Roger Moore's Horn is Fake and Filly Fleur Dis Lee Travels to the Moon with Lunaby Prompt writerChapters"Hello Mister!"Seperate WaysAdoptionHow To Work A Horn"Hello Mister!"Roger Moore rubbed his head wearily. It had been a tiresome night full of bright flashes, blasts, and changing. He flickered his eyes open to reveal a soft, mellow ground covered in blades of grass. It looked much more peaceful than his usual landscape, full of rough and torn patches of ground. He tried to get up on his legs, but only fell to the ground and bumped his chin. "That hurt," he said in a very mysterious and luring accent. "W-where am I?" Moore looked at his hands, which were missing fingers and now were just nubs. "Are these.. Hooves?" He scrambled up again, only to fall once more. "Am I giraffe?" "No silly!" Moore looked around. He couldn't see where the voice was coming from. He only heard it. Not only was he worried about his changed hands and probably feet, he was worried about the mysterious voice that was so ever delicate. Let's face it: That's exactly what a doll's voice sounds like, and dolls are not a good sign of anything. "You're a pony," came the voice again. "Who's saying that?" Moore asked, a stupid question in any horror movie he knew. If you asked "who's there?" or "who's saying that?" or "what are you?" you're almost certain to die first. Inside his brain, Moore thought he looked pretty silly to people passing by. Asking "who was there?" in a frightened tone to a squeaky voice that probably wasn't even threatening and lying on his tummy, legs spread out. He didn't even worry about what she had just said previously. "Are you gonna get up?" Moore quivered. "Here, I'll help you." A magical force surrounded him. He felt himself get lifted into the air. His skin trembled with fear. "Who the hell are you?!" he cried. "Please don't kill me! I have four wives and three children! Oh please, please, please!" "Relax silly. I'm not going to kill you. I'm only six!" The voice put him down on his hooves and faced him toward her. "Hi! I'm Fleur De Lee." Moore blinked in shock. "Y-you're a horse! And you're talking!" "No I'm not. I'm a pony," she corrected. "You're a pony, too!" "What are you talking ab-" Moore raised one of his arms. They still had those plump, brown hooves. "Oh my lord. Am I really a pony?" "Well duh stupid. Everypony here is a pony," Lee said. "No no no! This can't be happening," he wailed. "I'm trapped in a show for three-year-old girls!" "Not everypony here is three-years-old." "Why am I a pony?" Moore threw Lee's statement behind and started to worriedly on the ground. "This doesn't make any sense!" "You're strange, Mister," Lee commented. "Can you get lost?" he shouted. Amethyst Star, who just happened to be walking by with Dinky Doo, scolded the pony. "Shame on you! Yelling at a filly like that!" she said. Moore blushed with partial anger and embarrassment and dipped his head. "Sorry." "You'd better be." The pink mare padded away and dragged her grayish, blue sister along wit her. "God, how am I going to get back home?" Moore's eyes scanned over his flank. "What is this? Why do I have a tattoo on my butt!?" Lee toppled over laughing. "You're funny Mister! Strange, but funny." Moore grabbed the filly by the scruff with his hoof and dangled her in the air. Her back legs jabbed the air with joy. "He hee!" "Listen you little brat!" He lowered his voice slightly so he didn't get yelled at by another angry mare. "You'd better change me back to a regular human, or I will rip your stubby little horn off." "I didn't change you into a human," Lee implied. "I'm six!" "That doesn't mean you're not evil! Look at the movie the Omen, or Good Son!" "Huh?" She raised an eyebrow. "Are those ponies you know.. Or like family members?" Moore smacked his face with his hoof leaving a giant bloody bruise as a souvenir. "Damn, I forgot I have hooves." "You're really awkward. But you're funny. Hey, let's be friends!" Lee bounced up and down, her pink mane bouncing along with her. "I am not being friends with you, you demon child!" Moore wiped the bruise on his head repeatedly. "Gah.. That hurts." "Here, I can help!" The mare sung. A pink aura surrounded her white horn but Moore covered his face in fear. "Please! Don't do anything to me! I don't want your help." "I was just going to heal you with my magic." Lee tapped her horn with thoughtfulness. "But I guess I can just bring you to Ponyville hospital." She picked him up with her magic anyway and dragged him along to the hospital. "Help! I'm being dragged to hell by an insane child!" Moore screamed, flailing his hooves in hope of one of them grasping the ground so he could resist her pull. Dinky Doo blinked as she saw the man being pulled by a filly. "Mommy, why is that man screaming?" she asked. "That's what we call a Lindsay Lohan," Amethyst star replied. "They belong in a place called an 'asylum'. "Oh.." Dinky and her mother walked away. "Don't worry mister. We'll have that bruise fixed in no time at all!" Lee joyfully skipped along the path of her home. She stopped at Saint Marey's Hospital. "Come on, let's go inside!" "I have to go inside even if I like it or not," he grumbled. Lee slammed him on the counter, making his bones crack and the secretary be astonished. "This man has a bruise!" she declared. "Child you can't just throw ponies onto the counter like this!" she exclaimed, flabbergasted. "I don't even care about the bruise anymore," he moaned. "I think she broke my ribs.." "Wha- Wha Where are your parents?" The secretary managed. "I live in an orphanage," Lee replied. "They're at the foster home." The secretary mare reached into a drawer, grabbed her Fuji water bottle and a container of Advil, and forced down two chalky pills. She picked up the phone. "We need a doctor down here please. And a police guard." In a moment, Nurse Redheart was downstairs. She was leading a pair of stallions who were carrying a mobile cot with them. "Well fella. That's quite a bruise you got there," the cream pony said, whipping her pink tail over his cheek softly. "Come on boys. Let's bring him upstairs." The stallion used their magic to bring Moore onto the cot and march upstairs. "Can I go see him?" Lee asked politely. "You nearly broke his back, kid." The secretary leaned in. "But he was gonna walk me home," she pouted, her ears flapping down and her tail resorting between her legs. "Don't worry. The nice police man is going to walk you home." Lee crossed her front hooves. "Well he'd better be here soon. Supper time is coming up and if I miss it I'll have to scrub the latrines again." "What did you say sweetie?" The secretary was shocked at what she had just heard, but she was sure it was just a misunderstanding. Lee looked up slightly. "Huh?" The secretary raised an eyebrow. The police walked in through the door. A tiny colt was by his side, his blue mane combed neatly and swirling around