3: Citizenship, or Lack Thereof
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The Roommate

3: Citizenship, or Lack Thereof

Chapter 3: Citizenship, or Lack Thereof

The next day, Rainbow went to get the ethernet cable. When she came back, she asked about all the places that had “must be 21 to enter” signs on their doors.

“They’re bars,” I said. “Here, it's illegal to serve alcohol to anyone under 21. Most of the drinking establishments in the area are clustered near Chauncey Hill.”

Rainbow didn’t seem interested in talking further about the subject, so we got her computer plugged in, and I taught her about the internet.

“Basically, expect the worst,” I said. “Online is a really good way to get information, but it’s also a really good way to ruin your life.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“There are scams and identity theft to worry about,” I said.

“Wait, you can steal somepony’s identity?” Rainbow was incredulous.

I sighed. “Yeah, it’s true. Once you have enough information about someone, you can pretend to be them. I think it’s usually done in order to steal money. The only way to prevent it is just don’t put valuable information out there. If you wouldn’t give it to a stranger, don’t give it to the internet.”

Rainbow frowned. “So how do I know what’s real and what’s fake?”

“Here’s a good rule of thumb: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. No one would ever go very far out of their way to give you something for free.” I thought for a moment. “Oh, did you understand that? Rule of thumb means—”

“I got it,” she said. She waved a hoof at the computer. “So, how do we get some internet?”

“This is a new Windows computer, so you’d use the Internet Explorer program.” I indicated an icon on the desktop. Rainbow slowly moved the mouse and clicked on it.

I was disoriented for a moment, because I honestly didn’t remember the last time I had used that browser. I’d try to get Rainbow to install Firefox or Chrome later, but we had to get the basics down first.

“Okay, the Microsoft welcome page is useless,” I said, indicating the screen that had popped up automatically. “What you’ll probably want for a home page is some kind of search engine. You might as well use Google, everyone else does.”

To save time, I punched in the URL myself. The familiar page appeared.

“What does it do?” asked Rainbow.

“This is the internet at its most basic form,” I said. “You type what you’re searching for in the box there, and with any luck, you’ll find it.”

Rainbow thought for a moment before slowly spelling out “ponies”. The page of results included a Wikipedia disambiguation page, the Equestrian Embassy website, and the online version of Equestria Daily.

“I remember now,” said Rainbow. “Equestria daily had a big article about the internet. They said they were starting their own website.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s one of the most popular newspapers in Equestria.” She moved the mouse to click the link.

“Oh, wow,” muttered Rainbow. She looked a little overwhelmed by the mass of text and pictures on display. “It looks so…different.”

“It’s not really efficient to just show you a newspaper on the screen,” I told her. “This way, they give you the headlines, and you click on what you want to read more about. That’s pretty typical of news websites.”

“How do I go back to search for something else?” asked Rainbow.

“There’s this little button up at the top conveniently labeled ‘back’.” I pointed to it. Rainbow clicked it and returned to Google.

I pointed to the top of the screen. “Up here you’ve got other options. You can find images, maps, and other stuff.”

Rainbow clicked on images. At the top of the page was a picture with a caption.

Yo dawg, we heard you like weird porn, so we put a pony in a pony— I slammed the laptop shut.

“I thought Safe Search was on,” I said, meekly. “Another thing about the internet, it’s full of pornography.”

Rainbow looked at me, starting to smile.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re cute when you’re face goes all red like that.” She grinned.

I rolled my eyes. “Can we move on?”

Rainbow laughed. “Sure.”

I sighed. “Okay. Basically, use the search engine to find what you’re looking for. Be very careful, and don’t take anything for granted.”

“I can handle that,” said Rainbow. “One more thing, though, how do I log into my school account?” She showed me a piece of paper with her information on it.

“That’s just for university computers,” I told her. “You put this stuff in at the login screen so you can use the computer.”

“Why would I want to do that?” she asked. “I can just use my own computer.”

“We don’t have a printer in the room,” I pointed out. “If you want to print something, you’ll have to go downstairs and log in to use one of those. Also, you might have a class that requires it.”

“That’s stupid,” she said.

I shrugged. “Welcome to college, the place where you can find higher levels of education and lower levels of reason.”

I went on. “You’ll also probably want to log into the university website and find out your class schedule and what books you’ll need.”

After saying it, I thought that I would probably need to walk Rainbow through that, too, but she seemed to be getting the hang of using a computer faster than I would have guessed. There was such a serious look of determination on her face that I almost thought using the computer was a matter of life and death for her.

Once Rainbow knew where to find a copy of her schedule, she would be able to print it out later on. Textbooks couldn’t wait, however. It was too late to order cheaper ones online, so she would have to make a trip to the book store. I told her where to find one of the shops, and she left.

It was probably a good thing I didn’t introduce her to online shopping. If she was on such a thin budget, the ability to get literally anything you wanted delivered to you couldn’t be a good idea.

While Rainbow was gone buying books, I pulled up Facebook. Nathan was online, and I sent him a message. It took a while to get a response.

Sorry, my mind’s somewhere else right now, babe.

Getting ready for classes? I typed.

Something like that

The conversation seemed a little strange, but I figured it was just stress of another school year getting to him. We continued to talk until Rainbow came back.

Got to go, Rainbow wants me to help her file textbook receipts for reimbursement by her grant, I told Nathan.

After I was off the computer, I asked, “Where does this paperwork have to go?”

“I have the address,” said Rainbow.

“You’ll probably want to go to the post office to mail this,” I said. “I work for the university, and I can tell you that any place on campus charges a markup on postage.”

“You work for the university?” she asked.

“Yeah, I have a job at the copy shop in the Union.” I shrugged. “It’s spending money.”

Rainbow thought for a moment. “I could use a job.”

“They’re available, if you know where to look,” I said. “I think you should wait a little while before you start searching to make sure you have the time to spare. The so-called ‘real majors’ take a lot of effort.”

“I can do it,” she said seriously. I wasn’t sure if she was ridiculously confident in her abilities, or just delusional.

“Good luck,” I said.

The first day of classes arrived. Rainbow’s alarm clock went off early, very early. We’d both hung our class schedules on the bulletin board, and I remembered that she had her first class at 7:30 a.m. Scheduling that was mistake only a freshman would make.

I rolled over in bed. My first class was at 10:30. I heard Rainbow getting ready and she left.

Shortly before nine, I got up to have a cigarette. When I came back inside, the room telephone was ringing. In my time living in the dorm, that had never happened before, aside from a test call to make sure the phone was working. I grabbed the receiver.

A man was on the other end. He asked my name and I told him. He told me that he had a few questions about Rainbow Dash.

“She’s your roommate, correct?” he said.

“That’s right,” I answered.

“Have you ever observed her doing anything that might endanger national security?” he asked.

“Um, no.” I may have been half-asleep before, but now I was paying full attention. Had I missed something earlier?

“Who did you say you work for again?” I asked.

A brief scenario ran through my mind where he would chuckle and say, “That’s a secret, but trust me, it’s a well known acronym,” and I would reply, “What’s that mean? CIA, FBI, NASCAR?”

Instead, he said, “I’m with the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services. We’re checking on Ms. Dash to provide background for her citizenship application.”

My thoughts of government conspiracy suddenly thrust aside, I said, “What? She wants to be a U.S. citizen?”

“You didn’t know?” said the USCIS Agent. “I’m sorry to surprise you with this, then.”

“It’s no problem, I guess. It’s just…I didn’t expect it.” I wondered why she hadn’t told me.

“Ms. Dash put you down as her only human contact,” said the man. “We have to have a few references of good character for every application that we process.”

So that was it, then. I was literally the only person on the planet she knew well enough to list as a contact. I asked, “What would you like to know about her?”

“Do you know her reasons for requesting citizenship?” the man from USCIS.

“No. We don’t communicate very well,” I answered.

“Can you think of any reason why she should not be granted citizenship?” the man asked.

“Well, we’ve been roommates less than a week. I still don’t know her that well.” I sighed. “I’m sorry if I’m not being very helpful.”

“I should say that it’s your roommate that will be sorry,” observed the man. “What you’ve told me—or haven’t told me, that is—doesn’t disqualify her, but it makes the application more difficult.”

“I’ll talk with her soon,” I promised.

“Thank you, it’ll make my job easier,” he said. “Have a nice day.”

I said goodbye and set the phone down. According to the schedule on the bulletin board, Rainbow should be back at around 9:30. I booted up my laptop to check messages while I waited.

She walked through the door a few minutes later. I looked up and said, “I got a call from the Citizenship and Immigration Service earlier this morning.”

“That was faster than I thought,” said Rainbow, not meeting my eyes.

“I couldn’t really give them good information because I don’t know anything about you,” I said. “If you’d told me this was happening, I could have been prepared.”

Rainbow sighed and set her class supplies down. “Fine, what do you want to know?”

“Can we start with why you want to be a U.S. citizen?” I was kind of curious.

“I just do, okay?” She began organizing books for her next class.

“What’s wrong with Equestria?” I enquired.

“Nothing.” Rainbow threw on her saddlebags.

“Then why—”

She bolted out the door. I sat for a moment, stunned. I hadn’t expected simple questions to cause her to react that way.

“What did I say?” I wondered quietly. I wanted to help, but I wasn’t about to lie to the government for a pony I’d known only a couple of days. If the USCIS called me back, Rainbow was going to have a problem.

4: A Pony on the Phone
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The Roommate

4: A Pony on the Phone

Chapter 4: A Pony on the Phone

After my morning classes, I showed up at the copy shop in the student union. This was the beginning of my third semester working there.

The familiar routine of printing, collating, and stapling came back easily. Making copies wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life, but it was good enough for a part-time job.

“So what’s it like living with a pony?” asked Justin as I worked side by side with him putting together packages of lab notes.

I figured he must have seen my Facebook post about it. I shrugged. “It’s different."

“What does Nathan think?” he asked. “You two are still together, right?”

“They haven’t met,” I told him. “And yes, we are.”

“He’s kind of a jerk,” said Justin.

“So are you,” I shot back. He had never been one of my favorite coworkers.

Justin shrugged. “Takes one to know one. At least I’ve never lied to you.”

That was another reason I didn’t like Justin. He never apologized for anything, and didn’t seem to care that I disliked him.

Unfortunately, I realized that Rainbow never apologized for anything, either. I was going to try speaking to her again later that day. I couldn’t figure out why she didn’t want to talk about the citizenship issue. I would help if I could, but she had to let me.

Before I left work, I bought a small notebook. There was a lot to remember when learning someone’s life story, and I thought it was a good idea to have a written record.

When I got back to the room, Rainbow wasn’t there. Her schedule indicated that she should have finished her last class of the day hours before.

I worried slightly, but let it go. It’s not like she was required to spend her free time in the dorm.

I ran through my favorite websites a few times. None of my professors had issued homework, and I actually felt somewhat bored. I picked up my crochet yarn and was about to start on a new project when the room phone rang for the second time that day. I grabbed it.

“Is Rainbow there?” asked a female voice.

“No, she isn’t,” I said. “Is this the USCIS again?”

“Um, no,” said the voice. “This is Twilight Sparkle.”

I had no idea who that was, but judging by the name it was probably a pony. “Rainbow mentioned the name Twilight a few times. She’s out of the room at the moment, but I can take a message.”

“I was just calling to see how she was doing,” said Twilight.

“She’s like no roommate I’ve ever had,” I offered.

Twilight laughed. “She can be a little bit stubborn, can’t she? That’s probably a good thing, though, when she’s working on something difficult like her citizenship application.”

I was glad she had mentioned that, because I thought perhaps Rainbow’s reluctance to talk about it may have meant she was hiding it from her friends. I didn’t want to say something and accidentally tip off Twilight about it if Rainbow wanted it kept secret.

“About that,” I said. “Rainbow put me down as a contact for a character reference, but I’m afraid I still don’t know very much about her.”

“She and I have been friends for a couple of years,” said Twilight. “What would you like to know?”

I grabbed for my notebook and a pencil. “I guess my first question is why?”

“That’s…kind of complicated,” said Twilight. “Have you got time?”

“Sure.” I wanted to hear this.

“Okay. Have you heard of the Wonderbolts?” Twilight asked.

“Is it like some kind of show?” I said. I’d heard something about them touring Earth a while ago.

“That’s right,” confirmed Twilight. “It’s a group of ponies who put on a flight demonstration, with tricks and fancy maneuvers. They only let the best flyers join.”

“Did Rainbow try out for them?” I asked.

“You bet she did. In fact, everypony who knew her thought she was a shoo-in.” Twilight sighed. “She didn’t make it, though. Don’t get me wrong, Rainbow is an amazing flyer, and I think even the members of the Wonderbolts wanted her to join, but there were a few technicalities, and, well…it just didn’t work out. Rainbow was crushed. Joining the Wonderbolts was her dream for years. It was all she ever talked about.”

“That’s sad,” I said, “But things are little unclear. What made her decide to move to Earth, go to college, and apply for citizenship?”

“Well, after getting turned down, Rainbow was down in the dumps for a while. I’d never seen anypony so depressed. I got together with the rest of her friends and we set her up with a vacation,” Twilight explained.

“Where to?” I asked.

“Florida,” said Twilight.

I stifled a laugh. It sounded so…human.

“Anyway,” said the pony, “while Rainbow was there, she visited a place called Pensacola and went to an air show.”

“Is that where airplanes do tricks and stuff?” I asked.

“That’s right,” confirmed Twilight. “I don’t know what she saw there, but it made her want to join the U.S. Navy Blue Angels.”

“So…she gave up a pony flight team for a human flight team?” I asked. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“This has never been done before by anypony,” Twilight told me. “To join, she needs to be a Navy pilot. To be a pilot, she has to be an officer. To be an officer, she has to be a citizen and have a college degree.”

“That sounds really complicated,” I said.

“Oh, it is. Rainbow and I have both been working hard to figure everything out,” said Twilight.

“I’ll do whatever I can to help,” I promised.

“Thanks. It means a lot,” she told me. “It’s good to see Rainbow has at least one friend on Earth.”

That wasn’t the word I would have used, but the multicolored pegasus had put me down as a contact on her application. I supposed we might be friends after all. Unwilling perhaps, but thrown together by circumstances and forced to make the best of it.

Twilight had nothing more to talk about, so we said goodbye. I found it somewhat humorous that after a simple phone conversation I liked her better than my roommate.

With no homework, I searched around on Facebook for friends to hang out with. I only managed to come up with one, Carol. She was another Animal Science major, and we hadn’t seen each other all summer.

After talking a little, we decided to go watch a movie. The theater was at the bottom of Chauncey Hill, east of campus. It was a long walk, but neither of us had anything better to do.

The movie was some forgettable rom-com. Still, it was nice to see a friend. As we walked back, Carol asked me the question I’d been getting from everyone. “So, what’s it like living with a pony?”

“Different,” I told her. After learning a little more about Rainbow through Twilight, I was a less inclined to deal any dirt on her. Friends don’t talk crap about each other.

The sun had set hours ago, and a little chill was starting to overtake the cloudless night. I said goodbye to Carol as we reached my dorm. I stopped to smoke before going in for the night.

Rainbow was sleeping when I got there. All six of her appendages were splayed out in different directions and her mouth was open slightly. She snored just a little.

I shut the door quietly and turned on the dim light in my closet. In the glow, I noticed a small pile of papers on Rainbow’s desk. They turned out to be job applications. If she already had money lined up to pay for everything, I wondered what she needed extra cash for.

Turning back to the closet, I grabbed my supplies and went down the hallway to have a quick shower before bed. I made a mental note for the morning to ask Rainbow if she needed help with the applications. Somehow, I doubted “Weather Patrol” would be impressive previous experience for any jobs around the university.

5: Floor Dinner
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The Roommate

5: Floor Dinner

Chapter 5: Floor Dinner

The next morning, Rainbow was gone when I got up. Glancing at her schedule, I saw that she wasn’t scheduled for any classes until later in the day. Once again, I wondered where she could be, but knew it wasn’t my business.

Tiffany, the resident assistant, came by and reminded me that the whole floor was invited to eat dinner together that evening. I did not particularly get along with her, or any RA for that matter. Most of them were waaay to perky.

I said that I would mention the dinner to Rainbow. Tiffany smiled and said she would be looking forward to it.

With a little while to spend before my own classes started, I grabbed a couple of old magazines that I’d picked up from the Animal Science student lounge. The dorm room could use a little decoration. Working carefully with scissors and tape, I cut out a few pictures of cute animals and stuck them to the wall above my desk.

I carefully avoided pictures of certain animals. Equestrian ponies were significantly different from ponies and horses native to Earth, but in the interest of being less awkward, I decided not to bring the issue up. I don’t know how I would feel if Rainbow was posting pictures of a species that looked human, but was considered livestock.

I had heard that in the early days of human-pony interaction, some species-based misunderstandings had happened. Luckily, it seemed like everyone and everypony had now come to terms with it. I had even heard of a pony rodeo rider.

There was some time before class, so I stepped out to have a cigarette. I saw Rainbow cantering towards me from the west, which was opposite the direction of the academic buildings. She almost looked like a human jogger.

“Good morning,” I called to her. She stopped nearby, wrinkling her nose slightly at the cloud that I and the other people standing around the ashtray were producing.

“A little exercise before class?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Rainbow nodded. In a different tone of voice, she said, “Working out would be better for you than smoking.”

I shrugged. It wasn’t the first time I had heard that. Rainbow shook her head and went inside the building.

“Friend of yours?” asked the guy standing next to me.

“Roommate, actually,” I said.

He laughed. “Bet you’ve got stories to tell.”

“Lots,” I told him. “And we haven’t even lived together a week.”

He and I chatted a little more. I’ve always been amazed at how easily casual conversation can be struck up when you share a common vice with someone. I made it to the filter and flicked the butt into the ashtray.

In the dorm room, I found Rainbow hard at work filling out job applications.

“Can I help?” I asked.

She didn’t look up. “I’ll let you know.”

I grabbed my books and backpack, and headed for the door. As I was going down the front steps of the dorm, I suddenly remembered the call from Twilight Sparkle. I debated whether to turn around, but decided that I could tell Rainbow later.

As I walked, I thought about my roommate’s comment regarding smoking. Before the doorways to the other universe opened, there were no cigarettes in Equestria. The thought of a colorful pony smoking almost make me laugh. Just as quickly, the emotion was gone. There are very few smokers who haven’t considered quitting, but doing that takes more effort than just going with it. I knew from experience.

I returned to the room that afternoon. Rainbow was there, experimenting with something that I didn’t recognize. It appeared to be a plastic band that fit over her hoof and had a small hook on it.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“One of my professors is working on these,” she said. “He wants to patent the idea and sell it to ponies. He calls it a dexterity enhancer.”

“Not a very catchy name,” I said.

Rainbow shrugged. “He just asked me to try it out for a while.”

She moved her hoof over to the keyboard of her computer. The tip of the hook stuck out just enough to tap on the keys.

“I think it makes it easier to type,” said Rainbow. “It’s still not very fast, but better than poking with a pencil.”

“What if you had two of them?” I asked, miming a typing action with both hands.

“Hmm. That might work.” Rainbow held up the device to look at it.

“Now that I think about it, that thing reminds me of something from an old cartoon,” I said. “The Claw.”

Rainbow didn’t understand the reference, and I didn’t push it.

“The RA stopped by earlier,” I said. “The whole floor is going to dinner tonight. It would be good to go and meet the neighbors.”

“Like a party?” asked Rainbow.

“I suppose so,” I told her.

She nodded. “All right. Let’s go.”

All the girls on the floor met up and left as a group. To get a little variety, we went somewhere besides the dining facility in the basement of the dorm. Just across the street was another dining court. I remembered too late that all the different kinds of meat were served up from a counter just inside the front door.

Rainbow had been talking with several of the girls from the floor as we stood in line. I may have been the only one who noticed the pony turn slightly green as she smelled the roasting meat. I carefully slid between her and the meat counter. She mumbled a few words of thanks.

The group of us sat down at a couple of tables on one side of the building. There was an area nearby for students to make their own little pizzas. A buffet-style table was set up with toppings to pick from. I steered Rainbow away from it, as most of them were meat.

I was beginning to think this was a bad idea. This dining court was much less vegetarian-friendly than the one attached to our dorm. Rainbow ended up only getting a bowl of cereal.

“Is that all you’re eating?” asked one of the girls.

“I’m not very hungry,” the pegasus replied.

“So Rainbow, tell us a little about yourself,” said RA Tiffany. I gritted my teeth against the perkiness exuding from her.

Rainbow ran through a brief autobiography, similar to when I first met her. She looked like she enjoyed talking about herself, but once again seemed miffed that none of her accomplishments meant anything to Earth dwellers. She didn’t like it at all when someone mentioned how cute she was.

“What’s your major?” asked Tiffany.

“Aero Engineering,” replied the pony. “What about you?”

“Communications,” responded the RA.

“Pfft, not a real major,” I said. Rainbow smiled. Tiffany acted like she hadn’t heard.

“Aren’t there a couple of other freshman here?” I asked, diverting the conversation. Rainbow gave me a look of thanks for distracting everyone from the cute talk.

I watched her try out the claw-like device strapped to her hoof. Using the hook, she was able to snare a paper napkin and pull it out of the dispenser. There was some residual milk around her mouth from the cereal, and she wiped it off as easily as someone without fingers could manage.

The dinner carried on for a while longer. People left when they felt like they’d had enough. Rainbow and I were neither the first nor last to go.

“Thanks,” she said as we walked out of the dining court.

“For what?” I asked.

“For helping me out,” she answered.

“Not for inviting you to meet everyone?” I asked.

“You didn’t look like you were enjoying yourself,” Rainbow said.

I laughed. “True. Well, I guess we all need some help now and again. You’re welcome.”

We made it to the dorm and went upstairs.

“I’m…not really used to needing help,” admitted Rainbow.

“I won’t make it a habit, then,” I assured her.

I opened the door to the room and walked in. I glanced at the phone, finally remembering that I had something to tell Rainbow.

“Oh, your friend Twilight called yesterday,” I said. “You weren’t here.”

“Why did you wait until now to mention that?” she asked, sounding mildly irritated.

“Sorry,” I said, embarrassed. “She didn’t leave a number to call back, or I might have remembered sooner.”

Rainbow rubbed her chin. “I didn’t think Twilight had a telephone. Maybe she didn’t leave a number because she was just borrowing it.”

I shrugged. “Anyway, we chatted for a little while.”

“About what?” asked Rainbow.

I suddenly realized that I’d talked myself into a corner. “Um, well, about you.”

She looked at me suspiciously. “What did she tell you?”

“Well, you didn’t want to give me information about your citizenship application. I didn’t want you to get denied. I was just trying to help.” My words got quieter and more pathetic under the influence of the glare Rainbow was giving me.

“I don’t believe this,” she said. “That was personal information!”

“I’m sorry! Why don’t you want to talk about being a fighter pilot?” I knew I had interfered with her privacy, but I couldn’t understand why Rainbow wanted to keep something like that hidden. I had told her my own dreams for the future. It wasn’t like her goals were embarrassing or something.

Rainbow glared at me. “I’m leaving.”

She stalked out the door and kicked it closed behind her.

6: Friend Request
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The Roommate

6: Friend Request

Chapter 6: Friend Request

Nathan was not much help when I came crying to him with my problems. Okay, I wasn’t literally crying, but all he did was sit awkwardly and listen to my story.

“You shouldn’t feel bad,” he said. “I mean, it’s for her own good, right?”

“Maybe, but I feel like I violated Rainbow’s trust.” I stared at my hands.

“She would have done the same thing,” said Nathan.

“No, I don’t think she would have,” I said. “She just feels…more loyal than that.”

“Don’t worry about it, babe,” Nathan assured me. “I’m sure you’ll work things out.”

I believed him, but still felt terrible. To Nathan’s credit, he didn’t suggest that we have get-over-it sex. The fact that I almost expected him to said something about our relationship.

I knew I was kidding myself about him. I didn’t think he was husband material. He didn’t give me the consideration that I thought that he should. It was probably only a matter of time before we had to go our separate ways. I was just putting it off as long as possible.

It was late by the time I got back to the dorm. I opened the door quietly, but didn’t see a pony-shaped silhouette, so I went ahead and turned on the light.

It was well past sunset, and it didn’t look like Rainbow had come back to the room since she’d left, angry with me for prying into her life. I wondered where she could be. We’d known each other for just less than a week. How much did I actually care about her? Did she care about me?

A single sky-blue feather sat on Rainbow’s bed. I glanced around. The chewed pencils and lack of clothing in the closest also reinforced the fact that my roommate wasn’t human.

Did a multicolored pony deserve different treatment than a person? Was that racist? Uh, I mean, speciesist? I felt like I was in over my head.

There was no guide for Equestrian roommates. No books titled Living With a Pony For Dummies. With nothing else to go off of, I had to figure it out for myself.

None of those were pleasant thoughts, and I quickly went to bed before I could consider them further.

I must have been asleep when Rainbow finally came in. The next time I saw her was morning. Her alarm clock went off earlier than mine. I pretended to be asleep while she collected her class supplies and went out the door.

I felt bad about not apologizing to her right then, but rationalized it with the thought that Rainbow was in a hurry to get to classes. I could talk to her later.

I lay in bed, trying to decide how I could set things right between us. Gifts were out. I didn’t have much money, and had no idea what Rainbow liked. A card or a note seemed kind of impersonal.

Just talk it out with her, my conscience told me. Confront the issue directly.

I sighed. At least I had a couple of hours to plan what I should say. I headed off to my first class. After sitting through that, I went to work.

At the copy shop, Justin noticed my mood and couldn’t resist commenting on it. “What’s up with you? Have a fight with your boyfriend?”

“No, my roommate,” I told him.

“How do you argue with a pony?” he asked.

I didn’t reply. He shrugged. “It’s probably because you’re a bitch.”

I cocked my fist back, but he took a couple of steps away before I could hit him. “What is wrong with you?” I shouted. “Do you just do things without thinking?”

Justin shrugged. “Don’t you?”

A couple of our coworkers watched us. I turned away, embarrassed to have lost control of my emotions.

Regretfully, Justin’s words rang true. It was lack of consideration for Rainbow’s feelings that got me into trouble. If I had taken a moment to think about that before pumping Twilight for information, there wouldn’t be a problem.

That afternoon, I returned to the dorm with a plan. It didn’t go much beyond begging Rainbow for forgiveness, but it was better than nothing.

I stopped in front of my door. I didn’t know if Rainbow would be in the room, and part of me hoped she wouldn’t be. I tried the knob, and it was unlocked. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

The pegasus sat in front of her computer. She’d obtained another dexterity enhancer for her other hoof and appeared to be learning how to type using the hunt-and-peck method. She looked up when I came in. I closed the door and set my backpack down.

“I need to talk to you,” I began. I sat down in my chair and turned to face her.

Rainbow gave me a look of annoyance. I’m not sure if it was because I interrupted her typing, or if she was just generally annoyed with me. Either one was plausible.

I sighed. “I’m sorry that I went behind your back. If you didn’t want me to know something, I shouldn’t have pried. I was doing it for a good cause, but that doesn’t make it right.”

“Do you want to know why I was trying to keep it secret?” she asked.

“Um, okay.” I couldn’t tell where she was going with this.

Rainbow looked away. “I feel kind of ashamed about coming here.”

“What?” That was about the most coherent thing I could think of to say. I had no idea what she was talking about.

“I feel like I’m supposed to be more loyal to everypony,” she said. “Equestria is home.”

“I’m sure they understand,” I said.

Rainbow shook her head. “I’ve only told my closest friends in Ponyville about this. They know me. I don’t know what others would think if they found out.”

It was an abrupt turnaround from her earlier attitude. She liked talking about the Sonic Rain-whatever and her other abilities. I had thought that she wanted to be well known.

“Is there some kind of stigma against ponies to coming to Earth?” I asked.

“Well, no,” Rainbow told me. “I just don’t want to feel like I’m leaving everything I know behind.”

“You don’t have to,” I pointed out. “You can go back to visit.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she said, shaking her head. “The thing with the citizenship is what I’m worried about. I don’t like the idea that I won’t be Equestrian anymore.”

I shrugged. “What’s a citizenship other than a piece of paper? You still have your friends. If anyone else cares, that’s too bad. You don’t have to please everyone.”

“Haters gonna hate?” Rainbow suggested.

I burst out laughing. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Where did you hear that, anyway?”

Rainbow smiled, pleased with herself. “I’ve been learning a lot about the internet in the last few days. Twilight’s jealous. She’s usually the high-tech one. Speaking of her, she called earlier.”

“Oh, did you have a good conversation?” I asked.

“It was nice to hear from her,” said Rainbow. She looked at me pointedly. “We talked about you.”

Payback’s a bitch, as they say. Rainbow and Twilight didn’t have any of my personal secrets to tell each other, but that didn’t make it any less pleasant.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Rainbow’s expression softened a little. “I know you were just trying to help. Twilight told me about that. Just ask me first next time, okay?”

“Sure.” I was glad to finally put this behind us. It was clear that I owed Twilight big for calming Rainbow down. I’d have to thank her the next time she called.

“If the USCIS wants to talk to you, is there anything else you need to know about me?” Rainbow asked.

“I have one question,” I said. “Why do you want to join the Blue Angels?”

“I guess Twilight told you about the Wonderbolts thing.” Rainbow sighed. “A long time ago, I decided that I needed a big goal to work towards. If you’re always looking to the future, the day-to-day stuff is easier to deal with. My goal used to be joining the Wonderbolts. Now, I want to be a pilot.”

“That sounds really difficult,” I commented.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Talking to Navy recruiters is probably the hardest part. None of them know what to do with a pony, and a lot of them want to turn me into a celebrity. I don’t mind getting recognition for being awesome, but I want to earn it.”

“Are you going to join ROTC?” I asked.

Rainbow frowned. “Those people who run around in the early morning and sing songs?”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t really know a whole lot about the military.”

“Neither do I,” Rainbow admitted. “It’s going to be a lot to learn.”

“I wish you the best of luck,” I told her. I checked the clock and stood up. “I’m going to get something to eat.”

“Go ahead,” said Rainbow, waving a hoof. “I have a few things to take care of.”

I hooked up with my friend Carol and we went to dinner. She noted, “You’re in a good mood.”

“I guess you could say that.” I nodded, but said nothing further.

