realize what's wrong with him.

"Mornin' Big Lugnut!" a paint spattered filly greeted Lugnut. Big Lugnut waved to her and then pointed to his neck. "We're not quite ready yet Lugnut. Ya'll kin take the jam out after breakfast!" the filly explained. Big Lugnut gestured to his neck with more gusto.

"Would you knock it off Lugnut?" Applejack teased him through a mouthful of apple. Lugnut spun his head around to glare at her, or rather he tried. His neck, which usually rotated all the way around, stopped at only ninety degrees. The development was more than just frightening to Big Lugnut. He was more visibly panicked now, but Applejack still thought he was screwing around and Applebloom was jammin' too hard to notice him.

"Mornin'." Big Macintosh sauntered into the kitchen.

"Mornin' lover boy," Applejack snickered. Big Macintosh clammed up. There was no way his sister could've known what he was doing last night. She wasn't pursuing the matter though, so he turned his attention to somepony who was making a scene all by his lonesome.

"Uh... Lugnut, is somethin' the matter?" Big Lugnut nodded his head violently. He spun his neck side to side, displaying the new found limitations. "You can't rotate your head anymore?" Lugnut nodded again, showing that Macintosh was dead on. Applejack perked up at the discovery.

"Ya can't? Why didn't ya say anythin' Big Lug?" Big Lugnut glared at her, pointing at his neck and shaking his head.

"I don't think he can say anythin'," Macintosh pointed out. Lugnut nodded his head again. He wanted to give Big Macintosh a big hug, but having seen the way he hugs Fluttershy, Big Lugnut opted not to hug him.

"Oh, whoops." Applejack smiled apologetically up at Big Lugnut, "Well that's a bummer. I was hopin' to have a pretty important conversation wit ya Big Lug. I guess it kin wait till yer voice comes back."

"If'n his voice comes back," Big Macintosh reminded them. He was met with a glare from Big Lugnut and Applejack, both stares saying the same thing: "Of course it's coming back."

"This is a good thing Macintosh," Applejack corrected him. "It jus' means he's growin'."

___________________

As predicted, there was a long line of ponies stretching from Ponyville to Sweet Apple Acres. The line moved along steadily. Big Macintosh and Applejack exchanged each pony's bits for a jar of the multicolored jam and saw them off. Big Lugnut would eventually cart over a fresh supply of jam, keeping sales moving at a fluid pace.

Among the patrons of the stand were quite a few familiar faces. Pinkie Pie was among the first in line, ready to purchase quite a few jars to use back at the bakery. It never ceased to amaze Applejack how the mare always managed to arrive early for everything.

The next familiar face to arrive was a certain ivory unicorn. She was wearing a dark hood to disguise herself, but Applejack could see right through the ruse. Rarity purchased two jars and hurried away, lest somepony discover her love for the not so slimming concoction.

Applejack was surprised when the dragon Spike showed up at her stand, lacking the company of his lavender guardian.

"Mornin' Spike, where's Twilight?" Applejack craned her head over the stand to look down at the small lizard.

"The Princess is arriving today for the concert tomorrow. Twilight is waiting for her back at the library," Spike explained. Applejack had nearly forgotten that the Princess would be in town for the concert. She thought she ought to bring her a free jar of jam as a gift.

As the morning moved into afternoon, Fluttershy arrived at the stand. Applejack swore she escaped with a very discounted jar, but Big Macintosh claimed he didn't know what she was talking about. Applejack let it slide, finding she was coming more to terms with the thought of Big Macintosh and Fluttershy being an item.

It wasn't until the jam line was just about petered out at the end of the day that Applejack and Big Macintosh were confronted by another pair of familiar faces.

"Hello Apples," Arrow Dash greeted them.

"Uh, hey there," she greeted him with a bit of hesitation. Normally, Arrow Dash looked very composed. His mane was always slicked back, his iconic pinstripe suit was always in order, and he was always alert. Right now though, Arrow Dash looked like he'd been stuffed in a barrel then rolled down a mountain. His mane was everywhere, he wasn't dressed, and he had a look in his eyes reminiscent of a mailmare Applejack knew. Rainbow Dash was also with him, but Arrow was such a sight Applejack hardly noticed her.

"I need Zap Apple Jam... better make it two jars." Arrow places his bits on the table.

"We don't have any jam up front right now, but Lugnut'll be 'round in a wink if ya'll kin wait. Mind if I ask you what happened Mr. Dash?" Applejack questioned.

"Well," Arrow mumbled. "I was so busy that I... uh... I didn't... talk... to my wife for... uhm... three days."

"Three days?!" Arrow grimaced and nodded. "Land sakes! Yer wife is pregnant an' you don't talk to 'er fer three whole days?"

"I know, right?" Rainbow Dash pitched in. "She was so angry with him, she made him drop everything to come with me to get Zap Apple Jam today."

"And it took all day," Arrow grumbled. "Just like last time..."

"Last time?" Applejack questioned. Just then Big Lugnut rolled up with jam in tow. He noticed Arrow, pointing at him with a hoof. Big Macintosh silently filled him in while Arrow told his story.

"My wife's family has a sort of weird tradition where they eat Zap Apple Jam during the last few months of their pregnancy," Arrow explained. Applejack took a look at her cyan friend, noting the distinct similarities to the jam and her mane. Applejack hadn't met Rainbow Dash's mother, but she'd heard form Twilight that the two looked eerily similar. Applejack speculated there might be something to this tradition.

"Your side of the family has a weird tradition too, Dad," Rainbow reminded him, "Eating jam is just as weird as giving everypony two names."

"Two names?" Applejack probed further, "Like 'Rainbow Dash'?"

"No, Dash is the family name," Arrow pointed out. "My full name is Arrow Fletcher Dash and her full name is Rai-"

"No!" Rainbow clamped a hoof over his mouth, "If you tell them, I'll tell Mom you ditched me in line!" Arrow instantly clammed up; he didn't want that. Applejack really wanted to know what Rainbow Dash's full name was now. She felt Lugnut nudge her side. He pointed downwards with his hoof and started writing something in the dirt.

"Anyway, once I get back I have to spend the rest of the day with my wife. I was supposed to have a meet and greet with Princess Celestia today, but I had to cancel. I just hope the Princess is as understanding as her pupil is," Arrow prayed.

"I'm sure you'll be fine, Mr. Dash." Applejack handed over two jars of jam to the Dashes. "Now take care of yer wife, ya hear?"

"Thank you Ms. Applejack," Arrow took to his wings and started to fly off. Rainbow Dash took off right after him, but she turned and waved before getting too far.

"See you later, Applejack!"

"I reckon I will, Lorikeet!" Applejack started snickering. She was too far away to see Rainbow Dash's mouth drop wide open and Arrow's eyes when he remembered he'd already divulged his daughter's full name to Big Lugnut and Pinkie Pie. Luckily for Arrow, he snapped out of it shock before his daughter did, and streaked off towards home.

"Get back here!" Rainbow Lorikeet Dash screamed a shrill bloody murder before tailing after her father. Applejack was rolling with laughter and Lugnut was silently hitching up and down. Even Big Macintosh cracked a smile.

_________________

"Comrades! We have problem!" Stoli came galloping into the green room. The rest of the band members were silently going about their own business. Gibson was checking out the guitar he'd be using for the concert, Snares was using the table in the middle of the room as a drumset, and Dixie was building a house of cards, which tumbled down unceremoniously when Stoli burst in.

"Aww, ponyfeathers!" she cursed. "What's the big idear, Stoli?"

"The Princess, she is real Princess!" Stoli panicked. Gibson and Dixie gave him an odd look while Snares continued jamming on the table.

"Ja mon! She woodunt be much uvva Prin-sess if she wasn't no Prin-sess!" Snares chuckled, adding an extra flourish of his sticks each time he punctuated the "sess" of "Prin-sess".

"No! You do not und-ehr-stand!" Stoli rumbled, pacing about the room like a nervous criminal. "Arrow got the real Princess Celestia to come to concert! The actual one!"

"Ya Stoli, you didn't know?" Dixie was busying herself with stacking cards again. Gibson and Snares had were already ignoring Stoli and returned to their own business.

"No! I was thinking Arrow was pulling our legs!" Stoli parked his enormous body on a couch. "Now I am nervous. If concert is bad, the Princess whill not be heppy!"

"Well shucks Stoli, don't git yerself werked up 'bout it. Ah'm shore the Princess will like it." Dixie wasn't really invested in Stoli's problem. Her main concern was her house of cards.

"How could you not be worried?" Stoli protested. Nopony responded this time. Gibson, Snares, and Dixie honestly didn't put too much weight on the Princess being there. They'd performed for plenty of important ponies before, so stepping up the game to a Princess was just more incentive to give it their best.

Besides, Stoli always panics the day before a show.

"Oh, this is worst possible thing!" he groaned, burying his face in the couch. His stage fright had been a point of contention earlier on in the band's career, but they discovered Stoli followed a very specific pattern. The day before a concert he always freaks out. The day of the concert he turns into an inconsolable mess. Ten minutes before they go on, he goes back to normal. The rest of the band and Arrow had decided it was just best to let nature run its course. Of course, Arrow told them to let nature run its course and make sure Stoli is well practiced for the big day, so he'd instructed Gibson to tell him the same thing whenever he freaked out.

"Stoli," Dixie piped up. "Usually Gibson tells this ta ya'll, but on account a Gibson bein' unable to talk, I'm gonna tell ya." Dixie got up and picked a guitar off its stand. She plodded up to Stoli and forced it into his hooves.

"Cry into this," she advised him, before going back to her house of cards. Stoli complied, plucking a few scales with a dismal look in his eyes. Everypony went about their business peacefully, until there was a knock at the green room door. Snares was the first to speak up.

"Open the door, come on in."

"Carefully!" Dixie cautioned. The door quietly swung open, only slightly disturbing Dixie's house of cards.

"Hello everypony," the band was greeted by Twilight Sparkle. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's pupil."

"Howdy, what kin we do ya fer?" Dixie didn't look up from her house of cards. It wasn't terribly odd that there was a pedestrian backstage. If they had business with the band, security would have let them right in.

"Well, Princess Celestia would like to meet the band before the concert tomorrow." The band froze in place.

"Uh... like... right now?" Dixie droned. Twilight nodded as Dixie's house of cards tumbled to a heap. She broke out of her stupor to respond. "Why shore! We'd be glad to meet the Princess, wouldn't we fellas?" The other band members nodded slowly.

"Great! She'll be right in," Twilight disappeared out the door. Once she was gone, the band quickly huddled up.

"Okay, playin' for a Princess is one thang, but meetin' one? I ain't ladylike an such! What am I gonna do?" Dixie fretted.

"I'm not so good with formalities mahself, phillay. I dunno how to be round a Prin-sess," Snares complained.

"I am scared," Stoli admitted, biting his bottom lip nearly hard enough to draw blood.

"An Gibson can't talk none! What do we do?" Dixie looked around at her band mates. They were all wearing the same expression of uncertainty. Snares made a quick proposition, which everypony agreed on and quickly set about to prepare themselves.

"A Horse with No Name!" Twilight reentered the green room, "I would like you to meet Princess Celestia!" Twilight was soon followed by the tall, white alicorn that ruled over all of Equestria. She was a stunning sight with her radiant mane, golden diadem, amethyst encrusted necklace, and shimmering, gold shoes. Despite how striking a sight Celestia was, she looked far more shocked by the sight of the four sombreroed ponies before her. Twilight was equally confused by the sight.

"Twilight," Celestia leaned down and whispered in her student's ear. "I thought you said they were a folk rock band."

"They... are?" Twilight didn't understand what was going on. She cleared her throat and addressed the ponies before her. "Where did the band go?"

"Oh!" Stoli exclaimed in falsetto, "¡El band es no aqui, senior-eat-ahs!"

"Oh, where are they then?" Celestia asked.

"Uh... ¿No se?" Dixie dropped her voice as low as it would go. "Uh, we'd like to help ya-er, senoritias, but we gotta vamanos outta here!" the band began shuffling out of the room past the befuddled Celestia and Twilight.

"Um... okay." Twilight moved to let them pass. She looked up at her mentor, but her mentor looked just as uncertain as she did.

"It wus muy bien tah meetcha Prin-sess-o, ¡Adios!" Snares droned before zooming out the door behind his band mates. Twilight gave an exasperated sigh.

"I'm sorry Princess. I just don't know where everypony went."

"That's okay Twilight Sparkle, it wasn't your fault," the Princess consoled her student. "I do find it strange that the opening band also disappeared when I came to greet them."

"I know, right?" Twilight grumbled, "I wish all these sombreroed ponies knew where they got off to..."

XIII: GPS

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter XIII

___________________

Big Lugnut awoke in the attic alone. His voice hadn't returned yet, but he'd noticed other things developing. His legs, upper neck, and face had developed feeling, except for the bridge of his nose. Applejack also swore she could hear a strange rattling from inside his head. Big Lugnut hadn't heard it initially, but after shaking his head enough to give himself a slight headache, he started to hear it too. He couldn't feel anything moving around, so Lugnut surmised it was in his nose where he couldn't feel it.

His growth aside, Lugnut was excited. Today was the day of Gibson's concert and his first day off in a while. Even if he didn't get fatigued, doing chores everyday wears on a stallion's brain. On top of that, he wanted to spend some time with Applejack that didn't center around work. Things had finally returned to what appear to Lugnut as "normal". She hadn't been acting exactly as she had before, what with the sleeping on his mattress, but it was a welcome change from acting distant. Lugnut knew he'd also been guilty of putting distance between Applejack and him, but now he wanted to bridge the gap. He wanted to bridge the gap they'd made and the one that existed between them the whole time.

Complicated things could wait for another day because today was just for having a good time.

Big Lugnut wandered down the stairs at his leisure. Much to his delight, Applejack was eating alone in the kitchen. Even if it was only a few hours after sunrise, it was incredibly late for an Apple to be starting the day. Applejack's internal clock wouldn't let her sleep any longer and Lugnut didn't really need to sleep in, so it made sense that they were the only two awake. When Applejack noticed Big Lugnut entering, she looked up and smiled.

"Mornin' Big Lug. Did yer voice come back yet?" Big Lugnut just shook his head in response, it was all he could do. He'd only been unable to talk for a day, but Lugnut was beginning to sympathize with Gibson.

"Well, it'll be back soon. There's somethin' I wanna talk about when it does, so hurry it up if ya'll kin help it," she joked. Lugnut couldn't be happier that Applejack's good humor was back. It turned his being a robot into something like a broken leg. It was just something he had to get over. A broken leg wasn't the greatest analogy because he didn't think being a robot was a bad thing, just limiting.

Applejack had mentioned wanting to talk about something yesterday as well. He wondered what it could be, but Applejack didn't sound all too serious about it. Whatever it was, she obviously wanted to discuss it at length if she was willing to wait until Lugnut's voice came back.

"So Big Lug," Applejack's voice pulled Lugnut from his own thoughts. "Anythin' you wanna go do today?" Big Lugnut nodded vigorously. "Well that's too bad, cause yer comin' wit me to town," Applejack chuckled. Big Lugnut couldn't be happier at that prospect. If he had the ability to voice how he'd like to spend the day, he would have said something similar.

"Applejack." Macintosh suddenly appeared in the kitchen, ignoring Lugnut and striding towards his sister. "We need to talk 'bout somethin'."

"Uh... sure Macintosh. Whaddya want to talk about?" Macintosh looked over at Lugnut.

"I'd kinda like to discuss it in private."

"Macintosh, there ain't nothin' ya'll cain't tell me that ya cain't tell Big Lug 'ere," Applejack reprimanded her brother.

"No, Applejack." Big Macintosh put his hoof down. "This is somethin' only you an' I need tah know 'bout right now," Macintosh was adamant. All Applejack or Big Lugnut could do was exchange an uneasy glance.

"I assume this is gonna take a while?" Macintosh nodded in confirmation. "Well... I guess yer on yer own fer now Big Lug. Sorry 'bout that."

"Sorry Lugnut. I promise I won't keep her all day," Macintosh apologized, bowing deeply. Lugnut nodded his head too, taking his time moving out the door. Before it shut behind him, he only heard the first few words of the conversation.

"Applejack, ah've been savin' some money fer a while now..."

The sound of the door closing cut off the rest of Big Macintosh's words. Lugnut was a bit bummed, but he'd still be able to spend time with Applejack at the concert. Perhaps now was a good time to say hello to the other ponies he knew. His first thought was the CMC, but it stood to reason the three fillies wouldn't be awake so early on a weekend. Arrow and Gibson were undoubtedly hard at work preparing for the concert tonight, so Lugnut didn't want to bother them. Aside from those ponies, Lugnut couldn't think of anypony else he'd like to visit off the top of his head, but Ponyville being Ponyville Lugnut knew if he wandered out into town he'd find somepony to spend time with. It might be a little odd without his voice, but it would sure beat hanging around Sweet Apple Acres by his lonesome.

The familiar road to Ponyville was a little different than normal. A long line of carriages rattled down the dirt road towards town. The concert had succeeded in attracting the crowd Arrow had both hoped for and feared. When Lugnut made it down into town, he found the streets of Ponyville packed from one side to the other. Lugnut had never seen streets so crowded and he doubted Ponyville even had the population to fill up even one of its streets this thick with ponies.

As Lugnut shouldered his way through the crowd, he noticed he was getting a lot of odd looks. It was understandable, being a robot and all. He was thankful that nopony was causing a panic.

Big Lugnut lumbered through town, searching for a familiar face. All around him were ponies he didn't know. He didn't even see a familiar stranger. Drenched in unfamiliar faces, the town itself felt alien. Soon enough, Lugnut came upon a landmark that held a sensitive memory for him; it was the cafe he and Applejack had gone to after minding the stand. He stopped in front of it for a moment, letting the nostalgia wash over him. He homed in on the table they'd been sitting at.

There at the table sat two ponies who should have been perfect strangers. Two ponies whose faces should have been completely foreign to Lugnut instead sparked memories of a long forgotten past. He kept telling himself he shouldn't know the mustard colored pegasus and the unkempt, purple unicorn, but he couldn't shake the familiarity of their faces. Without his consent, his mind was bombarded with a scene from a time he'd forgotten.

________________

"So... what do you make of this Daring?" Query gazed at the contraption the excavators had just pulled out of the rubble, glowing in the torchlight. The meager light illuminated only a small fraction of the destruction in the room. As Daring had said earlier, the room looked like two dragons had gone ten rounds against one another. The space was certainly big enough to accommodate such a battle, but several days of digging around the rubble had not yielded evidence of any dragons going at it. The notes and any tools that remained intact indicated that one of Mephisto's "failed" ideas may have actually worked. Daring and Query were sure validation that the iron ponies did indeed exist was only a few months of rooting through the notes away.

That is, until validation smacked them in the face today. One of the diggers had found something metal sticking up out of a rubble pile. Query and Daring were immediately called down to check it out. What they'd found was extraordinary.

"I think," Daring got up close to their find. "This is exactly what we're looking for. This may very well be a fully functioning iron pony! Query, try zapping it!"

"Daring, I can't just zap a thousand year old artifact!" Query reprimanded her. "It could explode or something!"

"You're right... somepony take a picture of it first." Daring continued insisting that Query use his magic to rouse the robot into action. Practiced in using magic on artifacts and dealing with Daring's bossy attitude, Query started out by just analyzing the robot magically. Everything looked like it was in order. There was an organic, alive feeling coming from the of power, but it didn't take much more probing to see it was surrounded by a tightly wound, restricting spell. Query spent a good while on the restricting spell, equally afraid of the thought of such an airtight spell cast to subdue his own consciousness and impressed by the ancient unicorn who managed to both invent and cast it. The notes they found claimed there was a way to weaken and break the spell, so Query tried to imagine the incredible amount of power and precision that would be required to do so.

Daring Do was antsy to see the robot move around on its own, so Query braced himself for trying to activate the sleeping giant. With an air of reluctance, Query felt out the prongs on the machine that appeared to serve as receivers for magic. He took a deep breath and began weaving his spell. The idea was simple: turn the machine on. With one arc of silver light, he felt a shift in the machine itself.

Daring's eyes lit up as the iron pony's own eyes jumped into life with a silvery glow. The eyes were all that changed though as the machine made no other movement. A few tense moments later, Daring issued her next order.

"Make it do something!" she exclaimed as her excitement bubbled over. Query was starting to get into things as well, realizing he was probably the first pony in a long time to operate one of these iron ponies. The way things looked, he might also be the last.

"Uh, walk?" Query let another bolt zap the prongs on the harness. Command Spells were as simple as levitation. It was as easy as using one's magic to impart one's will onto something else. Sure enough, only moments after the bolt struck the machine, it began to move all on its own. Everypony was too excited to speak as they watched the iron wonder walk along the dark floor. Daring had an idea to break the silence though.

"I think these machines are capable of speech. Make it talk Query!"

"Okay... uh, say something!" Query shot the command at the machine.

"Something," the robot's soulless voice droned as it continued plodding around.

"Okay, stop!" Query transferred the order and the machine came to an immediate halt. "Okay, this is pretty cool."

"You're telling me!" Daring swooped down in front of the robot. "I think Big Lugnut here is gonna be a hit on the surface."

"Big Lugnut?" Query chuckled, but Daring quickly silenced him with a glare.

"He's got a Lugnut on his flank, so it makes perfect sense. It's no different than you having a question mark and being named Query," Daring pointed out. Query glanced down at the black punctuation mark inside a black ring on his flank.

"By that logic, your name should be Compass Rose or Cardinal Direction," Query retorted. "And Digg and Dugg here should be called... um." Query noticed he didn't know what mark was on the flank of the two diggers accompanying Daring and him. He could use the excavator who discovered Big Lugnut as an example, but the image of a shovel and the name Trowel didn't help his case.

