The Neighcronomicon

by Scruffy

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Horror, Adventure, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6
Length: 43452

Twilight Sparkle gets a surprising gift from a pen pal in Saddle Arabia. A very old and rare book, the Neighcronomicon. What follows next. . . well, one must hope that it is just a bad dream.

Twilight Sparkle gets a surprising gift from a pen pal in Saddle Arabia. A very old and rare book, the Neighcronomicon. When Twilight begins speaking in tongues and casting spells she has no memory of learning, it becomes all too clear that something is terribly wrong. With the help of her friends, Twilight must track down a solution for her growing instability. . . before the whispers from beyond the stars become promises.

A scoop of the Cthulhu Mythos mixed in with My Little Pony, and garnished with a dash of my fever dreams. Serve (the Elder Gods) and enjoy!

Cover by Anita Olsen, who I reaaally should have asked first (my bad!)(Now 100% more artist approved, as of 1/20/15.)

Published 2014-12-18 05:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-08 21:58:52 UTC

An Unexpected Delivery

“It’s another beautiful day in Ponyville.” thought Twilight Sparkle. Bright morning sunlight streamed in through the library's windows. Twilight marveled at the peace and quiet. Back in Canterlot, the hustle and bustle would be have become a muted background roar, even this early in the day.

“Spike, what’s for breakfast?” Twilight shouted, stifling a giggle behind her hoof. Knowing Spike, odds were good that that shout was his wake up call. Twilight knew she shouldn't tease him like this, but the morning was so bright and cheery she felt like having just a teensy-weensy bit of fun.

A minute later, however, and a good deal of that morning cheer had vanished.
“Spike? Where are you Spike? Come on, I don’t have time for this! I was just kidding about breakfast…” Twilight shouted. The basement, the bathroom, his bedroom, her bedroom, linen closet, pantry, refrigerator. . . nowhere was there a Spike.

Only after checking the oven for the third time did the scroll on the kitchen table catch Twilight’s eye.
“A message from the Princess? Oh, oh dear, oh no…” Twilight began galloping around the dining table. "What was wrong? Did something happen to Spike? What if it wasn't just Spike, but all the dragons?! Oh no, what if somepony of villainous intent has kidnapped Spike!?! What terrible things would they be doing to Spike?! Maybe it’s a ransom demand, forwarded through the appropriate royal channels!?"

CLANG!

“Ow, what the buck?!” Twilight yelped, rubbing her horn. The new dent in her frying pan was all the answer she needed for that obscene question. “I told Spike not to hang it so low… Oh my goodness, Spike!” Twilight gasped. Grabbing the letter, Twilight deftly undid the ribbon holding it closed and began to read.

My Faithful Student,
Spike is due for his annual check up. Since Ponyville doesn't have a physician with sufficient knowledge of dragon physiology, I took the liberty of teleporting him to Canterlot. Spike should be ready to be sent back in a week or so, as there are a few day length tests the doctors insist they need to run.

Sincerely,

Princesses Celestia

Twilight walked over to her desk as she read the letter a second time.

“Was it really supposed to be today? I didn't see anything on my calendar, and I always check it right before I go to bed.” Twilight muttered. Looking up from the offending scroll, Twilight couldn't help but groan in dismay. Her calendar was hidden from view, swallowed up in a tide of books, parchment, and journals strewn all across her desk.

“Well, uh, hehe that would do it I suppose.” Twilight chuckled bashfully.

“Thank Harmony magic exists, or this would take all day to clear up.”

* * *

“There, all done.” Twilight announced triumphantly. Books away, daffodil sandwich and apple juice ready for breakfast, and if Twilight knew the mailmare’s route. . . A loud thump resonated through the library as something crashed against the door.

“Oof! Gosh-darn depth perception. Uh, Miss Sparkle? It’s me, Derpy Hooves. I've got your mail for you!”

Twilight opened the door and offered Derpy a hoof up from where she sat, rubbing a small bump on her head. “Are you okay Derpy? Do you need me to get you some ice for that bump?”

“Oh, oh no Miss Sparkle, I’m just fine!” Derpy stumbled to her hooves. “I’m more worried about your door, I hope I didn't hurt it too much.” Twilight glanced at the door. “Nope, it looks just fine Derpy.”

“Thank goodness,” Derpy sighed. “I was kinda worried, my boss still isn't happy with me for the whole ‘dropping several boxes of hooftacks’ last Tuesday.”

“Wow. That would explain the hold up outside the market that day.” Twilight awkwardly rubbed her shin. “So . . . can I have my mail?”

Derpy started with a jolt, “Omygoshyes I’m so sorry, making you wait like this!” Rustling in her saddlebags, Derpy drew out smallish bundle of letters wrapped in purple twine the color of Twilight’s coat. “Here! These are yours. I made sure to wrap up all the letters so that I’d give them to the right pony.”

“That’s really creative of you Derpy. Why does this keep going into your bag though?” Twilight tugged at twine that led from her letters to Derpy’s bag. Whatever it was attached to was kinda heavy.

“Huh? Oh, you must have a package.” Another bout of rustling produced a fairly hefty brown paper parcel, also tied up with more of that purple twine.

“Thanks Derpy, I hope you have a good day with the rest of your mail route.”

Pressing the package into Twilight's hooves, Derpy flashed her a great big smile before taking off again. “Thanks Miss Sparkle, I hope you do too!”

Closing the door, Twilight trotted back to her breakfast, flipping through her letters as she went. A letter from her parents, a belated happy birthday card from Shining Armor, a 'Librarians United' monthly newsletter, and a few catalogs. Twilight gave a little huff as she nibbled at the last of her sandwich. "I was really hoping that Able Hazard's letter would come today. He'd been so punctual until lately."

Floating her dishes into the sink, Twilight set the brown package in front of herself. Tugging the tangle of twine off of the parcel, Twilight did a double take when she saw who and where the unassuming package was from.

"Well, I was not expecting this." Twilight muttered. The packaging was worn and weathered from its journey, shipped all the way from Saddle Arabia. When Able Hazard had said his next letter would be a bit late, Twilight hadn't realized it would be because of shipping delays. Written in Hazard's peculiar flowing script was Twilight's address, and a large mess of postage was applied carelessly to a whole third of the wrapping paper.

"For my librarian friend across the sands of space and time." read Twilight. Like Rarity, Able sure had a flair for the dramatic. Delicately pulling the wrapping paper away took all the patience Twilight had. With each bit of paper pushed aside it became harder and harder to keep her breath steady and her magic in control.

"Please don't be a dream, please don't be a dream, please don't be a dream," Twilight pleaded with growing intensity. As the last of the wrapping paper was cast to the floor Twilight could almost feel her heart kick into overdrive. Able had outdone every bookstore owner in Canterlot, Ponyville, maybe all of Equestria. A copy of the Neighcronomicon, the rarest of the rare. Collectors from all over would descend like parasprites at the merest hint that a bookstore might have a copy. And it was all HERS.

“Okay, deep breaths. I just had breakfast, so it won’t hurt to do just a little bit of reading.” giggled Twilight. Glancing up at the clock, Twilight nodded to herself. She had a full two hours before she was supposed to help Rarity by modeling some dresses.
Gently, Twilight opened up the rare tome and began to read.

… I now know what lies beyond Celestia’s Sun and Luna’s Stars. I have seen past the veil woven by our deific patrons, and It too has seen me. I cannot sleep anymore, for It whispers to me now. It has hundreds, thousands, perhaps even an infinite number of names, and I weep and shiver at the sound of each and every one. I will pen these words in the vain hope that this tome will appease It, for in my lust for knowledge I tied myself to It. It demands that I pass on its teachings, and my tears of blood and breath of ash are potent reminders that I cannot refuse. Harken now to my words, as I pass to you the teachings of Wyrak, the Devourer of Hope. . .

* * *

"Twilight? Twilight, darling, please answer the door."
With a start, Twilight looked up from the Neighcronomicon. Craning her neck to stare at the clock, Twilight couldn’t help but let loose a frustrated groan. Her “little bit of reading” had taken up four hours, not two.

“Sorry Rarity, please come right in!” Twilight hollered. Sheesh, her voice came out really raspy there. Closing the Neighcronomicon, Twilight turned the faucet on the sink and set about having a drink of water and tidying up her breakfast dishes.

“Twilight, darling, what happened?” The door to the library gently closed, guided by Rarity’s magic. “I waited and waited for you. Thank goodness I had another dress to complete or this whole afternoon would have been an absolute loss.”

Taking a long draught from the tap, Twilight turned around, shutting off the faucet with a deft twist of telekinesis. “I’m really sorry about that Rarity, but my pen-pal sent me one of the rarest books ever, and I, heh heh, got a little lost reading.”

Twilight knew she had Rarity’s undivided attention; her wide eyes and piercing stare were a firm testament to her awe at Twilight’s great fortune to have the rarest of rare books in her personal possession. Twilight felt herself grinning, and was just about to summarize what she had learned from her initial dive into the Neighcronomicon when she noticed the tears.

“Twilight. . . please don’t talk. It’s hurting me.” Rarity sank to her haunches as tiny sobs escaped from her mouth through the rictus grin of clenched teeth. This was wrong, this was so wrong, and as she hugged herself Rarity couldn’t help but weep.

“Rarity, I don’t understand. How am I-”

“Stop! Oh please, for the love of Luna and all her stars, please make it stop!” Any sense of decorum or etiquette died an unquiet death as Rarity screamed. Collapsing to her side, hind legs tucked tight against her belly, Rarity buried her head against her knees and cried like a foal. Great wracking sobs shook her body, and what had been a trickle of tears became a raging flood.

Twilight stood there, mouth hanging open, still as stone like some sort of gargoyle. Rarity clearly needed her help, but if she couldn’t talk then how could she help? How was she supposed to support her friend like this? The others. She’d go get Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash. If she couldn’t talk then she’d get her other friends to do it. With a burst of magic, Twilight vanished from the library.

The Price of Knowing

"There, that's the last of 'em." Applejack nodded to herself as she set the barrel of apples on its end. Taking a step back, Applejack marvled at the collection of barrels and crates filled with apples, all packed up and ready to be shipped all over Equestria. Chuckling softly, Applejack amended that idea in her head.

"They're only goin' ta Canterlot and Cloudsdale. Tain't like I'm gonna get an order from Trottingham or Saddle Arabia. . . yet." Couldn't hurt to dream though. Like Granny Smith said "Reach for the stars, and at the very least you'll get a good stretch."

With a flash of purple light and a faint pop of displaced air, Twilight Sparkle finished her teleport directly next to Applejack. Ninty-nine times out of one hundred, these acts of magical translocation had no negative side effects.

"Twi, are you okay?" Applejack asked. "Yer lookin' a mite green around the gills there. . . "

Squinting at the fuzzy orange blob in her sight, given a halo by the much brighter yellow blob in the background, Twilight opened her mouth to assure her friend that she was, indeed, quite alright.

"BLAAAAAAGHH!"

Applejack lept back as Twilight proceeded to noisily eject her breakfast from her face, liberally coating the barn floor with partially digested daffodils and bits of bread. "Land sakes Twilight, a bit of warnin' woulda been nice to have!" Applejack shook her head and trotted over to the spigot by the barn door, filling up a bucket of water. As Twilight's bouts of puking tapered off, Applejack tossed the water across the floor, sluicing away the accumulated sick.

"Sorry Applejack," Twilight gasped, wiping away flecks of vomit with the back of her hoof. "I guess I'm just a bit shaken up. I need you to get the rest of the girls together and head to my place, Rarity really needs you."

"Huh? Twi, what are you doin' here if Rarity needs help?!"

Twilight looked like she was gonna be sick all over again, but seemed to push down her rising gorge. "I don't know why, but when I talked to her she started screaming and crying. Something about what I said, or how I sounded really upset her. I was going to teleport around and collect you all, but it seems my stomach had other ideas about that."

"Hold on there Twi. What do you mean she got upset by what you were sayin'?" Applejack could hear the quaver in her voice and hated it, but Twilight wasn't making any kind of sense. She was itching to gallop off and round up the others, but little warning bells were clanging and banging in her head, like she'd regret not asking what happened if she didn't do it now.

The groan Twilight unleashed was nigh on mythical for its quality; a seamless blend of exasperation and weariness, hinting at untold leagues of mental turmoil. "I just don't know! I wish I knew, I almost wanted to stay there and question her so that I'd know what to say and I could answer you but I can't! I didn't stay, so I need you to just trust me and go get the girls!" Twilight gulped down air, staggering over to the still running spigot to parch a sudden thirst that hit her. Maybe she was coming down with something, the way her voice kept getting all raspy?

"O-okay Twi, I'll uh, I'll go get the girls and meetcha back at your place." Applejack galloped off, a sheen of sweat on her brow and her heart hammering the inside of her ribs like it wanted out. Those last few 'words' Twilight had used. . . well, no wonder delicate Rarity had broken down.

* * *

Twilight looked at Applejack's rapidly receding form. Thank goodness she'd stopped asking about what'd happened, Twilight didn't know how much more her poor throat could have handled. Sweet Apple Acres was fairly far from Ponyville, so Twilight had a fair bit of ground to cover. Given that, aside from Rarity, the rest of the girls could easily out pace her on a good day (which today was decidedly not), Twilight resolved to get moving as soon as her head stopped spinning.

"Ugh, of all the days to get a headache. I really wanted to read more or the Neighcronomicon." grumbled Twilight after a few minutes of no improvement. Huffing a little sigh, Twilight started trudging her way down the winding path to Ponyville. Pain or no pain, Twilight needed to be present for Rarity, even if she couldn't talk.

A muted boom thundered through the air, and Twilight glanced up to see a rainbow contrail roar overhead. "Well, Rainbow Dash definitively got the message, I aught to pick up the pace." Forcing herself into a slow trot, Twilight almost paused to marvel as her headache diminished. Maybe she'd get to read the Neighcronomicon later today after all.

Relieved that her headache had receded a bit, Twilight increased her pace again. Sure her head still hurt, especially around her horn, but the cool autumn air and scent of apples seemed to be soothing that pain away. It wasn't very often that Twilight got out and about, and it was almost unheard of when she had a new book to read. But, as much as the Neighcronomicon interested her, her friends came first.

All though. . . if Rarity didn't want to hear her speak, surely it wouldn't hurt to do a bit more reading while the others helped calm her down? Grinning at the prospect, Twilight broke into a full gallop. If she got there before all the others, she could do even more reading. Breathing out a raspy little laugh, Twilight slipped out of the gate to the farm and raced homeward.

* * *

Skidding to a halt just before her doorstep, Twilight took a few deep breaths. Bursting through the door with her mane out of order and gasping for air wouldn't do anything to calm down Rarity. Knocking on her own door, Twilight gently pushed it open and stepped into the library. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were sitting on either side of Rarity at the table, a show of solidarity. Rarity looked a bit better, a gently steaming mug of tea clasped between her hooves. The tremors that rattled her mug, sloshing droplets of tea onto the wooden table-top were barely noticeable as Twilight slowly walked in.

Twilight opened her mouth to ask how Rarity was doing, but paused when she saw the raw terror in the fashonista's eyes. Twilight shut her mouth dumbly, and reached for the Neighcronomicon with her magic. If she couldn't talk to Rarity, she might as well get some reading done.

"Hey, is that a new Daring Do book Twilight? It looks really awesome!" Rainbow Dash zipped over to the plush chair Twilight had flopped onto. Looking up in annoyance, Twilight waved her hoof at the Neighcronomicon's cover as if to say "Do you see Daring Do on the cover of this book?".

"Ooo, charades! I love charades!" Pinkie Pie rummaged in her poofy pink mane briefly before pulling out a pencil and notepad. "I'm all set Twilight, let'er rip!"

Sighing, Twilight resisted the urge to bury her face in her hooves. Gently closing the Neighcronomicon, Twilight reached out with her magic and pulled Pinkie's pencil and notepad in front of her. Moving over to the table Pinkie and Rarity still sat at, Twilight scribbled on the notepad as she lay the Neighcronomicon down next to her new seat. Settling herself down, Twilight turned the notepad around for Rarity and Pinkie to read.

"I'm not going to talk since it made Rarity upset last time. No Dash, this is not a new Daring Do book, it's the Neighcronomicon. It is very rare and valuable, so please don't try and swipe it from me to 'double check'," Twilight turned her head around as Pinkie Pie read off the notepad, leveling a glare at the prismatic pegasus who was hovering just behind her, hooves outstretched to grab the Neighcronomicon.

"I uh, was just gonna brush some dust off of it? Heh heh..." Rainbow Dash ducked her head sheepishly and flapped her way to the other side of the table to sit next to Rarity again.

Twilight smirked at Rainbow Dash and rolled her eyes before quickly scribbling on a new sheet of paper. Frowning with concern, Twilight held the notepad up in front of Rarity.

"Am I okay? Thank you Twilight for asking, it does seem as though my moment of hysteria has passed me by." Rarity offered Twilight a somewhat fragile smile; even a bookworm like Twilight could see the pain lurking behind that mask. "I realized that you must have gone to get help when Rainbow Dash burst in with Pinkie Pie in tow. Rainbow here was polite enough to get me sitting upright and fetched me a cushion, and Pinkie Pie got me some tea." Frowning down at the mug, Rarity cast a sideways glance at Pinkie Pie. "I still don't know what possessed you to put marshmallows in it though."

"Silly goose, marshmallows make everything better, even other marshmallows!" As if to demonstrate her point, Pinkie leapt up and lifted up a tray of baked goods from under the table, a veritable mountain of sweets split down the middle. "See, these ones on the right don't have marshmallows, and see how they look kinda sad? Well, not this cupcake here, but she's such a pretty little cupcake I think I agree that she should be happy. On the other side of the rail road tracks," Pinkie swept her hoof like some sort of showmare, pausing briefly to point out the rail road made of candy canes and what could only be chocolate covered pretzel sticks, "we have all the sweets made with marshmallows, and they look so much puffier, and fluffier, and happier, right?"

Twilight was saved from having to answer that rhetorical question by the library door swinging open to admit Applejack and Fluttershy. The butterscotch yellow pegasus wasted no time and swooped over to Rarity, planting herself in Pinkie's recently vacated seat. Applejack made her way slowly to the table, sitting down next to Twilight as Pinkie Pie sat on Twilight's other side.

"Well, we're all here now. Mind telling us what the hay happened, Rarity?" Rainbow Dash blurted out.

Rarity took a sip of the marshmallow infused tea before clearing her throat. "Well, I had asked Twilight yesterday to help model for me. I have a commission from a client in Canterlot who shares Twilight's coloring, so I felt that having her model for me would be quite helpful."

"Twilight had agreed to meet me at Carousel Boutique at ten. Unfortunately, she never showed. I finished up another little project and came over here to find out what had gone wrong." Rarity smiled wanly, "After all, it would not have been the first time Twilight got wrapped up in a new book or project and lost track of the time."

The mug of tea made a shaky return journey to the tabletop, and Rarity's voice took on a decidedly fearful tone. "So I knocked on the door, as any proper gentlemare should, and after the third or forth time Twilight seemed to hear me. I came in, and asked her what had kept her from coming over. When she answered, I . . . I w-wish I had not asked."

Tears filled Rarity's eyes, and Fluttershy wrapped a wing protectively over her shoulders. "Twilight. . . you weren't talking. It didn't s-sound like you. But it hurt, whoever or whatever was t-talking." Tears spilled from Rarity's eyes, and with a strangled sob she buried her face in Fluttershy's shoulder.

Rainbow Dash scratched her head "What's that even mean? Twilight, you wanna write out your side of the story?"

Pencil already in motion, Twilight nodded absentmindedly. In truth, aside from the last bit, Rarity had covered everything Twilight had thought. Pushing the notepad to Applejack, Twilight sighed and lay her head on the table.

"Twi here says that what Rarity was sayin' is what happened, though she didn't know the bit about her voice bein' all screwy." Applejack set the notepad back down. "Ah can verify that what Rarity said is right though. Twilight, you got somethin' terribly wrong with yer talkin' today, though ah only caught a lil bit of it."

Twilight's head shot up at Applejack's remark, all fired up and ready to question her friend's statement when a pink hoof slapped over her mouth. "Shh shh shh, it's okay, it's okay, no one's pointing hooves here, just relax and don't melt our brains with words, shhh shhh." Pinkie Pie stage whispered, stroking Twilight's mane and staring at her in a rather unsettling fashion. Twilight found it oddly comforting nonetheless, even on a terrible day like today, Pinkie Pie would always be Pinkie Pie.

"After you telaported to mah barn, at the very end when you were tryin' to convince me to run and get the girls, them last few words you said came out all wrong. Ah heard you right and clear, but I also heard somepony else talkin'. It was downright unnerving, ah don't think you coulda payed me to not start runnin'." Applejack tugged her stetson down, hiding her eyes. "Ah didn't say anythin' cause I was hopin' I had just imagined it. Hearin' what Rares had to say made it clear that it wasn't just me."

"Do you think -" Everypony looked to Fluttershy, who flushed and glanced around skittishly. "Do you think that, maybe, this new book has anything to do with it?" The looks became stares, and Fluttershy slowly began sinking down to the floor, wings fluttering like she wanted to fly away from all the attention. "I just mean that if Twilight hasn't been doing anything else new, then it makes sense that the new thing in her life could be . . . eep."

Twilight placed a hoof over the Neighcronomicon possessively, her stare having upgraded to an outright glare. "Fluttershy, that's ridiculous. It's just a book. No harm ever came from reading a book!"

Looking up from Fluttershy, who was silently crying a flood of tears as she pressed herself against the floor in a vain effort to sink through it and escape, Twilight saw that all of her friend bore expressions of terror. Pinkie Pie's normally cotton candy mane had deflated, and her eyes took on a slightly glassy sheen, as though she was no longer looking at her friends in Twilight's library. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were holding up the best, but even the stoic farmpony and athlete bore tears in their eyes and clear tension in their shoulders, as hooves and wings begged them to flee.

Poor Rarity suffered the worst, and was huddling in a bookcase, having knocked its contents to the floor to give her just a few more precious inches to flee from Twilight, or more accurately, Twilight's voice. Twilight saw all of this, finally resting her gaze on the Neighcronomicon, where the abstract whorls and swirls of dark ink on the cover drew her eye. Where once those simple whirls of shades of darkness were a pretty distraction, now Twilight could only see a mocking, sneering face of an indistinct pony.

"Oh buck."

Friendship is Madness

Twilight gaped at the Neighcronomicon. All her life, knowledge had always been the answer, never the problem. Sometimes having too little knowledge was a problem, but the solution to that had been hitting the books. And now, because she had read just a few chapters from this book, her very voice could cause physical pain to her best friends. None of Twilight's nightmares, panic attacks, or fear filled daydreams had ever presented her with this anything like this scenario. And none of those terrible imaginings could hold a candle to this horrifying reality.

Slowly Twilight's friends recovered from their shock and terror. Applejack and Rainbow Dash both banished their fears first, and moved to comfort Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy respectively. As Applejack drew Pinkie Pie into a hug, the pink earth pony's limp mane and tail snapped back to their naturally poofy states with an audible pop. With the aid of a marshmallow and chocolate cupcake, Pinkie and Applejack coaxed Rarity to leave the bookshelf. Applejack winced when she saw the back of the bookcase; in her terror Rarity had chipped and scratched at the wooden paneling in an effort to flee even further.

After a few more minutes, Rainbow Dash managed to help Fluttershy sit upright, pressing her cyan frame against the yellow pegasus for support. More tea was hastily brewed up, and five pairs of hooves clasped five mugs of the hot drink.

"I heard it." Rainbow Dash muttered after a few of minutes passed. "I heard a voice that wasn't Twilight's, and it told me that I was destined to lose my wings. That no matter what I do, one day, I'll never fly again." Rainbow hung her head, wings twitching in a clear display of nerves. The tears she had forced back with sheer stubborn mindedness shook off her control, and with a steady drip-drop, Rainbow flavored her tea with sadness and angst. Fluttershy flung her hooves around Dash, comforting her oldest friend.

"Well ah heard a 'him', not an 'it'." Applejack set her tea down and patted Rainbow Dashes shoulder. "An he said some right terrible things 'bout how mah farm won't last, an all mah kin will turn to dust an' ash." Applejack glanced down at her cutie mark, the three red apples there a clear sign of her love for that farm and her family as a whole. "Ah could hear the lie though, so what he said didn't bother me near as much as how he said it. I swear the voice was different up at the barn earlier today."

Rarity poured herself another mug of tea. Perhaps because she had already suffered hearing Twilight, Rarity had composed herself very quickly after Pinkie's confectionery skills had broken through to her. "I heard another mare speaking. Not at all sounding like Twilight mind you, but most assuredly a mare's voice. She made some very harsh predictions about my future as a fashionista and how oh sweet Celestia! What on Earth happened to my hooves!?" A brief second of silence followed Rarity's piqued shout before Rainbow Dash began to snicker. With that little bit of laughter, the floodgates were lifted, and soon everypony aside from Rarity was laughing uproariously. "Stop it, this isn't funny at all! I'll have to spend a great deal more time at the spa before these dreadful scratches will come out, mark my words!"

Rainbow Dash gasped for breath, "Oh yeah, he he he, wouldn't that just be, heh, terrible if you had to spend even more time getting pampered at the spa?" A fresh gale of laughter swept through the room; even Rarity let out a dainty little giggle.

"Well when you put it like that Rainbow, I suppose this whole ordeal may just have an upside yet."

"I think it'd be nice to go to the spa" Fluttershy mumbled. "I didn't hear it that distinctly, but I did sort of understand it." Even though all of her friends were, once again, staring at her, Fluttershy only quailed slightly under their combined gaze. "It was like trying to listen to an animal. They don't speak like us, but I often know they're saying even though I don't hear the words."

"If anyone can speak with animals it would be you darling." Rarity admitted airily. "So, what do you think it said?"

"Oh, it was very happy to talk to me. But, oh dear, it was like when I introduced Mr. Rattlesnake to Mr. Mongoose, and Mr. Mongoose was very polite right up until he jumped all over Mr. Rattlesnake and they started fighting and . . ." Fluttershy stopped and shrunk in on herself a bit as looks of confusion were passed between her friends. "Um. . . I guess I don't really know how to explain it very well. Sorry."

"That's okay sugercube, ah'm just happy you didn't get too scared by whatever it is." Applejack said. "So, Pinkie, did you hear anythin'? You looked like you'd seen a ghostie but forgot to giggle at it."

"She. . . She called me a time bomb." Pinkie Pie whispered, mane and tail deflating slightly. "She hissed that it was only a matter of time before the loose screws and faulty wiring in my head stopped working altogether, and I would just be a broken toy." Pinkie looked up and smiled, and it was like the sun breaking through a thunderstorm, more glorious and brighter for all the darkness around it. "But I knew it wasn't Twilight talking, just some big meanie-head using her mouth. So it's not Twilight's fault at all, which means we can help her beat this, and then I can throw a 'Congratulations on being free of that unspeakable, unknowable, cosmic malevolence!' party for her! Right Twilight? . . . Twilight?"

Suddenly it dawned on the five friends that Twilight and the Neighcronomicon were missing.