his horn. He walked up to the secretary and smiled warmly. "There's a little filly that needs to get home?" "It's about time!" Lee whined aloud. The officer turned around and ruffled her mane. "Did you wonder off little one?" "I'm six!" Lee urged. "I didn't wonder off. My friend got hurt so I brought him here!" "Well let's just get you home, okay?" The officer took the mare's hoof and started to walk with her out the door. The secretary waved as the colt hopped up next to Lee. "Hi! I'm Fancy Pants!" he greeted kindly. "Hi.." Lee said glumly. "I'm Fleur Dis Lee." She never usually said her full name. "What's the matter?" Lee sighed. "Everything.." Seperate Ways"Everything's wrong?" Fancy Pants repeated. "What do you mean?" "Well," Fleur Dis Lee began. "I started walking this morning because Mrs. Tred let me out of that stuffy orphanage for one day. I saw this stallion lying on the ground so I waited for him to wake up. When he finally did, he got scared and he bruised himself in the face. And that was the first wrong thing. So I brought him to the hospital and I threw him on the counter which like broke his back or something. Second wrong thing. And now I have to go back to the stupid poopid orphanage." Lee heaved a heavy sigh. "Third wrong thing.." Pants nudged her in the shoulder thoughtfully. "That's only three things," he offered in a noble and sophisticated tone. "Not everything." "I guess.." she said, cheering up a little bit. Her smile stretched across her face and she awkwardly wrapped her arms around Pant's neck. "Hey, do you wanna be friends?!" The colt blushed. "S-sure." "Alright little one. We're here." Officer Safety Mode picked the filly up and brought her inside. Ponies were already dining out on grey looking mashed potatoes, crinkly baby carrots, and some lettuce leaves that hardly looked fresh. Mrs. Tred trudged over quickly, her face flushed with what seemed like worry. "Fleur Dis Lee! Where have you been sweetheart?" "You know where I was," Lee murmured, her brow lowered on her violet eyes. "I was worried sick!" Mrs. Tred grabbed the child and snuggled her on her chest. She looked up with red glowing eyes at Mode. "Thank you so much officer." "My pleasure Hate Tred." Mode tipped his hat. "Come on Fancy Pants." "Yes father." The colt skipped behind his elder. He looked back at Lee, who breathed sadly. "Come on Pants, don't dawdle." Mode nudged his son along and out the orphanage door. Mrs. Tred waited for the police offer to leave before sharply dropping the filly on the floor. Her legs spread out and her tail whisked beneath them. "Where the hell have you been?" Mrs. Tred barked, spit flying from her mouth onto the filly. Lee picked herself up and dusted her pelt. "J-just walking like you said I could." "I said you must be back by 5:00 sharply when we have dinner! Now you can forget about that and go scrub the latrines. And so help me Celestia, if there is one spot on those toilets." "Yes Mrs. Tred." Lee's tummy rumbled as she walked back the colts and fillies munching on their meal. She grabbed the mop, a bucket, Kaboom Foamtastic™, and a bristly scrubber. She padded into the bathroom, which was gloomy and dull looking, and opened the door to a cubicle. She felt her stomach go weak as she saw feces flopped over the bowl and little hairs collecting on it. On the floor roamed carefree ants that Lee thought had a better life then she did. With a cover to her nose, she squeezed the trigger of the Kaboom™ and violently scrubbed with the bristle brush. "Well your ribs aren't broken," Nurse Redheart cheerfully announced. "But that bruise will need to be taken out of impact from anything else for the rest of the day." Roger Moore was still freaking out. His hooves trembled with fear, and his heart was beating against the walls of his chest. "P-pon-ponies.." he studdered. "I think this dude's a little.." The nurse's assistant gestured with her hooves a swirling motion. "He probably just hit his head too hard," Redheart replied. She leaned down to the trembling stallion. "What were you doing that made you get such a nice shiner?" Moore looked at her with green eyes. "Yo-You're a pony." "Well so are you." "P-ponies!" Moore screamed. Band-Aid, the nurse's assistant, looked over at her mentor. "I'm telling you, Yzarc Inn is a perfect place for ponies that have.. Er hem.. Issues." Redheart glared at her then back to her patient. "Sir, is there something wrong that we should know of? Are you taking any medications from another doctor that we should know of?" "There's something wrong alright!" Moore shot right up, his nostrils flaring. "YOU'RE A PONY! I am trapped in a show for three-year-old girls that have nothing better to do with their life than poop and pee in their freakin' diapers!" "If I'm correct." Redheart coughed uncomfortably. "Three-year-olds don't wear diapers.." "What's the use fighting with you peop- I mean ponies- I mean.. GAHH!" He flopped back onto his stomach and covered his face with his folded arms. "Do you need a glass of water?" Redheart offered. "Or a brochure to Yzarc Inn," Aid hissed. Her mentor glared at her again and the cream colored mare just shrugged. "I need to get out of here." Moore walked off the medical bed he was laying on and headed for the door. He tried to twist the knob open, but it remained closed. "Why is this damn door so hard to open?" "You can't use your hooves to open doors.." Redheart brought an eyebrow up. "You're sure you're not on any medications?" "Then what the hell am I supposed to use to open this?" Moore shot. "Um.. Your horn.." The nurse tapped her head where a horn would be if she were a unicorn. Moore looked at his head. Indeed, there shot a caramel horn out of his brown mane. "Oh my god! I'm a pony unicorn!" "Are you saying that you didn't know you were a unicorn?" "I didn't even know I was a pony until a few hours ago." Aid grabbed onto Redheart. "I'm scared." "I'm out of here!" Moore ignored his horn and tried to open the door with his hooves again. Again, the door remained intact. With brute force, he rammed through the door, breaking it down, as he stormed out of the office, splinters covering his pelt. Aid gawked. "W-wha-What?!" The secretary leaned from her desk. "Did that man just break through the door?" "He did.. Didn't he?" Redheart's eyelashes fluttered her cheeks. "Nurse Redheart! That pony just BROKE the door! Aren't you going to do something?" Aid exclaimed. The mare was too busy in her dreams. "So strong.." she murmured. AdoptionFleur Dis Lee wiped her forehead with her hoof and walked out of the bathroom tired and sweating. Everypony had vanished from the long table they had all feasted at and by the look of the sky outside from the window, it was night time. They were probably all sleeping. Mrs. Tred hadn't even waited up for her to finish. Not that she ever did.. Lee stocked the mop, bucket, Kaboom Foamtastic™, and the scrubber back