"Alright, you know what we gotta do next?" Daring flew up and onto Lugnut's back, "We've gotta break the spell and make him sentient!" Daring stared at Query expectantly. Query blinked a few times before answering.

"Uh... right now?"

"Yes, right now!" Daring flew down and smacked the back of Query's head.

"Daring, that spell is stitched tighter than anything I've ever seen. It would either take days of dedicated concentration or several more unicorns to open it up," Query complained

"We don't have several days Query," Daring scolded him. "We've got more unicorns though! Go and get them all down here and let's get this show on the road!" Daring was as impatient as ever.

"Hold on a minute!" The brother Digg stepped between Query and the exit. "Why do we need to change him?"

"Isn't he more useful as he is right now?" Dugg pointed out.

"Well, it isn't about being useful," Query pointed out.

"According to Mephisto's notes," Daring chimed in, "there's a pony in there trying to get out. He's been waiting several hundred years, so we should do him a favor and let him out."

"So, if you'll excuse me." Query shouldered past the bearded brothers and headed to the halls of the labyrinth. The brothers exchanged a glance, their expressions impossible for anypony else to read through the darkness and hair. Daring wasn't even paying attention to them though. She was far too busy examining her find.

"You, Big Lugnut, are by far one of the cooler things I've ever found."

________________

"I think he's staring right at us." Daring watched Lugnut out of her peripherals. Query had noticed, but he'd been doing his best to ignore it. Daring and Query agreed they shouldn't disturb Big Lugnut's natural habitat.

"Do you think somepony told him about us?" Query whispered. He was sure Lugnut couldn't hear them over the noise of the ponies in the street, but he had a tendency to whisper in tense situations. Daring put a tense hoof on Query's foreleg.

"He's coming over here." Both parties tensed up. They listened as Lugnut walked closer. Despite Daring and Query's silent prayers that he'd just walk on past, Big Lugnut came to a halt right beside their table. Daring and Query didn't look up at him. They simply dumbed up and stared at one another. They expected Big Lugnut to say or do something, but he didn't.

They had no way to know that Big Lugnut wasn't capable of speech at the moment. Big Lugnut wished he could speak. He had so many questions for the two ponies who had dug him out. They had answers to questions that he'd been pondering ever since he'd discovered he was a robot. Knowing what he was wasn't enough. He wanted to know why he was made, what he was made for, and if he was the only one ever made.

Query and Daring had questions too. They never had the chance to test the capabilities of Big Lugnut's strength and endurance. They never got to find out if he was really the invincible warrior Mephisto made him out to be. It wasn't until more of Mephisto's notes were unearthed that they discovered Big Lugnut himself was a bigger find than they anticipated.

Nopony moved. One party refused to talk and the other could not. Something had to give if everypony was to get what they wanted. Big Lugnut felt something welling up inside him. A tremendous force he couldn't hope to hold back. He had to let it out. There was no holding it in.

"WA-CHOOOOO!"

Query and Daring jumped as two pieces of shrapnel flew from Lugnut's nose and lodged themselves in the table.

"Gesundheit," Query gulped.

"Thank you," Lugnut answered in a voice completely unfamiliar to his ears. Any mechanical or synthetic quality in his voice was gone. The only thing unnatural about it was that it sounded slightly muffled. His new voice was surprisingly deep and just a bit twangy. His excitement caused him to start laughing. Talking and laughing even felt different now. As he laughed, he felt air flow in through his nose and fill his new lungs. Even when his laughter subsided, he felt himself breathing in and out naturally. As he breathed, smells bombarded his brain. He turned his head and sniffed about, testing his newest sense out.

The display slightly rattled Query and Daring, who didn't know what to make of it. After a moment of reveling in his new sense, Big Lugnut noted the confused stares and cleared his throat for the first time ever.

"Sorry, this is my first time talking with my new voice," he admitted.

"I... I see," Daring managed to respond. She and Query didn't know what to do. They were engaged with Big Lugnut now, and there was no turning back.

"You two... were there when I was activated, right?" Lugnut saw their faces most clearly in his pretty hazy memory of his first moments of activation. His memory extended only a brief moment beyond when Query left. Daring hung around a moment longer, but her impatience made her go after Query with Trowel. Big Lugnut was left with Digg and Dugg, who he now knew were secretly Flim and Flam. His memory phased out after that.

"Yes... we... we dug you up," Daring admitted.

"And I activated you," Query followed up Daring's confession.

"Was it my first activation... ever?" Lugnut ventured to ask. Daring and Query glanced at one another. If they answered that question, it would send them down the proverbial rabbit hole. As Query and Daring stared at one another, they saw no reluctance in the other's face. Query knew Daring was all about going into rabbit holes and Daring knew Query left no question unasked or unanswered. Perhaps they knew it all along, but they were fated to confront Big Lugnut. Daring looked up at the metal pony.

"We should go back to our room to talk," she recommended, so the three ponies did.

________________

"Well... I dunno what to say Macintosh... ya'll really thought this out," Applejack admitted.

"As it should be sis. If money weren't so tight, I woulda done this a long time ago." Big Macintosh had put a lot of thought into this. He'd come up with his plan a while ago, but he lacked the resources. Mainly due to the sudden appearance of Big Lugnut and Gibson Song, he now had the money he needed and the moment he wanted. There was something else he'd like to squeeze in, but his desire not to let his perfect opportunity pass him up allowed him to forgo the formality he'd always imagined he'd have to perform.

"Well... that's great Macintosh. I suppose... I'm rootin' fer ya," Applejack mumbled as she slowly nodded, trying to give her brother some sincere support. It was difficult, though, for her heart and her head.

"Well... we ain't got nothin' else to discuss right now, so you kin go catch up to Big Lugnut," Big Macintosh offered his sister an out, but she gave a slow shake of her head in response.

"I think ah'm gonna go... lay down... fer a spell." Applejack got up from the kitchen table and wandered into the living room. Big Macintosh didn't stop her. He just got up and went out the front door as Applejack flopped down onto the couch. With nopony around to see, she let her distressed tears flow freely into a crocheted pillow.

She'd never imagined this would happen, but it would be only a short while before her life was turned on its ear. There was nothing she could do now, or at least she wasn't desperate or heartless enough to attempt anything that could change the outcome. All she could do was cry and wish.

She wished she'd foreseen this. She wished she hadn't been so naive. She wished somepony would comfort her. She wished Big Lugnut would burst through the door right now and tell her everything was going to be okay. She wished she could be happy with the turn of events. She wished with everything she had, but none of her wishes came true.

________________

"So... where to start?" Daring had made a reluctant Query unpack partway so they could pull out Mephisto's notes. On the way to the hotel, Big Lugnut had recounted his progress in growth thus far. Both Query and Daring were glad to know Ponyville had been receptive of the iron pony. Big Lugnut's question still loomed. Coincidentally, Mephisto's notes did hold the answer Lugnut was looking for.

"You're aware that you're an iron pony built to be an unstoppable warrior, correct?" Lugnut nodded, prompting Daring to continue. "Well, you weren't the only one. Mephisto's records show he built one hundred and twenty four iron ponies in all."

"That many?" Big Lugnut had figured there were others, but he'd never considered just how many others.

"Yup. The first two he built were labeled failures, seeing as they didn't work as intended. The third was his first success," Daring explained.

"Once he knew what he was doing," Query chimed in, levitating an old, bound book before him. "Mephisto gave each successive iron pony a number and symbol. He recorded them here in this book." Query turned the book so Lugnut could see. Each page was the same: numbers and symbols listed on the left hand side with notes on each robot to the right. The pages Query was showing him listed numbers one through twelve. Instinctively, he checked the lower numbers first. Number twelve would have had a diamond with a square inside it on its flank. Number seven would have had a circle with a five-pointed star inside it on it's flank. Number three would have had a pentagon with another, inverted pentagon inside it on it's flank. Big Lugnut arrived at number one on the list.

The accompanying symbol was a hexagon with a circle on the inside; it was the exact same mark on Lugnut's flank.

"What does this mean?" Lugnut ventured to ask. Daring opened up another, tattered book.

"You were the first success, Lugnut. Not only that, Mephisto notes say that in battle, the other iron ponies treated you like a leader of sorts. In the absence of Mephisto's magic orders, they obeyed your verbal orders. Mephisto could also issue orders to the entire group by giving you an order. He never could explain the phenomenon, but the respect even translated over when the iron ponies gained sentience."

"Do the notes say how they gained sentience?" Big Lugnut interrupted. Daring and Query shook their heads.

"No explanation is given in the notes. It doesn't even detail the process of becoming flesh and blood." Query levitated another book in front of himself. "Apparently, sentient iron ponies didn't stick around Mephisto for very long. He has notes as to where most of them went, but that's about it. There is another, more interesting note he makes about them leaving, though."

"What is it?" Lugnut inched closer to Query.

"Whenever somepony tried to leave the herd... you would try and stop them."

"What? Why?" Lugnut got right up in Query's face, causing him to tumble over backwards and drop the book he was levitating.

"Mephisto's notes don't say." Daring inserted herself between Lugnut and Query. "We have our own theory about that though. Not only did the group see you as the leader, but you acknowledged everypony else as your subordinates. If somepony tried to break company, it was your perceived job to stop the insubordination."

"And... how exactly did I try and stop the insubordination?" Query and Daring fell silent for a moment before Query levitated one more book over to Lugnut. He used his magic to open it up to the correct page.

"Mephisto has a detailed accounts of the incidents, so see for yourself." Query dropped the book before Lugnut. He looked down at the open page and began to read...

__________________

"Get out of my way, One!" the metallic stallion demanded, scratching at the ground with his forehoof. His glowing, blue eyes were fixed on the pony he knew as One, who's black circles made his own eyes appear empty. The circle inside a hexagon on his flank was a symbol of superiority and leadership in the blue-eyed stallion's mind, but he had something other than loyalties to think about now.

"Fall in, Thirty Four," One commanded.

"I won't answer to a number, One. Somepony gave me a name, and that name is Fire Stamper." Fire Stamper slammed his hoof into the ground.

"Fall in, Thirty Four," One continued to drone.

"There's just no reasoning with you, is there One? I'm not yours or that unicorn's to command anymore. There's somepony I've got to go see, so I can't let anypony get in my way. Not even you, One," Fire Stamper stated his resolve. One stood silent for a moment, processing what he'd just heard.

"Fall in, Thirty Four." He came to the same conclusion. Fire Stamper didn't grace One's command with a verbal response this time around. He spun around and bucked One as hard as he could. The result was an ungodly metallic clang that would have deafened either pony if their ears weren't artificial.

The attack didn't even dent One. For whatever reason, One had always been stronger and more durable than the others. Fire Stamper remembered when Eighty Nine got his legs crushed when he attempted to stop a dragon from squashing him, but One attempted the exact same defense against the dragon and broke the beast's wrist.

As if he needed another demonstration of One's superior strength, One punished Fire Stamper's insubordination with a single jab of his front hoof. Fire Stamper's body didn't budge an inch, but he watched One's large hoof put an equally sized dent in his chest. Fire Stamper couldn't feel pain, but One was well aware of this. With a flick of his hoof, One sent Fire Stamper flying. He crashed into the ground, landing among his fellow, stagnant iron ponies. All of them stood perfectly still, not budging from their stations. Fire Stamper had once been so placated, but like several others before him he now wanted out. He remembered when Seventy Six returned to base with his yellow eyes. Before him, everypony only ever had black eyes. It wasn't long before he disobeyed orders and left. Up until recently, Fire Stamper hadn't even wondered why Seventy Six, Fifty Five, Thirty Nine, or Eleven had left. Whatever changed them had changed Fire Stamper as well. Now that he recalled their escapes more clearly, he knew what he had to do to escape.

He couldn't overpower One. He couldn't outrun One. He couldn't outsmart One. His goal was not to outdo One, but simply give him the slip. Fire Stamper would get his chance one day. It would be during a routine patrol. One would ask him to scout ahead, but Fire Stamper would never report back.

Slowly, yet surely, everypony under One's command would disappear. It got to the point where One's master stopped him from preventing his subordinates from leaving. He never questioned it. He never asked why. On the surface, he only obeyed. Deeper inside, his shield brothers abandoning him cut him like a knife.

As he read more and more accounts of the past, Big Lugnut felt the scars that the events had left on his heart. He had scars from having to turn on his own comrades. He had scars from his trusted brothers scorning him. He had scars from his master abandoning him in that dark, empty room all by himself. He had forgotten all about those scars from being alone for so long. He'd forgotten many things, but now his memories were flooding back. Big Lugnut stood in silence, just as he had done such a long time ago. The difference was this time, Big Lugnut was trying to process a great deal of information.

_________________

Applejack wept alone in the dark, empty room. There were no silhouettes surrounding her. There were no glowing eyes staring her down. She was all alone in the darkness this time.

She involuntarily looked behind her, and discovered she wasn't alone. One shadow remained, his eyes glowing points of purple. She reached out for him, but her entire world began to shake and rumble. The room began to crumble to pieces as somepony else's calls shook stones free from the walls and ceiling. She watched as the shadow was buried under a pile of rubble before opening her eyes.

"Applejack, we're gonna be late!" Applebloom roused Applejack out of her slumber. Somewhere along he line, she had fallen asleep. Applejack yawned and turned onto her side, looking over at Applebloom. Upon seeing her younger sister, she was instantly reminded of earlier events. She wanted to cry anew, but held back on Applebloom's account. She put on a false smile and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Right, the concert... is it that late already?" Applejack got up and glanced outside, confirming the sun was indeed starting to set. The start of the concert couldn't be more than an hour off.

"We gotta git goin'!" Applebloom started pulling her sister out the door.

"Alright, alright. Where's Big Lug at?"

"I dunno. He hasn't been around all day." Applebloom opened the front door and hopped outside.

"Well, I guess we'll see him there then." Applejack followed her sister outside. Applebloom hummed and bounced out the gate of Sweet Apple Acres. As Applejack walked through, she stopped. She took a longing look back towards her home.

"C'mon Applejack!" Applebloom called to her from further down the path. Applejack followed after her sister, but she didn't take her eyes off the farmhouse.

_________________

"It's been so long... I'd forgotten what had happened." Lugnut hung his head low in relief. He finally remembered exactly what he had been and what he had done. "I only wish I could remember more," he chuckled. He could only remember the events accounted in the notes. Incidents with escaping iron ponies, battles he'd participated in, and any research he'd been a part of. There were still a few holes in his memory. The motives behind why he had been fighting and the exact identity of his master.

"Are these all the notes you recovered?" Lugnut asked. Query and Daring nodded.

"This is all we managed to find. Just research notes and battle logs. We had hoped to find a personal effect of Mephisto's, but none of the chambers housed anything," Query explained. Daring flitted her wings absent mindedly.

"All the chambers we explored at least," she mumbled without meaning to be heard, but Lugnut picked up on what she was saying.

"You mean there might be more?" Lugnut got up from his seated position.

"We had to leave one area of the Labyrinth unexplored because we found booby traps in it. It's nothing Daring and I couldn't handle, but the excavation team we were working with forbid us from going somewhere so dangerous," Query explained.

"Traps like that are a cinch," Daring gloated, flaring her wings in a bout of annoyance. "But those eggheads at Canterlot University don't have the stomach for a couple of traps... well, all the eggheads besides Query."

"I tried petitioning the Board of Directors to allow me and Daring to go in alone, but those old farts are more concerned with insurance premiums than discovering the truth," Query complained.

"We've gotta search that chamber!" Big Lugnut slammed his hoof down, shaking the entire room. Query rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh.

"Well, we would have to break into the Labyrinth, sneak through a booby trapped hallway, and possibly confront an ancient evil."

"Uh... how do you know that?" Lugnut tilted his head. Daring extended her wings and let a smug smile cross her face. She looked down at Query, who was wearing the same smug expression.

"That's what always happens," the two answered in unison.

"I've gotta know what's in there," Big Lugnut declared. "Please, take me with you!" Daring and Query exchanged glances again, this time ones of concern.

"Are you sure Lugnut?" Daring asked, "You've already got a pretty good thing going on here in Ponyville. Query and I were actually planning to leave right after lunch, so if you're coming with us your coming right now."

"Then let's not wait around!" Big Lugnut jumped up and put a large pack onto his back, "The sooner, the better!"

XIV: Antivirus

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter XIV

________________

"Daring, are you asleep?"

"What?"

"I asked, 'Are you asleep?'!"

"I can't hear you! Lugnut is snoring too loud!"

"What?"

"SNXXXXXXXX~"

"Did you say something?"

"What?"

It was no use. When Big Lugnut was snoring it was as if three normal ponies were snoring into a bucket. Daring and Query would have to abandon whispering if they wanted to hear one another. The two shook off their sleep and exited their room in the train. Closing the door behind them, the sound of Big Lugnut's snores were erased. Even after one week of traveling, the two ponies hadn't gotten used to the tremor inducing snores. Lugnut's newly developed nasal passages were still congested with shards of metal he would sneeze out periodically. The sneezes themselves had nearly killed two ponies: Query and Daring.

"We gotta stop this waking up the middle of the night thing... it's really starting to mess with me during the day," Daring yawned.

"Don't worry, he'll wake himself up shortly. You can get back to your much needed beauty sleep soon enough, Doody," he teased. Daring wasn't feeling too humorous at the moment and expressed this fact by socking Query in the gut. Just as predicted though, a yell and crash suddenly signaled the halt of the snoring.

"That was dramatic," Daring noted, but didn't look at all concerned. Moments later, Big Lugnut emerged from the room.

"I just had th-" Lugnut started before Daring shouldered past him to get back into the room. Query cringed as she slammed the door. "What's her problem?"

"She's just sleepy. You were saying?" Query urged Lugnut to continue.

"I just had the strangest dream," Lugnut continued. "So I was a mountain-"

"You were a mountain?"

"Yes, I was a mountain and on top of me was a single tree."

"And... how was that?"

"Is was really nice. I felt peaceful and happy. I loved the tree."

"You loved the tree? That's really weird," Query pointed out. Lugnut ignored him.

"But then a star swooped down from the sky and took the tree away from me. I'd never felt so mad before!"

"Trippy. Is there a point to this?" Query inquired. Lugnut shook his head.

"I dunno. I just got a weird feeling about it... like it means something." Lugnut scratched his head as if trying to spark some idea as to the meaning of his dream.

"Okay... let's break it down," Query sighed. "You said you were the mountain, right?"

"Right," Lugnut nodded.

"And you loved the tree?"

"Right," Lugnut repeated.

"Did you love the tree or did you love it romantically?"

"What's the difference?" Query heaved a huge sigh. This wasn't something he was too keen on discussing so late at night.

"So if you love someone you... like... wanna be with them forever, right?" Big Lugnut nodded in response, "So if you love someone romantically that means you wanna marry them and have kids with them," Query attempted to explain. Even with his limited power of expression, Lugnut's face told Query he still didn't understand.

"Does being married have something to do with getting pregnant?" Lugnut asked.

"Uh... that's a bit off topic big guy." Query wasn't about to go into detail on that subject. "Let me try a different question: what did you feel your relationship was with the tree?" Lugnut thought a while about it.

"I feel like it was my duty to protect it."

"Okay, so the tree could represent somepony who depends on you. Now what about the star, any feelings or thoughts about it?" Query delved a little deeper.

"It took me by surprise. The sky suddenly turned to night, a star swooped down, and then the tree was gone," Lugnut recounted the dream, the surreality of it starting to sink in. Query thought about it all for a while before passing his final verdict.

"Well, since the tree is growing out of you, the mountain, I suppose it represents family or somepony who feels like family. The star is a stranger, somepony who is very distant from you. The dream might mean you have subconscious worries about strangers taking away those close to you... or it could be randomly firing neurons. Gives you something to think about though, eh big guy?" Lugnut only shrugged in response.

"It just makes me wonder about my family. I had one hundred twenty three brothers, but who were my parents?" Query heaved another sigh. Lugnut's ricocheting train of thought wore on Query, but he enjoyed it for the most part.

"I don't know big guy. It's possible we could find the identity of your biological parents on this trip."

"That term again, 'biological parents'. Dr. Hooves said that he wasn't his daughter's biological parent too. What does that term mean?" Lugnut had wondered ever since he'd visited the Hooves residence, but he had more pressing matters to attend to at the time.

"Well you understand how it takes a mare and a stallion to produce a foal, right?" Lugnut nodded, despite his incomplete knowledge on the subject. "Well, everypony has biological parents, they're the ponies that do the... uhm... thing that makes the foal. Sometimes one or both of them can't raise the foal though, so they have legal parents or guardians who take care of them as if the foal was their own."

"I see..." Big Lugnut went deep into thought. Query was afraid Lugnut hadn't understood, but Lugnut's gears were turning in a different direction at the moment. Once he was done thinking, he stunned Query with his conclusion.

"So... you and Daring are like my legal parents?"

"Uh..."

"You're the first two ponies I remember after being pulled out of the rubble. You're a stallion, she's a mare, so you're both like my parents." Query just stared at Lugnut for a moment.

"Me and Doody? We would make terrible parents." Query's face scrunched up. "Besides, she wouldn't wanna raise a child with me anyway."

"Even if it was me?" Lugnut whimpered.

"It's got nothing to do with who the child is, big guy," Query assured him, "Daring just thinks of me as her business partner, nothing more."

"But... you're not opposed to having a child with her?" Big Lugnut's question posed Query in an odd stance.

"Well... no..."

"So you love her?"

"W-w-what?!" Lugnut prodded Query with a hoof.

"Well, having children seems to have a lot to do with love. So, do you love her?"

"I... guess... so?" Query didn't exactly state with certainty. "Well, just as a friend. I know she's attractive, smart, and I really enjoy spending time with her, but I know she doesn't think of me romantically. If she doesn't want to pursue a relationship like that, neither do I." Big Lugnut stood and processed the information for a moment.

"Okay." Query's explaination clicked with Lugnut. There was no more talk of Lugnut's parentage that night.