* * *

Twilight threw up. Her stomach heaved again and again, the torrent of bile soured the air on the small hilltop. Head pounding, throat raw, Twilight staggered back down the hill, her pains fading away as she crested the neighboring height. Nestled among her saddlebags was the Neighcronomicon, the swirling cover resembling nothing but abstract art once more. Pulling Pinkie's notepad and pencil out of the saddlebags, Twilight set about updating her notes in the waning sunlight.

I cannot move more than approximately 50 feet from the Neighcronomicon before being all but incapacitated with physical symptoms like headache, stomach ache, and blurry vision (Further symptoms listed in Index A). These symptoms begin shortly after I am more then roughly 10 feet away, and at the 50 foot mark are almost crippling, usually culminating with a bout of vomiting. There is an abatement of the symptoms if I consider or vocalize the desire to close the distance between myself and the Neighcronomicon. Psychologically, I find myself unnerved if I do not have the Neighcronomicon in my direct possession, and this fear increases if it's out of my sight.

I hypothesize that I have developed a dependency on the tome, and that only by keeping it near myself will I be able to function. If the pains I have as I move away from the book are, somehow, caused by the Neighcronomicon, then this leads to the idea that the book can also 'hear' me in some sense. Otherwise, there would be no abatement of my negative symptoms when I think of returning to the book.

As unpleasant as these realizations are, I cannot leave the Neighcronomicon behind. I fear what will happen if I read more of its secrets, but if I'm to get to the bottom of this, I'll need to have it on hoof in case the lore within is worth the risk. Because my own voice is a source of trauma, I cannot rationalize going on this journey with anypony else, and must make all haste to Saddle Arabia to track down Able Hazard. He sent it to me, so maybe he knows more about this condition I've developed.

Twilight looked at the last sentence, chewing on the pencil eraser thoughtlessly. Who was she trying to convince? Her friends would be so mad once they realized she had slipped away, but surely they'd know it was for their own good? With a heavy sigh, Twilight slipped the notepad, pencil, and Neighcronomicon back into her saddlebags, and set off at a trot toward the railroad. Twilight had gone over her plan in her head. If she caught the next train heading south, even if it didn't go straight to Saddle Arabia, it would give her precious distance from her friends, and hopefully prevent them from catching her.

* * *

"Tarnation! Where did that fool unicorn get herself to?! Err, no offense, Rarity."

Rarity nodded her head at Applejack, "No harm done Applejack. I too am feeling quite out of sorts by Twilight's behavior."

"W-w-w-w-oah!" Pinkie Pie began twitching and shuddering, sure signs of her 'Pinkie Sense' kicking in. Gulping in air as the shivers and shakes abated, Pinkie swayed in place, still feeling all the aftereffects of such a wild sensory input.

"Come on Pinks, don't leave us hangin', what does all that twitching mean?" Rainbow Dash shouted from the upper reaches of the library where she was doing laps.

"Uh . . . I don't really know Dashie. It was like a combo doozie!" Pinkie said nervously. "The only bit I got for sure for sure is that my train is a little bit late, which is really weird because I made sure to turn off the toy train set before I started work this morning and unless the twins learned how to pick locks or Gummy decided to ride the rails then my train is stationary and-"

"Sweet Celestia's mane, Twi's gonna take the train somewhere!" Applejack wheeled around and began galloping for the door, "We gotta hurry, come on girls!"

"Rainbow, be a dear and fetch my emergency travel bags from the boutique. I think this may be quite a trip." Rarity held up some of the discarded wrapping paper that still littered the floor, eyes glued to the return address in Saddle Arabia.

"Aw cripes, so much for an actual vacation this year. I'm on it." Rainbow Dash made good on her name, tearing out of the library so fast her slipstream rattled the windows.

"I'll break open my 'In Case of Sudden Adventure or Road Trip' piggie bank." Rustling through her poofy mane, Pinkie quickly pulled out a pink piggie bank and hammer. "I'm sorry Sir Oinks-a-lot, but we need train tickets." Covering her eyes with one hoof, Pinkie smashed the piggie bank to smithereens, scooping the exposed bits into her wallet.

"I suppose we'll owe Twilight some groceries when we get back. Nevertheless, shall we get going?" Rarity said, borrowed saddlebags full of food slung over her flank. Fluttershy, who nodded anxiously, was similarly equipped, a few rolls of gauze peeking out of her borrowed satchel.

"Okie-dokie-loki!" Pinkie Pie giggled. Flying, hopping, and galloping, the three friends raced after Applejack.

* * *

"Ah, Ms. Sparkle, good to see you. Catching the red eye to Canterlot?" Smoke Stack rasped. Twilight shivered involuntarily. Even though she knew Smoke Stack had a raspy voice from all the smoke he inhaled during his work, it didn't quell the sudden wave of fear that swept through her.

Shaking her head, Twilight began channeling magic through her horn. Frowning in concentration, Twilight really realllly hoped she wasn't about to make a terrible mistake.

"Testing, testing. Smoke Stack, can you hear me?" Twilight had a wild urge to shout "echo", as everything she said was repeated out loud a half beat later, with her horn acting as the "mouth"

Smoke Stack's jaw dropped open with an almost audible clunk, staring dumbfound at the purple unicorn. "That. . . that is not something I ever thought I'd see. . . or hear, come to think of it." Smoke Stack shook his head. "Yeah, I can hear you quite well Ms. Sparkle. If you're not going to Canterlot, what are you doing here?"

"I need to get to Saddle Arabia, the sooner the better." Twilight punctuated her request with a small drawstring purse laden with bits, easily ten times what it would cost to pay for her passage.

Smoke Stack hefted the bag in one hoof, his gaze going from goggle-eyed amazement to a measuring squint as he looked between Twilight and the purse. "This little trip wouldn't happen to be another one of those jaunts where you and your friends run off to save all of Equestria, would it?"

"It's just me this time Smoke Stack. Can you please take me, this is really important." Twilight's self esteem took another hit for the team. By not directly countering the idea that this 'jaunt' was for the safety of Equestria, Twilight could see that notion take root in Smoke Stack as he nodded briskly. But, if it got her moving toward her goal. . .

"I'd be glad to take you Ms. Twilight. Just let me get some provisions stocked and an extra coal car hooked up, and we'll be all set. You can go ahead and make yourself comfortable in the overnight car." Smoke Stack deftly tipped his cap and trotted off, hollering for assistance setting up the train.

Thanks to the train's departure being entirely unscheduled, Twilight had her pick of the overnight cabs. Sliding open a cab door at random, Twilight slung her saddlebags onto one of the two bunks and flopped onto the other. Huffing out a breath, Twilight buried her head in the pillow and let loose a few brief sobs. This whole day had spiraled out of control in a truly dreadful fashion. Glancing up at the dwindling rays of sunshine, Twilight idly wondered which choice would have been more selfish; to take her friends with her and have them risk their sanity to help her, or what she had done. She had refused to even consult them, putting her wishes (however altruistic) above their own and leaving without a word.

The Neighcronomicon had slid out of her bags, and as the last of Celestia's light played across its inky surface, Twilight was treated to another impression of a pony. An old unicorn mare, with thin mane and ragged fur stared back at her with a terrifyingly insane grin. Twilight shuddered with the certainty of the feeling that she was looking into her own future, and blinked back tears as the image faded. The oil lantern set in the wall of her cab was off, and Twilight relished the darkness. At least she didn't have to see the Neighcronomicon mock her anymore.

The clip-clop of several sets of hooves sounded just outside her door, and Twilight felt better still. Smoke Stack must have gotten some extra help rounded up, with luck the train wouldn't have to stop for Smoke Stack to rest.

"I'm all set up here Smoke Stack, ready to go when you are."

The door to her cab slammed open, and Twilight was swarmed by her friends. "An' you thought you could really git away from us, huh sugercube?" Applejack punctuated her clearly hypothetical question with a bone crushing hug while Rarity turned on the lamp.

"HA! I knew she was in here! Pay up Dashie!"

"Crud, take your bits Pinkie. Remind me to take you out gambling sometime, we could make a killing off your Pinkie Sense." Rainbow Dash flicked a trio of bits at Pinkie Pie, only to have them vanish somewhere in the depths of her mane.

"Silly Dashie, I don't gamble," Pinkie Pie giggled. "Ooh, I got a great idea, gangway Fluttershy!" Pinkie shouted as she hopped out of the cab.

"No, no no, you all can't be here! I don't want to hurt any of you!"

"There there Twilight, I don't mind being hurt if it's you." Fluttershy said with a reassuring smile. The yellow pegasus held her serene visage for another second before the alternative implications of her words hit her, and turned her peaceful smile into a terrified gasp. Wings locked to her barrel, Fluttershy would have landed harshly on the floor if Pinkie Pie hadn't returned with a bed from the cab across the hall, shoving it so it wedged firmly between the two already present.

"Masterfully done Pinkie Pie," Rarity chuckled, "and that isn't something I would have expected of you Fluttershy. Maybe that explains why you always ask Aloe to work your back a bit 'rougher' and 'harder' at the spa, hmmm?." Rarity's voice dropped to a throaty purr at the end, and Fluttershy's face turned a brighter red than even Big Macintosh's coat. With a final squeak, the pegasus tipped over and sank into one of the pillows, stiff as a board.

"Girls, I don't want you here." Twilight boomed, feeling her control over the spell unraveling as worries and fears bit deeper and deeper into her.

"Twilight Sparkle, don't you start lyin' to us now," Applejack ordered. "You need our help, even if just to keep you from turnin' to yer new book for entertainment."

"But staying with me is crazy! I don't know what's going to happen, I don't even know how much longer this way to talk will be safe." Twilight whimpered, her mane twanging out of place, purple sparks spitting from her horn.

"Twilight, how can I still claim to be awesome if I left one of my best friends hanging? We all know what we're doing, don't worry your pretty purple egghead about that."

"Yeah! This is gonna be one of the coolest adventures yet! And just imagine the party I'll get to throw when this is over! Your Aunt Pinkie will bring the the roof, no, the whole house, NO! I'll bring all of Ponyville down with it!" Standing on her hind legs, Pinkie pulled a pair of pointy yellow shades out of her mane. "We're with you Twi, and there's nothing we can't do if you believe! If you can't believe in yourself, then you gotta believe in me!" Throwing her arm around Twilight, Pinkie pulled the unicorn up, red cloak flapping in the non-existent breeze. "Believe in the me who believes in you, and use your horn to magic your way through this mess. We'll all be with you, every step of the way. Ain't that right girls?"

"Darn tootin'"

"Undoubtedly."

"Yeah! Uh, Fluttershy agrees too." Rainbow Dash finished lamely, poking her still frozen friend.

". . . Thanks. I- No, WE can do it. Alright, let's go to Saddle Arabia and solve this puzzle!" Twilight said, rallying her spell and her calming her raging emotions.

As if summoned by Twilight's words, the whistle blew, and with a lurch the train began rolling down the tracks, toward the unknown.

An Unhallowed Light

Twilight lay sprawled out on the bed, watching the moon and stars drift across her field of vision. As much as a part of her wanted to get up and use the stars as a guide to check the train's progress to Coltstantinople, the fact that Pinkie Pie was laying across her back like a living blanket rendered that idea hopeless. The pink party mare had suggested sleeping in a 'puppy pile' after scavenging up the pillows from a few other rooms for some extra comfort.

At the time, it had seemed like a great idea. Everyone snuggled up would do a lot to quell nightmares and ensure a peaceful nights rest.

But sleep eluded Twilight. Closing her eyes brought on memories of how much her words hurt the girls, and flashes of places and things Twilight never recalled encountering. For all of the comfort her friends brought her, it still wasn't quite enough to banish Twilight's fears.

Biting her lip, Twilight knew that if she didn't sleep she'd be more grouchy and less aware in the morning. Which, when talking out loud seems to cause bouts of hysteria and mind-numbing terror, would be a very dangerous combination. One snarky remark not filtered through her horn could render Rarity catatonic, or send Fluttershy racing for safety in an unfamiliar environment.

Slowly, carefully gathering her magic, Twilight set about casting a sleep spell developed by Sweet Dreams, one of Starswirl the Bearded's contemporaries. Though not as well remembered as the famous archmage, Sweet Dreams did do important work in the field of dream magic. Because casting dream magic is impossible while awake, Sweet Dreams was forced to create a spell that would let her sleep whenever she needed to.

With a quiet poof of amethyst sparkles, the spell took hold of its intended target, and Twilight gratefully lay her head down to sleep.

* * *

"Twilight, wake up. Come on, I don't have time for this, get UP!"

A sharp pain blossomed on Twilight's flank, and with a yelp she sat up straight away.

"Ow! What did you do that for. . . uh . . . me?" Twilight finished dumbly, tilting her head to the side as her mirror image face hoofed. The other Twilight wasn't exactly like her though. Her eyes were much harder than Twilight's, and the dismissive scowl she wore like a badge of honor wasn't an expression Twilight gave into often. The strands of pink in her mane and tail were a much darker hue, bordering on red, and the other Twilight's cutie mark was also wrong. Rather than being a series of sparkles surrounding a larger spark, the mark was inverted, with the many lighter, smaller sparks being inside the large one.

"Cause you need to get your head in the game Twilight!" Twilight's double grabbed her by the shoulders and roughly shook her.

"Ow, wait, hey!" With a quick flare of power, Twilight teleported out of her double's grip. "Look, first off, who are you? And secondly, what are you doing in my dream? This isn't how Sweet Dream's spell is supposed to work."

"Uh, duh? You can call me Sparks by the way, since you're the head honcho Twilight and I'm just a fragment of your psyche." Rolling her eyes, Sparks swept her hoof behind her, pointing out the rest of the dream realm, "And neither of us are in your dream, dummy."

Taking her eyes off of her somehow quite rude imaginary self, Twilight finally paused to look around herself. Under her hooves was a sea-foam green stone of some sort, warm to the touch with a faint slickness or sliminess to it. All around her were towering statues and image laden pillars, depicting various legendary monsters and normal ponies. And pervading it all was a faint mist and the scent of the sea. Somehow the idea that she was in a place of worship, a temple, wormed its way into Twilight's mind and refused to be dislodged despite no evidence of an altar or other religious finery present.

"Of all my dreams, this is by far the creepiest." Twilight murmured. She couldn't shake the feeling of being watched; studied really. Like she was an amusing book or some mildly interesting insect. Worth paying some attention to, but in a fleeting, condescending manner.

Another sharp pain flared on the back of her head, knocking Twilight's vision down to her hooves, breaking her gaze with one of the monstrous statues.

"Stop staring at the, well, anything and focus on me you dummy. I don't wanna find out what happens if you lose yourself in here." Sparks groused.

"Ow, what is your problem Sparks? You can get my attention in ways other than physical trauma!" Twilight shouted.

Without warning, the temperature plumeted, the mist turning to rime, and the sensation of being watched became an absolute knowledge. Twilight felt her breath catching in her throat, panic reaching into her chest to squeeze her heart. Glancing over through a haze of icy tears, Twilight saw Sparks shivering, eyes wide in terror.

"T-teleport. Twilight, you need to teleport!" Sparks hissed. Something was moving through the mists, a vast bipedal shape whose jerking, halting movements only served to amplify the unreasoning terror Twilight felt. It wasn't natural, no sane world could hold such a huge creature, and no just and fair reality would let it exist.

A trembling pair of hooves seized Twilight by her cheeks and wrenched her head around. "Teleport us now! Now now now now NOW!" Sparks screamed. Twilight felt her magic rising without her will, seemingly summoned by Sparks's frenzied cries.

With a painful surge of magical energy, Twilight's horn flared into incandescent light, and the world around them vanished.

* * *

That was a wall. Twilight knew it was a wall because she had smashed into it. Somehow, her blind teleport had spat her and Sparks out at a velocity, and the other unicorn lay in a heap of paper scraps nearby. Looking around, Twilight marveled at her surroundings. She was in a room with eleven walls, and each one was heavy with paragraphs of writing. Bundles of notes and piles of scraps littered the room, creating an air of clutter that calmed Twilight immeasurably. It all evoked a sense of knowledge, of learning at the expense of all other worldly considerations, and it spoke to Twilight's love of learning.

"Celestia's fat flank that sucked. See this, this is why I'm not in charge of the magic bits." Sparks grumbled, slowly sitting up. Her mane and tail were greatly frazzled, and her eyes bloodshot and baggy. Droplets of sweat beaded her brow, and she faintly wheezed while her legs shook.

"Where are we anyway? It's not possible to teleport without a destination in mind."

"Rainbow Dash is right; we are such an egghead." Sparks rasped, letting her front legs kick out in front of her. Chin resting on the floor, she closed her eyes and continued. "We're in the psychic space created by reading the Neighcronomicon."

". . . what?"

Sparks groaned. "The tome wants to protect us because we are tied to it, and since it shares something of a link with R'lyeh we were able to jump between the two. How many walls are there?"

"Uh, there are eleven walls Sparks. Can. . . can you not see?" Twilight sat down by the other unicorn, reaching out to stroke her mane. Sparks might be something of a grouch, but it was clear to Twilight that she was in pain and had saved them from something.

"Everything's a bit fuzzy and too bright. Listen, Twilight, you're gonna feel like I look right now until you read at least eleven more pages. The Neighcronomicon saved our flanks, but such generosity isn't free. Get one of the others to watch you and get you to stop reading once you finish. The more you read, the harder and harder it's going to be for us to function."

"What does that mean?"

"You already can't talk and can't move away from the tome, take a wild guess egghead." Cracking open one eye, Sparks glared at Twilight. "Look, I'm just your inner meanness, impatience, and a lot of other less than nice things. But where we're going, I'd appreciate it if you didn't repress me too much. You're not gonna be able to solve this one with just friendship."

Twilight opened her mouth to question Sparks further, but her inquiries were lost to a massive yawn.

"Aw crud, guess I'm out of time. Have fun on the train ride Twilight, and make sure you only read eleven pages. . ."

* * *

Cold water splashed against Twilight's face. This was deeply disorienting, but then again so was waking up on the floor of the dining car. Twilight looked up blearily at Applejack and Fluttershy, the former of which was holding a still dripping bucket.

"How're you feelin' sugercube?" Applejack said, setting the bucket down. Twilight feebly tried to pull herself to the bucket, knowing what was coming, but it felt like her legs were still dreaming.

"BLUUuuugh." Twilight heaved, shivering and shaking. She felt so weak it was all she could do to keep her head up and pointed away from the girls. Gentle hooves gathered up her mane, and Twilight faintly heard "There there, it's okay Twilight. We're here for you. Is there something you need? Applejack, why don't you get some more water and the others, I'll sit here and help Twilight."

"Alrighty Fluttershy, Ah'm on it." Twilight felt the bucket being gingerly pressed into her hooves before the soft sounds of retreating hoofsteps. As the door separating the dining car from the overnight car opened, Twilight was caressed by a chill breeze and immediately retched again, visions of that forsaken temple brutalizing her exhausted mind.

With memories of the temple and the strange, jerking horror that resided within it came the memory of Sparks and their shared flight into the Neighcronomicon. Spitting the last stringy globules of sickness into the bucket, Twilight reached into herself for her magic. It took far more time and energy to achieve the needed degree of precision and magical strength, but after a minute or so Twilight felt the speaking spell take shape again.

"Fluttershy, I need you to get the Neighcronomicon." Almost instantly, Twilight felt better, and at the same time much worse. The Neighcronomicon wanted her to read more, and it was willing to help her and hurt her in order to make it happen. She was trapped, like an insect in tree sap, struggling fruitlessly against an inevitable fate.

"Um, Twilight? I don't think that's really such a good idea. I mean, you seem so sick right now, wouldn't it just be better if you just rested a little bit more? I especially don't want to leave you like this." The concern in Fluttershy's voice would normally be of great comfort to Twilight. Normally. Fluttershy's words washed over Twilight, and for the briefest moment Twilight agreed with them. Unsurprisingly, the Neighcronomicon offered a powerful counter-argument to this turn of events. The sunlight which had seemed warm and gentle just a second ago suddenly became brighter than Celestia's most potent magics, stabbing deep into her eyes with spiteful ferocity.

Instantly, Twilight screwed her eyes shut and screamed, thrashing about wildly to try and move away from the sunlight. The scent of burnt fur reached her nose, and a tacky wetness spilled down her cheeks. "Close the blinds! Please, blessed Celestia please, stop the light!" Twilight screeched, her magic making noise no mortal pony throat could hope to replicate. Every mote of sunshine felt like a wicked ember of flame, tiny fire-flies made of molten lead and motivated by seething hatred for her and her alone.

With a whimper Fluttershy swept through the room, frantically pulling the blinds closed. Despite almost every window being unveiled, Fluttershy managed to close every blind in less then ten seconds flat. But from the way Twilight screamed and sobbed, Fluttershy couldn't help but wish it had been Rainbow Dash attending to her. Her fastest still wasn't fast enough for her friend.

Tugging at the satchel filled with first aid items, Fluttershy landed gently next to Twilight. Tiny patches of fur had been scorched away, leaving vivid red burns in their wake. Twilight moaned softly, laying limply on the floor. Fluttershy carefully began laying out ointments and bandages when the clatter of hooves alerted her to Applejack's return. Spreading her wings wide, Fluttershy leapt over Twilight and placed herself between the recumbent unicorn and the door.

Just a moment later, the door slammed open, and all the others struggled to let themselves in at the same time. The sunlight, however diffuse, made Twilight whimper and squirm. Groping blindly, she seized Fluttershy by her wings and pulled the pegasus closer to her in a bid to hide from the sun's cruel rays.

"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked, feeling the blood rush to her face as her friends filtered into the room. Rarity's quite titter from behind her hoof was almost enough to make Fluttershy want to fly away and hide. "Pinkie Pie, Twilight needs the, um, she needs the N-Neighcronomicon. She's very sensitive to the light though, so close the door on the way out, and make sure to knock. . . um, if that's alright with you, that is."

"Okie-doki-loki." Pinkie Pie whispered, moving with exaggerated slow motion out of the dining car. As the door closed again, Fluttershy breathed a great sigh of relief and closed her wings, making an effort to climb off of Twilight. The purple unicorn whimpered slightly before curling up into a ball hiding her eyes from the world.

"Jeez-louise, what on Earth happened here Fluttershy? Ah wasn't gone but fer a few minutes and it looks like Twilight took to rollin' around in a campfire!" Applejack whispered. Rainbow Dash flitted behind the bar and popped up with large bottle of water, passing it off to Rarity. The fashionista in turn, took a set of napkins from a nearby dining table and soaked them, laying them over Twilight's burns as Fluttershy applied a burn ointment.

"I don't really know Applejack. She asked me for the Neighcronomicon, but when I resisted and said I didn't want to leave her to go get it, she sudden-," Fluttershy sniffled, her composure breaking at the harsh memory, "she suddenly started screaming about how the lights hurt. Somehow it burned her Applejack, oh it was just terrible!" Tears trickled down Fluttershy's cheeks, but even under duress she continued to minister to Twilight's wounds.

With gentle words and a bit of coaxing, Twilight eventually was turned on her back so Fluttershy could attend the few burns on her barrel. Rarity let loose a soft gasp when she saw the state of Twilight's face though.

"Oh sweet Celestia, she was crying blood!" Rarity whispered, one hoof pointing to the crimson trails down Twilight's cheeks.

Fluttershy collapsed at the sight, sobbing wetly into her hooves "Oh please forgive me Twilight, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!"

Rainbow Dash and Applejack took it upon themselves to wipe away the bloody stains as Rarity did her best to comfort the distraught Fluttershy. Just as Rainbow Dash finished wringing out the napkin to leave a cool compress over Twilight's eyes did Pinkie Pie silently slip back into the car. The pink party pony looked shaken up, and the scene within the dining car did nothing to lighten her mood. With much care, Pinkie slipped the Neighcronomicon out of her saddlebags and lay it by Twilight's hooves.

"Here you go Twilight, I got the Neighcronomicon for you." Pinkie droned dully. Sitting down a little bit further away, Pinkie Pie closed her eyes and began humming to herself, an almost dirge like song slowly filling the cabin.

Twilight's hooves snapped the Neighcronomicon up to her, and a flick of purple magic flung the napkin from her eyes. Gazing at the Neighcronomicon with crimson stained sight, Twilight felt magic surge through her. Calling upon the sudden flood of energy, Twilight sat up, delicately opening the rare tome, setting her horn buzzing as she refreshed the speaking spell.

"I only need to read eleven pages. Please stop me before I read more." With an imploring, almost desperate look, Twilight caught her friends gazes as they nodded their agreement. Pinkie even went so far as to wave her hooves about in a silent Pinkie Promise, a sad sort of smile adding gravity to the gesture.

And so Twilight began to read the accursed tome once more.

My Little Shoggoth

. . . when I awoke it was not on my pallet in the Wastes but in some filth matted dungeon. A shrill piping seemed to echo obscenely about me, and I knew that my infernal mistress had once more thrown me across the void to visit another grotesque horror.

The harsh flute music was both random and somehow entrancing for it. I could feel my blood surge through my veins, the smaller vessels in my eyes and nose bursting and clotting with every few stanzas. Blood soon matted my fur, and were it not for Wyrak's so called 'blessing' of immortality I would have surely burst like a balloon. Even so, the pain was beyond description, even after all these . . . weeks?

Subjectively I have only been writing for few weeks, but when I last visited Coltstantinople no one there knew me, and my old abode had been torn down due to its state of disrepair and age. I have lived for decades in the span of a few weeks, and my soul is heavy with regret. Goodbyes not given, family gone, friends passed away or senile with age. I am truly, horribly alone, with naught but a malevolent voice in my head for company. Were I to curse Wyrak and his followers with the magics he has gifted me with, I am sure I would be the first to suffer such a pox.

As I rounded the bend in that dim dungeon, I saw a mountain. A quivering bulk of flesh, shaped like some flabby earth pony given the arms and hands of a dragon or griffon. It had no eyes, and its hands seemed unsuited to the finessed demanded by the flawless pipe it clutched in filthy fingers. I retched at its scent, and even as I coughed up blood and bile in equal measure I could feel my awareness of the truths of our infirm reality grow stronger.

There isn't just Celestia and Luna, dearest reader. There are other, far crueler gods, and they are more powerful than even our Princesses could dream. Equestria is a speck of light and hope in a hungry void of despair, a candle in the darkness. And like all candles, there is only so much wax and wick before that flickering flame is snuffed out. . .

As Twilight turned the page, she was forced to shield her eyes from a bright flash of prismatic light accompanied by a gust of wind. Taking her hooves from over her eyes, Twilight blinked. The page she had turned to in the Neighcronomicon was blank. No text, no carefully copied pictures or charcoal rubbings, no magically embedded sounds or sensations, nothing! All of a sudden, her sense of rapture and enlightenment were replaced with anger. Pages were roughly turned, Twilight growing more and more frantic as no text leapt out to be devoured. Just an endless sea of white pages, from cover to cover. Even the blessed chapters she had already read were gone!

"Well that seemed to have worked, and thank goodness for that." A sophisticated voice spoke in a hushed tone out of Twilight's field of vision. Maybe if she stared hard enough the words would come back...

