And Eat it Too
a One-shot by SlayerBVC
The sun was just barely peeking over the mountains as the Friendship Express ascended up, around, and through them. Its sleeper car holding only a few occupants despite the huge country-wide event being held at its destination today.
On one side, an orange earth pony was snoring loudly across from her other bunk mate, a lavender unicorn with a striped mane. Beneath them, a butter-yellow pegasus was lightly snoozing, with a purple and green scaled baby dragon curled up between her and her bed's other occupant, an alabaster unicorn whose deep violet mane and tail were both done up in curlers. On the other side, an earth pony couple were peacefully asleep on the bottom bunk. And in the top bunk, a rainbow-maned pegasus tossed and turned, occasionally muttering under her breath how she'd rather be on a cloud. Two foals; a cream-colored pegasus colt, and a light yellow unicorn filly, were huddled next to the pegasus mare's friend, a pink earth pony with an impossibly curly pink mane.
One by one each of the ponies yawned and stretched awake as the sunlight struck them, greeting each other as they woke up.
“So Pinks, today's the big day. The 'Warrior of the Sweet Tooth' contest.” Rainbow said to her bed mate
“Yeppers! And I'm soooooo excited! I know I can win. I just know it!” Pinkie yelled, completely ignoring the idea of 'inside voice' as was her custom at times. She was bouncing enough in the bed, that even the foals she had snoozed with had enough as Pound pinned his surrogate big sis's hind legs to the bed to stop her. His twin sister Pumpkin silently nodding in thanks.
“Well I'm glad to hear that Pinkie, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. Princess Celestia's been the defending champion for Three-hundred ninety-four years.” Twilight informed her.
“But ain't th' contest only ev'ry five years?” Applejack asked her friend as she fumbled around for her Stetson.
“True, but that still means that she's won seventy-eight times in a row.” the unicorn replied back.
“So when didn't she win Twilight?” Rarity asked, carefully removing the curlers in her mane with magic, when Spike yawned.
“First time the competition was held. The judges ruled that shrinking cakes down with magic before eating them was unfair. She agreed, and let them disqualify her.” the dragon enlightened his crush.
“I ...I know that I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pressure. Or that crowd. But I'll still be cheering for you Pinkie.” Fluttershy said softly as she brushed some stray pieces of mane out of her eyes.
Pinkie was so lucky to have such good friends for support. But even though all the facts that they'd said were true, she knew that she and her stomach stood a chance against the co-ruler of Equestria's
After all it had been Spike who first told her about the contest five months ago. Applejack who had helped her with baking her practice pastries. Rainbow Dash who helped her work off the weight that inevitably followed. Fluttershy who treated her many stomachaches. Twilight Sparkle and Rarity who helped her prepare against Celestia's eating technique. And the Cakes, who had her back through all of her training.
“Well come on everypony, we should get breakfast from the dining car before we arrive at the station.” Twilight said as she and her friends made their way to the door, before stopping when they saw Pinkie wasn't following them.
“Umm... Pinkie? The hay you doin' missy?” Applejack said to her friend.
“I need all the space in my tummy that I can get, AJ. That means no food until contest time.” Pinkie said with a smile still on her face.
“So you're going to starve, just to give yourself a better chance to win? I'm sorry dearie, but that doesn't seem...” Cup Cake raised a forehoof and waved it around, as she attempted to find an appropriate word.
“Safe?” Rarity suggested.
“Safe, yes.” Cup agreed as she let Pumpkin onto her back.
“Nope. Not taking any chances.” she said.
“At least come with us so that you aren't alone here” Carrot Cake asked. Pinkie leapt out of the bed and happily followed her friends to the adjacent train car.
While they'd started eating, Twilight had asked Spike to refresh Pinkie's memory on the contest's rules, procedures, and scoring.
“Rules of the 'Warrior of the Sweet Tooth' contest. -1: For unicorns and anyone using magic. Use of any magic except levitation is prohibited and will result in automatic disqualification.” Spike looked up from his rules sheet at the pink mare. “This means that the Princess can't teleport 500 cupcakes into her own stomach and have it count.” Pinkie just nodded in understanding. “-2: Only completely eaten pastries count.” “In other words, eat it completely.” “-3: Competitors who pass out are eliminated from the contest.” “Self-explanatory.”
