Ditzy's Dilemma

by chlochlocola

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Dinky Hooves, Random, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2747

Of course on the day of my job interview, I go and mess everything up as usual.

Of course on the day of my job interview, I go and mess everything up as usual. Nice going, Ditzy. Well, I'll be going to talk with the princess about this.

My life is problem after problem. Oh, and if this is you Dinky, I told you to stay out of my room. Put my journal down.

I recommend starting from the first chapter, as you can pick your path.

Published 2012-05-05 20:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-30 12:55:00 UTC

To the Castle!

To the Castle!

Monday

This is how it went down: First, I explained to them, like everypony else, my name is Ditzy. Ditzy. Definitely not Derpy. They didn't seem to pay me any mind, so I just went on. I told them I used to work for Equestria Shipping Services, and I have a 7 year old filly, and I am widowed. They just nodded their sophisticated heads, and asked why I was there. Thats when Dinky stormed in with her pet macaw, which came and pecked the scalps of the interviewers and flew off with a green toupee. That's the last we'll be seeing of Peanuts the annoying parrot.

Sadly, the ponies who were interviewing me told me to scram, but then, Fluttershy's elephant, which was my ride home, came storming into the place, crushing the office chairs, desks, and filing cabinets, and breaking down walls in the drab office. That's exactly why I'm crashing through the bright blue sky on the way to the castle in Canterlot. Too bad there are no clouds to rest on the way. It's a two and a half hour flight.

I walked into the castle, followed by unicorn guards, eyeing my non-existent pockets, and making sure I was walking on the ugliest maroon carpet I'd ever seen. I'm gonna have a great day. Yay.

When I saw the princesses I was not intimidated by them, like most mares, as I had many mishaps. Thank goddess that the Equestrian council is so forgiving. Princess Celestia met me with a friendly grin. "What happened Ditzy? Did you have an oven fire again?" Embarrassed, I told her the story about the elephant. Celestia was not surprised at all, and remarked that she was glad the injuries were minor. Not that I was paying attention anyway, 'cos the princess is so pretty.

Gladly, the mare was always so nice to me, even if she noticed my condition. She said she'd be back soon and that I could have a chat with Luna. I sat down with the scary night mare, and engaged in conversations about baking, especially muffins, and I found out she was quite the pleasant pony! When Celestia was back, I told her thank you, but she kept me a little longer. She told me that she would handle the charges because I had made friends with her sister. On my way home, I saw Dinky playing hopscotch with the CMC, Pipsqueak, Snips and Snails. They look so cute! They reminded me of when I'd race with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy when I was a foal. I was no match for Dash, but I always beat Shy. We always had so much fun! They always said I was super-cute because of my eyes, and I flew very well considering my condition.

Good thing I'm friends with Flutter because if it weren't for her elephant, I wouldn't be friends with Luna! Oh, by the way, Luna said she'd visit me next Sunday! I guess my problem actually helped with something! Hooray!

Go to school
I'll Tell You About the Doctor...
Luna Chat.

Joining the Doctor

Saturday

TODAY I WENT TO THE DOCTOR'S PLACE AND WE EXPERIMENTED WITH THE WHOOSEY-WHAT AND THE THING-A-MA-JIG. I ALSO WENT HALF-DEAF. LEMME JUST-OH Oh oH OH okay I got this. I watched him experiment with the Tardis, and we went to play in the snow in Griffin country. I almost got eaten, but the Doctor is so fast! The griffins were all like, screaming and about to eat me, but the Doctor swept me up and we came back to Ponyville.

Last time I got mauled to death by the griffins, but the Doctor said he did some hocus pocus-ey thing and brought me back. I have nothing to do now, so I'll tell you about baking muffins. Whenever I make muffins, Ditzy comes in and licks up the batter. I tell her not to, and she's had salmonella more than once, but she does anyways. Once, she got so on my nerves, that I dyed the muffin batter blue so she'd back off.

I once brought muffins to Ditzy's school, and the foals wolfed them all down. No more for mommy. sob. I made thoses special but Ditzy was all like, BRING THE DANG MUFFINS TO SCHOOL MOM. I just said okay. She brought me too.

I met Pinkie Pie for our baking sessions we have every Saturday, and we made cupcakes out of the most interesting smelling ingredients. The smelled like... Skittles. I don't know. The was one that also smelled like... hmm.. a library. I stitched together a little toaster cozy for Pinkie, and she loved it! Pinkie was like, "I love this stuff! I wish Fluttershy made me more of these." Her pupils went in two different directions, unlike mine, and shrunk. I almost left. She said next time we'll make cupcakes would be a while later, because she needed more ingredients. I have to go to Ditzy's school tour. It's at 6:00, and it's 5:30. Or later. I have a LARGE lack of watch. The only clock in the house is in Dinky's room.

