Myth Busters

by Summer Dancer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Applejack (EqG), Random, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, Alternate Universe
Length: 2973

Norman and his friends are going to find out if Applejack does indeed taste like apples.

Normal Norman and his friends are going to find out if Applejack does indeed taste like apples.

Note to self: Never write a story while on Advil PM ever again.

Published 2014-11-22 02:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-22 02:40:05 UTC

Myth Busters

“Cherry Blossom’s a nice kisser. Always straight and to the point. Firm, but not aggressive,” Twister commented.

Banjo stroked his chin. “Maybe. But Clover likes to take her time,” He pointed out. “She’s never in a hurry. She knows what she’s doing.”

The other guys chuckled.

Norman smirked silently, and leaned his head back, watching the ceiling. He was hanging out with his buddies—well, he was originally with his pal Banjo, but others started to join them, and the conversation abruptly went from football to girls. He didn’t really have anything to contribute, since he didn’t have a girlfriend of his own. But he didn’t mind. He really preferred to listen. He stretched his arms above his head, and leaned back against the bleachers of the gym.

“Violet’s gentle. Her lips are pretty soft. She’s real genuine,” Adam said without looking up from his calculator.

Twister smirked. “See, what’d I tell ya? If it weren’t for me pressuring you to see that girl, you would’ve been spending your Saturday nights buying periodic table shower curtains.”

Adam rolled his eyes, hiding a smile. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Dude, that’s nothing,” Pomade said slyly, adjusting his shades. “That Harley’s hot stuff. Mmm-mm, now that’s a woman.”

Twister laughed. “Yeah. You said the same thing about Ruby last month.”

“Hey, hey, hey. Ruby’s old news. Way too controlling. Believe me. This girl’s got it goin’ on.”

“Well, so does Cherry,” Twister defended. “She’s cute, she’s laid back, smart… and she’s got sass. Heck, she even tastes like cherries!”

Norman had to laugh. “Well, of course she does. Her name is Cherry Blossom, after all.”

Twister frowned. “That has nothing to do with it! It’s a coincidence!”

Pomade looked amused. “I’m siding with Norman with this one. I’d bet that every girl in the school that’s named after something edible—weather it’s a fruit, dessert, or any kind of food...they undoubtedly taste like it. Bet you.”

Twister leaned back with his arms folded, shaking his head. “You’re crazy.”

Banjo sat up. “No, no, wait a minute. I think they might have something here,” He said with a grin. “This little hypothesis might be true. I mean think about it…It would be like…” He looked around the gym. It was busy with students all pitching in to help out with the upcoming winter formal. His eyes fell on one particular student.

“...It would be like saying that Applejack doesn’t taste like apples.” He said, gesturing to the farm girl with his arm.

Norman looked down near the front of the gym. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Sunset Shimmer were on the floor painting a banner. Applejack was among them, lying on her stomach, and swinging her legs while she painted.

Pomade smiled deviously. “I bet she does.”

“Up bup bup. Watch yourself, Barney,” Twister chastised, wagging a finger at Pomade mockingly. “You’re off the market, remember?”

Pomade raised his hands defensively. “Hey! I’m merely pointing out the obviously. Harley’s a babe, but… Applejack’s hitting on all six cylinders. Am I right?” He turned to Norman. “Norm. Help me out here. “Do you not think she’s attractive?”

Norman blinked, and glanced over at Applejack again. She was laughing with the others, apparently over whatever Rainbow Dash was saying. She had a nice, direct, genuine smile. Real friendly. Her eyes, he had to admit were a pretty shade of green. Her cheeks were smattered with freckles, which was a rare trait to have at Canterlot High. He personally found them kind of cute. There was also her long, blonde hair. He liked that too. It wasn’t just her appearance, however. What Norman liked best about Applejack was her honesty and level-headedness.

She was strong. Her accent was likable. She had a talent of playing the bass. She loves her family. Not to mention she was a heroine. She did kinda save the world… twice.

Norman shrugged. “Yeah. I guess she is.”

“See? Heck, the whole family’s attractive! Not that I’m into the whole family.”

Banjo nodded. “Right!” He noticed a few girls walking by the bleachers holding hammers and nails. “Here, look. Ladies, ladies.” The girls stopped, all curious.

“What do you think of Big Macintosh?” He asked.

