Being All That You Can Be
The Knight In Shining Armor
Shining Armor had known early on what his destiny was. Ever since his mother had bought him that pretend guardspony costume and dressed him up in it, he’d known. He’d stood by Twiley in front of the mirror, wearing that brass-plated armor and cheap straw plume, and he’d imagined it as the true golden armor of the Royal Canterlot Guards.
And he had liked the sound of that idea. That colt right there in that reflection... Maybe he looked like Royal Guard material. Maybe he would grow up and keep the Princess safe from bad guys someday. Why not?
“Your name’s Shining Armor,” Twiley had said. “That’s not a baker name or a tailor name. That’s a guard name.”
It had started out small at first: going out to the square on marching drills, clanking about in his little Guardspony costume, trying to copy the precise, mechanical motions of the real Royal Guards while they paraded past him. He read bedtime stories to Twiley about the adventures of Brave Sir Gallopad, and called her his Princess while she called him her Knight.
But the dream got bigger as he grew older. He started practicing his magic, training to keep himself fit, studying himself into exhaustion... Anything and everything it would take. It meant saying no to Twiley sometimes, and resisting her puppy dog eyes when she asked him to play, but the Royal Guards only wanted the best. They wouldn't accept some sad excuse about how he had to go play catch with his sister instead of perfecting his spell-casting.
He'd always felt a little guilty about that, but if Twiley resented him for it, she didn't let it show. In fact, she only ever seemed to get prouder of him. “My big brother’s gonna be a Royal Guard someday,” she'd say to whoever would listen. "He's that good!"
Shining Armor never denied it, even though he knew it sounded arrogant. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears had gone into making him "that good." Twiley trusted that all the time he'd spent practicing instead of playing with her had gone toward a good cause, and with all the hard work he'd done, he couldn't help but feel deserving of that trust. If his own baby sister, dear little Twiley, could believe in him — well, he didn’t see the harm in believing in himself too.
Yet, here he was now, at the door to the Princess’ office; the highest-scoring applicant the Royal Guards had ever seen, just on the brink of living his dream, and somehow, no longer sure he was ready.
“Alright, let's go,” he said to himself. “I can do this.”
He turned the doorknob slowly and opened the door. The heady fragrances of jasmine and rosewater washed over him, making him feel just a bit lightheaded. The smell wasn’t exactly unpleasant. Far from it, actually. It was just so powerful and overwhelming that, for a second, Shining Armor wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. It seemed to him as if he had opened a portal to another world altogether.
“Is that you, Shining Armor?” rang the crystal-clear voice of Princess Celestia. “Do come in and have a seat.”
Slowly, Shining Armor stepped into the room. He gasped softly as Princess Celestia came into view and he felt like his legs would give right out from under him. He’d seen her before at parades and parties, of course, with her golden tiara and flowing rainbow mane, but he’d never actually met her in person. And seeing her there, in all her glory, as regal and majestic as the sun itself, was almost too much for him to bear.
It will be my job... to defend her. For the first time, the full weight of what he was agreeing to came down on him.
“Well?” she asked him. “Sit down, sit down. We have much to discuss.”
“Y-yes, Princess,” he said, taking one of the chairs in front of the Princess’ desk.
“Try to relax,” she said softly, giving him a playful little smile. “I’m not going to eat you.”
“Y-yes, Princess.” Her voice was so soothing and calm that Shining Armor did feel himself starting to relax. It reminded him of how his mother had used to sing him lullabies when he’d been afraid of the dark at night. His heart stopped pounding in his chest and he sat a little less rigidly in his chair. “Wow,” he whispered, deeply in awe at how easily she had steadied his nerves.
“Don’t worry too much about it. Everypony gets nervous.” She smiled again, and Shining Armor realized that he was smiling too. “I trust you know why you’re here, at least?”
“Article Sixteen of the Guard’s Recruitment Manual,” Shining Armor recited. “Before an applicant is accepted into the Royal Canterlot Guard, he must have a private meeting with the Princess as a final confirmation of his willingness to serve.”
“You’ve memorized it?” Celestia laughed. It sounded beautiful, like the chiming of bells. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Top of your class at the Academy, top scores on the Guards’ Exams, and top in everything else that matters. Quite the prodigy, as I’ve heard it.”
Shining Armor blushed. He hadn’t expected Princess Celestia to know so much about him. “I try, Princess,” he said quietly.
“Modest,” she said. “I like that.”
“Thank you, Princess.”