into the closet. She washed her hooves in the drip-drop sink that sat in the kitchen with the cold water. The sink didn't have any warm water, because in the orphanage, the plumbers were lousy because Mrs. Tred did not want to pay them to do a good job, so they were left with cold water that drip-dropped out of rusty pipes. Off to bed she went, her tummy still hollow with hunger. She rolled into her tattered quilt and pounded her head into her down feather pillow. Slowly, she drifted off to sleep. Moore roamed Ponyville through the night, the sound of Timber Wolves howling through the air. A breeze also lingered, making goosebumps form on his pelt, right next to his splinters that dug deep. "Just.. Wanna.. Go.. Home," he sputtered, his legs nearly collapsing from exhaustion. "Wanna be normal human again.." His bagging eyes ran over a sign that read "The Foal Bunch Orphanage Home." He smiled wide. "This thing looks like it's been abandoned for ages! Maybe I can rest here." Luckily, the doors were knobless so he could enter without the fiasco from previously happening again. He walked quietly in the dusty facility and blindly into a room full or resting fillies and colts. "Oh god! I'm in an active orphanage." Moore panicked quietly. He ran toward the door which "helpfully" had knobs on the inside. "Now how the hell does that even make any sense?" he demanded. He was sure that if he tried to bust the door open, it would awake the owner of the place. Besides, he didn't feel as if he had enough strength to bust the door. "S-surely there has to be a place where I can rest without being seen?" Moore's eyes traveled around the room. They planted on the bathroom door. Yes, it would be nasty, but he had to sleep somewhere. Luckily, the bathroom door didn't have knobs. He pushed himself in and sat inside a cubicle, which was pleasantly clean and closed his eyes in the hope that he would fall asleep. Lee's eyes fluttered to awaken her. Sunlight streamed through the window and touched her pink mane warmly. She jumped out of her bed and rushed to the dining hall for breakfast, seeing that the other children had already raced out of their resting places. She sat down at one of the last empty seats and waited for E. Coli to bring them the food. "Alright kiddies. Here you go," the old earth pony said in a witch-like tone. She set a tray of runny eggs, milk, and bacon at the table and smiled with crooked teeth. "Enjoy your meal." Orange Flare, an orphanage colt, cleared his throat softly. "Um.. E. Coli.. We can't eat this stuff. Save for the milk." "Uh... Eh.. Why not child?" "Well, ponies don't eat meat." The colt glared at the eggs and the bacon. "I thought you would know that.. How did you even get this?" E. Coli ignored the question as Mrs. Tred pushed past her, her tail erected high in the air. "You will eat the damn food and you will like it." She ordered. The unicorns picked their forks up and jabbed awkwardly at the mushy eggs. The pegasi and earth ponies looked at the bacon. Cucumber, a filly, licked it, and the rest of the foals around her shrieked. "I think I'd rather drink the bleach from the supply closet," Lee whispered to Lemon Peel, a filly. "This stuff doesn't even look edible." "Well who's stopping you?" Mrs. Tred said creepily, reaching her head down to cut between the brisk conversation. "I have to use the bathroom," Lee announced nervously, dashing toward the destination. She pushed the door open and ran inside a stall. "GAHHHH!" she screamed. Moore was awoken by her screech. His eyes shot open as he started to scream too. When Lee realized who it was she stopped screaming, but her heart was still rapidly pounding. "Why are you in the mare's bathroom?!" "Why are you in an orphanage?!" "Do I really have to explain that to you?!" Moore ran out of the stall quickly and pressed his back against the drip-drop sinks. "Why the hay is going on in here?" Mrs. Tred walked into the bathroom to see a full grown stallion pressing himself against the walls and a filly screaming once more. She walked over to Moore. "Who the hell are you?" "Um.. Uh.. Um.." "Why are you in a mare's bathroom?" She shot. "I uh I-" "I care deeply about the foals, colts, and fillies that go here, and I will not-" "No you don't," Lee interrupted her. "Excuse me?" Mrs. Tred turned to her. "You don't deeply about us. You don't even care at all!" The filly bravely barked. "You treat us like poop!" Moore couldn't help giggling about that fact that Lee had replaced the word "crap" with "poop" to suit her age. "Sweetheart I love you." Mrs. Tred reached for her in a hug but Lee slapped her in the wrist, making her quickly pull them away. "You make us clean and work and then you serve us food that'll kill us in the long run." Now she was speaking more adult. "I want out of this orphanage! I'm never coming back!" With that, she ran out the bathroom and the orphanage. Mrs. Tred looked at Moore. "I have no idea where this is-" "Drop the act," Moore shot, although he really had no proof to determine who was lying and who was telling the truth. He dashed out of the bathroom as well, following after the filly. "Did we just forget about the stallion in the mare's room incident?" Mrs. Tred called angrily. Lee raced as far as he tiny legs would carry her. Ponies past her in a flash, but she didn't care to say anything. Courage pounded deep in her heart as she neared closer to the Everfree Forest. Moore caught up to her just barely and grabbed her before she could carelessly wonder into the forest. "Are you okay?" he asked, the tiny child in his hooves. Tears welled inside Lee's eyes, as she flopped her face into his chest. Moore awkwardly rubbed her back. Sure, he was a father already, but he had never acted fatherly toward a pony. Well, he didn't even know ponies like this existed in real life. Just the ones that if you stood behind them, they'd break your face with their back leg. But the pony in his arms, crying and sobbing.. She was different. "She's so mean!" Lee cried. "I hated her so much!" "It's okay." "No it's not." Lee tried to wipe some tears away with her arm but they wouldn't stop forming. "Where am I going to stay now? I can't go back! Mrs. Tred will hit me and torture me for the rest of my life!" Moore's heart felt shattering. He felt so much pity for this little girl, despite all the names he had called her before. "You could stay with me," he said slowly. "And.. I could be your father." Instantly, Lee stopped sniffing. She looked up at Moore, her eyes wide. "Wheee! Thank you so much!