"When do you think she'll realize it though? I mean, I'm fast and all but you'd think she'd have said something by now." Another new voice. Accursed distractions, it even felt like somepony was laying on top of her now!

"Twilight, it's time to get up! Your allowance of creepy evil reading is all used up. Hello, anypony home?" Three sharp taps at the base of her horn made Twilight wince with pain. Closing the blank book (which was titled 'Fluttershy's Sketch Book' for some strange reason) Twilight looked up slowly. Twilight blinked in incomprehension at the pink earth pony staring down at her. Wait, she knew this one. . .

"Pinkie. . . Pie?" Twilight hazarded a guess, understanding and memory rising to the surface of her mind at last. "Can I get some water? My voice feels really. . . oh bother."

Pinkie Pie slid bonelessly off of Twilight's back, her mane and tail limp and dark. Her bright blue eyes were blank, almost lifeless, and her mouth worked silently, forming and shaping words not given voice. Rarity, with shaky hoofsteps, moved to the prone party pony's side, and began stroking her mane with quavering words of comfort.

Twilight wanted to scream or cry, to offer her apology and help Pinkie Pie recover. She couldn't though, all she could do is stay away and refresh her speaking spell. Glancing around, Twilight only saw Rainbow Dash behind the bar, taking deep breaths and refilling a bottle of water. Wordlessly, Rainbow flapped over the bar and handed the bottle off to Twilight before settling down a few feet away.

The speaking spell took less time to form then it had earlier, and Twilight silently marveled at her magic. Despite her fatigue, hunger, thirst, and all the psychological trauma she'd dealt with recently, it felt like her magic was as strong as ever. Maybe even stronger. Twilight set aside Fluttershy's blank sketching pad and looked around the dining car. There, on the table by Rarity and Pinkie was the Neighcronomicon. Twilight breathed out a sigh she didn't know she was holding in, pleased that her book wasn't too far away and in plain sight.

"Thanks Rainbow. Where are Applejack and Fluttershy?" Twilight frowned as she spoke. Her 'voice' sounded slightly distorted. "Hmmm, do I sound . . . odd?"

Rainbow had paled when Twilight started speaking again, but briefly shook her head. "Uh, yeah Twilight, you sound a bit off. Not like, 'Oh no make it stop' level off, so you know, don't worry?" A fake grin tugged at Rainbow's mouth, but it did nothing to dispel the traces of horror in the athlete's eyes. "Applejack took Fluttershy back to the room. Fluttershy more or less shut down once you started reading, I guess taking care of you took a lot out of her." Fidgeting quietly while Twilight drank down the last of the water, Rainbow nodded to herself and squared her shoulders.

"Look, Twi, you know we're gonna help you with this, but do you even know where we're going? Or anything about what to expect once we get where ever? With most of our other, ugh what's the word Smoke Stack used, ah-ha 'jaunts'! Yeah, with our other jaunts we knew more about what we were doing than with this whole trip."

"I must say, I'm a bit curious too darling. I did manage to pick up the wrapping paper that the Neighcronomicon came in, but the return address is incomplete." Rarity punctuated her cultured tones with a levitated a square of brown paper. Neatly clipped away, the return address was sadly partial obscured by the haphazardly applied stamps. The only legible portions were Able Hazards name and the city of origin, Coltstantinople.

"I know just the thing!" Twilight said brightly. "I read about a spell a little bit ago that was designed to help locate anypony. There are a few items that make the casting easier, as managing the spell as a purely mental construct is extremely draining according to the author." Twilight exalted in this challenge. It was a new spell, a new chance to test her limits and strengthen her understanding of magic. With a flare of her horn, Twilight summoned her saddlebags from the sleeping cab to her side, and began rummaging through them. "Luckily, I managed to grab what I needed before I slipped away, otherwise this spell would be much too difficult to do on a moving train."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me." Rainbow said in a thoughtful tone. Trotting over to Twilight, the cyan pegasus cuffed her none too gently.

"Ow! Rainbow Dash, that was hardly necessary!"

"Indeed! When did you become such a ruffian Dash? Striking Twilight like that, tssk." Rarity glared at Rainbow, her disapproval clearly writ in her delicate features. Even Pinkie Pie, her mane and tail slowly recovering both color and buoyancy, stuck her tongue out at Rainbow Dash.

"Hey, Element of Loyalty here, not Kindness." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright, Sorry about the hitting you thing Twi, but you had that coming for just ditching us. I know I said it earlier but it was still bugging me." Rainbow flopped to the floor as a pink weight suddenly landed on her.

"Dashie, it's okay to be mad with your friends, but you have to forgive them too!" Pinkie Pie reprimanded archly. Dash briefly fantasized bucking Pinkie over the bar for jumping on her like that. But the twinkle in her eyes and the grin on her lips was easily worth the humiliation of being treated like a bouncy castle. Or at least it had felt like that til the tickling started.

"Besides, if you wanna get even with somepony, tickling is the way to go!" Pinkie ran her hooves over Dash with lightning speed, rapidly striking all of her ticklish spots with pin point accuracy.

Rainbows garbled cries of mercy and pleas of forgiveness were swiftly swallowed by uninhibited laughter. Twilight chuckled at the sight before resuming her search through her bag. Pulling out a bundle of letters and photos wrapped in purple twine and setting them aside, Twilight checked that everything was in order.

Abruptly, the sense of being watched, loomed over even, stole upon her, and Twilight felt her breath catch in the throat. Silence had descended on the dining car, and it seemed like the oil lamps set in the walls had dimmed too. Slowly, ever so slowly Twilight turned her head, heart pounding out a rapid beat within her chest. Standing over her were foul replacements of her friends, hooves held high, wearing ghoulish grins that made a mockery of love and tolerance.

"Get her!" whispered the Rarity shaped ghoul, and as one the three horrors fell upon Twilight, viciously attacking her soft and undefended body. Hooves and wing tips raced along her barrel, tortuously teasing tender spots. Blue arcs of magic whipped along Twilight's neck and flanks, dredging up laughter from some shadowed recess of Twilight's mind. Starting with giggles, Twilight's laughter swelled and filled the whole dining car, and with little flashes of her own magic she returned the tickling favor to her attackers; to her friends she mentally corrected.

Pinkie Pie, normally the first to start and last to stop laughing, quickly broke off her tickle assault and sat back on her haunches as Twilight and the others laughed. Maybe it had something to do with her connection to the Element of Laughter, but Twilight's joy seemed almost forced. No, not forced, she thought, one hoof propped under her chin, brow furrowed with concentration. Strained. Its strained laughter, like the sound a wooden roof makes before it collapses from age or disrepair, or is forcibly broken by the weight of snow or the hunger of rats. Like a bridge, worn and broken down with age, that creaks and pops when one too many ponies walks across it.

Pinkie glanced up at the Neighcronomicon as her friends slowly quieted down. When she had retrieved it from the girls shared sleeping cab, the cover had been a terror to behold. The daylight shining through the room had played with the ink swirls on the cover, and what Pinkie saw shook her to the core. Swaying gently in time with her own beating heart was the image of a pony lifelessly hanging by the neck. Not just anypony though. Her. It was her smile, her flat mane and tail, her cutie mark.

"Hey Pinks, you're drooping again. Do ya need to go tickle somepony else?" Pinkie turned away from the cruel book, offering Rainbow Dash a mischievous smile.

"Aw crud." Despite her dare-devils reflexes and whipcord muscles, Rainbow didn't have a snowballs chance in Tartarus to dodge Pinkie's grasping hooves.

"Ahem. Anyway, the spell I'm about to cast will give me a good idea of where Able Hazard is. I have some of his letters, which will have faint traces of his magic on them. I also have a few pictures, so those will help me frame the spell and give me a more precise location. Rarity, pass me that bit of chalk and the return address will you? Thanks"

Twilight quickly levitated napkins and bits of left over food off of the train floor. Grasping the chalk in her telekinetic grip, Twilight began drawing out a star on the ground, adding little flourishes as she went. She was just about to finish the fifth and final star point when a pair of blue feathers fluttered into her view, barely an inch from brushing the chalked symbols. Twilight gasped and with a burst of magic seized the two feathers. Like a match struck in total darkness, Twilight's horn flared to incandescent brightness, atomizing the feathers.

"Whoa. That was so awesome! Hey, can you do that again, but with some of Pinkie's mane? I bet it would smell like cotton candy!"

"OoOoOo! Let's try!" Pinkie Pie plucked a trio of curly hairs from her head with an audible twang, and looked set to toss the offending pink strands before Rarity disarmed her.

"Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, desist. Twilight is about to do something very difficult to help us, and I think it'd be best if we gave her a little bit of peace and quiet." Rarity said tartly.

With a clatter, the door to the dining car rattled open. Applejack briskly crossed the threshold, while Fluttershy more sedately drifted, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Twilight couldn't help but recoil as natural daylight flooded the cab, but much to her relief she didn't burst into flames or anything like that.

"Ya'll were mightly loud just now, what's goin' on in here?" Applejack grumbled, a partially eaten apple balanced on one hoof. Fluttershy wordlessly handed the saddlebags slung across her flanks around to Pinkie Pie, who quickly dug out an impressivly sized muffin before handing the bags to Rarity.

"Pinkie, I'd ask how you just pulled a muffin from this bag, which I packed, which didn't have any baked goods in it." Rarity sighed, levitating various fruits and vegetables about her, inspecting them critically for flaws before settling on a carrot.

"Secret stash Rarity my dear, secret stash." With a deft flick of her hoof, Pinkie tossed the whole pastry into her mouth, wrapper and all, and began chewing with every sign of enjoyment.

"Any chance of sharing that stash Pinks? I'm only seein' carrots and apples in here, and I could go for something with a bit more zing to it." Rainbow rooted through the saddlebags, clearly searching for some of Pinkie's legendary sweets. Twilight focused her magic and drew an apple to herself with a faint pop of displaced air, attacking the red skinned fruit with single-minded hunger.

"Silly Dashie, if I told you how to get snacks from my secret stash, it wouldn't be a secret stash." Reaching over Rarity into the bags, Pinkie drew out another two muffins, one of which she handed to Rainbow. "But since you were my such a great tickle partner, I'll let you have the last one."

"Awesome." Without preamble, Rainbow Dash chomped into the muffin before holding out the saddlebags in Fluttershy's direction. "Fluttershy, did you get anything to eat?"

"I'm fine Rainbow, I had a little something before we walked over." Fluttershy nevertheless collected the bags from Rainbow Dash, settling them down beside herself. "Oh, is that my sketchbook? Can I have it back please? If it's not too much trouble that is." Fluttershy finished meekly, huddling into herself.

With a hop-skip-and-a-jump, Pinkie Pie bounded over the nearly complete glyphs Twilight was touching up and presented the yellow pegasus her book with a flourish.

"All right girls, I think I'm ready to get started. Please scootch back and brace yourselves, I read this is quite a lights show of a spell." Twilight grinned hugely. Ah, the scent of chalk and tingle of magical energies, it felt like another personal victory for scholars and unicorns everywhere. The spell was one of her own invention really, something she had dreamed up on a lazy afternoon while researching some of the more esoteric branches of arcane theory.

Slowly gathering up magical energy, Twilight closed her eyes and focused on the pictures and letters from Able Hazard she had laid out in the slightly misshapen pentagram. A perfectly straight edged pentagram wouldn't be flexible enough for this spell, which by its very nature was imprecise, and Twilight felt very proud that she had figured out how it should look. The curved arms of the symbol and the crooked eye in the center were simply brilliant, even if it wasn't aesthetically pleasing to look at.

Magic poured forth from Twilight's horn, a shimmering cascade of purple fire that bled into the pentagram. Pictures were lifted on spouts of purple and pink energy, and stray sparks flitted through the cabin casting shadows every which way. The normally quiet hum of magical energy became a dull roar, the curtains on the windows fluttering in a phantom wind.

Pinkie Pie let out little giggles and awed noises from the increasing rapid movements of magical motes, Rarity similarly enraptured. Fluttershy was partially buried in Rainbow Dashes fur, unsettled by the way the eye in the center of the pentagram seemed to be tracking her movements. Rainbow Dash, like Pinkie, was firmly entranced by the aerial acrobatics of the floating missives and pictures of Able Hazard.

Applejack paused from watching the way magical energy swirled about Twilight, blinking like someone waking up unexpectedly. Just like when she was talking to Twilight up by her barn, Applejack had a sudden inkling, a premonition to act on. With slow but sure movements, Applejack stole over to where the Neighcronomicon was propped up on a dining chair.

In the flickering light of Twilight's magic, the cover once again became something more than just an eye-catching whirlwind of darkness and light. Applejack saw a unicorn surrounded in flames, flesh and fur consumed by the fires even as their horn fed the pyre.

The temperature suddenly plummeted in the dining car, and Applejack whipped around to stare in horror at the magical pentagram. Inky darkness stained the air around the symbol, and Applejack felt paralyzed by the sight. The shadows seemed to writhe eagerly, hungrily thought Applejack.

"This? This right here is why Ah don't much care fer reading." Applejack grumbled. Twilight seemed oblivious to Pinkie Pie's gasp of shock, or Fluttershy's soft sobbing, her horn still alight with purple energy. Her eyes were pools of absolute darkness, inky wells of unfathomable malice and despair.

"Twilight! You gotta stop it!" bellowed Applejack. The farmpony began galloping toward Twilight as the unicorn began floating above the ground, lifted by her out of control magic. Gale force winds sprang to life, throwing chairs, tables, and ponies around the cabin with equal disdain.

Applejack crashed against the wall separating the dining car from the sleeping car, letting out a hiss of breath as she felt her the impact all the way down to her bones. A sharp cry of pain wretched its way past her lips when Fluttershy slammed into her, the pegasus similarly shrieking in pain. Through watering eyes, Applejack could see Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity on the far side of the car, hopelessly tangled up with a few table cloths.

"We have to stop Twilight from casting this!" Fluttershy shouted over the howling winds. Applejack saw she was right; the inky globes of shadow had begun to coalesce into something vaguely pony shaped, like an effigy made of tar soaked ropes.

"Ah'm all ears sugercube!"

Fluttershy opened her mouth to protest; she had no idea how to solve this mess! She dealt with animals, maybe the occasional manticore or hydra too but mostly just harmless little animals! Bunnies and sparrows didn't summon hurricanes of unleashed magic, no more than turtles conjured soul stainingly foul replicas of ponies made from living shadow stuff.

Applejack saw the protest die on Fluttershy's lips, and the ember of an idea set fire to her soul, emboldening her normally timid friend.

Fluttershy stared Applejack in the eye. "Buck me."

"EXCUSE ME?!" Applejack shouted "Now a'int exactly the time or place for that kinda talk is it?!"

"No, I need you to buck me like one of your apple trees so I crash with Twilight and hopefully the collision will stop her spell casting." Fluttershy felt her already fiery gaze shift into a full on Stare, and Applejack noticeably squared her shoulders.

"Alright sugercube, hunker down an buckle up, cause Ah don't think Ah can afford ta go soft on ya here." Applejack turned around, lining up her hind legs with Fluttershy's rump. With a sharp inhale, Applejack lifted her hind legs and shouted "ReadySetGO!" before bucking Fluttershy like she was a particularly stubborn tree.

Like a butterscotch and pink bolt of lightning, Fluttershy crossed the space between her and Twilight in half a heartbeat. Slamming into the airborne unicorn, Fluttershy wrapped her hooves around her target as they went spilling onto the cluttered train floor. Instantly, the temperature of the dining car started to rise, and the ethereal wind and flickering lights dissipated.

Woozily lifting her head, Fluttershy glanced around her at the disaster zone once called a dining car. Friends? Shaken up but otherwise okay, check. Twilight? Shivering and still weakly emitting magical sparks from her horn, clearly trying to cope with the magical backlash of a rudely interrupted casting, check. Herself? Bruised, aching, almost about to cry from sheer relief and pent up sense of mortal terror, check. Vile mockery of a pony made from tar and shadows? Growing tentacles, eyes swimming across its body, mouth full of razor sharp fangs, check.

Wait, what was that last one?!

Fluttershy whipped her head back around to stare at the psudopony. Taller and broader than even Big Macintosh, the shadow pony shook and rippled standing in place, like water in a glass. One great big green eyeball floated to the surface of its face, and it looked at Fluttershy with such hunger and sinister intent that she felt like she was being subjected to some mirror universe version of The Stare. The vile shade of a pony leered at her as droplets of spittle spattered against the ground to eat away the wooded floorboards with a hiss. With a burbling, gurgling chuckle, the psudopony jerkily started walking toward her and the recumbent Twilight Sparkle.

". . .eep!"

Madness Takes Its Toll . . .

Fluttershy couldn't breath, it was looking right at her. A very quiet part of her mind wondered if this was how her little animals felt when she subjected them to the Stare. The rest of her focused on mentally screaming denials at the impossibility of it and putting her tear ducts into overdrive. The tar-like psudopony took another jerky step closer to her.

Applejack retched and spat out a stringy gruel of partially digested apple. For a moment, its flanks had a trio of bloody eyes in a perverse mockery to her own cutie mark. Gritting her teeth, Applejack ground her hooves into the dining car floor, desperately trying to get her legs to stop shaking. Her friends needed her, she had to help! A pair of ropy tentacles slowly emerged from the psudopony's back, a large circle of serrated teeth gnashing at the end of each tentacle.

Twilight Sparkle groaned and wept, flitting between conscious and unconscious. She could hear the creak and clatter of something large moving through the debris of the dining car, and without looking knew what she'd done. The spell had been a failure; rather than imprint a magically honed sense of where to find Able Hazard, she had summoned something tainted. Pouring the last of her magic into her speaking spell, Twilight managed to keep it from totally unraveling.

"It's a shoggoth, a servitor of the Great Old Ones. Its bite is acidic and its form is malleable like wet clay. And no, Pinkie, you can't keep it as a pet, nor does it need a hug."

Pinkie Pie shook her mane and tail out in a manner similar to a dog shaking off water, the limp strands of dark pink returning to their bright and fluffy norm. "Don't be such a grumpy pants Twilight! Everypony feels better if they get a hug and smile a bit!" giggled Pinkie as she bounced over to the lumbering shoggoth.

Throwing her arms open in a burst of confetti, Pinkie shouted "Welcome to Equestria Mr. Shoggoth! I'm Pinkie Pie, and I hope you'll stop menacingly stalking toward my friends Fluttershy and Twilight and consider living with everypony in harmony! Pweeeeze?" Pinkie pulled out all the stops with her puppy dog eyed pout, letting a single flawless tear gather in the corner of one eye as her lower lip trembled slightly.

The shoggoth stopped, one hoof held aloft in midair. With a faint 'sploosh' sound, the giant green eye in its head sank into the shoggoth's body before surfacing on its flank to stare at Pinkie Pie. Nopony dared breath, equal parts relieved and flummoxed that Pinkie's insane gambit had paid off.

With the sound of a rope snapping taunt, the shoggoth's hind leg shot out and smashed Pinkie aside, launching the pink earthy pony through a pair of chairs to collapse against the bar.

"Pinkie Pie!" screamed Rarity. Whirling on the shoggoth, Rarity didn't even blink as she stared right into its main eye. Leaping between the tarry conjuration and Fluttershy, Rarity bared her teeth in a fierce snarl. Blood oozing from both of her nostrils and trickling down her cheeks, Rarity lit her horn in a rage. "No more! I will not see my friends suffer at your hooves!" Gripped in her azure telekinesis, shattered plates and dinner knives rose about her in a cloud. "Avaunt you despicable beast! Begone, return to your fell masters in failure and agony! Fhtagn Shoggoth! Ia! Ia! Ph'nglui fhtagn mglw'nafh Shoggoth!" With a unearthly (and decidedly unladylike) screech, Rarity launched the floating dinnerware at the shoggoth. Black tendrils shot out of the shoggoths barrel and shoulders, slapping aside the serrated bits of plate and knives. Here and there a knife or a shard of porcelain would ram into the shoggoths inky hide, but even after a full dozen knives were sunk to the hilt the shoggoth showed no sign of pain.

Rainbow Dash pulled herself up from the floor, blood trickling from a number of shallow cuts along her barrel and flanks. Grabbing a broken chair leg in one hoof, Rainbow shook shards of glass from her wings while testing the balance of the weighty bit of wood. Smiling grimly, the prismatic pegasus jetted forward, smashing the chair leg into splinters on the shoggoth's flank. "Yeah, how do you like that you fat, ugly, stupid OOF!" Lost in her litany of cussing, Rainbow failed to appreciate the speed which the shoggoth's tendrils moved, and found herself slapped back across the train car to crash underneath a table.

Sweat poured down Rarity's brow, and the swirling mass of cutlery had diminished notably since the start of the melee. The shoggoth's tentacles still moved with surety and speed, while her own attacks and feints had lost much of the same. Rarity couldn't help but glance at the recumbent forms of Fluttershy and Twilight. Gritting her teeth and snarling, Rarity dredged her mind for further magical energy, seizing a number of bottles from behind the bar. With an almighty crash, bottle after bottle of liquor were sacrificed to bludgeon the shoggoth to its knees.

"Consarnit Rarity, one of those was a ten year Sweet Apple reserve!" Applejack groused as she stepped up beside Rarity. With a madmare's grin, the farmer whistled sharply. "Hey Rainbow, Ah bet Ah can hit this ugly varmit more times than you can!" Laughing to herself, Applejack raced forward, seemingly heedless of the inky black tentacles or whirlwind of sharp implements Rarity continued to whip around. Leaping nimbly past a pair of dark tendrils, Applejack spun deftly on her forehooves, resting her whole weight upon them as she coiled herself up like a bright orange spring. With a grunt of effort, Applejack bucked the shoggoth right in its chin with all the force of a runaway train. Semi-solid flesh ruptured and foul smelling fluids soaked Applejack's hind hooves and legs.

"You're on slowpoke!" With a prismatic flash of light and the roar of wind, Rainbow Dash shot out from under the table she had been thrown. Another chair leg was ruined against the shoggoth's barrel, but rather than stay to taunt the monstrosity, Rainbow kept moving, flaring her wings to halt on the other side of the train car to snatch up another length of wood. "That's two so far, looks like I'm in the lead!"

Applejack laughed maniacally, dodging and exchanging blows with the shoggoth. "Ah'm up to six already! You sure you're even tryin' sugercu- woah!" Applejack bit off the rest of her taunt as she rolled under a ponderous swing of the one of the shoggoth's tentacles. Surging unto her hind hooves, Applejack lashed out with her right hoof, socking the shoggoth in its freshly reformed head as she held herself upright with her other hoof latched onto the shoggoth's neck. "Take yer beatin' and git gone! An that makes seven, eight, nine!" The incremental numbers were counted off with thunderous blows, and the shoggoth responded in kind, battering Applejack ferociously. A tendril with serrated teeth latched onto Applejack's shoulder, and two others smashed into her barrel, knocking the air from her lungs.

As Rainbow recommenced her strafing runs and Applejack tore the tendril off of her shoulder with her teeth, Rarity was forced to stop her magical blender for fear of hitting her friends. Stepping back quickly, Rarity checked on Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle. Fluttershy was . . . Rarity hesitated to use the word 'alright'. Fluttershy was stiff as a plank, and totally unresponsive to Rarity's touch or panted questions. Since Rarity had observed her timid friend enter similar states when frightened by thunderstorms, ponies unexpectedly bumping into her, falling leaves, and her own shadow (to name a few examples), Rarity had to believe that she was alright.

Twilight was a different and far sadder story altogether. The purple unicorn seemed locked in her own personal nightmare, eyes clamped shut as she whimpered and writhed. Numerous nicks and cuts covered her body as her fevered thrashing mashed glass into her coat. But despite the puddle of sweat she was making, Twilight's horn was still sheathed in periwinkle light. Rarity seized the two collapsed ponies in her magic, the strain of which set her nose bleeding once more, and gingerly lifted them onto a nearby tablecloth that was only slightly stained with alcohol and shoggoth fluids, but blessedly free of more glass.

Rarity shot a glance over her shoulder at the shoggoth and her fighting friends. Applejack sported a number of fresh cuts and bite marks on her, and was very firmly on the defensive. Rainbow Dash had a freely bleeding gash along one foreleg and had clearly run out of chair legs to bludgeon the shoggoth with. Rarity grabbed the assembled set of saddlebags from a nearby pile of rubble with the intent to find something, anything to fight with and almost screamed from the sharp spike of pain such a simple telekinetic task brought on her.

"Girls, I can't use anymore magic!" Tears, real tears of salt and sorrow, spilled down Rarity's cheeks. Deprived of her magical strength, the horror of the shoggoth hit her with an almost physical force. Her friends were getting hurt, and now all she could do is sit on the sidelines. Throat tight and rough with terror and misery, Rarity began whispering Sweetie Belle's favorite lullaby.

"Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepy head
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to bed. . ."

Rainbow Dash slammed into the side of the shoggoth, her hind hooves digging deeply into the abomination's barrel. "Twenty two!" panted Rainbow, her cocky smile reduced to a determined scowl. Forcing her burning wings into action once more, Rainbow dove to the side as the shoggoth retaliated for the twenty second time. As Rarity sung the first verses of the lullaby, the shoggoth's lumbering swing became a lightning quick strike, smashing Rainbow into the floor of the dining car.

"Aaugh!" screamed Rainbow, seeing stars burst behind her eyes and darkness swim up to swallow her whole. Gritting bloody teeth, the daredevil pegasus slapped down the impending blackout with some wild reserve of willpower. The shoggoth, moving with greater surety than ever before, seized Rainbow Dash by her wounded leg and began to squeeze.

Rarity continued to croon the lullaby in a language that was ancient when the stars were born, and in the shoggoth's crushing grip Rainbow knew that somepony needed to stop Rarity before her leg-

With a sound not unlike a thick carrot being suddenly snapped in half, Rainbow Dash let loose a strangled scream and thrashed wildly in the shoggoth's uncaring grip before lapsing into a disquieting silence. Applejack spun on her back hooves and with a roar that would shame a manticore, bucked the tentacle that held Rainbow so hard that the semi-solid appendage burst asunder.

"Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepy head
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to mmph!"

Rarity rocked backwards as a cupcake impacted forcefully into her mouth, stopping the terrifying singing. "You just chew on that a minute Rarity and let you're dear Auntie Pinkie tell you girls a little story." Leaning on the bar, Pinkie Pie grinned brightly, her mane and tail as full and fluffy as whenever she threw a party back in Ponyville.

The shoggoth slowly turned around, no longer gifted speed and strength by the song from beyond the stars, as Pinkie started misty eyed into the middle distance. "A long long loooooong time ago, in a little town right around here, there was a wise earth pony named Maneonides."

Rummaging through her mane, Pinkie produced a pair of sock puppets. "One winter, it was dreadfully cold, and nothing the pegasi or unicorns tried seemed to help at all. When super wise Maneonides was asked for his council, he said to build a huge house of wood, and to fill that house with hay and feathers and all sorts of warm snuggly-wuffly stuff!"

The shoggoth snarled, acid frothing about its maw. Rarity started, realizing she was chewing on the paper wrapper the confectionery missile had came in. Spitting (daintily) onto the ground, Rarity made to kick the offending paper product away. However, the designs of balloons and cupcakes made a pattern this time around. A very well plotted out pattern that resembled the words "Get out of the dining car, this is gonna be" before running out of space on the wrapper. Looking up from the wrapper to catch Pinkie Pie's eye, Rarity saw the energetic party pony jerk her head toward the exit toward the sleeping quarters.

"Applejack, we must get out now." Rarity hissed, relieved and puzzled that her voice had returned to its more natural tone. The farm pony looked up at Rarity with blank incomprehension, an unconscious Rainbow Dash cradled in her hooves. Without another word, Rarity flung two sets of saddlebags at Applejack. Twisting around to seize one corner of the tablecloth Twilight and Fluttershy were laying on, Rarity almost fainted at the sight of the Neighcronomicon, which had somehow found its way into Twilight's hooves. Rallying, the fashionista gripped the tablecloth in her teeth and began dragging her friends out of the dining car.

"With the winter growing colder, and the wind windier, and the snow even snowier, the townsponies all gathered together as much wood and stuffs as they could, and built a great big house, just like Maneonides told them." Coasters and toothpicks, napkins and pencils, even a few corks were all blended together by Pinkie's masterful hooves as she continued to tell her story. A rough box shape took place, and Pinkie's smile widened and brightened despite the shoggoth nearly within striking distance.

"At Maneonides urging, all the townsponies entered the house, and they were warm! All their friends and families, buddies and besties, kith and kin were all there, it was the best! The mayor was the last one in the building, and almost felt the door hit her flank, so quickly did it shut after her." Pulling off the sock puppet that had thus far acted as the Mayor and the townsfolk, Pinkie gingerly lay it in the box she had cobbled together.

"And then the Mayor heard Maneonides, through the door as bolt after bolt and lock after lock were snicked and snapped into place. She heard "If you build a pony a fire, they will be warm for one night. If you set a pony on fire, they will be warm for the rest of their lives." Pulling off the other sock puppet, Pinkie Pie revealed a lit match that she tossed into the little box on the bartop, instantly setting it aflame. "Theeeee End! Thanks for listening to your Auntie Pinkie Mr. Shoggoth, lemmie fix you a little drink as a reward!"

Ducking under the Shoggoth's tentacle, Pinkie Pie popped up with a grin, a bottle of Braycardi 151 in either hoof. The smoldering rags stoppering the bottles of potent liquor flickered to life at Pinkie's gentle puff of breath. "Here you go Mr. Shoggoth, I got you two! This one is called Love!" With a crash, Pinkie smashed the bottle over the shoggoth's head, lighting it and most of the dining car on fire, "and this one is called Tolerate! Have a warm rest of your life!" Another crash sounded, and Rarity winced involuntarily.

Giggling manically, a singed and smoking Pinkie Pie burst out of the roaring inferno that used to be the dining car, balancing what could only the linchpin that kept the train cars connected on the end of her nose. "Hey, did you girls know that fire can be blue? I mean, I knew it could be red, or orange, or green, but I didn't know fire could be blue, isn't that super neato-mosquito?!"

A sound like a teakettle boiling over then rupturing made everypony still conscious clap their hooves to their ears. As the dining car slowly fell behind, the sound also receded until Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie could only hear the wind whipping through the open sleeping car door and the groans and whimpers of pain from their friends.

"So. . ." Applejack drawled a few minutes later, fidgeting nervously, "who's gonna let Smoke Stack know we kinda torched his dinin' car and left it an all the passenger cars behind?"

Twilight suddenly sneezed, hoofed at her nose, and rolled over with a grunt of pain.

Looking Rarity and Applejack in the eye, Pinkie Pie giggled, "I think I just heard Twilight volunteer, what a nice friend she is."

". . . Eh, close enough for my tastes, Ah think that thump to the head made my hearin' all loopy. Just gonna have ta take Pinkie's word on it."

"Let's get these three into bed and then we can work on our story darling. And, Luna willing, get these tangles out of my mane. Ugh, I must look simply horrid right now!"

. . . Please Have Exact Change

Twilight groaned, blinking gummy eyes against the harsh glare of a new dawn. Memories trickled into her waking mind, and another groan of equal parts melancholy and anger slipped from her throat. Complicated and experimental magic was going on the ‘Do Not Attempt’ list, Twilight mentally chided herself. At least the speaking spell (if still kinda experimental) seemed okay to be used.

Reaching for her magic to refresh said speaking spell, Twilight suddenly felt very awake.

Normally, a unicorn suffering the the wear of physical and mental strain to the degree Twilight had would find only a bare shadow of their magic at their beck and call. Twilight acknowledged to herself that her own magical prowess was far greater than that of most unicorns, and years of mental conditioning had left her fairly resilient to the rigors of psychological strain. Days of minimal sustenance and weeks of sundered sleep schedules were not foreign to Twilight by any stretch of the imagination.

Even so, Twilight was astonished by her magic. It was not the wasted sliver of power she had expected to find.

It had grown.

Twilight had always thought of her magic as a building, a library specifically. As she learned new spells, new bookshelves and extensions of the library were created. The size of her mental bastion had grown incrementally over the years, small strides in magical might that expanded what she could do and the amount she could do.

But in the span of a couple of days, Twilight could feel that her magic had grown more than it had in the last couple of years.

Twilight glanced at the bedside table where the Neighcronomicon lay. It had done this for her. Power, raw seething power was hers to grab, if only she’d open the Neighcronomicon again and read. From cover to cover, like every other book she’d touched (terrible literature and half-illegible fan fictions aside), that’s all Twilight needed to let herself do. With trembling hooves, Twilight slowly reached for the tome.

A faint, demure yawn sounded from behind Twilight, and the soft clink of bits changing hooves brought Twilight’s head around to stare behind herself.

“Consarnit Pinkie, Ah don’t know why Ah even bother bettin’ against you.” Applejack grumbled as Pinkie pie stuffed the hooffull of bits into her mane.

“Because as the Element of Honesty, you had a hard time believing that Twilight would willingly engage in self destructive behavior when she’d previously pleaded with us to help her stay away from reading the Neighcronomicon. Additionally, you, like Dashie, have a competitive streak, and indulging in a friendly wager between friends is a safe way to scratch that particular itch.”

Twilight put her head down and rubbed the base of her horn. Partly because she could feel a hornache coming on as the Neighcronomicon extracted its vengeance for being denied, but also to surreptitiously wipe away the tears forming in her eyes. She had asked her friends to help her stop reading once, and she had admitted to herself that it was dangerous to read the Neighcronomicon. The bedding around Twilight sagged and bounced as somepony walked over to her side.

“Pinkie, darling, do you remember what we said about rhetorical questions?” Rarity said as she patted Twilight’s shoulder.

“Oo! Oo! Yes! A-hem.” Pinkie’s exuberant tone vanished, and in an eerily similar voice to Rarity’s Pinkie recited “A rhetorical question is a figure of speech in the form of a question that is asked in order to make a point, rather than to elicit an answer.”

Pouring magical energy into the speaking spell, Twilight chimed in, “I think what Rarity was trying to say was that Applejack wasn’t expecting an answer. And I’m sorry for reaching for the Neighcronomicon girls, I just… wasn’t thinking clearly.”

"It's alright darling; a momentary lapse of judgement, nothing to apologize for." Rarity said, hugging Twilight to her briefly.

With a rattle, the door to the girls shared bedroom slid open, revealing a gangly colt on the cusp of stallionhood.

"Uh, Miss Twilight? My, um, my name is Coal Soot, I'm Smoke Stacks assistant for this, um, jaunt. He, uh, he said that you should come up to the conductor's car and, um, explain why there's only two train cars left." Coal Soot's voice cracked and warbled with nerves, and Twilight found his nervously darting gaze quite similar to Fluttershys.

"Wait, what do you mean only two cars left?" Twilight yelped as Soot’s words sank home. Too late, as the colt had bolted as soon as his message was delivered.

"Oh yeah, you were knocked mostly-kinda unconscious by Fluttershy breaking your spell and didn't get to hear the really neato story I told Mr. Shoggoth." Pinkie chirped, a goofy smile plastered across her face.

“Or watch Pinkie set Mr. Shoggoth on fire, and the dinin' car to boot.” Applejack drawled. “At least you had the bright idea of unhitchin’ the dinin' car from us so we didn’t catch fire neither.”

“Oh yeah, or that either! Hey, Twilight, did you know Braycardi 151 burns blue?!”

Twilight, staring with a mix of shock and understanding numbly responded, “Yes Pinkie, some flames are blue. Depending on the composition of the fuel, fire can appear in many different colors, ranging all across the visible light spectrum...” Twilight stared into space, listing different chemical compounds and what color they gave off if burned.

Pinkie squealed, “I think fire is my new favoritest color!”

“Sumthin’ about that just ain’t right.” Applejack mumbled, watching Pinkie Pie bounce about on the three beds, her mane poofy and springy despite the topic of arson and pyromania.

“Oh Pinkie, darling, that really was too much to tell Twilight all at once, especially this early in the morning.” Rarity softly chided as she stroked Twilight’s mane. Whether Rarity brushed the purple unicorns mane out of a need to put some order into the bed head Twilight sported or in an effort to comfort her Pinkie-shocked friend was only for her to know. Regardless, Rarity’s gentle but sure strokes slowly restored Twilight to a functioning mental state.

"Thank you Rarity. Still, while Smoke Stack asked me to explain things I think I'll need somepony else to help clarify. Rarity, if I could impose on you...?" Twilight grinned somewhat abashedly.

"Of course darling, just let me use the little fillies room and I'll be right with you." With a flick of her perfectly coiffed hair, Rarity slipped out of the room.

"By the way girls, where's Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy?" Twilight asked as she levitated an apple from the group's diminishing stock.

Applejack grimaced and tugged her stetson low over her face. Pinkie Pie gently put a hoof around Applejack's shoulders before responding. "Well, they're next door to us. Um, they kinda took the whole epic battle between ponykind and the darkness from between the stars the hardest..." Twilight noted that, in fact, Pinkie Pie's fur showed a few singe marks and burnt clumps, not too dissimilar from Twilight's own burn wounds. Applejack had a few small bands of white gauze wrapped around her barrel and legs, one of which was tinted red. Bruises, too numerous to count, were a constant theme between the two earth ponies. Twilight winced at a particularly large bruise Pinkie had on her right shoulder, feeling sympathetic pain from all of her minor bruises and abrasions.

"Fluttershy I could buy that about, but Rainbow Dash? I'm stunned I didn't wake up to her boasting or doing Sonic Rainbooms next to the train to trumpet her awesomeness." Twilight said, not pausing in consuming her apple. One decided upside to the speaking spell is that she could talk with her mouth full and not sound like a slob. Sure, she had been forced to put magical theory into practice because the sound of her speaking could cause a pony to burst into tears or fall into a catatonic state from soul-born terror. And Twilight was sure that what she was doing was technically still rude since she was speaking and she was also eating, but only Rarity would take offense and she was indisposed at the moment. It's all about the silver linings and all that, thought Twilight to herself as she levitated a carrot from the bag.

Pinkie Pie shot a nervous glance to Applejack who had slouched down, shoulders hunched and head hanging low, before waving Twilight over to the door. "Twi, you might get a better idea if you, um, see for yourself. I gotta, uh, make the beds."

"Oookay, if you say so Pinkie. I'll see you girls after I talk to Smoke Stack." Sliding open the door to the hallway, Twilight stepped out and cocked an ear toward the bathroom segment of the overnight car. Rarity must still be busy, given the sounds of running water and faint singing. Normally, Rarity's obsession with appearing flawless would irk Twilight somewhat. As it was, Twilight was just grateful that Rarity had something to anchor herself during this 'jaunt'. Moving slightly down the hall, Twilight paused to knock on the door to the cab next to the one she woke up in.

"Yeah, whadda you want?" Rainbow all but snarled through the door. Twilight almost fell to her haunches at the barely restrained anger she heard. Slowly sliding the door open, Twilight did fall onto her flank.

Rainbow was a mess of bandages and bruises. Luckily, neither of her wings bore bandages or other marks of injury, but the foreleg wrapped in a splint and hanging in an impromptu sling against her barrel was a unpleasant shock. Fluttershy was laying nearby, eyes open but unseeing. It was clear to Twilight that the tender pegasus was still locked in a mental battle to resurface, trapped in a nightmare that Twilight had summoned from beyond the void.

"Twilight, preemptive warning; you get ONE apology before I get out of this bed and belt you in the head, capiche?" Rainbow growled. Nodding dumbly, a quiet part of Twilight's mind marveled at the duality of Rainbow's stubborn pride and her strength of will.

Gulping air down a suddenly tight throat, Twilight blinked away the tears forming in her eyes. An apology sprang to her mind, a desire to throw her hooves, very very carefully, around Rainbow and sob words of regret and lamentations into her prismatic mane. But, even as Twilight set her horn buzzing with a fresh surge of magical strength, a much better idea came to her . . . with ghostly whisper in almost her own voice, 'We're such an egghead . . .'.

Squaring her shoulders, Twilight mentally filed away the need to cast Sweet Dreams signature spell again later and go hunt Sparks down for questioning. Looking between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, Twilight met Rainbow's frustrated gaze and held it.

"Back at Canterlot, I occasionally sat with Princess Celestia while she held Day Court. It wasn't every day, or even every week. But from time to time, I would hear about what was going on in the wide world of Equestria from the very ponies who had lived through it. The Princess saw it as a great way for me to gain knowledge of our fair land, and to get used to being around strange ponies. I was, ah, kinda antisocial back then."

Rainbow snickered slightly, but leaned forward and opened her mouth with a questioning expression. Twilight held up a hoof, and Rainbow blew out her cheeks before settling herself again into the pillows piled up on the bed, turning on her side briefly to brush Fluttershy's hair out from in front of the yellow pegasus's eyes.

"One day, about a year before I was sent to Ponyville, there was a disruption to Day Court. At the time, Princess Celestia was listening to Prince Blueblood's, er, request that the city ordinance that prevented him from erecting a twenty foot tall statue of himself on his property be overturned. The doors to the throne room where we were holding Day Court were rather abruptly kicked open just as Prince Blueblood started reading off his sixteenth page of notes and explanations for why he should be allowed to do this, most of which boiled down to 'I am better than other ponies.' Jerk."

"Flanked by a dozen royal guards on either side was a single pegasus with an inky black coat with streaks of dark blue in her mane and tail." Twilight lost focus on Rainbow as she shifted her gaze to the window. Watching the monotonous landscape slip by, Twilight could almost see that day again like a film reel. "She carried a very worn set of saddlebags, and was wearing tattered leather armor, upon which rested a burnished silver amulet shaped like. . . Well, at the time I just saw it as a crescent moon, but now I know it's a copy of Princess Luna's Cutie Mark. The ebony pegasus said 'Specialist Total Eclipse reporting for debriefing, my liege.', before collapsing onto her front knees in an attempt to bow. I was so scared, because when she was saying this I finally saw the blood staining her coat, and the gashes in both her armor and wings."

Twilight shuddered; even after the last few years the memory still gave her chills. "Prince Blueblood was told to leave, then ordered to leave, and finally the Guard captain on duty picked him up with his magic and threw him out. Heh. Princess Celestia almost had me taken away at that point, but some stray thought must have stopped her. Princess Celestia then bade Total Eclipse to give her report."

Twilight noted that Rainbow Dash was leaning forward with an expression not too dissimilar to when she would read a new Daring Do novel. And, noted another bit of Twilight, Fluttershy was stirring softly.

"Total Eclipse told the Princess about a fight, a battle, that had occurred between a rogue company of griffons and the border garrison that she had been implanted in. Twenty battle unicorns, forty hardened earth pony guards, and another forty pegasi, all led by Captain Shooting Star, the very same Shooting Star who had been a Wonderbolt Captain. One hundred and one ponies versus almost three hundred griffons."

"For hours and hours, Total Eclipse told us about that battle. Spells of blistering fire and chained lightning so powerful that the snow for miles melted, the resounding crackle of crossbows fired without stop, and the screams of displaced air as pegasi and griffons warred on the wing. Total Eclipse told us that there was no known reason why the griffons had attacked; the idea that they were a rogue element is the only one that Specialist Eclipse could think of as she flew all the way from the border to here. She had to fly with lacerated wings, more than a dozen broken bones, and after fighting for hours on end. And the reason she had to fly all of that by herself on no sleep or food was because she was the last one standing. The only pony left alive."

"Total Eclipse, who aside from some pained coughing and breaks to drink a thin soup at the Princess's request, had been a model of stoicism, unflinching in her after-action report. So it was that much more startling because she began to cry. She threw the stained saddlebags she wore onto the ground, the clasp breaking open, spilling out all of the tokens of enlistment she had collected. Some were bent or split clean in half, a few had holes in them or had melted. But there they were, one hundred blood stained tokens. 'So I stand here, Princess Celestia, to tell you we failed, no, that I failed. The border guard is broken, and I don't know why it happened! I'm a SPECIALIST, it's my job to see when these things might happen! And because of my incompetence, one hundred heroes lie in the frozen ground of the north, and one foolish pegasus begs your forgiveness in your throne room.' Total Eclipse buried her head in her hooves and bawled like a newborn foal."

Twilight sniffled her nose and blinked the stray tears from her eyes. Again, a small part of her told her there was a presence behind her, that Rainbow was crying too, and that Fluttershy was hugging her. Again, Twilight drew a deep breath and kept speaking.

"Princess Celestia, who had listened to this whole report with a look of controlled concern, rose imperiously from her throne. Orders were dispatched in clipped tones to the guards in the room to begin organizing for a replacement for the lost border guard, and to contact the griffon nation to demand an explanation. The guards all filtered out until it was just me, Total Eclipse, and Princess Celestia."

"The Princess walked down the stairs to stand by Total Eclipse, every inch the monarch of a nation, looking down upon a trusted individual who had failed in their duty. Total Eclipse bowed her head, and hiccuped, 'Please, if you're going to put me in *hic* Tartarus or the *hic* moon, please make sure my little sister is taken care of.' I quailed in my seat, looking nervously between the battered and broken guard, and the Princess who I had never seen look so stern."

"For a moment, I really believed I was about to witness a banishing. But just then, the Princess bent down and lifted Total Eclipse up until the wounded inky pegasus was standing upright again. 'My brave, faithful little pony. I will not punish you for failing your duties to Equestria and Harmony, because you did not fail. Even in the face of terrible, mortal danger, you stayed and fought for your fellow ponies, even though that moon pendant gives you the right to flee such a situation to deliver information to me. You have bled for your home, and though the ponies you watched over and with fell in battle, you didn't let that be in vain.' Then I saw the Princess do something I've only rarely seen."

Twilight swung her head around and found Rainbow Dash's eyes. "Princess Celestia bowed to Specialist Total Eclipse, and even though she didn't say that I should do so, I bowed too. I think the Princess's horn actually touched the floor, which should tell you how low she bowed to this bruised and bloodied pegasus. 'Today, my little pony, you do not bow your head to me, or to the thought of failure. Today, I bow to a great pegasus, whose bravery and loyalty would shame even me.' When she raised her head, I could see tears in the Princess's eyes. 'And, Specialist Total Eclipse, you are not the only one who cries for those lost ponies.' They hugged and cried; aside from when we turned Nightmare Moon back into Princess Luna, I don't think I've ever seen the Princess look so much like a regular pony besides that day."

Twilight could hear crying around her, but she held Rainbow's gaze. "So, today, Rainbow Dash, I will use my one apology to tell you that I am sorry. I am sorry that what I tried to do brought so much calamity down on us. I am sorry that I could not help you stand strong against the shoggoth. I am sorry for the pain you suffered, the pain all my friends felt."

Twilight slowly sank onto one knee, bowing her head to her prismatic friend until her horn touched the floor. "But more than all my sorrow and regret, I am thankful that you are still here. I am glad that nopony was k-killed, or driven insane. You bear such wounds in defense of your friends, and I bow to you, Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, for the perseverance and strength you demonstrate time and time again." Lifting her head Twilight didn't try to hide her tears again.

Rainbow Dash looked thunderstruck, tears running rivulets down her cheeks. Fluttershy was both fully aware and softly sobbing into a lacy handkerchief, but even so her smile was like a lance of purest sunlight for Twilight to see. Turning her head, Twilight saw Rarity dabbing her eyes with the twin to Fluttershy's handkerchief. With a trumpeting blast, Pinkie Pie made use of a polka-dotted handkerchief, and Applejack just sat upright, shoulders back, a broad smile on her face and the shimmer of unshed tears in her eyes. Most notably, Smoke Stack and Coal Soot stood behind the girls, both wearing that sort of “I’m a stallion, so I’m not allowed to display my feelings by crying, but I really wanna cry about this” face.

"Smoke Stack. . ." Twilight began, only for the grizzled earth pony to raise a hoof to forestall her.

"I won't pretend to know what happened to my train, but by the sounds of it you girls were in some right terrible danger. And if the price for all of you to be safe was some old train cars, than I suppose I'm alright with that. " Smoke Stack rasped. Nudging Coal Soot with his hip, Smoke Stack said, "Mr. Soot, set the engines to full burn. We'll be setting these girls down in Coltstantinople by lunch time or I'll eat my hat."

Snapping his hooves together, Coal Soot cracked off a salute with almost military precision. "I'm on it boss! We'll make the Iron Princess fly!" Wheeling about, Coal Soot galloped off, all but shivering with excitement.

Applejack poked Pinkie Pie and stage whispered "Ah think we found another pony who likes burnin' stuff more than you do." Pinkie Pie smiled wider than her head should have allowed, and if it wasn't for Applejack pinning her tail down with one hoof. . . Applejack shuddered at images of the whole train exploding while Pinkie fruitlessly struggled against the farmpony's grip.

"Hey, Smoke Stack, what's with the awesome name for the train?" said Rainbow Dash, just as the conductor was turning to follow his apprentice. "I mean, I'm all for it, but I thought this train was named the Friendship Express or something else lame like that."

Smoke Stack let out a hearty chuckle. "I took Coal Soot to see a movie about pirates and sea ponies a few months ago; real action packed film, good ol' rip-roarin' stuff. He came up with the name for the train the next day, darn kid stayed up almost the whole night writing and scrapping different names." Smirking, Smoke Stack started walking off, still talking. "I'm just glad I caught him before he could write the name on the side of the engine. Best bunker down ladies, this trip is about to get a lot less smooth."

"I suppose we aught to all stay in the same room for that then." Rarity said, hopping into the beds next to Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. "Twilight, be a dear and grab our things from the other room? Applejack has her hooves full keeping Pinkie Pie from setting anything else on fire."

Twilight concentrated briefly, and with a flash of light purple sparks, the various saddlebags, satchels, books and knick-knacks from the other room were assembled in a neat pile at the foot of the conjoined beds. As Applejack tossed a hog-tied Pinkie Pie into the bed furthest removed from the doorway, Twilight could feel the train speed up, swaying side to side in an alarming fashion. And continue to speed up, in defiance of common sense or any notion of caution. Folding space, Twilight teleported herself onto the beds, not trusting the rocking floor beneath her hooves to support a nimble jump.

"Man, Smoke Stack wasn't kidding, this is gonna be intense!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash, showing every sign of enjoying the marked increase in speed and danger. "Next stop, Coltstantinople! Woo-hoo!!"

"Consarnit Rainbow! Close that dang window! Ah almost lost mah hat!"

Swirling in the dry desert air, the joyous laughter of the six friends drifted away like the smoke of the train's engine.

Ephemeral, surrounded by a far bleaker setting, and only noticed by those who knew where to look or how to listen . . .

A Smile Full of Darkness

As the Iron Princess raced down the train tracks at frankly irresponsible speeds, Twilight smiled at her friends antics. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were busy comparing battle wounds and arguing about who won a bet they had apparently placed. Twilight could only shake her head at the revelation that her athletic friends had competed on who could hit the shoggoth more. Pinkie Pie had slipped Applejack's well executed rope-work and was busy tuning a harmonica plucked from her mane. Fluttershy and Rarity were quietly huddled together, exchanging furtive whispers and giggling.

Twilight yawned. The warm sunshine and swaying of the train seemed to be conspiring to lull her to sleep. Lazily, the purple unicorn lay her head down, and cast her mind adrift. . .

* * *

"Ugh, finally! Hurry up and take a seat, we've gotta talk Twi."

Twilight opened her eyes, feeling only mildly surprised to see Sparks glaring at her from across a small round table like the one she had in her library. Unlike her library, there was nothing besides the table and the small circle of light that surrounded the two unicorns and the table. Rolling her eyes (which gave her a nice view of nothingness), Twilight sat herself down and rested her hooves upon the smooth wooden table top.

"Well Sparks, what do you feel needs discussion? I know I have a few questions I'd like to ask you."

Sparks waved a hoof and in a burst of magenta sparks a teapot and pair of tea cups and saucers appeared. With a knowing little smile, Sparks set about pouring herself some tea. "You do know we're being watched right?"

"In our own mind!?" Twilight shrieked. "I know the Neighcronomicon seems to have some mental rapport with us, but I didn't think it was self aware!"

Sparks pulled her hooves away from her ears, "Man, you have a killer set of pipes. I guess all that time singing like a ninny will do that though." Twilight, narrowing her eyes in a glare at Sparks, drew in a deep breath to explain (at length) how her singing was in no way 'ninny-like'.

Sparks, righting her teacup and wiping away the spilled tea, said "It's not the dumb book, I mean somepony is watching us. Not just now either, ever since you cast that bucked-up spell earlier."

Twilight felt her jaw drop, reprimands concerning her singing forgotten. "Wait, how? We're on a moving train; even Rainbow Dash would have trouble following us for how long we've been traveling!"

Sparks raised an eyebrow as she sipped delicately from her refreshed cup. "Twi, babe, what did you try to do to Able Hazard yesterday with that stupid spell?"

Twilight grasped the teapot in her telekinetic grip and set about making her own cup of tea. "I was trying to fashion a mutable tracking spell that would give me a constantly refreshing sense of direction and distance for his location." Twilight said in an arch tone; her tracking spell was not stupid!

Sipping on her tea, Twilight was pleasantly surprised that Sparks had conjured a delightful mixed tea; purple hyacinths and pink petunias. The colors had blended, making the tea evocative of Twilight's own coat. Taking another small mouthful of the tea, Twilight let the flavors dance across her tongue, such a shame it was all in her head, Fluttershy and Rarity would have loved the taste.

"So, in summary, spy on him."

Twilight sputtered indignantly, coughing as the imaginary tea she had been sipping on made a detour into her imaginary lungs. "S-s-spying? I wasn't doing that! I just need to know where he is so I can get him to explain what's going on with the Neighcronomicon!"

Sparks waved one hoof airily, "Fine, stalking, whatever. The point is, it's clearly possible for a sufficiently powerful and knowledgeable unicorn to find somepony, maybe even see them remotely. " Sparks set her own tea cup down and grinned with all the comfort of a steel trap. "And as your darker, more instinctual side, I promise you we are being watched."

