A Big Misunderstanding

by SwiftM0nkey

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Comedy, Other, Sex, Big Macintosh
Length: 4432

Pinkie tells the girls that something terrible has happened to Big Mac, but things aren't always as they seem.

Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight are all surprised to hear what Pinkie says happened to Big Mac. Assuming it's something that can happen to any stallion, they go to Anon's house to try to prevent it from happening to him.

Published 2014-11-21 00:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-21 00:10:05 UTC

It Fell Off!

Everyone in the library is silently waiting for Pinkie to explain her reasoning for wanting you all to gather here. For some reason she didn't invite Applejack though. Perhaps that was on purpose. You clear your throat as she stands motionless in front of the four of you.

"Pinkie, now that everypony has come, mind telling us why we're here?"

She nods and responds, "Okie dokie lokie Twilight, but you have to promise not to tell Applejack!"

Rainbow tilts her head in mild confusion, "Why not?"

Rarity speaks in a worried tone, "Did something awful happen?"

Pinkie nods again.

Fluttershy's eyes get a little wide and she meekly speaks, "I hope everything is okay..."

Pinkie stretches her neck so that she's face to face with Fluttershy.

"It's not!"

Fluttershy cowers a little as Pinkie's head slams back to her body. Sometimes she's on par with Discord's body tricks.

You try to put a stop to Pinkie's antics and get back to the point, "Okay Pinkie, stop playing around. What happened?"

She looks down and begins describing what happened, "There I was, walking to Sweet Apple Acres..."

She starts to walk in place to try drawing the scene for the four of you.

"I wanted to see what my good friends in the Apple family were up to."

She zooms out of the room and into your kitchen, then comes back a second later with an apple. Placing it on the ground, she pretends to walk to it to explain she was walking to the Apples.

"I didn't see anypony outside the barn, so I was a little confused."

She suddenly turns away from you.

"But that's when I heard it."

Fluttershy is trembling, making her stutter as she speaks, "I-It?"

Pinkie slowly walks toward the bookshelves.

"I heard Big Mac cry out from inside the barn, so I went to investigate."

She puts on her detective hat and pipe and slowly creeps to the back of the room.

"I peeked inside the barn doors and saw..."

Rainbow flies up and fills in the blank, "A monster?!"

Rarity stands up and shouts another answer, "Was the room filthy?!"

Fluttershy is trembling even harder now.

You stop their panicking so you can hear what Pinkie is saying, "Girls, be quiet."

They sit and stop talking. Pinkie turns around from looking at the back of the room.

"I saw Big Mac standing there. He was looking down at something."

All of you are silent.

"It was..."

She pauses a moment, bringing even more emphasis to what she is about to say.

"His dingalingalang."

Fluttershy and Rarity gasp, your mouth hangs open, and Rainbow smirks.

Rainbow rolls back and kicks out her legs laughing.

She barely manages to ask in a very unbelieving tone, "It fell off?!"

You shake your head and try to make sense of what she has just said.

"Pinkie, I don't think it can just fall off."

She comes up really close to you and asks, "Then how do you explain what I saw?"

You shake your head because you don't know the answer. How could it have just fallen off?

"And you're sure it was what you think it was?"

Pinkie nods her head vigorously, "I know horse dingalingalang when I see horse dingalingalang, sister!"

Ignoring her little commentary, you turn to the other girls and ask, "Do any of you know why or how this could have happened?"

Rarity shakes her head.

"I haven't the slightest idea, but I feel terrible for Mac."

Rainbow jumps up.

"What if it was cut off in some freak applebucking accident?!"

Rarity gasps and you shake your head.

"I highly doubt that. Pinkie, was it bloody?"

Pinkie shakes her head.

"It was brown, like his."

Rainbow sits down and shrugs.

"I got nothing then."

You turn to Fluttershy, your last hope in the matter.

"Do you know what might have happened?"

She looks at you with worry in her eyes.

"W-well..."

Rainbow flies over and gets right in Fluttershy's face, making her tense up.

"Come on, spit it out!"

You slide Rainbow back a bit with your magic, and Fluttershy takes a deep breath as everyone stares at her.

"W-well Anon once said to me, 'If you don't use it, you lose it,' so I was thinking it could be that..."

"What? How can it just fall off like that though?"

She shakes her head.

"I don't know. Maybe it's a stallion thing?"

Pinkie zooms over to the door.

"Well we've got to save Anon then! He hasn't used it since he got here a few years ago!"