The girls looked at each other and giggled. “He’s a hunk,” One giggled.

“A real cutie!” Agreed another. "I wouldn't mind a little country in my life."

Banjo nodded. “Thanks. That’s all I needed to know.” He turned to the others while the girls walked off, still giggling and blushing over Big Mac. “That seals it.”

“It’s the genes,” Pomade said. “They must have good genes or something. Have you seen Apple Bloom, their little sister?” The rest nodded. “Cute as a button. Wouldn’t surprise me if she becomes a real heart breaker by the time she grows up to be her sister’s age.”

“Well, if you think that Applejack’s all that, then why don’t you make a move on her?” Adam spoke with one eyebrow raised.

“I’ll give you two reasons, my pen pocket wearing friend,” Pomade said. He raised two fingers. “Big and Mac.”

Everyone nodded in unison.

“Besides, almost everyone here is pretty much taken.” His eyes fell on Norman. “Hey, but you’re single, right Norm?”

Norman rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah.” He said, not sure where this was going.

Pomade suddenly snapped his fingers. “Oh, hey! I’ll tell you what!” He turned in his seat a little so he was facing everyone. “How ‘bout we make a little wager?”

Twister stroked his chin in mock intrigue. “What kind of wager, may I ask?” He quipped.

“We’re going to test this hypothesis. We’re going to see if Applejack really does taste like Apples...with the help of our good friend Norman here!”

Norman’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “What!?”

Pomade grinned. “Yeah. We need to find out if this myth is actually true. We need cold hard evidence! See, all you gotta do…” He leaned in close. “…Is kiss her.”

Norman blanched. Applejack. His long time secret crush since the seventh grade. Yeah. His crush. He admitted it. He’d come to terms with it now. He had ignored it for quite some time, not even sure if his feelings were real, but the time High School started… Yeah.

He glanced up at Banjo, his best friend since kindergarten. He was the only person on earth who knew about how he felt or didn’t feel towards the blonde. Banjo simply raised his eyebrows slightly. Norman glanced back over at the three other boys and folded his arms over his chest. “Nope.”

“Aw, come on, Norman!” Twister whined. “You gotta do it now!”

“Aren’t you the least bit curious?” Pomade asked. Norman opened his mouth, and then closed it. Darn it. He did want to know. Confound these hormones!

“What’s the wager?” He sighed.

Pomade grinned. “Well, first of all, the first bet is that you get up the courage to walk up to her—right now, in front of all these people—and kiss her for one full minute. And then I’ll give you 20 dollars. If you don’t you give me 20 dollars.” Norman felt queasy.
Pomade turned to Twister. “The second bet is between you and me. When Norman comes back, He’s gonna tell us whether or not she tastes like Apples. The amount’s the same. If she does, you give me 20. If she doesn’t, I’ll give you 20.” He held out his hand. “Deal?”

Twister grinned, and shook Pomade’s hand. “You got it!” He laughed. “I’m gonna be one rich fellow!”

“It’s only 20 dollars,” Adam deadpanned.

“So? I’ll be 20 dollars richer than before, won’t I?”

Pomade turned back to Norman. “So what do you say, Norm? Are you in?”

Beads of sweat formed on Norman’s forehead underneath his bangs. He glanced at Banjo once again. The boy shrugged. “Its 20 bucks, bro. I’d take it.” Norman’s eyes fell on Adam.

“What do you think?” He asked him.

Adam smiled a little. “It is an interesting hypothesis. Frankly, I wouldn’t mind seeing it.”

“Come on, Norman!” Twister urged. “You know you want it. She’ll be flattered.”

“Big Mac’s not around,” Pomade chimed in. “And she’s all Tennessee. All the hotties come from Tennessee.”

“Those Freckles…”

“That blonde hair…”

“That gorgeous smile…”

“That sexy accent…”

“That feisty attitude…”

“Those long legs…”

“ALL RIGHT!” Norman cried. “I’ll do it!” Twister and Pomade did a high five.

“All right!” Twister said.

“Atta boy!” Banjo laughed.

“Now remember, it has to be right here, right now, no matter who sees,” Pomade reminded him. Norman stood up, and whirled around.

