As the Iron Princess raced down the train tracks at frankly irresponsible speeds, Twilight smiled at her friends antics. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were busy comparing battle wounds and arguing about who won a bet they had apparently placed. Twilight could only shake her head at the revelation that her athletic friends had competed on who could hit the shoggoth more. Pinkie Pie had slipped Applejack's well executed rope-work and was busy tuning a harmonica plucked from her mane. Fluttershy and Rarity were quietly huddled together, exchanging furtive whispers and giggling.

Twilight yawned. The warm sunshine and swaying of the train seemed to be conspiring to lull her to sleep. Lazily, the purple unicorn lay her head down, and cast her mind adrift. . .

* * *

"Ugh, finally! Hurry up and take a seat, we've gotta talk Twi."

Twilight opened her eyes, feeling only mildly surprised to see Sparks glaring at her from across a small round table like the one she had in her library. Unlike her library, there was nothing besides the table and the small circle of light that surrounded the two unicorns and the table. Rolling her eyes (which gave her a nice view of nothingness), Twilight sat herself down and rested her hooves upon the smooth wooden table top.

"Well Sparks, what do you feel needs discussion? I know I have a few questions I'd like to ask you."

Sparks waved a hoof and in a burst of magenta sparks a teapot and pair of tea cups and saucers appeared. With a knowing little smile, Sparks set about pouring herself some tea. "You do know we're being watched right?"

"In our own mind!?" Twilight shrieked. "I know the Neighcronomicon seems to have some mental rapport with us, but I didn't think it was self aware!"

Sparks pulled her hooves away from her ears, "Man, you have a killer set of pipes. I guess all that time singing like a ninny will do that though." Twilight, narrowing her eyes in a glare at Sparks, drew in a deep breath to explain (at length) how her singing was in no way 'ninny-like'.

Sparks, righting her teacup and wiping away the spilled tea, said "It's not the dumb book, I mean somepony is watching us. Not just now either, ever since you cast that bucked-up spell earlier."

Twilight felt her jaw drop, reprimands concerning her singing forgotten. "Wait, how? We're on a moving train; even Rainbow Dash would have trouble following us for how long we've been traveling!"

Sparks raised an eyebrow as she sipped delicately from her refreshed cup. "Twi, babe, what did you try to do to Able Hazard yesterday with that stupid spell?"

Twilight grasped the teapot in her telekinetic grip and set about making her own cup of tea. "I was trying to fashion a mutable tracking spell that would give me a constantly refreshing sense of direction and distance for his location." Twilight said in an arch tone; her tracking spell was not stupid!

Sipping on her tea, Twilight was pleasantly surprised that Sparks had conjured a delightful mixed tea; purple hyacinths and pink petunias. The colors had blended, making the tea evocative of Twilight's own coat. Taking another small mouthful of the tea, Twilight let the flavors dance across her tongue, such a shame it was all in her head, Fluttershy and Rarity would have loved the taste.

"So, in summary, spy on him."

Twilight sputtered indignantly, coughing as the imaginary tea she had been sipping on made a detour into her imaginary lungs. "S-s-spying? I wasn't doing that! I just need to know where he is so I can get him to explain what's going on with the Neighcronomicon!"

Sparks waved one hoof airily, "Fine, stalking, whatever. The point is, it's clearly possible for a sufficiently powerful and knowledgeable unicorn to find somepony, maybe even see them remotely. " Sparks set her own tea cup down and grinned with all the comfort of a steel trap. "And as your darker, more instinctual side, I promise you we are being watched."

Twilight sighed and set her own teacup down. "Fine, so what do you want to do about it smartypants?"

"I dunno, hit them with a rock until something breaks." Sparks said with a shrug. Twilight shuddered, partially at the very thought of committing such a gross act of violence, but mostly at how Sparks had so coldly and disinterestedly suggested it.

"Ah, yeah, that brings me to answer one of your questions." Sparks said, waving her teacup around lazily.

"I. . . I haven't asked you anything yet though?"

"Well, duh, I mean not here. But Twi, seriously," Sparks tapped the side of her head with one hoof, "I'm in your bucking mind. You should really get used to the fact that I have front row tickets to everything you think, say, and do."

Twilight's telekinesis sputtered fitfully, the teacup held in her magic swinging around drunkenly as she struggled to process the idea of somepony seeing everything she did, knowing all of her thoughts. . . but also not being able to usually influence those events they were intimately familiar with. "That's. . . that's kind of sad, isn't it?"

"You have no buckin' idea Twi. Whatever, at least now I get to give you bits of advice and yell at you, so it's looking up for Sparks." Throwing her teacup over one shoulder with a distinct lack of a crash, Sparks set her forehooves on the table. "Anyway, the reason I'm the only little offshoot of your mind that you get to play tea party with is because I'm the bit of you that's the least like you."

