Shadonic Pain

by Theodorejk

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 2248

It's not that I wanted to do it, nor that I meant to, but what happens as a result of trying to help everyone only ends up hurting everyone- let it be known, for this lesson, if repeated, may lead to critical disaster in our world.

Is it really my fault?

I find it hard to believe, that, when one thing goes wrong, whether I was able to fix it, or not, it's my fault.
But, sure, you go on and blame me.

It's not like I've got feelings.
It's not like I matter.
It's not like I've got more capabilities than you.

*Categories will vary depending on the content as it becomes available to readers.*

Published 2014-11-26 02:30:09 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-26 02:30:09 UTC

Memories Never Fade

The shock ripples into my body, shaking me into a state whereas I find myself unable to react, in any matter, as to what is going on. Against my will, I am dragged into the memories of my mind, the ones locked, hidden, and apparent, that cause myself to deposit my senses from my body, leaving it in a shivering state, as I plunge into the darkness of my mind, thoughts calling me onward by repeating phrases I have heard since my days begun. With that, my conscience fades, and the sudden recollections begin.

I start with recalling memories from my younger ages. Back when school was the only concern. I won't lie, I was an extremely smart pony. Without a single, possible doubt, I was up there. Second smartest in all my classes, only to that of Twilight Sparkle, of whom, was in every class I was. The fact of having Twilight in all my classes wasn't annoying because it made me look stupid, because, quite frankly, it didn't, in fact, we both ended up only making ourselves look much smarter than the others. It was annoying because whenever we had not made us both look smarter, it would have been from the smallest difference, and she would have bested me, as she usually did, in any topic from school.

During one of our middle years in the schools, we had one class where we picked seats right next to each other, I because I was too shy to speak with anyone else, and she because she trusted me with helping her, had she ever needed it. But one day, in this class, we were having our previously taken tests returned to us, grades on them, and with a surprised countenance on both of our faces, we observed the 99 written on her page. It was, the first time since the previous school, that she had anything other than 100 on a test. Her disappointment instantaneously arrived, and it was not helped when my page was returned to me, with an underlined 100 written on the top. After that occurred, she refused to speak with me for a week.

By the end of that year, however, we had another complication. See, it had actually been a very good year for me, and my average, at the end, had been a 99. Well, from that one test, the instructor tried to explain that, since it wasn't a perfect 100, that Twilight could not get a perfect 100 as her grade. She, as such, was not in the best of moods for most of the summer. Nearly half-way through the season, I had tried to stop by to cheer her up. She had been feeling better, but, I felt, since she was not trying to contact me, that she was ignoring me for whatever reason. Arriving at her establishment, she herself had come to answer the door, only to look at me for a moment, before closing the door again. Need I point out it was during the midst of a heatwave?

Regardless, the next year came and went like the other years, with her at the perfect 100 and me only that 1 point behind. The next year, also the same way, but the year after that, two years before we were done with school, we both finished with an average of that perfect 100. Seeing our final averages being the perfect score, we had no way to respond to this other than to hug, however, I had wanted to kiss her, but, due to my lack of self-confidence at the time, had been content with just the hugging part of the embrace.

One year before our last, I made a grave mistake. It had been just after school, Twilight and I were trotting home, the usual route, when we encountered this other pony, whose name I cannot recall, and he had, apparently, an interest in Twilight for the previous year. Rather before I was able to know what happened, me and this other pony were tumbling along the ground, and Twilight was screaming for us to stop. The following day, I had been suspended for starting a fight, and it showed on my final, dropping me to a 95. The month I went without being spoken to felt exceedingly lonely, specifically since I couldn't hear out of my left ear, but also because I had no other friends to communicate with...

As the next year started, I made it my goal to, along with getting the 100 for my final, become Twilight's friend. Well, closer than friend, for I had realized, in the summer of loneliness, that she was, in fact, the only friend I had, and, knowing myself, the only friend I'll ever have. I felt like she deserved more respect than just a friend, for she was definitely more than just a friend. After all, I owe my intelligence to her, for if she weren't there from the start, I never would have had a reason to actually try for any of my classes. So my last year, it was my goal to become someone she could never say good-bye to, for she was already that to me.

On our last year in the schools, just before our finals, I had decided to visit her house to study with her. We had actually studied for most of the evening, but, once I woke up the next morning, still over her house, I was laying in her bed, with her, actually, resting her head on me. Nearly a second after I awoke, she awoke, which resulted in her rather instantaneous questioning as to what I was doing. I, of course, claimed to have no idea.

Once the last year of our schooling was finished, I'm not quite sure what really happened. I mean, at the end of our last year, we were the closest of friends. We did nearly everything together, including what little studying had to be done. Once the studying was completed, she never really talked with me that much. I mean, I tried to speak with her, time and time again, but it only resulted in her claiming she was busy. Before I knew it, she had moved away to some other place. I didn't handle it that well, to me, it felt like she just wanted to get away from me. But why? What did I do that made her like that?

