The Secret Life of Pinkamena Pie

Chapters

Prequel Chapter: The Secret Past of Pinkamena Pie
The Pink One Cometh
Pinkie's Crazy Mission
Confronting Sire Dressage

Prequel Chapter: The Secret Past of Pinkamena Pie

Disclaimer: I do not own My little Pony: Friendship is Magic. That’s kind of it. What else is there to disclaim besides the world?

The Secret Life of Pinkamena Pie
By: GWFan (The Softcore Brony)

The Prequel Chapter: The Secret Past of Pinkamena Pie

Burgle laughed out loud as he counted all the bits. He and one of his comrades, Loot, had just returned from a great job of plundering. Over the course of several nights they had pillaged several different pony communities, bringing in quite a haul. He hadn’t even counted half of their plunder and already he knew they were filthy rich. Even better, his other two comrades, Spoil and Sack, would be returning soon with even more. Truly, it was a good day to be a pony.

Burgle looked up from his counting when somepony entered his secret little shack in the mountains and slammed the door. Sack was standing there, completely out of breath, holding only a single bag of their pillaged goods. Sweat dotted his face and he looked pale.

“What took you so long Sack? And where’s Spoil? Does he have the rest of our haul with him?”

“Spoil… Spoil… he… he…,” Sack sputtered, but he couldn’t formulate any words that really made any sense.

“For Celestia’s sake, Sack, slow down and spit it out. Where the hay is Spoil?”

“He’s down!” Sack blurted. “She’s coming! She’s coming!”

“On the contrary,” a voice said from the shadows. “I’m already here.”

“What the?” Burgle stood up quickly and turned to face the pony in the shadows. “How did you get in here? When did you get here?”

The intruder stepped out of the shadows and Burgle took a double take. It was a tiny little pony, probably still a foal. Based on her voice and the pink color of her clothes that covered her from muzzle to hoof, he could only assume that she was a filly. Her straight, magenta hair partially covered one eye, and the little pony’s eyes held an expression of half anger and half pleasure.

“All right, which one of you mugs let this little kid in here?” He turned to his comrades questioningly. Loot shrugged and shook his head, but Sack had turned white as a sheet.

“It’s her! She found us!” Sack screamed and raced out the door. He didn’t get very far though. Two steps past the entrance and Burgle saw Sack suddenly fly in the air. In the next moment, he was hanging just outside the entranceway, inside a net.

The little pink pony snickered. “There’s no escape from me.”

Burgle turned back to the filly and made a quick assessment of her clothes. If he didn’t know any better, he would say she was dressed like a ninja. But if so, then why pink?

“Loot,” Burgle commanded, “Take the kid outside and tell her to beat it. I’m going to cut Sack down.” With that, Burgle walked to the entrance and grabbed up a knife with his unicorn magic, intending to get Sack out of the net. Sack was struggling like crazy, as if he was deathly terrified of something.

Just as Burgle was about to try and cut the rope, he heard the sound of somepony brandishing metal, as if a sword had just been drawn. He turned back around and paled. Loot was on the floor, a dark ring of red around his shoulder, quite close to his neck, that started to form a pool on the floor. The strange foal had stood up on her hind legs and was holding a sword in her front hooves.

“Get me down Burgle! Hurry! Before she gets us!” Sack screamed.

But Burgle barely heard him. The little pony kicked Loot in the stomach, hard enough to make him puke. The her eyes were trained on Burgle. Burgle swallowed, suddenly wondering what exactly had happened to Spoil.

The little pony took a step toward him and swung her sword one time. Though she was clear on the other side of the room, Burgle’s knife suddenly split in half, the sharp tip landing noisily on the ground. Burgle gaped at the perfectly level slice on his knife. Then he stared at the pink ninja who may very well have been smiling behind her mask.

“Run,” she said.

Though he hardly knew what was going on, Burgle pushed the still struggling Sack out of his way and bolted. He galloped long and hard, nearly a full mile from his hideout. Feeling that he was at a safe distance, Burgle stopped and puffed in exhaustion. Though she had been little more than a filly, Burgle’s instincts told him that that ninja was not quite what she seemed.

“Are you tired?” A voice from in front of him said. Burgle looked and was shocked to see the same little pony, leaning on a rock.

“How… how did you…?”

“Trade secret. The way of the ninja is as mysterious as it is dangerous. Dangerous at least for you.”

Burgle took off galloping in another direction. He pushed through bushes, ducked around trees, and finally came to stop in a little clearing behind a small rock. He wiped sweat from his face, disgusted with himself that he was being pursued by a filly. Then abruptly, the rock he was standing behind morphed into the little ninja and she held her sword up too his neck. Burgle fell backwards on the ground and backed away until his back was to a tree.

“What do you want?” He screamed at her.

“To complete my mission,” The little pony screamed and lunged at him with her sword.

Princess Celestia grimaced after Pinkamena had finished her report on her latest mission.

“Pinkamena, your task was only to capture those thieves. Although you succeeded, you very nearly killed three of them. Two of them are in intensive care as we speak.”

“But they’re not dead,” the Pinkamena said confidently. “So I didn’t disobey orders.”

Throughout all the centuries Celestia had been alive, this was the first time she was truly at a loss for words. The secret society of ninja that Pinkamena was apart of had served her since Celestia had sent her sister Luna to the moon. Now, Pinkamena was the last of her clan who still knew the ways of the ninja, and by far the youngest to ever serve. It had always pained Celestia to call on the ninja clan to take on the most difficult and dangerous jobs of the past, but seeing the young filly before her now nearly broke her heart. If only the world didn’t need the skills of a ninja anymore.

“If that is all Princess, then I have to get back to my training.” Pinkamena opened her hooves, intending to use her special teleport technique to go back to her home village.

“Wait, Pinkamena,” Celestia said, raising her hoof. “I have a very special mission for you.”

“What kind of mission?” Pinkamena said, sounding devilishly interested.

“I would like you to relocate to a new village.”

“How is that a mission?” The little pony asked defiantly.

“The village I am sending you to is Ponyville. In a few years will be the thousandth year of the Summer Sun Celebration. If my suspicions are correct, Nightmare Moon will be able to free herself on that day. I intend to hold the celebration in Ponyville and I need you to be there.”

“Stop some old Mare from escaping the moon? I aught to be able to handle that.”

“No. Nightmare Moon is far too powerful for even you to handle alone. The only way to defeat her is with the Elements of Harmony. Your mission is to go to Ponyville and train yourself to act like a more normal pony.”

“What kind of training is that?”

“Thus far, I believe there are two ponies already in Ponyville, as well as two in the nearby city of Cloudsdale who possess the special spirit to hold four of the elements. But I still need to find two more ponies with the spirit of Laughter and Magic. At some point, I hope to find the ponies who can fill these rolls. Until then, I would like you to keep an eye on the other four to make sure nothing happens to them.”

“Huh?” The little filly stood stupefied. “What am I supposed to learn exactly?”

“If you act like a normal pony than nopony will think anything is strange about you’re being there. Basically, I want you to learn how to have fun. And how to laugh.”

“But I do have fun. I love stalking ponies and scaring the pony berries out of them. And I know how to laugh. Ha, ha, ha.” The young filly’s laugh sounded hollow and forced.

“If it makes you feel any better, there is a second reason for this training. Being as you are the only member of your clan left, rumor has spread among the land as to where and who the young mysterious ninja might be. Think of this as creating a secret identity for yourself in order to hide who you really are.”