“Contest Procedure. The competition is conducted in four rounds with a different pastry featured in each round (in order: cupcakes, muffins, pies, and cakes). The first ten to finish will advance past Round 1, the first seven for Round 2, the first four for Round 3, and the first to finish for Round 4. The victor of Round 4 will then be given the right to challenge the defending champion.” Spike could feel his stomach throwing fits as he tried to fathom eating that many sweets in one day.
“Final Round Scoring. Unlike the competition rounds, the final round against the champion is a scored round as follows. Cupcakes are worth 1 point each, Muffins: 5, Pies: 10, Cake Slices: 15, Ice Cream Cake Slices: 20, and Whole Cakes: 30. The Final round is over when either the challenger or champion cannot continue.
“I never thought an eating contest needed to be so complex.” Spike said aloud.
“The fact that those haven't needed to be changed in over 300 is also astounding.” Carrot added as Pound roughed around with his dad's mane.
“Thank you Spike” Pinkie said to the dragon. “Rainbow, Twilight. Come over here.” the pegasus flew over at the mention of her name, as Twilight teleported in a flash of rose-colored magic. They both already knew what her friend wanted to talk about. Final Round strategy, of which her friend's certainty and confidence still surprised Rainbow Dash.
The Friendship Express came to a stop at Canterlot Station as its ten passengers disembarked. The capital city itself was more crowded than usual, as many ponies made their way to the castle courtyard.
The contest was one of the few events at the castle that was open to the public, it tended to draw a large crowd, as evidenced by the presence of several grandstands erected against the courtyard walls, and even atop the roofs for pegasi. A large two-tiered stage had been set up in front of the Princesses' tower, with seating for ten ponies on each level.
The pastries themselves were provided by the staff in the royal kitchen who had been working for two days straight getting ready. Even now the bakers and chefs were still getting the deserts out of the ovens, and making sure Princess Celestia's favorite Ice Cream cakes stayed chilled until the final round.
“Well this is it. Wish me luck everypony.” Pinkie said after taking a deep breath.
“Wait Pinkie, aren't you forgetting something?” Twilight asked, motioning to Applejack's foreleg.
“Oooooohhh. Almost forgot!” the pink mare realized, pulling a steel blue length of cloth with a '19' stitched on it, out of her tail. Rarity took the cloth with her magic and tied it in a knot around her right foreleg. The cloth was a contestant's band, you couldn't participate without having applied for one in advance. She thanked her friends and the Cakes as she hopped to the stage.
Twilight smiled as she watched her friend take her place. They were astounded at how many ponies they knew, were contestants this time. Soarin' of the Wonderbolts, Twilight's brother Shining Armor (who had decided to enter at the last minute) and father NightLight, Donut Joe, and many others, including the grey pegasus who delivered Ponyville's mail.
“I don't think I've seen the courtyard this packed since your brother's wedding” Spike said to Twilight. “Public event. Go figure.” Twilight replied.
Eventually the group ran into Twilight's mom, Star Sparkle, and found seats in the grandstands as Princess Celestia flew down onto the stage from her balcony.
“Good morning everypony, and welcome to the eightieth Equestrian 'Warrior of the Sweet Tooth' eating competition. Where a pony's craving for pastries is their greatest strength. Today I will defend my title of 'Pastry Paladin' for the seventy-ninth time from one of our twenty contestants.” Celestia addressed the assembled crowd, as she motioned to the massive trophy behind her. “I now welcome our distinguished judge, Equestria's legendary pastry chef, Raspberry 'The Guru' Tart.” the princess moved to her seat on the stage side to observe, as Raspberry approached the mic.
