Applejack and the Garden of Eden

by Oroboro

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Applejack, Apple Bloom, Comedy
Length: 3852

As Apple Bloom escorts a drunken Applejack home, Applejack decides to tell her the story of how Equestria came into existence. What little of it she can remember, anyway.

As Apple Bloom escorts a drunken Applejack home, Applejack decides to tell her the story of how Equestria came into existence and how ponies were made.

What little of it she can remember, anyway.

Published 2014-12-13 00:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-13 00:40:03 UTC

"What do you mean it ain't no 'official' creation myth?"

Apple Bloom shivered, the chill autumn winds nipped at her flank as she made her way towards the door to Sugarcube Corner. She wished that she had at least remembered to wear a scarf or something.

Music thumped from inside the building, and multicolored lights flashed from the windows in time with the rumbling bass. The ground practically shook underneath her hooves, and her ears were already ringing. There was no possible way it would be heard over the music, but she let out a small sigh and reached up to knock on the door anyway.

To her surprise it opened almost instantly and a wobbly looking Pinkie Pie stood there wearing a slightly unfocused grin. Her eyes lit up when she recognized Apple Bloom, her forehooves began waving about, and her mouth began moving in what Apple Bloom could only assume was a friendly greeting. Whatever she actually said was lost in the crescendo of noise that rushed out through the open door.

“What?” Apple Bloom shouted, barely able to hear her own voice.

Pinkie Pie stared at her with a blank expression on her face for a few moments before it finally dawned on her and she stepped outside, slamming the door behind her. This succeeded in reducing the music back to a mere heavy booming, at least.

“Hiya, Apple Bloom! Are you here for the party?” Pinkie Pie asked, her voice way too loud.

Apple Bloom rubbed a hoof in one of her ears, grumbling under her breath before replying, “Nah, actually I’m here for—”

Pinkie Pie gasped suddenly as she pulled back and cupped her hooves to her face, going white as a sheet. “Oh no! Um, Apple Bloom, you’re great! I mean, super great, really! But, um, you know how I’m always throwing parties, right? I throw an awful lot of parties, for all sorts of ponies, on all sorts of occasions, all the time! But I don’t invite every pony to every party. That would just be silly! Ponies have things they need to be doing, and I get that, I do! But even then, if somepony wants to come stop in uninvited to any given party, I’m usually more than happy to welcome them! The more the merrier, right? But, um…”

Apple Bloom raised a hoof to her forehead as Pinkie Pie bit her lip and looked away. “Look, Pinkie, I’m just—”

“But this is totally just a party for grownups! Adults only! I know that you’re really smart and capable and stuff, and you’ll get your cutie mark any day now, but none of the other kids your age would be allowed into this party whether they had their cutie marks or not, so it’s not about that, I swear! Its just an adult party, for adult stuff. You probably wouldn’t even like it, it’s super boring! Not that my parties are boring, I just tailor them to the audience, and this one’s not for kids. But I can totally throw a party for you later just to make it up to you, and that’s a Pinkie Promise! The other Crusaders are invited too. Just, um, not to this one.”

Pinkie Pie prostrated herself on the ground before her and added a squeaky, “Can you ever forgive me?”

Apple Bloom stared at her for a moment before she burst out laughing. “I’m trying to tell you, Pinkie, I’m just here to pick up my sister.” With a grin she added, “But I’ll totally take you up on that party offer.”

“Oh!” Pinkie Pie bounced back up, a relieved smile spreading across her face for a moment before it was replaced by a frown. “I thought Applejack didn’t have anything to do tomorrow. She’s been… having a lot of fun here. Is it important?”

Apple Bloom shook her head. “I know that was the plan, but some things came up. Uh, family stuff.”

“Oh.” A hint of worry crept into Pinkie’s voice as she asked, “Is everything okay?”

“Nah, it’s nothing serious like that,” Apple Bloom said, chuckling softly, “but I still need to take her home, if that’s alright.”

“Okey-dokey-lokey! One Applejack, coming right up! I’ll be back in two shakes of a manticore’s tail!”

