Being Youby bahatumayChaptersDeep ThoughtsSetting UpExecutionResultsDeep ThoughtsAuthor's Note Original idea by Posted. Deep Thoughts The mark of true friends is just how comfortable they are with each other. For example, a good friend will ask if you have any food; a true friend will already have emptied your fridge by the time you notice they’re inside your house. A good friend will tell jokes with you; a true friend will tell jokes about you to your face. Also, true friends always share their cider. No matter how late at night it is. This is why Rainbow Dash and Applejack were currently drinking cider together in the barn at around midnight. As it often did, the conversation turned somewhat competitive. This time, however, it also turned somewhat personal. “You have it real easy, you know that?” Applejack said suddenly. “Me?” Rainbow slurred. “Nah. I’ve got boatloads of paperwork and I’m paying half my salary in insurance. You’re the one who has it good, with your tons of good food and breaks whenever you want…” “Excuse you,” Applejack snorted. “I run the risk of tweakin’ off the whole town if I don’t get my work done.” “And I have to put up with that every day,” Rainbow retorted. “Something bad happens with the weather, even if it’s just a little accident? It’s the pegasi. Always the pegasi. Blame the pegasi. Sue the pegasi. And you’ve complained about it, too, so don’t even deny it.” “I’m not denyin’ it,” Applejack snapped, turning slightly red and not just from what she was drinking. “I’m just sayin’ that I’d rather put up with a day of lousy weather than go hungry all winter. My stakes are bigger.” Rainbow could not think of a good thing to say back to that, so she went with a classic comeback. “Yeah? Well, your rump is bigger, too.” Applejack’s thrown mug bounced off Rainbow’s head, but Rainbow was nonplussed. “Look, I’m sayin’ I could totally wear your ponyshoes for a bit, that’s all.” Applejack choked on her cider. She pounded her chest as her coughing subsided. “Wear my-! All that cider must've gone straight to your brain. You ain't got what it takes to be me. Now you? Any half-witted fool could be you.” “Maybe the cider's gone to your brain!” Rainbow really wasn't much for good comebacks when she was drunk. “All you do is kick trees and eat apples.” “So what? You want us to switch places for a week or something?” Applejack challenged as she grabbed another mug. “Dye our coats and…?” “Nah,” Rainbow slurred. “That’s too easy. Sounds like a bad story or something.” Applejack finished her drink. “So what?” she asked. “We get somepony else to imponyate us?” “That might work,” Rainbow murmured. “I train somepony to be you, and you train somepony to be me. First trainee to give up… no, wait…” She took another drink. “That wouldn’t make any sense. We’d need, like, a new pony, one that didn’t know either of us. Everypony in Ponyville and the greater surrounding area knows how awesome I am.” “And how big your ego is,” Applejack muttered. Rainbow pretended not to hear. “So all we need is a couple of new ponies.” “Yeah, well, I’m not havin’ a foal for this contest,” Applejack insisted. Rainbow choked on her drink and coughed uncontrollably. Eventually, she managed to regain control. “Nothing like that,” she said. “Like, maybe we got like changelings or something. We each train one to be each other, and the one who trains the first one that gets caught loses.” Applejack laughed. “Changelings? Yeah, right. I’ll go put a want ad in the paper and see if any of ‘em show up.” “I swear, they're around,” Rainbow insisted. “In fact, I've seen one.” “Really?” “Yeah. I saw a pony that looked like Berry Punch standing in the park, playing catch with her daughter, and she didn't look drunk.” Applejack threw another mug at her, once again scoring a direct hit. “You insensitive featherhead, she's trying to clean up her act, which is more than I can say for you.” “My act can stay dirty,” Rainbow slurred. “I'm cleaning up the cider.” She demonstrated this by throwing back her head and draining the rest of her mug. Applejack rolled her eyes. “I'm cuttin' you off,” she said. This seemed to sober Rainbow up slightly. She sat up, horrified. “What? No! What would you do something like that for?” “Barrel's empty,” Applejack said, tipping it over and demonstrating. Rainbow groaned. “You can just go get another one,” she said. “Hay, I'll go get another one!” She stood up, took two steps… and then collapsed, fast asleep. Applejack chuckled. “Lightweight birdbrain,” she muttered. She dragged a saddle blanket over her prone form and headed back into the farmhouse. Setting UpAs terrible as it may sound, many tribalist jabs do have some basis in reality. Earth ponies are known for their durability and resilience, and any earth pony would agree that this was true. This extended to their tolerance for alcohol. Applejack woke up the next morning with a mild headache, nothing that a large glass of water and a warm shower couldn’t fix. As she sat up, though, she came face to face with a much-more-miserable-looking Rainbow Dash. Her mane was unkempt, her eyes were half-closed, bloodshot, and drooping, and her disheveled coat carried traces of the hay from the floor where she’d spent the night. “Mornin’,” Applejack said cheerfully. “Not so loud,” Rainbow growled/pleaded. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Applejack said, a wide smile crossing her face. “Right. I can't believe you didn't let me in last night,” Rainbow complained. “You didn’t ask.” “That’s because I passed out.” “Really? I hadn’t noticed. I mean, the words stopped, but that was about it.” Rainbow made as though she wanted to give Applejack a semi-friendly slap upside the head with her wing, but just extending it sent waves of nausea coursing through her body, and she ended up stumbling and groaning instead. Applejack suppressed a giggle. Part of her wanted to leave Rainbow here, but earth ponies are also known for being generous, and that was another stereotype that Applejack fit. “You can shower first if you want, and I’ll make you breakfast,” she offered. “Thanks,” Rainbow murmured, slowly rotating and shuffling back towards the bathroom. * * * After a nice hearty breakfast, two tall glasses of pure apple juice, and more water than had fallen in yesterday’s rainshower, Rainbow had managed to regain a semblance of normality. “So did you think any more about our idea last night?” Applejack paused on her plate scraping. “Our what?” “You know, the whole replace-each-other-with-a-changeling thing.” Applejack set the plate on the drying rack and dried her hooves. “You were serious about that, were you?” “Well, yeah,” Rainbow said. “I mean, I