“Do you have any plans for Labor Day?” she asked.

“That’s next Monday, right?” I said. “No, I don’t have any plans yet. Getting a day off classes will be nice, though.”

“Let me know if you think of anything,” Carol said. I told her I would.

After dinner, I went back to my dorm room. I had some homework due the next day that I hadn’t started yet. There was still time for a little Facebook, though.

I opened the door and saw that I was alone. Once again, I wondered where the pony went when she wasn’t in the room.

I sat down in front of my computer. As I opened the familiar blue and white homepage of the social media site, I spotted a new notification. I clicked on the symbol and a box popped up. Accept friend request from Rainbow Dash?

I laughed out loud and clicked accept.

7: Chicago
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The Roommate

7: Chicago

Chapter 7: Chicago

The next week passed uneventfully. Well, as much as possible, anyway. Occasionally I would say something stupid or Rainbow would act bitchy. I occasionally wanted to wring her neck, and she probably wanted to stomp me into the floor sometimes.

We managed to get through it, though. I hated to think that being “Facebook official” made us better friends, but for whatever reason we seemed to have turned a corner and things were steadily getting better.

One day Rainbow came back to the room with a black baseball cap and a red shirt. She laid them on the bed and announced, “I got a job.”

I glanced at the shirt, reading the printing on it. “Jimmy John’s Sandwich Delivery?”

Rainbow shrugged. “They said they needed things to be delivered fast. I’m good at that.”

“How are you supposed to wear a shirt?” I asked.

“It doesn’t fit well,” she admitted. “It’s part of the uniform, though. I’ll be glad to have some spending money.”

I wanted to ask what she needed money for, but decided that if Rainbow thought I should know, she would tell me. I had had enough of asking her personal questions, thank you very much.

Rainbow sat down at her desk. A few days before, she had taped a picture of a blue and yellow jet on the wall above her. I may be ignorant of the military, but I recognized it as a Blue Angels plane. It clashed cheerfully with my pictures of cute animals.

“Can I talk to you about something?” Rainbow asked. “I have to go to the Equestrian Consulate in Chicago to do some paperwork. I’m pretty sure they won’t let me fly in that airspace. Do you know how I can get there?”

“When are you going?” I asked.

“Monday,” she answered.

I frowned. “That’s Labor Day. Will they be open?”

“Why wouldn’t they be?” said Rainbow. “We don’t celebrate human holidays.”

“Fair point,” I said. “Probably the easiest, cheapest way to get there would be the train.”

“How do we get tickets?” asked the pony.

“We?” I said.

“Um, yeah,” said Rainbow sheepishly. “I was kind of hoping you could come along. I’m not very good with directions in the city.”

“Well…I don’t have anything else to do on Labor Day,” I admitted. “I don’t know where to get train tickets, though. Fortunately, I know who to ask.”

Carol’s boyfriend was in the Railroad Club. It seemed like a weird thing to have a club for, but I figured it was a good place to start. Through a series of text messages, I asked Carol, who asked her boyfriend, who replied to her, who replied to me. Or something like that. Anyway, I got what I wanted.

At my direction, Rainbow searched Amtrak.com for tickets. “Do I count as an adult?” she asked.

“How old are you?” Looking over her shoulder, I saw that there were different rates for child, adult, and senior.

“Twenty-one,” she responded. I hadn’t realized Rainbow was actually older than I was. My birthday wasn’t for a few more weeks.

“Yeah, you should get an adult ticket,” I told her.

We came to the payment screen. “Credit card?” said Rainbow. “How am I supposed to swipe it in this computer?”

Surprised, I said, “I didn’t know you even had a card.”

“It’s a little confusing,” she admitted. “But it’s what all the places here on Earth want.”

With a little help, Rainbow managed to get her card numbers entered into the website. I made a mental note to give her another lecture on protection from identity theft.

A few days later, my roommate and I were standing on the platform at the train station. It had been a long walk to get there from campus. Several other people waited at the station with us.

I’d ridden the train once or twice before, but it had never been so crowded. I figured it was probably because of Labor Day vacation. It took a little searching, but Rainbow and I found seats together.

“This is…nice,” said the pegasus. She lounged on her back with her wings tucked to her sides to keep them from being pinned. Her rear legs stretched out to the footrest.

I barely stopped myself from giggling. “You look…comfortable.”

“We’re both lying, aren’t we?” she said.

I nodded and we cracked up laughing. A couple of other passengers looked at us, more curious than annoyed. I wondered what it was like to be in Rainbow’s position, always stared at.

In about two hours, the train pulled into the Chicago station. We made our way outside. The cluster of tall buildings looked like a glass and steel canyon. There were not many structures at college taller than half a dozen stories, and even I was awed.

With a street map printed from the internet, the two of us found our way towards the consulate building. The university may have had a population of tens of thousands, but it was tiny compared to a really big city. On top of that, the people weren’t primarily students.

“Hey pony!” called a street vendor. “I’ve got Canterlot oats here. Real cheap.”

Rainbow politely declined. A few blocks later, I saw a little girl point at the pegasus and asked her mother if the circus was in town. She begged for a pony ride. Rainbow’s ears were turned in that direction to listen, and it was clear from the look on her face that she didn’t like the idea of anyone on her back.

“At least she didn’t call you cute,” I said. Rainbow rolled her eyes and we kept walking.

I wasn’t sure what an Equestrian government office looked like. As it turned out, it was a rented space in a regular building. I had almost been hoping for something exotic. At least the inside was decorated in pony style, which to my eyes looked a century or two out of date. The rental agreement probably didn’t let them replace the carpet or paint the walls, however.

A youngish looking man was sitting behind a desk near the door. I’m not sure if I was more surprised to see a person working there, or to see that the nameplate on his desk read “Strawberry Fields.”

Mr. Fields directed Rainbow down the hall to where her paperwork needed to be filed. I stood awkwardly beside his desk for a few moments.

“So, how do you get a job like this?” I asked.

He held up his hands. “I can type.” He saw me looking at his nameplate and chuckled. “I bet you’re wondering about the name, too.”

“I’m curious,” I admitted.

“Well, I also handle the phones. If you call the Equestrian Consulate, you expect someone who sounds like they could be a pony to answer,” he explained. “To put it simply, it’s actually less confusing if I answer the phone, ‘Hello, I’m Strawberry Fields, how can I help you?’ than it would be if I said, ‘Hi, I’m Tyler’.”

In a strange way, that made sense. While I waited for Rainbow to get done with her paperwork, I watched Mr. Fields work. I wondered if he’d actually changed his name, or just used the nickname around the office.

I went out for a smoke. It gave me a little time to ponder what I would call myself if I had to change my name to be more pony-esque. I didn’t manage to come up with anything, and went back inside a few minutes later.

Rainbow had apparently finished up shortly after I went out. She was waiting impatiently when I walked into the office. She had a file of paperwork with her.

“We need to find a post office,” she said. “This stuff needs to be mailed to the USCIS a certain way, and they can’t do that here.”

Strawberry Fields helpfully pointed us in the right direction. I didn’t have much experience with post offices, especially not one as large as the building we walked into near the consulate. Several walls were covered in mailboxes available for rent. The décor largely consisted of red, white, and blue stripes. People stood in long lines waiting for tellers at individual windows.

“This doesn’t look very efficient,” muttered Rainbow.

I shrugged. “There are a few things they do well.”

“Like what?” she asked.

I pointed to a sign. “Look at this. For forty-five cents, you can send a letter to any place in the United States. A dollar-five will send it anywhere in the universe.”

“They deliver mail to the moon?” asked Rainbow dryly.

“I’m sure the fine print has something to say about that,” I laughed.

We made it to the front of the line and Rainbow got her special postage. After that, it was time for lunch. As we exited the building, I pulled up a list of vegetarian restaurants on my phone and told Rainbow about them.

She looked at the phone curiously. “You can get internet on that, too?”

“That’s right.” I showed her the familiar Google page.

“It’s interesting,” she said. “I’m not sure how I would use one, though.”

I figured she meant the problem with hooves. “Some phones can recognize your voice and do what you tell them.” I thought the mental image of Rainbow with an iPhone trying to talk to Siri was hilarious.

At the restaurant, we sat down and a waiter approached. I ordered the special of the day, a veggie burger with fries.

“It’s not real meat,” I told Rainbow. “Try it, you might like it.”

She looked at me skeptically. “It’s the thought that counts.” She ordered some kind of grain sandwich.

I tried to see meat from a pony’s perspective, but failed. It’s hard to force yourself to be repulsed by something you like. The best I could do was resolve to be more careful what I ate in front of Rainbow.

After lunch, I pointed out that we had a few hours until the returning train departed.

“What is there to do around here?” asked Rainbow.

I consulted my phone. “Um, art museums. A children’s museum. An aquarium. A football stadium.”

“I don’t understand football,” said Rainbow.

“I think it’s a guy thing,” I told her. I scrolled through the list of attractions. “How about this? The Willis Tower is really tall and has a place where you can see the whole city.”

With no other ideas, we found our way there and rode the elevator to the top. One hundred three floors above Chicago, the view was breathtaking, if a little scary.

“We’re up here high enough that you can see the curvature of the horizon,” said Rainbow pointing a hoof towards the blue waters of Lake Michigan. “It’s sunny with not very many clouds, and only a little breeze. It would be a great day for flying.”

I still didn’t like airplanes, or heights in general, but I could see what she was talking about. I thought Rainbow sounded a little sad, not being able to take advantage of the weather due to air traffic laws over the city.

"I'm saving up for flight lessons," she said.

"Airplane flying lessons?" I asked.

Rainbow nodded. "I have to start somewhere."

Well, that explained why she needed a job. Flying lessons didn't sound cheap.

We explored Chicago a little more until it was time to go. The sun was beginning to set as the train pulled out of the station.

I didn’t think Rainbow looked especially tired, but she closed her eyes and was soon asleep. A couple miles down the track, the train’s gentle side-to-side swaying had slowly jostled her head over onto my shoulder.

I looked down at her in the dim light of the train car. It was a good thing she was snoozing, because otherwise I don’t think I could have resisted telling her how cute she looked.

8: Not Grain, Grain Alcohol
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The Roommate

8: Not Grain, Grain Alcohol

Chapter 8: Not Grain, Grain Alcohol

“It’s my birthday,” I said to Rainbow.

“Oh! I didn’t get you anything,” she said, looking apologetic.

“I didn’t expect you to,” I told her. “I do want you to come to the bars with me tonight, though.”

“Is that a good idea?” she asked. We’d both seen rowdy drunks around campus. Ponies seemed to be naturally suspicious of alcohol anyway.

“You don’t have to drink,” I said. “I’d just feel better with someone there to keep me out of trouble.”

“Are you planning on getting in trouble?” Rainbow asked accusingly.

“No, nothing like that. It’s my first time, and I just want to play it safe.” I admit to having some prior drinking experience, but I didn’t know what would happen when I felt obligated to imbibe because it was legal.

“Will there be any others going?” asked Rainbow.

“I also invited Nathan and Carol,” I said. “It’ll give you a chance to get to know them.”

“All right,” said Rainbow. “I get off work at eight.”

“Sounds good. See you,” I said. Rainbow put on her Jimmy John’s uniform and left. I picked through my closet looking for something to wear that evening. I was reasonably sure that I was going to get stinking drunk, and so decided that I could dress down just a little. No need to risk ruining my nicest outfits. Also, high heels would probably be a bad idea.

Carol and Nathan were both old enough to drink. Since my revelation that Rainbow was older than most of the other freshman, I had wondered how exactly human years compared to pony years. Regardless, the law said she was legal.

Carol showed up first, disappointed me slightly. I had hoped to have a few minutes alone with Nathan. However, when he showed up he gave me a kiss anyway. That would have to do for now.

Rainbow arrived when she said she would. She’d briefly met my two guests before, and said hello. Carol turned away as the pony began to take her clothing off. Nudity laws didn’t apply to Equestrians for cultural reasons, but seeing anyone stripping down made most humans glance away instinctively.

Rainbow’s mane was a little matted from being under her hat. She mussed it with a hoof and let it fall into whatever position it wanted. She had never shown much interest in fancy styling.

“I’ve got my ID and money,” said the pony. “Let’s go.”

The four of us headed off towards Chauncey Hill and the bars there. The closest one to campus was the oddly-named Chocolate Shop. Further down was Jake’s, Where Else, and Brother’s. If we wanted to walk quite a bit further, we could go to the Neon Cactus club or across the river to one of a multitude of other places.

Since it was my birthday, I decided that maybe we should just stay close. After all, we’d have to walk back at the end of the night.

Rainbow wore the dexterity enhancers on her forehooves. I still called them claws because that was easier. She’d been working with the professor that had invented them, and various attachments had sprouted from the bands that encircled her hooves.

“Is that new?” I asked, pointing.

Rainbow glanced down. Split between the two enhancers, there was a clear plastic sleeve to keep her ID, some small loops, and a pocket or two. All those things were beginning to spread up her ankles, almost taking on the look of boots.

She nodded. “Yeah, since I started working, I needed a place to keep money and pens because I don’t have pockets.”

“Makes sense,” I said.

She shot me a look. “Cash is really difficult to deal with. I can barely remember how to make change, and those little coins are hard to sort out.”

Nathan chuckled and squeezed my hand. “Well, birthday girl, at least you didn’t need to bring money tonight. I’m buying for you.”

“Well, in that case…” I happily pulled him towards the Chocolate Shop. The guy at the door examined my driver’s license, wishing me happy birthday. He checked Nathan and Carol. I thought he looked kind of surprised to see a pony trying to get into the bar, but her ID checked out, so he waved her through the door.

The building the Chocolate Shop is housed in is probably a hundred years old, and it looks like it. None of the décor matches. They don’t mind if drunken customers write on the walls with a marker, either. Still, it’s kind of a local legend and I didn’t want my first legal drink to be from anyplace else. It was still early, so the crowd wasn’t too heavy. The bartender took our order almost immediately.

“Cranberry juice, Southern Comfort, and lime,” I said.

“Uh, I guess I’ll have one of those too,” said Rainbow.

“What are you getting?” I asked Nathan.

He laughed. “Nothing girly like that. I want a beer.”

“Girly?” asked Rainbow, looking at me.

“As opposed to something that burns your throat and makes your eyes water,” I said. Rainbow shrugged. The bartender came back with our drinks. He helpfully offered Rainbow a straw so she wouldn’t have to figure out how to pick the glass up.

I took a sip. While I wasn’t a “party every weekend” kind of girl, I did know a little about what I liked and what I didn’t. There was no point in ordering something that you wouldn’t enjoy.

Rainbow sampled her drink. “This tastes like candy.”

I nodded. “That’s a ‘girly’ drink for you.”

The pony shrugged and drained the rest of her glass. I was just about to warn her about getting buzzed despite the fruity taste, but Nathan pulled me aside. “Where do you want to go next?”

“Just head down the street, I guess.” As soon as I was finished with my drink, we left.

It took a moment to explain to Rainbow the concept of a bar crawl. “If you’re just trying to get drunk, the easiest way is to stay in one place,” I said. “This, however, is a social experience.”

“You always get more wordy when you’ve got some liquor in you,” laughed Carol.

Rainbow had a glass of beer at the next place, and announced that she was feeling somewhat tipsy. I wondered if she was really that lightweight, or just playing it safe. Nathan bought a couple of shots of some vodka with a fancy name and had me drink one.

I had a margarita at the third bar just for a change of pace. Rainbow declined another drink. At this point, I was feeling pretty good, and decided that maybe we should go dancing after all. It was still early.

We all made the trek down the hill to the Neon Cactus. The drinks there were a little different. The beer was served in giant plastic mugs referred to as cactus cups. Of course, I had to get one. Carol ordered something on the rocks. Rainbow appeared to be done drinking for the night.

“Hey, where are you going?” I asked, pulling at Nathan’s sleeve.

“Just the restroom,” he said. “Be back soon.”

I decided to have a seat while I waited for him to come back. Rainbow and Carol joined me.

“So, we’ve got time to talk,” said Carol. “What’s the weirdest thing about coming to Earth, Rainbow?”

“There’s a whole lot of things,” the pony replied.

“Name just one,” I said.

“Ice,” said Rainbow, gesturing to Carol’s drink. “As a species, you all have this weird obsession with cold beverages. Every soda fountain I’ve ever seen here has an ice maker attached to it.”

“I don’t think it’s quite species-wide,” said Carol. “In other parts of the world they aren’t so big on ice.”

Rainbow shrugged. “Maybe I’ll have to visit there someday.”

I drained my cactus cup and told the two of them I was going to get a refill. On the way to the bar, I noticed my feet wandering from my intended path just a bit. I giggled a little. I could feel myself moving from a heavy buzz to truly drunk.

I returned to the table a few minutes later with a full cup, minus what I’d drank along the way. Rainbow and Carol were looking at me seriously. As intoxicated as I may have been, I noticed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nathan’s cheating on you,” said Rainbow.

“We don’t know that!” said Carol, giving her a look. She turned back to me. “From across the room, we saw him talking to some girl. The two of them went somewhere.”

“No, that’s impossible,” I said angrily. “Why would you say that?”

Rainbow shrugged. “We saw it.”

“You’re lying,” I shot back. “I don’t believe this. He wouldn’t do that.”

“Calm down,” said Carol.

“Where is he?” I demanded, my voice a little louder than necessary.

“Don’t do something you’re going to regret.” Carol put a hand on my arm.

“Is everything all right?” asked a burly guy wearing a shirt with the logo of the bar on it.

“Boyfriend issues,” explained Carol quickly.

“You don’t want to cause any trouble,” said the man.

“I’m not!” I shouted.

“Why don’t you get out of here before someone calls the cops?” the bar guy suggested.

“This isn’t—” I was cut off as Carol jerked on my arm and Rainbow pushed on my back. I had to start walking to keep from losing my balance, and they kept me moving all the way out the door.

“This is bullshit!” I shouted. “What are you doing? I have to get back in there!”

“Take a few breaths,” suggested Carol. “You don’t want to be a mean drunk.”

I started to protest again, but she interrupted me. “We’ll take you home. Let’s go.”

I shook myself out of her grip. “Leave me alone. Fine, I’ll go. I don’t need any help from you.”

I turned on my heel and walked away. I was having trouble going in a straight line, and that infuriated me. On the plus side, my decision not to wear heels was looking pretty smart.

Pulling out my cell, I tried to call Nathan. It went straight to voicemail. I thought that Carol and Rainbow might be back at the bar trying to frame him for something and he couldn’t answer his phone.

I stabbed my hand into my purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I dropped the lighter twice before I managed to get one lit up.

Making my way back up the hill towards the dorm, I passed a couple of groups of happy people either going to or coming from some bar. They all looked glad to be with their friends. Some friends that I turned out to have.

I made it back to my room and fell into bed without taking my clothes off. I was in no mood. A few minutes passed, and my phone beeped with an incoming text message. I glanced at it. It was from Carol. I hope you’re all right. Are you back to the dorm? Did you see Rainbow?

I sent her a rather rude reply and shut the phone off.

10: Roadtrip
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The Roommate

10: Roadtrip

Chapter 10: Roadtrip

“How do you get comfortable with these stupid seatbelts?” demanded Rainbow.

“I can sort of understand what you’re going through.” I gestured to where the strap crossed my chest. “Most car designers are sexist.”

“Speciesist,” the pony corrected. She managed find a position in the passenger seat that she could deal with.

“So are we finally ready to leave the parking lot?” I asked.

Rainbow gestured at the windshield. “Go ahead.”

I put the transmission in gear. It ground a little because the car was almost as old as me, but caused no further trouble. I got the car on the interstate headed south.

There isn’t a whole lot of scenery on I-65. It’s…um, cornfields. Occasionally with some soybeans for variety. Wooo.

Thanks to Fall Break, we had another Monday off school. The weather was turning chilly as the season progressed into autumn. The other cars on the road all had their windows rolled up.

“How long is this going to take?” asked Rainbow. “How fast are we going?”

“Maybe an hour.” I glanced at the dashboard. “We’re doing seventy. That’s the speed limit.” Rainbow made a noise that suggested she didn’t care for such laws. Too bad, I was driving.

To pass the time, I asked about Twilight. Previously, my roommate had used words like “nerd,” “egghead,” and “really powerful magic,” to describe her friend. That’s about what Rainbow said this time.

We were soon circling the bypass around Indianapolis. The first stop was the Navy office. Rainbow had previously talked to the recruiter on the phone, but both of them wanted a face to face meeting. The building where the office was located was not really easy to get to from the interstate.

I handed Rainbow my phone and asked her to give me directions. She balanced the device in her hooves, studying the map on the tiny screen.

“I feel like a rally navigator,” she said.

I glanced at her. “A what?”

“In cross country auto racing, the driver takes directions from a navigator,” she explained. “I heard about it watching online clips from a show called Top Gear.”

Rainbow had really taken to the internet. I figured it was a good thing we didn’t have a TV in the dorm room, or she might become more pop culture savvy than I was.

She managed to navigate us to the recruiting office. I went inside with her and sat down in the waiting area. It was difficult to find something to read that wasn’t related to the military. The civilian secretary gave me a smile. I wasn’t sure if she felt sorry for me for having to put up with a pony, or if it was a look of encouragement for going out of my way to do so.

We were on a schedule to meet Twilight, and had only budgeted half an hour for Rainbow to talk to the recruiter. The two of them used every minute of it. The pegasus emerged from his office looking like she’d received some minor bad news, but wore a determined look.

I got up. “How did it go?”

“There’s nothing that says a pony can’t join the Navy,” she replied. “There’s nothing that says it’s possible, either.”

“What stops you from just submitting an application and hoping for the best?” I asked.

Rainbow shot me a look. “This is my entire future we’re talking about here. I was hoping for something a little more certain than that.”

We walked back outside. Rainbow sighed. “As long as it’s not impossible, I’m going to keep working as hard as I can.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to help,” I promised.

“Thanks. It means a lot,” said Rainbow. She cleared her throat and looked away. “So how do we get to where we’re meeting Twilight?”

I pulled out my phone as we got in the car. “She said she’d be at the White River State Park. I think that’s downtown.”

Rainbow looked at the map again. “It looks like a little spot of green in the middle of the city. I don’t know how you humans are able to force nature to grow where it’s completely unsuited.”

I laughed. “As a species, we’re big fans of terraforming. My grandfather once told me a story about a place in the Philippines called Cubi Point where they cut an entire mountain in half to build an airport.”

Traffic cooperated, and we arrived at the park on time. I glanced around. “What does Twilight look like? How will I know when I see her?”

Rainbow stared at me. “She’s a purple unicorn. Pretty distinctive.”

I laughed. “Just look for the pony. Got it.”

We found Twilight under a tree next to the canal. There were a few tourist pamphlets spread on the grass in front of her. She looked up as we approached. “Hey you two!”

The purple pony grabbed her friend in a hug. Rainbow, not usually one to let her emotions show, had an honest smile on her face.

The two of them disengaged and Twilight looked at me. “You must be Denise. It’s good to finally meet you.”

“You too.” I offered my fist and she bumped it.

“I was thinking we might talk over lunch,” said Twilight, picking up her things from the grass and packing them away in her saddlebags. I had seen unicorn magic on TV, but it was interesting to watch up close.

“Sounds good,” said Rainbow.

“I am kind of hungry,” I admitted.

“I’ve been experimenting with different types of human food,” said Twilight, consulting a small notebook. “How does Chinese sound? Is that a good choice?”

I nodded. “Most places have a couple of vegetarian dishes.”

“Is it anything like Chinese Night at the dining court?” asked Rainbow.

“Hopefully it’s better than that,” I laughed, starting to search for a nearby restaurant with my phone. Twilight watched with fascination as my fingers moved across the screen. It was somewhat strange to be examined like that, but Rainbow had told me she was some kind of professional student and I should expect to be under the microscope.

“There’s a place a couple blocks away,” I said. The three of us walked in that direction. The restaurant turned out to be a buffet. It wasn’t very impressive-looking, with greasy trays full of colorless food baked into crusty lumps after being under heat lamps for hours. An average Chinese restaurant, in other words.

The grade from the health inspector was an A minus, however, so I figured eating there probably wouldn’t kill us. Rainbow was familiar with the concept of a buffet, and Twilight followed her lead.

The two of them came back to the table with plates piled with noodles and vegetables. I asked how Twilight’s sightseeing was going.

“It’s very interesting,” she replied. “I’ve seen the state capitol, a couple of museums, and the Scottish Rite Cathedral. That’s the fancy Masonic Temple downtown.”

I had no idea what she was talking about, but I had a sudden mental image of myself and two ponies going on a globe-trotting adventure to uncover an ancient conspiracy. Maybe I had read too many Dan Brown books.

Twilight described a little more of her day so far. It troubled me slightly that she seemed to know more about Indianapolis than I did.

Rainbow broke into Twilight’s monologue a few times with questions or comments. I was content to just sit back and listen. This meeting wasn’t about me. It was kind of interesting observing Rainbow when she was around an old friend. She talked and laughed more. I suspected that perhaps this was her real personality showing itself.

After we had finished eating and paid the bill, the three of us walked outside. Twilight pulled out two small boxes and said, “Before I have go, I have something special for you.”

The first box contained something that resembled alfalfa cubes, which were used on Earth as a treat for horses. These somehow appeared fancier than the cubes that could be found at the local feed store.

“Hey, are these from that farm north of Ponyville?” asked Rainbow excitedly.

Twilight smiled. “They sure are. I told Mr. Haybale that I was getting them for you, and he gave me some from the freshest crop.”

Rainbow took one of the cubes and munched happily on it. Twilight went to offer the box to me, but stopped. “Oh, I guess you don’t eat these.”

“It’s all right. I don’ t think it’ll hurt me.” I peeled off a flake from one of the cubes and put it in my mouth. It tasted like generic plant material, not too objectionable. I wouldn’t have been surprised to find it on a salad.

“I do have something else that you would probably like,” said Twilight, opening the other box. Inside were three cupcakes with pink icing. Despite eating too much at the buffet, my mouth was suddenly watering.

“Pinkie Pie cupcakes,” said Twilight. Rainbow took one of them and stuffed it in her mouth. She practically swooned at the taste. And I thought she was excited about the alfalfa.

I picked up one of the cupcakes and bit into it. I’m not exactly a connoisseur of such things, but it was literally the best pastry I’d ever tasted. "These are amazing."

“Oh wow,” said Rainbow. “You have no idea how long I’ve been craving one of those.”

Twilight laughed as she finished her own cupcake. “I thought you might like a little taste of home.”

Rainbow’s face fell slightly, but Twilight was busy looking for a trash can for the empty boxes and didn’t notice.

“Oh, speaking of home,” Twilight went on, “Did you hear that they made a motion picture about Daring Do?”

“Really?” asked Rainbow. “That’s cool.”

Twilight consulted a piece of paper with a schedule printed on it. "I have to get going now. It was really good to see you, Rainbow.”

The two of them hugged again. I thought for a moment that Rainbow wouldn't let go. Twilight managed to disengage herself from the pegasus' grip.

“It was nice to meet you,” I said.

“You too, Denise,” responded Twilight. “Bye!”

Rainbow and I headed back to the car. She walked along with her head down, not smiling.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

She sighed. “Seeing Twilight reminded me of home. I kind of miss it.”

“You’re only in your first semester of college,” I said. “That’s normal.”

“I don’t know. I still feel disloyal for leaving.” Rainbow sighed.

I wasn’t sure what I could say to change her mood, but inspiration struck. “Do you want to go see that Daring Do movie?”

Rainbow perked up. “Really? Sure, let’s do that.”

We found a movie theater that was open during the early afternoon. It was one of the big multiplex theatres and had lots of comfortable seats. I didn’t know what Equestrian movie theaters were like, but Rainbow seemed impressed with this one. I declined snacks because we had just eaten lunch, plus the dessert Twilight had brought.

The poster on display for the movie made me think it was an animated film for kids. In fact, that’s what it turned out to be. As the lights darkened and the screen lit up, I saw Rainbow’s eyes narrow skeptically.

I had never heard about the Daring Do series of novels before. Rainbow had, and I think she enjoyed the movie, but still grumbled about it.

“I liked it,” I said. “It was cute.”

She shot me a look. “Daring Do isn’t supposed to be cute. She’s a serious action hero.”

I shrugged. “They say the book is always different than the movie.”

Turning my cell phone back on revealed a new text message. It was from Nathan and simply said call me. I dialed his number as I opened the car door.

“What’s up?” I asked when he answered.

“We need to talk,” Nathan said.

I paused while putting on my seatbelt. “About what?”

“Us,” he said. “I don’t think we should be together anymore.”

“Why?” I demanded. I had suspected this moment was coming, but didn’t expect it to be so soon. I didn't expect to be getting dumped. Even if it was inevitable, I was kind of angry.

“I don’t want hurt you,” he explained.

“Is there someone else?” I asked.

Nathan coughed. “Well, actually...”

“More than one?” I shouted. “How long has it been going on?”

“That’s not what I said! It’s nothing like that.” Nathan sighed. “Goodbye, Denise.”

I took the phone from my ear and let my forehead drop to the steering wheel. I’m not going to cry. He isn’t worth it.

I heard Rainbow shift uncomfortably. She touched my shoulder. “Are you all right?”

“No,” I whispered.

“Well, could you at least pull yourself together long enough to get us back?” asked the pony. “I can’t drive.”

I glared at her. She looked away.

Straightening up, I started the car and put it into gear. Traffic on the interstate had better not cause problems. I was in no mood to deal with it.

Rainbow sat next to me at the student health center. She looked a little awkward reclining in the uncomfortable chair, but I didn’t comment. My hands were folded in front of me and my shoulders ached from staying hunched for so long.

I shot to my feet as a nurse appeared. She looked up from a clipboard in surprise. “Whoa, relax. You’re good. We didn’t find anything.”

I let out a breath that I had been holding for what felt like hours. “Thank you.”

The woman nodded knowingly. “Be more careful in the future.”

“Absolutely,” I promised.

Rainbow left the building with me and we headed back to the dorm. We walked a couple of blocks before she broke the silence. “That was good news.”

I sighed. “Yeah.”

“So you’re not going to kill Nathan?” It was a poor attempt at a joke, but I appreciated her trying.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I murmured. “I have to go over to his place at some point to get my stuff.”

“I’ll go with you,” Rainbow volunteered.