Pinkie Pie vanished through the door in an instant, leaving Apple Bloom alone in the night air as she tried her best to wrap her head around Pinkie’s comment.

After a few moments of thought, she came to the conclusion that trying to keep up with Pinkie’s train of logic would be like that story Twilight told her about the stallion pushing a boulder up a hill, and one that would require a full blown cutie mark in order to handle. As much as she’d love to have something adorning her butt, a special talent involving Pinkie Pie didn’t sound very appealing.

The seconds turned into minutes, and Apple Bloom found herself tapping her hoof in time with the music. It wasn’t like she resented her sister for enjoying herself with her friends, she was just feeling a little grumpy at the circumstances that had required her to trudge her way all the way into town from Sweet Apple Acres at a time when she would normally be in bed.

And she really should have grabbed that scarf.

After what felt like forever, Applejack finally stumbled out of Sugarcube Corner, closing the door behind her. She wobbled and stared past Apple Bloom for a few moments before her gaze shifted downwards, and her face lit up with a lopsided smile.

“Well hay there, sugarcube,” Applejack slurred, pausing to hiccup, “fancy seeing you here.”

Apple Bloom scrunched her face face up. Her sister’s eyes were bloodshot, and her breath was rancid. It smelled like a mix of bad cider and disinfectant. “I came here to bring you home.”

Applejack stared down at her, blinking several times before her eyes narrowed. Rather than the intimidating glare she was most likely going for, she just squinted her eyes heavily. “Ain’t it past your bedtime?”

“It is. And I’m right tired. I have plans of my own early tomorrow, y’know,” Apple Bloom said. She kicked at the road, skipping a rock off the path into the grass nearby.

“Then how come you’re—”

“It’s Granny. She got a letter sayin’ that our cuz, Cucumber Sandwich, was going to be having another foal, and that it’s due any day now. She decided she just had to be there right away, and nothing we could do was going to stop her. Big Mac finally gave in and went with her so she’d be alright.”

Applejack’s brow furrowed, and she tapped a back hoof several times on the ground. It looked like she was trying to work through a difficult thought. “Ain’t that… the, what was it now, sixth little Cucumber? I’m pretty sure Cuz can handle herself at this point.”

Apple Bloom shrugged. “You know how Granny can get about stuff like that. Anyway, there’s a lot of chores that need to be done tomorrow, and I can’t do ‘em all by myself, even if I wanted to.”

“Oh.” Applejack stared down at her for several seconds before belching loudly and then nodding at her with what she must have assumed was sage-like wisdom. “I guess it can’t be helped then. Just lemme go get my hat.”

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “You’re wearing it.”

“Hey, so I am! Makes that easier. Now let’s get you home, Sis—”

“Hey!” The door slammed open with a bang followed by the rush of music. Rainbow Dash held onto the doorknob, using it to support her own weight as she practically fell out with the door. Her eyes scanned past them several times before they finally locked onto a spot somewhere in the general vicinity of Applejack. “I ain’t done with you, cowgirl.”

Applejack turned around with a huff, pulling the brim of her hat down. It nearly fell off. “You ain’t got nothin’ on me, Dash. You were down after six. Last I checked there’s seven of ‘em.”

The music must have dimmed at some point, because Apple Bloom was actually able to hear their conversation. As well as a voice from inside that sounded like a high-pitched and giggling Twilight Sparkle shouting, “Actually, recent scientific developments in the study of light have proposed recategorizing the colors of the rainbow into only—”

“Shut up, Twi!” Applejack and Rainbow Dash called out in unison.

“Anyway, that was just a power nap,” Rainbow Dash said, puffing her chest out and managing to stand a little straighter. “Contest ain’t over til its over. Get over here and taste the rainbow.”

Apple Bloom blinked. “What.”

Applejack let out a sigh. “Alright, don’t get yer feathers all twisted up in a knot.” With an apologetic smile towards Apple Bloom, she added, “Just gimme a minute, sug, gotta take care of something real quick.”

