shrek cums all ovr ur mums faic (i mean equestria, whoops)
It was just like any other day.
Shrek begun his morning routine just like he’d done if it was a Tuesday, or a Thursday, or a Sunday. He got up out of bed, and searched his swamp for any pesky intruders. When he found none, he went back inside and made he and Donkey a cup of kale, which was actually just his semen.
Once he finished drinking his kale, he went to the icebox, only to find that he was out of broccoli, which was actually just his excrement. And so, he began his journey to Duloc.
When Shrek reached Duloc’s marketplace, he was renowned and cheered as the ogre who freed the fairytale characters from Farquaad’s rule. As such, he was given a 75% discount on the broccoli. He could’ve made it himself, but that took time.
When he acquired what he came for, he turned around to go back to his swamp. However, some random character who serves no actual purpose to the story up until this point put a rag to Shrek’s face, and Shrek fell to the ground.
The random character smiled. Chloroform always worked.
When Shrek woke up, his eyes had trouble adjusting to the atmosphere of the world he was in. It was very vibrant in colors, and beared a resemblance to the background in the child pornography magazines that he always liked to read.
Shrek adjusted his trousers and made his way to a road. There was no sign of life anywhere. He scanned the area again, and decided to head in the direction with the freshest foot...prints. Hold on. Those weren’t footprints. They were round.
Shrek screamed. He was deathly afraid of gingerbread men. Shrek hid in a tree, hoping his scream didn’t attract any attention. Then again, he was a green ogre, and this was a technicolor cartoon world.
He climbed down the tree and followed the round foot--er, roundfeet prints.
After about an hour of trekking, he came to a farm. It was red. It was like any other farm Shrek had seen before. Shrek liked farms. He decided to go inside the farm because he was hungry. Then he could eat.
When he got inside, he didn’t see any food. He did, however, see a green wrinkly equine that looked a lot like Donkey.
He thought it might’ve been Donkey’s gran, so Shrek hugged it until it screeched. Shrek didn’t mean to hurt it. He just wanted a friend. "A-Applejeck! Haaaalp!"
At that moment, an orange donkey with a cowboy hat ran through the door. Shrek turned and yelled at Orange Donkey, who was apparently named Applejack.
“WHAT ARE YE DOIN’ IN ME SWAMP?!” The Orange Donkey retaliated and ran away. He chased after it, making sure there were no witnesses.
Shrek chased it for about five minutes, when Orange Donkey hit a dead end in an apple orchard.
"You can kill me," the Applejack said, "but please don't hurt mah friends!"
Shrek frowned. Friends? This excuse of a Donkey had friends? Whatever.
“I GOTCHA NOW!” Shrek cried. He grabbed the Orange Donkey/Applejack and pulled out his big green ogre cock. He started raping Orange Donkey/Applejack repeatedly. It kept crying and kicking and screaming, but Shrek didn’t allow that. Orange Donkey/Applejack was a big boy, not a little girl. So Shrek grabbed Orange Donkey/Applejack and threw it into the tree, where it split into two. He buried the body in a ditch.
Shrek was making progress now. He could see a town in the distance. But before that, he wanted to go into this small cottage he saw. He knocked on the door, and a Yellow Donkey answered. Shrek saw that this Donkey wasn’t like the other one. This one was gentle, and kind. He assumed it was one of the friends that Orange Donkey/Applejack was talking about.
"WHAT'S YER NAME?" Shrek bellowed.
"F-fluttersh--"
"YELLOW DONKEY, HUH?!"
Shrek grabbed its hind leg and began fucking it repeatedly. After a while, a white bunny came behind Shrek, and started kicking him. Shrek paused for a moment, and threw the bunny way up in the air, where it landed a few feet in front of the Yellow Donkey/F-fluttersh. If the Yellow Donkey/F-fluttersh wasn’t crying before, she certainly was now. "ANNGEEEEELLLLLL!!!"
But Shrek only likes big boys. Not little girls.
Needless to say, a Yellow Donkey/F-fluttersh will be found in a tree next week, along with a few dozen starved animals.
Now Shrek was really making progress. He grumbled and stumbled his way to the town. He saw a majestic looking building, and decided to go in to see if there was anything of interest.
He expected to see another relative of Donkey. Instead, he saw a White Marshmallow.
Shrek screamed, thinking it was a relative of a gingerbread man. He started beating it repeatedly, and once it was limp on the floor, started fucking its dead corpse.
No more fashion for this village.
Next, Shrek came upon a bakery. He was really hungry now, because he didn’t have a chance to eat when he was at the farm.
He went inside, and was delighted to see many pastries, cakes, and cookies.
But there was something unnerving.
A gingerbread man.
Shrek screamed, and out of nowhere around the corner came a Pink Party Donkey. It's nametag read Pinkie Pie. They both screamed for a little bit, before Shrek brutally murdered it and began fucking its dead corpse, too. He took out his xXx_Intervention_xXx and #No$cOpEd the entire building. It went up in flames.
Wham.
A rainbow blur flew past Shrek.
“No need to fear! Your friendly neighborhood Rainb--”
“GET OUT OF ME SWAMP!”
Shrek swung his xXx_Intervention_xXx at the Homogay Donkey/Rainb--. It fell limp, and he xXx_360_No$cOpEd_xXx its corpse as well. He then realized it had wings! He fucked it, and he couldn’t hold it in any longer.
His kale went into the Homogay Donkey/Rainb-- and made it go way up in the air. It flew and flew and flew, before falling back down again a few miles away.
The town applauded. Then they looked at Shrek, realized what he was, and screamed.
It was at about this time a Lavender Donkey with a big star on its ass came outside of a tree. She looked around. “What’s all this ruckus? Is it over now?”
Shrek leaned over, xXx_Intervention_xXx in hand.
“IT’S NEVER OGRE UNTIL I SAY IT’S OGRE.”