Twilight blinked at Sparks. "I guess that makes some kind of sense Sparks, but-"

"Why am I the bits that aren't like you, if I am in fact, part of you?" Sparks said with a eerie grin. "Luna's star spangled tail, I am so lucky I don't have to sleep or I'd have never figured it out either."

Twilight sighed and cradled her chin in one hoof. "Stop interrupting me Sparks, it's really-"

"Rude, duh, hence why I do it. More specifically because, one, it's to exercise my somewhat limited agency and thus strengthen my hold as a part of you. And, two, because after all the years of watching you spaz out at every little thing that goes wrong, or pass up another chance to get closer to a friend, or otherwise indulge in something sinful, this is a great way for me to vent those frustrations."

Sparks waved a hoof dismissively as Twilight opened her mouth to start shouting at her. "Look, Twi, I get it. You think one way, I think a somewhat different way. You have the reigns to this whole operation though, so I just have to shut up and deal. But that's why I'm running my mouth off right now; for the fun of it."

"Getting back on track, I'm separate because you only rarely indulge in your less-than-nice elements. Sure, you get frustrated now and again, and whenever Pinkie throws a party you tend to hit the punch a bit hard and the chocolate even harder, but all and all it's pretty sparse pickings for me to be unleashed."

Twilight rolled her eyes with exaggerated slowness as Sparks continued to pile complaints on top of complaints. But as Twilight's eyes reached the apex of their revolution, the darkness that surrounded the two unicorns suddenly took on a sinister quality.

Dozens of crescent moon smiles and luminescent green eyes leered at her from the darkness surrounding Twilight, hideously fanged maws dripping with anticipation. Tentacles shimmered and swayed grossly behind Sparks, who seemed utterly indifferent to Twilight's sudden rapid breathing and panicked gaze. Twisting around, Twilight saw clear, empty darkness; no vile eldritch abominations peered back at her.

"Hey, Twi, you okay over there? Look, all I'm saying is it wouldn't kill us to hit up a club every now and then, you can read too if you really wanna." Sparks cocked her head to the side, running her hooves through her mane. "Do I have something in my mane? Coat? Teeth? I bet it's teeth, must have a tea leaf or something stuck in there. Yeesh, what a nightmare, I'm a freaking figment of your mind and I can apparently still get tea leaves stuck in my teeth."

Twilight's horror slowly faded as Sparks continued to blather about tea and raves. The tentacles, the fangs, the leering eyes did nothing to Sparks. Twilight, closing her eyes, focused her magic and reached out with her more arcane senses. Like the thinnest of harp strings, threads of magic ran from some point in the darkness past all of the writhing tendrils and smiles of fangs painted dark with ancient bloodstains directly into Sparks.

Twilight opened her eyes and glared at Sparks. "You. You almost had me fooled you . . . you. . . MONSTER!" With a burst of purple light, the wooden table was thrown over Sparks head into the tentacle filled darkness. "How dare you invade my mind?! You think just because I don't lose my temper easily means I don't have negative emotions!? I'll show you some negative emotions!!"

Purple magic lashed out from Twilight's horn, seizing "Sparks" by her neck to dangle helplessly. "Now you tell me Sparks," Twilight growled, spitting out the impostor's name like a curse, "who sent you?"

Sparks made a few weak choking noises before Twilight eased up on her telekinetic pressure slightly. Wheezing in a breath, Sparks rasped weakly “Okay okay, I get it, no clubbing.”

The streamers of purple magic wrapped around Sparks, forming shackles and chains. The restrained unicorn landed harshly on the floor, bound and gagged to the point where Sparks couldn't even twitch as Twilight shoved her into the surrounding darkness.

“I’m done here. Run back to your fell masters Sparks, and tell them that Twilight Sparkle is coming.” Shaking her head, Twilight lit her horn and cast Sweet Dreams’s Alarm Clock.

* * *

Twilight opened her eyes, blinking away the stray tears that had formed. The wild rocking of the Iron Princess had subsided into a more reasonable pace, and as Twilight looked around she saw her friends packing up their few belongings.

“Oh Twilight, you’re awake, marvelous!” Rarity chirped. “Smoke Stack says we’re just about to pull into Coltstantinople so… did you have a nightmare?”

Twilight brushed the tears away with one hoof, flooding her horn with new magic. “Yes and no. I’ll tell you all about it later. For now,” Twilight hopped off the bed, striking what she hoped was a suitably dramatic and determined pose, “let’s find Able Hazard.”

Author's Note

Ho-kay, using the Author's Note function for the first time. I wanted to apologize for the rather gross delay this chapter has suffered. So, yeah, sorry about that. I'd say it won't happen again, but I don't want to be in the habit of making empty promises. To all of you who have read (and hopefully plan to continue reading) The Neighcronomicon, thanks for putting up with my lackadaisical pace. I really like responding to comments, compliments, and questions, so if you feel like it please don't hesitate to leave a comment. Ia Ia Cthulestia!