wasn't entirely serious before; but now that I’ve thought about it, it might be pretty fun.” “Fun,” Applejack repeated dryly. “Yeah, fun.” “For my changeling, anyway,” Applejack grinned, beginning to warm up to this idea. “Just gotta remind it to snore while it's napping 22/7.” Rainbow straightened up indignantly. “Oh, yeah? My changeling is going to have to take boring classes at Ponyville Community College just to pretend to be you.” “That’s it,” Applejack said firmly, throwing down her rag. “We’re settling this.” She paused, and frowned. They were missing a very important piece of this competition. “But where would we find a changeling?” she wondered. Rainbow tapped her chin. “I have an idea.” * * * “I see.” Twilight turned around and focused on reshelving her book. “Interesting tidbit of information: in not-too-recent history, unicorn nobility used to debate proposals twice, once sober and once drunk, to make sure that whatever they were proposing sounded good in both states.” “And so this passes that test, right?” Rainbow asked. Twilight spun around. “No!” she nearly shouted. “This is ridiculous! You intentionally want changelings to imponyate you?” “No, we intentionally want changelings to imponyate each other,” Rainbow corrected. “There’s a difference.” Twilight facehoofed. “That’s even worse,” she said. “It’s brilliant,” Rainbow argued. “We just get the changelings to do our best impression of each other. First one outed is the loser.” “Not only is that asinine, it’s risky,” Twilight pointed out. “Ithri and Remi would never… that is…” Her voice trailed off as she realized she had said too much. “I… uh…” “Who?” Applejack asked. “Nopony,” Twilight said, a bit too quickly. She turned to replace a book on her shelf. Rainbow darted around so she could glare at Twilight right in the eyes. “You know where we can find changelings, don’t you?” she asked, eyebrows narrowed. “You’re hiding them somewhere. You’re holding out on us!” “What?” Twilight said far too quickly. “No, of course not! That’d be silly! What, do you think I’d agree to keep a couple of changelings hidden in exchange for the chance to do a little studying on them and maybe practice some of my social skills in a non-threatening environment?” Rainbow narrowed her eyes even further. “That… sounds exactly like somethin’ you’d do, sugarcube” Applejack admitted. Twilight exhaled, defeated. “Well, I might,” she amended, “and I might know where they are; but I doubt they’d be up to it. You’re basically asking for them to get caught, and they’re really trying to not, you know, get caught.” Applejack and Rainbow Dash shared a grin. “It’s worth a shot,” Rainbow said. * * * It really was a nondescript apartment. Had they not been looking for it, they might have ignored it completely. After double-checking the number on the battered mailbox hanging from the dingy wall, Rainbow Dash knocked on the door in the pattern, one knock, four in a lilting pattern, then two. “Who is it?” came a voice from behind the door. “A friend looking for a favor,” Rainbow repeated. “A favor? From who?” “A bug in pony’s clothing,” Rainbow answered, giving the password Twilight had provided. The door clicked, and slid open. Two stallions stood there. They looked like twins with their colors reversed; almost like the spa twins except male, and with a darker color scheme. “Then come in.” Rainbow's eyes flicked between them, and then she kicked the door shut and started. “So you’re Ithri and Remi,” she said. “I’m Ithri,” the one said “I’m Remi,” the other said. “Or, I could be Ithri.” “Or I could be Remi,” the first continued. “But we can be whoever you want,” they said in unison, smiling widely. Rainbow blinked. She could have sworn that Remi’s teeth had gleamed. “That was creepy,” Applejack said, taking the tiniest of steps back. “Did you think so?” Ithri asked, sounding disappointed. “We’re trying to figure out a way to make our introduction more appealing.” “It kindof sounds like you're running a scam,” Applejack said. She didn't exactly get along with the last set of twins she'd met who had had a rehearsed introduction like that. Remi frowned. “Ah well,” he said. “We'll just keep… adapting.” He chuckled lightly, as if at an inside joke. “What brings you here, anyway?” Ithri asked. “We want you to help us settle something,” Rainbow said. “Settle something?” “That sounds foreboding,” Remi agreed, sharing a brief look with his brother. “You know, we don't really do the whole 'making ponies disappear' thing. Really not our gig.” “What? No, no! Not like that,” Rainbow said quickly. “We're having a competition.” “A baking competition?” Remi asked hopefully, glancing down at his plate. Applejack suddenly noticed that whatever he’d been eating was blackened beyond recognition. Their talents must not have extended to food. “No,” Rainbow said. “A… sensual competition?” Ithri suggested. “Wha- no! Ew! No!” He raised his hooves disarmingly. “Hey, we get some strange requests,” he said by way of explanation. Morbid curiosity won out. “Like what?” Applejack had to ask. Remi crossed his hooves and shook his head. “Doctor-patient confidentiality,” he said, a little smile crossing his face. “Horseapples. You’re not a doctor,” Rainbow accused. Remi scrunched up his face, and then he burst into flames. When they faded, there stood a pony with a brown coat, a blonde mane, and a cutie mark with a stethoscope curled around a syringe. “I most certainly am, Miss Dash,” he said, with just the right tinge of haughtiness, “and I’ll thank you to leave my patients alone.” “Can you not?” Rainbow said, taking a tiny step back. “That's pretty creepy.” They shared a look. “Calling us creepy and asking a favor?” Ithri observed. “She’s got guts, I’ll give her that.” “This is either gonna be good, or really stupid,” Remi agreed. “So what is this competition?” Their expressions remained fairly flat as Rainbow explained the contest. “I dunno,” Ithri said slowly. “It sounds a bit crazy.” “Definitely half-baked,” Remi added. “And it's a bit risky.” “It's very risky,” Ithri concurred. “Like not doing anything special for an anniversary risky.” There was a pause. And then both grinned. “When do we start?” ExecutionThe orange earth pony grinned widely as she respectfully tipped her hat. “Howdy! Ah’m Appuljack! Appuls, appuls, appuls, appuls, appuls!” “Ehh,” Rainbow said hesitantly, “not quite. Less of an accent—like, it’s there; but she gets offended if you point it out—and go a little easier on the whole apples thing.” “Ok,” Changelingjack said, processing this information. “Try it again. We only have until noon before I have to disappear.” “Howdy. Ah'm- I'm Applejack. Care to buy some