_______________

"Alright, I'll go rent out a cart." Query disappeared into the log cabin, leaving Daring and Lugnut out in the blizzard. After one week of traveling by train, they'd finally arrived at their destination: Stalliongrad. According to Daring, Mephisto's Labyrinth lay a few miles outside of the frigid city. They'd already left the city and walked a few miles in the cold in order to rent out a cart so Lugnut pull them the rest of the way. Lugnut had been perfectly fine with this plan, up until he had to endure the biting cold outside.

"Th-th-th-th-this is t-t-t-t-t-terrible," Lugnut groaned. Everything but his barrel and hips were freezing and rattling uncontrollably.

"Suck it up, Lugnut," Daring ordered. Lugnut was new to the cold, but Daring was used to being in all sorts of extreme conditions. Lugnut shot her a dirty look, but Daring didn't even glance up.

"Y-y-you have cl-cl-clothes to keep-p-p you warm," he complained.

"You should've had your mommy knit you a sweater," Daring retorted. She exhaled sharply to watch the water vapor rise from her lips and disappear.

"You are my mother." Daring's face scrunched up instantaneously. She peered at Lugnut through the corner of her eyes.

"How d'ya figure that?"

"W-w-w-ell, you a-a-a-nd Query-"

"Stop right there," Daring cut in. "Me and Query as parents? That'd be messed up."

"Q-q-query said the s-s-same thing."

"Of course he would," Daring sighed. "We're business partners, end of story."

"H-h-he said th-th-that t-t-t-too."

"I bet he did," Daring mumbled, casting her gaze down to the snow. The change didn't go unnoticed by Lugnut.

"You d-d-don't seem t-t-too happy about th-that," he noted. Daring grunted, forcing her expression back into neutral.

"You've seen him, haven't you?"

"Seen h-him?"

"He hits on every mare who catches his fancy. He hits on literally every pegasi mare he encounters, but if we weren't in business together he wouldn't give me the time of day," Daring fumed, her wings involuntarily spreading in anger.

"Th-that can't be true." Lugnut shook, letting the snow that was piling up on his body fall off. Daring didn't respond, allowing the silence to bear down on Lugnut until Query came around with an empty cart. Lugnut hitched himself up as Query and Daring piled in and discussed their plan.

"You think Ivy League made good on that promise?" Daring asked Query.

"You know Ivy; if the university gave her more guards to keep us out, she got more guards to keep us out. Have you known her to ever not tighten security up when we try to sneak into forbidden areas?" Daring's only response was a snort of derision. "I think she's just jealous that we find the good stuff."

"You think she'd learn by now," Daring laughed.

"Learn what? Learn that the good stuff is always in the most dangerous place or that we'll just ignore what she tells us to do?"

"Learn that she's a stuck up diva! I'm pretty sure she knows those other things," Daring grunted. "She's the least of our worries though. The name of the game here is stealth. We pull up a ways out from the site and sneak in. You hear that Lugnut?"

"He-he-hear what?" Lugnut had finished hitching himself to the cart and was ready to run.

"Get as close as you can to the ruins!"

"G-g-g-gotcha!"

_________________

"What do you mean the road is impassible?" the white unicorn whined as she stamped her hooves, causing her green mane to bob up and down.

"I'm sorry Miss League, but this blizzard caught the road crews off guard. It might be a while before the majority of the guards arrive." Ivy and the guard stood outside in the cold by themselves. Behind them lay the gaping maw of stone that was the entrance to Mephisto's Labyrinth.

"But I need guaaaaaards!" Ivy continued to whine. The guard pinned his ears against his head, but it wasn't enough to stop the noise from penetrating his brain.

"Miss Ivy, I assure you nothing will happen," the guard assured her in an attempt to calm her down,

"But what if Daring Doo-doo head and Sir-Asks-A-Lot show up?" Ivy moaned. The guard gritted his teeth, making sure to control his anger as he answered.

"If the guards can't get here, neither could those two. They would need a cart pulled by a dragon to make it through the snow that's piled up."

"STOP LUGNUT, STOP!" No such order was obeyed as a cart laden with two terrified archeologists careened right into the mouth of the ruins. Lugnut scrambled to keep his footing as he and the cart rumbled down the stairs leading deeper into the ruins.

"Lugnut! You've gotta stop!" Query called.

"I don't think I can! We're going too fast!" Lugnut and his passengers all gave a collective grunt as the cart impacted the landing at the bottom of the stairs. Lugnut stumbled a little, but managed to keep his footing and forge ahead.

The group barreled down an elevated walkway with what appeared to be an endless drop on either side. Lugnut could barely believe his eyes when he noticed what was rising before them: a massive stone wall. The only opening was at the end of the walkway, but Lugnut could see another wall rising soon afterwards.

"That's the Labyrinth itself!" Daring shouted. "Follow my directions unless you want to become a pancake!" Daring didn't need a response from Lugnut. As they approached the first turn, Daring shouted out her orders.

"Left! ... Right! Left, no not yet, now! Right! Right! Forward, keep going forward! Hairpin Left!" Lugnut maneuvered around the passages with the grace of a belabored pachyderm. Darning and Query had to hold on for dear life in order to stay in the cart with every turn. Their terror made them ignore the utter lack of guards in the ruins.

"Right! Another right! Left! Up, go up! Down the middle passage! Right! Now keep going straight!" Daring ordered. Lugnut looked down the passage he was ordered to continue down.

"But, this is a dead end!" Lugnut protested. He tried to skid to a halt, but the cart threatened to crash into him and his hooves burned from the friction.

"Just keep going!" Query backed Daring up. Lugnut had no choice but to obey, barreling at top speeds towards the wall. He counted down the painful impact in his head.

3...

2...

1...!

Nothing followed. Lugnut and the cart passed through the false wall as if it were a sheet of thin air. Unfortunately, the wall succeeded in hiding the dark stairs behind it. Without any idea where his footing went, Lugnut ate stone stairs and Query and Daring were thrown from the cart. The group tumbled down the short staircase, raising a din of dull thuds and splintering wood as they impacted the bottom. After getting to their feet, Query lit the room up with his horn, or at least he lit up what he could of the room.

"Well... I guess I'm back." Even in the dim light, Lugnut recognized his resting place for the past few centuries. He tried to remember how long he'd been awake. It had been roughly a month and a half since he'd awoken on Sweet Apple Acres. Compared to the time he spent here in the Labyrinth, he'd only been awake for the blink of an eye.

"No time for nostalgia!" Daring shouted. "Time is of the essence here. Who knows when the guards will show up." Query and Lugnut adopted Daring's haste, following her through the darkness.

"Daring, I'm all for hurrying, but do you know where you're going?" Query petitioned his partner.

"Of course I do. I know this place like my own hat." As proof to her point, it wasn't long before the threesome found themselves before a passageway leading out of the destroyed cavern. The only thing keeping them from entering was a sign that read, "Off Limits". The group walked around it, Daring giving it a spiteful kick as she went by.

"So... explain to me again why this place is off limits?" Lugnut whispered. The aura the passage was giving off made him want to be as quiet as he could.

"We found a booby trap," Query explained. "It's right up here. There's a tile on the floor rigged to do... well, something." The group stopped short before an arrow drawn on the ground with chalk that pointed at an ordinary looking brick.

"A rigged brick?" Lugnut asked.

"If you step on it a trap goes off," Daring cautioned. Lugnut placed his hoof on the tile.

"Like this?"

"GET DOWN!" Daring and Query exclaimed as they instinctively hit the deck. Bricks on the walls fell away, revealing row upon rows of metal tubes. Daring and Query listened to the familiar sound of darts, no doubt laden with poison, whizzing over their heads. The sound was accompanied by the unfamiliar sound of the darts impacting Lugnut's iron shell and bouncing off harmlessly. When the firing ceased, Daring and Query stood back up.

"Sorry," Lugnut apologized, drawing an awkward circle on the ground with his hoof. Instead of looking angry, Query and Daring had two very smug grins on their faces.

"Oh, it's no trouble at all Lugnut!" Daring assured him as genuinely as she could manage, extending her phony smile a little. Query put a hoof on Lugnut's shoulder and looked up at him.

"Your punishment is this-"

"You go first," the two ordered in unison. Lugnut heaved a sigh, but lifted his head in confidence as he trudged ahead. Daring and Query silently slapped hooves as they realized they had these ruins in the bag. For two squishy ponies made of flesh like Daring and Query, traps were, needless to say, dangerous; however, an iron pony like Big Lugnut could waltz through the passageway full of traps and come out perfectly fine. That is pretty much what happened.

A pit full of snakes? Even if Lugnut could be bitten, he simply leapt out with his crazy strength.

Swinging log trap? One buck from Lugnut sent the log back where it started.

Walls closing in? The mechanism that was forcing the two walls together groaned and broke as Lugnut held the two walls apart.

Sealed door and a room filling with sand? Escaping was easy as bucking down the stone doors.

Bear traps? Completely useless against solid, iron legs.

"This is like taking candy from a baby!" Daring exclaimed.

"It's so easy, it's not even fun," Query complained, but he was still thankful to be avoiding danger so easily. The group came to an empty room with a large, metal, bejeweled door on the other end.

"Is that was I think it is?" Daring was practically drooling at the thought of their prize being one door away.

"Alright, treasure time!" Query declared, charging forward with Daring towards the door.

*thunk*

No sooner had Query's hoof depressed the rigged brick than the trap engaged. All Lugnut saw was a hollow block on the ceiling crash down over Query and Daring. The room went dark as Query's light was extinguished.

"Daring! Query!" Lugnut yelled into the dark, illuminated only slightly by his violet eyes.

"We're okay!" the muffled voice of Daring responded.

"Hold on! I'll bust you out!" Lugnut walked carefully through the dark until he reached the box. He felt out the edges of it, trying to get a sense for the size. The box was indeed big enough to house two ponies, maybe even a third. Lugnut spaced himself correctly, then reared his hind legs and bucked the box as hard as he could.

The buck produced a satisfying thud, but no results beyond that. Lugnut wouldn't believe that he wasn't strong enough to break the box. Thuds resonated through the chamber as Lugnut tried again and again to break the prison his companions were trapped in.

"It's no good! I can't break it!" Lugnut was forced to admit defeat. "Can you see any way out from inside?"

"Let me check!" Lugnut heard Query's muffled call. Inside the box, Query lit up his horn. On the outside, Lugnut could see a few small points of light rise from the top of the box. "It's solid in here Lugnut!"

"It looks like there are holes in the top! Let me check it out." Lugnut pulled himself up on top of the box, confirming there there were pinpricks of light coming up through the top through a gathering of small holes around the edge. Try as he might, Lugnut couldn't break through the top either. He felt around a little more in the dark. He found that there was a chain secured to the top of the box that probably rose into the ceiling. Big Lugnut couldn't see far enough to confirm it, but he explained what he had found out to Daring and Query inside the box.

"That's good news!" Daring spoke up. "This trap isn't designed to kill, just to capture. There must be a way to disengage it! You've gotta find it!"

"Will you guys be okay in there?" Lugnut asked.

"We've been in stickier situations!" Query assured him.

"Don't put it like that!" Daring scolded Query.

"Why not?"

"It sounds dirty." Daring accented her displeasure by knocking Query with a hoof.

"It's just Lugnut! The big guy doesn't even know about that kind of stuff! Plus, you have to admit that we have gotten pretty sticky together!" Query continued to tease Daring.

"Oh, yeah!" Daring recalled her earlier conversation with Lugnut. "Since we're trapped in this box, I'd like to take a moment to verbally abuse you!"

"What? Why?"

"For having weird conversations with Lugnut about us being his parents!"

"Hey, the big guy brought it up!"

"You can't weasel your way out of this! You're stuck with me!"

"Aww, c'mon! Lugnut, help me out here!" Lugnut hadn't been listening. He'd jumped off the box before the argument started and began blindly searching the room of anything that could set Daring and Query free. His search had turned up nothing so far. He found his way to the door Query and Daring had been so eager to open. For lack of any other options, Lugnut put his head against it and pushed it open.

The ancient hinges creaked in protest, but Lugnut had more than enough strength to force it open. The other side of the door was just as dark as the previous room. He didn't have a clue as to what lay around him. As he gingerly stepped into the room to look around, he suddenly heard quick hoof steps follow him. What sounded like one pony following him suddenly became two. Lugnut looked around in a desperate attempt to see who it was, but the darkness hid the intruders too well.

"Feeling a bit perplexed Big Lugnut?" a voice taunted him.

"Perhaps we should reveal ourselves, brother!"

"Quite right!"

"Alright Flim?"

"Alright Flam!" The room was doused in green light as the unicorn brothers illuminated their horns. Lugnut looked back and forth between the brothers, each positioned on opposite sides of the room with Lugnut between them.

"Oh thank goodness!" Lugnut exclaimed, much to the surprise of the two brothers. "My friends are trapped in that room back there! Can you help me find a way to let them out?"

"Wha? No!" Flim groaned, bringing a hoof to his forehead. "We're here to take the treasure!"

"Once we sell the secrets of this Labyrinth, we'll be swimming in bits!" Flam proclaimed.

"Great!" Everything the brothers had said went right over Lugnut's head. "But first, can we free my friends? ... By the way, how did you two get down here?"

"That's an interesting story, isn't it Flam?"

"Very interesting indeed, Flim! Let's tell him!"

"Very well Flam," Flim began. "When we lost you to the Apples-"

"Hold on!" Big Lugnut interrupted. He'd just remembered why the names Flim and Flam sounded familiar. "You're the ponies who stole me!"

"Bingo!" Flam confirmed Lugnut's suspicions.

"As I was saying," Flim went on. "After we lost you, me and my brother here tailed Daring Do and Query too in order to get another shot at the fortunes this dump hid inside it. We were disappointed to see they were going to give up, but then they found you can came back here."

"We almost lost you on the way here," Flam cut in. "But our ingenious locomotive, The Flim Flam Brother's Bigger Blizzard Buster Beta, got us through the thick snow quick as an arrow. We let you all disengage the traps while we waited for our opportunity to seize the treasure for ourselves!"

"And look what we have here!" Flim turned his horn to illuminate a sight that made Lugnut's soul sink: another dormant iron pony.

"No way," Lugnut whispered to himself. Flam too turned his horn, revealing there was yet another iron pony in the room. The two ponies looked eerily similar to Lugnut, but each one had a glaring difference. The one behind Flim had a long, open slash on either side of its back. The pony behind Flam had a gaping hole in its forhead. Neither pony was wearing a yoke, but both had a large, red "x" on their flanks.

"Me and my brother were wondering how to stop you," Flam started.

"But a two on one fight of robot ponies should do just the trick!" Flim finished. Before Lugnut could do anything to stop the brothers, they each zapped their respective iron pony into life. Both iron ponies' eyes sparked green before stabilizing into solid green circles.

"Nil, ready for duty," the pony behind Flam droned.

"Null, ready for duty," the pony behind Flim opened with the same line and the same, dead voice.

"Alright, Nil! Be so kind as the show Lugnut here the door!"

"You too Null! Show Lugnut who's the boss!" the brothers commanded their robots.

"Error."

"Huh?" Flam looked up at Nil.

"Nil has no knowledge of a 'Lugnut'. Autonomous action selected." The hole in Nil's head sparked momentarily before a horn of green light shot forth from it.

"Error."

"Uh-oh," Flim backed off as Null began the same process as Nil.

"Null has no knowledge of a 'Lugnut'. Autonomous action selected." The two slashes began leaking green energy as two green, glowing wings extended from Null's body. The two robots droned their selected course of action in tandem.

"Eliminate Trespassers."

"Should we retreat Flam?"

"We should retreat Flim!" the two brothers took off, shouldering past Big Lugnut as they made their way out the door. Nil and Null slowly trotted up to Big Lugnut, their bodies creaking from ages of idling. Lugnut braced himself against the two ponies, but was surprised when they both came to a halt right before him.

"One, why have you let the trespassers escape?" Nil asked Lugnut.

"Huh?" Lugnut wasn't exactly sure what was going on.

"'Huh' is not an adequate explanation, One. Disciplinary action selected." Null raised his wings, letting the sheets of green energy tower over Big Lugnut. Nil's horn started crackling with bolts of green electricity.

"You have three seconds to comply with our orders, One," Nil warned.

"One," Null began the countdown. Big Lugnut didn't wait for him to finish. He promptly spun about and bucked his aggressors. Both ponies' hooves disconnected from the ground as they flew backwards, clattering against the opposite wall. As the two ponies lay still against the wall, Big Lugnut spotted something on the far wall in the green light: a lever.

"Insubordination." Nil was back on his hooves much too soon..

"Shoot," Lugnut groaned. Null was up just as fast, taking to his wings and charging at Lugnut. Lugnut had never known anypony but himself to move so fast. Null slammed into Lugnut full force, causing every part of Lugnut's body that could feel it to fill with a dull, throbbing pain. Lugnut tumbled across the floor, righting himself and ducking as Null tried to make another pass. With the success of dodging Null's assault came a stinging pain as a bolt from Nil's horn struck Lugnut.

Lugnut's knees buckled and he hit the floor. He didn't stay there long as Null swooped down and picked him up. Null banked upwards and let go of Lugnut, throwing him headfirst into the ceiling. Dizzy with a throbbing headache, Lugnut didn't even feel Nil surround him with his magic. Lugnut watched the room whiz by in a blur of darkness and sickly, green light as his body was driven into the floor.

Lugnut was feeling the effects of being partly organic. He'd never felt pain to such an extent and was sure if he wasn't made of iron he would be crushed. His opponents weren't like him. Nil and Null didn't feel pain and wouldn't stop their assault until their bodies were completely disassembled.

When his head stopped spinning, he made out the forms of Nil and Null standing over him in all their glory.

"Your insubordination will not be tolerated," Nil reprimanded Lugnut.

"There is only one suitable recourse." Null put his wings to his sides.

"Disassembly," Nil demanded.

"Destruction," Null commanded. The two iron ponies turned their heads to look at one another for a moment, but quickly turned back to Lugnut.

"Disassembly."

"Destruction," the iron ponies gave their orders simultaneously.

"Well, which is it? Disassembly or destruction?" Lugnut groand. "I can only do one."

"Disassembly."

"Destruction." The iron ponies held fast to their respective verdicts.

"There is only one way to settle this," Lugnut explained. "We'll just do what the superior officer recommends. So... if we follow the superior officer, the punishment is..."

"Disassembly."

"Destruction." Nil and Null turned to look at one another.

"Well, which one of you is superior?" Lugnut egged them on. Nil and Null didn't break eye contact with one another.

"Nil was made first; therefore, Nil is superior."

"Null was constructed to succeed where Nil fails; therefore, Null is superior."

"Negative. Nil is superior. Disassembly is the proper punishment."

"Error. Superiority belongs to Null. Seizing control." Null spread his wings and bashed his body into Nil. Nil was knocked right off his hooves and into the opposite wall. Lugnut began to stealthily pull his aching body out from between the two ponies.

"Subordination will not be tolerated. Stopping usurper." Nil stood right back up and fired a bolt of energy at Null. The result was rather impressive.

Null lit up bright green as energy sparked from his eyes and wing holes. Energy flew out of his body and into Nil, causing Nil's eyes on horn hole to spark similarly. The exchange of energy raged on, bathing the room in bright, green light as Nil and Null's robotic voices chattered at high speeds.

As suddenly as the display started, it came to an unceremonious halt. The room was plunged back into complete darkness. Lugnut drug himself back onto his hooves and made his way back towards where he saw the lever. His limping around in the dark eventually got him to his mark. He pulled the lever and listened as gears creaked above and behind him. Big Lugnut collapsed on the ground. Even in the parts that were previously numb, Lugnut felt pain. Lugnut's entire body felt pain and for the first time ever Lugnut himself felt out of breath. Although it was supposed to be a good sign, Lugnut didn't exactly feel like celebrating the developments.

"Lugnut?" Query's head and illuminated horn peeked into the room. He looked at the two empty eyed, iron ponies that stood in the center of the room and then at Lugnut who lay on the floor. "Wow, what happened here?"

"Uh well-" Lugnut tried to start, but Query interrupted him.

"Because something interesting certainly happened in this other room, here. Not out there in the box, oh no! The box was boring, nothing happened in the box. It was boring. Nothing happened. I swear it." Just then Daring carefully trotted in through the door. She took in the scene in the same order Query did. She quickly rushed over to Lugnut.

"Dang, are you okay?" she stooped down and asked him. Daring usually looked very composed, so Lugnut couldn't help but notice her shirt was buttoned wrong. Lugnut put that out of his head though, and explained what had happened.

"So... these ponies were Mephisto's failures?" Query glanced over at the now harmless looking husks of iron. He extended his magic and examined Nil and Null. "Whoa... that's... this is unreal..."

"What is it?" Daring swooped over and took a look for herself, even though she could not physically see what Query was going on about.

"These ponies are nothing like Lugnut at all!" Query exclaimed.

"What?" Big Lugnut couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "I'm telling you, Flim and Flam zapped them and they came to life, just like me!"

"Explain yourself, Query," Daring encouraged.

"When we dug up Lugnut, his power source came mostly from his organic center, right?" Daring and Lugnut nodded in confirmation. "These ponies... well, they don't have any organic part. They were just... robots."

"B-b-but that's impossible!" Daring grabbed Query's horn and shook him. "Check it again! Nopony has ever built something like that before! It's impossible!"

"I'm telling the truth," Query groaned. "Nil and Null are one hundred percent machine."

"Hey now, let go of me!"

"We didn't do anything wrong!" Lugnut and company watched as armored guards came pouring into the room, unicorns with their horns alight and pegasi with torches in their mouths. Two of the unicorn guards were dragging Flim and Flam in behind them as they continued to protest. The last ponies to enter were two ponies Daring and Query recognized. The first was Ivy League, their common enemy, but the other one was somepony both Daring and Query respected.

