Why Ancient Rituals Don't Always Work

by musicman722

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Sex, Daring Do, Ahuizotl, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 11470

Ahuizota tries taking over the world, but a simple mistake leads to some sexy results.

After her latest defeat at the hooves of Derring-Do, Ahuizota plots another world domination plan. This one involves the Rings of the Ancient Mareyan Sun Temple and using them to bring about one thousand years of heat!

At least, that what the faded pictures on the walls, and the tattered scrolls say.

*****
AU because r63

Published 2014-11-23 06:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-22 06:26:52 UTC

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Curse that wretched Derring-do! Once again, he foiled my plans to claim the ancient Sapphire Statue! It was so simple to just let him navigate the temple’s traps and take it from him as soon as he got out. My precious cats had him trapped as they chased him through the jungle, but he managed to escape once again. I may need to invest in some better cats, or at least more of them. After his escape, I had hoped that he would go to recover his injured wing, but it seemed that was too much to hope for.

He came back, swinging from vines to snatch the sapphire stature out of my grip. I can still see that arrogant, cocky, charming smile on his face as he taunted me. I will have my revenge for sure.

Until next time,

Ahuizota

*****

Dear Diary,

It’s been a week since I wrote but I had to tell you what happened. I had been scavenging for information on any artifacts or tools I could use to assert my rule, or at least stop Derring-do from foiling anymore of my plans. Thanks to some generous informants, I found a few rings that are said to be used at the Mareyan Sun Temple for rituals. It’s amazing what a little bit of height can do to sway an earth pony’s mind.

I ventured to the temple using a map I…borrowed from my informant. I must admit, the temple is aptly named. Even covered in vines, the sun strikes the stone so beautifully. I think I’ll make my palace here when I take over the world. Yes, a nice view over the jungle canopy, a beautiful sunset to watch every evening, and Derring-do as my personal servant. Perfect.

Tomorrow, I work on translating the carvings and paintings. Perhaps there’s some gold around here to hire mercenaries. Wouldn’t want Derring-do to catch wind of my plan.

Love,

Ahuizota

*****

Dear Diary,

Things could not be more perfect to take over the world! If my translations are correct, when I collect all the rings and stack them around the obelisk, I will bring about years of unrelenting heat. I could use it to bend people to my will very easily. They will bow to Ahuizota, the Wielder of the Heat. Hmm, I might have to work on titles later.

I can imagine it now. Melting snowy mountains to flood disrespectful villages or my enemies’ armies. Reminding the workers that I’m watching as they construct statues of my glory. Derring-do forced to pull my chariot as the sun beats down on him. His toned flanks glistening with sweat

Ahem. That being said, the rings I have acquired have been placed on the obelisk with the few that were already there. I can see why they were left there, they looked really heavy. Turns out I have five more rings to find. Luckily, a back room held information on their possible whereabouts. I shall begin immediately.

Soon-to-be-Empress,

Ahuizota

*****

Dear Diary,

What luck! My rule is closer to my grasp than I had expected. From my digging, I discovered that of the five left, only two of them were kept in their original spots. The other three were found, but kept in private collections. No matter. I will plan around that when I come to it. From what the newspapers I found have told me, Derring-do will be busy at the opening of a new exhibit to showcase the Sapphire Statue soon.

Is it just me or is that suit too tight on Derring-do? Hmmpf, they can celebrate all they like, but I shall have the last laugh. Perhaps I can send them a scare? They will be too focused on security that they won’t look my way when I make my break-ins.

Love,

Ahuizota

*****

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe they fell for my trick! They beefed up the security at the event, but when I didn’t show up, they had the gall to think they scared me off. Hah! I was already miles away raiding this old pony’s mansion. Feh, it was a gaudy thing. Fountains and fancy flower beds, all inside a ten foot fence.

His security was a joke. Dogs? I have tigers and jaguars. That shut them up real quick. His locks were useless after I carved them out of the door. There was one guard but I took him out by throwing my kitten, Bast, at him. I was petting her when he walked out of a door down the hall, too far to leap. What else was I supposed to do? Bast was not happy with me, but she forgave me when I set her loose above the aquarium. Turns out the old man was a heavy sleeper if he couldn’t hear that noise. It just made my job easier.

I found the ring but… How stupid do you have to be to use it as a sports hoop?! Seriously, I found it in the gym after three hours of searching!! Just for that, this pony deserves what’s coming to him. I saw a few items that, under different circumstances, I would steal for the value. The juicy part was that a good handful of them were definitely illegal to own. After my little escapade, I sent a letter to Derring-do (thank you public records) about the treasure trove. He’ll be too distracted to notice what I stole and its importance.

Yours Truly,

Ahuizota

P.S. I found out Derring-do sleeps with a Mummy plushie! I’m so gonna blackmail him with that!~~He’s kinda cute when he sleeps~~

*****

Dear Diary,

It seems I’ve run into a slight snag. The location of the last two rings were close enough that if I worked quickly, I could get both in one night. I raided the second mansion and retrieved the ring, this time it was on a stand, almost begging to be taken. I swiped it and tripped an alarm, but I was already gone before the police could arrive.

The last one….I barely managed to get it. Right as I approached the place with ring on tail, Derring-Do dropped out of the sky. My blood started pumping faster, most likely getting ready for the inevitable chase. I noticed he had the last ring hanging around his neck.

Derring-do told me he knew the gist of my plan, but he didn’t know how close I was to completing it. I realize now that he might have caught wind of it at the first mansion I raided. Probably that guard who saw me. And I led Derring straight to it! Still, I must admit it was impressive how much he caught on to me in such little time.

But then I made the mistake of demanding for the ring. Derring made that stupid, cute smirk before saying, and I quote, “Now Ahuizota, you know I love you, but I can’t give you the ring until I’ve properly proposed”. How dare suggest such a thing! I would never want to walk down the aisle in a white dress up to him at the altar. It’s simply preposterous to imagine him in a suit saying his vows to me and saying ‘I do’. Slowly dancing with him under the moonlight is the last thing on my mind. ~~We would consummate our marriage-~~

ANYWAYS, I set my cats loose on him, hoping he would be distracted enough to allow me to snatch the ring from him. It proved difficult as he handled my jungle cats with surprising ease. ~~Would he fight for me like that if we were marri-~~ I decided to pull out my trump card and casually asked about the name of his mummy plushie. It worked in distracting him from the 500 pound tiger that tackled him into the ground and knocked him out. Rajah got a huge fish for that.

I decided to kill two birds with one stone and tied up Derring, taking him back with me to the temple. I saw a few good places to trap him and give him a good view of my success. He shall witness the futility of fighting me.

With love and joy,

Ahuizota

*****

Ahuizota closed her diary after finishing her last entry. She couldn’t help but grin as everything was coming together perfectly. She stashed her book away and then left the bedchamber towards the ritual chamber. The room was much like a cathedral, with the vaulted ceiling and large floor space. The obelisk stood tall in the back of the chamber, now covered by the stack of golden rings. Just in front of it was an altar where sacrifices were placed. It was fitting to see Derring tied down, spread eagle on his back, like the sacrifices in the wall paintings.

