The Things I Know

by Jet Howitzer

Rating: teen
Tags: Human
Length: 1789

A shameless Self-Insert, detailing the life I think I'd live were I to wind up in Equestria, with nothing more than the things on my back, and the knowledge in my head.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-25 03:58:29 UTC

1: Keeping a Journal

1: Keeping a Journal

Day Three

It’s been three days since I arrived, and I’ve done everything I could think of to get back home.  I’ll be the first to admit that it was a rather pathetic list of things, but...  Well, I tried.

I’ve started setting up a camp, using my car as a centerpoint.  Luckily it still seems to be working, and the damage is isolated enough that it still turns on, and can run both air conditioning and heating.  I am starting to get rather hungry, though.  And what little water I had has run out.

Thought of the day:

‘I hate wormholes.’

Day Six

Today went rather well today, all things considered.  I found a stream nearby, and that gives me a reliable source of water.  I used some of the duct tape from my car, thankfully I always keep a roll handy, to build a duct tape bucket.  It’s not perfect, but it’s good enough for the time being.  I’m thinking of pushing, or driving, if it still works, my car closer to the stream.  It’s not all that far, and I’m pretty sure that it would be worth it in the long run.  Better shelter, too, over by the stream.

Still no food, though.  I tried my hand at building a snare, or two, but I just can’t quite get the hand hang of it.  And the small fire I made burned out while I was gone, and I’m NOT going to try siphoning more gas from my tank.  That’s just stupid.  Guess I’ll have to go back to the old stand by, and bang some rocks together.

Day Nine

Fuck this bitch shit.  No entry today, fuck it.

Day Eleven

Well, I’m back, good sir journal.  Two days ago I tried turning on my car.  Didn’t even sputter.  Tested the battery, fuckin’ thing is dead.  In my blinding stupidity I left the key in, and the radio was on, as well as the headlights.  Despite having the volume on the radio all the way down it was still a drain.  It’s still good shelter, though, so I’m not going to ditch it just yet.

On a more positive note, though, I caught some food, and I’ve cleared my path for pushing my car to the stream.  Rabbit has never tasted quite so good.  Fun fact, first time I’ve eaten rabbit, so it’s both the best and worst meal I’ve ever had involvign involving rabbit.

After I finished eating, I just sat down and relaxed for the first time since I arrived.  The silence of the world is maddening.  I’ve never missed, so much, the sounds of traffic and airplanes.

Day Twelve

Operation Mobile Fortress was a success.  I now have my car near the stream, and I built up a good amount of cover for myself.  I’d call it a home, but it’s not that homey just yet.  I also bathed today.  The water was blissful.  No food today, but I didn’t mind all that much.  I was too busy working to even realize that I had missed my meals.  I hooked up my electronics to the small solar cell I have, and I’m getting a slow charge on them.  I just used my phone as a test charge, and I’ve started getting my iPod charged.  Tomorrow, I hope, will be music day.

I’ve also noticed that there’s a strange tingling running through my ears and in my throat.  Unless I stop to think about them I don’t even realize they’re there.  And I think I’m going crazy.  The words on the page se

I’m done, for now.  I

I’m just done.

Day Fifteen

It’s a fact.  Either I’m going crazy, or some weird shit is happening.  The words I write and the words I see are different.  I spent an hour today just writing words, and looking at them.  When I look at them, I can read them.  But when I just see them, without focusing, they seem to blur and look like characters different from what I wrote.

In a more arduous test, I started writing some math, to see if it works.  The numbers I write out all make sense, but unless I use tally marks, they still seem to blur and shift.  And my

I can’t understand the words in my music anymore.  When I play it, the tingling in my ears comes back, and I can’t make sense of the words.

Why the fuck can’t I understand the words?  I just want some music!

Day Nineteen

I caught more food these past few days than I have my entire time here.  I swear, a rabbit came up to me, and just stared at me as I grabbed my knife.  Until I killed it the thing just looked at me, almost like it was curious about me.  That was two days ago.  And yesterday there was another, this time it seemed more wary, but it still approached.

I’ve started training myself to recognize when I ‘shift.’  It’s the best way I’ve thought to describe the sudden tingling that occurs occasionally.  It only happens when I listen to my music, or look at my old entries.  I think that, somehow, I’m learning some new language, and it’s replacing what I already know of English.  I use a song I know all the lyrics to in order to better feel for the transition.