Twilight sighed and set her own teacup down. "Fine, so what do you want to do about it smartypants?"

"I dunno, hit them with a rock until something breaks." Sparks said with a shrug. Twilight shuddered, partially at the very thought of committing such a gross act of violence, but mostly at how Sparks had so coldly and disinterestedly suggested it.

"Ah, yeah, that brings me to answer one of your questions." Sparks said, waving her teacup around lazily.

"I. . . I haven't asked you anything yet though?"

"Well, duh, I mean not here. But Twi, seriously," Sparks tapped the side of her head with one hoof, "I'm in your bucking mind. You should really get used to the fact that I have front row tickets to everything you think, say, and do."

Twilight's telekinesis sputtered fitfully, the teacup held in her magic swinging around drunkenly as she struggled to process the idea of somepony seeing everything she did, knowing all of her thoughts. . . but also not being able to usually influence those events they were intimately familiar with. "That's. . . that's kind of sad, isn't it?"

"You have no buckin' idea Twi. Whatever, at least now I get to give you bits of advice and yell at you, so it's looking up for Sparks." Throwing her teacup over one shoulder with a distinct lack of a crash, Sparks set her forehooves on the table. "Anyway, the reason I'm the only little offshoot of your mind that you get to play tea party with is because I'm the bit of you that's the least like you."

Twilight blinked at Sparks. "I guess that makes some kind of sense Sparks, but-"

"Why am I the bits that aren't like you, if I am in fact, part of you?" Sparks said with a eerie grin. "Luna's star spangled tail, I am so lucky I don't have to sleep or I'd have never figured it out either."

Twilight sighed and cradled her chin in one hoof. "Stop interrupting me Sparks, it's really-"

"Rude, duh, hence why I do it. More specifically because, one, it's to exercise my somewhat limited agency and thus strengthen my hold as a part of you. And, two, because after all the years of watching you spaz out at every little thing that goes wrong, or pass up another chance to get closer to a friend, or otherwise indulge in something sinful, this is a great way for me to vent those frustrations."

Sparks waved a hoof dismissively as Twilight opened her mouth to start shouting at her. "Look, Twi, I get it. You think one way, I think a somewhat different way. You have the reigns to this whole operation though, so I just have to shut up and deal. But that's why I'm running my mouth off right now; for the fun of it."

"Getting back on track, I'm separate because you only rarely indulge in your less-than-nice elements. Sure, you get frustrated now and again, and whenever Pinkie throws a party you tend to hit the punch a bit hard and the chocolate even harder, but all and all it's pretty sparse pickings for me to be unleashed."

Twilight rolled her eyes with exaggerated slowness as Sparks continued to pile complaints on top of complaints. But as Twilight's eyes reached the apex of their revolution, the darkness that surrounded the two unicorns suddenly took on a sinister quality.

Dozens of crescent moon smiles and luminescent green eyes leered at her from the darkness surrounding Twilight, hideously fanged maws dripping with anticipation. Tentacles shimmered and swayed grossly behind Sparks, who seemed utterly indifferent to Twilight's sudden rapid breathing and panicked gaze. Twisting around, Twilight saw clear, empty darkness; no vile eldritch abominations peered back at her.

"Hey, Twi, you okay over there? Look, all I'm saying is it wouldn't kill us to hit up a club every now and then, you can read too if you really wanna." Sparks cocked her head to the side, running her hooves through her mane. "Do I have something in my mane? Coat? Teeth? I bet it's teeth, must have a tea leaf or something stuck in there. Yeesh, what a nightmare, I'm a freaking figment of your mind and I can apparently still get tea leaves stuck in my teeth."

Twilight's horror slowly faded as Sparks continued to blather about tea and raves. The tentacles, the fangs, the leering eyes did nothing to Sparks. Twilight, closing her eyes, focused her magic and reached out with her more arcane senses. Like the thinnest of harp strings, threads of magic ran from some point in the darkness past all of the writhing tendrils and smiles of fangs painted dark with ancient bloodstains directly into Sparks.

Twilight opened her eyes and glared at Sparks. "You. You almost had me fooled you . . . you. . . MONSTER!" With a burst of purple light, the wooden table was thrown over Sparks head into the tentacle filled darkness. "How dare you invade my mind?! You think just because I don't lose my temper easily means I don't have negative emotions!? I'll show you some negative emotions!!"

Purple magic lashed out from Twilight's horn, seizing "Sparks" by her neck to dangle helplessly. "Now you tell me Sparks," Twilight growled, spitting out the impostor's name like a curse, "who sent you?"

Sparks made a few weak choking noises before Twilight eased up on her telekinetic pressure slightly. Wheezing in a breath, Sparks rasped weakly “Okay okay, I get it, no clubbing.”

The streamers of purple magic wrapped around Sparks, forming shackles and chains. The restrained unicorn landed harshly on the floor, bound and gagged to the point where Sparks couldn't even twitch as Twilight shoved her into the surrounding darkness.

“I’m done here. Run back to your fell masters Sparks, and tell them that Twilight Sparkle is coming.” Shaking her head, Twilight lit her horn and cast Sweet Dreams’s Alarm Clock.

* * *

Twilight opened her eyes, blinking away the stray tears that had formed. The wild rocking of the Iron Princess had subsided into a more reasonable pace, and as Twilight looked around she saw her friends packing up their few belongings.

“Oh Twilight, you’re awake, marvelous!” Rarity chirped. “Smoke Stack says we’re just about to pull into Coltstantinople so… did you have a nightmare?”

Twilight brushed the tears away with one hoof, flooding her horn with new magic. “Yes and no. I’ll tell you all about it later. For now,” Twilight hopped off the bed, striking what she hoped was a suitably dramatic and determined pose, “let’s find Able Hazard.”

Author's Note

Ho-kay, using the Author's Note function for the first time. I wanted to apologize for the rather gross delay this chapter has suffered. So, yeah, sorry about that. I'd say it won't happen again, but I don't want to be in the habit of making empty promises. To all of you who have read (and hopefully plan to continue reading) The Neighcronomicon, thanks for putting up with my lackadaisical pace. I really like responding to comments, compliments, and questions, so if you feel like it please don't hesitate to leave a comment. Ia Ia Cthulestia! :trollestia:

Last Stop, Everypony Out

With a piercing whistle blast, the Iron Princess coasted into Coltstantinople’s train station. As the doors to the train cars rattled open, a prismatic blur shot out into the bright afternoon sky.

“Freeeeedom! Oh man, it feels great to stretch my wings again!” Rainbow Dash shouted, doing a rapid series of corkscrew spirals and aerial backflips.

As she and the rest of her friends filed out of the train, Twilight turned around to address Smoke Stack and Coal Soot.

“Are you sure you can spare this much Smoke Stack? Really, I’m sure we’ll be fine withou-”

Smoke Stack cleared his throat loudly, neatly derailing Twilight’s third attempt to refuse Smoke Stack's reimbursement of her travel fare. “Ah, oh, excuse me Miss Twilight, didn’t mean to interrupt you,” Smoke Stack said, poorly concealed insincerity lurking behind a mischievous smile, “but I think I left the steam engine on. We’ll be right here when you’re all set to go home, take care, buh-bye!”

With an air of finality, the door to the train car slid closed, leaving Twilight to gape at the brightly painted wood. Well, gape and listen to Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack laugh themselves half to death.

“Hehe, ah, it’s so funny because he was lying to us! Ahahaha, and if we can’t keep Twilight from falling into madness and corruption, heh, a simple steam engine explosion would be a good way to go, ha!” Pinkie Pie continued to laugh hysterically, rolling around on the dusty stonework of the train station platform as her friends edged away slightly.

“Um, Pinkie, you might wanna get up sugercube. Someponies are startin’ to look mighty worried about you.” Applejack stage whispered, nudging the out of breath earth pony with one hoof.

Rarity and Fluttershy had their hooves full waving away questioning frowns and smiling in a faintly reassuring fashion, while Rainbow Dash did a quick circuit in the rafters above the station. As Pinkie Pie slowly recovered her breath, Twilight took a moment to look around.

The station was both weathered with age and clearly well preserved; despite the many chips and cracks in the masonry Twilight saw nothing worrying. Rather than give the station an aura of disrepair, the sand worn stonework instead radiated a sort of solidarity. Twilight couldn't help but think of the station as 'real', and try as she might the adjective stuck.

The train station was on the top of a hill, and Twilight was able to see almost the whole capitol. A monolithic palace rose from the center of the city, casting a collection of homes in shadow as it blotted out the sun. Roads flowed like arteries from the palace, swerving throughout the rest of Coltstantinople. In the blistering midday sun, Twilight only saw a few dedicated travelers; everypony else having the good sense to stay indoors and wait out the worst of the heat.

"Ahem, Lady Sparkle?"

Twilight whipped about with a strangled shriek of surprise, the reddish brown coated stallion in a black butler's coat had crept up behind here without even a whisper of noise. The earth pony twitched his finely waxed mustache in a muted show of shock, taking a careful step back to give the hyperventilating purple unicorn some breathing room.

"Twi, what's wrong?" Rainbow Dash asked, falling out of the air to land with a quiet thump next to Twilight, injured leg still held to her chest. Her other friends followed the prismatic speedster at a more sedate pace, taking the time to seize the group's collective luggage.

"I'm fine Rainbow, I was just startled when Mister. . . um" Twilight looked the stallion over once more, trying to seize onto something that would let her know who exactly this was, and why he knew her name. The bundle of majestic yellow silk laying across his back did nothing to jog her memory, nor did the wafting smoke cloud he possessed for a cutie mark.

"Ah, my most sincere apologies Lady Sparkle," said the butler, bowing his head briefly, "I am Chain Censer, seneschal for the prince of Saddle Arabia. My master bade me to wait at the station for your arrival, Lady Sparkle."

Rarity reached over and gently closed Twilight's gaping mouth as her friend struggled to process what they had just been told. "Pardon us Mr. Censer, but Twilight has had quite a dreadful few days recently, I hope you can overlook it if she seems out of sorts. Oh, how rude of me, I am Rarity, a fashionista from Ponyville and one of Twilight's friends." Rarity bowed with easy grace, a gesture that Chain Censer reciprocated. "These are Twilight's other friends. That's Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Flutteryshy, and Rainbow Dash," Rarity said, pointing to each of her friends in order.

With the fires of excitement kindling in her eyes, Rarity breathlessly gushed, "Now, if you'll excuse my bluntness, I simply must know where you procured such a lovely sample of Yellow King silk; I've struggled for simply ages to get my hooves on even a single bolt of it." Sidling up to the butler, Rarity did her best to mask the envy in her tone. "I'm sure you're well aware of the restrictions on its sale and the length of the waiting list as new fabric is made available. I'd be more than happy to buy any surplus you may have ... laying around."

As Rarity reached out to caress the silk bundle on Chain Censer's back, the silk wiggled slightly and let out a string of muted mumbles. Yowling like a scalded cat, Rarity leapt back into the waiting hooves of Pinkie Pie.

"Whoa, the silk can talk?! No wonder it's rare! Hey, does it know any good jokes?" Pinkie Pie quipped, balancing perfectly on her hind legs with Rarity clinging to her neck. Her winning smile did little to dispel either Chain Censer's frown or her friends collective facehoof moment.

Chain Censer coughed into one hoof, seemingly unconcerned as the silk on slung across his back continued to shift and wiggle. "No, Yellow King silk cannot speak Ms. Pie, it just so happens that the robes of state my master must wear have not yet been tailored to his specifications." Chain Censer said, slowly sitting down so as to let the silk swaddled youth slide down off his back. With wobbly legs, the young pony stood up and slowly limped over to lean against Chain Censer's shoulder.

Despite fussing over the way the rare silk robes obscured every feature of the colt, Chain Censer intoned with almost a ritualistic cadence, "May I present to you the ruler of Saddle Arabia, Prince Able Hazard."

* * *

As Chain Censer gently lifted back the silken hood, Twilight heard an very quiet, but uniquely unearthly shriek. Tears leapt to her eyes unbidden, and her heart resumed a thundering pace, greater or equal to when Chain Censer spooked her. Twilight knew that scream, because who wouldn't recognize their own voice?

"Oh no . . . Sparks, what have I done?" Twilight rasped to herself, grief and horror overwhelming her speaking spell. Shocked at how rough and bitter her own voice sounded, Twilight quickly looked around, dreading to see which of her friends she had just induced panic in.

Fortune would have it that her friends had all crowded closer to see the freshly unveiled prince, which left Chain Censer the unenviable task of keeping Pinkie Pie from hugging royalty. It was clear that collectively next to no attention was being spared for Twilight, something that suited the purple unicorn just fine at that moment.

Scooting further back from her friends (pen pal or otherwise), Twilight began to channel her magic once more. There was no spell that Twilight was aware of that would let her reach Sparks while she remained awake, but to delve into her own dreams would expose her to whatever Sparks was . . . fighting? Fleeing? Whatever she was doing, it wasn't going well for Sparks, Twilight noted as she dabbed the blood from her nose. The psychostigmatism was worsening rapidly, as the wounds suffered within her own mind continued manifesting as bodily harm.

Twilight shifted and shaped her magic, summoning complex arrays of magical seals and symbols to her minds eye, trying to fit the components she needed together so that she could save Sparks. As chills began to wrack her body, and bruises bloomed beneath her coat, Twilight felt her mouth twist into a silent snarl. With a pop of displaced air, the Neighcronomicon blinked into view, borne aloft on a cloud of magical energy. Twilight didn't have time for her ignorance; whatever price she paid later would be worth saving herself now.

"Give me what I need." Twilight thought, reaching out with her mind and her magic, pouring her power into the Neighcronomicon. Vivid sigils of emerald fire and yellow smoke spiraled around the book as knowledge was sent cascading into the Twilight's mind, as well as a surge of pure magical energy. The screams of terror from onlookers and the cries of dismay from her friends gave Twilight only the slightest pause; she had herself to save.

"Trust me," Twilight said in her own voice, looking at her friends with eyes that shined with unholy light. Twilight tried her best to smile for them, though she suspected the blood that spilled from her mouth and down her neck didn't help. Pushing her new found power as hard as she dared, Twilight cast the spell provided by the Neighcronomicon.

With the sound of a soul being ripped in two and the flash of a star's birth, Twilight Sparkle broke reality over her horn.

* * *

Pain. Sparks understood pain. She was the guardian of Twilight's pains, doing what she could to provide relief for her other self. The snark, the sass, and the ridicule she had offered Twilight was a long time coming, but not for an instant did Sparks want Twilight to toss her aside.

"Who knew she'd hate the idea of raves and clubbin' that much? All study and no party makes Twi a dull pony, and Sparks a bored one." Sparks groused as she propped herself up, the grit and sand surrounding her not exactly what she wanted in her coat right now.

Sparks knew many kinds of pain. The emotional pains of isolation (no matter how hard Twilight would deny them), or the pain of her fears and worries twisting her guts into knots. The physical pains of days with next to no food, of nights without sleep, of freaking horn aches because of all that stupid note taking.

"I mean, granted, those weeks did lead to Twi figuring out the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco in advance but would it have killed her to eat and sleep like a normal pony? Or even eat and sleep by university standards, it's not that much to ask for!" Sparks paused her monologue to crack her neck with deft twists of her hooves. The crack and pop of her joints was truly cringe worthy, Sparks always felt it was a shame nopony could ever hear it.

"Ugh, darling, please don't do that! It's bad enough when Applejack or Rainbow crackle like that, but I never suspected you would too!" The dulcet tones of Rarity's voice made Sparks pause, her next point about how Twilight really needs to mare up and talk to Fluttershy dying on her tongue.

As the dust cloud she had been sitting in started to dissipate, Sparks realized that all the pains she had felt were not like the one barely a minute past.

Because neither Twilight or Sparks had never felt the pain of birth. Sparks had all of Twilight's memories at her beck and call, she had even looked for the pain of birth on a morbid whim one night. Sparks began hyperventilating, her pupils all but vanishing as she stared wide eyed at Twilight's friends started making their way toward their friend's voice.

Of course it had been Sparks talking, the proper Twilight was out cold from the magical backlash. Clutched in her hooves was the Neighcronomicon, the cover of which resembled a set of dice tumbling through the air, symbols of death, life, success, and failure instead of numbers etched into each side. Sparks shot a glance over her shoulder before leaning in toward Twilight. The sight of herself, of the damage Twilight had sustained to save her grounded Sparks, who took a moment to spit out the sand she had accidentally inhaled as she wound herself up for a proper panic attack.

Leaning down, Sparks addressed the Neighcronomicon directly. "Listen to me you bucking scrapbook, if you hurt Twi any more than you already have I will roast marshmallows using your spine for kindling." Sparks glared at the eldritch book, watching as the image of cast dice change, shifting to tell her if the Neighcronomicon agreed with her. That the cover of the Neighcronomicon became the image of an alicorn sneering, laughing from behind one hoof did not endear the mystical tome to Sparks.

Motes of light shed from Sparks' horn as she slowly readied the spell that Twilight had only learned to light the occasional candle. Well, not quite that spell given that the magical flame that floated above Sparks' horn was easily the size of one of Apple Acre's "Grade A+" apples.

"So you cut-rate penny-dreadful, do you think Pinkie Pie will be willing to lend me a few marshmallows?" Now it was Sparks' turn to sneer as the cover of the Neighcronomicon rapidly blurred, becoming an image of the same alicorn waving a white flag. "Smart move," grunted Sparks as she let the miniature fireball dissipate. Turning around, Sparks had enough time to take two slow, deep breaths before the haze of grit and sand finally parted, revealing the still unconscious Twilight and herself to Twilight's friends, Able Hazard, and Chain Censer.

They stopped, goggle eyed at the sudden appearance of a near perfect twin to their friend. Even Chain Censer, who had only showed the most muted signs of emotion, all but had his jaw resting on the floor of the station. Fluttershy had fainted dead away, and Rarity seemed to only stave off a similar fate because there was no proper place for a lady to faint on the gritty stone floor of the train station. The young Prince Able Hazard, by contrast, seemed delighted by Spark's appearance, his bright sea-foam green eyes shining like tiny stars.

Sparks realized that in this moment, it was up to her to calm Twilight's friends, to let everypony know that things were okay.

"She's not dead and it's not my fault!!" Sparks shouted at the top of her lungs, the beginnings of hysteria creeping into her voice as the severity of Twilight's (and her own) injuries announced themselves through Sparks' already frayed nervous system. Raw agony washed through Sparks as whatever spell Twilight cast finally finished its task. Such a shame the last item on the To Do List had apparently been setting up Sparks' pain receptors.

As her vision darkened and unconsciousness swooped in to claim yet another purple unicorn that day, Sparks saw Twilight's friends rush over, concern in their eyes and the need to help all but radiating off them like the rays of the sun. Feeling her legs buckle, Sparks fell like a puppet whose strings had been cut, while she whispered to herself, "totally nailed it . . ."

Author's Note

I am never making predictions about how long it'll be til the next update. Ever. :facehoof:
If I do, assume that I'm lying or am being stupidly optimistic. . . or maybe I'm just stupid.
Constructive comments and restrained praise are delightful; but at this point, not expected.

Kaleidoscopic Misinformation

Applejack considered herself a stoic, respectable mare. She took some pride in being stubborn, in being able to dig her hooves in and not back down. Sure, it left her blindsided from time to time when she let her stubbornness get the better of her, but being unflappable and dependable were aspects of being an Apple. In her time being the Element of Honesty and saving Equestria, Applejack had seen a whole lot of strange and wonderful things.

Seeing an old mare's tale come to life in the form of Nightmare Moon? Scary, but a good memory since she really got to know some of her best friends that night. Getting her mind all scrambled up by Discord was another scary moment, but Twilight had come through for her and saved her from herself. Watching Discord sow chaos and anarchy all over Ponyville? That had ranked as Applejack's worst memory; if nothing stays the same or behaves right, then Honesty is just a word in the dictionary. Seeing one of her best friends suddenly get a twin out of thin air? Move over Discord, hello new weirdest thing ever.

"What. In The. Actual. Buck."

"Rainbow Dash!" gasped Rarity, breaking the silence of the train station even further, "that is not language to use in front of a young colt!" The fashion minded unicorn had magicked up herself a brush from somewhere and was busy simultaneously railing against Rainbow's poor word choice and trying to work the sand and grit from her coat.

Rolling her eyes as RD shouted equally vitriolic responses to Rarity's outcry, Applejack moved over to Twilight and... Applejack couldn't help but mentally fumble as she looked over the newly (born? arrived? created?) unicorn.

Like Twilight, the new unicorn had a purple coat and darker purple hair, though rather than a pink stripe like Twilight's mane and tail had, the new unicorn's stripe was much closer to red in coloration.

Fluttershy, who had recovered from her fainting spell with commendable quickness, was busy tending to Twilight's many injuries and wiping the blood from her coat. Pinkie Pie, on the other hoof, had pulled a nurses hat from her mane and was busy wrapping up the almost-Twilight in what seemed like an unhealthy number of bandages.

Applejack stopped walking and settled down between the two Twilights. Running an appraising eye over the almost-Twilight, Applejack said, "Pinkie Pie, you know yer gonna need to let that poor mare breath, right?"

Pinkie looked up sharply, "Hey, I don't tell you how to be a cowpony, so you shouldn't tell me how to be a nurse oh BLEEP!" Pinkie shouted as almost-Twilight began to thrash around, the bandages too tightly wound around her mouth and nose to allow for airflow.

Two seconds of frenzied scissor work later, Pinkie sat back on her flank and pantomimed at wiping away the sweat on her brow. "Whoa, that was a close one. Thanks for the save Dr. Jackie."

Not bothering to look, Applejack began to pull off the lab coat and stethoscope Pinkie had assuredly equipped her with. "Pinkie," Applejack drawled, "Ah seem to recall us havin' a lil' talk about you puttin' clothes and other props on me without me sayin' to do so."

"Uh... y-you do? Hehe, w-well that seems great but I think Dashie needs my help calming down Rarity, bye!" With a puff of displaced dust, Pinkie Pie zipped past Applejack, almost bowling over Chain Censer and Prince Hazard in her haste to avoid a proper talkin' to.

"I must say, that mare must have sugar and caffeine in her veins, instead of blood." said Chain Censer as he fussed with Able Hazard's robes, brushing the few flecks of dirt off of them that Pinkie had kicked up.

"Heh, well put there Mr. Censer, Ah'd reckon that's near enough the truth given what Pinkie eats." Though she knew it was impolite not to look at who she was talking to, Applejack couldn't help but look Able Hazard over while she spoke. The prince's eyes were only sea-foam green from a distance, Applejack decided, because from much closer they seemed more like a collage of blues and greens that averaged out to sea-foam in color. Prince Hazard was also much smaller than many colts approaching stallionhood, but was clearly not a foal given his gangly appearance.

More than his dark green coat or damp straw colored hair, Applejack's eyes focused on the space just above Able Hazard's brow, where she had expected to see a horn. The princesses had horns, and so did the only prince she knew of, but Able Hazard was clearly an earth pony, just like her.

"Lady Applejack, is there something the matter with my appearance?" said Able Hazard, his voice peaking and dropping oddly as he spoke. "Perhaps there is a morsel from this morning twixt my teeth?" he finished with a mischievous smile.

Applejack sat up and waved her forehooves in a state of mild panic, "Ack! Sorry there Prince Hazard! Ah know Ah'm not supposed to stare it's just, uh..."

Able Hazard started laughing, like fresh water bubbling and burbling from the spigot, a melody of highs and lows. "Ahaha, no no, please excuse my teasing. I am so often bound by courtly duties that it's a joy to be in the presence of one to whom fanciful manners are not second nature."

The young prince smiled, clapped his hooves together and briefly inclined his head; Applejack bowing just a touch deeper so that Rarity wouldn't raise a stink later. "Well thank'ee kindly Prince, but if it's all the same to you Ah'd prefer to just be called Applejack, no need for that 'lady' nonsense with me."

Smiling, the Prince pointed at each of the Twilights laying on the station floor, "Well then, can you endeavor to explain this to me then, Applejack? In all my years I've never seen one unicorn suddenly become two."

Applejack chuckled and pushed her stetson back, "Ah reckon that you're askin' the wrong pony 'bout that. If Ah had to guess, Ah'd say that Twi must have done somethin' crazy and now she's got herself a twin."

Twisting about to look at the two purple unicorns, Applejack caught Fluttershy's eye. She, in turn, gave both Twilight's a quick once over before nodding to Applejack and Prince Hazard, "T-They're okay, most of their um, their injuries are m-minor."

"Whoa," chirped Rainbow Dash, "All that blood and stuff and it's just minor injuries? Maybe Twilight isn't such an egghead after all." Fluttershy skittered back and Applejack had to bite off several choice words not meant for the presence of colts as Rainbow hovered above them, the very picture of innocence.

"Hey, hey, mister prince sir, do you have a castle? Or like, a mansion?! Oh oh! What about a mansion that's also a castle, or a castle that's also a mansion?! Oh my gosh that'd be so cool!" Pinkie Pie cheered, appearing between Chain Censer and Able Hazard, seemingly without crossing the intervening space from where Rarity sat.

Smoothing his mustache with one hoof, Chain Censer grumbled, "Yes Miss Pie, Prince Able Hazard does have a royal domicile, though the preferred term is palace, not mansion or castle."

"How are we to transport Twilig- er, both Twilight's and all our luggage?" Rarity asked in a slightly arch tone as sweat beaded on her brow and the group's collective luggage hovered around her in a haze of blue magic. "Gentlemare though I may be, I doubt I'll be able to manage this many things for more than a hoof-full of minutes."

Without a word, Rainbow Dash zipped over and seized two sets of saddlebags, Pinkie Pie and Applejack both carefully picked up a Twilight each and set them across their backs, and Fluttershy gracefully flew over and plucked two more sets of saddlebags out of the air, leaving Rarity levitating the last of the saddlebags, which she promptly slung over her flanks.

"Well, now that that's dealt with," Rarity smiled and motioned for Prince Hazard to take the lead, "Shall we retire to your palace? I dare say Twilight is due for some bed rest while we try and fill you in on why we've suddenly arrived at your doorstep."

* * *

As Fluttershy labored to work her wings while carrying two sets of saddlebags, her mind was ablaze with sensory input. New, unfamiliar ponies looked out at her and her friends from their windows, and the shadows of Coltstantinople's many row houses twisted into monsters and sneering faces in the corner of her eyes.

Fluttershy knew that, technically speaking, she was a brave pony for helping her friends with all their crazy and dangerous adventures. But as her breath caught in her throat and her wings threatened to snap shut at the sight of yet another shadowy figure, leering at her from the shade of a refuse filled alleyway, Fluttershy didn't feel anything but terror.

"Lady Fluttershy, what is the matter?"

Glancing down, Fluttershy unintentionally made eye contact with Prince Hazard. His eyes seemed to beckon to her, and Fluttershy couldn't help but imagine the hood of an asp or king cobra slowly flaring out from the back of Prince Hazard's head. Her snake friends had eyes like that, beautiful eyes that promised so many things with no words at all. "With eyes like that I bet Able is a very good prince," Fluttershy whispered to herself.