"Cheif!" Daring trotted over to the gold maned gentlecolt with Query following right behind.

"Professor Pants? What're you doing here?" Query's question elicited a hardy chuckle from his long-time mentor.

"I say, I am here on account of the letter you sent me." Professor Smarty Pants stuffed his pipe through his mustache and blew a ring of smoke as he adjusted his monocle. "I heard how insistent you were on investigating this area, so I decided to come down and examine the danger for myself. I must say, it hasn't been dangerous at all. Somepony has already sprung all the traps."

"But Pruh-fess-uuuur!" Ivy whined, "Daring and Query sprung them all coming down here!"

"Actually, I sprung all those traps," Big Lugnut broke in.

"By Luna!" Professor Pants scuttled over to where Lugnut was picking himself off the floor. "You sir are a very interesting pony. If I am not mistaken, you are the pony that was taken from us over two months ago! Big Lugnut, right?"

"That's what I'm told," Lugnut groaned as he stabilized his aching legs.

"Fascinating! Absolutely fascinating! And who are these gents standing so perfectly still?"

"Those were the first two ponies Mephisto created," Daring explained. "Their names are Nil and Null."

"Do they... turn on?" Ivy's horn began to light up.

"NO!" Flim, Flam, Daring, Query, and Lugnut shouted. Ivy nearly jumped out of her skin before powering down her horn.

"Very good, I declare this part of Mephisto's Labyrinth open for excavation. Seeing as Mr. Lugnut was so instrumental in making it safe for exploration, he deserves a reward of some sort! Ivy, go back to the entrance and get my satchel so I can pay the pony!" Professor Pants laughed.

"But Pruh-fess-uuuur!"

"Lugnut." Big Lugnut looked over to his companions, who were signalling him to follow them. With the immense amount of light now in the room, Daring and Query managed to find a rather plain looking door leading out of the chamber they were in. The three ponies opened the door up and went inside, looking around the small room with the light from Query's horn.

"I think this is what we're looking for," Daring noted. The room they were in looked like the cramped study and sleeping quarters of an eccentric genius. As the three ponies rooted around, they found two trunks full of personal effects. Out of one of these chests, Daring carefully pulled out a thick, tattered diary. Query used his magic to pluck it from her hooves and gently open it. The three ponies skimmed through the pages, searching for entries of interest.

The diary revealed everything that had gone through the pony known as Mephisto's mind. He'd constructed the large Labyrinth to house a city's worth of ponies. The combination of harsh, cold weather and rampant monsters made it impossible for the ponies that had traveled so far north to settle down properly. The stallions were wearing themselves thin in their attempts to liberate the landscape of hydras, dragons, and other threatening beasts.

Mephisto decided to attempt to create his own artificial life to act as the soldiers to fight against the monsters. After years of theorizing and experimenting, he finally had his first success in creating Nil. Nil could not operate very long because he lost too much of his own magical energy through his horn. Nil's magic exhausted every source it could find in its body, eventually sacrificing its organic side for power. Without it, Nil could not operate or retain magic for long.

Next to be created was Null. By creating a pegasus, Mephisto was sure he had eliminated the problem of exhausting magic. In an unforeseen turn of events, the metal wings Null was equipped with would not synch with his organic system. The magical system destroyed and replaced them with a pair of magic wings. Null fell to the same fate as Nil.

When Lugnut proved himself as the first true success, Mephisto set to work creating his army. The iron ponies marched against every threatening monster, either forcing them to leave or destroying them. Towns sprung up in the north as the environment became safer and safer. The iron ponies continued to patrol the towns and the areas around them, making sure all was safe.

Mephisto was irate when the iron ponies began breaking rank, but two months after the first pony did so he discovered exactly why it was happening as the first iron pony shed its shell. His spell to suppress consciousness had been weakened by some internal force of the true pony within. It was becoming common knowledge among the townspeople that any unicorn could snap an iron pony out of the spell. Mephisto decided to submit to his creations entering society as normal ponies. He sent them patrolling towns frequently and often, in hopes that the unicorns in town would eventually be able to snap them all out of their trances.

Eventually, every iron pony except for Lugnut had left. Mephisto saw how happy his creations were in their new lives and ended up becoming more social himself. He began spending more and more time in town. He returned to the Labyrinth one day to find somepony had tried to ransack it. The destruction to much of the chambers too extensive for the lone unicorn who broke in to have caused. Mephisto found that the intruder had activated Nil and Null, who ended up having a battle between the two of them. Big Lugnut reported that he had tried to stop the two from fighting, which Mephisto interpreted as an admission that he too had caused the destruction. Mephisto made a tough decision.

In his very last entry, Mephisto details how he had decided to hide Nil and Null in the deepest portion of his Labyrinth and place traps for anypony who tried to enter in. Knowing he was still around and about, Mephisto even built a sturdy box trap if Big Lugnut ever tried to wander down towards them. Mephisto had hoped Lugnut could join his fellow soldiers in a life outside the Labyrinth, but he decided it would be better if Lugnut was shut down and hidden amongst the rubble.

"Woah," Query gasped. Daring and Lugnut were equally as shocked by what they'd just read, but preferred to mull it over in silence. "How's that for tying up loose ends, Lugnut?"

"This explains it all... I'm glad I came here." Memories seeped back into Lugnut's brain. A blurred face started becoming clearer and clearer until the face of the pony who created him returned to his memory. It was a face wracked with guilt, but resolute in its purpose.

"I'm sorry, One. Maybe someday you'll find a home."

It was then that Lugnut's memory blanked out entirely, as if somepony had flicked a switch in his head. He had still been aware, in some sense. There was a memory of waiting alone for a long, long time before he finally woke up again. Remembering the final words his master had spoke gave Lugnut the confirmation he was looking for.

"But Pruh-fess-uuuur!"

"Oh Ivy, hush. Is Lugnut in here?" Professor Pants entered the dark study with Ivy trailing behind him.

"Yeah, I'm here," Lugnut spoke up and walked over to the door to talk with him.

"Well, the boys just got done appraising Nil and Null, so I can pay you some of your share up front. For the rest of the bits, I'm going to have to know where you make your home, Mr. Lugnut." Big Lugnut suddenly remembered everything he'd left behind to come this far. His journey was done now, so he submitted to homesickness.

"Ponyville, Sweet Apple Acres. If you don't mind, I'd like to get back there as soon as possible."

_______________

"We've arrived at Sub-Cloudsdale Station. All departing passengers can exit at this time. Next stop will be Ponyville Station."

Lugnut looked down at the saddlebags Smarty Pants had forced on him. What he was going to do with the contents, he hadn't a clue. The final leg of the week long train ride was coming to a close. It might seem like an awfully large waste of time to have traveled two weeks round trip to spend one day at the Labyrinth, but Lugnut was sure it was all worth it. He was eager to get back to Ponyville and see all his friends, but most of all Applejack. She might be sore that he ran off without warning, but Lugnut was ready to make it up to her. He'd been away from work for far too long and his idle life of waiting on and for trains was beginning to wear on him. In a few short hours though, the vacation would be over.

"Well now." Lugnut turned and looked up at the pony who was standing next to him in the isle. "I've got the seat across from you, mind if I take it?"

"Go right ahead." Lugnut watched the blue pegasus mare sit down across from him. If her voice wasn't so distinctively female, Big Lugnut may have seen the short cut, white mane and large build as signs that she was a stallion.

"So, where are you headed stranger?" Even if her voice was feminine, it still had a gruff edge to it.

"Ponyville."

"Business or pleasure?" the mare asked.

"Uh... I live in Ponyville," Lugnut explained. "What about you?"

"Me? I'm headed to Ponyville because just a few days ago I get a letter from my daughter saying she's getting married."

"Oh, congratulations!"

"I don't know about that." The mare furrowed her brow as her tone became cross. "I didn't even know she had a coltfriend. There weren't too many details about him or their relationship in the letter, so I'm coming out here to make sure she didn't get knocked up."

"Knocked up?" The mare looked utterly astonished that the phrase wasn't understood, but she had no idea that Lugnut was ignorant down to the last detail about the phrase.

"How old are you?" she asked. Lugnut didn't actually know how old he was, but thankfully it was a rhetorical question. "Schoolfillies know what that phrase means. Didn't you pay attention in Sex Ed.?"

"Sex Ed.?"

"You're joking right?" the mare yelled. "You don't even know what Sex Ed. is? Did you even go to school?"

"No," Lugnut admitted, drawing the last straw the mare had as she nearly blew her lid.

"Well then this is your lucky day!" the mare declared. "I work as a midwife in Cloudsdale, so I can tell you everything you need to know from beginning to end."

"That would be great!" Lugnut opened the door to a world he had not imagined in his wildest dreams.

XV: Piston

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter XV

________________

"It's good to be back in Ponyville!" Big Lugnut announced as he stepped off the train. Considering how long he'd been awake, two weeks was a substantial amount of time to be away. He stepped out into the town, expecting to be greeted by the familiar sights and sounds of his home. Much to Lugnut's surprise, the town looked completely deserted.

"Hello? Anypony around?" Big Lugnut shouted in vain. Only the wind and a stray tumbleweed heard his call. "Where is everypony?" There was no answer for Lugnut's question. He wandered around, hoping somepony would appear. After a few minutes of no success, he came upon Sugarcube Corner. Since it was business hours on a weekday, Lugnut assumed that somepony must be behind the counter. As he opened the door, a bell jingled to indicate his intrusion.

"Oh, hey Big Lugnut!" Pinkie Pie greeted him. Lugnut heaved a sigh of relief, glad to have debunked any notion of the entire population suddenly vanishing. "You've been gone for a while, how've you been? Where'd you go? Are you hungry?"

"I'm fine, better than ever in fact! I went to the place they dug me up from, like a homecoming," Lugnut explained, walking up to the counter.

"So are you hungry?" Pinkie asked again. Lugnut had thought she was joking, but she appeared completely serious. Lugnut couldn't help but think it was a bit odd, even for Pinkie Pie.

"Um... no, Pinkie. I don't get hungry, and even if I did I can't eat," Lugnut reiterated.

"Are you sure?" Pinkie prodded. "You have a cupcakes, cake, pie, brownies, candy, me, anything you see here!"

"... Umm... what was that last one?"

"'Anything you see here'?"

"Before that."

"Me!" Pinkie squealed.

"Uh... why would I eat you?" Lugnut didn't pride himself on his ability to follow Pinkie's train of thought, but her line of questioning was even stranger than usual.

"Because it'd be fun, silly!" Pinkie Pie jumped over the counter and landed next to Big Lugnut. "C'mon, we'll go up to my room!" Pinkie put her head against Lugnut and, with what struck Lugnut as a burst of unnatural strength, began pushing him towards the stairs. Lugnut jumped away, freeing himself from being plowed across the store.

"Why do we have to go upstairs?" Big Lugnut began backing up towards the door. Pinkie Pie snorted as she giggled.

"Don't you know? We can't do anything naughty where somepony might see us!" That was Big Lugnut's cue to abandon ship. He turned and bolted out the door. He ran aimlessly away, just hoping to get as far away from Pinkie Pie as possible. When he stopped, he found himself in Ponyville Park. He looked around, making sure there was nothing pink in sight.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Big Lugnut sighed in relief. He did see pink in the park, but it was just Fluttershy's mane. He also saw the rest of the rainbow as Rainbow Dash was also present. "Hey!" he called out to them as he trotted over. Both of them looked over and perked up, taking to their wings and meeting him next to the fountain.

"Long time no see! Where've you been Lugnut?" Rainbow Dash greeted him.

"You were gone for so long, we were getting worried," Fluttershy admitted.

"I just went on a little trip into my past. Everything's all better now, so I'm back home where I belong." Big Lugnut recalled his harrowing experience back at Sugarcube Corner that happened only seconds ago. "Um, speaking of coming back. I ran into Pinkie Pie on my way here, but she was acting really weird.

"Pinkie Pie is always acting weird," Rainbow pointed out.

"Well, she was acting weirder than usual," Lugnut insisted. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy exchanged uncertain glances.

"How was she acting?" Fluttershy asked.

"W-well, she... uh," Lugnut struggled with his words. "She was... coming on to me." Despite the weight and severity of the accusation, neither Fluttershy nor Rainbow Dash looked phased.

"Lugnut, are you sure?" Rainbow Dash's voice was full of skepticism.

"I'm positive!" Lugnut asserted.

"Well, did she bring you close, like this?" Fluttershy put her hoof around Rainbow Dash and pulled her closer to demonstrate.

"Sort of."

"Did she embrace you like this?" Rainbow Dash spun Fluttershy around so they were facing one another. Both mares wrapped their hooves around one another.

"Well... no..."

"Did she try to kiss you?" Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash brought their lips dangerously close.

"Uuuuuuuuuuh..."

"Did she try and touch-"

"I've gotta go!" Lugnut found himself fleeing from an awkward and dangerous scene once more. Once he was far, far away from the park, Lugnut took a breather and looked around. He found himself standing before Carousel Boutique. In need of a refuge from the strange behavior of the ponies he'd previously encountered, he knocked on the door. Surprisingly, and to some degree of relief, it wasn't Rarity who answered the door but Lugnut's good friend Gibson Song.

"Lugnut! Long time no see buddy 'ol pal!" Gibson spoke.

"Gibson! You got your voice back!" Lugnut noted. Gibson nodded and smiled a little.

"You bet your britches I did! I am super duper excited to be able to talk again friend of mine!" Gibson's voice was full of enthusiasm, but his expression was as subdued as ever. In the light of all the strangeness he'd run into today, Lugnut ignored it. He was glad he'd finally found refuge from the other ponies' strange behavior.

"Mind if I come in?" Lugnut asked.

"Of course my good friend, me and Rarity were just having so-."

Big Lugnut ran away from Carousel Boutique faster than he'd ever run before. When he could run no more, he stopped. After catching his breath, he looked up at his surroundings. He had somehow ended up at the library.

"Nope, this ain't happening," Lugnut stated as he shook his head. He took off again, but this time he made sure he knew where he was going. He went up the familiar dirt road until he reached a familiar farmhouse. Not stopping for anypony to jump out and do anything lewd, he opened the front door and shut it firmly behind himself.

"Howdy Big Lug." The scene before Big Lugnut gave him pause.

"Hey... Applejack... umm... whatcha doin'?"

"Nuthin', just relaxin' here." Big Lugnut's eyes darted around the mare

"So... where's your hat and hair ties?"

"Don't need 'em."

"And... why is your hair wet?"

"Just got outta the bath."

"I see." Big Lugnut tapped his hoof on the floor nervously. "So... why is the only piece of furniture in here my mattress?"

"Big Macintosh moved all the furniture out and brought this down. I gotta say, this thing is comfy," Applejack observed, stretching out her limbs and patting the empty spot on the mattress next to her.

"Where is Big Macintosh?"

"He got tired and left forever."

"Applebloom?"

"Out counting grains of sand."

"Granny Smith?"

"Dead."

"... Winona?"

"Flew south for the winter."

"So it's just me and you?" Applejack nodded. Big Lugnut didn't move. Big Lugnut couldn't move. He was paralyzed and unable to even form a rational thought.

"Big Lug."

"Yes?!"

"Come over here."

"Okay."

__________________

"Hey sonny, wake up!" Big Lugnut's eyes opened up. He was face to face with the blue mare who had so kindly stolen his childlike innocence. Considering where Lugnut had just been, it was a pretty big letdown.

"We've arrived at Ponyville Station. All departing passengers can exit at this time. Next stop will be Appleoosa Station."

"This is where we get off," the mare reminded Lugnut. The two ponies gathered up their things and got off the train. As a great relief to Lugnut, the moment he stepped off the train he saw other ponies. He saw other ponies acting normally. He silently thanked a higher power.

"I never got your name sonny." The blue mare looked up at Lugnut, shifting her rather large pack as she spoke.

"I'm Big Lugnut," Lugnut introduced himself, extending a hoof. The mare reached out and gave it a hardy shake.

"The name's Bee Bonnet, but most ponies just call me Bonnie. Maybe I'll see you around. I've gotta run and see my daughter so I can find out if there's a stallion somewhere in this town I need to throttle."

"Throttle? Do you mean..."

"It ain't got anything to do with anything I explained before. My, my... I can't tell if you're dense or just stupid," Bonnie laughed. Lugnut didn't much feel like laughing. Bonnie headed off in the opposite direction from Lugnut, looking up and picking up the pace a bit. Big Lugnut inspected the sky for himself, noting that the pegasi were gathering some pretty dark looking clouds. He wondered if Ponyville was due for a big storm today. As Big Lugnut stepped out of the train station, he heard a noise that nearly made him jump out of his shell.

Guuurgle~

Big Lugnut stopped dead in his tracks. The noise sounded like it came from pretty close by, so he looked around to identify exactly where it came from. Unable to confirm the origins of the noise, he decided to continue on his way. Before he could though, somepony tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to see a pony who, despite wearing his clever sombrero and poncho disguise, Lugnut recognized.

"Gibson!" Gibson beamed up at Lugnut, happy to see his old friend was back. "How've you been?" Gibson nodded a response. Lugnut waited for him to say something, but when Gibson just stared up at him in silence Lugnut was forced to ask a certain question.

"Can you talk yet?" Gibson shook his head. "B-but what about the concert?" Gibson just shrugged. Without the capability of speech, he couldn't explain anything further to Lugnut.

"Lugnut?" With perfect timing, Arrow Dash swooped down from the sky. He didn't land, but hovered close to Gibson and Lugnut. "Perfect! You're just the stallion I need!"

"Good to see you too..."

"No time!" Arrow barked, his stern tone making Gibson and Lugnut jump. "I need to fly out to Las Pegasus right now for a meeting. Would you mind swinging by the hospital to check up on my wife for me? I don't have time to go tell her what's going on."

"Sure, I guess I-"

"Fantastic!" Arrow Dash didn't stick around any longer, flying off into the blue sky just as a group of pegasi moved a dark cloud over it. Gibson waved and began walking off from Lugnut.

"Where are you going?" Lugnut called after him. Gibson pointed a hoof and Lugnut followed it with his eyes. He was pointing to Carousel Boutique.

"Okay, I'll leave you to that!" Big Lugnut quickly turned and headed in the direction of home. Gibson felt a little slighted by Lugnut's quick departure, but he let it slide and continued on his way to have a jam session with Sweetie Belle. Lugnut continued walking along until he heard a peal of thunder from overhead, signaling the start of a downpour. He was still a ways away from Sweet Apple Acres and he was feeling strangely weak, so he decided to head for someplace dry close by.

"I guess I'll do what Arrow was talking about," Lugnut mumbled to himself, heading towards the hospital. He ran double time through the rain. Each of the large raindrops thunked against his iron hide. Lugnut discovered that each drop carried a wet, cold sensation inside it. He was never happier to walk indoors once he arrived at the hospital. Never having been to a hospital, Lugnut wasn't sure how to go about finding Arrow's spouse. He saw a pony sitting behind a desk, which usually indicated they were in charge of the place, so he wandered over to it.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a patient," Lugnut told the receptionist.

"Patient's name?" the receptionist asked without looking up.

"... Dash?" The receptionist leafed through some papers on her desk. After receiving the room number and instructions on how to get to the room, Lugnut thanked the receptionist and headed up the stairs. When he reached the top of the mere two flights, he couldn't help but realize how out of breath he felt.

Guuurgle~

The noise came again, immediately followed by a crash of thunder. The lights in the hospital flickered for a moment. Lugnut shook off his fatigue and headed towards Mrs. Dash's room. As he got closer, he thought he heard what sounded like yelling coming from down the hall. When he found the correct door, he discovered that the yelling was coming from within Mrs. Dash's room and he recognized both voices. He quickly swung the door open and barged into the room.

Sure enough, Big Macintosh and Bee Bonnet were staring each other down in the middle of the room. Fluttershy and Mrs. Dash were there too, but compared to the two other angry ponies they were just fixtures in the room. When Lugnut entered, Macintosh and Bonnie stopped fighting to look at him with shocked expressions.

"Hey there Lugnut, fancy seeing you again so soon," Bonnie noted. "What brings you here?"

"Mr. Dash asked me to check up on his wife for him. He got called away on business," Lugnut explained. Upon hearing the whereabouts of her husband, Mrs. Dash pouted a little. "What brings you here?"

"You know that daughter I was talking about?" Lugnut nodded. "That's her." Bonnie gestured over to Fluttershy with her head. The metaphorical gears in Big Lugnut's brain starting meshing, causing a light bulb to go off in his head.

"Fluttershy is getting married? To who?" The eyes of all the mares in the room fell on Big Macintosh. "Oh, I see." Big Macintosh looked incredibly perplexed. He marched up to Big Lugnut and asked a question that made Lugnut's spirit drop.

"Lugnut, where's Applejack?" A peal of thunder accented the dread Lugnut felt. The lights flickered a little bit, but all eyes stayed fixed on Lugnut.

"Uh... you mean she isn't here?" Lugnut asked.

"Whaddya mean? Lugnut, didn't she leave with you?" Big Macintosh got got right in Lugnut's face, furrowing his brow into a cross expression.

"What? No! I left on my own!" Lugnut shot right back, advancing on Macintosh until the two were butting heads. "Are you telling me Applejack left home?" Big Lugnut shoved Big Macintosh, causing him to falter both in stance and resolve.

"Ah... well, yes-"

"And you just let her go?" Lugnut stamped his hoof. Another crash of thunder caused the lights to flicker.

"Only because we thought she ran off with you!" Macintosh yelled back. "Besides, why did you run off in the first place?"

"I had to confront my past!" Lugnut admitted. "Why would Applejack leave?" When Big Macintosh didn't answer immediately, Lugnut's temper spiked.

"TELL ME!" Lugnut stamped both hooves, causing the hospital lights to flicker without the aid of thunder or lightning. The storm raged on outside, but the small hospital room was dead quiet.