I smiled for the first time in several hours. “Thanks.”

11: Canadians Don't Understand NASCAR
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The Roommate

11: Canadians Don't Understand NASCAR

Chapter 11: Canadians Don't Understand NASCAR

I knocked on Nathan’s door. I had stalled as long as I could, but Rainbow eventually prodded me to visit him. She stood beside me patiently as we waited.

There wasn’t much of my stuff at Nathan’s place, just a few unimportant clothes. I still had to agree with Rainbow when she said it would make me feel better to go get them. That made sense. I could use some closure.

The door opened. I hadn’t told Nathan I was coming, and he looked surprised.

“Hello,” I said. There was no need to make this unpleasant. We may have parted company, but I still had my manners.

“Um, hi,” said Nathan. He reached down and retrieved a plastic bag from beside the door. My clothes were packed inside. I stood for a moment holding the bag and trying to decide what to do. I should have just said goodbye, but that seemed kind of impersonal.

Nathan stared at me. “Well?”

“I’m just going to go,” I said.

“Did this relationship really mean so little to you?” he asked.

“You instigated the breakup!” I reminded him.

“Come on, Denise.” Rainbow began to push me away. It seemed strange that she was the cooler head for once, but I decided that maybe she was right.

Nathan seemed surprised that I was going along with the pony’s idea. “You’re going to listen to her? I thought you said she was a bitch.”

I shrugged. “At least she’s loyal.”

Nathan’s eyes narrowed and he took a step forward. “What do you mean by that?”

“Hey, stop this,” said Rainbow.

Nathan glared at her. “Shut up, featherbrain.”

Forget manners. I sucker-punched him. Had Nathan been looking at me instead of Rainbow, I probably would have hit him anyway.

He stumbled back in shock. I hadn’t thrown very many punches in my life, and probably didn’t hurt him too badly. Rainbow finally succeeded in dragging me away. Nathan didn’t try to stop us.

I expected the ache in my hand to go away quickly but it didn’t. As we left the apartment building, I discovered why.

“I’m no expert on fingers,” said Rainbow. “But that looks bad.”

I went back to the health center for the second time in not very long. I got the same nurse.

“You again?” she said. “Are you being careful like I told you?”

I showed her my hand. “It won’t be a problem anymore.”

Nothing was broken, but I would have to wear a brace for a few weeks. Rainbow walked me back to the dorm.

“I can’t believe I threw a punch and hurt me,” I grumbled.

“You didn’t have to do that,” said Rainbow.

I nodded. “In retrospect, I kind of wish I hadn’t.”

Rainbow shook her head. “No, I mean it felt like you were defending my honor or something. And that was a really lame insult to retaliate over, too. I mean, ‘featherbrain’? I got called worse things by the Cloudsdale school flight instructor.”

“Well, at least I’ll probably never see Nathan again.” I actually felt good about that.

Rainbow looked at me. “Now what’s this about you calling me a bitch?”

“Uh, well, you kind of are,” I said nervously.

She snickered. “Takes one to know one.”

Well, it looked like our relationship had progressed to the point where we could trade casual insults and laugh about it. Only a couple of months ago, we probably would have been at each other’s throats over something like that.

As we returned to the dorm room, my thoughts turned to what I would wear on Halloween. It took surprisingly little thinking. A hand that was out of commission? Pirate.

I had explained to Rainbow the local traditions of Halloween, and it seemed pretty similar to something she called Nightmare Night. She didn’t have a costume planned yet.

“I’ve got a lot of ideas,” she said. “Most of them are things people won’t understand, and I’d have to be explaining what the costume is all night.”

I nodded thoughtfully. “I have an idea.”

I took a piece of paper from my desk and wrote the number 24 on it. Rainbow gave me a doubtful look, but let me tape it to her side.

“You’re Jeff Gordon,” I said. “The rednecks will love it.”

“NASCAR isn’t really my sport. Besides, I don’t know if anyone will get the joke.” She sounded skeptical.

“You understood it,” I pointed out. “Wait, did you just say anyone?”

“Well, I wasn’t talking about ponies,” she said.

I nodded. “I guess that makes sense. So what does…everypony do for Nightmare Night?”

“Parties, treat giving, pranks, friendly scares.” She shrugged. “Except maybe for alcohol, it’s about like Halloween.”

“Well, you have two days to get ready.” I turned away, intending to get back to my homework. Like a moron, I’d hit Nathan with my writing hand. Rainbow’s writing with her mouth was not exactly tidy, but it was better than what I was scrawling with my weak hand.

My cell phone rang. I picked it up, recognizing the number. “Hello?”

“I’m making plans for Thanksgiving,” said my mother.

“Mom, that’s a month away.”

“Well, it never hurts to plan in advance,” she said. “What’s your roommate doing? Can she come?”

I turned my head. “Rainbow, what are you doing on Thanksgiving Break?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s a month away.”

“My mom’s inviting you to Thanksgiving dinner,” I told her.

She looked hesitant, but said, “I guess I can do that.”

“She’s coming,” I said to the phone.

“Great!” said mom. “This gives me time to try out the recipes I got online. They’re supposed to be pony-friendly.”

Poor dad, I thought.

We talked a little more. I’d called her shortly after hurting my hand, and she followed up, asking if I was doing okay. We discussed school a little. She didn’t ask if I’d found a new boyfriend yet, bless her.

After she hung up, I picked up my pencil again. If writing was going to be this difficult, lighting cigarette would be a real pain.

Carol had to work Halloween night. The dorm had decided not to hold a Halloween get-together this year. None of my other friends were available for various reasons.

“All dressed up and no place party,” I muttered.

“Do you want to go to the Chocolate Shop?” asked Rainbow.

I sighed. “Okay.”

We encountered the marching band parading down the street in costume. They were playing “Louie Louie” and looked like they were having a good time. Meanwhile, I was on my way to get drunk with a pony.

It was still early when we got to the bar and it wasn’t very crowded. Nearly all of the customers were dressed up, however. Rainbow and I both got drinks, something we could sit over for a while.

A guy wearing plastic Spartan armor wandered over to our table. He looked at Rainbow. “So what are you supposed to be?”

“Jeff Gordon.” She hadn’t managed to come up with anything more creative.

“Who?” he asked.

I snorted and threw a little bit of accent into my voice. “Ya don’t know who Jeff Gordon is? Ya must not be a real ‘Merican.”

“That’s right,” he said dryly. “I’m ‘Nadian.”

“Let’s hear it for us foreign students,” Rainbow laughed. She held up a hoof. After a moment of slight confusion, the guy gave her a high five.

I was looking at the bottom of my glass, so I got up. As it happened, I ended up back at the bar with the Spartan.

“Sorry about that joke,” I said. “I wish I could claim it was the drinks, but I’ve only had one.”

“It’s all right.” He smiled. “Can I buy you another?”

“Sorry again,” I explained. “I just went through a breakup. I’m not ready.”

He laughed. “Well, don’t get drunk and play mean tricks on him.”

I slapped my glass down. “You’re absolutely right. I’m going to do it sober.”

“I didn’t say that!” he stammered. I walked back to the table where Rainbow was sitting.

“Come on,” I told her. “Let’s go play pranks on Nathan.”

She put her glass down, smiling. “You came to the right mare.”

Bonus: Part Time Job
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The Roommate

Bonus: Part Time Job

I glanced out the window, staring glumly at the grey November skies. At least it hadn’t snowed yet. My lab partner poked my arm. “Denise, we need to work.”

“Right.” I turned back to the project in front of us. We’d done the lab—now came the paperwork. Luckily, I had an Asian for that.

Meeko was perhaps the best typist I had ever seen. I had never asked if she knew her name was the same as an animated raccoon. Maybe if it ever came up in conversation… I shook my head. Too many distractions. Earlier, I had been wondering how the variances in skin color and features among people appeared to ponies. Probably not too varied, considering the bright variety of hues ponies were colored.

“Are you hungry?” Meeko asked. “Maybe that’s why you can’t focus.”

It was true that we’d both been there far longer than the class actually lasted. Such is the nature of lab reports. I nodded. “Yeah, I suppose I could eat.”

“Let’s order something,” she said, pulling out her phone. “I don’t think either of us can spare the time to leave.”

That was true, not with the report due tomorrow. I was glad someone with a strong work ethic was my lab partner. Then again, if it was even stronger maybe we wouldn’t be in a desperate, final-night situation.

“How does Jimmy John’s sound?” asked Meeko.

I remembered that I had some cash. “That’s fine. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

She made the call and I tried to keep my mind on the report. Only a few minutes later, the door burst open to reveal a uniformed mare. “Jimmy John’s – world’s fastest sandwich delivery!”

“That was fast!” exclaimed Meeko. She knew Rainbow was my roommate, so there was no surprise in seeing a multicolored pegasus bringing us dinner.

I commented, “That’s nothing; you should see her fly.”

Rainbow was breathing hard from sprinting, but she smiled at the complement. Opening her saddlebags, she gave us our sandwiches and drinks. “Here’s what you ordered.”

She made change from a small coin purse worn on her fetlock. We thanked her again, and she shot back out the door.

Meeko and I managed to get the report done within the next hour and I headed back to the dorm. Rainbow’s delivery to us must have been one of the last of her shift, because she was there when I got back.

“The sandwich was good, thanks.” I knew Rainbow had nothing to do with making them, but I had appreciated the meal.

I sat down. “I had a question. In fact, I’m a little surprised it hasn’t come up before. Do ponies have a hard time telling people apart?”

Rainbow looked up. “What, do you think that you all look the same to me?”

I shrugged. Rainbow thought for a moment. “No, actually. I think the differences in people makes it pretty easy to tell them apart. The main difference in ponies is color. In fact, the facial structure in most ponies is similar. There are some differences in eyebrows or how they use their expressions, but a colorblind pony has a real problem telling to faces apart.”

“Interesting.” I thought for a moment. “So can you easily distinguish between people based on faces?”

“Actually, smell is more useful,” Rainbow replied. “With my job, I see a lot of people every day.”

I had read somewhere that pony senses, especially smell and hearing, were somewhat sharper than human. “So should I start taking more showers?”

Rainbow laughed. “Trust me, as far as olfactory offenders go, you aren't on the list.”

Surprised, I asked, “When did you start learning words like that?”

“It's amazing what you can pick up in the delivery business.”

Source

12: Terrible Tofu Turkey
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The Roommate

12: Terrible Tofu Turkey

Chapter 12: Terrible Tofu Turkey

“Why do you have to live so far out in the middle of nowhere?” Rainbow asked from the passenger seat.

“Someone has to,” I said. “Besides, don’t you live in the clouds?”

“A cloud city,” she corrected.

“My hometown has a stoplight. That has to count for something.” I shrugged. “You won’t have to see much of the town anyway. There are about ten people coming to dinner.”

Rainbow still seemed skeptical about meeting my family, but said nothing as we drove on. My mom called and asked me to stop and get a can of cream of mushroom soup for making gravy. As it happened, we were passing through a city that had a large grocery store.

I pulled into the parking lot. It was crammed with other last-minute Thanksgiving shoppers. Inside the building, I spotted a sign next to the door that announced: The butcher is in! I carefully steered Rainbow away from the fresh meat department. I figured she could handle the sight of dead animals on display. Watching them being hacked up with knives, maybe not so much.

We ended up in the processed meat section, which was almost as bad. It was the same aisle as the soup. Rainbow examined a blue and yellow can on the shelf. “What’s Spam? I thought that was a computer thing.”

“Um…” I thought it over for a moment. “I’m not really sure what it is. My best guess is pig paste.”

Her eyes went wide. “Who eats that?”

I shrugged. “Not me. Anyway, I’ve got the soup. Let’s go.”

Rainbow looked around as we approached the checkout. We had to stand in line, but at least it was shorter at the ten-items-or-less counter. She remarked, “The store has all the food you could want in one place, which I like, but the checkout doesn’t seem very efficient.”

“Well, it’s peak time,” I pointed out. “Besides, efficiency kind of goes out the window when you get large crowds involved doesn’t it?”

She agreed with that, and we moved forward in line. A few minutes later, I had paid and we were back in the car and continuing on.

The house where my parents live sits in town right next to the only stoplight. Several cars were parked haphazardly on our lawn, but the same thing could be seen at other houses on the block. Luckily there wasn’t enough traffic on the street to cause a jam.

A spot in the driveway had thoughtfully been left open, and I pulled in. Rainbow and I got out of the car and went up to the front door. Things started going bad immediately after going inside.

Bowser, our dog, heard the door open and came running. Being a Great Dane, he was just about as big as Rainbow. The pony had been distracted by her first experience with a human house, and the first indication that she got of a giant dog bearing down on her was an earsplitting bark.

Her instinctive reaction to being startled was to fly as high as possible, which due to the ceiling was about eight feet. Her head crashed against it. I grabbed Bowser so he wouldn’t try to jump at her, thinking it was some kind of game.

When the rest of the family got there, we had a dazed pegasus moaning in pain, a giant dog trying desperately to drag me across the kitchen to lick her, and an unusual looking bump in the plaster on the ceiling. I may have been the only one who noticed the damage, and kept it to myself.

It was not the greatest way to make Rainbow’s first impression on my folks. I briefly explained what happened. Meanwhile, everyone crowded into the room. Grandmother, parents, two uncles, an aunt, three cousins.

“I’m fine, okay?” said Rainbow.

Bowser was taken away and shut in the garage by my dad. I gave him a grateful smile. Mom was trying to figure out if Rainbow was as unhurt as she claimed. Three year old Cousin Damon began to cry.

Thanksgiving dinn—uh, disaster—was in full swing and we hadn’t even started eating yet.

Once dad got back from the garage, Rainbow had refused an ice pack, and my Aunt Charlotte had taken her crying son out of the room, I finally got to introduce the pony. “Everyone, this is Rainbow Dash. If you haven’t heard, she’s my roommate at college.”

“What do you study?” asked my Uncle Herbert.

“Aeronautical Engineering,” the pegasus replied.

“What’s that?” asked my preteen cousin Emmy.

“Airplanes,” answered Uncle Herb, her father.

My mom popped her head out of the kitchen. “Denise, I’m just about to start setting the table. Could you help me, please?”

I headed in that direction, leaving Rainbow alone with my family. I prayed that I wasn’t making a mistake.

It didn’t take very long to set the plates and silverware out, even spread over a couple of tables because of all the guests. The food took a little longer. Stuffing and salad and rolls and vegetables and casserole and dessert. The crowning piece was a huge lump of tofu that had been molded into the shape of a turkey. I had heard of such things before, but never seen one. We always had real turkey in the past.

“I checked to make sure everything was kosher for ponies,” said mom. “I think things are ready now. Go ask everyone to come in.”

I herded all the guests into the dining room. Grandma announced, “I’ll say grace.”

Us people dutifully bowed our heads while the prayer was given. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rainbow looking really awkward. It would have been worse if Grandma had asked us all to hold hands.

Luckily, we were quickly cleared to begin eating. I pulled out a chair for myself and helped Rainbow with hers. She sat down and her gaze fell on the “turkey”. Her eyes narrowed. “What in the world is that?”

“Tofu,” I told her.

“Oh, okay. Soy.” Rainbow nodded. She used the claws on her dexterity enhancers to drag a napkin over on top of her silverware. The pegasus didn’t have much use for utensils.

My cousin Jack passed me the bowl of mashed potatoes. He was wearing a sweatshirt with the name of his college on it. That was all right, so was I. After taking a scoop of potatoes, I passed the bowl on. Rainbow pondered the problem of the serving spoon for a moment before unsteadily grabbing it between her hooves, managing to plop a helping onto her plate.

My dad appeared with a carving knife and a fork. “Who wants ‘turkey’?”

Across the table, my Uncle Johnny made a rather unpleasant face. “Why didn’t you get a real bird?”

“Certain guests have an aversion to that.” My dad sliced off a piece of tofu.

Uncle Johnny waved his hand. “She doesn’t have to eat it.”

“You can talk to me, you know,” muttered Rainbow, more calmly than I expected. “I’m sitting right here.”

“Emmy is going through a vegetarian phase right now,” said Aunt Charlotte, breaking in.

“Vegetarian phase?” asked Uncle Johnny, forgetting the pony for a moment. “You either are or you aren’t.”

Rainbow and I were both served a piece of tofu. The rest of the turkey-shape began to ooze into a shapeless blob. Dad grimaced. “Sorry, I’ve never tried to cook this stuff before.”

“It’s fine,” I assured him. It was a good thing I hadn’t actually tried it before I told him that. It was only after he moved down the table that I took a bite, and I don’t think I could have kept a straight face through that taste.

“How does this compare to real turkey?” asked Rainbow. She seemed to like the tofu. My Grandma was giving her a disapproving look for eating off the plate rather than using utensils.

“It’s not like turkey at all,” I said. “And whoever invented this should be ashamed of themselves for trying to deceive me.”

Rainbow chuckled and grabbed a roll as the basket came around. Uncle Herb looked across the table at her and asked, “What are you going to do with your degree, Rainbow?”

“I want to be a fighter pilot,” she said.

Uncle Johnny was taking a sip of water and coughed. “How are you supposed to do that?”

“I’m getting US citizenship and then I’m joining the Navy,” the pony told him.

“Joining the military is a tall order,” Uncle Johnny told her. “You can’t just get in and expect to be a pilot. There’s more service and commitment than just flying.”

“I’m committed,” said Rainbow. “I know what I’m getting into, and I’m ready to serve. Have you ever done anything like that?”

“Twenty years in the army,” I blurted out, interrupting my uncle’s response. It looked like he was about to say the same thing, but much louder.

Instead, Uncle Johnny said, “At least our country is worth fighting for. Equestria’s leadership—”

“Oh my God!” I shouted as I knocked over my glass of water. I jumped up and grabbed a handful of napkins to mop up the spill. The dialogue broken off, the man and the pony both went back to their food. Neither looked pleased, but we had avoided a shouting match at Thanksgiving Dinner.

I sighed and poked at the piece of tofu on my plate with a fork. What if I wasn’t able to keep a lid on things? If things got ugly for real, who would I side with? My family, or my friend?

“So what’s the most unusual thing that strikes you about Earth?” my aunt asked Rainbow.

“Everything’s so different, yet so similar,” the pegasus replied. “People are physically different than ponies, but the mix of personalities is about the same. College seems huge, but classwork and books are familiar. Large grocery stores don’t really exist in Equestria, but a lot of the same things are available to eat. Well, not Spam, of course.”

My dad thought for a moment. “I think we might have some of that in the cupboard.”

Uncle Johnny got up from his seat. “I love Spam. Go get it.”

“The football game is about to start,” interjected Uncle Herb. My other uncle wavered for a bit, but with prodding from my dad, the three men went to watch TV instead.

I breathed a sigh of relief again. My mom came in with a tray. “Who wants pie?”

A while later, I was out on the front porch with Rainbow. The eating was pretty much done. The men were watching football, and the women were socializing. I was having a cigarette and Rainbow was doing her best to stay upwind.

We watched the stoplight change. The small town traffic was different than at college; fewer foreign cars and more diesel pickup trucks.

It was chilly, but my sweatshirt kept me warm. Rainbow had told me that pegasi had good temperature resistance because they often flew at altitudes where it got cold. It was good that we were both equipped to stay on the porch for a while longer. Neither of us wanted to go back inside.

Shortly after dinner, Cousin Damon had asked for a pony ride. His mother and I agreed that it was probably not a good idea. Rainbow, however, had quickly consented when it looked like the kid was about to throw a tantrum. We got him set on the pony’s shoulders ahead of her wings. Rainbow stood still and let him have his fun. Then Damon started digging his heels into her sides and Aunt Charlotte swooped in to pull him off. That caused a tantrum anyway.

“I don’t think I’ll be bruised,” said Rainbow.

“Good to hear.” I blew out some smoke. The wind shifted and carried it in Rainbow’s direction.

She pushed it back in my face with one of her wings. “You should really quit.”

I looked at the last two inches of the cigarette and reluctantly flicked it on the sidewalk. “I’ve tried.”

“You need more motivation,” Rainbow told me. “I’m going to stick by you and make sure you work on it.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I said.

She shrugged. “Well, you didn’t have to rescue me from your crazy family.”

“I kind of did. I mean, it was in my best interests to keep you all from coming to blows.” I smiled. “It could have ruined my dinner.”

“Oh, underlying purposes?” Rainbow laughed. “Don’t think I’m making you quit out of the goodness of my heart. I think it smells terrible.”

Laughing, I said, “Good to know you’ve got my back.”

“Sure,” she nodded. “Speaking of that, did you ever hook up with that nice Canadian boy?”

“Ah, no. It’s still a little too soon,” I said.

Rainbow shrugged. “At least tell me if Nathan ever got things cleaned up from what we did on Halloween?”

“I don’t know. We aren’t Facebook friends anymore.” I thought for a moment. “I did see some pictures in one of his public albums, though. He probably suspects us, but didn’t have any proof.”

“Well, it’s Thanksgiving. I guess I give thanks for that,” said Rainbow.

I smiled. “It’s the little things that count.”

Author note: Spam is freaking delicious. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

13: Break
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The Roommate

13: Break

Chapter 13: Break

I studied feverishly, doing my best to prepare for finals. I had to take a few of them before I could go home.

Finals week was exactly what it sounded like—no class, just exams. My classes had worked out to give me a spread of tests throughout the week. Rainbow had been luckier. She only had one exam to take. The pony sat at her own desk, reviewing textbooks before she had to go to the exam building.

“I don’t know why Break has to be almost a month long,” she said. “I know there are a lot of holidays in there and it’s the dividing line between semesters, but it seems kind of wasteful.”

I shrugged. “Christmas Break is tradition.”

“I thought it was Winter Break,” said Rainbow.

“Well, that’s the nice non-offensive name.” I laughed. “What can I say? I’m a traditionalist.”

“I’ve never understood the concept of human religion.” Rainbow shook her head. “None of you can agree on anything.”

“I don’t think either you or I has time at the moment for me to explain it to you,” I said.

She looked at me suspiciously. “You wouldn’t try to convert me like some of those crazy evangelists that sometimes come to campus?”

I laughed. “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“I’ll never get the idea of faith,” said Rainbow.

Confused, I asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve met the Princesses,” explained Rainbow. “There isn’t much need for faith if you know your deities exist.”

“That’s…interesting,” I said.

Rainbow shrugged. “Religion in Equestria is nothing formal. Pretty much we let Celestia and Luna handle things, and then hold ceremonies in their honor. If they happen to show up to the party, so much the better.”

“It’s completely different than any other religion I’ve ever heard of,” I admitted. “I kind of wonder if people would convert to, uh…Equestrianism because of that faith thing you mentioned. I suppose with my religion it can be difficult to go through the motions and just take things for granted.”

“Well, it’s not too difficult to join us,” chuckled Rainbow.

I startled to laugh in response, but a sudden thought struck me. “Do you have religious terrorists in Equestria?”

The pony thought for a moment. “Not that I’ve ever heard of. But what if some of these whackos from Earth move in? Would they try to kill the Princesses?”

We were both silent for a moment. “This is depressing,” I said. “Let’s say religion is off-limits for discussion from now on.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow agreed. We both went back to studying for a while. When it came time, she left to take her exam.

After she was gone, I pulled out the project I had been working on for a while. It had taken me a lot of thinking to decide what to get Rainbow for Christmas. I eventually settled on a scarf. I wouldn’t have to worry about it fitting correctly, it was useful, and I made it myself.

The crochet was finished. I debated wrapping it, but figured there was no need if I was just going to give it to Rainbow directly. I glanced at the picture of the Blue Angels fighter jet taped to the wall over her desk. The scarf was striped navy blue and yellow to match.

I turned back to my schoolwork to pass the time while I waited for her to return.

It was much later when Rainbow came back. She’d been gone several hours longer than her exam should have taken.

“Here,” said the pony, thrusting a small cardboard box into my hands. It was a package of nicotine gum.

“You didn’t have to do this,” I said, surprised.

She grinned at me. “You weren’t going to. Even if you get addicted to this instead of cigarettes, that’s still a step in the right direction. If you haven’t quit by the end of Winter Break, I’ll have to take more drastic measures.”

“Um, what are those?” I asked.

She leaned forward, smiling. “I’ll make you come to Ponyville for Spring Break and you’ll go cold turkey.”

Well, that was certainly an incentive. I wondered if she’d picked up the “cold turkey” phrase before or after Thanksgiving.

“You still didn’t have to spend money on me,” I told her. “I thought you were saving for flight lessons.”

“Yeah.” Rainbow nodded.

I paused with realization. “You didn’t.”

“The flight school will still be there in the spring.” The pony shrugged. “If it makes you feel better, I spent more money on myself than I did on you.” She showed me a brand new cell phone. The artificial claws on her hooves seemed to be able to manipulate the buttons well enough.

Rainbow said, “Twilight thinks she can get me a grant for communications expenses. That’ll put me back on track for flying lessons quicker.”

“Well, it was a very nice Christmas present,” I said. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for Christmas,” she told me. “I did it because you’re my friend.”

“As it happens, I got you something, too.” I grabbed the scarf and presented it to her.

Rainbow’s eyes lit up. “This is great. I like the colors. Thanks a lot.”

She looped it around her neck and began packing up some of her things. “Anyway Denise, I stopped by to give you that and to say goodbye. I have to get to the airport. The FAA agreed to let me fly out of here, but I have to depart at a certain time.”

“I’ll walk with you,” I said, grabbing my coat. The two of us went downstairs. There was a thin layer of snow on things, and the wind blew it around. I stuffed my hands in my coat pockets, making a mental note to get some gloves. If I slipped on the ice and my hands were in my pockets, there would be nothing to break the fall but my face.

We didn’t talk much while we walked. I was a little too chilly for words. Rainbow didn’t seemed to mind the cold too much, but I still felt better knowing she had the scarf and whatever minimal warmth it might give her.

After pausing in the control building to file a flight plan, Rainbow led me back outside. “It’s easier and faster for me to fly to the nearest doorway back to Equestria. I don’t know why they want to be so picky about letting me do it.”

I shrugged. “Government. Anyway, it’s been a good semester.”

I leaned forward to give her a fist bump. To my surprise, she pulled me in for a hug. I put my arms around her in return. She was softer and warmer than I expected, although I didn’t say anything for fear that she would interpret it as a comment on her cuteness.

As we separated, Rainbow said, “Thanks. For everything.”

“It was great having you as a roommate,” I said. “See you next semester.”

Rainbow nodded and took a step back, spreading her wings. After a few checks to make sure she was ready to go, the pegasus took the air. She waved, and turned in the direction her flight would take her. I watched until she was out of sight.

I turned to head back to the dorm, chewing a piece of the nicotine gum while I walked. It didn’t taste that great, but was actually better than cigarette smoke.

I smiled to myself. It had taken a lot of effort from both of us, but this relationship was working out. I’d found in Rainbow a roommate I could trust who genuinely cared about me.

College roommate assignments are random chance. Sometimes you get lucky with who they put you with. Sometimes not.

And sometimes, you get a friend.

Spring Break
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The Roommate

Spring Break

I quickly packed my bags on Friday afternoon. Rainbow wasn’t back from classes yet, but I had more stuff to gather than she did anyway. The weather in Ponyville was supposed to be pretty nice this time of year, so I was able to save some space by leaving my heavy coat.

A week off school was just what I needed. Just a refreshing little vacation. Rainbow and I had been planning for a while, and this year’s Spring Break would be something to remember.

My things were almost ready to go when Rainbow showed up. She tossed down her books and picked up the small bag that had been packed already. As her mouth was currently occupied with the bag, she simply stared at me expectantly.

“I’m just about ready,” I assured her.

With a final zip, my suitcase was closed and the two of us left the room. My car was waiting in the parking lot, and Rainbow got in the driver’s seat. I had consented to let her drive whenever we were going somewhere together. She needed the practice if she ever wanted to upgrade her driving permit to an actual license.

She was smiling and in a good mood. Not even the finicky seatbelts and not-pony-compatible seats damped her attitude. I knew how Rainbow felt. I was excited to visit Ponyville.

You couldn’t drive there of course, and I needed to make a stop at home anyway. Since we’d need to be driving so much to get to a dimensional doorway terminal anyway, the two of us had decided to spend the night at my house and continue the next morning.

As the engine started, the radio came on. Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Do you have to listen to this stuff?”

“Better than your tastes." I laughed.

She gasped in mock offense. “Pardon me, but whose favorite band won a Grammy last year? I don’t hear about any of your choices getting invited to play at the Manehattan Music Mingle.”

I could have thought about several counter comments, but decided it was better to watch Rainbow’s driving. She was getting better, but still scared me just a little. While she wasn’t a bad driver, I really didn’t enjoy riding in the same car as a natural-born daredevil.

With navigation from me, the two of us arrived at my parent’s house in time to have dinner with them. My whole family had grown much friendlier to Rainbow since their first meeting.

Dinner conversation involved no controversial subjects or inflammatory remarks. For that I was thankful. Having experienced it before, I can say that cross-dimensional political discussion is the worst.

That night, I offered Rainbow my bed, but she declined. “I can sleep anywhere.”

“Really?”

“Your floors can’t be that hard. Heck, I’ve slept on hardwood when it was still part of a tree.”

I shrugged. “If you say so. You’ll have to show me that trick sometime.”

“Sure. Applejack has lots of trees.”

I had heard that name before, when Rainbow talked about her friends. "Am I going to be meeting her?"

"Sure, I don't see why not. Twilight might take up a lot of your time, though."

After first being introduced to the unicorn, we had talked several times. She was doing a lot of research and sometimes had questions that only a native Earthling could answer, so I had sort of become her go-to human.

"What's Twilight working on now?" I asked.

"Something about an ancient conspiracy. You know, the usual. I just hope she doesn't go dragging you off to some far corner of the universe when I'm trying to hang out with you."

I smiled. "We'll see about that when we get there tomorrow."

It was just then that I realized I had forgotten the nicotine patches that I had become addicted to in place of smoking. Better for my lungs, but still kind of an expensive habit.

"Uh, Rainbow, do you remember how you threatened to make me go cold turkey on the smoking? I think you might get the chance after all."

She laughed. "Well, I don't think it will be easy to find those things in Ponyville, so yeah, you might be in for a rough time."

I could hardly wait.

Author's Note

Spring Break in Equestria, addiction jitters, and global conspiracies
YEEAAAAAHHHHHHH

Like pony roommates? There’s a group for you.

Spring Break: Saturday
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The Roommate

Spring Break: Saturday

Rainbow and I got up in the morning and my parents dropped us off at the doorway terminal. Mom and dad gave me some money and I hugged them both. “See you next week!”

After going through security with my luggage, I followed Rainbow to the doorway. I had been on daytrips to Equestria before, so the metal dimensional portal glowing with energy was nothing new. It was still a little unnerving to pass through it, but better than flying in an airplane.

The two of us emerged in the Ponyville doorway complex. The building had the same purposefulness of the Earth side, but with a completely different style. It was distinctly Equestrian. That was really just a fancy term I picked up in an architectural elective I had taken once, but it was true. Pony buildings just had a different feel than anything built on Earth.

Other doorways to other places were set up inside the building. They had little signs that indicated where they went. Fast travel from one place to another on Earth was almost as easy as going to Equestria. All I had to do in order to go to, say, Tokyo, was just turn around and walk through a different doorway.

Actually, my passport had only been cleared for Equestria, but assuming the paperwork was on file, I could quickly travel from one place on Earth to another via Equestria. I suppose it worked the same way for Equestria-Equestria travel via Earth.

After going through arrival security, we exited the building. The weather was perfect and I saw a few pegasi pushing clouds around to keep it that way. Rainbow glanced up at them, perhaps recognizing a few familiar faces. Not that she ever seemed depressed at college, but just by her expression I could tell she was happier than she’d been in ages. This was her home.

Five ponies were waiting for us and Rainbow dropped her bags to dive into a group hug with them. I recognized one, Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow introduced me to the rest.

Bending over politely to get at their eye level, I doled out the now-familiar fist to hoof bump. The yellow one, Fluttershy, seemed rather timid and was last in line for salutations. Pinkie Pie, a mare with a fitting name, zoomed away immediately after greeting me while giggling something about a party. The well groomed white unicorn named Rarity rolled her eyes and made off after her in a resigned manner. The cowboy-hatted Applejack said with a voice of country charm that it was real nice to meet me, but she had to get back to work.

“It’s good to see you again, Denise,” said Twilight. She indicated her full saddlebags. “I’m afraid that I’m headed the other direction. I have some business to take care of, and it’s unfortunate that it happened to be during this week.”

“Have a good time,” I told her. She smiled and trotted into the doorway building.

“Now that I’m back, I need to go file some paperwork,” Rainbow said. “The foreign student management office closes early on Saturday so I have to get going.”

She flew away, looking happy that there were no altitude restrictions here like those that could be found over an Earth city.

I glanced around, suddenly finding myself alone in the middle of the street. Ponyville was not a big city, and Rainbow had previously told me where there was an inn with rooms available. It was still disconcerting to be by myself in a strange place.

Actually, Fluttershy was still there. Not only was she quiet, but my vision had gone right over her head when I was looking around. I was only average height for a human female, but in comparison to ponies, I was apparently the tallest in town.

Fluttershy ducked her head a little behind her mane when I looked at her. With a light tone, I said, “I guess they all left us.”

She made a noise that may have been agreement. In contrast to Rainbow, Fluttershy was almost freakishly meek.

It felt awkward to just leave the conversation like that. I hunted for something to say. “So…what do you like to do, Fluttershy?”

I’d noticed her cutie mark was three butterflies, so I wasn’t surprised when she answered, “I take care of animals.” The actually-surprising thing was how she was suddenly smiling and enthusiastic.

Pleased to have hit on something Fluttershy liked to talk about, I replied, “That’s great. I’m studying to be a veterinarian.”

Fluttershy was happy to keep talking about that. I found myself walking with her. As long as we remained in sight of town I figured it would be all right. After crossing a small stream, Fluttershy led me to a moss-covered cottage that I assumed was hers.

The inside of the house was filled with animals. Various birds perched in the rafters, while squirrels and other small creatures skittered across the floor. Somehow, they all must have been cleaning up after themselves because there was none of the mess I would have expected from such cohabitation.

It was like a waiverless petting zoo and I was more than happy to stay for a while and help Fluttershy. The animals were all so friendly and well trained. Sitting on the couch, I soon had a couple of birds gathering on my shoulders and singing happily like a miniature choir.

Then a rabbit kicked me in the shin.

It didn’t hurt—it was a fluffy bunny after all—but his attitude was not friendly. Fluttershy scooped him up and rocked him gently as she hovered over the floor. “Oh, Angel, be nice!”

“He doesn’t like people?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Fluttershy responded thoughtfully. “I don’t think he’s ever met a person before.”

She put the bunny down and I swear he gave me a dirty look. I hadn’t realized rabbit faces were so expressive. I went back to feeding the birds and Fluttershy busied herself doing something across the room. I was more than a little surprised when Angel shot up the couch, grabbed onto my hair, and continued up the side of my face. Upon reaching the top of my head, he thumped his feet a few times as if claiming territory for all bunnykind. My hand grabbed for him before he realized that his time as king of the mountain was already over.

I made sure to get my fingers in the right place so as not to hurt him. Still, when I brought our faces together eye to eye, he was struggling mightily to escape.

“Where I come from, rabbits are a viable source of protein.” I kept my voice low, but made sure to show off my canines. Angel gulped.

I put him down on the floor. While I felt a little bad about being a bully and threatening a bunny, I was confident that Angel wouldn’t try anything else. Then I felt a heavy paw come down on my shoulder. It was covered in brown fur and had wicked-looking claws. Angel smirked.

The bear that was currently leaning over my shoulder looked more curious than hostile, but being nose to nose with him just about ruined my whole day. Why does Fluttershy have a bear in her house?!

The pegasus in question turned around just then. “Oh, I see you’re making friends, Denise.”

At the sound of Fluttershy’s voice, the bear glanced in her direction. More importantly, he took his razor sharp claws away from my body. Fluttershy came over and hummed a little as she stroked the bear’s head. I started to relax. Then I suddenly tensed up again, realizing that Angel had slipped out of sight.

With Fluttershy so close, however, Angel didn’t seem like he would do anything. I had just gone back to caring for the birds when my cell phone rang. I don’t know why I was surprised that it got reception in Ponyville—after all, it wasn’t like we had been keeping cell technology from the ponies.

I answered the phone to get hit with a quick string of words from Twilight. “Denise, this is really important. I need to know about Earth’s International Bureau of Weights and Measures.”

This was about as left-field as anything I could imagine. With everything else that was going on today, it was just more surprise piling up. I replied, “Why are you asking me?”

“Well, I had your phone number, but also I know that you’re pursing a degree in a field related to science so you would hopefully know something about the Bureau.”

“Uh, I think it’s in Paris? They’re the people who run the metric system.” I shrugged, even though Twilight couldn’t see me through the phone. “Couldn’t you look this up on the internet?”

“Touchscreen smartphones and hooves don’t really work that well,” she grumbled. “I’m kind of in a hurry and couldn’t find a computer.”

“Okay.” I thought for a moment. “So what’s so important about the International Bureau of Weights and Measures?”

“I need to make sure the kilogram is safe. Thanks for telling me about Paris. I’ll have to go there so—”

“Hang on, what kilogram?”

“The kilogram,” Twilight replied. “The prototype kilogram unit that the International Bureau of Weights and Measures keeps to measure periodically and make sure that all other kilograms around the world have the mass of exactly a kilogram.”

“Uh…good luck with that.”

“Thanks!” she replied brightly. “I’ll try to call you back and tell you how it went.”

I ended the call with all sorts of confusion running through my head. It got worse, though. There was a loud bang from outside and the windows of Fluttershy’s house were bombarded with confetti.

“What was that?” I asked, alarmed.

Fluttershy peeped out the window. “It’s Pinkie. I think she’s come to invite you to a party.”

Well, it wasn’t like anything more surprising could happen.

Spring Break: Sunday
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The Roommate

Spring Break: Sunday

I woke up in an unfamiliar bed. There was a warm glow of sunlight coming through my eyelids and I was glad that I kept them shut. I knew a hangover when I felt one, and I had definitely drank too much the night before.

Raising a hand to block the sun, I opened my eyes and glanced around. The room had only three walls, the fourth opening into what looked like a balcony over a larger space. The walls, floor, and ceiling were all made of solid wood. A large window was above the bed. Books were scattered everywhere, only some of them shelved.

I was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday and I was splayed out over the bed. It was a little short, but I mostly fit on it. Raising my head, I saw Rainbow and the orange mare called Applejack both sleeping on a second bed nearby. Applejack had her cowboy hat over her face.

Sitting up carefully, I put my feet on the floor and held my face while my head swam for a few moments. “Uuuggghhhh.” Way too much alcohol. Rainbow heard me. She yawned and stretched. Her movement brought a grumble from Applejack.

Rainbow grinned at me. “How bad are you this morning? Or should I ask; how much do you remember?”

“Let’s see. Pinkie grabbed me from Fluttershy’s place so she could throw me a party for coming to Ponyville. It seemed like all the residents of town were invited. You showed up later after doing your paperwork with the student bureau. It was probably a good thing Pinkie had so much food and cake, because I couldn’t have done so much drinking on an empty stomach.” I frowned. “Why did I do so much drinking?”

“Applejack challenged me to a little contest but I have a lot of things to do this morning so you volunteered to be my replacement.” Rainbow’s grin got wider. “The two of you went shot for shot and you beat her with experience.”

I heard a moan from Applejack. I frowned. “Well, I hope she’ll be okay.”

Pinkie burst from a nearby cabinet, nearly giving me a heart attack from surprise. “Of course she will be! What kind of party host would I be if I didn’t take care of everypony who came?”

She had with her a basket full of breakfast items that looked just as good as anything that had been served at the party. Pinkie carried on a happy babble. “I said everypony, but of course you’re not a pony, Denise. I just say everypony because it’s a nice catch-all term that is pretty easy to understand. Of course, I could say everyperson but I wouldn’t want to confuse everypony since ponies are the majority in town. I mean, it’s called Ponyville after all even if we do have some mules here, but that’s just splitting hairs.”

I had tuned her out by the second sentence or so and instead focused on eating. A nice muffin found its way from the basket to my mouth. Good ‘ol hands. I can always count on them to take care of me even when I’m hungover. Beneath the alcohol fumes, I thought I felt a few nicotine jitters. That’s right - I had forgotten my patches and there were probably none available in Ponyville. I busied myself with eating to forget about it.

Rainbow got up and snatched a muffin to go. “We can hang out later, but I’m supposed to meet with the weather team this morning. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them. It shouldn’t take long, but don’t wait up for me.”

She flew over the edge of the balcony and I heard a door open. I looked around at the inside of the room again. “Where are we?”

“It’s the town library and also Twilight’s home,” Pinkie said. “Twilight called last night to thank you for something you did for her and when she heard that you were passed out drunk she said you could sleep it off here.”

“I guess I should call her back,” I mused. I searched my pockets. “Have you seen my phone?”

Pinkie tapped a hoof on her chin and screwed up her eyes in deep thought. “I think it’s still over at Sugarcube Corner. Did I mention you passed out drunk?”

I sighed, partly because blacking out hadn’t been part of my plans for Spring Break, but also because I knew that I would have to get up out of bed soon and that my hangover would complicate that. Still, might as well get started.

I swayed a little as I stood up, but apparently Pinkie’s breakfast treats had done the trick and I wasn’t as tipsy as expected. She left the basket of goodies with Applejack who still had refused to move.

We went down a staircase that spiraled along the wall. The library was circular and everything appeared to have been carved out of the same solid wood. A small purple and green dragon was sleeping in a bed sized for him. He snored slightly, oblivious to the world.

“That’s Spike; Twilight’s assistant,” Pinkie told me.

I saw my luggage had been brought and told Pinkie I was going to use a few minutes to freshen up. I took a shower that was quick, cold, and helped me wake up. I put on fresh clothes and made sure to grab some sunglasses before leaving.

Outside, I was surprised to see that we had been inside a giant tree. Well, okay, in retrospect of that the interior decor now made sense but I had no idea that trees grew that large in diameter or could have so much carved out of their interior and still go on living.

Pinkie bounced happily along instead of walking. I swear, the equine body shouldn’t have been able to do that, but the proof was right in front of me. We headed back to the same brightly-decorated building where the party had been the night before.

Sugarcube Corner was a bakery by day, Pinkie Party center by night. A Pinkie Party was nothing like a regular party, as I had experienced. I still didn’t remember a lot of the specifics, but I knew that I had been shown a very good time.

Somehow, the whole building was perfectly clean and ready for morning business. I would have thought that the amount of confetti, food, and guests would have generated more of a cleanup job. Maybe Pinkie just worked all night on clearing it away.

I found my phone and slipped it into my pocket. Outside, I could see the town starting to come to life. Rainbow had once told me that the weekends in Equestria were casual like where I was from, but with the obvious difference that Sunday morning wasn’t reserved for religion. I said a quick prayer under my breath, just to feel responsible.

I was introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Cake, who owned the bakery. There were no customers yet, but the two of them seemed busy and harried. Their twin foals looked like a handful.

I did wonder how two earth ponies could have a unicorn and a pegasus for kids, but if two different races came from the same birth then I suppose it was plausible to have those be different than the parents. Genetics don’t always make sense.

Somewhere between meeting the Cakes, Pinkie telling me that she needed to begin the morning’s work at the bakery, and a few customers coming in, I found myself cradling both foals in my arms.

“Um...?” I looked around. Pinkie was behind the counter selling goodies to customers and Mr. and Mrs. Cake had disappeared into the kitchen.

I looked down. The two foals gazed at me with wide, interested eyes. Then they shared a knowing glance and promptly broke out in tears.

“Oh dear Lord, please don’t do this to me.” I quickly sat at a nearby table in the customer area and tried to get the two of them to quiet down.

I cloud passed over the sunlight that had been shining brightly that morning. I glanced out the window as I gently but urgently rocked the two babies. It looked like a storm was rolling in. A few of the customers noticed it too. One of them muttered about how the weather was scheduled to be clear that day.

Putting my mind back to the task of pacifying the twins, I hummed a bit, trying to get them to listen rather than continue wailing. After living with Rainbow for a while, I had become used to some of Equestria’s musical groups. Sometimes they played them on the campus radio. A few lyrics came to mind and my humming turned into quiet singing. “My little pony, my little pony...”

Cheesy pop music seemed to work, and soon both of the kids had drifted to sleep. There was a lull in the flow of customers and Pinkie came over when she had a moment. She smiled at the results of my efforts and for once didn’t speak in her usual manner.

Almost whispering, she said I deserved a reward for putting up with the foals. She offered me a pick from a tray of candy. I went with a basic lollypop.

My fingers unwrapped it and placed it into my mouth. I flicked my thumb before remembering that I wasn’t holding a lighter, nor did I have a cigarette between my lips. I had been trying to kick all smoking habits, not just inhaling. Darn it, hands. You were doing so well earlier this morning.

“Hmm, it sure is getting dark out there,” Pinkie observed, looking out the window.

“A rainstorm?” I wondered. “I guess I can hang out here for a while.”

My phone vibrated and I answered it quietly. It was Twilight.

“I was meaning to call you,” I said. “Thanks for letting me stay at the library.”

“Sure. I had to thank you for that tip about the kilogram. Spike will help you out if you need anything. Oh, while we’re talking, I had another question for you. I’m in Bolivia and I have a little problem. What do chinchillas eat?”

“Well, like most rodents they get by on leafy greens, fruit, seeds, and small insects.” I paused. “Um, what are you doing in Bolivia with chinchillas? I thought you were in Paris.”

Twilight chuckled. “Well, yes, this little trip I’m on has taken some interesting turns but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I was just-”

There was some faint Spanish spoken in the background but I couldn’t make it out. Twilight paused for a moment to listen. “Sorry Denise, I have to go now. I’ll call you later if I can. Have fun on your spring break.”

“You have fun on your trip.” I put the phone down and turned to Pinkie. “Do you have any idea what Twilight’s up to?”

She shrugged. “She was doing something for the Princesses, I think.”

“Does she do things like this often?”

“Well, not often, but it is Twilight, Princess Celestia’s personal student. Who knows what she’s up to this time.”

I thought for a moment. “Do you have any idea what chinchillas have to do with the international standard kilogram?”

“Maybe a couple of chinchillas weigh a kilogram?” Pinkie shrugged theatrically.

Well, Twilight seemed like she was in a hurry so maybe I could ask her later. Pinkie went back to the counter. I looked out the window again as raindrops began to fall. A bolt of lightning flashed close by followed shortly by a loud rumble of thunder.

The twins woke up and promptly went back to crying.

Spring Break: Monday
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The Roommate

Spring Break: Monday

The rain persisted for the rest of the day. I didn’t see Rainbow, and Pinkie commented that maybe she was helping with the weather. Storms didn’t usually last so long with weatherponies to manage them.

Sunday evening, I made a dash through the downpour back to the library. Pinkie had paid me for my foalsitting the Cake twins in pastries, although I did manage to get some less sweet fare when I reminded her that diabetes is much more common in people than it is in ponies.

The blood sugar crash I was riding by the end of the day tried to lull me to sleep while a rising need for nicotine kept pulling at me to stay awake. The rain and the dragon sleeping downstairs, however, dissuaded me from going out to find something to smoke.

I still hadn’t spoken to Spike. When I’d left that morning he’d been sleeping, and when I came back in the evening he was sleeping but in a different position, so I figured that he had probably moved at some point. Since the library opened for business the next morning, I figured I could get to know him then. Applejack had apparently beaten her hangover was not still lying around. The breakfast items Pinkie had left for her were partially eaten.

I settled down onto the small bed, curling my legs to fit better. It took a while, but I managed to drift off to sleep.

Rainbow was sleeping on the other bed when I woke up in the morning. She was draped over the sheets even more carelessly than usual. Her feathers were bedraggled and judging by the damp bedspread she might have gotten soaked in the rain.

Speaking of the weather, the morning sky was grey but slowly clearing. The rain had stopped, leaving mud puddles everywhere. I guess if you can control the weather then there isn’t much need for modern storm drains. I wondered why the previous day's rain had been so hard. Maybe that was why Rainbow was out all night.

I let her sleep and grabbed a muffin from the basket. Even day-old they were still amazing. I walked down the stairs while chewing and collected my things for a shower. After stepping into the bathroom I began to undress. There was a splash from behind the shower curtain, which was closed.

Freezing for a moment in uncertainty, I threw a towel around my body and jerked back the curtain. Spike was up to his eyeballs in bubbles. We both started in surprise, staring at each other.

“Sorry, I was in the middle of a bubble bath and I didn’t know you were going to come in,” Spike blustered, opening the drain plug and quickly getting out of the bath. He was still covered in foam and excused himself from the room without pausing to wipe it off.

Well, that was awkward but I still needed a shower. After letting the bathtub drain out I stepped in and turned the water on. After freshening up and redressing, I left the bathroom to see if things were going to be as weird between Spike and I as I thought.

Surprisingly, they weren't. He mentioned that he’d have to curtail his three-hour bubble baths, but didn’t bring up the subject further. Rainbow had told me that Spike was the equivalent of a preteen, and that combined with the obvious species difference made things a little less awkward than if I’d wandered into a guy’s bathroom while not fully clothed.

Spike had cleaned himself up and offered to make breakfast. I was in the mood for something more substantial than muffins and helped him crack eggs and mix ingredients into omelets. He sprinkled a small handful of gems into his, a load worth quite a bit of money back on Earth.

While the precious stone market had been down ever since Equestrian sources flooded the market, I thought they were still too valuable to just, well, eat. Furthermore, I wondered what Spike’s teeth had to be made of in order to support that kind of diet, not to mention his digestive system.

We were just finishing up breakfast when I heard a faint ringing noise. I realized it was my phone, which I had left near the bed. I jogged upstairs to get it.

Rainbow was stirring and muttering under her breath by the time I answered the phone. Since she appeared to be awake now, I didn’t bother keeping my voice quiet. “Hello?”

“Hi Denise,” said Twilight. “Are you at the library?”

“Yes I am.”

“That’s great. Do you think you could find a book for me? Spike can help you.”

“Just a minute.” I went downstairs and told Spike who was calling.

“Oh, cool,” he replied. “Can I talk to her?”

I handed the phone over. Spike took it in his claws. I didn’t know exactly where his ears were, but he seemed to have no trouble using the device. “Hey Twilight! Huh? Oh yeah, I think I know where that book is.”

He gestured for me to follow. We took a path deep into the library’s stacks of shelves. I saw that we were getting into the magic section, which gave me a little jolt of excitement. Not that I could do anything with those texts, but it might be interesting to check out.

Spike found a large volume that looked quite old. It was clumsy for him to handle along with the phone, so he handed it back to me.

I talked to Twilight while Spike looked through the book for a particular page. “So what’s going on with you?”

“Well, it’s been an interesting trip so far,” she replied. “I have to thank you again for your help, Denise. If everything goes right, I should be back by the end of the week and I can tell you all about it.”

Spike held up the book, one claw tapping at a particular paragraph. The language was not English, and while I might be able to sound out the words, there was no way I was going to understand them. It looked like it might be Latin, or whatever the pony equivalent was.

“Has Spike found it yet?” asked Twilight. “Could you read it, please? I’ll put my phone on speaker.”

I didn’t know why Twilight wanted me to do that, but Spike held the book up expectantly so I started to read out loud.

It was difficult to get my tongue around some of the words, but I did my best. About halfway through I thought I heard some background noise or some kind of feedback from Twilight’s end. By the time I was finished, there was definitely something going on. I wasn’t really sure what it might be. It sounded like gusts of wind, static, and all sorts of other cacophony.

Twilight raised her voice to be heard over it. “Okay, that should do it.”

I heard something that might have passed for a sound effect from Jurassic Park. “What was that?”

“Perfectly normal,” Twilight assured me. “Listen, I’ll be traveling a lot tomorrow but I’ll try to call you late in the day.”

“Okay,” I said, still unsure what she was up to or whether I really wanted to know. Twilight seemed unconcerned, though, so I decided that I would just focus on trying to enjoy my vacation.

“So what was in that book?” I asked Spike after ending the call.

He shrugged. “I just barely got the locations of all the books memorized. Remembering the contents will take a while longer.”

Rainbow came downstairs a few minutes later. She had a muffin and seemed to be fairly awake but still tired.

“What were you up to yesterday?” I asked.

“Well, I went to see the weather team and they were happy to see me. I think some of them may have slacked off a little to come to the party because we had a cumulonimbus buildup like I’ve never seen before. Since I was there, I stayed all night to help get it under control. Otherwise we might have had storm damage instead of just drenching rain.” Rainbow yawned.

“Yeah, the rain gave me an excuse to stay in bed most of yesterday,” Spike chuckled.

Rainbow glanced out the window. “The last of the clouds should be going away soon. It might take a while to dry up all the mud, though. Oh, I forgot to mention; I have to go to Cloudsdale tomorrow morning for an awards ceremony. Yours truly wrestled a tornado last night and kept it out of town.”

She smirked at my surprised gasp. I knew Rainbow was good at weather control but I had never experienced her ability firsthand. Her expression clouded suddenly. “I guess I’ll have to leave you alone again. It’s not like I can bring you to Cloudsdale.”

I waved a hand. “It’s okay. I don’t like heights.”

“So what are we going to do this morning?” Spike asked. “Since it’s muddy outside.”

Rainbow investigated a nearby cupboard. “Twilight has some games stashed in here. Aha! My favorite; Weather!”

She pulled the box out and opened it. The pieces were different, but it looked similar to Battleship. Rainbow began to set the game up, grinning at Spike and I. “I’ll let you two play together, since I’m so good at this.”

One of the professors I had for Statistics class had used the game of Battleship as an example in a problem, so I knew that there was a sciency way to go about playing it. Based on the “challenge accepted” look that Spike wore, he seemed to be willing to play hard. The two of us sat down across the table from Rainbow and began the game.

It was a stiff competition. We burned an hour trading moves and staying roughly even on score. Eventually, however, Spike and I won through combined effort.

He held up his claws and I gave him a high five. That almost felt strange in itself, as I had gotten used to hoof bumps while living with Rainbow. Said pegasus grumbled a little, but soon bounced back with the offer of a rematch.

We played again and Rainbow won the second time. By the time the game was finished, it was getting towards lunch. Since I was saving plenty of money through Twilight’s gracious offer of letting me use the library, I had extra cash to take Spike and Rainbow out to eat.

Spike flipped the library’s sign to closed and we went out. The mud outside had begun to dry. Rainbow and Spike decided on a restaurant. I had resigned myself to salad, but found that the eatery offered a range of vegetarian dishes made for the human palate, like bean burgers and veggie pizza.

There were a group of girls clustered at a table when we came in. I assumed that they too were on spring break. We had just finished ordering when they got up and headed towards the exit.

I smiled and nodded to them in sort of a “hello, fellow humans,” gesture. All their attention seemed to be focused on Spike, however.

“Oh, look!”

“He’s so cute!”

“What’s your name, little guy?”

Spike grinned and held up a claw. ““Ladies, please; one at a time. I’m only one dragon.”

There were a few more ooh’s and ah’s over him before the group departed. Spike sighed and slumped in his chair. “Tourists. I used to like the attention, but this might be getting out of control.”

I guess I had never realized how lucky I was to deflect attention by being a relatively normal human. Or at least I looked like one from the outside. As we waited on our food, I became aware of the nicotine jitters again.

My mind was distracted from that again when the food was served. It tasted great and Rainbow and Spike seemed to agree. After finishing up, we left the restaurant. Rainbow glanced skywards, looking at the clearing clouds, and suddenly froze. “Ohmygosh, it’s Spitfire! What’s she doing in Ponyville? Maybe she’s here because she heard about what happened last night. Should I go talk to her? Do I look okay for meeting here? Is my mane straight?”

It was an outpouring of words more likely to come from Pinkie. I was slightly confused, looking at the sun-colored pegasus who was passing overhead. Maybe she was some kind of celebrity?

Rainbow sprang into the air but appeared to reconsider. “I...maybe I shouldn’t go talk to Spitfire directly. How can I introduce myself without sounding like a crazy fan? That’s exactly the last thing I need. I, um, I’ll catch up with you later.”

Spike and I shrugged simultaneously almost as if we had practiced it. We continued walking back to the library as Rainbow flew away.

“So what were you planning to do for the rest of the day?” Spike asked as he flipped the sign to open.

“I’ll figure it out.” I wandered the library a bit, perusing the books. It wasn’t long before I found myself in the magic section. I looked around, seeing so much that wasn’t available back home. A smile crept onto my face. Yeah, I could spend a while here.

Spring Break: Tuesday
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The Roommate

Spring Break: Tuesday

Something poked me in the leg. A young female voice asked, “Hey, are you done with that book?”

I made a noise of slight annoyance. It took a few seconds to remember that I was slumped over the library table with a small pile of spellbooks spread around me. I hadn’t intended to stay up so late, but one thing had led to another and I ended up sleeping in the reading room rather than in bed.

I sat up, blinking the morning crud out of my eyes. An orange pegasus filly pulled her hoof back from where she was about to poke me again. She smiled eagerly. “So are you done with it?”

I glanced at the book. It was a basic text for foals. I had started big, but quickly realized that as a non-unicorn, as a non-pony, I had no hope of understanding any high level discussion of magic.

Well, I should probably get up and get ready for the day. As much as I had read or tried to read there wasn’t much about magic that I could apply to my daily life. I gave the book to the little pony.

“Hey Sweetie Belle, is this what you were looking for?” the pegasus asked, holding up the book and calling to a pair of other fillies who were busy searching the bookshelves.

“It looks right!” replied a white unicorn. She and her friend, an earth pony wearing a pink bow, came over and gathered around the book. They were probably the three cutest things I had ever seen and for a moment I just stared.

The earth pony looked up. “Thank’s for findin’ this for us. We’re crusadin’ today.”

Her country accent only made her that much more adorable. I nodded and smiled. “Crusading for what?”

“Cutie marks!” replied the pegasus.

“We’re trying for something related to magic today,” added the unicorn.

“I know about the basic idea of cutie marks, but never really thought about the process to get one. Is it hard?”

“That’s puttin’ it mildly,” answered the earth pony. “We’ve been lookin’ for ours for months. We just ain’t found ‘em yet.”

“I think it’s because we haven’t been hanging out with Rainbow Dash enough,” said the pegasus.

The unicorn rolled her eyes. “That’s what you always think.”

I shrugged. “I get to hang out with her all the time. She’s my roommate.”

The reactions were mixed. The earth pony and the unicorn did not look surprised. The pegasus looked very surprised. She even sqee'd.

They introduced themselves. Apple Bloom was the one with the bow. She was Applejack’s little sister, which explained the accent. Sweetie Belle was the unicorn, and sister of Rarity. Both of them had heard of me, and already knew Rainbow had a human roommate.

Scootaloo was the third filly and apparently was the president of the Rainbow Dash fan club – literally. She was excited to see her hero again, now that Rainbow was back in town for a week, however they hadn’t managed to connect yet because Rainbow had been unexpectedly busy.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “She had to help with the weather yesterday and is going to Cloudsdale this morning to get some kind of award.”

“We should totally go to the awards ceremony,” Scootaloo blurted out.

“I suppose we could put off the magic-related cutie marks for today,” Sweetie Belle conceded.

“How are we gonna get there?” Apple Bloom asked.

“I think Cherry Berry was going to be making a trip up there in her balloon today,” answered Sweetie Belle.

“Aren’t you going?” Scootaloo asked me.

“I don’t like heights. Also, how am I supposed to visit a cloud city? I’d fall through.”

“I heard that they just installed a new load-bearing ice framework that is kind of like sidewalks,” said Sweetie Belle. “Also, my sister was learning a spell from Twilight to help with cloud walking.”

Well…I probably could go, then. Rainbow would want me to. I asked, “So are your families okay with you going to Cloudsdale?”

Based on the look the three fillies traded, I guessed that the thought to actually tell somepony where they were going had never occurred to them. I crossed my arms. “Are you allowed to leave Ponyville on your own?”

“If you were with us, we wouldn’t be alone,” Apple Bloom gave me puppy dog eyes, which should totally be called little filly eyes because they’re so much more cute and persuasive when used by a pony.

I sighed. “I’ll go with you, but we really should tell somepony. Spike!”

