“Tonight, something beautiful has been destroyed,” the somber purple alicorn began her speech, head bowed into the soft wooden podium. No. She lifted her head, “The last Element of Harmony has fallen.”
She didn’t count herself, since the Element of Magic required the others to work. Without the rest of them, she was useless. A single tear rolled out of her right eye and left a wet patch of fur down her face; a breach of etiquette, even at her last friend’s funeral. Royalty definitely had its limitations.
“My friend Rainbow Dash, loyal to the end.” She let out a short laugh, “She would have hated this, a bunch of ponies gathered around being sad.” Another tear, more breaches.
“She would have wanted us to be happy, full of life and celebrating hers. She would slap me for this.” She wiped the tear from her face and held it up, “Being sad is for losers,’ she’d say. I just can’t help it.” She shook her head, “Even at the other services, she was the life of the party. Doing tricks, or telling jokes.” Her voice grew low, so only those next to her could hear, “Just to make sure I wasn’t sad.”
She looked up into the sky, “Dash loved performing her patented Sonic Rainboom after the ceremony, because she claimed it was impossible to be sad when looking at that ‘rainbow ring of awesome’ as she liked to put it.”
“Rainbow Dash got her cutie mark by doing a Sonic Rainboom, as I’m sure some of you are aware. It was her favorite story to tell, to anypony who would listen.”
She sighed, “I miss all my friends. They were always there for me, to get me out of the various shenanigans we got into. Like the time we went to relocate a sleeping dragon whose smog would have darkened our skies. Rainbow Dash would have none of that. She flew right into his cave and kicked him in the face.”
“But that was just the pony Rainbow Dash was. She lived for danger, doing various death-defying stunts just to prove that she could.”
“It’s hard to believe she’s gone, you know? Even though we’re here at the service, I’m expecting her to jump out of some cloud and yell out ‘Gotcha.’ She was a prankster. Please tell me that’s what’s going to happen.”
She was rambling, trying desperately not to break down. Celestia put a wing around her shoulder, “That’s enough, Twilight. We all know this is a trying time for you.”
Twilight turned, “I’m sorry, Celestia.”
Celestia led her away from the podium, whispering, “It’s not your fault, Twilight. Please just sit down.”
Twilight nodded, her hooves clopping off the floor as she moved back to her seat. From there she had full view of the prestigious Canterlot Gardens, as well as the blue box that held her friend’s... body. Celestia stepped up to the podium, clearing her throat and beginning her own carefully prepared speech.
Twilight stared at the box, noting how plain it seemed. The glossy blue finish shined in the fading sunlight and her friend’s cutie mark, a cloud with a three toned lighting bolt coming out of it, inset in the center. It seemed so... small, especially for all that it contained.
Memories of her friend sprang to the forefront of her mind, bringing on a fresh wave of sadness. The first time she laid eyes on her during that fateful day in Ponyville, a moment tinged with annoyance and joy. At the time she didn’t want any friends, but looking back on it she felt like such a fool. If she had known what was to come, she would have spent more time with them.
***
Twilight held a cup in her magic, taking small sips whenever nopony was looking. Ponies would come up to her occasionally, offering kind words and large eyes full of pity. The slight movement of pink out of the corner of her eye reminded her that Cadance was there, supporting her. It was a small comfort.
When she was alone in her thoughts, she thought of the friends she carried in her heart. Rarity would be upset at her breach of royal obligation in public while wiping tears from her own eyes. Fluttershy would hug her and want her to be happy. Pinkie Pie would crack some joke that didn’t make much sense, but Twilight would laugh anyway. Applejack would put her faithful stetson on Twilight’s head and tell her that she didn’t need no fancy royal obligations, she had her friends.
“Not anymore.” Twilight said to herself.
Cadance put her wing across Twilight’s back, pulling her close, “It’s going to be okay, Twilight.” She always said that, ever since she lost Shining Armor. She would know, Twilight supposed.
Another sip of her drink, more alcohol burning down her throat. Everything got a little more ‘watery,’ and she cared just a little less. A white unicorn with a butter yellow mane bundled up in curls stepped in front of her, “I’m sorry for your loss, Princess Twilight.” Twilight briefly registered a cutie mark of a wheel of white cheese with a chunk taken out, and a name sprung to mind.
“Smart Food, thank you for coming. It’s good to see you, how’s your mother doing?” Twilight remembered, this was Rarity’s niece, a nice filly who was making a big splash in the food industry.
Smart Food cringed, “She’s too weak to get out of bed most days, and she still can’t speak.”
Sweetie Belle had come down with a rare disease which had rendered her mute. Twilight had visited her, and she remembered how she had been has a filly, asking her to teach her magic. The young mare who had flown to the top of the music industry charts. The mare who brought home her stallion, who had fillies of her own, who raised them the best she could.