delicious apples?” “Better,” Rainbow said, “but not quite. You know, I don’t understand how you can claim to be so good at what you do and then, well… be so… not.” Changelingjack straightened up, mildly offended. “Look, all you gave me to work with was 'hard-working' and 'obsessed with apples'. Besides, we get the important things; enough to not get caught, anyway.” “Like?” Rainbow challenged. Changelingjack spun around, looking over her shoulder. “Hi there,” she purred, rotating and coming closer. She met Rainbow's eyes, looked down, then looked back into her eyes. “I'm…” She subtly ran her tongue across the front of her teeth. “…so glad you came to see me,” she said. She leaned in closer and pressed their noses together. Her breathing came raggedly, and her tail seemed to be having trouble staying still. “Wanna help me out with something important?” Rainbow scampered backwards. “That's just creepy,” she said. “You enjoyed it,” Changelingjack shrugged. Rainbow glanced behind her and then irritably folded her wings back in. “Did not,” she protested. Changelingjack cracked a smile but didn’t press the issue. “So who else works on this here farm?” she asked, practicing her accent. “There's Granny Smith, she's the oldest. She's also deaf as a cumulus, so don't feel bad if you have to shout. Macintosh, he doesn't say much, but he shows up at the strangest times. Apple Bloom is the little one. Basically yell at her to stay out of trouble every once in a while and cuddle her when she wants to.” Changelingjack nodded. “And how does applebucking work?” Rainbow looked over at the tree. “Ok. AJ showed me once. Let's see if I can remember.” * * * “So Rainbow Dash takes a lot of naps,” Changeling Dash asked to confirm. “Yep,” Applejack confirmed, “and she's got an ego the size of Canterlot castle.” “Are we talking 'I'm better than you and I'll shove it in your face' ego, or 'I'm totally awesome' ego?” “The second one,” Applejack said. “I mean, she's not terrible, and she's downright helpful at times; but she does have a competitive streak.” Changeling Dash nodded. “And she likes to fly really fast and recklessly.” Changeling Dash cracked a smile. “So it’s entirely possible I could wind up in the hospital. We’d definitely win then. I'll just fake a coma.” Applejack laughed. “Nah, I don’t want anything that bad to happen to her. Besides, you end up in the hospital, and you’ll have Scootaloo and Pinkie Pie hanging all over you.” Changeling Dash cocked her head. “Who?” “Oh, yeah,” Applejack said slowly. “I probably better warn you about a couple ponies in town.” * * * Rainbow Dash ducked her head as she entered the clubhouse. “Really, Applejack? You couldn’t think of anywhere else to hide?” “It’s not like I could just get up on the clouds,” Applejack pointed out. “And Mac’s always in and out of the barn. All of ‘em.” “Well, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are always in and out of here,” Rainbow pointed out. “Not today,” Applejack said. “They’re trying for their wilderness survival cutie marks.” Rainbow paused. “Rarity would flip if Sweetie Belle came back with a mark like that. You know what? She’d flip twice.” “Then it’s a good thing they’ll be coming home as blank as they left,” Applejack observed dismissively. She pulled a chair over to the table and slid a book out on top. Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “You read?” “Who doesn't?” Rainbow chuckled. “Never took you for an egghead.” “I think there's a lot about me you don't know,” Applejack said dismissively as she found her place. “I figured, if I’m not doing anything for a couple hours, I might as well get some work done.” “A couple hours?” Rainbow guffawed. “You really think I can’t nail you that well?” “Mac’ll pick it up in… what’s that you say? Ten seconds flat?” Applejack taunted. “Not a chance,” Rainbow said confidently. “It’s Tuesday. Tuesdays he does the west orchard while you do the east. You never see each other until lunch, and then you're back at it until dinner.” That made Applejack pause. She lowered her book and stared at Rainbow in mild shock. “I’m more observant than you think I am,” Rainbow said, shining a hoof on her chest. Applejack recovered quickly. She shrugged and lifted it again. “Huh. Maybe I should have brought a second book, then.” * * * Rainbow let her head fall against the window sill. “I’m so bored!” she said. “Isn't there anything here to do?” “There's a deck of cards here from when they went for magician cutie marks,” Applejack suggested. “You’ll find something to entertain yourself with.” “But solitaire is boring! Want to play poker?” “Nah. I can't bluff to save my life. I’ll play ‘go fish’ with you, though.” “I hate go fish!” “Then find some other way to entertain yourself,” Applejack said, returning to her book. Rainbow shuffled the cards and dealt them to herself. That worked for perhaps twenty seconds before Rainbow flailed dramatically on the floor. “Ugh! I'm so bored!” she repeated. “I can't believe it's taking so long!” “Rainbow?” “Yeah?” “It’s only been fifteen minutes, Rainbow.” “Fifteen minutes?!” Rainbow sputtered. “Whose idea was this, anyway?” “Yours,” Applejack pointed out. “Whose idea was it to listen to my idea?” “Also yours.” “Ugh!” Rainbow repeated, letting her head slam against the floor. “This bites!” * * * Rainbow exhaled. “Got any threes?” she asked. Applejack shook her head. Rainbow rolled her eyes and drew a card. “Any sevens?” Rainbow tossed that same card back down. “Just drew it. I hate this game.” Applejack hid a smile as she laid her cards down. “Fours?” “I really hate this game,” Rainbow reiterated as she tossed it down. “Can’t we do something I like?” “Maybe after this game.” * * * Rainbow strained as hard as she could. Applejack’s orange hoof slid ever so slightly. She grit her teeth and pushed harder. Applejack grinned impishly. “Have we started?” she asked. Rainbow’s concentration slipped and Applejack slammed her hoof back to the table. Rainbow crossed her forelegs and scowled as Applejack was overtaken by a fit of giggling. “One more round,” Rainbow growled. “I’ve won four to your one,” Applejack grinned. “One. More. Round.” * * * Rainbow whooped as Applejack’s hoof tapped the tabletop. “All right! Victory is mine! That makes… four!” Applejack chuckled and slid out from her chair. “Come back! I’m not done with you yet!