“That’s pointless. I can protect myself from anypony who threatens me.”

“It is for the safety of Equestria. Nopony must know that you are serving Canterlot.”

“I guess I see your point. Okay, I’ll work on some kind of secret identity,” Pinkamena said, sounding rather disappointed.

“Remember Pinkamena, this is a mission,” Celestia reminded her.

Pinkamena stood up straighter and saluted. “Yes Princess. Mission accepted.” With that, Pinkamena clapped her hooves together and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

After the little pony had left, Celestia let out a sigh. In truth, she had lied. This was not a real mission. All she really wanted was for Pinkamena to have a normal life. She wanted her to have the normal fowlhood she so rightfully deserved, but had been denied because of her clans birthright.

Feeling very guilty, Celestia decided to take a walk around Canterlot in order to clear her head. What was she ever going to do about Pinkamena? The little filly was obsessed with her ninja heritage and as coldhearted as a beast. It wasn’t right. It just wasn’t right, either to expect the young filly to live that kind of life or to live the lie of being a normal pony.

That’s when it happened. An incredible explosion rocked the sky and Princess Celestia saw a rainbow light in the distance. What in Equestria was it? Before she could investigate the matter though, a dragon’s head suddenly erupted from the school Celestia had set up for gifted unicorns. The rainbow light would have to wait. Whatever was going on at the school came first.

Several years had past. In just a few months, Celestia would raise the sun for the thousandth, Summer Sun Festival in Ponyville. Or perhaps not, if Nightmare Moon really did return. Celestia was on her way to Ponyville to personally make the announcement to the Mayor. Secretly, she also wanted to check on Pinkamena to see if she had done anything to act the part of a normal pony. If she hadn’t, Celestia probably would have heard about it, so she wasn’t worried, though she did wonder what had become of her. Celestia hadn’t sent Pinkamena on a mission during all the years of her stay in Ponyville.

Upon arriving, she was greeted by a grand procession of ponies who all wanted to meet her. After greeting dozens of ponies, the Mayor finally made her way to Celestia.

“Welcome Princess Celestia. We’ve been expecting you.”

“So I see,” Celestia said with a bit of a giggle. It always pleased her to see her subjects so happy, even if it was just to see her.

“Please, come this way. There is a party in your honor at Sugarcube Corner.” The Mayor led the way and, although they met many ponies, made it to Sugarcube Corner relatively quickly.

The party inside was incredible. Celestia had never seen one quite like it. The decorations, the music, the streamers, so many balloons, it was absolutely fantastic.

“How do you like the party your highness?” The Mayor asked her after an hour.

“It is phenomenal, Mayor. I am truly impressed you could put something like this together.”

“Oh, don’t thank me. This was all designed and created by Ponyville’s self proclaimed party master, Pinkie Pie.”

“Pinkie Pie?” Celestia said a little surprised. Pie was Pinkamena’s family name. Could it be?

“Pinkie Pie, there you are. Please come introduce yourself to Princess Celestia. She absolutely loves your party.” The Mayor waved to a young pink pony with a poofy magenta mane. Though Celestia had never seen Pinkamena without her ninja suit, she had no doubt that this wildly smiling pony was her.

“Hiya Princess. I’m Pinkie Pie. Are you going to eat that?” Pinkie grabbed up a cupcake that was sitting on Celestia’s plate and ate it in one gulp.

“Pinkie! Please show some manners,” The Mayor warned her.

“It’s quite all right. I am just happy to see her so happy.” That was no lie. Celestia marveled at Pinkie’s wild behavior. She was an incredible actor. She didn’t seem even the slightest bit like the pony she had been a few short years ago.

After the party, which had lasted for a few hours, Princess Celestia had managed to pull Pinkamena aside in a private room without anypony noticing. She smiled at the pink earth pony, who smiled an even larger smile back.

“I am so happy to see you again, Pinkamena. I see you took your training very seriously.”

“Yeserito, Princess. I always take my missions seriously.”

Celestia chuckled to herself. “It’s okay Pinkamena. We’re alone. You don’t have to act in front of me.”

“What do you mean Princess? This is the way I always am. And please, Pinkamena is such a mouthful. You can just call me Pinkie!”

“Yes… of course, Pinkie.” Celestia said, though a little cautiously. Pinkamena, or rather Pinkie, was taking her acting very seriously it seemed. Maybe a little too seriously. “So Pinkie, I actually have a mission for you.”

“Another mission? Really? Wowie zowie, it’s been years. Wait right there.” Pinkie dashed into the closet and came right back out wearing her ninja costume. The only difference was that her hair was still poofy and she didn’t have the same killer look in her eye that she had when she was younger. “All ready Princess. Whatcha got for me?”

Celestia paused. Pinkie looked like she was smiling behind her mask. A real honest smile. “Pinkamena, are you feeling all right?”

“Like a million ponies Princess. I’m ready to party hard, anytime, anyplace.” She said very excitedly.

For the first time since she sent Pinkamena on her mission to Ponyville, Celestia was at a loss for words. She had noticed the pink pony’s cutie mark of three balloons, but she had simply assumed it was part of Pinkie’s disguise. “Pinkamena, I know I gave you this mission to live a secret life, but I have to ask, however did you accomplish it?”

“It was amazing Princess,” Pinkie said, her eyes growing larger. “The day you sent me on that mission, I saw this awesome explosion in the sky. I’d never seen anything like it before. It filled me with this strange feeling I couldn’t explain. It made me want to smile for some reason. So I thought, maybe I should try building an identity around that feeling. That’s when I discovered parties. It gave other ponies the same feeling I had felt. Now I know that that feeling is happiness. I’ve been practicing being a happy pony ever since. Isn’t it an awesome disguise?” Pinkie Pie then laughed a very real and happy laugh.

Celestia nearly gaped. That phenomenon that had been identified later as a Sonic Rainboom, had given Pinkamena the idea of incorporating her feelings into her new identity. Would this have happened if Celestia hadn’t ordered her to take on a new life? There was no way to know. But just how far had Pinkamena fallen into her persona?

“Pinkamena,” Celestia started, “You have accomplished your mission of disguising your true identity perfectly. But right now, I must interrupt that mission in order to give you a new one. You remember that thief, Burgle? He was released from prison for good behavior a year ago, but it seems he is back to his old ways of stealing and plundering. I would like you to recapture him.”

“Okie dokie loki, Princess,” Pinkie saluted.

“And Pinkamena, when you find him, please try not to hurt him.”

At this Pinkie looked stunned. “Hurt him? Why would I do that? Violence makes ponies so sad.”

Celestia had to suppress a smile that started to creep up on her face. “But what if things become dangerous and you must use force to detain him?”

“It’s okay Princess. See.” She clicked her tongue and a little baby alligator hopped up on her shoulder from inside her puffy hair. “This is my new ninja alligator, Gummy. Cough it up, Gummy.” The little alligator coughed up something that looked like a scroll. “This is my new summoning scroll. With it, I can summon up my secret weapon. It’s kind of mean, but if it comes to it, I’m ready for danger.”

The smile was threatening to overcome Celestia’s willpower, but she had to tell her one more thing. “I have a secondary mission for you when you return Pinkamena. In a few months I am going to send my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, to Ponyville. When she arrives, I need you to become her friend and protect her from all harm. It will be an ongoing mission for as long as she remains in Ponyville.”

“What does Twilight Sparkle look like?”

“She shouldn’t be easy to miss. She is a unicorn with a lavender coat.”

