The Neighcronomicon

Applejack considered herself a stoic, respectable mare. She took some pride in being stubborn, in being able to dig her hooves in and not back down. Sure, it left her blindsided from time to time when she let her stubbornness get the better of her, but being unflappable and dependable were aspects of being an Apple. In her time being the Element of Honesty and saving Equestria, Applejack had seen a whole lot of strange and wonderful things.

Seeing an old mare's tale come to life in the form of Nightmare Moon? Scary, but a good memory since she really got to know some of her best friends that night. Getting her mind all scrambled up by Discord was another scary moment, but Twilight had come through for her and saved her from herself. Watching Discord sow chaos and anarchy all over Ponyville? That had ranked as Applejack's worst memory; if nothing stays the same or behaves right, then Honesty is just a word in the dictionary. Seeing one of her best friends suddenly get a twin out of thin air? Move over Discord, hello new weirdest thing ever.

"What. In The. Actual. Buck."

"Rainbow Dash!" gasped Rarity, breaking the silence of the train station even further, "that is not language to use in front of a young colt!" The fashion minded unicorn had magicked up herself a brush from somewhere and was busy simultaneously railing against Rainbow's poor word choice and trying to work the sand and grit from her coat.

Rolling her eyes as RD shouted equally vitriolic responses to Rarity's outcry, Applejack moved over to Twilight and... Applejack couldn't help but mentally fumble as she looked over the newly (born? arrived? created?) unicorn.

Like Twilight, the new unicorn had a purple coat and darker purple hair, though rather than a pink stripe like Twilight's mane and tail had, the new unicorn's stripe was much closer to red in coloration.

Fluttershy, who had recovered from her fainting spell with commendable quickness, was busy tending to Twilight's many injuries and wiping the blood from her coat. Pinkie Pie, on the other hoof, had pulled a nurses hat from her mane and was busy wrapping up the almost-Twilight in what seemed like an unhealthy number of bandages.

Applejack stopped walking and settled down between the two Twilights. Running an appraising eye over the almost-Twilight, Applejack said, "Pinkie Pie, you know yer gonna need to let that poor mare breath, right?"

Pinkie looked up sharply, "Hey, I don't tell you how to be a cowpony, so you shouldn't tell me how to be a nurse oh BLEEP!" Pinkie shouted as almost-Twilight began to thrash around, the bandages too tightly wound around her mouth and nose to allow for airflow.

Two seconds of frenzied scissor work later, Pinkie sat back on her flank and pantomimed at wiping away the sweat on her brow. "Whoa, that was a close one. Thanks for the save Dr. Jackie."

Not bothering to look, Applejack began to pull off the lab coat and stethoscope Pinkie had assuredly equipped her with. "Pinkie," Applejack drawled, "Ah seem to recall us havin' a lil' talk about you puttin' clothes and other props on me without me sayin' to do so."

"Uh... y-you do? Hehe, w-well that seems great but I think Dashie needs my help calming down Rarity, bye!" With a puff of displaced dust, Pinkie Pie zipped past Applejack, almost bowling over Chain Censer and Prince Hazard in her haste to avoid a proper talkin' to.

"I must say, that mare must have sugar and caffeine in her veins, instead of blood." said Chain Censer as he fussed with Able Hazard's robes, brushing the few flecks of dirt off of them that Pinkie had kicked up.

"Heh, well put there Mr. Censer, Ah'd reckon that's near enough the truth given what Pinkie eats." Though she knew it was impolite not to look at who she was talking to, Applejack couldn't help but look Able Hazard over while she spoke. The prince's eyes were only sea-foam green from a distance, Applejack decided, because from much closer they seemed more like a collage of blues and greens that averaged out to sea-foam in color. Prince Hazard was also much smaller than many colts approaching stallionhood, but was clearly not a foal given his gangly appearance.

