Birthday Present

by getmeouttahere

Rating: everyone
Tags: Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 3219

Anon delivers a somewhat late, very unexpected birthday present to Rainbow Dash.

Anon delivers a somewhat late, very unexpected birthday present to Rainbow Dash.

[ An audio version of this story has been made available courtesy of Landon. Awesome! ]

Published 2014-11-21 03:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-21 03:00:02 UTC

Birthday Present

It’s been a while, but everything is just as you remember it. An open field filled with brilliant green grass, the lake in the distance with the weeping willow nearby, and a cloudless bright blue spring sky. It’s a stark contrast to the dusty deserts, towering mesas and bright city lights that’ve been the focus of your recent travels, but it’s still home and the familiarity of your surroundings is comforting.

You set your luggage on the grass and take in the scene. Yeah, it really is just as you remember it, including the fact that the sky truly isn’t cloudless today if one were to take notice of the suspicious looking small ball of fluff floating low over the field. Looks like her traditional mid-afternoon naptime hasn’t changed! Someone who didn’t really know her well might call her lazy, and in a lot of cases that would be true, but you know that the real reason she can snooze her working hours away like this is because she’s ridiculously good at her job.

You bring your fingers to your mouth and whistle, causing a startled pegasus pony to poke her head out from the little cloud. She grins as soon as your eyes meet, a single wing flap sending her into the air and her rainbow-colored tail dispersing the cloud like it wasn’t even there.

“Hey, you’re back!” she shouts, touching down and trotting up to meet you.

“Yeah, I’m back,” you echo, greeting your best bro with a smile of your own. “Just got off the train, actually.”

She quickly tilts her head skyward to check the position of the sun. “Dang, I didn’t think it’d be in so soon. Well, c’mon Anon, don’t leave me hangin’! Tell me what your vacation was like! Was Las Pegasus awesome or what?!”

You chuckle. “Yeah. It was surprisingly tame, but still fun. Though maybe that’s because I was expecting something else based on my memories of its sister city back on Earth.”

She nods, somehow resisting the urge to voice a few questions about your remark.

“I’ll fill you in on my trip later,” you tell her, taking a seat on the grass. “First I want to hear about everything I missed while I was gone. How’d your birthday go? I bet the party was as crazy as always, huh?”

“You know it!” she exclaims, backflipping in the air like she usually does when she gets excited. “Pinkie really turned it up a notch for this one! There was a piñata the size of a full grown dragon, and when we cracked it open there was so much candy everywhere they had to shut down Mane Street to clean it up!”

“Oh man, I can only imagine! I wish I could’ve been there.”

“It’s cool, Anon, everypony needs a vacation sometimes. You’ll just have to let me come with you next time, right?” She follows up by playfully punching you in the shoulder.

“I’ll think about it. But hey, it’s not like I forgot about you or anything.” You reach into your overnight bag and rummage around, then pull a small giftwrapped box out from amongst the unfolded mess of clothes inside. “I know it’s a little late, but here.”

Her eyes immediately light up. “You got me something! I knew it! I don’t care what anypony else says, Anon, you’re the best giant monkey thing that fell out of the sky ever!”

You smile at the comment while you watch her lift the box with her forehooves and rattle it around, her ears perked and tongue stuck out in concentration as she attempts to guess what’s inside. For a moment, your mind wanders back to the day all those years ago when you were suddenly pulled into this strange, parallel world full of talking marshmallow equines… one minute you were walking down the street talking on the phone with a friend, and the next you were suddenly falling through the air from a ridiculous height, your woefully short life flashing before your eyes. Thankfully, this colorful, concentrated blue bundle of energy was nearby to save you from certain death and usher you into this strange new chapter of your life, and surprisingly, she’s stuck by you since then, loyal beyond reason, fun to be around beyond description.

The sound of her tearing into the wrapping paper pulls you back to the present, and you peer over to get a look as she begins opening the box. Admittedly, you’re curious as to what’s inside it yourself, as the night you bought her gift you were kinda hammered from bar and casino-hopping. Turns out Las Pegasus and the Mild West in general has the real good stuff, and Ponyville’s traditional hard cider just can’t compare.

She opens the lid, lifts out the item and holds it her hooves, and you get a good view as her excited smile fades away into an expression of awkward confusion. Slowly, she turns the object over in her hooves, examining it from all angles, then applies the slightest pressure, resulting in a high-pitched squeak that shatters the now uncomfortable silence that’s settled across the field.

“You… you got me a CHEW TOY for my birthday…? Really?”

Her voice holds within it equal parts incredulity and anger, and she stares at you, her magenta eyes demanding an explanation.

Oh god.

You quickly try to piece together the events of that wild night in your mind, desperately trying to scrape together a chain of clues or logic that could result in any sort of plausible answer.

Yeah, at the time you were thinking about her. She’s a pony. She likes to roughhouse and play around a lot because she has near limitless energy. Ponies walk on four legs and are about the size of a large breed of dog, so why wouldn’t she want a chew toy for her birthday? It makes perfect sense, right?

