Got a Little Pony in You?

by 20percentCujo

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 2005

Booze and heavy metal! We've got'em both, y'all. Join two Canterlot musicians on an epic quest into the fantastic world of alcohol and its abnormalities.

Vinyl Scratch, and Octavia Melody.

Both are successful, popular musicians, in and outside their home city of Canterlot. Even if their styles of music differ tremendously.

Both consider an experimental turn in one's career every now and then quite refreshing.

Both consider the idea of creating something together a matter worth talking through.

But it's Vinyl, who suggests to get a drink, which is when things get weird. And that's basically all she remembers.

Cover art by 4suit.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-24 17:30:02 UTC

My Little Boozers

“...and that's why I don't think this will work. Ever.”

Vinyl didn't even bother to turn around. She simply nodded, trying to somehow stabilize herself in a sitting position. A low “Uh-huh” was the only audible response Tavi got out of her.

Maybe it would be for the best repeating that last sentence, she thought to herself. If only she could remember what that had been. Or how she had even gotten into this whole mess. But her brain wouldn't cooperate for some reason, and that was by far her biggest concern at the moment. Truth be told, she felt awfully sick.

Tavi rested on her back, laying down on a worn-out couch in Vinyl's apartment. The white unicorn clearly wasn't all too interested. She sat at her desk, looking away from the cellist. She was probably trying to put down a note or something, while trying not to trash any more of the emptied, brown bottles around her. A quilt had been hovering next to her head for almost an entire minute now, surrounded by the same light-blue aura as her horn.

Or at least she tried to put down something. Tavi couldn't tell, whether the neon-haired mare was even capable of just that anymore, for sure. Besides, she felt her own condition worsening a great deal in addition. Being a caring friend, she wanted to go over to Vinyl and ask what was wrong, obviously. But right now, either sitting or standing would very probably cause her to throw up, thus she decided not to. The only solution seemed to lie perfectly still and wait for herself to somehow get over all this.

How did all this even happen? She couldn't recall.

“Vinyl, how did all this even happen?”

Best chance to find out, probably. Simultaneously, she tried to keep her stomach, where it belonged.

Vinyl on the other hoof didn't directly respond. The magical aura around the quilt disappeared, causing it to land on the carpet next to her. Seconds later, the unicorn violently slammed her head onto the table, subsequently ceasing all forms of motion. She mumbled something like “Friendship. Friendship everywhere.” After that, all Octavia could pick up from the city's most famous DJ were loud, unpleasant snoring noises.

Two minutes earlier

Rigorously, Vinyl leaped off the sofa's edge, landing safely on three hooves seconds later. Which didn't keep a significant amount of the beer in her fourth from spilling all over the neon-purple carpet. “Darn it”, she mumbled, struggling to keep her balance.

“Told you it couldn't defy gravity”, Tavi added with a weak smirk. It was the best she could do.

“Meh.”

Tavi didn't have to worry about balancing. At least not at the moment. She leaned towards the wooden shelf, thinking about being off a lot better than Vinyl. In a more or less ridiculous manner, it did put a smile on her face. If only it weren't for that certain grumbling coming from her stomach. Whatever, couldn't be so bad.

“I don't...get it.” Involuntarily, Vinyl stretched most of those words incredibly long. “That shit makes the room spin, but still falls down straight instead of to the side. Physics, man. Literally just kills me every single time.”

She attempted to take another sip of her beverage, then suddenly froze mid-action, almost tumbling over. She caught herself last second.

“Ewww”, Vinyl exclaimed, raising her cup to the height of her eyes. “What's that brown stuff swimming in here?

Tavi shrugged. “You don't have to yell like that. I'm pretty sick, as it is.”

“If you're dizzy...” Vinyl coughed. “If you're dizzy, just put yourself down on the sofa. Helps...at times.”

The earth pony mare repeated her shrugging motion, as she started trotting over. “Still haven't gotten over the whole nightmare thing...”, she mumbled to herself.

“You should've seen my face, when I bought it. That was just...”

“Didn't you say you got it from your dad, or something?”

“Get what?”

“The record.”

Silence.

As Tavi put herself down onto the couch, letting out a sigh of relief, Vinyl threw herself in the office chair at her desk. “Whatever”, she said. “Just gonna put down a note to ask him...what again?”

Five minutes earlier

“The system is - by the way - far from perfect. And besides, we don't even need money. We're a bunch of talking horses for Celestia's sake!” Taking a short break, Vinyl sat down on the couch. Or rather, crashed into it, considering her speed. She then took two pieces of almond chocolate, mindlessly submerging them in her half-emptied beer.

“Umm, sure”, Tavi replied. Not that she actually thought it mattered. “Now, about that whole nightmare thing...”

"A good system should work towards the goal of producing as much happiness for all its members as possible, right?"

“Well...”

“And yet, everypony seems to forget, how the so called free market completely fails this simple condition.”

“Fine, but...”

“If you're wondering what I'm talking about, consider this: Just because I'm stronger than you...”

“...you're not.”

“I am. Anyways, just because of that...uh...where was I?”

“Listen, Vinyl. As much as I appreciate your...political activism. What else do you know about that Nightmare Mo...”

“You're...you're selling something. Let's assume that. Can I just take it from you for free, if you demand a certain price? Of course not, since I'd get myself arrested. By the royal guard that is, a governmental organization. Thus...”

“Nightmare Moon is...”

“...so that is a regulation on the 'free market', thank you very much. Yet, the whole thing couldn't survive without it. Now, you wanted to ask me something?”

“Yeah, well, uh...” Tavi scratched her forehead. “The...um...er...the...”