"Wait! This doesn't seem logical..."

You think about all the books you've read and the vast amount of knowledge within them. Too bad literally none of them have been about sexual organs. All you know is that a penis is supposed to go inside of a vagina to make offspring.

Wow.

You'll have to talk to Princess Celestia about the lack on information you have on this topic.

"Well... I don't really know much about this. I guess it could be possible, but it seems so unlikely."

Fluttershy stands up.

"I don't want Anon to lose such an important body part..."

Rarity follows her lead.

"I agree, I think we should act now if we know it could happen to another good friend of ours."

All of you look at Rainbow. She nods.

"Count me in!"

With a sigh, you agree as well, "I guess we're doing this then."

You open the door with your magic and walk out with the four of them.

It only takes a few minutes of walking to get to Anon's house. He lives down the dirt path from Fluttershy's cottage in a similar looking house. The five of you stop once reaching the path that leads up to his house and hide behind the bushes there.

"Alright girls, I'm pretty sure Anon isn't just going to let us walk in and stimulate him. How should we go about doing this?"

Pinkie raises her hoof.

"Ooh ooh ooh pick me!"

You point to her with your hoof.

"What is it Pinkie? Do you have an idea?"

She looks down at the ground, showing all of you her mane. There are sticks coming up out of it.

"Pick a stick! The pony with the longest stick goes first!"

Completely flabbergasted, you try to protest, "Pinkie, this can be a very serious matter! We shouldn't be drawing sticks at a time like this! What are we even accomplishing?"

She looks up at you.

"We each take turns going into Anon's house to try stimulating him! The sticks tell who should go first, silly!"

"Oh... I still don't think this is a good idea."

You grab one with your magic and raise an eyebrow.

"Wait, when did you even put these here?"

"I have sticks in my mane in case of stick emergencies like this!"

Typical Pinkie.

After everyone takes a stick, she picks her head back up and pulls one out as well. All of you hold your sticks together to find that Rainbow's is the longest, followed by Rarity, you, Pinkie, and finally Fluttershy.

"Guess that's the order we'll go in. Rainbow, you're first."

Rainbow smirks.

"I have an amazing idea..."

You sit on the couch as you read the Pony Post. There's not much going on in the news, besides the dam almost bursting. Luckily, magic can fix anything within seconds. That fucking magic and its overpoweredness. Wait, is overpoweredness even a word?

Suddenly, a light knock is heard on the door. This is strange, because not many ponies come to visit you. Fluttershy is pretty much the only pony you see more than once in a week, but that's because she always brings you home made pastries on Sundays.

You get up and lazily walk over to the door. When you open it, you see Rainbow Dash standing there with two pizza boxes and a baseball cap.

"Alright, here's your two cheese pizzas. That'll be seventeen bits."

"Seventeen bits?! Why so pricy?"

She shrugs.

"Rules are rules."

"I never even ordered this!"

"That doesn't matter, I was given this address. You have to pay."

You sigh and look around at the house as you respond, "I don't even have that many right now..."

She looks you in the eye.

"You could always pay me in another way..."

Is she implying that you have sex?

...

Nah.

Just look at her. She's a cute cyan pegasus in a friendly world. She couldn't possibly be thinking something that lewd.

"I think I have an idea of how to pay you."

You step aside and beckon her in.

"Come on in."

She smiles, walks inside, and you close the door behind her.

With a groan, you complain to the others, "What is taking Rainbow so long?"

Fluttershy blushes and drags her hoof on the ground, "W-well, she might be enjoying herself while trying to help Anon."

Rarity blushes too as she gives Fluttershy a look.

"That's not a ladylike thing to say, dear..."

Just then, the door to Anon's house opens and all of you duck back into the bushes. Rainbow can be seen walking out of his house backwards, waving to him.

"Thanks Anon!"

He calls out to her as she leaves, "Anytime, Rainbow!"

He then closes the door and Rainbow smiles as she trots down the path toward all of you. When she gets past the bushes and sees everyone, she stops and slams her hoof into her face.

"...I completely forgot."

You yell at her, "What do you mean you forgot?!"

She smiles and puts her hooves up in defense, "He's just so nice! I didn't expect him to let me split the pizzas with him as payment!"

You groan and roll your eyes.

Fluttershy tries to calm you with a bit of wise words, "It's okay. We still have a few more tries at this before he becomes suspicious."

You nod and look over to Rarity.

"Guess it's your turn now."

She stands with confidence.

"I know just the outfit that would do the trick."