Shaking her head free of snakes and entrancing eyes, Fluttershy mumbled "N-nothing is wrong, everything is f-f-fine, I'm j-just fine too." Ponies went new places all the time, thought Fluttershy, and every pony feels at least a little bit uncomfortable when they feel like they're not home. Except Rainbow Dash. Or Applejack. Oh, or Rarity. Or ...

Able Hazard pouted as he watched the yellow pegasus's pace slow even further to a relative crawl, her wings flapping erratically as her breath started coming in halting, jerky gasps. As the rest of the group started to slow down for them, Able grumbled something under his breath and used his hoof to beckon Fluttershy down to him.

"I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this...", Fluttershy chanted mutely, her lips moving even as the words died somewhere in her throat. The urge to land, to curl up and try to hide from the rest of the world surged through her like the waters of a dam long since due to fracture and break. The sight of Able Hazard beckoning her with his hoof was a balm to her, and Fluttershy gladly landed just in front of the young prince.

"Lady Fluttershy, I need you to look at me." pleaded Able. Fluttershy still felt the eyes of strangers running over her body and opted to instead press herself against the ground and let her pink mane block out the world. "Fluttershy's not here right now, please leave a message after the eep," mewled Fluttershy.

Able gently parted Fluttershy's mane and looked the trembling mare right in the eye. "Fluttershy please, we need to keep moving toward my palace," said Able, his voice taking on a faintly musical quality to Fluttershy's ears. "If you can just fly a little further, my servants can help get you girls a late lunch and settle the two Twilight's into bed for some rest."

A vision swam across Fluttershy's mind, an aray of rare desert blossoms and water drawn up from the bones of the world. A bed swaddled in silken sheets and laden down with downy pillows. Laying across the center of the bed in an exaggerated pose of relaxation was...

Fluttershy's wings snapped open and without preamble the blushing pegasus leapt into the sky, her anxiety lost in the tumult of emotions that beat within her breast. "Purple goes surprisingly well with vermilion sheeting...eep!" gasped Fluttershy, her wings blurred with unthinking speed, as if she hoped to outrace her own vivid imagination.

Able Hazard whistled in awe as he marveled at the yellow streak roaring across the sky. Mischief glinting in his eyes, the young prince picked up his own pace, galloping to catch up with his seneschal and his pen pal.

* * *

Rarity silently promised herself that regardless of what Prince Hazard's palace looked like inside she wouldn't gape and stare like some sort of simpleton. She was a refined, classy gentlemare, to whom the world of art and beauty were meant to be met with grace and poise, to be appreciated with the same elegance with which it was created.

But as Chain Censer pushed open the grand double doors and ushered her friends into the palace proper, Rarity couldn't help but gawp at the finery that littered the antechamber. Rich tapestries depicting the first settlers of Coltstantinople hung from the walls, while seamlessly blended frescoes made every blank stretch of wall an eye catching whirlwind of colors, landscapes, and ponies from long ago. Plush carpeting, superior to anything Rarity had experienced before, lined the hallway, with braziers set into the pillars providing a flickering firelight to walk by. Scented candles and small trays laden with smoldering incense filled the air with smells from every corner of the world and beyond.

"Girls," breathed Rarity in a tone of adoration, "when I collapse to the ground and shriek in jubilation, leave me where I fall. I fear the sheer majesty of this palace shall be the death of me, and I am content with that."

"I will hear none of such talk, Lady Rarity." chimed Able Hazard as he trotted up to stand by the pearly white unicorn. "While you are an esteemed guest here, my patience will be sorely tested if I must call the servants to remove your body." Rarity looked down at the young prince and caught his eye, the swirling depths of his soul flickering humorously from beyond those sea green windows.

"Besides, I hear it's quite difficult to drag anything on this carpeting." The prince's tone was light and mirthful, and Rarity was all but assaulted with the images of dresses, hats, and robes that drew inspiration from young Able's eyes and voice alone.

Drawing herself up into a dignified pose, Rarity flung one forehoof over her eyes, "Truly was I tempted to expire in spite of your rejoinder, but to hear that my remains would be dragged anywhere, well, I suppose I must carry on least my coat be subjected to such an indignity."

Able Hazard threw his head back and laughed without restraint, a sweet peal of joy that echoed up and down the corridor as the little cluster of ponies started moving once again. "Lady Rarity, truly you are a rare gem. Though I am overjoyed to see my friend Twilight, even in such a trying time, I am pleased tenfold to find her friends to be such grand company."

Rarity smiled politely at Prince Hazard's words, even as her eyes roamed the halls and rooms that she passed through. Endless streams of plans and imaginary dresses waltzed through her mind and it was all Rarity could do not to stop and begin sketching least she lose something fabulous to the mists of memory.

Blinking rapidly, Rarity brought her thoughts to a shuddering stop, images of a dress of scintillating emerald and jade scales fading like the morning fog. Her friends had all stopped in a wide room, furnished with numerous beds and wardrobes. Both Twilight's were quickly put to bed as Fluttershy hovered nervously, checking the odd bit of bandaging and trying to gauge the purple unicorn's temperatures.

A squat table carved from a polished wood that Rarity didn't recognize was covered in a wide array of desert flowers and fruits, while chilled pitchers of water were scattered periodically near clusters of colored crystal chalices. More small trays of incense dotted the corners of the room, lending the air a pleasantly fresh scent which reminded Rarity of a mountain spring shrouded by pines that she had hiked to in her youth.

Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie had wasted no time after depositing their bags or passengers, and were busy eating their fill at the table. As Rarity walked over, she was pleased to note that Prince Hazard hadn't left at all, but was busy questioning Applejack about their trip from Ponyville.

Rarity, levitating a chalice of water and a small sampling of the flower petals offered, cleared her throat. "Applejack, as much as I'm sure Prince Hazard delights in your account of the train ride," Rarity chimed, suppressing a shudder as the memory of the shoggoth blossomed in her mind, "I think it would be best if we started from the beginning of it all, just after Twilight had finished reading some of the Neighcronomicon."

Applejack popped a fresh flower into her mouth and in clear defiance of common table manners said "Well sure, that sounds just fine to me sugercube. Ah reckon you're the mare to tell that tale though, so Ah'd rather you do it than me."

Taking a delicate sip of her water, Rarity gazed around the room. Fluttershy, who would shake with fear at even the merest hint of danger, spared her not a glance as she tirelessly set about making both Twilight's comfortable. Pinkie Pie, who had defied all known laws of reality yet again and was consuming a small pile of cupcakes and sweets pulled from the aether, paused her ravenous demolishing of Sweets Land (named according to the tiny wooden sign stuck in a house shaped muffin), to grin at Rarity and nod encouragingly.

Applejack wiggled slightly to settle herself more comfortably, and Rainbow Dash was busy trying to juggle a small round fruit with just one hoof. Despite their seemingly inattentive behavior, Rarity could see their ears twitch as she drew in breath to begin spinning her tale.

Across the table, Prince Hazard tapped his forehooves together as he rested them on the tabletop, his eyes shining bright with anticipation. Rarity slowly let out the breath she was holding and began.

"It all started three days ago, when Twilight received a book from across the sands of space and time..."

Cutie Madness

Dawn (or near enough) is a time of renewal. Where the first light of the day brushes away all the ills from yesterday and unveils the future amidst the sparkling morning dew. Sparks groaned and threw one foreleg over her eyes, 100% certain that the future could wait at least 5 more minutes. The sunlight slipping in through improperly secured blinds made a mockery of her efforts though, and despite the numerous bruises and cuts, Sparks could feel herself waking up. . .

Sparks shot out of bed with a gasp, her pains forgotten. She had been sleeping. She remembered a dream of wild raves and chocolate covered dancers, she was hyperventilating actual air! With a shrill scream of joy, the purple unicorn began hopping in circles, ecstatic shouts of joy reverberating throughout the bedroom.

"Darling, please," groaned Rarity as she slipped her sleeping mask off, "could you be just a tad more considerate for your friends? We were all up quite late explaining the last few days to Prince Hazard." The fashionista's horn glowed as she began to simultaneously brush her coat, comb and style her mane, and apply the barest minimum of makeup she'd need to face the outside world.

"Right, right, sorry about that Rares." Sparks stopped hopping about, wincing as she landed sloppily on an injured hoof. "I was just so excited that I had a dream, and was sleeping, oh and that I can talk to ponies finally! It's just so exciting, I can hardly wait to..." Sparks rambled on in an excited tone, oblivious to Rarity's astonishment.

Rarity closed her mouth with an audible click, her eyes roving over the pony she had mistaken for Twilight Sparkle. The purple coat was almost the same, maybe a shade or two darker, and the streaks in her mane and tail were a far darker shades of pink bordering on red. Aside from that, she was the spitting image of Twilight, thought Rarity. "Um, I'm afraid I never caught your name darling, though it seems you know mine."

"... and now I can finally go to an actual bar and get totally, wait wait, sorry." Sparks blushed and rubbed the back of her head, "I'm not used to being able to respond to ponies. Or talking." Taking a deep breath, Sparks counted to four and blew the breath out.

"Right. My name is Sparks. Cause, see, Twilight also wanted to call me something and since, at the time at least, I was kinda part of her so I figured that just having a bit of her name would be appropriate and ... Rarity, your mouth is hanging open and you're staring at my flank. Come on, buy me a drink first if you wanna make eyes at my butt." Sparks finished in something of a huff. Rarity of all ponies should know there was a proper procedure to these sorts of things... unless they didn't catch you staring, then it was all fair game. Glancing back at her own flank which had so captivated Rarity's attention, Sparks felt her own eyes go wide.

Where once was a sort of inversion of Twilight's own cutie mark was now simple blank flank. A very nice and well toned blank flank, but still totally a blank flank. Sparks drew in another breath, counted to four, and let it out as an ear piercing shout "Oh what in the bucking buck is this horseapples!?"

With a start, five other mares all woke up. While Sparks continued to swear a blue streak and gesticulate ferociously, Rainbow Dash came down from where she was hugging the ceiling in panic, Applejack dug around the sheets she'd kicked off for her hat, and Fluttershy peaked out of a nearby wardrobe she had all but teleported into.

Pinkie Pie sat in front of Sparks writing down the more inventive curses, giggling at some of the really dirty ones. "Hehehe, Sparks, hey slow down, heh, I can only write so fast while laughing this hard."

Sparks' litany of creative rage petered out and died, unmourned, as Pinkie continued to chortle and the rest of Twilight's friends look at her with expressions ranging from disgust to awe. "Note to self," Sparks stage whispered, "other ponies can hear us cursing now."

Twilight swung herself out of bed, stumbling slightly as the sudden change in positioning threatened to send her toppling to the floor. A brief corona of magical energies outlined Twilight's horn before she started 'speaking', "Very true Sparks, though given the volume, I think even I would have heard that if you were still me."

"Twi, babe, you'd be amazed at how wrong you are about that." Sparks laughed, wincing as she saw Twilight's many injuries. As the pains of her own body reacquainted themselves with Spark's consciousness, Sparks let herself collapse on the floor with a pained sigh. "Also, it's annoying have to deal with my own pain. Normally I just managed yours, this is totally unpleasant."

Pinkie Pie scooted over to the recumbent unicorn as the rest of her friends went about their little morning rituals (or resumed them, in Rarity's case), and nudged her in the ribs, eliciting a hissing intake of breath from Sparks. "Hey, Sparks-"

"Seriously Pinkie, how do you even know my name? Rarity knew it cause I told her, and Twilight knew it cause duh, but before Twilight said it you said it, which is impossible!" Sparks looked Pinkie dead in the eye at the end of her hissed question, the strength of her curiosity all but rolling off of her in waves.

Pinkie blinked slowly and took a quick look around the room, "I'll tell you when you get your cutie mark." With an exaggerated wink, the pink party pony hopped away, whistling nonchalantly. Sparks sighed, and mentally kicked herself for somehow losing her cutie mark. At least Pinkie was being consistent; the logical explanation was that she'd been woken up by Spark's happy squeals. Since Pinkie hadn't explained her knowledge away like that, with luck, Pinkie's Pinkie Sense had just done something unexpected... again. Sparks idly wondered if Pinkie could drive the Neighcronomicon crazy, or if they'd get along like a house on fire.

Sparks sighed again and heaved herself back to her feet. A pair of servants wrapped in red robes had just set down a number of dishes for breakfast, and Sparks knew she'd have to actually eat things now that she was flesh and blood. As the idea of eating percolated through her mind, Sparks felt a massive smile stretch her features. Trotting up to one of the servants, a petite mocha coated unicorn mare with a curly white mane, Sparks threw one foreleg over the pony's shoulder and smiled even wider.

"Hello there. I'm sure you heard from your boss or maybe directly from Prince Hazard," Sparks took a moment to buff her other forehoof against her coat and inspect the resulting shine before looking the servant in the eye again. "But my friends and I are kinda a big deal, so I was wondering if you could maybe do me a teensy-weensy little favor, wadda you say?"

The mare stared open mouthed at Sparks before nodding dumbly. Sparks giggled at the sight and gently closed the servant's mouth with one hoof, sitting back a little bit from the mare. "That's the spirit! Say, do you have a name? I really do want to be polite and all. My name is Sparks."

"My, uh, my name is Mocha Whip."

Sparks wished she had a mirror to look at so she could gauge her smile. Though if Mocha's reaction was anything to go by, Spark's grin had changed from predatory to lecherous. "Fabulous. I'd just love to experience your special talent for myself sometime." Sparks purred, eliciting a squeak of embarrassment from Mocha.

"Um, no, you see," Mocha stammered, "I'm really good at making coffee's and especially the more desert like ones! You know? With whipped cream?!" Mocha pleaded her case to Sparks as she slowly backed herself away from the leering purple unicorn; though to her dismay Sparks simply sashayed after her, hips twitching in the most evocative way.

"Mmm, that does sound like a good time. Whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and just the right little mare who knows how to mix it up." Sparks loomed over Mocha, who had unwisely backed herself into a literal corner. "But for right now, all I want from you . . ."

Sparks leaned in and whispered many airy words directly into one of Mocha Whip's ears. Nodding periodically, Mocha's horn lit up and she rapidly took notes. As Sparks sat back down and gazed at Mocha with half-hooded eyes, the servant mare finished scribbling and turned the notepad around for Sparks to see. "Does that look alright to you Ms. Sparks?"

Neatly plucking the notepad out of the air, Sparks glanced over it, frowned, and channeled some more energy into her horn. "Almost... ah, there, now it's perfect." With a lazy smile, Sparks lobbed the notepad back to Mocha, who's fading blush erupted to new life when she caught it. Jaw working soundlessly, the mocha colored unicorn turned tail and galloped away, but not fast enough to avoid hearing Sparks sing out "I'll be waiting for you, little whip!"

Sparks giggled to herself and turned around to rejoin her friends as they had their breakfast. Seeing all of them gape at her made Sparks realize that for the last few minutes the room had been almost dead quiet. Sparks fidgeted, pinned in place by the stares of ... Twilight's friends. Sparks hadn't yet made friends, she'd just been hoping that the girls would accept her too.

"Now that I'm thinking about it, waking everypony up, swearing up a storm, and then teasing that maid to the point where you all look mortified on her behalf... not how I would have liked to make my first impression." Sparks sighed and slowly started walking to a different table away from the girls. Maybe giving them a little space during breakfast would help erase the several social blunders she'd made since waking up.

"Whoa now missy, where do you think you're going?" Sparks froze up and turned just in time to see the lasso cinch shut around her tail. With a startled yelp Sparks was yanked off her hooves and rapidly reeled in till she was sitting snugly between Rainbow Dash and Applejack. "No slippin' away now, we're all havin' breakfast together." Applejack shot her a smirk and quietly added "Besides, our first impression was of you shoutin' about how it weren't your fault that Twi was all roughed up, and then blackin' out." Chuckling, Applejack speared a few waffles onto her plate and dug in.

Sparks gaped at Applejack. Checking around the rest of the table, it was clear that everypony was accepting her presence. Sparks had to bite back a yelp though when she looked to Rainbow Dash and saw her rose colored eyes from a scant few inches away.

"How. Did. You. Do. That?" Rainbow rasped, biting off each word. Slugging back a glass of water, the speedster leaned back slightly, idly rubbing her throat. "I mean, I've seen Rarity turn up her charms before, and Pinkie Pie never has any trouble getting ponies to go along with whatever she wants, but that was something else." Rainbow blinked rapidly and shook her head slightly. "Hey wait. Twilight, does this mean you're also a silver tongued charmer?"

Pinkie Pie gasped and leapt up from her seat. "Ohmygosh, maybe Twilight's a super secret agent spy pony in Celestia's secret service!" Pinkie zipped over to where Twilight sat and flicked on a bright lamp she'd pulled from her mane. "Talk agent double oh bookworm! I vill not have zhat meddling princess interrupt my plans for ze sugar utopia! You vill not talk your way out of zis one." Pinkie hissed in an overdone Germane accent.

"Pinkie, I have no idea what you're even talking about." Twilight deadpanned while pouring herself a cup of tea.

Sweat beaded on Pinkie Pie's brow, and the lamp wavered in her grip. "You... you are very good agent Sparkle. For just a moment zhere, I almost believed you."

Twilight sighed and glanced around the table, searching for help. Unfortunately, it seemed that everypony else had the good sense not to interrupt a Pinkie Pie moment. Well, that and Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Sparks were openly giggling at the impromptu drama unfolding. Mentally shifting into her best Trottingham accent, Twilight airily said "Do you expect me to talk Sugarhoof?"

Pinkie Pie smiled and laughed, "No agent Sparkle, I expect you to enjoy your tea." Flicking off the lamp, Pinkie sat back and beamed at her best-est friends. Then she slapped herself with one hoof, "Oh fooy, I got the line wrong again! Next time for sure Twilight!"

Twilight giggled, "I'll hold you to that, Sugarhoof." Blowing on the tea to cool it, Twilight savored the taste of white rose petals. Whoever had prepared the tea had introduced some spice or other that stained the petals black, adding an underlying bitterness not normally present with white rose tea. Still, Twilight mused silently, it was quite good, even with the bitterness.

Sparks poured herself a cup of water and chuckled. "Anyway, the reason I'm such a smooth operator is because I was most of Twilight's id." Setting down the cup, Sparks frowned slightly. "Though given that you seem fine Twilight, I guess it's more accurate to call myself the manifestation of your id."

"What in the hay is an id? It sounds like some sorta foreign currency, though Ah know that ain't it." Applejack grumbled around a mouthful of pancakes.

"Darling, please, show some restraint." Rarity said, wiping her mouth of the crumbs of her own pancake. "The id is the less restrained, more baser instincts and thoughts everypony has. There are two other elements of the mind, the ego and superego, but that is neither here nor there."

Sparks clapped her hooves together, "Gold star for Rarity, I guess you enjoyed that book on psychology Twi lent you huh?"

"Well, it wasn't my usual choice of text, but yes, I found it quite agreeable."

Rainbow Dash ran her hooves over her face and groaned, "Okay, so you're a good talker just cause you're less restrained than Twilight? How does that make any sense?"

Sparks giggled, and pretended not to see Rainbow's glare. "Nah, I also have the knowledge of how to talk and move, and what to say to back up those instincts." Sparks waggled one hoof in the direction of Twilight. "See, Twilight reads a lot. And some of what she reads are self help books, especially back when she first met you all."

Twilight was frantically motioning to Sparks, trying to get her doppelganger to stop talking. Sparks winked at Twilight and grinned slyly. "A lot of what she read was on how to interact with other ponies. Who else remembers the book on how to have a sleepover?" Bobbing heads all around the table let Sparks know that, yes, they did remember it.

"Then I'm sure you won't be surprised to know that Twilight also has read some rather instructive literature on the subject of love," Sparks purred. Twilight was turning beet red, and Fluttershy looked close to fainting. Rarity and Pinkie Pie both looked like they were mere seconds away from squealing with delight, and Applejack and RD were stoically trying to stifle their laughter. "I think the title of one such book was 'The Maid and her Maste-OOF!"

Sparks was suddenly airborne, and with a loud crash landed inside of one of the many cabinets that lined the room's walls. Sparks winced, and with a bit of magic shoved aside the coat hanger digging into her back. "Nice shot Twi, thanks for picking the one with open doors."

* * *

Twilight, flush with embarrassment, took a few deep breaths. Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other, at Sparks flopping out of the wardrobe, then shrugged and went back to picking at their breakfasts. Pinkie Pie giggled and hopped over to help Sparks get back on her hooves. Fluttershy had fainted when Sparks had suddenly slammed into the dresser, and was insensate to the world around her. Feeling a hoof none too lightly whack the back of her head, Twilight cringed as Rarity started berating her. "Honestly Twilight, that was hardly necessary! If you have enough magic to throw a pony across such a large and luxurious chamber, then surely you have enough magic to zipper their mouth shut."

Twilight opened her mouth to retort, but dumbly closed it when she realized that Rarity was right; that while tossing Sparks across the room was clearly one way to momentarily quiet her, it wasn't in the spirit of friendship to harm a friend like that. "Now, on an unrelated note," Rarity said, tone sliding from chiding to nonchalant, "I would like to reserve a few books once we get back to Ponyville. From your, ah, self-help section I suppose. That title that Sparks was telling us about sounded like a good place to start, do you have any other recommendations?"

Twilight gave Rarity a deadpan look and sighed. The shameless little smile and fluttering eyelashes were the picture of innocence, but the iron in the fashionista's eyes promised Twilight that she'd get no peace until Rarity got what she wanted. Taking another swallow of tea, Twilight sighed and nodded in acquiescence, "Yes Rarity, I'll help set you up with a few books like that one once we all get to Ponyville." Looking up at her double, Twilight put a little more force into her spell, giving her words a steely edge. "And Sparks, no more telling ponies about stuff I'm embarrassed about. It's not fair to me if you start blabbing my secrets."

Sparks nodded as she sat down, "Fine, fine, I promise I won't tell other ponies stuff you think is embarrassing or that you are keeping secret." The slight smirk was wiped off of Sparks face when Pinkie nudged her with a meaningful look. With a groan and half-hearted gestures, Sparks mumbled, "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

The door to the girl's room swung open and Mocha Whip slowly made her way in. Her gait was slow and careful, as most of the maid's attention was on the large tray she levitated in front of her. Dozens of donuts, a multitude of muffins, and even a couple of croissants were heaped on the tray. A small raised platform in the center held a number of cups of coffee, some plain and unadorned, others layered with whipped cream and drizzles of chocolate and caramel sauce.

As Mocha Whip set the tray down, Twilight's eyes boggled at the exact nature of the sweets and coffees. Each of her friends favorite breakfast sweets were represented, and it was clear that all of their favorite coffee drinks were there too. Looking up, Twilight caught Sparks eye and swept a disbelieving hoof over the tray, questioning the most welcome addition to their breakfast lineup.

Sparks, now being pierced by a six sets of surprised eyes, rubbed the back of her head a bit and mumbled, "I thought it'd be a nice gesture for me to get you guys your favorite drinks and sweets." The dark purple unicorn's horn shimmered slightly, and each of the six coffee cups floated through the air to their recipients. "I know it's probably a bit weird that I ordered for you, but I thought it'd be a nice surprise. Uh. Is it? I'm still new to the whole 'making friends' thing, and I don't wanna screw up and lose out on being friends with you all." Sparks finished with a slightly pleading tone.

Twilight looked down at the cup sitting in front of her, and with a flicker of magic brought the coffee to her lips and took a drink. The sweetest blends of hazelnut and vanilla swirled through her mouth, with the almost electric sense provided by a shot of espresso setting her veins alight with energy. The temperature was just shy of blisteringly hot, allowing Twilight to drink deeply without fear of burning herself. Before she knew it, the cup was empty.

"Sparks, you are loud, brash, swear far too much, and seem to be holding Mocha in place with magic." Twilight stated, her tone stern. The light around Spark's horn faltered, and Mocha fled a good dozen feet before a shimmering dark purple light seized her tail and prevented further retreat. Twilight arched an eyebrow at this; "But you're still dear to me, and I'm thrilled that you'd think to do something so sweet for us. Of course you're our friend." Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie all nodded and agreed, their voices muffled by the coffee and sweets they had seized. Fluttershy was still out cold, though the scent of her favorite iced coffee seemed to be rousing the yellow pegasus.

Sparks sagged with relief, but before anypony else could comment, she held up a hoof in a 'just a moment' way before trotting over to Mocha. Steering Mocha around so that neither of them were facing the group, Sparks started a hushed conversation with the mare. Twilight watched just long enough to see that Mocha wasn't still being held in place before turning her attention to the tray of delicious baked goods. While it wasn't coffee, the second half of Spark's peace offering was very much welcome, and Twilight set about demolishing the chocolate chip scone she found with single minded fervor.

"You know," Pinkie Pie said in an absentminded manner, "scones are really great and all, but they're always crying out for something more." The pink party mare set her half eaten scone down and stared at it, bobbing and twisting her head as if trying to sort out a puzzle only she could see, slugging back the remainder of her coffee at the same time. "It's on the tip of my tongue, but such is the je ne sais quoi of all baked goods that words alone cannot convey my idea."

Pinkie Pie shook her head and sat bolt up right, slamming her hooves on the table. "No! I shall not let this ephemeral madness pass me by. By the glory of Celestia's dawn, I, Pinkamena Diane Pie, shall improve upon the scone this day!" Sweeping up the remains of her scone and several others, Pinkie Pie dashed out of the room with a cry of "Allons-y!"

The silence that enveloped the room was staggering, almost overwhelmingly so. Applejack leaned over to Pinkie's discarded coffee cup and sniffed at it, blinking in surprise when all she perceived was sugar and coffee. With a soft yawn, Fluttershy sat up, fluttering her wings to shake some feeling back into them. "Oh, iced coffee, my favorite. Are there any scones?"

* * *

Sparks looked over her shoulder at Fluttershy looking confused and flustered while the rest of her friends laughed at her unintended comedy. Rolling her eyes, Sparks turned back to face Mocha, "Anyway, like I was saying, thanks a bunch for getting all those coffee's together for me. I know the girls appreciate it."

Sparks grin widened as Mocha blushed at the praise. Fussing with her red robes, the unicorn didn't keep eye contact with Sparks for more than a hoof full of seconds at a time. Mocha stammered, "I.. I'm glad I could help you. If you, um, you need anything else, you can find me-"

"Yes. Yes I can, and I will." Sparks interrupted with a grin that was positively criminal.

With a soft 'eep', Mocha scurried away, pausing midway to the door to formally bow and squeak "Excuse me, I must be going, bye."

Sparks waved languidly at the retreating form, purring "I'll see you later, little whip!" Turning to enjoy her sweet breakfast, Sparks paused at the sight of mug of coffee floating toward her in a cloud of dark brown magic. Collecting the mug with her own magical grasp, Sparks smiled and winked at Mocha, who was partially hidden by the door frame. Mocha's magic still gripped the mug, and it twisted so Sparks could gawk at the kiss mark carefully painted onto it in creamy milk chocolate. Sparks could hear Mocha giggling, and the muted clip-clop of her hooves as she pranced away.