More than his dark green coat or damp straw colored hair, Applejack's eyes focused on the space just above Able Hazard's brow, where she had expected to see a horn. The princesses had horns, and so did the only prince she knew of, but Able Hazard was clearly an earth pony, just like her.

"Lady Applejack, is there something the matter with my appearance?" said Able Hazard, his voice peaking and dropping oddly as he spoke. "Perhaps there is a morsel from this morning twixt my teeth?" he finished with a mischievous smile.

Applejack sat up and waved her forehooves in a state of mild panic, "Ack! Sorry there Prince Hazard! Ah know Ah'm not supposed to stare it's just, uh..."

Able Hazard started laughing, like fresh water bubbling and burbling from the spigot, a melody of highs and lows. "Ahaha, no no, please excuse my teasing. I am so often bound by courtly duties that it's a joy to be in the presence of one to whom fanciful manners are not second nature."

The young prince smiled, clapped his hooves together and briefly inclined his head; Applejack bowing just a touch deeper so that Rarity wouldn't raise a stink later. "Well thank'ee kindly Prince, but if it's all the same to you Ah'd prefer to just be called Applejack, no need for that 'lady' nonsense with me."

Smiling, the Prince pointed at each of the Twilights laying on the station floor, "Well then, can you endeavor to explain this to me then, Applejack? In all my years I've never seen one unicorn suddenly become two."

Applejack chuckled and pushed her stetson back, "Ah reckon that you're askin' the wrong pony 'bout that. If Ah had to guess, Ah'd say that Twi must have done somethin' crazy and now she's got herself a twin."

Twisting about to look at the two purple unicorns, Applejack caught Fluttershy's eye. She, in turn, gave both Twilight's a quick once over before nodding to Applejack and Prince Hazard, "T-They're okay, most of their um, their injuries are m-minor."

"Whoa," chirped Rainbow Dash, "All that blood and stuff and it's just minor injuries? Maybe Twilight isn't such an egghead after all." Fluttershy skittered back and Applejack had to bite off several choice words not meant for the presence of colts as Rainbow hovered above them, the very picture of innocence.

"Hey, hey, mister prince sir, do you have a castle? Or like, a mansion?! Oh oh! What about a mansion that's also a castle, or a castle that's also a mansion?! Oh my gosh that'd be so cool!" Pinkie Pie cheered, appearing between Chain Censer and Able Hazard, seemingly without crossing the intervening space from where Rarity sat.

Smoothing his mustache with one hoof, Chain Censer grumbled, "Yes Miss Pie, Prince Able Hazard does have a royal domicile, though the preferred term is palace, not mansion or castle."

"How are we to transport Twilig- er, both Twilight's and all our luggage?" Rarity asked in a slightly arch tone as sweat beaded on her brow and the group's collective luggage hovered around her in a haze of blue magic. "Gentlemare though I may be, I doubt I'll be able to manage this many things for more than a hoof-full of minutes."

Without a word, Rainbow Dash zipped over and seized two sets of saddlebags, Pinkie Pie and Applejack both carefully picked up a Twilight each and set them across their backs, and Fluttershy gracefully flew over and plucked two more sets of saddlebags out of the air, leaving Rarity levitating the last of the saddlebags, which she promptly slung over her flanks.

"Well, now that that's dealt with," Rarity smiled and motioned for Prince Hazard to take the lead, "Shall we retire to your palace? I dare say Twilight is due for some bed rest while we try and fill you in on why we've suddenly arrived at your doorstep."

* * *

As Fluttershy labored to work her wings while carrying two sets of saddlebags, her mind was ablaze with sensory input. New, unfamiliar ponies looked out at her and her friends from their windows, and the shadows of Coltstantinople's many row houses twisted into monsters and sneering faces in the corner of her eyes.

Fluttershy knew that, technically speaking, she was a brave pony for helping her friends with all their crazy and dangerous adventures. But as her breath caught in her throat and her wings threatened to snap shut at the sight of yet another shadowy figure, leering at her from the shade of a refuse filled alleyway, Fluttershy didn't feel anything but terror.