The initial shock of meeting the Princess had left Shining Armor in full now and he was starting to feel a bit less awkward in speaking to her. She wasn’t quite the unapproachable goddess that he’d imagined. She was caring and kind, and in some small way, Shining Armor thought that it might be possible to comprehend her — if he tried hard enough at it. At least he was no longer making a fool out of himself in front of her. He considered that a solid step in the right direction.
Then something shifted. The Princess’ smile faded and in its place came a sort of thoughtful look. She sighed, as if she were preparing herself for what she was about to say to him.
“You can still turn back if you want to, you know.”
“I’m sorry?” he asked. He wasn’t quite certain he’d heard her correctly. Surely she wasn’t suggesting that he quit? Not now, after everything he’d been through to get this far?
“The life of a Royal Guard is difficult,” she said gloomily. “It would be wrong of me to let you join without understanding that.”
He felt his cheeks go hot with anger. Did she think he didn’t know how tough it was to be a Royal Guard? Did she not realize that he’d already dedicated everything to this dream of his? Didn’t she understand that he’d lay down his life to protect her if she asked him to?
He took a deep breath and reined himself in. No. No, of course she knew all that.
“I don’t care, Princess,” he said simply. “I’ll do whatever you ask me to do. I’ll face whatever you tell me to.” He looked at her pleadingly, only vaguely aware of how desperate he sounded. “I just want to be a part of the Guard.”
She gazed steadily at him, eyes patient and unmoved, and it struck Shining Armor how many stallions must have stood in this office over all the centuries, telling her exactly the same things as he was telling her. “You have a family, don’t you?” she asked him.
“I... don’t understand what you mean.”
“Don’t you have a family?” she repeated.
“I do.”
“Are you close to your mother and father?”
“I’m old enough to leave home, Princess.”
“How about your little sister?”
Shining Armor could feel a void opening up in his chest. He could sense where this conversation was going, and he didn’t like it. “Twilight Sparkle...”
“So I’ve heard,” said the Princess. “My niece always has the most wonderful praise for her. She tells me all the time that Twilight is a gem among fillies.”
“Cadance said that?”
“Among other things,” the Princess responded. “She also says that Twilight loves her big brother very much.”
“She does,” said Shining Armor. The void in his chest grew just a tiny bit wider. “I’m her Big Brother, Best Friend Forever.” He realized how silly that must have sounded to the Princess. “That’s what she calls me, anyway,” he added hastily.
“You understand that you won’t be able to see her as much if you become a Royal Guard?”
And there it was, out in the open. There wasn’t a lot of room for family in the life of a Royal Guard. They had their own barracks in the castle, close by the Princess, where they lived, ate, and slept, and vacations were rare. It was a full time job, and Shining Armor knew that accepting it meant leaving Twiley all by herself. She’d still have her mom and dad and Princess Cadance, but... not her big brother. Not outside of the occasional visit or letter.
He wouldn’t be there anymore to tuck her in bed at night, or teach her how to skip rope like she’d been begging him to. He wouldn’t be there to talk to her when she wouldn’t speak to any other pony, or get her nose out of a book so that she could eat dinner. He’d still be able to see her sometimes, but as a stranger. It wouldn’t be nearly as much as she needed from him.
And, the most terrifying thought: what if he died in the service and never came back at all?
He’d always imagined Twiley, tears in her eyes, shouting at him. “You said you’d be my Big Brother, Best Friend Forever! You promised!”
“I didn’t tell her that,” he said sadly. “I didn’t think she could take it.”
“And you think it will be any better once she finds out? She’s going to want to know why her big brother’s no longer going to be around for her. She’s going to ask why Shining Armor can’t come home for Hearth’s Warming Eve. She’s going to—”
“Don’t you think I’ve thought of that?” Shining Armor yelled. And then he realized who he was speaking to. His mouth fell open in horror. “I’m... I’m so sorry, Princess. It’s just... I don’t know. Twiley — Twilight, I mean... She’s my little sister, and she means a lot to me...”
Celestia raised an eyebrow, but said nothing about his outburst. Shining Armor considered that extremely gracious of her. More gracious than he deserved. “Go on,” she said.
“I guess, sometimes I think she needs me too much. She doesn’t talk to anypony her age, doesn’t get her nose out of a book unless I ask her to... It feels like, because she has me, she doesn’t see the point in having friends of her own.”
Even as he said it, it sounded like a terrible, awful, horrible lie. An excuse so that he could choose himself over his own baby sister and not feel selfish for it. The argument had seemed so right and reasonable when he’d used it against himself the night before, but now, in front of Princess Celestia, it all felt like a sham.
