Crystal Clear

"Welcome everypony to tonight's episode of Crystal Clear." said Sombra, seated on his couch, hooves crossed. "We have an interesting line-up today We even have a celeberity guest tonight, but we'll get to all of that soon.

If you saw last week's episode, you'll know that I have started a campaign to regain my power - You know. It was the fruit basket. I was serious about that. I sent the fruit basket right after the show and Cadence replied immediately and I have the letter with me right now."

Sombra took an envolope out of his suit pocket, opened it up and read it.

"'Dear Sombra... get bent.'."

Sombra paused to let the giggles from his audience pass.

"Say what you will, but I'm still calling this a win. This right here proves that Cadence is a fan. Speaking about princesses, I almost forgot to mention that Luna called us and she'll be going the show next week."

A wave of "ooh's" sounded.

"Hear that Celestia? I don't know if your sister told you, but she has a few things to say. I'll be looking forward to it.

Sometimes, though, I feel we put a little too much emphasis on our leaders. The little ponies in society are important too. Imagine a society without metal because nopony works with metal. We’d be living like animals. That’s why I made sure there was plenty of ponies working in my mines at all times. Think about how hard things would be if there was no one making maps.

There’s one pony I have to give credit to for going above and beyond by being the first one to map out the Everfree.

He called up the show, we talked, and he had a few interesting qualities, so we got him here today. He brought his pet today… please don’t be alarmed by her.

Without further ado, please bow down for Cloverleaf and his pet Stara.”

A leafy-green unicorn, wearing a red vest, proudly made his way onto the stage, a young cockatrice, with sunglasses taped onto her face, coiled around his horn. The stallion sat down and the cockatrice leapt off of his head and onto his lap.

"Thank you for coming today, Cloverleaf."

"It's my pleasure." the unicorn replied. "Little Stara here is so excited."

"Well Cloverleaf, not everypony has such an exotic pet such as a basilisk."

"She's a cockatrice. you racist."

"- Anyways, I would like to know how you two met."

"Well, I was in the Everfree in Ponyville, working to be the first map-maker to chart it. I was in a clearing when I saw this little guy as a chick sitting all alone in a bush. I couldn't just leave her all by herself in the Everfree - I didn't even like being alone there -  so I took her home with me. Ever since then... she's really liked me."

"Aww..." went the audience.

"Eventually, I went back and finished the map of the forest ."

"Touching." said Sombra. "You know, I always wanted a pet cockatrice myself, but I was never one to get stoned."

Silence filled the studio.

"So, Cloverleaf, I understand you have a shared ownership of the Mustang Cart company?"

"Yeah. It's been real helpful having that money around, but I'm outside a lot anyways so I just spend a good bit of it on Stara, pay the bills, and get groceries."

"I would never expect mapping out the Everfree would get you the money to buy out ownership of one of the most sucessful-"

"No, hold on. I didn't get paid much for mapping out the Everfree."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Some of the authorities in the area already had small portions of the forest mapped out for an investigation they did a while back and I had to pull some strings to get those. Then I sold my maps back to the authorities since they're really the only ones who really would want a map of the Everfree, so the profit wasn't really big."

"Then how did you get that ownership?"

"Oh that. Stara here started Mustang carts. She let me in on a share."

Sombra looked at Cloverleaf, confused and disbelieving.

"Seriously?" asked Sombra.

"Yeah. Little Stara went and got her degree in business and engineering and started the company."

"Well, I've heard wierder. Maybe I should be asking her the questions."

"She is a smart girl. Just ask her."

"I was kind of kidding, but okay..."

Sombra leaned forward closer to the cockatrice's eye-level.

"So, Stara, did you have any troubles on the road to sucess?"

"Bawk!" Stara clucked.

"I can translate." said Cloverleaf "She said 'It's been rough starting out, being a cockatrice and all. It was hard to be taken seriously, but I fought the prejudice and just looked forward.'"

"Okay. You must be real exicited to be here. You're kind of fidgeting a bit."

"Bawk!"

"She said she's a little scared right now." Cloverleaf translated.

"What? Why?" Sombra questioned.

"Bawk!"

"She says you kind be abusive of your guests and that you have some wierd fixation on Celestia. It creeps her out."

Sombra moved closer to Cloverleaf.

"Listen here..." Sombra growled. "I brought ruin to thousands and have crippled gods! You better watch how you talk..."

Cloverleaf, pressing against his seat coughed.

"I'm sorry. " Cloverleaf squeaked. "But I'm only translating."

"Oh, sorry." Sombra lowered himself back to Stara's eye-level. "You heard what I said."

"Bawk!" she clucked.

Cloverleaf remained silent.

"What did she say?" asked Sombra.

"Oh, she didn't say anything." answered Cloverleaf. "That was only a chicken noise."

"Bawk!"

"Okay. Now, she says she wants to leave."

"I think that's a good idea." said Sombra.

Cloverleaf briskly walked off, Stara riding on his back. Sombra took a few deep breaths and regained his composure.

"Anyways..." Sombra said. "We're going to take a short break. When we get back, I'm going to have a talk with Lyra Heartstrings, Ponyville's prominent conspiracy theorist, about her most recent discovery. Don't go anywhere. We will reveal the real reason why you are paying the government a little too much. Stay tuned."