Banana Phone, by Raffi.  I once liked the song for it’s absurdity.  Now, though, I’ve grown to loathe it.

Ring ring ring, motherfuckin’ banana phone.

Day Twenty Three

I saw something.  It was yellow, and there was a blue thing with it.  They were making noise, and they came close enough to my camp for me to make out some basic shapes.  Quadrupedal, I’m certain, but more than that I couldn’t tell, really.  I need to ready myself.  If these are some kind of locals, or hunting beasts, which I think is more likely, I might need to defend myself.

Apex predator or not, my body is not suited for direct combat.  It’s time to use what I know to full effect.  I already had a piece of wood picked out for a bow, but I still need some arrows.  That’s going to be the hardest part, I’m certain.

I really hope that these new creatures are as docile as the rest of the forest seems to be.  I really don’t want to have to kill more than I need.  Times like this make me hate my pacifistic nature.  And my strange love for meaty foods.

Day Twenty Five

Horses.  They’re horses.  I found a good perching point in a tree near where I saw the creatures last.  They walked by, about twenty yards away, and I could clearly make out some equine features.  I almost loosed an arrow when one looked my way, but I held back.  If these are hunting creatures, I don’t want them to know about me if they can’t smell me.  And if they’re sentient, that’s no decent way to start relations.

In other news, I think that the wildlife has grown wise to me.  None approach, and when I see them they flee quickly.  There’s one, though, that always seems to stare at me for a moment longer than the others before running.  White rabbit.  I’ve named it Caerbannog.  I just hope it’s not as lethal as its namesake.

Not very hungry anymore, though.  The meats that I do have are lasting me, and I’ve found that I can usually eat all that I catch.  I don’t know if that speaks more for my hunting skills, or my gluttony.  Or some combination of the two.

Day Twenty Seven

I’ve fucked up.  I saw blue horse and yellow horse moving through the forest, and I kept stock still in my perch, watching.  Some sounds escaped the horses, and I swear I understood some words.  I don’t

I think they know I’m here.  Or, at least, they know something is here.  Caerbannog was there, too.  Little twat was leading blue and yellow to my camp.  I fired an arrow out over them, hitting a rock I’d set up earlier, triggering a small ruckus in the distance.  It was enough to distract them, and they went to investigate.  Either I need to move, or Caerbannog needs to die.

And only one of those two options is feasible.

Day Twenty Eight

Four weeks.  A month, almost.  Lost a good bit of weight, and I’m in better shape, now, than I’ve been in a while.  All things being equal, I’m feeling pretty good.

I still want to go home.

Day Thirty

I can’t do this.  My bow snapped when I drew it back, and I’ve got a piece of wood about a foot long sticking out of my thigh.  Happy fuckin’ one month.  Load of shit.

If this is the last entry

Nah, fuck pessimism.  I’m too damn badass to be stopped by this.  I’ve had worse!

Day Thirty Four

I haven’t had worse.  I’m really tired, but I got my fever down, and I found that I can, in fact, recognize penicillin.  I checked my snares, and I got a ferret.  Little shit was still alive.  Fixed that real quick, though.  Will write more later.  Rest.

Day Thirty Seven

They know I’m here.  And I think that I really messed up.  I saw Caerbannog, again.  First time in a while, actually.  So, since I’d finally grown tired of his shit, I put an arrow in him.  Oh, the satisfaction of that shot was great.  Almost fifteen yards, and it was a perfect hit.

Short lived thrill, though.  The wail of dismay that followed will haunt me for a long time.  Yellow saw what I’d done.  It saw me.  It looked at me.

It was crying.

I think

I don’t

I’ve made a mistake.

Day Thirty Nine

I followed Yellow.  I followed it back as it fled the forest, Caerbannog held in a set of limbs I’d not previously noticed.  There’s a town less than two hours away.  I’ve been two hours from civilization for forty fucking days.

If I wasn’t so relieved, and afraid, I’d be angrier than I’ve ever been.  I think I still am, but it’s buried beneath stronger emotions.

I’m going to approach the town tomorrow.  I’ll take my most important things with me, put the rest in my car, lock it up, and go to see what’s there.

I’m going to leave this journal here, though.  Maybe I’ll be able to come back and write some more in it.  Maybe not.  In either case,

Nah, I will write more.