“Lavender unicorn. Okay, I’ll remember that.”

“Then go Pinkamena. Complete your mission of catching Burgle and then wait for Twilight Sparkle to arrive.”

“Will do, Princess. And please call me Pink Ninja.” She made a fierce looking pose before clapping her hooves together and disappearing in a puff of smoke.

As soon as she was gone, Celestia lowered her head and smiled. “She’s become normal. Somehow or another she has managed to live the life of a normal pony.” Celestia cried tears of joy. She had always hoped Pinkamena could live a normal life. Her duty as a ninja still called to her, but perhaps eventually, Pinkamena, no, Pinkie Pie, could put that behind her. “You’ve helped me even more than you know Pinkie Pie,” Celestia said to the spot Pinkie had been standing. “I have finally found the last pony who embodies one of the Elements of Harmony.”

The Pink One Cometh

The Story: The Secret Life of Pinkamena Pie

Twilight walked along the streets of Ponyville admiring the beautiful sky, cozy businesses, and homes. Though some days in this village seemed hectic now and then, it was days like this one that she enjoyed the most. Peaceful walks with pretty flowers and friendly ponies everywhere she looked. Twilight breathed in and smelled the crisp clean air. Everything was just perfect.

“Ahhh. I love days like this. So peaceful. So quiet. So-”

“Twilight!?” A voice shrilled over the peaceful atmosphere, making Twilight jump. She put her hoof over her heart to make sure it was still working before addressing the voice that she had recognized immediately.

“Pinkie. What? Is something wrong? What is it?”

Pinkie Pie leapt into view looking absolutely giddy about something. “Guess what, guess what, guess what!”

“What? Did Rainbow Dash sleepwalk into the lake again?”

“No. Even better.” Pinkie bounced around excitedly. “Party!”

“What?” Twilight said exasperated.

“Party!” Pinkie Pie repeated even louder.

“I heard you the first time.” Twilight poked at her ear, hoping her eardrum hadn’t ruptured. “So when is this party?”

“Now!”

“Now?”

“That’s what I said. Are you copying me?” Pinkie actually looked at her with an accusing glare.

“No, I…,” Twilight groaned in annoyance. “What do you mean now?”

“I mean like, right now.” Pinkie smiled again.

“Right now?” Twilight said in surprise.

“Are you sure you’re not copying me?”

“Arg!” Twilight put a hoof to her forehead.

“That’s a great idea. We could have a pirate party!” Pinkie stood up on her hind legs and raised her front legs in the air. Twilight stared at her dumbfounded. “Quick, where can I get a hook and a talking parrot?” Twilight groaned again, not believing that her day was being interrupted by this nonsense.

“Please?” Pinkie pleaded again as she followed Twilight through town.

Twilight groaned yet again. “Pinkie Pie, I need more notice then that. I have things to do.”

“Please? Everypony is going to be there.” Pinkie stood in front of her and put on her most innocent face.

“I can’t. I have a lot of things I need to do today. You should have told me about this yesterday or the day before.” Twilight turned away from Pinkie Pie and was startled to see her standing right in her way again.

“Please? Pinkie please?”

Twilight looked back once, uncertain as to how Pinkie had suddenly moved in front of her. Then she looked at Pinkie sternly. “Look, as I was just saying, I have a lot to do. You should have given me more notice.” She turned away and was only slightly surprised to see Pinkie standing in front of her again.

“It’s gonna be fun.”

“I can’t today.” Twilight turned away, took two steps and beheld Pinkie Pie in front of her.

“Please?”

“No.” She turned and there was Pinkie Pie.”

“Please?”

“No.” She turned and yet again, Pinkie.

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

“Pinkie!” With her last ounce of patience gone, Twilight used her magic to wink out, disappearing and reappearing behind a building a short distance away. “What has gotten into that pony today?”

“Partying!” Twilight jumped as Pinkie Pie popped out of a barrel next to her.

“How… how did you…?”

“Please?”

Twilight screamed in frustration. She picked up the lid of the barrel with her magic and pushed Pinkie Pie back inside with it before dashing away. She ran almost two full blocks to the flower shop and hid behind a cactus that was for sale. Looking around, she didn’t see Pinkie Pie anywhere. Coming out from behind the cactus, Twilight gave a sigh of relief. She didn’t even notice when the cactus suddenly turned around, revealing itself to be Pinkie Pie in a cactus costume.

“Party?” She said.

Twilight turned in shock. “Bu… bu… but… how did you do that?”

“Oh, throwing a party is easy peasy. I’ll teach you.”

“Not that! How did you get here? I mean you were just…,” she pointed back the way she had come, “and now you’re…,” she pointed at Pinkie Pie who had somehow ditched the cactus costume.

“Party?”

Twilight moved her eyes around nervously wondering if she had been caught in some strange pony mind trick. “Yeah. Okay. Sure.”

“All right! Come on, let’s go.”

“Pinkieeeeeeee!” Pinkie Pie grabbed Twilight by the hoof and dragged her all the way to Sugarcube Corner.

“Here we are. Let’s party!”

Twilight looked around to see her other friends standing around looking rather amused.

“So she roped you into this too, huh?” Applejack said casually.

“Pinkie Pie sure knows how to be forceful when she needs to be.” Rainbow Dash laughed.

“Yeah,” Twilight agreed, giving a very fake laugh. “Have you guys ever noticed how Pinkie Pie seems to appear out of nowhere sometimes?”

“Yeah, but that’s just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.” Rainbow dismissed it like that.

“And that’s supposed to be normal? She chased me through town and somehow got ahead of me. I didn’t even see her pass me.”

“It’s just something she does. Sort of like those crazy twitches of hers,” Rarity said nonchalantly. “There’s no way you are ever going to explain it.”

“But… but… you girls can’t be serious.”

“It’s okay, Twilight,” Fluttershy comforted her. “Why don’t you just relax and have some punch. Angel made it especially for this party.” Twilight looked over toward a table where Angel and Gummy were drinking punch out of tiny cups like sophisticated gentleponies.

Twilight sighed and gave in. “Just as long it’s not hot sauce again.” So much for a peaceful day.

“Let’s play some party games!” Pinkie shouted like a maniac.

Twilight decided to just ignore Pinkie’s jubilation. She had barely taken a sip of the punch when she heard a strange sound coming from Angel and Gummy’s table.

“Is something wrong with Gummy?” Fluttershy pointed out. “I think he’s coughing.”

Pinkie’s expression of joyous overload changed almost instantly to something more serious, as if somepony had just switched off her fun switch.

“Uh, Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow Dash asked concerned.

Pinkie abruptly smiled big again and opened her arms as if she wanted to hug her friends. “Don’t worry about Gummy. I’m sure he’s fine.” That said, Pinkie Pie wiped her hoof over her forehead and let out a heavy breath. “Wow, I’m tired. Guess I’ve had enough partying for today.”

“But the party just started,” Rainbow said confused.

“Now, now, it’s been a long day and I’m sure we all can use a rest,” Pinkie said, ushering her friends out the door all at once. Gummy meanwhile, kept coughing until a stream of what looked like green fire wisped out of his mouth and turned into some kind of rolled up paper.

“Did Gummy just cough up a scroll?” Twilight asked in surprise.

“Nope, probably just a hairball,” Pinkie answered quickly.

“But alligators don’t have fur!” Twilight protested as Pinkie pushed all her friends out the door and slammed it shut.

“What in tarnation was that about?” Applejack asked, looking at the door.