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Letting go, she stared back up at him again. "I promise I'll be the best daughter there ever was!" "I'm sure." Moore smiled. "You just have to promise me one thing though, okay?" Lee's mood instantly dropped back down to a dull sadness. "A-are you going to leave me like my real parents did?" How To Work A HornRoger Moore's heart broken one-thousand times. "I- I'll do my best." He hugged her close and for the first time, Fleur Dis Lee felt accepted. He placed her on the ground again and stood up promptly. "But before we officially become dad and daughter, we have to know each other's names." "Okay!" Lee hopped up and down joyfully. "My name is Fleur Dis Lee, but you can call me 'Lee'!" "Nice to meet you Lee." Moore smiled. "I'm Roger Moore." "That's a funny name," Lee commented. "Well I think you have a funny name," Moore teased. "Okay back to important matters. We need to find a place to stay. I don't think I can survive another night sleeping in the girl's bathroom." "Well there's Ponyville Inn," Lee offered. "I've only been there once when I ran away from the orphanage the first time. It was really comfortable until the hotel lady found out I wasn't a midget and kicked me out. That's when Mrs. Tred forced me back again." "You were a little trouble maker, weren't you?" Moore picked the filly up and put her on his back. "Not really." Her cheeks turned crimson as the two padded toward the hotel. More knobbed doors. "Do you mind opening it, Lee?" Moore asked, trying to keep his voice low. "I'm still a little shaky at this unicorn business." "Huh? But sure." Another purple aura surrounded spiraled around her horn, and it cast around the shiny, gold knobs. With a quick flick of her head, the door opened and the two walked in. A prompt pony sat at her desk, her brown mane up in a bun. She was a unicorn.. It seemed like everypony in this town was one. "Ah. Hello sir." She looked down. "Hello 'midget'." Lee felt more blush coming on as the mare turned back to Moore again. "How can I help you today?" "We'd like to rent a room please. And I can assure you I am not a midget." He smirked. "I can see. You're nearly 6 feet tall," Room Service, the pony, said. She turned to her computer and rapidly started to type on it. "We have Room 203 open. The elevator is right to your left." She dropped the keys in his hoof and with a happy gesture, she motioned towards the hall and to a silver pair of doors. "That's stupid," Lee said as they were walking down the hall. "What is?" Moore replied. "She made me pay at the front desk but since I didn't have any bits she wouldn't let me in." "She probably guessed you weren't a midget but a tiny filly," Moore chuckled and pushed the button. The light blinked more a few moments until the silver doors opened. They walked inside and they shot upward. The second floor was quiet. Moore and Lee walked to their room, 203, and unlocked it. Lee instantly ran to one of the two bouncy queen beds. She started to hop on it, her face intent with laughter. "Weee! I love hotels!" "Yeah." Moore flopped onto the second queen bed and rolled onto his back. He rested his right arm on his belly and grabbed the remote. The buttons were big, because a whole population of fat handed creatures needs big buttons. The TV flickered to channel 1, the HBO channel that was set in almost any hotel, even in different realms, it seemed. "Ooh ooh! Can we watch a movie?" Lee said, midst bouncing. "Sure. What do you want to watch?" "I dunno." She stopped bouncing and rested on her belly. "Ooh! What about The Sugar Plum Fairies That Go To-" "I'm going to stop you right there kid. That sounds sugary and boring." "Well duh it's sugary," Lee said, matter-of-factly. "It's called The Sugar Plum Fairies That Go To Space." "How about we watch a movie with tons of adventure and suspense. What about James Bond?" "Nah. How about-" Moore turned off the TV set and sat on the same bed along with Lee. "Actually, I have to learn how to do something if I'm going to stay here, okay?" "Okey dokey," Lee replied. "You need to show me how to use my horn." "How old are you Roger?" "87." Moore blushed. "But I must be aged down in this universe because I don't feel frail at all." "What do you mean in this universe?" Lee inquired. "Well.. I'm not really a pony." Lee's pupils shrunk and she raised an eyebrow. "Then what are you? Are you a spy?" "No, I'm a human." "What's a human?" Moore rubbed his face with his hoof gently in thought. He tried to prevent the whole "face-hoof" incident again. "A human is a creature from a place called earth. It's wonderful there.. I don't-" The stallion stopped himself there to prevent an awkward conversation. "Can you just show me how to work this thing? I'm tired of struggling with these door knobs." "No prob Bob!" Lee was suddenly excited. "Okay, let's start with the basics: Levitation." "Okay." "So what you first want to do is believe you can lift that object. Let's try something light.. Like that remote." She pointed to it. "Okay. I'm believing that I can lift it," Moore dully replied. "No you're not. You gotta really believe you're lifting it. Like this." Lee's eyes hazed away into blankness. Many don't realize that a unicorn preforming a spell is a very complex thing. It takes the perfect touch of belief and imagination and intelligence to conduct a spell. A purple fog sputtered out of her horn and around the black clicker. It teetered in the air before it lifted up to the ceiling smoothly. "Wow! That was awesome Lee!" Moore clapped his hooves together as Lee dropped the remote, letting her thoughts drift back to reality. "Yeah, you're age must really be downed. No 87 year old uses the word "awesome"," Lee joked. "Now you go ahead and try." "Uh.. Okay." Moore closed his eyes for better concentration. He tried to believe the remote would lift up but it just didn't seem physically possible. Come on.. Can you just lift up so I can learn how to levitate and move onto the next step to learn how to open doors? "Keep on believing!" Lee encouraged. "I'm trying," Moore said quickly. You're eighty-seven-years-old and a six-year-old can do this better than you. C'mon! Still, nothing sputtered out of his horn like Lee's. After several more minutes, he gave up. "Damn.." he huffed. To think that it was so difficult just to try to get something out of your headpiece. "Aww.. Don't worry." Lee patted his back. "There's always tomorrow." Moore smiled a tiny bit and padded over to the next bed. He rolled into it and under the covers. "Well it's late. Do you want to go to sleep?" Stupid question. Children never want to go to sleep. "Not really." Duh. "But I don't want to be bad the first day you have me." Lee tucked herself under her own clean, white covers and nestled up to her snout. "Goodnight daddy." "Goodnight Lee." Moore closed his eyes. "Daddy..?" Moore opened his eyes, his vision blurred from weariness. "What is it?" The filly was standing beside the bed, a worried look on her face. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" she asked. "I had a nightmare." "Uh.. Uh.. Sure?" Moore wasn't exactly a father to her yet, but he couldn't just let a frightened filly go back to sleep, bad thoughts trapped in her head. The mare climbed in and tucked herself underneath Moore's arm. He pulled up the blankets. "Thank you daddy."
