Paranoia

by a guy with many hats

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Human, Romance
Length: 21919

A human in Equestria seals themselves inside a bunker. They're soon forced to hire ponies to deliver packages and food, and lucky Octavia answers the call.

The world of magic and ponies wasn't for Maine, neither was the outside at all. When the opportunity presents itself they seal themselves deep under ground and start to hack cameras and being life as a magical spy. But when her last delivery mare quits, it's up to Octavia to take the reins and help sort out the hermit.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-25 22:47:52 UTC

Voyeur

The constant glare of my computer screen burned my eyes. I leaned back in my chair, safe and sound in my underground home.

I watched the pair, two gay ponies, slowly dance around the point. One way laying across a bed, his back towards the second. I felt my chest heat up as the second lifted himself onto the bed, spooning the first. I adjusted my camera, bored through their wall and watching them without their knowledge. "Come on...do it...." I whispered, sliding my hand under my sweater and to my chest. I watched, rapt, as the second stallion reared back, sliding his thick equine cock along the taint and balls of the first. "You son of a bitch...do it." I whispered, leaning towards my screen.

The stallions breathing filled my headphones, leaving my head buzzing as the two went at it. I bit my lip hard, nearly drawing blood as the second stallion prodded the first. A low, smooth moan filled my ears as the wet sound of lubed up horse cock slapped loudly against flank. "Oh god yes." I dug my nails against my chest, scratching me deep. "Go- go--"

I was cut off by an amazing loud buzzer. I kicked my screen power, turning it off and snapping around to the pitch black room. "...Who--" The buzzer went off again, a small light at the end of the door waiting for me. "Stupid buzzer." I stood up, walking off towards the dim light. I tripped over boxes of food, still to be discarded. My monitoring room was an absolute mess, made all the worse as I flipped the lights on. The carpets I hung from the concrete walls were dusty and stained, and the huge desk spanning the largest wall was covered in crap and food. I'd acquired a taste for the fake vegetarian Mc Donalds Equestria had, and the paper boxes scattered around were no truer testament.

I walked up to the plastic speaker box, pressing the button and leaning in. "Hello, what do you want?" I asked quickly, already leaning towards the door and the panic button.

The speaker crackled to life. "I'm answering you ad, Mr. Harkon?" The voice was extremely proper, punishing me for my crude speech. "Hello?"

I pressed the button again, looking back towards my screens and spotting a grey mare waiting outside my security door. "Did you bring it?"

The mare shifted around. "I did, along with all the information you request--"

"You look fancy, why are you even here?" I asked sharply, hand starting to hurt from holding the button down. "My last courier was a drug addict, you, I can tell you're not."

The mare looked up at the camera. "This is rather silly...I'd be happy to explain it in person--"

"No!" I screamed, my raspy voice annoying to my own ear. "No. I don't go outside."

The mare looked at the camera again, cocking her head.  "I suppose that would explain the steel door...."

I nodded, quickly realizing the futility of the gesture. "It's safe inside. Now answer, why are you--"

"Because it's on my way home and I'm trying to save up for a rifle." She flipped her neatly styled mane. "You have no idea how hard it is to have someone make a rifle for a pony."

I stared at the crappy carpet I hung from the wall, the worn out red patterns bugging me suddenly. "Believe me, I know." I swallowed hard. "...Wait there." I finally let go of the button. The buzz finally stopped, leaving me to hurry through the cold, bare, corridors of my bunker. I ran from the monitoring room, past the storage and maintenance. I slipped through my rec room and towards the antechamber. I snapped into the control room, blocked off by a sheet from the internal airlock.

I could see the mare through thick one way glass. She was pretty, wearing a bright pink bow tie and carrying two thick saddlebags. I looked to her front, spotting my door. "Okay...gonna open the first door." I pressed a button, watching the first door slide open slowly. The mare looked up at the speaker once again. "Just put it in there, and we're gonna be fine. I'll put the bits in there before you leave, okay?"

The mare looked around the concrete entry, eventually looking towards the airlock. "This all seems a bit much."

"Never enough." I shot back, keeping my free hand over the dimly lit panic button. "Now put the stuff in there...and wait. If you don't like it, leave."

The mare shook her head. "This seemed so unassuming on the application." She walked in, my eyes wandering to her back side as she tossed a bag into the airlock. "There, now--"

I cut her off, slamming the outer door shut. "Stay there." I bolted down from the control panel, hitting the button to open the interior lock. The inner door slid open, revealing a greasy paper bag sitting on the floor. "...Put it on the table next time." I grumbled, scooping up the bag and walking back to the control room. I sorted out the application and set it down. "Alright, give me like five seconds--"

"It's rather cold in here." The mare stated, shifting hoof to hoof. "Perhaps you could hurry?"

I grumbled again, pulling a few bits from a safe under the controls. "Fine, Octavia." I rolled my eyes, "Weird name--"

"I can still hear you!" She shouted, spinning around the room, looking for the proper place to look. "Honestly, nopony should be this cautious. Maybe a diamond dog...living underground like a vole or a rat."

I threw a small bag of bits into the airlock and sealed it back up. "So?! Maybe I want to be a dog, or rat, or whatever the hell a vole is!" I ran back to my control room. "God, so judgmental!" I started the machines again, watching the outer door unlock. "There, just like I promised."

The mare finally spotted me, glaring at me through the thick glass. "Really are hiding something, aren't you?" She walked into the middle area, grabbing the bag. "Oh...it's heavier than I expected--"

"Money isn't an issue." I stated clearly. "Money is never an issue." I turned to the hall back to the homosexual stallions. "Outside is the issue. Evil, magic, crazy outs--"

"Well thank you." Octavia called out, leaving me to run back to the window. "It's rather generous."

I stared at the mare, watching her leave. "Yeah...you two...." I quickly realized the stupidity of that statement, letting it linger in the air like the disgustingly thick smell of hay. "...God damn it." I dug my hand into the greasy bag. "Three hundred bits for a burger. Economy must have collapsed already." I crumpled the bag up and tossed it to the floor. "I should record those two...immortalized in sudden butt sex."

I chuckled to myself, hurrying along towards my main room. The rugs and crappy desk calling me back. The smell of the burger cut the smell of dust, leaving me quite content with my various videos. I sat back in my chair, tucking my legs up onto the edge and watching the predictable closet couple cream pie each other. The springs squeaked as I sat down, the moaning and groaning from the stallions adding to the pleasure in my mouth.

I took a deep breath, the air exaggerating the flavor of the burger as the second stallion stuffed the first deep. I grabbed my headphones again, pulling them on tight and flooding my head with pure passion. I felt my cheeks heat up, my entire body tensing up as the moans grew higher and higher. I had no idea who these two were, but they would always get the same hotel room, always have the same awkward lead up, but finally they would dick each other so hard one of them actually slept in the crappy room.

I watched the pair go stiff, the second twitching and gently thrusting as the first's mouth popped open. "There's the money shot." I whimpered, pushing my finger into my mouth. I bit my knuckle, slowly turning off their feed. I took a deep breath and backed up, my chair rolling sloppily along the uneven bunker floor. "Warm goo...everywhere, oh god...." I leaned against the wall with my back, the carpets rough against the back of my head. "I wish I could smell it."

I took a deep breath, reaching out and flicking on a new hotel room with my toe. Another gun dealer, selling cheap Dodge guns to some plonky teenage colt. "Oh great...you again." I rolled over to the desk, grabbing my phone. "Magic...pff, can't even stop this crap, you're not magic." I mumbled, watching the colt try to hold a magnum with his hooves, failing over and over again like an idiot. "Ponies...stupid ass ponies."

I waited for the connection to go through my proxy, never safe enough from the possibilities of getting caught. I continued to watch the screen, spotting the door opening. A black maned mare strolled in, carrying a cello case behind her. "Oh...shit." I mumbled, watching the mare stroll over with the bits I'd just given her. "Oh sh- wait.... She said that's what she would get." I stopped myself, my paranoid mind conjuring up images of a deadly assassination behind that proper look. "No...she would have put it in the bur--" I snapped my head upright. "Oh shit, she would have put it in the burger!"

My heart beat out of my chest as I realized how close I could have come, or possible was, to death. "You bitch! I'll fucking- I'll- something!" I screamed, leaning forward. The mare was chatting up with my arms dealing griffon. "You son of a- uh...." I looked down, finding my burger in my hand, missing more chunks than when I'd started panicking. "Oh...." I leaned back in my chair.

I watched the mare and the griffon talk, my eyes fixated on the purple eyed mare. The sound was broken, the sounds of wet smacking and heavy breathing still fueling my heart as I stared at her. She was cute.

"... What the hell did I just think?" I looked down at the burger. "... No- maybe.... Probably not but maybe." I set the burger down, contemplating the taste of mind altering drugs. "Maybe it's some magic, something like- no, they can't go through concrete." I rubbed my chin hard, still watching the mare. "And no horn." I leaned in, "Unless she broke it off." I got on my knees, still planted in my chair. "Can they do that?"

Octavia argued with the griffon, parts laid out over the bed. "Hello? Canterlot guard, how can we assist?"

"Oh bitchtits!" I snapped, grabbing my phone. "Hello?"

"Yes, hello, Canterlot guard, how can I help you?"

I rubbed my chin hard, staring at Octavia with one eye. "Um...there's a, thing going on." I tapped my fingers against the desk, watching Octavia barter, bits hitting the bed spread. "In... the... hotel--"

"Sir, are you in need of assistance?" The operator asked, obviously growing impatient.

"Yes... I... am...." I rolled my words, trying to drag out the time. "Go... ahead... and fucking leave you bitch." I slipped up, shouting towards Octavia. "God damn it!"

I could hear the operator sigh. "Prank calls aren't tolerated, we're going to be dispatching--"

"Damn it!" I slammed the phone down. "Now someone is going to get arrested!" I turned towards Octavia, watching her look over the parts. Her smooth grey coat rustling slightly as she leaned in. "Should have called." I crossed my arms, still watching Octavia. I looked her up and down, the mare a bit taller than most, with thin legs and slightly longer fetlocks. Her hooves were well filed, everything about her read class, save the dingy hotel room and the guns.

I sighed deeply. "I don't think you poisoned me. No, would have blown me up." I leaned back in my chair, hearing whimpers as the stallions parted. "What's up with the cello case, isn't it supposed to be a violin, something not conspicuous?" I asked the world, realizing how much I was talking to myself. "Ugh, I need a nap."

I continued to watch Octavia, even tuning out the gay stallion drama in the other room. The room went silent save the whirl of computer fans and the idle buzz of my headphones. "...Leave so I can go take a nap." I demanded, watching Octavia pack up. "Come on, get the hell out of there."

I rubbed my face, turning around in my chair and nearly wrapping the cord around my neck. "Why the hell won't you leave!?" I shouted, spinning around and around. "And why am I worried? This is crap, pony crap."

Chair

I pulled a chair into the airlock. "...God damn it. Why am I doing this?" I set it down, pushing it against the wall. "Stupid...." I turned away from the chair, locking up and heading towards my  controls. I closed up, sitting there staring at the main room for a bit. "... What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked myself, slowly realizing how bat shit I was. I rubbed my face, trying to peel myself away from the window. I felt horrid, I wanted to wait, but I had to go, I could keep better tabs on the world from my monitor room.

I leaned my nose against the one way glass, staring at the concrete shell that lead to the outside world. "... I should go shower...." I mumbled, suddenly concerened about my hygiene. "I have a crush, don't I?" I rubbed my face and slid off my chair. "God damn it, Maine, stop. You're not a human, stop being human." I walked through the rec room, knocking over a book along the walk. I felt fine, I didn't talk to anyone face to face, why did I even care if I was greasy.

I rubbed my shoulders, my chest a bit heavy. "Ugh, I need to work out...or eat less. Both."

I continued, the cold concrete floor painfully hard against my feet. "Well that's-- Stop talking to yourself damn it!" I shouted, gripping my head. "Stop! Stop now! I said stop!" I ran towards my bathroom, pulling off my hoodie as quick as I could. "Arggh!" I yanked my pants off in the hall, hurrying into the bathroom. The marble floor and clean modern look possibly the nicest and most under utilized thing I owned.

I pulled off my panties, tossing them aside and hurrying into the bath. "...You're fat Maine, you're fat!" I yanked the hot water on, showering me in burning hot water. I just stood there, steam flying off my skin and leaving me in searing pain. "...Ow...." I turned down the heat. "You're stupid too." I looked down, my thin legs painfully flabby. "And hairy...." I took a deep breath, dreading that upcoming issue. "Femininityimityimity is bullshit."

I started to wash myself, becoming painfully aware how disgusting I was. It felt like I was peeling, sickness and dirt chugging down the drain. "... Mom was right." I grabbed an unused bar of soap. "Fuck ladies." I brought the soap to my skin, the bar a bit painful against my skin. "And girls...." I put the soap on my hair, the bar somehow less slick than my scalp. "What the hell am I?"

I continued to shower, feeling a pound of grimy death flow off my and down the drain. I slowly felt grosser and grosser, realizing just how far I'd let myself fall. Being in the middle of such a disgusting shell was fine, but peeling out of it and looking back was absolutely horrifying. "I'm showering for a mare I barely know... I'm such an asshole."

I leaned my head against the wall, shifting my legs and scratching my thigh with my bush. "Huuh... I don't think I have a razor." I rubbed my face, thankful for the fact I didn't have facial hair. The water dripped between my fingers, reminding me of some rather lewd things. "Not really the time body, not the time." I slid my free hand down my thigh. I didn't want to touch myself, my pubic hair too scratchy and unkempt. The shame quickly killed my arousal, leaving me clutching my own shoulders as I burned away the dirt that coated me.