"Uhm... excuse me," the timidest of those in the room broke the silence. "I think it would do Big Lugnut and my mother good to hear it." Big Macintosh snorted. Lugnut figured that whatever he had to say, he didn't want to say. At the request of his fiancee, Big Macintosh spilled his guts.

"Applejack left because I'm gettin' married," he put briefly.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Lugnut asked, watching his temper.

"Big brother getting married, seems like cause to celebrate to me," Bonnie pointed out. Big Macintosh went more into detail.

"Mine, Applejack's, and Applebloom's folks died some years ago. Sweet Apple Acres belonged to them, but when they passed away they willed it off to the three of us. That was not, however, the way their will intended things to be forever."

"What do you mean?" Big Lugnut hadn't known Applejack's parents were dead. On some level, he could sympathize with her; Big Lugnut's parents are dead as well.

"A family farm is just that, a farm for a family. If my folks were still alive, gettin' married would mean movin' out an' startin' mah own farm. Since they ain't, their will states that the first of their children to get hitched an' start a family would inherit the farm."

"I still don't understand why that means Applejack would run away." Big Macintosh grunted, frustrated that something that was so cut and dry to him was so confusing for Lugnut.

"One family farm supports one family, Lugnut. If I wanna start a family, I can't afford to keep anypony else around. You know how tight of a budget our farm has."

"You guys were able to keep me around," Lugnut retorted.

"Lugnut, ya didn't eat and worked fer free. It would've been more expensive not to keep ya. Applejack gets paid, eats food, gets sick, gets injured, and just costs money in general. She's stubborn, so even if she didn't wanna leave, she would have done it before her resolve got shaken. I don't think I need to tell you that she didn't want to leave."

"What about Applebloom and Granny Smith? Do they have to get kicked out?" Big Macintosh shook his head.

"Applebloom's too young to send off on her own and mah Pa would whip me if I kicked his mother out of the house his own father built. Applejack is an independent, well-established, and hardworking mare. She don't need to live on Sweet Apple Acres anymore," Macintosh admitted.

"But you said it yourself, she didn't want to leave!," Lugnut pointed out. "What would it take for her to stay?"

"Lugnut, have you even been listenin' to me?" Big Macintosh growled. "If there was any possible way she could stay here in Ponyville, I woulda done it mahself! There ain't though!"

"How could she stay!" Lugnut shouted.

"It ain't possible!" Macintosh insisted.

"It is possible! Tell me what I have to do!"

"Would you listen to me?! It ain't possible!"

"NO! Macintosh, three months ago I was a heap of iron at the bottom of a pit! Do not tell me what is and isn't POSSIBLE!" A thunderclap shook the entire building. The lights shut off completely, but only for a few seconds before coming back on. Macintosh still looked resolute, but inside he'd sided with Lugnut long ago.

"There is one way," Big Macintosh finally confessed. "And that would be to increase the size of the farm."

"By how much?" Lugnut asked. Macintosh snorted.

"It don't matter. It would cost money we don't have."

"How much?"

"I told you, it don't matter cause we-"

"No, how much money," Lugnut pulled off his saddle bags and dropped them on the floor. When they hit the ground, they made a distinct and unmistakable sound. He confirmed everypony's suspicions as he drew back the flaps one one of the large bags, revealing it was filled to the brim with bits. Big Macintosh didn't have to answer Lugnut's question because the expression on his and everypony else's faces could be read like a book. Big Mactinosh only had one remaining question.

"What exactly have you been up to?" Instead of hearing and answer, the room was shook by the loudest peal of thunder yet. The room went dark. Everypony waited for the lights to come back on, but after a full minute of waiting it was apparent that the power was out. Big Lugnut felt like he was back in Mephisto's Labyrinth.

"Oof," Macintosh grunted as his fiancee somehow found her way to his leg and latched on.

"Well... now what?" Lugnut asked.

"We wait until the power comes back on," Bonnie chuckled.

"AAAAAUUUUUUGH!"

"What was that?!" Fluttershy shrieked.

"From the sound of things, we've got a little somepony who isn't going to wait for the power to come back on!" Bonnie groaned.

"RRRAAAAAUUUUUUGH!"

"Holy beloculus, Mrs. Dash! These are only your first contractions, they shouldn't hurt that much," Bonnie tried to feel her way through the dark to Mrs. Dash, following the sound of her labored breathing.

"I'm no expert, but would havin' triplets make it hurt more?" Big Macintosh suggested.

"Triplets?" Bonnie shouted. "Sweet Celestia's mane, you've gotta be kidding me! I've helped deliver twins, but never triplets!"

"WAAAAAUUUUUUGH!"

"Aw well, it's just one more foal. Kid, go and find a doctor or at least a light! Useless, you're gonna be the decoy dad! Stupid, I know you know about childbirth so you're gonna help me." Despite the urgency with which Bonnie delivered the orders, nopony moved.

"Which one of us is stupid?" Lugnut asked.

"AAAAAAH-HA-AAAAAAH!"

"Dangit, you're all stupid now! Fluttershy, get a doctor or a light! Big Red, you give Mrs. Dash something to strangle! And Lugnut, get your metal keister over here and help me get these foals out of her!" This time the orders were obeyed, even if they were obeyed clumsily in the dark. Big Macintosh and Big Lugnut did their best to assist Bonnie, but their basic knowledge of how childbirth progresses was a major handicap. Macintosh's job was simple enough. He gave a hoof to Mrs. Dash to squeeze the life out of and reminded her to breath. Big Lugnut's marching orders were a little more dubious.

"Do it!"

"B-b-b-b-but!"

"Darnit! Are you Lugnut or No-nut? Your eyes are the only source of light we have, so you get your glowing head under there!" Mrs. Dash had been repositioned on the bed so her legs were spread eagle. It was too dark to see what was going on, so Bonnie commanded Lugnut to throw some light onto the business area so she could see if anything was happening. Luckily, Fluttershy returned with Dr. Stable who brought with him his glowing horn that made using Lugnut's eyes as flashlights pointless.

"Hello Mrs. Dash! This isn't really a good time for this to be happening..."

"WAAAH-HA-HAAAAAAA!"

"Let's get to it then! Don't worry, we actually found a pony who's crazy enough to fly out in the storm to see if they can't retrieve your husband."

"GRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUH!"

"Yes, it was your daughter Mrs. Dash."

"If you're done with your little conversation, I think she'd like to evict her children from her body," Bonnie cut in.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHNN!"

"I think you're right." Dr. Stable and Bonnie took over the operation, designating Lugnut to the secondary job of "foal handler". Seeing as there were going to be three of them, Fluttershy had also received the same title. Bonnie discouraged the idea of her squeamish daughter handling a newborn, but to Bonnie's surprise Fluttershy was insistent on taking the job.

After what seemed like an eternity longer of Mrs. Dash and the thunder outside having a battle of volume, the main attraction began.

"I see a head," Dr. Stable sang.

"Push it out!" Bonnie roared, causing everypony who wasn't giving birth's heart to skip a beat.

"Umm... Missus, I thin-"

"I said push!" Bonnie ignored the doctor and continued to yell like a tribal warlord. Mrs. Dash wasn't about to not push out the foal, so with a great deal of pain and effort the first foal emerged. Before Dr. Stable could swaddle it, Bonnie scooped it up and smacked it on the rear. The foal had been crying before, but the smack elicited a blood curdling cry from the pegasus.

"It's a boy!" she announced, finally relinquishing it to Dr. Stable. After he had it all wrapped up, he carefully handed the bundle of ear shattering lungs to Fluttershy.

"There's the second one," Dr. Stable observed, manually trying to determine the state of the mother.

"Push it out! This one is a fighter!" Bonnie called. It turns out she was correct, for the second one came out much faster than the first. Bonnie gave it a good slap on the rump, but it the wailing pegasus only squeaked momentarily in response.

"Ah, a tough guy. Here, you take him Lugnut!" Bonnie swaddled the second colt and handed it to Lugnut. Lugnut looked down at the tiny pony. It dawned on him that he'd never been a foal. He tried to imagine himself as one, but the smaller, robotic version of him he envisioned looked more macabre than cute.

"C'mon Mrs. Dash, just one more! Push it out!" Bonnie rallied Mrs. Dash, enjoying the whole process more than Mrs. Dash cared.

"Are we too late?!" Arrow shouted, entering the room with his daughter following closely behind. Both ponies looked appropriately flustered and drenched. Arrow quickly rushed to his wife's side, replacing Big Macintosh. "Don't worry, I'm here now honey!" Mrs. Dash responded by basically crushing his hoof.

"Hey Mrs. B!" Rainbow Dash greeted her friend's mother. "What're you doing here?"

"You're a bright kid Rainbow, I'm sure you can figure it out," Bonnie jabbed at Rainbow Dash. "Hang tight, I've got a present for you. Push!" Mrs. Dash put everything she had into one final push, forcing the final foal out. Bonnie took it and triumphantly repeated what everypony else could only assume was some sort of tribal welcoming into the world for the unsuspecting foal. The slap made the little filly scream, but anypony that had just been pushed through a narrow passage only to be struck by a complete stranger would scream. She swaddled the little pegasus and handed it to Rainbow Dash.

"It's a girl! Congratulations Mrs. Dash," Bonnie patted Mrs. Dash on the outside of her thigh. Still delirious from the pain, Mrs. Dash could only smile up at her husband. Arrow Dash sighed in relief, glad that the whole ordeal appeared to be over. As if to signal an "all clear" the hospital lights came back to life.

"Well don't that beat all," Big Macintosh groaned, looking down at his fiancee. She hadn't heard him. She was too busy coddling the new life in her hooves.

"Why hello there! Welcome to the world little guy," she greeted the newborn colt. Big Macintosh was suddenly taken in by the little colt as well. His coat was a dingy brown and his mane was streaked red and orange. Bonnie joined her daughter and soon to be son-in-law.

"Don't get too attached, he's not yours," she joked. "You'll have to wait for one of your own. Trust me, you'll like him or her even better."

"I kin hardly wait," Big Macintosh whispered, nuzzling his fiancee.

"It might not be as long a wait as you think," Fluttershy confessed in sing-song. The implications of her words made Big Macintosh's stomach sink a little, mostly because he suddenly felt Bonnie's cold stare. If it weren't for the newborn foal, there is a chance she would have throttled him right there and then.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh," Rainbow Dash silently chanted to herself. The little filly she was holding had the exact same color scheme as her older sister and mother. The filly blinked her eyes open momentarily, revealing she had her mother's golden eyes. Rainbow Dash excitedly showed the little foal to its mother, biting her lip from the excitement. Mrs. Dash just smiled warmly as she always did, too exhausted to do much else.

Now that the lights were on, Lugnut could see the colt his was holding more clearly. His coat was a light grey while his mane was a deep violet. He was the most precious and innocent thing Big Lugnut had ever seen in his entire life. He felt all funny inside.

Panic gripped Lugnut's system suddenly. He made his way over to Arrow Dash and handed the colt to him, but Arrow failed to detect the urgency invading Lugnut's eyes. Arrow Dash was far too flooded with emotions. He teared up a little, suddenly reminded of when he first held Rainbow Dash. He wished he could wrap all of his children into his arms right there in then. A smug smirk from Rainbow Dash made him feign a cough and regain composure.

"Time for names," he announced. He lifted the colt he had up. He looked down at his wife. She looked up and nodded. "Welcome to the world, Planet Diver Dash."

"There's a name if I ever heard one," Bonnie mused. Arrow and Fluttershy exchanged foals. Arrow took the next colt and repeated the wordless ritual with his spouse.

"Welcome to the world, Sun Spot Dash." Bonnie whistled in response.

"Geez Mr. Dash, you sure can name them," she chuckled. Arrow couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but he didn't care. He and his wife had decided on acceptable names a while back. Arrow exchanged foals with his eldest daughter. Rainbow Dash gave her little brother a pep talk as her parents pondered which name to bestow upon their newest, multi-colored edition to the family.

"Don't worry Sunny," Rainbow conversed with her little brother. "You're awesome, your name is awesome, your mom is awesome and your sister is awesome. Between you and me, your father is pretty awesome sometimes too." The foal yawned in response, unable to comprehend anything his sister had said to him. All he knew was she was vibrant and therefore exhausting to look at. Meanwhile, Arrow and his wife had finally decided on their youngest daughter's name.

"Welcome to the world, Jenday Conure Dash!"

"Starswirl's withers, I don't even know what that means." Bonnie scratched her head.

"Well, I think we should leave the family be." Dr. Stable ushered everyone who didn't have "Dash" in their name out of the room, making Fluttershy relinquish Planet Diver to his father. Dr. Stable noted that one pony in particular was having difficulty exiting. He closed the door on the happy family before addressing the problem. "Um, are you feeling okay Mr. Lugnut?" Everypony else turned to look at Lugnut.

"Uh..." Big Macintosh's mouth dropped wide open.

"Oh my," Fluttershy's heart jumped into her throat.

"Eh." Bonnie shrugged. "That's what happens when metal stays wet for so long. You should've taken that thing off before running around in the rain."

"No, mom! Lugnut is a robot! That's his body!" Bonnie became aware of how serious the situation now was. The four ponies stared at his sorry state, not knowing what to do. Lugnut's exterior was streaked now with rust, rust that appeared to be spreading as they looked on. Lugnut's head hung low and his breathing was labored.

"Wow, are you gonna be okay?"

"To be honest, I don't feel like it," he groaned. Lugnut's legs gave way, causing the iron pony to crash onto the floor in a heap. Big Macintosh and Dr. Stable rushed to his side.

"Lugnut, Lugnut, where are you right now?" Dr. Stable asked, completely unsure of how to treat a pony made of metal. Lugnut didn't answer, which nopony would mistake for a good sign.

"Stay with us Lugnut! Lugnut!" Macintosh called. Everypony watched as the purple light faded out of Lugnut's eye sockets.

"Lugnut? Lugnut!"

Finale: Lugnut

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Final Chapter

_________________

"Ya asked to see me, Mr. Mulch?" Applejack asked the distinguished stallion as he relaxed on the veranda of his lavish country estate. Mulch tipped his pure, white stetson up and peered at his employee.

"Why I say yes I did Ms. Applejack, yes I did. Now, I was wishin' to speak tuh y’all 'bout the little deal we made a day or so ago," Mulch drawled. Applejack didn't know what he was talking about, but she didn't dare show it on her face. She kept quiet, waiting for Mulch to continue on his own like he's prone to. "Now I went and pulled some strings, I did, and by now you probably noticed the rather large crowd of stallions lined up outside the western fields. Ms. Applejack, can you venture a guess, I say, take a gander at why those stallions are lined up way over thar?"

"Does it have somethin' to do about what I said about the boulder that fell and smashed the fence down there?" Applejack guessed. She could hope the answer was no, but Mulch was the type of pony who went and did whatever he pleased.

"I say, Ms. Applejack, I say not only does it have somethin' tuh do wit what you said, but it in fact, I say, in fact has everythin' to do wit what you said."

"I appreciate your concern Mr. Mulch, but I'm not gonna marry any of the stallions down there."

"On the contrary, Ms. Applejack, I say you said that you'd marry the stallion who could move that there boulder off the fence without a single piece, I say, a single piece of rope. I said to you 'I say Ms. Applejack, I say, can I hold you to that?' to which you responded, 'Yes Mr. Mulch, you can.' So, can I hold you to it, Ms. Applejack?"

"You kin hold me to it alright. The stallion who can move that boulder ain't down there, so I'm afraid your effort has been wasted," Applejack retorted. It was true, she had said she'd marry whoever could move the enormous boulder unaided could have her hoof in marriage, but that was only to get Mr. Mulch off her back. Ever since she arrived and started working, he'd been pushing her to get married. His concern was fueled by a promise he’d made to Applejack’s father before he died. The two had been good friends, so the late Mr. Apple made his good friend agree to see that his children are well off should anything happen to him. Mr. Mulch considered seeing Applejack married to somepony who could provide for her as the best means to assure her wellbeing. Mr. Mulch had told somepony back down in Tombsaddle about what she'd said and the poor stallion had tried to move the boulder all on his lonesome. There was no doubt in Applejack's mind that Mr. Mulch had been inspired by the event to find a way to get all these stallions out here to try their hooves at the boulder.

There was an iota of truth in Applejack's claim though. She did know of one pony in particular who could roll the boulder away. If he were to show up, the story would be different.

"Well I'm sure, I say, I'm sure somepony down there must be up to the task. I put out the call tuh as many towns as I could. News may have even reached so far, I say, as far as your hometown of Ponyville." Applejack perked up an ear to that point.

"Ponyville? No kiddin'?"

"Ms. Applejack, I am no kidder I assure you of that." Mulch stood up and began to walk down into the fields. "Come now Ms. Applejack. You oughta make an appearance for the boys since they went through all the trouble of comin' all the way, I say, all the way down to Tombsaddle for your sake."

"Yeah, I'd like to see who turned out." Applejack followed Mulch down into the wheat fields. For the past three weeks, she'd been working the wheat fields Mulch owned. She felt bad about leaving Ponyville and not telling anypony about it, but she knew she had to leave while she had in in her. The moment seemed just right before arriving at the concert, so she told Applebloom to go on without her and headed back home. She packed up a few personal items and got on a train. She'd gotten lucky and found work quickly. Her fame on the rodeo circuit made Mulch recognize her when he saw her in town and his relationship with her father made him approach her. When Applejack told him she needed work, he instantly offered her a job in his fields. Room and board was included, so Applejack decided it would be something to do until she figured out what she really wanted to do.

Of course, what she really wanted was to go back to Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres. Since that wasn't possible, she had resigned to figure something else out. She had no plans yet because her homesickness clouded her thoughts whenever she tried to think of what she wanted.

"Now, look at all these fine chaps! All lined up out in the hot, I say, simply blisterin' sun!" Mulch pointed out. Applejack and Mulch were meandering up the line, looking over all the ponies who'd come out to try their hooves at the challenge. As Applejack approached the ponies in line, they'd perk up and pretend like the heat wasn't getting to them. All of the stallions were pretty strong looking, and most of them probably worked on or own a farm themselves. None of them stood out, except one.

"I say, aren't you hot in that mister?" Mulch and Applejack stopped next to a pony draped in a dark cloak that covered him from his face to his hindquarters. He was audibly panting and sweat was dripping down his chin.

"Just a little," the pony grunted. Applejack didn't feel like talking to the strange pony, but Mulch seemed rather taken by the stallion.

"Maybe you oughta take it off then. It ain't proper, I say, just not smart to go around like that in this heat," Mulch pointed out.

"I think I'll keep it on," the stallion persisted.

"You're gonna burn up and run outta energy before y’all get yer chance to move the boulder," Mulch tried to reason with the stallion, but he still refused to budge on the issue.

"No, no, this heat is nothing! I'll be fine," the stallion kept on. Mulch laughed heartily at the stallion’s foolhardy and pointless pursuit.

"Let's go Mr. Mulch, plenty other stallions to see," Applejack tried to urge Mulch away from the cloaked stallion.

"I like this colt, I say I like this stallion here for he is an interesting piece of work. Tell me son, do you think y’all stand a chance to move that there rock?" Mulch questioned.

"Uh... move the- oh right! Move the rock! Oh, I don't know if I'll be able to do it. I'm not that strong," the stallion admitted without hesitation.

"Well, if that's the case then you oughta save yourself the trouble, I say save yourself the disappointment and just step out of line."

"Well, I can't just give up can I? I came all the way out here, I might as well try," the stallion persisted.

"Where do you come from son?" Mulch inquired of the cloaked stallion.

"Uh... I come... from," the stallion mumbled. Applejack couldn't get over how suspicious this pony was acting. "Stalliongrad! That is where I come from!" the stallion declared his answer loud enough to be heard several ponies up and down the line.

"Good golly Miss Molly! That is a long way to come! I say, I didn't expect the news to get out so far! What do you think, Ms. Applejack? A pony all the way from Stalliongrad and it's because of you!" Applejack didn't answer Mulch's question. She had one of her own for the cloaked stallion.

"You got a name par'dner?"

"Of course I have a name!" the stallion explained. Mulch and Applejack waited, but the stallion didn't say anything further.

"Uh, wanna tell us what it is?" Applejack prodded further.

"I guess I can tell you what my name is. It's just my name, right? The one my parents gave me when I was born. Like, when my mother was at the hospital with my dad and then I was there afterwards and they gave me the name that I have because that is how all ponies get their names!" the stallion rambled, dancing around the question like a two-ton ballerina.

"Spit it out!" Applejack shouted, already at her wit's end.

"Right! My name is Boulder...buck... Boulderbuck... that is my name, Boulderbuck," the pony finally confessed.

“Well, I wish you luck today Mr. Boulderbuck. I say, we oughta be getting’ this contest underway.”

“It’s ‘bout time!” somepony yelled from the back of the line. Applejack and Mulch proceeded to the front of the line. Nopony else in line acted or looked as suspicious as Boulderbuck.

Applejack didn’t pay any attention to Mulch’s opening speech as he greeted everypony who came down to try their hooves at moving the boulder. She didn’t notice when the first few stallions began struggling against the boulder. Applejack knew Lugnut wasn’t among them, so there was no way one of the stallions out there was capable of moving the boulder. She wasn’t bothered by the prospect of being forced to get hitched to some stranger because there was no stranger who could mount the feat.

As the day got hotter, the line got shorter. Despite Mulch’s encouragement and high hopes, even he was beginning to lose faith in the remote possibility that somepony would show up and even budge the rock an inch.

“Ms. Applejack… did you say you know somepony who could move, I say, has the strength to push that there stone?” Mulch asked. Applejack nodded.

“Just one,” Applejack confirmed. If knews got as far out as Ponyville, or Stalliongrad for that matter, she began to wonder why Lugnut wasn’t here. If he cared at all, he should be here if he knew what was going on. Applejack assumed that word hadn’t reached Ponyville. If it had, she imagined more ponies than Lugnut would show up.