“What Twilight?” I heard him yawn from his bed, and then he got up and came into the room. “Sorry Densise, usually when my name is shouted this early in the morning it’s somepony else. What did you need?”

“Can you watch these three for a moment while I get freshened up?”

Spike’s eyes went wide in protest, but I was already on my way out of the room. I had a quick shower and put on comfortable traveling clothes. When I came back out, Spike was alone.

“Sorry, they went to their treehouse to get stuff for the trip.” Spike shrugged. “That’s in the Sweet Apple Acres orchard outside of town.”

I left the library and followed Spike’s directions. In just a few minutes I found the orchard. Applejack was there, working with a robust crimson stallion who I took to be a family member.

“Howdy Denise, what brings you out here?” Applejack asked.

“I’m looking for your sister and her friends.”

A worried look passed over Applejack’s face but I added, “They just wanted to hang out with me. They were trying to convince me to go to Cloudsdale for Rainbow’s awards ceremony.”

“I didn’t get an invitation to that, even though Rainbow said one was in the mail.” Applejack shrugged. “The mail system ‘round here ain’t the best. I guess I’ll come with y’all. Can you handle the rest of the day by yourself, Big Mac?”

The red stallion nodded. “Eeyup.”

Applejack introduced us. “My brother, Big Macintosh. Rainbow’s roommate Denise.”

I nodded to him, but fortunately he didn't seem interested in conversation because Applejack was prodding me away to the treehouse. I looked over my shoulder to see Big Macintosh casually buck a tree. Every single apple fell off the branches and landed in baskets. I nearly stumbled in surprise. I had an idea that ponies besides unicorns had their own forms of magic – for example there was no way pegasi could fly with a wing to body ratio like that – but clearly even earth ponies had impressive tricks up their figurative sleeves.

Applejack and I found the three fillies in their treehouse. They quickly came down and joined us.

“We should go see if Fluttershy got an invitation,” Applejack said. Our little group went by Fluttershy’s house on the way back to town. As it turned out, she hadn’t, and joined us. Back in Ponyville, we found Rarity and Pinkie in a similar manner.

“Well, if we’re going to Cloudsdale I should probably cast the cloud walking spell on us all,” said Rarity. “Hold still.”

Her horn glowed blue. I flinched but only a little. There was a little bit of feeling that washed over me, not quite a tingle but just a little something to let me know the spell had happened. I just hoped it worked.

“How do we know it's okay to use on people?” Apple Bloom asked.

There was and uncomfortable silence.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” said Pinkie. “Dashie will be there, and also the Wonderbolts. If you fall, somepony will catch you.”

“How do you know the Wonderbolts will be there?” Applejack questioned.

“Well just because it’s not my party doesn’t mean I don’t know the guest list. I mean, what sense would that make if I didn’t?” Pinkie giggled and glanced up as the hot air balloon that would carry us to Cloudsdale approached.

I was introduced to Cherry Berry, the pilot. The balloon’s basket was crowded with five mares, three fillies, and me, but we just barely managed. With not much room left, Fluttershy opted to fly alongside.

To say that I was nervous would be an understatement. The wicker basket seemed fragile. Still, if none of the ponies were concerned then I was probably okay. Even if the thing started falling apart in midair, primates like my ancestors were very good at climbing and hanging on for dear life. I had no idea what ponies evolved from to get them where they were.

The thinner air at high altitude made me take deeper breaths, which reminded me that I hadn’t had nicotine in my system for several days now. My hands jittered a little, looking for something to do. I resorted to pulling out my cell phone. This far up in the sky, the reception was excellent.

The ponies were all talking quietly among themselves, so I turned away and dialed Twilight. The phone rang a few times and went to voicemail. Hello, this is Twilight Sparkle. I’m currently in the U.S. state of Louisiana doing research related to the human holiday of Mardi Gras. Please leave your name and number and I will return your call as soon as I am able.

I left a message expressing my surprise at Twilight’s current location and curiosity at what it had to do with everywhere else she had been. Hopefully Twilight would call me back soon. Maybe it would help take my mind off how terrified I was at visiting a cloud city.

The balloon drifted up to Cloudsdale’s landing platform and bumped gently on an sheet of ice. The ponies all jumped out, stepping carefully. I stepped carefully myself, not at all trusting the footing.

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were happily testing the effects of the cloud walking spell. As a pegasus I supposed it was nothing new for Scootaloo, although perhaps she spent her time on the ground like Fluttershy.

I hesitantly followed the crowd. Fluttershy seemed to know the area best, including where the event was being held.

As we walked, I slowly began to relax and take in the sights. Everything was made of clouds, and somehow those wisps of water vapor had been shaped into buildings and streets and everything else. There was also ice for objects that required more substance. Despite that, I didn’t feel chilly. Mildly cold perhaps because of the higher altitude, but not freezing.

Here and there, something that resembled liquid rainbow was used for decoration. I saw a building that was apparently a weather factory pouring out a shimmering waterfall of color and realized that it was in fact liquid rainbow. I shook my head. This meteorology was something incredible to me, a person used to just dealing with whatever weather mother nature decided to make.

I was so engrossed in the view that I found myself walking in the street on a bed of clouds without realizing it. I squeaked in a very Fluttershy-like way and jumped back to the sidewalk. The midair ice was scary, but trusting magic to keep me from falling through the clouds was terrifying. I don’t care how much I’d read about it the previous night.

We made it to the convention center just in time to catch the ceremony. Rainbow got a special commendation from the weather team for her fantastic volunteer service during the storm of the previous day. She looked happy and proud of herself, even more so when she spotted her friends and me in the crowd.

There were a lot of ponies who wanted to speak to Rainbow afterwards. “Guess we should give her room,” muttered Applejack. “When Rainbow gets to talkin’ about herself, we might be here for hours.”

I chuckled. “Sounds like she earned it.”

“Well, yes, I suppose,” Applejack acknowledged. “She usually does.”

“We could look around Cloudsdale for a while we wait,” suggested Rarity.

“And set up a cool party for Dash when she gets finished talking?” asked Pinkie, bouncing up and down.

“I would be okay with that,” I said. “Uh, just one thing first. I have to figure out how to use a cloud restroom.”

Spring Break: Wednesday
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The Roommate

Spring Break: Wednesday

“Hey Denise, are you going to sleep all day?”

My eyes slid open, revealing Rainbow’s nose inches from mine as she hovered over me. I should have jerked in surprise, but the cloud bed beneath me was so comfortable that I felt as relaxed as a wet noodle.

“Yeah, I’m awake.” I yawned and sat up. I really, really didn’t want to leave that bed. The Cloudsdale hotel wasn’t super luxurious, but it was the best night’s sleep I could remember. The relatively mild drinking the night before probably contributed to that. With the thin air at higher altitudes, it took less.

I frowned in memory. “Where were you last night, Rainbow?”

“I was trying to meet up with you guys, but Fluttershy never goes out on the town and I wasn’t sure where she would take you. I was searching all the hangouts, and it seems like I met up with some old friends in each one.”

“You could have called,” I pointed out.

“I didn’t have my phone.”

I frowned. Now that Rainbow mentioned it, I hadn’t seen her wearing a cell phone holder or in fact much of anything that she usually carried around with her at school, such as a coin purse or ID. She usually had pockets that strapped to her fetlocks to carry everything she needed.

The lack of accessories was more fitting with the residents of Equestria. Most of them rarely carried anything. I supposed if Rainbow was on vacation from college, it made sense to shed some weight.

I reluctantly got out of bed and made for the bathroom. Rainbow was headed for the door, but paused. “Everypony else left Cloudsdale this morning. You slept late, and I volunteered to wait for you. The two of us haven’t really gotten to hang out much so far on spring break.”

I nodded. “Okay, just hanging out today sounds cool. Let me get ready.”

After getting myself presentable, I checked out of the hotel and went to breakfast with Rainbow. I had grown slightly more confident in the cloud walking spell, but still kept to the fortified sidewalks as much as possible.

While I was doing my morning freshening up in the bathroom, Rainbow had put a black velcro cell phone holder band around her ankle and a Bluetooth piece in her ear so she didn’t have to go to the trouble of pulling the phone out if she got a call.

Rainbow recommended a place to eat. The way she knew Cloudsdale like the back of her hoof while I was in the dark reminded me a little bit of the beginning of the school year, when Rainbow was still a college newbie and I was the experienced regular.

The turnabout was interesting. Since I’d known Rainbow, it wasn’t often that she was the one giving me lessons. Based on her attitude, I think she enjoyed it. It didn’t surprise me. Her attitude pegged her as a somepony who wanted to be in charge.

We sat down and looked through the menus. The selection looked quite good. I was just about to ask Rainbow what she was considering when a male voice interrupted me. “Hey Rainbow Crash!”

A brown stallion with mane in his eyes and basketballs for a cutie mark came over to the table. “Well, well, I didn’t think I’d ever see you in Cloudsdale again. I heard you moved to Earth.”

“Hello Hoops,” said Rainbow. It sounded like she was fighting to keep her tone neutral. I saw her eyes flick to me and then back to our visitor. She edged slightly, trying to slide in her seat to get between me and him.

Hoops glanced over her at me, or at least I think he did. I couldn’t see his eyes behind his mane. “Oh, is this your human friend? Somepony said you were living together.”

“College roommates,” Rainbow confirmed.

Chuckling, Hoops asked, “What, Canterlot University not good enough for you?”

I think Rainbow may have been playing at civil just because I was there, but now she began to lose her patience. My earlier assumption of her trying to appear in charge may have been proving true. “At least I’m actually going to college. I'm also seeing a little bit more of the two worlds.”

Rainbow must have touched a nerve. Hoops lost the fake friendly attitude he had been playing at. “At least I know my place. Look at you, with that fancy human stuff you’re wearing. Gonna turn into a monkey?”

Rainbow stiffened, her teeth gritting. She was about to do something stupid, I could just see it. I touched her front leg where it lay on the table and she glanced at me. I gave her a slight shake of the head.

I turned my attention to Hoops. “On Earth, do you know what we do to stallions who get a little too full of themselves?” I smiled. “We geld them.”

Hoops’ mouth turned down and he snorted, spinning around and marching away. I heard Rainbow let out a breath and she visibly relaxed as I looked at her. “Remind me never to piss you off.”

"That's me, the big bad veterinarian." I sat back in my chair and shrugged modestly. “I would be lying if I said I hadn’t put some thought into how to go about insulting a different species. It’s human nature.”

That last comment seemed to put a damper on Rainbow’s mood. She glanced down at her cell phone as if considering whether that was more human nature than pony. “Yeah, I see where you’re coming from. People and ponies have a lot in common, but there’s still a big gap.”

I shrugged. “It’s the differences that make things fun.”

“Well…I hate to admit it, but Hoops was kind of right. Living on Earth, I’ve changed so much that even I noticed it. I’m not human obviously, but I’m starting to pick up little habits and words that I never would have otherwise.”

I snickered. “I’m still trying to teach you how to say ‘pop’ like a proper midwesterner.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Soda.”

Her mood turned a little more serious. “I’m still thinking about this, though. My friends here in Equestria have known me longer, and a few of them told me they’re surprised at how much I’ve changed.”

“Are they worried about you?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No, none of them have said that. I think…it’s just a change. Not bad or good, just different than I used to be.”

“You also didn’t used to be a college student studying aeronautical engineering,” I pointed out. “If you never changed, you’d never accomplish anything.”

“I guess. I’m just a little worried about who I am.”

I paused for a moment and then threw out in a sappy voice, “You’re my friend and that’s all that matters.”

Rainbow chuckled and adopted a snarky tone. “That’s nice. Of course, it would be nicer if it mattered a little more, like if you were somebody important.”

“Important…” I smacked myself in the forehead. “Ohmygosh, I can’t believe I forgot. I met Spitfire last night.”

“What?! Where?”

“Well, right after your awards ceremony I visited the restroom and she came in while I was there. Actually, it was a really amazing coincidence that Twilight called just then.”

Rainbow had been listening with rapt attention but now her brows furrowed. “Um, what?”

“It was really weird,” I replied. Twilight was shouting something about Russian antiaircraft missiles. There was a lot of background noise in her call. It was hard to hear her, and I didn’t really understand what she was talking about anyway. Luckily, Spitfire was there and apparently she’s in the Equestrian Air Force?”

“Right,” Rainbow nodded earnestly. “Her special talent is pyrotechnics. She’s the most highly regarded weapons officer in the Air Force.”

I shrugged. “Anyway, Spitfire was able to tell Twilight whatever it was that she wanted to know. After that little conversation starter, I talked to Spitfire for a while.”

“What did you talk about?” Rainbow was hanging on my every word. She must really, really like this Spitfire.

“Just stuff. I told her who I was and what I study. When she found out about my schooling, she asked a few questions about her tortoise—”

“Spitfire has a tortoise?!” Rainbow practically shouted. Several other restaurant patrons looked at her.

“Uh, yeah, she does. I think I remember you once saying that you had a pet tortoise. What was his name?”

“Tank. When I left for college, I left him with Scootaloo. You met her yesterday, right?”

I nodded. “Right. She was saying how cool it would be to hang out with you.”

Rainbow ducked her head a little and looked away. “Yeah. Um, I guess I should go do that.”

“Well, it’s been a fun little trip to Cloudsdale, but I wasn’t planning on spending much more time here. After breakfast, do you want to head back to Ponyville?”

Rainbow nodded, her head coming up. “Yeah. I have a few ponies to see there.”

Author's Note

Dedicated to you, person I met at Everfree Northwest.

Spring Break: Thursday
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The Roommate

Spring Break: Thursday

Thursday morning I woke up in Twilight’s bed at the library again. I had made an early evening of it the day before. Rainbow had been hanging out with her young friend Scootaloo, so I had stayed around the library.

I had gotten to know Spike better. He seemed like a preteen in attitude, but a virtual expert in the field of library science. I suppose hanging around Twilight had done that to him.

I watched him send a couple of letters. Dragon fire was a different kind of magic than what unicorns used. I decided to go research it to distract myself from the fact that smoke and fire reminded me of cigarettes. It wasn’t easy, though, and I instead decided to go to bed early. I had a headache that I figured was probably related to nicotine withdraw.

After a night’s rest, I did feel better but was worried that symptoms would pick up again. Carefully, I made my way downstairs. It was early and the sun was just coming up.

It’s always interesting to be up early, before the time most people – or ponies – get up. After figuring out the stove, I made a small kettle of hot water. With a cup of it and a teabag, I went back upstairs, going all the way up to the balcony, and watched the sun climb higher into the sky.

There was a telescope up there. Twilight had once mentioned that one of her hobbies was astronomy. The balcony rail was kind of low for leaning on. For a moment, I kind of felt sorry for civil engineers in both worlds trying to compensate their architecture to fit two different species.

For a few minutes I watched Ponyville wake up. Shop owners opened up for the day and merchants in the market set up their stalls. Applejack passed by with a wagon and we exchanged waves.

I saw Rarity coming towards the library and decided to go down to greet her. I kept my steps quiet as I descended to the ground floor and had the door open before she knocked. I gestured over my shoulder and said in a low voice, “Spike is still sleeping.”

Rarity nodded and whispered, “That’s fine, I was just-”

“Rarity!” called Spike, literally leaping out of bed. “I was just thinking about you. Come in and stay for a while. Can I get you a cup of tea?”

“Thank you, Spike,” Rarity replied. “That would be lovely.”

Spike hurried to the kitchen, apparently pleased to find the kettle already on. I heard him rummaging in the cabinets. “What kind of tea would you like?”

“What is that you’re drinking, Denise?” Rarity asked me.

I checked the paper tag attached to the teabag’s string. “Um, Earl Grey imported from London.”

“It smells lovely. I’ll have that, Spike.”

Rarity and I walked into the kitchen and had a seat at the table. Seconds later, Spike rushed over with a tray, haphazardly holding a cup, saucer, teapot, teabag, milk, and sugar. He breathlessly offered it to Rarity who took what she liked and gave him a smile. “Thank you.”

Spike grinned and watched Rarity steep her tea for a moment. He glanced sideways, apparently only just realizing that I was there. “Need a refill, Denise? Or some milk and sugar?”

“No thanks. I take mine straight.”

“No offense, Denise, but you Americans simply don’t appreciate tea the way the British do.” Rarity finished steeping her cup and added a little milk. She tasted it and gave Spike a smile. He practically swooned at her look.

I shrugged in response to Rarity’s comment. “Honestly, most of the tea I drink is iced.”

“My point exactly,” she muttered. Taking another sip of tea, she said, “I came over here this morning to ask a favor, Denise. I’m going shopping for fabrics today and I need someone with fingers to help me pick out textures.”

I supposed that made sense. Hooves aren’t really known for tactile sensation. I nodded. “I can do that. I think Rainbow was going to be busy taking Scootaloo flying today. I can’t really help with that, so I’m free. Where are you going?”

“Manehattan.”

“I can help you, too,” Spike put in.

Rarity gave him a disarming smile. “I appreciate the offer, Spike, but Twilight wouldn’t want you to leave the library unattended.” She put her cup down and got up. “Thank you for the tea. I’ll bring you a gift from the city.”

Spike seemed sad but pulled out of it quickly. I grabbed my purse and went with Rarity. Outside the library, I commented, “Spike seems to have a thing for you.”

She sighed. “Yes, I know. I'm flattered, but he's too young. Then there's the issue of species. I appreciate the attention, but someday the two of us are going to have to have a serious conversation about it.”

“Is there any precedence for mixed-species relationships?” I asked, perhaps against my better judgment.

“Er, it's not unheard of,” Rarity said. She seemed a little uncomfortable and I let the subject drop.

We headed for the dimensional doorway terminal, taking a route that transferred us to Manehattan. I had never been to New York, but the pony equivalent looked a lot like pictures I had seen of Manhattan.

Rarity seemed to know where she was going, and I followed her while glancing around at the city. The buildings were some of the tallest in Equestria, although not as towering as human structures. I remembered my trip to Chicago with Rainbow.

“And we are here!” Rarity said, pointing to a store with a flourish. The tall windows had pony-shaped mannequins (ponyquins?) in the window with fancy outfits. Rarity pushed open the door and held it for me.

An earth pony stallion with an elegant outfit and a pair of sunglasses greeted us. “Hello Rarity, it’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Hoity Toity.” Rarity turned and raised a hoof. “I’d like to introduce you to my friend Denise.”

The stallion lowered his sunglasses for a moment and gave me a quick once-over. I felt a little out of place in my vacation clothes. I should have asked Rarity exactly what sort of high class places we would be visiting.

“Hmm, getting into new markets on Earth, Rarity?” he asked.

“Well, actually no, but I suppose it is something to think about,” Rarity replied. “Today, I would just like to sample your raw fabric.”

“Right this way.” Hoity Toity led us towards the back of his store. Away from the showroom, there was a storage space for bolts of fine cloth. There were a dizzying array of colors, patterns, and materials.

Anyway, at Rarity's direction, I felt them all. She had me describe the textures while she kept notes on a piece of paper. Occasionally she would consider a few ideas and make some sketches.

I had never really taken the time to appreciate dressmaking. I liked shopping as much as anyone, but the thought of where all the clothing came from had never come up. And when I say “came from” I mean the designs, not the actual third-world sweatshops.

“Are there any you particularly like?” Rarity asked. While I was no fabric-feeling connoisseur, there were a few that seemed nicer than others. After making her selections, Rarity paid for the fabric and we left the store.

“How about lunch?” Rarity asked. “My treat. Anywhere you like.”

“Oh really?”

She made a face. “Although not McDonald’s. There is a limit to my generosity.”

I laughed. “Why does Equestria even have McDonald’s?”

“I understand that there is a special menu of local fare,” Rarity explained. “But the hamburgers and whatnot are popular among griffons and other meat eating species.”

The local menu made sense. McDonald’s couldn’t exactly serve cow in India, for example. I did wonder what they offered to ponies. Veggie burgers and hay fries, maybe.

We eventually decided on a charming little place that Rarity knew. It was fancy to the max, and I was glad I wasn't the one paying. I wasn’t a wine snob, but Rarity had that covered for both of us. We went through more meal courses than I even knew existed.

After lunch, Rarity suggested we go back to Ponyville and wile away the rest of the afternoon at the spa. I agreed wholeheartedly. “This is probably the fanciest day I’ve ever had in my life.”

Rarity smiled. “I’m glad.”

Heading for the doorway terminal, we passed by a tobacconist. The building looked new, as smoking wasn’t nearly as old of a profession in Equestria as it was on Earth, however the interior was done in varnished woods and polished brass, very much the look of an old-timey smoking lounge. Boxes of cigars – Cubans, even – lined the walls, and there were displays of pipes and loose tobacco. I also saw some hookah supplies. What drew my eye, however, were the small boxes of cigarettes near the counter.

“Rainbow told me not to let you smoke,” Rarity said.

I looked away from the window. “They have fancy cigarette holders with filters. Some are made of silver or gold. The sign in there says they can do custom inlays to match cutie marks, and it’s the perfect accessory for a high class outfit.”

Rarity stared at me for a moment and then shook her head. “Nice try. Come along.”

She was already levitating the bolts of fabric, but also managed to spare some magic to tug on my wrist. Taking the hint, I followed her away, sparing a longing glance back.

Rarity let me go and I kept walking. To avoid the subject of smoking, I asked, “So I understand how you can hold objects in the air, but how does holding on to an arbitrary point, like a spot on my arm, work?”

“I just have to think about gripping something.” Rarity shrugged. “I’m afraid that I can’t really put it to words. I imagine it’s like if you tried to describe fingers; I simply don’t have anything to compare the sensation to.”

I nodded. “I suppose that’s true. I’ve been reading a few of Twilight’s books to try and get some idea.”

Rarity laughed politely. “Even as a unicorn, I think I would find that sort of reading rather dense. You might as well be trying to dig a hole in sand with a spoon.”

“Why would I do that?” I said. “If I was digging in sand, I would scoop it with my hands.”

“Hmm. That is interesting,” she murmured. “Not having hands, I would never have thought of something like that. Now I’m also wondering about the differences between species. Perhaps Twilight is rubbing off on us both.”

Speak of the Devil, Twilight called just then. Her voice sounded tired, but fairly calm. “Hey Denise, I’m in Beijing. I need to get to the Forbidden City. I have a meeting there.”

Rarity overheard. “I was just in China last week to buy some silk in bulk. I think I can help you.” I gave her the phone and she balanced it among the other things that she carried. “Now Twilight, as you know, the doorway terminal was built on the airport complex. You’ll want to go southwest. Get off the major roads because they don’t go directly through the center of the city, where the walled Forbidden City area is.” She listened for a moment. “Oh my, that sounds intense. Good luck.”

“What is it?” I asked as Rarity hung up and gave the phone back.

“Twilight said she has one last thing to do before finishing up her trip and coming back to Equestria. Apparently, she’s been working on solving some problem literally all week. Since Twilight is a learned pony who knows and respects the meaning of ‘literally,’ I’m going to assume she has actually devoted the last several days to this.”

“Did she say what exactly was going on? I haven’t been able to piece it together from her last few calls.”

Rarity frowned. “Now that you mention it, no.”

The two of us went back to Ponyville and to the spa. It was definitely a place I would recommend to anyone visiting Equestria. I hadn't been pampered like that in ages. Rarity and I were still there hours later when Rainbow found us.

My roommate came in, looking around curiously. She was apparently not somepony who often visited spas. I relaxed beside Rarity, the two of us wearing bathrobes and facial masks. Aloe and Lotus, the spa ponies, had been a little confused what to do with me but had managed to find tools to do manicures and pedicures, rather than their usual hooficures.

“Hey Rainbow,” I said. “You should hang out with us. I don’t think I’ve been this relaxed all week.”

“Uh, I don’t think so,” she said. “Not really my thing.”

“Well, stand there and don’t be fabulous then,” Rarity remarked.

“I’m happy to,” Rainbow shot back.

I chuckled. “So did you have a good time with Scootaloo?”

“Yeah. It’s good to see her again, and her friends.” Rainbow paused. “Oh Rarity, your sister said that she was going to cook dinner or something.”

Rarity jumped right out of her robe and mask. “She what?!”

“Is that bad?” I asked.

“Oh darling, you have no idea. I have to go.” Rarity strode out, only pausing to pay our bill.

Rainbow looked at me. “So, I kind of got roped into watching the Crusaders again tomorrow.”

Against my better judgment, I asked, “Need help?”

Spring Break: Friday
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The Roommate

Spring Break: Friday

“Denise! Denise! Wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up!”

The bed shook so much I thought we were having a particularly violent earthquake. If it wasn’t accompanied by three young voices, my awakening would have been surprised and terrified. As it was, I was just surprised and annoyed.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were all bouncing on my bed. How they had gotten into the library and why they thought waking up a vacationing college student early was a good idea were both good questions.

I sat up and they stopped bouncing. I blearily looked at each of them in turn. “Why didn’t you go wake up Rainbow first?”

“She’s staying in Cloudsdale and since you took us there last time, we came over here to wake you up,” answered Apple Bloom.

“Or we could just wait for her. She knows she’s supposed to hang out with us today.” I put my feet over the edge of the bed. I stretched my arms and yawned deeply.

The three fillies stared at me. “Wow, I knew people had sharp teeth, but I’ve never actually seen them,” said Sweetie Belle. “It looks so strange because you’re so nice.”

“Hey,” said Scootaloo. “Are you girls thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Cutie Mark Crusader Human Food Makers, yay!” they cried.

My mom always told me that yawning without covering my mouth would get me in trouble.

The three of them dragged me downstairs and proceeded to start breakfast. I use that noun loosely. After a quick pregame huddle, the Crusaders decided to make toast, eggs, and bacon. No, I don’t know where in Equestria they got their hooves on that last one.

“Why…?” I asked, examining the package.

“Well, on the internet we found this show called Epic Meal Time and—”

I facepalmed. “Strangely enough, that explains everything.”

I washed my hands and supervised while the three of them scrubbed their hooves. They had barely finished drying before launching into the task of making breakfast.

“All right! Let’s get started!” called Scootaloo. She started shoving bread in the toaster and cranked the dial to maximum. As she turned away to help the other two, I unloaded a slice or two and turned the heat control down a little.

Apple Bloom had begun to crack eggs into a bowl. She seemed quite happy to do so, but a little lax on the quality control. When she diverted her attention to helping Sweetie Belle with the frying pan, I dipped my fingers into the bowl and scooped out the largest pieces of eggshell.

I rinsed off at the sink and watched Sweetie Belle put a frying pan full of bacon on the stove. She cranked the burner up to max, flames licking at the bottom of the pan.

The three of them paused. Scootaloo asked, “Now what?”

“We have to wait for the stuff to cook,” Sweetie Belle reminded her.

“How long is that going to take?” Apple Bloom asked.

They all looked at each other, but none of them seemed to know.

“Why don’t you three go find something interesting to read?” I said. “I’ll come with you.”

The Crusaders all scampered for the library shelves. I took half a step out of the kitchen and snapped my fingers. “Oh wait, I just remembered something. Give me a minute.”

“How did you do that? That thing with your fingers?”

I looked at my hands. “What, finger snapping?” I quickly snapped out a little rhythm with both hands. “Just a thing, I guess.”

I shook my head as they disappeared into the library, once again hit by how something I took for granted appeared so strange in a land where fingers were uncommon.

Turning back to the stove I quickly lowered the heat on the frying pan, flipping the bacon. The toast popped up and I put the slices on plates. When the bacon was done I put it all on the plate I had reserved for myself. The three fillies had started to fry the whole package and I wasn’t going to be able to eat it all. Maybe Spike could help me.

After the bacon was finished I poured the bowl of eggs into the frying pan and made quick work of scrambling them. When they were cooked, I portioned them out on each plate. “Girls, your breakfast is finished.”

They came running.

“Wow, this turned out great!”

“Maybe we’ve finally learned how to cook!”

“Did we get cutie marks?”

They all checked, but their hips remained blank. All three faces fell.

“Hey, cheer up. You’ll find your special talents soon enough.” I paused. “At least you’ll get cutie marks. People don’t.”

The Crusaders gathered around the breakfast table. “We heard about some humans gettin’ tattoos. Are those like cutie marks?”

“They might look like cutie marks, but they aren’t,” I stressed. And, to cut off any further ideas in their heads, I added, “Plus, I’m pretty sure they couldn’t be seen through your coat.”

I pushed their plates forward and the food successfully distracted them. I heard steps and Spike came into the room, looking sleepy. He sniffed. “Hey, what’s that?”

I grabbed a plate for him and transferred most of the bacon to it. “Breakfast.”

Spike grinned and began shoveling it into his mouth. The fillies giggled.

As we were finishing up, there was a knock at the door. Spike was already done eating and he got up to answer, leaving the room. “Oh hey, Rainbow.”

“Hey Spike,” I heard her say from the other room. “What’s that smell?”

“Oh, um, sorry. I haven’t washed up after breakfast.”

“Is that…bacon? Denise, what the heck!” Rainbow came into the room looking rather cross, only to be caught in a flying tackle by the Crusaders.

“Rainbow Dash! We’re so excited to see you! We’re going to have an awesome day!”

“We’re going to do fun stuff, right? We already made Denise breakfast, although Spike ate most of the bacon.”

“Denise has been super cool.”

Rainbow gave me a look, although some of her consternation had cooled since learning that the bacon wasn’t my fault.

“Hey girls, why don’t you go get ready?” I said. The three of them quickly dashed away.

I grabbed the plates from the table and transferred them to the sink. Rainbow looked around. “So they actually made breakfast and didn’t burn anything, not even the building? And why did you volunteer to hang out with them? That drives most ponies crazy.”

“I did most of breakfast, but let them take credit,” I said. “Dealing with kids is not really that hard. It’s mostly about clever trickery and deception.”

“You’re such a human,” Rainbow chuckled.

“Speaking of that, I was meaning to ask you: aren’t most ponies uncomfortable about meat? The Crusaders didn’t think bacon was any big deal.”

Rainbow thought for a moment. “I guess it’s just the way we were raised. My generation was one of the first to make contact with Earth, so we might feel a little differently.”

I nodded. “I suppose the Crusaders are younger and more impressionable. And Epic Meal Time left an impression.”

Rainbow facehoofed.

“Hey, don’t blame that one on me,” I said. “Those guys are Canadian. We’re barely the same species.”

“I still say you should hook up with that Canadian guy you met at Halloween.”

I turned to retort, but Rainbow was interrupted from further relationship advice as the Crusaders came back. “We’re all ready to go!”

“What did you have planned today?” Rainbow asked them.

“We want to go to the YMCA and try to get fitness cutie marks! You’d be great at teaching us!”

“Well, I do know a lot about working out,” Rainbow agreed.

I went to get my shoes and purse and the five of us left the library. We walked a short way down the street towards the YMCA. I frowned as a thought occurred to me and I pulled out my phone for a quick internet search.

I looked at Rainbow. “Does YMCA stand for something different in Equestria? Or did an organization calling themselves Young Men’s Christian Association really set up here?”

“I guess I’ve never really thought about it, although I don’t think anypony would have minded if they had.” Rainbow shrugged. “Maybe here it means Young Mare and Colt Association.”

She thought for a moment and then grinned. “Maybe there are denominational recreational facilities in Equestria, such as NSDPWYCPPMIYW, the Non-Specific Deity's Place Where You Can Push or Pull Metal If You Want, but the Village Ponies found it incredibly hard to write a song about it.”

It took me several seconds to process that, but I burst out laughing. The Crusaders looked confused.

“Oh gosh,” I said, still trying to get over my laughter. “I didn’t know you were such a wit, Rainbow.”

“I have my moments,” she chuckled.

“You’re funnier than the Village People,” I confirmed. I thought for a moment. “Are the Village Ponies also a gay group that dresses up?”

“I’m not sure about the gay part,” Rainbow admitted.

The Crusaders had been listening. “What does gay mean?”

Rainbow and I traded glances. I could see the panic in her eyes, and I’m sure I wore a similar expression. I opened my mouth to stammer out something that would hopefully change the subject, but fortunately was saved by perhaps the best distraction in the universe. A purple unicorn in a yellow Lamborghini came rolling down the street and stopped near us at the curb.

Twilight waved to us from behind the wheel, wearing sunglasses and a smile, her mane a little windblown from driving with the top down. “Hello! I’m back!”

For several seconds, neither Rainbow nor I was capable of forming a complete sentence. The Crusaders, on the other hand, rushed over and crowded around Twilight as she got out of the car, peppering her with questions. I noticed that she made sure to remove the keys.

“Where did you get this thing?” asked Rainbow, gesturing at the expensive car.

“The Crown Prince of Dubai gave it to me as a token of friendship,” Twilight explained. She took off her sunglasses and pulled her luggage out of the car. “It’s really flashy and I don’t need to drive very often, but it would have been rude to refuse.”

“What were you doing in the United Arab Emirates?” I asked. “Actually, what were you doing all around the world?”

“Making friends,” said Twilight. “I thought you knew.”

“I thought you were off solving some kind of ancient universal conspiracy.”

Twilight gave Rainbow a pointed look as if she knew exactly where I had heard that story. “No, that’s something I do in my free time. This was a task given to me by Princess Celestia.”

I glanced at the car again. “Well, it looks like you were successful.”

“It was mostly political outreach on behalf of Equestria,” Twilight explained. “I still got to do a lot of networking and visited some really interesting places.”

I ran through a mental list of everything Twilight had called me about in the previous week. “But what does that have to do with the International Standard Kilogram, chinchilla dietary requirements, that spell you had me read, Mardi Gras, or Russian missiles?”

“Complications; don’t worry about it.” Twilight waved a hoof. “Oh, speaking of the missiles – Rainbow, I put in a good word for you with Spitfire.”

“Thanks a lot!” Rainbow smiled.

Twilight grinned. “She wants to talk to you in Canterlot tomorrow.”

Rainbow did a lot more than just smile. “Ohmygosh, really? This is so awesome! Thanks Twilight!”

Twilight turned to me. “Also Denise, I’d like to invite you along to Canterlot, too. Call it a token of my appreciation for your help.”

“Thanks.” I nodded. “Sounds like a good last day in Equestria. I have to go home on Sunday morning.”

Just then, Pinkie slid out from under the car. “Hey Twilight! You’re back! This calls for a party! I’ll invite everypony! And Denise!”

“How did you get under there?” I sputtered.

Rainbow touched my shoulder and shook her head. “Don’t go there – it’s Pinkie.”

Regardless of how she fit under a low-slung sports car or when she’d gotten there, I was agreeable to another Pinkie party. The Crusaders were willing to put their trip to the YMCA on hold for the moment.

At the party, I saw what was apparently most of the townsponies. I still didn’t know how Pinkie managed to organize events on a whim and still manage to invite so many. Regardless, it was a very good party.

Rarity came over to me. “Don’t drink too much, I’ll need to get you fitted for a new outfit.”

“Huh? Why?”

“You’ll need one for where Twilight is taking you tomorrow,” she told me.

“Where is that?” I asked. “Twilight didn’t say.”

Rarity nodded and smiled. “It’s a surprise. So, how do you like your dresses?”

Author's Note

The crack about NSDPWYCPPMIYW was coined by Hooves Like Jagger in the comments section of his story, Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut. I've been waiting for like a year and a half to find the perfect place to use it.

Spring Break: Saturday, Again
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The Roommate

Spring Break: Saturday, Again

Twilight gave me a ride to Canterlot in her Lamborghini. She was a very responsible driver and refused to race Rainbow Dash, who flew along with us because the car only had two seats.

“Where did you even get a license?” Rainbow called as she flew alongside.

“Just because you live on Earth doesn't mean you're the only pony who learned how to drive,” Twilight replied. Rainbow rolled her eyes and flew a little higher.

The three of us had packed outfits in the car’s trunk for an event in Canterlot. Twilight was keeping quiet about it. Spitfire would be there, but that was about all she had revealed. Despite my own curiosity, Rainbow seemed more intent on finding out what was planned.

“Come on, just a little hint?” she asked over the sound of the wind as she stuck her head between Twilight and I. She hung onto the bodywork behind the seats, her wings spread and the rest of her hind legs trailing behind in the slipstream.

“It’s a surprise,” Twilight told her, and not for the first time today.

Rainbow huffed and let go, flying above the car. While I wasn’t pushing Twilight for information, I was also curious about where we were going.

Driving with the top down was pleasant, although my hair was getting blown in the wind. I assumed that since all three of us were bringing dresses that I would have some time to fix my hair and makeup before going to whatever event Twilight had scheduled.

Canterlot came into view in the distance. I had heard about the Equestrian capital before, but never seen it with my own eyes. The castle on the mountain was iconic, however, and I recognized it instantly.

A few minutes passed as we drew closer. Twilight slowed down, navigating the narrow streets that had been around centuries before cars had been imported. To my surprise, she drove right up to the castle. Lowering her sunglasses, Twilight waved to some guards that were standing outside and drove through the gate into the castle courtyard.

While I had watched some documentaries on old European castles, seeing a palace that was still in regular use and well taken care of was a whole different experience. I definitely got the feeling that this was someplace special.

There was a mare wearing what appeared to be a maid uniform waiting on us. She seemed to know Twilight. We got out of the car and opened the trunk to collect our things.

“Let me get those for you,” the maid said. “I’ll show you to your rooms.”

“Wait, what?” I asked.

“Your vacation ends tomorrow,” Twilight said, addressing Rainbow and me. “I thought that you might like to stay here before going back. You can use the dimensional doorway terminal in Canterlot.”

My inner little girl squee’d with joy at staying in a castle. “Wow, thanks Twilight!”

She smiled. “Thank the princesses; it’s their palace. They also invited you to dinner to thank you for your help when I was traveling during the last few days.”

Squeeeee

I did kind of wonder if I had really done that much to deserve such an honor, but as they say: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Apparently I had made the right choices in friends.

Rainbow seemed pleased, but not quite as excited as I was. I asked her about it.

“Well, I’ve met the princesses before.” She shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. They’re way more approachable than most human leaders.”

I certainly hoped so. A little bit of my giddiness had begun to bleed away and I thought about the implications of meeting royalty. Even if they were approachable, I was going to have to use my best social manners. Now, if I could only remember which was the dessert fork and which one was for salad…

At least there wouldn’t be cigarettes on my breath, but I could feel a few nicotine jitters coming my way. All that was forgotten, however, when I stepped into the guest bedroom.

The canopy bed was draped with silk and other fine cloths. The room was decorated with enough fancy that I was concerned a careless breath the wrong way would break some of them.

“Is it not to your liking?” the maid asked, seeing me just standing there.

“No, it’s perfect,” I quickly replied. “Just a lot to take in.”

I was left alone and I opened my suitcase. Resisting the urge to touch anything that looked fragile, I used a large mirror to get dressed and work on my hair and makeup. I was stuck trying to decide how much effort to use. On the one hand, this was a serious event, so I wanted to look my best but not overdo it. On the other hand, how much did ponies appreciate human cosmetics? In the end, I decided to just stick to the basics.

The dress, however, was anything but basic. It had color, and it had style. Several styles, actually, and I couldn’t come close to naming any of them. Every inch of it was decorated somehow. It fit wonderfully, but I felt like I was going to some sort of psychedelic wedding.

Shortly after I finished primping, Rainbow and Twilight came to collect me. Rainbow was groomed better than I had ever seen her, which considering her tomboyish college habits wasn’t hard to do. She seemed a bit uncomfortable with the garments that Rarity had probably also made for her. I noticed she wasn't wearing her fetlock bands or anything else she usually had at school.

Twilight looked a little more at ease. I figured she had gone through events at the castle before. The three of us were led by a stallion in a uniform to the dining room. The place was so lavish that it took me several seconds to notice the two princesses in the room.

Rainbow and Twilight lowered their heads in what seemed like a familiar bow, and I impulsively copied them. I’d never met royalty before, especially not two – if the rumors were true – immortals.

“Please have a seat,” Celestia invited with a smile. “Dinner should be served in a few minutes.”

While the dining room could certainly hold a lavish table, it contained a cozy round one with six seats. I studied it, trying to figure out where I should sit. I was still a little nervous around the princesses.

Just then, the door opened and Spitfire hurried in. “Princesses, please excuse me. I had a mountain of paperwork to do before leaving the squadron.”

Beside me, I felt a little quiver of excitement go through Rainbow. She and I took seats together. On Rainbow’s other side was Spitfire. In the shuffle, Luna ended up beside me with Celestia and Twilight filling in the rest of the table.

“How are you?” I heard Spitfire ask Rainbow. I turned my head to listen. It distracted me from the two alicorns that I was sitting so close to.

“I’m good,” Rainbow replied, sounding happy just to be talking to her idol. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.”

“I still feel bad about turning you down for the Wonderbolts,” Spitfire replied. “You’re one of the best fliers I’ve ever seen, but we couldn’t make it work.”

“I’m working on something else now,” Rainbow told her.

“Somepony told me you started going to school on Earth?” Spitfire replied.

Rainbow nodded. “I want to fly jets.”

Spitfire’s eyebrows went up. “Well, going to Earth was probably the best way to make that happen. I wish you the best. I’m sure you’ll be great.”

While I listened, I carefully tucked my napkin in. I had been on edge ever since sitting down to eat with the princesses, and I was sure they noticed. I tried to keep my fingers from shaking. This was not the time to drop anything.

“How is your school going?” asked Princess Celestia.

I jerked my head up, realizing she was talking to me. “Oh, it's fine.”

I paused. It felt like I should say something else. “Education is very important to me. To everyone, I suppose.”

“Interesting,” Celestia mused. “I was just talking to Ban Ki-Moon the other day, and he said something of the same thing.”

I took a moment to remember who that was. Oh right. The Secretary General of the United Nations. That Ban Ki-Moon. He was Celestia's pal apparently, no big deal.

Princess Luna was studying me. “Is everything all right? You look rather nervous.”

“Er...just not used to events like this,” I replied, fumbling words.

“Do you meet well-known people or ponies often?” asked Celestia, shifting the conversation.

I thought for a moment. “I once saw Neil Armstrong at a science event. That's about my only prior brush with fame, though.”

“I met him once,” recalled Luna. “The conversation was a bit dull, however. Neither of us could find more than one thing to talk about.”

I almost asked what. Fortunately, dinner was served before I could make a complete fool out of myself.

There was no meat, but it was all so tasty that I didn’t mind. In fact, if college could get chefs like the princesses had at the castle, I would go vegetarian in a heartbeat.

After we’d gone through the main courses and the table had been cleared in preparation for dessert, Celestia looked around the table and said, “I’ve gathered us all here tonight to celebrate what Twilight has done for the country in the past week and to recognize the rest of you for what you did to help.”

“I was wondering if I was going to get an explanation,” I said. I quickly added, “If it’s not a state secret or something.”

That got a few chuckles. Celestia said, “Go ahead and tell the story, Twilight.”

Nodding, Twilight began. “Well, I was on my way through the portals to Earth, but I was concerned that the luggage scales at the terminal were not to correct specifications. Of course I couldn’t let that stand – what if somepony got the wrong mass? – so I went to see the Equestrian Bureau of Standards about it.

“They said that their information came from Earth’s International Bureau of Weights and Measures, but the secretary I talked to didn’t know where that organization was located. That’s when I called you the first time, Denise.”

Twilight paused and a slight blush came to her cheeks. “I’m not proud of what I did next. When I got to Paris and tried to get in to borrow the Kilogram to calibrate the luggage scales, I had to bribe one of the standards agents.”

There was a general chorus of astonishment from around the table. Twilight went on. “I had to watch his pet chinchilla for the afternoon while he filled out the mountain of paperwork it took to get me access to the Kilogram.”

“And you took the chinchilla to Bolivia?” I asked, connecting the dots.

“Well, I figured that I could watch the chinchilla and also continue working on my luggage scales project, so I headed back to the portal terminal and had to go through back and forth a couple of times to test some theories. I grabbed lunch in Bolivia while I was at it and that made me think about what chinchillas eat; it was feeding time.”

I guessed that made sense, but I waited to hear the rest of the story. Twilight paused to recall and then continued. “After that, I made it back to Paris but even after all that paperwork was done there were a few days to wait before my application could be approved.”

“And what about the spell you had me read from that book?” I asked.

Twilight frowned. “Spell? Oh! No, that was just Latin. I got to be friends with that Frenchman at the Bureau, and while I was getting to know him he talked about being Catholic. Of course, I had to learn more about that to really understand him and so I went to the Vatican. Going back to your question, that’s why I needed a few phrases of Latin. That’s basically the only place where they speak it.”

“I heard a lot of noise in the background of the call,” I remembered.

“Yes, there was quite an event going on there,” Twilight recalled. “That led me to a new topic in Catholic holidays: Mardi Gras. The most notable place to learn about that was New Orleans, even if it was the wrong time of year to actually observe it taking place.

“While I was there, I learned about the nearby Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base New Orleans, which is a terribly confusing name, but it reminded me what Rainbow wants to do with her career and so I stopped by to have a look. A component of NORAD – a giant air defense system for North America – is located there. They were having some sort of wargame drills going on and I got a little caught up in the excitement with my new friends. I helped them win their simulation with some missile information from Spitfire.”

Nodding, Spitfire said, “I’m still wondering why they just let you come onto the base and give them advice.”

“Twilight was traveling on diplomatic status,” Celestia said. She arched an eyebrow. “Although this had very little to do with her mission.”

Twilight blushed. “Yes, well, after that I went straight to Beijing to talk to the Chinese about foreign policy and make friends like the Princess asked me to.”

There was a long pause. Rainbow broke it. “That’s it? That’s what you were doing? Then where does all that other stuff come in?”

“Well, after finishing up in China I went back to France and used the Standard Kilogram to get a proper calibration for luggage scales. In the terminal, I saved the Crown Prince of Dubai from having to check luggage that was supposedly overweight. We really hit off a friendship and he gave me a Lamborghini.”

Just then, dessert was served. That was good, because I had lost track of the conversation a few minutes before. One thing came to me, though. Didn’t Rarity also help out by telling Twilight how to get to the Forbidden City in Beijing? Well, maybe she had already been compensated by being paid for the dresses we’d worn to dinner.

Rainbow wasn’t so quick to let things go, however. “So Twilight, you get sidetracked by a small detail at the terminal and go off on a multi-country quest for information and get involved in everything along the way. That’s so like you, Twilight. You never change.” She chuckled.

Twilight smiled, recognizing the humor. “I do get carried away sometimes. How would you have done things differently?”

“Well, if I noticed a problem with the weight I would have just argued about it and won,” said Rainbow. “It’s the American way.”

She quickly recognized her slip, but Twilight had already picked up on it. “American? Actually, I would say that’s like you, Rainbow. Maybe you haven’t changed as much as you thought since going to school.”

Rainbow appeared to consider that. She'd already told me her fears about being assimilated into Earth society. Twilight's words seemed to allay her fears, however. She smiled. “Thanks. I worry about that sometimes. It's hard to live in a place and not pick up some of the habits.”

“I understand completely,” said Twilight. “In fact, the United States has had even less effect on you than I expected from studying culture immersion experiments. If you'd been someplace like Canada the results might have been different.”

“Although there’s nothing wrong with being American,” Spitfire said, interrupting before Twilight could go into a lecture on human society. “Especially if you want to be one of their fighter pilots. You’ve already got the attitude down.”

“Well, I guess if I should thank my teacher,” Rainbow said. “Living together, Denise has taught me a lot about being human.”

“Sorry, what?” I said, already halfway through my dessert.

Author's Note

This brings us to the end of the Spring Break arc of The Roommate. It's been a long time coming - attentive readers will remember that I posted part of this chapter to my blog more than seven months ago. With this section over, the story is now transitioning back to completed status.

Despite that, will there be more? It's a possibility, although far from a certainty. One day, maybe.

Thanks for reading.

Pensacola: Fan Mail
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The Roommate

Pensacola: Fan Mail

It was a beautiful day and I was stuck indoors with scratches on my arms and a thin layer of bodily fluids spread around the room.

This was normal.

Some cats required more anesthetic than others, and you had to be careful not to overdo it. Sometimes they reacted differently. Sometimes I just got it wrong. Whatever happened, sometimes they woke up on the operating table. Fortunately, the patients couldn’t file a complaint, but that didn’t make it any less nerve-wracking for both of us.

I finished up and paused to blow a few loose hairs out of my face and wipe my forehead on the shoulders of my scrubs. I was trying to wipe off sweat, mostly. It was partially the stress of the last few minutes, and partially the dying air conditioner that I hadn’t gotten fixed yet.

You think twice when the money’s coming from your account.

At least this was the last patient of the day. I transferred the still-comatose cat to a holding cage and cleaned up my workspace. Fortunately, there were no complications. I put on a white lab coat and went back out to the front room. A woman and a little girl were waiting. I didn’t have a secretary, so the two of them had been left alone with the few chairs and old pamphlets.

“Okay,” I said, “Mr. Paws is resting now. I’ll watch him overnight and he’ll be good as new tomorrow. You can come by at noon.”

“Thanks, Doctor Denise!” said the little girl, grinning with gap teeth. She and her mother headed for the door. I turned around, but paused when I heard her her exclaim, “Look mom, a pony!”

“She’s not my doctor,” Rainbow Dash was quick to point out. “Just my roommate.”

After graduating college and veterinary school, I needed a place to practice. I’d managed to find the clinic of a retiring vet in Pensacola, Florida to take over. It was a nice little place, a couple of blocks from the beach and just west of the bridge that spanned three miles across the bay. It was always fair weather and warm. I inherited a ton of customers. The problem was, I still had to pay off all the student loans and mortgage debt I’d incurred to get to this point. At least there was a loft on the second floor so I didn’t also have to pay rent.

And then, my old college roommate came to town. Rainbow was still pursuing her dreams of being a fighter pilot, and the Navy pilot school was in Pensacola. She tossed me a little money to share the premises and the two of us lived the bachelorette life together, both too preoccupied with career goals to do much else. Maybe a win for feminism. Mostly just convenient.

Rainbow came through the door, passing the departing customers. She wore a green flight suit custom tailored for her. She was carrying a few things. I saw a slight wrinkle in her nose, but she nodded and headed for the door marked Private, behind which were the stairs to the upper floor. Pony senses were better than human, and she spent as little time as possible on the ground floor. I’d just gotten immune to the smells.

I finished up a few things, locked the front door, and went upstairs myself, pausing on a rubber mat to strip my shoes and outer clothing, grabbing house clothes.

“You got some mail,” said Rainbow as I came into the room, gesturing to the table.

“Does it look like a bill?”

“Yeah.” She turned and picked up something else. “I got some sort of weird package.”

I came over and glanced at it. It was a cube of brown cardboard a couple of inches on each side. There was no return address.

“I’m not sure if there’s anything inside,” she said, holding it up and shaking it. “It’s really light.”

She reached for the pocket of her flight suit and pulled out a folding knife clipped there. I don’t know what she needed a knife for, but apparently all the cool pilots carried them. She manipulated it carefully with her hooves, opening the blade.

I’d noticed that Rainbow’s fine motor control had gotten better since I’d known her. Pony-made things were designed for hooves and the switch to Earth had forced her to improve her skill, learning to deal with things designed for fingers. She still used the dexterity enhancers sometimes, occasionally upgraded when a new model came out.

She slit the tape on the package and opened the box. Both of us leaned forward to look inside.

It exploded in our faces.

I don’t know how long I was out. When my eyes opened, I was staring at the ceiling. I took a moment to blink. Something seemed to be wrong with my eyes, a slight difference in how colors were presented. I tried to clear my vision with more blinks, but it wasn’t going away. I looked at my nose. Blue?

My body didn’t want to bend like it usually did, and that only fueled my rising panic. I managed to flop a little, and turned my head.

My eyes met those of a woman lying on the floor beside me who seemed to be going through the same struggles.

“Denise, what the hell?” she said.

“R-rainbow?”

“Yes!”

“That was clearly magic that did-” I gestured at her with what I realized was a foreleg covered in smooth blue hair “-this!”

“No shit!” She managed to sit up by scootching her way up the table leg.

Strange as it was, a detached part of my mind noticed that I was being out-cursed by someone who was until recently a magical flying pony. Rainbow had apparently taken to heart swearing like a sailor.

“Who would do this?” I rolled over, but must have done it wrong because a pain went through my back. Adjusting position, I felt something come out from under my side. Glancing back, I saw the mussed feathers from the wing that had been trapped.

“Mail us a curse?” She flailed, knocking the cardboard box off the table and onto the floor between us. I could see that it was empty, now.

“I didn’t even know this was possible,” I muttered from my position on the floor.

“Me neither,” muttered Rainbow. “I’m no expert or anything, but this is serious magic.”

We looked at each other again. “Twilight,” we said at the same time.

Of course, calling the smartest magical expert we knew was easier said than done in a situation like this. Suddenly finding yourself in a different body was jarring enough, but it came with so many other little problems. Namely, if I was in Rainbow’s body, what pronoun was I supposed to use? This was her body, but while I was in it should I say “mine” or “hers” even though “I” was “me?” I felt like there was a Beatles song about this.

I decided to follow the path of least resistance. I could usually trust Rainbow to do the same, so hopefully it wouldn’t cause problems.

Both of us flopped for a couple of minutes. I managed to get up on all four hooves, but was having trouble getting the wings to fold. The clothes also felt really weird. I would think everything should fit well, considering the custom spec, but being covered in a coat of hair was a feeling I was completely unused to.

That’s not to mention the carefree mane that I had to keep brushing out of my eyes. “You need a haircut.”

“You need fewer fingers and toes.”

“Don’t walk on them. The mammal bone structure is roughly the same, but elongated in equines. Hooves are like fingernails, and fetlocks are like finger bones.”

Meanwhile, I was going through the reverse of that. It felt like I was standing on my nails, except I only had four instead of twenty. It didn’t hurt, I just wasn’t used to it.

“This is going to be hard enough to balance upright without even a tail,” she said. “I don’t even know how your heart keeps blood all the way up in your brain.”

“Every human does it.”

“I meant you. I know you don’t work out.”

Ouch. Worse, I couldn’t really retort with something about her because I had a better grasp of anatomy and already knew the exact function of the equine system.

Rainbow had made it upright but was still leaning against the table. All of a sudden, her sock feet went out from under her and she thudded to the floor.

“Yeah,” I said, “cotton on linoleum. Not a winning combination.”

“Then why do you walk around with socks all the time?” she grunted, pulling herself up again.

“It’s just like walking on ice; you stiffen your legs a little bit and take shorter steps.” I took a couple of stiff steps of my own towards her. As I got closer, she put her hand on top my head to help herself up. I wasn’t expecting it, but managed to keep my neck straight and support her.

“Huh,” she said, pausing when fully upright again. Her hand remained on top my head, just resting there. The fingers began to wiggle.

I rolled my eyes upward - they seemed to have a greater range of motion than before - to find her grinning. Her stroking picked up speed.

“Are you finished?” I asked.

She paused, and then sheepishly took her hand away. “What can I say? Hooves and a tortoise for a pet don’t really lead to much petting sensation.”

She took a small step back from the table and stood straighter. She swayed, but managed to stand without assistance.
I lifted my forehooves to mock applaud, but forgot that I needed to stand on them and faceplanted.

Rainbow laughed, but managed to stay standing.

“It’s your body,” I said, picking myself up.

“Falling on my face is hardly the worst thing I’ve ever done to it,” she said.

“Well, not that I’m trying.” I shifted my weight and managed to pick up just one hoof. I pointed it at her. “And you be careful, too.”

“Sure,” she said, taking a couple of steps.

She reached her fingers out for a pen lying on the table but apparently put too much effort into the gesture and banged her knuckles into the edge of the wood.

“Ponyfeathers,” she gasped, cradling her hand to her chest. “I forgot to compensate for your arms being so long. You really are like a mon-”

She stopped abruptly. “Sorry, that slur just kind of slipped out.”

“Ape, technically,” I said. “But I don’t really mind. Heck, it’s you now, so you can say that.”

“Well, there are some really disgusting parts of the internet that I don’t really want to reference,” she said.

I tilted my head and my ears adjusted themselves. Huh, neat. “What parts?”

“There are...human hate groups.”

“Oh.”

She shook her head. “But I don’t go there because that kind of thing could affect my security clearance.”

Her eyes popped wide open. “Ohmygosh! What am I going to do? The Navy’s not going to let me fly a plane like this!”

“Uh...weren’t fighter jets designed for humans?”

She reconsidered. “Okay, I guess...what if that means I have a better shot at finishing the program now?”

“You arent keeping my body.”

“Okay, yeah, I wasn’t planning on it.” She looked down at her feet. I wondered if she would be fascinated by the new perspective caused by gaining a couple feet in height, but then remembered that heights were nothing new to her. “Anyway, we need to talk to Twilight.”

Her bedroom was closer, so we went for her laptop. Actually pulling up Skype and making a call when neither of us were used to our limbs was the hard part.

Twilight answered, distracted with some book and still actively typing with her magic on the computer as the webcam turned on. “Hello?”

“Uh, hey Twilight,” said Rainbow.

“Oh, hello you two,” she said, sparing us a glance. “Sorry, I’m a little busy right now, but we can talk while I work.”

“Something really weird happened,” I said. “There was this box in the mail and…”

“It had some sort of body switching spell inside,” said Rainbow.

“Okay,” said Twilight, still reading.

A second passed.

“We’ve been body switched!” said Rainbow.

Twilight snapped to attention. She stared into the camera, eyes cutting back and forth between us on the screen.

“Denise?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Rainbow?”

“Yeah.”

Twilight blinked. “I’ll be right there.” The call cut off.

The two of us leaned back from the computer. Rainbow took a step back, checked behind her to see how close she was to her bed, and sat down.

She fell right through the enchanted cloud mattress and landed on the floor with a thump.

“Ugh!” She got up, rubbing her backside.

But that meant…

I stuck out a hoof to touch the CloudBed, imported from Equestria, and found that there was actually some substance there. Without further hesitation, I climbed on. It was kind of like a water bed, but softer and less sloshy.

Wearing a sour look, Rainbow sat down in the chair in front of the computer.

A moment passed in silence.

“Okay,” I said. “Twilight will fix this.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow agreed.

I pondered on our voices. While I knew you don’t sound the same to yourself as you do to other people - like hearing a recording of your voice - I didn’t think I was perfectly mimicking Rainbow’s usual speaking tone. I guessed some of that was due to to my own speech patterns trying to work with her body’s vocal chords.

As I was ruminating on that, something else came to me. I crossed my eyes.

“What?” Rainbow said.

“I just realized you don’t have any whiskers. Do you trim them or something?”

“Most people don’t even notice,” she said. “You didn’t.”

True. I should have known.

“But ponies trim their whiskers short for a lot of reasons,” she went on. “No prickly kisses. Less drag. Because some celebrity is doing it.”

“Fornicating, fighting, and fame. Got it.”

She laughed. “I can handle them later, or if you think it’s going to be a problem, I can show you how to trim them now. I have some clippers.”

“I have clippers.”

“We both know where those have been.”

True. I should have known. A lot of stuff around a vet’s office can also be found in a bathroom, and the two shouldn’t be confused.

A few minutes later, someone rang the doorbell. The two of us glanced at each other and got up to make the walk down to the front door.

“What do we do if it’s not Twilight?” she asked, getting to the apartment door.

“I guess we’ll figure it out.” I reached up, but wasn’t sure how I was going to turn the doorknob with a hoof. Rainbow grabbed it and managed to open it.

Then we were faced with the stairs.

I first tried to turn around, subconsciously not wanting to go down headfirst, but there wasn’t room while standing next to Rainbow and I didn’t want to look silly.

That was probably the most frivolous concern I’d had all day, especially considering it wasn’t my body. I carefully headed down the stairs.

Behind me, Rainbow was having problems of her own. Fortunately, the stairwell was narrow enough for her to brace against both walls.

We made it down to the ground floor and I caught a whiff of the clinic through Rainbow’s nose. It smelled largely the same, but stronger. Okay, I kind of understood her aversion now.

At the front door, I realized I was too short to see through the peephole and let Rainbow take it. “I don’t see anyone.”

“Could it be a purple unicorn about my height?”

“Twilight?” Rainbow called.

“It’s me!” Twilight replied.

Rainbow opened the door and Twilight bustled in, apparently too distracted to remember to back up in order to be seen through a human peephole.

I knew she lived close to the dimensional doorways and had some sort of diplomatic fast-pass. Still, it was a surprise when she showed up only twenty minutes after the call.

“Look at the two of you,” she said. “Oh, this is bad.”

Not what I wanted to hear.

“You said it came in the mail?” she said. “Show me.”

Rainbow and I looked back up the stairs we had just descended and reluctantly began to climb again. Twilight hurried ahead of us.

“Seriously, Denise,” Rainbow panted as we reached the top. “Cardio.”

“Breathe more,” I replied. “From the diaphragm.”

Twilight snatched up the cardboard box with her magic and inspected it from all angles. “Something about the magical signature feels familiar. I’m going to have to run some tests.” She started muttering to herself, taking notes with a small pad of paper.

A couple of minutes passed before Rainbow coughed. “So...what do you think?”

“I can get you back in the right bodies,” said Twilight. “It might take a couple of days.”

“We both have to go to work on Monday,” Rainbow pointed out. “If I’m not back in my own body, the military is going to ask questions. I could lose my chance to be a pilot! I could get kicked out! I...I guess Denise would also have problems.”

“Right,” I added.

“Okay, okay, I’ll see what I can do,” said Twilight. She looked back and forth between the two of us. “Just…”

Twilight looked for a moment like she was going to say a pun, but instead shook her head and said, “Take care.” She walked out, leaving me, my body, and Rainbow.

Pensacola: Turbofans
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The Roommate

Pensacola: Turbofans

Sleep was difficult to find Friday night. Rainbow, in my body, couldn’t use her own CloudBed. Even when I tried to use it, not being used to wings had me rolling over and over trying to find a comfortable position. I kept finding new itches cropping up, split between my hair, feathers, and clothes.

Maybe I should have gone naked. Rainbow wouldn’t have minded, though now that she’d been living on Earth for several years, she’d gotten into the habit of usually being dressed. I was still wearing her Navy-issue t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts she wore beneath her flight suit.

When I got up in the middle of the night, I glanced through the slightly open door of my bedroom and saw her lying there fully covered, apparently chilly. The clothes she’d discarded were lying across the floor.

But I was soon distracted with the problem of taking a late night leak using a new body. The smooth tile and plastic of the bathroom reminded me of the problems Rainbow had earlier while wearing socks. Fortunately, I didn’t fall too hard, too often, or in the wrong places. I took extra care to keep my tail where I could see it.

It was a good thing that I was sleepy, because these pronouns, my body, was still really weirding me out.

I did manage to sleep a little and woke up late to sunshine and birds chirping. Sitting up in bed, I took a moment to stare at my hooves and reflect. The anxiety was still there, but I’d gotten over the shock.

I did a slow scan up and down, touching things, moving muscles. The sensations were much different. There were fewer fingers and toes to keep track of, but so much else. Opposable ears. A tail. Wings.

I’d touched Rainbow’s wings before, rarely. Most pegasi were sensitive about them, apparently. I tried spreading the feathers, attempting to straighten a few that had gotten mussed overnight. If I concentrated, I could feel each individual shaft anchored in the skin.

Something else came to me and I let go of my wings. Ponies were mamilian, and other than things I’d already inspected, there wasn’t a lot of difference in the basic structure and organs. I’d just remembered the Jacobson’s Organ that equines and many other animals had that humans did not. It was an auxiliary olfactory sensor. Not exactly a second nose, but another way of detecting smells, primarily pheromones.

I assumed the expression. Animals in the process of mating often made a doofy-looking face with the upper lip curled back and the top teeth exposed. I felt air go someplace it hadn’t before as I breathed in, sort of at the roof of my mouth. Things smelled a little bit different.

I don’t know what I was expecting. There wasn’t anything in particular, especially not someone else’s pheromones, to be smelled while sitting alone in a room.

I heard movement and straightened my face before Rainbow came stumbling into the room. “Morning,” she mumbled. “I hope you slept better than me. Even without the wings, your bed is hard.”

“Maybe,” I said. “I didn’t have it easy getting comfortable, either.” I averted my eyes. “Why don’t I make coffee and you get dressed?”

She looked down. “Oh. Oh.”

Rainbow is not a morning pon-er, person.

Out in the kitchen, I struggled a little with the coffee filters, but other than that it wasn’t too difficult to get the pot brewing.

I heard the shower turn on. That wasn’t a bad idea. I hadn’t considered it with the excitement yesterday. The water ran for perhaps five minutes and then stopped. I supposed it was easier to clean smooth skin.

Rainbow came out a few minutes later wearing loose jeans and a faded college t-shirt. I passed her a cup of coffee, five sugars as she liked it. She took a sip. “This is sweeter than usual.”

I tasted my coffee, made how I liked it. I could barely detect the single sugar. “I guess that explains why ponies are always eating sweets but never gain any weight. Just a part of the diet. Lucky.”

I pushed my cup of coffee across the table and Rainbow reciprocated. I think we both liked it better after that.

We sat for a few minutes in silence, just drinking coffee.

“So what are we doing today?” I asked.

“I didn’t have anything planned today.” Rainbow’s eyes suddenly went wide. “But I was planning to go see A.K. Yearling tomorrow! She’s doing a book signing.”

I’d never read a Daring Do book, but I knew that author by reputation, particularly with all the novels around Rainbow’s room bearing her name.

“We still can,” I said. “Maybe we’ll even be fixed tomorrow.”

“Okay, but-” Rainbow paused, and then continued in a different tone of voice. “She probably remembers me. We’ve met before. If we aren’t back in the right bodies, I’ll tell you what to say.”

I nodded and took another sip of coffee. I’d seen Rainbow fangirl over things before. This seemed somewhat different. I wasn’t sure why, but I let it go.

Rainbow went on. “But just in case Twilight doesn’t walk through the front door with a spell that will fix things in the next ten seconds, I think we should set some rules.”

“Ground rules?”

Her eyebrow quirked, indicating her displeasure at my joke. I think she’d picked up that expression from her friend Applejack. What was interesting was that I had never been able to do it in my own body.

“What kind of rules?” I asked.

She paused, but then said, “No sex.”

“It’s not like you know anyone to have sex with,” I said.

“Neither do you,” she shot back.

I sighed. “Fine, no sex.” Though, the back of my mind was suddenly hit with an image of what Rainbow might do with fingers. I stared at my coffee and hoped there was enough hair on my face to hide a blush.

I decided to change the subject, to something else I was thinking about. I looked at her over my coffee cup, balanced precariously between my hooves. “Can you teach me to fly?”

“Well,” she said, “Normally you want to learn how to drive a Hyundai before you go for the Ferrari, but I guess we can make it work.”

“If you’re a Ferrari, who’s a Hyundai?”

She considered it, putting her middle finger to her chin. I guess that was the one with the bones most directly equivalent of a hoof, but it could lead to awkwardness in the future. “Nopony you’d know. Fluttershy is more of a Subaru.”

I scratched the back of my neck, though the rough edge of her hoof only seemed to exacerbate the itch. “If we can’t get swapped back by the end of the weekend, I might have to get her to cover for me at the clinic. Or at least teach me how a pegasus is supposed to be a vet.”

Talking about not getting swapped back put her off her mood again. She finished her coffee in one slug and leaned closer to me. “We should get these feathers straightened out.” She paused. “Though you’ve actually been wearing the same clothes I put on yesterday morning, so maybe a shower first.”

Probably not a bad idea. I finished my coffee and got up.

“Be careful in the shower. Hooves are slippery on wet tile,” she warned me.

“Maybe getting shod would fix that.”

She gave me a look. “That’s an extra two pounds. Plus, you know we’ve had the conversation about steel shoes and wood floors.”

“And you know that shoes also come in rubber.”

“I just don’t like the idea of nails being hammered into my hooves.”

I looked down, my mind involuntarily equating it to needles being shoved under my fingernails. “Okay, yeah.”

I headed for the shower. Getting naked, despite ponies usually being comfortable that way, was not comfortable to me. It wasn’t my body.

I did my best not to make it weird. Still, there’s only so much you can touch someone’s body without it getting weird.

I distracted myself with biological thoughts. For example, I didn’t know what soap would do to a pegasus’ feathers’ natural oil. Instead, I just rinsed with water. For the mane and tail, I used Mane ‘n Tail.

I gave myself what I thought would be a quick scrub, forgetting that hair everywhere complicated things. It took a while to rinse and get soap residue washed out.

Drying took another while.

After I was done, I went back in Rainbow’s room to get dressed. On the way, I stepped over her tortoise, Tank. He looked up and I rubbed his shell gently like I had seen Rainbow do. We usually just let him roam the apartment, because what trouble is a tortoise going to get into?

I didn’t know how conscious he was of the world, but unless he was capable of asking me if I was really Rainbow, I wasn’t going to bring it up.

Though I probably made him wonder as I stepped to the closet and opened it. “Let’s see what we have here…”

Nothing I would have worn, really. Mostly military clothes. One or two extravagant outfits probably probably put together by Rarity were sealed in plastic and unlikely to ever be worn again.

To my surprise, though, Rainbow actually owned a simple dress. It was off-white with a simple pattern. It took some time to figure out the leg and wing holes.

Back in the living room, Rainbow looked up. “You’re wearing that?”

“It’s the loosest thing you own.”

She shrugged. “I’m already committed to my loss of image awesomeness this weekend, so whatever.”

She stood up, still a little wobbly but getting better. “Anyway, I can’t just sit around. Let’s go for a walk or something, anything.”

“Flying?” I asked, hopeful.

She hesitated, but nodded. “All right. A big open space would be best. The beach.”

“Okay, but I am not committed to my loss of modesty this weekend.” I gestured. “Put on some underwear.”

Rainbow’s eyes widened. “How did you know?”

I tilted my head and just stared at her.

“But it’s even more uncomfortable and complicated than just your clothes.”

I kept staring.

“Fine.” She went back into the bedroom, for quite a bit longer than I would have thought necessary, but she came out decent.

We walked downstairs, both of us a little better at it than the day before. However, upon reaching the ground floor, I looked out the window and saw a car pulling into the lot.

“I forgot about the appointment today! They came to pick up their cat!”

I jumped for my lab coat hanging up in the clinic and grabbed for it, only just barely remembering that I needed to keep at least three hooves on the ground to avoid falling over. Of course, the other hoof didn’t really work to pick up the coat. Instead, I turned to Rainbow. “Put this on! They’re coming in!”

I ducked past Rainbow again and headed for the door, belatedly realizing I was going to have the same problem with the deadbolt. I still gave it a shot, trying to rear up to reach it, but my back hooves slid across the tile.

“You come get this. Greet them, let them in. I’ll get Mr. Paws.”

I ducked back past Rainbow and headed for the holding cages.

Mr. Paws was awake, and I slowed down, trying not to scare him. “Hey kitty kitty…”

They don’t teach you how to talk to animals in vet school. I just made it up as I went along.

The cage door was a squeeze-type latch, and I managed to get my mouth to open it. Still making soft sounds, I reached one hoof in. For the first time all day, something went right and Mr. Paws didn’t freak out. I lifted him as gently as I could and walked three-legged back out front.

Rainbow and the two customers were there. I had apparently arrived before any awkward silences could start. The little girl smiled and accepted the cat from me.

“He’s going to be hungry,” I said. He also may want to sleep a lot. Try not to disturb him for a couple of days.”

“You seem to know a lot,” the mother commented.

“Intern,” said Rainbow.

She gave me an odd look, apparently the dress not fitting her image of a vet intern. Also, maybe she remembered Rainbow in uniform the previous day.

Rainbow, however, turned to me. “Okay, pop quiz. What do we do next?”

Playing along, I said, “The bill. I’ll go get it.”

I’d left the receipt book out last night and brought it over to Rainbow. She mock-quizzed me on the information to fill in. Her hand on the pen turned it into an illegible scribble, but hey, I was a doctor.

She carefully tore the receipt out and exchanged a check with the mother. She and her daughter headed for the door.

“Thanks Doctor Denise!” said the little girl, waving. Instinctively, I returned the gesture, though so did Rainbow.

Rainbow and I both heaved a sigh as they left. Rainbow pulled off the lab coat. “Well, that could have been worse. I don’t know if I could do this forever. What if Twilight can’t get us fixed by Monday?”

“I think it would be best if we came clean. We couldn’t hide it forever.”

“What about just one more day? I could maybe tell everyone I was too sick, that I got some weird Equestrian disease and was puking everywhere and couldn’t leave my bed.”

I considered it. “I did have a few appointments on Monday, but I could maybe cancel them. I can even sign as your doctor if it came to it. But neither of us can afford to drag this out too long.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. She glanced out the window, at the sunshine, and turned back to me. “So...flying?”

I instantly forget everything else on my mind.

We headed for the beach - walking. Rainbow was still a little unsteady, but thank God frost heave wasn’t a thing in Florida and the sidewalks were flat.

The sand presented another problem and she stumbled a little, kicking the sand up and getting some in her shoes. My shoes.

There were people around, it was Saturday, after all, but most of them didn’t spare us more than two or three glances.

The breeze was light today and I turned my nose into it, trying to feel how it moved across the skin and hair. I tried lifting my wings, attempting to mentally connect a sensation I didn’t have an analogy for.

“I don’t know if this’ll work,” said Rainbow. “I have no idea if innate pegasus magic stayed with me or my body. I guess even without it, you should be able to get at least a little bit of lift.”

She touched the leading edge of my wing gently with her fingers. “Think of this like the slicing edge that grabs the air.” Moving her hand back across the primaries and secondaries, she said, “This is where you’re going to feel it come to rest with each stroke.”

She ran her hand to the wing joint and down my side towards my sternum, running across the pectoralis pegasus muscles that powered the wing. “And this is where the effort comes in.” She poked and my wing on that side twitched downwards, despite the firmness of the muscle. She smirked.

I guess I’d never really thought about it, but this really was like getting to drive a Ferrari. I knew Rainbow was one of the fastest pegasi alive, and on a good day could outrun some jets. But I also knew that I didn’t have a hope of controlling that kind of ability with just a quick lesson, and so stuck to the basics.

I started to flap gently, feeling how the air moved across the feathers, and slowly increased the speed. I started to blow a little sand around.

Rainbow said, “Speed is fine, but you also have to…” she waved her hand “put a little effort into it. Like, concentrate on actually doing something.”

I guess I could sort of see what she meant. I tried to subtly cup the feathers to catch the air and concentrated on putting more force in the strokes. Inching up the effort, my hooves got light and gradually lifted out of the sand.

I knew a little about ground effect, mostly via osmosis from Rainbow, and concentrated on applying enough power to gain actual flight. I also tried to subtly directionalize the thrust. Remembering slow-motion videos of birds probably didn’t help much here, but I think it helped me understand the overall concept. Rainbow, with an engineering degree, probably understood force vectors better.

For a couple of minutes, I worked myself up, gradually going higher and faster, and learning to turn. Balancing carefully, I was able to fly circles of perhaps fifty feet radius around Rainbow. I noticed a few more people glancing my direction now.

“Stretch your legs out for less drag,” she said. “Like Superman.”

I did, and also tried going a little faster, the force of the turn starting to put pressure on my wing joints. I wasn’t sure how fast I was going, but probably faster than I could run on two legs. The wind was really blowing my mane around now, sometimes getting in my eyes as I looked down at Rainbow, who had shaded her eyes and was turning in place, looking up at me. She was going to get dizzy if she kept that up, so I decided to switch things up.

Peeling out of the circle, I headed off down the beach for a hundred yards, turned hard, and came back, doing my best impression of speed that I had yet mustered. I actually surprised myself, though I was still a long way from what Rainbow could do.

Passing her, I straightened my wings and tried gliding. The speed I’d built up kept me going, and I tried a high turn to come back, spiraling up.

“Down! Get down here!” Rainbow shouted.

“Huh?” I straightened out and began my descent, when suddenly it felt like a bomb had gone off right behind my head.

My breath hitched, but I managed to not spasm so hard that I fell out of the air. I still landed kind of hard on the sand though, looking up to see a rapidly-departing blue jet. “What the-”

“The Blues practice here sometimes,” said Rainbow, also looking after where the jet had already disappeared down the beach, flying only a few hundred feet above the sand.

“How did you hear it coming? I thought pony ears were supposed to be better.”

“I didn't. It was going so fast the sound only arrived a second or two before. I was just paying attention, because I know this is a route they use a lot.”

She shook her head. “Sorry, I should have said something. I’m sorry.” She put her hand on her chest and frowned. “I...feel like I need a smoke?”

“Probably,” I said. “I would.”

I let out a breath, my face and chest still flushed with adrenaline. I was starting to lather, too, but I figured that was mostly due to exertion. “Maybe no more flying today.” I nodded towards the surf. “Want to go for a swim?”

“Easy for you to say. Nobody cares if ponies are naked.”

“That’s another reason I told you to wear undergarments. Instant bathing suit.”

She shrugged and started undressing. To avoid watching that and the awkwardness it would cause, I turned away to do the same.

We made sure our clothes were secure and waded in. The feeling of soaking up water while being completely naked was new. Rainbow kept herself pretty well trimmed, but that was still a lot to soak up. At least pegasus wings were fairly weatherproof.

I was pretty much limited to the doggy paddle, or something like it. Maybe there were advanced pony swimming techniques. I tried using my wings, but they were never meant for straight-ahead thrust or such a viscious medium.

Also, my mane was in my eyes again.

At least I wasn’t having Rainbow’s problems. Unused to hair as long as I’d grown mine, she didn’t have the instinct to hold her head to keep it back when coming out of the water and it was going everywhere. She, too, was pretty much limited to the doggy paddle.

Swimming didn’t accomplish a whole lot, but it was good to cool off and take a moment to relax after the scare earlier. We both decided that we’d had enough after a few minutes.

We made the short walk back and went back upstairs to shower off the salt and sand.

Coming out of the shower, it took a long time to dry off. I anticipated that, but it still took some effort to work all the water out of my coat with the towel.

Rainbow traded places with me in the shower and was done in a considerably shorter period of time than I had taken.

Coming out, she said, “So, are we thinking lunch? I mean, I know I am.”

“Is either of us going to cook?”

“Heck no.”

“Okay, so who’s driving?”

That hung her up for a moment, before she shrugged. “I will.”

“We could just call an Uber.”

She waved a hand. “No, I’ve got this.”

She grabbed her keys and we headed back downstairs.

Rainbow had bought a red Camaro a few months previously, upon joining the military. She always complained that people kept asking her why she didn’t get a Mustang.

She had the pony-specific interior option. The steering wheel had a thinner rim so hooves could fit between the spokes, and larger buttons. The seat was shaped differently and had a cutout for the tail. The side bolsters were smaller, to provide room for wings.

She plopped her human body into the car, frowning at the lack of space for her legs. I guess the pedals were also a lot closer. She adjusted the seat backwards, but still didn’t look comfortable.

“I could drive.”

“No, I’ve got this.” She started the car.

I sat in the passenger seat. My hooves didn’t reach the floor and my head didn’t quite meet the headrest. I felt like a child buckled into a seat too large for me. I distracted myself by looking across the dashboard and at a curious piece of electronic gear. “What’s that?”

Rainbow looked at me and grinned. “It’s my dashcam.”

“Did you seriously get that just to make that pun?”

“Well, no, I got it to film myself driving fast, but I have been waiting a while for someone to ask.”

She headed off down the street. I forgot to ask where we were going until we were already pulling into the parking lot.

McGuire’s Irish Pub was a huge building for a restaurant. It had to be. Walking in, I saw the supposedly one million individual dollar bills stapled to the ceiling. The place had a totally unique aesthetic.

A waitress found us a seat. When we were alone, I said, “Did we really have to come here?”

“You were hungry and I think we both need a drink.”

The pub wasn’t crowded at the moment, but it was still a Pensacola landmark. Everybody went to McGuire's. Somebody could see us. The last thing we needed was a conversation with someone we didn’t know. Or worse, someone we did.

“If we're drinking, who's driving back later?”

She frowned, looking at her fingers. “Okay, fine. Being sober would also probably help with the problem at...hand.”

“I just hope Twilight gets back to us soon.”

“Yeah.”

We looked at the menus after the waitress dropped them off. Salads came in large size. Across the table, I saw her finger hovering over the steaks. For some reason, I found that amusing.

Then she ordered one and I realized just how weird this whole thing had gotten.

Pensacola: Fangasm
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The Roommate

Pensacola: Fangasm

The night had been kind of warm and I was wearing a fur coat. It didn’t help that I was little drunk when I went to bed. I’ve said it before - Rainbow is a lightweight.

But neither one of us wanted to get hammered when body swapped, so I woke up without a hangover.

I sat up in the CloudBed. I wasn’t going to miss sleeping on wings, but I was going to miss the bed - literally sleeping on air. Okay, not exactly with the water vapor involved, but small potatoes.

Glancing out the window, I spotted a few small clouds in the sky. Despite the aborted flying lesson the day before, I could suddenly understand the appeal of just hanging out or whatever on a cloud. Rainbow liked to nap up there, but she couldn’t do it often because we lived near a couple of airports. Pegasi could carry radios and talk to air traffic control, but Rainbow didn’t like doing that. For her, it was either all - strapped into a jet - or nothing - flying free. I think I understood a little bit of that, too, now. Not that I wanted to do it again, but maybe this body swap would be a positive experience over all.

Oh no, it was Sunday! Where was Twilight on the reversal?

I could hear Rainbow getting out of bed in the other room. I called, “Hey, should we call Twilight or something?”

Rainbow paused, but then replied, “She’ll call us.”

“But should we see if she has anything?”

“She might. But if she doesn’t have a cure, then there’s no point in asking and we’ll only distract her.”

Rainbow: all or nothing.

She came in, adjusting her clothes. “In the meantime, today Daring Do is going to be doing a book signing!”

“A.K. Yearling, the author of the Daring Do series?”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant!” Something went across her face, but I dismissed it as a pony trying to do embarrassment with a different musculoskeletal system.

“Where is this happening?” I asked.

“On base.”

“Really?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I’m not saying I’m responsible or anything, but her novels have really taken off with the military. As a matter of fact, I’m kind of surprised they didn’t want to have some sort of PR event with me.”

“Wouldn’t that work to your favor? You’d like to meet her, right?”

“Well, I’ve met her before.” Rainbow waved a hand. “She’s cool; I wouldn’t want to bother her, which is why we should go in the afternoon, when the book signing is almost done.”

“Really?”

“Okay, I’m hoping she’ll recognize me and invite me to hang out later…” Rainbow trailed off, and then swept her arm in a gesture at her body that culminated with a facepalm. “Okay, forget I said anything.”

“I mean, if you want, I can ask if she would be so nice as to meet my roommate,” I offered.

“Well, I guess that’s better than nothing,” she allowed.

I headed for the kitchen and the coffee maker. “So what do you want to do to kill time until then and distract us from Twilight not getting back to us yet?”

Rainbow sat down and waited for the coffee to brew. “I don’t know.”

I smirked. “Horseback riding?”

Her head jerked up, but she relaxed. “There’s no place like that around here. I don’t even care that your cowboy boots are collecting dust.”

I chuckled and poured the coffee.

“There’s always video games,” Rainbow said.

She had a Playstation. Game consoles had proven popular in Equestria, and so were pony-specific peripherals.

“Hmm, that does sound fun.” I took a sip of coffee and stared at her. “I’m finally going to beat you at DDR.”

“You’re on!”

As it turned out, it wasn’t that easy, but having extra limbs certainly helped. Rainbow kept trying to challenge me, though, as I knew she would. She seemed to be getting a better hang of being bipedal, but what eventually proved to be her downfall was something else.

“Cardio, Denise!”

“Okay, okay,” I said, looking at her red, sweaty face. “You got me to quit smoking, I guess you’re going to make me start jogging, too.”

“I’m holding you to that. Seriously. I’d do it myself except I don’t even want to know what kind of underwear torture that would require.”

That afternoon, we got dressed in more than just pajamas and headed towards the base.

I had never driven Rainbow’s car before, particularly because of the pony-spec seats. They turned out to be pretty comfortable for my pony body, but then I realized I didn’t know anything about driving a muscle car and hoped that wasn’t going to be a problem. Stop and go traffic seemed fine.

Rainbow sat in the passenger seat with the latest Daring Do novel in her lap. “When we get to the gate, just give the guard my ID and say I’m with you.”

This was it. We were finally going to commit fraud. I mean, granted, that would be hard to prove, but I was still uneasy. Following her directions, I pulled up to the gate, butterflies hatching in my stomach.

“Oh, hey ma’am,” said the sailor standing at the gate. I fumbled the military ID card in my hooves and dropped it. It landed inside the car, somewhere down deep between the seats.

“Don’t worry about it, ma’am,” he chuckled. “I know who you are. I’m going to need to see some ID for your passenger, though.”

“She’s with me,” I said, somewhat belatedly, but Rainbow was already digging through my purse to find my driver’s license. She found it after what seemed like a long time, and handed it over. The guard simply glanced at it and handed it back.

“Have a nice day, ma’am,” he said, and saluted. Caught unaware, I awkwardly saluted too and drove through the gate.

“You’re-I mean, I’m in the Navy; we don’t salute when not in uniform,” said Rainbow.

“I didn’t know,” I said. “I don’t even know how to salute.”

“I can tell.” She gave me a brief tour of the base as we drove, pointing out old fortifications, a museum, and a couple of other things that were military-speak and bounced off my brain.

We passed a lighthouse. Rainbow said, “Turn up there, past the water towers.”

The twin water towers Rainbow had indicated were painted red and white. If they needed two, the base must be pretty large. I suppose it would have to be, to house an airport.

Rainbow directed me to a parking spot and we got out of the car. I realized that I’d forgotten to wear something with pockets. I had Rainbow’s fetlock band with her ID in it, but had nowhere to put the car keys. I gave them to Rainbow and she put them in my purse, which she carried on her shoulder like I did.

“They’re having the signing in that hangar,” she said as we started to walk. “They weren’t sure how many people would attend.”

The line did seem pretty long from what I could see, managed with those extendable instant line-forming ropes. We walked over to join. A young man who was dressed too warmly and professionally to be a native of Pensacola closed the line seconds after we arrived.

“Perfect timing,” said Rainbow.

“I’ll say,” he commented.

“Are you with A.K. Yearling?” she asked.

“I work for the Earth side of the publishing company,” he said. I’d noticed earlier that he was sweating, but I could see in his eyes that it had apparently been a long day.

“What’s she like?” I asked. It seemed like something Rainbow would say.

“Nice, I guess.” He shrugged. “Private. She’s always going places without telling anyone, and she refuses to carry a phone so basically the only time you see her is at appointments like this one.” He gestured to the line, which snaked through the hangar. There were maybe a hundred people, and a pony or two, ahead of us.

Since the line was closed, the assistant was apparently done for the day and left. We stood in line and stepped forward every minute or so.

Through the crowd, I could see A.K. Yearling sitting behind a table and signing books. She looked just like the picture on the jacket of all her books: cloak, hat, glasses. We slowly got closer, working our way through the line. I glanced back through the hangar door, seeing the sun heading down. It might even be dark by the time we got up to the front of the line. I didn’t relish driving Rainbow’s car back in the darkness, though I was working on a theory that pony eyes were quite a bit more night-sensitive. Being larger, they naturally collected more light, and might be focused on lower wavelengths into the infrared spectrum.

Of course, I could have just looked it up, but in respect to Rainbow’s sapience had usually tried to keep my work separate from her body.

As we took another turn in the line, a man in a blue polo and khakis made eye contact with me. “Hey,” he said with a grin, “you know the beach is restricted airspace, right?”

“You must be that Blue Angels pilot Rainbow was telling me about,” Rainbow quickly jumped in. Despite her quick thinking, I could tell in her voice that she was just barely maintaining calm. So was I. Meeting someone she knew was our already-discussed worst case.

He chuckled. I said, “This is my roommate.”

He introduced himself to her. “What do you do?”

“I’m a veterinarian,” said Rainbow. She looked at the little girl holding his hand. “Do you have pets?”

“I have a dog!” she replied with a bright smile.

Rainbow handed him a business card she’d found in my purse. Despite her jock-ness, Rainbow wasn’t dumb and was proving to be a pretty decent actor.

“I’ll keep you in mind,” he said before turning back to me. “Anyway, as much as you hang around, I’m sure you know the practice show schedule. If you really want to join the Blue Angels, though, it would probably be better not to do it as engine FOD.”

“That’s assuming a Hornet could catch me at sea level,” I replied.

“I’d really like to see that race,” he said, sounding genuine. “I don’t think anyone would authorize it, though.” He said goodbye amiably and the line moved on.

“I’m surprised you remembered that,” Rainbow said quietly.

“I probably absorb less than one percent of what you say about aeronautics, but your rant on the Hornet’s draggy airframe was memorable.”

Though, I was still impressed that I’d remembered it, too. I realized that other than maybe her childhood Equestrian friends, I probably knew Rainbow about as well as anyone. Maybe better, in fact, since according to those same friends Rainbow had changed a lot since “going native.”

The line continued to snake as I thought about that. I supposed knowing someone wasn’t everything. I was probably the best possible person to have switched bodies with her and believably emulate her, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have her old friends. Twilight had come when we called without even a thought of hesitation. Rainbow had more, and better, friends than I did. I guess that was one reason why it could kind of be fun to see what her life was like, even if only in body.

Thinking about the weekend we’d had, I realized that as awkward and concerning as it was, I appreciated the experience. I just wished Twilight would at least get back to us with an update.

Rainbow started to fidget more as we approached the front of the line. I wasn’t sure how to emulate a fangirl freakout of meeting a favorite celebrity, but did my best. Rainbow had implied that she’d met A.K. Yearling several times before.

The author signed the book for the person ahead of us and looked up from the desk, meeting my eyes and completely ignoring Rainbow.

A brightly colored pegasus on Earth was never ignored by people who didn’t know her. I’d felt all kinds of stares in the short few days while pretending to be Rainbow. However, in a body half my usual height, I could see how ponies could be literally overlooked. That was why it was a new experience to be facing someone, somepony, who was on my level.

“It’s good to see you again,” A.K. Yearling said. She smiled, which seemed to be real and a lot more meaningful than the public face she had been wearing for everyone else.

“You too,” I replied automatically. Remembering myself, I said, “I brought my roommate,” and gestured to Rainbow, who held the book to be signed with her arms crossed.

A.K. Yearling nodded politely and held out a hoof for the book. “Who should I make it out to?”

“Rainbow Dash; it’s still my book,” I said.

