I Still Cry (What Used To Be)
Every Single Day, I'll Be Back For You
Vinyl Scratch sat alone, the kitchen table now appearing a million times larger than it was a few days ago.
The stench of loneliness filled her heart up with an unforgiving feeling of regret that coursed through her very system. Her blood now felt like molasses. It pumped painfully inside of her body. No matter how much she begged for the sensation to stop, it just couldn’t whither. For all pleading and hoping she did would not let the feeling disconnect with her physical self.
The empty Manehatten apartment now felt like a maximum security prison. She could feel the abuse already. She could feel the slaps and whips her body was taking. She could hear the neverending cries of the unfortunate souls who were in that Hell with her.
Inside Vinyl’s mind, the screaming only continued. The sounds bounced off concrete walls and dismal wishes. Her brain became a swirling torment of sounds and imminent madness, and the volume only seemed to increase with every passing moment.
In the early morning sun, much earlier than Vinyl had ever woken up before, she sat in her usual chair. It was the furthest from the door. The barely lit sunlight streamed through like a busted dam. It illuminated her bowl of cereal.
She used her hooves, saving her energy instead of using an alternative manner. Each drop of food that slid down her gullet felt like a body-numbing poison that she hoped would take her very life away. The more she pondered the thought, the more she because accustomed to the thought of a visit from darkness’ tutor. She could see the scythe already, dragging her to a Hell no worse than this one.
Another night without sleep. Another day with bloodshot eyes. It hurt to move them, to look around and take in the usual sites without her. Nothing she saw would make her heart flutter, now. She doubted it would ever happen again.
She set her spoon in her bowl, and looked at the empty seat opposite her at the end of the table.
“Hey, Tavi,” she said, swallowing her last piece of venom. “Would you mind passing me some more cereal?” She gave a very, very lackluster attempt at her usual smile.
Of course, the room was vacant save for Vinyl.
She stood up from her chair, mosied over to the other chair, and sat down. She gazed over where Vinyl was just sitting a moment ago. She let out a sigh, and rolled her eyes in a familiar way. She even matched Octavia’s classier method of speaking.
“Sure, Vinyl.”
Vinyl Scratch, without another word, wandered over to the cupboard, near where she was now sitting closest to the door. She let out a small yawn, a silent prayer for sleep, and pulled out the cereal she was eating just a moment before. She set it down at her spot, where the cereal was. “Here you go.”
Vinyl sat back down, and gazed up where she was standing just a moment ago. She was practically looking up at the ceiling. “Thanks, Tavi! I really appreciate it.”
Vinyl stood up again, and went to the other side of the table. She grunted just slightly upon planting her rump on the chair. “Oh, you’re welcome.” She then paused, as if something had just crossed her mind. “You’re being awfully kind this morning. I’ve never heard you say ‘thank you’ in your life.”
Vinyl jumped to the other side of the table. She started pouring a little more cereal into her bowl. “Do I really need a reason?” She brought another spoonful of remorse up to her lips. They were terribly dry. For a moment, Vinyl actually stopped. Her ragged mane dipped down like a tree with dying branches and leaves. “So, how’s your latest piece coming along?”
She switched again, to Octavia’s usual spot. “My new piece? Oh! Right.” She adjusted herself in her seat, like Tavi would. She had a habit of doing that before she went on to talk about herself. “It is… well, impossible to tell. There’s so much going on, right now. What, with all my auditions, and family matters. And then… what just happened. I think it’s safe to say that it will never be finished.”
Vinyl switched seats again. She ignored the dull, repetitive pain in her legs. She took another bite of her cereal. “Oh, come on. You can’t give up. You’re music is great, everyone will love it once they hear it.”
Switch.
Vinyl bashfully rolled her eyes, and rested her hooves in her lap, the exact same way she would. She forced herself to blush, and looked at the other chair with kind eyes. “Thank you. I hope you’re right.” She looked downwards. “Sometimes, I feel like my career will never take off, though. It’s been years, and still… nothing worthwhile has come from it. Maybe this piece will be the one…”
Switch. Vinyl threw her spoon into her bowl, and winked. “Atta mare.” She could practically see Octavia on the other side of the table, blushing. “That’s the attitude of a winner, right there. You’ve got it all in you. Your time will come, just like mine will.”
Switch.
“You are a marvelous friend, Vinyl.” She gave the other empty chair a magnificent smile, one that would have rivaled the stars had Vinyl’s heart not been full of misery.
Switch.
Vinyl turned to look at her bowl, emotionless. She couldn’t look at the other chair, nor would she force herself. “I… I’m really not, Tavi.” The spoon clattered on the tabletop, and she buried her head in her hooves. She forced back tears she didn’t even know were still lingering inside of her. “I’m a terrible friend. I was a bad friend to you.”
Switch. Vinyl opened her mouth in shock, and held a hoof to her chest. “How… could you say that? You have been my best friend every since we were young.”
Switch.
“But I’ve been horrible to you. I’ve taken you for granted this entire time. Just look back, will ya? I didn’t deserve you at all. I deserve to be alone like this. I deserve isolation and heartache.”
Switch.
“You haven’t been horrible. You’ve been an honest friend, and I’ve loved what we shared all that while.”
Switch. Tears that Vinyl had been holding in slid down her face. It stained, and came and came and came. Vinyl’s consciousness had broken. A few tears splashed into her cereal. “Remember all those horrible things? Remember when I got drunk that one night at a bar, and got in that fight. I got kicked out, and you had to pick me up even though you had an audition in four hours? Remember all those pranks that I pulled on you, that’d make you cry and scream at me, and all I did was laugh? Do you remember when you asked for an opinion of your piece, and I was too busy to do so? I’m not your friend… I failed.” In a fit of despair, she slammed her hoof into her half-empty bowl and knocked it off the table. Milk and particles of cereal splattered over the floor and nearby counter, and the bowl itself shattered into pieces.
Switch. Vinyl took a minute, wiped the remainder of her tears, and went to Octavia’s normal breakfast seat. Her eyes were red, and sunken, more so than usual. She maintained her perpetual frown, and casted a sad stare where Vinyl was just a moment ago. She spoke in a slow, deliberate manner, as if she was trying to convince something to someone that didn’t even exist.“You’re not a bad friend. You’re my best friend. I put up with you, and do those things for you because I couldn’t stand having someone else in your place.”
Switch.
Vinyl let the tears flow again, and ran a hoof through her mane. “That cannot be true. I don’t get it.” She let out a shaky sigh, and sniffled. “I just want things to back to what used to be. I can’t go on like this… alone. I need you, Tavi. I’ve never realized this until now. I need you to come back now! Quit acting like this is all… some sick joke!”
Switch. Vinyl managed a calm smile. She wished she could have seen it in a mirror. “It’s not a joke, and I cannot come back. You know this. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I should have seen it coming.” She leaned over the table a little bit, speaking from the button of her very heart. However, her voice came out scratchy, very unlike how Octavia would actually speak. “You cannot give up, Vinyl. Please. I loved what we had, our friendship and everything about it. I loved being with you, and our breakfast conversations and our collaborative sessions. What used to be will never come. It’s about what has to be, now. Do not fret or worry. From where I am now, I still miss you. I’ll be with you alw--”
“No!” Vinyl didn’t even bother going to the other side of the table. She slammed her face into table in a desperate effort to quiet the aching voices in her head. She started to cry a bit harder, a small pool of tears mixed with crimson gathered underneath her nose.
She sat in an agonizing mess, filled with grief and the loss of her best friend of whom she still had so much left to say to. The regurgitating feel of despondency that she had went and tossed out the window days ago had hit her in the head like a boomerang.
After about twenty minutes, Vinyl sat up in her chair, her face a cruel mess. Dried blood lingered on her cheek and under her nose. Her face was drenched.
She paid no attention to the mess she had created. The only sound that rang through the house was her sniffling.
She headed towards her room, and she went back to bed, even though she knew she wouldn’t sleep.
The next day, Vinyl sat in her usual chair.
She dove into a bowl of cereal. That familiar feeling rising up in her. Her face was contorted into an ugly frown rivaled by that of an ogre. She looked up at the other chair, the one closest by the door, and pointed at the cupboard with her wet spoon.
“Hey, Tavi. Would you mind passing me some more cereal?”
Author's Note
Wrote this on some downtime when I felt inspired.
May not be like some of my other pieces, but oh well. I still enjoyed writing it.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate it.
-Cyneryk