You put the leftover pizza in the refrigerator and smile. That was nice. It's not very often you get to have a guest over for lunch who also brings the food. Rainbow is also a pretty nice gal too, despite her boyish exterior. Wish she'd show the side she showed you as you ate together more often. That would be cool.

For the second time today, a knock is heard on your door.

Another visitor? Maybe you're getting popular.

You walk into the main room and open the door. Rarity stands there wearing a maid outfit that compliments her body figure quite nicely.

"Hello Anonymous. Mind if I come in?"

"Um... Sure?"

You step aside and she walks past you, heading over to the couch. After closing the door, you turn to her.

She begins dusting off the couch and swaying her hips side to side as she does so.

"You know Anon... If there's ever anything you want from me..."

She wiggles her butt a little.

"...just ask."

It's almost as if she wants you to look at her bottom.

…

Really? Again?
Come on man. This is another cute pony. What's with you and these weird thoughts today?

You shake the lewd thoughts out of your head and walk up to her. She still sways her hips even when you're next to her. She must not even know she's doing it.

"Here, let me help with that."

You sigh as you lay on the ground, looking up at the clouds.

Rainbow groans as she looks at the house.

"Rarity sure is taking a while in there."

You turn to her and comment, "Yeah, well so did you."

She rolls her eyes and shrugs. Fluttershy sits next to you, watching the butterflies flutter around, and Pinkie eats an ice cream cone. No point in asking where she got that from.

A creak sound comes from Anon's house and all of you quickly poke your heads out from the bushes. Rarity walks out of the house and turns to Anon.

"Thank you very much, Rarity."

She shakes her head.

"Oh heavens no, the pleasure was all mine."

They share a smile and then Anon closes the door. Rarity starts walking and then stops once seeing you poking your heads out of the bush. She groans and takes off to a gallop toward all of you.

When she gets to you, you ask her, "Did you do it?"

She shakes her head.

Rainbow groans out, "Come on Rarity!"

Rarity leers at Rainbow and gives her a snarky comeback, "Yeah, like you did any better."

Fluttershy asks, "What happened? I thought you were going to seduce him as you helped clean his house."

Rarity sits down behind the bushes and sighs.

"Well I was, but I soon got too into the act of cleaning and forgot my purpose there in the first place. We cleaned his entire house..."

She looks down.

"I'm sorry."

You stand and look at her.

"It's okay. I guess it's my turn now."

Maybe the appropriate approach is to be less slutty and more urgent.

You plop yourself down on the couch and look around the room. It's completely spotless. Rarity sure is amazing at cleaning.

Today has been kinda strange. You've had two visitors whom you spent some quality time with.

For the third time today, someone knocks on your door.

Seriously, what is going on? Is it some kind of neighborly holiday?

You stand up and walk to the door. When you open it, you see Twilight standing there.

She speaks in a serious tone, "Anon, we need to talk."

Without asking, she walks inside. You close the door after she comes inside and turn to her.

She stares up at you and speaks with that same serious tone, "There might be something wrong with you."

You raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"What? What do you mean?"

"There's a type of magic which tends to inflict a massive amount of damage upon body parts. As I was walking to Fluttershy's cottage, I felt a strong amount of that magic surrounding this house."

Your eyes widen in shock.

"What does this mean?"

Twilight begins explaining, "It means that if this magic has time to concentrate, it could destroy a part of your body in an instant."

"Oh my god..."

She nods.

"That's why I need to give you a physical examination."

You give her a little bit of a skeptical look.

"Are you sure? This seems a bit sudden..."

"Anon, I'm completely serious. This could be life threatening."

You sigh and put your hand on your forehead.

"Alright, if you think it's going to work... Should we do it right here?"

She nods for you to begin. You hesitate a little before stripping in front of the small purple equine because of her eagerness in that nod. She coughs and backs up a little bit, relaxing herself. You slowly begin to strip, and she watches closely as you pull of your shirt, pants, socks, and your underwear.

You look away as she comes closer. Her hot breath hits your cock and you back up a little. She backs up as well.

"I-I'm sorry!"

"Just... Just hurry up and check. This is weird enough as it is."

She begins to circle your body, looking at each limb. Once she's gone around you four times, she stops right in front of you. Using her magic, she moves your dick. The sensation is cold and makes you jump a bit. She slows down her inspection as she looks at your member.

Jesus Christ, she's a pervert.

…

No. Anon. Think logically.

She's going slow because she needs to make sure there's nothing wrong. Not because she's enjoying the view.