“And what if I don’t?” Pomade shrugged. “We won’t force you… you can be Normal Norman if you want.” Norman faced flared up. Banjo suppressed a chuckle. He always hated that nickname. Norman gave him a tight smile and spoke through clenched teeth. “Got any mints?!”

“I just don’t get it," Pinkie Pie said, as she painted a snowman. “People always say that they’re either overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Why can’t people just be whelmed?”

“Because it doesn’t make any sense, darling,” Rarity relied. “It’s just not part of the English language. You can only be either/or.”

“I’m sometimes overwhelmed,” Fluttershy said quietly.

“You’re always overwhelmed, Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash pointed out with a laugh.

“And understandably so, under the recent circumstances,” Sunset countered.

“Sunset’s right,” Applejack said as she swung her legs while painting a heart. “Sirens coming to our school, pony princesses, talking dogs, Battle of The Bands, growin’ tails and ears whenever we play, friendship almost broken up, and saving the world… I’d say there’s plenty to be overwhelmed about.”

Rainbow sighed. “And having a test on Grendel.” She stuck her tongue out. “Bleh!”

Sunset chuckled. “I still don’t understand why your class isn’t reading Beowulf like the rest of us.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “She thought that since everyone else was reading Beowulf, she didn’t want to do it. Instead we get a… a spinoff!”

“Prequel.” Applejack corrected.

“Whatever.”

“Well, at least you don’t have to read Catcher in the Rye,” Rarity frowned. “It’s absolutely revolting. We’re not even three chapters in, and I’m already disgusted. This Holden character has uttered nothing but foul language. My mother would have set him straight years ago.”

“Nothing compared to my mom,” Rainbow smirked.

“Oh, fiddlesticks! We’re out of red paint!” Pinkie frowned.

Applejack got up. “I’ll get some more.” She took three steps when Norman suddenly appeared in front of her. “Oh! Howdy, Norm, didn’t see you—" Norman grabbed her, and tilted her backwards, causing her Stetson to fall to the floor. “Uh, wha—“ Norman leaned forward, and planted his lips onto hers.

Applejack’s eyes flew wide open. “Mnph!” What in the Sam Hill!?!

The conversation between her friends instantly stopped. They stared open mouthed at what they were seeing. Sunset quickly placed her hands over Pinkie’s eyes. “Awww!” She pouted, crossing her arms.

Applejack’s face flushed with anger. Why are they all just sittin’ there watching?! She threw them a look that said Do something! Unfortunately, her friends seemed to be immobile at the moment. They continued to stare.

To make things worse, the whole gym took notice, and went silent. She could practically feel several pairs of eyes burning into her. Her cheeks grew hot from embarrassment. Alright! Enough’s enough!

Now, Applejack was a strong girl, the strongest female at Canterlot High, but with Norman kissing her this passionately, she couldn’t even think straight. Her mind was completely fogged up. She tried to use her arms to push him off, but he held her tighter by the waist. It was like all the strength went and left her, much to her dismay. Norman suddenly pushed his tongue past her lips, and into her mouth.

Good gravy!!

She started pushing and shoving, but it had no effect over Norman, as his tongue wiggled around until and found hers. Applejack would have recoiled if she could. CONSARNIT!

Apple Bloom and her friends stared wide-eyed just a few feet away. Scootaloo leaned in towards Sweetie Belle. “Dude… what the heck!?” She whispered.

Sweetie shook her head slowly. “I’ve lost all ability to form words at this point.”

Apple Bloom opened her mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. She turned her head to the others, her eyes still glued to the scene in front of them. “…The Duck is he doin’ to my sister?!”

Pomade and the others desperately tried to refrain themselves from laughing.

Norman continued to assault her tongue with his. It was like a slug’s. Why? Applejack thought miserably. Why is this happening to me? I made my mistakes… but isn’t this punishment enough?!

Norman lifted his hand and clutched the back of her head while using his other arm to wrap around her waist.

“Nmph! Mpmmmh!!” She protested.

Norman didn’t seem to hear her. His eyes were closed, lost in the moment.

Fluttershy awkwardly put a hand to her head, blushing heavily. Rarity quietly took pictures with her phone. Rainbow Dash’s shoulders were shaking, covering her mouth to keep from laughing at a maximum volume. Pinkie Pie was trying to pry Sunset’s hands from her eyes. “Sunset, come oooooon!”

“No.”