“Well, good to see you again Mr. Boulderbuck!” Mulch greeted the cloaked pony. Applejack looked up at the stallion, who was panting and sweating profusely at this point. “The best of luck to you-“

“Outta my way! Hey, let me through!” Mulch was cut short by a commotion starting at the back of the line.

“What in tarnation,” Applejack muttered under her breath. The voice sounded familiar, distant but familiar.

“Excuse me, excuse me, outta my way, excuse me.” Applejack and Mulch turned to see the bearded stallion who was quickly muscling his way to the front of the line. The grass colored and ivy maned pony looked unfamiliar at first, but once he was close enough for Applejack to see his violet eyes, she recognized him.

“Lugnut?”

“Hold on, be right with you,” Lugnut trotted right on by. Applejack stole a glance at his flank, noting the barrel overflowing with apples that was emblazoned upon it. Applejack stopped believing her ears and eyes. The fully realized Lugnut had just walked on by and was now getting in position before the rock.

“Lugnut! What’re you doin’?” Applejack asked. She had a million other questions, but that’s just the one that seemed appropriate at the moment.

“I’m just doing what has to be done.” Lugnut pushed the cloaked pony aside and assumed the pole position in the line.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Boulderbuck assented, cowering in his cloak and backing into the stallion behind him.

“You all might wanna stand back,” Lugnut warned. Lugnut lined his shoulders up with the center of the massive rock. The protests from further down the line ceased and the entire field was quiet. The only sound was wind rustling through the wheat and Lugnut scraping his hoof along the ground. When the air was as charged as it could be, Lugnut moved. He spun on his front hooves as he reared his hind legs up into a chambered position.

With one buck, Lugnut shattered the boulder. Everypony looked on at the pile of rubble that had once been a mighty rock, and then turned to look at the pony who caused the destruction as he stood triumphantly beside it.

“Nopony is marrying Applejack while I have anything to say about it,” Big Lugnut decreed. Nopony else said a word. All eyes were on Applejack as she strode up to Lugnut. The mare and the stallion locked eyes.

“Big Lug…”

“Yeah?”

Applejack bucked Lugnut square in the chest. Lugnut grunted in pain, but Applejack winced on impact. In her fury she’d forgotten she was bucking a pony with iron bones. She sucked up the pain and proceeded to yell at Lugnut.

“What in blue blazes was that?”

“What do you mean? I’m rescuing you!” Lugnut attempted to explain himself.

“Lugnut, yer the biggest idiot I’ve ever known an’ I hate yer guts!”

“W-w-w-what?”

“Y’all heard me! I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” Applejack stamped the ground with every declaration of hate.

“Why?” Lugnut pleaded. Applejack glared up at him with enough malice to freeze his soul.

“Why? Why?! Why didn’t you push the rock yerself?” Applejack growled.

“Huh?”

“Answer the question!”

“Because I had to break the rock!” Lugnut attempted to explain. “If I got rid of the rock, then nopony here could marry you!”

“Is that it? Is that the only reason why?” Applejack asked, her anger appearing to subside a little.

“Yes! That’s the only reason why,” Lugnut assured her. Instead of exploding like she did earlier, Applejack began to tear up. Lugnut began to panic as he attempted to reason out what was going on.

“So… *sniff*… you don’t wanna marry me?” Lugnut’s brain did a backflip.

“Waitwaitwaitwait, nonononononono! I didn’t say that!” At this point, the line had turned into a crowd and said crowd was watching Big Lugnut and Applejack with baited breath.

“Then what do you want?” Applejack sobbed.

“I want to take you back to Ponyville!” Big Lugnut hadn’t accounted for this in his master plan, so he was starting to panic a little as Applejack continued to cry.

“I can’t go back!” she protested. “There’s no room for me there!”

“I fixed that!” Lugnut tried to explain. Applejack sniffled and glared at him.

“Whaddya do? Kidnap Fluttershy?”

“What? No! I expanded the farm!” Applejack still looked skeptical, and sad, but mostly skeptical.

“Lugnut… that would take money we don’t have,” Applejack reminded him. “And I know you don’t have money.”

“I do now! I went back where I came from! I uncovered two more iron ponies, and Professor Pants paid me for finding them!”

“Professor… Pants?”

“It’s a long story, but I did it. Big Macintosh says he’s never seen a farm so big, and he’s going to need the best applebucker he knows to help out.” Applejack’s expression brightened. She could go home. She could return to the life she knew and loved. She never dreamed it could happen again. Everything was nearly perfect.

“That still doesn’t explain why ya didn’t move the boulder!” Applejack reiterated.

“If you married somepony else, you wouldn’t come back to Ponyville!” Lugnut attempted to explain once more. Applejack still wasn’t satisfied.

“What if somepony from Ponyville moved the rock?” Applejack attempted to lead him towards the point she was getting at.

“Nopony else from Ponyville is here. The task was given to me to bring you back. Everypony wants you to come back, Applejack.” As happy as Applejack was to hear that Lugnut was part of a group effort to bring her home, she should have known Lugnut was too dense to be lead on. She sighed, deciding to go with the direct route.

“Lugnut, before I left there was somethin’ I wanted to talk to you about, remember?” she asked. Lugnut nodded, recalling the loss of his voice postponed the conversation. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to go with me on a date.”

“Uh… a date?”

“You heard me.” Lugnut knew what she was saying, implications and all. He only wondered if she knew what she was saying.

“Like… me and you… and… romantic interest… and… with me?” Applejack nodded. “But back then… I was still-“

“Covered in metal? Ya, I know,” Applejack interrupted.

“That didn’t bother you?” Applejack smiled up at Lugnut disarmingly.

“Of course it bothered me, but just because a small part of the pony I love bothers me doesn’t mean I should stop loving him.” Lugnut didn’t respond. His heart was pounding, his head was spinning, and his ears were ringing. “So if I had asked you, would you have said yes?”

“Yes? Yes… yes! Of course I would have said yes! How could I say no? But you just said-“

“I know what I said,” Applejack interrupted. "Now you have to tell me why you would’ve said yes. Tell me why you’d give up your own money for my sake. Tell me why you were the one that came out here to get me back.” Big Lugnut swallowed the lump in his throat. Applejack’s eyes attracted his eyes like magnets. He remembered the night they went to Canterlot. Now he needed to confess what he’d decided that night. He leaned in close to Applejack.

“… I can’t. Everypony is watching,” Lugnut whispered. Applejack looked around, realizing for herself what she had said in front of so many ponies. She blushed and turned back to Lugnut, pushing the crowd of stallions into the back of her mind.

“Hey! I said it in front of everypony, so it’s only fair if you do too!” Applejack had Big Lugnut cornered. Lugnut decided it would be best to just come out and say it.

“I love you,” he divulged. Applejack smiled smugly.

“Was that so hard?”

“Yes.” Lugnut nodded, taking a sigh of relief. “But it’s true.”

“I don’t doubt that. You do know that you could have pushed the rock and we would’ve gotten married, right?” Applejack asked once more. Big Lugnut could finally see where she was going. “So what’s the matter, don’t want to get married?”

“No, I do. I just didn’t want you to marry me just because I pushed some dumb rock,” Lugnut confessed. There was a collective “Aww” from the crowd as Applejack’s smile ran away from her face. Her anger, confusion, and sadness melted away. All that remained was the realization she could go back home with the pony she loved, the pony who loved her back. Applejack realized all eyes were on her, waiting for the next question. There were no questions remaining. All that remained was to go home and give the story a happy ending.

“Mr. Mulch… I quit. I’m going to go collect my things,” Applejack stated as she headed back towards the house. She looked back and beckoned for Lugnut to follow her. Lugnut grinned, happy to comply. As the pair departed, Mulch and the other stallions cheered and stomped, all the stallions except one.

Boulderbuck wandered up to the remains of the rock Lugnut had effectively wasted. He remorsefully prodded one of the smaller pieces of rubble with his hoof. He picked up the rock and brought it close to his face.

“Adieu, mon amour.”

___________________

“An’ that’s the last thing y’all remember before you woke up all hairy instead of metal-ly?” The train continued to rumble down the tracks towards Ponyville. Applejack and Big Lugnut sat across from one another in the comfort of their train car. The last of Celestia’s sun was setting outside their window as the scenery rushed by.

“Yep, it was pretty crazy. I thought I was having some sort of weird dream at first, but then Rainbow Dash hit me in the head with a bedpan.”

“Why did she go an’ do that?” Applejack chuckled, imagining the scene that had unfolded in the hospital room.

“I was panicking… more than I should have. Anyway, after coming to terms with my new body, the doctors made me hang around for a while to see if I was healthy.”

“Were you?”

“Well… sorta. I wasn’t sick, but I wasn’t normal,” Lugnut reluctantly admitted. He didn’t want to divulge the details of his five days in the hospital, but the look an Applejack’s face said she would love to hear the story. “Well, after I regained my voice I started sneezing up shards of metal. Now that my mouth and throat were uncovered, I started… throwing up metal.” Applejack winced at the thought.

“That sounds unpleasant.” It was needless to say, but she wanted to try and empathize.

“That’s only the beginning. I threw up metal, coughed up metal… got metal out of me… in other… ways.” Lugnut stopped there, allowing Applejack to use her imagination. Applejack took a moment to thank Celestia for her own health.

“Sorry, I should’ve been there for ya.” She wished she had been.

“That whole time in the hospital, everypony was coming to visit me and telling me how they missed me while I was gone. When I left Ponyville, I hadn’t given much thought to who’d be missing me.”

“You were always nice to everypony Big Lug,” Applejack reminded him. “Of course they missed you.”

“They’ve missed you too Applejack, and I know for a fact I missed you too.” Applejack smiled, fending off a tear or two at the thought of her friends being thrown off by her sudden disappearance. “When we heard where you were and what was happening, everypony said I had to go and get you back, so I did.”

“You did well Big Lug.” Applejack smiled and Lugnut smiled back. There was no more distance between them, physical or mental. They were of one mind.

“So, after all the searchin’ in the ruins and such, they still don’t know why Twilight was able to break that spell on ya?”

“I think that’ll remain a mystery until the end of time,” Lugnut admitted, even though he was a bit sore about it. He’d like to know exactly what had started him on the path to sentience.

“Got any wild guesses?” Applejack questioned. Lugnut pondered it for a moment.

“Nothing comes to mind. You got anything?” Applejack answered immediately.

“You saw me an’ fell in love with me.” She gave Lugnut the eyes and a smug smile. Lugnut didn’t look so certain of that.

“Do you even remember the first time we met?” Lugnut referred to the time he showed up on her doorstep. It was not a particularly fond memory for either party.

“Well if that wasn’t it, when did you decide you loved me?” Applejack prodded.

“Canterlot,” Big Lugnut revealed.

“Canterlot? My, didn’t take you long, did it?” Applejack chuckled. Big Lugnut wasn’t too keen of her making light of his decision.

“Well, what about you?” Big Lugnut questioned, hoping to get some revenge.

“I’d say shortly after y’all came back from hittin’ yer head.”

“Ah, so you only like stallions who hit their heads!” Lugnut thought he was on to something, but the look on Applejack’s face told him otherwise. They shared a laugh. After that passed, it got quiet. Only the rumbling of the train remained. The two ponies were left to just stare at one another, causing a question to arise in Big Lugnut’s head.

“How did you recognize me?”

“The eyes.”

“… That’s it?” Lugnut inquired.

“Thaaaat’s it,” Applejack confirmed. “The eye color tipped me off. What? Were you hoping I was going to say something different?”

“Well…”

“Yes, I just saw y’all comin’ up that line an’ I just knew it was you. My girlish heart swooned an’ everythin’,” she joked. Lugnut was embarrassed that he even considered the prospect. “Speakin’ of such, y’all need to ask me properly.”

“Ask you what properly?”

“Ask me to marry you,” Applejack explained, her frankness surprising Lugnut. “You didn’t think I was lettin’ ya git away without asking me properly, did you?”

“Did I even ask you improperly?” Applejack glared at him, telling him that wasn’t the issue at hand. “Well, don’t I need a ring or so-*hack*!” Lugnut stopped mid-sentence as he made a few bodily noises, causing Applejack a good deal of concern. When he was done, he reached into his mouth.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just choking up this.” Lugnut held out his hoof and Applejack examined the contents.

“A lugnut?” Applejack looked at the spittle covered piece of hardware thoughtfully. “Seems appropriate. Ask me with that.” Lugnut stared at her for a moment.

“Seriously?” Applejack took another look at it.

“Yer right. Clean it off first,” Applejack suggested. That wasn’t what Big Lugnut meant, but he complied and rubbed the disgustingness off the makeshift ring. The fact remained that it used to be inside him.

“Why this?” Lugnut asked as he cleaned it off a bit more thoroughly. “I heard from Big Macintosh that mares prefer something a bit more… shiny.”

“Fancy baubles and gems are nice to look at, but that there has sentimental value,” Applejack explained. “It was a part of you once.” Lugnut understood, but he couldn’t help but feel it was still pretty weird. It was like Macintosh proposing to Fluttershy with his severed ear.

Lugnut wasn’t about to argue against it though. It wasn’t an ear, it was a piece of metal that kept him safe. He didn’t need it anymore, so if Applejack wanted it she could have it. He held it out to her and cleared his throat.

“Applejack, will you marry me?”

“That’ll do.” Applejack nodded and snatched up the nut, leaving Lugnut stunned.

“Uh… ‘that’ll do’… is that a yes or a no?” Applejack made a weird face at Lugnut, and then busied herself with examining her “ring”.

“I’m awful tired. I’m going to sleep,” Applejack announced.

“Can you answer the question first?” Applejack did not answer the question first. She reached over and turned off the lights in the cabin. “Uh… Applejack? I’m serious, can I get a-ack!” Something jumped on top of Lugnut. After a few moments of struggling, he discovered it was somepony.

“Applejack, what’re you-“

“Is there somethin’ you need?”

“W-what?”

“Need somethin’ pard’ner?”

“… No I’m fine.”

“Then be quiet.” Nothing further was said.

Epilogue: Exhaust

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Epilogue

_________________

“Whaddya think Macintosh? Big harvest this year?”

“Eeyup.”

“Do you think we’ll bring it all in this time?”

“Nope.” Macintosh shook his head, looking over the vast acreage of apple trees with his brother-in-law. Lugnut grunted, unsatisfied of the prospect of letting some of the fruit go past its prime while it was still in the branches. Big Lugnut kept saying that this would be the year they bring it all in, but Big Macintosh kept saying that’s what Lugnut said last year.

“I think we can get it all,” Lugnut asserted.

“I think we’ll get enough.”

“No, no, no! Trust me, this time-“

“We’ll get enough.” Big Macintosh wouldn’t budge on the issue. Lugnut grunted again.

“We always get enough,” he mumbled.

“Lugnut? Lugnut!” The two stallions turned to see Applejack coming up the hill towards them. Lugnut ran to greet his wife while Macintosh followed along at a leisurely pace.

“Well, how’re the three of you doing?” Lugnut leaned down and gave his wife a nuzzle, and then turned his attention to the colt fastened to her chest. The yellow and steel-maned colt giggled and looked up at his father.

“I’ve been good, Tinker’s been good, an’ the littlest one’s been good … but guess who hasn’t been good.” Lugnut stole a look at Applejack’s ever swelling stomach, before meeting her stern gaze. He had a pretty good guess as to what was on her mind.

“Pippin?”

“Have you seen that filly anywhere? Me an’ Rarity ‘ave been lookin’ around, but she plum disappeared… as usual. Rainbow Dash and Twilight are already here, so please tell me you’ve seen her.”

“I can’t say I have. You didn’t happen to spot her, did you Big Mac?” Big Macintosh shook his head.

“What about Apple Barrel? Is he ‘round?” Macintosh asked. Applejack shook her own head. “I’ll go ask Fluttershy where he went. I reckon he might know where Pippin is.” Big Macintosh began lumbering towards the farmhouse, but his lack of urgency bugged Applejack.

“She can’t be far. I’ll go look around the north orchard,” Lugnut assured Applejack. “I’ll bring her back.”

“You’d better!” Applejack heaved a sigh. “Not much of a birthday party if nopony at the party is havin’ a birthday.”

____________________

Planet Diver couldn’t stand waiting around that old farmhouse, especially while nothing was going on. His older sister told him to stay put, but the young pegasus wasn’t one for staying put. Especially on a rare trip outside of Cloudsdale, he wasn’t about to waste the day staying inside. He didn’t care if it was his sister’s friend’s daughter’s birthday. He looked forward to coming to Ponyville for one reason and one reason only: flying with Wonderbolt Rainbow Dash.

If he couldn’t fly with his sister, he may as well go off and fly by himself, and he had seen the perfect place for a quick flight right outside the farmhouse window. Being from Cloudsdale, he’d never seen so many apple trees in one place. As he clumsily weaved in and out the trees in the orchard, he felt a completely different rush from flying through clouds. Clouds were soft and safe, but trees were solid and unforgiving if he made a mistake. To prove this point, Planet Diver scraped his wing as he rounded another tree too soon.

He made a clumsy landing and examined the wing, flapping it once or twice to see if it hurt. He sighed in relief, glad to see there was no damage. He needed to be flight capable to find his way back. He decided to take a short break, leaning up against the tree that caused him to land in the first place. His peaceful rest was suddenly interrupted when he heard a shrill voice come through the trees.

“Consarn it Apple Barrel! Y’all went an’ jep-per-ah-diesed the mission!” the voice squeaked. Planet Diver perked up. It sounded like a filly, and she sounded close. Mostly out of lack for anything more interesting to do, Planet Diver decided to follow the sound of her charmingly rustic voice.

“Ah ‘pecifically told y’all not tuh tell nopony nothin’! If Auntie Fluttershy knows whar we are, soon Uncle Macintosh will know, an’ then Pa will know, an’ then Ma will know, an’ then she’ll whip me!”

“Ah’m sorry cousin, but I cain’t lie to Momma.”

“Ya’ll don’t halfta lie! Jus’ git goin’ afore she asks y’all! We’re gonna halfta move quick-like if’n we’re gonna sal-vayge the mission!” Planet Diver stuck his head into the clearing where the voices were coming from. There were three young ponies in the clearing. The first was a large, rotund, pinkish earth pony colt with his orange mane covering his eyes. The second was an aqua unicorn filly with a carefully styled silver mane adorned with a red bow. The third, who was pacing about the clearing frantically, was a freckled, grass green filly sporting an unkempt green-yellow mane.

“Consarn it!” the freckled filly continued to yell. Planet Diver took another step closer to the clearing, but an errant twig snapped under his hoof. Everypony in the clearing turned and saw him. “Who goes thar? Come quiet-like an’ you won’t be ‘armed!” Planet Diver consented and stepped into the clearing.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he apologized.

“Interloper!” the filly shouted. Planet Diver couldn’t help but be slightly impressed by, what seemed to him, her extensive vocabulary. “Who do y’all werk fer?”

“I don’t work for anypony! I’m only a kid,” Planet Diver tried to explain. “I just found you all by accident.” The filly glared at him for a moment.

“What’s yer name?”

“Planet Diver Dash.”

“Ah’m Pippin Apple! This here’s mah cousin Apple Barrel an’ mah best friend Swansong! We’re on a secret mission an account of mah birfday! Kin y’all keep a secret?”

“I guess I can.” Planet Diver shrugged.

“Then listen close pard’ner!” Pippin tugged Planet Diver into a huddle with Apple Barrel and Swansong. “Now my Ma said she weren’t gonna whip me on account of it bein’ mah birfday ‘n all, but if’n she finds me after I ran away so sudden-like I reckon she’ll whip me somethin’ fierce!”

“So what’s the mission?” Planet Diver asked. Pippin glared at him again.

“Ah’m gittin’ to it! Ya see, mah Auntie Applebloom said she was gonna give me a gift an’ said it was somewhars in the orchard. I reckon if’n it’s somefin she hid in the orchard, it’s somefin big. Ah wanna find out what it is, so we’re scourin’ the orchard tah find it!”

“Can’t you just wait?” Diver dared to ask.

“Fortune waits for nopony!” Pippin declared before bounding off deeper into the orchard. Planet Diver turned to Apple Barrel and Swansong.

“Is she always like this?”

“Yessir, she’s tirin’,” Apple Barrel admitted. Swansong smiled and began to trot after her friend.

“She’s lively. I find it refreshing.” Swansong disappeared into the orchard after Pippin. “Let’s go Apple Barrel!” Apple Barrel lumbered off as he was told, with Planet Diver trotting along reluctantly.

“So, your name is Apple Barrel?” Diver asked the large colt. Apple Barrel nodded, confirming his identity. “Why are you hanging out with fillies?” Planet Diver was still at an age where fillies had cooties and associating with ones that were your own age was a death wish.

“Cousin Pippin is always makin’ me come along with her like this, an’ her friend is always taggin’ after me too,” Apple Barrel explained. Planet Diver saw what was going on now. Apple Barrel was a victim. He’d seen colts at his own school who also had fillies tagging around them all the time.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back,” Diver assured him. “My brother is here too, and none of the fillies at school will go near him.”

“Hurry up ya slow-pokes! I reckon my Ma already has a posse tryin’ to round me up!” Pippin squeaked, striking a sensitive chord with Planet Diver.

“Hey! I’m not a slow-poke! I’m the fastest flier in my class!” Diver defended himself.

“Some talk! Ah kin outrun anypony,” Pippin claimed. Planet Diver scowled. He didn’t like his supremacy being challenged, especially by an earth pony filly. There was only one way to settle the dispute.

“Race me and prove it,” Diver issued his challenge. Much to his chagrin, Pippin responded by rolling her eyes.

“If it gits you tah move faster.” Diver gawked at how confident this filly was. The she called Swangsong over and made her the race official. The racers stood between two of the large apple trees and got on their marks. Apple Barrel stood behind the line as Swansong stood before Pippin and Planet Diver. Swansong’s horn lit up a rich, violet hue.