"Hello Mister!"Roger Moore rubbed his head wearily. It had been a tiresome night full of bright flashes, blasts, and changing. He flickered his eyes open to reveal a soft, mellow ground covered in blades of grass. It looked much more peaceful than his usual landscape, full of rough and torn patches of ground. He tried to get up on his legs, but only fell to the ground and bumped his chin. "That hurt," he said in a very mysterious and luring accent. "W-where am I?" Moore looked at his hands, which were missing fingers and now were just nubs. "Are these.. Hooves?" He scrambled up again, only to fall once more. "Am I giraffe?" "No silly!" Moore looked around. He couldn't see where the voice was coming from. He only heard it. Not only was he worried about his changed hands and probably feet, he was worried about the mysterious voice that was so ever delicate. Let's face it: That's exactly what a doll's voice sounds like, and dolls are not a good sign of anything. "You're a pony," came the voice again. "Who's saying that?" Moore asked, a stupid question in any horror movie he knew. If you asked "who's there?" or "who's saying that?" or "what are you?" you're almost certain to die first. Inside his brain, Moore thought he looked pretty silly to people passing by. Asking "who was there?" in a frightened tone to a squeaky voice that probably wasn't even threatening and lying on his tummy, legs spread out. He didn't even worry about what she had just said previously. "Are you gonna get up?" Moore quivered. "Here, I'll help you." A magical force surrounded him. He felt himself get lifted into the air. His skin trembled with fear. "Who the hell are you?!" he cried. "Please don't kill me! I have four wives and three children! Oh please, please, please!" "Relax silly. I'm not going to kill you. I'm only six!" The voice put him down on his hooves and faced him toward her. "Hi! I'm Fleur De Lee." Moore blinked in shock. "Y-you're a horse! And you're talking!" "No I'm not. I'm a pony," she corrected. "You're a pony, too!" "What are you talking ab-" Moore raised one of his arms. They still had those plump, brown hooves. "Oh my lord. Am I really a pony?" "Well duh stupid. Everypony here is a pony," Lee said. "No no no! This can't be happening," he wailed. "I'm trapped in a show for three-year-old girls!" "Not everypony here is three-years-old." "Why am I a pony?" Moore threw Lee's statement behind and started to worriedly on the ground. "This doesn't make any sense!" "You're strange, Mister," Lee commented. "Can you get lost?" he shouted. Amethyst Star, who just happened to be walking by with Dinky Doo, scolded the pony. "Shame on you! Yelling at a filly like that!" she said. Moore blushed with partial anger and embarrassment and dipped his head. "Sorry." "You'd better be." The pink mare padded away and dragged her grayish, blue sister along wit her. "God, how am I going to get back home?" Moore's eyes scanned over his flank. "What is this? Why do I have a tattoo on my butt!?" Lee toppled over laughing. "You're funny Mister! Strange, but funny." Moore grabbed the filly by the scruff with his hoof and dangled her in the air. Her back legs jabbed the air with joy. "He hee!" "Listen you little brat!" He lowered his voice slightly so he didn't get yelled at by another angry mare. "You'd better change me back to a regular human, or I will rip your stubby little horn off." "I didn't change you into a human," Lee implied. "I'm six!" "That doesn't mean you're not evil! Look at the movie the Omen, or Good Son!" "Huh?" She raised an eyebrow. "Are those ponies you know.. Or like family members?" Moore smacked his face with his hoof leaving a giant bloody bruise as a souvenir. "Damn, I forgot I have hooves." "You're really awkward. But you're funny. Hey, let's be friends!" Lee bounced up and down, her pink mane bouncing along with her. "I am not being friends with you, you demon child!" Moore wiped the bruise on his head repeatedly. "Gah.. That hurts." "Here, I can help!" The mare sung. A pink aura surrounded her white horn but Moore covered his face in fear. "Please! Don't do anything to me! I don't want your help." "I was just going to heal you with my magic." Lee tapped her horn with thoughtfulness. "But I guess I can just bring you to Ponyville hospital." She picked him up with her magic anyway and dragged him along to the hospital. "Help! I'm being dragged to hell by an insane child!" Moore screamed, flailing his hooves in hope of one of them grasping the ground so he could resist her pull. Dinky Doo blinked as she saw the man being pulled by a filly. "Mommy, why is that man screaming?" she asked. "That's what we call a Lindsay Lohan," Amethyst star replied. "They belong in a place called an 'asylum'. "Oh.." Dinky and her mother walked away. "Don't worry mister. We'll have that bruise fixed in no time at all!" Lee joyfully skipped along the path of her home. She stopped at Saint Marey's Hospital. "Come on, let's go inside!" "I have to go inside even if I like it or not," he grumbled. Lee slammed him on the counter, making his bones crack and the secretary be astonished. "This man has a bruise!" she declared. "Child you can't just throw ponies onto the counter like this!" she exclaimed, flabbergasted. "I don't even care about the bruise anymore," he moaned. "I think she broke my ribs.." "Wha- Wha Where are your parents?" The secretary managed. "I live in an orphanage," Lee replied. "They're at the foster home." The secretary mare reached into a drawer, grabbed her Fuji water bottle and a container of Advil, and forced down two chalky pills. She picked up the phone. "We need a doctor down here please. And a police guard." In a moment, Nurse Redheart was downstairs. She was leading a pair of stallions who were carrying a mobile cot with them. "Well fella. That's quite a bruise you got there," the cream pony said, whipping her pink tail over his cheek softly. "Come on boys. Let's bring him upstairs." The stallion used their magic to bring Moore onto the cot and march upstairs. "Can I go see him?" Lee asked politely. "You nearly broke his back, kid." The secretary leaned in. "But he was gonna walk me home," she pouted, her ears flapping down and her tail resorting between her legs. "Don't worry. The nice police man is going to walk you home." Lee crossed her front hooves. "Well he'd better be here soon. Supper time is coming up and if I miss it I'll have to scrub the latrines again." "What did you say sweetie?" The secretary was shocked at what she had just heard, but she was sure it was just a misunderstanding. Lee looked up slightly. "Huh?" The secretary raised an eyebrow. The police walked in through the door. A tiny colt was by his side, his blue mane combed neatly and swirling around his horn. He walked up to the secretary and smiled warmly. "There's a little filly that needs to get home?" "It's about time!" Lee whined aloud. The officer turned around and ruffled her mane. "Did you wonder off little one?" "I'm six!" Lee urged. "I didn't wonder off. My friend got hurt so I brought him here!" "Well let's just get you home, okay?" The officer took the mare's hoof and started to walk with her out the door. The secretary waved as the colt hopped up next to Lee. "Hi! I'm Fancy Pants!" he greeted kindly. "Hi.." Lee said glumly. "I'm Fleur Dis Lee." She never usually said her full name. "What's the matter?" Lee sighed. "Everything.."