Go to School
Talk to Luna
Forget School SPA!

Talk to Luna

Wednesday

I met Luna today at my house, and we talked about baking, and embroidering. I told her about Dinky, and her muffin incident, taking me to school and demanding muffins. She was laughing, and telling me about when she was small, and Celestia chewed on her horn claiming it tasted like raisin. She told Celestia she tasted like cotton candy. I told her about me eating Rainbow Dash's mane, saying she tasted like rainbows. But less spicy. I said I used to have a toy cat named Puisin and she was super-duper fluffy. And that I have a pet doggy named Luna. Princess Luna laughed and I showed her a picture of Luna, and she was all like, doggy-doggy like. She told me her dog's name was Pinky. Pinky was a tiny chihuahua.

Luna told me she loved talking to other ponies, because most were scared of her. She talked of sailing, fishing, and raiding. I asked her about fishing, she said she can talk fish, but can only hold her breath for three minutes. She said the the griffins don't appreciate her. I told her the same for me.

I talked about Puisin, Luna and raisins. Luna told me about her self and this is what she said.

Luna Was All Like:

Luna Chat

Still Wednesday

"I came from the Everfree Forest. My parents were a unicorn and a pegasus. The unicorn, who was my father, brought up the sun every morning. My mother, the pegasus, gracefully weaved through the clouds, brining forth the moon. My Mother a mellow pony, would occasionally fight with my father. One night, I overheard I was... a mistake. A birth defect is what I had. I was supposed to be a unicorn. Celestia was too. He blamed it on my mother, the pegasus. He struck my mother with his horn, and as he was sleeping, my mother took Tia and I deep into the Everfree forest, eventually dropping us off at the midnight castle. She flew off to get provisions." She stopped for a moment, long enough for me to ask a question, to soon be ignored. Soon she went on.

"She soon returned, soon to be turned to stone. She had a quarrel with the Cockatrice, apparently. When I found this out years later well... because Celestia never told me, and said 'Mom went to Dad's', well, I flipped out. I went absolutely insane. She made up this whole 'Nightmare Moon' thing, and sent me to the moon for yelling at her. She loed to me about my parents! Anyways, on the moon I had some run-ins with a moonitaur, Bat-ponies and Lunar Maria, and I had a blast! It was better on the moon than in Equestria! In year 999, it was pretty boring. I didn't feel like going underground, so I hung out with Skippy the moon rock. I found out he was a jerk. When I got home, she told me to put on stilts, gel up my hair and wear some new armors. I wondered why, but it was just for the Nightmare Moon ploy. When the girls hit me with the elements, Celestia ran in and took off my costume. She said I was purified, and when I was crying she said she missed me. I didn't miss her all that much, but I cried anyway. Celestia reminds me of Skippy."

She went on about how Celestia locked her in her own room during the wedding, which I showed up to, and how good an actor Luna is. She's such a nice mare. I hope she visits again. Soon later, the purple mare left and said she would arrange a date soon for us in Canterlot. I love making new friends!

Hang Out with the Doctor
SPASPASPA
Fics!

Fanfics

Friday

As I walk down the stairs a see a great green monster mad of goo and LOOK HIM IN THE FACE AND YELL OMMAHGAWD U BEE SO SCARY ! AND EYE RUN DOEHN THE HALLL YELLING.

As you see, I couldn't write if my life was on the line. Here's my best work. I recommend listening to this while you're at it.

On my way home from school I found a demon, sliming it's way thru town, carrying Celestia in it's disgusting egg pouch. I defeated it using what Ms. Dash taught me, Ruler Rescue. As the next corner was cleared I found a lizard, eating peoples lunches. I killed it by using my patented Cyclone smash. And then I....

That was the worst story you've ever read right? Dinky's are much better. I told her to find them, but I was rudely refused. Whatever, small child. Without me, you would've got hit by a car when you were three.

As I prodded the monster, I told him to wake up. The green figure didn't at least grunt. I thoht he was dead. poor guy. I dindn't know what to make of this, SOOO I decided to grad holt of him and lug him intoh the car.

blah/ blahblahblah/

Hmmm..? ZWAAAK..! Sorry I fell asleep. Hmm. Did you know that the more you pray the faster the ozon layer disappears? LOL just kidding. I-I uhh.

/ERROR/

***

Hey guys, did you just read my fanfiction? It was about a robot who likes to read fanfictions. She likes to plagiarize. Hee hee. Sorry for the short entry everypony. Life hasn't been to exciting lately. KAAAAPA-PA

Achievement Get!

