Rainbow Dash is that pegasus who can always win races. They say. Is the toughest and coolest mare they know. Most of them think that. She is 20 percent cooler than the rest. I say that. She wished she was tough enough for her soccer coach. I thought that.
How do I begin? When you think something's good, and your prepared for the worst, but never knowing that the worst happens to be more evil than you'd think it be..
I was so happy the day I got the letter stating that I could play with Gentum, I couldn't believe I was chosen. Then I saw the coach's name, and I couldn't believe my eyes!! The coach that taught the Cloudsdale Bulldogs and led them to their championships!
I instantly remembered when I was screaming around our backyard. When I saw they had won. I was basically screaming like a fan filly!!
Now I was screaming like a fan filly again, but hey, I was tough! This coach was rumored to be the toughest in coach terms, which is what I needed. Wouldn't it be awesome if coach selected me as captain. I am pretty strong, impressive, good and most importantly tough!!.
I felt a smile beaming ear to ear as my Dad took me to practice. I galloped to the field, ready for anything. I got in line with everypony else for the long distance shooting..
Coach screamed at me, the first ever, saying I should know better than to be like this. He kept asking over and over why I didn't score an easy ball that was shot into the goal. He yelled and yelled and I tried to keep my strength up. I tried not to let some tears fall. It was a hard kick and I kicked it right at the goal. It was perfect, except the goalpony knocked it out. I tried not to let this get the best of me, but it did. I didn't think that it would be a mistake, but I knew if it wasn't perfect then coach would start yelling.
.
I got used to it after a while. I knew it was coming every day, but I was a tough and fearless filly that never let anything show. However, it was hard not to..,
I thought it might have been the right thing. Then I thought I should not get punished for standing up for it. Coach cussed one of my teammates out for the same reason he did me. I felt empathy for him. I felt something telling me: "Don't Just Stand There!" I had to stay at my position because it mattered to me. It mattered that I was strong and tough. Coach would approve of what I did.
I don't know how the desire to be hard ever tempted me, but it was good to push yourself. To be able to be stronger than what you thought you were. To be able to do it, handle it. To have the ability to get to your position. To be strong when you are tired even though your legs give out. To keep going!
I liked doing that, but I wondered, did coach have the same desire I did? Or was he more obsessed with it? I thought about it but I decided that coach was the boss and he was probably correct in what he said all the time..
.
Was coach going about teaching toughness the right way? Was it really a good idea to yell at siblings when they tried hard and made a great effort, but didn't quite make it? Dad would encourage me when I was having trouble scoring. He was patient and taught me simply how to do it right. He would clap his hooves when I did it right. He would even shout with glee if I didn't do it right, which made me feel good. Was it a good idea to scream, yell or to spank somepony little for not doing it right?
I practiced with a sprained leg and still more yelling for tripping. I felt guilt and punishment seep into my heart as I feel as though I shouldn't have sprained my leg.
I pretend it didn't matter and try to play with my sore leg. No pony to help me and give me reassurance. I told myself that I didn't need comfort. I had to keep going..
Resist the pain, practice after practice. I kept trying to resist the pain. I needed to keep going, to keep moving. Ignore the stinging. Ignore it all..
I had to. I had to keep pushing. I must! I wanted to rest, but I couldn't dishonor everpony?
No.
I felt it getting worse every day. My leg wasn't able to heal. It got worse and worse...
I don't know, if life was like this, if life was to be like this, to be in fear, or to be in pain, or to be depressed, would it not be nice to actually end it? I feel the wind blowing in my mane, as I jogged it off as I was playing, it felt the pain in my legs, and the sweat on my face, as I kept pushing myself forward, breathing out and trying to avoid side aches, I felt the grass under me, as I took a slip trying to get to the ball, I felt a sting as my skin hit the grass as a scrape, I got up quick and ran after.
Feeling the wind blow through my mane I trot off the pain in my legs. My face is sweaty as I kept pushing myself forward, breathing hard and trying to avoid side aches. I felt the grass under me. I slipped trying to get the ball. My skin scraped and stung as it hit the grass. I got up quick and ran after.
The sun was bright, hot and shining on my face, players were everywhere, every single way you looked, my teammate was trapped by a row of defenders, looking of where to pass the ball, there I was hustling ready for the ball, he passes, I stop the pass with my foot, and run trying to get to the goal, I slip as one of the defenders gets the ball, and I hear a sharp ring, as coach yells for slipping up at the time..
