Things I Should Know By Now

by Katherine Lancer

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Dark, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Flim and Flam
Length: 5149

A unicorn filly wakes up in Ponyville having forgotten her memories.

A unicorn filly wakes up in Ponyville to discover she doesn't remember anything about herself. She leaves Ponyville, hoping to find something out about herself. On her journey, she befriends a small amount of ponies, including the Flim-Flam brothers. But the full grey filly discovers a dark secret that only she and Celestia share, and Celestia will do anything to keep her secret hidden.

Published 2012-04-27 13:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-12 01:01:15 UTC

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

I walked out of the hospital without saying goodbye. I had only stayed for a short explanation of what happened to me, ignoring doctors and paperwork, leaving wordlessly. I just wanted to leave. From what I know, I can’t do much but walk slowly. I can’t even talk. I was awake, and that was all that mattered. It still matters now, though I wish I could tell others to go away.

“Where are you going?” a pink pony asks, bouncing after me. “You have so much to see!”

I scowl. Can’t she see I don’t want to talk to her?

“Hey, I just want to be your friend.” she smiles. “Making friends are what I do best.” She stops abruptly. “Oh yeah, my name is Pinkie Pie. Silly how I didn’t mention it before, but I’ve just been dying to talk to you, friend.”

Two donkeys walk by. One says, “Now Pinkie, we don’t want this to happen again.” He chuckles.

I continue walking on, questioning myself on what my own name is. Nopony knew at the hospital, so it was a shame when I said even I didn’t know.

The bright colors, they hurt.

“Pinkie,” a familiar voice suddenly yells. “Stop! They’ve barely been awake an hour!”
That voice was the pony who woke me up, or at least that’s what I was told.
She stops, frowning. That frown looks so foreign on her, like it almost never happens. “Oh,” she says. “I am sorry.”
The pony who woke me up, a purple unicorn, comes up to me and says, “I’m so sorry. Pinkie is just so. . .” She shakes her head. “Pinkie just wants to be your friend. And maybe you can be friends. But I know you just woke up. . .”
I’m already sick of this. I head on, hoping to ignore everyone.

*
I can’t believe how long it took me to walk to a forest. I have no idea what’s inside of or beyond it, but it must be better than this Ponyville.
“Are you leaving already?” an unfamiliar pony asks. This pony is dark red, with a light pink mane. “Do you need anything?”
I don’t know how to respond, so I continue on into the forest.
“Hey, do you want some cake?” she aska. “It’s really good.” She walks up to me (how I loathe her speed), a determined expression on her face, a plate in her hoof. Sitting on that plate is what must be the most delicious looking piece of cake I’ve ever seen. Wait, I haven’t eaten in. . .

And we’re back on square one, where I realize I woke up and don’t know anything about myself, with no clues from others, either. I exist, but I am just a backdrop, almost nothing, hardly needed. When I don’t even know my own name, does food matter?

“It’s chocolate with vanilla frosting,” she says. “You can have it all, or we can share.”

I dig into the cake without thinking, gobbling down every crumb. I wish I could just eat this cake forever, never have to deal with anything else.

“Hey, I’m glad you like it.” She smiles. “My name’s Rain. I don’t know why my name is that, considering I look like the exact opposite of rain. It sounds nice though, doesn’t it?”

I nod.

“Anyway, if you’re leaving, can I go with you?”

I wipe some frosting out of my mane. She was so nice by giving me cake, but I can’t let her go with me. It hurts to shake my head, no.

“That’s fine,” she says. “I’ll probably see you again, anyway. I just love traveling! So if you do see me again, will you at least come and spend a little more time with me. Maybe I’ll even give you some more cake.” Rain smiles, waving goodbye, turning back to Ponyville. “And I almost always have cake with me. If I don’t, Celestia can damn me.” Then, Rain is gone.

I feel a tear at my eye for some reason, but I quickly wipe it away. I need to get going before the sun goes down. I head into the forest, unsure
of what to anticipate. I try to be prepared for anything, but that’s almost as hard as remembering who I am.

OK, I slept by a tree close to Ponyville. Still, it was getting dark, and I was so tired. But it’s morning now, light’s everywhere, and I’m refreshed for my journey.