He struggled in his bonds as his captor padded silently up out of his view. “Try all you want Derring, but you won’t stop me this time.” Ahuizota said as she passed by him, her tail hand patting him on his muzzle. She began the climb up to the top of the obelisk.

“You’re making a mistake, Ahuizota.” He replied, “Those rings were hidden for a reason!”

“Maybe. But they were brought back together for a reason too. I will rule with the power of the sun at my beck and call!” Ahuizota cackled, “And once this last ring is placed, you will be powerless to stop me!”

“We’ll see about that.” Derring muttered as the last ring was set. The room shook and the rings began to glow, starting at the base and working its way up.

Ahuizota jumped and landed between Derring and the obelisk, not taking her eyes off her work. “Yes. True power shall be mine!” she said as the glow neared the top. When the last ring glowed, Ahuizota could feel the energy swirl around the room before coalescing at the top and expanding outwards. When the wave passed over her, Ahuizota’s eyes widened as she felt her body become significantly warmer, some parts more than others. “W-What is going on? What-hhhgg-happened? This wasn’t-mmmm-mentioned in the texts.”

“Let me guess.” A smug voice said behind her, “You thought you would gain control of the sun?” Ahuizota turned to see that irritating, arrogant, sexy smile on Derring’s face. He grinned even more, “Jokes on you. This civilization associated the sun with fertility, and here’s the kicker, they weren’t exactly known for their high birth rates. That’s why they made the rings. It’s not a weapon, it’s a mating inducer!”

Ahuizota flushed with embarrassment at her mistake. ‘Oh gods, he probably thinks I’m desperate to get laid, or that I’m a complete pervert! I just wanted to rule with him as my servant!’ she mentally wailed. As this thought went through her mind, she became very aware of the warmth between her thighs. ‘Great! Now I’m in heat and alone with an infuriating, sexy stallion…’ Her mind trailed off as the hormones kicked the door down, tied up Logic and Anger-at-Derring, and shoved them into the closet. “Hey Derring, has anyone ever told you how good you look?” Ahuizota said sultrily, giving bedroom eyes to the bound stallion. The scent of a healthy stallion was intoxicating, adding a hungry gleam to her eyes.

Derring’s grin fell off his face as he felt a lead weight drop in his stomach. Smart as he was, he forgot to take into account the possibility of Ahuizota being affected and how he was the only stallion in the room. “H-Hey, Ahuizota, you’re not thinking straight right now. Why don’t you, um, go get some rest?” he suggested nervously. He tried to resist the attractive eyes, her seductive voice, the sway of her cute ass, and the way she crawled up on top of him, but he might as well have tried to stop a snow storm with a hair dryer. The mating magic from the rings weren’t helping either. “L-Let’s not do anything you’ll regret now.” His words were cut off when he felt her tail start to grope his crotch.

“What’s to regret?” Ahuizota asked, trailing a finger down his neck, “All I want right now is to mate with you. Is that too much to ask? It’s not like you’re not enjoying this.” She punctuated her statement with a stroke of his hardening member.

Looking away with a blush on his face, Derring replied, “Normally I-I wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay, b-but I’d rather you be speaking from your own mmm-mind, not what the magic is telling y-you.” It was getting difficult to concentrate now that he was fully erect and was pressing against something soft and wet. Even now, the magic was seeping into him, influencing his desires and augmenting his body. Mustering all his remaining self-control, he forced his hips to stay still despite the alluring call to start thrusting.

Ahuizota giggled, “You’re cute when you’re flustered. You’re wrong though. This magic makes me want to find a stallion and have him rut my brains out, but I don’t want just any stallion.” She leaned in to his ear and spoke softly, “I. Want. You.”

Derring groaned as his control was shattered and his hips started to thrust. He stopped when a hand grabbed his shaft and pressed it just against the front entrance. “Looks like you want this as much as I do.” Ahuizota noted happily, “Let’s get started then.” Without warning, she dropped her waist and took it up to the medial ring. “Ooh~! You’re bigger than I thought you’d be.” She moaned in delight, “Now to see how long you last.” Placing her hands on his chest, she began moving her hips.

Below her, Derring had a look of blissful shock, and his mind in a similar state. He’d been in some amazing situations and seen incredible things, but this blew the competition away. His arch-nemesis was riding him like no tomorrow, and she felt insanely warm and tight, like she was milking him for all he had. Every time she pulled away, her walls were reluctant to give up their prize, and greedily pulled him back in when she came down.

After the initial shock passed away, Derring stared at Ahuizota’s blushing face. ‘Sweet Celestia, that is so adorable.’ he thought. Derring shook his head, ‘No! Bad brain. I need to stop her before things get out of hoof. If I can just get out of these bonds…’ Unfortunately, the rope was still snug against his hooves. ‘Dammit, I need something to cut these ropes, or…’ The thought trailed off as he realized the answer was staring right at him. ‘If this works, I will be fucking amazed. Literally.’

Timing her movements, Derring began to thrust his hips when she came down. Ahuizota gave a surprised squeak when he did but was too lost in the pleasure to give comment. With every thrust he gave, Derring slid even deeper inside her, now up to three fourths of his cock. However, the magic of the rings desired more in its quest to fulfill the need to breed. He pushed harder, if not a bit faster, as they came closer to the climax. Ahuizota screamed with delight, “Yes! Don’t stop! I’m almost there!”

“Same here.” Derring grunted out. He felt himself reach the tipping point. ‘It’s now or never!’ he thought as he gave his last few thrusts. Just before they came, he pushed Ahuizota far enough to pull himself out of her. Moving quickly, he shifted his waist as his balls twitched and fired his sticky load at his forelegs. Derring panted with effort as the last dribbles of cum pooled on his chest. He glanced at Ahuizota to see her giving him a fierce pout. ‘Was she always that adorable?’

“Derring…” she growled out, “You were supposed to finish inside me!”

The strapped down Pegasus gulped, “Thing is, I don’t have a condom on me right now. Thanks to that ring tower’s magic, if I did finish inside you, there might have been a chance I would have gotten you pregnant. You don’t want that, do you?” Derring watched as Ahuizota’s eyes glazed over for a few moments, a string of drool coming out of her mouth. She blinked out of her reverie and gave a look of desire towards Derring that made him regret his last sentence.

“Ready for Round Two, stud?” she purred seductively, rubbing her moist snatch up and down his rod. The blood that had drained from Derring’s face went to the only place left. A light smack against her stomach gave her the answer. “Good boy.” Ahuizota said as she slid back onto Derring’s dick, “This time, you’re not going to stop until you fill me with every last drop.” She punctuated the last few words groping Derring’s balls, which were quickly refilling thanks to the rings.