She sighed. That was exactly why she hated alcohol. “Nevermind. I'll get back to it.”

30 minutes earlier

“The Luna-Tics? That's an odd name.”

Tavi had always been fond of the beauty and harmony of many kinds of music, her cutie mark told as much. But that music didn't include the records, which Vinyl had stuffed in that wooden shelf of hers. Not that it actually surprised her. The piece of furniture itself seemed incredibly tacky, already.

It hadn't been much more than an ordinary bookshelf, for the most part. What had first made her cringe was the complicated, cursive writing, carefully carved into its side.

Yo dawg, we heard you like Vinyl. So we gave some Vinyl to Vinyl, so you can wub while you wub, it read. She found no words to comment on that. Same for the sleeve that the white unicorn had placed in her forehoofs.

The cover was mostly black. Except for the band name that was, which had been printed onto its upper portion in bold, Gothic letters. The sleeve's center depicted a full moon, light gray, containing a number or craters arranged like the head of a unicorn. Tavi easily recalled that shape, and immediately had a bad feeling about it.

“80s goth metal”, Vinyl explained objectively. “It's eponymous. Only thing they ever published. Quit two years later, you know, obligations 'n stuff.”

“I...see”, Tavi hesitantly replied. “And you're showing this to me, because...?”

A smirk crept on the DJ's face, as she slightly shrugged. “Look on the back side. Tell me if you notice anything.”

Tavi didn't hesitate to, though she did raise both eyebrows as a clear sign of mistrust. More than expected, the sight provided to her was quite confusing, and moreover, disturbing.

Like most record sleeves, this side contained a picture of the band members. Or at least that's what she supposed it to be. The creatures depicted on that image were unlike anything she had ever seen. Their unusual slender and upright bodies and limbs were only topped by the weird claw-like parts, obviously replacing their hooves. And Tavi didn't even want to get started on their off face proportions.

Naturally, Vinyl's smirk had grown to a gigantic grin by now, almost reaching from ear to ear. “Pretty sweet, huh?”, she asked. “Not so sure, where it's from, though. I got it for a few bits from Lyra the other day. She kept babbling about a mirror and some parallel universe full of those guys. Call themselves 'humans', apparently.”

Tavi examined the image a second time. Surrounded by four youngsters sitting on a carpet stood a cyan-skinned woman. She was dressed predominantly in tight, black leather clothing, safe for a number of silver chains around her waist, and some spiked bracelets on her wrists. What else stood out from her clothes' monotonous coloring, probably was the image on her shirt. A black, red-outlined crescent was captioned by the words First and Last and Always. Both of what Tavi guessed to be some sort of forelegs were stretched out to the sides, making her look almost like somepony crucified.

Completing the strange ensemble was a dark, metal helmet covering most of her fuzzy, dark blue hair, forehead and the bridge of her nose. Two bright green eyes peeked out from underneath, centered around thin, vertical pupils, not unlike those of a serpent. She must have been wearing some disturbing kind of contact lenses.

And yet...she seemed incredibly familiar. Vinyl had remained silent the whole time, her stupid grin growing bigger every second. It soon was met with utmost confusion from her friend.

“She...she looks like...”, Tavi stuttered, before lowering her voice to a careful whisper. “...Princess Luna?”

“Better known by her stage name Nightmare Moon”, Vinyl boasted. “Creepy, but awesome like hell, if you ask me. Her nightmare times are well over, though. Lyra said she's become some kind of teacher instead. If that ain't lame...”

The unicorn sighed, before she pointed at one of the others on the picture, adding: “...and I swear to Celestia, that's my ol' man right there.” Her smirk intensified once again, as she opened and drowned another can of Heineighken.

Bloody hell.

It was the first thing going through Tavi's mind, though it didn't exactly get her crept out enough to turn back the green can Vinyl was already waving in her face. Still, better to keep that thought to herself. If some other version of Vinyl's dad somehow ending up thrashing nightclubs with the lunar princess herself wouldn't need to be drowned in booze, she didn't know, what would.

The song titles, printed above the bewildering image, certainly wouldn't.

Side Dark:

My beloved subjects

Millenium In Exile

Princess of the Night

Eclipsed

Side Even More Dark:

Nightmare Night

Raise This Moon

How often do I have to fall

Darkness has been Doubled

After Forever (Black Sabbath Cover)

Just as Tavi finished reading those weird titles, Vinyl already snatched the sleeve out of her hoofs again. She then proceeded to take a few ridiculously large steps towards her phono. As the cellist had expected, she never reached that destination, though.

Halfway to the record player, Vinyl stumbled over one of the bass cannons right next to the sofa. About two or three dozens of those were scattered across the floor, Tavi hadn't exactly felt like counting them. Meanwhile, her unicorn friend successfully tried to keep her balance. The entire LP however, was sent flying from her hoofs through most of the room. It eventually crashed against the opposite wall, and landed on the floor with a disgusting, shattering sound. Tavi had a bad feeling about it, but the DJ seemed to drunk to notice, already.

Looking around two or three times, Vinyl shrugged. She grabbed two more cans off her desk, handing one to Tavi. “Whatever”, she then concluded, repeating her shrug. “Let's just talk about...I dunno...politics or somethin'.”

Two hours earlier

“Think about it. With your classical and my modern music skills, we'd be an unstoppable team in the whole music industry”, Vinyl said, as they entered her apartment. “Need a drink? Afraid I only got some beer cans left standing around, so...”

“That's alright. Only one, though”, Octavia replied, pointing towards her instrument's case. “I still have to be at practice in an hour."