I was disgusting, but I knew I could change. "I hope she has a good back.... She's an earth pony, so probably." I ran my hand over my chest, my skin painfully smooth. "God I'm gross." I grabbed my breast, still unhappy with the weight. "Look like a twelve year old...." I turned off the water, hurrying out and wrapping myself in a few towels. "I should have just built an elevator...she's not going to get all the stuff down the stairs." I mumbled, planning to fill out some of the shell rooms with exercise equipment. "Maybe just some brooms or stuff."

I walked back to the control room, my body fighting me and trying to swing into the monitoring room. "Brain, why!?" I shouted, realizing I was half naked and still expecting Octavia. I turned to my bedroom, the concrete hall starting to confuse me. "Stop thinking with--" The buzzer went off. "Shit!"

I bolted over to the control room, my lower towel snagging on a chair and ripping off. I stood before the glass, staring down at Octavia. "Hello?" She asked, looking straight at me. "That is you right? I can see a shadow, silhouette, something."

I froze, my pussy on display for no one to see. But I could see her, and she was staring at me without even knowing it. "...Um...I- chair....list in the...." I reached down, covering myself and pressing the button. "Um...sit please." I watched Octavia cock her head. "I'd like to talk...and I just showered so--"

"Wait, face to face?" Octavia asked, pulling the chair out from airlock. "Are you--"

"No!" I shouted, "No...." I rubbed my arms, my wrists flicking against my towel. "I don't have pants on."

Octavia's head snapped towards me. "Um.... Well, it wouldn't interest me much anyways." Octavia hopped up onto the chair, settling in and crossing her back legs. "If you were expecting some sort of sexual exhibitionist display, I'm afraid it's going to go to waste."

I stared at the mare, slowly processing what she said. "You're a lesbian?"

"Yes, is that a problem?" She asked, looking through the list of supplies. "...A vacuum cleaner? Treadmill...I- what's all this about?"

I locked up, my heart beating like wild. "Just trying not to get fat."

Octavia cocked an eyebrow. "From what I've seen humans don't really mind being too fat. At least I can't imagine a hermit would."

I swallowed hard, trying not to focus on Octavia's lower half and failing abysmally. There was a dark area, under her crossed legs. I knew what lay beyond, and that was driving me nuts. "So.... You're like, just a lesbian? No bi--"

"I've told you, and to be honest even if I was bisexual, I don't think whatever is waiting beyond that glass is for me." She started to stand. "Now, was there--"

"Please don't go!" I shouted out of reaction, leaning against the control. "Please...just, talk with me."

Octavia turned around, staring at me through the glass, blindly staring at my chest and making me subconsciously grab my towel. "Why?"

I locked up, fear gripping me like mad. "Please?" I hovered my hand over the button to clear up the window for both sides. "...I uh...." I slowly sat down, wrapping the towels over my face and upper body. I made sure I was as ambiguous as possible and hit the button, lighting up the control room and watching Octavia's eyes shift down to my face. "...Hi...."

Octavia stared at me, eyes burning through my head. "Oh. You're not as big as I thought you'd be." She slowly walked over to the chair. "Honestly you did sound young, but I just figured it was your voice."

I bit my lip, unsure how revealing my gender would go. "Yeah." I looked around the room, making sure my towels were stuck tight to my head. "Thanks for not running."

Octavia rolled her eyes. "I've met with sketchier people in worse locations, this is nothing." She sat back down, staring at me and trying to look below my chest. "Are you really not wearing pants?"

I crossed my legs. "...I had a towel."

Octavia stared at me. "Had?"

"It fell off."

Octavia looked past me. "So I take it you won't be standing up."

I felt my heart stop. "If you want me to." I stopped dead, staring at the mare. "...Please don't leave."

Octavia stared at me. "Honestly, I'd rather not see some half cut stallion dangling free. Wouldn't really sit well."

I gripped the console, my arms shaking hard from a mix of rage and shame. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Octavia stared at me. "Really, I assumed with yesterday's package you were a fan of cocks."

"...It's just a dildo--"

"Yes, but dildos are usually for the bottom half. At least in my experience." Octavia pushed her mane out of her face, "Interesting store you had me go to, didn't know they existed."

I bit my tongue hard, my heart nearly exploding as I tried not to gush. "Yeah...they used to be big on earth. Well, not big, but they're like.... They make custom stuff and all that."

Octavia stared at me, leaning in closer. "You're young...are you just--"

I slapped the lights, saving myself from her eyes. She popped her head back, "Sorry! I can't!" I pulled the towels off me, stripping off and bolting under the desk. "I'd appreciate the stuff as soon as possible.... And thanks for talking to me."

Octavia stared at the now opaque glass, my end still clear as could be. "Well, alright then. But if you want help cleaning up, let me know."

I watched the mare leave, smelling something rather sweaty from my position under the desk. "What the hell did I--" I looked up at the seat of my chair, finding a modest sticky spot where my crotch had been. "...God damn it."

Mole

I finished up with moving my equipment. There was now a fully furbished gym in my bunker, complete with a computer screen streaming my camera feeds. I could watch the wide world of Equestria, try to shed my flab and tone up my body. "...Maine...why.... She'll never even see you." I muttered to myself, rubbing my aching arms. "Stupid...so stupid." I shook my head, looking up to the same two stallions in my monitor. "Oh Purple Flank...never change."

I stretched my arms, unsure of what to do with myself. My next order was due in a few hours, and it was going to be something a little incendiary. A little assurance policy I'd been cooking up since I moved in was finally coming into play, and Octavia would be delivering the next part as soon as possible. But, I had time to burn, a gym before me, and mild enthusiasm. "...I'm gonna go masturbate...." I turned to the door, shame settling in on my shoulders as I walked out.

I looked back at my gym equipment, dreams gone that far, now left to sit and rust. "...I guess...maybe." I hurried down the concrete halls of my home, jumping over the empty boxes littering the halls. "Towards the finish! Is she gonna--" I stepped on a box, the cardboard shooting out from under me and sending me shoulder first into a doorway. "Ow! Fucking, ow!"

I shoved off the wall, rubbing my arm as I stepped into my bedroom. "Everything is terrible, and I'm a damn mole!" I stormed over to a box under my bed, pulling it out and grabbing a few things before shoving it back. "A mole who talks to herself.... A sad mole...." I pulled my pants off, tossing them onto my bed. "...Maine is a sad mole."

I pulled my sweater off, my bra seeming almost pointless. "...Flat sad little mole person." I turned back towards the new gym, a pair of dildos and a butt plug coming along for the ride. "Oh god...I'm going to die alone." I laughed, carefully walking over the boxes. "Magic and friendship is bullshit." I spotted the stallion's going at it again, the dominant purple flank humping stallion mouth like a mad man. "Oh fuck the butter moth. He's gonna kill him!" I chuckled, feeling my lower half tingle. "Fuck that mouth Purple, oh god...I wish I had sound in here. Shrlpshlrpshlrip." I felt my body tingle, the cold concrete seeming less horrid as I felt my tummy tingle. "I need...a prostitute...." I laughed, shimmying out of my panties. "Oh outside world, you horrid bastard, share with me your fun."

I finished up with my panties, setting the toys down on an exercise bench. "Ugh.... I should have spent the extra." I pushed a pony shaped dildo into place, saddling up and getting into place with the fake cock hovering around my lips. "Deep breath and..." I slowly lowered myself down, guiding the cock into place. I felt my body tremble as the thick rubbery piece slipped into my pussy. "Mmm god...." I looked at the screen, watching Purple grab his stallion friend by the back of the head and rail his throat. I bit my lip, sliding my tongue between them as I sat into place.

I took a deep breath, grabbing the pull rope away from me. "Oh god...I'm skewered!" I laughed, lowering my head as the cock tickled my insides, "Fu-u-uck, come here, come here!" I laughed, my slit burning up and sending a hard tickle through my stomach. "Ha, fuck!" I reached out, grabbing the pull cord and rocking myself on the pony dick. "Purple, don't stop!" I shouted, my voice growing shrill as I adjusted to the dick squeezed into my tiny frame.

I pulled the cord, my arms aching immediately. "Ow ow ow--" I focused on the stallions as they went about their usual routine. I closed my eyes, mindlessly pulling the cord and letting it pull me forward, lifting me forward and nearly popping the cock out of my pussy.  I felt my body stretch, my pussy aching ever so slightly before I pulled back and jammed the fat pony cock back inside me. "Come on, come on, fuck me!" I shouted, watching Purple blow a load into his mate's mouth, watching cum dribble from the first's nose. "Oh my god, fucking--" I continued to fuck myself with the pull rope, each pull seeming to wiggle the dripping wet horse cock deeper and deeper.

The room felt cold, my feet wrapped up in a short pair of socks while the rest of me was laid bare to the chilly air, made all the worse by my burning insides bleeding its warmth into the sweaty air around me. "Oh fuck, come on!" I hurried, my arms aching like mad as I pulled back as hard as I could, clutching the cord against my chest and wiggling my ass. "fuck fuck fuck!" I bounced as much as I could, feeling that pop waiting just ahead.

A loud buzz cut me off, scaring me half to death and making me let go of the cord. "Oh Jesus!" I watched the cord zip back, the weights on the other end slamming into the ground and letting off an echoing clank. I held onto the sides of the bench, legs trembling as the cock slid out of me, bobbing in the breeze and covered with my juice. "Mother-fu-Teresa above." I scooched forward, resting my bare pussy against the fake leather bench seat. "Cold," I whispered, holding on as hard as I could. "Fuck me, I was right there."

I took a deep breath. "God damn it." I sighed, rubbing my slit. "Blue balled by a buzzer...." I stood up and walked out of the rather thick smelling gym. I walked through the cold concrete hallways, darting into the rec room and entry. I went straight to the control room, slipping into my seat and finding something horrid. "Uh, Octavia!"

"I know...he followed me in." Octavia stood with a griffon at her back, a box at her front. "Care to explain?"

I watched the griffon, holding a pistol to Octavia's head. "Quiet! No one has to die!" He shouted, waving the gun around the room. "I know who you are in there! You're gonna let me in or so help me I'll splatter this mare across your floor!"

I took a deep breath, Octavia remaining calm as could be while my brain lit up. "Uh- uh- Octavia, that's the right box right?"

Octavia peeked towards the opaque glass I was sitting behind. "Yes...now--"

I jumped up, grabbing a gas mask from my emergency cabinate. "Smash it! Crush it flat!" I shouted, snapping the mask to my head and putting in a filter. "Do it! Do it now if you want to survive this!" I screamed, beating the window. "Octavia, smash it! Kick it, break it now!"

I watched in awe as Octavia reared her legs back, bucking the griffon back. "Come on, crush it!" I screamed, leaning against my control panel. "Smash it now!"

Octavia leaned back, bringing her forelegs down hard against the box and causing a bright white powder to explode from the box. My view went white as the box full of teargas exploded, spraying the room in white haze. "Oh god, oh god damn it Maine!" I rushed around the short wall that separated me from the rec room and exit.

I jammed the emergency release, forcing both doors open and flooding my home with tear gas. "Shit shit shit!" I yelped, charging into the white fog. I rummaged around, kicking the griffon in the head as I scrambled around. I found the gun, a cheap colt knock off sitting on the ground as coughs echoed around me. "Octavia?" I found something grey, wrapping my hands around it it took shape. A hoof, a leg, a mare. "God damn everything!" I shouted, pulling her towards my home with the gun shoved in my bra. "Why'd you let someone follow you?"

I carried the surprisingly heavy mare inside, jamming the door shut and running to the controls again. "Don't you die on me! It's non-lethal, it's non-fucking-lethal!" I scurried over the short wall once again, jamming the emergency filtration system. A loud whirl filled the room, drawing the air out and sending a chilly blast from my toes to my scalp. "Hate!" I shouted, waiting until the white haze was sucked up and vented before turning it off. I locked down the entrance, locking the griffon in place.

I took a deep breath and yanked my mask off. "Oh god oh god oh god no no no!" I hopped back over the wall, scrambling towards Octavia. She was laid out in my rec room, right before the door outside. "No no no, open your eyes mare!" I shook her hard, Octavia refusing to open her eyes. "Oh god damn it, I'm not trained for this!" I cradled the half-conscious mare in my arms. "Breathe damn you!"

I leaned my head down, Octavia's head laid in my lap. I pressed my lips against her own, blowing air into her mouth. "Oh come on, this isn't fucking- arh!" I started to panic, unsure of what I was doing. "Please get up." I leaned forward again, blowing into her mouth. "Come on!" I dipped down again, my failed resuscitation burning my heart. I kept my head leaned down, keeping my forehead pressed against her brow. "Please, wake up." I pulled her head up, hugging her as best I could. "Please get up." I pulled her lips against my own, I pushed my tongue past her lips, taking the one chance I might have to show the half dead mare how I felt. It was a crush, it was stupid, but I couldn't help myself.

"What in the name of Celestia's great white flank!?" Octavia screamed, shoving me back with all her weight. I flew back, laying Octavia against the ground. "Who- what- where am I?!"

I hopped back at her, wrapping my arms around her. "Oh thank god--" I snuggled the warm mare, feeling her coat against my bare skin. "Oh god no!" I shot back, falling onto my ass and scrambling back against the rough carpet. "No no no no--"

Octavia looked around, eyes snapping to me. "Who the- wait!" She looked back to the door. "Am I inside?!"

"No no no!" I shot through the hall, racing towards my panic room. "No no no- no- no, no!" I slammed face first into the door of my bedroom, braining myself and falling backwards against the ground. I fell flat on my back, left to stare up at the ceiling as hooves clopped through my home.

Octavia's head appeared in my vision, hovering over my head. "Oh...wow, you're a woman...." She covered her mouth. "Um...hello?"

I felt myself start to cry, my eyes blurring and burning as the mare looked down at me. "I'm so sorry." I mumbled, laying flat and bare. "I'm sorry."

Octavia looked around. "Wow...uh, so, it's--"

"I'msogoddamnsorry, I'mjustgonnago." I tucked myself up into the fetal position, leaning onto my side and curling up. "Ididn'tknowwhattodo, I'msoreallysupersorry."

Octavia frowned hard, walking before me. "You're Mr. Harkon?"

I felt my eyes burn like mad. I nodded meekly. "Yes."

"You're the one who's been ordering fast food and gym equipment for hundred of bits?"

I nodded again. "Please don't hate me."

Octavia took a deep breath. "You're the one who kissed me?"

Aaaaaah- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! My brain screamed at me, my body unable to move, my mouth sealed shut.

Octavia plopped down, holding her head in a hoof. "Oh dear Celestia...what did I get myself into?" She pulled a hoof forward, resting one on my knee. "It's okay...it's, mostly, alright."

I just laid there, curled up like an idiot and murmuring sorrily the whole time. I wanted to die. I was exposed, I had kissed a mare who screamed at me, I was burning with shame and my entire body felt like it was shutting down. "Pleasejustbashmyheadin."

Octavia took another deep breath and continued to rub my knee. "Oh Celestia, this is going to be, interesting."

Mental

I sat in my rec room, a thick fuzzy blanket around me. "Here, drink." Octavia held a cup of steaming liquid on her flank, a tea cozy under it. "...Well?"

I just sat there, barely able to move and completely unable to speak. I was still curled up, knees against my chest. I took the cup, holding it near my heart as Octavia wandered around. I didn't know what to do. All my planning, all my precautions, ruined by one impulsive run into a tear gased room. The griffon was still waiting, stuck between the exit and entrance. I'd called the guard, and soon enough he'd be hauled out for trespassing and ownership of an illegal firearm, which I'd thrown back in with him, empty and without the firing pin.

But I couldn't move anymore. There was not only another living thing in my home, but a pony, a sick, disturbing pony creature lugging itself around my bunker. "So, was that your dildo in there?" Octavia asked, peeking into the hall. "I think I've seen that exact one--"

"The Sunshine by Bad Dragon...." I murmured, pulling my toes under the blanket. "It's not much...."

Octavia looked back towards me. "It's used, isn't it?"

I just stared down into the cup. Shame zipped my mouth shut. I put the cup on my head, letting it burn me. "Idon'twanttotalkaboutit."

Octavia walked around my couch, hopping up onto the seat across from me. "Is that why you didn't have pants on?"

"Ireallydon'twanttotalkaboutit." I tightened up my human ball. "You'restillhereandit'smakingmesad."

Octavia cocked her head. "I'm making you sad?"

"Yes."

Octavia pulled her head back. "Well getting held at gun point makes me a little sad."

I pulled my legs closer to my chest. "I'mreallyreallysorry."

"Can you stop talking like that?" She asked as calm as could be. "It's just a little hard to understand you."

I took a deep breath and set the cup down on my coffee table. "That's...the...idea." I tried to breath, my voice quavered and shook as I tried to calm down. "People try to steal my shipments some times. You can usually tell when there's going to be issues. Drugs, chemicals, stuff like that usually ends up getting hijacked."

Octavia leaned back. "Drugs?"

"Cocaine, crack, meth, heroin, that ground up blue flower, really fucks people up when they inhale it." I snuggled deep into my blanket. "I coordinate all that stuff. Like I said, money isn't an issue...."

Octavia stared at me. "Well...I shouldn't really take up ads I find on my gun trips, should I?"

"Probably not." I pulled my blanket tight as I could. "I have cameras all around that hotel. The place is so terrible."

Octavia stared at me. "Cameras?"

I covered my face with the blanket. "I traffic information to the guard and criminals. I had my contacts bug buildings from here to the Crystal kingdom." I covered my mouth with my hands. "Ever room in that hotel is bugged. And you wouldn't believe the shit I've seen. But there's always this closet couple of stallions that keep rocking each other pretty hardcore."

Octavia scooched her chair toward me. "You watch two homosexual ponies have sex?"

"Every Tuesday, yeah. Other than that it's usually straight pairs looking for a quick room." I pulled the blanket over my head, wearing it like a hood and exposing my toes. "If you want to leave and never come back, I don't blame you."

Octavia laughed softly. "Well, I can see why you'd expect that. But honestly this is all rather fascinating."

I shrunk back down into my couch. "Of course...because you leaving would be easy."

"Oh quiet you." She reached out and put a hoof on my toes, causing my heart to nearly explode. "You ran full pelt, nude, into that room to pull me out. There's something worth looking into at least."

I tried to cover my toes, my hood falling down as I did. I yanked my hood back up, exposing my toes. "Oh fucking Jesus I'm gonna die." I whimpered, my eyes watering as I started to panic. "No no no--"

Octavia hopped down. "Are you alright?" she walked over, standing before me. "You seem nervous." She stepped her front half onto the couch, my eyes burning and blurring as she looked at me. "Why exactly are you crying?"

I tired to catch my breath, my voice shattering and devolving into a bunch of whimpers and cries. "Idon'tknow! I don't know! Know not, no, don't know!" I shouted, pulling the blanket off completely and shoving it against my face. "I don't know!"

I felt something pull against me, a pair of large hooves digging into my back. "Breathe--"

"Nonononono!" I shouted, trying to melt into the couch. "Let go let go let go please let go!"

"Breathe." Octavia cooed, her hooves cold against my bare back. "Breathe deep."

"I fucking cant with you holding me!" I screamed, unable to physically protest. "I'm freaking the fuck out!"

Octavia continued to hug me, my face buried into the blanket she'd given me. She rocked slowly left and right, stealing my ability to scream and leaving me swaddled. "Hmm," she cooed, rubbing my back with her hooves. "It's okay...it's okay."

I couldn't cry, I could only whimper softly and drop the blanket to my lap. The large pony was wrapped around me, clutching my head against her neck. I leaned forward, burying myself against her coat as I broke down. "You alright?" She asked, leaning back slightly. "Harkon?"

"Maine. Name, Maine." I mumbled, putting my hands on her chest and sliding them around her back. "Sad...." I pulled her against me, forgetting she was a pony for a time and treating her like a giant stuffed animal.

Octavia pushed back, stepping back onto the floor. "...You're thin, why did I think you'd be fat."

I fell onto my side, laying along the couch. "I don't know."

Octavia looked me up and down. "Do you want me to find you some pants?"

I nodded heavily.

"Shirt too?"

I nodded again.

Octavia looked around the room. "Something to eat?"

I took a shaky breath. "I have some microwave meals in the freezer--"

"I'll find something." Octavia reached behind my legs, pulling the blanket out and draping it across me. She tucked it behind me and under my arm. "You wait here." She patted me with her tail. "Do you mind if I look around?"

I took a deep breath. "It might smell...I couldn't clean up yet. And there's the dildo in the gym...so...."

Octavia smiled at me. "I'll be fine. And-" she walked up and kissed me on the forehead. "-thanks for not leaving me in there."

My heart started beating wildly. "I was gonna have those canister in case of emergency I'm so--"

"Well a stallion pointing a gun at- wait...griffon. A griffon pointing a gun at me was enough of an emergency I think." Octavia smiled at me. "And you ran in bare naked with a mask on, just for me. So, thank you, and don't complain. Some times you deserve thanks." She swatted my nose with her tail. "We'll talk about you nearly getting me killed later."

I mumbled softly. "I just--"

"And the kiss.... I'll ask this now, why?"

I locked up. My eyes starting to burn as she looked at me. "...I have...a crush...on you...."

Octavia lifted a hoof up. "Oh...and that's why--"

"Yes."

"And you asked me if I was--"

"Yes."

"And you're--"

"Yes."

Octavia watched me curl up around the blanket. "Um...save that, for now.... We'll talk about all that after we talk about the whole, tear gas thing."

I took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry--"

"I know. You broke down crying after I came to." Octavia walked off, patting me with her soft tail as she walked off. "Now, how much do you usually eat?"

"I don't know--"

"Well then we're going to have something large. I can see your ribs." She marched off, leaving me curled up on the couch.

"...She kissed my head...." I felt warm.

Guns Drugs And Law Enforcment

I watched as Octavia pushed a plate of sliced fruit on my coffee table. "There, nothing too grand, but it'll do." She walked around to the seat across from me and sat down gracefully. "Alright, now that we're both decent and there's something to snack on, care to explain why you ordered CS gas?"

I interlaced my fingers and brought my knees together. "It's a long story--"

"The guard are taking their time with our friend, we've got time." She crossed her forelegs and leaned back. "How about we start at the beginning?"

I looked around my concrete shell of a home. "Alright...just, I don't like Equestria." I pulled my socks back over my ankles. "You're talking about the whole underground thing, right?"

Octavia stretched her back legs, my eyes tracing towards her groin but only left with a grey pair of panties to match her coat. "I was. And what do you mean, you live in Equestria."

I nodded. "Yeah, but I live under a freaking nightclub." I rubbed my shins. "I just...I can't deal with the outside. Unicorns and magic and all that crap is fine, but I can't stand the bird people."

Octavia stared at me, then gave herself a quick look. "Pegasi?"

I held my hand out softly. "Pony birds, the griffons can go fucking die! I hate them, I hate them so god damn much!" I stomped my feet against the ground, my ankles aching slightly as I kicked. "The first freaking time I came here I got picked on by those bastards! They touched me with their weird bird hands and they just kept following me!" I crossed my arms, my heart fluttered heavily as I started to shout. "I got here, I got a job, I tried to be normal!" I jumped up. "I lived underground back on Earth, I lived in an old fallout shelter in Brandenburg, but I lived above ground for three months in Equestria!"

"Where?" Octavia asked, leaning forward. "Where did you live?"

I took a deep breath, slowly settling down and dropping to my couch. "Manehattan." I leaned into my seat, slowly laying sideways. "I lived in a shitty apartment with a bunch of freaking immigrants."

"Griffons."

"Yes." I crossed my legs, rubbing my wrists slightly. "And this weird giant pony with a funny accent."

Octavia tapped her back hoof on the ground. "And you were harassed?"

I rubbed my chest, my eyes burning ever so slightly. "They tried to drag me into an apartment--"

"Excuse me?" Octavia snapped forward, leaning out of her chair. "They did what?!"

I rubbed my nose. "I left a week after that. I started hooking this place up and bugging everything." I lowered my eyes towards Octavia's hooves. "I put out a hit on that entire building...."

Octavia stared at me, eyes wide, that beautiful lavender breaking my heart. "The Wallach building? You're the one who burned it down?"

I rubbed my hands together as I tried to melt into the couch. "I told them to make sure the birds lost their home. I told them to make sure Bushel got out."

"Who?"

"The giant pony...." I mumbled, starting to feel the shame hit me. "He was really nice to me, he's the one who stopped them."

Octavia looked around slowly. "A dog died, but I thi--"

I let out a sharp gasp. "No!"

"But I think everypony got out alive." Octavia stood up, stretching her back legs. "I'm not sure what I should do with this information."

I rubbed my face. "Oh no...did a dog really die? Oh god...I don't feel good." I held my stomach, my insides feeling a bit rotten. "Puppy, no...."

Octavia turned to me with a frown. "It was a dog. It doesn't bother you that you burned down an apartment block?"

I frowned softly. "Technically I didn't burn it down. It was a guy named Sugar."

Octavia paced around, stopping at the plate of food and taking a banana with her hoof. "You know who did it?"

I nodded. "I helped send him to the dungeon. I think he's in Steel Shod correctional now."

Octavia stared at me, the banana hanging around her lips. "Wait, you paid someone to burn down a building, then turned around and helped catch him?"

I nodded, still a little queasy. "Yeah. I don't feel so bad now, knowing about the puppy."

Octavia rubbed her head with the banana. "How are you alive? How has no one sent someone to kill you?"

I tucked my hands into the waistband of my shorts. "Who do you think that was?" I pointed to the main door. "I do live underground for a reason."

Octavia held her mouth open. "And you didn't tell me?" She shouted, tossing the banana down. "That's generally the thing you'd want to tell an employee!"

I looked down at my lap. "I thought the less you knew, the safer it would be. I mean, you're not really affiliated with me past the courier service."

"Regardless!" Octavia stormed up to me, forcing me back into the couch. "Why wouldn't you warn me?"

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, "Please...just, if you're gonna hit me, just hit me."

Octavia let out an exasperated sigh. "Hit you? I- I'm just worried, not...angry so much as worried."

I shrunk down, my arms feeling heavy. "I'm so sorry."

Octavia looked towards the door. "Don't be sorry, solve it!" She shouted, leaning towards me. "Maine, what exactly is your plan for me?"

I swallowed hard. "What? I don't--"

"You said you had a crush on me, yet you'd let me get hurt?" Octavia asked softly, her voice barely over a whimper.

"No!" I hopped up, barely taller than her. "No, no, no I wouldn't!"

"You did!" Octavia shouted back.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed, grabbing her and pulling her against my chest with all my strength. "I'm sorry, sorry, so sorry!" I buried my face in her mane. "I'd never let anyone hurt you!"

Octavia pushed back. "How? How are you going to make this right?"

I lowered myself to my knees. "I don't know." I stared up at the tall mare. "...Help me?"

Octavia frowned down at me. "...Stop helping criminals."

I frowned hard. "Fine, I've got enough money for a while...."

"And help the guard." She looked to the main door. "You hijacked somepony's phone, didn't you?"

I looked off to the side. "Yes. That's bad isn't it?"

Octavia frowned at me. "Yes. No more stealing, you help the guard, and you help them directly."

I locked up, my arms snapped to my sides. "What, like with a real name!?"

"Yes!" Octavia pushed a hoof against my thigh. "Yes." Her voice was soft, like a mother to a child. "I can help you, but you need to meet me half way."

"You barely know me...but you're diving right in?"

Octavia smiled at me. "Three weeks delivering packages, I think I know a little bit about you." She turned back to the door. "And you don't know much about me, yet you ran into a roomful of teargas for me."

I felt my heart go weak. "I know you have guns...I know you've got that weird guitar thing."

Octavia frowned. "Oh yes...the cameras."

"Sorry." I turned to the hall. "But I mean like--"

"I see potential." Octavia stated, pressing her hoof into my flesh. "Now, how long until I can leave?"

I stood up, walking past her and towards the control room. The griffon was getting packed up, and escorted out by a group of guards. "Soon."

Octavia joined me at the control room, her hooves sticky against the floor. "Oh- there's--"

"Soda."

"Ah." She picked her hooves up and stepped back. "Maine...can I ask something before I go?"

"Yes?" I turned to her, rubbing my elbows. "If you want."

Octavia looked me up and down. "I've got two questions." She tensed up, peeking up at me. "How long have you been underground here?"

"Oh." I looked at the griffon and the guards. "Like...a year."

Octavia frowned hard. "Were you thinking of me?" She poked her back leg towards the hall. "The uh...t--"

"Oh! Um...no...." I felt my cheeks burn. "No.... Sorry."

Octavia smiled at me. "What an odd thing to apologize for."

I felt a knot lodge in my throat. "I just wasn't and I- you asked so- I mean like- I don't--" I took a deep breath. "Can you tell why I don't like talking with others? I mean...I crumpled when I realized I'd let someone inside here...I just, I can't handle other people."

"Well too bad." Octavia stomped her hoof. "Next time I come by, you open the door for me. I'll bring lunch."

I scratched the knotted up scrunchy in my hair. "Bring dinner...I mean li- wait! No!" I hopped back. "I didn't mean it like that--"

Octavia laughed gently. "Oh my, you're such a wreck." She brushed my ankle with her tail. "Well, at least you picked a good mare to help fix all this." She lowered her voice before speaking again. "I'm doubtful anypony else would bother."

I slid my hand under my shirt, resting it against my heart. "I- uh... Guards are gone, if you wanted--"

"I think I'll look around a little more, then see myself out." Octavia wandered through my rec room and into the hall. "How big is this place?"

I followed her up to the coffee table, stopping there and watching her tail whip around the doorway. "Uh...it's like, forty rooms down below. I only ever used like...five." I looked down at the floor, spotting Octavia's banana. "I know it's connected to the sewer and a weird mine looking place. I think it's where they stopped...building...." She was gone, off to explore my grand home.

I looked down at the banana, peeling it quickly and lifting it up to view. "...Now I'm thinking of you...." I mumbled, reaching out and taking the tip of the fruit into my mouth. The soft sweet thing sat happily between my chapped lips, taking a few licks before I grabbed the fruit with both hands and let out a petite moan, sliding the banana into my mouth ever so slightly. I imagined a warm stomach pressed against my head, hands working the fake mare cock as I tried to picture what her voice would sound like moaning and panting.

"Ehem." Octavia poked her head back into the room. "I believe that was mine."

I froze, biting through the banana and pulling it from my lips as fast as I could. I kept my mouth shut, simply holding the fruit out as Octavia walked over. She looked up my arm, then back down to the banana. "Well, from what I heard it must be delicious." She reached out and snapped off a hunk of fruit into her mouth. "Hmm, it's alright. Must have been something else then."

I felt the blood rush to my head, my legs trembling hard before I lost my balance and dropped to one knee. "I'm so sor--"

"Stop apologizing." Octavia commanded, taking another bite of the banana. "Dear Celestia, such a guilty little filly. What bad things have you been doing before we met?" She smiled smugly. "Helping criminals wouldn't do this to a mare. No, you've done something dirty, haven't you?"

Don't think of the stallions. Don't!

I imagined catching a thick load of stallion cream in my mouth, letting the sweet, sticky mess coat my throat while Octavia smiled down at me, proud of me for taking her mare cum, and suckling at the tip her meaty horse cock for more. I went lightheaded as she stared at me, smiling. "Idon'tthinkIcan--" I slipped to the ground rather gently and knocked out. I'd had a girlfriend before, I'd played around with toys that squirted and came, I'd taken a bedpost to the hilt, but I couldn't take Octavia's smug little smile.

I'm a bad filly...grey mare is gonna punish bad filly....

I slipped into a wet dream, my body warm and resting softly.

Sauced

I hobbled along my treadmill, drunkenly stumbling along on low. "Uuuugh world...stop spinning." It had been a week since Octavia had found her way inside my bunker. One week since I stopped shipping chemicals and drugs. One week had gone by since I started upgrading my cameras and turned into the all seeing, all knowing, eye of Canterlot. "F-f-fuck, I feel like a jelly person." I laughed, still plodding along on my gym equipment. "This is the best!"

I pulled my bottle back, taking a deep swig of the horridly bitey wine. "Eheh-heh-heheheh!" I laughed like a boy, my body still half hormones and now half wine. "I swear to fat man maggy, why would anyone run sober!?" I took another drink, suckling at the neck of the bottle a bit. "Mm, Maine...horny teen, bad...you're a bad little girl, and you should be punished!" I hung my arm over the rungs of the treadmill, quickly pulling my free hand back and slapping my own ass. I started laughing like an idiot as I drunkenly plodded along. "Bad! Bad Maine! Bad--"

The intercom buzzer cried out, scaring my ass into my gut and my gut into my heart. "Holy balls!" I lurched forward, my feet shooting before me. I slumped backward, my ass landing against the running treadmill. "Shit!" I shot back, rolling on my back off the ass end of the treadmill. My wine splattered everywhere as I tumbled. I landed face first on the now padded gym floor. "Pfff, ahahaah-bwahaaahah!" I slapped my face against the padding and started laughing like a lunatic.

"Oh my god, that was awesome!" I slowly tried to get myself upright. "I got fucking punished!" I laughed, pushing up and staggering to my feet. "Bad Maine! Such a god damn bad girl! Ooo!" standing up unsupported showed me just how much of the bottle I'd drained. "Oh god...I'm Jesus buttfucking Christ! My blood is wine bitches!" I stumbled barefoot over the cold padded floor and to the small intercom buzzer on the wall. "Hello?" I had to stop giggling. "I- hello? This is Agent Maine of the space...program."

The intercom buzzed with a familiar sigh. "Maine? Are you alright?"

"Octavia! Oh-my-god!" I leaned against the wall. "Hi! I'm so like...so happy you're here lady man! I'm gonna go...I'm gonna let you in, alright?!" I leaned my face against the wall. "I want you to come inside...."

"Maine? Are you alright in there--"

"I'm fucking drunks bitch!" I shouted into the intercom. "I'm gonna just- I- fuck!"

Octavia grumbled softly. "Do you need help? You gave me a key for the secondary entrance, I can--"

"You want to come in my back door!?" I laughed, starting to cry from the strain on my lungs. "Oh god, yes. Use my back door, leave it open, I just--"

"Maine I'm coming."

I burst out laughing, my stomach aching like mad as I slumped down. "Oh yes, oh baby right there!" I could feel my lower half heating up like a broken toaster. "Oh god...I'm gonna freaking pee my panties!" I continued to laugh, the world utterly joyous. "I'm gonna freaking pee my pants!"

I sat back against the wall, lost in happy as I clutched my bottle. "Octavia...I think I love you. Just...put that fake rubber mare cock right here-" I put the bottle between my breasts, having started to grow since Octavia was feeding me more than a meal a day. "-and-" I started to jerk the sticky neck of the bottle between my breasts. "Ooooh, fuck- fuck--" I felt my skin flush hot as I gave my wine bottle an impromptu boob job. "Blaaaah, oh god, it's so sticky and hot!" I let the bottle lodge between my soft body, hard and hot compared to my squishy chest. "I'm a marshmallow, and I love my life right now!"

I wished the bottle was champgne, I could have popped it and spewed my world in a fizzy mess to rival the largest porno cumshot. "Maine...dirty girl!" I started to feel the warmth in my stomach leak. "Oh god...I'm so alone...." I let the bottle slip out of my breasts. I let out a tired huff, my laugh fading into a whimper. "Eighteen years...one girlfriend...one fucked up night of lesbian flailing at the clit...." I slumped forward. "Maine is a sad sack.... A sad, sexless sad sack, full of...sad."

I slumped my head forward and pulled my legs towards my chest. "I want a friend.... And sex. I need...sex friends."

"Sex friends, what?" Octavia peeked into the gym. "Maine, are you crying?"

I shrugged. "I don't know! Am I?"

Octavia looked around the room and slowly pushed her way inside. "What...went on in here?"

"I gave a wine bottle a boob job!" I shouted, not knowing what else I could say. "And I liked it...."

Octavia cocked her head. "Boob job? What in Celestia's name is a boob job?"

I looked up and down Octavia. "... Do you want me to show you? Do you have a dildo or something?"

Octavia started to laugh. "Oh my...you're, wow, you reek of it as well."

I took a deep breath. "Octavia I need a friend right now."

"Well I'm here." She stated, holding a hoof out. "What exactly--"

"Do you like...I want- like- can- fuck!" I slumped onto my side. "Octavia...I like you. Can you like, be my like--"

"Are you asking me to be your marefriend?" She asked with a bit of a laugh. "Well, I'm honestly not surprised. You've been standing closer and closer to me each time I come over--"

"Can you like, not, do this, right now?" I asked, curling up on the floor. "Like...this is like, really hard, and like I can't stop saying like!" I huffed heavily. "Octavia...can I have a hug?"

Octavia smiled at me. "Can you be my mare? Can you hug me? Octavia can you bring me my tear gas. Oh dear, I think I might have Stockholm syndrome." She pushed her head under my arms and helped me up. "Come, up up." She pulled my back onto my butt. Her coat was warm, soft against my skin. "Honestly, you're to be praised for your bravary. More forward than most--"

"Cause I'm like...one step from becoming ninety-nine percent wine right now." I sat back against the wall. "Oh god, I need a nap." My shoulders felt heavy, my arms unresponsive. "Octavia...just like, can I--"

"You wanted a marefriend, right?" She asked, nestling herself against my shoulder. "I think maybe you need a mother before--"

"No!" I limply flung one arm over her back. "No...like, I'm an adult! I want a mare to treat me good, to give me a reason to not be all nasty and--"

Octavia pecked my cheek. "Then, I think it's time I took a bit of control in here." She nuzzled my cheek. "Maybe you should come with me for a while, take a break."

I held Octavia's head against my own, feeling like a little country girl hugging a real pony. "Wait...what?"

Octavia pulled back, hooves sliding across the padding. "I have someone you can stay with, but I think it's best if you go and leave your little command center to me."

I started to feel my breath pick up. "Outside?! Above ground!? No no no--"

"Maine!" Octavia stamped her hoof. "Who's your friend?"

I felt myself shake violently. "You?!"

"Right." She nodded her head, her smile soft and comforting. "Who did you just ask to be your marefriend?"

"You." I whimpered, clutching my hands together.

"Right." Octavia kissed my forehead. "Now who are you going to listen to? The voices in your head, or me?"

I stared at Octavia, my face scrunched up hard. "...You?"

"Yes." Octavia put her hoof on my knee and her chin on my head. "Now are you going to be okay in here?"

I reached up and hung my hands on Octavia's head. "...I need a bathy...."

Octavia chuckled softly. "A bathy?"

"Yes...I don't...I'm--" I took a deep breath. "I'm fucking eighteen! I don't have to be completely boring yet!"

Octavia shot back. "Wait, what!? Ei- that- what?"

I shrugged. "Do I look like I'm older!?"

Octavia rubbed her face with a hoof. "Um, no. I simply, wow." Octavia brushed her mane back. "I expected a drug dealing informant to be a bit older."

I shook my head. "My dad started teaching me when I was like...ten." I rubbed my chilled limbs, eventually holding my arms out. "Octavia...hug?"

Octavia took a deep sharp breath. "Oh dear. It's like I dove into a pool, then somepony peed in it. Then somepony else threw a box of leaches in." She held a hoof against her mouth, laughing nervously. "Oh dear, stuck my hoof in it this time--"

"Why aren't you hugging me!?" I shouted, starting to feel abandoned, my body aching for that real touch. "Hug me, please!"

"Oh you're such a baby." Octavia walked up to me and thrust her head into hugging range. "My baby now I suppose." She pulled a hoof up and pet the back of my head.

I felt warm, wanted, happy. A soft flutter sat in my belly as the mare brushed my hair. "Yay...someone cares...."

Clean

I shook my body, the cold air that constantly streamed down from the vents felt rough and sharp against my skin. "Why can't I stop!" I shouted at myself, watching my legs run like mad under me, my body actually starting to tone and my breasts starting to shrink again. "God damn you legs, stop it!" With my promises to stop feeding the world drugs and info, I didn't have much else to do besides run.

I couldn't stop myself from running, it felt good, and I couldn't bring myself to sit down and read. With no internet or TV, all I had was my gym, and now my beloved fluctuating body was growing and tightening with each day. "I've spent six-hundred bits on porn, but I've got so much mileage out of a two-grand gym set. God damn...I'm becoming a monster."

"Who's a monster?" Octavia asked, popping her head into the gym. She wore a bandana on her head, and a dust mask hung off her ears. "Still?"