Before she could slam her hips down, Derring spoke up, “You know, if you let my back legs go, I could get deeper inside you. Just saying.” Ahuizota grinded on the tip of his shaft as she considered the thought, then cut the ropes with a flick of her tail. After he was free, Derring took the initiative and shot his hips up, penetrating her core all the way to the base. Ahuizota was stunned by the sudden fullness and the euphoria that came with it; she didn’t notice Derring slip out of his bonds until it was too late. Derring flapped his wings, pushing him until he was on top of Ahuizota. Noticing how tightly she was clutching him, Derring shot her a smug grin, “You want me to fill you up? You’ll be bursting after this.”

For the first time in the whole ordeal, Derring gave in to the pleasure. He fucked Ahuizota like she had wanted. Each stroke was made to go to the furthest reaches of her pussy, massaging every sensitive spot on the way. Derring periodically changed between slow, sensual strokes to rapid, rough thrusts in order to keep the pleasure going. With each change, Ahuizota either moaned or squeaked in response. At one point, Derring wondered if he could make her sing a song like this and was very tempted to, but decided against it.

“Yes~.” Ahuizota moaned in ecstasy, “This feels so amazing! Why didn’t I do this sooner?” She squeaked once more as she felt another sensitive spot rubbed by the meaty spear inside her.

“Maybe because you were too busy-hng-trying to beat me?” Derring commented as her folds tightened on him again.

“Mmmmmaybe. Well, forget ancient temples, I’ve got the best treasure right here.” She leaned up and kissed Derring on the lips. It took him by surprise for a second, but he returned the gesture. They broke apart for air later only to resume once more.

During the kiss, Derring happened to notice his saddlebags were just below where they were, easily within feathers reach. Another idea formulated in his mind and he acted upon it the moment he was ready. He stopped the kiss and began to lightly kiss down Ahuizota’s neck and collarbone. The act made her writhe with pleasure, “You’re a better kisser than I imagined.”

“What did you imagine about me?” Derring asked, half curious, as he kissed her.

“Your smile.” Kiss. “Your eyes.” Kiss. “Your muscles.” Kiss. “Your flanks.” Kiss. “Your dick.” Kiss. “Your kiss.” Kiss. “Your love.” Kiss. “Your everything.”

“That’s a lot to imagine.” Derring said.

“I have a lot of spare time~.” Ahuizota replied, “Speaking of time, I’m getting close.”

“Then let’s do it together.” Derring sped up his movements as he got closer to release before giving the last, deepest thrust he could, painting Ahuizota’s womb white and filling it to the brim. Right as they came, Derring kissed her deeply, tongues fighting for control as they screamed. In that moment, there was no temple, no rings, and no enemies. It was just them in a lover’s embrace.

It felt like forever until they pulled away from each other. Ahuizota broke the silence first, “Hey Derring?” Her eyes started to close.

“Yes?”

“I love you.” It was all she got out before sleep took her.

Derring extracted himself out of her limbs, pulling his dick out with a small pop, releasing a small flood of jizz. “Huh, must’ve been saving up, or that magic really kicks in.” He then gazed upon her slumbering form, “Thank you, insomnia.” He muttered to himself, and then stared at the tower of rings, “Right. I should probably fix that.” He flew up and began to disassemble the stack, fiercely ignoring his loin’s want to return to Ahuizota’s cooch. “We both have a lot of explaining to do when she wakes up.”

****

The soft crackle of burning wood gently pulled Ahuizota from her dreams. Her eyes cracked open to find the source of the fire. Once found, she grumbled about wanting more sleep before snuggling deeper under her feathery blanket towards the comfy source of warmth. However, she couldn’t fall back asleep as a tiny alarm bell went off in the back of her mind. Wanting to shut it up, she checked to see what was wrong.

Fire. Check. Outside under the stars. Check. Snuggling up to Derring-Do. Check. Jungle noises. Check. Satisfied feeling in- Her mind did a double take and she jumped away once she realized what she was doing. “Derring! How did you escape?! What happened?! Why was I asleep next to you?! Did you do anything to me?!” Ahuizota screeched out.

Derring, who remained laying by the fire, regarded her with a bemused look, “Hello to you too. I actually have a few questions as well, but to answer yours, just remember what happened.”

Ahuizota gave him a confused look as she scanned her memories. ‘Let’s see, I wrote in my diary, walked in with the ring, taunted Derring, put the ring on the top, and then…’ Her face paled as a torrent of memories came rushing with the force of stampeding minotaurs, ‘OH. MY. GODS. Did I seriously…? And he said that…and then he…’ Her mind trailed off as it attempted to comprehend everything she had done. If she saw her face, it would make a tomato envious how red it was. The way Derring was just looking at her made her want to find the deepest hole she could bury herself into and never come out. There was no word to describe the utterly horrifying embarrassment she felt for what she did. Ahuizota tried to make some sort of response, a denial even, but her body resorted to the next best thing.

It started as a high pitched tone, and then grew into a whimper, and when the waterworks came out, she was bawling. “I just wanted to rule the woorhurrhurrhurrld!” she gasped out, “Id’s naht mai fault da stoopid texds couldn’ be transladed righihihiiit!”

“Ahui…” Derring handed over a hankerchief.

She blew her nose and then started to hyperventilate, “An-and now I’m gonna be kn-knocked up and end up being a single m-mom because y-y-you p-probably think I’m some sick, desperate f-ffreak t-trying to get lai-haied!!”

“Ahuizota…”

“An-An-And my baby is gonna grow up h-hungry because I won’t be able to care f-for him. I’m a terrible mohahaaam-mmph?!” Her rant was cut off by a pair of lips pressed against hers. The tenderness and love behind them bled out into her, washing away all her worries like chalk dust. Her body and mind felt like they were jello as she sank to the ground.

After what felt like not enough time, Derring broke the kiss. “Feeling better?” he asked.

Ahuizota responed with a dazed, “Uh-huh.”

“Good. Now that I answered your question, you need to answer mine.” Derring said as he laid next to Ahuizota, placing a wing over her back, “I guess the biggest question I have is, did you mean everything you said back in the temple?”

Turning away so he wouldn’t see her renewed blush, Ahuizota replied, “W-why does that matter? Not like you would care.”

Derring smiled and gave her a small nuzzle, “I just want to know if it was you or the magic talking.”

Realizing any scrap of dignity she had was annihilated in the temple, she reluctantly answered, “Yes, I meant it.” Her head hung low as the words came out.

“I see. If it makes you feel any better, I did try to keep the sex as short as possible. I only played along until I could escape.”

Ahiuzota nodded in acceptance, and then gave Derring a confused look, “Wait a minute, how did you escape? I tied those bonds well.”

Derring’s face scrunched up, “Well, when I pulled out after the first round, I used my own fluids to slip out of the bonds.”

Laughter erupted from Ahuizota’s throat, “Oh gods, that must have been gross to feel!”

“Tell me about it.”