Yeah, at the time, in the midst of your drunken gambler’s high, it probably did. Unfortunately, sobriety has its drawbacks, such as situations like these where you have to suddenly explain the unexplainable.

“I… uh… I figured you’d like it?” you answer honestly. Given the circumstances, it was the best thing you could come up with.

Her eyes narrow. Oh god.

“You thought I'd like it?! Just what the hay do you think ponies are? Do those tiny eyes of yours even work? Do I look like Winona to you or something?!”

She tosses the toy at you, hard, which you somehow clumsily catch, then takes to the air and circles you like an angry vulture, her eyes narrowing even further if that’s even possible. You avoid her gaze, instead directing your attention to the object in your hands.

Yeah, it’s a chew toy alright, made in the shape of a cute little porcupine. It’s crafted out of a soft, but resilient material, and based on what you heard before there’s a squeaker hidden somewhere inside. You’re 100% certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that a dog would love this thing.

The creature that just landed in front of you definitely isn’t a dog, though. Nope, she’s a little horse with wings who can talk, is definitely really offended by this, and whose scowl demands that you give her a better explanation right now.

“Look, Dash, I know that this was a dumb idea and I understand why you’re angry. Hey, I know… how about I just get rid of this thing and we pretend like this never happened! Yeah, let’s go with that!”

Without any further hesitation, you casually toss the toy into the distance. Rainbow turns and watches with rapt attention as it sails through the air and lands near the edge of Ponyville Lake, and you take the opportunity to attempt to put together a somewhat decent apology in your head.

“There, problem solved,” you say when she turns back, offering her a cautious smile. “I’m sorry about this… there may have been alcohol involved when I went to go pick up your gift so I wasn't thinking straight. I promise I'll—”

And then, it happens in an instant:

A rush of air, a squeak, and the feeling of something bouncing off your foot.

You look down to find the cute chew toy rolling to a stop on the ground next to you, but that can’t be right. You’re certain you chucked the thing pretty far. You saw it.

But when you turn to Dash to ask her what just happened, the words suddenly die in your throat. The look she has on her face… it’s like she’s seen a ghost or something. Her jaw is slack and her eyes are wide, yet unfocused.

“Rainbow?”

You reach over and snap your fingers in front of her face, which seems to startle her out of her trance.

“Huh? What?”

“You kinda spaced out there. You okay?”

She offers you a weak grin that you don’t quite buy. “Heh. Yeah, never better.” Her anger from before is also strangely absent.

Yeah, something weird’s going on here, but you don’t even know how to begin to figure out what. This crazy horse world’s “magic” constantly surprises you, such as the revelation that love can literally conquer all or that spontaneous musical numbers tend to happen at the drop of a hat. Could there be some kind of strange magic at play here too? Is this some sort of divine intervention from those two big wavy-haired princess horses or something?

You absentmindedly reach over and retrieve the chew toy as you ponder, and then something really odd happens. Rainbow’s eyes quickly snap to attention, tracking its every move. Out of curiosity, you squeak the toy once, and to your surprise every muscle in her body tenses at the sound.

… And then you toss the toy into the distance again.

She doesn't turn her head to follow it like before. Instead, her eyes meet yours and she angrily stares at you as if she has something to say. You stare back, waiting for the tirade to start, but no words ever come. Instead, her mask of anger slowly slips away as beads of sweat begin to form on her brow. Soon she's trembling, using every ounce of willpower she has to fight the urge that you now suspect is beginning to overtake her.

Yeah, it's a valiant effort, but you can tell it'll only be a matter of time. Regardless, you decide to speed things up with a little push. You slowly lean forward, look her in the eyes, and whisper...

“Go get it, Dashie.”

She bolts into the distance with incredible speed. Not a second later, you feel the toy bounce off your knee and land in your lap. Dash once again sits on her haunches in front of you, a mortified look on her face.

“I... I... w-what the...?” she stammers.

To be honest, you'd normally be just as confused as she is about this bizarre turn of events, but something that happened before you left on your vacation has popped into the forefront of your mind, providing a much-needed piece to this puzzle:

“I have a theory, Anon,” a studious purple pony once told you during one of your cultural study sessions together. “I believe, despite your claims to the contrary, that humans do have magic. Much like unicorns who express their magic through their horns, or earth ponies who express their magic through their hooves, I think that humans might express their magic through their hands.”

Of course, at the time, she was making you scratch her back with your fingers to ‘gather data’ or something, so you figured she was just joking around with you, but in light of this startling turn of events, maybe she was serious.

Maybe humans really do have magic in this world, and maybe one of the expressions of that magic is that a small object thrown by human hands will cause an irresistible compulsion in nearby ponies to retrieve said object.

Obviously, you need to gather more data here. Twilight would never forgive you if you didn’t, which is why you don’t even try to resist the urge to reach over and pat Rainbow on the head while simultaneously picking up the toy, causing her cheeks to turn a nice shade of crimson and her ears to fold back in anger as she scowls at you.

At this point there’s no question that she understands what’s going on too, and if you keep pushing your luck with this she's probably going to beat you into paste. No, it's more like she definitely will. Maybe you’ve even gone beyond the point of no return already.