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Breathe, Rainbow. I’m just getting a snack.” “What? You can’t just leave,” Rainbow protested. “You’ll ruin our competition and then we’ll have been stuck in here all day for nothing.” Applejack looked at her flatly and then opened the window, revealing a large apple orchard full of laden apple trees. “Oh, hey. Apples.” “Can’t go wrong with apples,” Applejack agreed, reaching out to grab a few. The crusaders had obviously picked the closest ones, most likely as snacks as they tried to brainstorm for their latest wild adventure, but she was a bit taller than they and she could reach the fruit they couldn’t. She picked one and tossed it to Rainbow before getting one for herself. “Thanks,” Rainbow said, leaning down to bite it. That was nice of her. She probably would have just eaten the apple first. “No problem.” * * * “I think I’m drunk on boredom,” Rainbow groaned from her position sprawled out on the floor. Applejack walked over and lay down next to her. “We could talk,” she suggested. “Finished my book, anyway, and I’m feelin’ a bit cramped myself.” She emphasized this by kicking and stretching her forelegs a bit. “Talking is kindof boring,” Rainbow said. “And kindof unawesome.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “We could talk about you,” she said. Rainbow liked talking about herself. Rainbow exhaled. “Well, I was a late yearling, I was born in Cloudsdale…” Applejack snorted a laugh. “Maybe not that far back,” she said. “Maybe from when you wanted to become a Wonderbolt?” “Oh, yeah, we could talk about that,” Rainbow said flippantly, but the way she settled comfortably on the ground let Applejack know that she appreciated this turn of events. “It started when I was way young. Dad took me, only me, to see a Wonderbolts show.” “Only you?” “Yeah,” Rainbow recalled wistfully. “Dad only got a couple tickets from his work. Besides, my brother went last year.” “I didn’t know you had a brother.” “We don’t get along real well,” Rainbow admitted. Applejack nodded. “I mean, he probably could have taken us all, but working at the weather factory really doesn’t pay as much as we’d like. He thought it was a good job, and he liked it. Mom, not so much. She thought he was just lazy and didn’t care about us.” “Ouch,” Applejack said. “Yeah. Mom and I didn’t exactly get along well, either. Why do you think I moved out the day I hit legal age?” Rainbow asked rhetorically. “Oh,” Applejack said, understanding in her eyes now. “That’s what that whole ‘birthiversary’ thing was about.” Rainbow nodded. “What’s your deal with family?” she asked. Applejack shrugged. “Oh, you know, it’s just us. ‘s how it’s almost always been.” “I guess. You’re pretty close to your family. That’s kindof cool.” “Yeah, but it’s confusing at times. I’m Apple Bloom’s sister, but sometimes I have to be her mother. I have to be her friend, and her guidance figure, too, at the same time; and sometimes it seems those two go together like oil and water.” She sighed. “Sometimes I worry I’m not balancing it right.” “Oh, please,” Rainbow said, waving a hoof dismissively. “She loves you. You could probably burn her breakfast and tear her bow and she’d still be singing your praises.” Applejack cracked a smile. “Don’t even joke about burning,” she said. “It took four hours to get our oven clean last time they tried to cook.” Rainbow exhaled. “You know, this is getting kindof deep. You want to play go fish again?” “Yeah.” * * * There was a knock on the door, the same pattern as earlier. Both mares jumped up and headed towards the door. “Yes!” Rainbow crowed, reaching for the knob. “Freedom!” Applejack pressed a hoof against the door, preventing Rainbow from opening it. “What if you lost?” Applejack asked. “I don’t really care right now,” Rainbow said. “I’m just excited to get out again. I mean, it’s fun hanging out with you and all, but I really need to fly.” Applejack nodded. Rainbow opened the door. To their surprise, both Ithir and Remi stood there. “Uh… so who won?” Applejack asked. They pushed their way inside and shut the door behind them. No sooner had the latch clicked than they snapped. “You’re both insane!” they shouted at the same time. “You work so hard all the time!” “You don’t do anything for forever and then you do everything in an hour!” “When do you breathe?!” “How do you keep your sanity with the little orange one always buzzing around you?” “Why does everypony think it’s ok to just ask you for random favors?” “I have had more boots thrown at me this week than I have my whole life! And I once spent a month as an alleycat!” “Don’t you ever get sick of apples?” “The weather patterns are so inane! They make no sense! How drunk were they when they made them?” “How have you not gone mad from all the trees? They never end! Never! Endless trees! Endless!” “How do you know so many ponies? Everypony knows your name! Everypony!” Both changelings stopped, panting for breath after their rant. “An alleycat?” Rainbow asked. “Really? That’s what you got out of tha- You know what, no. Just no. We quit!” Changelingjack threw down her hat. Reverting to their twin forms, the two changelings headed out the door, down the ramp, and trotted away, with their tails swishing and their noses in the air. The two ponies watched them leave. “Huh,” Applejack said finally. “I guess it's a draw.” “Guess so,” Rainbow agreed. ResultsThe walk back to the farmhouse was conducted in reflective silence. “Do ponies really ask you for favors?” Rainbow asked suddenly. Applejack shrugged. “Yeah, every once in a while. I don't mind.” She paused. “Do they really throw boots at you?” “Only when I nap in the wrong places. Flowerbeds, graveyard headstones, and rooftops seem to be pretty bad. Especially when I accidentally set up shop outside someone’s bathroom.” Applejack cracked a smile. “You've got it rough,” she said with a grin. “Yeah,” Rainbow said, “but it could be worse. I could be you.” Applejack turned and scowled. “No, not like that,” Rainbow said quickly. “I had to teach Changelingjack how to applebuck this morning, and my hooves are still sore.” Applejack shrugged. “Yeah, well, I've been doing it for forever. You know, I had to look up weather patterns for Changeling Dash. You really keep them all memorized?” “I’ve been doing it for so long, it's more instinctive now than anything,” Rainbow shrugged. They continued walking. “You know, I’m glad we did this,” Applejack said. “I got to know you a little bit better, and maybe… maybe you ain't as thick-headed as I thought you were.” Rainbow’s ears flicked up. “Ooh, Applejack, is that a compliment?” Applejack blushed slightly. “Maybe,” she said. Rainbow grinned, but then became serious again. “Yeah,” she agreed. “You’re pretty cool, too, AJ. There’s a lot more to you than most ponies know.” “Thanks.” There was a pause. “I wouldn’t mind, you know, getting to know you a bit better,” Applejack said hesitantly. “You’re stayin’ for dinner, right?” Rainbow grinned. “You know, I was hoping you’d ask.”