The corners of Twilight’s mouth turned up as she remembered babysitting for the young mare who stood in front of her, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bring up bad feelings.”
Smart Food shook her head, “No no no, it’s not that. It’s just...” Tears were falling freely now, “This seems like the happiest she’s ever been, surrounded by her friends and family. It’s the first time she’s been able to just settle down and be with Scootaloo and Applebloom in a long time.’
Twilight’s ears perked up, “Scootaloo, shouldn’t she be here?” She had always idolized Rainbow Dash, even following her into the Wonderbolts. Breaking all her records, of course, because ‘if she wasn’t better she would just be the same’ or some such thing.
The other pony shook her head, “She wanted to be here, but she felt it wouldn’t be appropriate.”
Twilight gasped, “Rainbow Dash wouldn’t want that, she’d want her to be here. Entertaining the crowd and drinking with me.” Another gulp of alcohol.
Smart Food giggled, “That’s what I said to her, but she wanted to ‘be there for Sweetie Belle.’” She put up her hooves in air quotes for the last bit.
A bright yellow pony sidled up beside Smart Food, “Ah came here for her.”
“Applebloom!” Twilight exclaimed, holding out a foreleg for a hug which the aforementioned pony happily obliged. She nuzzled Twilight’s neck, murmuring words of comfort. “It’s so good to see you.”
“Of course Ah’d come.” Her formal black bow rubbed against Twilight’s snout, “Scootaloo couldn’t bring herself to, and Ah know that you need this.”
Twilight’s tears had soaked Appleblooms neck fur, “Thank you. I can’t tell you how good it is to see you.”
“You too, Twalight.” She pulled back from the embrace, looking Twilight in the eye, “Ah know Sweetie Belle definitely couldn’t make it, but damn that Scootaloo. If Ah could, Ah would have made her come. Ah’m so sorry, Twalight, Ah know nothing Ah can say will help, but-”
Twilight pulled her in tight again, “Oh Applebloom, I see so much of her in you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being here.”
***
Eventually the noise faded, as ponies had to leave. They had their own plans, separate of the death of a national hero. Pity will only carry one so far.
Twilight found herself sitting in front of the semicircle of graves marked with her friend’s cutie marks. “If there was any way I could have helped you, I would. Sometimes... s-sometimes I wish I could join you.”
The soft sound of hooves on grass alerted her that somepony was approaching, “It is a grim world we live in, where mortal ponies wish they were immortal, and immortals wish they could be mortal during their weakest moments.”
Twilight nodded, “It’s strangely poetic, isn’t it?” She brushed some dust off the front of Rarity’s grave, “She would have loved the simple irony.”
Midnight blue fur entered her field of vision as the Lunar Diarch of Equestria laid on the grass beside her, “Life is full of bittersweet moments. Even though you are hurting deeply, you are able to make jokes about your friend.”
Twilight turned to her, “It feels like if I don’t make an attempt to be cheery I’m not really honoring their memory, you know?”
“Everything you do honors them, Twilight.” Luna said, eyes shimmering with unshed tears, “Our memory is very long, so we must strive to remember those who have come before us.”
“How could I ever forget them? They were my best friends in the whole world.” She blinked, “I mean, excluding you, Celestia and Cadance. I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t my friends it’s just that they were my first friends ever and Celestia is more of a mentor while you and Cadance are more like sister-”
Luna held up a hoof, “It is quite alright, Twilight. I know what you meant.” She scooted closer so that the two were touching along their sides, “I, too, consider you a sister.”
Twilight smiled, “Thank you, Luna. It’s strange, you would think after going through this four other times I’d be used to it.”
Luna sighed, “It never gets easier, and it shouldn’t. I know it’s hard to accept, but heartache is a part of life.”
Twilight nodded.
“Would you like to talk about them?” Luna asked.
Twilight shook her head, “Is it okay if we just sit?”
Luna spread a wing and placed it across Twilight’s back, “Of course.”
***
Luna gently shook Twilight with her hoof, “Twilight, you fell asleep.” Twilight’s eyes opened and she blinked a few times.
“Huh? Oh, sorry Luna.” She stood up, stretching out her legs. “It’s been a long day.”
“No need to apologize, Twilight. I know these last few weeks have been draining.” She folded her wings, “Go relax, take some time to grieve.”
They began walking towards the castle, “I think I’m going to go get lost in the library.”
Luna giggled, “Try not to get too lost, Celestia will want to talk with you.”
“Of course she will.” Their hooves clopped against the marble floor of the hallway as they stopped outside the large wooden doors that led to the library. “I’m glad we had this time together, Luna. We should get together more often, under less dire circumstances.”
“I would like that, Twilight. Luna pulled her into a hug, “Always remember that we are family, you are never all alone.”
With that she turned and walked towards her room. Twilight entered the library, the comforting smell of paper and ink welcome.
***
The large oak doors were suffused with a golden glow, opening to permit a white alicorn. She scanned for the purple alicorn who was surrounded by towers of books. It was easy to sneak up on her, with her snout in a small brown book.
She sat across from her, “Twilight.”
Twilight looked up from her reading, “Oh, hello Celestia.”
“How are you feeling?” Celestia asked.
“Not good. I don’t know how to feel.” She frowned.
“There is no right way to feel, Twilight. It’s all natural, part of the healing process.” Celestia gave her a small smile.
“I keep thinking of them, and my heart just hurts.” Her eyes started to water, “But at the same time I feel a little relieved. This is the last one, right? I don’t have to worry about the next one anymore.”
“That’s true for now, but you have to know there will eventually be more.” Celestia said, “I have dealt with this loss many times. Perhaps not on the same scale, but there have been ponies I would, and still, call friend.”
The tears ran twin streams down purple fur, “I don’t ever want to feel this way again.”
Celestia moved around the table, wrapping her wing around Twilight, “I have felt that way as well.”
Twilight sobbed, “The whole ‘I’ve already done this before’ thing isn’t helping.”
Celestia nuzzled her, “I apologize Twilight, I was just trying to show you that it does, and will, get better.”
Twilight leaned into her, pushing her face into Celestia’s fur, “What if I don’t want it to get better?”
Celestia stroked her mane, “What do you mean?”
“I just want to be normal. I don’t want to be ‘better’ I want my friends to be with me again.” She looked up, “I don’t want to move on, because I’ll never be myself again, without them.”
“You know that’s impossible, Twilight.” Celestia hugged her close. “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but these feelings will fade. You will be you again. I promise.”
“It hurts so much, I just want to lay in bed forever.” Twilight sighed, “That’s impossible too, I suppose.”
“Maybe not forever, but you can certainly take all the time you need, Twilight.” Celestia said, “I will be here for you whenever you need me.”
***
Twilight woke up wrapped in soft purple blankets, her mouth dry. She rolled herself out of bed and made her way to the bathroom, magic automatically lighting her way. As she filled up a glass of water she looked at herself in the mirror. There were dark spots under her eyes, just like the last few times.
She greedily gulped down the water, feeling it run down her throat and fill her belly. Sighing in satisfaction, she set the cup on the counter, clip clopping back into her room.
The light reflected off something gold and purple. Her special crown, which she had worn to defeat many evils before. The Element of Magic, shaped like her own cutie mark, a six pointed star. It was as beautiful as the day she had reconstructed it to defeat Nightmare Moon.
She picked it up in her magic, examining it. The last link she had to her friends. Everything reminded her of them, and it still hurt the same as the first time. A wet plop sounded as the first tear fell to the floor. Many more would follow, just like the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that.
What’s wrong with me? she thought It’s the same every time. Why can’t I just move on?
She didn’t know how to answer at the time, except to sob and crawl into bed. The crown followed, as she hugged it to her chest. It was cold, and it poked into her, but it was comforting. The jewel in the center pressed into her, and she liked to imagine it beat with its own pulse. Matching the beat of her heart, carrying on her friends.
She recalled their voices as they echoed in her head. Rarity’s soft and musical, with a slight accent Twilight was sure was mostly fake. Not anymore. Pinkie Pie’s chipper and energetic, always bringing her up when she was down. Except this time. Fluttershy’s was almost nonexistent, calming even in the most dire situations. Applejack’s strong, with a bit of country twang that reminded you of home cooked meals and family. Rainbow Dash’s was the easiest to remember, having spoken to her weeks ago. It was brash, and a little squeaky.
As she thought about them, her Element ignited, throwing off purple light. She heard them speaking to her, “Darling, everything’s going to be okay.”
Pinkie chimed in, “Yeah, dry those eyes little miss Twi Twi.”
Fluttershy’s demure assurance, “We’re always here for you, Twilight.”
Applejack’s strong, “Nothing could separate us, we’re your family.”
Dash, “I’d never leave you hanging.”
All of them, “We love you, Twilight.”
“I love you too, girls.” Twilight whispered to the dark room.
***
A statue stands in the Canterlot Gardens. It’s a simple statue, of an alicorn on her hind legs, hooves raised in the air, wings flared. Clutched in each hoof is one half of a broken crown, split down the middle of a six pointed star. As part of her daily routine, Celestia passes by it, reading the plaque which she has committed to memory.
“Here stands Twilight Sparkle,
who loved her friends and family so much
that she would give up immortality for them.”
A single tear always manages to sneak its way out, even to this day.
