Muffinz Vs. Cupcakes

by Artemis64

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1619

Pinkie and Derpy decide to test wether Muffins or Cupcakes are better in the most civil way: an all-out war.

Pinkie Pie and Derpy Hooves have a war to decide whether Cupcakes or Muffins are better. Each pony takes one side of Ponyville and from there, the war begins!

This story is dedicated to Addi, who asked me to write her a completely random story in exchange for another story.

Published 2014-11-26 01:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-26 01:30:02 UTC

Muffinz Vs Cupcakes

"THREE!" Pinkie Pie yelled from her side of the city. She looked over at her rival, Derpy Hooves, as she stared back.
"TWO!" Ponies started to walk out of their homes, to see that the noise was coming from Her Pinkness.
"ONE!" Behind Pinkie, she had a mountain of cupcakes... Quite literally. She had made enough cupcakes to build a small mountain the size of a house. Behind Derpy, on the other side, had a pile of muffins in the general shape of a mountain, about as tall as Pinkie's. Both had a door, to get access to the interior of each structure.
"CHARGE!" Pinkie and Derpy ran into their respective bases. Every other pony was confused, as nothing happened afterward. Everypony then went back inside, because it wasn't High Noon, like Derpy and Pinkie thought, but Midnight.

Morning arrived, and Twilight woke up. She looked out her window to see the town, peaceful as usual. She started to yawn- "TWILIGHT! MY DREAM CAME TRUE!"
She jumped a bit and turned to look at Spike. "Which dream? I don’t think you grew at all.”
Spike rolled his eyes and continued. “No, the dream I had last night! It was real!” He started hopping around the library, making Twilight think Spike was actually Pinkie Pie dressed as Spike.
“Well, you will have to be more specific about what your dream was, and then we have to consider the probability that it would actually come true with the power of-”
“Yeah, the power of science, blah blah,” Spike interrupted. “This is how my dream went; It was dark outside, and Pinkie Pie and Derpy Hooves were about to have this war from their bases of cupcakes and muffins.”
“...And you expect me to believe this happened for real?” Twilight sat there, slightly worried about the mental state of Spike.
“YES! I checked this morning to see if there was the mountains of cupcakes and muffins out there in town square, and there was!” Spike started hopping again.
Twilight stood up from her bed. “Well, if you checked this morning, then it probably is true, because it sounds like something Pinkie would do.” She trotted over to the door, preparing herself to see what Spike described. Spike ran to follow her.
“Prepare to be amazed!” Spike pushed open the door and Twilight gasped. There was indeed two large structures on either side of town square, one side decorated with muffin decor with the mountain of muffins, and the opposite side with streamers and a colossal cupcake kingdom. “I told you it was real!”
Twilight shook her head and looked one more time at what she thought was a dream of her own. “Well, being Pinkie, she could have declared war on Equestria. We should probably check up on her to make sure her mental state isn’t… any worse than it usually is.” She wandered over to the colossal cupcake pile. Spike followed close behind. Just then, a muffin hit him on the back of the head.
"What the- hey! A muffin!" He bent to pick it up, before Twilight slapped it out of his claws.
"You can't pick that up now, we are in Pinkie's territory, and you said that she was at war with Derpy, and Derpy has muffins. Any more comments?" Twilight reached the entrance to the pink-ish mountain.
"...no..."
"Good." Twilight opened the cake door. She saw Pinkie on a couch of cupcakes, eating cupcakes under a somehow-working light made of, yet again, cupcakes. Pinkie noticed Twilight and finished her current cupcake.
"Twilight, my good friend. Welcome to the winning side of the war." Pinkie jumped off and grabbed the lamp (of cupcakes, of course) and shined the lights on both Spike and Twilight. They guarded their eyes. "You aren't secret muffin warriors, are you?"
"No...?"
"Good. I hate them." She put the light down.
"How many 'muffin warriors' have you run into?" Spike asked.
"...about zero," Pinkie said before hopping over to her original spot, and ate another cupcake. "So what brings you here, Miss Twilight?"
Twilight looked at her cupcake, and then at her. "We wanted to just check on the winning side, of course!"
"Well, now you know. You better head back home, because a battlefield is no home for the weak!" Pinkie finished another cupcake in a time that even Rainbow Dash would be impressed at.
Twilight opened her mouth, then shut it. She knew better than to argue. Spike came to her aid and replied: "You're right, Pinkie. We'll be heading out now." Spike walked out the door. Twilight hesitantly followed.
"Bye! And remember: stay away from pears! Er... Muffins? Yeah muffins! Stay away from-" she was cut off by the door shutting.
Twilight sighed. "That was... Interesting." Spike nodded in agreement. "And thanks for saving me from an awkward silence."
"I did?"
"...nevermind." Twilight started walking toward the muffin designed part of town. "We have to talk to Derpy to-"
"Check on her sanity? Thats what you said we were doing for Pinkie, wasn't it?"
"Yes, but it was Pinkie."
"I guess... But isn't Derpy the one pegasus wih the... You know... Weird eyes?" Spike tried his best to imitate what Derpy's eyes look like.
Twilight sighed. "She is, but because she has a disability doesn't mean she's dumb. If I broke a leg, would you then think I was stupid?"
"But I already know you are smart."
"You're missing the entire point." Twilight stopped at the door of the mammoth muffin mountain. "You ready?"
"No-"
"Too bad." Twilight opened the door to see Derpy sitting in a pile of mail, looking at it with a muffin in her mouth. She looked up and pulled the muffin out of her mouth.
"Twilight! Welcome to... Current chaos. Sorry for the mess." Derpy looked down to continue sorting mail.
"You need help with the mail? I know its probably hard to see easily with endotropia and exotropia."
Derpy sighed. "Yeah, if you wouldn't mind, that would help a lot. Is it possible for you to... Sort it all yourself?"
Twilight nodded. "Yeah, I can do that." Derpy walked over to her small couch of muffins and sort of fell down on her stomach. She looked over to the entryway and saw Spike. "Oh, hi, Spike. I didn't see you there."
"You never do."
"Spike, you know thats not her fault!" Twilight scolded.
"It's okay, Twilight. I saw some purple from one of my eyes and assumed it was only you. Spike also being purple doesn't really help my case. Is there any other ponies here that I should be aware of?" Derpy turned her head to see Twilight, whish wasn't directly at Twilight, but at a slight angle.
"No, just Spike and I. Derpy, why did you decide to battle with Pinkie?" Twilight started sorting the mail with her magic.
"Because I knew better than to argue with Pinkie Pie."
"See Spike, I'm not the only one."
Spike muttered something about not caring.
"And I do truly think that miffins are better. I wouldn't go to war on it, because people are titled to their opinions, and Pinkie is a baker. Only Pinkie would go to war on such a topic... Well, maybe not only Pinkie." Derpy tried her best to put on a devilish smile, but it turned out as a slightly twisted smile.
"Derpy... What did you plan?" Spike and Twilight asked at the same time.
"I asked Soarin to make it rain pies over Pinkie's cupcake palace. I'm hoping Pinkie declares him champion, because I don't like crowds for... Certain reasons."
"That's understandable, but sending Soarin to make it rain pies? How is that possible? And how did you convince him?" Twilight questioned Derpy, while finishing sorting the mail.
"He put in an order at Sugarcube Corner, and I said that there would be a medal involved."
"Typical Soarin, then." Spike said.
Twilight nodded. "When does this raid begin?"
Derpy hesitated. "That depends. What time is it?"
"I dont know, Im not a clock."
"Then its probably done. Is all the mail in the bag?" Derpy hopped up.
"...yes? Why?" Twilight asked, worried.
"Cause I asked for 15 minutes after the raid for the wonderbolts to come and being away my muffins to make it look like Soarin joined the war and won. Come now, lets head outside." She walked out of the mountain hesitantly, making sure not to run into the walls. Spike and Twilight followed close behind.
Not long after, the rest of the Wonderbolts came and took the muffins to who-knows-where. Just as they were out of sight, Pinkie hopped out of her cupcake castle to see the remains of the battlefield. She looked around and yelled out: "WHO IS THE MASTER OF THE PIES?"
Just then, Soarin came out of the one cloud in the sky. "Hello, Her Royal Pinkness. I think I win the war?"
Pinkie Pie's mouth dropped, hung there for a few seconds, and went back to normal. "Okey-dokey-lokey! That means you're the winner! Time for your prize!" Pinkie ran into Sugarcube Corner and came back with a gold medal saying 'Victor of the Muffin/Cupcake War'. He smiled with pride and flew away. Pinkie then approached Derpy. She narrowed her eyes, and then gave Derpy a big hug. "Have a great time, Derpy!"
Derpy was surprised and confused. "Have a great time with... What?"
Pinkie smiled way to widely. "Why, the next war, of course!"

Author's Note

Of course, this isn't perfect, but I put a decent effort to this. I wrote this in a week, so it isn't what I initially planned. But I hope you all enjoyed!