Go fuck yourself

by MidnightDawnScarlet

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1253

Twilight makes the worst mistake if her life by accidently sending rainbow dash to south park, Colorado.

"Yes. Go on. Fuck yourself. Right here. Right now." Cartman smirked.

Rainbow dash flew out of the office, growling.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-25 02:50:09 UTC

"Washington Redskins, go fuck yourself."

"Are you sure you want to do this, Rainbow?"

"Yeah. Positive. If it means I'll get changed into a griffon or a dragon, I'll do it." She grinned.

"Well, ok, here goes..." She stepped back, lighting her horn. The two were inside Twilight's castle, and just a floor below them was the basement. There lay a magic mirror leading to the human world.

Magic began spewing from her horn, and right into Rainbow Dash's chest.

It began to seep into Dash, making her feel tingly.

But then Twilight remembered she sent Spike to go check on sunset shimmer and thought oh no! I need to go get him before nightfall! With most of her attention away from Rainbow Dash, the magic from the mirror got mixed with Twilight's magic.

~~~

The blue pegasus groaned and stood up, looking around herself.

She deffinitly was not in Equestria anymore.

She stamped a hoof into the snow beneath her, and then her face screwed up in confusion but it's summer!

She then looked around more, realizing this was different animation from her world. Oh. Damnit, Twi....

She trotted forwards, onto a street.

She looked left, seeing a regular store. Then right, a building. A small building, looked cozy.

It had a sign in the window that said "The Washington Redskins! Let us do nothing for you!"

She snickered at the text.

She saw a little boy with blonde sleek hair beside the text. He was very fat.

She decided to walk in and congratulate this kid for being the biggest smart-ass in the world.

She opened the door, seeing a lobby.

Red carpeting, the company logo on a banner behind the front desk, a yellow chair and a red couch.

The company logo was two shemales screwing eachother. It was poorly drawn.

The little boy from the poster said "Welcome to the Washington Redskins how may I say fuck you today?" He seemed to take no effect on her being a pony, but in his mind, it was completly different.

Yes. My plan worked. Now I just have to use this pegasus to help me confuse the hell out of our government and then gain access to Theyre computer systems.

She was by now rolling on the floor laughing. Once she stopped laughing enough to speak, she said "I-I'd like to congratulate you for being the biggest smart ass in the world!" She resumed laughing.

"Ha ha, yes very funny. Now do you want to give me your money or not?"

She stood up and dusted herself off. "Huh?"

"This is a crowd funding company. People come here to give us money so we can do absolutely nothing."

"That's dumb..." She furrowed her brows.

"No, dude, it's not. People love us."

"Yeah, it kinda is."

"Y'know what? Go Fuck yourself."

She snorted "what?!" She growled.

"I just told you to go fuck yourself." He smirked.

She facehoofed. "What? You can't be serious. I just traveled through time and space with Alicorn magic-"

"Wait. Did you say,  alicorn  magic?"

"Yea. Now I just traveled here through magic and stayed passed out for only-celestia-knows-how-long and then came here, and your telling me to go fuck myself."

"Yes."

"What the Tartarus did I do to you to make you say that to me?"

"You existed."

She had Ben hovering over his face,  scowling. But now she had plopped defeated onto the ground.  Have I become a dumbass since being here?

"Well?" Cartman arched his brow.

"Well what?"

"Are you going to go fuck yourself?"

"Huh..." She was confused by now.

"Wait so you literally-"

"Yes. Go on. Fuck yourself. Right here. Right now."

"Huh....." She gaped.

She growled and realized there was no arguing with this guy and then stormed out of the building.

Cartman sat in his chair, thinking that worked out perfectly. Now she's gonna tell the police. Then they will tel the government. Then they will try to get to equestria. Then they will become confused and disoriented. I'll have the chance to make my way into they're system, then get myself to Equestria. I will then marry Queen Chrysalis.

~~~

Three years later

~~~

Rainbow dash gaped when she saw Eric Cartman skipping across the dirt roads of ponyville.

She trampled him "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"Ah, you remember me! Your arrival in South Park and going to the police allowed me access to a portal they had obtained. I walked through it. This was only an hour ago. It took a long time but I did it. Now all a have to do marry my waifu." He smirked.

She growled "who?"

"I am afraid I can not Tell you that, Rainbow dash, see, if I tell you that you will surly try and stop me."

Dash growled and flew off. She couldn't take anymore of this.

~~~

Six months later..

~~~

Every pony in Equestria, including Celestia, Luna, ect were all In shackles and chains.

They were being forced to work and build.

Changelings littered everywhere in Equestria, as well as the green slime that came with them.

Eric Cartman stood next to his newly wedded wife, Queen Chrysalis. He was now Prince.

He could not be crowned kind for he wasn't a prince when he married the queen. So he was crowned Prince.

"My love, how is the massive slaughter house coming?" Cartman asked from his throne, resting a hand on her hoof.

"It's coming along fine, dearest. How's the love factory?"

"It's fine, my lady." He smiled grimly.

She returned the look before kissing him gently on the lips before ordering a few changeling guards to go bring them something to eat.

Cartman stopped them before they could leave line of sight "and get me this-" he handed them a note.

They buzzed out of the room.

10 minutes later they returned with a chained Rainbow Dash and two bowls of love pudding.

He smiled towards Dash. "How are you, Dash?"

She groaned "what do you think?"

"Awful, most likely. However we are doing fine and that's all that matters to me." Chrysalis blushed when Cartman spoke.

"Obviously..."

~~~

Three years and six months earlier...

~~~

Cartman picked up a book.

It had Twilights cutie mark on the cover.

"I can now talk to Twilight Sparkle and pretend to be sunset shimmer and tell her I'm sick." He thought out loud to himself.

He the wrote down on the front page

hey, twilight.

The words

hello, Sunset! How are you today?

appeared on the same page.

just sick.... Fever of 102...

.

A few minutes passed and then-

Oh no! That's not good! I'll send Spike to go check up on you. I've got a busy day today.

He wrote:

oh that's ok, twilight, I don't need any help.

.

Twilight Wrote him back with:

No no! I'm sending Spike right now, actually! I'll come and get him later before nightfall.

Cartman smirked as he wrote

ok, I'll wait for him..

He closed the book and threw his fists in the air "WOO! Now she'll be distracted when she tries to turn Rainbow Dash into a griffon!"

Dont ask how he knows what's going to happen.

Behind him sat a door. His bedroom closet door, to be specific. Inside was pinkie pie. She was fine with all of this. She just sat there and listened before saying "did she agree to let spike come over like i predicted?"

Nevermind. You already know...