Ahuizota had a shark-like grin, “I’m not letting you live this one down. Hehehe.”

“Oh? But you forget that I also knocked you out as well.” Derring grinned back.

“What are you talking about?” She tried to recall any sort of blow or hold that put her to sleep but there was nothing.

“It was during the last kiss.” Derring explained as his free wing pulled a small box out of his bags, “I slipped you some fast acting sleeping pills. I always thought my insomnia meds were a pain, but they redeemed themselves.”

“Aw, come on.” Ahuizota buried her face in her hands as Derring chuckled. He then gave a small cough before he spoke again.

“In all seriousness, I do have another question to ask you.” His tone made Ahuizota pay attention, “After recent events and confessions, I realize I have to take some responsibility for my actions.” He glanced to Ahuizota’s belly, “What I’m asking is, will you give me a chance to help raise our child?”

Ahuizota’s face heated up and her heart started beating faster, “Are you saying you want to…” she trailed off.

“Get married? Possibly, but for right now, I want to get to know you.” He punctuated with a kiss on her nose, “How about a date?”

“I’d like that.” Ahuizota said happily, feeling more content than she had been in years.

*****

Dear Diary,

So much has happened in the month since the Sun Temple. Derring and I started dating and things took off since the first date. We both have similar interests in ancient temples, relics, and such that it felt like we were meant for each other. He loves it when I smile and laugh, and treats me like a queen. Maybe not a ruler of the world, but definitely one in bed. He’s such a sweetie too, especially when he brings home a bouquet of roses and kisses me to sleep each night. I think he might propose to me soon. I can’t wait!

That’s right, I moved in with him, partly because I had no ‘actual’ home myself. His house is bigger than it looks from the front and it’s packed full of books to read. I tried bringing my cats with me, but he only allowed Bast because she was a house cat. No matter, the others still live in the jungle nearby, so I can see them when I want.

My pregnancy (yes, I did become pregnant) has been coming along well despite the odd cravings and morning sickness. Who knew that pickles and ice cream would taste so good? Anyways, with a baby on the way, Derring took up writing down some of his past adventures, all under a pen name of course. He says he knows a publisher and that these exaggerated tales would be a big hit to colts and fillies. With the money from that we could easily support a small family.

Family. It feels like yesterday that I was battling Derring for world domination and now it’s for who gets to be on top. As happy as I am, I can’t help but feel nervous. Will I be a good mother? Will the baby be born alright? Will Derring ever leave me? Thankfully, every time one of these questions rears its ugly head, Derring is always there to keep me safe. I couldn’t ask for more.

I have to go get ready for dinner tonight. Derring is going to take me to a fancy restaurant and go watch the firework show.

With tender love and care,

Ahuizota

P.S. I totally like it when Derring takes me from behind and pulls on my tail. He’s so strong and his dick is so big. Just the feeling of him on top of me is-

Derring is so going to be on the bottom tonight. Plus, I know where he keeps his whip. I might hide his plushie for a few days too.

Author's Note

Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed the fic, please fave (or put in a library relating to faves), and like. I had this idea for a while and saw a severe lack of this ship, especially r63, so i made this little thing with the best combo in romance ever: tsundere and lots of embarrassment!

BEFORE YOU COMMENT, PLEASE NOTE:
1.This is NOT a rape/mind control fic, nor is it intended to be one. I know someone might take it the wrong way, so i'm clearing that up now.
2. The rings acted on Ahuizota akin to alcohol, by which I mean they lowered her inibitions on her feelings about Derring.
3. Similarly, Derring saw Ahuizota in a new light thanks to the magic's passive effect on him.

With that out of the way, please tell me what you liked. I have plans for a bonus chapter or two if you guys want them.

Bonus: Morals

Dear Diary,

I don’t know what to do.

Ever since I started dating Derring over a week ago, everything had changed. I actually have a roof over my head, there’s a reliable source of food, I don’t have to worry about money or company, and I sleep on a soft mattress. It sounds like a far cry from my previous life on the lam, and therein lies the problem.

It feels like I have no control over my life anymore. I had to fight for my right to live out in the jungle, asserting dominance over weak minded fools who dared cross me. Living like this makes me feel like some weak, milk-drinking animal… a pet if you will.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Derring, but I also loved the times when we battled for some valuable relic. The thrill of the chase, planning my every move, and the need to be on guard all the time. Here in his home, there’s no need for that. I don’t need to sneak around or watch for traps. It’s just so… dull.

I need to do something. I have to feel that thrill once more. I am a predator for gods’ sake! I just need to make sure Derring doesn’t find out. I’m afraid of what he might think of me.

Your bored friend,

Ahuizota

*****

Dear Diary,

I figured it out! One night during dinner at the restaurant, I had gone to the bathroom and bumped into another mare there. She left before she noticed she left her bracelet near the sink. I thought about returning it, but even a tiny thrill of stealing such valuables again was irresistable. I’m sure she won’t know it’s missing until it’s too late.

Just walking back home with the bracelet gave me a jolt of adrenaline as I hid it within my dress. I stowed it away in a jewelry drawer. What better place to hide it than in plain sight? Since that night, I’ve gone on little raids when and where I could so long as I knew I wouldn’t get caught. My stash grew from trinkets and baubles to some priceless necklaces and gems. I had to bury some of it in the back yard because my drawer was getting crowded. There were a few times I was almost caught, but that’s what makes this all worth it.

I have to go now. There’s a noble passing through town soon. He’s sure to have something he won’t notice.

Criminal at heart,

Ahuizota

*****

The door creaked open quietly, wide enough to allow a lithe form through, then closed with the same volume. Taking care to not make a noise, Ahuizota tip toed through the house, avoiding all the creaky floorboards and preventing her loot from jingling. Halfway through the living room, the light clicked on, causing her to freeze in her tracks. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw one of the large chairs swivel around to show Derring staring at her stoically.

“Have fun, Ahuizota?” he asked in a flat tone.

Ahuizota winced and turned to face him, hiding the loot behind her, “Derring, I thought you were asleep.” She said with a nervous grin.

Derring slid out of the chair and shuffled over to Ahuizota. With each step he took, she took one backwards all up until her back was to the wall. Ahuizota tried to look for some sort of emotion in his face but found none, and it worried her greatly. She wanted him to scream, to shout, or anything except this blasted silence.

When he was arm’s length away, his façade cracked and his whole body slumped in sadness, “Why?” he asked, almost too quiet to hear, “Why?” It was only one word, but it was filled with such disappointment and heartbreak. “You know, over the past week I felt like you had actually turned over a new leaf. When I found your stash, I didn’t want to believe you had gone back to thievery, and yet something told me you would.” He snorted, “What a fool I’ve been to think you would change.” On that note, he pushed past her and climbed the stairs to the bedroom.