"Lady Fluttershy, what is the matter?"

Glancing down, Fluttershy unintentionally made eye contact with Prince Hazard. His eyes seemed to beckon to her, and Fluttershy couldn't help but imagine the hood of an asp or king cobra slowly flaring out from the back of Prince Hazard's head. Her snake friends had eyes like that, beautiful eyes that promised so many things with no words at all. "With eyes like that I bet Able is a very good prince," Fluttershy whispered to herself.

Shaking her head free of snakes and entrancing eyes, Fluttershy mumbled "N-nothing is wrong, everything is f-f-fine, I'm j-just fine too." Ponies went new places all the time, thought Fluttershy, and every pony feels at least a little bit uncomfortable when they feel like they're not home. Except Rainbow Dash. Or Applejack. Oh, or Rarity. Or ...

Able Hazard pouted as he watched the yellow pegasus's pace slow even further to a relative crawl, her wings flapping erratically as her breath started coming in halting, jerky gasps. As the rest of the group started to slow down for them, Able grumbled something under his breath and used his hoof to beckon Fluttershy down to him.

"I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this...", Fluttershy chanted mutely, her lips moving even as the words died somewhere in her throat. The urge to land, to curl up and try to hide from the rest of the world surged through her like the waters of a dam long since due to fracture and break. The sight of Able Hazard beckoning her with his hoof was a balm to her, and Fluttershy gladly landed just in front of the young prince.

"Lady Fluttershy, I need you to look at me." pleaded Able. Fluttershy still felt the eyes of strangers running over her body and opted to instead press herself against the ground and let her pink mane block out the world. "Fluttershy's not here right now, please leave a message after the eep," mewled Fluttershy.

Able gently parted Fluttershy's mane and looked the trembling mare right in the eye. "Fluttershy please, we need to keep moving toward my palace," said Able, his voice taking on a faintly musical quality to Fluttershy's ears. "If you can just fly a little further, my servants can help get you girls a late lunch and settle the two Twilight's into bed for some rest."

A vision swam across Fluttershy's mind, an aray of rare desert blossoms and water drawn up from the bones of the world. A bed swaddled in silken sheets and laden down with downy pillows. Laying across the center of the bed in an exaggerated pose of relaxation was...

Fluttershy's wings snapped open and without preamble the blushing pegasus leapt into the sky, her anxiety lost in the tumult of emotions that beat within her breast. "Purple goes surprisingly well with vermilion sheeting...eep!" gasped Fluttershy, her wings blurred with unthinking speed, as if she hoped to outrace her own vivid imagination.

Able Hazard whistled in awe as he marveled at the yellow streak roaring across the sky. Mischief glinting in his eyes, the young prince picked up his own pace, galloping to catch up with his seneschal and his pen pal.

* * *

Rarity silently promised herself that regardless of what Prince Hazard's palace looked like inside she wouldn't gape and stare like some sort of simpleton. She was a refined, classy gentlemare, to whom the world of art and beauty were meant to be met with grace and poise, to be appreciated with the same elegance with which it was created.

But as Chain Censer pushed open the grand double doors and ushered her friends into the palace proper, Rarity couldn't help but gawp at the finery that littered the antechamber. Rich tapestries depicting the first settlers of Coltstantinople hung from the walls, while seamlessly blended frescoes made every blank stretch of wall an eye catching whirlwind of colors, landscapes, and ponies from long ago. Plush carpeting, superior to anything Rarity had experienced before, lined the hallway, with braziers set into the pillars providing a flickering firelight to walk by. Scented candles and small trays laden with smoldering incense filled the air with smells from every corner of the world and beyond.

"Girls," breathed Rarity in a tone of adoration, "when I collapse to the ground and shriek in jubilation, leave me where I fall. I fear the sheer majesty of this palace shall be the death of me, and I am content with that."