Seperate Ways"Everything's wrong?" Fancy Pants repeated. "What do you mean?" "Well," Fleur Dis Lee began. "I started walking this morning because Mrs. Tred let me out of that stuffy orphanage for one day. I saw this stallion lying on the ground so I waited for him to wake up. When he finally did, he got scared and he bruised himself in the face. And that was the first wrong thing. So I brought him to the hospital and I threw him on the counter which like broke his back or something. Second wrong thing. And now I have to go back to the stupid poopid orphanage." Lee heaved a heavy sigh. "Third wrong thing.." Pants nudged her in the shoulder thoughtfully. "That's only three things," he offered in a noble and sophisticated tone. "Not everything." "I guess.." she said, cheering up a little bit. Her smile stretched across her face and she awkwardly wrapped her arms around Pant's neck. "Hey, do you wanna be friends?!" The colt blushed. "S-sure." "Alright little one. We're here." Officer Safety Mode picked the filly up and brought her inside. Ponies were already dining out on grey looking mashed potatoes, crinkly baby carrots, and some lettuce leaves that hardly looked fresh. Mrs. Tred trudged over quickly, her face flushed with what seemed like worry. "Fleur Dis Lee! Where have you been sweetheart?" "You know where I was," Lee murmured, her brow lowered on her violet eyes. "I was worried sick!" Mrs. Tred grabbed the child and snuggled her on her chest. She looked up with red glowing eyes at Mode. "Thank you so much officer." "My pleasure Hate Tred." Mode tipped his hat. "Come on Fancy Pants." "Yes father." The colt skipped behind his elder. He looked back at Lee, who breathed sadly. "Come on Pants, don't dawdle." Mode nudged his son along and out the orphanage door. Mrs. Tred waited for the police offer to leave before sharply dropping the filly on the floor. Her legs spread out and her tail whisked beneath them. "Where the hell have you been?" Mrs. Tred barked, spit flying from her mouth onto the filly. Lee picked herself up and dusted her pelt. "J-just walking like you said I could." "I said you must be back by 5:00 sharply when we have dinner! Now you can forget about that and go scrub the latrines. And so help me Celestia, if there is one spot on those toilets." "Yes Mrs. Tred." Lee's tummy rumbled as she walked back the colts and fillies munching on their meal. She grabbed the mop, a bucket, Kaboom Foamtastic™, and a bristly scrubber. She padded into the bathroom, which was gloomy and dull looking, and opened the door to a cubicle. She felt her stomach go weak as she saw feces flopped over the bowl and little hairs collecting on it. On the floor roamed carefree ants that Lee thought had a better life then she did. With a cover to her nose, she squeezed the trigger of the Kaboom™ and violently scrubbed with the bristle brush. "Well your ribs aren't broken," Nurse Redheart cheerfully announced. "But that bruise will need to be taken out of impact from anything else for the rest of the day." Roger Moore was still freaking out. His hooves trembled with fear, and his heart was beating against the walls of his chest. "P-pon-ponies.." he studdered. "I think this dude's a little.." The nurse's assistant gestured with her hooves a swirling motion. "He probably just hit his head too hard," Redheart replied. She leaned down to the trembling stallion. "What were you doing that made you get such a nice shiner?" Moore looked at her with green eyes. "Yo-You're a pony." "Well so are you." "P-ponies!" Moore screamed. Band-Aid, the nurse's assistant, looked over at her mentor. "I'm telling you, Yzarc Inn is a perfect place for ponies that have.. Er hem.. Issues." Redheart glared at her then back to her patient. "Sir, is there something wrong that we should know of? Are you taking any medications from another doctor that we should know of?" "There's something wrong alright!" Moore shot right up, his nostrils flaring. "YOU'RE A PONY! I am trapped in a show for three-year-old girls that have nothing better to do with their life than poop and pee in their freakin' diapers!" "If I'm correct." Redheart coughed uncomfortably. "Three-year-olds don't wear diapers.." "What's the use fighting with you peop- I mean ponies- I mean.. GAHH!" He flopped back onto his stomach and covered his face with his folded arms. "Do you need a glass of water?" Redheart offered. "Or a brochure to Yzarc Inn," Aid hissed. Her mentor glared at her again and the cream colored mare just shrugged. "I need to get out of here." Moore walked off the medical bed he was laying on and headed for the door. He tried to twist the knob open, but it remained closed. "Why is this damn door so hard to open?" "You can't use your hooves to open doors.." Redheart brought an eyebrow up. "You're sure you're not on any medications?" "Then what the hell am I supposed to use to open this?" Moore shot. "Um.. Your horn.." The nurse tapped her head where a horn would be if she were a unicorn. Moore looked at his head. Indeed, there shot a caramel horn out of his brown mane. "Oh my god! I'm a pony unicorn!" "Are you saying that you didn't know you were a unicorn?" "I didn't even know I was a pony until a few hours ago." Aid grabbed onto Redheart. "I'm scared." "I'm out of here!" Moore ignored his horn and tried to open the door with his hooves again. Again, the door remained intact. With brute force, he rammed through the door, breaking it down, as he stormed out of the office, splinters covering his pelt. Aid gawked. "W-wha-What?!" The secretary leaned from her desk. "Did that man just break through the door?" "He did.. Didn't he?" Redheart's eyelashes fluttered her cheeks. "Nurse Redheart! That pony just BROKE the door! Aren't you going to do something?" Aid exclaimed. The mare was too busy in her dreams. "So strong.." she murmured.