So Celestia visited today! Because, well... I destroyed the town hall the third time this month. But it isn't my fault. Writing and flying is difficult and if Rainbow and Lyra hadn't spooked me about writing and having an ever-present audience reading the every word I write, and tweaking the story even though it's my story and their dimension isn't all powerful and friendship-y, I wouldn't have turned my reading lamp on. What a bunch of bologna. They think I believe in that? Well... maybe I do, but whatever!

So today I destroyed town hall, blew up Sugarcube Corners oven, drank a half pint of grape juice, and crippled Pinkie's... tail. She said "crippled" but it's hair. It doen't get "crippled". After my cooking antics with Pinkie, I sat on my couch, pony style, and watched some idiots play modern warmare. Manehattan shore... So much for "news" at nine. Suckish elephant destroying my one chance at a job.
Boring times. Boooring times.

***

At last, I finally found some ting to do! By the way, drawing those stars is harder than you think. Anyways, I took up basketball! I stink at it too! Horay! MORE GAMES.

Why can't Celestia be as nice as Luna. She obviously thinks she is the nicest pony, flaunting her stuff, be she be wrong. Scold me as you please, princess, but stop acting all royal. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU NICER.

Bad Fanfics!

School

Tuesday

Today I visited Dinky at school. She seems to be learning very well. I asked Ms. Cheerilee about her grades and she said Dinky was getting B+ average. I wonder why she's trying to hide her tests from me if she's getting such good grades. I 'll have to ask Dinky about this.

I met Snips in person today, and he's pretty quirky. I understand why Dinky's friends with him, but he seems like trouble to me. Snails is odd. I don't like him. I love Pip though! He's sooo adorable! Whenever you poke him, he makes the squee noise! And of course, Pinkie always plays with them. I like Ms. Cheerilee. She always encourages the foal's talents, and crams in learning with that.

I don't love the school house itself though. It's a little dingy, and the doorways are short. Sob. I keep hitting my head. I'm gonna get a concussion! Blah.

I picked up Dinky early, she was begging at my hooves. "Mooooom! TAKE ME WITH YOU!" I told her simply, no. But, to my dismay, she linked her hooves around mine, and I dragged her home. She's surprisingly light, which is good, but It was horrible. I signed her out with her on my knee. How embarrassing! Ms. Cheerilee didn't seem to notice. I don't believe her acting.

Snails and Snips laughed at me dragging Dinky home, so I scolded them, just to get scolded myself. Ms. Cheerilee was all like,"Don't scold the kids like that!" And I was all like "They were being disrespectful!" And she was all like "Okay."

Did you expect something fancy? I got scolded. That's it. Don't scold the kids like that. Okay? Okay. Okay?

I also had Dinky tutored at Twilight's for magic. I'm a pegasus, so Twilight pretty much spoke gibberish to me. Oh well. I don't have to worry about Dinky having trouble.

Talk to the Doctor
Talk to Luna

At the Spa With Pinkie

Today I went to the spa with Ms. Pinkimena Diane Responsibility Pie. The ooze of the mud bath was sickening, the bubbles popping in my face constantly. Pinkie just sank to the bottom. Somehow, her alligator ended up in here, chewing up my front left hoof. She told me about the fanfic Twililight was writing, and how boring it was. In the warm bubbling of the hot tub, she told me about breaking the fourth wall. Been there, done that. I told her to enjoy the hot tub, that apparently ment to her splashing the scalding stuff in my face. Gosh Pie.

While preening my feathers, the spa ponies told me about this new dragon. Rainbow Dash punched it in the nose, and the dragon started a bunny fire. The bunnies scattered, leaving Fluttershy with nothing to do. Pinkie used her fourth wall powers to kill the reptile. Somehow, that's how Equestria was made. Geez, Who is Pinkie possessing now?

In the spa I fell asleep in the hot tub, but Gummy woke me up, so I could find the Girls, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, Twilight, Pinkie and Applejack sitting in the water. Thankfully they seemed to subdue Pinkie enough so she wouldn't burn us alive. Fluttershy and Rarity told me to 'Praise Lord Smooze' as I left with Pinkie to go to her private spa.

As we arrived at Sugarcube corner, I saw the tub in her room. She made tater tots (?) and we hopped in the pool. It was much cooler than the other, and more comfortable. Gummy had his own mini-pool and was sitting, blowing bubbles through his nose (?). Pinkie is so strange.

Dinky called me with her unicorn magic, and I simply told her to go home. She was at Twist's house, playing tiddlywinks. I told Pinkie not to sing her orphanage songs while I was talking, and she didn't. It was her "I'm the Princess of the night" song. I told her to shut it but she sang louder. This is when I want Fluttershy's elephant to crash into stuff. Curses. I went to hang out with Luna, but I found her at the spa. She soon left, but I told her to stay. She said it was her week to tend to the garden. I love hanging out with friends! Bye spa!

Read my Story!