I turned my head to her, smiling bright and letting the treadmill pull me back towards her. "I know, I can't--"

"Oh dear Celestia, what happened to your head!?" Octavia shouted, leaning her head back. "Oooh, no, your head!" She ran over, meeting me half way in the gym. "What happened to your hair?"

I reached up and rubbed the shaved sides of my head. "I paganed it." I smiled as I rubbed the smooth sides of my head, leading up to the lush streak of hair I kept on my crown. "It's nice right? Kinda boyish, but I like it!"

Octavia held her mouth open. "Paganed? I don't understand. You had such pretty hair, now--"

I leaned down, nodding my head towards her. "It's from a video game. I liked it, and I like having short hair." I presented my freshly cleaned up haircut to her. "What, you don't like it?"

Octavia made a weird hissing noise as her hoof touched my shaved sides. "It's...something." She rubbed along my new hairline,  her hoof under my straight hair and against my bare skin. "Why just the sides? I mean, if you were going to shave it off, okay, but why just the sides?"

I enjoyed the mare petting my head, her hoof causing a warm sensation in my chest. "Well I cut it short too. It's not like I just buzzed the sides and that's it." I pulled my head up, making sure to keep her hoof sliding down my skin as long as I could. "It's all soft and short and clean." I rubbed my arms as I straightened out. "I mean, I'm trying to clean up, work out so I'm not fat anymore."

Octavia hung her head down. "You were never fat. If anything you were malnourished. A stick living inside a stained sweat shirt." She looked up at me with a frown. "It looks like pubic hair...."

I sputtered loudly. "Oh wow. Do ponies--"

"No, but I've seen enough pictures to know what your fleshly kind's pubes look like," Octavia snapped back, leaving me standing in the open like an idiot. "I mean honestly, is--"

I grabbed my shorts by the waistband. "Do you want to see my pubes? I guarantee my hair is way different."

Octavia rolled her eyes. "You're going to show me anyways. Not that I haven't seen them."

"I didn't have time to get pants okay!" I held my arms out. "You were throat deep in teargas and I wasn't going to stop and think, oh my god, my pants!" I slid my hands around to my front, resting my fingers on my warm underbelly. "Octavia...we haven't- like, it's been a week...but we haven't like, done anything."

Octavia looked up at me with a neutered expression. "Yes we have. You- okay, quick question, how did you find my address?"

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it." I slid my hands around to my back, giving my squishy butt a soft squeeze. "And by that I mean I put a tracker in your payments. One of those bits in that bag was fake, so...yeah." I smiled wide. "I like to know where people are. Makes me feel better about the world out there."

Octavia stared at me, bemused. "I'm not sure if I should be thankful or creeped out." She turned to the wall. "I suppose I'll settle for the dinner."

I felt myself tug up into a warm smile. "So how was it?"

Octavia turned back to me. "Warm spinach rolls with a honey glaze? Well of course they were good, but you could have asked me to dinner instead."

I shook my head. "No...no.... I'm still not like...super...okay with your idea." I walked past Octavia, brushing her with my hip. "Outside world sucks...bird people...can't stand them, and I know they're out there." I put my hand on the cold concrete wall, giving it a soft rub before turning back to Octavia. "Maybe one day. But...even you, it feels weird knowing you're here. Like, good, because you didn't kill me, so that probably means you're alright. But like...it feels weird knowing someone else can get in here."

Octavia followed me, leading me into the rec room. "Do you still talk through that fake window thing?"

"Of course! What, you thought you coming in and being all like, you have to be social Maine, was gonna keep me from doing business through a one way mirror?" I shook my head. "And those guard friends of yours have been coming around. Like, Equestrian intelligence dropped by, and secret service, and the guard. Everyone wants info...and now I'm stuck figuring out how to get in connection without actually meeting them." I rubbed my chin. "The mare from intelligence was kinda cute. Had a flower on her butt."

Octavia looked back at her flank as she stood next to my table. "Really? You ask me to take care of you, and you start staring at other mare's butts?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but your butt is still the best. Looks really soft but not fat. And I got to touch it when you were choking on the gas, it's like-" I held my hands out and made a squeezing gesture with my fingers, "-so squishy and soft and like- I keep saying like." I pulled my hands back to my sides. "You make me nervous when you watch me...."

Octavia looked up at me with a soft frown. "Why? You know I'm not going to hurt you."

"Yeah...and you're like my marefriend and junk. But I just- it feels funny when you watch me, or look at me." I put a hand on my stomach. "So... we should clean, right? Get this place cleaned up--"

Octavia stormed up to me, stepping onto my running shoes and staring up at me. "Maine, what are you hiding? I mean, about me. I know you're hiding stuff about this bunker and your work, but why do you act so strange around me?"

I pulled my hands together. "Um like...it's...because you're like...." I stared down at my purple eye'd friend, my stomach bubbling as she looked up at me with a determined frown. "It's like, because, I just--" I threw myself down, wrapping my arms around the back of her head. I held her there for a moment, watching her eyes adjust as I met her face to face. "Because I like you... and I trust you. But I don't feel good trusting people and you're like.... I feel like I shouldn't trust you, but I do--"

Octavia pressed her head forward, wearing her angry look as she kissed me tenderly. "Maine, shut up." She pulled back just enough to part our lips. "Really, your way with words is just atrocious."

"Isorrydidn'tthinkwords"

Octavia pressed forward again, her eyes changing from the crumpled up grimace to a soft closure. "Maine... shh."

I took a deep breath. "Ohgodit'shotinhere." My heart started to beat out of my chest, scaring me half to death at the heavy thudding in my ears. "OhgodI'mgonnadie."

Octavia pressed forward again, my hands starting to go limp around the back of her neck. She let out a soft moan and stepped forward. I tried to keep my eyes open, quickly failing as something wet pressed against my lips. "Open." Octavia cooed, pulling back and breathing against my lips, warm and soft laps over my face. "Open."

I felt my legs flop around from beneath me, leaving me to land on my ass. Octavia followed me head, leaning down and kissing me again. Once again a strangely saturated wetness poked my lips. I opened my mouth. Octavia leaned her head forward, pushing her thick tongue past my lips and against my own tongue. My eyes fluttered open for a second before falling closed and leaving me in warm darkness.

I tightened my grip on her neck. My fingers dug into her mane as she pushed against me, forcing my tongue down with her own. Warm and wet, she slithered herself around my mouth, causing me to mumble and moan as the thick kept me pinned, sliding up and down my tongue as she took over. I was getting treated, taken care of, used. And I liked it. I liked feeling her standing over me, it felt safe. I liked having her strong tongue massage my own, her soft grunts overpowering my own meek moans. I kept my lips as closed as I could, letting the feeling of her forcing past them tickle me and leave me in a bit of a haze.

My mind went numb. All I could focus on was the slick meat pressed against my teeth, taking over my mouth, leaving me drooling and waiting for more. She turned her head, locking our mouths and forcing her tongue completely into my maw. I pulled my hands tight, starting to feel my shorts grow damp as Octavia pushed me down, kept me pinned under her, and abused my tiny mouth.

"Aaah." Octavia pulled back slowly, keeping her tongue pressed low as she withdrew. A thin string of saliva stayed between us as my mouth hung open wide, damp, drooling. "Mmm, that's what you were talking about?" Octavia asked, pecking me on the nose and cutting the string between us. "Still nervous?"

I felt my eyes open slowly. "Bwahbubla." I mumbled, my brain numb, my mouth tingling and my lower body hot as a the dirty stallion sex I'd watched so many times. My heart felt like it was going to explode as I leaned back, eventually flopping down against the cheap carpet I had in the room. "Uuuuuuh." I splayed out, my legs half crumpled under me. "Take me...just...fuck me."

Octavia walked to my side, hovering her head in my view. "Hmm? Really now?"

I nodded. "I'll bend over, just...tell me how you want me."

Octavia wiped off her mouth. "I want you to stand up, help me clean, and start packing." She walked past and slapped me with her tail softly. "Next time I come by, we're going to go out, maybe sleep in an actual house, not this Griffon War theorist hideaway."

I groaned loudly. "Can't you just like...ride my face? It would be so much simpler--"

"Vacuum cleaner!" Octavia shouted, followed up by an extremely loud whirl. "Now help me or go eat something! You look like a rail."

"Wish you'd rail me...." I mumbled, laying flat on the floor. "Wow.... Really after that mare dick right now." I rubbed my face, trying to sort out my mind.

(Not) Leaving

I watched Octavia step into the airlock. "Maine--"

"I'm not going out!" I shouted, leaning towards the now clear two way mirror. "You can't make me!"

Octavia kicked the first door open and stormed into the main room. "Maine, really, be an adult--"

"I'm fucking nineteen! I'm not ready to be an adult yet!" I slammed my hands on the control panel. "Octavia, I'm not ready!"

Octavia stared at me, slowly letting her face contort into a frown. "Well then you're not ready for me!" Octavia turned to the main door again. "If I leave here today without you, you're never going to see me again!"

"Octavia that's not fair!" I leaned my cheek against the window. "I need you! You saw what this place was like before you started talking with me!"

Octavia spun around. "Then you need to come with me!" She titled her head and slowly walked up to the wall. "Maine, sweetheart, you can't just stay in here your whole life."

I watched as Octavia leaned up and pressed a hoof against where my cheek was laying. "I know...but I'm scared.... There's gonna be those bird people out there and I don't know if I can handle it." I looked down to her. "...One more night?"

Octavia's frown fell into something soft, something defeated. "You're asking me to stay the night and--"

"I'm asking you to bend me over with a strapon, yes." I crawled onto a clear spot on my desk and pressed as much of myself against the window as I could. "Just this one night, then you can carry me out on the morning. I'll give you all the keys and you can drag me kicking and screaming into the outside. But just stay the night with me...we'll have dinner, shower, whatever you want, but I want a night with you." I pressed my hand against where her hoof was. "You're pretty and smart, and I want to be with you...but you only ever kissed me, and it's been a month and a half Octavia...I'm throwing myself at you, just please, either stop leading me on or have sex with me." I huffed loudly. "Being coy and fun didn't work...so the unsubtle route is all I have left."

Octavia stared at me, slowly lowering her head and sighing. "I'll start dinner." She pushed off the wall and turned towards the door inside. "Maine--"

I kicked the emergency release on the doors. "Open." I rolled off my controls and hung my head over the short wall back into the rec room. "... Hi."

Octavia slowly closed the interior door behind her. "Hello Maine...."

I watched as Octavia threw a few bags off her back. "Are you mad at me?"

"Mad? No. Irritated, oh yes." Octavia finished unloading her bags and started to adjust her tie. "Irritated only scratches the surfa--"

I snaked my way past the short wall and tackled Octavia from behind, throwing myself against her back and hugging my way down to the floor. "...Please don't be mad at me."

Octavia remained standing as I slid across her neck and onto the ground. "Maine...why are you on the floor?"

I let go of her neck and went flat. "I was gonna try and be cute and ride you like a pony, but I just flopped.... Cute defense is all I've got here." I felt my cheeks burn slightly. "Is it working?"

Octavia huffed loudly. "You're a terrible flirt. Now I'm going to make something for dinner, you just sit there and--"

"You know I can help, right?" I rolled onto my belly and pushed myself upright. "I'm not a complete failure as an adult."

"I've seen your bank account, honey, I know." She flicked her tail against the doorway. "Crime apparently paid very well--"

"It wasn't crime!" I followed her into the hall and towards the kitchen. "It was information brokerage and handling. That's not a--"

"Aiding criminals is actually a crime. But, we're going to keep this between us, alright?" Octavia picked up her hooves high with each step. "Now what do you--"

"I ate actually...but, you- I--" I peeked ahead of her at my kitchen. A small dining table sat on the opposite wall of my counters would have to work. "I need you to--"

"I'm just going to sit at the table, because I can already see where this is going." Octavia pushed me into the door frame with her flank. "I'll just, chew on an apple while you have your fun."

"Oh you're no fun." I walked behind her, keeping to the wall as Octavia walked towards a small pile of fruit she'd been buying me. "You could pretend you're into it."

Octavia focused on the counter while I fixed the table. "Believe me, I'd be very into it, if I weren't twenty feet underground--"

"Ten meters, so, more like thirty--"

Octavia popped up in the corner of my vision. "Maine...."

I looked over at her, finding a slice of apple held between her lips. "... Octavia, I want you to know something. Every time you kiss me, it feels like someone just dabbed sunshine on the spot." Octavia's eyes faltered from her annoyed glare to something kind for just a moment. "Just, so warm when you kiss me." I leaned my head up and stole the apple from her lips, only the softest moment of contact between us. It was sweet, and all the sweeter because of the warm sensation in my skin. "I love you Octavia, and not just because you're the first one to put up with my shit."

Octavia nodded. "I know--"

"You're blushing." I laughed, turning to the table. "You're blushing like, super light."

Octavia took a deep breath. "I know.... It usually doesn't show up because of my coat."

I slid under the table. "Then you really must be--"

"Burning slightly...yes." I watched as Octavia's hooves traveled along the table. "Legs are jittering as well, in case you were wondering." She walked along to the head of the table. The hard wood chair slowly pulled back, obtaining one Octavia as it slid out. "Key, key first."

I huffed softly and put my hand into my shirt. "Fine...but its warm from my chest." I found the unique looking key. "Just...take it." I tossed it into her lap and turned towards the floor.

Octavia's hoof snapped down against the key. "That's fine, I'm going to tie it up in my collar at any rate."

I stared at the bare spot on the chair. "Octavia...how do you pick things up?" I started scooting along my knees towards her. "Like...hooves and all--"

"How do you walk?" Octavia leaned her head down under the table. "By all rights your species should be falling over at every moment of time."