AdoptionFleur Dis Lee wiped her forehead with her hoof and walked out of the bathroom tired and sweating. Everypony had vanished from the long table they had all feasted at and by the look of the sky outside from the window, it was night time. They were probably all sleeping. Mrs. Tred hadn't even waited up for her to finish. Not that she ever did.. Lee stocked the mop, bucket, Kaboom Foamtastic™, and the scrubber back into the closet. She washed her hooves in the drip-drop sink that sat in the kitchen with the cold water. The sink didn't have any warm water, because in the orphanage, the plumbers were lousy because Mrs. Tred did not want to pay them to do a good job, so they were left with cold water that drip-dropped out of rusty pipes. Off to bed she went, her tummy still hollow with hunger. She rolled into her tattered quilt and pounded her head into her down feather pillow. Slowly, she drifted off to sleep. Moore roamed Ponyville through the night, the sound of Timber Wolves howling through the air. A breeze also lingered, making goosebumps form on his pelt, right next to his splinters that dug deep. "Just.. Wanna.. Go.. Home," he sputtered, his legs nearly collapsing from exhaustion. "Wanna be normal human again.." His bagging eyes ran over a sign that read "The Foal Bunch Orphanage Home." He smiled wide. "This thing looks like it's been abandoned for ages! Maybe I can rest here." Luckily, the doors were knobless so he could enter without the fiasco from previously happening again. He walked quietly in the dusty facility and blindly into a room full or resting fillies and colts. "Oh god! I'm in an active orphanage." Moore panicked quietly. He ran toward the door which "helpfully" had knobs on the inside. "Now how the hell does that even make any sense?" he demanded. He was sure that if he tried to bust the door open, it would awake the owner of the place. Besides, he didn't feel as if he had enough strength to bust the door. "S-surely there has to be a place where I can rest without being seen?" Moore's eyes traveled around the room. They planted on the bathroom door. Yes, it would be nasty, but he had to sleep somewhere. Luckily, the bathroom door didn't have knobs. He pushed himself in and sat inside a cubicle, which was pleasantly clean and closed his eyes in the hope that he would fall asleep. Lee's eyes fluttered to awaken her. Sunlight streamed through the window and touched her pink mane warmly. She jumped out of her bed and rushed to the dining hall for breakfast, seeing that the other children had already raced out of their resting places. She sat down at one of the last empty seats and waited for E. Coli to bring them the food. "Alright kiddies. Here you go," the old earth pony said in a witch-like tone. She set a tray of runny eggs, milk, and bacon at the table and smiled with crooked teeth. "Enjoy your meal." Orange Flare, an orphanage colt, cleared his throat softly. "Um.. E. Coli.. We can't eat this stuff. Save for the milk." "Uh... Eh.. Why not child?" "Well, ponies don't eat meat." The colt glared at the eggs and the bacon. "I thought you would know that.. How did you even get this?" E. Coli ignored the question as Mrs. Tred pushed past her, her tail erected high in the air. "You will eat the damn food and you will like it." She ordered. The unicorns picked their forks up and jabbed awkwardly at the mushy eggs. The pegasi and earth ponies looked at the bacon. Cucumber, a filly, licked it, and the rest of the foals around her shrieked. "I think I'd rather drink the bleach from the supply closet," Lee whispered to Lemon Peel, a filly. "This stuff doesn't even look edible." "Well who's stopping you?" Mrs. Tred said creepily, reaching her head down to cut between the brisk conversation. "I have to use the bathroom," Lee announced nervously, dashing toward the destination. She pushed the door open and ran inside a stall. "GAHHHH!" she screamed. Moore was awoken by her screech. His eyes shot open as he started to scream too. When Lee realized who it was she stopped screaming, but her heart was still rapidly pounding. "Why are you in the mare's bathroom?!" "Why are you in an orphanage?!" "Do I really have to explain that to you?!" Moore ran out of the stall quickly and pressed his back against the drip-drop sinks. "Why the hay is going on in here?" Mrs. Tred walked into the bathroom to see a full grown stallion pressing himself against the walls and a filly screaming once more. She walked over to Moore. "Who the hell are you?" "Um.. Uh.. Um.." "Why are you in a mare's bathroom?" She shot. "I uh I-" "I care deeply about the foals, colts, and fillies that go here, and I will not-" "No you don't," Lee interrupted her. "Excuse me?" Mrs. Tred turned to her. "You don't deeply about us. You don't even care at all!" The filly bravely barked. "You treat us like poop!" Moore couldn't help giggling about that fact that Lee had replaced the word "crap" with "poop" to suit her age. "Sweetheart I love you." Mrs. Tred reached for her in a hug but Lee slapped her in the wrist, making her quickly pull them away. "You make us clean and work and then you serve us food that'll kill us in the long run." Now she was speaking more adult. "I want out of this orphanage! I'm never coming back!" With that, she ran out the bathroom and the orphanage. Mrs. Tred looked at Moore. "I have no idea where this is-" "Drop the act," Moore shot, although he really had no proof to determine who was lying and who was telling the truth. He dashed out of the bathroom as well, following after the filly. "Did we just forget about the stallion in the mare's room incident?" Mrs. Tred called angrily. Lee raced as far as he tiny legs would carry her. Ponies past her in a flash, but she didn't care to say anything. Courage pounded deep in her heart as she neared closer to the Everfree Forest. Moore caught up to her just barely and grabbed her before she could carelessly wonder into the forest. "Are you okay?" he asked, the tiny child in his hooves. Tears welled inside Lee's eyes, as she flopped her face into his chest. Moore awkwardly rubbed her back. Sure, he was a father already, but he had never acted fatherly toward a pony. Well, he didn't even know ponies like this existed in real life. Just the ones that if you stood behind them, they'd break your face with their back leg. But the pony in his arms, crying and sobbing.. She was different. "She's so mean!" Lee cried. "I hated her so much!" "It's okay." "No it's not." Lee tried to wipe some tears away with her arm but they wouldn't stop forming. "Where am I going to stay now? I can't go back! Mrs. Tred will hit me and torture me for the rest of my life!" Moore's heart felt shattering. He felt so much pity for this little girl, despite all the names he had called her before. "You could stay with me," he said slowly. "And.. I could be your father." Instantly, Lee stopped sniffing. She looked up at Moore, her eyes wide. "Wheee! Thank you so much!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Letting go, she stared back up at him again. "I promise I'll be the best daughter there ever was!" "I'm sure." Moore smiled. "You just have to promise me one thing though, okay?" Lee's mood instantly dropped back down to a dull sadness. "A-are you going to leave me like my real parents did?"