"I will hear none of such talk, Lady Rarity." chimed Able Hazard as he trotted up to stand by the pearly white unicorn. "While you are an esteemed guest here, my patience will be sorely tested if I must call the servants to remove your body." Rarity looked down at the young prince and caught his eye, the swirling depths of his soul flickering humorously from beyond those sea green windows.

"Besides, I hear it's quite difficult to drag anything on this carpeting." The prince's tone was light and mirthful, and Rarity was all but assaulted with the images of dresses, hats, and robes that drew inspiration from young Able's eyes and voice alone.

Drawing herself up into a dignified pose, Rarity flung one forehoof over her eyes, "Truly was I tempted to expire in spite of your rejoinder, but to hear that my remains would be dragged anywhere, well, I suppose I must carry on least my coat be subjected to such an indignity."

Able Hazard threw his head back and laughed without restraint, a sweet peal of joy that echoed up and down the corridor as the little cluster of ponies started moving once again. "Lady Rarity, truly you are a rare gem. Though I am overjoyed to see my friend Twilight, even in such a trying time, I am pleased tenfold to find her friends to be such grand company."

Rarity smiled politely at Prince Hazard's words, even as her eyes roamed the halls and rooms that she passed through. Endless streams of plans and imaginary dresses waltzed through her mind and it was all Rarity could do not to stop and begin sketching least she lose something fabulous to the mists of memory.

Blinking rapidly, Rarity brought her thoughts to a shuddering stop, images of a dress of scintillating emerald and jade scales fading like the morning fog. Her friends had all stopped in a wide room, furnished with numerous beds and wardrobes. Both Twilight's were quickly put to bed as Fluttershy hovered nervously, checking the odd bit of bandaging and trying to gauge the purple unicorn's temperatures.

A squat table carved from a polished wood that Rarity didn't recognize was covered in a wide array of desert flowers and fruits, while chilled pitchers of water were scattered periodically near clusters of colored crystal chalices. More small trays of incense dotted the corners of the room, lending the air a pleasantly fresh scent which reminded Rarity of a mountain spring shrouded by pines that she had hiked to in her youth.

Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie had wasted no time after depositing their bags or passengers, and were busy eating their fill at the table. As Rarity walked over, she was pleased to note that Prince Hazard hadn't left at all, but was busy questioning Applejack about their trip from Ponyville.

Rarity, levitating a chalice of water and a small sampling of the flower petals offered, cleared her throat. "Applejack, as much as I'm sure Prince Hazard delights in your account of the train ride," Rarity chimed, suppressing a shudder as the memory of the shoggoth blossomed in her mind, "I think it would be best if we started from the beginning of it all, just after Twilight had finished reading some of the Neighcronomicon."

Applejack popped a fresh flower into her mouth and in clear defiance of common table manners said "Well sure, that sounds just fine to me sugercube. Ah reckon you're the mare to tell that tale though, so Ah'd rather you do it than me."

Taking a delicate sip of her water, Rarity gazed around the room. Fluttershy, who would shake with fear at even the merest hint of danger, spared her not a glance as she tirelessly set about making both Twilight's comfortable. Pinkie Pie, who had defied all known laws of reality yet again and was consuming a small pile of cupcakes and sweets pulled from the aether, paused her ravenous demolishing of Sweets Land (named according to the tiny wooden sign stuck in a house shaped muffin), to grin at Rarity and nod encouragingly.

Applejack wiggled slightly to settle herself more comfortably, and Rainbow Dash was busy trying to juggle a small round fruit with just one hoof. Despite their seemingly inattentive behavior, Rarity could see their ears twitch as she drew in breath to begin spinning her tale.

Across the table, Prince Hazard tapped his forehooves together as he rested them on the tabletop, his eyes shining bright with anticipation. Rarity slowly let out the breath she was holding and began.

"It all started three days ago, when Twilight received a book from across the sands of space and time..."