Apple Bloom watched as Applejack sauntered over towards Rainbow Dash, stumbling on the steps and nearly crashing into her. It was hard to make out from where she was standing, but it looked like they filled a pair of small glasses with a glowing purple liquid, then downed them in a single gulp.

“There, see!” Rainbow Dash shouted, slamming the glass onto the ground upside down. “The whole thing. I can manage the whole thing. I—”

Rainbow Dash froze. Her right foreleg began to twitch, followed by a deep shudder that ran across her entire body. Her eyes rolled up into the back of her head, and she promptly collapsed, falling onto her side.

“And we have a winner!” Pinkie Pie announced from a megaphone, holding Applejack’s hoof up into the air. “Don’t worry about Dashie, Jackie! I’ll get her to bed and get some water into her. You go ahead and take care of your sister, we’ll be fine!”

Apple Bloom suppressed a growl. It was pretty obvious who was going to be taking care of whom tonight.

Applejack sauntered over to her slowly, looking as if she were carefully considering each step. “Whew,” she said, leaning in a bit too close, breath misting in the chill air. “That last one has a heck of a kick to it.”

“Ugh,” Apple Bloom grunted, scrunching up her nose and trying to push Applejack away from her. “You reek, Sis.”

“D’aww, lookit my little sister,” Applejack slurred, leaning on her in what she probably assumed was a hug but ended up with Apple Bloom supporting most of her sister’s weight, nearly falling over in the process. “All growin’ up and stuff. You’re real, uh, responsible, coming to get me like that. ‘M proud of you.”

Apple Bloom managed to wriggle out from underneath her, and Applejack slumped to the ground, looking confused. “Can we just get home already?” she muttered, unable to keep the annoyance from her tone. She trotted a ways down the road and paused, waiting for her sister to stand up.

Applejack got up slowly, shaking her head and straightening out her hat. “What’s th’matter, AB? Since when’re you so grumpy? It’s a party, y’all should lighten up a little.”

Apple Bloom let out a sigh. She didn’t want to get snippy with her big sister, but it was getting harder and harder not to. “Because I’m cold, AJ. It’s late, I’m tired, and I’ve got stuff I want to do in the morning, but now I’m not only going to have to spend it doing chores, but probably going to have to waste it just dragging you out of bed.”

Applejack pursed her lips, the expression making her look almost sober. “Alright,” she mumbled, then started walking down the road until she caught up with Apple Bloom.

They walked together in silence for a time. Apple Bloom watched Ponyville pass her by in the darkness, trying to keep her mind focused enough to ignore the cold and keep from shivering.

Darkness suddenly obscured her vision, and she nearly yelped, reaching up at her eyes. She pulled cloth away and realized that Applejack’s hat was resting on top of her, bigger than her entire head.

“There,” Applejack said, looking down at her with a slightly lopsided smile on her face, “might keep you a bit warm.”

Apple Bloom did feel a bit warmer, but that had more to do with her sudden blush than the hat. Even if her sister was a drunk moron at the moment, she was still her big sister.

“Sorry, sug. I don’t normally do stuff like this, y’know,” Applejack paused, waving in the general direction of Sugarcube Corner. “It’s just that tonight was supposed to be an off night. One where I could just let loose and not care for a while. Don’t really get a lot of those, these days.”

Apple Bloom nodded, adjusting the hat so it covered her better. It smelled of sweat, dirt, and apples. “Thanks.”

It didn’t take long for them to get out of Ponyville proper, and the countryside before them was well illuminated by the full presence of the moon. The sky was perfectly clear, countless stars twinkling as they watched over them.

“Apple Bloom,” Applejack suddenly said, her tone forceful. “Did I ever tell you about how Equestria was made?”

Apple Bloom stopped dead in her tracks, her jaw hanging open. Was she serious? “Applejack…” she said carefully. “I was in the Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant like, three months ago. You were there.”

Applejack snorted. “I ain’t talkin’ about how Equestria was founded, sugarcube. I’m talking about, uh” —she paused, kicking the dirt at her hooves as if to emphasize something— “how it was made. Y’know, like, where the whole world came from and all that. Before the three tribes, before Celestia or anypony.”