The sun was bright, hot and shining on my face. Players were everywhere I looked. My teammate was trapped by a row of defenders looking for somepony to pass the ball to. I was hustling, ready for the ball. He passes. I catch the ball with my hoof and run hard for the goal. I slip, allowing one of the defenders to get the ball, and I hear coach yelling at me for slipping when I did.
I felt the pressure, as I tried to leap up, but my hips wouldn't let me, I tried to get up, but I kept sliding, putting my hands on the grass trying to have the ground help lift me up, as coach's screams hit my ears like a force, and a humiliation rushes over me..
Coach's lessons of being hard made me want to go on. I couldn't let my injury stop me. I had to keep at it or we would never win. I couldn't let this get away. I heard the rumors, I was showing weakness. I hear the referee blow the whistle. He asks if I'm injured. I'm sweating now, I didn't want to say yes. Coach was very angry and yells for me to get up as I tell the referee what happened. I tell him that I am not injured, but he doesn't believe me. He calls for a bed so they can check for anything broken. I get lifted up so they could carry me. I get a glimpse of coach staring at me. He doesn't care if I'm hurt, he looked at me with disappointment. I see my teammates look at me with sympathy because they knew what happened when you disobey coach.
I tried not to let them carry me off, but my hoof was unable to move any more. I wasn't able to think clearly. All I could think about was a punishment that would hurt worse than the pain I was in already. I tried not to sob, not for coach, but for my own pride. I felt humiliation flood me as the fans watched as I was carried off the field. I watched the birds soaring in the sky envious of how happy and problem free they looked.
The doctor says I'm healing and that I cannot go to practices. He would address coach to make sure he knew I have to stay home. I felt sad and depressed. I never wanted this to happen again. I didn't want to be carried away see coach's deep, dark, glaring eyes piercing into my soul. I tried to hold back the flood of tears from the humiliation. I needed to stay tough, pretend it never happened. To forget it. I needed to start fresh and push back.
My injury made worse by pressing forward through the pain. Then twisting it more so it cracked as I hit the ground. Here I was, injured by a mistake.
I touch the wall and take deep breaths. I felt a rush of relief to finally be able to heal. I had to heal. But I felt guilty for feeling relief instead of anger. I should have been angry for not being at practice with my teammates. All because I broke my ankle.
If only I had not broken it. I keep thinking of the future too much and a broken ankle doesn't help. I feel heat come to my heart, like it's burning me to ashes. I felt the heartache of the consequences..
I didn't want to tell anypony. If I did, I would humiliate myself. I had to keep my pride at least. I had to lie for the sake of it. I couldn't slip and say anything. It would make me seem weak, undesirable and make coach even madder. I would not let anypony else be punished because of me. I had done that already.
If I only passed to the colt correctly I would save him from pain. I didn't realize the pass screwed up, but the colt tried to gain control over the ball and missed the pass. Coach took him away. I caught a glimpse of a bruised colt crying after practice was over.
When I came back for practice I wasn't leaping as I had in the beginning. I didn't feel joy or happiness. I felt fear. I didn't know why, but my goosebumps became more visible. I felt a shudder come as I saw coach ordering the others around. My first thought was to turn and run. Run.
I held these thoughts, trying to ignore the plea for mercy. Slowly I headed down the hill that leads to the field. I saw coach and I knew I had to face him. He walked toward me.
''Come with me..'' He said slowly..
I was attempting to hold back the shudders and shaky breaths as coach walked me across the field. Across another field until my teammates looked like ants.
He took the ball that he held in his hooves and threw it at my head. I stumbled.
''No!! You don't fall over, you keep at it!!!'' Coach yelled. ''Neglect pain!! You must neglect it, and keep at the ball!!''
He hit my knee with a stick as I tried to get the ball into a dribble. I couldn't help but feel the pain as the ball kept hitting me. He hit me in the stomach and I gasped for breath. Coach repeatedly yelled, and the stinging kept on.
At the end of practice I saw one of my teammates come up. He was bruised, sore and had cuts all over him. He was tearing up a little. I was about to ask him what was wrong when I realized it was the same thing that happened to me.
''We all have to suffer...'' He said. ''Better start getting used to it..''
''I will..'' I said.
And try to keep the good pony inside my heart.
Why did I stay? Why not move to a different team? But how could I suffer when somepony else was?
How could my friends go through this?
And if I couldn't stop it, so what? We would suffer together!!
We would never be alone! We would be in it together. That's what I believe in, unity and teamwork. On that lonely walk down the street I thought that this was perhaps the first time seeing the effects of evil on innocent ponies being shown. No matter how oblivious I might have been to it at the time, I thought deep and hard about it now. Then for once, I cried..