“That was a scroll. I’m almost sure that was a scroll. Pinkie’s up to something. Have you ever noticed she disappears from time to time?” Twilight said frantically.

“Oh Twilight, not that again,” Rarity complained. “Can’t you let that be?”

“Yeah. Like I said earlier, I’m sure it’s just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. What else is there to understand? You believe her twitches don’t you?” Rainbow Dash added nonchalantly.

“But…,” Twilight started but Applejack put her foreleg around her shoulder.

“There, there Twilight. It’s nothin’ to get your saddle in a wad over. Why not relax with some apple pie, my treat.”

Her friends all agreed that was a good idea, but Twilight wasn’t so sure. She briefly looked back and could have sworn that she saw a brief flash in the window.

Pinkie Pie reached for the scroll Gummy had coughed up and read its contents.

To my dearest Pinkamena,
The time has come once again for me to call upon your services. Please come to the castle immediately for a proper briefing.

Yours truly, Princess Celestia.

Pinkie nodded her head, understanding what this must mean. “Come Gummy. The Princess needs us.” Gummy jumped on her shoulder. Then Pinkie clapped her front hooves together and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Less than thirty minutes later, Princess Celestia waited patiently in her throne room. Two guards stood idly to either side of her, watching diligently for any sign of danger. Abruptly, a puff of smoke burst in the middle of the room and a strange figure, clothed from neck to hoof in pink cloth, stood before them. An equally pink cloth covered her muzzle. The guards could only make out her eyes and poofy, rosy-magenta mane. She carried a magenta sheath on her back with a sword in it.

“Pinkamena, you’ve arrived not a moment too soon,” Princess Celestia greeted her.

“No problem, Princess. I’m always ready for anything. And just call me Pink Ninja,” She said in a cheerful voice.

One of the guards approached her angrily. “Such insolents. Show the Princess some proper…,” The guard stopped his berating and shivered, pointing, “You do know there’s an alligator on your shoulder, right?”

“Oh that’s just Gummy, my ninja alligator.”

“He doesn’t have any teeth-” The guard jumped when Gummy opened his mouth wide and two rows of sharp teeth rose from his gums.

“He has teeth, silly. He just retracts them when we’re not on a mission.”

The guard looked worriedly back at Princess Celestia, but she merely smiled her usual gentle smile and waved her hoof, motioning for him to step aside. He did so, though he didn’t look all that happy about it.

“Thank you for responding so promptly, Pink Ninja.” Celestia said in her usual tempered voice. “I’m afraid we have a bit of a situation on our hooves.”

“Like I said, I’m ready for anything.” With that, Pinkie struck a pose, raising her front hooves in the air and looking fierce. The guards paled at the show.

Celestia then spoke with a more serious tone. “It seems there is a bit of unrest in the Kingdom of Bangtail. The leader there, Sire Dressage, has become a bit of a tyrant and runs the local ponies rampant with demands, unfair laws and deals. He seems to be trying to raise himself up as some kind of dictator when he should be governing the citizens fairly. I need you to go to Bangtail and try to talk some sense into Dressage.”

“So all I gotta do is talk to this Dressage pony? That doesn’t sound too hard.”

“It may not be that easy. He has a good number of ponies on his side and it’s possible they will be rather hostile to anypony who comes investigating their business. That’s why I need you to go. You’re the only pony I can count on.” With that last part said, Celestia gave Pinkie a warm smile. “Of course, I still want you to be safe. If things become too dangerous, come back here immediately and I will see if we can find some other way to deal with him.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Princess. I’m well prepared for danger. Isn’t that right, Gummy?” Pinkie nodded to her alligator who bared his teeth in a maniacal smile.

“I knew I could depend on you Pinkamena, I mean Pink Ninja.” Celestia and Pinkie both giggled before Celestia sent a scroll floating down to her with her magic. “This is a letter to Sire Dressage. It contains my concerns and desires for his land. It would be frightfully painful if he became an enemy to Canterlot. Go now, Pink Ninja. The fate of Equestria is riding on your back.”

“Will do!” Pinkie said enthusiastically, slipping the scroll into an unseen pocket. “Let’s go Gummy. For Equestria!” Then she clapped her front hooves together again and vanished in another puff of smoke.

“Uh… Princess Celestia,” the same guard who had tried to berate Pinkie earlier spoke up. “Not that I doubt your judgment, but doesn’t this mission seem a little important to put in the hooves of such a… odd pony? It didn’t really seem she was taking the seriousness of the mission seriously. Doesn’t that concern you?”

Celestia replied with her typical smile, “I understand your worries but fear not. I’ve known about Pinkamena’s special talents for a long time and this is not the first mission I’ve sent her on.”

The two guards looked at each other in shock. “Are you serious?” They both said at once.

“Of course. Her methods may seem a little strange, but I have full faith in her. Otherwise I would not have trusted the safety of my dear apprentice to her.”

Though her speech was a little reassuring, the guards looked at each other again with concern. Surely, such a loopy pony wouldn’t be able to handle such an important mission.

Pinkie's Crazy Mission

By evening, Pinkie Pie, in her Pink Ninja outfit, was standing above a cliff that overlooked the walls of Bangtail. Gummy stood lazily on her back, on top of Pinkie’s sword.

“Hmm. Looks pretty noisy in there for being so late,” Pinkie said to Gummy who snapped at a passing moth. “If they’re that busy though, sneaking in should be easy as Pinkie Pie. Besides, my back is itchy. That means it’s my lucky day.”

Pinkie giggled to herself as she scaled the slope, or rather ran down the almost perfectly vertical side. Once she reached the bottom, she ducked into some bushes. No sign of movement. Using her ninja stealth techniques, she jumped from bush to bush without disturbing so much as a leaf. Though each bush was a good 10 yards apart, she breezed the distance in moments.

Curiously, the drawbridge to the gate was down, allowing easy access over the moat that surrounded the city. “Guess security is pretty lacks, huh Gummy?” As soon as she had said that though, a spotlight turned on right on top of her.

“Hey! Who the hay goes there?” A voice rang out.

“Oopsy,” Pinkie said embarrassed.

“Their’s a weird intruder, Brutus,” Another voice said.

“Grab him…er is it a her? It’s pink. Whatever. Just grab it.”

“Hold on, I can explain!” Pinkie cried but a guard pony grabbed her.

“Who the hay are you? Who are you working for? What’s your business here?” The pony apparently named Brutus, demanded.

“A well trained ninja never reveals her secrets,” Pinkie said stubbornly.

“This thing’s supposed to be a ninja?” Brutus said to the other guard.

“I guess.”

“That’s a laugh. Who the hay sent you?” Brutus demanded again but Pinkie said nothing.

“Won’t talk eh. Hold her up Coon. This one deserves a lesson.”

The guard called Coon, held Pinkie up under her arms while Brutus stepped back a few paces. “I don’t know if you’re familiar with Bangtail customs, but around here, if you don’t talk, you get bucked up.” That said, Brutus lunged, turned around, and bucked with all his might. On contact, Pinkie’s innards spilled out of her stomach.

“Wha…wha…wha… what happened Brutus? You bucked her too hard. Her innards came out!”

“Innards?” Brutus looked at the damage. “Why are her innards made of candy?”

“Well duh. It’s a piñata silly,” Pinkie said from where she was standing a little to Coon’s left. Coon and Brutus stared in shock as they looked from the piñata that looked exactly like the ninja, to Pinkie herself, who probably had a smile on her face if you could see under her mask.