I scratched my head. "Yeah...but like...like.... I don't even know." I grabbed the back of Octavia chair and scooted her close to me. I pressed my nose against Octavia's belly. "Mmmh, you smell like vanilla."

Octavia's body tightened up as I kissed the fridges of her grey panties. "Maine, what exactly--"

I wrapped my hands around her backside. I pulled her into a more slouched position and move my hands to the inward curves of her haunches. "I'm gonna taste you, and lick you, and-" I moved my lips down and planted a peck on her panties. Octavia let out a quick jolt as my lips met something hot. "-you're going to like it."

I took a deep breath, the soft smell of her soap stuck to her skin and coat. I ran my fingers along her sides until I found her panties. "Maine I can--"

I batted her hoof away from her panties. "I want to take them off." I spun the sides around my fingertips and pressed my lips against the start of the heat. "Or maybe I don't." I felt something flick against my lips and dampen the already dark panties. "Calm down Octavia... I thought you didn't--"

"I never said that! I just said--"

I kissed her clit, enjoying the organic sensation of it flicking my tongue through the panties, and the harsh yelp Octavia let out in response. "I don't care what you said... I'm too happy right now." I slowly slid Octavia's panties down her flanks. My lips slowly dampened as she wiggled and fidgeted.

"Maine...." Octavia's voice was soft, breathy. "Careful."

I could feel her panties growing sticky as I moved from kissing to licking and suckling on her supple mound. "I am." I could taste her, the sharp taste of vanilla carried on her juice. "God I love that ponies have flavor...."

I slid her panties off, leaving them to dangle damp from one of her shaking legs. Her sex was splayed out for me, her hooves knocking against the underside of the table as she presented her holes. Her bright pink slit, buried among two puffy grey lips, leading down into a super tight pucker. The air was heavy, and the smell was starting to go to my head. "Oh my god...just-" I jammed my thumbs against he squishy flesh and spread her slit wide, her winking clit flashing me jitteringly.

I felt my mouth water as I stared at the dimly lit pink. "Maine, hah...just, do something." I felt a hoof reach down and press against my crown. Octavia tried to pull me into place, and slowly I let her. I closed my eyes, and by the time I popped them open again I was face to face with her dripping slit. "Maine.... Do- something!"

I dug my thumbs against her, causing her to mumble and giving me an easy dip against her. My tongue met her moist opening, driving past her puffy slit and into the sweet honeypot behind it. I dug in, letting my nose press against her lips as I lapped at her vanilla flavored pussy. "Mm, careful." Octavia's hoof pressed against the back of my head, joined by a second on the other side of my skull.

I took a deep breath as Octavia's hooves tightened around the back of my head. I let out soft moans as I darted my tongue in and out of her sticky hole. I rubbed her lips with my thumbs, slowly moving one now wet and sticky thumb lower. "Maine...what are you doing?" Octavia asked, huffing lightly the whole time. "Maine?"

I pressed my thumb lightly against her back door. "Maine!" I kept on, circling her doughnut with my thumb. "Maine- just- slow-- Ah!" I licked from her tap up her slit. Octavia's hooves jammed against my head as my tongue dragged its sweet path up towards her clit. I felt her entire body jolt as I took her winking bulb between my lips. I gave it a quick suckle, causing Octavia's hooves to press against my head as hard as she could. Her back legs wrapped around my head as I slowly pushed my wet thumb into her hot little asshole.

Octavia's voice caught in her throat as I slipped my thumb into her ass. Her hot little bun clenched around me, sending the rest of her rigid around my head. I took a deep breath through my nose, nearly blacking out from the heavy aroma of sweat and sexual fluids. Her clit continued to wink and flit itself at me as I jammed my thumbs into her warm insides, tugging at the tender flesh of her ass and filling her slippery sweet pussy. I fit my entire thumb into her sticky love hole, and pulled at the edges of her pucker with my free hand.

I dug my hand into flank flesh. I buried my mouth around her slit, lapping up at her hot juices and tonging along her squishy body. I pulled and pushed against her button, causing her hooves to clamp down on my head with each jab. "Maine, slow down."

I moved myself down, my lips now soaked in sticky vanilla mare juice. "No." I kissed her slit all the way down, ending with a heavy push into her ass and a slide of my tongue deep into her moist pussy. I tugged her with my thumb, spreading both of her holes and letting my tongue dig deep before being squeezed be her fluxuating insides.

"Fuck- fuck- mmm--" Octavia's hooves started to clatter against the underside of the table. One of her forelegs left my head and slammed down hard against the table. A fork landed across the room, bouncing off the concrete floor with a thin metal twang. "Fuck!" Octavia clenched her legs around me, pulling me into her pussy as she came. I closed my eyes and let the mare's organ abuse my overly dampened tongue. I kept suckling at her squishy pussy, mind lost in the sweet taste of mare. I could feel my legs start to ache, my pussy itching for something hot to fill it.

I pulled back, taking a deep, sticky hot breath. "Oh god." I stuck my thumb in my mouth, my other hand still stuffed in Octavia's ass. "That was everything I wanted it to be." I felt a warm sensation settle in my chest as I sucked at my vanilla coated thumb. "I love--"

Why the fuck did everything just go dark?

Am I dead?

... Is this what being dead is?

Holy shit, being dead sucks!

Let Go!

"What?" I asked, mumbling hazily as my body adjusted to the pillowy sensation it was wrapped up in. I covered my burning eyes with my hand, the bright light in the room harsh even with my eyes closed. "Hello?" I dug my hang against something warm. "Bright...."

"Maine? Oh thank Celestia." I felt the warm object press into my palm. "How are you feeling?"

I opened my eyes, the blur of a fresh white room flashed my body with a sterile warmth. Only a bed, a window, and a bright white room. "Octavia?" I wrapped my hand around the warm object, finding it a hoof in my hand. "Oh...hi?" I stared at Octavia's soft lavender eyes. "Where am I?"

Octavia drew a circle in my palm with the edge of her hoof. "The hospital, Maine. I- I uh...I...kicked, you." She grew a bit of a blush, turning away from me. She wiggled about in her chair, a hospital stool dragged over between me and the large window. "You look alright, but how are you feeling?"

I took a deep breath, feeling the soft cotton sheets rub my skin. I blinked one slow time, taking in the bleach white room, large window left with a deep nook. There were no counters, nothing aside from the bed, a pile of clothes on the nook of the window, and the smell of cleaning fluid. "Octavia...outside?" I ran my thumb over her hoof, starting to feel myself warm up. "Am I outside?"

Octavia let out a sharp hiss. "I made sure your bunker was locked down. And I brought enough clothes for a while. I've got your things safe at my apartmen-t, ow ow ow ow!" I clamped down on Octavia's fetlock. "Maine, Maine sweetheart, you're hurting me!"

I ratcheted my hand slightly. "Octavia...why the fuck am I outside?" I could feel my heart start up, hammering away like a jackrabbit immediately. "Why am I world!?"

"What!?" Octavia pushed her free hoof against me, grinding it into my side as she tried to pull free. "Maine, ow, it hurts!"

"Why am I in the world?!" I screamed, "Why is world outside now?! What am I outside?!" I pulled Octavia's hoof across me, dragging her face to face with me. "Octavia...why...the fuck, am I outside!" I pressed my nose against hers, staring deep into her lavender eyes, wrought with panic. "Octavia...why hospital?"

Octavia tried to look away, getting a deep pressure on her ankle for her divisiveness. "Maine, darling, you where hurt--"

"How!?" I shouted, grabbing her with my other arm. "Octavia, I am going to fucking explode if I stay out here!" My voice was full of panic, a frantic energy that nearly ruined my guts. I grabbed Octavia's hoof and jammed it against my chest. "Ya feel that!?"

Octavia pushed off my chest. "Woman, calm yourself!" Octavia kept her hoof jammed against my stomach. "You're being hysterical!"

I could hear my beating heart in my ears, scarily heavy. "Bitch--I will fucking show you hysterical!" I tightened my grip on her hooves and started shaking her. "This is fucking hysterical, this is--"

A rough cough stopped me in my tracks. "Excuse me...."

I slowly turned towards the noise. "Octavia...are there--"

A pony unceremoniously charged over and stomped before me. I snapped my head over, spotting the white unicorn from my videos. "You're Maine? This little thing has been causing all this trouble?"

I felt a baseball sized knot lodge into my throat. "Ohgodnotagain." I let go of Octavia's hoof and pulled my limbs back under my sheet. "Please...just--" I turned to face the other life in the room, feeling my throat tense up as I spotted a familiar face. "Oh my god...you." The gay pony I'd seen take a cock eight inches into his ass and cry when it left him alone on the cheap motel bed was standing before me."

The pony nodded, his soft cream mane bobbing against his brown coat. "Clock, Lieutenant Second Class of Equestrian Naval Intelligence. I'm here to--"

"You're the pony from the hotel!" I shouted, sitting up slightly. "I masturbated to you!"

The pony's head shot back. ".... We'll, I really don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps we should talk about why I'm here. Then again, if you're not feeling well I could always come back later." His words that peaked came together rather quick, Octavia too busy rubbing her hoof to notice. "But... I'm here for business. I--"

I coughed roughly. "You're here because of the information thing.... I told you, I'll decide later."

The pony cocked an eyebrow. "Ms. Maine, you'll either talk to me, or you can talk to the other four departments trying to hire you."

I coughed sharply, nearly choking on my own spit. "Um...four?"

Clock nodded. "We've been chomping at the bit to get into that little nerve center of yours, and you're going to get several pardon offers from each--"

Octavia put her hoof on my stomach. "Oh...and sweetheart, you're under house arrest."

I frowned softly. "For the drug dealing?"

"Yes... for the drugs--"

Clock snapped his hoof against the floor. "But, as I said, in light of your helping us with a few busts and providing all the files and transactions, we're willing to overlook this little discretion... if you work for me."

I rubbed my thighs under the blanket. "Well... I mean, don't I have opt--"

Clock nodded. "There are five reps. Equestrian foreign affairs, Equian-Canadian security, each branch of the royal guard, Equestrian internal affairs, and myself, from--"

"Yeah yeah, naval something, boats."

Clock glared at me. "I've heard you don't like talking to many ponies.... And I figured I'd spare you the rush and come early and alone."

I felt a warmth tingle my ribs. "That's...nice--"

"The others are just going to rush in and start telling you why you should work for them." Clock slid his hoof off the floor and up to his eye. "Unless of course, you're already under contract, verbal or otherwise."

I started to change my look from my cute defense into something outright annoyed. "Oh you fucker...."

Clock smiled at me. "What, you didn't think you were--"

"So eight inches, ey?"

Clock's smug look flashed away. "You bitch...."

It was my turn to grow smug. "Feels good right? I mean, I've got Octavia, but I've had dildos with fake cum. All that gooey mess dripping out of that hot little puck--"

"You do realize I'm a government official, yes?" Clock straighten out his strange pony vest. "I could just shred your documents and lock you up as--"

I nestled into my bed. "You could, but you wont." I smiled at him. "If you wanna be Mr. White stallion, come save me from the hordes, I won't complain, but don't blackmail me. It's not a fight you will win."

Clock swished his tail around. "You know...I heard you were timid--"

"Yes, but you.... I don't think you're going to try and rape or murder me. You seem too into penis to be interested in my ass."

Clock cocked an eyebrow. "Really? I could mount you, I could shove your face into the floor and rape you."

I felt a quick hollowness shiver its way through my stomach. "You could." My insides were in a bit of a tizzy, the one soft spot and he stabbed it. All I could hope was that my bluff would shine through. "We can play hardball...or we can be friends."

Clock nodded. "I'm glad to see you're not as timid as your reputation suggested."

I huffed, my ego slightly bruised. "To be honest, if I didn't know who you were I probably would have screamed like a little girl and hid under the covers." I sighed loudly and laid back in my bed. "But something about knowing that you take cock like a little mare...it's really comforting."

Clock laughed softly. "If you say so. Being bottom does have its perks you know--"

"Oh I know...believe me-" I pulled my hand away from my cold thigh and wrapped it around Octavia's neck, "-I know."

Clock smiled at me. "Well then, I'll be sure to get you the proper paperwork. What's that old joke? Something about homosexuals and the navy?" He laughed at himself. "I'll make sure they come in one at a time, just be professional."

I rolled my eyes, Octavia just staring quietly as I pulled her chin against my chest. "Yeah no.... If I'm signed up I'm going to sit here alone until midnight, then run myself back home."

Octavia poked my stomach. "Um, sweetie, you can't leave the hospital.... House arrest, remember? Ow- ow ow--"

Agent Clock

I felt myself start to hyperventilate as Octavia kept the ponies outside at bay. "God damn it! I have sex and this is what I get for it!" I pulled my covers over my head. "I'm gonna buy a god damn chastity belt!"

Octavia turned inside to face me, keeping her butt against the door. "Oh calm down, they're staying out. And you can leave, still under house arrest, but you can come home with me."

"Oh, great! I get to go to some random house and hang out, get butchered by birds." I crossed my arms and laid down, faded beige light coming through my sheet. "Octavia...I wanna go home. Underground home...safe home." I rubbed my face. "I just--"

"Then we can go home.... I'm inviting you over, the least you could do is see my house before passing judgment." Octavia's hooves clattered against the tile floor and over to me. "Maine...you're being a baby."

I pulled the sheet to conform around my head. "I'm not a baby! I'm just bad at being an adult!"

I could hear Octavia's sigh fill the room. "I have a place for you to stay, and I've already put too much into making you normal to stop now!" Octavia's hooves rattled against the floor. "I really do need to rethink who I decide to go after...."

