Daring Do and the Sad Hoove Job
Daring Do and the Sad Hoove Job
Life has been horrible since my true identity came out. Before, I was just known as the author of Daring Do, an average writer with a Manehatten-Times Best-Seller, but that was all before I met the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Ever since that last quest, my life has been spinning out of my control…
Right now I’m at yet another book signing, sitting behind a velvet covered table, in my adventure gear. Or should I say a cheap costume of it that I’m only wearing because the publisher thinks my actual one is “too dirty for public appearances.” OH, CELESTIA, could anything be itchier than this thing?! I’m dying to scratch all over, just dig in to my skin with my teeth and hoofs.
I sigh, you know you can’t, Daring. Not right now… Looking up again, I see the almost never-ending line of fans still staring at me with all of their hopes of meeting their once-thought-to-be-fictional idol gleaming in their eyes.
“Next.” Another babbling fan. I can’t even understand what he’s saying, not with all of the hyperventilating. “Calm down, calm down. What is your name?”
“F-fleet F-feather, M-Ms. Daring Do!”
I nod, and he hands me his copy of the latest of my books. Upon opening it I notice it’s already signed by another pony. It reads ‘Stay awsome, like me. – RD.’ What the hay! Why is Rainbow Dash signing this book? She was only in half of it! And she misspelled awesome.
I pen out ‘Life is the greatest adventure, don’t let it pass you by Fleet Feather. – Daring Do,’ and send the squeeing pegasi on her way. The next pony in line does not come as a surprise.
“Hello again, Rainbow Dash.” This is the fifth book signing she’s been at this week!
“D-daring Do!! I can’t believe it’s really you!! A-again!”
“Yes, it’s me, like every other time you see me…” I am desperately trying to suppress the urge to slam my hoof in to me face.
“Soooo, have you thought about my proposal?”
I can’t resist… and it sends waves of pain that are worse than a hornet sting. “No, Rainbow Dash. For the twelfth time, no. You cannot be my permanent side kick.”
“AAWW! WHY NOT!”
Because I can’t go on adventures anymore… “Because…” come on! You have faced some of the worst beings in the world! Don’t let this break you! “I, um, don’t want you to get hurt!”
“Ppffh, as if I could get hurt being awesome.” She leans in and looks me in the face. “What’s the real reason? And don’t lie to me, my friend AJ told me how to spot lies.”
“…. I- I can’t. Not right now.”
“Fine. Then come to my house latter, and we can talk there.” She takes one of my pens and writes on some scrap paper. “Here’s the address.”
I look at it after she slides it over to me. “This isn’t an address, it just says ‘the big cloud house in Ponyville’ and then you drew a rainbow somehow-“ Looking up, I see she’s gone. How the hay?
******
I set my pith hat down, slip out of my costume, and wiggle my way into a brown cloak in the back of the book store. In the past several hours I’ve seen all ages of ponies, and a few gryphons. So many faces, and they all just blur together in my mind. One big, faceless mass that is my fan base.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m used to book signings, and I love seeing ponies enjoying my book and the joys of reading as any other author would. But, it was so much more fun as A.K. Yearling, when ponies would say they loved the adventures I would create, and they look up to the character I wrote and they couldn’t wait for the next book. Now it’s just ‘I can’t believe it’s really you’, or ‘did you really do all of those things?’ There is a different feel to it, a different kind of energy to it all.
It’s tiring, and now I have this burning need to experience something new. Read about some lost treasure in some old forgotten tome and go after it head long, and screw the consequences. Then come home, transform my log and memories into a detailed “fictional” transcript of my quest, publish it, then do it all again. It’s what I live for, it’s what keeps me up at night, its… it violates my contract with my editor if I put myself in danger again…
And I can’t break that… Not when I have so many fans, and if it wasn’t for them I couldn’t pay my bills, or fund my crazy pursuits.
But is it really worth this gaping void?
I shake those thoughts from my mind and trot to my hotel. But… I turn into an ice cream shop. Maybe a nice milkshake will make me feel better.
******
Long story short, it didn’t. Now I’m covered in melted ice cream, and the papparazi have an embarrassing story about how I blew up and yelled at a mare who was bugging me to death about details of my next book. Apparently ‘On Hiatus’ wasn’t a good answer, but bribing me isn’t going to get me to reveal info about something that hasn’t happened yet.
Oh, sweet Celestia, I want to get away from all of this nonsense. I want to dive into a cave in search of who knows what! Then be chased out by bats, or a tribe of zebra natives, or maybe even a giant boulder that would come crashing down after finding some treasure on a pressure plate and I have to run for my life and make it out just in time to not get crushed! I don’t care if its cliché; I want to do it!!!
Looking up at the sky, I just want to fly away from it all. Like I did as a foal, even if those “grand adventures” only took me across town, I loved them. But I have responsibilities now… but who can blame a mare for wanting to have fun?
I need to get my mind off of this… I try, oh, how I try. I reach my hotel and wash off. The water, pouring on me like rain, makes my heart race. I gasp as the walls melt into a dense jungle.
The rain washes over me like a cold hearted slap over and over, and the thunder roars like a panic-attacked lion. The ground shakes as it rumbles on, un-ending. I watch as the river nearby swells, angry with everything around it. Then I realized it wasn’t thunder, it was the river! It had finally gathered enough of the rain to breach its banks, and its murky waters were racing towards my tiny drenched camp, threatening to take me with it.
Quickly, I try to take flight, but I flap my wings in vain. “Darn this rain! It’s soaked my feathers!”
My only option is to run, so I do, as fast as equinely possible. But to no avail, because its icy wave has already reached my hooves. My heart raced as it began to sting. SPLASH, SPLASH, SPLASH. Every step stings, and the spray on my legs is very cold, made worse by the battering wind. Mud collects in large globs on my hooves, and drag me to a slower speed.
I couldn’t get away fast enough , and as the water crept up my legs I could feel its current pull me like a cruel gravitational pull of a black hole. The flash flood gets worse, and the waters rise very quickly and overtakes my flank and chest. Panic began to set in as I wade in the deep water. I could see the side of the ravine. Hopefully it would be high enough ground! Then my heart skipped a beat as the water reaches my neck.
‘I can make it!’ I thought as the water reaches my mouth.
I thump the wall of the shower as I snap out of it, unable to breath. Blinking, I look around.
… it was just a flashback… That time, I almost drowned… shivering, only in part of the shower now running cold, I step out to dry off. Why do those keep happening? Maybe… a good book of a different type will get my mind off of… the thing-that-shall-no-longer-be-mentioned
Picking up the first book I see, I find it’s just a nice simple romance. It opens with a creak and the popping of fresh binding being turned for the first time. The paper is nice and white and smooth, ordinary really, nothing strange. But why does every word of it seem to start some mission to seek out treasure, only to have it ripped back to some mare falling head over hooves for some stud?
Tossing the book down, I can only think of one thing. Rainbow Dash’s offer. Maybe if she becomes my sidekick, the publisher would let me go back out into the great unknown! Well, perhaps not… But it’s worth a try. There is just one problem: where the hay is her house?
******
I took to the skies not long after that, and now I’m looking from a bird’s-eye-view for this cloud house. I’m not the only flier up here, there are several other pegasi leisurely gliding and a few birds going about their routine. Nothing out of the ordinary, until they turn into nasty, evil gryphons with Ahuizotl’s symbol painted on their fur.
With malice in their eyes, my attackers lunge at me, but I swiftly air roll out of their path.
“Its no use! Ahuizotl is almost at the temple, and he will get the statue way before you!” one yells.
“Not if I have anything to say about it!” I swiftly turn tail and kick my hind legs at him, finding the only thing my hooves come in contact with is empty air. Then, searing pain shoots through my side as the other one headbutts me in the side.
“GAAHH!” I wrap my foreleg around him and cork-screw downwards, then launch him into the jungle below. But, there was no time to celebrate as the first one connected a hard body slam to my back. I try to turn over, but he holds on. I feel his claws grip one of my wings.
“Lets see how tough you are when you can’t fly.” SNAP.
The pain doesn’t register at first. Just a sense of limpness, and this strange numbness. Then it hits like a searing white hot piece of iron was lodged in where my bone broke. I scream and fall away as my attacker drops me for dead.
I hit the ground with a thud.
My eyes clear as I stand up from the dirt that sprayed all over me when I landed. I glance around, pumped from my mental battle, waiting for a second attack that will never come. Slowly I calm down and notice I’m not in terrible pain and I’m hundreds of miles away from where that occurred.
Pull yourself together, Daring Do! Moving onwards in my search, I finally notice a very large cloud that has rainbows pouring out of it. That is sooo not normal, but then again it must be the house of Rainbow Dash. Who else would have something so… brash.
With a few flaps of my wings, I’m at her front door. KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. Soon she opens the door.
“Daring Do! What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk. May I come in?”
She nods, and I step in. Inside it looks the same as the outside with just some darker hues. We go in to a room with a few chairs, and sit down.
“The reason I came today, is because… well…” I scratch the back of my neck, “My publisher won’t let me go on adventures anymore.”
“WHAT!? WHY?!”
“Yeah… Something about stress and they’re worried I would get hurt, or something stupid.” I shake my head. “And that if I go on another one, they’ll terminate my contract.”
She just stares at me with a sad look.
“I desperately want to get back out there. It has been six months. Six months of boring nothingness!” The silence is so thick you could cut it. “I- I want you to be my sidekick. Maybe, just maybe, the publisher will let me if I have someone go with me.”
“Daring Do I-“ Her face is lighting up. “-I would love to-”
The room starts to melt. “Nononononno! Not now! Not now!” The mare across the room’s face turns from happy to confused, before transforming into the face of HIM.
“Ahuizotl! You will not get away with this!” I stare the creature in the face as we circle around each other on top of the temple, the crown of the Fallen Pharaoh between us. My hoof is ready on my whip, and would spring like a snake if I could just find an opening.
“Ah, but I think I will. Look around you. You’re surrounded.” It was true. There have to be forty of his followers around us. It looks bad for me, but I can handle it.
“Your men are no match for me.”
“You really think you can survive this time?” Laughter rings in my ear from him. I see my chance, grabbing my whip, and I spring. And so do the others.
“DARING DO, SNAP OUT OF IT!” My eyes rapidly blink. The light blue mare is shaking me, shouting at me.
“I-I’m fine now.” I stand up.
“What was that? You just collapsed, screaming about Ahuizotl.” Her voice is heavy with concern.
“I-I don’t know… I’ve been having these flashbacks.”
“Flashbacks?”
I nod, and sigh, “It’s part of that stress thing my doctor was going on about when I was writing the last book. I don’t know what to do, Rainbow Dash. I feel like I’m losing my mind!”
I feel her forelegs wrap around me “It’s okay. All of that is over. You just need to relax.”
“I… I don’t know how to relax.”
She chuckles at me, “Here, let me show you what I do to calm my nerves.” One of her hooves explores my belly, and touches my breasts.
“Ah! What are you doing!-“ It… feels really good! “-Stop it!”
She laughs, “Nah, I’ve barely gotten started.” She rubs them more, and my cheeks light up with a crimson hue. I start to feel hot all over.
“What- what are you doing?”
“Playing with your boobs. What, do you not like it?”
“I- I do…”
“Then you’re going to love this!” she moves her hoof to my neither regions. I feel a warm hoof touch my clit. I meep, then she starts rubbing. I get really hot, and my insides feel all squirmy. I lean in to her, flabbily putting a hoof on her foreleg.
“Oh, sweet Celestia, what is this!?” She presses at a spot and I feel a wave of pleasantness flood over me that I never knew possible except for when I’ve just escaped with some ultra-rare artifact.
“Are you saying you’ve never heard of clopping?”
My face flushes darker. “Yeah… but I’ve never done it.”
“Well, then I guess this will be a new adventure for you then.” She rubs that spot again, and I bite my lip. My pulse quickens, and my breathing becomes quick too. Pressure builds in my abdomen.
“What’s happening?!” I feel like tension is about to be released.
“You must be close.”
“Close to what!” Then it happens. It’s like my brain short circuits and directs every thought and emotion in to this wave of unexplainable pleasure. I let out a deep moan as the tension breaks in my loins and a wave of warm liquid spills out all over her hoof. A very musky smell raises from it, and reminds me of how I smell sometimes after immense danger has past.
“And there is your forbidden treasure.” She chuckles, and lifts her hoof away to lick it clean. “Did you like it?’
I look up in to her eyes. “Yes. And I would like very much to do that again.” I pause for a moment. “And I would highly enjoy for you to be my sidekick in every one of them.”
Author's Note
Written because of a joke, and I took it on as a personal challenge.