Still rattled, Sparks staggered back to the table. Sipping at her own coffee concoction, Sparks briefly let her telekinetic grasp lapse to snag a jelly doughnut.

Rarity cocked her head to the side watching Sparks alternate between her mocha frappe and the doughnut. "Darling, I hope you'll forgive the rudeness, but how, ah, how good are you with magic?" After a few awkward moments of silence, Applejack nudged Sparks in the ribs, drawing a pained yelp from the dark purple unicorn.

"Ow, what the buck Applejack!? Jeeze, that side's still tender!"

Applejack rolled her eyes and pointed at the fuming Rarity, "Ah was just figurin' that it'd be less painful than if Rarity lost her temper at ya."

Sparks did a quick double take at Rarity, flushed in frustration, with sparks of cerulean magic were spitting from her horn like miniature lightning bolts. Holding up her hooves in surrender, Sparks meekly said "Sorry Rares, I just forgot that answering ponies was a thing for me. Uh. You were asking about how good I was at magic?"

The corona of magical energies faded, and Rarity once more resembled the cool and collected fashionista she so often was. "Yes. I wanted to ask because I see you alternating between your coffee and pastry, whereas Twilight is currently levitating a cup of water, a notebook, a pencil, and a selection of doughnut holes."

Twilight looked up at her name, and paused with one of the small sphere's of sugary goodness part way to her open mouth. Smiling sheepishly, Twilight levitated the odd dozen holes over to a plate and set them aside.

Sparks snickered even as Twilight stuck her tongue out at her, and turned back to face Rarity. "It's less an issue about how much magic I have and how good I am at controlling it. I'd say that, in terms of raw power, I have just as much energy as Twi." Sparks took a moment to finish off her coffee and lick the mug clean, inside and out.

Applejack recovered first from Sparks' casual announcement that she had Twilight matched in magical might. "Now just hold on one cotton pickin' minute. Twi here's the Element of Magic and you got her level of power? You sure you're not just tryin'a pull a fast one on us?"

Waving her hooves frantically as Applejack tensed up to deliver a thumpin', Sparks stammered "W-Whoa there AJ, there's more to magic than just how much you have." Pointing a hoof at Rarity, Sparks calmly said "Rarity over there probably has over half of Twilight's pure magical power, but she's got me beat hands down when it comes to actually using it."

Rarity sputtered on the last of her coffee, "Darling, while I may not be quite as studious as Twilight, I'm fairly certain what you're saying makes no sense. Twilight, darling, can you please explain?"

Twilight nodded, "While actual magic levels are only known to the individual unicorn, Sparks would know if we have similar or identical reserves. And I support her belief that Rarity is above average in magical power, though that's a conjecture based on the times I've seen you using your magic for extended periods of time." As Twilight slipped into a tone of voice everypony recognized as 'Professor Mode', the other mares at the table all settled in for the long haul.

"You see girls, magic isn't just how much energy you have at your disposal, but also how much you can cast at once and how many spells you can manage simultaneously. My personal record is levitating fifteen separate items-"

"Just say books egghead, we all know it was books," laughed Rainbow. Sparks called out "Up top!" and reached over Applejack's head, Rainbow quickly leaning over and smacking her hoof into Sparks', while the two mares chuckled at Twilight's unamused glare.

"As I was saying, focus is another important part of practical magic use, and one of the reasons Sparks admitted that Rarity most likely rates better than her at magic use. Rarity's very practiced at making dresses to perfectionist standards, which demands a great deal of concentration and focus. Sparks, being mostly id, lacks that focus and so can't manage intricate spell work like either Rarity or I can."

Twilight paused to polish off another few doughnut holes. "I would guess that Sparks can channel more power into her spells than Rarity, and I suspect that even I would have trouble keeping up in terms of raw output given that I'm more restrained." Sparks nodded at this, as though conceding the point.

"Lastly, it's worth noting that, somehow, Sparks no longer has a Cutie Mark, which means that we're gauging her magic before she's discovered her new special talent." Sparks grimaced at Twilight's words, and cringed slightly as her friends all looked at her blank flank.

"Alright alright, that's enough. If you guys wanna stare at my flank more let's at least get moving." Sparks hopped to her hooves and made for the door, smirking at the sounds of her friends scurrying to get up too. "I'll bet that the young Prince Hazard wants to know we're all up and fed. Maybe with some luck he'll know what we can do to help Twilight's voice back and unbound from the Neighcronomicon."

"Shouldn't we go get Pinkie Pie first?" mumbled Fluttershy.

"Pffft, no way," Sparks laughed, "she's gotta be in the kitchens by now, working on improving scones. You'd have to be totally crazy to try and get her to give up on a baking project." A calculating look briefly stole over Sparks' face before she turned to Applejack. "Hey AJ, I'll bet you ten bits that Pinkie's got all the chefs and bakers taking orders from her!"

Applejack shook her head, "That ain't a bet sugercube, that's a certainty! Come on, let's go meet with the prince and get ya introduced."

As Fluttershy trailed behind her friends, she couldn't help but shiver. Every once in a while, when visiting Zecora, Fluttershy would have the same sense that she did now, of being watched by something that saw her as a meal. But looking every which way, Fluttershy could only see a few servants in the hallways cleaning up or refilling incense pans, her friends slowly moving toward the throne room, and the art that covered every inch of the halls.

Much to her dawning horror, Fluttershy could feel with absolute certainty deep in her soul, that the art was looking at her too.

"Yo, Flutters, what's the hold up! Come on, we've got royalty to chill with!" came the shout of Rainbow Dash. With the terror clawing at her conscious mind, and dread freezing her heart, Fluttershy shot down the corridor like an arrow to walk shoulder to shoulder with Twilight. The nearness of her friends, their laughter at how fast she'd moved; all of it eased her fears away.

If she'd only looked over her shoulder, Fluttershy might have seen the portrait of a black coated stallion wearing a regal crown of shimmering topaz and impure gold. She might have seen how the yellow silk robes he wore seemed to writhe in the daylight, how his teeth glistened red as shadows fell on, or how his eyes followed her every move and flashed with immortal hunger.

A red robed servant ran one hoof up and down the portrait's frame, and with words that tore his throat and filled his mouth with bile and ash, lulled the painting back to uneasy sleep. Flipping his hood back, Chain Censer spat the viscous fluids into the smoldering incense, bringing black and violet fires to life.

"Soon. Soon all will be as it was promised. As he promised."

Author's Note

On the one hand, this took a stupid long time for me to get finished up for ya'll. On the other hand, it blows away every other chapter so far in terms of word count, so yay?

And while I'm certain you've read this before in every other Author's Notes box, comments and constructive criticism are very very good motivators for more writing. So help me, help you get more to read, and leave a comment below.

Well, This Seems Rather Unfair

Twilight fidgeted as Able Hazard hoofed through another page of her notes. Able had the Neighcronomicon sitting next to him, and from time to time would glance at the cover before flipping to another page of notes. Twilight swallowed reflexively when Able briefly put a hoof on the Neighcronomicon, sparks of amethyst magic crackling around her horn as she prepared to snatch the book away from the young prince.

The whispered conversations behind her unnerved Twilight somewhat, but she bludgeoned the irrational fears down, rationalizing that her friends were likely far more bored with Able's painstaking review of her notes than she was. And given that Applejack and Rainbow Dash could clearly be heard debating who was the better musician, Elvis Parsley or Van Haylen, Twilight knew she had no reason to entertain her bout of paranoia.

Well, from that bit of the room at least. Beside Able Hazard was the immaculately groomed Chain Censer, as well as two other ponies she'd been introduced to as they had entered the throne room. Able had introduced his court magician, a dark blue unicorn stallion named Hazy Reply. Though his eyes were milky white, Hazy had reached out to politely shake Twilight’s hoof and clearly had no trouble moving about the throne room. What was more disconcerting was how much attention he seemed to pay the Neighcronomicon. Though Twilight knew logically that there was no way a blind stallion could read a book, a tiny voice of irrational terror continued to whisper poisonous fears into her mind.

Lastly was the good general Pyrrhic Victory, a very stern looking unicorn mare clad in reinforced leather plate dyed blood red. Her own coat was like a lava flow, where gashes of scar tissue darkened the brilliant crimson of her coat, and her ashy black mane and tail gave the ever twitching mare the appearance of being on fire when viewed in the right light.

As the morning dragged on, Twilight’s friends excused themselves one by one. Rainbow and Applejack bowed out first, their own stomachs betraying them despite promises to stay by Twilight. It couldn’t be helped, reasoned Twilight. Everypony knew that both Rainbow and Applejack burned energy like coal furnaces, and the last few days had not been all too kind to their bodies. With promises to bring Pinkie Pie back with them, the farmer and the speedster quietly let themselves out.

Next went Rarity. Even after ‘borrowing’ Fluttershy’s sketch pad, Rarity all too soon ran out of space for her many visions of fashion. With a dramatic, if appropriately quiet, cursing of her ‘glorious visions and destiny to revolutionize all of fashiondom’, the seamstress slipped away to procure more paper.

Fluttershy left last. Complaining of feeling faint, the yellow pegasus heeded Prince Hazard’s murmured advice to go lie down. Assured by Sparks that Twilight would be fine without her there, Fluttershy left, ever so softly promising to find and stay near Rarity until she felt better.

Sparks didn’t leave, though she was almost as fidgety as Rainbow Dash or Applejack had been. Twilight tried to put it out of her mind, but the way her doppelganger occasionally stared into empty space for slightly too long was disconcerting. Right around noon, after the dark purple unicorn hissed in a breath and suddenly sat on her haunches, Twilight had had enough.

“Sparks, I really appreciate you trying to wait with me, but if you need to excuse yourself…” Twilight mentally cheered herself as she trailed off; truly she was the pinnacle of politeness.

Sparks spun on her flank, eyes wild and piercing. Tiny arcs of raw magic crackled along the length of her horn, and it was all Twilight could to to keep from yelping in fear. “No…” Sparks rasped, her ears swiveling as she shakily stood up. As Twilight watched more and more magic pour off of Sparks, somewhere, a bell began to toll.

Letting her own magical energy fill her mind, Twilight cast a simple shield spell between Prince Hazard and Sparks. Wisely, Hazy Reply and Pyrrhic Victory took a few steps closer to the prince so they could also take advantage of the magical shield. Chain Censor actually stepped slightly in front of the Prince, as though Twilight’s spell would not be enough to protect the young prince.

The bell rang through the throne room as Sparks began to shake in place.

Twilight felt the need to reach out to her friend, as it became increasingly clear that Sparks was in pain. Raw, guttural noises tore themselves free of Sparks’ clenched teeth, and her ragged breath was flecked with blood.

The bell tolled again, and Sparks' eyes rolled back in her head.

But Twilight stayed her hoof. Hadn’t she done something very much like this under the influence of the Neighcronomicon? Could she risk getting closer to Sparks if she was being forced to channel the same darkness Twilight was touched by?

Discordant, the bell roared, and Sparks screamed in terror.

“So it has come to pass.” Twilight whipped her head around to stare at Hazy Reply. The aged stallion had a wide, gleeful smile on his face, and his dead eyes seemed to drink in the sight of Spark’s suffering.

For the fifth time, the bell tolled, and Sparks fell over, still screaming.

“By the word of the Eternal Prince, we claim the future for ourselves.” intoned Chain Censer. The butler had pulled a tiny censer from somewhere within his robes and with a match lit the incense within. As yellow-green smoke coiled around his hooves, Twilight became all too aware that the shadows of the room weren’t where they ought to have been.

The bell rang again, and Sparks began to shiver and shake, her screams reduced to the terrified cries of a lost foal.

Twilight began edging away from Prince Hazard and his retinue. Something within her howled in fear, demanding that she spin on her hooves and flee. But the Neighcronomicon ... Twilight skittered back, suddenly aware of an absence in her own mind. Like a weight being lifted from the back of a galloping mare, Twilight's mind sped up frantically, trying to deduce exactly what was wrong.

The seventh toll boomed, and Spark’s magic surged, enveloping her entire body in a rippling halo of dark purple light.

“By our dark devotions and the blood on our hooves, we welcome the Eternal Prince home.” cheered Pyrrhic Victory. Tendrils of magical energy sprouted from her horn and lashed at her face and neck, drawing blood which hissed and smoked as it fell to the floor.

The eighth and ninth toll sounded almost as one, and Sparks opened eyes of pitch black. Glimmering light shone from her eyes, like the stars in Luna’s mane, and the dark purple unicorn snarled around blood stained teeth, “I will never bow! Not to you, not to anypony!” Sparks flailed her hooves about, roaring curses into the empty air.

Twilight flattened her ears to her head as the tenth bell crashed through the throne room, shaking flecks of paint from the walls. Staggering over to Sparks, Twilight almost caught a hoof to the jaw for her troubles. Throwing her hooves around the crying Sparks, Twilight dragged the struggling unicorn up and onto her hooves. The uncontrolled magic felt uncomfortably warm, but to Twilight's delight didn't sear the flesh from her bones or anything.

The eleventh time the bell sounded, and Twilight almost missed it as the doors to the throne room were thrown open. Dozens of red robed servants galloped into the throne room, screaming questions at anypony they could see. As the shadows danced and jerked in a foul parody of celebration and the incense smoke painted flickering nightmare visages in the air, Twilight had no answers for them.

The bell tolled one last time. The dark halo of magic that shrouded Sparks came rushing off of her like a torrent, and slammed into the shield spell Twilight had erected. The shield didn't last even half a heartbeat, and like some foul serpent, Spark's magic spiraled up and came crashing down on the young prince, bypassing his advisers.

Able Hazard burst like a balloon pricked with a pin. Gore rained across the throne dais, and everypony screamed. Twilight and a hoof full of the servants screamed in terror; it was unthinkable, to watch a young colt suddenly cease to be in such a violent fashion.

Chain Censer, Hazy Reply, and Pyrrhic Victory screamed in rapturous joy. Though smeared with the remains of their prince, the trio cheered and capered like ponies possessed. Many of the servants fell to their knees and began chanting in a blood curdling cadence, their words of worship like so many iron hooks being dragged across a chalkboard.

Sparks, wrapped in a much diminished haze of her own roiling magic, screamed in anger and sorrow. “Twilight! Twilight, you need to get out! You need to escape with the others!"

As Sparks stumbled and staggered towards her, Twilight saw the rebirth of a … Her mind rebelled. The simple truth of it is that any pony, no matter how smart, how well educated, how magically gifted, will eventually reach the ends of their own mental fortitude. And though her own thoughts betrayed her, Twilight did see it all.

She saw the slick membranous wings, offensively boneless, like great sheets of wafer thin flesh.

Twilight saw the writhing mane and tail, colored like straw soaked in kerosene and a moment away from burning a condemned soul at the stake.

She saw the dark green coat, and watched as muscles and otherworldly things squirmed and thrashed just beneath the surface.

She couldn’t help but notice the horn, as black as jet and crackling with barely contained eldritch energies. How the skin around the base of the horn bleed clean red blood and wept oily black fluids in equal measure, until a surge of vile green and tar black magic sealed the unholy stigmata.

And Twilight saw his sea foam blue and green eyes, as Prince Able Hazard sneered at her from his new height. From the entrails and viscous soup of his former body, he had been reborn an alicorn.

"Ah, my dear pen pal, I really must thank you for pouring so much energy into the Neighcronomicon for me to use." Twilight shuddered at Able's words. Not only was the implication that she had somehow fueled this unhallowed ascension troubling, but the dark prince's words made her feel unclean. As though the act of listening to Able was enough to soil her soul with corruption.

The newly made alicorn strode back and forth along his dais, smiling with teeth that would be more at home in the mouth of a manticore than a pony's. His tail swung about, seemingly of its own accord, to lash out at many of the prostrate servants around him. Bloody wounds were torn open along those servants backs, but rather than cry or scream such injury only seemed to drive the many mares and stallions to roar their praise even louder.

Mind reeling, about to break, Twilight could only stammer “W-what? No, no, How!? Why!?!” Hooves flew to her lips, and Twilight’s eyes grew wide in fear of her words.

Concern, or at least a most convincing simulacrum of that emotion briefly washed over Prince Hazard’s features. Slowly stepping down from his dais, the unhallowed alicorn prince waved his horn in Twilight’s general direction. A breeze, ripe with the scent of ash and laden with unimaginable cries of sorrow, rolled over Twilight. The sheer magical potency of whatever Able had done made her fur stand on end, and Twilight slammed the lid on her mind. Walls of half-thought runes and ancient words of power became ramparts of (hopefully) unassailable mental energy.

Sparks, equally caught in the wave of magical wind, barely had time to turn her face away from Twilight before the retching started. Brackish water, sea shells, and dozens of tiny (and quite offended) crabs soon lay in a puddle by Sparks’ hooves. Though her knees shook ferociously, the dark purple unicorn still had the grit to spit the last mouthful of briny water at Prince Hazard.

Twilight couldn’t help but idly note the way Sparks’ projectile arced gracefully through the air; how the sea water shimmered in the fire light; and how thoroughly put out Able looked with his mane sodden wet and clinging to his face.

Sighing, Prince Hazard let more aetheric energy pour down his horn, drying his mane. “I had hoped that we could be civil about this.” he said, his tone equally regal and terrible.

Sparks could barely stand. Her mouth was smeared with bile and seawater, and her coat was thick with sweat and blood. Her eyes were still filled with dark and terrible stars, and her horn leaked raw magic like a broken faucet. In spite of this, the dark purple unicorn snarled “And I had hoped that Mocha Whip would call me into one of those fancy side room and jump me, but we don’t always get what we want buck face.”

Able Hazard smiled sadly and nodded his head. “Too true young Sparks.” Turning to face Twilight, Prince Hazard looked down on her with what could only be true beneficence. “I never wanted to use you like this Twilight. I never truly wanted to take such drastic steps to gain the power I need. And I absolutely never wanted you to suffer as you have journeying here.” The newly minted Alicorn sighed. “Perhaps I should have invited you here first? Maybe under the pretext of having you verify for me that I had found a genuine copy of the Neighcronomicon? Ah well, live and learn.”

Twilight boggled at Prince Hazard. “So this was all a ploy? You were only my friend so you could use my power?”

Prince Hazard looked ashamed “At first… yes. When I first contacted you, it was only because I knew how much raw magical force I could siphon from you." Regret danced behind the alicorn's eyes, and Twilight could feel the same sense of kinship she got when she first read his postcards. "But I grew to consider you a true friend. I mean it when I say I would never wish you harm."

Puffing his chest out, Able Hazard raised his head. "But my goal is too important for feelings to get in the way. Even, no, especially my own feelings."

"And just what goal would that be, huh?!" snarled Sparks. "Immortality? Unlimited, cosmic powers? What do you want you sicko!?"

Prince Hazard shot Sparks a withering look. "You really must work on your impulse control young Sparks. It's unbecoming for a mare of your .... talents, to be this brash."

"Then please, Able, answer me."

Turning back to Twilight, Able Hazard smiled again, and again Twilight couldn't help but feel as though she were still talking to the same friend she would spend all night writing to. "Of course Twilight. As an aside, I'm so glad that your voice didn't undergo sufficient strain to make the, ah, challenges you faced permanent."

Flicking his hair from his eyes, Prince Hazard calmly sat down. Sparks took a moment to move over to Twilight's side, but elected to stay standing. Twilight was somewhat surprised to see that she was already sitting down.

"I sought out this power because of what I plan to do. I now have the raw power and resources to finally give Equestira what it deserves." Prince Hazard's smile grew to physically impossible proportions, and Twilight felt her breath catch in her chest. "You don't mean...?"

"Oh but I do. Finally, finally, I will give all the people of Equestria conscious control of their magic!" Prince Hazard threw his head back and laughed. Sparks swore as she dabbed blood trickling from her nose, and Twilight briefly saw double as her soul rung with Able's laughter.

Sparks gave up trying to stem the crimson tide and snorted angrily, spraying the carpet with her blood. "What's the bucking catch? There's no way the Neighcronomicon facilitated your ascendance for free. And even if it did, not even an alicorn could do what you're suggesting; it's crazy!"

Prince Hazard had to choke down another bout of laughter at the dark purple unicorn's serious expression. "That's why I won't fuel the ritual myself." Waving one hoof behind himself, Prince Hazard cocked one eyebrow. "Or do you think it's just a coincidence that my closest allies and servants seem overjoyed that I have ascended?"

While Sparks nervously eyed the nearest servants and the slow trickle of more red-robed ponies singing Able Hazard's praises, Twilight raised one hoof. Smiling, Prince Hazard nodded at the confused unicorn mare. "Yes, Twilight?"

"Have you considered the possible negative repercussions of this ritual?" Twilight felt torn between ecstatic academic interest and mind-numbing horror. "I mean, as amazing as it would be for all of my friends to know what it's like to channel their magic willfully, I can't help but worry that this might be a bit, um, disruptive."

Prince Hazard smiled and nodded. "Indeed, it will be." Standing imperiously, the dark green alicorn turned toward his massed followers and slowly made his was up the dais to his throne. "But no venture is without risk, and I have plotted for this day for too long for such things as the fear of change to stop me."

Taking his rightful seat, Prince Hazard allowed one of the chanting servents to begin draping him in his royal robes. "I am not a fool, Twilight Sparkle. I know that I will be hated for what I about to do. I know that Celestia and Luna will disapprove; perhaps they will even seek to do away with me like Discord. But if it brings Equestira into a state closer to harmony, I will make that sacrifice." The prince paused, tapping his hoof against his chin. "Though now that I think of it, I doubt either of your Princesses will even try to lift a hoof against me. After all, a projected side-effect will be the creation or sudden ascension of alicorns, and I imagine they must be somewhat starved for company after all these years. I know it certainly gets tiring, being immortal all by your lonesome."

Spark's scathing retort died on her lips, and Twilight's jaw hung slack at the implications. Sparks stuttered to life like some poorly kept construct, "W-wait. You... you're immortal?!"

Prince Hazard scoffed, "Of course, who do you think authored the Neighcronomicon in the first place?" The dark green alicorn sneered at the cursed tome. "If I hadn't spent so long on that waste of paper, I doubt I would be able to coax the blasted thing to do what I willed and bring me the power I needed to ascend."

Twilight shook her head. "Able, please don't do this." She threw one hoof out, broadly gesturing to the scores of servents debasing themselves, speaking in languages not meant for pony kind to know or voice, or self-flagellating in masochistic glee. "This isn't what Harmony looks like! This is madness, this is evil!

The beatific smile slipped from Prince Hazard's face, and he fixed Twilight with a gimlet glare.

Even as Sparks slow felt her way to stand by Twilight, Able's glare tapered off, and he heaved a weary sigh.

"Twilight, Sparks, I want you to understand what I'm doing. I want you to be as excited as I am!"

Able's energy quickly faded, and he sighed again. " But despite your prestigious intellects, I forget that you've only known peace."

"And so," he spat, "you cannot accept what I am doing as anything but monstrous."

"Peace?!" screamed Twilight. "We've fought Discord! Manticores! Hydras! We beat Nightmare bucking Moon! How can you claim that all we've known is peace?!"

As Twilight panted, her frustrations vented, Prince Hazard slowly clapped his hooves together. "Thank you Twilight. Chain Censer owes me a triple scoop of ice cream now."

Sparks narrowed her eyes in roughly the prince's direction. "Wait, did you really put bets on how Twilight would react to all this?"

The dark prince chortled, "No, I placed a bet on how long it would take her moral outrage to outweigh her curiosity into a new field of magic and her shock at my perceived betrayal." A stopwatch, held in the prince's pestilent green aura, floated in front of the alicorn. "Ah, just a hair over five minute, marvelous."

Twilight widened her stance, growling "We will stop you Able. You cannot do this, we will not let you."

Prince Hazard smirked at the seething unicorn, "No, no you won't."

Sparks, guided by Twilight's voice, shuffled another few half steps closer to her progenitor. "Oh yeah? What makes you say that hotshot?" she spat.

Moving faster than the eye could follow, Able Hazard suddenly loomed over Twilight and Sparks, smiling with all the warmth and joy of a rotted, raggedy skull. "Because I sent my friends to go, hmm, let's say occupy, your friends. Just, oh, a hair under five minutes ago."

Twilight goggled. Quickly, oh so quickly, she looked about the throne room. Despite all the cultists crying out their praise for Prince Hazard, none of his closest confidants were in sight. Fear boiled up within Twilight's barrel, and her breath began to catch in her throat.

"Oh yeah?" sneered Sparks. Twilight raised her head, blinking away the tears as her brash other self threw Prince Hazard's general area a withering glance. "Well I got just one word for you, tough guy."

Able Hazard laughed. His laughter held no happiness, no joy. It was the laughter of one who is convinced of their inevitable success, and it made Twilight's very soul ache with the pain of the lost and damned.

"Oh really? And what word would that be whelp?" he laughed. Cultists all around Twilight chuckled, and somehow Able's words took on an even more sinister cadence. Twilight shivered; it felt as if her body had suddenly become hallow. Cold seeped into her veins, and darkness crept into her vision.

But Twilight's hearing was as keen as ever.

"Yeah, just one word," mocked Sparks.

Twilight felt Sparks horn briefly brush against her own. Without thought, she leaned into the touch, desperately seeking another ponies touch.

And though her tear filled eyes couldn't see, Twilight could hear the smirk in Sparks' voice. "Teleport."

And with a roar of unchecked magical energy, Twilight and Sparks vanished from the throne room.

Able Hazard closed his mouth with an audible click. "Huh... clever." Shrugging his membranous wings, the dark green alicorn turned to his followers, a cruel smile playing on his lips. "So, who will bravely march into oblivion for the sake of our goals?"

And as he looked at the sea of raised hooves, Prince Hazard couldn't help but laugh.

Author's Note

Things to blame for the bonkers delay this chapter has seen:
- Fallout 4
- Video games in general
- Getting a 24" computer monitor for Christmas
- Semi-voluntary sleep deprivation
- Winter Jack
- Smith & Forge Hard Cider
- Drinking in general
- The fact that most of my writing is during boring lectures.
- Netflix
- Anime
- You know what, just blame the internet.
- Yes, all of it.
- Even the naughty bits.
Hugs and kisses,
Scruffy :duck:

On Paintings and Prisons

"That," groaned Sparks, "is a wall."

Twilight wheezed as she clambered back onto her hooves. "I am both so glad that we're out of the throne room and seriously confused as to how you keep doing that."

Sparks grunted from where she lay against the unyielding stone, waving a hoof above her head in a dismissive fashion. "It's magic, I don't have to explain crap."

Twilight glared at the dark purple unicorn. "Sparks, I know that you know that I know that that is not an acceptable answer, or even close to an acceptable answer!"

Sparks sighed, and firmly fixed her gaze just slightly to Twilight's side, over her left shoulder to be exact. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, I just have this wicked headache and hornache going on right now, and kinda hoped to avoid the whole magi-babble shop talk dealie."

Twilight shook her head and smiled. Part of her still wanted to chew Sparks out for her flippant attitude and lack of social tact, but it was a very small part. "Okay Sparks, but once this is all over we are going to talk shop and maybe do a few tests to figure this out."

