Judicium Aer Aqua

by Brass Polish

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Random, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Colgate, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 4340

Fluttershy and Crosspatch, who are on opposite ends of the animal argument, undergo endurance challenges to settle a dispute.

Fluttershy and Crosspatch, who are on opposite ends of the animal argument, undergo endurance challenges to settle a dispute.

Published 2014-11-23 03:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-23 03:00:03 UTC

1 Frogs

Cheerilee was the only educator in Ponyville at the moment. Whenever she was unavailable to teach a class, a substitute would be summoned, and whoever that was depended on the subject that was being taught that day. So when Cheerilee had a dentist appointment on the day she was meant to teach a class about frogs, her first choice was Pinkie Pie, who happened to be a fluent ribbitter. But Rarity had already asked Pinkie to accompany her to a BYOM event in Loch Azure. Cheerilee’s first choice would have been Fluttershy, but she knew public speaking was her idea of Tartarus. In any case, who else would know more about the ancient Parenting Ponds than Fluttershy?

“How could I refuse?” Fluttershy rambled to a bird who needed medicine for indigestion the day before she was meant to take over for Cheerilee. “She’s out of options. And there’s no reason why I shouldn’t share my knowledge with all those little ponies. Even so, what if I get tongue tied?”

For a second, she considered asking Discord for help, but somehow, she felt that he would be more of a class clown than a teacher’s aide.

“Anything wrong?” came a voice from the schoolhouse roof.

“Oh. Good morning, Derpy,” Fluttershy smiled. “Dropping Dinky off?”

“I did that already,” Derpy replied. “I’m ringing the bell this morning. Nervous?”

Fluttershy couldn’t hide it. “Yes.”

“Well, just take it one step at a time,” Derpy advised. “And don’t lose your temper.”

“My temper?”

“Yeah. Sometimes, foals don’t take substitutes seriously,” said Derpy. “I taught a math class once and I don’t think anyone was listening. It was pretty frustrating.”

Fluttershy wasn’t sure how she felt about the idea of no one paying attention to her lecture. On one hoof, no one would notice if she misspoke. On the other, no one would learn anything about the fascinating subject of the ancient Parenting Ponds.

“Hey, look!” Derpy pointed. “More foals are coming.”

Fluttershy looked back and saw Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara and Rumble approaching in the distance. Not wishing to be spotted until class started, she zipped into the schoolhouse. Dinky was at her desk sticking an eraser underneath one of the legs to stop it from wobbling. She saw Fluttershy come in and hit her head on the underside of her desk in surprise.

“Are you substituting today?” she asked.

“Um…”

Dinky zoomed to one of the windows, flung it open, and called out to the approaching students. “Hey everypony, Fluttershy’s teaching us today!”

Derpy rang the bell much too early for Fluttershy’s liking… and little too loudly as well. The students ambled into the schoolhouse chattering about the surprise of a replacement teacher. Once everypony was seated, Fluttershy plucked up courage and came out from under Cheerilee’s desk.

“Um… good morning, everypony,” she said.

“Morning, Miss Fluttershy,” chorused Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

Fluttershy went redder than the Alicorn Amulet. Everything she knew about frogs and their ancient ponds vanished. Everything she knew about everything vanished. Scootaloo looked towards the back of the room squinting her eyes. She thought for a moment that there was a Cockatrice behind them. Then she remembered that Fluttershy could easily subdue one with the Stare.

Within minutes, it was clear that most of the students hadn’t expected Fluttershy to say or do anything. Button Mash had his Joy Boy out and hadn’t bothered to turn down the volume. Silver Spoon had gone over to Diamond Tiara’s desk after she’d pulled out a Daring Do book. Dinky had taken the eraser out from under her desk leg and was rolling her pencil along the uneven surface. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo attempted to prompt Fluttershy into beginning the lecture, but the no avail. The sight of most of the foals fooling around was far from encouraging. Twist decided to do roll call herself, but barely anyone responded when she said their names.

There was a knock. Fluttershy’s head snapped to the left.

“Sorry to interrupt the class,” said Crosspatch.

“Not at all,” smiled Fluttershy.

“She’s got that right,” muttered Gilt Eyes.

“I just had my little brother enrolled in this class,” Crosspatch explained, moving over so Lazybug could enter the school house.

“Lazybug’s gonna be in this class?!” burst out Apple Bloom. “But he’s already got a job.”

“Yeah, but Crosspatch thinks I outta get an education,” Lazybug replied. “We have missed out on quite a few decades.”

“I’ll just add him to the register,” said Fluttershy, delighted for this distraction.

“Well, have a good day at school, Lazybug,” said Crosspatch. “Heh. I’ve always hoped I’d get to say that.”

“So Lazybug, since this is your first day of school, why don’t you tell the class about yourself?” Fluttershy asked after she’d written his name onto Cheerilee’s attendance sheet.

In seconds, Lazybug had achieved what Fluttershy couldn’t in twenty minutes. Only he and Apple Bloom knew all the details of the Zap-O-Lantern, and Apple Bloom hadn’t disclosed every little thing beforehoof. And everypony was entranced at Lazybug’s description of his and Crosspatch’s mutation that meant they needed water every ten minutes or so.

“Is that what that’s for?” asked Snails, pointing to a squirt bottle that Lazybug had brought with him.

“Uh, huh. And here’s the cool part,” said Lazybug, grinning from ear to ear. “We can breathe underwater.”

Diamond Tiara dropped her Daring Do book. “That’s how you did that!”

“Did what?” asked Silver Spoon.

“My dad hired him and his sister to get a bunch of frogs out of our pool four weeks ago,” Diamond Tiara told them. “They were under the water for a long time chasing frogs across the bottom.”

Fluttershy was excited. How lucky was she that the subject was brought around to frogs? If this impromptu seminar kept going, she might not have to say a thing.

“Were ya worried about us?” smirked Lazybug.

“Kind of,” said Diamond Tiara. “If I hadn’t seen the water waving around, I’d have thought you hadn’t survived. You did look like you were having fun down there.”

“I was, but my sister hates frogs herself,” chuckled Lazybug. “She can’t stand animals with strong legs like them. They can be lightning fast, and that gets frustrating when you’re trying to catch them.”

“Is that why she had you fling them out of our yard with the skimmer?” asked Diamond Tiara, trying not to crack up at the memory.

“Yeah,” grinned Lazybug before turning back to the rest of the class to describe the whole event. “She finally snapped and said to me ‘Lazybug, you get the skimmer and when I throw one up to you, home run it!’ I…”

Lazybug was about to mention to the chortling class that he made sure to aim where the frogs would have a soft landing, but he was rudely interrupted.

“OK, that’s enough of that. Please take your seat, Lazybug,” Fluttershy said firmly.

Lazybug, slightly taken aback, slipped into a vacant desk.

“Alright everypony, if you don’t mind, let’s get on with our lesson,” said Fluttershy.

Some of the students grumbled.

“No, no. No more distractions,” insisted Fluttershy. “Button, please put your game away. Silver Spoon, please go back to your own seat. Dinky, please fix your desk. Let’s carry on.”

Filthy Rich usually hired Fluttershy to deal with frogs in his pool, and it never even crossed her mind to send them hurtling through the air to get rid of them. How inhumane was that?

Everyone sat silently as Fluttershy spoke so quickly, she was making up for lost time. All the information she had about century-old ponds where frogs gather once a year simply fell out of her.

“The closest Parenting Pond to Ponyville is about six miles south of Froggy Bottom Bog,” she said, pointing at a map hung up on the blackboard. “And no matter what’s in their way, frogs will go straight from the bog to the pond. Unfortunately, there’s a rail line between the bog and the pond, so some good samaritans go there once a year and help the frogs pass safely over the line whenever a train comes along. Now, the humane way to send frogs over…”

“Hey, wait a minute,” piped up Lazybug.

“No more disruptions, please,” Fluttershy hissed.

Lazybug angrily took his seat again.

“The correct way is to either fly a hoofful of frogs over the track, or to magic them over,” Fluttershy continued. “This means that only unicorns and pegasi can effectively help frogs. There isn’t much an earth pony can do in this situation.”

Lazybug scowled.

After recess, the Parenting Pond lecture continued. Fluttershy went on speaking forcefully as though a few bag eggs were chattering while she was trying to teach. In fact, in stark contrast to the morning’s events, all the foals in the room were giving her their undivided attention.

“The last thing that happens during these annual visits is the return trip,” Fluttershy said when the dismissal bell drew near. “Now does anypony remember what to do if you are kind enough to help the frogs on their journey and they come across a road or a rail line?”

Twist, Sweetie Belle and Featherweight raised their hooves, but Fluttershy pointed to Lazybug.

“Well, you said you have to be either a unicorn or a pegasus,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Correct,” said Fluttershy, smiling at him for the first time since she’d started her lecture. “The right thing to do is to use your wings or you horn and gently carry them over the traffic. The wrong thing to do is to fling them through the air with a skimmer.”

“Hey, look!” Lazybug spluttered. “It’s not like I threw them at a wall or anything! I…!”

“Please take your seat and don’t interrupt me while I’m teaching,” said Fluttershy forcefully. “I will not tolerate trouble makers in my class. Now, before the bell rings, I’d like you all to know…”

“Excuse me.”

Crosspatch was standing in the doorway.

“Sorry to interrupt the class,” she said for the second time that day, “but it sounds like my brother’s first day of school isn’t going well.”

Fluttershy seemed to revert to her usual timid self. “You’re… a little early.”

“I volunteered to ring the bell so I could be here as soon as Lazybug was done class,” said Crosspatch.

“But Derpy was ringing the bell today,” objected Fluttershy. “I saw her when I first came here this morning. She told me she was on bell duty.”

“She was ringing the bell for the morning,” Crosspatch explained. “I offered to ring it for the afternoon. Now is Lazybug being naughty, or are you just being difficult?”

“Well…”

“Because it sounded to me like you’ve got a problem with the way he and I deal with troublesome animals,” Crosspatch went on.

“Well…”

“We’re not veterinarians. We’re pest control. We have to deal with stray animals who trespass in attics and gardens,” Crosspatch ranted. “There ain’t much room for gentleness.”

“Well maybe you and your brother wouldn’t be so rough if you hadn’t been silly enough to try and eat a zap apple that wasn’t ripe,” Fluttershy snapped.

The tension in the schoolhouse was thicker than Sonata.

Author's Note

Inspired by DRAT Ep4, Game of Toges.

2 Place Your Bets

“Simmer down, Fluttershy,” said Apple Bloom. “So what if ya both have different ways of dealin’ with animals.”

“Look, there’s an easy way to settle this,” said Lazybug. “How about a Staring contest?”

“Sounds good to me,” replied Crosspatch with a disturbing grin.

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle really hated the look Crosspatch and Lazybug were exchanging.

“1, 2, 3, go!” shouted Crosspatch.

Fluttershy recoiled. The school ponies gasped.

Crosspatch shut her eyes and opened them again, looking much calmer. “That, colts and fillies, is called the Stare. Very few are…”

“We know!” snapped Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo together.

“How do you know?” asked Crosspatch, slightly taken aback. “It’s a rare gi--”

Then Crosspatch recoiled. Fluttershy had recovered and shot a Stare right back at her.

“What?! You can use the Stare, too?!” cried Lazybug.

“Uh, huh,” Fluttershy answered as she reset her face.

Crosspatch gave herself a shake. “OK, so I guess we’re both Stare masters. Shoulda guessed there’d be another one in Equestria.”

“Well, that means you can have a proper Staring contest,” said Lazybug excitedly. “Ready?”

This time, Fluttershy and Crosspatch were ready at the same time.

Lazybug looked from one to the other as they held their eyes shut. “1, 2, 3, go!”

The intensity of Fluttershy’s and Crosspatch’s eyes made every foal in the room either squint or look away. The two stubborn mares kept up their lethal looks into each other’s faces for nearly a minute before shutting their eyes at the same time.

“Dang! It’s a tie,” groaned Apple Bloom.

“Hey Lazybug, gimme a squirt,” said Crosspatch, panting a bit.

Fluttershy watched as Lazybug walked up to his sister and spritzed her with his water bottle. Crosspatch was seething at her opponent’s smug look.

“Anypony have any other ideas?” asked Scootaloo.

“An endurance test?” Twist suggested.

“What kind?” Fluttershy and Crosspatch asked together.

“Flying contest?” put in Sweetie Belle, who was getting into the spirit of unfair advantages.

“Oh, shut up,” groused Silver Spoon.

“Who can hold their breath the longest?” suggested Lazybug.

“You too, newbie” said Silver Spoon.

“Wait, why don’t we see who can last longer outside their comfort zone?” asked Twist.

“Meaning?” asked Fluttershy and Crosspatch together. They glared at each other in annoyance.

“Well, Fluttershy doesn’t do much flying, and Crosspatch can’t last long without water,” said Twist. “How about Fluttershy stays airborne for as long as she can, and Crosspatch stays out of the fountain in town for as long as she can? And whoever gives up first loses the argument.”

Crosspatch chuckled. “You don’t fly much? How do you deal with blue jays?”

“They all know me,” said Fluttershy. “How do you deal with blue jays?”

“Well…”

“No, no, no! I don’t want to hear about anymore animal cruelty,” Fluttershy said quickly.

“I’ll have you know I do not deal with blue jays in a way that hurts them,” Crosspatch hissed. “I just lure them to the ground with peanuts. They get full and can’t put up a fight, so I can easily take them somewhere where they’re not bugging anypony.”

“Is that why I’ve been tending to so many blue jays with indigestion lately?!” burst out Fluttershy. “I’ve gotta go home and feed my bunny rabbit. Meet me at the fountain in ten minutes.”

“You’re on,” smirked Crosspatch.

They sealed their deal with a hoof-bump, and the school ponies cheered as Fluttershy ran out of the school house.

After Fluttershy left her cottage, she found her way to the fountain barred by several ponies. Clearly, word of the endurance challenge had spread.

“What’s all this about, Fluttershy?” inquired Rainbow Dash, easily avoiding the crowd with flying above it.

“I’m only settling an argument,” Fluttershy insisted. “I’ll be fine. Now, will you excuse me please?”

Rainbow Dash had no idea how to feel. On one hoof, it was interesting to see Fluttershy taking a stand, but somehow, she felt it didn’t suit her. But far be it from her to discourage her friend from something she believed in.

When Fluttershy finally managed to get through the crowd, she couldn’t see Crosspatch anywhere.

“Did she decide to back out?” she asked to no one in particular.

“She’s in the fountain,” said Applejack, who had made it to the front of the crowd.

“WHAT?!”

Fluttershy jumped to the fountain and slapped the water. Crosspatch emerged, soaking wet and grinning smugly.

“You no-good cheater,” accused Fluttershy.

“We haven’t started yet, have we?” Crosspatch raised an eyebrow. “I mean, you haven’t been flying at all today, have you?”

Fluttershy was fuming.

“You two almost ready?” came a voice.

Fluttershy turned around. Derpy and Minuette had walked up to the fountain.

“They’re gonna be your judges,” said Apple Bloom from the crowd. “Derpy’s gonna watch you and Minuette’s gonna time you.”

When Twilight arrived, the atmosphere became less excited.

“Isn’t there another way to settle this argument?” she said to the two incensed mares. “The both of you can really hurt yourselves doing this.”

“It’s either this or go back to the school house and sort things out there,” said Crosspatch bluntly.

“Things coulda been a lot worse back there, Twilight,” piped up Apple Bloom.

“But why can’t either of you let this little disagreement go?” asked Twilight.

“There’s nothing little about a disagreement over the ethical treatment of frogs,” Fluttershy said obstinately.

“I’m sure not gonna let somepony insult my brother and get away with it,” Crosspatch said firmly.

Twilight hated not knowing how to proceed. She didn’t like the odds of either of the two quarrelling ponies giving in to their stubbornness and surrendering the challenge, but they were both so determined that she felt like nothing she could say or do would stop them.

Crosspatch hadn’t known Twilight long enough to call her by her name. “Your highness?”

“Yes?”

“I’ve heard tell that you once turned a frog into an orange.”

Twilight groaned. “That is true.”

“And I’m the animal abuser,” snorted Crosspatch.

Fluttershy wasn’t having it. She knew Twilight hadn’t meant to cast that spell on that frog. Twilight, somewhat cross with herself, decided the best she could do was let them carry on and be on hoof if one or both of them injured themselves.

“On your marks…” said Derpy.

Fluttershy’s wings were outstretched.

“Get set…”

Crosspatch leaned out of the fountain.

“Go!”

Minuette began her timing spell as Fluttershy took to the air and Crosspatch jumped out of the water. The crowd chattered excitedly. Most of the crowd was cheering Fluttershy on, much to Crosspatch’s chagrin. The minuets slipped by. Fluttershy’s wings never stopped beating. Crosspatch didn’t so much as glance back at the fountain. It looked to the onlookers that they were evenly matched, just like when they tried to out-Stare each other. Fluttershy wasn’t far from the ground, and soon, it occurred to her that she was casting a shadow over Crosspatch. She quickly moved to her right. Crosspatch looked up indignantly before sitting down on the ground and stretching her forelegs with a loud satisfied sigh.

“You’re both OK?!” called Twilight after fifteen minutes.

“Yep,” said Fluttershy and Crosspatch together, before staring daggers at each other. They couldn’t stand answering questions at the same time.

Fluttershy’s wing joints were getting sore. She hadn’t been airborne for this long since the last time she’d flown to Cloudsdale. The warm afternoon sun was causing her to sweat. Her anger at Crosspatch subsided for a moment when she suddenly realised that almost half the town was watching her. She shut her eyes.

“The frogs,” she said to herself. “Do it for the frogs.”

No matter how uncomfortable she was being a spectacle, she refused to stop flying until Crosspatch was back in the fountain. When she next opened her eyes, she scanned the crowd for Rainbow Dash, who often remained airborne when observing something. But by now, even Rainbow had needed a rest, and was standing next to Applejack. Fluttershy indulged herself with the thought that she’d outlasted Rainbow Dash, the best flyer in Ponyville.

At this point, Crosspatch had most certainly beaten her record for lasting without water. She was sweating more than Fluttershy was and she found it hard to stand back up. She was well aware that there might only be one pony in the crowd who was routing for her. After all, Fluttershy had been living in Ponyville longer than she had. On the other hoof, she was there first, even before Ponyville existed. She and Lazybug, whose honour was just as much at stake as hers, were stalwarts of this land.

“Your brother,” she said to herself. “Do it for your brother.”

She promised herself that she would only jump back into the fountain when she saw Fluttershy back on the ground. She peered into the crowd to see Lazybug’s supportive face, but he was nowhere to be seen. This was because Lazybug was deliberately hiding himself from his sister whenever he sprayed himself with his water bottle. Crosspatch appreciated this when she realised what he was doing, but it did make her think of water and how badly she needed it.

“How do you feel now?” asked Twilight after half an hour.

“Good,” said Fluttershy breathlessly.

“Fine,” said Crosspatch hoarsely.

Twilight wasn’t sure she believed either of them. Fluttershy was wobbling and Crosspatch was now flat on her back. It looked to her like she would have to call this thing off soon. She looked around at the crowd. It was clear that this was an interesting sight. Mild mannered Fluttershy in a battle of wills and stamina against Crosspatch the pre-Ponyville farmmare. She was sure that no good could come of this, but she knew that Fluttershy and Crosspatch were set in their ways and just wouldn’t give in.

In their respective positions, Fluttershy was looking straight down at Crosspatch and Crosspatch was looking straight up at Fluttershy. Fluttershy felt a lump in her throat that had nothing to do with exhaustion. From where she was, Crosspatch looked like she couldn’t move a muscle.

Am I taking advantage of her mutation? she thought. That’s not like me. Why am I so angry? Why should I take advantage of somepony’s bad luck? Maybe Twilight was right. Maybe there is another way to settle this whole thing other than letting her dry out.

Crosspatch was watching Fluttershy wobble in midair. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for her as she flapped harder than she had ever done in all her life.

Am I being rotten? she thought. I mean, wings are awfully important to a pegasus’ lifestyle. Rainbow Dash assured me of that, that’s for certain. What if Fluttershy’s wings give out and she never flies again. I couldn’t do that to somepony. Sure, we may be at loggerheads, but if I let this carry on, I might wreck her life.

It had now been forty-five minutes since the challenge began.

“Now how are you two feeling?” asked Twilight.

Neither of the competing ponies responded. They hadn’t heard Twilight. They were both lost in their own worried thoughts. Twilight took their silence as a sign of fatigue.

“This is getting out of hoof, you two!” she called.

Still, neither of them reacted.

How can I possibly say I represent the Element of Kindness if I let somepony get dehydrated?

I’m already guilty of endangerment after what I tried to do to Applejack and Big McIntosh. I guess I haven’t changed.

Think of Lazybug! He’d be devastated if his sister couldn’t get water in time.

She’s got so many animal friends. The blue jays, the frogs… they’d never forgive me.

I can’t stay up here just to win the argument.

I can’t let her push herself over the edge.

I mustn’t take our petty disagreement this far.

I’d never be able to forgive myself.

“It’s a tie!” declared Derpy once Fluttershy had touched down and Crosspatch had dived into the water.

Applause broke out all around the fountain. Minuette announced that Fluttershy and Crosspatch had both lasted forty-seven minutes. Crosspatch, fully refreshed, popped out of the water and found Fluttershy leaning over the well looking fretful.

“Are you alright, Crosspatch?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” replied Crosspatch. “What about you? How are your…? Oh, no.”

Fluttershy’s wings were hanging lifelessly down by her sides.

“Your wings. You had such lovely wings,” Crosspatch moaned.

“Oh, I’ll be OK soon,” Fluttershy said breathlessly. “I just need to rest.”

“Why not join me in here?” suggested Crosspatch. “It’s nice and cool.”

Fluttershy took her up on her offer and as they both sat in the refreshing water, the onlookers gathered around the fountain offering congratulations. These kudos weren’t only for how long they both lasted in the challenge though.

“You both gave up for the others’ benefit, didn’t you?” Twilight asked.

Fluttershy and Crosspatch grinned.

“So what now?” asked Lazybug. “How are we gonna settle this argument?”

“I have an idea,” said Fluttershy. “Crosspatch, I’d like to meet you tomorrow at midday please.”

“Uh… OK. Where?” asked Crosspatch.

A train from Loch Azure arrived in Ponyville at noon the next day. Rarity and Pinkie Pie split up once they were on the platform. Pinkie Pie was heading back to work at Sugarcube Corner, and Rarity was heading to the Spa for hers and Fluttershy’s weekly get-together. An unusual sight awaited her when she arrived and was pointed in Fluttershy’s direction by Aloe.

“Welcome back, Rarity,” smiled Fluttershy. “I hope you don’t mind if my friend here joins us this week.”

Crosspatch waved contently.

Rarity shrugged. “By all means. What’s the occasion?”

As the three mares went through seaweed wraps, massages and hoof treatments (although Crosspatch steered clear of the steam room), Rarity got the whole story of Fluttershy’s and Crosspatch’s spat and how their competition ended.

“I take it everything is alright between you now?” said Rarity.

“We’re both great,” said Crosspatch. “We’ve agreed to help in each other in our work. Whenever I get a snail out of a spinach garden or a bird out of a badminton net, I’ll bring it to Fluttershy if it’s in need of TLC.”

“Just before you arrived,” Fluttershy said to Rarity, “I wrote in our journal that I shall never be so set in my ways again. No pony should go as far as a painful challenge just to prove a point. All you’ll end up proving is how stubborn you are.”

“Here, here,” smiled Crosspatch from behind two slices of cucumber.

“Splendid,” said Rarity. “I’m very happy for the two of you.”

“So,” said Fluttershy, “how was the BYOM event?…”

Author's Note

Crosspatch would, wouldn't she? In her line of work, she'd have to.