Apple Bloom frowned. How Equestria was made? It wasn’t a story she had ever heard before, or even heard mentioned. Nor had she really even bothered to question it. It just was, had always been. How could anypony know how it was made, if it happened before anypony was around?

“It’s an old story,” Applejack mumbled, nodding to herself. “Been passed down the Apple family line for generations upon generations. Always meant to tell ya, so listen up. It’s important. Not many ponies know this stuff.”

Her ears perked up at that. A secret story that nopony else knew about? Now that was interesting. “Do I… have to keep it to myself?” she asked cautiously. An old legend like that might have some good crusading opportunities.

“Uh...” Applejack frowned, furrowing her brow. “I… guess not? I’m not really sure. Let me think about it.”

Applejack shook her head. “Whatever. If I can remember right, starts something like ‘In the beginning, there was nothing. Then, there was, uh, something.’”

Apple Bloom blinked. “Nothing, then something? How’s that supposed to work? Stuff doesn’t just come from nothin’. Twilight was teaching us the other day that—”

“Shush,” Applejack mumbled, stomping one of her hooves on the ground. “It ain’t like that. This was before all that stuff, ain’t nopony what knew about the laws of physics or nothin’ back then.”

“Pretty sure they don’t care whether we knew about ‘em or not,” Apple Bloom said, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, did somepony create this ‘something’ or did it just pop into existence out of nothing?”

“If you’d let me continue, I’m getting to that part,” Applejack said, her tone somewhat indignant. She reached up to adjust the hat that she was no longer wearing. “The, uh, Apple Mother decided to bless us with a seed of life that grew into all of everything. Equestria at its core and the fruits it grew were the stars in the sky.”

“I’m pretty sure we ain’t livin’ in a giant apple tree.”

Applejack slowed down, her eyes growing distant. “This ain’t literal, Apple Bloom. Can y’just let me finish?”

Apple Bloom frowned. This was turning out to be more like one of Granny’s crazy stories than something Applejack would tell her.

“Anyway, the Apple Mother was pleased with her creation, but it was lonely, and she needed caretakers for her garden. So, using the apples in the sky and the bread of the earth, she baked three pies and crafted them into the shape of ponies.”

Apple Bloom raised her right forehoof to her mouth and bit down lightly. “Nope. Pretty sure I ain’t pie,” she mumbled. Fortunately her sister hadn’t heard her back-talk this time.

Applejack plodded forward, her drunken sway going unnoticed as she continued on, absorbed in her storytelling. “She had just a little bit of extra dough left, so she added some extra bits to two of the ponies, creating the pegasi and the unicorns. Without any more dough left, she instead baked an extra apple into the heart of the earth pony, blessing them with her own heart and an unparalleled connection to the land.”

“Were they mares or stallions?”

“What?”

“Were they mares or stallions?” Apple Bloom repeated. “I’m as much of a farm pony as you, and Twilight was kind enough to teach us some basic genetics, though she just did it with plants. With only three ponies to start from, and only one of each species… well, what was the gender ratio?”

Applejack opened her mouth to respond, but then hung there, looking unsure. “I reckon that I don’t quite remember if that was ever specified. For some reason I remember ‘em all being mares, but that doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

“Maybe you’re just getting it confused with Hearth’s Warming Eve?”

“Maybe,” Applejack admitted with a nod. “Anyway, everything was peaceful, with each of the three ponies living together in harmony, but soon, a serpent of chaos happened by chance upon this new world and saw his chance to sow his own seeds of discontent. He appeared before each of the ponies in turn, telling them each how lucky the others had it, causing each to envy the others for their gifts.”

“Serpent of chaos? You mean like Discord?”

“No, not like Discord. It’s more like…” Applejack frowned, stopping in her tracks. “Oh. Maybe it was like Discord. Shoot, I never even thought of that.”

“Maybe you should ask him,” Apple Bloom said as she continued down the path.