Before he was gone, each word had slammed into Ahuizota like a sack of bricks. The one stallion who had genuinely cared about her and she just alienated him for a few thrills. She would have called herself a puppy-kicking asshole, but that was being way too kind. The jewels on her tail fell off with a clatter when it dropped limply to the floor. She didn’t care if they scratched the floor as they were worthless to her now. She cradled her head in her hands as she curled up, muttering, “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” over and over again.

Not nearly satisfied with the name calling, she gathered up every last jewel and marched outside, throwing them all as far away as she could. It still wasn’t enough. Ahuizota went back inside, grabbed a pillow off the couch and just screamed into it. The screams devolved into sobs and then into sniffles, until she was taking deep breaths to calm herself.

Feeling drained from the emotional breakdown, Ahuizota turned and curled up on the couch to sleep. A glint of light caught her eye and she looked for the source. There. It was the moonlight reflecting off a picture frame. Ahuizota grabbed it with her tail and brought it up to her face. When she saw the contents of the picture, she almost cried again. It was the photo they took a few days after the Sun Temple. It felt like it wasn’t that long ago.

She and Derring were cuddling on the steps of the Temple. He was trying to hold her so he could tickle her with his feathers, but she resisted just as playfully. They were happy. They were in love. ‘And I almost threw it away for what? Gold and gems?!’ Ahuizota thought ruefully, ‘I’m such an idiot. There’s no way I could deserve a nice stallion like him. In the morning, I’ll talk to him about it. Maybe he’ll listen. He’s always been good at that. Yeah. In the morning…’ it was her last thought before sleep took her, clutching the picture to her chest.

*****

Derring didn’t sleep at all last night. He had laid awake in bed, staring at the ceiling until the sun rose. He felt like a tangled ball of emotions. On one hoof, he had gotten to know Ahuizota for who she was, and he liked her, daresay loved her for it. With each passing day together, their old conflicts seemed like a lifetime ago. But on the other hoof, she went behind his back to go lighten some rich pony’s pockets. He only found out because he was looking through the drawers for some missing clothes. The age old adage ‘A tiger doesn’t change his stripes’ echoed throughout his mind but his heart refused to believe it. However, last night confirmed his worst fears.

The alarm clock on the nightstand broke Derring out of his melancholy. He turned it off and then slipped out of bed, trudging down the stairs. Halfway down, he stopped as the smell of something burning filled his nose. At that moment, the fire alarm went off and a yell came from the kitchen. Derring rushed in to see an odd sight.

Ahuizota was wearing an apron and oven mitts, rushing all over the place. The counter was covered in spilled ingredients and open cookbooks. On the stove were a few pans with what looked like hay bacon and eggs, most of which were smoking. She didn’t notice him standing in the doorway, “Oh no! No, no, no, no, don’t burn now! Aahhh! Water! I need water!” She yelped in surprise when a spray of cold foam came out of nowhere and covered the burning pans. She turned to see Derring standing next to her with a red can and hose in his hooves.

Derring set the fire extinguisher down and gave Ahuizota a bemused look, “What’s going on?”

She blushed and looked away, nervously rubbing her hands, “I-I was trying to make breakfast so you wouldn’t be mad while we talked. Please don’t be mad about the mess. I didn’t think cooking would be this hard. I-I’ll even clean it up afterwards…” She trailed off, leaving ‘before I leave’ hanging in the air unspoken.

‘Celestia dammit, I can’t stay mad at that face. Stupid, sexy Ahuizota.’ Derring sighed, “Alright then. You went through this effort to talk, so I’ll listen.” He said as he sat down on the kitchen floor.

Ahuizota breathed a sigh of relief, then sat down as well, “I suppose a good start would be to say, I’m sorry.” She rubbed her neck apprehensively, her ears pressed down against her head, “I’m not used to living like this. I had to lie, cheat, and steal to survive for such a long time that I didn’t know how else to live. With everything that happened, I needed something to hold onto, to feel like myself again.

“It’s not that I’m not grateful for what you’ve done, but I can’t help but feel like I’m some sort of house pet you need to take care of.” She glanced up to see Derring’s reaction, and saw him looking ashamed for some reason. “I’m a predator, so the thrill of the hunt is irresistible to me, be it food or valuables. I’ll understand if you want nothing else to do with me. Just say the word, and I’ll be on my way-hey?!” She stopped talking as Derring moved forward to hug her tightly.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.” he said, half muffled by her fur, “I just wanted you to be happy, and I suppose I got too caught up into it to notice how you felt about it. I just wish you had told me earlier so I could have done something about it.”

Ahuizota smiled, “That’s one of the things I love about you. Always ready to help, no matter what.” She hugged back just as tightly, “I guess I was just afraid of what you might have thought. If you still wanted me after doing it.”

Derring wrapped his wings around her, “You are the best thing that happened to me. It’ll take a lot more than petty theft to get rid of me.”

“Thanks. It means a lot to me.” Ahuizota drank in the warmth of the hug.

“Oh, and one more thing.” Derring added, “Next time you get the urge to steal, tell me. I’ll see if I can find some illegal collectors we can liberate some relics from.”

Ahuizota laughed, “Deal.” She looked around the kitchen, “I guess we should probably clean up now?”

She could feel the sly grin form on his face, “I don’t know. I rather like the apron look on you.” Ahuizota felt him grow against her stomach, “I’m pretty sure we have some whipped cream in the fridge.”

“I could go for breakfast in bed as well.” Ahuizota said as her tail hand trailed along Derring’s flanks, “Honey, or Jelly?”

*****

Dear Diary,

I don’t have much time before Derring is ready to go again, so I’ll make it brief.

After my little crime spree, Derring and I donated the stuff I acquired to charity organizations, though we kept a few as a nest egg for the baby. It’s pretty funny because one of the gems is shaped like an egg, and just as big too.

As it turns out, there’s more than enough ponies, dogs, minotaurs, and griffons holding priceless objects illegally. I only knew a handful of them from my days of crime, which made the look on their faces much more priceless when we cleaned them out. Now I know how Derring felt when he tried to stop me.

Ever since we made up, we’ve been much closer to the point of almost unable to keep our hands/hooves off each other. By the way, the make-up sex was absolutely amazing. I need to stop now. Little Derring (or should I say Big Derring) is poking me again.

Your little vigilante,

Ahuizota

Author's Note

Please note: This is set before the last diary entry on the previous chapter.:twilightsmile:

If you didn't read the recent blog post, then let me tell you I had another chapter ready to publish for a few days, but my editor pointed out how Ahuizota's morals changed so much and why it needed some story to supplement it. I had to agree and so I made this little tidbit.

I'm sorry if its a bit sad, but things will get much more lighthearted in the next bonus chapter, which will be posted either tomorrow or Sunday.

Please comment your thoughts below.

Bonus: The Elder Ones

The sun peeked through the window, shining its light on the shifting lump of bedcovers, from which brief gasps and moans were emanating, with the occasional giggle.

“Eeek! Derring!”

“Yes, beautiful? Is something wrong?”

“Stop that! You know I’m ticklish there!”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. I know no such thing.”