“Grab her!” Brutus commanded. Both he and Coon lunged and landed on top of Pinkie. The force of their pony pile crushed her and… once again, candy spilled out.

“Hey, you’re cheating! You guys are supposed to use a blindfold and a stick you know,” Pinkie said from where she was standing behind them.

“I’ll show you a stick!” Brutus yelled. He grabbed up a random piece of firewood that he kept in his guard booth and swung it at Pinkie who promptly broke open to reveal even more candy. “Curses and mules! This is ridiculous!” Brutus screamed.

“Uh, Brutus…,” Coon said pointing. “She’s got us surrounded.”

“Eh?” Brutus looked around to see several Pinkie Pie ninjas standing all around them, all laughing and pointing at him.

“What do we do now, Brutus?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Bust’em all open. One of them has to be that ninja.” And so, Brutus and Coon started smacking the candy out of each ninja.

“That was a lot of fun,” Pinkie said, casually walking inside while Brutus and Coon continued to smash up her decoys. “Those two sure love piñata’s,” She said to Gummy who had been absent from the whole affair. “Did you get a good look around?” Gummy nodded and pointed a claw to the left. “Good work, Gummy.”

Pinkie dashed swiftly through the outer courtyard, sticking closely to the shadows of the walls to avoid being seen in the moonlight. Of course, being pink and all, she stood out like a pony among crickets. Within minutes, a guard spotted her in the shadows.

“Hey! Who is that? Intruder!” An alarm rang out and six more guards ran out of an adjoining room straight at her.

“I really need to work on my stealth skills,” Pinkie said to herself. She clapped her hooves together and vanished in a puff of smoke just as the guards reached her. They coughed in the residue as they searched, but Pinkie was nowhere to be seen.

“Where did that pink thing go? Spread out! Find that pink intruder!” The captain of the guard bellowed out. The other guards did as he had instructed and split in all directions. The captain ran as well, passing by one of the many fountains in the courtyard. If he had been more attentive to detail, he might have noticed the statue in the center of the fountain morph into a familiar pink ninja with an alligator on her back.

“We’ve got to be more careful Gummy. It’s not easy performing all these ninjutsu several times in a row. Let’s hurry.” With that, Pinkie dashed off, intent on completing her mission.

The alarm bell rang for the first time in years, interrupting Sire Dressage’s map studying. Nopony had ever gotten past his security before and there had never been a need to raise the alarm. This was completely unacceptable.

Dressage raced to the intercom system that was little more than a series of tubes similar to those found on ships to connect various decks and rooms. “What is going on down there?” He bellowed into the tube that connected with the main guard barracks.

“There’s an intruder in the fortress sir,” one of the standby guards answered. “A strange pony in a pink getup was just spotted in the courtyard.”

“Pink?” Dressage repeated, feeling a little stunned that such a flashy pony could get in. “Where is the intruder now?”

“I’m not sure sir. The captain is looking for the intruder as we speak.”

“Unbelievable. Get your act together soldier! Capture that intruder immediately.”

“Yes, sir!”

Dressage fumed, his long grey moustache swaying with his flaring nostrils. Somepony wearing pink? Who would be crazy enough to wear that color of all things when infiltrating anyplace? The culprit was either overconfident in his abilities or stupid.

“Front gate… who’s on duty right now? Brutus! What is going on? Do you know there is an intruder in the fortress?”

“Uh… yes sir. Some kind of female pony in a pink ninja suit just snuck in a few minutes ago.”

“Pink ninja?” Dressage repeated. “What!? Pink ninja!? Why didn’t you report it?”

“Well… uh… we sort of got preoccupied sir.”

“Preoccupied? Preoccupied with what?”

Down in the front gate, Brutus briefly looked behind him. There was tons of debris on the ground from busted piñatas that he and Coon had spent the last few minutes beating. “She caught us in a trap.”

“Well this ninja is inside now. Get to work and catch her immediately! Dressage out.”

Brutus stepped away from the communication system and returned to the mess on the drawbridge.

“Coon! Drop it. That one’s mine.”

“Awww. No fair Brutus, you already have most of the chocolate bars. Can’t I at least have a few?”

Brutus snatched the chocolate bar from Coon and placed it in his own pile of candy. “I’m your senior, so I get first dibs. I want the chocolate bars.”

Coon stared pitifully at his much smaller pile of candy. Then he rummaged through it and pulled out some. “I’ll trade you three rainbow candies for one of your chocolate bars.”

Brutus looked longingly at the three pieces of candy. He didn’t have many of those in his pile. “All right. Deal.” Brutus accepted the candies and then continued gathering up what was left of the candy and other goodies on the drawbridge.

The fortress was on high alert and Pinkie was finding it difficult to pick her way through without being seen. She had had to use her ninja skills several times to hide from passing guards and she could feel her reserve energy being drained. She would have to start relying on basic skills, tools, or even her secret weapon if this kept up. She was already running low on smoke bombs too.

“Intruder! I found her!” A voice came from a ways behind her. For once, Pinkie was feeling a little frustrated. It had been a while since the last time she had had a mission. She thought about using her smoke escape again but she didn’t want to use up all of her energy before meeting Dressage, in case she had to fight him. So instead, Pinkie ran.

She met a few small groups of guards in her path here and there, but a few swift chops to the back of the neck rendered them unconscious in moments. Unfortunately, more and more guards were joining the chase behind her. She already had about twenty of them on her tail. To make matters worse, she didn’t know the layout of the fortress, which soon became all the more apparent when she ran into an enclosed room with no other exits. Almost no other exits. Pinkie spied a small window in the back of the room. It was too small for her to fit through, but…

“Gummy, go on ahead and scout a path for me. I’ll distract them and catch up later,” She instructed.

Gummy made a saluting gesture with his claw and leapt up to the window, only looking back once before he made his escape. Pinkie smiled behind her mask. Sneaking around was Gummy’s specialty. There was no way he could confront Dressage though, since he wasn’t much of a fighter, so Pinkie wanted to meet back up with him as soon as possible. She would have to deal with the guards first though.

Moments later, some twenty three guards stormed into the room and surrounded her.

“Careful around the intruder!” The captain shouted as he made his way through the guards that had crowded into the room. “She’s already taken out several of our own and…,” As the captain pushed to the front, he stopped and stared at what the other guards had been looking at. The intruder had nowhere to go, but for some reason, she was waving around a rubber chicken in her mouth, that squeaked with every shake.

“Captain,” The nearest guard spoke to him. “What is the intruder doing?”

The captain stared, not sure what to make of this strange behavior. Not only was she waving the rubber chicken around, but he could hear her singing behind clenched teeth, “One, two, buckle my shoe; three, four, shut the door; five, six, pick up sticks; seven, eight, lay them straight; nine, ten, begin again.” The captain found himself dumbfounded. It seemed that the intruder had completely lost it.

But Pinkie Pie hadn’t lost it. As soon as she had gone through the song a second time, she threw the rubber chicken into the air. All eyes followed it, including the captain who was only vaguely aware of something pink dashing around him and leaping over the other guards.

“Wha…what?” The captain finally noticed her, but she was already out the door. “Don’t just stand there! After-”

“Squeak!” The captain turned around just as the rubber chicken let out an incredible noise and abruptly exploded in a cloud of mist.

“Dang it!” The captain shouted as he coughed on the mist. “Hurry! After her…,” But his orders were never followed. His eyelids sank and before he knew what was happening, the captain and the rest of the guards were asleep.