The chef was an onyx unicorn with a short crimson-colored mane and imposing ice blue eyes. His very demeanor suggesting that he might explode at any moment like his cutie mark which was fittingly enough, a burst-open raspberry. “I trust that you are all aware of the rules and procedures? If there are no questions, then we will start Round 1.” he said, focusing his grey-blue magic to shoot a flare with a '1' in it into the sky.
The kitchen staff brought out forty plates of twenty cupcakes, setting two plates at each competitor's spot. “Begin.” Raspberry said.
“DONE!”
Raspberry had only turned his eyes away for a half-second when a he heard the high-pitched voice and his eyes fell on Pinkie. With both plates clean of all cupcakes. 'Well this year will be interesting then.' he thought to himself. Five minutes later NightLight rang his bell.
“And stop eating. Stop eating. Round 1 has concluded, numbers 2, 5, 7, 8, 10, 11, 13, 14, 19, and 20 move on to Round 2. Numbers 1, 3, 4, 6, 9, 12, 15, 16, 17 and 18, thank you and we'll hopefully see you again in five years. I now invite the contestants to spread themselves out.”
“Round 2 will be starting riiiighhhtt.... NOW!” Raspberry shouted, shooting another flare with a '2' into the sky. Three wicker baskets full of muffins were set down in front of each pony. Pinkie was neutral on muffins taste-wise as she took her time, but she quickly realized that she'd need to at least keep pace with Derpy to make it through.
Six minutes passed as Soarin' finished the last muffin in his basket. “And Stop. Round 2 is done, and numbers 5, 7, 11, 13, 14, 19 and 20 advance. Come back next time 2, 8, and 10. Now onto Round 3 wher-” *thud* “Number 13? Are you okay ma'am?” Raspberry asked the wall-eyed mare.
“Too....many.....muffins.” Derpy said clutching her stomach in pain. Raspberry couldn't help but feel sorry for her, as he'd seen this happen too many times. Some poor foal thinks that they have the stomach to make it through, only to grossly underestimate all of the sugar and pass out. Two of the eliminated contestants helped her up and led her to the medical tent. Pinkie, Shining Armor, Soarin', NightLight, Joe, and Truffle Shuffle all swallowing hard at the sight. “Round 3 will proceed with our remaining six contestants. The first four will still advance.” “Start.” another flare went into the sky
Sixty pies came out of the kitchen, all in different flavors. Apple, peach, cherry, blueberry, pumpkin, and more. It was then that alarms went off in AJ and Rainbow's heads as they both recalled the Wonderbolt's love of pie from meeting him at the Gala. Rainbow looked up to one of the rooftop grandstands and her eyes confirmed her thoughts.
All of the Wonderbolts were being led in a cheer for their squad mate by Spitfire. Dash silently reassured herself that Pinkie would be able to tune their cheers out, but also wondered how much of the crowd would follow the Wonderbolt captain's lead.
Pinkie ingeniously used her improbably long tongue to lift the pies out of their pans two at a time. Soarin' meanwhile was just messily eating each of his, as some of the sticky fruit filling covered his face which he licked off in between pies, Pinkie having already finished hers heard him say with a full mouth something about how these pies weren't 'as good as that one from the Gala.'
Poor Truffle Shuffle hadn't even finished half of his first one, and the pudgy colt was now asleep with his face in peach filling.
“I Give. I Give.” Shining Armor said as he pushed away his half-finished tenth pie. He looked over to his father who breathed a sigh of relief at not having to keep up with his son.
“This concludes Round 3. Numbers 5, 7, 11, and 19 advance. Numbers 14 and 20, thank you for your participation. Round 4 is next, now in light of the end of previous round I'll extend the option to withdraw from the competition to those who wish to do so.” Raspberry stated. Pinkie felt her stomach with her hooves, she wasn't regretting her decision to skip dinner and breakfast and she didn't feel full yet. Meanwhile Soarin' was fighting the kitchen staff to let him lick the others' pie pans, which they refused to allow.
Joe and NightLight got up though and walked off the stage as the crowd applauded them for coming this far. Unfortunately this now meant that Pinkie was facing a pony who was as big an eater as she was. But her friends knew her better. “Round 4 will begin with contestants 7 and 19. The victor of this round has the right to challenge Princess Celestia for the title of 'Pastry Paladin'. If the contestants are ready we'll begin.” the chef said as he shot a '4' into the sky.