Applejack increased her pace to catch back up. “Nah, wouldn’t get any straight answers anyhow. Anyway, their jealousy and hatred for each other grew until it reached a breaking point, and the Apple Mother was forced to cast them out of her garden of paradise. She commanded them to practice the ideals of harmony, and granted each a boon to help them in their travels. To the earth pony, she granted a single seed and told them to plant it, tend to it, nurture it with love and respect and honesty, and she’d always be there to look after us with love and kindness.”

“And that,” Applejack said, stopping outside of the gate to Sweet Apple Acres and looking proud, “Was the beginning of the Apple Family.”

Apple Bloom let out a long sigh. What had she been expecting? Her sister was rambling like Granny on one of her bad days, after all. “Cool story, Sis.”

Applejack swallowed, looking suddenly pale. Her hooves shook as she said, “Darn it, AB. I’m just trying to… to…”

She turned all of a sudden and vomited onto the fence post.

Apple Bloom watched as her sister retched violently; whatever rainbow-colored liquid she had been chugging earlier was now merely a disgusting brown. It was painful and awkward to watch.

“Hey now, Sis, it’s alright. Yer gonna be fine.” Disgusting, annoying, or not, Applejack was her sister. Apple Bloom rubbed at her side and pulled her hair back and did her best to be soothing as Applejack continued to heave. The heaving soon devolved into dry, coughing sobs, and there were tears in Applejack’s eyes as she fought to get her stomach under control.

“‘M’sorry,” Applejack mumbled when it was finally done with. She rose up unsteadily and would have fallen over if Apple Bloom hadn’t been supporting her from the side. There was a vagueness in her eyes that signified that whatever shred of lucidity she had been holding onto, it was gone.

“Come on, let’s get you some water.” It was weird, seeing Applejack like this. Drunk was one thing, but this was about as low as a pony could get. Of course, Applejack had done similar things taking care of her when she was sick, but now it felt especially embarrassing.

Apple Bloom led her to the well and pulled up a bucket of water. Applejack dove into it greedily, gargling and spitting it out on the ground, and then repeating the process several more times.

“Just gotta make it to bed now, alright? Not much farther. Come on, Sis, you can do it.” Apple Bloom led her like she would a child, and Applejack just followed along, mumbling incoherently.

The stairs were a challenge, but Apple Bloom was able to carefully navigate them and was soon tucking Applejack into her bed, pulling up the covers and making sure she had a glass of water on the bedside table.

“G’night, Sis. Don’t worry, I’ll let ya sleep it off. I can handle at least some of the early morning stuff by myself.” Her plans could always wait.

Applejack’s hoof shot out from under the covers and grabbed her own. “Apple Bloom…” she mumbled. Apple Bloom looked up to meet her eyes, and they were wide and full of tears, her nose still runny from her earlier exertions. “M’sorry.”

Apple Bloom let out a sigh, then raised her other hoof to stroke at Applejack’s forehead. “It’s fine, AJ. I ain’t mad or nothing. Honest.”

“No, no, no. It ain’t that,” Applejack moaned, shaking her head. Her words had a desperate pleading to them, and she clung to Apple Bloom even tighter. “I… I messed up. That story. Didn’t get it right. I could never do it right.”

“It’s just a story, Applejack, it doesn’t matter much that—”

“It does matter!” Applejack whined, tears falling from her eyes freely as she sniffed loudly. “It matters ‘cause that was Momma’s story an’ she always told it to me to make me feel better and it did, but I can’t remember it right anymore, and I can’t do that for you the way she woulda!”

Apple Bloom froze, her own eyes starting to water slightly.

“It’s hard,” Applejack mumbled, slumping back into the bed, her grip loosening and her focus seeming to waver. “I can’t… how am I supposed to know if I’m doin’ right by Apple Bloom? She needs... I can’t… it’s just too hard.”

“It’s okay, “Apple Bloom said, closing her eyes and wiping at them with a hoof. She climbed underneath the covers and wrapped her forelegs around her sister’s neck. Applejack’s breathing had steadied, and she was likely already asleep.

“I reckon you did alright.”

Author's Note

Yay applesisters!

Thanks to Kalan, Magpie and JeffCvt for editing.