“Awww, you partied too hard. Sweet dreams my little angels,” Pinkie said, looking back into the room. Though the mist wafted around her as well, the cloth mask around her muzzle was dipped in a special substance that kept the sleeping gas out.

Pinkie turned away from the door happily. Even though she had to use her only rubber chicken, it was a necessary step to finding Sire Dressage with as little conflict as possible.

Just as she started to march, she suddenly felt a twitch. Ear flop, eye flutter, knee twitch. It was the combo that meant, watch for opening doors. The door to the adjoining outhouse opened and a pony stepped out, only momentarily surprised by Pinkie Pie’s presence.

“The intruder! I found the-” Pinkie pushed him back into the outhouse and shut the door before galloping away. Of course, that wasn’t enough to stop the lone guard who chased after her.

“I’ll get you! I’ll get you!” the guard shouted, hot on her heels, or at least he would have been if she had heels. He saw her duck into a room, but the guard knew that it was no use. That room was little more than storage. “I’m going to get that promotion this time,” he said to himself. He opened the storage room door and…

“Surprise!”

“What?” The guard paled as party streamers and confetti flew everywhere. The room was decked out in balloons, decorations, a covered table, and a giant cake.

“Happy birthday!” A pink pony with no ninja garb suddenly jumped in front of him.

Though the guard should have suspected that something was wrong since his birthday wasn’t for another few months, his lip trembled anyway. Under Sire Dressage’s law, he hadn’t celebrated his birthday in years. “I… I don’t know what to say. How did you do all this?”

“This is nothing for the queen of parties. Now come on. Let’s party!” Music played, more confetti flew, and the guard pony felt so alive that he started dancing.

Pinkie Pie quietly left the room. “That was kind of a mean trick, but he seems so happy. There’s not a lot of fun that goes on around here is there,” she said to herself. She was back in her ninja costume, though in truth, she had never actually taken it off.

The captain opened his eyes groggily. He was only vaguely aware of somepony shouting.

“Report! Report! Has anypony caught that intruder yet!?” The captain paled when he realized it was Dressage yelling into the communication system. Out of pure fear, he didn’t have the guts to tell his commander that they had lost sight of the intruder due to an exploding chicken.

“Get up! Get up you foals! Now! We have to catch the intruder!” The captain yelled at his still sleeping subordinates. Slowly they all came to. The Captain raced outside, turning every which way, wondering where the intruder had gone. “Quickly, to the storage room and grab some weapons. I want that crafty intruder taken down on sight.” He galloped to the storage room and bolted in. Or at least he almost did.

There was a lone guard dancing in the center of the room to unheard music. When the guard saw him, he smiled. “Captain? You made it to my birthday party. Here, try some cake. It’s delicious.” The guard offered him a cardboard box that had a bite taken out of it.

The captain slowly closed the door. He turned to his other subordinates who hadn’t seen the happenings of the storage room. “Never mind the weapons. Just catch that intruder.” The guards saluted him and ran off in search of the strange pink pony. The captain on the other hoof, leaned against the door and rubbed his chin. “One of the reports claimed the intruder was a ninja. She kind of looked like one too,” he said to himself.

He peaked back into the storage room where the lone guard was playing limbo with a broomstick. Ninjas didn’t exist in real life and yet he was almost certain that he was looking at a pony under some kind of illusion technique. The captain ground his teeth. He wasn’t going to take any chances with this insane intruder anymore. The only place she could be heading was Sire Dressage’s quarters. He wasn’t sure his guards had the ability to stop her from getting there. But…

“Alert! Alert!” A voice boomed out of the communications system. “Intruder spotted in the fourth floor main hallway.”

The captain remained surprisingly calm under this news. She was definitely heading where he thought she was going. He closed the lines to all of the communications speakers except for the one that lead to Sire Dressage’s quarters. “Sir, I have a report.”

“I think I already know what it is, captain,” Sire dressage answered back. “The intruder is coming to me, isn’t she?”

The captain was surprised. “Yes sir. I’m positive that she is.”

There was a brief pause before he heard Dressage’s voice again. “If she does, I already have a plan in place. Get up here now.”

Pinkie Pie zipped through the hallway, unsure of exactly where she was supposed to go. The fortress was pretty big and it seemed that Sire Dressage could be anywhere. She had to meet up with Gummy, wherever he had gone.

Abruptly she felt a twitch in her left back leg. There were more guards coming. Either that or elephants were stampeding down the hall. Of course, she wasn’t fortunate enough for it to be elephants, and several more guards ran out of the gloom in front of her. Not having much else she could do at the moment, Pinkie Pie jumped through one of the many windows that lined the hallway, or rather crashed through it since it wasn’t open.

“Dramatic exit!” she screamed as broken glass exploded all around her. Pinkie then did a swan dive into a wagon full of hay, which happened to be sitting in the courtyard.

Fortunately, the guards didn’t follow her. Apparently, they weren’t paid enough to defy logic and take a leap of faith into haystacks from death defying heights.

Pinkie stuck her head out of the hay, checking for signs that anypony else had seen her. When the cost looked to be clear, she jumped out and started back towards the castle on tiphoof. As she rounded a corner though, she bumped into a guard who had fallen asleep on his hooves.

“Eh… who?” The guard rubbed sleep from his eyes, only then remembering the alert that had sounded a while before. “The intruder? Don’t move!”

At that moment though, Pinkie started to shutter. “Oh oh,” She exclaimed. “Ear flop, pinchy knee, itchy back, tail twitch…,” Pinkie gasped in surprise. “Oh no! Have you been poisoned!?”

“What!” The guard freaked out. “What do you mean poisoned? Am I done for? Is this it?”

“Oh wait, silly me,” Pinkie waved her hoof at the guard. “Poison is ear flop, pinchy knee, tail twitch and then itchy back. Ear flop, pinchy knee, itchy back, tail twitch, means watch out for sharp teeth.”

“Huh? Youch!” The guard jumped ten feet in the air.

“Gummy!” Pinkie exclaimed happily to the alligator that stood behind where the guard had been. “You found me. Do you know where Sire Dressage is?” Gummy nodded and pointed up to a high window. “Good work.”

“He bit me!” The guard raged at Pinkie. “That alligator bit me in the flank!”

“Whoops!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Tail twitch, ear flop, pinchy knee.”

“Wait, what does that mean?” The guard asked, remembering her sharp teeth prediction.

“It means… run for the hills!”

“Oh my gosh!” The guard screamed and bolted for the front gate, headed for the hills.

“He’s so excited,” Pinkie told Gummy. “I hardly ever get the combo that means something good is going to happen in the hills.” Gummy merely blinked at her. “Come on Gummy. It’s time to pay Sire Dressage a visit.”

With that, Pinkie tied a rope to Gummy’s tail, spun him around like a lasso and launched him up to the window he had indicated. Gummy grabbed onto the window ledge with his teeth and Pinkie swiftly climbed the rope. Her mission was almost complete.

Confronting Sire Dressage

Pinkie opened the window and silently stepped into the room. The lights were out, save for a small candle burning in the far reaches of the inner sanctum.

“Which way Gummy?” Pinkie whispered after she pulled the alligator inside.

Gummy looked around momentarily, seeming uncertain about something. He turned his head this way and that, sniffing the air. Then he lowered his head and growled.

That’s when Pinkie got a twitch. Achy front right hoof. Watch out for traps. It seemed somepony around here had finally wised up to her. If Sire Dressage’s whereabouts was indeed on this floor, then perhaps it was him. Pinkie couldn’t take the chance of being caught now. She touched her front hooves together and concentrated. It had been a while since she used a jutsu like this. Not since the second time she had had to catch a thief named Burgle.

After she finished concentrating, she put a hoof on the wall. Then a second. Then a third. Then a fourth. Slowly, and quietly she walked up the wall until she reached the ceiling. She looked around, but she couldn’t see anything in the darkness, only the small candle. Making use of her jutsu, Pinkie crawled cautiously across the ceiling as Gummy held on to her back. Slowly, slowly, Pinkie came closer to the lit candle and paused. At the edge of the light, she spotted a pony. He just sat there, his eyes closed, arms crossed. He had a long grey mustache that hung off his muzzle and Pinkie could just make out his cutie mark, which resembled a commanding officer’s military hat. Deciding it was now or never, Pinkie silently dropped from the ceiling.

“Sire Dressage?”

The pony opened his eyes, looking only a little surprised to see her standing there.

“Well, well, you really do look like a ninja. And in pink too. I really have to commend you. You’ve put my men through quite an ordeal out there.”

“Well I’m not here to fight or anything. I’ve got a message for you from Princess Celestia.”

“Celestia? Bah. That old mare needs to get off her high horse and see the big picture. The world is moving on and doesn’t need the likes of her anymore. And as for you…,” Dressage whistled, and the lights came on. Then some fifty ponies entered the room, surrounding Pinkie and Gummy. “You didn’t really think I of all ponies would underestimate my enemies? Even a clown like you should have seen that coming.” Dressage chuckled to himself as his army of pony guards pawed at the ground, looking ready to charge. “Captain, I’ll leave her in your hooves. Get rid of her, while I walk carelessly into the other room and await your results.”

“Sir,” The captain acknowledged as Sire Dressage made the arrogant exit that all villains seem to make.

“Hmmm. Should have saved the rubber chicken,” Pinkie said, looking around the room at all the ponies ready to make cotton candy out of her. A master of parties would have a hard time dealing with this crowd, even a ninja party maker. She turned to Gummy who didn’t appear to be even the least bit concerned. “Well Gummy, it looks like we’ll have to resort to our secret weapon. Cough it up little buddy.”

With that command issued, Gummy coughed up a wisp of green fire that turned into a scroll. The guards, already familiar with Pinkie’s tricks by now, poised themselves, not quite ready to take the initiative against her. Pinkie grabbed up the scroll and unrolled it on the ground, revealing that it contained a series of foreign words and symbols on it.

“I apologize ahead of time for this. It’s kind of mean,” she said to the captain. Pinkie made a series of signs with her hooves, that shouldn’t have been possible for a creature with no fingers, before stabbing the scroll with her hoof and shouting, “Ninja Summoning!”

A cloud of smoke burst around Pinkie and the scroll, and the guards made ready to charge. When the smoke cleared, something new was sitting where the scroll had been. Something unexpected. Something ridiculous. Something that was a strange color of yellow and pink.

“Um… what?” Fluttershy stammered as she dropped the hairbrush that she had been using to brush her mane before bed. She looked around, quite confused.

“Summoning successful,” Pinkie said proudly. There was a brief silence in the room before it suddenly exploded in laughter.

“Pinkie?” Fluttershy murmured, noticing the pink earth pony standing behind her. “What’s going on? And why are you dressed like that?” As she finished asking, her bunny, Angel, suddenly hopped into view from behind her.

“You ready to go, Angel?” Pinkie asked him. Angel nodded and made a stereotypical kung-fu pose as he wailed a stereotypical kung-fu scream.

“Huh?” Fluttershy was even more confused now.

“Sorry Fluttershy, but this one is going to require both of you.”

“What’s going to what? Pinkie Pie I don’t-” She cut off when Pinkie made another series of signs and poked Fluttershy in the forehead. Fluttershy’s pupils shrank down as if someone had just taken a picture with a bright flash.

Through all this, the laughter of the guard ponies hadn’t stopped. None of them had had this good a laugh in months. “A little girly Pegasus and a rabbit?” One of the guards finally said through tears. “I’m soooo scared now.” He erupted into another bout of laughter.

Fluttershy on the other hoof smiled. “Oh no, you won’t be scared.” As she spoke in her usual quiet and calm voice, her cutie mark of three pink butterflies morphed into three red flames. “In fact, I think you’re going to LOVE ME!” She screamed and charged alongside Angel into the unsuspecting guards. They really should have known better by now.

With Fluttershy and Angel doing their job, Pinkie Pie and Gummy were free to chase after Sire Dressage as the sounds of serious flank kicking echoed behind them.

Sire Dressage looked up from his usual map studying when he heard the door open. He appeared surprisingly calm when Pinkie and Gummy entered the room.

“I expected that you might have a chance of defeating my guards but I certainly didn’t expect it so soon.” The only thing that belied his calm face was the single bead of sweat that dripped down it.

“Yeah, well, you know.” Pinkie waved a hoof at him dismissively. “In any case Dressage, I’m here because you’ve been a real mean meanie pants to everypony. You really need to be nicer.”

“A mean meanie… what? I hardly know what you’re even saying.”

“It’s easy peasy, Sire Dressage. Just listen.” Pinkie stood up on her hind legs, started kicking one leg in the air and began singing, “You gotta care! You gotta share!”

“What the hay is this?” Dressage interrupted. “I don’t care if you sing it or say it or whatever. I’m going to do what I’m going to do. I don’t care what anypony else says.”

Pinkie got back down on all fours and cocked her head to one side. “Why doesn’t anypony like that song? Is it really that hard to understand? I thought the meaning was pretty clear.”

“Would you shut up? I don’t have time for your ridiculous nonsense. If this is really all you’ve got then I’m washing my hooves of you. Get out of my fortress!”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot,” Pinkie said, pulling out the letter from her pocket. “So anyway Dressage, I’ve still got a message for you.”

“And I still don’t care. So why don’t you just leave before one of us gets hurt?” He stepped out from behind the table. For the first time, Pinkie noticed the sword at his hip. Dressage stood up on his hind legs and drew the sword with both hooves. “There’s a reason I get so much respect around here. I’ve never once lost a fight.”

Pinkie sighed. She stood up on her hind legs again and slowly drew her own sword. Dressage lowered his slightly when he saw it.

“Is that sword made of plastic?” He said stunned. “Are you trying to mock me?”

“You know, when I was a filly I took my job as a ninja very seriously. I took pleasure in hunting my quarries down and hospitalizing them. But nowadays, I don’t like violence. It doesn’t do anything but make ponies sad, and being sad is just sad.”

“Oh cry me a river. Is this supposed to get you sympathy or something? I don’t care what I have to do. This country is mine and soon I will take over Equestria too. Celestia will bow before me. And any pony that supports her will serve me or hang. And some pony in a pink getup isn’t going to stop me.”

Pinkie didn’t move so much as a muscle and her eyes were partially closed. Then suddenly she spoke. “My best friends support Celestia. Are you saying you would hang them too?”

Dressage glared at her and held his sword out in an attacking stance. “Did I stutter? And what of it?”

Abruptly, Pinkie swung her sword one time.

Dressage raised an eyebrow. She was all the way on the other side of the room and if she was trying to intimidate him…

The sound of metal hitting the floor rang out and Dressage realized he was only holding the hilt of a sword with no blade. As he glanced on the floor looking at the broken metal, his mustache suddenly snipped in half, the hairs falling silently. Dressage could feel more sweat beading down his face when his heart skipped a beat. He looked up at the strange intruder before him and saw her eyes. Looking into her eyes was like staring death in the face. That’s when he remembered an old adage: ‘He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.’