“You know what I mean! Stop it so I can finish.”

“Alright, alright. But just to clarify, do you mean he-”

“Do it again, and I bite.”

“… I’ll be good.”

The movement eventually came to a stop and two heads popped out, one blue, one light gold, and both staring at each other with love and lust. As their breathing came under control, the latter spoke up first.

“You know, it’s mornings like these that make me wonder how in the world I managed to have you as my marefriend.” Derring trailed a feather along her face as he spoke.

Ahuizota licked the white off her lips, “As I like to think about it, you have the three S’s: Sweets, Stamina, and Spunk.” She punctuated the last word with a gulp, “I just wish we did this earlier instead of fighting over ancient relics.”

“Yeah, but it makes for some good stories to tell our kids.” Derring said optimistically. He felt a hand swat at his flank.

“Oh, you.” Ahuizota rolled her eyes, “We still need to get through this one first. Then we can talk about having more.”

Derring grinned, “If by ‘talk’ you mean ‘bend you over the coffee table and fuck like bunnies’, then I wholeheartedly concur.” He yelped as he was suddenly pushed out of bed, covers and all, “You know you love me.” He said from the floor.

“I know, dear.” Ahuizota sat up and stretched her limbs, “I’m going to take a shower. Can you make breakfast?” she said as she got off the bed.

“I’ll make your favorite.” Derring untangled himself and trotted down to the kitchen. Since Ahuizota entered his life, as his marefriend that is, it had changed for the better, especially in the day to day things. He no longer dragged out of bed each morning for a paltry breakfast of toast and coffee, but instead a whole meal for two (three if you count the baby) and he did it with a smile. His insomnia was taken care of as Ahuizota left him exhausted every night he stayed up late, not that he minded at all. He felt like the luckiest stallion in the world and nothing was going to change that.

Knock Knock Knock

Derring frowned when he heard the sound, “Odd. The mail doesn’t come in today.” He set down the ingredients and trotted to the door. He peeked through the window and felt a wave of dread overcome him. ‘Oh Sweet Celestia, no!’ For on his doorstep were the two most terrifying creatures on the planet. Beings that struck fear into colts and fillies alike when their name were spoken upon wrongdoing.

His parents.

As his hoof touched the door handle, Derring’s heart was beating a mile a minute. Like removing a bandage, he quickly braved the worst and opened the door. “Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?” He asked in a surprised tone, with not a little trepidation.

“Because we were worried, Derry-berry!” his mother said as she hugged him, “You haven’t written to us in weeks!” She was a sepia colored pegasus mare with a light cream mane and tail, which were fashioned into a bun and braid respectively. Her cutie mark was a green photo album. She gave him a stern look with her almond eyes, “You know I need letters to make sure you are doing well.”

“Right. Sorry, I’ve been pretty busy. Plus I get distracted a lot.” Derring grinned sheepishly. It wasn’t far from the truth. Ahuizota was very distracting.

A chuckle came from beside them, “Her ‘Mom sense’ was bothering her for the past week or so. She just wants to make sure you’re still in one piece. Wouldn’t listen to me telling her you were fine, but I digress. Still hitting them books and ancient temples, eh? You haven’t changed a bit.” The elder stallion was sandstone yellow unicorn with a gray-ish green mane and tail that looked like he had lived in the wild recently. Similarly, his cutie mark was a machete parting vines and grass. His mustached mouth was curled into a grin, “So what’s got you so busy you can’t talk to us old geezers.” He winced from his wife’s hoof in his shoulder, “I mean, old geezer, and beautiful mother.”

Before Derring could respond, his mother interjected, “First, let’s go in and sit down before discussing this.” She pushed past Derring and stepped into the living room, her husband and son following soon after. Once they were all seated, Derring’s mother turned to her son and asked in a serious tone, “Who’s the mare?”

“Who’s who?” Derring asked innocently, not expecting the question out of the blue.

His mother leaned forward, “Who’s. The. Mare?” Her face was stoic as she demanded answers.

“What are you talking about? What makes you think there’s a mare?” Derring said a little too quickly. He gave a nervous chuckle.

“Derring, you have a vase of roses, you smelled like sweat and perfume when I hugged you, and your house is actually clean. As the one who raised you, I know you’ve always been messy to some degree. The only thing that would get you to clean up is when a mare is involved. So, who’s the mare?”

All of Derring’s thought processes stopped except for one. ‘Buck me.

Dad chuckled, “Son, your mother has you figured six ways to Tuesday.”

As if the universe was watching, waiting for the right moment, it sealed Derring’s fate with a simple call from upstairs. “Derring, I thought I told you to make breakfast.” Ahuizota pranced down the stairs. Upon seeing the new company, she paused, “Oh hello, who are you?”

Mom raised an eyebrow, “Yes Derring, introduce us to this young lady.” She said with a hint of smugness.

Seeing he was trapped, Derring resigned himself to his fate, “Guess it was going to happen sooner or later” he muttered, then pointed his mom and dad, “Ahuizota, this is Sweet Memories and Trail Blazer, my parents. Mom and Dad, this is my marefriend Ahuizota.”

One could hear a pin drop in the following silence. It stretched on until Sweet Memories moved to greet Ahuizota, but the action had the opposite effect. Ahuizota gave a high pitched squeak and disappeared back up the stairs, slamming the door behind her.

“Was it something I did?” Sweet asked her son, looking worried, “Should we come back later?”

Derring shook his head, “Don’t worry, I’ll go check on her.” He slowly moved up the stairs and opened the door. There on the bed was a quivering pile of bed sheets. Derring climbed onto the bed and laid next to said pile, “What’s wrong, Ahui?” he asked gently.

“Your parents.” The answer was slightly muffled from the fabric.

“What, you don’t like them?”

“It’s not that. I wasn’t expecting them. I don’t know what to do or if they’ll like me. I’m scared they’ll hate me and not want us together ever again.” She explained.

“Ahui… It’s my fault. I forgot to tell them we were together, or write to them in general. They just wanted to check on me. Now’s a good time to let them get to know you, and,” Derring lifted the sheets to expose her face, “If I know my parents, I know they’ll absolutely adore you.” He kissed her on the nose, “But they can’t adore you from under here.”

Ahuizota stared at him with relief, “What did I do to deserve you?”

Derring smirked, “You have a nice butt, among other things.”

“You remind me every night.” Ahuizota said, rolling her eyes.

“Only because it’s true.” Derring stepped off the bed, “Ready to go?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” They ventured down the stairs to meet the parents.

*****

Dear Diary,

These past few days have been…interesting to say the least. When I sat down with Derring’s parents, they (mostly Sweet Memories) interrogated us about everything. Everything. Apparently, Derring had told them about me, or at least his plights against my plans. When she asked about how we got together… it got really awkward. Once we told her I was pregnant, she freaked out. I learned that she’s a strong hugger for a pegasus mare. She chewed out Derring for a while, not for getting me pregnant, but because we weren’t married yet.

Once she was done, Derring did the greatest thing ever! He walked to the globe, opened it, and showed me the ring he bought. It was a simple gold ring with a pair of entwining vines engraved in it and the gem was a flawless sunstone. Then he proposed to me on the spot! He was going to wait for dinner this Friday, but now was probably better. As embarrassing as it is, I accepted by tackling him to the ground and making out with him right in front of his parents.

After that, we spent time with his parents doing various things. Sweet and I talked about various topics about our relationship, plans for the baby, and such, though we did spend a lot of it on embarrassing stories of Derring (so much blackmail and teasing material). Sweet is a really nice mare. She didn’t care that Derring and I had clashed before, but that we made memories together. At one point, she hugged me and said she was happy to have me as a daughter in-law.

Sorry, I had something in my eye.

Trail Blazer was a different story. He’s boisterous and a bit crude at times, but he means well. I could definitely tell where Derring got his boldness and sense of adventure. When he and Derring talked about our times fighting over relics, Trail asked about the whip he gave Derring and how many times we used it in bed. I don’t know who was more embarrassed between Derring and I. Good thing Sweet Memories smacked him upside the head.

After Derring’s parents left, he sat down and asked about my parents. I told him the same thing I told you. My tribe lived deep in the forest, which meant lots of danger. My parents died when I was a teen and I had gotten over it for the most part. Once I was an adult by tribe standards, I left to seek my own fortune. One thing led to another and I meet Derring in an abandoned temple for the first time. The rest is history.

I suppose I was so nervous meeting Derring’s parents because I had forgotten what a mother and father felt like. Having them accept me filled a hole I didn’t even know was there. I’m sure that wherever my parents are, they’re happy and proud of me too.

Bride to be,

Ahuizota

Author's Note

Don't lie. You thought it was going to include Cthulu or something. Speaking of which, Merry Cthulumas!!:trollestia:

This would have been the last bonus chapter, had I not received a stroke of inspiration. Next one will be the last, and then I will start the sequel.:raritywink:

GET HYPE!:rainbowkiss:

Please comment your thoughts. I do enjoy conversation.:eeyup:

Bonus: A Reunion and a Rival

“Nothing like a good run to get the magic flowing.” Silver Spade commented to herself as she trotted through the warehouse district of Palomino. She was a light orange unicorn mare with a rust colored mane and emerald eyes. Her cutie mark was a crossed pick and shovel, marking her talent for moving the earth. If any pony didn’t see that, they could guess her passion by the light layer of dirt embedded in her fur. Not that she was against being clean, but her job tended to ensure she never was.

Today was a day like any other. Get up, eat, do some exercise, and go to work. However, today she had the day off and wanted to explore around the large city. The warehouses were always nice, especially hearing the sounds of machines running, vendors hawking their wares, the crash from down the alley… Silver Spade paused, “Wait a minute.” She cocked an ear towards the source and sure enough, she heard another crash, but it was barely audible above the other background noise. “Better check it out, somepony might be hurt.” Of course, it could also be robbers, but you don’t shift tons of dirt every day without the magic to back it up.

As she got closer, the noise grew louder and she could hear somepony talking and some scuffling about. Silver Spade treaded softly as she reached the door, which was cracked open, and turned her ear to the room. What she heard made her eyes widen in disbelief.

“Haha! You thought you could escape me that easily, did you?” A familiar female called out. Crates shook, and the grunt of a stallion being knocked down came next, “You’re off your game, Derring Do.”

Silver Spade couldn’t believe it, ‘Derring’s in town… and he didn’t TELL ME?! I mean, despite our last meeting, he was at least nice enough to tell me he was in the neighborhood. Maybe it was supposed to be a surprise? And who in Tartarus is he fighting now? Sounds familiar, but I can’t put my hoof on it.’ she thought before returning her attention to the sounds of struggling.

“Oh come on Ahuizota.” Derring said indignantly, “It’s rather hard running around with this artifact blocking my view.”

‘Wait, isn’t that the blue fuzzball who kept giving me the evil eye?’ Silver Spade thought, ‘She doesn’t give up, does she?’

“Hmmphf! Excuses. No matter, as you shall be punished for your transgressions!” Ahuizota declared.

“Wait! No, no, no,-MMPH!” Silver Spade heard some strange sounds of struggling and flesh. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say it was an intimate scene happening. However, curiousity took over and she peeked around the corner to see Ahuizota pinning Derring to the ground and eating his face off.

She gasped, and then she felt her body impulsively take action to save her friend. Her horn lit up and grabbed some empty crates. “Think fast!” was all the warning she gave before chucking the boxes at the big blue target. They collided with a satisfying crash, pulling her off of Derring, who tried to make sense of the confusion. Spade moved quickly and yanked Derring and the artifact out of the warehouse with her magic, and then hauled ass like a cave was about to collapse.

As she swerved between ponies in the streets, Derring managed to make sense of his situation in the air. “Silver Spade? What are you doing here? I thought you were working today?”

“I got the day off, -hup- lucky for you.” She replied, as she jumped over a line of boxes, “Still hunting for ancient bits, huh? You could have at least told me you were here. I would have been glad to help.”

“I was going to surprise you tomorrow.” Derring said, frowning, “I hardly ever get to surprise you.” Silver Spade chuckled, remembering all the times he tried to make some dramatic reveal or give her a fright, but only one in five actually worked to surprise her.

“You should thank me for stopping Ahuizota from using your face as a chew toy.” She said proudly.

Derring rolled his eyes, “I had that under control. Also, I wish you didn’t do that. Ahuizota has been getting really territorial on me lately.”

Spade snorted, “What? She won’t let the other bad guys get a piece of you? Are you her personal chew toy?”

“…Sort of.” Derring said, looking away, “It’s more on account of the mood swings that come with pregnancy.”

The words forced Silver Spade to stop in her tracks, skidding to a halt at an intersection in the alleys. She spun on Derring, “Wait, what?! I don’t…. Who wou-… But… That’s… Huh?!” She spluttered out.

“Yep.” Derring nodded sagely, “That happened.”

“Who’s the schmuck that put the bun in her oven?” Spade asked, “More importantly, how did she even get him to do the dirty?” She noticed Derring was looking at anywhere but her, giving a nervous laugh. Her mind made the connection a second later and promptly shut down after it, letting Derring and the artifact fall to the ground, after he caught it of course. She stood frozen for a solid minute as her brain tried to function again. When she got her mouth working she said, “I’m probably still asleep at home. I just need a hit and I’ll wake up from this nightmare.”

“With pleasure.” Silver Spade was suddenly body checked by a blue blur of maternal fury and pinned to the ground. After the shock, she looked at the face of her assailant and nearly wet herself. Ahuizota’s face was an inch from her muzzle, her teeth bared and her eyes filled with an anger only a mother (to-be) could hold.