I peeked out of my sheets. "Well sorry! I mean...I just.... It was a crush...and you were gonna be stuck in there with some crazy griffon, what was I--"

Octavia reared up and leaned against my bed. She put a hoof on my head and patted me. "I know...I know, and thank you for that." She ruffled my hair with her hoof. "And you're sitting there...sad, in the dark, how could I not--"

"Lesbians, please." The door flung open, the stallion from Naval Intelligence stormed in. "Control your ovaries--"

"Control your asshole, gaylord!"

Clock slumped down, a sour look drawing across his face. "Oh you're hilarious.... So hilarious I had my men dump everything vapid in your bunker!"

I shot upright, Octavia falling back onto all fours as I sat upright. "You did what!?"

Clock rolled his eyes. "Got your attention, now stop talking about my ass--"

"Then don't talk about my ovaries!" I laid back down. "Don't talk about Octavia's ovaries either...jackass."

Octavia looked between us. "So...you're friends aren't you?"

"No!"

"No!"

We stared at each other. Octavia lowered her head and huffed. "You have the strangest way of connecting to people." Octavia shook her head and walked to the door. "Maine, I'll be back, I need to call someone, start fixing up a room for you."

I frowned softly. "Fine...bye.... Come back soon." I watched her smooth looking tail slip out of the door. "...Bye."

Clock glared at me the whole time. "How long have you--"

"Three months now? Maybe only two. It's hard to tell when you live underground and lack the sun...." I rubbed my arms and turned to face the sour faced pony. "So what did you want?"

Clock sighed and sat down on the floor. "I have my ponies waiting outside your bunker--"

"Why?" I asked with a bit of ire in my voice.

Clock stared at me, eyes lazy and tired. "Because we need to install the new cameras and survalence equipment.... Did you not read--"

"No, I didn't read your stupid contract! You threatened to make me talk to people!" I sat upright and slid my legs off the bed. "Why are you trying to get into my house?"

Clock rolled his eyes. "I marked you under a surveillance expert, you'll be having a few others living with you down there now, and if what you said was true and you've got a whole complex, I might move my operations down there too--"

"Are you gonna pay the utilities?"

Clock stumbled over his words. "I- ukh, you've been stealing utilities!"

"I know!" I slid off the bed and onto my feet. I felt short, only a bit taller than Clock. "But if I'm gonna be little Ms. Perfect then someone is going to have to pay and it's not gonna be me!"

"Not stealing doesn't make you perfect!" Clock stomped his hoof and stood up. "It just makes you not a thief!"

I shrugged. "Close enough, right?"

"No! Not close at all!" Clock pulled his hoof over his face. "How did you get her?" He thrust his hoof towards the door. "That thing is-- I mean, you've seen me and my stallion, but even I can--"

"I don't know, but I'm not going to complain!" I put my hands on my hips. "She must see something we're not seeing!"

Clock nodded. "Mares are strange...they see things in others that--"

"Uh...vagina--"

"Oh you don't count! I've seen where you lived, you live in filth!" Clock walked up to me, ey elevel with my shoulders. "...So, you're shorter than I thought you would be."

I crossed my arms. "I've always been short. Also, if you don't like my bunker then stay out!"

Clock rolled his eyes. "At any rate...congradulations on finding such a mare to deal with you. She's beautiful."

I nodded. "Luck, or...something." I rubbed my arms. "Talked on and off for a few months then had...uh, I'll uh.... Look, we talked, then we had a mini adventure, then...I--" I took a deep breath. "You get that she's hot...so--"

Clock grunted softly. "Tap that flank?"

"Right?" I held my hands out. "She said she would go out with me, so I mean.... Come on dude...I'm still alive, I still like sexy things--"

"And you've proven you've got the self-control of an angry badger." Clock shook his head. "Anyways...bunker talk."

I sighed loudly. "You want to move in?"

Clock nodded. "I want the whole story, from the start."

I sighed loudly. "Later...when we're in there." I scratched my head. "I moved to Equestria...got harassed by bird people, then moved underground ever since." I stretched my neck. "That's the short version, you want the long version you get me out of here alone, or with Oc--"

Clock rolled his eyes. "Agent Maine, please...we're Equestrian Naval Intelligence, we're expert smugglers and thieves." He smiled evilly at me. "Now, you are an agent, and whether or not you like it, it's about time we jump you in."

I felt myself shiver heavily. "You're talking slow and I don't like it!"

Clock laughed slowly. "But I thought you were into box? I'm sure you'll love it."

Family

I tried to bite through my ball gag. "Mmmph! Mmmm-hhmmhmm!" I couldn't move, my legs were jammed against my chest, my head tucked against my boobs. "Mmmermmher!" I wanted to scream, but despite everything I might have held against him, Clock was smart enough to gag me before shipping. "Mmm unnah fuuuh uur eeeeeaahr!"

The Naval officer who was moving me cleared his throat. The sound came through the holes drilled in my crate muffle and murky. "Metronome Andante?"

A super husky voice, much like Octavia's but with more depth, broke through. "Octavia...why is there a crate on your porch?"

My handler's voice shot back through. "Can you sign?"

Metronome cut back in. "Yes...yes, here, pen."

A loud clicking filled my ears. "Alright, enjoy."

Things went silent for a time. "Octavia...what is this? Why is my name on this?"

I held my breath.

"Why is-- oh! Oh no...please no."

"What is it?"

I heard a hoof press against the top of the box. "Maine...are you--"

"Mmmmhmmmhmm!" I screamed, kicking my legs and shaking the cushioned box.

"Oh dear Celestia.... I'm going to assume you didn't have any say, and I'm going to go find a pry bar."

"Octavia your box is whimpering! Why is this crate whimpering!?"

"Don't ask!"

I kicked my legs. The older voice picked up. "Um...hello?"

I snorted through my nose. "Hm...."

The voice grew clearer as one of my air holes grew shadowed. "Are you alright in here?"

"Mmm-mm."

"Can you last five minutes?"

I sighed deeply, letting myself lick the oddly smooth gag. "Mmm, mmhmmly."

"So...should I just kick this open?"

I jerked in place. "Mmm-m! Mmm-m!"

"I'll just wait then."

Things went silent again. My breathing was a bit heavy. "...Why exactly are you in a box?"

"Mm-m-mmph. Ghh cuult?"

"Hmm, interesting. Well, I think--"

"Found it!" Octavia's voice drew closer. "Here we go--"

"Mmm-hmm-hmm!" I shrieked, watching a steel shard slice straight into the crate. Light streamed in as it bent down and popped open the corner of the crate. I watched as the crate's lid was popped open. Little by little two grey ponies filled my view, Octavia in her raven black mane and a mare with the same coat but a striking white streak in her mane.

"Oh- wow...." The older mare peeked in. "Octavia, is this what you're into?"

Octavia's face went flat, her eyes forming something annoyed. "Maine...why?"

I looked down at my leather bound body, my breasts pulled tight into a leather corset. "Mm..." I lowered my head against the side of the crate. I felt something reach past and touch the back of my head. Moments later the gag loosened and left me with an aching jaw. "Thank you." I closed my eyes and laid back. "I don't know. Clock drugged me and shoved me in here. I opened my eyes and looked up at the pair of mares. "I've lost control of my life...help me."

The two looked at each other. The older mare flipped her mane out of her face. "Octavia, do you know this human?"

She sighed loudly. "Mother...this is...Maine. The girl I told you--"

The older mare held her mouth open. "So this is a sexual thing! I knew--"

"No!" I struggled in my box. "I didn't--"

Octavia reached down and covered my mouth. "I believe her friends played a prank on her."

The older mare cocked an eyebrow. "By shipping her to you in bondage wear!?"

Octavia sighed loudly and looked down at me. "She has some less than scrupulous friends." She shook her head. "Maine...meet my mother, Metronome."

I looked over to the white streaked mare. Octavia slowly pulled her hoof away. "Hello...."

Metronome sighed deeply. "Octavia...don't bring this to the children, alright? I'll start tea and we can talk about this, but I hope you don't plan to bring her over in that." She pulled away, leaving me alone in a box while Octavia watched.

Octavia took a deep breath. "The pony from--"

"Oh who else?" I struggled in my bindings. "Kinky bastard." He'd tied my hands together, then tied those binds around my ankles. "Octavia...help."

Octavia sighed, her ears dropping down against the back of her head. "I'm not sure I shouldn't just leave you here."

"Please no--"

Octavia shook her head. "I'll bring you clothes...it's about time you looked presentable anyways." Her tail dipped into the box. "Oh...and--" Octavia farted at me. She snickered softly and hurried off.

"Oh god damn it!" I swung myself left and right against the sides of the box. "Come on, do I deserve this?" I leaned against the side of the box. "Come on, this is cra--" I stopped dead as something strange peeked into the box. Three faces, two human, one pony. They all had dark black hair, all had bright lavender eyes. A boy, a girl, and a pony colt. They looked about one to two, the boy oldest, then the colt, then the girl bringing up the youngest trophy. "What--"

The pony colt leaned in. "Why're you in the box?"

I froze. "Oh...my god...no." I leaned my head against the side of the crate. "Why?"

A loud gasp cut the talking. "Children, Children no! Tempo, Adiago, Ave, no!" Metronome's voice slice in, followed by a pair of hooves pulling the children away. "Get away from there, that's not for you to see!"

I closed my eyes hard and tried to force my head to meld with the crate. "Noooo." I whimpered, trying not to freak out. I could hear far off yelling, slowly approaching me. Octavia's voice snuck back in. "Octavia...why?"

Octavia slammed up against the box with my clothes in her mouth. She dropped them quickly. "Maine, what just--"

"I don't know!" I held my hands up. "Untie me...please."

Octavia shook her head and reached in. "By the screaming I take you met them."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry."

Octavia reached in and nipped my bindings apart. "It's not your fault."

"I didn't know you had brothers--"

Octavia reached her head back. "Brothers? Oh-- Oh no, no no no!" Octavia shook her head hard. "Those aren't my brothers."

I bit my lip. "What?"

Octavia reached back down and tore my binding's away. "No, no, those are my kids."

I felt my skin grow cold. "... I ..."

Octavia looked down at me. "I was going to tell you...they're mine, flesh and blood, raised from sperm donors."

I stared up at the pale blue sky. "I'm so confused."

"You're confused?! You showed up in a box!" Octavia poked my stomach. "You're still in the box!"

"I sighed loudly. "Out of the box...out of the box....eugh." I covered my face. "I need a nap."

Octavia reached down and patted my head. "Should probably get out of the box first."

I turned to her with a deep frown. "Ya think?! No, ya know what I think I'll stay in here forever! Put the lid back on, close it up, ship me back--"

Octavia shrugged. "Well if you're going to be belligerent about it!" I watched in horror as she leaned back, the lid of the crate slowly sliding over my legs and towards my head.

"No wait!"

Octavia peaked back in. "Well?"

I sighed loudly and sat upright. "I'll get out of the box.... But you have to explain what the hell is going on!" I put my arms on either side of the box. "I don't-- Jesus!" I pulled my hands away, a deep sting sunk into my right bicep. A single dot of blood was forming up from my arm. I looked down at the box, a busted nail was jutting from the side where Octavia had pried it open. "Ow...." I rubbed my arm. "I got a fucking boo-boo...." My voice, even my swear were barely over a murmur. "Fucking...owwie...." I slowly slid back down into the box. "I think I'm just gonna stay in here now...." I clutched my arm. "Man down.... Call a medic! Doktor, hilfen! Hilfen Herr Doktor!"

Octavia leaned her head into the box. "Are you al--"

"Nein! Doktor! Hilfen! Ich kanst move-- Fuck, I don't remember the words...." I felt my eyes start to water. "Octavia...I need a band aid!"

"You're like my son! I swear." She pushed away, leaving me along in my box.

"Medic! Man down! Soldier down! ... Send help." I clutched my burning wound. "Help! ... Help! ... Octavia, help!"

"Like a baby, I swear!" Octavia popped back into view, "I complained less in labor!" She dropped a band aid down on me.

I grabbed it and slapped it to my skin. "Hey, alright--"

"You do realize you're sitting on my front porch, right?!" Octavia pointed a hoof to my right. "There's ponies watching."

I peeked up over the edge of the crate. My heart sped up as ponies, humans, and a donkey came into view. "Fuck... in... a butthole...." I slowly sank back down. "Why did you open me outside!?"

Octavia reared up and flailed her forelegs overhead. "Why'd you show up in a box!? Why'd you show up naked in a box!? Why do you do anything you do!?"

"I don't know! Poor impulse control and bad life choices probably!"

A human face leaned over into my box. "Uh...hi Octavia."

Octavia rested against my crate. "Hello Vincent...good morning."

The man scratched his beard. "Did you want help moving this or, should I just go?"

I bit my lip. "Octavia...a man in a suit is looking into my box...."

"Don't you dare say it!" Octavia thrust a hoof down towards me. "Not the time!"

The man laughed gently. "It's a vagina joke...funny."

I laughed weakly. "Yay...not a complete idiot." I shook my head hard. "I'll shut up now."

Octavia glared at me, tired in her slumped over posture. "Vincent, help me move into into the backyard please?"

I held on as the crate was lifted up, first on one end, then the other. "So, mail order bride?"

Octavia sighed loudly. "Something like that."

Tea

I finished getting dressed. "Why exactly did you bring me dress clothes?" I brushed my shirt down and wiped off my jeans. "I feel really overdone."

Octavia shook her head. "You know, those aren't dress clothes. And just because you live your life naked or in sweat pants doesn't make them any less lazy!" She stomped a hoof into the small plot of grass in her back yard. "Now, tea time." She snapped her tail at me like a whip. "Unless you'd rather go back in the box."

I sighed deeply and walked slowly towards the grey mare. "So, before we go in can you please explain who those people are?"

