Stinkmeaner In Equestria

by The-darkevil101

Rating: teen
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Anthro, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2165

During a magic "show" by Discord, he summons the evil Colonel H. Stinkmeaner, and Stinkmeaner then proceeds to whoop the asses of the mane six. Why? I'll get back to you on that...

(EDIT: Corrected grammar mistakes, and made the second chapter longer, and a bit more enjoyable.)
Discord, during a (in)appropriate magic show, summons Colonel H. Stinkmeaner (in the flesh) back from the grave. And then Stinkmeaner proceeds to whoops the mane six's asses just because.

Can the battered mane six we all know stop Stinkmeaner before he wrecks havoc on ponyville? And just how many times will Pinkie get flamed?

Rated teen for heavy/rough language, and the n word. Since I love anthro, all characters except Stinkmeaner, are anthro. (You could look at this as a crossover with The Boondocks.)

Published 2014-11-22 20:10:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-26 14:21:21 UTC

The Summon Of All Summons

The sky was quite clear on this day in Ponyville, and today the mane six were on their way to a magic show hosted by none other than Discord himself. Along the way, some other ponies showed up along with them, but their names don't matter, because your here to see Discord perform some perfectly harmless tricks...hopefully. When they finally arrived at the stage, it was smack-dab in the middle of town. Why you ask? "Because where better", as some would say. After all, pretty much everything special happened in the middle of towns these days, right?...Right. So the six nice young girls and other ponies decided to sit near the front row, because they planned to get a good view of the action. Especially Fluttershy, since she was a good friend of Discord, who didn't really have many friends to start with. But that's another story, for another time.

Now, as the curtains began to part, the crowds hushed with excitement, and before them stood...a shockingly drunk Discord who seemed to slur with every word.

"Heeeeloo urveryybodee! Today for my first tri-ck, I will enlarge my fart bubbles to the size...*hic*..of the moooooon!"

And with that, he took out a bottle of bubbles and a bubble blower, and then lowered the blower to his booty. He then proceeded to fart very loudly and obnoxiously into the blower, creating a large, smelly fart bubble the size of Twilight's kingdom. He pulled the blower away from his butt and let the bubble float into the audience. Well, obviously, they were not pleased with this atrocity, so they began to run away from the stage before they would get drenched in smelly bubble water. Fluttershy, however, didn't take this appearance of Discord very well and started to cry right before he did the whole ass thing, and unfortunately didn't notice the giant monstrosity descending unto her face.

Luckily, like real friends do, the other five of her friends rushed back to try and save her from Discord's smelly shitery, but didn't get there in time. I mean, they got to Fluttershy in time, they just didn't pull her out of there in time.

"*sob* D-Discord, why?! I thought you had changed!...*sob*..w-wha?.."

"Fluttershy, watch out!" yelled Rainbow, while her and the other four raced after her, trying so hard to be heroes...at least to Fluttershy.

But it was too late for all of them as by the time the fart bubble burst onto them, they immediately regretted coming to the show in the first place.

*Kaploosh!*

Water. Smelly water, everywhere. The six ponies huddled around the fragile Fluttershy to comfort her. And as they sat there, many mixed emotions went through them. Anger, Sadness, Confusion, and most importantly, the feeling of wanting to know why. Why did Discord do this? Why did he get drunk and trash Ponyville, again? As they looked above them, Discord twirled around, in drunken joy of what he had accomplished. Twilight, the most angry, spoke first:

"What. The. Hell, Discord!?" she rang out at him, as she and the other five slowly rose up from where they were.

He seemed surprised to see them, as he straightened himself to attention. Slight fear rose up in him due to the shrillness in Twilight's voice.

"Well?! Are you going to explain why you did this or not? You noodle-shaped bastard!" she yelled again, this time her muscles tensing with rage.

That seemed to get his attention. Suddenly he seemed to sober up, and with his eyes on Twilight's he responded:

"Nope. And I also have one more surprise for you all. Want to see it?" And without waiting for a response, he began to raise his fingers, but right before he did this certain trick, Fluttershy spoke up.

"Discord how could you?!" she began. "This doesn't make any damn sense! You said you changed, but you freaking lied! Why just mess up Ponyville for no reason?!"