“And I guess, whatever happens, I’m not going to be there for her forever. She’s going to need to find her own way through the world someday, and I keep asking myself if she can do that while she’s still got me to lean on. Maybe... maybe it’ll be good for her that I’m leaving.”
The Princess looked at him, her face impassive. “And you truly believe that?” she asked.
“It’s all that’s keeping me going,” he admitted.
But then he thought about some it more, and he couldn’t help but wonder if there was a glimmer of truth in what he’d just said. What would Twiley do with her life if she thought she could spend it all sheltered behind him? Never learning to fly a kite or ride a scooter unless he taught her how? Would she grow up into a lonely old mare who’d only ever have her books and her brother to keep her company? Was he actually doing her a favor by leaving and letting her stand on her own four hooves for once?
Or was that another rationalization?
“I just want what’s best for my baby sister,” he said. “I’d give this up in a heartbeat if... Well, except I don’t know what’s best for her. I just know what’s best for me.”
“I understand,” said the Princess, and by some miracle of empathy, it sounded as if she really did know what he was feeling. “It’s not easy having a little sister, is it?”
“I guess not, Princess.”
Celestia nodded in sympathy. “She’s going miss you terribly, isn’t she?”
“She is.”
“And you’ll miss her too, won’t you?”
“More than anything.”
“Well,” she said, “That’s not bad, nor unexpected. Almost every guard now serving has had to make the choice between duty and family, and all of them have found it a difficult decision.” She laughed. “Truth be told, I wouldn’t accept you if you didn’t think it was a hard choice.”
“It is a hard choice, Princess.”
“I know. And you’ll have to make it anyway. You’re very talented, Shining Armor; there’s no doubting that. But it’s not enough to be the best. You need to be committed. It does you no good to become a guard if you know you’ll regret it for the rest of your life, so I’ll ask you now: do you still want to join the Royal Guard?”
This is it. The moment of truth. He could be a Royal Guard now if he wanted. He’d just have to say yes, and that would be it. He’d be inducted into the Royal Guards, and they’d give him his armor — the golden armor — and he’d have everything he’d ever worked for in life. Everything he’d ever wanted since he’d first put on that old guardspony costume.
Everything except his sister.
Little Twiley.
The room was quiet. The Princess silent, waiting for his answer, and him silent, trying to figure out what his answer would be.
“I do,” he said at last, a lump forming in his throat. “I still want to join. I want to wear the golden armor. I want to protect you and all of Equestria. I want that.” He swallowed down the lump and added, “I’ve always wanted that.”
The Princess said nothing.
“But... I don’t think I’m ready for it right now. I’ve still got a baby sister who needs me, and maybe there’ll be a day when I can only help her by not being there for her, but it’s not here yet, and I want to spend as much time with her as I can until it comes.”
The Princess smiled at him. “I think that’s the right choice,” she said.
And it felt like the right choice. “I think so too, Princess.”
“Why don’t you come back in a year or so and we’ll talk again then? The Royal Guards are always on the lookout for bright young stallions such as yourself.”
“Of course, Princess,” he said.
Yeah. He could always come back and join the Royal Guards later, but he’d only have Twiley for so long. There'd be no second chances once she'd grown up, so he figured he could put his destiny on hold if it meant making her happy. He was, first and foremost, a Big Brother, Best Friend Forever. That wasn't going to change anytime soon.
And it was only a year, right?
“I think this meeting is over, then,” said the Princess. “It’s been a pleasure.”
“The pleasure’s mine, Princess,” he said. With her permission, he got up from his seat and made for the door. He looked behind just before he walked out, and said, “You know I’ll be back.”
The Princess winked at him. “That’s what we’re counting on.”
He laughed. He genuinely laughed, for the first time since he’d walked into the Princess’ office, and shut the door behind him.
And that was that.
He found Twiley sitting alone in the lobby, reading through her unabridged copy of The Canterlot Tales. She didn’t notice him at first.
“Hey, sis,” he said, giving her a little shove. “Time to go.”
“Big brother!” she cheered. She dropped her book and gave him a hug. “Did you get in? Are you a Royal Guard now? Are you? Are you?”
“Nah,” he said. “Not yet.”
“What?” Twiley screamed, causing some of the other ponies to stare at her. “But that’s not fair! They said you got the highest test scores ever! That’s what they said, didn’t they? That’s not fair!”
He smiled and rustled her mane up a bit, just like he always did. “It’s not about the test scores, sis,” he said. “Now let’s go home. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