“Ready…” The racers hunkered down, ready to explode across the starting line. “Go!” Swansong’s horn emitted a little flash and a small pop, and the two ponies were off. Being children, they were not that fast by normal standards, but in their minds they were in danger of bursting into flames.

Planet Diver was not happy. He was straining his wings to flap as fast as they could, but Pippin ran along the ground right below him. As the pair weaved through the trees, they remained neck and neck. There was no set destination, but with the way things were progressing the winner would be made clear once one of the ponies started petering out. Neither one gave the other any sign that he or she was about to quit.

“Yikes!” A squeal from Pippin cut the race short. Planet Diver, who thought he should have darted ahead and claimed victory, stopped. He landed and looked around for Pippin. She was laying under an apple tree, her left hind hoof caught under a gnarled root.

“Are you okay?” Diver trotted over to where the filly lay. The filly wore a shocked expression without a trace of pain.

“Ah reckon ah’m fine.” Pippin attempted to pull herself free, but to no avail. “Well don’t that beat all? Ah’m stuck,” Pippin stated, the very picture of being calm and collected. “Y’all should go git help er somethin’,” she suggested.

“We don’t need help. I’ll get you out.” Planet Diver circled around and stood behind Pippin. He prodded at the stuck hoof experimentally. It was stuck pretty good, but Planet Diver had experience in this area. His triplet brother, Sunny, got his head stuck in the banister more than once. He’d gotten the technique for fitting his brother’s head through a small space down, so getting a filly’s little hoof out of a tight spot was a piece of cake.

“This might hurt a bit,” he warned.

“I don’t care, long as you ain’t plannin’ on cuttin’ mah leg off.” Planet Diver went ahead with his technique. He pushed down on her caught hoof with one of his own. Seeing as this filly claimed to be tough as nails, he pushed down with as much force as he tends to use when he’s trying to hurt Sunny while squeezing his head to free him. Diver took his free hoof and used it to push down and out on the back of Pippin’s hoof. The hoof began sliding free and popped out after a few moments of pushing. Pippin was up on all fours the moment she was free. She plodded around in circles and then shook the previously incarcerated hoof.

“Wouldya lookit that? Ah’m a free pony a’gin! Thanks a bunch, Planet Diver Dash,” Pippin cheered as she bounced right up to Planet Diver, causing him to take a cautious step back as she locked her vibrant eyes onto his.

“Uh, no problem,” Planet Diver mumbled. Pippin continued to smile up at him, despite Planet Diver’s earnest attempts to break eye contact. Somewhere in her ungroomed head, wheels were turning.

“I reckon I oughta reward you or somethin’. Y’all did save my life.”

“I don’t think it was that big of a deal,” Planet Diver protested. Pippin scrunched her little face up, showing that she wasn’t going to have any of that.

“I don’t ‘ave a bit to mah name, but ah know a way I kin show mah ‘preciation. Hold still!” Pippin commanded. Before Planet Diver could ask what he was holding still for, Pippin leaned forward and kissed him on the nose. Planet Diver instinctively jumped back, away from the filly. He quickly sat down and began a frantic attempt to remove the gift from his face.

“Ewewewewewewewewewew!” Planet Diver rubbed his nose furiously, but the fact that the filly had kissed him remained. Apple Barrel and Swansong arrived where the two had ended the race right in the middle of the scene. They took it all in for a moment before asking questions.

“What’s wrong with him?” Swansong asked Pippin.

“Well, let me tell ya!” Swansong and Apple Barrel got ready for a long winded story. “Me an’ Planet Diver Dash over thar were racin’ through the orchard like two mad ponies. Ah was runnin’ and he was flyin’ and ah thought that our race was gon’ go on fer’ever! But then all uva sudden, this big ‘ol nasty root jumped out an’ grabbed me ‘round mah leg ‘ere! Ah was stuck in thar pretty good, but Planet Diver Dash grabbed it ‘n pulled it out like it weren’t nothin’! Since I reckoned he done near saved my life, ah decided to give him a reward. Now ah’m just a simple pony and ah ain’t got no money ‘n whatnot, but ah remembered mah Ma rewards Pa by kissin’ him sometimes. Mah Pa says it’s his second most favorite reward to git from Ma, but I don’ know what the first most favorite is cause when he tried to tell me Ma socked ‘im in the gut somethin’ fierce. So I gave Planet Diver Dash a kiss right on his nose, an’ now he’s havin’ a cun-nip-shun.” Pippin took a deep breath. “An’ that’s what happened,” she concluded. Swansong furrowed her brow and puffed up her cheeks as she stomped up to Pippin.

“Pippin! You can’t just go kissing colts on the nose!” she reprimanded her friend. “Mother says it isn’t lady-like!” Swansong’s concerns were lost on Pippin, who turned up a brow and frowned.

“But ah ain’t no lady, an’ besides, ah only went an’ did it right just now cause Planet Diver Dash saved mah life an’ all.” Pippin beamed widely. “If’n ya say it ain’t lady-like though, I won’t go makin’ a habit of it. Ah don’t think Planet Diver Dash ‘preciated it anyways.” The three ponies who weren’t panicking turned their attention to the one who was.

“Poor fella,” Apple Barrel sighed.

“Pippin? Piiippiiiiin?”

“Well whaddya know? It’s Pa!” Pippin forgot all about her friends and scampered off in the direction of Lugnut’s voice. “Pa! Paaaaa!”

“Pippin!” Lugnut exclaimed as the filly wrapped her forelegs around his tree trunk of a hoof. “I’ve been looking all over for you, where have you been?”

“Ah’ve been ‘round,” Pippin explained, releasing her father so she could bounce up and down in front of him. The other children emerged from the orchard as well.

“Hey there Apple Barrel, Swansong… and… uh, you are?” Lugnut bent down to look at the pegasus colt he thought he recognized.

“My name is Planet Diver Dash, sir,” Diver responded. Lugnut leaned back up as his expression brightened.

“You don’t say?” The name reminded Lugnut of a time long past. He’d been there when the colt was born, only minutes before Lugnut shed his iron shell. He hadn’t seen the pegasus since, but seeing Planet Diver so grown up made him realize how much time had passed. “C’mon everypony, we’ve got to get back to the farmhouse. Somepony is having a birthday.”

“Ah’m supposin’ you mean me?” Pippin asked. Lugnut laughed and messed up her mane even further with one of his hooves, eliciting a squeal and some giggles from the little pony.

“Let’s get back,” Lugnut chuckled, starting off towards the farmhouse with four young ponies in tow. Pippin took the pole position, trotting along briskly in front of Big Lugnut.

Lugnut didn’t know who to thank for his incredible luck. He had Applejack and her family to thank for taking him in when he was a complete stranger. He had Flim and Flam to thank for bringing him to Ponyville in the first place. He had Daring Do’s excavation team to thank for digging him up. He had the pony who built him in the first place to thank.

He owed something to everypony he’d ever met, whether they’d righted him or wronged him. If even one small detail had been different, it’s possible he would’ve never had the chance to lead the life he was living right now. He could have stayed in a dark hole, Applejack could have never returned to Ponyville, and his children could have never existed. He was grateful all their fates hadn’t been worse and he didn’t care if there was even a happier ending to have. Things were exactly as they should be.

He hadn’t realized it, but he’d been staring down at Pippin the entire time he was reminiscing. Pippin had noticed and turned to look up at him with wide-eyed curiosity. He smiled warmly down at his daughter, but she only returned a quizzical look.

“Need somethin’ pard’ner?”

Extra: Autopilot

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Extra

_________________

"I know I always said it was my dream to be covered in fillies one day, but this wasn't at all what I had in mind."

"Query, that wasn't funny the first time you said it, why do you keep trying?" Daring Do asked. Query thought for a moment while four little fillies used his body as a playground.

"Just making sure your sense of humor hasn't changed after all these years of marriage."

"You mean these four years of marriage?" Daring said. "No, you're still not funny."

"I think you're funny, Daddy!" one of the fillies said from between Query's front legs.

"Yeah, Daddy is funny!" another added as she dangled from his neck.

"The funniest!" one more filly said as she rolled over on her father's back. The fourth one didn't say anything because she was dangling from his tail by her teeth. Query took a moment to wonder, once again, how he'd managed to sire four female pegasi in a row.

"C'mon girls, you can swarm your father after he gets inside the house," Daring said as she started plucking ponies off her husband. All four fillies scampered back to what they were doing before their father arrived, giggling all the while. She watched them go with a fond smile before turning back to her husband. She locked her eyes onto his and leered at him. Query grinned sheepishly while walking into the house and closing the door behind him.

"Look, I'm sorry. I can't exactly ignore an urgent letter from the University," he said, trying to apologize for leaving all of a sudden a week ago. The family had plans to visit the ancient crypt of a long dead warlock a few days ago, but Query's absence meant Daring Do had to make sure her offspring didn't fall into any cesspools of forbidden magic all by herself. "And I've got good news! Fantastic news, actually."

"Are they going to let us search somewhere exciting?" Daring asked with a hopeful grin. Query working at the University meant that Daring Do was something of a stay-at-home-mom, but the family hardly every stayed at home. In the past, Daring refused to let being pregnant or taking care of a small child slow her down. Query was able to keep their adventures somewhat tame by carefully selecting which ancient ruins to poke around, but now that all four of the children could walk and run on their own Daring was pushing for progressively dangerous digs. Query knew once all four of them could fly they'd return to their old routine of getting into life threatening situations.

"No, nothing like that," Query responded and watched Daring's expression deflate a little. "Canterlot History Museum bought Nil and Null for permanent display."

"Really?" Daring Do's expression lit back up. "Somepony finally put forward that ridiculous sum the University was asking for them?"

"Well, a slightly discounted number, but only slightly," Query said. Daring Do squealed and threw her front hooves around her husband.

"Hot diggety! That's money in the bank!" she said as she laughed right into his ears. "You always said your dream was to be surrounded by fillies and have lots of money!"

"Yeah, I guess I did," Query said with a little sigh, but the sigh did not go unnoticed by Daring Do. She pulled away and looked back up at him.

"What's the matter? Am I not allowed to use your jokes?" Daring asked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Query let himself laugh.

"Naw... it's just, I can't help thinking about what could've been," he said. Daring Do cocked an eyebrow, so Query went on to explain. "Nil and Null only rampaged because they were activated by those idiot Flim Flam brothers without any kind of preparation. If somepony was allowed to turn them on carefully, they might be able to do some real good. I dunno what, but it might beat just having them stand around in a museum all day."

"Poor, poor Query," Daring said, ruffling Query's mane with a hoof. "Always asking questions he can't have the answer to. Let's just be happy with how things turned out."

"No, no, I'm happy, but you're right," Query said with another sigh. "It's just in my nature to ask 'what if?' over and over."

"That's fine and all, but how about asking some more pertinent what-ifs, like what if we cancelled dinner and took the girls out to eat to celebrate?" Query asked, hinting at the fact that she wanted to do more than just theorize.

"What if you actually cooked for once?" Query asked right back. Daring scowled at him, but she didn't have time to reprimand him. The four fillies galloped back into the room and started to climb all over their father again.

"Momma's cooking is gross!" the second oldest filly said with a giggle, latching herself onto her father's front leg.

"Well, I didn't marry her because she was a good cook," Query said as one of the little pegasi managed to climb on top of his head.

"Yeah, Daddy said I was the reason they got married!" The eldest filly said as she jumped up onto her father's back. Daring Do shot Query a dirty look, making him tense up instantly.

"Hey kiddos! What if we all went out to eat tonight?" Query asked in an attempt to delay his inevitable beating. Each filly cheered wildly in approval as they cantered off to grab boots and scarves for the night's cold air. Daring Do, and Query too, watched them go.

"Good call there," Daring said, turning back towards him with a sly look. "A night corralling the girls will get your mind of those robots." Query chuckled and gave his wife a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah, it would be best if I just forgot them now. I can what-if about them all my life, but in the end they're just going to sit in that museum for all eternity. I'm sure nothing exciting is going to happen...

"...

"Right?"

X: Alternator

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter X

__________________

"Did Lugnut run off again?" Applejack looked up at Big Macintosh, dutifully hauling his cart of empty watering cans back towards the barn.

"Eeyup."

"Horse apples!" Applejack spat, "Jus' when I think he's back to normal, he's off on his own as soon as his chores 'er done! What's gotten into that pony?" It has been around a month since the Gibson and Fluttershy incident. The day after, Applejack noticed a dramatic turn in Big Lugnut's behavior. He rose at the crack of dawn, did his chores, then disappeared until the next morning. Applejack didn't know exactly what was wrong with him, but she had a nagging suspicion.

She only remembered part of the night right after the Macintosh and Fluttershy incident. She drank too much and Big Lugnut obviously had taken her home. The frame of time between the bar and waking up in the morning with a splitting headache was gone from her memory. She must have said something to him. She didn't know what, but it was causing Big Lugnut a good deal of stress.

She tried to ask him, but he refused to talk about it. It was actually more accurate to say he simply refused to talk at all. He'd talk about two things and two things only: work and sleep. Applejack hated the thought of it, but she kept saying the same thing.

"He's actin' like a machine!" she complained. Big Macintosh just sighed. Yesterday was a pretty special day; the zap apple harvest began. Big Lugnut's curiosity snapped him out of whatever he was in for the entire day. Big Macintosh was darned glad he did too. Big Lugnut and Applejack acted completely normal for once, enjoyed themselves, and enjoyed each other. What Macintosh had hoped would help the two out turned out to just deepen he wound. Applejack was more riled up than usual and he'd bet any amount of bits that Lugnut was off brooding in his newest stomping grounds.

Applejack didn't know, but Big Macintosh knew exactly where Big Lugnut ran off to everyday. He'd heard it from Fluttershy, who had heard it from Rainbow Dash, who had heard it from Arrow Dash, who had heard it from Gibson. Big Lugnut went out to the Everfree Forest and just hung around. To Big Macintosh's knowledge, the only ponies who he ever talked to normally these days were Gibson and Sweetie Belle. The pair apparently had many a jam session in the forest. Beyond those two ponies though, Big Lugnut had cut off all his other ties.

He wished he could tell Applejack, but he knew exactly what she'd do if he did: she'd storm out there and bring him back. If he couldn't sulk in the Everfree Forest where at least somepony could keep tabs on him, he'd run off somewhere he could be completely alone. Big Macintosh wasn't the sharpest hunk of cheese, but he knew better than to compromise Big Lugnut's last remaining ties to the community. On top of that, he didn't want to explain why Fluttershy had divulged that information to him in confidence. Unbeknownst to him, Applejack was just feigning ignorance to their secret relationship. He hadn't known the sombreroed ponies were ponies he knew. He'd only shushed that one pony because she was interrupting a private moment.

Applejack was left to try and riddle out what she may have said while intoxicated. She couldn't think of anything she could say to make Big Lugnut act so odd. Applejack did have an idea on how to find out. Big Lugnut wasn't going to spill the beans, but an intoxicated Applejack might repeat herself. Based on this theory, she'd invited her good friends to go drinking. Pinkie Pie had declined on account of the fact she doesn't drink. Rainbow Dash said she had some important business concerning her pregnant mother to attend to. The three remaining ponies had all accepted, leaving Applejack with an acceptably sized party. Now she just needed to get hammered and have a more sober pony report back what she said. It wasn't exactly a good idea, but it was the only one she had. Besides, she felt like drinking.

__________________

Gibson finished the song with a flourish. Sweetie Belle applauded as he did a mock bow. Lugnut sat a ways off, staring deeper into the forest. Gibson had been enjoying himself much, much more since his date with Fluttershy. He mostly just hung around Zecora's hut, got briefed by Arrow, and hung out with Sweetie Belle when she showed up, but every once and a while he'd don the sombrero and poncho she'd given him and venture into Ponyville. He'd usually just go see Rarity, who'd been much more pleasant the past few weeks, and then go get food with Sweetie Belle and her friends. The little fillies Applebloom and Scootaloo didn't know Gibson's true identity, they just thought he was Don Guillermo.

They were glad for his company, since they'd recently been unable to spend time with Big Lugnut. Gibson was impressed that Sweetie Belle hadn't revealed his location to them, but she seemed to sense his brooding aura. Being the only pony with a voice who stuck around Big Lugnut, she was currently the only pony who really had any shot at pulling him out of his stupor.

"Lugnut! Is there a song you want Gibson to play?" she called to him. Big Lugnut turned his head backwards for a moment, but quickly turned back.

"I don't care... something... anything," he mumbled. Gibson shrugged.

"Like a melody that is impossible to play, I wait. In my memory there's a part of you that's gone away, yeah."

Sweetie Belle trotted up to Big Lugnut and sat down next to him. He didn't say anything. Neither did she, at least not for a few seconds.

"Applebloom and Scootaloo are always wondering where you are."

"Tell them not to worry about me," Big Lugnut grunted.

"You always say that," Sweetie Belle grumbled. Big Lugnut knew he did, but he wanted her to keep telling them that. He wanted her to get the hint and stop worrying herself.

Big Lugnut and Sweetie Belle sat in silence until the end of the song. When it ended, there was a brief lull. Eventually, Sweetie Belle got up and walked past Gibson.

"Let's go get some cupcakes or something." That was it for the jam session. Gibson slung his guitar around his back, following Sweetie Belle. It always ended like this. Gibson found himself strangely frustrated. He stopped. Sweetie Belle turned and noticed him walking up to Lugnut. Without even taking out his guitar, he sang a dismal tune:

"Never look her in the eyes... never tell the truth. If she knows you're paper, you know she'll have to burn you."

To Sweetie Belle's surprise, Lugnut got up with a start. She only caught a glimpse of his eyes, but she saw the enraged purple bands. Lugnut stomped off deeper into the forest. Gibson and Sweetie Belle watched him go.

"What do you think has him so upset?" Sweetie Belle asked. Gibson didn't respond, not that he could really respond. He had a good idea of what was on Lugnut's mind now. He didn't know how, but he'd riddled it out. He just turned and headed back out towards Zecora's taking Sweetie Belle with him. He needed to speak his mind, even if just to one little filly.

_________________

"Tell me how it is I got roped into this?" Arrow grumbled. He waited in the sterile hospital room with his daughter sitting next to him reading a sports magazine and his wife before him splayed out on an examination table. He had a mountain of scrolls waiting for him back at Rainbow Dash's house, and by the time he returned he knew there will be even more. The concert was only a week away; that meant it was crunch time for Arrow, so he should be crunching away at his work. Instead he was at the hospital waiting for his wife to get an ultrasound.

"I can't believe you're complaining!" Rainbow Dash glared at him over her magazine. "Your wife is having a baby! That's why you're roped into this!"

"I'm not interested in an ultrasound though," Arrow grunted.

"But we're looking at your kid!" Rainbow Dash put down the magazine. Despite how far along things were, Arrow Dash had never seen the ultrasound. He claimed he didn't want to "ruin the surprise". Mrs. Dash had urged Rainbow Dash to bring him though because she didn't want to surprise him. Rainbow Dash agreed and managed to convince him he should come by craftily throwing around the phrase "bonding experience".

"The ultrasound won't tell me anything the birth won't," Arrow contested. Before Rainbow Dash could retort, Dr. Stable entered the examination room with his nurse.

"Alright Mrs. Dash, let's begin," he announced briefly before setting to work setting up various apparatuses for the ultrasound. Soon enough, the doctor had a black and white image of the inside of Mrs. Dash's womb on a screen. Neither Arrow or Rainbow Dash knew what they were looking at, but Mrs. Dash and the doctor looked pleased.

"You're doing quite fine Mrs. Dash," Dr. Stable laughed. "And so is everyone else. Of course, I want to be seeing you all more often now. We should be fine once every two weeks as long as there are no complications."

"Umm..." Arrow chuckled a bit, his eyes darting around the room a bit. "What do you mean 'everyone else'?"

"Well, I mean him," Dr. Stable pointed at a grey mass that sort of looked like a head. The screen shifted, a bit. Dr. Stable pointed to another grey blip that didn't look like anything in particular. "And him."

"Twins?" Rainbow Dash grinned ear to ear. Arrow babbled something in response as well.

"Well, not if you count..." the screen shifted again as the doctor pointed to yet another grey mass. "Her."

"T-t-t-triplets?" Arrow stuttered. Rainbow Dash bit her bottom lip, attempting to simultaneously contain her excitement and wake herself if she was dreaming. The wild eyed Arrow made several intelligible noises and wild gestures towards his wife, who smiled and stuck her tongue out at him. Rainbow Dash started laughing as Arrow stuttered to himself some more.

"Oh man!" She wiped a tear from her eye. "Imagine how surprised you would have been when she delivered three foals! Ah-ha ha ha!" she guffawed. Arrow couldn't process humor at the moment. He had braced himself for one, but his heart was not ready for three foals.

"Congratulations Mr. Dash, you're going to be the father of triplets," the doctor put it very clearly.

"Can't you like... leave one in?" Arrow managed to groan before passing right out on the floor.

___________________

Zecora wasn't home at the moment. Gibson figured she'd just gone to gather ingredients for a potion either out in the forest or back in town. She had already shown him where to find his potion, so he didn't need her to proceed. Sweetie Belle trekked in after him, uncertain of what was going on.

"What gives Gibson?" she squeaked. Gibson didn't respond. He opened up a cabinet, pulling out a small vial from within. He uncorked it and faced Sweetie Belle. He threw the vial back and drank the whole draught in one gulp. He then collapsed unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Gibson!" Sweetie Belle rushed to him.

"Sweetie Belle, I'm all good so just listen to me, 'kay?" Gibson spoke.

"What the?" Sweetie Belle took a step back. "You can talk now?"

"Only for a couple of minutes. I also can't move until the potion wears off. I just wanted to talk normally for a moment," he explained.