The lights turned on and, sitting across from Sombra, was a familiar looking mint-green unicorn.

"Welcome back to Crystal Clear." said Sombra. "I'm here with Lyra Heartstrings who has made an intresting discovery. Tell us Lyra, what have you found."

"I was looking through the historical texts of Equestria when I noticed something wrong."

A picture from an old book of Luna and Celestia was shown on the big screen behind the two.

"It doesn't take a spiky-haired attorney to see that Celestia's hair is all pink, when everypony knows that her mane is multi-colored. Is it a mistake in illustration? No, everything else was colored the way it should be. Is it the way the illustrator decided it should look? I thought so, but then I took other texts, and those that decribe the princess's appearence say she has a mane like a spectrum. You might be thinking that this all might be a mistake. People add details to history all the time, especially with plays and reannactments, but this is not like what Starswirl's favorite meal is - We see Celestia today and we can see that her mane is clearly mult-colored.

Could she have changed her mane color? While it would make sense, I don't remember ponys' hair changing color. There's a teacher in Ponyville named Cheerilee, who has agreed to letting me use two pictures of her."

A picture of Cherilee in her school days and a more current picture showed up on the display.

"I'm sorry Lyra," said Sombra. "But the last time she was on the show, she said that the pink hair was a part of a phase."

"There's an easy explanation to that... She lied. Now why would she do that? I found in a biography, a journal entry of Captain Shining Armor. I so happen to have brought a copy." Lyra slipped out a piece of paper for the audience to see. "Several years ago, he writes that 'Celestia dyed her mane again.' 'I heard some of the guards talking amongst themselves about the princess scaring them, harrasing them. This only seems to happen when she changes her hair, though. I never have really asked her about it.'.

There is one last piece to the puzzle and that is Prince Blueblood - Celestia's nephew as some reconize him as. What does this have to do with anything you might ask? Well, he couldn't be Luna's child. She's only reappeared on Earth less than five years ago."

Silence filled the studio.

"This could only mean one thing..." said Lyra. "Celestia has a secret twin." Hundreds of ponies gasped. "This is would account for how Blueblood has inherited any power and why does history hint towards a different Celestia."

Sombra sat there, as speechless as everypony watching.

"Wh- why would she lie about this?!" asked Sombra.

"Easy. By the accounts of the royal guards, this twin is a imposing, intimidating pony and Celestia seems to be keeping her a secret to protect herself from the shame."

Sombra suddenly laughed.

"This is too good..." Sombra chuckled. "Thank you for coming here today, Lyra. I'll have to ask Luna about this next week."

"I'll be watching."

Lyra trotted off leaving Sombra to smile menacingly at his audience.

"I really wonder what this other Celestia could be like..." he grinned. "Although, I don't think we'll be getting HER on the show anytime soon. The fact that there is a second Celestia is a little hard to swallow for me, but it is interesting to imagine what she's like. Maybe she's the passionate mare that Discord fell in love with... Maybe she's just as evil as me... Nah.

Our celebrity guest tonight, however, just might be that evil.

Please welcome, one of the evilest ponies around, the one responsible for the changes for the foals' show, Spongebob Hoofpants, Hooves Cervantes!”

Boos echoed as a grey coated unicorn made his way to the couch.

“Cervantes, I love what you’ve done with Spongebob Hoofpants.”

“Thank you. I don't get to hear that very often.”

“I, personally, especially love the new running joke of the grouchy neighbor getting hurt in every episode.”

“It got good reactions before, so I just wanted to give the fans more of that.”

“I think it’s pretty funny that he gets hurt no matter what he does. I mean, it just goes to show the foals that abuse is funny.”

“No. That wasn’t –“

“I do like what you’ve done with Hoofpants.”

“What do you mean? He’s still the same innocent goofball we all know and love.”

“No, no. He used to be so innocent and friendly. I like the more diabolic sponge. I mean… he just goes around terrorizes his town, drives his neighbor to clinical depression, and just doesn’t care.”

“But he-“

“And I just love how you show such cringing, disgusting imagery on the show. There is nothing like the sight a hoof being ripped off a stallion to just add to the dark feel of it all. It’s like you’ve made the older angry while you terrorized younger masses. I wish I could’ve been just as evil as you are back in my kingship.”

“Thanks. But I –“

“Forget the people who say this is a bad job you've done.”

"I usually do."

"All I want to say is, keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing that new Hoofpants movie. "

"I'm glad somepony is."

All of the ponies in the audience shot hostile glances at Cervantes.

"You know what, I think I'm going to get going." he said right before he sprang up and ran out.

"Bye!" Sombra called out. "I hope you have a lovely time in suite #115 in the Hay and Stay on 1987 Ruby Lane!" he turned back to his audience with a grin. "I hope you got all that..."

Well everpony, I guess I’m going to be busy next week. I've I got a lot of strings to pull for next week. I'm pretty sure I just pissed off a network or two with the talk with the last guest tonight and I know I'm gonna be dealing with some network lawyers soon. Those guys are definitely more evil than me, but don't worry. I still know my way around a court. How else do you think I got that staircase in the crystal castle built? Enough about that.

I'll see you... in the episode. Bye, bye!"

Sombra's theme played and the screen faded away as the credits rolled.