Octavia spun around, pressing her flank against the clean wood back door. "First, you explain the box!"

I crossed my arms and looked off to the side wall. "That guy horse from naval something said he had a way to get me out of the hospital alone. Then I'm surrounded by ponies and a griffon in packing uniforms and bam, I'm shipped." I shrugged. "Weird thing is, this is only the second time this has happened to me. First time I was five though...so, yeah. I don't really count that one."

Octavia just stared at me, a tired, annoyed stare. "You've spent far too much time in enclosed spaces, it's started to impact your--"

"It also got your attention, so, think positive." I smiled at her. "Still don't know how I got this lucky--"

"Lucky?" Octavia laughed. "Oh dear, you have no idea." She smiled at me, a sick, insidious smile. My stomach twisted as she looked me over. "And how? Well, you paid well, you had a bit of mystery about you, and you did risk your life for me just a little bit."

"The CS gas thing?" I waved my hand at her. "No, no. That was my fault so--"

Octavia rolled her eyes. "So you ran full tilt into a room, naked, full of tear gas." She looked up at me with a smile. "Dear, you both caused that, then sorted it, and considering what I found I was the first pony inside in years. So, you had your chance, and I like a challenge." She walked up to me and rubbed my thigh. "And you are a bit cute, just a bit with that butchery you did to your mane."

I pushed her hoof away from my lap. "Octavia stop. Makes me feel funny when you touch me."

Octavia looked up at me with a bemused look. "Is there anything I do that doesn't make you feel funny?"

"Uh, fart at me." I crossed my arms and stepped back onto the cold lawn. "That was really--" Octavia just started snickering. "Oh fuck you!"

Octavia shook her head. "You did, and you got kicked in the teeth if I recall!"

I glared at her and stepped up onto her porch. "Yeah, thanks for that!"

Octavia puffed her chest out. "You're welcome! I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted!"

I threw my arms out. "I did!"

"Well good!"

I ducked down before her. "It was! Tasted like vanilla." I put my arms around her head and leaned against her neck. "Except for the teeth kicking, everything went really well."

Octavia grunted softly and leaned against me. "By the way, if you're expecting to be top in this, you're going to be sorely mistaken."

I started leaning against her. "Oh my god...I'm perfectly okay with this--"

"Well good, then get inside and find a seat!" Octavia stomped her hoof.

I held onto her tight. "Who are they?! Seriously, before I go in, who am I dealing with?"

Octavia sighed loudly. "Family."

"Oh no!" I let go of her and stood up. "I told you about the box, you tell me who they are! Your kids!?"

Octavia looked back at her house. "Yes. Sperm donors all."

I frowned overly hard. "Girl, that's really something you should mention on a first date!"

Octavia sat on her haunches and shrugged. "Have we been on a first date?"

"Yes!" I looked over in the general direction of Canterlot Castle. "The bunker counts!"

Octavia shook her head. "No dear, no it does not." She shook her head even hard. "Three months of off and on visits into an underground doom chamber do not count for steady dating."

I frowned softly. "But, you, me, table--"

"Yes dear, yes, I know." Octavia reached out and put a hoof on my toes. "I do count the few times you actually let me in as rather precious. But you and I need to actually be proper about this."

I bit my lip. "So...kids?"

Octavia perked up. "Oh, yes. As I said, sperm donors. Two human, one pony. Now-" she lifted a hoof, "-why I didn't mention it. I don't raise them."

I held my arms out. "You don't raise your own kids?"

Octavia nodded. "I wasn't raised by my mother either."

I raised my arms. "What? No- no no, wat?"

Octavia stretched her neck. "Family traditions are odd, aren't they?" She huffed softly and turned to the door. "Children are raised by their grandparents. That's why my mother is here, that's why my mother tends to call me a butch lesbian, that's why she still blames her own mother for me fitting her description." Octavia shrugged softly. "Now, tea time."

I bit my lip. "Classy as ever." I followed her up to the door. "Can I just say, you saying all that doesn't change the fact that you're still more feminine than me."

Octavia looked up at me. "Dear, when I found you, you were covered in burger grease and reeked of body odor. Any griffon is more feminine than you were." She smiled at me again, the painfully sour smile. "Now, I believe we can fix that--"

"You're not going to shove me in a box, are you?" I put my hands into my waistband. "Clock had the same look right before he shoved me into his box." I started snickering. "Granted if there was a box I was going to be shoved into, I'd rather it--"

"You're not funny." Octavia cut me off with a mean glare.

"I'm trying damn it!"

Octavia slapped my leg with her tail. "You're confusing sexual crassness for wit. Now stop it. And no, no box shoving."

Butch

I stood off with a white maned stallion in a coat. "So...you're her?" His voice was like gravel, but with a strange laziness to it. "Hmm, Octavia always did have odd taste...." He walked around and looked me up and down. "Thinner than the others.... Not sure how I feel about that...." I let out a short yelp as he nipped at my pants and pulled them up. "Your posture is bad... it's making your pants ride up." I felt something press against my spine and force me an inch taller. "There...." He walked around my front and looked me over one last time. "...The last one was a griffon...." He smiled at me, eyes never more than half opened. "I always did like the softer bodied races, Griffons and pegasi are always too tough."

I bit my lower lip and brought my hands together over my mouth, knuckle against my front teeth. "Mr. Melody?"

He nodded slowly. "Concerto." He bowed his grey head, his coat a soft melt of grey and pale purple. "Oh...and no, it's not dyed, it's not natural...." He turned around and wrapped his tail around my leg. "Age likes to change our appearance, I simply hope that isn't how your hair naturally grows...."

I rubbed my still oddly cut hair. "Uh, this is-- Like, can you read me a bed time story later?"

Concerto stopped dead and turned back to face me, blocking me from the dining room. "A story...? Why?"

I felt like a schoolgirl bashfully asking a teacher for actual help. "Just, your voice."

He closed his eyes and nodded slowly. "Ah.... Octavia enjoyed it too. Glad to see there are still some of the younger generation who aren't completely jaded...."

The paused between his words, the sound of him breathing, had I not just been prepackaged I would have been in bed within seconds. "So, I'm dating your daughter or something.... But like, if it doesn't work out, can you still just talk to me?"

Concerto popped an eyebrow. "As what...?"

I slumped forward slightly. "I don't know. Friend? Fake grandpa?"

Concerto walked up to me and poked me in the stomach. "Posture...."

I straightened out and rolled my shoulders. "Sorry."

He nodded slowly and turned around. "It's fine.... And, we'll see.... I already have three to look after, but I suppose I could donate time to someone so obviously appreciative of my voice...."

I felt my eyes burn heavily in a flash. I rubbed my eyes, finding them slightly damp. "Oh my god, why am I crying?" I cleared my eyes with the back of my arm and took a deep breath. "I'm not sad or anything, I just started freaking crying!" I laughed a single burned out laugh and huffed. Concerto was still looking at me, even, calm.

"Are you alright...?"

I felt my eyes burn again. "I don't know." I pinched my nose. "This has never happened to me--"

Concerto reared up, standing a bit taller than me on two hooves. "Listen...." He reached out and put a hoof on my shoulder. "You're fine.... And, if anything happens in there, understand... it's unrelated to you...." He reached up and gently placed his hoof on my forehead. "Now you are a guest, and while it is not my home, I will make sure you are treated like every other one of Octavia's marefriends.... With kindness, dignity, and privacy...."

I felt like flopping onto the floor. The sheer slow paced kindness being slid onto me was overpowering. My stomach was in a tight, queasy knot, my head was spinning, and yet I felt completely centered around the hoof on my forehead, being overseen by the stern purple gaze of Octavia's father. "...I- I love you."

Concerto nodded and dropped back to four legs. "I'm glad. Now, it's lunch, and you're about to witness something interesting.... Just keep what I said in mind, and understand that this is normal.... Okay?"

For a few moments, I felt cheated that this pony wasn't my full blood father. "Okay."

Concerto turned around and wrapped his tail around my hand. "Follow me then.... Enjoy the show by the way...."

I scratched my head as I entered the dining room, a long table full of the kids I'd seen before and Octavia's mother. I was lead to a seat next to Octavia herself. "Maine, are--"

I leaned over head to head with Octavia in a mere moment. "Octavia...your dad is awesome."

She looked at me and leaned away. "You got along I take it?"

I nodded quickly. "He promised to read me a bed time story."

Octavia stared at me for a few moments before looking away. "You know, it is weird of you to ask him, but you're not the first." She leaned back in her chair and huffed. "You'll have to explain that later, nopony else ever did."

"Excuse me! You're at a dinner table-" Octavia's mother hit the underside of the table, causing her plate to jangle. "-stop whispering."

I cleared my throat and faced forward. Things went quiet as the children across from me ate, secretly sneaking a few looks at me when they could. "So... can I ask why you have three kids?"

Octavia dabbed her mouth with a napkin, fresh hay already torn from her plate. "Mother? Would you like to explain?"

Metronome coughed roughly. "Of course. Maine, there is--"

"She knows why you're raising them." Octavia tapped her plate with a hoof. "I think she's more curious about the why, and I'll go ahead and assume, the species question would come up as well."

I quickly realized what Concerto meant by, show. I looked over to him, he simply nodded slowly. "Oh boy...."

Metronome shook her head. "There's no need for hostility!" She turned to me, eyes closed. "Maine, dear, my daughter decided to go without a male half, obviously. And...there--"

Octavia lifted a glass to her lips, holding it in that strange pony way. Hooves somehow grasping from nothingness. "She doesn't approve of my being a lesbian."

I felt my stomach twist up. "Oh, I uh.... I see."

Metronome rolled her eyes. "Oh it's not that. I mean, yes, I was disappointment that mother didn't raise you--"

"Don't you blame grandma for this!" Octavia slammed her hoof against the table. "You always blame her!"

Metronome nodded angrily. "Yes, I do! But not for your sexual problem, but for your being a butchdike!"

I scooted back in my chair noisily. "Oh-kay-den."

"Really!?" Octavia stood up, resting two hooves on the table. "At dinner? It couldn't even wait?!"

I looked towards Concerto, his calm look easing my fraying nerves as the two mares lit the air on fire. "No, apparently it couldn't!" Metronome turned to me. "I have nothing against her life choices--"

"Still not a choice." Octavia groaned, rubbing the table with her hoof.

"But! I do dislike her absolute bulldog approach to it!" Metronome turned to Octavia's kids. "She didn't even want to have any children! I had to make her!" My stomach was about to explode. "I explain everything, keeping the family alive, about her sister and--" Metronome held her hoof out and took a deep breath. "And then she comes home with these two." She pointed to the two satyr kids, the pair blissfully eating their food, ignoring the ruckus. "What--"

"It was my choice, I made promises!"

Metronome nodded to Octavia. "Yes, yes you did. And in the end you finally took responsibility." She turned back to me. "She brought home a happy healthy pony foal, just for me."

Octavia slowly sat down. "I really wish I hadn't--"

"Must you be an incessant, blunt force, butch all the time!?"

"If you call me butch one more time I will kick you out!"

I looked to Concerto, he'd already got the kids out of the room and was looking to me for the rescue. I slipped away from the fighting mares. "Running running running." I raced over and out of the room, barely a spoonful of soup in my belly. Concerto was sitting in the kitchen, waiting for me to speak. "Oh my god. That was a fucking mess!"

Concerto nodded. "I did say to enjoy the show...." He turned to the doorway. "This happens a lot.... My wife wants Octavia to be more feminine, Octavia misinterprets, it turns into a terrible mess each time...."

I sucked in air past my tongue. "Well, a wordsmith your wife is not. Brute force, butch. That's rough."

Concerto nodded. "They fuel each other.... Metro likes to show she's in control around Octavia's marefriends... they butt heads... then I have to take the children to a park for a few hours.... I'm sure you'll enjoy it though...."

I felt my insides quiver. "Ah, what?" I rubbed my stomach. "You're--"

Concerto nodded. "What is it? She always says...it's something like, Dike? I'll show you dike! Then the house shakes or somepony starts screaming...."

I felt my throat tighten up. "How many times--"

"A lot...." He turned to the counters and pressed his forehead against it. "Oh...and their story is mostly true. Kids are raised by their grandparents in our family... Octavia wasn't planning to have kids, we talked her into it. She showed up with the uh, obvious ones, and there was a whole long fight about pony foals." Concerto shrugged. "My wife just wanted another Octavia...she still wants an Octavia of her own. I think there in lies the problem with her tradition...."

I bit my tongue. "Sounds rough."

Concerto cocked his head slightly. "They just need to yell it out, then let off some steam in their own ways.... My wife uses a violin bow until it breaks, and Octavia... asserts herself."

I felt my throat go dry. "I'm gonna be involved in that, aren't I?"

"I wouldn't know.... You're dating her, that's as far as I'm involved...." He turned to the door. "Now...I'm going to pick up ice cream on the way back, did you want some...?"

Again, nineteen years had I been cheated out of this man. "Yes please."

Concerto nodded. "I'll find out what humans like.... Oh, and welcome to the family. Don't know how long you'll be around, but it's been a pleasure already."

"Can you just be my dad?" I held my arms out. "Like, permanently."

Concerto laughed softly, the deep husky voice sending shame through my hips. "Oh my.... Ask Octavia...she is getting older, maybe she'll finally settle down."

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Oh, wow, I didn't mean like--"

"I'll show you a bulldog! Maine!?"

Concerto smiled at me. "We'll talk later.... I'll actually introduce you to the kids when you can walk again...."

"Auegh." I clutched my lower stomach. "You're not giving me much confidence!"

He shrugged. "I wasn't trying to...."

The door swung open with a snap. Octavia was hunched over, nostrils flared. "Maine...follow, now."