"Okay." Sweetie Belle squatted on the floor next to Gibson, "what do you want to talk about?"

"About Lugnut."

"You know what's bugging him?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"I do. Look, you 'n your friends are insecure about not having cutie marks, yeh?" Sweetie Belle nodded in response. "But you talk about it with one 'nother cause you all have the same problem."

"Yeah! We understand one another and we help each other out!" Sweetie Belle smiled.

" Yes, 'n that's a wonderful thing, yeh? What if you didn't have Scootaloo 'n Applebloom to help you out? How would you feel?" Gibson posed a difficult question. Sweetie Belle knew the answer though because there had been a time there was nopony to help her out.

"I felt like I was alone and nopony understood me," Sweetie Belle admitted. Gibson smiled.

"I think that's how Big Lugnut feels. He's only half right, though," Gibson's expressioned stiffened, "Nopony can really sympathize with him since nopony has ever been a robot or wot. Somepony needs to remind him that he's not the only pony with a problem 'n he don't hafta get through it alone." Sweetie Belle was deep in thought, her face all scrunched up. After a moment of thought, her face lit up.

"That gives me an idea!" Sweetie Belle hopped up and zoomed out the door. "Thanks Gibson!" She zoomed back in only a matter of moments. "Actually, I want to ask you something else while you can talk."

"Shoot," Gibson smirked.

"Do you like my sister?" Gibson could tell Sweetie Belle was not asking him if he'd like to make a sandwich with her sister, but the question was more along the lines of would he like to be a sandwich with her sister.

"Why'd you ask?" Gibson tried to play it off.

"You're always making googly eyes at her when she's not looking." She widened her eyes to mimic Gibson's lovestruck expression. Sweetie Belle was more perceptive than Gibson had anticipated.

"I... guess I'm attracted to her," he admitted. He wanted to yell and cheer and scream that he was absolutely in love with Rarity, but now wasn't the time to do that.

"Then you should ask her out!" Sweetie Belle declared. She smiled innocently, but Gibson had spent too much time around his own little sister to be fooled by it. There were darker, more self-centered intentions in the depths of her soul. They probably had something to do with having a famous brother-in-law. Gibson opened his mouth to protest, but he couldn't produce a sound.

"Well, see you later!" Sweetie Belle was out the door again, leaving Gibson on the floor of Zecora's hut. Even if he couldn't talk again, it would be a little while before the potion would allow him to stand.

__________________

Big Lugnut had wandered deeper into the forest to be truly alone, but he eventually turned homeward and exited the forest. It was still mid-afternoon, so he wasn't going to Sweet Apple Acres. There was no way he'd go to Sweet Apple Acres while she might be there. Anypony else wouldn't bug him, but he knew she'd try to pry into his business.

He traipsed down the streets of Ponyville, not heading anywhere in particular. He just stared forward and trotted briskly, like he knew exactly where his destination was. It was the easiest way for him to avoid anypony who might try to talk to him: simply look like he had something else to do. Besides, he didn't believe anypony would go out of their way to talk to a robot.

"Excuse me?" Big Lugnut halted in his path as a chestnut pony stepped before him, squinting at his face. "I dropped my contact lens. Could you help me find it?" Big Lugnut examined the pony. He looked a bit familiar. He was pretty unremarkable looking, with a brown mane and a hourglass on his flank. Perhaps Lugnut had him confused with somepony else.

"Sure, I'll help you find it." Big Lugnut shrugged, "What does it look like?"

"It's transparent," the stallion described with the eloquence of a poet. "I can't really see without both of mine in, so I'm sort of useless right now."

"Where should I start looking?" Lugnut asked, scanning the horizon for anything transparent.

"Eh, on the ground." The stallion was obviously not impressed with the extent of Lugnut's common sense. "Careful where you step. You might accidently-"

*snap*

A soul crushing sound echoed in the stallion's ears as Big Lugnut took a cautious step backwards. The expression on his face was all Lugnut needed to figure out what he'd just stepped on.

"Sorry," he apologized. The stallion collected himself, taking a deep breath.

"That's okay... if I can get home I can just wear my glasses until I get new contacts." He reached out and latched himself onto Lugnut's harness. "You're going to have to lead me there."

"I don't know where you live," Lugnut pointed out.

"Just, follow my directions," the stallion urged him. It was easier said than done. The stallion didn't really know where he was in the first place, so it turned out he was only giving faulty directions. Big Lugnut couldn't have known this, so he lead the stallion into the house of somepony else. They were not well received.

The next set of directions took the two of them out of Ponyville completely. Big Lugnut managed to lead them back into town and help the stallion get a bearing on where they were.

The third time proved to be the charm as the two approached a little house nestled in a lively neighborhood. Big Lugnut had never been to this section of Ponyville. It was understandable though, seeing as there were only houses in this district. Unless he knew somepony who lived here, there wasn't a reason to come.

As they walked up to the front door, Big Lugnut read the name on the mailbox.

"Am I right in assuming you're Mr. Hooves?" Lugnut asked.

"Yes, but it's Dr. Hooves. I didn't go through all those years of school for nothing," he chuckled. The joke was lost on Big Lugnut. Learning his lesson from last time, Lugnut knocked on the door before entering. There were some loud noises from within before the door finally opened. Big Lugnut would have missed the tiny, purplish unicorn if she hadn't shrieked at the sight of him and turned her little blonde blonde tail and ran. The doctor seemed completely at a loss for what had just happened.

"Erm... was that Dinky?" he asked.

"Little unicorn filly?" Big Lugnut asked. The doctor nodded. "I think so then."

"That was certainly odd," the doctor grumbled as he walked inside. Big Lugnut followed him in, closing the door as he went.

"Makes enough sense to me," Big Lugnut grunted. He was a robot. Of course he'd frighten a small child if he suddenly showed up at her doorstep. It was only natural, seeing as he was so unnatural. He recalled how the Cutie Mark Crusaders had also been afraid of him when they first saw him. Everypony in town had been frightened at first. One day they wouldn't have to be. Until he was like everypony else, it was best to stay where he wouldn't bother anypony else.

"Hey you're back!" a female voice greeted the two after they'd entered. A gray pegasus tumbled in, her blonde mane whipping about as she landed haphazardly. She smiled with the innocence of a child, but there was something a bit off about her. "Who's this?" The pegasus looked up at Lugnut, or at least Lugnut assumed she was looking up at him.

Her eyes were not focused on anything in particular; they weren't even looking in the same direction. Lugnut couldn't help but be slightly off-put by her walleyed expression. It made her look less than intelligent.

"Oh, you really haven't introduced yourself," the doctor realized, squinting up at Lugnut as if trying to identify him. Big Lugnut deduced that this pegasus mare and this earth pony stallion were the parents of the unicorn he'd just seen named Dinky. Between the pegasus's strange eyes and the doctor's terrible eyesight, it was a miracle the child could see at all. Dinky had proven, though, that she could see perfectly fine.

"I'm Big Lugnut, I work over at Sweet Apple Acres," he introduced himself as normally as possible. The expression on the faces of the other two ponies revealed that they'd realized exactly who he was.

"Oh... you're the robot?" he half asked, looking surprised. Lugnut nodded, but then realized the doctor couldn't even detect that motion. He confirmed it verbally.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Big Lugnut." The doctor extended a hoof somewhat towards Big Lugnut. "This is my wife Derpy and I guess you met our daughter Dinky."

"It's... nice to meet you." Big Lugnut didn't know what he was still doing here. He should be off minding his own business, but instead he was cavorting with a group of visually impaired ponies. It was strange even by Lugnut standards.

"So what brings you here Lugnut?" Derpy asked, her eyes shifting around as she blinked.

"Oh, Lugnut here was helping me locate my contact. It was, uh, damaged in the process so I had him lead me here so I could get my glasses," the doctor explained. Derpy smiled and nodded, here eyes rattling around a bit as she did. Lugnut couldn't get over the contrast between Derpy's body and her eyes. She was actually one of the more attractive mares he'd seen around Ponyville figure-wise, but the eyes threw him off from the fact. If she had kept her eyes closed, he would've assumed her to be Dinky's sister.

"I'll have Dinky get those for you. Dinky!" Derpy called for the filly. She glanced around, obviously expecting her to appear promptly. To Lugnut's surprise, Dinky did dare to stick her head into the front hallway. She stared intently at Lugnut.

"Dinky, run upstairs and get daddy's glasses for him," she asked the filly. Eying Lugnut the whole time, Dinky carefully made her way up the stairs. Once she was out of sight, he heard the sound of her hooves thumping as she picked up the pace overhead.

"Now, Lugnut, allow me to thank you with a bit of dinner," Derpy offered. She gestured for him to enter further into her home.

"Eh... I... I don't really eat," he tried to explain, but Derpy wasn't about to have that.

"Nonsense! You have to stay! We're having muffins!" she tempted him. Lugnut wracked his brain for a moment. After deciding his knowledge was insufficient, he was foolish enough to petition his gracious host for an answer.

"What're muffins?" With that, Big Lugnut had sealed his fate in the house of the Hooves.

_____________________

The sun had gone down, so it was now the suds turn to go down. Of course, Applejack had already downed plenty by this time, already on her fourth beer. Fluttershy, Twilight, and Rarity all decided it would be best to just let Applejack do all the drinking for them. Rarity had opted they go to a restaurant instead of a bar, that way Applejack would probably be the only drunk pony they'd have to deal with and drinking wouldn't be the only available activity.

With plenty of liquid courage in her stomach, Applejack was suddenly feeling very conversation-y.

"Ah jus' wanna thank ya gurls fer helpin' me wit this!" she mumbled as she wrapped her forelegs around Rarity and Twilight. Fluttershy was sitting beyond Rarity in the booth, shielding her from the physical side of Applejack's inebriation. Applejack continued her drunken rant.

"Ah been thinkin' a bit... an ya know whut ah think? Ah think Big Lug kin run off fer all ah care," she grunted, taking a comforting swig of her drink and freeing Twilight in the process. Twilight took the opportunity to retreat away from Applejack so she was out of reach.

"Well, Applejack we're here to figure out why exactly he's running off," Rarity pointed out while trying to extricate herself from her friend's iron grip

"Ah dun... wanna talk 'bout that... I'd rather talk about... Fluttershy... Fluttershy!" Applejack raised her glass and barked at the timid pony, who quickly retreated deeper into her seat.

"Uhm...y-yes?" she whispered. Applejack hovered her drink in the air a moment longer before putting the glass to her lips and downing another big gulp. She sighed with satisfaction, slamming her half-empty beer on the table and wiping her mouth.

"Whaddya ya'll see in mah brothur?" she asked straight up. Fluttershy's momentary expression of shock betrayed her feeble attempt to collect herself and squeak out a defiance of any sort to relationship between her and Big Macintosh. She wasn't fooling anypony at the table though, not even herself. She gave a resigned sigh and answered the question.

"He... he's nice," she squeaked. Applejack looked displeased with the answer. To express this, she frowned and gracefully crossed her eyes.

"Nah, nah, that's not wut ah mean," she complained. Fluttershy didn't know what else she could mean. "I mean like... like is he good... at it?"

"Good at what?" Fluttershy whispered, hoping she wouldn't be heard. Rarity and Twilight could see where this was going, and they both knew they needed to stop it.

"Y'know wut ah'm talkin' 'bout!" Applejack chuckled, nudging Rarity.

"Ah, ha... so... Applejack, let's talk about something else," Twilight offered. Even if she was up for probing Fluttershy and Big Macintosh's relationship, but not like this. Applejack turned to Twilight and stared right through her for a couple of seconds.

"Wuddabout you Twi? Any stallion catchin' yer fancy?" Applejack giggled. The question took Twilight by surprise. For one reason or another, Applejack was getting hung up on romance.

"No... nopony catching my fancy." She wasn't lying. As a general rule, a bookworm's perceptions of romance are so blown out of proportion that they have great difficulty pursuing any sort of relationship that doesn't fulfill their often unrealistic desires. Most of the blame lay upon the authors of the novels she read. These authors are ponies who suffered from the exact same symptoms and ended up even further romanticizing romance. As a result, Twilight Sparkle had yet to locate what she considered to be the perfect, textbook stallion who'd sweep her right off her hooves.

Applejack was too drunk to consider any of that.

"Ah git it, yer goin' after Spike, ern't chu?" she slurred. Twilight's face scrunched up at the thought, and it had nothing to do with her over exposure to literature. Applejack wasn't done yet. "But Spike wants Rarity ovur 'ere, so ahm surry sugarcube, but that ain't happenin'."

"Uh... uh," Rarity stuttered. The conversation was becoming increasingly awkward for everypony, except Applejack. Applejack was obviously enjoying herself.

"An' Spike's all outta luck cawse Rarity iz only int'rested in that Don Guillermo feller." Applejack was of course referring to Gibson's alias. Everypony in Ponyville was talking about the mysterious stranger from Mexicolt. Many a mare questioned Amigo, Ponyville's resident sombrero vendedor, to see if he knew anything about the muy guapo caballo, but it was never to any avail. All anypony knew was that he spent a lot of time in and around Carousel Boutique. Rarity hadn't realized it, but that was the reason so many mares were giving her the stink eye whenever she was out and about.

"What are you talking about, Applejack?" Rarity blurted out. "I don't think about him that way! Sure he's talented, and handsome, and friendly, oh and so good with Sweetie Belle! Sweetie Belle just adores him, but I don't blame her. Even if he doesn't talk he's very lively and he has this dreamy smile and these eyes, and he's just the right height, and... ah." Rarity realized she wasn't doing a very good job of denying any thoughts or feelings she might have for Gibson. Her little speech got her companions staring at her suspiciously, even the drunk one.

"Hello everypony!" A wild Rainbow Dash appeared. Rarity breathed a sigh of relief, momentarily freed from exploring the topic of the increasingly attractive Gibson Song.

"Rainboh Dash! Jus' in time! I gotta quershton fur ya!" Applejack slurred, taking another long draught from her drink.

"Uh... Applejack, why are you drunk?" Rainbow Dash hadn't gotten the entire memo. Arrow Dash had opted to spend some time alone with his wife after the events of this morning, so Rainbow Dash decided to locate her friends and join in on whatever Applejack had been planning. She took a seat next to Twilight. Applejack reached across Twilight and tugged Rainbow Dash within whispering range. She put her mouth right up to her ear and explained.

"Cause I drank beer," she snickered before releasing Rainbow Dash's head, "Now, to git to... tuh git to mah queshtion! Rainboh Dash! Is there a stallion you've got yer eye on?"

"No," Rainbow Dash answered frankly.

"Ah, how 'bout a mare?" Applejack chuckled like one of those cheesy villains after they had the protagonist cornered.

"No," Rainbow Dash groaned. She got that a lot because apparently being a rainbow colored tomboy means she plays for the other team. The only reason she wasn't pursuing a relationship at the moment is because Rainbow Dash was waiting for a relationship to pursue her. If the stallion had the guts to approach her and wasn't repulsive, she'd give him a shot. Nopony like that had approached her yet, even if some of the mares were admittedly pretty attractive.

"Well, ain't this borin'?" Applejack groaned, slouching back and knocking back the last of her beer.

"What about you Applejack?" Rainbow Dash thrust a hoof at Applejack, who struggled to cross her eyes to look at it. "Any stallion that you're interested in?"

"Heh, nope!" Applejack laughed, noticeably teetering to and fro more than she was before. "No stallion!"

"I see," Rainbow Dash put her hoof down, noticing that her friend was starting to look rather dazed.

"No sir... no stallion... jus' a robot," Applejack groaned just before blacking out.

_________________

Lugnut had not intended nor anticipated staying this late at the Hooves residence. He had sat down to dinner with them, but it was a bit of a moot point for a robot. Derpy kept asking him if he was going to finish his muffin, and when he said no she'd take a muffin from him and eat it. This was repeated several times over the course of dinner. Big Lugnut began to suspect inviting him to eat was just a clever ploy on Derpy's part to get two shares worth of muffins.

He thought that Dinky might not show up because he was going to be there, but she surprised Lugnut again when she hoisted her tiny body into a chair right next to him. She even smiled up at him. Big Lugnut was learning that those with the capacity to fear him the most also turned out to be the ones who liked him the most. It stemmed from being different. Fear and awe of something strange or foreign are two sides of the same coin.

Lugnut found himself strangely relaxed around Dr. Hooves, Derpy, and Dinky. The way they talked to one another, the way they acted around each other, their easy way of laughing, and their smiling faces made Lugnut understand the depth of their relationship with each other. They were a family through and through. It was the same vibe he got from the Apples. It was warm and inviting. It made Lugnut forget about himself for a while.

He now sat alone with Dr. Hooves in the den of his humble home. Derpy had taken Dinky upstairs to get her to bed, so she had told Dr. Hooves and Lugnut to have some "man talk". After a few minutes of silence, Big Lugnut spoke up.

"You guys are a real close family," he noted. Dr. Hooves gave Lugnut a wide eyed stare for a moment, but quickly switched to a warm, earnest smile.

"Thank you. That means more than you know," he laughed, but his voice betrayed the relief he felt.

"What do you mean?" Lugnut asked, venturing further into the dynamics of the Hooves.

"Well... if you hadn't noticed we, Derpy and I, aren't unicorns. Dinky is," Dr. Hooves explained. Lugnut's inadequate knowledge of the origin of babies meant he didn't know what that meant, but he kept silent. He detected this story was a sensitive issue. "Dinky isn't my biological child, but she is Derpy's. Derpy's real father was a unicorn, he used to live here in Ponyville."

"Um, 'used to'?" Lugnut probed. Dr. Hooves nodded.

"When he and Derpy first came here, Derpy was pregnant with Dinky and engaged to that stallion. I'm sure you've noticed Derpy's condition with her eyes... well, I'm the optometrist here in Ponyville so she came and saw me regularly. I'm really the only pony who saw her regularly. Her fiancee was ashamed of her I think. He was ashamed that she was pregnant out of wedlock, that she was so clumsy and forgetful, and ashamed of her eyes. In short, he was ashamed because she was different." The last line struck a chord with Lugnut.

"I guess you can't love someone who's differences can't be overlooked," he grumbled, just to himself. Dr. Hooves didn't hear him and moved on.

"She saw how he was stifling her, though. She knew that wasn't love and she didn't want to marry somepony who didn't love her. It hurt her because she did love him, despite his flaws. She broke off the engagement, and that stallion left Ponyville completely. She was all alone with a foal on the way and feeling more insecure about her eyes and clumsy nature than ever.

"There came the day when she showed up to my office crying. She told me she hated how she was. I hated it when she said that. It wasn't the Derpy I knew. The Derpy I knew was bright, carefree, and bubbly. I snapped and told her that even if she hated herself I still liked her. She asked me what I liked about her and I told her I didn't like anything about her, I just liked her. It made her really happy when I said that...

"I offered her help since she was in such a pickle. After Dinky was born, she insisted on getting a job so she wasn't freeloading off of me. She's not the best mailmare out there today, but she's the mailmare with the biggest heart for sure. After a while she grew on me some more, Dinky grew on me, and I guess I grew on them. On thing led to another, and here we are today," Dr. Hooves concluded his story. Big Lugnut didn't know what to say. All he knew was, he suddenly felt homesick and alone.

"Uh... it's late, I should get going," Big Lugnut announced and stood up from his seat. "Thank you very much for that story. I think... I think it helped me."

"Ha, I should thank you for listening." Dr. Hooves extended a hoof. Big Lugnut took and shook it. It felt warm. A jolt of electricity ran through him as he realized what that meant.

___________________

Applejack was not an easy drunk to drag around. After she passed out, everypony present agreed she needed to be taken home. Had she remained conked out, it would have been easy, but Applejack managed to come to and was now actively resisting going home. The four ponies managed to get her to the road that ran out to Sweet Apple Acres from Ponyville, but now they had to figure out who was going to take her the rest of the way.

"Well, it's going to take at least two," Rarity noted, still carrying Applejack's lower half on her back. "I'm not opposed to going the rest of the way."

"I could go too," Fluttershy piped up, swooping down to relieve Rainbow Dash of duty. Rainbow Dash stood fast though.

"Well, I can go too! I've gotta make sure she gets home okay." Rainbow Dash adjusted Applejack's back on her own.

"I'm coming too then. The more the merrier," Twilight pitched in. They agreed everypony was going, but their departure was halted by a sudden arrival.

"What's going on here?" the sound of thundering hooves coming down the road quieted the instant Lugnut stopped beside them. "Jeez, is she drunk again?"

"Uhm... yes." Fluttershy cowered down as if it were her own fault.

"Load her on, I'll take her back." Lugnut got down closer to the ground so the others could place Applejack on his broad back. They reluctantly complied and went their own ways, exchanging a number of knowing glances. Once again, it was just Applejack and Big Lugnut walking down the quiet, dark road to Sweet Apple Acres.

"Hey... hey Big Lug," Applejack yawned.

"Yeah?" Lugnut was feeling quiet himself.

"Yer a good robot," she mumbled. Big Lugnut heard her softly breathing, indicating she was now asleep. He stopped for a moment. He turned his head and looked at her. Carefully, he lifted a hoof and felt her hair. It was soft. It was really soft. He put his hoof back down, feeling the coarse gravel underneath. The world was interesting again now that he could feel it with his own hooves. He couldn't wait to tell Applejack tomorrow.

When he got back, he placed Applejack in her bed and allowed her to sleep. He went up to the attic so he could go to bed himself. In the shadows of the attic, he thought he saw something large hanging from the ceiling. Intrigued, he flicked on the attic light. He was greeted by a large, red banner with the poorly drawn faces of three familiar fillies and one Big Lugnut. He laughed heartily when he read what was written on it:

"Big Lugnut is the Best Robot!"

~~~Author's Notes~~~

Songs, in order.

Something, Anything - Travis

Cardinal Line - The National

Uh... yeah I got nothing else. Thanks for readin' and stuff.