“Still not awake?” Ahuizota bellowed, “Maybe if I take off a limb or two? That should work!” Her claws slowly tightened on the pony’s limbs until a pair of golden tan hooves wrapped around her and pulled.

“Whoa there, Ahui! Spade is a friend, not food.” Derring grunted out as he pulled, putting his wings into it, “She didn’t mean any harm. It was just a big misunderstanding.”

Ahuizota whipped her head around to face him, “She threw a crate at me!”

“And she’s very sorry for that,” he turned to face his old partner, “Isn’t that right, ‘Ace’?”

Said partner was silent for a moment. “In my defense,” Silver Spade spoke up, “I thought you were eating his face off. But yeah, I’m sorry. Now can you please let go? I’m starting to lose feeling in my hooves.”

Ahuizota glared at her once more before huffing, “Fffine.” She retracted her claws and stepped off the unicorn, though not before flicking her nose with her tail hand. Looking back, Ahuizota frowned and asked, “You look familiar, do I know you from somewhere?”

Before Spade could answer, Derring landed and intervened, “Right, well I was planning for you two to meet tomorrow, but I suppose now will have to do. Silver Spade, this is my fiancé Ahuizota. Ahuizota, this is Silver Spade. You remember her, right? She was my partner when you were trying to unearth the Torc of the Covenant?”

A spark of recognition flashed in Ahuizota’s eyes, “Oh, right!” then her eyes dangerously narrowed at the mare, “Oh, right.” The sudden mood change startled Spade, but luckily Derring jumped in once again.

“How about we get something to eat, huh? I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.” He said as he led the way down the alley. Not long afterwards, the three of them found themselves at a small café in a private booth, Silver Spade on one side and the couple on the other. Their waiter had just left with their orders, leaving them to talk. Naturally, Silver Spade asked the first question.

“How in the hay did you two get together? I thought you hated his guts?” she gestured to Ahuizota, “Considering all the times you tried to kill him, I just don’t get how you two made up!”

Ahuizota’s response was just childishly sticking her tongue out. Derring rolled his eyes with a smile and responded, “It actually happened during her last attempt to take over the world. Same song and dance as always: Find the apocalyptic artifact, get to the ancient temple, get stuck in some traps, escape, and save the day. Only things turned out… differently.”

“Gee, I wonder what?” Silver Spade deadpanned. She noticed Ahuizota was taking a great interest in some spots on the table, her blush slowly reaching tomato levels.

Derring chuckled, “As it turned out, said artifact was made to help repopulate cities, not the end of the world.” He then went into the more minute details about the civilization and the artifacts. Next to him, Ahuizota was trying to make herself smaller. “One thing led to another, she told me she had a crush on me, I told her I’d take care of her, and here we are!”

The words hung in the air as Silver Spade tried to process what she just heard. “Wait, so you’re telling me that you two banged each other’s brains out because of a translation error?!” Almost immediately, her shocked face turned to one of pure mirth as she burst out laughing. “Looks like… hehehe that fantasy roleplay of yours… pffffttt BAHAHAHAA… finally came true, eh?” she gasped out amidst the laughter before falling out of her seat.

Ahuizota raised an eyebrow at the comment and glanced at Derring, “What is she talking about?”

“Uh… nothing important.” He replied, though he wouldn’t look directly at her. Derring could sense that his fiancé wouldn’t drop the matter until she knew. Luckily for him, Spade regained control of her breathing and climbed back into her seat.

“Whew! That made my day.” She said with a faint giggle, “I haven’t laughed that hard since our date in the Alps. Remember that?”

Derring glowered at his old friend, “We agreed never to speak of that again.” It only served to make Spade laugh even harder.

“Oh, come on Derring. It was hilarious and you know it.” Spade said with a humored grin.

“You two dated?” Ahuizota interrupted with a slight frown.

Silver Spade turned to her, “Yeah, for a while. We broke it off because of other obligations or commitments we had. No hard feelings.” Ahuizota silently let go a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, with my constant globetrotting and her need for steady work in digs, we couldn’t really see each other that much, so we stopped.” Derring stated, then added with a sly grin, “At least I don’t have to worry about her foghorn snoring anymore.”

“Ack! Low blow!” Spade said in mock-offense, “This coming from the stallion who would rather cuddle with a plushie than me!” She leaned towards Ahuizota, “Is he still using that thing? What was its name? Wrappers the mummy king?”

“Hey, leave him out of this!” Derring objected, though his smile betrayed the tone of his voice. He and Spade soon fell into laughing together. Ahuizota looked on, slightly jealous at the sight.

“Good times.” Spade said in a reminiscent tone, then went straight to business, “Hey Derring, can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“Who’s better in bed? Me or Ahuizota?” Were it not for the background noise of the café, one could hear a pin drop. When the waiter returned ten minutes later with the food, especially the pile for the blue one, it looked like the scene of a foalnapping.

*****

Dear Diary,

You remember that one mare I dubbed ‘Succubus’ Spade? So I met her again recently after Derring and I liberated another artifact from a collector. Well, by ‘met’ I mean she hit me with a crate because I was “eating Derring’s face off”.

Okay, so maybe I was a bit too enthusiastic using tongue during our make out.

Anyways, it turns out my worst fears and greatest hopes came true. She did date Derring, but they obviously broke up since I have him now. I know that sounds a bit mean, maybe it’s the hormones talking, but in my defense I did start having my crush on him around that time. After talking to her a bit, I discovered she’s really laid back about a lot of things, especially how she talks. With Derring as a common point, we had a shaky start, but now I’m rather glad to have her as a friend. She even agrees with Derring’s mom that Derring and I make a cute couple.

However, while I did gain a friend in her, I also received a rival. After asking who was better in the sack, we’ve been trying to one up each other. Derring doesn’t mind one bit, that is, unless we work him to the point of exhaustion. Don’t worry, we’ve made sure to use condoms this time. Right now, I’m in the lead, but just barely. The fact that she’s bi really caught me by surprise. Now I know where Derring learned to eat me out so well, not to mention the kissing.

I have to go now, Spade is taking me to this supposedly amazing spa to relax. She says it would help with my sore back muscles. I hope she’s right because this baby isn’t getting any lighter.

With love,

Ahuizota

Author's Note

Goddammit. The conception of this chapter was like passing a kidney stone. I mean, I originally had an idea where Ahui meets Derring's coworkers, but that ended up using the same joke as the parents chapter: Derring forgot to tell them. I didn't want to reuse that joke so I used a tangent in which they could be involved and thus the idea for the wedding day came in. HOWEVER, when I started writing about the maid of honor, I had to write a whole chapter for her and so here it is!

As stated before, this is the last bonus chapter before sequel. I do have some ideas of what to write about (yes, clop included), but I am open to suggestions (and some fetishes for clop parts). Please don't be afraid to comment or PM them to me! I love to hear from you guys.

Also, out of curiousity, who wants a threesome chapter in the sequel? First reader who wants it make a comment about it and everyone after them upvote it. Thank you