Giving no confidant explanation to the pink pony, Dressage turned and ran. Maybe he wouldn’t rule Equestria today or tomorrow, but someday. As he rounded the corner, he ran straight into something pink.

Pinkie stared nose to nose at Dressage. “How did… how did you…?” Dressage said confused.

“Why would you do something like conquering Equestria you big jerk!?” She shouted at him.

Dressage turned back around and fled. How in the hay had she gotten in front of him? There were no other hallways leading out of his quarters. Back in his room, Dressage headed for the window, figuring that the only way out now was to scale the wall. Just as he jumped on the windowsill, intending to climb down, he saw a pink ninja in the way, hanging upside-down by a tiny wire, with her hooves crossed on front of her.

“You’re a bad pony, Sire Dressage,” Pinkie said, shaking her head as if ashamed.

“I don’t need to be judged by a freak like you!” Dressage shouted, jumping off the sill.

Dressage ran to the back of the room and pushed the bookcase aside, revealing the safe room he had had installed for the most unexpected of emergencies. This was definitely one of those times. He ran inside and locked it. The only way to unlock the door now was through the pass code terminal in the back of the safe room.

Dressage peered through the peephole, but didn’t see any sign of the crazy pink ninja. Breathing hard in satisfaction, Dressage turned around. It shouldn’t have been any surprise what he saw in front of him.

That’s right, a baby alligator. Giving Dressage a sinister smile, Gummy pushed a series of buttons on the console he was standing on and the door opened. A pink ninja stood in the doorway.

Dressage backed up slowly. Pinkie slowly walked towards him.

“Oh come on! What do you want from me? I thought you didn’t like violence?” Dressage wailed as his flank hit the wall.

“When you threatened Equestria, you threatened my friends, and friends are something worth protecting. But you wouldn’t understand the magic of friendship now would you?” Pinkie stood up on her hind legs and drew her sword again. “I don’t like violence, but friendship is something I cherish more than anything else. When I look at you, I see the old me, willing to do whatever it took to complete my missions, no matter who may have been hurt. The old me still bubbles up every now and then and it can be hard to control sometimes.” She took a few steps forward as Dressage stared at her wide-eyed, his back flat against the wall. Pinkie spoke with a menacing tone. “In that light, I have only one thing to ask you Dressage. Do you wanna party with me? Well? Do ya?”

Though there were tears in his eyes, Dressage smiled nervously. “Nope. I’m good. I give up.”

“Oh that’s good, cause I don’t like violence,” Pinkie said cheerfully. Dressage sat on his rump, feeling as if he had just seen his life flash before his eyes. “Now about this message?” Pinkie said, producing the letter from Princess Celestia. Dressage continued to smile nervously as he took it with a shivering hoof.

Pinkie walked casually out of Sire Dressage’s office. Negotiations had gone well and Dressage had signed a document of reformation and peace. He had even stamped a seal on it to prove it was notarized.

As Pinkie Pie closed the door behind her and made her way down the long hallway, she walked into what had been a horrible carnage the likes of which could never have been shown on a children’s television show. The guard ponies were strewn about the room, heavily injured, not dead, unable to put up a fight anymore.

“Please! Call her off!” One of only two remaining conscious guards wailed as Fluttershy held him by the scruff with her teeth and shook him violently. The only other standing guard was promptly knocked out by Angel’s kung-fu kick to the face.

“Oopsy. Forgot about that.” Pinkie giggled before whistling loudly.

Fluttershy’s cutie mark morphed back into pink butterflies and she dropped the guard who now had swirls in his eyes. “Huh?” She looked around horrified. “Oh my… oh my goodness… what happened to them?”

“Sorry again Fluttershy. And thanks.” Pinkie made a series of signs and poked Fluttershy on the forehead again. This time, Fluttershy wobbled and fell on the ground, asleep. Pinkie turned to Angel. “Good work Angel. You two did great.” Angel gave her a thumbs up. “Hope to work with you again some time.”

Angel bowed to her. Then he performed a reverse summoning spell with a series of hand signs and both he and Fluttershy vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving only the original summoning scroll behind.

Pinkie picked up the scroll and fed it to Gummy, where it would be safe. “Guess we’re done here, Gummy. Let’s go.” Pinkie clapped her hooves together and vanished in a puff of smoke.

“Good heavens Fluttershy, what ever happened to your beautiful hair?” Rarity said as she proceeded to comb out Fluttershy’s mane.

“I couldn’t find my hairbrush this morning. I looked everywhere but I have no idea what happened to it.”

‘Whoops.’ Pinkie thought to herself. Fluttershy’s hairbrush was probably still in Bangtail.

“Pinkie!” Twilight suddenly shouted as soon as she walked in to Sugarcube Corner. “What happened yesterday? I came back to Sugarcube Corner later and the Cakes said you had disappeared. I noticed that it’s not the first time you’ve suddenly disappeared around here. Where were you?”

Pinkie looked at her and smiled. “Oh Twilight, are you mad that I cut the party short? I’m sorry. But I completely forgot that I was supposed to visit my mom and dad yesterday. I was totally late, so I had to hurry.”

Twilight stared at Pinkie, not sure what to say. “Well I guess that could be true but uh…,” She looked around the room at her other friends who were busily eating cake and talking happily with one another. Pinkie’s new party had only just started and an accusation had been the first thing to come out of Twilight’s mouth. “Never mind, it’s really not important.” Then she smiled at Pinkie. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be thinking things like that just because one of my friends acts a little strange. After all, losing trust is the first step to losing a friend, right?”

“Forever!” Pinkie Pie finished. Twilight and Pinkie laughed.

“You know, I had the strangest dream last night,” Fluttershy said to Rarity. “And even weirder was this strange taste I had in my mouth when I woke up.”

Dear Princess Celestia,

Friendship is a wonderful thing that you should never take for granted. Earlier today, I carelessly accused my friend Pinkie Pie of being up to something strange, but in the end, I really shouldn’t have been so quick to jump to conclusions. No matter how strange or different your friends may be, that is just what makes them who they are. I believe it is what makes them unique and what makes your friendship with them all the more special.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

Celestia smiled as she read Twilight’s letter. Twilight was such a good and acute student, which is why she was so proud of her. Twilight had noticed Pinkie Pie’s odd behavior, even more odd than usual. As a result, Pinkamena had been forced to come up with yet another excuse as to why she was the way she was. Pinkamena had had to keep up with her persona of party happy pony for so long that it had ceased to be her mask and became who she now was.

“Oh my faithful student, if only I could tell you the truth.” Celestia sighed, not in sadness but more in reluctance. She put Twilight’s letter away and picked up another letter that had arrived a few hours before. She opened it and reread its contents.

Dear Princess,

Mission accomplished. Sire Dressage signed the enclosed document stating his revisal of policy and wishes of peace with Canterlot. I’ll now go back to Ponyville and continue my ongoing mission of protecting my friend, Twilight.

Love, the Pink Ninja

“Thank you Pinkamena,” Celestia said aloud. “I no longer regret forcing you to befriend Twilight. It seems you’ve become friends beyond my orders.” Celestia put the letter away and pulled out a fresh piece of paper to send a return letter to Twilight. “Perhaps the day you can stop being a ninja and just be Pinkie Pie, will come soon.” Celestia smiled as she started writing her letter.
The End