What Discord said next put chills in her:

"Make sense? Oh, what fun is there in making sense?" he said with a wicked smile.

Now this sent them off. All with faces of rage, tired of Discord's bull, they charged after him. Even Fluttershy intended to do some harm. But just as promised, Discord raised his fingers into the air, and with a little "Bipety-Bopety-boop!" flicked his fingers downward and a huge white dust cloud arose in front of them. Stupidly, their rage made them keep charging into the cloud, unaware of the ass-whooping about to go down...

In place of the dust cloud, there stood a elderly black man with balding, whacky white hair, black sunglasses, green vest, and old-man khaki pants. The mane six stopped in their tracks immediately, and were bewildered at what they saw. And as Discord sat above a balcony on some random-ass house with a balcony, he grinned as he nodded to the elderly man to go ahead and whoop some ass.

"And who are you?" asked Applejack, just as confused as the others on this strange site before them.

The man smiled and said:

"Guess mah name, nyugah!" And in that instant, he darted forward and pimp-smacked Pinkie as hard as he could, in her face.

"Ahhh!" squeaked Pinkie as she got knocked back hard into some building's wall.

"Ahh? My momma didn't name me 'ahhh!' What's my name nigga, what's my name?!" He yelled at the remaining five.

"Stinkmeaner." said Discord in a sing-song voice, above his rooftop, when the other ponies couldn't guess his name.

"DING-DING-DING-DING-DING! Thaaaaat's right, nyukah! Stinkmeaner's my name, and pimpin's my game! And I'm taking you all with me on the ass whooping express!" he yelled confidently.

"Um...Mr. Stinkmeaner?", squeaked Fluttershy, "Can you, um, not hurt us please?" she spoke sweetly as she could while staring into his cold, unforgiving eyes.

What Stinkmeaner did next was just simply unforgivable. He Struck Fluttershy in the vagina with his foot, and then uppercutted her in the sky. When she came back down, he jump-kicked her in her stomach, which sent her into a space next to the wall where Pinkie was.

"All aboard! WHOOT-WHOOT!""

This vulgar man needed to go down, so the remaining four girls all charged at him, with all their might. While they did get some good hits in, they were no match for Stinkmeaner's pimp-fu. With boob-shots to AppleJack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Rarity, they all went down. Searing in pain, they said their prayers as he used the force to grab Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie and plop them onto the ground with them.

"I'mma kill you...thots...ratchet-ass hookers...little bitches.." he spoke as he reared back for the final blow to all six of their pretty little heads:

"I'm going to need more popcorn!" said Discord as he watched in delight at the scene before him.

"Karate cho-

We interrupt this ass-whooping to bring you a to-be-continued!

Until next time!....or really just until the next chapter.

Author's Note

Just trust me on this one. It's not going to end like you think it's going to end. :raritywink:

Celestia To The Rescue!

We now return you to the present ass-whooping occurring:

"Karate chooo-, ...what the hell is that?" said a surprised Stinkmeaner as he stopped from his finishing blow to the mane six as a giant fireball in the sky began to descend on to where he was standing.

He looked into it and saw a white mare with beautiful multi-colored hair heading straight for him. And she looked pissed too.

"Aw hell, I gotta get out of this bitch." and as he said that, he turned into his spirit form, (Dat's right, he can do that.), and darted behind some garbage cans. As the massive fire ball got close to the ground, it stopped suddenly, and as it extinguished itself, Princess Celestia herself descended from it and on to the ground. The girls were relieved! They were going to live! And Celestia herself looked a bit concerned of them as she observed her ruined surroundings of the fight that took place.

"*Sniff Sniff* What happened here?" she asked innocently, as Twilight rose up with her remaining strength to at least try to explain the fiasco that happened here. All the while, Discord silently crept away from the conversation. But before he could get away, the spirit form of Stinkmeaner came before him.

"What's good nigga?"

"Wha?! Stinkmeaner, I got to get out of here! They're going to whoop my ass if Celestia catches me!" spoke a trembling Discord.

"She ain't shit. Let me take over yo' sorry ass." and before Discord could protest to this, Stinkmeaner entered his body and made Discord shake all over before standing up straight with dark rings around his eyes and darkened lips.