She laughed. “Of course.”

Wow, how well did Rainbow know her?

I watched as A.K. signed the book. She wrote with her mouth, Equestrian-style. Even still, I noticed her hooves were a little rougher than I would have expected for an author.

Finishing the signing, she closed the book and slid it back across the table. She glanced around at the empty hangar and then leaned forward, lowering her voice. “I’m glad you came at the end of the event. I need to talk to you.”

Huh?

We both glanced at Rainbow, who looked confused, at least as confused as I was. A.K. added, “Privately, if that’s all right.”

Rainbow blinked, and a look of understanding appeared to come over her. She picked up the book. “No problem. Take as long as you need. In fact, I have the car keys, so if you’re going to be a while I can get back on my own.”

“Thanks,” said A.K. She looked at me and tipped her head towards the other end of the hangar. “Come on.”

What did Rainbow know that I didn’t? What was this about? I followed A.K., glancing over my shoulder at Rainbow, hoping my look of bewilderment would convey that I didn’t feel qualified to pretend to be her in whatever was about to happen.

She smiled, and gave me a perfect, crisp salute.

That didn’t help. Even more confused, I followed A.K. through a small walk-in door of the hangar. She shut it behind us. We were now on the flight line, though not a busy part of it as this section had been cleared out for the signing. There were some security lights on, but we stood in the shadows.

I started to ask a question, but she preempted it by undressing. The normal human reaction would be to look away, but then I realized she was wearing a different outfit under her cloak.

My jaw dropped. Oh my God, A.K. Yearling was Daring Do herself. Had Rainbow known this whole time?

“You know the area, right?” she said, apparently not noticing my reaction. “I was really hoping to run into you. Part of the reason I came to Pensacola was because of the treasure of Fort Barrancas.”

It took me a second to remember a sign I’d seen on the way in. It was apparently a historical part of the base. More importantly, it forced me to think about something else to get over my astonishment. “What about it?”

“You know about the United States Civil War?” she said.

“Yes.” And Rainbow should, too. That sounded like it was something on the citizenship test.

“When Union troops evacuated from Fort Barrancas in 1861, they left a few valuable things behind. I managed to find an old treasure map and I think I can pinpoint where they were buried.”

“Hasn’t the area already been ground-radar mapped or metal detected or something?” I said.

“I don’t think so,” she replied. “One, nopony was expecting anything like this. Two, it’s on a military base so the general public doesn’t have access.”

“Being a military base, I don’t think you have permission to just wander around,” I pointed out.

“Are you going to turn me in?”

What would Rainbow do? “No.”

“Then let’s go.” She spread her wings and took off. I quickly followed her.

Friday, I switched bodies with my roommate and now I was going on an adventure with Daring Do who I’d just learned was real. It was a good thing I didn’t have time to stop and think about it because I’m pretty sure I’d react like an overwhelmed fan, regardless of if I’d ever read any of her books or not. Were they true?

“I noticed anti-flyer detection systems when they were giving me a tour of base,” she called as we flew into the night. “We’ll have to stay low. I think I came up with a route that should keep us hidden.”

Good, staying low. I wasn’t sure I was ready for real attitude yet.

I was easily able to follow her. She was probably staying cautious, which was good. I had no idea how fast Daring Do was, but didn’t want to find out.

We headed for the lighthouse I had seen earlier. It was a clear night, but I could still practically see the beam like a laser in the darkness as it rotated.

“We’ll have to take a bearing from there; that’s how they coded the map,” said Daring Do.

“Is it the same?” I asked. “That was a long time ago.”

“Good question, but I looked it up. The lighthouse was there by 1859, so it still should be accurate.”

I wondered if she would write a book about this. Surely not every expedition she went on was bookworthy.

We landed on the lighthouse’s platform. Daring took out some brass device, maybe a sextant, and started using it along with some numbers written on a piece of paper. I kept an eye on the light - not literally - which seemed to make one rotation about every twenty seconds. Even at my back, the heat coming off it was incredible.

“Got it,” said Daring after a short while. “Let’s go.”

She stepped over the rail and plunged into the darkness below. I gulped and carefully followed her.

We made it to the old fort in another few minutes. Daring said, “If the calculations were correct, the treasure should be-”

She came up short, ears flicking. I heard it, too. Voices.

Her lip curled. “Caballeron.”

It took me a second to remember who that was. “How did he know you were here?”

“That’s the problem of dealing with people,” she said. “If a pony comes in asking questions about something, and then later another pony comes in, they assume we must know each other and repeat everything they said. Someone probably told him exactly where I was going.”

I heard the dig at humanity there, but asked, “How did he get here ahead of you?”

“The book signing, and taking the measurements,” she said. “If he hasn’t been to the lighthouse, then he doesn’t know exactly where the treasure is. But he knows it’s here somewhere and is probably waiting for me to find it first.”

She turned, sizing up the area. “We can probably avoid him if we go through this sewer.”

It looked like an ancient drainage pipe. Daring lifted the grate, but stopped short, her breath hitching.

“What?” I said.

“Snake,” she whispered.

I looked over her shoulder, spotting a distinctively-banded five-foot-long reptile.. “It’s just a corn snake,” I said. “It’s not venomous or anything.”

She gave me a look. “Are you going to go down there?”

“Okay.” I reached for the snake, reasoning that getting bit was even less of a concern with hooves. The cool night had made it sluggish and I lifted it out of the drain and set it down a few feet away.

Daring seemed quietly impressed. We descended into the tunnels beneath the fort. She let me lead.

As we crawled through dirt and things I didn’t want to imagine, the voices seemed to be getting louder. Some light was coming in through a grate and I looked up. There was the infamous Doctor Caballeron and his henchponies. If we stayed quiet, we should be able to sneak by.

Either I wasn’t seriously concerned or was still too surprised to be cautious. Maybe that would be different if I had ever read any of the books and had a better idea what Caballeron would do.

We were just about to leave the grate behind when suddenly there was a flash of purple light in front of me and I recoiled into Daring as someone else fell into me.

“Ouch! Discord, where are we?” shouted Twilight Sparkle.

“I said I would guide you to where she was,” said a voice I didn’t recognize in the darkness. “It seems to be a sewer. Just what kind of friends do you keep?”

The grate above was yanked up. “What do we have here?” said Caballeron smugly.

I wished I knew. I looked around, now that there was more light.

Twilight had apparently teleported in, and fell all over me. Someone was with her, but I really wasn’t sure who - or what - I was looking at. It wasn’t a body that made a lot of sense.

“Oh, hey Daring Do,” said Twilight.

Twilight knew her too!?

“We were kind of in the middle of something,” said Daring, pointing upwards at the circle of bad guys standing around.

“Oh, if that’s all,” said Twilight’s associate. He snapped his...fingers, I guess and suddenly Caballeron and his group were wearing pink, frilly dresses.

Realizing they were far outmatched, and apparently not willing to suffer further embarrassment, they fled. Caballeron shouted over his shoulder, “We’ll meet again, Daring Do!”

Daring was the first to climb out of the sewer. The rest of us followed her. She said, “If you don’t mind, I still have a treasure to find.”

“I have a spell for this,” said Twilight. “Do you remember Rarity? She taught me this one.” Twilight focused, her horn glowing, and a few feet away the dirt began to mound up like a giant mole coming to the surface. What came up instead was a half-rotted wooden box with heavy iron fittings.

Daring stamped her hoof. “Well, I don’t know what I’m going to write now! ‘And then Princess Celestia’s protégé Twilight Sparkle and Lord of Chaos Discord showed up and solved all my problems for me!’”

“I have a solution,” said Discord. He snapped his fingers again. Daring and the treasure vanished.

“Is-is she okay?” I asked.

“She’s home,” he replied. “Tucked into bed nice and warm. So is the treasure.”

“This is Discord,” Twilight said to me, tossing her head at him. “Lord of Chaos.”

“Uh huh,” I said.

“Anyway,” Twilight went on, “I was trying to find Rainbow, but I guess I actually found her body. I see she isn’t with you, so let’s go find her.”

She focused her magic and all of a sudden we’d teleported. I blinked the purple sparkles out of my eyes and discovered that we were in the car with Rainbow. She was as surprised as I was, but managed to keep us on the road.

“Discord!? What is he doing here?” she demanded without even asking how Twilight and I had gotten there.

“He’s the one responsible for your little switcheroo,” said Twilight, glancing unkindly at Discord.

Rainbow paused. “So it was just Discord all along, not some anti-human league or bio-terror organization?”

“I’m actually kind of disappointed the plot turned out to be so boring,” said Twilight. She frowned, apparently still guilty over interfering with Daring’s expedition.

“Well, since Twilight was so insistent that messing about with beings’ bodies was a no-no, I suppose I had better swap you back,” said Discord.

“Wait,” said Rainbow. She turned onto our street, parked the car, and shut off the engine. “Okay.”

Snap. We were back.

Twilight elbowed Discord. He said, “How can I make it up to you?” I didn’t immediately reply as we got out of the car, still getting accustomed to bipedalism. Fortunately, a couple of days wasn’t long enough to forget.

“Lord of Chaos, right?” I said. “That sounds pretty powerful. Can you get me a boyfriend?”

“And get me a boyfriend, too,” Rainbow added.

Discord started to smile, and she quickly amended, “Coltfriend.”

He chuckled. “Well, I could, but Twilight is very adamant about the whole free will thing.”

“Say you’re sorry,” said Twilight.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

I guess that was as good as we were going to get. More importantly, we had our own bodies back. Twilight said goodbye to us and the two of them teleported away again.

“How did it go with Daring Do?” Rainbow asked.

“It was cool, until Discord apparently ruined everything,” I said. “There's - or there was - a treasure at Fort Barrancas. Daring got to it before Doctor Caballeron.”

“She always does.”

“So...do you just casually know one of the most famous Equestrian authors?”

“It's kind of obvious when you think about it,” she laughed, “but she's a good actor.”

“You aren't so bad yourself.”

“You aren't blue enough to play me in a biopic about my life, but we didn't have a national security incident, so I think you did pretty well.”

We went up the stairs to the apartment together. I noticed how much exertion it required, and it wasn't just because I was tried after a long day. Okay, maybe Rainbow had a point.

Rainbow put down the signed book on the table and slumped in a chair. I sat down across from her, head in hands, both of us trying to slow down and digest the day and the weekend.

I took a deep breath and had a calming sigh. I looked up and our eyes met.

“You know,” Rainbow said, “I've been thinking about getting my own place.”

1: Turbulence
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The Roommate

1: Turbulence

Chapter 1: Turbulence

There are few times in your life that seem to pass more slowly than when you’re waiting on a new college roommate to arrive.

I’d already gotten the room set up, my posters hung, clothing unpacked, and computer plugged in. I waited patiently for my roomie to show up, a smile on my lips.

I’m kidding. I was on Facebook.

Can you believe this, Nathan? I typed to my boyfriend.

We’ve been over this before. No, I can’t believe your roommate is a pony.

I heard the clicking sound of steps in the hallway. I typed, Hang on, this might be her.

I leaned back in my chair and looked towards the open door. The noise turned out to be a girl wearing high heels.

Not her. I typed.

Lol. Good luck, babe. I’ll be back later.

Bye. XO

I pushed back from the computer. While my roommate wasn’t late, the waiting was still killing me. I grabbed some earbuds and plugged them in, aiming my mouse at the iTunes icon. I didn’t own an iPod, the program just came with my Mac.

Opening a drawer in my desk, I took out some yarn and a crochet hook. I was attempting to get the framework of a hat started when I thought I heard a voice. I jerked out one earpiece and turned my head.

The pony I had been expecting was standing in the doorway. Her coat was a pale blue with like-colored wings folded close to her sides. Five brilliant colors decorated her mane and tail. I guessed that she probably weighed roughly the same as me, but was lower to the ground, about eye-level with the doorknob.

“You’re so cute!” I gushed.

Her magenta eyes narrowed. “Do you say that to all your roommates?”

I felt my face flush. So much for making a good first impression. “I’m sorry. This is all new to me.”

“Tell me about it.” She slipped off the saddlebags she was wearing. I saw that on each hip, she had a mark that looked like a colorful lightning bolt.

I got up from my computer chair, extending a hand. “I’m Denise.”

“Call me Rainbow.” She frowned at my hand. “Ponies don’t shake. Make a fist.”

Once my fingers were folded up, she tapped my knuckles with her hoof. It was surprisingly like a brofist.

Rainbow abruptly turned away to begin unpacking her bags. I noticed that there wasn’t much inside them.

“Is that all you have?” I asked.

She glanced around the room at my decorations, computer, minifridge, microwave, and stuffed closet. “Yeah, it’s all I have. Why did you bring so much?”

“I just…have it,” I answered. “If everything managed to fit it in my car, it’s not that much, is it?”

“You humans are all the same,” she snorted. “Clinging to your material goods when you should be focusing on more important things, like friendship.”

“You don’t sound very friendly,” I pointed out.

“Fine, you want to be friends? Help me pick up my computer and ID card.” She put her saddlebags back on and we walked out of the dorm building together.

When doorways to another universe had been discovered a couple of years ago, the last thing on my mind had been getting a pony for a roommate. Now, here she was. I’d gotten an e-mail from the university about random roommate assignments a month ago, but the situation was still a little surreal. Ponies were still an uncommon sight on Earth.

“So what made you decide to pick Purdue?” I asked as we walked. I dug in my purse looking for a smoke.

“Aeronautical Engineering,” Rainbow replied. “The campus is also close to doorway number one.”

For some strange reason, the first portal to another dimension had been opened at a military research facility in southern Indiana. While there were other colleges closer to the doorway, none of them had significant Engineering courses.

“I’m studying Animal Science. I want to be a veterinarian,” I told her. I managed to find the pack and pulled a cigarette out. I began looking for a light.

“That’s nice,” Rainbow said, eyeing a small plane passing overhead.

“The airport southwest of campus gets almost constant traffic from student pilots,” I said helpfully. “Airplanes are flying over all the time.”

“I know,” said the pegasus, sounding somewhat annoyed. “I’m not allowed to fly around here. They say I might disturb the traffic patterns at the airport or something.”

“I don’t really like to fly,” I said.

Rainbow looked at me in surprise. “How can you not like flying? Didn’t you humans invent airplanes for a reason?”

“I get airsick and they don’t let me smoke.” Speaking of, I found my lighter.

“Well, I’m getting a pilot’s license,” she said.

“Why do you need a pilot’s license?” I asked. “Can’t you fly already?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s a long story.”

We went on in silence for a few minutes. It was against campus rules to smoke outside a designated area, but I’d never seen the harm in it. The wind was blowing the cloud away from Rainbow, and she appeared to ignore the cigarette in my fingers.

The pony asked, “Where are we going again?”

“Stewart Center,” I said. “That’s where the computer shop is. It’s a big brick building.”

Rainbow glanced around. “All the buildings are made of brick.”

“It’s a Purdue joke,” I told her. “You’re a freshman, I couldn’t resist.”

“Then what are you?” she asked.

“I’m a junior.” I tried not to sound conceited about it.

Rainbow thought about that for a moment. “Did you have a roommate before?”

“Yeah, but she was deported unexpectedly.” I sighed. “Chen was great to live with, but not very good with visa paperwork.”

We passed by Loeb Fountain, which was located in a small circle between buildings. A lot of students used it as a place to hang out and relax amid the sound of flowing water.

“What’s that smell?” asked Rainbow.

I figured she knew what tobacco smoke smelled like. It took me a moment to figure out what she was talking about.

“It’s probably the chlorine they put in the water to sanitize it,” I told her. I realized then how overwhelmed a pony on Earth must be. Even the tiniest things, like chlorine in the fountain water, were something new. I saw Rainbow’s head continually moving, looking at everything.

I realized something else. It was my responsibility to make sure Rainbow didn’t get into trouble because she didn’t know something. The last thing I needed was for my roommate to get arrested or worse. After Chen had left, my dorm payments had gone up to cover the difference. I couldn’t afford for that to happen again.

“There’s Stewart,” I said, pointing. I tossed away the filter of my used smoke with the other hand. We reached the building and I held the door for Rainbow.

The inside of the building was done in cheesy ‘50s style. The computer center in the basement, however, was decorated with sleek glass and stainless steel.

The computer salesmen seemed surprised when we walked in. Judging by the looks the multicolored pegasus had received on our way over, that’s about how I expected they would react. The real fun started when they found out she wanted a computer.

“I came to pick it up,” said Rainbow. “It was ordered a couple of days ago.”

“Uh, your name?” asked one of the salesmen as he picked through a file of paperwork.

“Rainbow Dash,” she answered.

The man found the correct forms and laid them on the counter. “I need your signature.”

Rainbow grabbed a pen with her mouth. I’m not sure how else I expected her to hold it, but it looked kind of weird. And unsanitary.

Once the paperwork was signed, the man got her brand new PC laptop from the back room.

“How are you going to use that with hooves?” I asked.

“You’ll probably want an external mouse,” said the salesman to Rainbow. “I don’t think a touchpad will work for you. As for typing, you’ll either have to use the onscreen keyboard or some kind of voice-to-text program.”

“Mouse? Touchpad?” asked Rainbow in confusion. I got the feeling that we might be there a while.

Luckily, the computer people were used to dealing with clueless customers and got all her questions answered. It probably wouldn’t have taken half as long if she’d bought a Mac.

“But you can’t do anything with Apple,” said the salesman when I pointed that out. I decided against a retort and waited around with my hands in my pockets until Rainbow was finished.

The laptop she purchased was small, and fit neatly in one side of her saddlebags. Until the pony figured out some other way to use it, it looked like she would have to press the buttons and keys with the rubber end of a pencil held in her mouth.

As we walked away from the computer center I asked, “Why are you buying a computer if you don’t know how to use it?”

Rainbow looked at me in annoyance. “How else am I going to learn how to use one? Besides, my eggheaded friend Twilight said I was getting a grant to buy a computer, so I might as well.”

“Did you get a lot of grants?” I asked.

Rainbow paused for a moment. “I think so. I heard that tuition for foreign students is a lot higher than it is for locals. Twilight somehow figured out how to get everything paid for. There isn’t enough money to pay for a single-occupancy dorm room, though.”

Well, I knew that feeling.

We climbed the stairs out of the basement and walked next door to the Memorial Union. The architecture was significantly older and more angular than Stewart. It looked like a castle made of red brick.

“We’ll need to go to Card Services,” I said. “It’s just inside the door.” Rainbow and I found the office and got in line with other students who needed ID cards.

The brightly colored pony stuck out like a sore thumb, and everyone that passed through the hallway gave her a look. I felt like I was under scrutiny just standing next to Rainbow.

In only a few minutes, the line ahead had dissipated, and we were left facing an old lady. She asked for Rainbow’s passport casually, like there were foreign students from Equestria enrolling every day. Once the proper information was filled in, she asked Rainbow to step into the photo area.

Due to Rainbow’s shorter stature, the camera had to be adjusted. I noticed the background they photographed students against was a blue color almost the same as Rainbow’s coat. The woman assured me that it wouldn’t be a problem.

After the picture was taken, we were shooed off to the side and waited a few minutes. The woman came back and presented Rainbow with a plastic card with her name, photo, and student number.

“Welcome to the university,” she told the pony.

Rainbow accepted the card and tucked it into her saddlebag. I opened the door and walked out into the hallway.

“I’m kind of hungry,” said Rainbow.

I glanced up at the decorative clock hanging from the ceiling. “It’s almost dinnertime. Why don’t we go back to dorm? There’s a dining court in the basement.”

“What do they have?” she asked.

I thought quickly. “There’s a vegetarian section.”

She eyed me apprehensively. “A vegetarian section? Are you saying the rest of the dining court is filled with meat?”

“Well, not filled…” I stammered

“What’s your obsession with eating animals anyway?” she asked. “Do you just kill anything that can’t scream ‘No!’?”

Luckily the last few years of college had been preparing me to give an emotionless, scientific answer to her question. Too bad I couldn’t resist escalating the argument. “You’re just jealous because you have to stick to plants.”

“What is wrong with you?” she shouted. “Do you treat all your roommates this way?”

“No, just you,” I shot back. “Do you want to keep trading insults? I can do this all day.”

We glared at each other for several seconds. I heard a polite cough.

A janitor stood there. “Pardon me ladies, but if you’re done here, I’m trying to sweep the floor.”

My face went red as I realized what a scene I must have just caused. Seriously, arguing with a pony? I really needed to have better control of myself.

Rainbow and I left the building, irritation still brewing between us. We didn’t talk all the way back to the dorm.

In the room, she slipped off her saddlebags and pulled out the computer, laying it on her desk.

“I’m going to dinner,” I said. I gave her a look, but stopped just short of telling her what tasty animals I would be eating.

“Fine,” she replied, rising to my unspoken challenge. “I’ll go, too.”

Stepping into the hallway, I locked the door. We headed downstairs to the dining court.

2: RD meets PC
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The Roommate

2: RD meets PC

Chapter 2: RD Meets PC

The dining court was located in the basement of our dorm, Windsor Hall. A student worker sat near the door. He was running a machine that read the magnetic strip on student ID cards, which worked as the dining court payment system.

I swiped my card smoothly and stopped to watch Rainbow struggle with hers. She managed to get it grasped in her teeth and slide it through the machine. The kid running the payment process looked surprised, but said nothing.

Inside the dining court was a rack of trays and containers of silverware. I grabbed a tray and a handful of utensils. Rainbow stood up on her hind legs, using her wings for balance. She managed to get a tray supported on her front legs. I thought she looked ridiculous.

She glared at me, forcing the smile off my face. I turned away, leaving her to find her own way among the variety of food.

Several minutes later, I was seated at a table near the window. Rainbow came wobbling over, her tray piled high with green stuff. My own meal included a small salad, but also a cheeseburger.

She dropped into the chair across from me.

“Why are you sitting here?” I asked, more out of wonder than malice.

“You’re not going to get rid of me that easily,” she said. “I told you, I can’t afford to pay the single-occupancy price.”

“I know what you mean,” I said, nodding. “When my last roommate moved out, I got the rest of the bill. I can’t do that again.”

“So we’re stuck together?” she said.

I considered that. “If neither one of us can leave, it sure looks that way.”

“Great,” Rainbow muttered. She stuck her nose in the pile of salad in front of her.

I picked up the cheeseburger. Rainbow’s eyes flicked towards me. I slowly raised the sandwich to my mouth for a bite. She looked away, but didn’t say anything.

I took a couple bites, feeling only slightly guilty. I was a little self-conscious about eating meat in front of her, but it had been her decision to sit with me, after all.

“Hey there, Denise! Is this your new roommate?” asked a voice.

I looked up from my food. A girl I recognized had come over to the table. Her name was Brittany. She and I had lived on the same floor for the last few years.

“Hi,” I said. “This is—”

“Rainbow,” said the pony.

“That’s a nice name,” said Brittany, smiling. “You’re really cute.”

“I get that a lot,” Rainbow deadpanned.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” said Brittany. “Hey Denise, are you still dating Nathan?”

“Yeah,” I told her.

“He’s a good guy. You’re lucky. Well, I’ll see you later.”

“Goodbye,” I said.

Brittany nodded and smiled again before walking away.

“She used to live a couple doors down from our room.” I said to Rainbow. "I heard she moved somewhere else this semester."

I paused about halfway through my sandwich and picked up my fork to dig into the small plate of salad I had collected.

“What’s that red stuff?” Rainbow asked.

“French dressing.”

“Oh,” she said, her tone dismissive.

“You don’t like dressing?” I asked.

“It’s just empty calories.”

“You’re eating nothing but plants,” I reminded her. “Your meal is already pretty low-cal.”

“I only eat what’s best for me,” she said. “I’m an athlete, and I want my body to be in top shape.”

“I was on the cross country team in high school,” I said, conversationally. “What sports do you play?”

Rainbow looked at me intently. “I don’t play. I win. I’m the fastest pegasus in Equestria.”

I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. “That’s…nice,” I said.

Rainbow went on. “I’ve set Weather Patrol records, I’m undefeated in the Cloudsdale Derby, and I was the first pony to do a Sonic Rainboom.”

“I have no idea what any of that means,” I told her.

She stared at me in surprise. Slowly, her eyes dropped back to her meal and she resumed eating sullenly.

I almost felt sorry for Rainbow. Her fame in Equestria didn’t mean squat on Earth. That was all right, I decided. Maybe it would help her study if she wasn’t concerned with being a celebrity.

As I finished the rest of the food I’d picked up, my cell phone beeped. It was a text from Nathan. I got up, grabbing my tray. “I’m going to meet my boyfriend.”

Rainbow nodded once, and I left her sitting there. After dropping off my tray, I went to the front door of the dining court and found Nathan standing there.

I pulled him in for a quick kiss. He smiled as our lips parted, and asked “How’s the roommate?”

I groaned. “Kind of a bitch, honestly. Dealing with her is giving me a headache.”

Nathan laughed. “Well, I haven’t seen you all summer. Maybe I can help you feel better.”

“Oh, hey again, Denise. Hi Nathan,” said Brittany, interrupting us as she came out of the dining court.

We said hello to her as she walked by. Nathan’s head followed her for a moment before I got his attention by tugging his arm.

“So what did you have in mind?” I asked.

He smiled and took my hand. We exited the dining court and headed for his apartment.

A while later, I had made my way back to the dorm. I stood for a moment finishing my smoke before going inside.

Upstairs in the room, the lights were off. The only illumination came from the meager light of the setting sun and the screen of Rainbow’s new laptop. The pegasus sat alone in the dark, staring at the computer. I flipped the light switch on and closed the door behind me.

Rainbow gave me a look. “I thought you were only going to be gone for a little while. I had to go down to the front desk and borrow a key to get into the room.”

I shrugged. “Freshman lesson. Never leave the room without your key.”

Glancing at her computer, it looked like she’d managed to get the power cord connected and the USB cable for the external mouse plugged in. A wooden pencil sporting tooth marks lay on the desk. At the moment, the screen displayed the simple default background.

“You look confused by that,” I said. I collected a change of clothes and my shower kit, preparing to head to the bathroom and freshen up.

The pegasus looked at me. “I’ve never used a computer before.”

Her statement stunned me, and I stopped on my way out the door. I had never considered the possibility that someone would not have computer access in this day and age. Our technology was making its way over to Equestria, but apparently slower than I had thought.

“You should have bought a Mac,” I told her. “They’re easier to learn.”

“I was told to get what I did,” said Rainbow, slightly annoyed. “Those of us with real college majors need them.”

“Animal Science is a real major!” I shot back. “And anyway, what’s the difference if you still don’t know how to use it?”

Rainbow gritted her teeth. “Then teach me,” she said quietly.

“Um.” I wasn’t sure which one of us felt more awkward now. “I was just about to go take a shower. I’ll, uh…be right back.” I slipped out the door before my face could get any redder.

A few minutes in the shower didn’t clear my head, but I did realize something. Going back to the room was going to be incredibly awkward. I dried off and put on fresh clothes. Okay, deep breath. Let’s go teach a pony how to use a computer.

Rainbow looked up as I came back into the room. She didn’t say a word as I put my things away and pulled over my chair.

“All right,” I said, brushing some wet hair out of my face. “What are you trying to do?”

“A little box popped up and told me that the computer wants to connect to the internet,” she replied.

“Do you have an ethernet cable?” I asked.

She looked confused. “A what?”

I gestured to the internet jack on the wall. “You have to plug the computer into that.”

“So, the internet comes in through a wire?” she asked.

“It can also be wireless,” I told her.

“Then why are you asking for a wire?”

“We don’t have a router in the room.”

Before Rainbow could ask what that was, I said, “The stores are probably closed by now, so you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get a cable. However, if we go downstairs to the lobby, there’s wireless internet there.”

I shook my head. “Nevermind, that won’t work. They only have armchairs down there. There’s no place to put the mouse, and I’m not sure you have enough lap to use a laptop computer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Rainbow defensively.

“You’d have to sit like a person in the chair and balance the computer in front of you on your back legs. I don’t know if that would be comfortable, but I do know that you’d look ridiculous.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do, then?” she asked.

“Do you have a map of campus?” I asked her. “I’ll show you where to go.”

Rainbow rummaged in the folder of information that was given to all freshmen and pulled out a sheet a paper with a black and white map printed on it. I grabbed a pen and circled an area in the southeast portion of the map. “This is Chauncey Hill Mall. Go down there tomorrow and look for a store called RadioShack. Ask them for a seven-foot Cat 5e cable.”

I wrote down the item she needed to buy, just in case she forgot. I distinctly remembered what kind of cable was needed, because of a conversation I had with my previous roommate when I was on the receiving end. Chen may have slacked on her paperwork, but she was a computer whiz.

I returned to my own desk and spent a while on Facebook reconnecting with friends that I hadn’t seen since the end of the previous school year. Rainbow explored her computer a little, but seemed to get frustrated and shut it off. She stretched out on her bed and opened a book. I saw that it was Amelia Earhart’s autobiography, The Fun of It.

“Is that a good book?” I asked.

“I like it,” said Rainbow. “Twilight recommended it to me. I don’t know how she stumbled on it. Amelia was here at Purdue for a while, and she sure liked to fly.”

Rainbow glanced at the cover of the book. “I like the title, too. Twilight said it sounded like something I would say.”

A book about a human was not what I expected a pony to be reading. I’m not sure what I would expect a pony to read. Misty of Chincoteague, maybe?

Changing the subject, I said, “You’ve mentioned Twilight a couple of times. Who’s that?”

“She’s a friend of mine who lives in Ponyville. She’s probably the smartest pony I know, but also kind of neurotic. She schedules her life by the month, and she plans down to the minute.” We both laughed.

I powered down my computer for the night and stood up, yawning. “I think I’m going to bed,” I said.

Rainbow glanced out the window and at the clock. “Yeah, all right.”

She put her book away. I flipped the lights off and climbed into bed.

Well, we still weren’t friends. I didn’t know if we were ever going to be, but one day together hadn’t resulted in murder, so things were looking up. What would that even be, equinicide? Not the kind of thing I needed to be thinking about right before bed.

Luckily, I didn’t have to. Rainbow’s voice pulled me away from the thoughts.

“Goodnight, Denise.”

Was this an olive branch? Was she actually trying to patch things up between us? She certainly deserved a chance. It hurt to admit, but I’d been kind of a bitch, too.

“Goodnight, Rainbow.”