Deep ThoughtsAuthor's Note Original idea by Posted. Deep Thoughts The mark of true friends is just how comfortable they are with each other. For example, a good friend will ask if you have any food; a true friend will already have emptied your fridge by the time you notice they’re inside your house. A good friend will tell jokes with you; a true friend will tell jokes about you to your face. Also, true friends always share their cider. No matter how late at night it is. This is why Rainbow Dash and Applejack were currently drinking cider together in the barn at around midnight. As it often did, the conversation turned somewhat competitive. This time, however, it also turned somewhat personal. “You have it real easy, you know that?” Applejack said suddenly. “Me?” Rainbow slurred. “Nah. I’ve got boatloads of paperwork and I’m paying half my salary in insurance. You’re the one who has it good, with your tons of good food and breaks whenever you want…” “Excuse you,” Applejack snorted. “I run the risk of tweakin’ off the whole town if I don’t get my work done.” “And I have to put up with that every day,” Rainbow retorted. “Something bad happens with the weather, even if it’s just a little accident? It’s the pegasi. Always the pegasi. Blame the pegasi. Sue the pegasi. And you’ve complained about it, too, so don’t even deny it.” “I’m not denyin’ it,” Applejack snapped, turning slightly red and not just from what she was drinking. “I’m just sayin’ that I’d rather put up with a day of lousy weather than go hungry all winter. My stakes are bigger.” Rainbow could not think of a good thing to say back to that, so she went with a classic comeback. “Yeah? Well, your rump is bigger, too.” Applejack’s thrown mug bounced off Rainbow’s head, but Rainbow was nonplussed. “Look, I’m sayin’ I could totally wear your ponyshoes for a bit, that’s all.” Applejack choked on her cider. She pounded her chest as her coughing subsided. “Wear my-! All that cider must've gone straight to your brain. You ain't got what it takes to be me. Now you? Any half-witted fool could be you.” “Maybe the cider's gone to your brain!” Rainbow really wasn't much for good comebacks when she was drunk. “All you do is kick trees and eat apples.” “So what? You want us to switch places for a week or something?” Applejack challenged as she grabbed another mug. “Dye our coats and…?” “Nah,” Rainbow slurred. “That’s too easy. Sounds like a bad story or something.” Applejack finished her drink. “So what?” she asked. “We get somepony else to imponyate us?” “That might work,” Rainbow murmured. “I train somepony to be you, and you train somepony to be me. First trainee to give up… no, wait…” She took another drink. “That wouldn’t make any sense. We’d need, like, a new pony, one that didn’t know either of us. Everypony in Ponyville and the greater surrounding area knows how awesome I am.” “And how big your ego is,” Applejack muttered. Rainbow pretended not to hear. “So all we need is a couple of new ponies.” “Yeah, well, I’m not havin’ a foal for this contest,” Applejack insisted. Rainbow choked on her drink and coughed uncontrollably. Eventually, she managed to regain control. “Nothing like that,” she said. “Like, maybe we got like changelings or something. We each train one to be each other, and the one who trains the first one that gets caught loses.” Applejack laughed. “Changelings? Yeah, right. I’ll go put a want ad in the paper and see if any of ‘em show up.” “I swear, they're around,” Rainbow insisted. “In fact, I've seen one.” “Really?” “Yeah. I saw a pony that looked like Berry Punch standing in the park, playing catch with her daughter, and she didn't look drunk.” Applejack threw another mug at her, once again scoring a direct hit. “You insensitive featherhead, she's trying to clean up her act, which is more than I can say for you.” “My act can stay dirty,” Rainbow slurred. “I'm cleaning up the cider.” She demonstrated this by throwing back her head and draining the rest of her mug. Applejack rolled her eyes. “I'm cuttin' you off,” she said. This seemed to sober Rainbow up slightly. She sat up, horrified. “What? No! What would you do something like that for?” “Barrel's empty,” Applejack said, tipping it over and demonstrating. Rainbow groaned. “You can just go get another one,” she said. “Hay, I'll go get another one!” She stood up, took two steps… and then collapsed, fast asleep. Applejack chuckled. “Lightweight birdbrain,” she muttered. She dragged a saddle blanket over her prone form and headed back into the farmhouse.
Setting UpAs terrible as it may sound, many tribalist jabs do have some basis in reality. Earth ponies are known for their durability and resilience, and any earth pony would agree that this was true. This extended to their tolerance for alcohol. Applejack woke up the next morning with a mild headache, nothing that a large glass of water and a warm shower couldn’t fix. As she sat up, though, she came face to face with a much-more-miserable-looking Rainbow Dash. Her mane was unkempt, her eyes were half-closed, bloodshot, and drooping, and her disheveled coat carried traces of the hay from the floor where she’d spent the night. “Mornin’,” Applejack said cheerfully. “Not so loud,” Rainbow growled/pleaded. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Applejack said, a wide smile crossing her face. “Right. I can't believe you didn't let me in last night,” Rainbow complained. “You didn’t ask.” “That’s because I passed out.” “Really? I hadn’t noticed. I mean, the words stopped, but that was about it.” Rainbow made as though she wanted to give Applejack a semi-friendly slap upside the head with her wing, but just extending it sent waves of nausea coursing through her body, and she ended up stumbling and groaning instead. Applejack suppressed a giggle. Part of her wanted to leave Rainbow here, but earth ponies are also known for being generous, and that was another stereotype that Applejack fit. “You can shower first if you want, and I’ll make you breakfast,” she offered. “Thanks,” Rainbow murmured, slowly rotating and shuffling back towards the bathroom. * * * After a nice hearty breakfast, two tall glasses of pure apple juice, and more water than had fallen in yesterday’s rainshower, Rainbow had managed to regain a semblance of normality. “So did you think any more about our idea last night?” Applejack paused on her plate scraping. “Our what?” “You know, the whole replace-each-other-with-a-changeling thing.” Applejack set the plate on the drying rack and dried her hooves. “You were serious about that, were you?” “Well, yeah,” Rainbow said. “I mean, I wasn't entirely serious before; but now that I’ve thought about it, it might be pretty fun.” “Fun,” Applejack repeated dryly. “Yeah, fun.” “For my changeling, anyway,” Applejack grinned, beginning to warm up to this idea. “Just gotta remind it to snore while it's napping 22/7.” Rainbow straightened up indignantly. “Oh, yeah? My changeling is going to have to take boring classes at Ponyville Community College just to pretend to be you.” “That’s it,” Applejack said firmly, throwing down her rag. “We’re settling this.” She paused, and frowned. They were missing a very important piece of this competition. “But where would we find a changeling?” she wondered. Rainbow tapped her chin. “I have an idea.” * * * “I see.” Twilight turned around and focused on reshelving her book. “Interesting tidbit of information: in not-too-recent history, unicorn nobility used to debate proposals twice, once sober and once drunk, to make sure that whatever they were proposing sounded good in both states.” “And so this passes that test, right?” Rainbow asked. Twilight spun around. “No!” she nearly shouted. “This is ridiculous! You intentionally want changelings to imponyate you?” “No, we intentionally want changelings to imponyate each other,” Rainbow corrected. “There’s a difference.” Twilight facehoofed. “That’s even worse,” she said. “It’s brilliant,” Rainbow argued. “We just get the changelings to do our best impression of each other. First one outed is the loser.” “Not only is that asinine, it’s risky,” Twilight pointed out. “Ithri and Remi would never… that is…” Her voice trailed off as she realized she had said too much. “I… uh…” “Who?” Applejack asked. “Nopony,” Twilight said, a bit too quickly. She turned to replace a book on her shelf. Rainbow darted around so she could glare at Twilight right in the eyes. “You know where we can find changelings, don’t you?” she asked, eyebrows narrowed. “You’re hiding them somewhere. You’re holding out on us!” “What?” Twilight said far too quickly. “No, of course not! That’d be silly! What, do you think I’d agree to keep a couple of changelings hidden in exchange for the chance to do a little studying on them and maybe practice some of my social skills in a non-threatening environment?” Rainbow narrowed her eyes even further. “That… sounds exactly like somethin’ you’d do, sugarcube” Applejack admitted. Twilight exhaled, defeated. “Well, I might,” she amended, “and I might know where they are; but I doubt they’d be up to it. You’re basically asking for them to get caught, and they’re really trying to not, you know, get caught.” Applejack and Rainbow Dash shared a grin. “It’s worth a shot,” Rainbow said. * * * It really was a nondescript apartment. Had they not been looking for it, they might have ignored it completely. After double-checking the number on the battered mailbox hanging from the dingy wall, Rainbow Dash knocked on the door in the pattern, one knock, four in a lilting pattern, then two. “Who is it?” came a voice from behind the door. “A friend looking for a favor,” Rainbow repeated. “A favor? From who?” “A bug in pony’s clothing,” Rainbow answered, giving the password Twilight had provided. The door clicked, and slid open. Two stallions stood there. They looked like twins with their colors reversed; almost like the spa twins except male, and with a darker color scheme. “Then come in.” Rainbow's eyes flicked between them, and then she kicked the door shut and started. “So you’re Ithri and Remi,” she said. “I’m Ithri,” the one said “I’m Remi,” the other said. “Or, I could be Ithri.” “Or I could be Remi,” the first continued. “But we can be whoever you want,” they said in unison, smiling widely. Rainbow blinked. She could have sworn that Remi’s teeth had gleamed. “That was creepy,” Applejack said, taking the tiniest of steps back. “Did you think so?” Ithri asked, sounding disappointed. “We’re trying to figure out a way to make our introduction more appealing.” “It kindof sounds like you're running a scam,” Applejack said. She didn't exactly get along with the last set of twins she'd met who had had a rehearsed introduction like that. Remi frowned. “Ah well,” he said. “We'll just keep… adapting.” He chuckled lightly, as if at an inside joke. “What brings you here, anyway?” Ithri asked. “We want you to help us settle something,” Rainbow said. “Settle something?” “That sounds foreboding,” Remi agreed, sharing a brief look with his brother. “You know, we don't really do the whole 'making ponies disappear' thing. Really not our gig.” “What? No, no! Not like that,” Rainbow said quickly. “We're having a competition.” “A baking competition?” Remi asked hopefully, glancing down at his plate. Applejack suddenly noticed that whatever he’d been eating was blackened beyond recognition. Their talents must not have extended to food. “No,” Rainbow said. “A… sensual competition?” Ithri suggested. “Wha- no! Ew! No!” He raised his hooves disarmingly. “Hey, we get some strange requests,” he said by way of explanation. Morbid curiosity won out. “Like what?” Applejack had to ask. Remi crossed his hooves and shook his head. “Doctor-patient confidentiality,” he said, a little smile crossing his face. “Horseapples. You’re not a doctor,” Rainbow accused. Remi scrunched up his face, and then he burst into flames. When they faded, there stood a pony with a brown coat, a blonde mane, and a cutie mark with a stethoscope curled around a syringe. “I most certainly am, Miss Dash,” he said, with just the right tinge of haughtiness, “and I’ll thank you to leave my patients alone.” “Can you not?” Rainbow said, taking a tiny step back. “That's pretty creepy.” They shared a look. “Calling us creepy and asking a favor?” Ithri observed. “She’s got guts, I’ll give her that.” “This is either gonna be good, or really stupid,” Remi agreed. “So what is this competition?” Their expressions remained fairly flat as Rainbow explained the contest. “I dunno,” Ithri said slowly. “It sounds a bit crazy.” “Definitely half-baked,” Remi added. “And it's a bit risky.” “It's very risky,” Ithri concurred. “Like not doing anything special for an anniversary risky.” There was a pause. And then both grinned. “When do we start?”
