Pinkie Pie Finds Grimmdark
Grimmdark was falling asleep in his chair. The blue light from his computer flashed in his wavering eyes. The time old motto of “SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK” had betrayed him. Now the 30 year old man was left in terrible stupor of tiredness after a long night of creepypasta. His eyes finally started to close.
“HAY GRIMM!”
Grimm opened his eyes abruptly. He stared around his darkened apartment with only the blue computer screen for a light source. His pained eyes caught sight of a digital clock. 2:30 A.M. the little mechanical killjoy declared. Grimm yawned. I gotta get more sleep he thought. The man tried to get up from his chair when he heard it again.
“HAY I’M TALKING TO YOU!”
Grimm looked over to his computer his pants almost wetting from fear. A blue vortex had opened in his faithful PC screen. From this portal of sorts extended a hand, no wait it wasn’t a hand. It was a hoof!
Grimm sat mouth agape as a familiar pink face began to emerge from his screen. Within seconds the human was staring directly into the eyes of Pinky Pie.
“I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU FOR AGES,” shouted the normally happy pony. The jovial mare had been replaced by a fuming pony with a seriously butt-hurt scowl. Grimm rubbed his eyes, but she was still there. Pinkie Pie was standing on his desk through a portal from his computer. The thirty year old tried to remember if he had gotten high at any point during in the night. He stroked his manly stubble before coming to the dismal conclusion that he hadn’t been high in weeks. This can’t be real, he thought as the pony glared at him in the dark room. Pinkie Pie took another step forward as the rest of her body left the computer. She stared Grimm right the eye. “YOU’VE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO MISTER!”
Grimm recoiled into his seat. “HOW ARE YOU HERE?!” He yelled as loudly as he could without waking his upstairs neighbor. Pinkie stamped the table.
“I’M THE ONE HERE TO ASK THE QUESTIONS BUDDY!” Pinkie screamed as she shoved Grimm against the chair. The human started to sweat. This has gotta be dream, he thought. That was when Grimm remembered the most important aspect of a dream. You don’t feel pain. Now while Pinkie had the man pinned to his chair, Grimm made the maddened realization. Holy Crap Pinkie Pie is real!
“WAIT IS RAINBOW DASH REAL TOO?!” Grimm shouted. Pinkie growled at him.
“YOU’VE GOT NO RIGHT TO BE ASKING THAT PAL!” She screamed back.
“IS TWILIGHT REAL?!” Grimm fan-boy squealed. “WHAT ABOUT FLUTTERSHY? OH GOD I’VE GOT SO MANY QUESTIONS?!”
Pinkie shoved her hoof in his mouth. Grimm stared at the pony in confusion and a slight bit of disillusion. Pinkie’s hoof didn’t taste like sweets at all despite what over 30 different clopfics had told him. “Well I’ve only got one question for you,” Pinkie said gaining a composure never before seen. “WHY DID YOU WRITE THAT STORY?!”
“WHAT STORY?!” Grimm shouted as Pinkie removed her hoof.
“DON’T PLAY DUMB WITH ME BUDDY!” Pinkie fumed. “DOES, WHY DO THEY CALL IT A HACKSAW ANYWAY RING A FEW BELLS!?”
“Oh that story,” Grimm calmly answered. Suddenly the human had an epiphany Pinkie was really pissed. A genius observation, he thought. He once had a dream of what Pinkie would say to him as he wrote “Cupcakes” but he never thought it would come true!” Now as the pony snarled at him from his computer desk Grimm also realized that Pinkie probably didn’t take too kindly to being labeled a psychotic murderer. A psychotic party animal maybe, but a murderer no.
Pinkie got up in Grimm’s face. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD MY LIFE HAS BEEN AFTER THAT FU&KING STORY WAS POSTED!?” Pinkie screamed at the awestruck human.
“I take it, you didn’t like the fic that much,” Grimm responded in poorly timed attempt at trolling.
Pinkie glared even harder at the human. “YOU BET YOU’RE ASS I DIDN’T LIKE THAT GORY SHIT!” Pinkie growled. Grimm tried to analyze the situation. Pinkie Pie was on his desk shoving him into his chair while giving him an epic stare down. If that didn’t sound like drugs he didn’t know what did. Pinkie noticed the confused look in his face and she backed off of him. “After that story was posted everypony started to become afraid of me?” Pinkie said in now sad voice.
The sentiments were lost on Grimm who saw the opportunity to gain once in a lifetime knowledge. “THERE’S INTERNET IN EQUESTRIA?” Grimm begged.
“OF COURSE THERE’S INTERNET!” Pinkie yelled.
Grimm rubbed his stubble again. “But we’ve never seen any of you on computers?!” He shot back.
“Well duh! Would that make for an interesting show!” Pinkie shouted. “Ponies on computers all day! Does that sound fun?!”
Grimm’s shit was flipped. “YOU KNOW YOUR’E A SHOW?!” He screamed.
Pinkie rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Geez dude,” she said bothered. “And here I thought this would be an epic showdown, but instead… ugh. Yes Hasbro pays to put up cameras in Equestria.” Grimm’s eyes widened. “BUT THEY DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SOME SICK FUCK ON THE INTERNET HAVING ME KILL MY BEST FRIEND!”
Grimm attempted to defend himself. “Whoa whoa whoa,” he cut in. “There’s way weirder stuff out there than Cupcakes! I mean have you ever heard of rule thirty-”
“THE PORN WAS BAD ENOUGH!” Pinkie interrupted. “BUT YOU TOOK IT WAAAAAYYYY TOO FAR AMIGO!”
Grimm was a mix of scared, awed and strangely aroused. “HOW BAD CAN IT BE?!” He yelled. “I WROTE THAT FIC LIKE A YEAR AGO!”
Pinkie closed her eyes as if she were about to brood. “Nopony talks to me anymore unless they have to. My awesome parties per year quota is in the toilet and cupcakes were banned, since nopony can stand to look at them much less eat them!”
“YOU GUYS EAT CUPCAKES ALL THE DAMN TIME!” Grimm countered trying to call bullsh*t.
“THOSE AREN’T CUPCAKES!” Pinkie screamed back. “THERE JUST MUFFINS!” She began to weep as those words came out. “All my cupcake are JUST FANCY LOOKING MUFFINS!”
Grimm was hurt, but also was still a troll at heart. “At least Derpy’s happy right?” Grimm’s troll logic was lost on Pinkie who continued to fire her death glare.
“And the worst part is,” Pinkie said wiping her tears away. “Rainbow Dash is too creeped out to play with me anymore.” Grimm felt his gore loving heart rip into two. Still how could he know his fic would cause Pinkie Pie so much trouble? His only goal was to spread butt-hurt, but hurting Pinkie's butt, that was going too far.
“Well what do you want me to do?” Grimm asked pensively. “I can’t unwrite the story! It’ll be on the Internet forever!”
Pinkie refocused. “I know that!” She answered. “What I want is an apology.”
“Seriously?” Grimm responded.
“IT’S THE LEAST YOU COULD DO!” Pinkie screamed. The pair suddenly heard pounding from the ceiling. Looks like they finally woke up Grimm’s neighbor.
“Ok geez,” Grimm said. “I’m sorry.”
Pinkie got up in the troll’s face again. “OH NO YOU DON’T!” She screamed. “I WANT A REAL APOLOGY!”
“Fine fine,” Grimm sighed. “Pinkie Pie, I’m sorry Cupcakes caused you and the MLP fandom to suffer. I just… I just couldn’t help myself.”
Pinkie stared at Grimm and for the first time all night she smiled. “Apology accepted! Hahahaha!” The pink pony danced on Grimm’s desktop greatly endangering his computer.
“WAIT!” Grimm shouted at Pinkie.
“What?” The pony answered stopping her dance.
“HOW DID YOU GET TO MY ROOM?!” The man asked with wonder.
Pinkie laughed. “Oh Grimm,” she chuckled. “Everypony’s got her secrets! Now I’ve gotta get going!” And with that Pinkie Pie jumped back into Grimm’s computer screen. The man grabbed the device only to watch the portal vanish and his normal desktop image return. Grimm momentarily pondered what the fu*k just happened. The emotionally drained troll yawned before wandering over to bed and falling face first on the pillow. Well that was crazy he thought. I should’ve asked for an autograph or something. S*it would’ve been big on EBay. Oh well time to get some damn sleep. With that the internet dweller began to enter the dream world.
Suddenly Grimm heard a loud noise. He opened his eyes and looked up. Pinkie Pie was on the ceiling wielding a katana! Grimm shat himself. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” He shouted.
“YOU REALLY THOUGHT ALL I WANTED WAS A FUCKING APOLOGY?!” Pinkie screamed as she jumped from the ceiling.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Grimm awoke from his bed hyperventilating in a dry sweat. He looked around his somewhat messy apartment. The pink pony was nowhere to be found. The man ran over to his computer screen to find no portal or hair from Pinkie Pie. Grimm let out a huge sigh of relief. “Man that was fucking close,” he said taking a seat at his desk. That was when Grimm noticed a file on his desktop he’d never seen before. The file was marked READ THIS NOW. Grimm scrolled over and clicked on the file. A Word document popped up on the screen.
Dear Grimm
Since you took something I loved from me, I took something you loved from you. NEVER FUCK WITH PINKIE PIE.
Not Sincerely Pinkie
Grimm wondered what the hell Pinkie could’ve taken. It was then he noticed a trail of blood from his bed leading to the chair. Grimm felt his pants and noticed a ton of blood. He freaked and ran over to his bathroom. Within moments Grimm knew what Pinkie had stolen and he was rather cross about it.
“I DON’T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!” Grimm screamed into the mirror. “THAT BITCH TOOK MY FUCKING KIDNEY!”
THE END