Norman’s tongue was now being shoved down her throat. The sluggishness went away, and it felt more natural, but it didn't make this situation any better. I’m gonna die here, Applejack thought miserably. I’m gonna die. I’m dyin’, and I got hundreds of witnesses, not one of them are helping me, not one of them! Mama, Pa, I’m comin’ to join you!

Trixie and her friends were watching from the stage area. The magician was clearly dumbfounded. “This disturbs Trixie, yet she cannot look away…”

Jesus, Mary, Joseph… She almost gagged on Norman’s tongue. Oh sweet Jesus, if y’all love me, make it stop!!!

Just then, her prayer was answered. Norman stopped, and released Applejack. She gasped for air, and wobbled to the side. Norman caught her, and stood her up right so she wouldn’t fall. He gave her a soft smile, his face and neck bright red. Then he walked off. Applejack opened her mouth to tell him off, but for the first time in her life, she didn’t know what to say. Her voice had abandoned her. After watching Norman go, she slowly went back over to her friends, and lowered herself to the ground on her knees, crossing her arms.

The other teens in the gym slowly started buzzing with conversation once again. She didn’t know what disgusted her more. The fact that Norman had kissed her like that, or the fact that she sort of liked it.

Norman returned to whoops and cat calls from his friends at the bleachers. “Dude… I have tremendous respect for you,” Banjo laughed, slowly clapping his hands.

“I guess you’re Not-so Normal Norman, huh?” Adam chuckled with a wink.

“So, come on, what’s the verdict?” Twister asked in anticipation.

Norman barely heard any of them. He had a big, goofy, dreamy smile on his face. “What? O-Oh yeah.” He sighed happily. “Apples. Sweet, sweet apples.”

Pomade jumped up and pumped his fists into the air. “YEAH!! YEAAH!!”

Twister sulked, and reached for his wallet. “Man…”

The girls quietly stared at Applejack with mixed emotions. Pinkie, who was finally released from Sunset’s grasp, got up and retrieved Applejack’s Stetson. She placed it back on her head and giggled nervously. “Uh… here you go?”

“What the heck was that?” Rainbow laughed as Pinkie sat back down.

“Do you know him?” Sunset asked, cracking a smile, but her eyes were sympathetic.

Applejack took a deep breath and nodded. “Since middle school.” She looked up, putting her hands on her hips. “But I’d never think he’d pull a stunt like that! How dare he, comin’ up to me and doing… that without my consent!”

Rainbow smirked. “You make it sound like it was somethin’ else.”

Fluttershy swatted her on the arm. “Hush, Rainbow Dash,” She scolded. “The poor thing’s embarrassed enough already.” She turned to Applejack with a nervous smile. “Don’t worry, A.J. I don’t think it was that bad. I-I’m sure the whole gym wasn’t watching—and. And he was…… Really tender!”

The farm girl moaned.

Rarity looked over at the bleachers, watching Pomade jump up and down waving cash in the air. She scoffed. “Well, I hope that Norman doesn’t turn out like that womanizer.”

“Okay, okay, I was just messing with you, A.J.” Rainbow said. “But in all honesty…” She leaned forward, her hands resting on her elbows. “Do you like him?”

Applejack knew she couldn’t lie to her friends, even if she tried. Being connected to the bearer of honesty did have its setbacks. But she would try. She looked away, putting on the straightest face possible. “No…” The others gave her deadpanned expressions.

“Well, that settles that.” Rainbow said.

Sunset looked over at Pinkie, who was silent. She frowned. “You're thinking about Britney Spears, aren’t you?”

Pinkie sighed sadly. “Yeah…”

Big Macintosh walked through the doors of Canterlot High holding three cases of cider. It was ever popular around here, since these folk had never tasted real cider; at least those were his thoughts. Apple Bloom ran out of the gym, and smiled huge when she spotted her brother. “Big Mac!” She yelled, running up to him. “You’ll never guess what happened to Applejack just now!”

Author's Note

I'm... really sorry. I don't know what came over me... actually I do. Took an Advil PM, and when I tried to get some sleep, this popped in my head, and I literally sat up in bed laughing. I need rest. Lots of it. This is not to be taken too seriously.... and yeah. I'm SOOOOOO delirious right now, suspicious laughter is surely being heard around the house :rainbowlaugh: