Discord the Monster
How long have I been stuck here now; sealed away in a prison of icy stone; denied movement, freedom, or even to see you again? It’s been thousands of years, and granted the last time I broke out, I brought about havoc in the country you love so dearly; I only did so because I was angry at you. Angry at what you did and everything you put me through.
Some say that everything I have done outweighs the evils that you’ve committed, but you can’t trust them. You’re the Princess, and they can’t say anything bad about you. However, to them I will always be remembered as the tyrannical ruler that showed them a world they saw as full of darkness, but one that I am forced to endure. One that I’ve come to ruefully enjoy.
I don’t think I can say I hate you though, for everything that you’ve done to me-all the injustice and all the pain you caused; I’m willing to forget it all, because despite being trapped in this craggy tomb, I still want to see you again. I will do anything, just to see that pretty face of yours. Those grey magenta eyes, the majestic, flowing mane of four diluted colours, and the stunningly bright white coat; not a day goes by where I don’t fantasize about them and crave the sight of them again.
I wonder whether or not at this point in time you still remember what I did to get you so riled up, and seal me away with the help of your demonic sister. You’ve probably never noticed, but I see her leaving every few nights, but not as the mare you know her as, no. She leaves as the infamous Mare in the Moon, whose reputation rivals that of mine. Anyway, if memory still serves me correctly, then it has been over two thousand years. Two whole millennia-that should be ample time for you to forgive and forget. Then again, you always said you were too high and mighty to do such degrading things.
I have thought over everything that happened, and each time I review the events my beloved Celestia, I see nothing wrong with what I did. In fact, everything I did was caused by your own actions, and therefore you are to blame for the harm that came to your ponies. You should be locked away here, and you should be on display in my royal garden. This isn’t fair, and I swear my dear, that one day I shall be released from my cramped confinement, and I will show you the anguish you caused me. Not just the materialistic discomfort, but the scars you left in my heart and mind too.
The first time I met you, was over two thousand years ago, just a little while before the Great Drought. I wonder whether or not you still remember how life was back then, but I do. Reminiscing about it is one of the few things I can do to keep sane. Green expanses as far as the eye could see, and no such thing as pollution back then. Not in the air, nor in the minds of the ponies. Back then, they thrived, and your life was perfect as your mother commanded them. I would always watch you from afar, ostracised by the Alicorns that protected you; enjoying the serenity and beauty of you playing with your little sister. You had become a full grown mare, and she was almost there, but everypony still called her a filly.
Years went by like this with me denied access into your societies; whereas you accepted the Griffons, and the Dragons, and the fucking Zebras. While I was at least spared by your pathetic race, my kind was hunted for their unique furs and skins. Bit by bit we became an endangered species, whilst you ruled over us with an iron hoof; merciless and unwavering. Your mother was far more of a tyrant than I ever was, and I don’t understand why everypony misses and weeps for her, but not a single eyelash is batted for me.
We grew older, and your sister really became a mare Celestia. You two were taught by the Queen how to perform some of the more minor Royal Duties, whereas I watched the last of the Chimeras slaughtered by the Alicorns. We were outnumbered and outmatched, and in the end, we ended up losing. I kept thinking about why I was spared, and it didn’t make any sense to me, but I stayed calm by convincing myself that it was because I had a destiny in life; that I was fated to bring about change in the world you all thought was full of harmony, and tranquillity.
I had decided, that for me to even begin to bring change to society, I needed to be accepted by it, and it was at this point that I realised just why I spent all those years watching you, and you alone. Your petite frame against a delightfully lush and animated canvas, coupled with your physical grace and repose was something that I was and am very fond of. Little by little, the more I kept watching you, the more I realised that I was starting to feel something for you.
Those feelings were very confusing for me at the time, and I was young; I didn’t know anything back then. I didn’t know what it was I felt for you, but I realised that it was something strong enough to overpower my mind and consume my thoughts; not giving me a second to myself where I could think about what I was going to do with my life. It took a while, but eventually I realised that I was obsessed with you. Your wonderful wings, delicate body, and nostalgic scent; they were all things that I couldn’t get enough of, and I couldn’t imagine living without. I was in love.
I loved you so much, that I wanted you all to myself. Nothing else mattered to me, and I was entirely infatuated by you. Days would go by where I would float with the clouds above your palace; too afraid to move, and too engrossed in my fantasies to head elsewhere. I denied my own body nourishment, just so I could keep seeing you for those few extra hours. This was at best a tragically one-sided love, and I craved for more. I wanted my feelings to blossom into an alluringly angelic floret, and for you to revel in its greatness with me; enjoying it as much as I did.
In order for me to pursue my ambitions in life, I needed to put my hoof down, and become more assertive. I needed to take charge of my life, and I needed to decide what to do. It was amazing how easily I moved on from seeing my race killed, but I suppose that was the sheer power of my love for you; strong enough to shine a light into the darkest depths of my heart, and show me that every day to come held promises of happiness. My decision was final, and I came to the conclusion that just watching wouldn’t be enough anymore. I think that I did in fact imagine the possibility that everything might not go exactly the way I had planned, but maybe I just forgot about it. It wasn’t something I wanted clouding my desire.
It took every last bit of my fragile courage to do what I did, but none of you cared. You’ll never understand how hard it was for me-the sole survivor of a race of renowned for their fortitude-to drag myself out into the open and present myself before the ruler that ordered the extermination of my species. I wasn’t even able to stand up tall as I waited for somepony to grant me access into your humble abode. It just made it worse that your mother was the one to answer me. She knew who I was, and she always hated me for some reason, but she was also the one that commanded the armies of ponies not to kill me, and rather, to spare me.
She towered over me with resilient vigour in her eyes, and stared down at me; making me freeze from the fear and nearly make a mess on the floor. I don’t know if you were ever scolded by her or anything, but if you were then you probably understand my measureless fright at the sight of her extended, extensive, ivory wings. She was just so regal, and possessed her own, mature form of beauty-although it was nothing compared to yours. I finally found the last scraps of courage I could gather and got down on my knees; begging her to let me just see you up close. But she didn’t care about anything I said. There wasn’t even a moment’s worth of hesitation before she rushed at me and used her magic to take us to the snowy mountaintops in the north.
There in the desolate wasteland, she pointed to all the frozen remains that were scattered around the place, and showed me just what she was capable of. All around me I saw Chimeras, and some of them weren’t even whole. Hundreds of them had just been tossed aside there, left to inevitably die of either the cold or hunger. For once, my love for you was out of my mind briefly, and it was replaced by sheer devastation; seeing Chimeras I knew there; lifeless and unbelievably icy to the touch. Their bodies were almost colder than that fucking bitch’s heart.
She explained to me that this particular mountain was her own, special tomb for the most despicable of creatures. What was more insulting was that the only beings there were the Chimeras. Nothing else; just Chimeras. Not even a single Griffon was visible from where we stood, and it was exactly like a battlefield. It was like they were all just simultaneously wiped out; everybody wore the same look of despondent horror. This was her tomb, and I thought she planned on leaving me there to die, so I lunged at her and begged her to take me back. It was cold, I was scared, and I didn’t want to believe that this was what my life was leading up to.
She just ignored my pleas for mercy, and instead threw me to the ground; bruising my paw slightly. The pain was minimal though, and could hardly compare to my despair in that situation. Before she abandoned me there, she told me that she was disappointed in me, and that she hoped I would do better. I didn’t understand anything she said. She was the one that killed everyone I loved, and she was the one that prevented me from having a happy life for all those years. She was the one that made me into an outcast and she denied me access to the happiness I saw in the faces of many a pony. Yet she had the nerve to be disappointed in me, and to lecture me about what I did. It was infuriating to say the least, but at the time I was more preoccupied with survival, since after she finished talking, she “magicked” herself away.
I wonder if you’ve ever been left to die on the mountaintops to the north of where your old palace was, but you probably don’t know what I’m talking about. It was horrible, and my screams went unheard; drowned out by the constant roaring of Aeolus as he commanded me to keep quiet and accept my fate. That wasn’t something that I planned on doing, and I tried my best to escape, but I had no idea how. At first I just tried to run, but I didn’t get very far, and it was after my initial attempt at surviving that brought even more misery into my heart. On the edge of a cliff where I almost slipped and lost my life, I saw the faces of two Chimeras, that I remembered, and that I always wanted to see again.
My mother, and my brother; buried under the thick layer of snow; faces full of fear and regret. I had never felt so distant from reality than I did at that point, and I swore I’d get my revenge on the mare that had ultimately caused all of this to occur. Neither of them did anything wrong, and they didn’t deserve to die such a brutal death. You loved such a monstrous pony, and I saw her for who she really was, but nopony was going to care about what I said, or what I did, since I didn’t matter. That was the point where I recalled my feelings for you, and realised the implications of a loving bond between the two of us. It seemed perverted to see it in that light, but I thought of it as an added bonus, so I was able to accept it in the end.
Despite having everything planned out perfectly, I still needed to get away so that I could bring this course of action into play. I never imagined that my life would lead to this, and as the days passed by, I started to lose hope in ever being able to achieve my newly found dreams. The thought of you and the fact that if I survived the ordeal I’d be able to see you again kept pushing me forward; persuading me to live on. I was flying through the skies for days, but I’m pretty sure I was just going in circles. I kept seeing the same mountains around me, and I never seemed to make any progress. I was no closer to escape than I was when I started, and the biggest difference was that I was growing weak from the hunger, and the cold.
It was only a matter of time before my hopes and dreams were no longer enough to fuel me and to keep me in the air. One day I felt my wings falter, and my body dipped on one side before it all came crashing down. They wouldn’t flap anymore, and I couldn’t do anything to stop my rapid acceleration through the crisp and icy air that lacerated my skin as it rushed past me. Death was getting closer, and he waited for me at the bottom of the chasm that I perchance fell into. I was ready to begrudgingly accept my fate as my end loomed at the end of my descent, and I let my last thoughts wander to the one thing that ever truly made me happy. It makes me sick to admit it, but at that moment, I was thinking about you.
Luck was on my side that day, for something happened that changed me drastically, in a brilliant way. You before my mind’s eye and the stagnant yet jagged ground appearing before me as the mist cleared were the last things I saw before my eyes closed and I embraced my supposed fate. However, that day, I did not die-as I’m sure you know-and instead I finally got to see you. Before I knew it, I felt an embracing warmth hold onto me and give my muscles strength as they thawed before the gentle fire. My eyes opened slowly, and to my delight, there you were. I finally got what I wanted, and I was finally given the chance to see your beautiful face up close. I still remember how confused you looked that day.
It took me some time before I could process what had happened, but when I did, I couldn’t have been happier. All the horrors and failures of my life were forgotten in that moment, and all I could think about was how glad I was that I didn’t die, and that I kept trying to escape the Queen’s special graveyard. You were less than delighted to see me, but since you didn’t really know who I was; I wasn’t too disappointed with that. What I was disheartened by, was that bitch of a mare rushing in and ruining our moment. She stormed in with her Royal Guards, and her Canterlot Voice boomed through the air and rang hard in my ears.
I don’t know why, but my first reaction was to rush in front of you, and grab you. I don’t know what I was planning, but I knew I had to do something, and I would have loved to just hold you once before I died, feeling your coat in my paw and talon. It was everything I’d ever dreamed; silky to the touch and soothing to smell; but there were more pressing matters at hand. They came closer and were ready to end me. For some reason, your mother suddenly went against what she’d been saying for years before that point, and demanded I be killed. I was scared, and I’m sure you remember what I did next, since it was something that would have been burnt into your memory.
I focussed intently and thought of my love for you as they rushed even closer; weapons ready and their wings flapping as they were lifted into the air. What happened next was truly amazing, and it opened up a whole new world to me. Out of nowhere, a bright flash appeared and took the two of us away; securing us in a safe place. Once the light dissipated and we could see again, we were high up in the clouds and far, far away from her. I had done something that I never thought was possible for Chimeras, and I had utilised for the second time, the immense power of magic.
I was far more impressed by my astounding feat than you were, and instead you were just annoyed at me for abducting you. You started to yell at me, and scold me, and point your hoof at me as you grew livid. I had no clue how to react, and all I could do was just try to hold on to the little bit of joy I had for the only thing I’d accomplished in life. I begged you to calm down and listen to me, but you wouldn’t do it. You kept talking and talking, and even though most beings would have been incredibly frustrated by how talkative you were, I didn’t care. I was still enthralled by you.
I don’t know why I did what I did next, and I don’t know what it was supposed to solve, but it was honestly one of the fondest memories I have of you today. You should still remember, because you told me that I was the first, and that I robbed you of the privilege of sharing it with somepony else. I leaned in and pulled you closer while you raised your voice and almost shattered my eardrums. Then, I pressed my lips against yours, and for that moment we were connected by a tender and definitely loving kiss. I had never felt giddier in my life, and my stomach erupted with butterflies whilst my heart fluttered and almost flew out of my chest. There was so much pleasure to be had by such a small thing, and I just started to love you even more after that. Sadly it wasn’t a mutually shared joy, and I was the only one of us that enjoyed our kiss. You-just like your mother-had to ruin a moment in my life where I was truly happy, and bring me crashing down into the cold reality.
You were disgusted by what I did, and all you did was scream about how I was being inconsiderate and rude. You never stopped for a single second to think about why I did what I did, and instead you were consumed by your embarrassment and anger. You started to call me names, and those names still hurt. Remembering them being said with your voice just kills me inside, and makes me yearn for the days where I just admired you from afar. You will never understand the anguish you put me through by calling me a monster, and a beast not worth living. Oddly enough though, nothing hurt more than the name “Draconequus.” I’m not a fucking Draconequus. I’m a Chimera.
You flew off tearing at the eyes, and you left me alone on that cloud. I was confused, and my hopes had been shattered right there. All the effort used to get me there; all the strength I wasted staying alive and persuading myself to gather the courage to try and talk to you; all of it went down the shit hole. At first all I felt was the same despair I experienced on the mountaintops, but the full impact of everything you said hit me pretty soon after you left. Despair turned to anguish, and anguish turned to full blown rage as I realised how despicable you ponies all were. I couldn’t take it anymore, and that’s why I did what I did.
Maybe I should apologise for what I did, since I know how it feels to lose a loved one, but she had it coming. I just feel bad that you had to experience part of the loss as well, and that I couldn’t force her to take it all. You obviously still remember that night, when I snuck into the palace with my newly discovered magic, and murdered your mother, but you don’t know about everything that happened. She knew I was there, and she didn’t fight back. She was ready to accept what was about to happen. I don’t know why, but I stood there with a sword in my talon and was prepared to lunge forward and slice her petty head off.
That wasn’t the end of it though. She said to me, that there was a reason she’d kept me alive all those years, and that it had something to do with you and your beloved sister. She wouldn’t tell me exactly what it was, but she did warn me that I wasn’t going to get away with this. There was something about an ancient power, but I was impatient and I didn’t let her finish. Instead I just killed her, right there, right then, and finally exacted my revenge.
After that, I had some time to myself to think, but I also had to keep clear of the Royal Guards. You all learned of the Queen’s death and despite me leaving absolutely no evidence, you still all just suspected me. I would be offended if it weren’t true, but I was the one that killed her. I enjoyed it as well; watching her die before me as she buckled under and gave in. It was all pretty abrupt and in hindsight it was really suspicious, but at the time I didn’t know. I was far too busy with my thoughts to be concerned with something like that.
You all wanted me dead, and you all wanted to kill me-just like how I felt about your mother. It got increasingly more difficult to keep out of your grasp since your magic was greater than mine, but I still managed it. After her death you took over the land and along with your sister, you both swore you’d find me. For years I went undetected in the darkest corners of your homeland, and I had a lot of time to think to myself. Eventually, I realised something that would change me forever.
You hated me, and there was no chance in Tartarus that I could ever have you. You were so beautiful, and so much more than I could ever dream, but you were right about me. I was just a monster. All my life I’d been denied happiness and even the mare I loved rejected me. One year after I killed the Queen, I made a huge decision, and it shaped my future to come. I loved you, and I wanted to be with you; but you despised me. I could never have you, and a life without you, Celestia, is something that I could never imagine. It wasn’t something I wanted and if I couldn’t live the remainder of my life with you, then I didn’t want the world anymore.
I was willing to throw the entire world away, just because you turned me away. I never understood why you Alicorns all loved order and pattern so much, but it never did anything but hurt me. The pattern of ponies spreading rumours, and the natural hierarchy your mother founded all put me down, and kept me under wraps. I wanted nothing to do with it anymore, and I swore to embrace an entirely different lifestyle; completely different from yours and uniquely exciting. I also decided to change my name to something more befitting of what I decided to become; of what you turned me into. From that day onwards, I was Discord the Monster.
I needed to make sure that my name was carved into history as well, so that I would be remembered forever-or else I’d just be another speck of dust in the breeze. I had the perfect idea in mind, and since I spent that entire year practising my magic to the point where I’m sure it either rivalled or surpassed yours, I had a good idea of what to do. I would do the same thing that your mother did to me, and make you feel the pain, of being the sole survivor of an entire, fucking race.
I was ready, and when I reappeared again in the land you called home, I got another look at your face filled with anger and fear. The first few Alicorns were killed with barely any effort, and I still remember how distraught you were to hear about your precious ponies being murdered. I felt the same way when I learnt of the grave injustice my kind had to endure. The next dozen were also effortless, and soon, I started to wipe them out in hordes of a few hundred at a time. Slowly, your vast species of over a billion ponies thinned down to just a measly hundred or so million. They were dying, and there was nothing you could do to stop me.
This time, you came to me, and begged me for mercy-for me to spare everypony. You probably still remember how it felt when I declined, and pushed you away; returning to my tyrannical rule of the ponies. Maybe after then, you had some faint idea of how I felt. Soon, just killing them got boring, and the Alicorns started to fight back. That was when my next idea popped into my head, and I was ready to do something else. I took a few of your ponies, and stripped them of their horns; leaving them with nothing more than just their wings. Others, I deprived of their wings, and the last few I left absolutely nothing. I had effectively created the three races of pony that are still alive today, and at the time, it was so fun watching them fight each other; arguing and tearing their relationships to pieces. It was hard to understand why I was so focussed on seeing other ponies so distraught, but maybe it was because I still longed to be loved myself. I was still infatuated by you, but that day I fell in love with chaos as well.
Your country was falling to pieces, and you were losing control over it as I threatened to overthrow you. Somehow, it wasn’t enough and I craved even more disorder in the world that I now came to enjoy so much. A third idea came to my mind, because I was hoping to find a way to take your land all together. I would need an army, since there were still too many ponies, and together they could still over power me. The reason it was such a good idea, was because there is nothing more delicious than watching somepony being betrayed by her followers.
I took your Alicorn citizens, and transformed them into dark creatures that fed on the love of ponies. The love that I wished I could survive off of was something that I gave to them, since you weren’t going to accept me-especially after what I did-and so I was doomed to be alone forever. I had come to terms with that already, but there was still a bit of fundamental hatred left. It probably wasn’t at you, Celestia, but more likely your mother, and since she was dead already, I had to take it out on you.
These new creatures that I brought into existence using your ponies had the ability to transform into anypony they wanted, and with that, I waged war against you. Of course, you still remember that. If memory serves me, you called them, “Changelings.” Honestly, I didn’t understand what it was with you ponies and coming up with amusing and idiotic names for creatures different to you. Draconequus and Changeling; they just seem like random words some drunk pony scribbled down. Anyway, after the war, I won, and your beloved country and the last of your citizens were all mine.
I claimed the land in the name of chaos, and there was never a dull day as I slowly tortured the surviving souls of the Alicorn race. What I don’t know, is where you and your sister went after you lost the war. You two just disappeared after Luna screamed at me, saying that you two would be back, and that you’d bring about my defeat. All I did was laugh at her, but in hindsight, I should have taken it a lot more seriously, since she was right. But there was absolutely no way for me to know that at the time.
The years flew by and the Changelings eventually left the land I gained for them; stating that they needed someplace with love and not turmoil. I grew bored after they left, and tired of toying with the ponies that were merely fractions of the once great race of Alicorns. A sick thought eventually came to mind, but I had to go with it if I didn’t want to die of the sheer boredom that I experienced. The Great Drought was-as I’m sure you remember-caused by me, and it was so close to making you Alicorns extinct, but I never knew if you and your sister were still alive.
The Great Drought lasted something like six months or so, but those six months were full of discord, and whenever I looked out over the land I took over, I would feel an empty smile appear on my face. I still missed you, and I still longed for you, but at that point, I truly believed that I had moved on. Sadly, I was wrong, and when you finally returned, I was so delighted to see you again that I threw everything away and rushed over to you; embracing you for the second time. Unfortunately, just like the first time, you weren’t very pleased with my affection, and you returned my gesture with daggers shooting out of you grey magenta eyes; so soft and gentle in their lustre.
I should have known what would come next, but I had completely forgotten about what your mother said to me. Turns out she was a lot more than just a heartless bitch. She was calculating, manipulative, and deceitful too. You and Luna both came home to the country you once knew and loved, but neither of you recognised it anymore. You two both stood resilient before me and my throne, challenging me. I really shouldn’t have laughed at you, and I should have prepared myself for the immensity of your abilities, but I had no idea.
The Elements of Harmony were first used by you two on that day, and if had even the slightest idea of how powerful they could be, then I would have ran away. That day, I was turned to stone by the two of you, but just before I was trapped for some thousands of years, I saw it again. I can’t decide if it was a good or a bad thing, but I saw it anyway, and it will forever be burnt into my vivid memory. Seconds before my reign of chaos was over, I saw your harsh yet loving eyes one last time; staring into my soul.
As the decades turned to centuries and millennia, you two reclaimed the land that you had lost to me. I miss it now, and I want to see the chaos roam wild once more. You might not appreciate it, but the sheer beauty of my country was of unimaginable magnitude, and something that could even rival your serenity and grace, Celestia. I hate you for having me waste my life in this icy, desolate prison; but I still love you, and I always will. I will always imagine a life where the two of us are together, and I will always wish for that to be our reality, even if I know that it’s impossible.
I wonder whether or not you’ll believe me if I say that I promise I won’t try to destroy Equestria again, but I wouldn’t expect you to. If I was in your position, I can’t say I would be very nice at all. You’ll never give me the chance to prove that I’m not the monster you think I am, but it doesn’t matter. I had my fun, and I suppose that just having loved you is good enough for me. This way, I will know what it feels like to love somepony, and how much somebody’s heart can crave the warm feeling of another pony's touch. Now, I just want to hold you again, and if I could do that, then I’d die happy.