But the overwhelming desire to tease her just a little bit means that you couldn’t help yourself even if you wanted to. With an evil glimmer in your eyes, you toss the toy into the air and watch as her magenta irises move with it. The toy squeaks again as you catch it, causing another shudder to run down her body, and you can't help but chuckle at the sight.

“You're bucking dead, monkey-boy,” she growls in response to your laughter, her anger building once again.

Still smiling as you stand, you roll your shoulder to get ready for the pitch.

“Yeah, I know. But since I'm dead already, that means I have nothing left to lose, right?”

You start the windup...

...her body crouches low to the ground, tail swishing back and forth with excitement...

...and for the third time, the toy sails through the air, pegasus in pursuit, a rainbow trail left in her wake.

As soon as she returns the toy, you throw it again, but this time things are a little different. To put it bluntly, she can fly much faster than you could ever manage to throw the thing, meaning she can catch up and snatch it out of the air in no time at all. But on this attempt, instead of going straight for the toy like before, she performs two rapid corkscrews in the air before effortlessly catching it in her mouth and gliding back to you with a proud smirk on her muzzle.

And it’s at that point you understand that if she’s going to be forced to follow the compulsion to play this silly game of fetch, she’s going to prove to you that she’s the best at it. She’s going to prove that she’s the best that ever was, is, and ever will be… and she’s going to drive that point home until you have no choice but to acknowledge her superiority.

You suppose that’s what they call the spirit of a champion, and her fiery resolve instantly rubs off on you. Instead of throwing the toy roughly parallel to the ground like you have been, you start to arc it high into the air, giving her ample opportunity to demonstrate an amazing array of aerial stunts.

Soon you’re cheering her on, the lone audience member of the air show taking place above empty field by the lake. Yet even though it’s just you there, you can tell she’s giving it her all… pushing herself to the limit to perform unbelievable acrobatics that nearly take your breath away.

At some point as the afternoon wears on, you feel your arm starting to give out. A quick glance over to her reveals that she’s only starting to warm up. Yeah, this really is nothing to her… you fall on your back, panting and laughing at your own defeat, while the victor of the game touches down nearby, not even winded at all.

“You ready for some payback?” she asks, that devilish but proud smirk still present.

“Yeah, bring it on,” you answer without hesitation, your own smirk never wavering.

~~~~~~~~~

After it’s all over, the two of them lazily watch the sun set underneath the weeping willow by the lake.

It goes without saying that she unleashed near apocalyptic retribution on him when everything was said and done, and to be honest, he deserved it. Still, she couldn’t help but giggle a little as she watched him squirm underneath her hoof while she delivered noogie after noogie with extreme prejudice. In any case, he got the message: if he ever talks about what happened here to another soul, he might as well kiss his stupid monkey scalp goodbye.

She snickers a bit at the thought, only to be slightly startled as he reaches over and playfully ruffles her colorful mane with one of his hands, her heart beating slightly faster as his ‘magic’ takes hold of her again for just a moment.

“I know it’s a little late to say this, but… happy birthday, Rainbow.”

He turns and smiles at her while she holds the dumb chew toy safely in her hooves.

“…Thanks, Anon,” she replies, wearing a slight smile that she can't quite hide.

He gestures to the toy. “Hey… you know I really will get rid of that thing and get you a real birthday present if you want me to, right?”

She quickly shakes her head, pulling the gift closer with a mock scowl. “Yeah, I don’t think I trust you with this, monkey-boy. It stays with me.” Her tone relaxes along with her expression. “But really, don’t worry about it. We’re cool, and I know you didn’t mean it. Just get me a real present next time, alright?”

He chuckles. “Yeah, you got it.”

The moon eventually starts to rise, and the two bid each other goodbye. She has to go home to feed her pet tortoise, and he needs to go home and unpack from his vacation so he can be ready for work tomorrow. Carefully taking the chew toy in her mouth, she effortlessly leaps into the air and sails through the night sky until her prized cloud mansion looms in the distance.

“Hey Tank, I’m home,” she declares as she trots through the door. There’s no answer, but it’s not like she was really expecting one from her pet anyway. She turns the lights on, then moves from the foyer into the living room on her way to the kitchen.

She passes the main garbage can as she moves through the house, noting that she really needs to empty the thing. She also passes the table full of the neat birthday presents her friends got her, resolving to crack open the latest Daring Do anthology from Twilight and chow down on the stash of candy from Pinkie when she kicks back on the couch later.

But before she reaches the kitchen, she stops in front of a special shelf. She takes a moment to admire the stuff that’s kept there: her Junior Speedsters trophies, a photo from her foalhood of herself and her parents, a signed copy of the first Daring Do novel, and even her Element of Loyalty necklace…

Carefully, she places the chew toy on the shelf of cherished things, then steps away to greet her pet who just appeared from the hallway.

“Hey bud, you ready for some grub?”

With one last glance back at the shelf and a satisfied smile, she glides into the kitchen to start on their dinner.

The End