Sparks nodded, still not quite looking at Twilight. "Sure sure, you got it Twi."

Twilight paused, and looked over her shoulder, curious as to what may have captured Sparks attention so. But aside from a few lackluster painting of long deceased aristocrats and one spectacularly ugly vase, there was nothing of note down that hall. Twilight cocked an eyebrow at Sparks, "Uh, idle question, what are you looking at Sparks?"

Spark's ears twitched and she adjusted so she was looking right at Twilight. "Oh, sorry. Uh, my vision is still a bit fuzzy from the teleport. Hey, do you know the way back to our room? I wanna get the girls before we make our next move."

Twilight nodded and moved over to Sparks to help guide her. "Good idea Sparks. I think this way leads back to the rooms."

Sparks smiled and fell into step with Twilight. "Awesome, cause I'm totally lost right now." Sparks laughed sheepishly, "Never mind the blurry vision, I wasn't really paying attention when we went to the throne room in the first place."

Twilight smirked and threw her counterpart a look. "Oh? What had you so distracted?"

Sparks blushed and studiously kept her eyes forward. "O-oh, you know, just thinking about stuff. And, uh, things."

"Things?" chirped Twilight.

Sparks nodded and set her mouth in a stoic frown. "Yup. Things."

"Ah, well, I'm sure Mocha will be flattered to know that you're thinking of her." giggled Twilight.

Sparks squeaked in shock and promptly tripped over her own hooves. The dark purple unicorn, typically so brash and self assured, looked up at Twilight (or thereabouts) with teary, pleading eyes. "Please don't tell." she whimpered, like a filly who had been caught with her hoof in the cookie jar.

Twilight smiled, and embraced the fleeting joy with everything she had. Slowly back peddling from where Sparks lay, Twilight let her mirth seep into her voice, "I would never dream of telling Mocha. At least not conventionally. Hey, what's your favorite color anyway?"

Sparks quickly got to her hooves and began to trot after Twilight. "What? Uh, dark red, why?"

Twilight turned back around and started to gallop down the hallway. "Ooh, lucky. I'm glad to hear that Mocha already has something to wear for your first date."

Sparks almost tumbled again, "No! No no no nonono!" Laying on the speed, she tore around corners with reckless disregard, chasing after Twilight.

Twilight laughed loudly as she led Sparks through the palace, her horn flickering to help nudge obstacles out of the way, or keep Sparks' own telekinetic grip off of her tail. Deep inside her, Twilight knew what she was doing was just a distraction, a delaying tactic to keep herself from thinking about what she and the girls had to do. About what she had seen in the throne room, and her part in Prince Hazard's ascension.

But for the moment, it was enough to laugh at Sparks' desperate pleading, and race against her own dark thoughts.

* * *

Sparks was frantic in her pursuit. On some level, she knew that Twilight was just teasing her, and that she wouldn't intentionally do anything to spoil Sparks' budding romance. Sparks felt her face flush at the thought, and poured on some extra speed.

But as she rounded the corner to another freakishly long hallway, a painting caught her eyes.

"Twilight, hold up!" Sparks shouted. Without checking to see if her other self had really stopped, Sparks slowly walked over to the painting. Twilight quickly brought herself up short and trotted back to see what Sparks was looking at, and almost gasped in horror for her troubles.

It was an ancient thing, the paint chipped and cracked, the frame itself dusty and tarnished. But the image captured on canvas held Sparks spellbound. Poised regally on a throne of skinless ponies, minotaurs, griffons, and other sapients was a figure clad in yellow silk robes. His eyes, despite the faded nature of the artwork, still glinted malevolently. The same sneer that Twilight still saw in her nightmares graced his lips, and the fine crystal goblet of chocolate milk was raised in a toast to the painter.

"Discord..." Twilight hissed, her good mood fading away.

Sparks cocked her head to the side. "Uh... are you sure about that?" The dark purple unicorn held up her hooves in a forestalling gesture. "I mean, not saying you're not, but I don't see him. I see something else entirely in the painting."

Twilight blew out a frustrated breath. "Of course you do. I can quite easily imagine that jerk to hide a few 'jokes' in a painting of himself."

"My, my, my, aren't you two just precious." Twilight and Sparks both froze. Swallowing heavily, the two unicorns slowly turned to look at the ancient painting, and the creature talking to them from within it.

The draconequus sneered at Twilight, drank his goblet and threw away the chocolate milk, and slowly stepped down his throne and dias while pointedly not looking at the explosions going off behind him.

Twilight began to quietly hyperventilate. "No, you can't be here, you're trapped in Canterlot! Get back to your statue! Get out of here!" she whispered to herself. Whatever aura of levity Discord had wrapped around him when they had last clashed was gone, and Twilight was forced to face the uncomfortable truth that Discord wasn't natural. He wasn't supposed to be, in much the same way the shoggoth she had summoned was undeniably wrong.

Sparks, in a notable contrast to Twilight's spiral down into panic and sorrow, spiraled down into panic and fire. Screaming at the top of her lungs, Sparks pulled a vast globe of raw magic from herself, set the whole thing alight with flickering, eldritch purple flames, and then launched it at Discord at an appreciable fraction of the speed of sound.

Twilight watched in grotesque fascination, as Discord's maw seemed to unhinge, stretching and warping with the sound of crackling bone and tearing sinews. Fangs and razor sharp teeth tore their way out of his gums in a welter of blood and ichorous black fluids, and the draconequus drew in a deep breath.

"Du Lah Rii!" screeched Discord, and before Twilight's eyes the ball of unstable plasma broke apart into many thin ribbons of dark purple light, which Discord took to slurping out of the air like spaghetti.

Discord smacked his lips together and patted his stomach. "Mmm, spicy." The draconequus gave Sparks an appraising look, complete with comically huge jeweler's loupe.

"You know, if you weren't still bleeding mana from those pesky psychic wounds darling little Able gave you, you'd be able to see me properly, prophet." Discord discarded his appraising look in favor of a truly wicked grin. "If you'd like, I could always fix you up right now. No charge even," Discord's smile stretched past the physical confines of his face, and drool began to dribble form one horribly distended corner of his foul maw. "Honest." he leered.

Sparks growled in inarticulate rage, and Twilight marveled as a new orb of sorcerous fire began growing at the tip of Sparks' horn. Even Discord looked mildly impressed right before his lion arm stretched out and slapped Sparks hard enough to send the dark purple unicorn sprawling on the ground, her latest magical attack sputtering and dying out.

Twilight choked back a scream as she bolted over to her downed doppelganger. Taking a wide legged stance over Sparks, Twilight glared up at Discord, her fear momentarily subsumed by righteous anger.

"Oh don't give me that look Twily." sneered Discord. "It was at least partially for her own good. She's never going to get her cutie mark unless she stops burning so much mana."

"How on earth would you know that?" spat Twilight. In spite of her bravado, Twilight could feel her knees shaking, and beads of sweat working their way down her neck. Being this close to Discord was wrecking havoc on her nerves, and it was all Twilight could do to keep her tone level and face stoic.

"Pu-leeze, don't insult me so Twilight." trilled Discord. Twilight blinked a droplet of sweat from her eyelashes and in that refracted, watery image saw another body where Discord stood. He (it?) stood on three thick, sinewy legs, each tipped with an odd number of wickedly serrated talons. Arms grew and withered from the wide, tree trunk like chest of this horrible figure, lashing and grasping at the empty air, whilst faces contorted in unthinking agony bloomed like flowers on its dark, rubbery skin.

Twilight began screaming and in a desperate bid to get away from the horror all but tripped over Sparks. Even though she could now only see Discord, the other creature was burnt into her mind's eye, that gaping, cavernous maw situated in it's head tendril laughing at her mockingly.

"Oh my." drawled Discord, "It seems like you got a look at what I truly am." The draconequus slithered over to the pair of prone ponies, his sibilant snickers slipping past Twilight's hooves to squirm inside her ears. "For all your knowledge, for all you magical strength," Discord hissed, coiled up around Twilight and Sparks like some unholy serpent, "before a true master of the arcane arts you are naught but a feeble minded child."

Discord sighed as Twilight quietly gibbered to herself. "Welp, I suppose you're done with this conversation, so I'll move onto what I bothered to show up for; the tender, fresh soul of a prophet." Looming over Sparks, Discord's talon and paw elongated, stretching and deforming into cruelly hooked tendrils, the ragged edges of his new digits glistening wetly with spirit scarring acids. His jaw unhinged, and for the second time that day, fresh teeth and blind, groping tentacles erupted from his gums. "After all," Discord slurred, "if shhe's not going to ushe her talent, why let shuch a delicacy rot with her?"

Even as Discord ran his tongue over his newly kitted out fangs, a faint buzzing started to emanate from within his goatee. "Oh come on!" groaned the chaos spirit. "Can't I get even one little shweet shnack?! Ugh." Sitting upright, Discord reached his mutated eagle's talon into his beard and pulled out a set of earbuds. Holding the tiny microphone up by his mouth, "Ahem. Dishcord here, how may I shcrew with you today?"

"Uh huh."

"Sheriously?"

"Are you shure? Yesh, yesh, I know I owe you a favor or two."

"No, I don't recall the 'Asshes of Fire" incident, shounds like shomthing I'd do though. Yesh, yesh, I owe you more than two favorsh, point made, pleashe get on with it."

"Shpare her?! And kickshtart her cutie mark? You're calling in an awful lot of chipsh here..."

Discord groaned, slapping his face with his lions paw and shaking out the extra teeth and tentacles as his mouth shrunk down to a more reasonable size. "Okay, okay, fine. You've made your point. I'll do it your way. Yes, yes, scouts honor. Thanks, bye."

Sighing, Discord gently pushed the earbuds back into his goatee. "Well if I'm going to do this, might as well do it right," he groused. Gently his paw against Spark's cheek, Discord suddenly drew it back, creating a loud cracking noise. Sparks lept to her hooves, and skittered a few steps, the bruise that had been forming on her face vanishing as she looked around wildly.

Upon seeing Twilight, and how Twilight was still rocking back and forth quietly crying to herself, Sparks whipped around and once again began charging up her horn to blast Discord with magic. "Third time's the charm, monster." she snarled.

Which made it kinda anti-climatic when a bored looking Discord licked his talons and pinched the end of her horn, disrupting her spell with a faint fizzling sound. "Yes yes, you're very angry at me for not just killing you to eat your sweet, delectable soul, and not showing Twilight the absolute truth of my form and thus permanently ruining her mind, I get it."

While Sparks grabbed a nearby tapestry to rub the spittle off her horn, Discord took the time to pace around her, setting a pair of half-moon spectacles on the bridge of his nose. With a serpent's speed, he seized Sparks by her tail and hoisted her up to his level like the catch of the day.

"Oh you are so freaking dead!" roared Sparks, lashing out with her hooves in near mindless rage.

"Hush prophet, it's not very becoming for one of the Chosen to resort to such childish threats."

"Stop calling me 'prophet' you abomination! I remember what you are! You lie, you manipulate others for your own sick amusement! I refuse to listen to you!"

Discord gave an exaggerated sigh, shaking his head sadly. "Ah Sparks, so full of life, so full of energy." Tossing the still flailing unicorn into the air, Discord's hard bird-like talons encircled her neck and drew her face up against his own. His every word rustling the fur of her face, Discord sneered, "I suppose we'll just do this the hard way then."

Discord's paw began to shift in shape, fingers ripping apart to make way for dark, chain like tendrils of necrotic green energy. His eyes fractured like some ancient mirror, and Sparks saw dozens, even hundreds of herself within that feverish gaze.

"Closhe your eyesh and think of Equeshtria." slurred Discord, his maw once more holding too many teeth and tiny grasping arms to clearly form words.

"Can... can I think of Mocha instead?"

Discord huffed out a breath, and Sparks ineffectively tried to shy away as she was spattered with drool, blood, and other less identifiable fluids. "Shmart aleck. Shure, whatever, just keep it to yourshelf."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you acting like you're on our side?!"

Discord let loose a snicker, and then threw his head back as the floodgates opened up. He giggled, he howled, and when he was done Sparks wanted to somehow squirm out of her own skin. Some of the noises Discord made in the depths of his laughter would surely haunt her to her grave.

"Oh shweet little Shparks. While you're right to think that I'm rooting for you and your cadre of fellow poniesh, I am mosht shurely on my own shide." Discord set his feet again and raised Sparks above his head. "If it were up to me, I'd be picking my teeth with your bonesh right now. But a certain pony called in a whole shlew of favorsh, and now I'm giving you a little push in the right direction."

Discord tapped his chin with the hand made of sickly green magic. "Well, moshtly anyway. Thish ishn't an exact shcience after all." The draconequus raised his magically glowing hand up to Sparks's face and it was all she could do not to scream at the mere proximity to the unholy appendage. "Now be a dear and hold shtill, this will hurt."

And Sparks knew no more.

Author's Note

Sorry it's a bit short, but some news is better than no news I hope. Next chapter to happen eventually. Please give constructive critiques or just general praise. I know it's a long wait between chapters, but ... uh, actually I don't have any excuse. Ah, at least I'm honest? Yay?

Also, if anyone knows of any groups I could add this story to for some extra exposure, that'd be swell if you'd tell me. Thanks!

The Sweetness of Scorn

Sparks opened her eyes, and almost screamed.

Or rather, she did scream, but the sound died on her lips. So Sparks screamed without making so much as a whisper.

The world around her had changed wildly from when she had last looked, mere seconds ago. Gone were the long hallways painted and adorned in service to an insane prince. Gone was her other half, Twilight Sparkle. Sparks noted, first and foremost, that she was outside, somewhere with a puce colored sky. The ground was a dusky clay red, a roiling plain, unblemished by any sort of domicile or dwelling as far as the eye could see.

And then there was Discord.

"Ah good," he sighed, words dripping with insincerity, "you made it." Snapping his talons, Discord began banishing the candlelight dinner for one he had set up. After all, the entree had survived, and it wasn't like the wine wouldn't keep another few eons.

Sparks made an attempt to ask what in Tartarus was going on, but still found her voice absent. Banging a forehoof against the ground, Sparks pointed the other at her throat while slowly mouthing 'Fix it.'

Without so much as looking at her, Discord's tail snaked out, and the hairy tuft at the end snapped like a bullwhip right by Sparks' nose.

"Gah!" yelped Sparks, dancing backwards from the offending appendage. "Ugh, anyway, where are we, Discord?"

Discord spared the purple unicorn a glance as he snapped his fingers one last time, making the bib he'd tied around his neck vanish. "We're in the Dreamlands. More specifically, we're in my domain within the Dreamlands, where my word is law." Discord paused, smiled good naturally and shrugged, "More law that usually, I mean."

Sparks took another look around, and concluded that in fact, Discord's realm was just a barren wasteland. "I gotta say Discord, I would have expected more, ya know, chaos in your domain."

Discord slapped his paw over his face. "Ugh, now I remember why I hate waking up prophets." he groaned. Stalking over to Sparks, he wasted little time in scooping her up with his lion arm. "Oh, by the way, remeber when I said this would hurt?"

Sparks, acutely aware that she had no means home and was currently held so tightly she couldn't even wiggle, meekly whispered "Yes."

Discord nodded, licked his talons before pressing the razor sharp points into the lids of her right eye. "Good, nice to hear that we're on the same page here."

A bit and bridle materialized in Spark's mouth, just in time to muffle her screams as Discord began to slowly pull her eye from her socket. As the pain rose to an unthinkable crescendo, Sparks could feel Discord's tainted magics lapping at her mind, forcing her to stay conscious despite the torture. Her mind recoiled, and her magic frantically lashed out, driven to mindlessly search for something, anything to take her mind away from what suffering was being forced on her.

And as that unguided magic and frantic wish collided in a spray of vitreous jelly, Sparks saw what she couldn't possibly see.

* * *

The palace kitchens were in a state of well practiced panic. It wasn't the first time the order had come down for a last minute celebration to be thrown together, and the head chef simply swore with more vitriol than normal and got on with the cooking.

This was true of almost the entire kitchen staff, from the sous chefs on down to the dishwashers and waiters waiting for their turn to frantically rush around and quietly curse their lot in life. The exception to this carefully coordinated calamity was the section of the kitchen reserved for deserts. There, a very special sort of madness had taken hold, and her name was Pinkie Pie.

"No!" Pinkie shouted, slapping a perfectly good plate of scones aside after nibbling on just one. It was only the heroic intervention of an off duty waitress that saved the pastries from being reduced to garbage. "Do none of you understand my vision? We are perched to revolutionize the baking industry, yet you three just keep giving me scones! I don't want scones, I want something better!"

Shivering in fear, the trio of pastry chefs and confectioners eyed each other nervously, silently urging each other to respond to the nice mare who was pacing back and forth, muttering to herself about needles, fire, and scorn.

Finally, Chocolate Truffle, a chubby unicorn stallion cleared his throat as quietly as he could. Even before the 'hem' in 'ah-hem' had slipped past his lips, Pinkie Pie was standing nose to nose with him. The other two pastry chefs, earth pony twin mares named Mint and Cinnamon, bit back screams and scrabbled away from the teleporting pink terror.

"Yes, Chocolate Truffle? Do you have something to say?" whispered Pinkie Pie, a grim sort of mirth in her voice. "Maybe you have some excuse for your failure to make my vision a reality?"

Chocolate Truffle paled as he looked into the mad gaze of Pinkie Pie, and wondered if she was stealing his soul with that look. Swallowing nervously, Truffle patted his sweaty forehead with a corner of his apron. "Miss Pie-"

"Pinkie." Pinkie Pie hissed. "Call me Pinkie. I'd tell you to call me chef, but Ol' Bill over there," Pinkie waved at the ancient billy goat in a chefs hat, who was currently cussing out a long suffering sous-chef who had used one strip of hay bacon too many in the vegi-loaf. "Might take offence, so just Pinkie, mmkay Truffle?"

Truffle licked his cracked lips with a bone dry tongue, and felt a little more of his life drain away. 'Just proximity to the mare seems to be shaving years off of my life' he silently lamented. "Pinkie then. The problem with your 'vision' is that you couldn't adequately explain it. You just burst in here, shouted something incoherent in a bad Prench accent, and started ordering us to make you scones."

Pinkie's ears flattened out and she adopted a chagrined look. "Ah... whoopsies. I could have sworn I explained it better." Pinkie scooted back a bit and began rearranging the baking implements laying out on the counter top as she studiously avoided eye contact with Truffle or the twins.

"Ahem, right. So, I had this idea, to create a new sort of pastry. It'd be like a scone but better, and I figured that if I wanted to make these new sorta-scones that I should go to the kitchens, and I'd need some fudge, and a lot of chocolate shavings, and some other stuff, like maybe.."

Pinkie trailed off as Chain Censer stepped into the kitchen. The majordomo of Prince Hazard cast an appraising eye over the kitchen, and after spotting Pinkie Pie, he carefully began to pick his way over to her and her purloined corner of the kitchen. Pinkie made a couple of shooing motions to the pastry chefs, who gratefully scattered into the teeming throng of the kitchen staff.

"Good afternoon Miss Pie-"

Pinkie groaned, "Please just call me Pinkie, Censer."

Chain Censer twitched his mustache. "Very well... Pinkie then. I would like you to come with me."

Pinkie cocked her head to one side, "Huh? Why?"

"Look around you Pinkie. The kitchen staff is very busy getting ready for the celebration the Prince ordered, and we can't have you here getting underhoof. "

In the blink of an eye, Pinkie had once again crossed all intervening space between her and her target, and was kneeling in front of Chain Censer, forehoves clasped in supplication and eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Oh please please puh-leez let me help!" begged Pinkie. "Planning and prosecuting parties is my primary purpose for persistence! My only reason to live!"

Pinkie paused her groveling to tap a forehoof against her head with a wink, poking her tongue out. "I mean, aside from my friends, pastries, my family, cooking, my pet alligator Gummy, confections, candy, sweets, experimental baking and candy making, et cetera et cetera."

Pausing for a breath, Pinkie quickly resumed her position of groveling. "But aside from those many and varied reasons to cling to life, parties are my only reason to live!"

The mustache twitching grew in fervor as Chain Censer struggled to contain his frustration. "No. Now come along, and leave the proper chefs to their business." The red brown stallion spun neatly on his hooves and began walking out of the kitchen.

Pinkie Pie sighed and got up, starting her trudge out of the kitchens as well. "Well fine then," she mumbled, "I guess we'd better waaaait a minute. What do you mean 'proper chefs'?" Pinkie's expression went from dejected to suspicious to indignant in a matter of seconds. "Chainy, are you suggesting that I'm not a proper chef?"

Chain Censer internally screamed, bemoaning his choice of rock when he, Pyrrhic Victory, and Hazy Reply had been settling who'd fetch Pinkie Pie. Wiping the look of murderous rage from his face with exemplary self control, Chain Censer slowly turned around and looked down his nose at Pinkie. "You are correct. I was insinuating you are not a proper chef, and I am confidant enough to say as much out loud."

Pinkie's hair went flat, and with an audible crack, suddenly became jagged. Stylized spikes of mane surrounded her head like a halo, and with a flourish, Pinkie tied a simple white headband to keep it contained. Standing on her hind legs, Pinkie thrust one forehoof out at Chain Censer while the unsecured ends of her headband fluttered in the wind.

"Chain Censer, I challenge you to a bake off!"

The seneschal sat down and began rubbing his temples, trying to fight down the urge to simply summon some otherworldly horror and have the pink menace dragged out of the kitchen, the sanity of the cooking staff be damned. "What in the Prince's name are you talking about, Pinkie?"

"Oh, it's easy. You and I each bake something and then three judges will decide who made the better thing, and then that pony wins." Pinkie commented blithely, already piling ingredients into a mixing bowl.

"And if I win this asinine contest?"

Pinkie Pie looked up from her preparations. "Oh, I'll come with you and not make a fuss, even though I really, reeeeally wanna help with this party. And if I win, then I'm gonna stay right here and help with the party!"

Chain Censer took several deep, calming breaths. "And if I refuse to participate?"

Of course, during the course of those deep, calming breaths, Pinkie had already gotten started on her creation. The dough was quickly rolled out, and with great care she began to kneed it into shape. Mini chocolate chips (white, dark, and milk) were worked into the dough, and Pinkie was quick to use chocolate syrup to help keep her creation moist. As it was shaped into a rough circle, the scone dough was more chocolate than flour. Tiny flecks and curls of dark chocolate were dusted over the dough, and finally Pinkie slid the whole creation into the oven.

As the oven timer counted down, Pinkie stood on her hind legs and met the gazes of Chocolate Truffle, Mint, and Cinnamon. "I am sorry that I couldn't explain it better." she whispered in a hushed, almost reverent tone. "I see now that this was my trial, and it was unfair for me to try and force you to do it." Pinkie gracefully bowed at the waist, and without missing a beat, plucked her scones from the oven with her tail.

Chocolate Truffle fell to his knees as Pinkie drizzled half a dozen permutations of fudge over her creation, still piping hot. "Mother of Luna, it's beautiful." he whispered. Mint and Cinnamon clung to each other, tears in their eyes as they witnessed the birth of a masterpiece.

"Aaaaand done!" cheered Pinkie Pie. "Behold, my Scorns! They're like scones, but so absolutely fantastic that you'll scorn other baked goods!" Pinkie looked over to her stony faced opposition, and felt her eyebrows curl in confusion. "Hey, where's your baked good? Is is not finished yet?"

"Pinkie, even though I have learned a great number of eldritch and arcane secrets, I am somewhat surprised that you managed to make those, ahem, scorns in all of three minutes." Chain Censer softly clapped his forehooves together. "Well done. But now that you've gotten that silliness out of your system, come along now or I'll be forced to take drastic measures."

"Nuh-uh, I won so I get to stay here and help with the party."

Chain Censer sighed again, and without further ado began chanting. Pinkie felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, her ears fluttered, and her knees wobbled. Reaching above the stove, she began to put together a drink. The kitchen staff, sensing which way the wind was blowing, promptly fled the kitchens, leaving food and drink unattended. Pinkie took a moment from her preparations to grab some snackies, and a dish towel to wipe her hoovisies and mouth with.

"Azathoth, sll'ha ch'shoggoth, goka mynyth!" Chain Censer bellowed, the veins of his face bulging and writhing weirdly. Just to his right, space and time and other, less wholesome dimensions buckled and cracked. A tar black figure slipped through that rend in reality, shaped like a pony made of sodden ropes, and blessed with a mouth of jagged teeth and bubbling drool, the shoggoth turned to face Chain Censer, ready to do the butler's bidding.

The terrifying scene, awash with a sort of unholy dignity and unthinkable implications, was swiftly put to death by Pinkie Pie screeching, "Hey Mr. Shoggy! You want a drink?"

Master and orders forgotten, the shoggoth whipped it's head around, eyes growing and pupils shrinking as Pinkie clambered on top of the kitchen counter. In her hoof was a burning bottle of Leviathan rum, which she gently tossed up and down as if weighing the incendiary device in her hoof.

Yelping like a scalded hound, the shoggoth turned tail and promptly fled the kitchens.

"Wait, Mr. Shoggy, you forgot your drink!" shouted Pinkie Pie, who flung the burning bottle at her retreating target. Just as the shoggoth had almost reached the doors out of the kitchen, the Molotov cocktail struck it in the hindquarters, setting the eldritch abomination alight. The terrified howling of the shoggoth took to new heights.

Chain Censer watched all this play out, his jaw hanging loose in disbelief.

"So...." Pinkie Pie casually said. "Do you want to be bludgeoned into unconciousness so I'm free to help save my friends from your Prince's machinations and evil intentions before or after having a scorn to eat?"

Chain Censer whipped about, words of maiming and unthinkable suffering on his lips, along with... chocolate?

Pinkie Pie giggled and tapped the side of her head with a hoof, winking and poking her tongue out in that same infuriating gesture. "Whoopsie, I forgot," she giggled, before rising up on her hind legs. Her visage became stony and spoke of limitless disdain for those who dared cross her. Thrusting forward a hoof, she spoke in a deep, gravely voice, "You are already fed."

Chain Censer was speechless. Now that the pink daemon had said it, he could feel the scorn in his body, the chocolate pastry, made by a mare who had no concept of 'impossible', working its way through his very soul. Tears sprang to his eyes, and for once in his long, painful life, he smiled with genuine happiness.

And then Pinkie Pie took a cast iron skillet and used it to slap him halfway across the cavernous kitchen area.

"Whelp," she said, taking care to wipe off the blood and spittle from her new found weapon of choice, "that takes care of that. Time to go save the girls!" Pinkie finished with great determination, gimlet gaze aimed just beyond the horizon, chest thrown out with confidance... before stuffing her face with a few more scorns and tucking the rest into her tail for safe keeping.

Wiping her mouth off the with back of a hoof, Pinkie once again stuck her heroic pose, and proceeded to pronk out of the kitchen, humming off key to herself.

Author's Note

He's fine.
Honest.
... for a certain definition of fine. :trollestia:

Anywho, sorry for the monumental delay, who knew how much a job would cut into my free time.
Don't answer that, I know I suck.