In spite of wanting to follow her to try to become friends again, I stayed behind in my own establishment, which was beginning to look more like a laboratory each day. I had wanted to go with her, but she left. If she wanted to leave, let her leave, I'm not one to restrain anyone. But it still stung, thinking that she left because of me. Regardless, I took it upon myself to go off on my own, and try to make my dreams for my future into my realities.

One afternoon, which, I believe, happened to have been one month after our last year of schooling, I was interrupted from my project by someone knocking on my door.. Having gone to open it, I found it to be one of my neighbors, asking if I knew what the metallic clanging sound was.

"My apologies, good sir," I remember saying, "I have been busy with trying to create robotics, and I do apologize for any possible annoyances this may have caused you. I will try to quicken my work so you will not have to hear such noises for so long."

With that, he had left, and I returned to my project, which was currently just a skeleton for the electronic, artificial life I was trying to create. Continuing to attach wiring to the skeleton, and preparing plating for its outside, I was marveling at my work before it was even complete, complimenting myself on such a good job. The robotic pony was only halfway complete after two more days, but once I had completed it, I had gone to celebrate, when the reality of a lack of friends returned to me once again, making the accomplishment seem petty.

Regardless, I had then granted the robot power, after deciding to call it Bot02, for it was the second robot I had tried to make, the first one I had attempted to create during my days back in schooling. Within the few days after his creation, he had grown to be my friend, for, the one thing I tried to do with robotics, is give them a personality and a bit of free-will, but not enough to, if they shall feel abused, revolt or turn against me. So I had this robot trail me for the rest of my day, which was rather spectacular, for much of those I passed marveled at the artificial intelligence.

Then, it was time to pursue my other dream. The one where I created an entire branch of magic. As to what it would be called, that was beyond what I knew right now. But first, I would need a currently existing branch of magic to try to counter. One that I knew was strong, and would a challenge to counter, but once I create my branch of magic, which would counter this strong magic, I'd have basically solved every problem in the world. If all the problems was that the strong magic was infecting everything.

However, as I began, I found I couldn't make anything to counter the magic, at least, without performing the magic first. With that, I had taken an interest in Blood Magic, which, I knew, was punishable by banishment- practicing it anyways. But think of it- if I were to create something that would end Blood Magic, how well that would turn out, not only for me, but for every pony else!

After a month, I had written four spells, using my new kind of magic, which I preferred to, at the time, call Light Magic, since it contained part of my last name. At this time, I was just starting to use another Blood Magic spell to counter, with Bot02 keeping an eye on my vitals to assure me that I was not about to fall flat on my face. Suddenly, however, I was interrupted from my practices when my door was knocked on. Before I was even able to turn off the light, the one knocking on the door bolted into my establishment. With my haste to practice more, I had forgotten to lock it.

So I stood there, staring into the eyes of a unicorn who was staring into my own eyes. '02 decided it best to shut the door before either me nor the newcomer moved, but after a few seconds, the newcomer's eyes drifted slowly to the floor, which allowed her to witness the blood dripping from my hoof. Part of Blood Magic requires that blood actually be present, which, I suppose, leads to why it is punishable...

She then looked back up at me, her own lavender coat, familiar to my eyes, with the cutie mark of a six point star.

"W-.. What in the name of Celestia are you doing?" I recall her asking, looking into my eyes, and I could see a tear forming in hers.

My first response would have been to hug her after not seeing her for so long. My second would have been to ask why she left me. My third was to try to explain what was going on, and it was the only one qualified for a time like this; "I'm trying to," I paused, going to sit, since my hoof was draining my stamina, after all, it was bleeding, and I was still standing on it, "... trying to create counter-spells. For-"

"For blood magic? Are you out of your mind?" She asked, a tear falling from her eye whilst she did so. The question of why she still cared about me arose in my heart, for, surely since she ignored me for the previous four months, she had no reason to be with me now.

"No- I'm still in my mind-"

"I'm going to get help." She said, heading for the door.

"Wait- Twilight, I don't need help!" I called, jumping back to my hooves to try to stop her. She was already at the door, turning back to look at me.

"Theo," She began, and I stopped in my tracks, staring at her, a bit worriedly, "for two months, you've just been ignoring me."

"Me?" I asked, tilting my head, "You're the one that just left without saying a word!"

"Well," She started, her voice rising, "maybe if you listened to me, you would have heard me when I tried to tell you!"

"You never tried to tell me anything! I've always listened to you, Twilight, you know that-"

"You never listened to me, Theo. You know you never listened"

By this time, tears were falling from her eyes, as were tears forming in my eyes. In truth, I had heard her say she was moving. She never said when, and when I had gone to check, she was already gone. Is that really my fault, or hers?

"Twilight..." I tried to begin, but she already had one hoof out the door.

"No, Theo, you abandoned me."

And with that, she, along with any life still inside of me, left.