ExecutionThe orange earth pony grinned widely as she respectfully tipped her hat. “Howdy! Ah’m Appuljack! Appuls, appuls, appuls, appuls, appuls!” “Ehh,” Rainbow said hesitantly, “not quite. Less of an accent—like, it’s there; but she gets offended if you point it out—and go a little easier on the whole apples thing.” “Ok,” Changelingjack said, processing this information. “Try it again. We only have until noon before I have to disappear.” “Howdy. Ah'm- I'm Applejack. Care to buy some delicious apples?” “Better,” Rainbow said, “but not quite. You know, I don’t understand how you can claim to be so good at what you do and then, well… be so… not.” Changelingjack straightened up, mildly offended. “Look, all you gave me to work with was 'hard-working' and 'obsessed with apples'. Besides, we get the important things; enough to not get caught, anyway.” “Like?” Rainbow challenged. Changelingjack spun around, looking over her shoulder. “Hi there,” she purred, rotating and coming closer. She met Rainbow's eyes, looked down, then looked back into her eyes. “I'm…” She subtly ran her tongue across the front of her teeth. “…so glad you came to see me,” she said. She leaned in closer and pressed their noses together. Her breathing came raggedly, and her tail seemed to be having trouble staying still. “Wanna help me out with something important?” Rainbow scampered backwards. “That's just creepy,” she said. “You enjoyed it,” Changelingjack shrugged. Rainbow glanced behind her and then irritably folded her wings back in. “Did not,” she protested. Changelingjack cracked a smile but didn’t press the issue. “So who else works on this here farm?” she asked, practicing her accent. “There's Granny Smith, she's the oldest. She's also deaf as a cumulus, so don't feel bad if you have to shout. Macintosh, he doesn't say much, but he shows up at the strangest times. Apple Bloom is the little one. Basically yell at her to stay out of trouble every once in a while and cuddle her when she wants to.” Changelingjack nodded. “And how does applebucking work?” Rainbow looked over at the tree. “Ok. AJ showed me once. Let's see if I can remember.” * * * “So Rainbow Dash takes a lot of naps,” Changeling Dash asked to confirm. “Yep,” Applejack confirmed, “and she's got an ego the size of Canterlot castle.” “Are we talking 'I'm better than you and I'll shove it in your face' ego, or 'I'm totally awesome' ego?” “The second one,” Applejack said. “I mean, she's not terrible, and she's downright helpful at times; but she does have a competitive streak.” Changeling Dash nodded. “And she likes to fly really fast and recklessly.” Changeling Dash cracked a smile. “So it’s entirely possible I could wind up in the hospital. We’d definitely win then. I'll just fake a coma.” Applejack laughed. “Nah, I don’t want anything that bad to happen to her. Besides, you end up in the hospital, and you’ll have Scootaloo and Pinkie Pie hanging all over you.” Changeling Dash cocked her head. “Who?” “Oh, yeah,” Applejack said slowly. “I probably better warn you about a couple ponies in town.” * * * Rainbow Dash ducked her head as she entered the clubhouse. “Really, Applejack? You couldn’t think of anywhere else to hide?” “It’s not like I could just get up on the clouds,” Applejack pointed out. “And Mac’s always in and out of the barn. All of ‘em.” “Well, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are always in and out of here,” Rainbow pointed out. “Not today,” Applejack said. “They’re trying for their wilderness survival cutie marks.” Rainbow paused. “Rarity would flip if Sweetie Belle came back with a mark like that. You know what? She’d flip twice.” “Then it’s a good thing they’ll be coming home as blank as they left,” Applejack observed dismissively. She pulled a chair over to the table and slid a book out on top. Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “You read?” “Who doesn't?” Rainbow chuckled. “Never took you for an egghead.” “I think there's a lot about me you don't know,” Applejack said dismissively as she found her place. “I figured, if I’m not doing anything for a couple hours, I might as well get some work done.” “A couple hours?” Rainbow guffawed. “You really think I can’t nail you that well?” “Mac’ll pick it up in… what’s that you say? Ten seconds flat?” Applejack taunted. “Not a chance,” Rainbow said confidently. “It’s Tuesday. Tuesdays he does the west orchard while you do the east. You never see each other until lunch, and then you're back at it until dinner.” That made Applejack pause. She lowered her book and stared at Rainbow in mild shock. “I’m more observant than you think I am,” Rainbow said, shining a hoof on her chest. Applejack recovered quickly. She shrugged and lifted it again. “Huh. Maybe I should have brought a second book, then.” * * * Rainbow let her head fall against the window sill. “I’m so bored!” she said. “Isn't there anything here to do?” “There's a deck of cards here from when they went for magician cutie marks,” Applejack suggested. “You’ll find something to entertain yourself with.” “But solitaire is boring! Want to play poker?” “Nah. I can't bluff to save my life. I’ll play ‘go fish’ with you, though.” “I hate go fish!” “Then find some other way to entertain yourself,” Applejack said, returning to her book. Rainbow shuffled the cards and dealt them to herself. That worked for perhaps twenty seconds before Rainbow flailed dramatically on the floor. “Ugh! I'm so bored!” she repeated. “I can't believe it's taking so long!” “Rainbow?” “Yeah?” “It’s only been fifteen minutes, Rainbow.” “Fifteen minutes?!” Rainbow sputtered. “Whose idea was this, anyway?” “Yours,” Applejack pointed out. “Whose idea was it to listen to my idea?” “Also yours.” “Ugh!” Rainbow repeated, letting her head slam against the floor. “This bites!” * * * Rainbow exhaled. “Got any threes?” she asked. Applejack shook her head. Rainbow rolled her eyes and drew a card. “Any sevens?” Rainbow tossed that same card back down. “Just drew it. I hate this game.” Applejack hid a smile as she laid her cards down. “Fours?” “I really hate this game,” Rainbow reiterated as she tossed it down. “Can’t we do something I like?” “Maybe after this game.” * * * Rainbow strained as hard as she could. Applejack’s orange hoof slid ever so slightly. She grit her teeth and pushed harder. Applejack grinned impishly. “Have we started?” she asked. Rainbow’s concentration slipped and Applejack slammed her hoof back to the table. Rainbow crossed her forelegs and scowled as Applejack was overtaken by a fit of giggling. “One more round,” Rainbow growled. “I’ve won four to your one,” Applejack grinned. “One. More. Round.” * * * Rainbow whooped as Applejack’s hoof tapped the tabletop. “All right! Victory is mine! That makes… four!” Applejack chuckled and slid out from her chair. “Come back! I’m not done with you yet!