How To Work A HornRoger Moore's heart broken one-thousand times. "I- I'll do my best." He hugged her close and for the first time, Fleur Dis Lee felt accepted. He placed her on the ground again and stood up promptly. "But before we officially become dad and daughter, we have to know each other's names." "Okay!" Lee hopped up and down joyfully. "My name is Fleur Dis Lee, but you can call me 'Lee'!" "Nice to meet you Lee." Moore smiled. "I'm Roger Moore." "That's a funny name," Lee commented. "Well I think you have a funny name," Moore teased. "Okay back to important matters. We need to find a place to stay. I don't think I can survive another night sleeping in the girl's bathroom." "Well there's Ponyville Inn," Lee offered. "I've only been there once when I ran away from the orphanage the first time. It was really comfortable until the hotel lady found out I wasn't a midget and kicked me out. That's when Mrs. Tred forced me back again." "You were a little trouble maker, weren't you?" Moore picked the filly up and put her on his back. "Not really." Her cheeks turned crimson as the two padded toward the hotel. More knobbed doors. "Do you mind opening it, Lee?" Moore asked, trying to keep his voice low. "I'm still a little shaky at this unicorn business." "Huh? But sure." Another purple aura surrounded spiraled around her horn, and it cast around the shiny, gold knobs. With a quick flick of her head, the door opened and the two walked in. A prompt pony sat at her desk, her brown mane up in a bun. She was a unicorn.. It seemed like everypony in this town was one. "Ah. Hello sir." She looked down. "Hello 'midget'." Lee felt more blush coming on as the mare turned back to Moore again. "How can I help you today?" "We'd like to rent a room please. And I can assure you I am not a midget." He smirked. "I can see. You're nearly 6 feet tall," Room Service, the pony, said. She turned to her computer and rapidly started to type on it. "We have Room 203 open. The elevator is right to your left." She dropped the keys in his hoof and with a happy gesture, she motioned towards the hall and to a silver pair of doors. "That's stupid," Lee said as they were walking down the hall. "What is?" Moore replied. "She made me pay at the front desk but since I didn't have any bits she wouldn't let me in." "She probably guessed you weren't a midget but a tiny filly," Moore chuckled and pushed the button. The light blinked more a few moments until the silver doors opened. They walked inside and they shot upward. The second floor was quiet. Moore and Lee walked to their room, 203, and unlocked it. Lee instantly ran to one of the two bouncy queen beds. She started to hop on it, her face intent with laughter. "Weee! I love hotels!" "Yeah." Moore flopped onto the second queen bed and rolled onto his back. He rested his right arm on his belly and grabbed the remote. The buttons were big, because a whole population of fat handed creatures needs big buttons. The TV flickered to channel 1, the HBO channel that was set in almost any hotel, even in different realms, it seemed. "Ooh ooh! Can we watch a movie?" Lee said, midst bouncing. "Sure. What do you want to watch?" "I dunno." She stopped bouncing and rested on her belly. "Ooh! What about The Sugar Plum Fairies That Go To-" "I'm going to stop you right there kid. That sounds sugary and boring." "Well duh it's sugary," Lee said, matter-of-factly. "It's called The Sugar Plum Fairies That Go To Space." "How about we watch a movie with tons of adventure and suspense. What about James Bond?" "Nah. How about-" Moore turned off the TV set and sat on the same bed along with Lee. "Actually, I have to learn how to do something if I'm going to stay here, okay?" "Okey dokey," Lee replied. "You need to show me how to use my horn." "How old are you Roger?" "87." Moore blushed. "But I must be aged down in this universe because I don't feel frail at all." "What do you mean in this universe?" Lee inquired. "Well.. I'm not really a pony." Lee's pupils shrunk and she raised an eyebrow. "Then what are you? Are you a spy?" "No, I'm a human." "What's a human?" Moore rubbed his face with his hoof gently in thought. He tried to prevent the whole "face-hoof" incident again. "A human is a creature from a place called earth. It's wonderful there.. I don't-" The stallion stopped himself there to prevent an awkward conversation. "Can you just show me how to work this thing? I'm tired of struggling with these door knobs." "No prob Bob!" Lee was suddenly excited. "Okay, let's start with the basics: Levitation." "Okay." "So what you first want to do is believe you can lift that object. Let's try something light.. Like that remote." She pointed to it. "Okay. I'm believing that I can lift it," Moore dully replied. "No you're not. You gotta really believe you're lifting it. Like this." Lee's eyes hazed away into blankness. Many don't realize that a unicorn preforming a spell is a very complex thing. It takes the perfect touch of belief and imagination and intelligence to conduct a spell. A purple fog sputtered out of her horn and around the black clicker. It teetered in the air before it lifted up to the ceiling smoothly. "Wow! That was awesome Lee!" Moore clapped his hooves together as Lee dropped the remote, letting her thoughts drift back to reality. "Yeah, you're age must really be downed. No 87 year old uses the word "awesome"," Lee joked. "Now you go ahead and try." "Uh.. Okay." Moore closed his eyes for better concentration. He tried to believe the remote would lift up but it just didn't seem physically possible. Come on.. Can you just lift up so I can learn how to levitate and move onto the next step to learn how to open doors? "Keep on believing!" Lee encouraged. "I'm trying," Moore said quickly. You're eighty-seven-years-old and a six-year-old can do this better than you. C'mon! Still, nothing sputtered out of his horn like Lee's. After several more minutes, he gave up. "Damn.." he huffed. To think that it was so difficult just to try to get something out of your headpiece. "Aww.. Don't worry." Lee patted his back. "There's always tomorrow." Moore smiled a tiny bit and padded over to the next bed. He rolled into it and under the covers. "Well it's late. Do you want to go to sleep?" Stupid question. Children never want to go to sleep. "Not really." Duh. "But I don't want to be bad the first day you have me." Lee tucked herself under her own clean, white covers and nestled up to her snout. "Goodnight daddy." "Goodnight Lee." Moore closed his eyes. "Daddy..?" Moore opened his eyes, his vision blurred from weariness. "What is it?" The filly was standing beside the bed, a worried look on her face. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" she asked. "I had a nightmare." "Uh.. Uh.. Sure?" Moore wasn't exactly a father to her yet, but he couldn't just let a frightened filly go back to sleep, bad thoughts trapped in her head. The mare climbed in and tucked herself underneath Moore's arm. He pulled up the blankets. "Thank you daddy."