But what am I going on a journey for? Is it to find out who I am? To get away from Ponyville? Are my legs possessing me to walk? Hey, that unicorn could have messed something up when she woke me up. And if she did, what might happen to me?

What did she wake me up from? I wish I knew.

I make it to a river, looking in the water. I’m a grey filly, grey everywhere: Mane, tail, body, eye color (except for the whites), horn. What’s it supposed to mean? I’m just a colorless filly who doesn’t know anything. I have a horn, but magic? No. I, for now, am a big of pile of nothing. I let the tears fall this time.

I take a long drink, planning to follow the river to wherever it leads me. I suddenly feel my hoof slip. I can’t stop it, and I fall into the river. I can’t swim, so I frantically try to stay afloat. I see two ponies on some sort of vehicle in the distance, and try to get them to notice me. Can they see me? I try to scream, hoping I can talk again. Water rushes into my mouth, and I feel myself pull under. Wait, did they see me? I see one of them pointing to what must be me. The water engulfs me completely, pulling me down. They had to see, they just had to.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

“Hot cider?” a voice asks. “Glad to see you’re awake.”

I rub my eyes, looking up. I remember hoping some ponies would see me, that and being swallowed by the water. It was like I had felt kit before, though I’ve barely been anywhere before.

“Take it,” a stallion commands.

“Drink heartily,” a similar sounding stallion says.

I feel a cup placed in my hoof, and I swallow. It tastes sweet, warming up what’s left of the river’s coldness.

“I’m glad you liked it,” one of the stallions says. “I’ll go get you some more.”

I nod. I’m trying to tell the difference between the two, but it’s hard. They’re so similar: Their yellow build, clothes (a blue and white striped shirt with a black bowtie), their red and white manes, their hats, even their eyes seem to be the same. Wait, one has a moustache and the other doesn’t.

“Here’s some more,” the one with the moustache says. “We were glad we got to you on time. I’m glad our magic worked, that’s for sure.”

“I’m Flim,” the one without the moustache says. “He’s Flam. We’re the world famous Flim-Flam brothers!”

“Traveling sales pony monopolies,” the other, Flam, says, and laughs. “We get so worked up and showy whenever we arrive in a town. It’s so much fun, but it exhausts you. And you are?”

I don’t know what to do. Unlike the others, they don’t know I can’t talk. Only the ponies in Ponyville know I can’t talk, and I hope I’m far away from there by now. I begin motioning to my mouth, mouthing out words.

“Are you alright?” Flim asks.

“Need more cider?” Flam asks. “I’m sure it’ll clear your throat.”

I continue trying to tell them I can’t talk, but it doesn’t seem to be coming through.

“What do you think they’re trying to say, Flim?” Flam asks.

“I’m not sure, Flim.” he replies. “Wait,” he says, an idea having struck him. “Can you not talk?”

I nod, so glad they finally figured it out.

“Oh you poor dear,” Flam says. “I’m sorry. ”

“Do you need to get anywhere?” Flim asks. “Any family you have to get back to, friends?”

I shake my head.

“What? You don’t have any family or friends?” Flam asks.

I shake my head again.

“You have no one who cares about you?” Flim asks.

I shake my head, no. How many more times will I have to do this?

“Oh my Celestia! You poor filly,” Flam says.

“I know!” Flim says. “Young filly, would you like to join us?”

“That sounds great!” Flam says. “But what would she do?”

“What can you do?” Flim asks me.

I shrug. I can’t say that I can walk slowly or almost drown, and it’s not like that would help, either.

“Well, why don’t we see what you can do?” Flim suggests. “I mean everyone can do something. I mean, isn’t that what cutie marks are for? Seriously, I’m sure you could do something great.”

“So,” Flam says, “do you want to come with us?”

I nod eagerly, glad to have a ride.

“Now then, what’s your name?” Flim asks.

What should I say? I shrug, shaking my head.

“Can you not say it?”

“Do you not want us to know it?”

They both turn to each other and say in unison, “You don’t have one, do you?”

I nod sadly.

“Oh,” Flim says. “I’m so sorry for you. Do you want one?”

I nod.

“Well, what should it be?” Flam asks.

“Why not ‘River’?” Flim asks. “You survived drowning in one, showing you’re equal to one.”

“No,” Flam says. “Why not. . . I don’t know. Can you stand being called River?”

I want to know my real name, but this will work for now.

“Good, River!” Flim says. He points toward the vehicle I saw earlier. “Now get on, because we have places we need to be!”

“That,” Flam says, “is the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy Six-Thousand!”

“Now, let’s go!”

We didn’t even go to a town, instead stopping at what was a traveling market.

“Flim, does this look like a good place to sell some cider?” Flam had asked.

“Yes!” Flim had replied.

I sit, waiting. They told me they were just going to use their machine to make cider, so for now there’s nothing to do.

“Can you go get us a few things?” Flam asks. “Already ponies want cider, which is good. Oh yes, get anything you feel you also need.” He hands me a list.

I nod, and head to the many different stalls. There are unicorns selling potions, Earth ponies selling food, pegasi selling random items, and all ponies in between are selling things that I can’t even name.

“Hey little filly,” a pegasus says, calling me over. “Need any good luck charms?” She’s rather old, covered in wrinkles, and creepy looking. “Can’t talk, you poor filly. Here, let me give you this for free. I know you’ll need it.” She puts a necklace on me, muttering something as she does so. “Go on now.”

I wish I could ask how she knew I couldn’t talk without having to do charades. But wouldn’t I be talking if I asked her?

Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

That night we sat in a hotel room, eating pizza. We were in a new town, the market long gone.

“We sold so much cider!” Flam says. “It was glorious.”

“River, the town we’re in now is where we’ll open the Flim-Flam cider factory,” Flim says. “It’ll be beautiful.”

“Think of all the money we’ll earn,” Flam says. “The money we earned today will be nothing compared to what we’ll earn once our factory finally opens.”

“Would you like to hear a story?” Flim asks. When he sees me nod, he continues speaking. “We were in Ponyville once,” he says. “You were there before, weren’t you? You look just as disgusted by it as we are, River. No wonder we’re getting along! Anyway, there was a great apple farm, Sweet Apple Acres, and we wanted to do some business with the Apple family. We ended up having a cider making contest, and long story short, we were, like in many towns, run out of Ponyville.” Flim sighs. “But we have opportunity here, as I’ve studied this town.”

“How?” Flam asks.

“You’ll learn tomorrow,” Flim says, smirking.

Oh, Flam and I learned. Once you walked a block beyond the hotel and the few shops and restaurants, this was a very poor town. Many ponies were unemployed, and many didn’t look happy. A factory could supply these ponies with jobs, improving life for everypony.

We went to the bank near the small area reserved for rich travelers, getting a loan. The factory would be expensive, but you could tell the loan would be paid back.

“Construction starts in a week, and already ponies are excited about finally having a job.” Flam says.

“We’ll be doing good, pulling a town out of the gutter,” Flim replies.

I pull out a piece of paper, writing: “What will I do?”

“Oh,” Flam says, thinking it over. “What will she do, Flam?”

Flim thinks over this for a moment. “We need to advertise, don’t we?”

“Of course,” Flam says. “You could be the cute little filly encouraging everypony to buy our delicious cider!”

“It’s perfect!” Flim says. “How about it, River?”

I look at myself awkwardly, questioning how an entirely grey pony like myself could do this. I also wasn’t sure I wanted everypony to see me.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. . .” Flim says.

“We’re not forcing you,” Flam adds.

But what would I do? These two have been so nice to me, taking me along with them. I owe them something.

I write: “I can do it.” I smile.

“Great!” Flam says. “Why don’t we take a practice picture tomorrow? There’s a nice photography lab and spots to model in the hotel.”

I nod.

The construction tools I’m posed with are fake, but even I have trouble telling. The picture turned out great, and soon enough it’ll be a billboard. My construction hat and the tools are even placed close enough together with me to block out my excess greyness. Ponies could look at the billboard and easily think I had a purple mane, as my mane isn’t even visible. As Flam had commented on earlier, the picture was, is, perfect.

“I guess our lives as traveling salesmen will stop,” Flim says. “The factory will be huge, enough to stock all of Equestria. We won’t need to travel anymore.”

“What a relief!” Flam says. “River, you weren’t with us while we traveling everywhere, and were lucky for that. It was so exhausting, but it’s paid off, finally. Just think of all the money.”

“Money, money everywhere,” Flim says.

I’m still unsure about my relationship with the two brothers. Am I their partner? Their more or less adopted little sister? How long will they let me stay with them? If I want to leave, can I? I can’t tell, but I hope they see me in good light.

“The town is definitely improving,” Flam comments.

Yes, in the few days we’d been here, the town already had fixed its unemployment problem, many ponies ready for construction. Other buildings are planning to be built, like a school, bakery, and more houses. The construction workers will go on to either work in the factory, the bakery, or the school. However, almost all jobs will be in the factory.

“Oh Flim, River, I forgot to mention our living arrangements,” Flam says. He pulls out a blueprint of what looks like a mansion.

“It’s just like we’ve dreamed of,” Flim says. “Oh Flam, it’s beautiful.”

“Just wait until you see it in real life,” Flam says.

I have no idea what to think about it. Yes, it looks nice, but how long will it take to construct it? I want to find out what happened to me, and soon. But it wouldn’t hurt to stay here, either.

“Won’t River have to go to school?” Flam asks, making me again question how they view me.

“She’ll need a private tutor since she can’t talk,” Flim replies.

That just drives the nail in of my suspicion that I may not be able to talk at all. Sure, there may be a chance that I’ll learn to talk, but I don’t utter a sound. Am I mute? Thinking this causes more questions to pile up, like what my real name is, why I had to be woken up, if I can perform magic with my horn, why I’m fully grey. I wish I could just answer these stupid questions.

The billboard was put up fast, and it seems everypony has seen it. It shows me next to an orange background, the words beside me being: “PREPARE TO BUILD, PONIES. FUTURE HOME OF THE FLIM-FLAM CIDER FACTORY.”

Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

I walk through the forest, unsure of where to turn. My head hurts, and I’m unsure of how I got here. My guess is that I left Flim and Flam, though I’m not sure why. Why can’t I remember anything?

I decide to test every path to find where I need to be (where?), though the paths tire me out and confuse me. They’re all the same looking, with green-leaved trees covering every bit of sunlight, tall green grass that could swallow me, and no other signs of life that I can see. I am completely alone.

I finally find a new path, one I don’t remember noticing before. I stop to rest for a few seconds, needing to breathe. After what seems like hours, I get back up to head down the path. It was as if I’d been glued to the ground. I notice what seems like a giant river, and I stop where I am. I can just feel myself falling in, and I don’t want that to happen. I turn around, hoping to get back where I was before. I should be able to find it, because I’m not lost. Still, I’m exhausted, so horribly exhausted. I just want to go to sleep, rest as long as I can. But how can I do that if I have no idea where I am? What dangerous creatures could live here? There may not be any, but is it worth the risk?

That’s when I actually wake up in the hotel bed, perfectly fine. It was just a dream. I stare up at the ceiling, sure I won’t be able to sleep tonight. That dream was just too weird.

The first way I tried finding out who I am was by using old books. The hotel has a library, so I began searching for things in books like “all grey ponies”, “grey pony records”, and “Ponyville hospital patients”. Nothing I needed came up, so I was back on square one. I found other great things like the history of Equestria and records on other ponies, but nothing for me.

I stare up at my horn, hoping I can find some way to perform magic and find what I need. I’ve tried performing magic before, but nothing’s worked. If I can’t even do magic, how will I get my cutie mark?

I grab a few random books on magic, hoping I can at least learn something about magic. I go back up to the hotel room to read them.

I notice a sentence reading: “Unicorns usually begin developing magic at young ages, though many don’t realize it. However, almost all magic is developed when they grow up or are older fillies. Small signs of magic usually happen when they’re babies.”

I’m a filly, so I must have once been a baby. Did I have parents? Did I show signs of magic? Could I cry out? Nothing is coming up, all my memories begin in the Ponyville hospital.

That’s when Flam runs up to me. “River!” he yells excitedly. “Princess Celestia has invited us to Canterlot! We’ve won an award for what we’ve done here!”

I couldn’t believe it, but the paper is real.

“It’s funny to say we won it,” Flam comments. “Celestia could have improved the entire town with a flick of her horn.”

“The bucking tyrant wouldn’t cast a glance at this town,” Flim says. “The damn pony finally noticed this place once someone improved it for her.” Flim chuckles. “River, that’s Princess Celestia for you. But don’t you ever make her mad, or you’ll be stuck in the moon for years.”

I nod.

“But this is great, and it’ll definitely improve business. Hopefully a few towns will buy our cider that said they wouldn’t,” Flam says.

“Ponyville,” Flim says, the name sickening all three of us, “won’t. But every other town in Equestria? Yes.”

“And we have an all-expenses paid trip to Canterlot,” Flam says, “so brother, and you, River, what could go wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Flim replies. “Cross your hooves, River, because we want nothing to go wrong.”

I nod.

We won’t be going to Canterlot for a few months, so I have time before I go.

“How do you perform magic?” I write down, showing Flim and Flam. It’s been a few days since construction began.

They both stare at my small horn, then at theirs. They think it over for a second before Flim says, “I just think something should happen, and it does. Let’s say I want that book over there to come to me,” he says, and the book flies through the air to him.

“The same goes for me,” he says, making random things move around.

I stare at a door, hoping it will close. I focus on it, willing for my horn to make it move. I hope my horn is glowing, but I’m scared if I look up at it, my magic will stop.

“River, it’s not working, and that door sure as Discord isn’t moving.” Flim sighs. “Try something else?”

I stare at Flim’s hat, willing for it to move. It sits firmly on his head.

Flim groans. “It’ll happen one day, it will. I first performed magic when I was about your age, and it didn’t work out well. Dad made me clean up the kitchen for weeks. It also happened unexpectedly, after weeks of giving up on trying magic.”

“And mine happened the first time I tried,” Flam replied smugly. “I made a snowball with magic.”

“We said we wouldn’t mention the snowball incident again,” Flim says.

“We’re helping someone,” Flam says. “Besides, River wasn’t there to see you scream. You were so scared, and so shocked at the cold. It’s like you hadn’t seen the snow all around you.”

Flim glares, then turns to me. “It’ll happen, it always does.”

“And you’ll get your cutie mark,” Flam says, “whatever it’ll be.”

I was not hopeful.

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

I walk along the worn path, glad this isn’t a dream. Flim and Flam had realized that message had to be sent to Celestia that we were coming, but there wasn’t anypony in town to send the letter, and not a dragon. I’d offered to find someone for them. The only thing I have for protection is an emergency whistle, which varies in sound by how hard you blow. It was loud when I was shown how to blow it, but it was far from the loudest. It could break mirrors if I cleared my lungs completely. I’m sure it could deafen a dragon in no time.

I’m not afraid, not at all. I’m hoping this will help me find out who I am, even though it’s probably only a few miles long walk.

“Filly,” a voice I faintly remember says, “is that you?”

I turn around, seeing the pegasus who gave me my good luck charm. I nod, smiling.

“River, isn’t it?” she asks.

I nod again.

“I will be going back to the short grass soon,” she says solemnly.

“What?” I write.

“Do you not know what the short grass is?”

I bite my tongue, staring at the old pegaus. I can see her age marks, many years of life behind her. She must be hinting it. I feel tears burn my eyes, sure of what she’s saying: She will die soon. A flood of emotions come over me, though I barely know this pony. This can’t happen to her, not yet.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

I take out my notebook, quickly writing: “Does it mean you’re going to die soon?” Death, I knew what it was from somewhere, but I don’t know where.

She looks at me strangely. “What?” she asks.

“Will you be dead soon?” I write back.

“What is this ‘dead’?” she asks.

“When your life ends.” I write, hoping not to look irritated. How does no one know this?

“Life ending?” she asks. She suddenly begins laughing. “This is just another story you fillies must spread around. Everypony knows once you’ve reached your last day, you simply become another pony. How could you not know? It’s a story, right?”

I fake it, nodding like I’m just another filly.

She laughs. “I’ll be a new pony soon. I may or may not see you again, but that’s OK. I’m sure there are many more ponies out there who are like you. I hope you don’t take that the wrong way, but you seem very kind. I hope my assumption is right.”

I wave goodbye to her, ready to continue on my way.

“Wait!” she yells. “Are you waiting for someone, your Dads’ perhaps?”

If I could laugh, I’d be rolling in the dirt. Flim and Flam as my Dads’? Man, those poor brothers would die of embarrassment if they heard that.

I write: “I need to find a dragon who can send letters to Celestia.”

“I don’t know of a dragon who can do that,” she says, “but I do know of a pegasus. She’ll have to fly you to Canterlot, though.”

“That’s fine.”

“Just go a few miles north and you’ll find her home,” she says, pointing north. “She lives all alone, so she’ll be glad to have a visitor. She is also much younger than I. Now go.” The pegasus smiles. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll meet someone like you again.”

I leave her, unsure of what to think. How do you not know what death is? I’ve known about it since I woke up. How can some other pony not know what it is? But how do I know what is then and not know my own name? Why did I suddenly get sad about it? For what I knew then, it could have meant she was just moving. Why did I jump to conclusions so quickly? Why hadn’t I just kept it to myself?

No, she’d looked old, so there must have been some reason for why I said what I said.

I tell myself I’m not crazy because somepony else must know what death is.

As I walk, I think over everything. Am I kind? I don’t know, but I don’t seem bad. I know there has to be some kind of nice pony, one who you can’t help but like. I hope she meets them. Do I have parents? Now that I think about the Flim-Flam comment, the idea of a family seems possible. But every pony I see is colorful, none sharing the marks of me. Am I family to Flim and Flam?

And then there’s death. I don’t know whether she’s just crazy and I’m right, or if I’m crazy and she’s right. I mean, I know what death is. Your life ends, and you go on somewhere. But is what she said death, too? Your old pony self technically dies, and you become a new pony.

I stand in front of the cottage door, unsure of what to do. It’s already night here, and the moon isn’t out. I knock on the door.

“Come in!” a bright green pegasus with a light pink mane says. “It’s so rare getting visitors, I just can’t help being excited. Here, I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

I sit down at a chair, taking out my notebook. I begin writing in it.

“Hello, my name is River. I’m in need of getting an important letter to Celestia, and was hoping you could help me. If you can’t, that’s fine. I’d be glad to stay with you for a while. Also, do you have a way to message to two of my friends that I’m here. If they freak out thinking I’m gone, chaos will reign. Oh yeah, I can’t talk.”

She comes over, thoroughly reading my note. “River,” she says. “I like that name.” She hands me a mug, steaming hot chocolate with a ton of marshmallows inside. “Don’t drink too fast,” she says, “or you’ll get burnt.”

She goes to a different room for a few minutes, never explaining why she left. She simply walks with some paper. “I know a rather fast mailpony. Can you write them? I’m sure the mailpony can also get your letter to Celestia.”

I do, glad I’d been lucky enough to save one of Flam’s business cards with his contact information on it. I don’t mention what the old pegasus said.

“You’ll be staying over tonight,” she says. “If you tried going back, you’d be lost forever in the darkness.”

I nod, sipping my hot chocolate.

“I’m Lilly Skies,” she says. “My talent is helping ponies get where they need to be. I know you need to get to Equestria, so I’ll take you tomorrow.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I write.

“Certainly,” she replies.

“Do you know what death is?” She definitely doesn’t look old and crazy, so I should get a straight answer from her.

“No,” she says. “I have never heard of it. Is it important?”

I shake my head. “Never mind, it’s not important. Thank you, though.”

“Glad I could help,” she says. “Are you tired?”

I nod.

“Let me show you to the guest room,” Lilly says.

Only when she leaves me alone do I finally begin to get worried. Am I crazy for knowing what death is? Is death even real? Nopony else seems to know about it.

Maybe I am crazy.

“The pegasus said I’d fly you to Canterlot?” Lilly laughs. “I did that a long time ago, but not today. My dream is to do so again, but I know it is useless. I can fly you back to your home if you want me to, though. My wings can at least handle you for a short distance.”

I shake my head, then proceed to get back home.

“The mailpony will get your letter to Celestia in no time!”