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Breathe, Rainbow. I’m just getting a snack.” “What? You can’t just leave,” Rainbow protested. “You’ll ruin our competition and then we’ll have been stuck in here all day for nothing.” Applejack looked at her flatly and then opened the window, revealing a large apple orchard full of laden apple trees. “Oh, hey. Apples.” “Can’t go wrong with apples,” Applejack agreed, reaching out to grab a few. The crusaders had obviously picked the closest ones, most likely as snacks as they tried to brainstorm for their latest wild adventure, but she was a bit taller than they and she could reach the fruit they couldn’t. She picked one and tossed it to Rainbow before getting one for herself. “Thanks,” Rainbow said, leaning down to bite it. That was nice of her. She probably would have just eaten the apple first. “No problem.” * * * “I think I’m drunk on boredom,” Rainbow groaned from her position sprawled out on the floor. Applejack walked over and lay down next to her. “We could talk,” she suggested. “Finished my book, anyway, and I’m feelin’ a bit cramped myself.” She emphasized this by kicking and stretching her forelegs a bit. “Talking is kindof boring,” Rainbow said. “And kindof unawesome.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “We could talk about you,” she said. Rainbow liked talking about herself. Rainbow exhaled. “Well, I was a late yearling, I was born in Cloudsdale…” Applejack snorted a laugh. “Maybe not that far back,” she said. “Maybe from when you wanted to become a Wonderbolt?” “Oh, yeah, we could talk about that,” Rainbow said flippantly, but the way she settled comfortably on the ground let Applejack know that she appreciated this turn of events. “It started when I was way young. Dad took me, only me, to see a Wonderbolts show.” “Only you?” “Yeah,” Rainbow recalled wistfully. “Dad only got a couple tickets from his work. Besides, my brother went last year.” “I didn’t know you had a brother.” “We don’t get along real well,” Rainbow admitted. Applejack nodded. “I mean, he probably could have taken us all, but working at the weather factory really doesn’t pay as much as we’d like. He thought it was a good job, and he liked it. Mom, not so much. She thought he was just lazy and didn’t care about us.” “Ouch,” Applejack said. “Yeah. Mom and I didn’t exactly get along well, either. Why do you think I moved out the day I hit legal age?” Rainbow asked rhetorically. “Oh,” Applejack said, understanding in her eyes now. “That’s what that whole ‘birthiversary’ thing was about.” Rainbow nodded. “What’s your deal with family?” she asked. Applejack shrugged. “Oh, you know, it’s just us. ‘s how it’s almost always been.” “I guess. You’re pretty close to your family. That’s kindof cool.” “Yeah, but it’s confusing at times. I’m Apple Bloom’s sister, but sometimes I have to be her mother. I have to be her friend, and her guidance figure, too, at the same time; and sometimes it seems those two go together like oil and water.” She sighed. “Sometimes I worry I’m not balancing it right.” “Oh, please,” Rainbow said, waving a hoof dismissively. “She loves you. You could probably burn her breakfast and tear her bow and she’d still be singing your praises.” Applejack cracked a smile. “Don’t even joke about burning,” she said. “It took four hours to get our oven clean last time they tried to cook.” Rainbow exhaled. “You know, this is getting kindof deep. You want to play go fish again?” “Yeah.” * * * There was a knock on the door, the same pattern as earlier. Both mares jumped up and headed towards the door. “Yes!” Rainbow crowed, reaching for the knob. “Freedom!” Applejack pressed a hoof against the door, preventing Rainbow from opening it. “What if you lost?” Applejack asked. “I don’t really care right now,” Rainbow said. “I’m just excited to get out again. I mean, it’s fun hanging out with you and all, but I really need to fly.” Applejack nodded. Rainbow opened the door. To their surprise, both Ithir and Remi stood there. “Uh… so who won?” Applejack asked. They pushed their way inside and shut the door behind them. No sooner had the latch clicked than they snapped. “You’re both insane!” they shouted at the same time. “You work so hard all the time!” “You don’t do anything for forever and then you do everything in an hour!” “When do you breathe?!” “How do you keep your sanity with the little orange one always buzzing around you?” “Why does everypony think it’s ok to just ask you for random favors?” “I have had more boots thrown at me this week than I have my whole life! And I once spent a month as an alleycat!” “Don’t you ever get sick of apples?” “The weather patterns are so inane! They make no sense! How drunk were they when they made them?” “How have you not gone mad from all the trees? They never end! Never! Endless trees! Endless!” “How do you know so many ponies? Everypony knows your name! Everypony!” Both changelings stopped, panting for breath after their rant. “An alleycat?” Rainbow asked. “Really? That’s what you got out of tha- You know what, no. Just no. We quit!” Changelingjack threw down her hat. Reverting to their twin forms, the two changelings headed out the door, down the ramp, and trotted away, with their tails swishing and their noses in the air. The two ponies watched them leave. “Huh,” Applejack said finally. “I guess it's a draw.” “Guess so,” Rainbow agreed.
ResultsThe walk back to the farmhouse was conducted in reflective silence. “Do ponies really ask you for favors?” Rainbow asked suddenly. Applejack shrugged. “Yeah, every once in a while. I don't mind.” She paused. “Do they really throw boots at you?” “Only when I nap in the wrong places. Flowerbeds, graveyard headstones, and rooftops seem to be pretty bad. Especially when I accidentally set up shop outside someone’s bathroom.” Applejack cracked a smile. “You've got it rough,” she said with a grin. “Yeah,” Rainbow said, “but it could be worse. I could be you.” Applejack turned and scowled. “No, not like that,” Rainbow said quickly. “I had to teach Changelingjack how to applebuck this morning, and my hooves are still sore.” Applejack shrugged. “Yeah, well, I've been doing it for forever. You know, I had to look up weather patterns for Changeling Dash. You really keep them all memorized?” “I’ve been doing it for so long, it's more instinctive now than anything,” Rainbow shrugged. They continued walking. “You know, I’m glad we did this,” Applejack said. “I got to know you a little bit better, and maybe… maybe you ain't as thick-headed as I thought you were.” Rainbow’s ears flicked up. “Ooh, Applejack, is that a compliment?” Applejack blushed slightly. “Maybe,” she said. Rainbow grinned, but then became serious again. “Yeah,” she agreed. “You’re pretty cool, too, AJ. There’s a lot more to you than most ponies know.” “Thanks.” There was a pause. “I wouldn’t mind, you know, getting to know you a bit better,” Applejack said hesitantly. “You’re stayin’ for dinner, right?” Rainbow grinned. “You know, I was hoping you’d ask.”