You look down and see her blush grow as she stares at your privates. Well, this is a bit awkward, so it makes sense why she would be blushing. She suddenly takes you into her mouth, sending a wave of pleasure throughout your body.

Okay.

This isn't a cute pony anymore. This one wants to have sex with you.

You step back and push her off you.

"What the fuck is your problem?!"

"Anon, I—"

"No!"

She tries to explain herself, "Anon, this isn't what it seems like—Oof!"

You interrupt her by picking her up. You grab your underwear and put them on, then move to the door.

Turn and open the door, then throw her out.

"And don't come back!"

Slam the door.

Well, that could have gone better.

You pick yourself up and slowly walk back to the bushes where Fluttershy quickly grabs and hugs you.

"A-Are you alright?!"

The others look over.

"Yeah... I'm fine."

Rainbow comes close to you.

"Well did you do it? I saw him almost naked when he threw you out."

"No... My approach was too straightforward and I scared him."

Rarity rubs your back with a hoof and speaks sincerely, "It's okay darling. Are you hurt?"

You shake your head.

"Not really."

Rainbow lays down and looks up at the sky.

"While Pinkie goes, I think I'm going to take a nap."

You sigh and look over to where Pinkie was standing. She isn't there anymore. You poke your head out of the bushes and see Pinkie bouncing down to Anon's house while wearing a cake outfit.

Hopefully she has better luck than you did.

Holy shit. Of all the ponies you know, it was Twilight who is the pervert.

You can't just walk into someone's house and have sex with them like that!

And her reasoning... That was like an intro to a terrible porno. Why didn't you see through that in the beginning? As you put your clothes back on, there's another knock on the door.

Is she back already? Seriously?

You pull up your pants and stomp over to the door. Flinging it open as hard as you can, you glare down at who is there.

It's Pinkie in a cake outfit, making you relax your gaze.

"Hey Pinkie."

"Hi Anon!"

"Why are you here?"

"Because we're going to PARTY!"

She pulls out a cannon from behind her and wheels it past you.

You turn and watch her fire the cannon inside of your house, completely decorating the main room with balloons, streamers, and cake. Maybe some relaxing is just what you need after what just happened.

And this pony is giving it to you for free. A smile forms on your face.

"That's what I like to see! Now let's PARRTAAY!"

You close the door and enjoy a nice party.

"All that hard work cleaning and dusting! Completely ruined by Pinkie Pie's party cannon!"

Fluttershy puts her hoof on Rarity's leg.

"Don't worry Rarity, it was only one room of the house."

She sighs.

"I suppose that's true, but we still spent all that time in there!"

The door opens and you nudge Rarity and Fluttershy, making them look too. Pinkie bounces out of the door happily. Anon waves goodbye to her and closes the door. She bounces all the way down Anon's path and starts to turn as if she were leaving when she sees the rest of you hiding there.

She turns as if she had forgotten all about what everyone was doing here, "Oh hi!"

Rainbow sits up from laying down and sees Pinkie there.

She asks, "Did you do it, Pinkie?"

Pinkie tilts her head and gives an awkward smile.

"Do what now?"

You put your hoof on your face.

Rainbow grabs Pinkie and yells at her, "Oh you know, just the whole reason we even came here for?!"

Pinkie shakes her head while still wearing the smile.

"I dunno. I just had a nice party with Anon because he looked like he was sad!"

Rarity sighs and looks down at the ground.

"I don't know if we can do it, girls."

All of you look at her.

"Just look at what we've managed to accomplish so far. He's had a nice lunch, his house cleaned, been sexually assaulted, and had a party thrown for him..."

She solemnly looks around at everyone. Fluttershy stands up with a sudden boost in confidence.

"It's not over yet."

She steps out of the bushes and walks down the path to his house.

You call lightly to her, "Good luck."

Rainbow lets go of Pinkie and nods.

"She'll need it."

Today is definitely going to be a memorable day. Four different ponies have visited you, each with their own intentions. While Twilight's was completely fucked up, it's still something worth looking back at in the future. But the question still remains...

Why the hell are they coming here? Is it Visit Anon Day or something? There's definitely some reasoning behind this.

Seven knocks are heard on the door in rapid succession. There's only one pony that knocks like that.

Fluttershy.

You walk over to the door and open it for her. She stands on the porch with a scared look in her eyes.

"Anon..."

"What is it Fluttershy? What's wrong?"

"Can I come inside please?"

You nod.

"Of course."

Step aside and wait for her to walk in before shutting the door. When you turn to her, she takes a deep breath.

"You probably noticed something weird happening today, right?"

You nod.

"Yeah, I've been getting tons more visitors than usual. Most of them were nice."

"There's a reason for that."

You cross your arms and nod for her to continue.

"It all started when Pinkie was going to Sweet Apple Acres..."

Rainbow coughs a little, breaking the awkward silence and getting all of your attentions.

She smirks at you and begins to speak, "So Twilight..."

“Yes?”

She narrows her eyes as she smiles at you.

"What did it taste like?"

You tilt your head and raise your eyebrow before asking, "What? What did what taste like?"

She leans in and points to your crotch.

"You know... Anon."

You blush and look away.

"Sh-shut up, I'm not talking about that."

She shrugs.

"Fine then. I was just wondering."

Pinkie loudly whispers to all of you.

"Door's opening!"

You peek through the bushes and see Fluttershy walking with Anon straight toward all of you.

Rainbow whispers to Rarity, "Did she rat us out?"

Rarity shrugs.

Anon calls out.

"I know you're there."

Rainbow loudly whispers, “Darn! Busted!”

The four of you come out of the bushes. You look down at your hooves when Anon looks at you.

"It's okay Twilight. I know why you did what you did and I forgive you."

You look up at Anon with hope that what you did didn't ruin your friendship.

"But it wasn't right."

Your ears go back and you agree with him, "I know, I'm sorry."

Anon clears his throat, "I guess I'll explain what I said. When I told Fluttershy, 'If you don't use it, you lose it,' I was referring to the brain."

The four of you share a collective, "Ohhh..."

He walks closer to each of you and kneels down.

"And you don't have to try tricking me to get me to do this stuff. Why didn't you just ask me first? It could have saved all of you a lot of time and effort."

You and Rainbow nod. Anon smiles to all of you.

"Well I'm glad we got all of that fixed. I'm sorry I got all of you so worried."

Fluttershy opens her arms for a hug, and then Anon invites everyone for a big group hug. As everyone is enjoying each other's embrace, Pinkie shouts out.

"Wait a minute!"

You all look over.

"If you don't need to use it to lose it, then how did Big Mac lose his?!"

You look at Anon and then back to Pinkie.

"Why don't we take Anon's advice? Let's just ask."

Everyone nods and you cast a teleportation spell around yourself and them. In a flash of purple and pink, all of you stand near the barn at Sweet Apple Acres. Big Mac and Applejack are arguing about something in front of the barn doors.

All of you walk over to see Applejack stomp her hooves.

"Whaddya mean somepony saw ya?"

Big Mac leans in.

"What I mean is that somepony saw me and hauled it into town screamin'!"

They butt heads.

"Well who in the hay was it?!"

You grab their attention, "Ahem."

Both of them turn from being near centimeters from each other's faces to all of you.

Pinkie jumps to the front of the crowd and gets low on the ground, shouting out, "I'm so sorry for your loss Big Mac!"

He looks confused as Rarity walks over to him.

"I know it was such an important part of your body, and this might be really hard to talk about..."

He looks even more confused.

"Could you explain to us how it happened?"

He shakes his head.

"I don't know what yer goin' on about."

Anon calls out from the back of the group extremely bluntly, "They think your dick fell off."

Big Mac moves his leg, showing everyone that his package is indeed still there.

"What in Equestria made ya think that?"

Everyone looks at Pinkie. She shrinks down.

"B-but, I saw you staring at it in the barn!"

Big Mac turns to Applejack with a smile.

"Told ya so. Looks like you'll haveta explain this one."

Applejack's face goes red with blush as she turns to face everyone.

"U-um... Well Big Mac was as surprised as all of you when he saw it."

She clears her throat.

"What ya saw there Pinkie... That was one of... Mah toys."

Everyone is silent. Pinkie breaks the silence by starting to giggle a little bit. She eventually bursts into laughter. Rainbow follows suit, and Anon does as well. Rarity smiles as the laughing spreads around. You find yourself smirking and Fluttershy giggles lightly. Big Mac and Applejack join the circle of laughter. All of you laugh for a few minutes at the absurdity of what has taken place today.

As the laughter starts to die down, Applejack clears her throat.

"Y'all aren't tellin' anyone I got that, are ya?"

She looks worried as everyone laughs even harder.

Today was a nice day.

Author's Note

I wrote this in a short period of time, so I apologize if it's not that great in some places