Six twelve inch chocolate cakes were brought to Pinkie and Soarin', both getting three each. “Stop. Round 4 is over.” Soarin's eyes went wide as his gaze went to the pink mare. He had barely even touched his first cake when the round ended. 'I never stood a chance against her.' he thought as he hoofbumped Pinkie and flew up to join his squad mates to watch the Final Round.
“As the winner of Round 4, Miss Pie has now won the right to challenge her highness for the title. Will you do so?” Raspberry asked the bouncing pony.
“Yessirroony!” Pinkie said excitedly. She guessed her stomach was probably half-full now but that just meant that she'd just need to eat faster than the princess. Twilight had told her to not let Celestia trick her into outdoing her at eating Ice Cream cake. Because she controlled the sun, her body had a magical immunity to brain freeze and she often used this to her advantage when she'd fallen behind. Rainbow Dash determined that focusing on cupcakes and Whole Cakes instead, gave her the best chance to keep pace with Celestia.
Celestia got up and Princess Cadance removed her aunt's royal attire so it would not get dirty. She trotted over to the stage and sat herself down next to the party pony as she tied her waving pastel mane back with a gold ribbon. Before Raspberry opened his mouth again a large gasp erupted from the crowd. He turned to see both mares locked in a glare that looked like both were about to maul the other, instead of eat pastries.
'I just need to eat more than her before I pass out.' Pinkie thought.
'After so many years, will my title finally be lost?' Celestia pondered.
“If her highness and the challenger are ready, we'll commence the final round.” the chef said. The bakers had already brought out enough pastries to cover the entire length of the table, unsurprisingly Celestia went for the Ice Cream cake slices first. She was downing them one per every thirty seconds, but this was far more inefficient than the cupcakes Pinkie was sticking with. Having already completed five plates of twenty in 2 minutes she was already ahead of the princess in points.
Celestia realized that this could be a problem, as she saw the pink pony somehow unhinge her jaw to swallow all 6 whole cakes on their table. Pinkie motioned for the chefs to keep it coming, as Celestia frantically started eating pies to catch up with the mare, forgoing magic altogether in favor of efficiency. But she could see Pinkie just gulping down more plates of cupcakes than she could finish pies.
Celestia attempted to replicate her feat, but it resulted in less than half the plate making it into her mouth as the cupcakes fell to the stage floor, most falling icing-side onto her tail. She was mentally cursing herself for having to worry about etiquette so much that she was unable to do any of what her subject was accomplishing. Shaken and demoralized, Celestia let her face fall into a chocolate cake accepting defeat.
“Mares and Gentlecolts we have a new 'Pastry Paladin'. I present to you the winner of the eightieth 'Warrior of the Sweet Tooth' contest. Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie.” Pinkie hopped up and hugged the trophy, before her eyes fell on the princess. She trotted over and pulled Celestia out of the cake as she wiped the crumbs and frosting out of her eyes.
“Princess Celestia. I'm super sorry about kicking your flank like that, but I reallyreallyreallyreallyreally wanted to win this.” Pinkie apologized to the alicorn.
“Pinkie Pie, you're the first of my little ponies to defeat me in this contest in almost four hundred years. To be honest, I couldn't be happier for you.” Celestia assured her, motioning for a hoofshake, but Pinkie took it as an offer for a hug, which the princess found herself thoroughly enjoying more.
The Princess's mane and coat were now sopping wet after she had requested that Rainbow Dash fetch a raincloud to wash off the assortment of pie filling, cake crumbs, ice cream, icing, and frosting that had built up on it. “I haven't been that messy since I was a filly.” Celestia mused as she summoned the sun's power through her body to dry it. She'd made arrangements for the trophy to be delivered to Sugar Cube Corner later in the week.
Rarity had extended an offer to dinner for the group. Which Pinkie groaned at the mere thought of more food before the sugar crash finally hit her.
THE END