"And then Discord lowered the bubble blower-*cough*- to his...buttocks, and then farted this huge, um, bubble and it tainted all of Ponyville with it!"

"And you didn't stop him because...?" responded Celestia as she waved her hand in a I'd-like-a-reason kind of way.

"BECAUSE SHE'S A PUSSY-ASS, GAY-ASS, BITCH-ASS, NYUGAH!" yelled the now possessed Discord as he jumped from behind the garbage cans and jump-kicked Celestia in the mouth. And while Celestia was getting back up, "Discord" turned and flipped Fluttershy off, making her cry in the process. Well Celestia wasn't just going to let him play her like that, so, she got back up, and asked "Discord":

"How dare you do this...Stinkmeaner? You Lima bean shape headed, whack-ass old...fart!"

Now that got Stinkmeaner worked up.

"Burbuburuburle- WHAT DID YOU SAY NIGGA?!"

"You know what motherfucker, I'm tired of this shit nigga-"

She couldn't say another word as Stinkmeaner jumped into the air and kicked Celestia in the chest with both feet. As she fell to the ground, Stinkmeaner landed gracefully on both feet.

"Oh yeah! Look at chu! You was poppin' all that good shit a second ago! Now you got kicked in yo chest!-"

Celestia felt sad for letting Twilight and her friends down...when suddenly, the mane six found a giant rope and tied it around Stinkmeaner while he was busy gloating over the ass-whooping he handed out to Celestia. She got back up painfully, and then looked at the rather amusing site before her. There laid the struggling Stinkmeaner-in-Discord's-body all tied up, and she wondered why they didn't do that in the first place. She shrugged it off as the smiling six mares rejoiced as they, barely, defeated two villains at once.

"Okay girls." started Celestia. "Lets get him to Canterlot so we can turn "it" into stone.."

During the train ride.

As they transported Discord/Stinkmeaner on the train to Canterlot with the intention of turning them to stone, they had a few laughs on the train with themselves while the struggling "Discord" continued to harass them...with words at least.

"So did you hear about my new date i'm going on in the near future?" asked Rarity, trying to break the ice.

"YOU GOT A DATE RARITY? DID YOU TELL HIM THAT YOU HAVE TWO SETS OF GENITALS, A GUCCI, AND A VAGINA?!"

"Really? With who?" asked Twilight, ignoring Stinkmeaner's vulgar outbursts.

"With a fancy man who lives here in Canterlot, that who." she gushed as the five others giggled among themselves.

"Hey, I heard the Wonderbolts are having a airshow celebrating us for defeating Stinkmeaner too."

"LADY LIBERTY'S GOT BALLS!"

"Interesting." responded Fluttershy.

"YOU GOT BAD CREDIT HOOTERSHY!"

Fluttershy blushed at the comment on how big her tits were...which were huge.

~~~

Finally they arrived at Canterlot, and unloaded the steaming mad Stinkmeaner from the train. As they pulled him to Canterlot, he yelled various vulgar things at the citizens there.

"OH YEAH, I THINK I WANT SEXUAL RELATIONS!" he yelled at a relatively busty mare, making her being led away quickly by her husband.

"WHAT'S GOOD, NYUKAAH?" he yelled again at a pitch black stallion eyeing him in funny fashion.

When at last! They arrived at the Canterlot gardens, where Celestia and a few other bored citizens who wanted to know what the heck was going on were waiting. They put "Discord" on a stone perch and made him look directly forward at the crowd. Then Celestia cleared her throat and spoke up:

"Stinkmeaner-slash-Discord, you are hereby sentenced to be turned to stone for your...niggatry. (This made the crowd gasp at the language the Princess was using.)

"FUCK YOUR COURT, NYUGAHH!" he yelled, as Celestia assigned the mane six their elements and as they took position to turn him to stone, he said these final words:

"Y'ALL EAT SHIT! Y"ALL MOMMAS EAT SHIT! YOU ALL EAT SHIT!"

*Whoosh!*

The rainbow beam washed over Stinkmeaner, and he was no more now than a stone statue.

The mane six lowered from the air, just happy that it was over...finally.

Author's Note

Just wanted to be over and done with this story. So there you go, a happy ending. :twilightsmile: