Friendship Is Monotone

by Shukawarioserfi

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie
Length: 4477

For Monotone, it seems that his life in Equestria lacks character and meaning. What happens when you spend 17 years of your life waiting for people to reach out to you?

After getting through his quirks such as over-obsessing about things that most ponies would find uninteresting and having a general misunderstanding of everything else around him, Monotone suddenly finds himself in the emotional cesspool that is adolescence. Suddenly undermotivated, underacomplished, and bored of just about everything in life Monotone is confronted by a draconequus that is tasked with helping him find some friends.
Authors Note~
If you give a dislike, please comment on what you dislike about my story. Otherwise I'll just assume that everyone is just giving me dislikes for the hell of it.

Published 2014-11-21 17:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-07 19:16:13 UTC

Family Is The Most Forced Upon Thing

The first thing always I hear in the morning on a weekend is a certain somepony screaming at 10 a.m. to wake me up. I'd much prefer to sleep longer on the weekends, but there are certain responsibilities I have to complete in the morning hours. I must be at my steppony's mercy to make sure all of my responsibilities get done in a timely manner. Ever since my dad found a new special somepony I've felt more and more hurt and neglected. I still love my mother but the one who my dad is trying to replace her with has always treated me more like a servant than her child. And that's understandable because I'm not her child.

I wake up on command as she requests, albeit reluctantly. I always must be careful to hide my feelings about my tasks. If my steppony sees even a hint of reluctance on my part such as a dull facial expression, heavy irritated breathing, centripetal eye movement, or mumbling and saying things that question or are unrelated to the task at hand I will get reprimanded. I sleep in the basement floor of our scantily-clad house, mostly to get a way from her. But sadly I can never escape the tyrannical tune that is her booming voice, commanding me to obey. The whole time trotting up the stairs I make sure to do progressive breathing exercises so that I can prevent another catastrophic outburst.

I breath deeply, and silently as I speak. "Mom. What is it?" The thing I hate the most is being forced to call her mom, but when I don't she always gives me a disapproving look that makes me cringe.

"Feed the chickens, water the lawn, water the garden, make sure everypony's clothes are washed..." She chortles. I always stop listening usually when she gives me more than three things to do at a time. She really should give me a list. I focus on her mouth moving up and down and the way her red-orange mane moves as she speaks. Her lime green coat seems to me like the color of vomit. And her red eyes really compliment her authoritarian style of parenting. "...Now I want all of these things done as quickly as possible."

I nod. Even though I'd prefer to go back to bed, I find it easier to just do what she says and avoid trouble. I always breath a sigh of relief when my dad is home, as he is on weekends, but he usually sleeps longer than I do. I walk outside first, careful not to swear under my breath. She has ears like a bat. As I exit to the front porch I trot quickly to the chicken coup. I can hear the squawking of the chickens as I move closer. I pick up the heavy bag of feed that rests on the side of the coup with my mouth. I drag it across the ground due to my immense lack of strength and intelligence. The feed bag tears. Now I curse under my breath, pretty sure that my steppony is not within earshot. She's going to kill me. I groan as all the chickens rapidly run out to peck at the food.

"Well." I say to myself. "I guess that counts as feeding the chickens." I'm hoping to just forget about my mishap instead of being anxious about it as I get my other chores done. Thankfully they are not that difficult and I get them done about as soon as my dad wakes up. I yawn as I finish the last of the laundry.

"I'm proud of you son." My dad says smiling. His warm brown eyes look at me appreciatively. His long grey mane that he refuses to cut because he feels like it makes him a more aerodynamic flyer. His water-blue coat is where his pegasus wings rest when he is not in flight. He is unlike me, my steppony, or my mother in the fact that he is a pegasus. I admire him because of it.

"Thanks." I smile back.

"Now let's go get breakfast."

My dad gets permission from my steppony and takes me out to breakfast. I really wish he didn't have to do that, but many of times it seems that he is under her mercy as well. "Dad?" I say as we trot along on mane street.

"Yeah, son." He looks to me smiling.

"Why did you have to ask permission to take me out to breakfast?" I ask, confused. It's hard to imagine somepony as awesome as my dad to defer everything to his wife. I've always been sad at his lack of ability to stand up for himself, just like me.

"Well, your mom just wants to make sure you're okay." Dad says. I hate it when he says 'your mom'. He doesn't get it. Why did he; Hydroform, the polite, amiable, and hardworking pegasus marry Copper Leaf, the most shrill, brash, pain in the flank earth pony I have ever been around in my entire life. He doesn't get it. My real mom has had her issues, but she's still my mom. Not her.

I growl. "She doesn't care about me." I sincerely meant that. I don't see any way in which she cares about me or loves me. I'm getting awfully tired of all my failed attempts to please her and make her love me, only for her to continue to criticize me and bring me down. I've retreated into an emotional shell that has left me a shadow of my former self; an introvert.

"Whoa, whoa." My father, Hydroform, gets down to my level, looking at me questioningly. "Do you really think that?" He asks. Sometimes my father doesn't understand but this time I see a glimmer of hope. I can't hold back my tears at this point.

"Yes. She treats me like a slave." I realize that my statement was overexaggerated. She may not treat me like a slave, but I feel like a slave. But the way she raised me, passively ignoring me until I had a task to complete. Shunning me for having opinions or beliefs that are different then hers. The constant rhetorical questions, the questions that I deemed rhetorical, but still she made me squawk out the answers that she wanted me to say constantly, like a parrot. If there was any hint of disagreement on my part she would break me emotionally until I bent to her will.

"Okay, food always makes you feel better so let's eat." My dad said, smiling and ruffing my mane before entering a restaurant called 'Stirrups'. I follow behind him joyfully. He is right, food makes me feel better. I stress-eat constantly and I bask in the pleasure of junk food more often than I should. My dad goes to the counter and orders two chocolate chip muffins. Their muffins are huge here, and for me, the bigger the portion size the better. I let my dad carry our food to the table, and I sit down waiting eagerly. A certain gray cross-eyed mare is hovering over our table in the booth next to us. Dad sets our food down. "Okay, let's-"

My dad is quickly interrupted by the mare stretching over our table and finishing our muffins... in one bite." My dad just stands there in awe. I look about ready to curse out the mare. The mare quickly swallows. "I'm sorry. I really like muffins." The mare's uneven eyes seem to stare at the both of us, blinking. I hold my tongue, it seems like this mare is sincere.

"Apology accepted." My dad said unfazed.

Raindrops, As It Were

After the um... incident at breakfast dad decided it would be best to eat at home, much to my dismay. On our way back to our home in ponyville, I managed to see a sky blue pergasus-pony with a rainbow colored mane clearing the clouds. I've seen my father clear the clouds before, though he spends most of his working days helping with precipitation production. "Um." I turn my head to him. "What is it you do for work exactly?"

"Interesting question son." My dad complimented. "I help with water condensation." My dad looked cool and collected answering this question, like he was proud of his job. I however, hadn't the slightest clue about what water condensation is.

"What is water consummation?" I ask, trying to recite the word as well as I could. Dad laughed and blushed a little.

"Water condensation is how you turn water into raindrops." He said, taking a breath. "Simply put, I make it rain." I nod politely in understanding. I feel like he's referencing something.

"Okay dad. You know, I've always wondered about your job. Even though I'll never be able to do it myself." I move my head, staring at my wingless torso. I know that my real mother is an earth pony, but I hate that my older brother inherited wings from my dad and I didn't. It makes me feel inferior. Even though, my older brother hasn't amounted to much. My dad ruffles through my mane reassuringly.

"You'll be fine. Earth ponies have strength. I mean, I wish I had the strength you have." He smiled at me. I made my best attempt to smile back, even though I'm still hurt about never being able to fly no matter what. I'll be grounded for the rest of my life- literally

I stare up ahead and keep walking. I don't know what to say after that conversation. All that I can think of now is not being able to fly, and how hungry I am after missing breakfast. I stare at the ground up ahead, laying my head down in humiliation. I'm always humiliated by something, whether it is my own anxieties or the endless number of strange ponies staring at me as I walk. These days, it seems like I'm at everypony's mercy. I focus not on anypony else, but on our house ahead as I enter. My dad quickly follows me into the living room.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I nod silently as he responds with a shrug. "You know, you've gotten pretty big lately..." I chuckle at that. "But if you want I can take you flying sometime." My eyes light up.

"You'd do that?" I say, looking up eagerly at dad.

"Of course." Dad hugs me. I smile. "Just don't tell your sister." Hmm... my sister. I can't believe I forgot to mention her. She's basically bedridden. I mean, not literally but she kinda sleeps until 2:00 or 3:00 p.m. in the afternoon. I always find it funny that Copper doesn't ever wake her up for chores. She is her actual daughter though and being my stepsister, we are not actually biological siblings. Her name is Tomato Paste and she has a green coat, darker than coppers, with  and a brilliant red mane. Her cutie mark looks a lot like blood, and I've always thought it was blood considering she got it after she cut herself for the bazillionth time. Accidentally of course.

"I most certainly won't." I laugh slightly. Copper Leaf enters the living room, my laughter ends almost instantaneously.

"What's this about flying?" Copper Leaf asks with her eyebrow raised. I wince.

"Mono wanted to go outside for awhile and watch me fly, isn't that right." Dad said, before turning his head and winking at me. I hate it when he does this, I'm a terrible liar. Especially in front of her.

"Uh yeah..." I start to sweat as she stares me down. I crack a few seconds later. "I wasn't going to watch dad fly I was going to fly with him." She keeps up her truth telling stare, making sure no honest information is omitted. My irises shrink, and the truth comes spilling. "I also ripped the bag of chicken feed this morning. I ate all of the squash yesterday and I only did half of my chores this morning."

She growls. "Get them done." She points, leading me outside. I sigh.

"Yes, mom." I go outside. I have no idea what to do, because I didn't even listen to figure out all of my required chores for the day. I go ahead and start raking. Immediately as I grab the rake, it starts to rain. I sigh again. "Raindrops. As it were." I kick the rake in frustration and pout. I can't even think of the horror that is going on inside with her and my dad alone. Well it can't be that bad, he loves her for a reason. I shiver.

"It's either chores or nothing." I say to myself. "Why don't I have any friends?" I squint up ahead in the rain. I swear I see Princess Celestia, but I shake it off as a hallucination. It wasn't until she got close enough that I realized she real. I stand in awe, before quickly bowing in respect. "Pr-Princess Celestia." My mouth is hung ajar in suspense. I see her being followed by a disgruntled draconequus.

"Monotone, is it?" Celestia says warmly. I nod. Still stunned and speechless. "I have assigned you a mentor to help you find some friends. I realized that you were the only friendless pony in ponyville. Everypony I seemed to ask had no idea who you were." She frowns consolingly. I don't take that as a compliment. "Discord?" She turns back to the draconequus standing behind her. He clears his throat.

"Well, per orders by her magesty I must help you find friends. You are to write to me every week and report what you have learned about friendship." He recited, as if from verbatim. "I am your new master." Celestia glared at him. He chuckled nervously, correcting himself. "I mean, mentor."

I laugh slightly. "Well if any of you think that my family will just let me leave..." I look back to the front door of my house. Copper Leaf is already waving. "Figures." I sigh.

"Now if you will please accompany Discord to your new living quarters in Ponyville." Celestia says. I follow Discord and stare at her in awe as she leaves. There's something about how her mane glistens in the rain. It's beautiful.

"This will be the hardest thing I ever do in my life." Discord says silent to himself. "How am I supposed to help this pathetic pony find friends."

Normally this criticism would hurt me, but I'm used to having a harsh master. At least I'll get a chance to find friends. To prove him wrong.

A New Mentor

"Your highness?" I ask Discord. He turns back at me in surprise.

"While that is kind of you, I assure you that I'm not royalty. I'm just a lackey to Princess Celestia." Discord responds, slightly annoyed at my question and keeps on walking.

"Where am I living exactly?" I ask, seeing as I've had no information about where I'll be staying throughout this ordeal. Discord sighed. He seems to be getting tired of my questions.

"Ponyville pet center." Discord responded. "I've been told you like turtles, and this place has turtles." Discord rolled his eyes. The thing I have with turtles is, I love turtles. I've never been allowed to own one as a pet. I've read about turtles and I know just about everything there is to know- about turtles.

"Will I be there alone?" I probably shouldn't have asked this question, considering that this whole expedition is about making friends. Discord looked back at me smirking.

"Unless you invite your friends over." He said mockingly. "Although I assure you it is not a hard place to run and take care of, you'll do fine." I find Discord's reassurance hypocritical, considering he mocks me just about every chance he gets. I stay behind him as we enter the residential corner of ponyville. I mostly just see identical houses lined up in oddly symmetrical fashion. But, out of the corner of my eye I see a two story building, with one window on the second floor and two on the first. The building is purple, my favorite color, and the roof is yellow. There's a sign at the front that says 'Ponyville Pet Center - Under New Management.', so this is where I'll be staying. I like it, I smile and walk proudly up to it. I buck the door open. Discord yelps in surprise.

"You know, I had a key." He says irritated, levitating a key with his powers.

"Sorry." I laugh nervously. "I just got a little excited." And excited I was, and my excitement certainly did not die down once I saw the turtle section. I squealed in delighted as I counted them. 8 turtles. The other animals I will tolerate. I like animals, but caring for them is not my talent.

"Now, I have one more turtle that you can use to send me your friendship reports." Discord explains. He conjures a turtle with his powers. "This one, Mercury, is who you will give your letters. And he will send them to me."

"Yes, sir. Discord." The turtle gives Discord a military salute. I stand in awe as the turtle speaks.

"So he can-?" I stutter. Discord rolls his eyes again expectantly.

"Yes he can talk." He growls. "A talking turtle is your dream isn't it?" I nod, my mouth ajar. "However, this messager turtle will NOT count as one of your friends. You need to find pony friends. Walk around in ponyville, take sometime to meet somepony." I nod again sheepishly. I guess I have no choice. At least this is for my greater good. I turn my head to the other side of the pet center, and then Discord is gone with a flash. I growl angrily for a moment, before trotting out into the world. I try and keep my head up, but it's more difficult than I realize. Suddenly I am interrupted by a gasping pink mare, pointing at me and then running away. I try and think what that was about, but I shrug it off. At least things can't get any worse than they were.

After an hour or so of awkwardly lurking around ponies and failing to speak to anypony my confidence is fairly shaken. I turn on the lights at the pet center, although nothing could prepare me for what I heard next.

"SURPRISE!" Screamed hundreds of ponies in unison. How did they get in my house? My eyes are wide in amazement.

"Howdy." Pinkie Pie smiles and shakes my hand. "I saw you today and that means I've never saw you before and if I've never saw you before that means you're new and if you're new that means you don't have any friends so I threw a party to help you make as many friends as possible." She smiled at me.

"I've lived here my entire life." I grumble, annoyed.

"Really?" Pinkie Pie says in suspense, getting closer to my face than I feel comfortable with. "You really should get out more." I glance around the room. I see many smiling ponies waving around me. I see streamers, pets wearing party hats, and food. Well, I guess I could try some of the food. I cautiously make my way to the snack table, only postponing the inevitable.

"Hi." An earth pony with a green coat, a shaggy orange mane and cyan eyes walks up to greet me. I stare at him as he speaks. "I'm Prairie Grass." He smiles. "You're Monotone I reckon"

"Yeah I'm Monotone." I respond sluggishly. I really should give this conversation a try, I just don't know what else to say. I start to walk away.

"What's got you down, my friend?" He says, looking in my eyes with genuine concern and stopping me. I sigh.

"I just want to be alone." I say to him, looking downward, with a tear in my eye. He puts his hoof on my back. I cringe a little.

"You know, sometimes it's nice to be alone, but not all the time." He continues. "It takes courage to make friends but having friends is better than no friends." His advice is very simple, but makes perfect since. I nod, wiping the tear from my eye.

"I have one question." Prairie Grass nods in understanding. "When you said, 'My Friend' did you mean it?" He smiles at me reassuringly.

"Of course." He says. "I'll stick around. But keep making more friends. Branch out, you'll feel a lot happier if you do."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

Friendship Is Vomit

I fell asleep about a couple hours into the party. Too much cake. Needless to say, I had fun. I met Prairie Grass who seemed nice, and I danced a little. I haven't really been to a party ever. But being at one made me feel like it was okay to be myself.

I felt good waking up this morning, to have my own house. It's full of pets that I have to look after but I'm used to the work. And it's a blessing to not have anypony breathing down my neck for me to get things done. It was much easier to get out of bed and I woke up much earlier. I went through and organized all the pet food and fed the animals. Mercury likes spinach, weird.

I need to go back out there though, out in to Equestria. I feel more confident today, like I can actually accomplish something. I stumble out into the world- quite literally, I stumble as I walk out of my house. Quickly a red pegasus with a blue spiked mane helps me up.

"You took quite a fall. Are you okay?" He smiles at me. I dust myself off.

"Yes I am quite alright." I look up to him, flying above me. "I'm Monotone."

"Ruffled Feathers, pleased to meet you." He shakes my hand vigorously before letting go. He lands on the ground. "You live at a pet center?"

"Yeah. I was going to go out and see some of Ponyville." I tell him.

"So you're new here?"

"Actually I've lived here all of my life." I say nervously.

"And you haven't seen the town yet? What are you a hermit or something?" Ruffled Feathers said puzzled.

"Something like that." I shake my head. Really I can't see the point of having this conversation. Ruffled Feathers laughs.

"Let's hang out in the square." Ruffled Feathers says. "Unless you're scared." I frown.

"I'm not scared, and I've seen the town before it's just..." I pause for a moment. "I've mostly experienced things rather passively." It's true. I've been out in Ponyville with my dad, but whenever anything would happen I would just retreat into my shell.

"I didn't hear a word you just said." Ruffled Feathers admits, then trots off asking me to follow behind him. I make no effort to continue the conversation, unfortunately he continues on his own.

"You're not one of those weirdos with no friends are you?" He asks matter-of-factly.

"I have one friend, Prarie Grass." It felt weird saying it, I'd only just met him yesterday. But, I considered us friends. Maybe I just didn't want to admit that I had none and that getting friends at this point is just a demeaning task assigned by my mentor.

"The wheat farmer guy, I know him he's cool." He continued. "Chased a whole pack of timberwolves off his farm by himself. Really has no fear in him."

I think for a second that he might be lying, until I see Prairie Grass with a timberwolf on a leash. "Prairie Grass... what's with the wild animal."

"This is Sap." He says, petting his timberwolf eliciting excited moans from the creature. "This wood wolf was scared and hid behind our barn, instead of scolding him I thought I'd keep him."

Ruffled Feathers bends down and looks at the creature carefully.

"Um. What do these things eat exactly?" Prairie Grass says. Ruffled Feathers and I look at eachother puzzled. I shrug.

"They're... meat eaters." I say nervously. "I have a few mice from my store I can spare but that's all I can give you."

"Maybe I should just let this thing run... eating meat is just... unnatural." Prairie Grass says.

"Says the person with a steady diet of grass and weeds." Ruffled Feathers laughs.

"Hey!" Prarie Grass says.

"Oh I'm just teasing, let's go." Ruffled Feathers walks up ahead through mane street. I'm not sure where he's going, or how he knows Prairie Grass. But I follow behind him anyway. I stay mostly silent, until we reach Ponyville Tavern. "Cider anypony?" He says smirking.

"I don't drink." I say immediately. Ruffled Feathers rolls his eyes.

"Then get a soda or something."

I nod and then walk in with him, Prairie Grass walks in behind. I look to the bar counter to see an aqua pegasus with a cerulean mane balancing close to 11 drinks on his wing. "Who the..." I say mesmerized.

"Oh yeah it's Crushed Ice." Ruffled Feathers says, taking a seat. "Good to see you again." The pegasus' eyes immediately lock on Ruffled Feathers mechanically

"How can I help you." He says.

Ruffled Feathers whispers in my direction, sitting next to me. "He always says that." He raises his voice to a normal volume and looks at the bartender. "Soda, Cider, Grassy Lady." Crushed Ice Nods and immediately balances three more drinks on his wing.

"Whoa." I say, trailing off. Crushed Ice's looks at me and winks.

"What's three more?"

"He takes his job really seriously." I say.

"Not just his job. He always bites off more than he can chew. He does everything for everypony. It doesn't stress him out one bit." Prairie Grass smiles. "Not many ponies like that."

"So do you all know eachother?" I ask. The three nod simultaneously.

"Yep." Ruffled Feathers says as Crushed Ice puts our finished drinks on the table. I take a gigantic sip of mine, before my pupils turn to pinpricks as I realize it's cider.

"I'm poisoned." I say dramatically.

"No you're not, drink that, cut loose, I'll order myself another Cider." Ruffled Feathers orders. I nod and drink. It's actually quite good. Save for the alcohol, which I've never drank before until now.

"It's four o'clock, I'm off shift." Crushed Ice says, sitting next to Prairie Grass. A new female bartender walks in.

"He never drinks on the job." Ruffled Feathers says.

"Not unless I'm told to." Crushed Ice chimes in. I drink the rest of my Cider and then retch on the floor.

"Whoa." Crushed Ice says, leaning away.

"Friendship Is Vomit." Feathers laughs.

"Shut up."